The Theater Of Chance

I felt off center for much of this week, restless and uneasy, grumpy and off-balance. I have been working on it, I went out to the Pole Barn in this cold and windy rainstorm to do my Tai-Chi by the pasture, looking out at the wind and the moving leaves all around me, watching the nervous barn swallow mom buzz me to try and get me away from her next. The sheep were lying in the Pole Barn watching the storm, the donkeys, curious, gathered around me. I thought of the many wonderful old paintings of donkeys during the Renaissance and in ancient times, portraits of donkeys and men, partners, engaged together in the Theater of Chance that is life.

Out in the wind and the rain, seeking my center and grounded place I took up the Tai-Chi position, sought to connect my mind, heart and body with the world around me, and the donkeys gathered around me, they seemed to know what I was doing, and I kept my eyes open to focus on the apple tree in the pasture, it was rocking back and forth in the wind, and the rain was beating down on the roof of the pole barn, and the frogs were giving their sermons out in the march, and the swallow was sailing back and forth over my head and the geese in the pond were calling to one another and I felt the donkey's warm breath on my neck and face and I saw the sheep lying down next to us, chewing their cuds, and the world seemed to fuse together in one thing, all around me, I was dancing in the center of it as I did my movements with these wonderful creatures, all of whom have lived around men and women for many centuries.

And what, I thought, is the Theater Of Chance, but the dance of life, the ups and downs, the joys and sorrows, love lost and found, our hopes and dreams, our inner spirits struggling to come out, to be free, to live, even for just a little while. And I felt my center, my place of peace, the cup of my aspirations and wishes for my life, and then I closed my eyes and listened to the animals breathing, the wind howling through the pasture, the leaves whispering in the rain.

We all live in the Theater Of Chance, never knowing how our life will play out. What a thing of wonder. Tai-Chi is working for me, it is already important to me, I am building my practice, strengthening my center for the Theater Of Chance.

Color In A Storm

It has been raining for days, and it's cold and windy today, and I see this has affected my mood, photography has turned me into a color addict, a warrior for light. I found some color, on the porch, in a windowbox filled with pansies, thick with light and moisture. I got out my macro lens and lay down on the porch sill and this gave me an infusion of color for this gray day, as we head to dusk. Hope it lightens your day as well.

Gallery Dog

Red is an extraordinary dog, he seems able to enter any kind of space and be at home there. We took him (at the gallery's invitation) to the opening of the 3Pears gallery in Pawlet, Vt., a huge refurbished barn filled with people and art and classy furniture and Red, who never even lived in a house until he came to Bedlam Farm, assumed the role of gallery dog, greeting visitors, stopping to be petted. I have to confess to discomfort at people who continuously demand that dogs do tricks like shaking hands, he is a working dog and he doesn't do tricks but the members of one family kept pushing him to "give us paws" until I called him away. Other people can't stop pumping treats into him, even though he has plenty to eat and he doesn't need to associate gatherings and people with food. This is how dogs become beggars and pests.

I am always interested in the boundary between what dogs need and people need. Red is quite happy just greeting people and I astonished at how many treats are offered him. Still, people will do that, no matter what anybody says, so it's my job to accept it and just work around it. Red was as popular as the art, and there were always people lining up to say hello to him. I am so grateful to have a dog like this and to be able to bring him out into the world. This is what dogs need, not to be isolated, but to learn how to live with us as we work, play and live our lives. We were there for nearly two hours and he is always around us. I don't even have to think about him.

Art Show

Maria and I (and Red) went to the 3Pears Art Gallery opening on Route 30 in Pawlet, Vt. Gregory Delucca has assembled the work of 30 gifted artists and photographers in a beautiful old barn and he invited Maria to show her pillows and potholders and has seven of my photos on sale as well. It's beautiful gallery and I especially loved the barn paintings of Brian Hewitt, a North Bennington, Vt. artist. The gallery will be open through Labor Day. It's a beautiful space filled with beautiful stuff.

I've decided to enter the Washington County Fair photo contest this year. The fair is in late August and I am up against some strong competitors. I most fear the farmer's wives with their point-and-shoots, they know how to take great photos.

In My Truth

The point of the hero journey is to learn who you are, to face the truth about yourself, to learn what it is you can bring to life, what the point of your life is. I am learning what standing in my truth means, learning how to do it, what it means to be authentic, to be honest.

Speaking in your truth does not mean I know the truth, it does not mean I am correct.

It means accepting who I am at the moment, being honest about what I feel.

Standing in my truth does not mean that I am perfect or close to it.

It means I acknowledge the reality of me. My anger. My sensitivity. My judgments.

My many imperfections. It means living with them.

It is accepting who I am at the moment, and speaking my mind, owning who I am.

Speaking my truth is not about what others think I should say or do,

or what others feel about me. It is learning to embrace my own identity,

to be the person I was meant to be, was born to be, before life entered my consciousness

and altered me.

It does not ever mean I am right. It means I am true to me.

Standing in my truth is about self-respect, not earning the approval or respect of others.

When I am there, it feels good, it feels right, it feels true.

When I am not, it feels awful, a sinking, a drowning, a choking.

This what the hero journey is all about. Knowing who I am.

Being proud of me, even when I am not deserving.

Powerful Eyes

Red's eyes are spooking sometimes, they are backlit and powerful and intense. This is how he controls the sheep, with his eyes. There is something about them that just demands attention.

Sauna

I thought the sauna at Pompanuck Farms (I had my first Tai Chi lesson there last week) was interesting. I've never had a sauna, not really drawn to it.

Transition

It's time for me to make a transition back to the center. I generally faithfully follow my instincts never to argue my writings or feelings on the Internet, but there were a number of things that came up this week that I felt strongly about, and so I did some arguing, much of it healthy. But on the Web, it can also be a trap, an endless cycle of people telling me what to say, write, think and do. The idea that we can simply each make our own decisions – the Thoreau idea – seems to be vanishing in America. Many people feel they have to argue or push others into doing what they do, there is not a universal notion that we each must find our own way, and that is all right. But sometimes it is necessary, even cleansing, to speak your truth and stand behind it.

There is this idea that if we do something or believe something, everyone else needs to. I don't care for it but I am going to work to stay grounded and open next week, "Listening To Dogs" is a big step for me, and I am eager to see the book come out. Taking images of peace and light and beauty helps me to be centered.

Next week, "Listening To Dogs" will be published (Tuesday) and I am sure – I hope- there will be intense discussions to it and reactions. My job as a writer is to get people thinking and talking and feeling, that is the goal, the point. But for tonight and tomorrow, back to the center, to my farm, my wife, the dogs, my meditation, my Tai Chi, my reading. We have friends coming for dinner and I've made two pizzas – one roasted asparagus and cauliflower, the other spinach on tomato sauce and Ricotta cheese with pumpkin seeds. The muck in the oven caught fire on the first one and the house filled with smoke. We got it cleaned up for the second. Hope the Easy Off didn't stick to the pizza. Tomorrow Maria and I will be going to the 3Pears Gallery from one to 4 p.m. The new gallery, opening in Pawlet, Vt. is showing and selling Maria's potholders and pillows, and they are offering six of my photographs for $65, a good deal. It's neat gallery with an emphasis on art and home decor and the people running it are sharp and have collected 30 of the most interesting artists in the area. Good thing to do on a rainy day. I will be visiting the bookstore as Recommender-In-Chief briefly around 11 a.m.

Morning Chores

When the vet came to treat Ma, the sheep all clustered around her. One nibbled on her hair, the others came close and sniffed her. You can always tell loved animals, she said, by the way they react to her. It is true, our sheep have woven themselves into the peaceable kingdom. Maria is closer to them than I am, they always seem with the dog, and they are alert around me, looking for Red. Maria comes and talks to them, sometimes brings them treats, they are at ease with her, and so, every morning, I see this timeless ritual enacted again and again, animals who are well cared for and calm, co-existing with people. This can happen with pets, of course, but on a farm, when we live together, it takes on a special healing and nourishing quality. I am grateful for it.

Vintage Hankies

People from all over the country are sending Maria some wonderful vintage handkerchiefs that she is using to make her scarves. It's quite touching to see the community that has sprung up around the work she does and other people do. This seems something women do that is very powerful, not something men often do. I love seeing them coming in. She has one wonderful handkerchief called "How To Keep Your Man," and I can't wait to see what she does with it. This one obviously came from Spain. I wonder what people did with them?

Waiting At The Hardware Store

I love the Hardware Store dogs discussion and although I am not a huge fan of Internet conflicts, this was and is a fascinating one, it has grown and spread and reflected so many things that are compelling about our culture today. You have only to look at the tepid op-ed (ghettoized opinion) pages of our fading newspapers or the degradation of political discussion  and journalism on cable news  to see how  bland and timid commentary in our society has become. I ran into the owner of these dogs and he was quite flabbergasted at the furor over the photo of his dogs waiting for him at the hardware store.

He takes them everywhere in his truck, but never when it's too hard and rarely in the summer. The idea that his much loved dogs would become poster children for abusive dog owners was a bit heart-breaking to him. He doesn't go online much, I told him to relax, people lose perspective sometimes.

The left talks to the left and shouts and the right and the right talks to the right and shouts at the left and this passes for discussion in our time and  the compelling discussions about a free culture that Jefferson hoped for so passionately are very rare and rarely revealing.

The hardware store dog discussion has only deepened, drawing animal rights advocates, breeders, dog loves, journalists, photographers and artists. Several people have suggested I was too harsh on Anita, even though she called me "dangerous" and irresponsible, and she urged me to repair the "great damage" my photo caused by linking to hot-car-danger sites, it was okay, she was just worried about the safety of dogs, and that trumps just about everything else. I wondered this morning why this touched such a deep chord – it drew more comments and replies than I have ever received on any topic, and we've had some wild to-do's on the blog.

Some of my thoughts:

- We are all responsible for our words. I know I am more powerful and have a bigger platform than Anita, and I have no wish to pick on her. I ignore most messages I don't like, but this was one was important to me. I am responsible for my words and she is responsible for hers. Because she cares about dogs, she doesn't get immunity from reply. She has a right to her opinion, and so do I, especially on my own blog.

- My frustration with her and many people who identify themselves as animal rights activists is that they sometimes lose perspective, go too far, see everything in the world through a single prism. The fact that some people abuse animals doesn't mean that everyone does, or that every photo must pass a sensitivity screen to make sure no idiot anywhere does something foolish.

- Blogs are different than newspapers. One reason that blogs are thriving and newspapers are not is that blogs have drawn some of the best and most interesting and free thinkers in our culture. There are very few of those left on TV or newspapers. Good writers once flocked to journalism, then they largely abandoned it for publishing. Now publishing is fading and struggling and changing and many good writers have taken to blogs to shape and develop their own ideas and express themselves more freely than any newspaper columnist can. Papers have become tepid, and thus, largely irrelevant to many people. Blogs are increasingly popular and relevant, precisely because people like me don't have to run all of their thoughts through somebody else's filter. If Anita doesn't like my photos, she can start her own blog and publish her own. I don't wish to ever be intimidated into not publishing a photo I like because there are bad people in the world.

- Art is different than public service and journalism. My photos are not public services messages, they are not subject to the censorship of politically correct ideologues who only see their world in narrow and stringent terms – animal rights, the left, the right.  I am not running for office or looking to mass market my ideas. That is corporate, not free thinking. A corporate website would have read Anita's message and killed it in a minute – why offend a customer or rouse people who call themselves animal lovers? That is why the issue is important. In our market-based society, strong ideas can be bad for business and the stockholders, not Thomas Jefferson, come first. The rule is to never offend, not to always inform or inspire. The TV networks love to have "left" and "right" commentators because they never have to reach any conclusions or offend anyone, they just cover their butts. Thank God for blogs.

One newspaper editor suggested that I caption photos like the hardware store so that people in warm climates understand that these dogs were cool. I will never caption my art, and I hope to never see captions on paintings in museums to explain that artists once liked to paint women with large breasts or show hunters impaling deer and rabbits. Newspapers have nearly choked to death on such narrow thinking, and reading the hundreds of comments, it was   refreshing to see that many people are sick of ideologues stifling the free expression of images and ideas. I know I am.

- Not all animals are abused. The rescue culture and the animal world's focus on abuse is running away with itself. We can't only see animals through this narrow prism, it is only part of their story, not the whole story. Some animals need rescue, the vast majority do not. Dogs like the ones in the photograph are the luckiest animals on the planet, they are treated better and more lovingly and carefully than any animals in the world have ever been treated. If we sometimes need to be reminded that animals are abused – and we do- then we also need to take care to remember that most are not. My photos are not about what Anita likes, they are about what I like, and that is the measure of any artist and  his or her work.

I liked that hundreds of people – including a good number who did not agree with me – took the trouble to comment. Only one or two got nasty, which is important. Lots of fascinating ideas and responses and values were reflected in this vigorous discussion.

One woman e-mailed me that she was leaving the blog because she only wanted to see photos of animals, not discussions. I wish her the best. I love being a writer, and I am glad my writing and photography is not only about cute animals and pretty flowers, although I do a lot of those. The highest calling of a writer is to do something that newspapers long ago stopped doing – get people thinking, and they are paying the ultimate price for it. Thanks for being here and being a part of this experiment which is, to me, what writing and journalism were meant to be about.

Getting A Dog

Most days, I put a question relating to dogs up on my Facebook page and this has become an important element of my blog and social media use. The questions drawn hundreds of responses, and they are not debates, simply declarations of thought, a chance for my readers to speak up, since I get to speak up all the time. This morning's question was "What Do you Think Is The Best Way To Get A Dog?" and the answers are, as always interesting. I write about this question in my new e-book "Listening To Dogs," out next Tuesday.

Most of the people who replied – there were scores with in minutes – gave the same answer. There is only one way to get a dog, they said, and that is to rescue one, go to a shelter, adopt don't shop, stay away from breeders while so many dogs are in shelters facing euthanasia.

I put my own reply in. I said I like getting a dog from a breeder most of all, that has worked the best for me, although I have and have always had dogs we call "rescues." I have thought a lot about the best way to get a dog, and tried many ways. For me, life with a dog begins before you get one, and that is openly and thoughtfully. And if you think there is only one way to get a dog, then you are probably not open to that process. That's unfortunate, because I think there are several good ways to get a dog, and the very best way is to get the right dog for you and your family. For me, that isn't a moral decision but a practical one.

Choosing the right dog means understanding temperament, genetics, background. Thinking about what you and your family need, where you live, what you are like, who lives next door, how often you are home. Sometimes that means a rescue dog, sometimes it means a breeder or a shelter dog.

Good breeders keep some of the best traits of dogs going. People love to watch border collies herd, or swoon or loving Labs, or see the exploits of search-and-rescue and bomb-sniffing dogs, but they don't like to consider where the wonderful traits in dogs come from. Red comes from good and careful breeding. So did Rose. So does Lenore. Some breeds are food aggressive, some are bred to be fighters or nose-dogs running through the woods. If nobody buys dogs from breeders, there will be no border collies herding sheep, no Lenore's with irreproachable temperaments.

When you say the only way to get a dog is through rescue or adoption, you are talking about what you need, not necessarily what the dog or your family needs. It's a good way for some people, a bad choice for others. So many dogs are returned to shelters, so many others are grappling with behavioral problems and health issues. Getting a dog is not simple, there is not just one way to do it, and dogs, as usual, often end up paying for their exploitation as emotional tonics for humans, ways of making us feel good in our disconnected society. We love to use animals to feel better about ourselves, that's why so many dogs end up in so-called "no-kill" shelters where they languish in crates for years so people can feel better. We have lost any respect for death in the animal world, just as we hide from it in the human realm.

One reason I wrote "Listening To Dogs" was to challenge people to form their own idea about dogs and training and living with them. This begins with thinking about how to choose a dog. There are lots of good ways to get a dog, including rescuing them. I hope to encourage people to consider all of them. I'm excited about "Listening To Dogs." Hopefully we will be talking about it a long time.

Listening To Dogs

We had some excitement last night when "Listening To Dogs: How To Be Your Own Training Guru," went up on Amazon by mistake. I announced this on Facebook and some of my faithful readers scrambled to download the book on their Kindles during the half-hour or so that it popped up on Amazon's Kindle Page. As mysteriously as the book appeared, it disappeared. This is an important step for me. My first e-book original "The Story Of Rose," was published by Random House last summer and made the New York Times Bestseller. Like "Listening To Dogs," it sold for $2.99.

"Listening to Dogs," which will be officially published next Tuesday, the 28th, is a different kind of book. I am publishing it with my agent, Christopher Schelling of Selectric Artists in New York. My next paper book, "The Second Chance Dog: A Love Story," will be published by Random House this November. It is not clear where writing and publishing are going, but it is clear where I am going: forward. Sunday I'll record a podcast about "Listening To Dogs," and all next week I will talk about it on blog, on Facebook and other social media. I think this is a big part of the writer's future, of my future. I don't think paper books will disappear, but writers like me will have to create new platforms for our work – like this blog.

Creatively, "Listening To Dogs" is an important book for me, especially as it relates to dogs. It is an empowerment book urging those of use who love dogs to turn to ourselves – as I have done – rather than magical gurus for all of our training ideas philosophies. Just a few decades ago, people trained their own dogs and did well. Training can be simple, powerful, spiritual. Gurus do not know you, your dog, your family, your home and environment. You are the best trainer of your dogs, and you are free and you know your dog better than anyone. I talk in the book about some of the things I have done and others have done, and I review some of the most popular training books – like Cesar Milan's.

I have had great luck with dogs, and many of you have followed that journey in words and photos. I've had great failures too, and failure is one of the best teachers if you learn from it, I have. So this weekend I hope to get some feedback from the people who got the book on Amazon and read it and next week I hope to help pave the way for my own writing future and that of others. This summer I'll be publishing another e-book with Christopher, "Love And Light From Bedlam Farm," some of the most colorful and hopefully inspiring photos I've published on the blog. Next will should be a fun ride. Come along.

How's Ma?

I see there is come concern about Ma, our ewe chewed up a bit in a confrontation with Red. She was freshly shorn, tried to run off and then challenged him and he grabbed for wool which was not there and got some of Ma – three bites on the skin, not in the flesh. At least two got infected, we cleaned her up and are giving her penicillin and pain-killers. She seems fine, eating well, moving around, minding Red pretty well. This kind of wound takes a long time to heal, and it won't be completely clear that she is well for a week or two, but so far, so good.  I think she'll be fine.

After The Rainstorm

In the garden, after the rainstorm, I saw the apple tree reflected in the birdbath, and we all waited for the sun.

On Slate

Flo has taken to following me around the farm. Tonight, for the first time in my life, I sat with a cat on my lap on the back porch, and she curled up in my lap and went to sleep. I've never done this before. Maria asked me if I liked it, and I do. Cats find spaces to fill and Flo has touched my heart. I think of her living under the porch for months in the winter, hiding out and then revealing herself to Maria in a snowstorm. Smart move. Since then, she has practically taken the place over. She is a bit of a thug, but a loving one. She is at ease around Red, wary of Lenore's bounding around, and she hisses whenever she sees Frieda.

Corn growing

This summer, I'm photographically following a neighbor's corn field. Come along for the ride.

May 28

Next Tuesday, a significant chapter in my writing life, the beginning of a new direction in my work.  My e-book original "Listening To Dogs: How To Be Your Own Training Guru" will go on sale everywhere digital books are sold – your computers, smart phones, e-book readers, on Amazon, Bn.com, Ibooks, on Kindles, Nooks, Kobos. The book will sell for $2.99. The book is important to me for many reasons.

First, it my most detailed explanation yet of my philosophy of communicating with and training dogs. It is an empowerment book, designed to help people rely less on all of the TV and other gurus many dog lovers have become dependent on. I believe most people have the knowledge and motive and intelligence to figure out how to train their dogs. This was the method for many hundreds of years. Training manuals have become expensive, complex and rarely seem to work for people.

I talk about my own life with dogs and many of the things I and others have learned, but this is not a training manual, it will not promise you the "perfect dog," an obnoxious idea to me. It may help you figure it out for yourself.

I will launch this book next week with a podcast and a week-long discussion of "Listening To Dogs" and dog training here on the blog and on my Facebook and social media outlets. In the evolution of the writer, this kind of book is a significant step in evolving in the exciting, creative and challenging world of publishing. Later this summer, I will publish another e-book "Love And Light From Bedlam Farm," a collection of the most loved photographs of light, the farms and the animals and flowers here. I mean this as an inspirational book.

I have been working on my new media tools – the blog, Facebook, the podcast, Twitter, Tumblr, Pinterest for some time now and we'll see how this plays out. A lot of people are watching. As an advocate for dogs, I hope to encourage people to see dogs as the wonderful animals that they are, not as dependent projections of our own emotions and feelings. I have been working on this for years, and I believe I have come a long way in understanding my dogs, communicating with them, listening to them. Many of you have followed this process along with me. I have had some troubled dogs – Orson and Frieda – and some wonderful dogs -  Julius and Stanley, Pearl, Lenore, Izzy, Rose, and now Red. I have worked hard on developing training programs that work for me in my home and my life, not generalized and prefabricated plans designed by experts who do not know me or my dogs.

All next week I will post a series of topics on training and on communicating with dogs. For me, training is not about obedience, it is a spiritual covenant with our dogs, our way of talking to them, listening to them, showing them how to live safely and well in our world. I think the price is fair and in line with the high end of e-book publishing. It is a bit shocking to me to write a book for less than a cup of coffee, but I welcome this creative challenge, and I think this is a good form and venue for me. I hope you will find it worth your time and money. Stay tuned, another ride.

To Master Yourself

"To Know others is wisdom;

To know yourself is enlightenment

To master others requires force;

To master yourself requires true strength,"

- Lao-tzu, Tao-te Ching

Return To Community

In the hero journey, the adventurer leaves his environment and sets out into the unknown, he finds magical helpers along the way, sometimes in the form of people, sometimes animals. He either succumbs to the unknown or, having found his help, he crosses the threshold into the realm of adventure, the magical journey. On that journey, he will face a series of increasingly threatening and disturbing tests and trials. He will fall into a dark place, and he will either emerge from that place or he will not. He is, writes Campbell, come into the areas of the unconscious that have been avoided or repressed. He will face them or they will destroy him. These hurdles represent all of the possibilities of his or her life.

If and when he emerges, he will have found himself, discovered his voice, his style, his purpose. He returns to his community to share what he has learned, to give what is needed and what he has to give. Campbell has been a powerful influence on me, and I have always understood that his use of the word "hero" does not refer to nobility but to a willingness to search. In my experience, I left my world and set out into the unknown, I found magical helpers along the way, often in the form of animals – Orson, Rose, Izzy, Rocky, Simon – and I fell into a dark and threatening place, coming to  terms with the areas of my unconscious that had been repressed. They did nearly destroy me, but they did not. Now, having found my love and my partner, I have returned to community and am working to offer what I have to give and what may be needed. By writing, photography, teaching and blogging.

I am aware that I am coming towards the end of this journey, coming to a place I believe will define the rest of my life, in a community I do not intend to leave. I will be forever altered and shape by the hero journey, my past, present and future. The purpose of the journey is to know and face who you are. Bedlam Farm was my unknown place my own notion of wilderness. There, I found joy and fulfillment, and also darkness and challenge. The hero journey is one of the oldest stories in the world, it is not a fairy tale by one of our most enduring myths, because many of us want to know who we are and what we have to offer to the world. In our culture of fear and alarm, this journey is rare and difficult. We are so encumbered by fear and obligation and the false notions of security that would stop any hero journey in it's tracks. For me, the journey begins by finding my own idea of security, my own notion of truth. And following it for as long and far as I can.

Queen Zelda

Maria named Zelda after Zelda Fitzgerald, the exotic wife of the fabled writer F. Scott Fitzgerald. At the time, we did not realize how much a presence she would be, although we began to realize it after she jumped the fence three times and broke a barn door to get to be with the old sheep, with whom she had lived. Zelda is brave, smart and fiercely local to the other sheep. When the vet was opening Ma up, Zelda nosed open the swivel gate and stood by Ma during the surgery. She joins a long list of strong women on the farm – Lulu and Fanny, Flo, Frieda and the industrious hens and not least of all my former girlfriend, who I used to think was quiet and soft-spoken, but who, like Zelda, is not.

I always say you can tell a strong woman by the way she looks at the camera and defies the photographer to take the photo. No fussing about hair or make-up. That was Zelda this morning, she walked up to me and dared me to click the shutter. She is becoming a dominant presence on the farm, the Queen.

Photoshoot

The camera has become part of the way in which Simon and I communicate it. He understands the idea of posing – so do my dogs – and he is usually happy to oblige. Getting an animal to look at the lens is complex, it takes time. I often put the camera down on the floor when the dogs are eating and I often hang it in the barn so the donkeys can see it. I often give the animals treats when I am photographing them, so they see the camera as nothing but good. Simon also loves attention, he is a ham. I got a self-portrait out of this shot also, holding the camera (wide-angle) down to my waist.

Gate To Old Farmhouse

Getting centered.

The Center

Saw the tractor on the edge of the  plowed field, ready. I always look for phone lines to put in my photo, they framed the subjects, they invoke the old and the new. I call my photographic style emotional realism.

In The Center

Do you ever lose your center, thrown off balance by a story on the news?  By an angry message? By a bill you hoped would never come? By a family member you can't really connect with? By work you don't love? By something that breaks? It happens to me often, as it happens to you. I got off center early this evening, I could feel it, right as some big thunderstorms raced through the area, after I heard another story about the children in Oklahoma, I'm not sure what it was, maybe it was removing Ma's bloody bandages.  Or my hour-long interview for a documentary on animal grieving (a good interview.) Maria was not home, and I just felt off center.

Our lives are distracted and sometimes tense, life occurs again and again, it is my challenge and my work to find my center and return to it. I lost it all the time, I think everyone does. The spiritual life for me is finding it, again and again.

So I did this: I took Red and Frieda and Lenore and packed all of us in the car, I decided to drive until we saw something beautiful, and then I would take a photo of it and I would walk the dogs there. I didn't have far to go, and I took my weekly shot of the corn field growing down the road, I love the lines. The rain had just stopped, the sun had just broken through, the mist was on the hills, the shadows on the cornfields. I took this shot and then walked the dogs in silence. Then I came home and went out into the garden by the bird bath and I did Tai Chi for ten minutes, aware as I moved of the leaves in the trees, the birds in the air, the geese in the field, the deer in the outer pasture, she sheep and donkeys grazing below me. Red lay down next to me, and if the donkeys were my spirit guides in the morning, Red took the job in the afternoon.

Then I made dinner and sat on the porch and listened to some music – Laura Mvula, I loved it, and I went out to check on Ma and the donkeys and close up the chicken coop. I offer this photograph to share my love of the light and the lines. I got myself back.