http://www.becomingwhoyouare.net ** We've Moved! Update your Reader Now. * This feed has moved to: http://www.becomingwhoyouare.net/?feed=rss2 Update your reader now with this changed subscription address to get your latest updates from us. Thu, 23 May 2013 17:39:06 +0000 en-US hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.5.1 http://www.becomingwhoyouare.net/?feed=rss2 Becoming Who You Are provides you with ideas, resources and tools to create the life you want from the inside out. Visit www.becomingwhoyouare.net to discover more about rational personal development and find freedom through authentic living. Hannah - Becoming Who You Are /> The guide to authentic living personal development, authentic living, freedom, authenticity, journaling, self help, personal growth, psychology, self knowledge, self awareness, http://users.feedblitz.com/9411024e459e3048c52080bbf29b6af2/New%20Site%20Header.png http://www.becomingwhoyouare.net Hannah - Becoming Who You Are no http://www.becomingwhoyouare.net/2013/05/the-drawbacks-of-long-term-travel/ http://feeds.feedblitz.com/~/41484030/_/becomingwhoyouare~The-Drawbacks-of-LongTerm-Travel/ http://feeds.feedblitz.com/~/41484030/_/becomingwhoyouare~The-Drawbacks-of-LongTerm-Travel/#comments Wed, 22 May 2013 10:00:00 +0000 Hannah Braime http://www.becomingwhoyouare.net/?p=4053

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]]> http://feeds.feedblitz.com/~/41484030/_/becomingwhoyouare~The-Drawbacks-of-LongTerm-Travel/feed/ 0 Authentic Lifestyle,Blog,long-term travel,Authentic Living,Chile,Merida,Isla Mujeres,Argentina This is the second post in a series on long-term travel. Last week, I talked about the benefits of travelling for six months plus. This week, I'm talking about some of the drawbacks I've experienced.  Having written about the benefits of long-term travel, it only seems fair to mention some of the drawbacks I've experienced too. These all fall under the category of 'first-world problems' and overall, the positives have far, far outweighed the negatives. Familiarity Something I've missed on the road more recently is the familiarity that comes with doing some of the things I used to do at home. Meet-ups, book clubs, gigs, events, theatre… I haven't done any of that stuff while. This is partly due to my improving (but still poor) Spanish, partly due to the fact that there just hasn't been that much going on in a lot of places we've been to, and partly due to my reticence to get involved in local ex-pat communities – all useful obstacles to be aware of for next time. Having said that, we have enjoyed a lot of entertainment that we wouldn't get at home. There was the you-have-to-see-it-to-believe-it Merida Carneval earlier this year, plus Isla Mujeres' unrivalled New Years Eve party marathon, and much more. I've appreciated those things, and I've also missed the familiarity of the places I used to frequent. Exploring new places is fun, exciting and eye-opening, but moving around each month can be tiring too. It's helped me appreciate the home comforts I enjoy back in Brighton a lot more. If we were to do this kind of travel again, or make it a more permanent way of life, I would enjoy spending three to four months in each place, rather than moving around every four weeks or so. I'd also like to mix up the beach with the city so I can get my culture fix ;) One of the Coca-Cola floats at Merida Carneval Monteczuma's Revenge Apart from a few days of minor cold/hayfever-related symptoms when we first got to Buenos Aires, I've only been ill once on this trip. And once was more than enough. I've never experienced travel sickness quite like that before and I hope I never do again (especially not on Jake's birthday, which is when it happened this time around). Getting sick is pretty much guaranteed at some point. Even if you avoid street food, carry a bottle of hand sanitiser, drink bottled water and do everything humanly possible to avoid getting sick, you're going to be around lots of strange bacteria for the first time and it will take time to get used to it. You can eat something rather dubious from a taco stand and be absolutely fine, but (as happened in my case) cook something at home you've made plenty of times before, and enjoy a two-day journey through gastrological hell. When it happens, you just have to ride the wave – you'll come out the other end with a renewed respect for the fact your body can go through something like that and still be in one piece afterwards. Friends Even though we've met lovely people on our travels, being separate from friends is hard. A couple of close friends live in the USA, so we already have the whole Skype routine down. With other people, however, it's been harder to stay consistently in touch. Life circumstances, time zones and my tardy email replies have meant I haven't had as much contact with people back home as I intended. Next time around, I'm going to make a more conscious effort to stay in touch. Spending longer in each place and getting more involved with local groups and people will also help me better meet my need for connection and community. Inconsistency and Uncertainty As I mentioned in the last post, this trip has definitely improved my ability to deal with uncertainty. There's nothing like exposure therapy to get used to something quickly :) Inconsistency and uncertainty have shown up in a couple of ways: Accommodation Jake and I both work online from home. The quality of ... This is the second post in a series on long-term travel. Last week, I talked about the benefits of travelling for six months plus. This week, I'm talking about some of the drawbacks I've experienced.  Hannah - Becoming Who You Are Hannah - Becoming Who You Are http://www.becomingwhoyouare.net/2013/05/authenticity-the-story-of-the-ham-video/ http://feeds.feedblitz.com/~/41342806/_/becomingwhoyouare~Authenticity-The-Story-of-the-Ham-Video/ http://feeds.feedblitz.com/~/41342806/_/becomingwhoyouare~Authenticity-The-Story-of-the-Ham-Video/#comments Mon, 20 May 2013 02:57:56 +0000 Hannah Braime http://www.becomingwhoyouare.net/?p=4124

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]]> http://feeds.feedblitz.com/~/41342806/_/becomingwhoyouare~Authenticity-The-Story-of-the-Ham-Video/feed/ 0 Authentic Lifestyle,Blog,YouTube,Authentic Emotions,Authentic Working,video,Authentic Living,Authentic Beliefs,Authentic Relationships,ham,zig ziglar,authenticity This week, I set myself the task of creating my first YouTube video, and in the nick of time (Sunday night, 22:00…) I've done it! It's a little fable about a ham that shows why authenticity is so important to our lives. This is the first video I've ever made so it was quite a step outside my comfort zone. I hope you enjoy, and please feel free to send me constructive feedback :) If you know someone who might enjoy this post, please share it using the buttons below. Thanks! Photo Credit: Miia Ranta via Compfight cc The post Authenticity: The Story of the Ham [Video] appeared first on Becoming Who You Are. This week, I set myself the task of creating my first YouTube video, and in the nick of time (Sunday night, 22:00…) I've done it! Hannah - Becoming Who You Are Hannah - Becoming Who You Are http://www.becomingwhoyouare.net/2013/05/episode-28-how-to-achieve-your-big-assed-goals/ http://feeds.feedblitz.com/~/41269997/_/becomingwhoyouare~Episode-How-to-Achieve-Your-BigAssed-Goals/ http://feeds.feedblitz.com/~/41269997/_/becomingwhoyouare~Episode-How-to-Achieve-Your-BigAssed-Goals/#comments Thu, 16 May 2013 07:00:00 +0000 Hannah Braime http://www.becomingwhoyouare.net/?p=4049

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]]> http://feeds.feedblitz.com/~/41269997/_/becomingwhoyouare~Episode-How-to-Achieve-Your-BigAssed-Goals/feed/ 0 5x5x5,big hairy audacious goals,goals,natalie macneil,natalie sisson,seth godin,suitcase entrepreneur This week's episode is taken from a recent blog post about the 5x5x5 goal-setting system. I heard about this from Natalie Sisson and Natalie MacNeil on the Suitcase Entrepreneur podcast earlier this year, and so far it's been invaluable in helping me s... This week's episode is taken from a recent blog post about the 5x5x5 goal-setting system. I heard about this from Natalie Sisson and Natalie MacNeil on the Suitcase Entrepreneur podcast earlier this year, and so far it's been invaluable in helping me set and work towards my own Big Hairy Audacious Goals. In this episode, I discuss: How 5x5x5 works Why it works How to track your goal progress My own BHAGs for 2013   Good-to-know Links The Suitcase Entrepreneur podcast Natalie Sisson Natalie MacNeil Seth Godin The Ultimate Guide to Journaling (book and audiobook)   Say Hello Hannah: @becomewhour Facebook: www.facebook.com/becomingwhoyouare www.becomingwhoyouare.net       Photo Credit: zen! via Compfight cc     Becoming Who You Are no 12:36 http://media.blubrry.com/bwya/www.becomingwhoyouare.net/wp-content/uploads/2013/05/5x5x5.mp3 Hannah - Becoming Who You Are http://www.becomingwhoyouare.net/2013/05/the-benefits-of-long-term-travel/ http://feeds.feedblitz.com/~/41201575/_/becomingwhoyouare~The-Benefits-of-LongTerm-Travel/ http://feeds.feedblitz.com/~/41201575/_/becomingwhoyouare~The-Benefits-of-LongTerm-Travel/#comments Wed, 15 May 2013 10:00:00 +0000 Hannah Braime http://www.becomingwhoyouare.net/?p=4052

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]]> http://feeds.feedblitz.com/~/41201575/_/becomingwhoyouare~The-Benefits-of-LongTerm-Travel/feed/ 0 Authentic Lifestyle,Blog,Santiago,Sayulita,Mexico,long-term travel,Authentic Living,travel,Chile,Buenos Aires,Puerto Vallarta,Merida,Argentina You might or might not know that I've spent the last six months living in Argentina, Chile and Mexico. With about a month to go until I head back to the UK, I've been reflecting on my experiences. In short, I've loved it. Long-term travel is without a doubt one of the most life-enriching experiences I've had. Over the past few months, I've heard from a lot of people who say some version of the following: “Oh, travelling! I wish I could do that, but…” The clauses following the “but” usually revolve around: - Money - Work - Personal safety - Fear of being feeling overwhelmed and out of their depth - Strange cultures and people - The “War on Drugs” (spoiler alert: it's probably not going to affect you) - Not knowing how to press the 'pause' button on current commitments (house/family/friends etc.) for a few months What really lies at the root of these things is uncertainty, which is totally understandable. Not only do we not have a crystal ball, but there are a lot of preconceptions and misconceptions floating around about what long-term travel is like, what you need, how you can do it, and so on. If you're thinking about taking the leap into long-term travel and you're grappling with any or all of the obstacles above, I want to shed some light on the realities of travelling and what it's looked like for me over the last six months. Everyone's journeys are different, but I hope that explaining more about my experience will get you thinking about ways you can turn your thoughts into reality ;) Los Tamarindos, Puerto Escondido, Mexico How this is going to work I've divided the travel series into the following weekly posts. By separating them out, I've tried to give a fair perspective on the good, the bad and the 'would do differently next time': - The benefits of long-term travel (this one) - The drawbacks of long-term travel - The realities of long-term travel (stats, plus other observations that don't fall into benefits or drawbacks) - A recommended packing and preparation list for long-term travel (practical bidness) As a bit of context, I've been travelling with my partner, Jake. As I'll talk about more in a future post, we haven't done the traditional backpacker thing of moving from place to place every couple of days, nor have we relied solely on hostels for accommodation. Privacy and comfort are important to both of us, so we've mostly stayed in private apartments and houses. Now, the Benefits… 1. De-attachment to stuff I didn't have that much stuff to begin with, but I got rid of a lot of possessions before we left to maximise space in our tiny storage unit, and I'm resolved to get rid of more when we return. Having to pack up everything and put it in storage was a useful exercise. Getting rid of physical clutter is mentally cleansing. Having lived out of a rucksack for six plus months (and been perfectly happy doing so), I've realised that there's a huge difference between what I want and what I actually need. This is something I'm going to be a lot more aware of going back to England. When you have to carry everything around with you, you're suddenly a lot less inclined to hold onto things you're not using. I heard a lot of people say “You won't need as much as you think you will” before leaving. Even though I was careful to only take what I thought were essentials, I could have definitely left more at home. Instead, I ended up leaving them in various places along the way, hopefully other people got more use out of them. 2. Language skillz When we arrived in Argentina, neither Jake nor I spoke much Spanish beyond counting to 10, hello, goodbye and “I want two beers please”. Taking an intensive course helped us transition into Spanglish with hand gestures, and we've now reached the point where we can get by. Even though our ... You might or might not know that I've spent the last six months living in Argentina, Chile and Mexico. With about a month to go until I head back to the UK, I've been reflecting on my experiences. Hannah - Becoming Who You Are Hannah - Becoming Who You Are http://www.becomingwhoyouare.net/2013/05/the-art-of-self-discipline/ http://feeds.feedblitz.com/~/41095119/_/becomingwhoyouare~The-Art-of-SelfDiscipline/ http://feeds.feedblitz.com/~/41095119/_/becomingwhoyouare~The-Art-of-SelfDiscipline/#comments Mon, 13 May 2013 07:00:00 +0000 Hannah Braime http://www.becomingwhoyouare.net/?p=3945

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]]> http://feeds.feedblitz.com/~/41095119/_/becomingwhoyouare~The-Art-of-SelfDiscipline/feed/ 0 Blog,Authentic Working,responsibility,self-discipline,Authentic Living,self-acceptance,excuses,discipline,routine,habits If you're reading this through Google Reader, please click here to subscribe to receive posts and info from Becoming Who You Are when GR shuts down (you also get free ebooks and resources for authentic living when you sign up – bonus) Sigh, not self-discipline again… I'm not sure there's any other word in the English language that leaves me with quite the same heady mix of youthful enthusiasm, an undercurrent of rebellion and a vague sense of impending guilt. Most of us have our own (rarely positive) associations with the notion of self-discipline, and I wish there was another word to describe this phenomenon that wasn't quite so… off-putting. But here we are. The truth is that self-discipline is helpful. It enables us to get s*** done, it helps to build our self-esteem (actions aligned with principled goals = higher self-esteem), and, depending on where we choose to exercise self-discipline within our lives, it leaves us healthier, more learned, more self-aware, higher performing, more satisfied, as well as many other warm and fuzzy outcomes. I am by no means the self-discipline queen – I'm all too aware of how easy it is for me to fall off the wagon and want to stay in bed watching Dead Like Me instead of getting up and doing just about anything else. As a result of this, I've learned a lot about what it means to be self-disciplined and what the not-so-secret ingredients are. “Self-discipline is the ability to organise our behaviour over time in the service of specific tasks… [It] requires the ability to defer gratification in the service of a remote goal. This is the ability to think, plan and live long-range.” - Nathaniel Branden 1. Accept that it's your responsibility The only person who is going to be able to be self-disciplined for you is you. Unfortunately (or fortunately, depending on how you look at it) this isn't something we can just delegate to other people. Accepting that it's our own individual responsibility to be self-disciplined requires us to see things as they really are, embrace reality and act based upon that awareness. It sounds really easy when I put it like that, but the number one reason I keep hearing that blocks people from doing what they want to do is that part of their sub-conscious is waiting for a knight in shining armour to come and make all the hard decisions, endure the discomfort and ultimately take responsibility for them. Needless to say: This ain't gonna happen. We are responsible for our own levels of self-discipline, and the consequences of exercising or not exercising self-discipline are also ours to own. That means it's our responsibility to make sure our goals are aligned with our values, and that we're working towards things that are in our best long-term interests (not things we're doing to make other people happy or to slap a temporary band-aid over an old wound or need). 2. Set your non-negotiables Like the name suggests, non-negotiables are things that you commit to doing every single day (or week, depending on your goals). They are the things you need to do to keep your life heading in the direction you want. Being aware of your non-negotiables and honouring them whatever the weather is a solid foundation for the art of self-discipline. Our non-negotiables might shift over time, depending on what we're working on and what's happening in our lives at any given point. The important thing is awareness: staying conscious of what our non-negotiables are, why they are non-negotiable, and how we can best honour them. 3. Commitment Commitment involves accepting there will be days when you definitely don't feel like doing your non-negotiables, and that that's OK: you can feel demotivated, experience that, and sit with it, without letting it control you. At the risk of downplaying the complexity of topics like motivation and habit ... If you're reading this through Google Reader, please click here to subscribe to receive posts and info from Becoming Who You Are when GR shuts down (you also get free ebooks and resources for authentic living when you sign up – bonus) Hannah - Becoming Who You Are Hannah - Becoming Who You Are http://www.becomingwhoyouare.net/2013/05/episode-27-six-pillars-of-self-esteem-by-nathaniel-branden/ http://feeds.feedblitz.com/~/40990145/_/becomingwhoyouare~Episode-Six-Pillars-of-SelfEsteem-by-Nathaniel-Branden/ http://feeds.feedblitz.com/~/40990145/_/becomingwhoyouare~Episode-Six-Pillars-of-SelfEsteem-by-Nathaniel-Branden/#comments Thu, 09 May 2013 10:00:00 +0000 Hannah Braime http://www.becomingwhoyouare.net/?p=3744

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]]> http://feeds.feedblitz.com/~/40990145/_/becomingwhoyouare~Episode-Six-Pillars-of-SelfEsteem-by-Nathaniel-Branden/feed/ 0 living consciously,living purposefully,Nathaniel Branden,personal integrity,podcast,psychology book club,self-acceptance,self-assertiveness,self-responsibility,Six Pillars of Self-Esteem This week's episode is a conversation I had with members of the Psychology Book Club about "Six Pillars of Self-Esteem" by Nathaniel Branden. - As a summary, Branden defines the Six Pillars as: - 1. The Practice of Living Consciously 2. This week's episode is a conversation I had with members of the Psychology Book Club about "Six Pillars of Self-Esteem" by Nathaniel Branden. As a summary, Branden defines the Six Pillars as: 1. The Practice of Living Consciously 2. The Practice of Self-Acceptance 3. The Practice of Self-Responsibility 4. The Practice of Self-Assertiveness 5. The Practice of Living Purposefully 6. The Practice of Personal Integrity   Useful Links Six Pillars of Self Esteem by Nathaniel Branden (Amazon link) Subscribe to the Becoming Who You Are podcast through iTunes:   Say Hello Hannah: @becomewhour Facebook: www.facebook.com/becomingwhoyouare www.becomingwhoyouare.net     Becoming Who You Are no 1:00:12 http://media.blubrry.com/bwya/www.becomingwhoyouare.net/wp-content/uploads/2013/05/6-Pillars-of-Self-Esteem-BWYA.mp3 Hannah - Becoming Who You Are http://www.becomingwhoyouare.net/2013/05/30-days-of-affirmations/ http://feeds.feedblitz.com/~/40946077/_/becomingwhoyouare~Days-of-Affirmations/ http://feeds.feedblitz.com/~/40946077/_/becomingwhoyouare~Days-of-Affirmations/#comments Thu, 09 May 2013 00:37:40 +0000 Hannah Braime http://www.becomingwhoyouare.net/?p=4016

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]]> http://feeds.feedblitz.com/~/40946077/_/becomingwhoyouare~Days-of-Affirmations/feed/ 4 facebook,Authentic Emotions,Tools,Twitter,30 days of affirmations,pinterest,Inspiration,Kristen Neff,self-compassion Last month, I completed 30 days straight of journaling at least 750 words per day. Having experienced the benefits of this commitment, I'm continuing with another 30 days of 750 words, and this month I'm adding meditation. So far, it's been great. I feel good knowing that I have these two daily self-care practices and I'm enjoying all the benefits that regular journaling and meditation can bring. Alongside those daily practices, I'm finishing off Self Compassion by Kristen Neff. In the book, she talks about the power of affirmations and how people can use them (along with touch, like giving ourselves a hug or stroking our arm) to build self-compassion, particularly during stressful or emotionally-charged times. So, I thought, what better way to add to a month of journaling and meditation than 30 days of affirmations? How are affirmations helpful? Affirmations are a great way of counteracting negative self-talk. Engaging with daily affirmations can have the following benefits: - Greater self-soothing abilities - Lower stress levels - Higher resilience - A stronger sense of self - Greater self-trust - A stronger sense of our individual worth - A stronger belief in our capacity to deal with the world and its challenges Here's how it works: Each day, I'll write an affirmation on an index card and upload the image to Facebook, Twitter and Pinterest. If you want to join me, simply navigate to the sidebar on the right, scroll down to “Say Hello” and click the link to your favourite network to connect. Then, watch for the next update. To give you a taste of what's to come, here's day 1: Aren't affirmations kind of woo? They can totally be kind of woo. That was what put me off affirmations to begin with. When I first heard about affirmations, I had visions of people chanting in the mirror to the soundtrack “Eye of the Tiger” (yuck), but that's not what affirmations are about at all. How you use affirmations is up to you. You can chant in the mirror if you want to, or you can just say, whisper or even think the words to yourself. You can make a date with yourself to do them at the same time every day, or use them as a mental hug when you need them. What's more important than the actual technique is using them in a way that works for you. More coming tomorrow… and the next 29 days. Remember to hop over to Facebook, Twitter or Pinterest (or all three) to stay up-to-date and get the juicy benefits of a daily affirmation practise. Any suggestions? Have you heard or used any affirmations that you've found particularly useful? Let me know, share it with others, and get a hat tip during 30 Days of Affirmations! Photo Credit: stephcarter via Compfight cc The post 30 Days of Affirmations appeared first on Becoming Who You Are. Last month, I completed 30 days straight of journaling at least 750 words per day. Having experienced the benefits of this commitment, I'm continuing with another 30 days of 750 words, and this month I'm adding meditation. Hannah - Becoming Who You Are Hannah - Becoming Who You Are http://www.becomingwhoyouare.net/2013/05/5-truths-for-hard-times/ http://feeds.feedblitz.com/~/40844001/_/becomingwhoyouare~Truths-for-Hard-Times/ http://feeds.feedblitz.com/~/40844001/_/becomingwhoyouare~Truths-for-Hard-Times/#comments Mon, 06 May 2013 07:00:00 +0000 Hannah Braime http://www.becomingwhoyouare.net/?p=3977

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]]> http://feeds.feedblitz.com/~/40844001/_/becomingwhoyouare~Truths-for-Hard-Times/feed/ 0 Blog,feelings,help,Authentic Emotions,person-centred counselling,positive emotions,needs,truths,coaching,authenticity,philosophy Authenticity is not about being happy, it's about being real. When we're cut off from how we feel, our emotional landscape looks like a flat heart monitor. When we start getting in touch with our real-time experiences, that heart monitor springs back to life. The good news is that when we start being authentic with ourselves, we allow ourselves to feel our positive emotions more keenly. Whereas we only experienced a flatline before, we now have many glorious spikes of happiness, joy and gratitude pinging all over the place. The not-so-good news is that we open ourselves up to feeling those not-so-comfortable emotions more keenly as well. When we look at our emotional monitor, we'll see some dips in there too. Even when we're living a life that is 100% true to ourselves, shit happens. Sometimes, we probably could have stopped it, and other times it's not personal: situations or events rise that are out of our control, or we just wake up on the wrong side of bed. When that happens, it ain't pretty. Here are five truths that can help soften hard times: 1. Congratulations, you're having an authentic emotional experience This might be a cold comfort, but take heart from the fact that if you're feeling down, then you're feeling, and that's important. Remember, all our emotions are here to tell us something. They're rich with information from the past and the present. If you're allowing yourself to feel the lows, you're also opening yourself up to feel higher highs too. They will come. 2. All feelings are transitory  Highs and lows baby. We ride the wave, and then we tumble off the surfboard. Feelings are not states, they're a process. That means they're in constant flux and are transitory at their core. True, some feelings hang around for longer than others, but that's OK. They all move on at some point. When we're in the middle of a low period, it can sometimes start to feel like it's not going to end. We fear being trapped in this discomfort zone forever – I know I certainly have. But eventually it lifts. Sometimes it happens slowly, and sometimes it's so imperceptible that we don't realise we've shifted until after the fact. But it happens. 3. We are not our feelings This might sound like semantics, but it's important. When we think or say things to ourselves like “I am sad” or “I am angry” or “I am lonely”, we are far more likely to self-identify with those feelings. That in turn can transform them into self-fulfilling prophecies. When we think “I am a sad person”, “I am an angry person” or “I am a lonely person”, then we are far more likely to be a sad, angry or lonely person. A more accurate way of describing it is to say “I feel sad”, “I feel angry” or “I feel lonely”. Remember, all feelings are transitory, so they don't define us. When we use “I feel…” instead of “I am…”, we're still acknowledging the feeling, but we're not labelling ourselves in the process. 4. It's OK to ask for help Just because feelings are transitory, don't define us as people, and are sometimes caused by factors beyond our control doesn't mean the experience doesn't suck while it's happening. Some people say they love feelings like anger, sadness and overwhelm because it's a character-building experience, etc. I am not one of these people. I can accept these feelings, I can learn from them… but do I like feeling them? No way! That's why it is stupendously helpful to talk about it and ask other people for support. Our feelings and our experience are important, and it's a crucial part of self-care to reach out and ask people for empathy and understanding when we need those things. 5. We are more than capable of seeing ourselves through every situation One of the things that drew me ... Authenticity is not about being happy, it's about being real. When we're cut off from how we feel, our emotional landscape looks like a flat heart monitor. When we start getting in touch with our real-time experiences, that heart monitor springs ... Hannah - Becoming Who You Are Hannah - Becoming Who You Are http://www.becomingwhoyouare.net/2013/05/episode-26-6-free-personal-development-tools/ http://feeds.feedblitz.com/~/40725864/_/becomingwhoyouare~Episode-Free-Personal-Development-Tools/ http://feeds.feedblitz.com/~/40725864/_/becomingwhoyouare~Episode-Free-Personal-Development-Tools/#comments Thu, 02 May 2013 10:00:00 +0000 Hannah Braime http://www.becomingwhoyouare.net/?p=3711

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]]> http://feeds.feedblitz.com/~/40725864/_/becomingwhoyouare~Episode-Free-Personal-Development-Tools/feed/ 0 750 words,books,free personal development,journaling,meditation,penzu,personal development tools,podcasts,ultimate guide to journaling,websites and blogs This week's podcast episode will be especially helpful for listeners who are interested in personal development and working with a budget. I know from experience that engaging in things like therapy and group workshops can be tricky when finances are l... This week's podcast episode will be especially helpful for listeners who are interested in personal development and working with a budget. I know from experience that engaging in things like therapy and group workshops can be tricky when finances are limited, but that's absolutely fine because none of those things are absolutely necessary - you can do a lot of self-work alone and in groups of like-minded people. In the episode, I talk about the following free personal development tools: 1. Journaling 2. Podcasts 3. Websites and blogs 4. Books 5. Meditation 6. Social media You'll learn about how each of these tools can help you on your personal development journey, without breaking the bank.   Useful Links 750words.com Penzu The Ultimate Guide to Journaling (book and audiobook) The Ultimate Guide to Journaling (podcast)   Say Hello Hannah: @becomewhour Facebook: www.facebook.com/becomingwhoyouare www.becomingwhoyouare.net   Photo Credit: clevercupcakes via Compfight cc Becoming Who You Are no 8:49 http://media.blubrry.com/bwya/www.becomingwhoyouare.net/wp-content/uploads/2013/05/Six-Free-Personal-Development-Tools.mp3 Hannah - Becoming Who You Are http://www.becomingwhoyouare.net/2013/04/20-quotes-on-self-care-and-self-acceptance/ http://feeds.feedblitz.com/~/40583530/_/becomingwhoyouare~Quotes-on-SelfCare-and-SelfAcceptance/ http://feeds.feedblitz.com/~/40583530/_/becomingwhoyouare~Quotes-on-SelfCare-and-SelfAcceptance/#comments Mon, 29 Apr 2013 07:00:00 +0000 Hannah Braime http://www.becomingwhoyouare.net/?p=3518

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]]> http://feeds.feedblitz.com/~/40583530/_/becomingwhoyouare~Quotes-on-SelfCare-and-SelfAcceptance/feed/ 2 Authentic Lifestyle,Blog,C.G. Jung,Elisabeth Kubler-Ross,Kim McMillen,E.E. Cummings,Byron Katie,Oprah Winfrey,Inspiration,Kristen Neff,Nathaniel Branden,self-care,self-compassion Here's a selection of quotes on self-care and self-acceptance to inspire you at the start of the week. Enjoy! :) Self-Care 1. “Love yourself first, and everything else falls in line. You really have to love yourself to get anything done in this world.” – Lucille Ball 2. “Do something every day that is loving toward your body and gives you the opportunity to enjoy the sensations of your body.” – Golda Poretsky 3. “Your time is limited, so don’t waste it living someone else’s life. Don’t be trapped by dogma — which is living with the results of other people’s thinking. Don’t let the noise of others’ opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most importantly, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.” – Steve Jobs 4. “The only person who can pull me down is myself, and I’m not going to let myself pull me down anymore.” – C. Joybell C. 5. “There are days I drop words of comfort on myself like falling leaves and remember that it is enough to be taken care of by my self.” – Brian Andreas 6. “Being extremely honest with oneself is a good exercise.” – Sigmund Freud 7. “There is time for departure even when there’s no certain place to go.” – Tennessee Williams 8. “Enjoy life – there are no re-runs.” – Shirley Lowery 9. “There is no need to go to India or anywhere else to find peace. You will find that deep place of silence right in your room, your garden or even your bathtub.” – Elisabeth Kubler-Ross 10. “The best day of your life is the one on which you decide your life is your own. No apologies or excuses. No one to lean on, rely on, or blame. The gift is yours – it is an amazing journey – and you alone are responsible for the quality of it. This is the day your life really begins.” – Bob Moawad Self-Acceptance 1. “When I loved myself enough, I began leaving whatever wasn’t healthy. This meant people, jobs, my own beliefs and habits – anything that kept me small.  My judgement called it disloyal. Now I see it as self-loving.” – Kim McMilllen 2. “If you don’t go after what you want, you’ll never have it. If you don’t ask, the answer is always no. If you don’t step forward, you’re always in the same place.” –  Nora Roberts 3. “The thing that is really hard, and really amazing, is giving up on being perfect and beginning the work of becoming yourself.” – Anna Quindlen 4. “I was once afraid of people saying 'Who does she think she is?' Now I have the courage to stand and say 'This is who I am.'” – Oprah Winfrey 5. “The most terrifying thing is to accept oneself completely.” – C. G. Jung 6. “The privilege of a lifetime is being who you are.” – Joseph Campbell 7. “It's not your job to like me – it's mine.” – Byron Katie 8. “Self-Acceptance is my refusal to be in an adversarial relationship with myself.” – Nathaniel Branden 9. “I found in my research that the biggest reason people aren't more self-compassionate is that they are afraid they'll become self-indulgent. They believe self-criticism is what keeps them in line. Most people have gotten it wrong because our culture says being hard on yourself is the way to be.” – Kristen Neff 10. “To be nobody but yourself in a world that's doing its best to make you somebody else, is to fight the hardest battle you are ever going to fight. Never stop fighting.” – E. E. Cummings What are ... Here's a selection of quotes on self-care and self-acceptance to inspire you at the start of the week. Enjoy! :) Hannah - Becoming Who You Are Hannah - Becoming Who You Are http://www.becomingwhoyouare.net/2013/04/25-how-do-we-know-what-we-really-want/ http://feeds.feedblitz.com/~/40463326/_/becomingwhoyouare~Episode-How-Do-We-Know-What-We-Really-Want/ http://feeds.feedblitz.com/~/40463326/_/becomingwhoyouare~Episode-How-Do-We-Know-What-We-Really-Want/#comments Thu, 25 Apr 2013 10:00:00 +0000 Hannah Braime http://www.becomingwhoyouare.net/?p=3710

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]]> http://feeds.feedblitz.com/~/40463326/_/becomingwhoyouare~Episode-How-Do-We-Know-What-We-Really-Want/feed/ 0 feelings,needs,questions,want In this episode, I discuss a common and fundamental question that many, many people experience when they start questioning their internal beliefs and conditioning: "How do I know what I really want?" - It's a tricky question, In this episode, I discuss a common and fundamental question that many, many people experience when they start questioning their internal beliefs and conditioning: "How do I know what I really want?" It's a tricky question, and there is certainly no defining answer that will apply to absolutely everyone. Instead, I encourage you to develop your own internal compass and provide several key questions in the episode that you can use to do just that. Some of the points I cover in the podcast are: Knowing and trusting our instincts Being aware of urgency or desperation Priorities and values Visualising The perils of planning   Say Hello Hannah: @becomewhour Facebook: www.facebook.com/becomingwhoyouare www.becomingwhoyouare.net     Photo Credit: Rusty Clark via Compfight cc Becoming Who You Are no 9:36 http://media.blubrry.com/bwya/www.becomingwhoyouare.net/wp-content/uploads/2013/04/25-How-Do-We-Know-What-We-Really-Want.mp3 Hannah - Becoming Who You Are http://www.becomingwhoyouare.net/2013/04/24-feedback/ http://feeds.feedblitz.com/~/40447910/_/becomingwhoyouare~Episode-How-to-Give-Feedback/ http://feeds.feedblitz.com/~/40447910/_/becomingwhoyouare~Episode-How-to-Give-Feedback/#comments Wed, 24 Apr 2013 10:00:00 +0000 Hannah Braime http://www.becomingwhoyouare.net/?p=3709

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]]> http://feeds.feedblitz.com/~/40447910/_/becomingwhoyouare~Episode-How-to-Give-Feedback/feed/ 0 daniel mackler,feedback,journaling,positive feedback,unsolicited feedback,working from the heart Feedback is one of the most crucial elements of our relationships, yet most of us do not have a lot of practice in this area! In this episode, I talk about how to give positive feedback, not-so-positive feedback, Feedback is one of the most crucial elements of our relationships, yet most of us do not have a lot of practice in this area! In this episode, I talk about how to give positive feedback, not-so-positive feedback, and offer some tips on unsolicited feedback too. Among other things, we'll cover: The difference between conventional compliments and wham bam straight-from-the-heart meaningful positive feedback The top conversation no-nos Why unsolicited feedback (feedback that the other party hasn't asked for) is a touchy issue and how our motivations for giving this kind of feedback are a great indicator of how productive the conversation will be How to provide unsolicited feedback that is still genuine, authentic and based on our experience At the beginning of the episode, I also talk about my new journaling course, Working from the Heart. This 14-day e-course consists of daily prompts delivered straight to your inbox. Over two weeks, you'll have the opportunity to explore what authentic working means to you and develop a detailed picture of steps you can take to make your working life meaningful, fulfilling and more aligned with your values and gifts. Click the link above to view the course and sign up.   Useful Links Wild Truth - Daniel Mackler's website Working from the Heart   Say Hello  Hannah: @becomewhour Facebook: www.facebook.com/becomingwhoyouare www.becomingwhoyouare.net       Photo Credit: AJC1 via Compfight cc Becoming Who You Are no 20:11 http://media.blubrry.com/bwya/www.becomingwhoyouare.net/wp-content/uploads/2013/04/Feedback.mp3 Hannah - Becoming Who You Are http://www.becomingwhoyouare.net/2013/04/how-to-create-a-self-care-kit/ http://feeds.feedblitz.com/~/40378257/_/becomingwhoyouare~How-to-Create-a-SelfCare-Kit/ http://feeds.feedblitz.com/~/40378257/_/becomingwhoyouare~How-to-Create-a-SelfCare-Kit/#comments Mon, 22 Apr 2013 07:00:00 +0000 Hannah Braime http://www.becomingwhoyouare.net/?p=2589

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]]> http://feeds.feedblitz.com/~/40378257/_/becomingwhoyouare~How-to-Create-a-SelfCare-Kit/feed/ 0 Blog,feelings,Tools,needs,self-care kit,experience,Inspiration,spa,self-care This post is adapted from a section in my upcoming book and course on self-care. I wanted to share it today because it highlights one of the most important misconceptions about self-care: the idea that we need to spend lots of money to do self-care 'properly'. At its root, self-care isn't so much about what you do, as what needs you're meeting in the process. An important part of developing a sustainable self-care routine is identifying ways in which we can meet one or more of our needs without compromising other needs in the process. The self-care kit is designed to help you do just that. Self-care is not about taking yourself out for manicures, Columbian waxes or whatever the latest fashion trend is at the time of reading. It’s about meeting your needs. If you’re on a budget or short of time, purchasing expensive pampering sessions or taking several hours you don’t have out of your day isn’t not going to meet your needs – in fact, it will probably stress you out even more. Having said that, there’s a reason why plenty of people opt for professional treatments and attention, over and above a purely aesthetic motive: showing your body some TLC feels good. It is certainly one form of self-care, it’s just that we need to find a way to treat our bodies well without compromising any other needs we have that are jostling for attention alongside. Self-care isn’t so much about what we ‘do’, it’s about the experience we have, the feelings that experience provokes and the underlying needs that experience meets. So we might not be able to go to a fancy-schmancy spa (without leaving one or more of our other needs wanting, anyway) but we can certainly try to recreate the feeling of going to a fancy-schmancy spa. One way to do this is to create a ‘self-care kit’. How it Works The self-care kit is a collection of items that provoke your desired feelings. This is a very personal experience, so I’m not going to provide a prescriptive list for what should go in your self-care kit. Instead, the first step is to work out what your desired feelings are: what is it you would like to feel or experience after using your self-care kit? This might include feeling: Safe Nurtured Held Warm Relaxed Rejuvenated Replenished Whole Connected Compassionate Self-accepting Understanding Rested Or any other words that are meaningful to you. The next step is to translate these feelings into actions. What can you do that will help you get to these feelings and experiences? Here are a few suggestions to get you started: Meditate Gentle yoga Face mask Long, hot bath Incense Quotes or affirmations Special music A good book A scented candle Your own personal self-care kit might contain all of the above, or it might contain none. Like I said, this is a personal experience, so spend time thinking about how you can re-create your desired feelings with simple every-day items and activities. Once you have a few ideas about the kinds of things you might want in your self-care kit, start compiling it. Begin simply, and test each individual item out for its effectiveness before adding the next. Sometimes, we think a certain item or activity is going to provoke certain feelings, but it doesn’t. We might expect it to be relaxing and enjoyable, whereas in reality we find it uncomfortable and distracting. Equally, we might experience one activity or item in our kits very differently to how we imagined. There’s no rush: start small and build your kit over a period of several weeks or months. Schedule time to use your self-care kit, and commit to that scheduled time. Whether it’s 15 minutes when you first get up, or you set aside a whole evening, dedicate time. Listen to how your self-care kit leaves you feeling, and listen to what your ... This post is adapted from a section in my upcoming book and course on self-care. I wanted to share it today because it highlights one of the most important misconceptions about self-care: the idea that we need to spend lots of money to do self-care ... Hannah - Becoming Who You Are Hannah - Becoming Who You Are http://www.becomingwhoyouare.net/2013/04/the-5-minute-guide-to-getting-what-you-want/ http://feeds.feedblitz.com/~/40103431/_/becomingwhoyouare~The-Minute-Guide-to-Getting-What-You-Want/ http://feeds.feedblitz.com/~/40103431/_/becomingwhoyouare~The-Minute-Guide-to-Getting-What-You-Want/#comments Mon, 15 Apr 2013 07:00:00 +0000 Hannah Braime http://www.becomingwhoyouare.net/?p=2580

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]]> http://feeds.feedblitz.com/~/40103431/_/becomingwhoyouare~The-Minute-Guide-to-Getting-What-You-Want/feed/ 1 Blog,feelings,marshall rosenberg,needs,NVC,non-violent communication,wants,Spotify,Authentic Relationships,requests,self-care Today's post is about authentic relationships. It's part of a new format on Becoming Who You Are: each week of the month, we look at a different aspect of authentic living on the blog and the podcast.  Out of everything I've read/watched/listened to/experimented with/[insert other verbs here] over the past few years, Non-Violent Communication (NVC) has probably had the biggest impact on the way I see myself and the world around me. In a nutshell, Non-Violent Communication talks about how our emotions result from our needs and preferences, and whether these are being met, or are unmet (this is a highly simplified version of NVC and I recommend reading Marshall's book or listening to his free series on Spotify if you want to learn more). Like all theories, methods and systems that relate to the way we live, I believe it’s OK for us to cherry-pick what we do like and leave the bits we don't. Some parts of NVC, I don’t like and choose not to practise. The bits that I have chosen, however, have changed the way I view relationships and my communication. Needs, Preferences and Requests One of the biggest take-aways for me is NVC's focus on communicating in terms of needs, preferences and requests. I've found that when you start communicating using this framework, you're far more likely to get what you want, and to be able to help others get what they want too. When I'm aware of why I want to do or am doing something (in other words, what the underlying needs are), I'm in a much better position to meet those needs.  Preferences are the diet coke of needs. They're not crucial, but we'd feel more fulfilled and happy if they were met too. Being able to differentiate between needs and preferences helps us clarify and communicate the things that are deal breakers for us, and the things that we would like, but could probably live without. When we're aware of our needs and preferences, we're better placed to make fair requests of other people in an attempt to get our needs met. Obligation-Free Interactions That brings us to another NVC perspective that changed my approach to relationships: I am 100% responsible for meeting my needs. No one is obligated or required to meet my needs. Equally, I'm not obligated or required to meet anyone else's needs. I can communicate my needs to other people, and make requests based on those needs, but it's up to them whether they fulfil those requests or not. I don't place responsibility for my needs on other people, and I don't accept responsibility for fulfilling other people's needs. For example, let's say I was getting tired of the bathroom always being dirty, and I said to my flatmate: “I have a need for you to clean the bathroom”. This is problematic, because if cleanliness is really an important need for me, then why don’t I just clean the bathroom myself? No one is obligated to fulfil my needs, so I'm not making a fair request. In addition, to say that I have a need for someone else to do something masks the actual need underneath. If I keep expressing myself in this way, I'm never going to be able to meet that root need; as long as I'm asking other people to meet my needs for me, the true need underneath will stay hidden. In the example above, the real needs might include a need for reciprocity, a need for order, a need for stability, and so on. A more productive way of phrasing the above might be: “I've noticed that I've cleaned the bathroom the last four weeks out of five, and I'm feeling frustrated (feeling). I have a need for reciprocity (need) and this situation isn't meeting that need. I would like to work out some sort of schedule or arrangement that is more balanced (request). Would you be willing to do that?” A fair, blame-free, ultimatum-free, dialogue. Internal Clarity Our needs are incredibly powerful. They come from deep inside us, and when we ... Today's post is about authentic relationships. It's part of a new format on Becoming Who You Are: each week of the month, we look at a different aspect of authentic living on the blog and the podcast.  Hannah - Becoming Who You Are Hannah - Becoming Who You Are http://www.becomingwhoyouare.net/2013/04/23-why-work-is-important-to-our-authenticity/ http://feeds.feedblitz.com/~/39956775/_/becomingwhoyouare~Episode-Why-Our-Work-is-Important-to-Our-Authenticity/ http://feeds.feedblitz.com/~/39956775/_/becomingwhoyouare~Episode-Why-Our-Work-is-Important-to-Our-Authenticity/#comments Thu, 11 Apr 2013 07:00:00 +0000 Hannah Braime http://www.becomingwhoyouare.net/?p=3708

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]]> http://feeds.feedblitz.com/~/39956775/_/becomingwhoyouare~Episode-Why-Our-Work-is-Important-to-Our-Authenticity/feed/ 0 authentic working,becoming who you are,podcast This week's podcast episode is an introduction to the topic of authentic working, and why it is so important to our authenticity as a whole. Many of us spend the vast majority of our time either at work or doing work-related activities, This week's podcast episode is an introduction to the topic of authentic working, and why it is so important to our authenticity as a whole. Many of us spend the vast majority of our time either at work or doing work-related activities, so why wouldn't we do something we love that's aligned with our values and gifts? Say Hello  Hannah: @becomewhour Facebook: www.facebook.com/becomingwhoyouare www.becomingwhoyouare.net     Photo Credit: poolie via Compfight cc Becoming Who You Are no 6:57 http://media.blubrry.com/bwya/www.becomingwhoyouare.net/wp-content/uploads/2013/04/23-Authentic-Working.mp3 Hannah - Becoming Who You Are http://www.becomingwhoyouare.net/2013/04/5x5x5-the-simple-way-to-achieve-your-big-hairy-audacious-goals/ http://feeds.feedblitz.com/~/39851599/_/becomingwhoyouare~xx-The-Simple-Way-to-Achieve-Your-Big-Hairy-Audacious-Goals/ http://feeds.feedblitz.com/~/39851599/_/becomingwhoyouare~xx-The-Simple-Way-to-Achieve-Your-Big-Hairy-Audacious-Goals/#comments Mon, 08 Apr 2013 07:00:00 +0000 Hannah Braime http://www.becomingwhoyouare.net/?p=3697

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]]> http://feeds.feedblitz.com/~/39851599/_/becomingwhoyouare~xx-The-Simple-Way-to-Achieve-Your-Big-Hairy-Audacious-Goals/feed/ 2 Blog,Authentic Working,5x5x5,Tools,suitcase entrepreneur,natalie macneil,goals,Inspiration,seth godin,natalie sisson From the beginning of April, the BWYA blog will be more structured. Each week, we'll focus on a different aspect of authentic living, including authentic emotions, authentic relationships and authentic lifestyle. This week, it's authentic working. Do you have any thoughts about the new structure? Let me know. I've had a tricky history with goals: I love making them, but I find it hard to see them through. I start off brimming with enthusiasm, but somewhere along the way, I get distracted by other shiny goals, lose interest and ultimately stop actively working towards the goal. I still have the goal in mind, and it's still something I'd like to do, but I'm not actually doing anything to get myself there. That scenario has changed for me this year. In January, I listened to Natalie Sisson and Natalie MacNeil talk about a concept called 5x5x5 on the Suitcase Entrepreneur podcast (big hat-tip to them for this idea). It sounded pretty neat, so I implemented it. So far, I not only have clearly defined goals for this year but (to my surprise) I've enjoyed slowly but surely working towards them. This system is simple, no-nonsense and, best of all, it works. It addresses the hardest goals of all – the big meaty challenges that require persistence, those goals that aren't going to happen overnight, and those goals that will push ourselves beyond our comfort zone and expand our concept of what we can do. How it works You start with five Big Hairy Audacious Goals (I think original credit goes to Seth Godin for this term, but correct me if I'm wrong) for the year. BHAGs are challenging, but not impossible. They fall into the “could do, if I really went for it” category; reading 125 books is one of my personal BHAGs for this year, becoming an astronaut is not. Like any goal, you're more likely to achieve a BHAG if it's specific and measurable.  ”Read 125 books” is specific and measurable, “Read more” is not. If in doubt, think “How will I know when I have achieved this goal?” Next, you list out five milestones for each goal. These might be five steps you need to take in order to reach each goal, or intermediate goals to reach between now and the end of the year. For example, if your goal was to visit Thailand, your intermediate goals might include costing the trip, booking flights, saving a certain amount of cash, and so on. If you wanted to save $2,000 by the end of the year, you might plot out how much you need to save by June, September and so on, to be on track for that goal. Finally, you list out five strategies for achieving each goal. These are different to milestones; think of your strategies as the behind-the-scenes activities you're going to be doing to give yourself the greatest chance of achieving your BHAGs. Using the examples above, your five strategies for achieving your trip to Thailand might include asking your boss for a raise or taking on freelance work to boost your income, saving a certain amount each month, racking up as many frequent flier points as possible, etc. To save $2,000, your strategies might include quitting your Starbucks habit, taking home-cooked meals to work instead of buying lunch, adding $2 a day to a money jar, and so on. So, in summary, the 5x5x5 plan consists of: - 5 BHAGs - 5 milestones involved in working towards each BHAG - 5 strategies for achieving the BHAG How to track your BHAGs The beauty of this system is that it not only gets you thinking about what you really want to do with your time (and prevents the “ooh… shiny other goals” syndrome that I experience), but it helps you stay conscious of how close you are to achieving your goal by the end of the year. I love lists and metrics, so I created a spreadsheet of my BHAGs and milestones. For number-based BHAGs, like the 125 books, I changed the game slightly and split my BHAGs into ... From the beginning of April, the BWYA blog will be more structured. Each week, we'll focus on a different aspect of authentic living, including authentic emotions, authentic relationships and authentic lifestyle. This week, it's authentic working. Hannah - Becoming Who You Are Hannah - Becoming Who You Are http://www.becomingwhoyouare.net/2013/04/episode-22-true-selffalse-self-101/ http://feeds.feedblitz.com/~/39717985/_/becomingwhoyouare~Episode-True-SelfFalse-Self/ http://feeds.feedblitz.com/~/39717985/_/becomingwhoyouare~Episode-True-SelfFalse-Self/#comments Thu, 04 Apr 2013 10:00:00 +0000 Hannah Braime http://www.becomingwhoyouare.net/?p=3507

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]]> http://feeds.feedblitz.com/~/39717985/_/becomingwhoyouare~Episode-True-SelfFalse-Self/feed/ 0 becoming who you are,childhood,D.W. Winnicott,False self,healthy false self,John Bowlby,journaling,meditation,parenting,sentence completion,Therapy,time This week's episode is about the concepts of the true self and the false self, and how they can influence our understanding of ourselves. I start with an introduction to the true self and false self, go into each concept in more detail, This week's episode is about the concepts of the true self and the false self, and how they can influence our understanding of ourselves. I start with an introduction to the true self and false self, go into each concept in more detail, and suggest a few tools you can use to connect with your true self.   Useful Links The Family and Individual Development - D.W. Winnicott A Secure Base - John Bowlby The Becoming Who You Are Resources page   Say Hello  Hannah: @becomewhour Facebook: www.facebook.com/becomingwhoyouare www.becomingwhoyouare.net   Photo Credit: James Jordan via Compfight cc Becoming Who You Are no 19:40 http://media.blubrry.com/bwya/www.becomingwhoyouare.net/wp-content/uploads/2013/04/23-True-SelfFalse-Self-101.mp3 Hannah - Becoming Who You Are http://www.becomingwhoyouare.net/2013/04/3-reasons-negative-thinking-is-good-for-you/ http://feeds.feedblitz.com/~/39587256/_/becomingwhoyouare~Reasons-Negative-Thinking-is-Good-For-You/ http://feeds.feedblitz.com/~/39587256/_/becomingwhoyouare~Reasons-Negative-Thinking-is-Good-For-You/#comments Mon, 01 Apr 2013 07:00:00 +0000 Hannah Braime http://www.becomingwhoyouare.net/?p=3693

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]]> http://feeds.feedblitz.com/~/39587256/_/becomingwhoyouare~Reasons-Negative-Thinking-is-Good-For-You/feed/ 8 Blog,Authentic Emotions,positive thinking,Law of Attraction,negative thinking,negativity,positivity “Nothing ever goes away until it has taught us what we need to know.” – Pema Chodron This post is a follow-up to Friday's email, which itself was a follow-on to one of March's posts called “Are You Feeling Rational?” Last week, I saw a Facebook conversation about the Law of Attraction, which is a popular framework in the personal development world. This particular discussion was about LOA's approach to the the concepts of positive and negative thinking, namely that if you think negative thoughts then you will draw negativity to you in life, and vice versa with positive thoughts. It makes total sense that if we go around thinking “My life sucks, no one likes me, I'm a total failure and I'm no good at anything” (and acting on these thoughts), then we're absolutely setting ourselves up to have those beliefs confirmed. At the same time, however, I do think negative thoughts, and I feel 'negative' feelings. And, overall, I am very happy with my life – not despite these negative thoughts and 'negative' feelings, but because of them. Like I said in last week's email , we are all made up of multiple, seemingly contradictory parts. Except they're not contradictory, because on one level or another, they are completely rational. When I think a negative thought or feel a negative feeling, that is a big flashing neon sign that I have one or more unmet needs, that I'm not living in a way that is aligned with my values, or that I am encountering external situations or people that aren't in line with my values. In other words, negative thoughts and feelings are useful. The mega issue with 'positive thinking' movements like the Law of Attraction is that there is a huge danger in wilfully pushing away negative thoughts and feelings. Negative things happen. We experience crappy life events, we meet negative people, we have negative days where, through no fault of our own, negative stuff just happens that feels very negative. And at those times, we feel angry, hurt, sad, frustrated and a myriad of other so-called 'negative' emotions – not because we have trouble letting go of these thoughts and feelings, but because we're human. Newsflash: This is healthy. Anger is a healthy response when someone has wronged you. Sadness is a healthy response to perceived loss and longing. Frustration is a healthy response to unmet needs. When we try to 'let go' of these emotions, we lose a vital part of our internal communication. But aren't we just going to become bitter, twisted, and filled with unprocessed rage? Some people love negativity. They thrive as victims, and get a kick out of being able to best other people when it comes to the worst thing that happened (of course they don't really 'love' it, it's just where they feel most comfortable). Some people get trapped in spirals of negative thinking. They internalise childhood messages and repeat that script to themselves as adults. They end up believing that they're not good enough, not smart enough, not capable and not loveable. Some people project their own negative feelings about themselves onto the world around them. They use social interactions to morally position themselves above others by bringing the people around them down a notch or two. Noticing your negative thoughts and feelings doesn't mean that we have to fall into any of the above categories. The trick is in honing our ability to differentiate between negative thoughts and feelings that are serving our authentic living, and negative thoughts and feelings that aren't serving our authentic living. Remember the states that negative thinking can indicate: - Unmet needs - Living in a way that isn't aligned with our values - Encountering external situations or people who are treating us in a way that isn't aligned with our values When we start questioning what our negative thinking is about, we learn to identify ... “Nothing ever goes away until it has taught us what we need to know.” – Pema Chodron Hannah - Becoming Who You Are Hannah - Becoming Who You Are http://www.becomingwhoyouare.net/2013/03/epsiode-21-the-art-of-conversation/ http://feeds.feedblitz.com/~/39500376/_/becomingwhoyouare~Epsiode-The-Art-of-Conversation/ http://feeds.feedblitz.com/~/39500376/_/becomingwhoyouare~Epsiode-The-Art-of-Conversation/#comments Thu, 28 Mar 2013 10:00:00 +0000 Hannah Braime http://www.becomingwhoyouare.net/?p=3506

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]]> http://feeds.feedblitz.com/~/39500376/_/becomingwhoyouare~Epsiode-The-Art-of-Conversation/feed/ 0 conversations,listen,podcast,reflect Do you make the most out of your day-to-day conversations? - Conversations are the gateway to our relationships with others, yet often we take these interactions for granted. In this episode, I discuss five principles we can use to enhance our convers... Do you make the most out of your day-to-day conversations? Conversations are the gateway to our relationships with others, yet often we take these interactions for granted. In this episode, I discuss five principles we can use to enhance our conversations and get the most out of them. These are: 1. Listen 2. Reflect 3. Be honest 4. Don't take it personally 5. Take a break if you need to I also share some useful tips and feedback a reader sent me after I published a blog post on this topic.   Say Hello  Hannah: @becomewhour Facebook: www.facebook.com/becomingwhoyouare www.becomingwhoyouare.net     Photo Credit: Benson Kua via Compfight cc Becoming Who You Are no 11:17 http://media.blubrry.com/bwya/www.becomingwhoyouare.net/wp-content/uploads/2013/03/Art-of-Conversation.mp3 Hannah - Becoming Who You Are http://www.becomingwhoyouare.net/2013/03/resource-of-the-month-quiller/ http://feeds.feedblitz.com/~/39381047/_/becomingwhoyouare~Resource-of-the-month-Quiller-Journaling-App/ http://feeds.feedblitz.com/~/39381047/_/becomingwhoyouare~Resource-of-the-month-Quiller-Journaling-App/#comments Mon, 25 Mar 2013 07:00:00 +0000 Hannah Braime http://www.becomingwhoyouare.net/?p=3476

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]]> http://feeds.feedblitz.com/~/39381047/_/becomingwhoyouare~Resource-of-the-month-Quiller-Journaling-App/feed/ 0 Blog,Amy Randolph,journaling prompts,Journaling,Tools,Quiller,journaling,app,iPad This month's resource is a new journaling app called Quiller. Created by Amy Randolph, the app provides one of the best digital journaling experiences I've seen. It's beautiful, easy to use, packed with features and comes with a low price tag ($1.99) compared to some of the other high-end ipad journaling apps available. The app is designed especially for people who experience writer's block when it comes to journaling. As Amy explains: “I developed Quiller in response to a need. Many people want to write about their lives but don’t know how to get started or keep the momentum. Quiller is about accessing complex emotions that can be difficult to describe.” With this focus, it's still a wonderful tool for everyday journaling, whether you simply want to get your thoughts out of your head and onto “paper”, or if you prefer a more directive approach to journaling. (Disclosure: the developer offered me a free copy of Quiller so I could try it out. This didn't influence my review: if I didn't think it was a worthwhile resource, I wouldn't write about it) Quiller Tour Quiller is a beautiful app from start to finish. First-time users get a set of handy tips that point out the app's different features and show you how to make the most out of using the app. Even though it offers a lot of features, the app is surprisingly easy to use. Some well-meaning journaling software and app developers try to squeeze extra functionality into their product without paying attention to the interface, which is a real headache when you're trying to get to grips with the software. Quiller, on the other hand, provides you with everything you need to keep a basic journal, as well as a few added extras. The first thing to do when you open the app is to choose your starter journal. I went for this snazzy cloth-covered number. You can choose as many journals as you like. Four different styles are available for free, and you can purchase further journals for a small fee within the app. This is handy if you want to keep separate journals for separate parts of your life, or for separate activities. For example, I like to keep my daily journal, with all my morning pages and so on, separate from some of the other journaling exercises I talk about in my book.  One feature of Quiller that I really appreciate is the respect for privacy. Many iOS apps add additional privacy by requiring an additional 4-digit code (like your device's passcode). Quiller allows you to create secure keyboard-based passwords. You also have the option to use the same password for each journal within Quiller, or choose different passwords – depending on how secure you want to keep your writing. Inside each journal, Quiller lets you add text, emoticons and pictures or photos from your iPad album to each entry. You can customize the text font and colour, and add tags too. Quiller's crowning feature is its prompts. If you're struggling to find something to write about, the app provides five writing categories and over 200 free prompts (with more available as an in-app purchase) that provide a thought-provoking starting point for that entry. Other prompts focus on more specific topics, such as “Loss Of A Love” and “Thank You: A Journey To Gratitude”. Once you've racked up a few entries, you can start viewing statistics. As you can see, these include your most frequently used journal, category, emoti-me (i.e. the emoticon you assign to each entry) and your most common tags. If you've read my review of 750words.com, you'll know that this is one my favourite benefits from digital journaling. Being able to view key statistics about mood and what we write most about can be a fascinating overview into our journaling practices. To finish up, here's a quick overview of some of the app's other useful features: - ... This month's resource is a new journaling app called Quiller. Created by Amy Randolph, the app provides one of the best digital journaling experiences I've seen. It's beautiful, easy to use, packed with features and comes with a low price tag ($1. Hannah - Becoming Who You Are Hannah - Becoming Who You Are http://www.becomingwhoyouare.net/2013/03/episode-20-transactional-analysis-101/ http://feeds.feedblitz.com/~/39246121/_/becomingwhoyouare~Episode-Transactional-Analysis/ http://feeds.feedblitz.com/~/39246121/_/becomingwhoyouare~Episode-Transactional-Analysis/#comments Thu, 21 Mar 2013 07:00:00 +0000 Hannah Braime http://www.becomingwhoyouare.net/?p=3505

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]]> http://feeds.feedblitz.com/~/39246121/_/becomingwhoyouare~Episode-Transactional-Analysis/feed/ 0 becoming who you are,eric berne,games people play,I'm Ok You're Ok,Transactional Analysis If you're interested in how we relate to and communicate with ourselves and other people, then you'll love this episode of the Becoming Who You Are podcast. - In it, I talk about Transactional Analysis, a psychological and psychotherapeutic theory. If you're interested in how we relate to and communicate with ourselves and other people, then you'll love this episode of the Becoming Who You Are podcast. In it, I talk about Transactional Analysis, a psychological and psychotherapeutic theory. I provide a brief overview of the main principles of TA, describe how we can apply its theories to our own internal dialogue. You'll also hear about my favourite part of TA: some of the 'games' that affect our interactions with other people, and how we can disengage from them to have more meaningful and productive conversations. If you find the ideas in this podcast interesting, I high recommend checking out the links below.   Useful Links Games People Play: The Psychology of Human Relationships - Eric Berne I'm Ok, You're Ok - Thomas Harris Business Balls - Eric Berne's Transactional Analysis   Say Hello  Hannah: @becomewhour Facebook: www.facebook.com/becomingwhoyouare www.becomingwhoyouare.net   Photo Credit: Das Fotoimaginarium via Compfight cc     Becoming Who You Are no 21:31 http://media.blubrry.com/bwya/www.becomingwhoyouare.net/wp-content/uploads/2013/03/TA.mp3 Hannah - Becoming Who You Are http://www.becomingwhoyouare.net/2013/03/what-if-money-were-no-object/ http://feeds.feedblitz.com/~/39151058/_/becomingwhoyouare~What-if-Money-Were-No-Object/ http://feeds.feedblitz.com/~/39151058/_/becomingwhoyouare~What-if-Money-Were-No-Object/#comments Mon, 18 Mar 2013 07:00:00 +0000 Hannah Braime http://www.becomingwhoyouare.net/?p=2593

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]]> http://feeds.feedblitz.com/~/39151058/_/becomingwhoyouare~What-if-Money-Were-No-Object/feed/ 0 Authentic Lifestyle,Blog,Authentic Working,money,desire,alan watts What do you want to do when you grow up? It's one of the fundamental questions of our youth. For many of us, it's also a fundamental question of adulthood too. What do I want to do? Who do I want to be? What would my ideal life look like? For many of us, these are difficult questions to answer. To know the answers would be to acknowledge that our current life isn't serving us. To know the answers might also provide us with some clues about what would better serve us. Once we have some idea of what would better serve us, our brain starts filling in the gaps, working out how we can get there. That's when the responsibility falls on us to actually do something about it. And we resist, because it jars with what we think we 'should' be doing with our lives, it jars with what culture tells us is important (money, status) and it jars with what we've been taught as children. This except from a lecture by Alan Watts is a helpful kick up the backside. He hones in on the most important question we could ask, and provides a healthy dose of wisdom that, deep down, we all know but many of us are afraid to admit. The video below is just over three minutes long and well worth watching. “So I always ask the question: What would you like to do if money were no object? How would you really enjoy spending your life? Well it's so amazing as the result of our kind of educational system, crowds of students say 'Well, we'd like to be painters, we'd like to be poets, we'd like to be writers' But as everybody knows you can't earn any money that way! Another person says 'Well I'd like to live an out-of-door's life and ride horses.' I said 'You wanna teach in a riding school?' Let's go through with it. What do you want to do? When we finally got down to something which the individual says he really wants to do I will say to him 'You do that! And forget the money!' Because if you say that getting the money is the most important thing you will spend your life completely wasting your time! You'll be doing things you don't like doing in order to go on living – that is to go on doing things you don't like doing! Which is stupid! Better to have a short life that is full of which you like doing then a long life spent in a miserable way. And after all, if you do really like what you are doing – it doesn't really matter what it is – you can eventually become a master of it. It's the only way of becoming the master of something, to be really with it. And then you will be able to get a good fee for whatever it is. So don't worry too much, somebody is interested in everything. Anything you can be interested in, you'll find others who are. But it's absolutely stupid to spend your time doing things you don't like in order to go on spending things you don't like, doing things you don't like and to teach our children to follow the same track. See, what we are doing is we are bringing up children and educating to live the same sort of lifes we are living. In order they may justify themselves and find satisfaction in life by bringing up their children to bring up their children to do the same thing. So it's all retch and no vomit – it never gets there! And so therefore it's so important to consider this question: What do I desire?” What do you desire? Leave a comment and let me know. Share Tweet The post What if Money Were No Object? appeared first on Becoming Who You Are. What do you want to do when you grow up? Hannah - Becoming Who You Are Hannah - Becoming Who You Are http://www.becomingwhoyouare.net/2013/03/episode-19-how-to-be-your-own-consultant/ http://feeds.feedblitz.com/~/39005862/_/becomingwhoyouare~Episode-How-to-Be-Your-Own-Consultant/ http://feeds.feedblitz.com/~/39005862/_/becomingwhoyouare~Episode-How-to-Be-Your-Own-Consultant/#comments Thu, 14 Mar 2013 07:00:00 +0000 Hannah Braime http://www.becomingwhoyouare.net/?p=3504

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]]> http://feeds.feedblitz.com/~/39005862/_/becomingwhoyouare~Episode-How-to-Be-Your-Own-Consultant/feed/ 0 consultant,harry browne,how I found Freedom in an Unfree World How can you help yourself? - This episode encourages you to take on the role of being your own consultant. When we find ourselves facing a tricky situation or challenge, it can be easy to start feeling stuck, helpless, How can you help yourself? This episode encourages you to take on the role of being your own consultant. When we find ourselves facing a tricky situation or challenge, it can be easy to start feeling stuck, helpless, and like we just don't know what to do. As Harry Browne says (and I quote in the podcast) "There’s always something you can do. And usually the way to find out what you can do is to ask." This podcast looks at how to identify our biggest problem right now and the five steps we can take to 'consult' with ourselves: 1. Break the problem down 2. Identify which factors you have control over and which you don't 3. List the ways you've already tried to tackle the things you have control over 4. List the solutions you haven't tried yet, and why you haven't tried them 5. Look for the story behind the reasons   Useful Links How I Found Freedom in an Unfree World - Harry Browne The Ultimate Guide to Journaling - Hannah's ebook that contains everything you need to know about journaling, and more.   Say Hello  Hannah: @becomewhour Facebook: www.facebook.com/becomingwhoyouare www.becomingwhoyouare.net           Photo Credit: roger.karlsson via Compfight cc Becoming Who You Are no 15:17 http://media.blubrry.com/bwya/www.becomingwhoyouare.net/wp-content/uploads/2013/03/BeYourOwnConsultant.mp3 Hannah - Becoming Who You Are http://www.becomingwhoyouare.net/2013/03/5-ways-you-can-be-more-authentic-today/ http://feeds.feedblitz.com/~/38904902/_/becomingwhoyouare~Ways-You-Can-Be-More-Authentic-Today/ http://feeds.feedblitz.com/~/38904902/_/becomingwhoyouare~Ways-You-Can-Be-More-Authentic-Today/#comments Mon, 11 Mar 2013 10:00:00 +0000 Hannah Braime http://www.becomingwhoyouare.net/?p=3471

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]]> http://feeds.feedblitz.com/~/38904902/_/becomingwhoyouare~Ways-You-Can-Be-More-Authentic-Today/feed/ 6 Blog,authentic living,feelings,Authentic Living,getting real,Authentic Relationships,susan campbell I recently enjoyed reading “Getting Real: The Ten Truth Skills You Need to Live an Authentic Life” by Susan Campbell Ph. D. It's certainly given me a lot to think about regarding my own communication with myself and others. One of the things I appreciated about the book was that her truth skills were all actionable. Although they might be challenging to remember, act on, or communicate well in the moment (especially as we start to practice being more authentic), they are all things we can start doing today. The notion of “being authentic” can feel daunting at times, as it provokes the question: “But how?!”, so in this post I thought I would follow Dr Campbell's lead and share some actionable steps we can start taking today to be more authentic with ourselves and those around us. 1. Use “I-” messages One of the most common blocks to authenticity that I've certainly experienced is the temptation to focus on the other person in a conversation, and talk about their actions, feelings and motivations. As Campbell points out, this is a way of controlling the conversation, and protecting ourselves. If we are to be truly authentic, and if we want the conversation to be as productive as possible, we focus on our own feelings and needs. This doesn't exclude listening to the other person (of course that's still important), but it means that we're focusing on making ourselves heard, rather than second-guessing what's happening for our conversation partner. Examples of I-messages include: I feel sad I notice that I feel tense I have a need for connection 2. Express the difference between “I notice” and “I imagine” As I mentioned above, we often get caught up in focusing on what's going on with the other person in a conversation. This comes out in statements like “You're just saying that to make me feel X”, “You're not listening to me” and other statements that imply we know what our conversation partner is thinking and feeling. In reality, all we know for sure is what we're thinking and feeling. When it comes to the other person, we can guess – but it will be a guess. So in this situation, the most authentic response is to tell it like it is using “I notice” and “I imagine”. Using this response helps us communicate authentically, while still taking responsibility for our own assumptions and beliefs. For example: “I notice that I'm feeling hurt and I imagine that you might have said that without thinking about how it would impact me”. “I notice when I'm talking to you that you're looking away at the TV and I imagine you're not listening to me.” “I notice that when I bring up [insert subject here], you sigh and look away. I imagine that you don't really want to talk about it with me.” When we start differentiating between what we can objectively see and where our mind fills in the gaps, we're already being more authentic in conversations. 3. Be bold Very few people enjoy feeling uncomfortable, so when we start to feel creeping anxiety or nervousness, we retreat. Many of us have conditioned beliefs about the way we 'should' interact with people. When these beliefs jar with our authentic selves, we can feel intensely uncomfortable expressing how we really feel. Being authentic requires us to become comfortable with discomfort, to be bold, and to step out of our comfort zone in order to sit with our authentic feelings and to communicate them with others. The first few times are the hardest, but the rewards are more than worth it. 4. Notice your 'shoulds' Just as it's helpful to notice our 'should's in our interactions with other people, it's helpful to notice them in other areas of our lives too. How do your 'should's fit in with your other feelings and needs? Are you ... I recently enjoyed reading “Getting Real: The Ten Truth Skills You Need to Live an Authentic Life” by Susan Campbell Ph. D. It's certainly given me a lot to think about regarding my own communication with myself and others. Hannah - Becoming Who You Are Hannah - Becoming Who You Are http://www.becomingwhoyouare.net/2013/03/epsiode-18-getting-real-by-susan-campbell-ph-d-conversation-from-the-psychology-book-club/ http://feeds.feedblitz.com/~/38787125/_/becomingwhoyouare~Epsiode-Getting-Real-by-Susan-Campbell-PhD-Conversation-from-The-Psychology-Book-Club/ http://feeds.feedblitz.com/~/38787125/_/becomingwhoyouare~Epsiode-Getting-Real-by-Susan-Campbell-PhD-Conversation-from-The-Psychology-Book-Club/#comments Thu, 07 Mar 2013 13:30:00 +0000 Hannah Braime http://www.becomingwhoyouare.net/?p=3310

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]]> http://feeds.feedblitz.com/~/38787125/_/becomingwhoyouare~Epsiode-Getting-Real-by-Susan-Campbell-PhD-Conversation-from-The-Psychology-Book-Club/feed/ 2 getting real,Nathaniel Branden,psychology book club,Six Pillars of Self-Esteem,susan campbell This week's podcast episode is a little different. - I've been a member of an online book club called the Psychology Book Club for about four years and enjoyed many invigorating and eye-opening conversations as part of the group. This week's podcast episode is a little different. I've been a member of an online book club called the Psychology Book Club for about four years and enjoyed many invigorating and eye-opening conversations as part of the group. At the beginning of the year, I took over organising the meetings, and this episode I wanted to share our latest conversation with you. The club is open to everyone and meets every other month through Skype to discuss a psychology-related book, so if you'd like to join us please come along (details on how to join below). This month's book was Getting Real: The Ten Truth Skills You Need to Live an Authentic Life by Susan Campbell Ph.D. In the conversation. Jake (my partner, who you might remember from previous podcasts) and I seemed to be the only ones around so we had an in-depth chat about the book and its ideas (please excuse the audio blips at the beginning - I think the recorder was still warming up!) As a quick summary, the 10 truth skills identified by Dr Campbell are: Experiencing what is Being transparent Noticing your intent Welcoming feedback Asserting what you want and don't want Taking back projections Revising an earlier statement Holding differences Sharing mixed emotions Embracing the silence As I mention at the end of the podcast, the next book club is on 5th May at 3pm EST. We'll be talking about Six Pillars of Self Esteem by Nathaniel Branden. If you'd like to join us, please RSVP using the Facebook page link below. See you next week! Useful Links The Psychology Book Club Website - View past books and listen to book club conversations The Psychology Book Club Facebook Page - View upcoming book clubs and RSVP to future book clubs Getting Real: The Ten Truth Skills You Need to Live an Authentic Life by Susan Campbell Ph.D (Amazon Link)   Say Hello  Hannah: @becomewhour Facebook: www.facebook.com/becomingwhoyouare www.becomingwhoyouare.net  Jake: @thevoluntary www.thevoluntarylife.com   Becoming Who You Are no 1:24:28 http://media.blubrry.com/bwya/www.becomingwhoyouare.net/wp-content/uploads/2013/03/Getting-Real-BWYA.mp3 Hannah - Becoming Who You Are http://www.becomingwhoyouare.net/2013/03/are-you-feeling-rational/ http://feeds.feedblitz.com/~/38661268/_/becomingwhoyouare~Are-You-Feeling-Rational/ http://feeds.feedblitz.com/~/38661268/_/becomingwhoyouare~Are-You-Feeling-Rational/#comments Mon, 04 Mar 2013 10:00:00 +0000 Hannah Braime http://www.becomingwhoyouare.net/?p=3458

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]]> http://feeds.feedblitz.com/~/38661268/_/becomingwhoyouare~Are-You-Feeling-Rational/feed/ 10 Blog,feelings,Porc Therapy,Authentic Emotions,stephanie murphy,emotions,rational Are emotions rational? This question came up during a recent chat with Stephanie Murphy, a good friend of mine, and the multi-talented host of Porc Therapy. While talking about rational personal development, she brought up an interesting point: as well as the woo traditionally associated with the personal development movement, some people (especially those who consider themselves logically- or scientifically-minded) view emotions themselves as irrational. We’ve all met these people. They are the ones who respond to concern, anxiety or upset with “Let’s not get all emotional about it” or “There’s no point in crying over spilt milk”. They are mostly (but not always) the kind of people who, when I was training to be a counsellor, would ask “But why on earth would you want to sit and listen to people’s problems all day?” They would almost certainly test as a “T” in a Myers-Briggs type indicator and likely look upon those of us who test “F” as bleeding hearts, touchy-feely or over-sensitive (the word 'hippy' might make an appearance too). How do I know this? I used to be one of them. Stephanie’s point struck me because: a) I haven’t thought about the fact that I used to be incredibly scornful of ‘hysterics’ or what I considered 'over-emotional' drama queen-esque displays (like we've talked about plenty of times before on this blog: when you can’t empathise with yourself, you can’t empathise with others either…), and b) hadn’t really consciously thought about how differently I perceive emotions now. Now, I believe our emotions are incredibly rational. Say what? Emotions = rational? Yes, because they signal our true response to people, situations and events. We can rationalise or justify our way into or out of most things on a thinking level, but our emotions don’t lie. But I have irrational feelings all the time… It depends what you define as irrational. We all have emotional responses that make us take a step back and ask “Where the f*** did that come from?!” because the feelings we experience seem insane given the actual situation that occurred. But let’s look at the science of emotions. It’s one of the major laws of Physics that energy can’t be destroyed, it just changes form. This is the same with our emotions. When we have negative experiences that we haven’t processed, the feelings from those experiences get displaced to other events. We can’t just get rid of unprocessed feelings and experiences by shutting them out and hoping for the best – they’ll hang around and come out in other ways until we do something about it. We might think of them as being irrational because, although they are a justified and natural response to a specific situation, we might experience them years later in what appears to be a completely unrelated context. When we look deeper, however, we can find a shadow of situation zero (the situation(s) that originally provoked the feelings) in the form of a replica, a pattern, or a similarity. As the saying goes, there is a method behind the madness – and when it comes to emotions, there is definitely a method. Potty-mouth Hannah makes an appearance I experienced this recently. Merida (where I'm currently living in Mexico) is home to quite a few Canadian and American retiree ex-pats, who I personally find just a little too familiar at times. We would be walking down the street, enjoying the city, and people would stop us to say “You should check out that bar over there, they do great food” and try to continue a conversation, or stop us to ask “Are you both going to the concert?” Although I smiled and nodded during many of these interactions, my internal response was rude. Very rude. ... Are emotions rational? Hannah - Becoming Who You Are Hannah - Becoming Who You Are http://www.becomingwhoyouare.net/2013/02/episode-17-rules-for-authentic-living/ http://feeds.feedblitz.com/~/38553275/_/becomingwhoyouare~Episode-Rules-for-Authentic-Living/ http://feeds.feedblitz.com/~/38553275/_/becomingwhoyouare~Episode-Rules-for-Authentic-Living/#comments Thu, 28 Feb 2013 07:00:54 +0000 Hannah Braime http://www.becomingwhoyouare.net/?p=3449

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]]> http://feeds.feedblitz.com/~/38553275/_/becomingwhoyouare~Episode-Rules-for-Authentic-Living/feed/ 0 This episode is a follow-up to Episode 14: Emotional Tools for Authentic Living. Here, I'm going to discuss four "rules" that accompany and complement them. - These are: - 1. Work out your principles, and stick to them. - 2. Don't just understand, This episode is a follow-up to Episode 14: Emotional Tools for Authentic Living. Here, I'm going to discuss four "rules" that accompany and complement them. These are: 1. Work out your principles, and stick to them. 2. Don't just understand, act on that understanding. 3. Act, don't react. 4. Never stop learning These are all rules I've found helpful when it comes to my own personal development, so I hope it's useful to share them. At the beginning of the episode, I talk about The Ultimate Guide to Journaling and The 5 Most Common Blocks to Authentic Living, which are both available now through Becoming Who You Are (links below).   Useful Links The Ultimate Guide to Journaling - available now on audiobook, Kindle and PDF The 5 Most Common Blocks to Authentic Living ...and How to Overcome Them - Free to download from becomingwhoyouare.net "The Hollow Men" - T.S. Eliot (just for fun!)   Say Hello Hannah: @becomewhour Facebook: www.facebook.com/becomingwhoyouare www.becomingwhoyouare.net       Photo Credit: Theresa Thompson via Compfight cc Becoming Who You Are no 14:39 http://media.blubrry.com/bwya/www.becomingwhoyouare.net/wp-content/uploads/2013/02/17-Rules-for-Authentic-Living.mp3 Blog,Authentic Living Hannah - Becoming Who You Are http://www.becomingwhoyouare.net/2013/02/resource-round-up-top-personal-development-apps/ http://feeds.feedblitz.com/~/38484880/_/becomingwhoyouare~Resource-RoundUp-Top-Personal-Development-Apps/ http://feeds.feedblitz.com/~/38484880/_/becomingwhoyouare~Resource-RoundUp-Top-Personal-Development-Apps/#comments Mon, 25 Feb 2013 07:00:00 +0000 Hannah Braime http://www.becomingwhoyouare.net/?p=2587

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]]> http://feeds.feedblitz.com/~/38484880/_/becomingwhoyouare~Resource-RoundUp-Top-Personal-Development-Apps/feed/ 2 Blog,Live Happy,personal development apps,Tools,Authentic Living,Bloom*,Pzizz,Whemsy,My Wonderful Days Last month's resource was the Q&A a Day 5-Year Journal (if you haven't checked it out already, I highly recommend it. I'm having so much fun with mine!) This month, I'm doing a round-up of a few personal development iOS apps I've tried and enjoyed. Most of these are free (in one form or another) and all are under $2. Pzizz Energizer Pzizz is a meditation/relaxation app that provides ambient music and sounds. You can choose a guided relaxation, or just music, as well as different sound effects. Pzizz relaxation cycles can last anything between 10 and 90 minutes and you can choose to set an alarm to wake you up when you're done. The full version of the app is $5.99, but I find the Lite version ($1.99) does the trick. As well as the Energizer, you can also get an app called Pzizz Sleep, which is designed to help with insomnia. Live Happy Live Happy is based on Positive Psychology, and encourages users to savour important moments, express gratitude and set meaningful goals. The app was created in collaboration with Sonja Lyubormirsky, author of The How of Happiness. Although I'm not a huge fan of the positive psychology movement (that's a subject for another post), I've enjoyed using this app. Simply the act of doing some of the activities, like capturing meaningful moments and setting reminders to show gratitude to someone has been an invaluable experience. Whemsy Whemsy encourages users to build new habits in a simple and friendly way. Choose the habits you want to consciously develop (like drinking a glass of water each morning or reading for 30 minutes a day), add them to your Whemsy list, and tick them off as you complete them each day. The app is helpful for taking large goals like “be healthier” and breaking them down into actionable, tangible steps. My Wonderful Days This app encourages daily journaling by keeping it short, fun and friendly. Write a couple of sentences about your day, choose your mood, and select any other symbols from the app's list that sum up your day. It's a great way of capturing a brief overview of each day, and My Wonderful Days also provides you with statistics about your entries. Bloom* Bloom* is a fun app that designed to help you remember what's important to you. The app enables you to schedule what it calls “purposeful interruptions” to remind you about what's important to you. These might involve drinking a glass of water, or taking a one-minute “tropical vacation”. Download ready-made “Blooms” or create your own, and the app will send you a push notification at your chosen time. Have you enjoyed using any personal development apps recently? Leave a comment and let me know!  The post Resource Round-Up: Top Personal Development Apps appeared first on Becoming Who You Are. Last month's resource was the Q&A a Day 5-Year Journal (if you haven't checked it out already, I highly recommend it. I'm having so much fun with mine!) Hannah - Becoming Who You Are Hannah - Becoming Who You Are http://www.becomingwhoyouare.net/2013/02/episode-016-living-and-working-abroad-interview-with-will-moyer/ http://feeds.feedblitz.com/~/38377727/_/becomingwhoyouare~Episode-Living-and-Working-Abroad-Interview-with-Will-Moyer/ http://feeds.feedblitz.com/~/38377727/_/becomingwhoyouare~Episode-Living-and-Working-Abroad-Interview-with-Will-Moyer/#comments Fri, 22 Feb 2013 05:55:22 +0000 Hannah Braime http://www.becomingwhoyouare.net/?p=3413

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]]> http://feeds.feedblitz.com/~/38377727/_/becomingwhoyouare~Episode-Living-and-Working-Abroad-Interview-with-Will-Moyer/feed/ 4 Asia,becoming who you are,dream job,living abroad,podcast,US,will moyer,working abroad In this episode, I talk to Will Moyer, a web designer and writer from the US, about living and working abroad. Having moved to Beijing, China in 2010, Will has spent the last three years living in different parts of Asia, In this episode, I talk to Will Moyer, a web designer and writer from the US, about living and working abroad. Having moved to Beijing, China in 2010, Will has spent the last three years living in different parts of Asia, and has also set up his own design and consultancy business while there. During our conversation, we cover the practicalities of going abroad for a long period of time, the benefits of living abroad, the challenges, safety, and how to combine long-term travel with your dream job. You might recognise Will's work on Becoming Who You Are, as he is the artistic brains behind the logo and header, as well as my ebook covers. I highly recommend his design services, so check out his website, willmoyer.com. Muchas gracias to Will for his time, I hope you enjoy the show!   Say Hello Will: @willmoyer http://willmoyer.com/   Hannah: @becomewhour Facebook: www.facebook.com/becomingwhoyouare www.becomingwhoyouare.net   Photo Credit: Kuster & Wildhaber Photography via Compfight cc Becoming Who You Are no 51:09 http://media.blubrry.com/bwya/www.becomingwhoyouare.net/wp-content/uploads/2013/02/016_Working_and_Living_Abroad_an_Interview_with_Will_Moyer.mp3 Hannah - Becoming Who You Are http://www.becomingwhoyouare.net/2013/02/lessons-from-a-mugging-part-2-how-to-deal-with-anxiety/ http://feeds.feedblitz.com/~/38258309/_/becomingwhoyouare~Lessons-from-a-Mugging-Part-How-to-Deal-with-Anxiety/ http://feeds.feedblitz.com/~/38258309/_/becomingwhoyouare~Lessons-from-a-Mugging-Part-How-to-Deal-with-Anxiety/#comments Mon, 18 Feb 2013 07:00:00 +0000 Hannah Braime http://www.becomingwhoyouare.net/?p=2585

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]]> http://feeds.feedblitz.com/~/38258309/_/becomingwhoyouare~Lessons-from-a-Mugging-Part-How-to-Deal-with-Anxiety/feed/ 6 Blog,self-attack,yoga,mugging,Authentic Living,Cormac McCarthy,anxiety,Buenos Aires,meditation,creativity A few weeks ago, I wrote about the experience of getting mugged and emotional lessons I took from the whole incident. In this post, I want to talk about some of the things I found helpful afterwards. In the month after the robbery happened, I experienced pretty intense anxiety about leaving the apartment and travelling around. It was unpleasant, but, like the experience itself, it was definitely a learning curve. Everyone processes anxiety differently, so this isn't a definitive list of 'things you should do'. Instead, I want to share my experience so you can see what resonates with you. I sincerely hope you never have to go through anything like getting mugged, but life's various curveballs can catch us unawares so you never know when these suggestions might be useful… 1. Get creative Get out of your head (see number three for more about this) and do something creative. Write, sing, dance, draw, paint, craft, sculpt, carve – whatever you enjoy doing, go for it. It helps you focus your energy on something positive, something that will bring you satisfaction, and helps you get out of thought patterns that exacerbate anxiety. Expressing feelings and thoughts through a creative outlet can also be helpful for processing the experience, however beware focusing solely on a traumatic incident, as this can do more harm than good. 2. Get moving I found yoga helpful for reconnecting with myself, feeling grounded and showing the fearful parts of myself that, yes, I really was OK. Like getting creative, both yoga and guided meditation take you out of your head (counter-intuitive, but true) and break negative or fearful thought patterns that could be contributing to anxiety. I found that feeling anxiety generates a lot of nervous energy, so getting moving also helps to relieve physical tension. 3. Don’t dwell Processing the experience is absolutely necessary. Obsessing about it isn't. From my experience, I would suggest talking about it with other people, instead of spending time thinking about it on your own. When we replay the situation round and round in our heads, it’s very easy for disaster scenarios to accumulate, which only amplifies anxiety. To give an example, a week and a half after getting mugged, Jake (my partner) and I had to take a long-distance coach trip from Retiro, a slightly sketchy part of Buenos Aires. Still dealing with anxiety after what happened in Uruguay, I hardly got any sleep the night before. In my head, I conjured up all kinds of disaster scenarios, to the point where I was sure something bad was going to happen. In reality, Retiro has its problems, but it's not the guns-and-knives Cormac McCarthy novel I’d created in my head. When I started dwelling on what had happened before, I became convinced that people were there, just waiting to prey on us. Needless to say, it's not a reassuring, or realistic, way of looking at the world. 4. Don’t be afraid to tell people how you really feel I found it really hard not to self-attack when I was still feeling anxious a couple of weeks after the mugging. My internal chatter turned into an all-out bar fight. The parts of me that were freaked out about how violent the incident could have become were, well, freaked out. Other parts of me were rationalising that we were lucky: we weren't hurt, therefore why all the fuss? The freaked out parts disliked the cool-cat attitude of the rationalising parts, who in turn were pretty scornful of the freaked out parts. This internal disagreement left me feeling even worse; I was finding it almost impossible to empathise with myself. Talking to other people helped me come clean about my fear, verbalise my internal disagreement, and get a different perspective on the world. 5. Be patient By week three, I was feeling frustrated with the anxiety, and worried that perhaps the feelings just wouldn't go away. But they ... A few weeks ago, I wrote about the experience of getting mugged and emotional lessons I took from the whole incident. Hannah - Becoming Who You Are Hannah - Becoming Who You Are http://www.becomingwhoyouare.net/2013/02/episode-015-guest-appearance-on-porc-therapy-with-stephanie-murphy/ http://feeds.feedblitz.com/~/38169435/_/becomingwhoyouare~Episode-Guest-Appearance-on-Porc-Therapy-with-Stephanie-Murphy/ http://feeds.feedblitz.com/~/38169435/_/becomingwhoyouare~Episode-Guest-Appearance-on-Porc-Therapy-with-Stephanie-Murphy/#comments Fri, 15 Feb 2013 07:00:54 +0000 Hannah Braime http://www.becomingwhoyouare.net/?p=3367

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]]> http://feeds.feedblitz.com/~/38169435/_/becomingwhoyouare~Episode-Guest-Appearance-on-Porc-Therapy-with-Stephanie-Murphy/feed/ 0 BWYA podcast,Porc Therapy,stephanie murphy,ultimate guide to journaling This episode is a conversation I had with Stephanie Murphy, host of Porc Therapy, and the narrator and producer of the The Ultimate Guide to Journaling audiobook. You may remember Stephanie from previous BWYA podcast episodes, This episode is a conversation I had with Stephanie Murphy, host of Porc Therapy, and the narrator and producer of the The Ultimate Guide to Journaling audiobook. You may remember Stephanie from previous BWYA podcast episodes, and recognise her voice from the intro and outro of each episode. As always, we cover a wide range of topics in this conversation, including why rational personal development is so valuable, whether our emotions really are rational, the making of the audiobook, and much, much more. Thank you to Stephanie for an enjoyable conversation (as always!) and for having me back on her show.   Useful Links The Ultimate Guide to Journaling - available now on audiobook, Kindle and PDF   Say Hello Stephanie: @PorcTherapy Facebook: Porc Therapy http://porctherapy.com   Hannah: @becomewhour Facebook: www.facebook.com/becomingwhoyouare www.becomingwhoyouare.net     Becoming Who You Are no 1:11:02 http://media.blubrry.com/bwya/www.becomingwhoyouare.net/wp-content/uploads/2013/02/015-Guest-Appearance-on-Porc-Therapy-with-Stephanie-Murphy.mp3 Hannah - Becoming Who You Are http://www.becomingwhoyouare.net/2013/02/episode-014-emotional-tools-for-authentic-living/ http://feeds.feedblitz.com/~/38138527/_/becomingwhoyouare~Episode-Emotional-Tools-for-Authentic-Living/ http://feeds.feedblitz.com/~/38138527/_/becomingwhoyouare~Episode-Emotional-Tools-for-Authentic-Living/#comments Thu, 14 Feb 2013 07:00:00 +0000 Hannah Braime http://www.becomingwhoyouare.net/?p=3306

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]]> http://feeds.feedblitz.com/~/38138527/_/becomingwhoyouare~Episode-Emotional-Tools-for-Authentic-Living/feed/ 0 alexander lowen,Anne Katherine,authentic living,boundaries,emotional tools,narcissism In this episode of the Becoming Who You Are podcast, I talk about the four emotional tools for authentic living. - These are: - 1. Knowing the difference between the past and present - 2. Knowing how you feel - 3. Knowing when to take responsibility, In this episode of the Becoming Who You Are podcast, I talk about the four emotional tools for authentic living. These are: 1. Knowing the difference between the past and present 2. Knowing how you feel 3. Knowing when to take responsibility, and when give responsibility back 4. Boundaries I also reference several useful resources that you can find in the "Useful Links" section below. Click below to listen or subscribe through iTunes Enjoy!   Useful Links Becoming Who You Are Resources (for Practical tools for authentic living) Alexander Lowen and his book, Narcissism Boundaries Where You End And I Begin: How To Recognize And Set Healthy Boundaries - Anne Katherine   Say Hello @becomewhour Facebook: www.facebook.com/becomingwhoyouare www.becomingwhoyouare.net     Photo Credit: Carly Sheena via Compfight cc Becoming Who You Are no 13:08 http://media.blubrry.com/bwya/www.becomingwhoyouare.net/wp-content/uploads/2013/02/14-Emotional-Tools-for-Authentic-Living.mp3 Hannah - Becoming Who You Are http://www.becomingwhoyouare.net/2013/02/vulnerability-vs-over-sharing-where-to-draw-the-line/ http://feeds.feedblitz.com/~/38049208/_/becomingwhoyouare~Vulnerability-Vs-Oversharing-Where-to-Draw-the-Line/ http://feeds.feedblitz.com/~/38049208/_/becomingwhoyouare~Vulnerability-Vs-Oversharing-Where-to-Draw-the-Line/#comments Mon, 11 Feb 2013 07:00:12 +0000 Hannah Braime http://www.becomingwhoyouare.net/?p=3314

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]]> http://feeds.feedblitz.com/~/38049208/_/becomingwhoyouare~Vulnerability-Vs-Oversharing-Where-to-Draw-the-Line/feed/ 4 Authentic Living,vulnerability,splurging,Authentic Relationships,intimacy,over-sharing Recently, I found myself in an awkward situation. It started when an acquaintance told me something personal about his relationship with his partner. At the time, I wasn't quite sure why he had chosen to share this particular anecdote, and felt slightly wary about the personal nature of the information he was sharing; this wasn't someone I consider a close friend or know very well, and, at the time, I had never met his partner. Because I didn't know this person very well, nor feel comfortable, I didn't want to pursue the topic and the conversation moved on. Later, I found out from a mutual friend that this person was annoyed with me for not being vulnerable myself in that situation. In his eyes, he had opened up to me and shared something about himself, and I hadn't reciprocated by sharing something similar about myself or my relationship. He was right. I've been in this situation a number of times: someone engages in what I call 'splurging' (i.e. oversharing) in an attempt to deepen the level of intimacy in our relationship. By splurging, I mean: Sharing deeply personal or sensitive information that is either incongruous or inappropriate for the level of trust that's been built up in the relationship, without acknowledging a) why they are sharing it, and b) how that information might impact the other person. When the person doing the splurging doen't get the response they're looking for, they can feel hurt, frustrated, annoyed, angry, vengeful, entitled or any combination of the above. I have a big problem with this. Because it's portrayed as vulnerability, but it's not vulnerability. While the person doing the splurging might feel momentarily closer to the person they're splurging on, they're a) not self-protecting by interacting with appropriate boundaries, and b) not empathising with the impact their splurging will have on the splurgee. One of my most uncomfortable splurgee experiences happened a few years ago, and involved someone disclosing several incidents of serious abuse. I'm more than happy to talk about that kind of experience with someone when there is an established relationship, mutual trust and the basis for having a heart-to-heart at a suitable time. When good friends have chosen to share challenging personal information with me, I have felt honoured by their trust, and deeply respectful of their privacy. With this person, however, it was the day after we'd met – and while we were having a quick cigarette on the street outside a karaoke bar. I felt shocked, a huge sense of responsibility, and an unspoken expectation from the other person to share something about myself too. Who Really Gets Hurt by Over-Sharing Splurging is an uncomfortable and unsatisfying experience for both parties. It leaves the splurgee feeling, at best, mystified and suspicious, and at worse, violated and helpless. More importantly, it also leaves the person doing the splurging exposed: they are entrusting personal experiences and information with someone they don't really know, and if they don't get the validation and reciprocity they are looking for, they end up feeling left out alone in the cold. The act of splurging hides many buried motivations and needs, including a desire for intimacy, connectedness and belonging – none of which are going to be met by over-sharing. I know this because I'm not writing from any moral high ground myself: I've been a splurger at various points in my life, and I learned very quickly that there is no more effective way to alienate people and freak them out. And when that happens, it feels gut-wrenchingly horrible, humiliating and wretched. As Brene Brown writes in her book Daring Greatly: “Oversharing is not vulnerability. In fact, it often results in disconnection, distrust and disengagement.” And I understand why: I don't enjoy being chosen as a splurgee. I want to empathise when people tell me about ... Recently, I found myself in an awkward situation. Hannah - Becoming Who You Are Hannah - Becoming Who You Are http://www.becomingwhoyouare.net/2013/02/episode-013-marriage-8-dangerously-wrong-conventional-wisdoms/ http://feeds.feedblitz.com/~/37921222/_/becomingwhoyouare~Episode-Marriage-Dangerously-Wrong-Conventional-Wisdoms/ http://feeds.feedblitz.com/~/37921222/_/becomingwhoyouare~Episode-Marriage-Dangerously-Wrong-Conventional-Wisdoms/#comments Thu, 07 Feb 2013 07:00:38 +0000 Hannah Braime http://www.becomingwhoyouare.net/?p=3207

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]]> http://feeds.feedblitz.com/~/37921222/_/becomingwhoyouare~Episode-Marriage-Dangerously-Wrong-Conventional-Wisdoms/feed/ 2 Dr Susan Heitler,facebook,iTunes,marriage,Psychology Today,Twitter,wisdoms This episode is based on an article called "Marriage: 8 Dangerously Wrong Conventional Wisdoms" by Susan Heitler, which was published through Psychology Today on 27/08/2012. - Dr Heitler debunks some of the most common marital myths, This episode is based on an article called "Marriage: 8 Dangerously Wrong Conventional Wisdoms" by Susan Heitler, which was published through Psychology Today on 27/08/2012. Dr Heitler debunks some of the most common marital myths, including the virtue of compromise, the role of anger, what 'intimacy' is really about, and the meaning of arguments. Click below to listen or subscribe through iTunes. I'd love to hear what you think about these wisdoms: do you agree that they are dangerous? Would you add any of your own? Leave a comment and let me know. Useful Links The article itself: Marriage: 8 Dangerously Wrong Conventional Wisdoms Dr. Susan Heitler's website Say Hello Twitter: @becomewhour Facebook: www.facebook.com/becomingwhoyouare Website: www.becomingwhoyouare.net   Photo Credit: Marcus Hansson via Compfight cc Becoming Who You Are no 15:28 http://media.blubrry.com/bwya/www.becomingwhoyouare.net/wp-content/uploads/2013/01/13.-Marriage-8-Dangerously-Wrong-Conventional-Wisdoms-.mp3 Hannah - Becoming Who You Are http://www.becomingwhoyouare.net/2013/02/how-to-talk-about-your-feelings-thoughts-vs-feelings/ http://feeds.feedblitz.com/~/37824376/_/becomingwhoyouare~How-to-Talk-About-Your-Feelings-Without-Being-a-Jerk/ http://feeds.feedblitz.com/~/37824376/_/becomingwhoyouare~How-to-Talk-About-Your-Feelings-Without-Being-a-Jerk/#comments Mon, 04 Feb 2013 07:00:00 +0000 Hannah Braime http://www.becomingwhoyouare.net/?p=2579

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]]> http://feeds.feedblitz.com/~/37824376/_/becomingwhoyouare~How-to-Talk-About-Your-Feelings-Without-Being-a-Jerk/feed/ 0 Blog,feelings,thoughts,Authentic Emotions,judgements,emotions,Authentic Relationships This falls under the category of “Things kids should be taught in school instead of algebra”. The bad news is that education about emotions and communications is sorely lacking in our current childhood curriculum. The good news is that it's never too late to learn how to talk about your feelings. This is a big topic, so I'm going to cover one aspect of it today: the difference between feelings and thoughts. Sounds simple (and it is), but, as we're getting to grips with the feelings lingo, there's a huge grey area between the two that leads to all kinds of fuzzy communication, misunderstandings and unmet needs. Let's start with two examples: 1. “I feel worried about my childhood cat Bobo because he had to go to the vet this morning.” 2. “I feel that my boss is being an asshole.” When I first started learning how to talk about my feelings properly, I went through a phase of thinking I was talking about my feelings, when I was talking about my thoughts and judgements. Instead of truly talking about my emotions, I was putting the words “I feel” in front of something and thinking this would automatically make whatever came after those words into a feeling. Not so. Here's a general rule that I've found helpful: Unless there's an emotion word involved, it's not a feeling.  Saying that I feel worried about Bobo is a good example of a true feeling sentence, because there's an expressed emotion in there: worried. And “I feel my boss is an asshole”? Don't see any emotion words in there. True, there's certainly emotion within the subtext of the sentence (anger, resentment, even disgust), but those feelings are not explicitly talked about. Therefore this sentence is a judgement masquerading as a feeling – and a great example of how not to talk about our feelings. If you want to do your bit for a productive conversation, stick to the feelings and take everything back to the emotion words. What challenges have you experienced when talking about your feelings? Leave a comment and let me know. Coming Thursday: Photo Credit: M.H.G. (BAH) via Compfight cc The post How to Talk About Your Feelings Without Being a Jerk appeared first on Becoming Who You Are. This falls under the category of “Things kids should be taught in school instead of algebra”. Hannah - Becoming Who You Are Hannah - Becoming Who You Are