[Image via Wiki]

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Just look at her getting belly rubs!

Here’s Ava’s profile! 

We have no idea what’s going on with this van. 

While it appears to have been freshly parked on the street like any other vehicle, a closer look would show off the hose coming out of a window that is neatly tied down around to apparently empty into a bucket beneath the van.  You can see that there’s a ladder, some piping and some mystery bag atop the van. 

Lastly, there appears to be some electrical wiring strung up over the tree limb that leads down to the van.

Oh…lest we not forget the creepy tinted windows…creepy!

Yes, the man who doesn’t pick his dog poop up and who locked all of the full garbage cans inside of the building that he lives in to spite his fellow tenants works the polls each year to help keep democracy going — but that’s not the juicy part, this is…

To quote the poor penmanship sans caps:

“I urge all New Yorkers not to vote for Bloomberg on 11-3-09, he raised sales tax 2x last 4yrs, closed fire houses, raised your cigarette prices, trash cans not getting picked up but 1x a day & none on wkends. rent stabilized apts. getting hit hard every yr. with high rent increases, because of his puppets, new ball parks built for Mets & Yanks & Ground Zero is still Ground Zero.  He runs a very corrupt police dept.  Ray Kelly belongs in a jail cell next to Bernie Kerik.  His cops are a bunch of drunks killing people, he did nothing to stop MTA from raising fares in 8 yrs.  If Yanks win World Series, he probably will have a parade.  Remember, the city is very broke.  Keep this in mind on Tues. 11-3-09  Kill the Motherf*cker”

Now, some of you might be asking if we saw the Crazy Super Signs author writing these signs or hanging them up.  To that, we must answer an astounding NO. 

That said, we do have a rather extensive library of his handwritten ramblings that go back over two plus years and have read his work extensively for years prior to that.  Using those as a frame of reference, it would appear as though this ’Kill the m-f’er’ sign was done by him. 

Don’t think that there was only one of these signs taped up.  Here’s another sign that lacks the ‘Kill the m-f’er.’  We find this lack of conviction of the part of the author to be quite purplexing.  All of the signs that we saw today appeared to be photocopies, this means that he ran off a few, then realized that he forgot one last detail and ran off several more.  Go figure.

We know of three others that were torn down throughout the day.

Happy Election Day!!!

[Image © EMI Music North America]

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Here it is….’putanesca’ over tortellini.

The jar should have come with a warning label that reads: “Beware!!! This sauce stinks like 50-something year old Italian man who has a three time a day cologne bath habit mixed with about three weeks worth of B.O.”

It stunk so bad that we had to put it on the floor.  Yes, it was THAT overpowering and after several bites it all went into the trash and off to the pizza shop we were.

Let’s take a look at the jar…

The label itself should have been warning enough.  ‘Putanesca’ instead of ‘Puttanesca’…butchered by the same people (Italian-Americans) who butchered ‘Giovanni da Verrazzano’ into ‘da Verrazano Bridge.’

Olives (both green and black), capers and anchovies are in this sauce — they should have bottled yack from some NYU frat bar, called it a day and we wouldn’t have been tricked into trying such sauce in the first place…

We were there to watch as she pulled in through the Narrows, under the Verrazano Bridge and toward the Statue of Liberty. 

Despite numerous 50-story buildings standing in Lower Manhattan, the skyline still looks empty.

Several minutes prior to the lead male runners arriving along 4th Avenue Mayor Bloomberg’s motorcade zipped up and around 92nd Street, stopped and roughly a dozen and a half people ran out of four SUVs and towards a gas station.  As it turned out, everyone was there to assist Mayor Bloomberg and NYPD Commissioner Ray Kelly in jumping into this old convertible limousine that screamed, “Beware of the book suppository!” 

The limo had an old seal of NYC on it and we suppose it might have been used by Mayor LaGuardia or someone of the like.  Anyway, take a moment to look at this photo and find the guy on the left who is holding an orange hoodie — we’ll call him Rogue Runner. 

As the motorcade stopped and awaited the arrival of the lead male runners our Rogue Runner continued to undress and warm up to run the marathon as a rogue runner — basically running the NYC Marathon sans official number and the 2.5/3 miles of the beginning of the race.

While Mayor Bloomberg and Ray Kelly waited near the closed down Shell gas station our Rogue Runner walked over to the green dumpster on the property of Dentz Auto Repair.  He tossed his clothes inside, hesitated back to the street a split second and then walked back to the far side of a green dumpster and held himself in a manner that sure as heck appeared to be that of one who was relieving himself of bodily fluid in a public manner.

He did this while starring right at the motorcade.  Like, for real, it looked as though he was taking a leak in full view of the Mayor and Police Commissioner.  If he so chose to, he could have turned and hit the motorcade with a stream.  They were THAT close to one another.  

Yet the Mayor, the Commissioner and all of the cops were looking straightforward or at the few people taking photos of the comical seen — two tiny, short men in a giant car (they probably had to sit on booster seats) — none of them noticed Rogue Runner doing anything. 

After a couple of more minutes of waiting, the Mayor’s motorcade zipped off, Rogue Runner waited for the three and a half hour pack of runners to arrive and off he was. 

And THAT is what they don’t show you on television!

Costume title: Man who cuts onions.

[Image via: Wiki]

Part I:No longer will you be allowed to pass his gates while wearing clothing from the following: Anne Klein, Armani, Banana Republic, Barney’s, Brooks Brothers, Brunello Cucinelli, Burberry, Calvin Klein, Chanel, DKNY, Dolce & Gabbana, Espirit, Fendi, French Connection, Gucci, J. Crew, Polo, Kenneth Cole, Michael Kors, Nautica, Pacific Sunwear, Perry Ellis, Prada, Saks, Van Heusen or Versace. 

Part II: If you dare show up in Juicy Couture, you will find yourself  on the express to Hell.  At a press conference announcing the new policy St Peter specifically said, “How could anyone walk out of their home dressed head to toe in a velvet jumpsuit and honestly think that they look good?”

Part III: Absolutely no American Apparel, “We think it is best that those who wear leggings to burn in Hell.  No further comment is necessary.”  St. Peter said via the initial press release.

This new three part policy all comes on top of the old stand by of “No jeans, no sweatpants, no tanks/wifebeaters, no headgear and no sneakers of any kind.”

The first part of the new policy has the Mormons and Puritans feeling the sting most.

“Wearing something from the Gap is questionable enough, but I’d rather burn in hell than be caught in something from Old Navy.”  Says, Abigail Clark, 22, a Puritan from Forkfield, CT. 

Jacob Tanner, 32, a Mormon from the Eastville, UT was heard saying, “I guess I’ll have to go in a Bass sweater or something.”  I hope that it’s not too hot or stuffy in Heaven.”

“I just don’t know what to do.  I can’t control myself being so close to outlet centers and always having to need to look fashionable.  This is Connecticut after all and we must look our best while quietly judging others.” Concord Turner, a 19 year old Puritan from Southport, CT.

Italians and those who strive to be Italians, namely the Irish, Greek, and much of the Mid-East will feel the burn from Part II.  Covering oneself head to toe in a “velour” outfit is a right of passage and a way of life that just won’t change over night. 

“Velour outfits aren’t velvet.  I refuse to believe it.  Velour should be allowed in Heaven.” Cried Meaghan O’Connor and her twin brother Sean, 28, both from Stallsburg, NJ.  It was a cry that was echoed by many, including Anthony Vato, 53, of Long Island, NY ”Velour outfits just allow me to be me.  I can’t imagine being comfy in Heaven without being covered in velour.  I planned on wearing my brown velour outfit to Heaven.  That’s the one that allows my gold chain to bling up off of my chest and really pops my orange skin.  Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to go drive over to the tanning salon.” 

Oddly enough Part III is being viewed as the part that won’t have much of an impact on who gets into Heaven.  Most of the prospective entrants to Heaven who arrive in American Apparel don’t really want to get into Heaven.  They prefer to linger around outside the gates and “be seen.”  By who, we don’t know.    

As for what is still in vogue and gains instant passage through the gates of Heaven, the toga.

[Image via: TopNews]

Hitler’s ghost hired Manhattan lawyer, Abe Steinway, who had this to say, “First, I’d like to address the elephant in the room; I get it.  I’m representing Adolph Hitler’s ghost and I get it.  My name is Steinway and I’m a lawyer who represents Hitler’s ghost.  I hope that were can all move past this little bit of irony and focus on the case at hand.  We have a serious case here and we feel that we have an abundant amount of evidence that will lead to a legal victory for us.”

Hitler, an avid television viewer almost always has his eyes glued to the History Channel and is said to have been keeping finely detailed records of each and every time his image and or voice has been used without his consent or payment on the History Channel.

The suit claims that over the past 15 years Hitler’s image and voice have been used in excess of 20-million times by the History Channel and that he is owed $866,923.53 in royalties.  The suit goes on further to seek $35-million in damages.  

“My client has not been able to rest peacefully.  He stays up late at night in a tears and paces around in circles that are so large that he walks through no less than eight walls while making his loop.  This is no way for a ghost to spend an eternity.” Steinway said.

A judge is expected to hear the case beginning on November 26th.

[Image via: 411Chatter]

For reasons that nobody can figure out, Carter is often referred to as ‘Erin’ Carter.  People aren’t calling him a girl, they just can’t say the name Aaron as if they were pronouncing Hank Aaron. 

The name mispronunciations run so deep that if an actual Erin is being referenced in the same conversation as Carter the two will be referenced as ‘Erin Boy’ or ‘Erin Girl’ so as to not make every one involved in the chat confused.

Confused yet?  We certainly are. 

Aaron is a simple name.  It has five letters and two syllables that flow off the tongue with ease.  Aaron.