Being A Good Father

Christian Dads - Do Not Neglect This 1 Tip When Raising Your Daughters

noreply@blogger.com (Being A Good Father) — Thu, 12 Apr 2012 23:56:00 +0000

Christian Dads:

Do Not Neglect
This One Tip

When Raising Your Daughters
© Lee Wise

Dads, please pay careful attention to these two words below:

Raise
Relate

And while reflecting on those to words, I would urge you to realize that...

All aspects of how you raise those you love lays the foundation for how you will relate to them later: and “later” is vital when it comes to how we go about raising those we love.

Times change.
Circumstances vary.

And yet we must to do all within our God-given power to build and reinforce relationships that withstand the tests we encounter during the many seasons of life we experience this side of heaven.

With those ideas as a backdrop for our thoughts here, keep the phrase below in mind when the kids are at home:
“Raise well that you may relate well later.”

Volumes could be written -- and have been written -- on how to accomplish that task. However, I wish to address only one aspect of that “raising” process here:

The manner of correction used with the daughters you love.

--- Your Not To Forget Tip ---
“Be quick to listen and slow to correct”

I fear that often men of faith feel so burdened (and pressured) to keep the faith that...

They lose sight of the power of being a grace-giver and yield to the inner drive to be a standard keeper -- or the world’s best “here’s what must be done rules enforcer.”

Yes, Jesus let me know I qualified as a sinner. He did so when I first trusted Him as my Savor and has done so many times following that moment.

But...

He wrapped his arms around me in love and grace when we first met and he does so now when I blow it: and I do blow it, dad.

Just like you do!

Truth engulfed in love and grace: what a first class relationship builder combination!

And yet...

Truth without love and grace working alongside it can be a killer: especially when the truth...

Corrects,
And corrects,
And hardly ever stops correcting with seemingly little or know grace and love attached to the process.

--- Therefore, Try This... ---

Work hard at listening in love before quickly correcting because a standard has not been met.

I am talking about patterns here, dad: not the times when loving correction must be done for the purpose of preserving the emotional, physical or spiritual health of your daughter.

Little mercy or grace,
Coupled with little portions of listening in love,
Repeated consistently over time,
Can yield little positive results in the relationship building process.

Seek to lose in that game plan and be thankful when you do.

Instead, ask the Lord to enable you to:

Listen in love,
Speak with grace,
And correct in truth with love and grace leading the way.

Seek to balance times of correction with extended times of affirmation, encouragement, and scores of touches of love tossed in the mix along the way.

True, the process may not come anywhere close to a guarantee that all will end well.

But then again we do not run the race well because of false guarantees, do we?

Not hardly.

We run the best races we can with Jesus,
For the purpose of realizing all the victories He gives,
And we rest the results in His hands.

--- Questions To Grow By ---

“Is my desire to uphold truth balanced with love, grace and mercy in the process?”

“Are my efforts to correct balanced by my efforts to affirm, encourage, forgive and build up whenever and however possible?”

_______________

© Lee Wise All rights reserved. You may freely distribute this article. The copyright and this resource box must be included. http://personal-spiritual-growth.blogspot.com

Christian Dads -- Go here now for 3 Crucial Insights On Listening To Your Daughters. http://bit.ly/3tipschristiandads

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On Balanced Effort As A Dad

noreply@blogger.com (Being A Good Father) — Tue, 10 Apr 2012 20:07:00 +0000

Balanced Effort

Gaining what I desire

without losing what I should gain

Reflecting On "Balanced Effort" As A Dad...

I may seek respect as a dad, but if I:

Compliment less while criticizing more,
Demand way more than what I give,
And work less when I should work more...

I may lose what I would love to gain.

I may desire inner rest as a dad, but if I:

Blame more than I take responsibility,
Complain much more than I give thanks,
And replace creative beauty with negative habit patterns...

I may lose what I would love to gain.

For This Day, Then...

I will love life for all it's worth
by assigning worth to how I choose to live.

To the best of my ability, I will:

Seek to be grateful whenever and wherever I can,
Give respect when respect is due,
Offer help when I can and where it's needed,
Be responsible without being unrealistic,
And enjoy living for all it is instead of all it's not.

I will not, however, engage in:

Senseless self criticism,
Destructive gossip,
Endless and useless comparing,
Making fools out of people for foolish gain,
Or making myself out to be a fool when clearly I am not.

In Short, I Will...

Strive to gain what I desire
without losing what I should gain.

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Christian Dads - 2 Valuable Tips On How To Connect Well With Your Daughters

noreply@blogger.com (Being A Good Father) — Tue, 10 Apr 2012 19:30:00 +0000

Christian Dads --
2 Valuable Tips
On How To Connect Well
With Your Daughters

We love our daughters. We love them dearly. And we desire to connect with them...

Deeply.

The tips below, dad, will give you hands on guidelines on how to deepen the connection between you and your daughters.

May the Lord give us on-going strength and wisdom in our “connecting journey” with those so precious to us.

Tip Number One

My first common sense tip is: ask good questions.

Good questions allow you to engage in the art of good listening.
Generally speaking, “good daughter questions”:

Are are caring in nature,
Allow your daughter to share as needed,
Reflect an interest in the world of your daughter,
And do NOT consistently qualify as one of those “Oh dad only asks me stuff when something is wrong” questions.

Yes, I know that caring questions can and must be placed before the ones you love so as to identify any patterns of thinking or acting that either are bringing or will most certainly bring pain, heartache or discouragement to their lives.

All true.
All understood.

And yet allow me to lay before you one tip related to the point I just made: work on earning the right over time to ask the hard, caring questions.

Love first.
Love always.
Ask questions in love.
And depend on Jesus like crazy during the process.

Tip Number Two

I would phrase tip number two this way:

“Be you, yes.
But don’t be afraid of change.”

Take a mental road trip with me, dad. Go on a brief mental excursion taking just enough time to take in a few of the dads and daughters you know.

Now let me ask you a somewhat humorous yet serious question: did you ever even remotely think about a daughter who loves her father something like this:

“I don’t get it, but she does!”

My point: children love their loving dads. Daughters love their dads: all types, sizes, emotional shapes and forms :)

Do not try so hard,
And beat yourself up so bad,
Because you want to be a good dad,
That you fail to appreciate “you” in the process.

But in the realization of what I just mentioned above, do not:

Justify yourself when you are wrong and fail to make corrections along the way as the Lord points those corrections out to you.

Now believe me, dad: in your seeking to follow Jesus the Lord will inform you along the way that you need to:

Change things,
Correct things,
And grow in the often lost art of asking forgiveness along the way.

Questions For Your Journey...

“Am I using questions in the right way with my daughters? Do they sense my love, care and concern as I ask?”

“Am I being ‘me’ while relating to my daughters yet willing to change aspects of that ‘me’ that need changing for the purpose of improving our relationship?”

_________________
© Lee Wise All rights reserved. You may freely distribute this article. The copyright and this resource box must be included. http://personal-spiritual-growth.blogspot.com

To help you connect with your daughters, be sure to read "Christian Dads -- 3 Tips To Help You Profitably Engage In The Art Of Listening To Your Daughters" by clicking here http://bit.ly/3tipschristiandads

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Christian Dads -- 3 Helpful Tips To Guide You In The Art Of Listening To Your Daughters

noreply@blogger.com (Being A Good Father) — Tue, 10 Apr 2012 19:25:00 +0000

Christian Dads --
3 Helpful Tips To Guide
You In The Art Of
Listening To Your Daughters

Tip Number One

You and I both know that true listening -- true, caring, heart-felt listening -- just does not happen.

And why is that?

Because at its core, true listening is a heart to heart practice. Do not casually internalize the discipline of truly listening to your daughters as simply an issue of the heart: process it is a heart to heart practice.

It is a practice from the heart,
By design,
For all of the right reasons before the Lord.

Which leads us to our next heart-based point.

Tip Number Two

Listening to the daughters you love over time may well be described as an act of faith.

In faith we bow before the Lord,
In faith we commit to loving the daughters committed to our care,
And in faith we commit to listening as a part of the love process.

“So what’s the tip?” Answer: Decide to make it happen before the Lord.

Listening constitutes one of the many aspects of commitment relative to caring as a Christian dad for the daughters entrusted to our care.

Please, dad: take in what I say. Engage in the listening process.

Make the commitment.
Pray in sincerity to make it happen.
And take action.

Today.

Tip Number Three

Stop for a moment to reflect on this tip:

“Pause from the inside out.”

In other words, make it evident that you have disengaged on the inside from the various nuances of your world long enough to engage in the compassionate art of listening to the one communicating with you “on the outside.”

Hint: Little or no mental multi-tasking allowed.

Many times the seriousness of an issue goes unheard because the senses lie dormant on the doormat of the heart due to:

Little use,
Too little valued too late,
Or complete unawareness cloaked in a deceptive disguise of busyness.

Let’s Begin Now!

Yes, you read through the article: great!

Now, may I prompt you to take an immediate action step now -- or to plan one later should that not be possible at this moment?

To help you in the process, why not respond to the following?

“Where did your heart lead you?” In other words, which tip or any of the related comments immediately found their way to your heart? Why?

“What did your responses above tell you about where it might be helpful for you to begin?”

“Or, did the Lord direct you to some other immediate action to take or attitude to cultivate?”

______________

© Lee Wise All rights reserved. You may freely distribute this article. The copyright and this resource box must be included. http://personal-spiritual-growth.blogspot.com

And to help you put this article into practice, you can receive my "3 Tips Motivators" series to highlight what you just read by sending a blank email to 3tipsmotivators@aweber.com Be sure to confirm!
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Get Your "3 Tips Motivators" email series based on the above article now. Receive a review, an original inspirational quote and a prayer for each tip to help Motivate You In The Art Of Listening To Your Daughters. See the box below!

Making It Work In Marriage

noreply@blogger.com (Being A Good Father) — Fri, 19 Aug 2011 12:28:00 +0000

Making It Work In Marriage

Marriage works by loving the right person enough
to make the right choices as you do so.

©Lee Wise

Reflecting...

Obviously, should we have the privilege of being married as a parent, one of the greatest gifts we can give our children is loving our husband or wife.
I see "loving enough" to include loving, caring and relating during the many and varied days of our married lives -- including, of course, the many and varied ups and downs!

In my way of thinking, value based choices are critical for the success of any marital relationship: good, quality values of course! No, this is not "new." It is simply important.
Also, related to this topic, from what I have seen in my life "the grass is greener" syndrome destroys more -- way more -- than it "satisfies." This has to do with the "loving the right person" in the quote above. In other words, faithfulness is crucial.

Reflecting More...

Simply put: are my values in order?
Am I in any danger of sacrificing long term happiness for momentary pleasure?
If I were to list my top 3 (or 5, 10?) values that have proven to those that have helped in relating to my spouse in a journal, what would I list?

That's It!

May you and those you love enjoy a wonderful week,

Lee

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A P.S. to this post...(not part of the resource box)

Should you be interested in Time and Life Management, then you may want to take a look at the free, 21 Day Series I have developed entitled simply 21 Great Questions For Time Management. Simple. Brief. Hands on. Send a blank email here by clicking the link.

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Let's Help Give Clean Water To People

noreply@blogger.com (Being A Good Father) — Fri, 15 Oct 2010 22:53:00 +0000

"Lets Help Give Clean
Water To People"

As Dads, We Can Have An Impact

The premise for this post is simple as it concerns the subject of being a good father, and that is...

Modeling counts.

And, I have something today that I feel can...

Provide a good model for those we love and lead as fathers (and grandfathers of course! In my case, grandfather has been replaced by "Pap"!)
Provide a way to be a positive influence in the world.

Very recently, my wife and I learned about charity:water and decided to create a time sensitive campaign (87 days left as of this posting date) to help raise water in developing nations. The name of our campaign is 5 Bucks For 10,000.

5 Bucks For 10,000

Let's talk about water for a moment. (Facts I learned from charity:water).

Right now, almost a billion people on the planet don’t have access to clean, safe drinking water. That’s one in eight of us.
The UN predicts that one tenth of the global disease burden can be prevented simply by improving water supply and sanitation.
Unsafe water and lack of basic sanitation cause 80% of diseases and kill more people every year than all forms of violence, including war.

How Just 5 Bucks Can Help

When we learned about the possibility of developing our own campaign to provide drinking what for the developing nations, we decided to create a campaign that was simple, doable and, therefore, helpful to many.

Now stop and reflect on these thoughts:

One $5.00 Dollar gift = doable.
2,000 people giving one $5.00 gift = doable.
The result: $10,000! (And that's not bad for being doable don't you think?).

Responding. Reflecting. Deciding.

Would you consider giving Just 5 Bucks to something like this? No guilt trips here: none in the least. If you can and heart says "move on it," fine. If not, that's fine as well. All of us give as we feel we can and according to the leading of our hearts.
Another possibility would to sharing the campaign with others: know of anyone you could share it with through an email list, Twitter or Facebook?
Regarding the subject of giving back or leaving a legacy, did any ideas come to your mind about how you might either "give back" or complement your desire to leave a positive legacy in a positive way?
This brings up the subject of values. If you happen to be in business of some sort, what advice would you give to someone about identifying and living by their most cherished values while in the process of being involved in something like attraction marketing for instance?

All The Very Best To You!

May you and those you love and care for experience a meaningful remainder of this day,

Lee

And You May Be Interested In...

And speaking of living what might be termed a "success on purpose life," just click here for a superb resource in that regard.
How to create your own personal mission statement. If so, simply go and get the free chapter of my ebook that is mentioned on the right side of this blog.

_____________________
© Lee Wise All rights reserved. You may freely distribute this inspirational note. The copyright and this resource box must be included.
Lee is a writer, Online Marketer and Life Coach. With a passion for on purpose living and making a positive impact in the world, he seeks to encourage people in their personal and professional lives. Love self growth and personal development? See his Inspirational Handbook for Attraction Marketershere http://attractionmarketinghandbook.com

Feel stuck or like you need a boost anywhere in your life at this time? Seize a FREE 15 minute session with Lee. Go here now http://leewise.marketingmerge.com/coaching
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Share Or Reply!

May the thoughts that have been shared today be a blessing to you and those you influence in any way!
Go ahead: leave some helpful comments!
And don't forget to share: if you liked it, Twitter it, send it over to Facebook, Digg it (see button above), etc!

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On Asking Forgiveness As A Parent

noreply@blogger.com (Being A Good Father) — Sat, 25 Sep 2010 14:25:00 +0000

On Asking Forgiveness
As A Parent...

Asking forgiveness as a parent
means accepting the reality of failure
while affirming the value of transparency
© Lee Wise

First Thoughts...

Realizing wrong -- i.e. something truly said or done wrong that could hurt others, put a dent in the legacy you are trying to leave, or simply reflect a momentary failure of wisdom or character -- doesn't come easy: at least to this dad.

It may be far from easy but it is not far from necessary. However, words like: "I was wrong, will you forgive me?" can...

Free the conscience.
Tell the child that you care enough to correct what's done wrong on your end.
Begin to reestablish a broken relationship.
Reflect you love to the child -- a love strong enough to admit wrong and filled with commitment enough to seek to make things right when all is not right because of what I've done, or failed to do, as a father.

[One caution, however: asking too many times for too many repeated failures can come across of being too superficial (at least in my opinion). While it may be true, it may also reflect the need to get some help if needed.]

Reflecting. Responding.

What has been my experience with asking forgiveness relative to my children? Do I have insights that could help others in that area of parenting? Should I record those and share them in any way?
As I am reviewing my own thoughts on the subject of forgiveness, what's the heart saying?
Have I blown it by asking forgiveness in a wrong way? For instance, by adding 3 other things to why the child "caused" me to respond that way ... and letting them how much they have failed in the process? In my mind that's called: (1) self-justification; and/or (2) being too harsh and less sensitive than needed.

All The Best To You!

All the best to you and those you love,

Lee

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Listen To Your Daughter When Life Treats Her Well

noreply@blogger.com (Being A Good Father) — Thu, 23 Sep 2010 02:29:00 +0000

Listen When...

Life Treats Her Well!

"Listen when life treats her well.

Share the joys, freakish highs,

and every level of joyful emotion in between."

Expanding on the article I posted earlier, here are several additional comments for your consideration.

A Simple Rule Of Thumb

There's a simple rule of thumb here: delight in her delights.

Shared delight = multiplied moments of...

Potential interaction,
Bridge building
And the on-going cultivation of mutual respect.

I believe this happens *because as dads we choose to make it happen.*

At 45 I may not relate to a momentary high of a fifteen year old being we termed entirely in a right frame of mind relative to the species we term human!

Age gaps do exist.
Understanding gaps exist.
And gaps of relating exist.

But it does not matter: it doesn't!

I can choose to capture the joy she reflects at the moment, delight in it myself solely because it is her delight, and make it an immediate personal treasure because:

1. I value my daughter.
2. I value the bond that shared joy creates.

I hope you got that! Because...

I value my daughter.
I value the bond created by shared joy.

Things can become a joy by choice, and the choices we make in this area of our lives, dads, are crucial.

Do It!

Yes, this too takes time: do it!
Yes, it can be done: do it!

It's all about...

Love.
Acceptance.
Approval.
And the light in our eyes that creates the light in her eyes.

May you and those you delight in have a wonderful life,

Lee

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Listen To Your Daughter When The Guy's Been A Jerk

noreply@blogger.com (Being A Good Father) — Thu, 23 Sep 2010 01:04:00 +0000

"Listen When

The Guy's Been A Jerk"

"Listen when the guy's been a jerk,
and don't jerk her bruised emotional chain
while she's down.

Care,

listen,

and care yet more."

As I continue to make comments on my previous article (Daughters, Dads and Listening), here are today's brief reflections on the point referred to above:

You notice the emphasis on care and I personally can't emphasize this enough.
As she grows older and matures this never -- ever -- changes.
You will hurt as a dad listening during this process: but keep on listening.

Two words you will need to comprehend (at least in this dad's opinion) are...
listen and release.

Listen.

Allow words and feelings to flow at will.
Reflect caring and concern any way possible.

Control anger if the guy's really been a jerk.

Share insights and advice if and when appropriate.
Don't damage already damaged emotions.
Reinforce love and acceptance every step of the way.

Operate as a team with your wife if married.

"Bring each other in" on the everything as teammates in the healing process,
And keep demonstrating love to your wife through it all.

Pray like crazy throughout the emotionally battle scarred journey.

Release

And "release" your daughter to God and herself so she...

Reflects,
Emotes,
And makes her own choices.

Then...

Be ready to repeat the process again.
My guess is you will need to.

All the best to you, dad. All the best.

Lee

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What My Dad Did Right... A Neat Example

noreply@blogger.com (Being A Good Father) — Thu, 12 Aug 2010 01:34:00 +0000

Building Family Traditions

"What My Dad Did Right...A Neat Example"

This post from Playground Dad was made by Kathryn Peck (Twitter@EASActiveGirl) and the title of the post was (click on the link to see entire post):

What My Dad Did Right – Family Traditions

Several comments in the post caught my attention.

“Most week nights were too busy with activities for all of us to sit down together, so my parents made sure that Sunday nights were reserved for the family.”

“None of us kids live at home anymore, but for those of us who live in the same city, we tend to make our way to my parents house on every Sunday. It just feels right”

Now Those Have To Be “Dad Proud” Statements!

Great memories.
Children choosing on their own to come home each week.
And writing about it on a blog!

And My "Dad Thoughts" That Came To Mind Were...

Consistency.
Strong family environment.
Hospitality (you will see that from the post if you read it, and I sure hope you do!)
How healthy family legacies are built.

Any Takeways?

Got any takeaways of your own... even from this short post?

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Making A Difference For Only Five Bucks...

noreply@blogger.com (Being A Good Father) — Wed, 11 Aug 2010 18:09:00 +0000

Making A Difference

For Only Five Bucks… Why Not?

Sometimes a simple thing like sharing an experience and wearing a bracelet can be meaningful in a parent/child relationship. Like the other day when my son-in-law came in with his bracelet on and explained how his daughter was excited to see him wear "his."

For that dad, as well as myself, it began while sitting in church.

While Sitting In Church…

After spending a typically enjoyable morning in church and listening to a great message, my older than it used to be body calculated that it could be about time to exit the area, but the pastor sharing with us the message decided to share something else…

A Video

During the process of explaining how a team of from our church returned to Karogoto, Kenya to help out in an effort there to be a blessing to others, he…

Shared the video
Gave an explanation of what was going on there.
In the process raised his hand and told about a bracelet he had — and that we could wear as well.
And if any of us felt comfortable in sharing only five dollars to make a difference in the lives of others in Kenya, we could do that by giving…

Only Five Bucks. Just Once.

Now here’s one of the neat parts: if you gave your five dollars, you received a bracelet with a child’s name of it from Kenya that was personally written by a child there.
And…

You signed your name to a bracelet and they would then be worn by children there as well as kind of a “bridge” between the folks there and those that had given from around the world.
(Side Note: It is my understanding that the exchanging of bracelets is not available through online donations)

You Can See It Here…

Okay, click here to see what I’m talking about –> ThinkBigStuf

Everything is explained much better than me trying to share it with you. Please take time to watch the short, inspiring video. But my point is...

“We Can Strive To Make A Difference While Striving To Make A Living”

No, I am not saying we have to do it at this location.
And this is not some type of poorly crafted guilt trip to say we must give.

But what I am saying is that as I saw that, and as I am wearing my yellow bracelet thinking about what transpired in church, I am saying…

Maybe my sharing here might find someone else who says…

“Yep, that’s me.”
“My heart is there.”
“I could do that.”
“I think I just will!”

Or your responses might following this line of thinking:

“That gives me another idea.”
“Maybe I could…”
And you are off making a difference in your own unique manner in your own unique place…
While influencing others to do the same.

No Pressure. Just A Thought.

That’s it. My small contribution to making a difference as of today’s date.

Maybe yours will take the form of a compliment given, a resource shared, a helping hand to someone who needs some marketing help, a child who needs attention, a spouse who needs encouragement, or someone else who needs to hear “the hard things said” in order to move forward in life.

Or…

You enjoyed the thoughts and feel in your heart: “Nice thoughts, but I’m on my own journey today and it does not include the whole ‘making a difference’ idea. At least not today, at this time or in this place.” And that is how I would want you to feel: content and rejoicing at the heart level during this stage of your life.

Either way: fine!

____________
© Lee Wise All rights reserved. You may freely distribute this inspirational note. The copyright and this resource box must be included.

Lee is a writer an online marketer and coach. With a passion for on purpose living and making a positive impact in the world, he seeks to encourage people in their personal and professional lives. See his Inspirational Handbook for Attraction Marketers here http://attractionmarketinghandbook.com

Interesting in exploring the possibility of working with Lee as a coach? Go here to check out his FREE 15 minute session and learn more. http://marketingmerge.com/coaching

Speaking of Good Choices...

noreply@blogger.com (Being A Good Father) — Mon, 19 Apr 2010 02:36:00 +0000

Speaking Of Good Choices...

In good intent may we serve.

In good character may we receive.

And in good choices may we prevail.

©Lee Wise

Good intent.

Good character.

And good choices.

How much these aspects of our lives must continually be present in our ongoing "art" of being a good dad (and grandfather I might add, lol!)

Surely these are a lifelong pursuit: but a good pursuit to be involved in.

Of course, these can be turned into a good set of questions for a journal as well:

Were my intentions in order this week?
And how would I rate myself in terms of my character? If I was giving myself a grade, what might I have given myself? (Do I need to record why?)
Now about those choices? The good choices I have made: would it be good for me to write those down so that I can see them in print? (After all, we can find guilt in so many things: why not list a few "success actions" as well?)
Could I have improved anywhere in my choices this week? If so, how?

_______________

And Speaking Of Purpose

noreply@blogger.com (Being A Good Father) — Tue, 09 Feb 2010 14:54:00 +0000

And Speaking Of Purpose...

It's Important!

I recorded the video below and thought I would share it here. No doubt the subject of living on purpose is very important as we consider the subject of being a good dad.

And Thinking About Purpose...

In thinking about purpose as a father, it could be helpful to think about the values you would like to reflect to those you are influencing: maybe it would be helpful to list those if you have not already (say your top 5?).
At times we can define our priorities by listing what we would never want to happen and go from there to the positive end of the scale: that could be helpful for instance. For instance, "I never want to be a father who does not reflect genuine care for his children." Heartfelt caring, then, would be a value to add to a list we would be making as a dad.

________________

Reflecting. Responding.

Should I journal on the subject of living on purpose and being an effective dad, what would I record that would be most important for me to remember or record? Not necessarily for something for me to share with others (that's coming as you might expect, lol!): but something just for me?

Supposed someone were to stop my home, office or in a semi-casual meeting of one form or another and ask, "Give me your personal top three insights on being an effective dad"... what would you say to them?

If you happen to come from a faith-based background, you may consider praying about the subject and asking God for wisdom in relationship to purpose and being a good dad.

That's It!...

May you an those you love enjoy a meaningful week,

Lee

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Humble Declarations Of A Loving Father

noreply@blogger.com (Being A Good Father) — Fri, 25 Dec 2009 19:23:00 +0000

Humble Declarations

Of A Loving Father

I may reflect and write more on this more later, but as I was thinking about my role as a dad I penned the following brief comments one day.

Humble Declarations Of A Loving Father

As best as I can for as long as I possibly can...

I will be there for you somehow... and you will know it.
I will be there to help you experience all the best life can offer.
I will be there to bring joy into your life as best I can deliver.

I do not expect to succeed in all these areas all the time.

In fact, I know I won’t.

But I can promise you this...

You will hold a most cherished place in my heart
and from that treasured place
I will strive to make these declarations
a part of who I am
and who I desire to become.

All the very best in the world to you, dad!

Lee

P.S. When this post was initially penned, I mentioned that I may add more later. In fact, that has happened. I ended up posting a video that expands my thoughts in a bit more detail and also wrote an extended post here on one of my other blogs.

Although it does have special reference to those in a business setting, it would not be hard to make additional applications. Here it is:

Enjoy!

_______________

Getting It Together As A Dad

noreply@blogger.com (Being A Good Father) — Sun, 25 Jan 2009 18:54:00 +0000

On "Getting It Together"

As A Dad

In the opinion of this one man...

Being a good dad doesn't mean

"I've got it all together all the time."

It means that...

"Getting it together" in relationship to:

Loving
Caring
And being a positive influence in the lives of my children...

Is an ongoing priority in my life.

Times will change. Not "might" change. They do change.
Seasons of life enter and exit on or off schedule
Abilities become altered for the better and or become "not like they used to be" as the days of our lives identify more and more the age of our bodies.

It may not be simple, easy, or even easy to understand: but as long as we are able to keep it together in terms of the purposes we put in place, the attitudes we reflect and the values we embrace, I believe we can qualify as "getting it together" as a dad because of our sincere efforts in those areas.

All the best to you, dad.

Lee

P.S. You will catch this in a lot of my links, but if you enjoy journaling or have been considering journaling more as a dad, click here for a resource you may truly enjoy.

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A Dad’s Life Tip For The Day...Give Space

noreply@blogger.com (Being A Good Father) — Mon, 29 Dec 2008 00:12:00 +0000

A Dad’s Life Tip For The Day...
Give Space

Give space:
Give space to your children.

Give space when you can:
And most certainly when you must.

Give space when it’s safe and easy.
And when it’s not: give it anyway.

Give lots of emotional space:
More than you could ever dream possible.

But give it anyway.

Give space by...

Being flexible with rules,
Honoring decisions more than compliance,
Listening more (even though you could “tell” a lot more),
And loving whether it’s accepted, rejected
Or somewhere disarmingly in between.

Give space by...

Not attaching love to expectations,
Kind words solely to proper behavior,
And praise only when “all is in order.”

Life doesn’t come in a nice, neatly arranged package,
Dad’s most assuredly don’t arrive in that container,
And kids need to open their special delivery parcel...

In their own way,
Using their distinctive skills,
Driven by their unique desires,
Experiencing the fullness of their victories,
The results of their defeats,
And learning from both.

Okay, smart guy...

"Just how do you learn to give this space?”
"And how do you know it’s the right kind to give?”

Honestly, I wish I knew the total answer to those questions,
but however you go about staying in the battle, I would
suggest that you:

Pray for discernment,
Seek counsel when needed,
Work as a team with your wife every inch of the way,
Be ready to go with your gut more than your fears,
And trust God for the results when you’ve done your best.

While I may be far, far from perfect in the “space giving
arena,” I can say this without any hesitation before God or
man:

Striving to give the right kind of space,
At the right time,
For all the right reasons,
Over the long haul...

Can build relationships like crazy.

_______________

Listening and Being There

noreply@blogger.com (Being A Good Father) — Sun, 23 Nov 2008 22:54:00 +0000

Listening and being glad we did!

On Listening And Being There

© Lee Wise

"We listen with our hearts

that we might love with the same"

First Thoughts...

Once again I've seen the importance of these two very important items concerning "the fathering agenda." Namely:

1. Being there.
2. Listening.

There are a variety of ways to listen and, likewise, many ways to "be there" when being there matters most.

Over the phone.
Texting (did I say texting? Absolutely).
Casual comments as those casual meetings come up.
During times when helping your children or being helped by the same.
Cards
Letters
Emails
Etc.

You get the idea. We listen when we can, be there when we must, and try our best to do our best during all of the in between times: or at least we should.

Reflecting. Responding.

Am I listening as I should or hardly listening when I should be engaged?
If I were to identify my struggles with listening and being there as a dad, what would they be?
And, should those struggles above come to mind quickly, what steps could I put into place to begin overcoming -- or continuing to overcome -- those struggles?

_______________

21 Reasons I love being a dad

noreply@blogger.com (Being A Good Father) — Fri, 20 Jun 2008 17:09:00 +0000

"I just love being a dad!"

What you will read in the next five to eight minutes will
not qualify as one of the top ten professionally written
articles of the year: guaranteed.

But you will read this, guaranteed: thoughts created on
Father's Day from a guy who loves being a dad.

21 REASONS I LOVE BEING A DAD... AND AN OLDER ONE AT THAT

I love the privilege of seeking to inspire, encourage and
help my children.

I love loving their mother.

I love the home movies I experience. The live ones. The in
house "reality shows" if you please. Kids raggin' on each
other, telling mom and dad stories one more time, hugs at
the door, serious discussions begun spontaneously, phone
calls to say "Hi, I love you," and small hands pressed on a
glass door to see the wonder of all wonders: the neighbor's
black cat.

I love happy birthday songs: songs sung in love and received
the same way -- in love.

I love watching my kids with their kids.

I love the smiles of children and grandchildren.

I love good memories, family pictures on the walls, and
cards from "Father's Days past."

I love the journey of growing with my children.

I love helping when I can and hurting when I can't. No, I
don't enjoy the pain. It's the honor of trying to help
because "I'm a dad" that I enjoy.

I love the privilege of praying for my children. I have the
distinct honor of joining the heart of God with the needs,
desires and dreams of my children.

I love being able to say, "Forgive me" when needed.

I love hearing "Mammaw" sing songs to her grandchildren.

I love being called "Pap."

I love sharing the lives of the kids with their mother.

I love watching the joy in the eyes of my wife as she talks
on the phone with her children. (A *very* frequent event in
our home I might add!)

I love giving the grandkids back to my kids just about the
moment I think I'm going under (or moments thereafter!).

I love hearing the laughter of family in the other room.

I love being a friend as well as being a dad.

I love being a father-in-law.

I love memories of my dad loving me.

I love being challenged by my wife's love for each child,
grandchild, and son-in-law.

DID I MENTION...

I love being a dad?!

Yours for a day filled with beautiful moments in time,

Lee

_______________

On Being A Father

noreply@blogger.com (Being A Good Father) — Fri, 13 Jun 2008 03:01:00 +0000

Thoughts on being a father

On Being A Father

First Thoughts...

A good heart: words so easy write and yet so difficult at times to maintain, correct? At least that is this one man's opinion.

But it is so true. I realize you've seen dads with bad hearts and habit patterns to match. In fact, I've written about that here and other places.

However, living as a "bad hearted dad" is certainly no way to live and with all of our limitations we desire to live the right way before our children for all of the very best of reasons.

Reflecting. Responding.

Reflecting on "good hearted dads," who might comes to mind in my world?
Knowing that I have not been -- nor will I be -- a dad who reflects a good heart at all times, what safeguards come to mind that I could put into place in order to live the best way possible before my children?
And when I have blown it, what do I do? Am I able to correct things as I should and move on -- including forgiving myself in the process?
And if married, am I being a good example by cherishing my wife as I should? All children need to see positive relationships in action!

That's It!

All the very best to those you care for so very much,

Lee

_______________

25 Things That Matter When Relating To Our Children

noreply@blogger.com (Being A Good Father) — Tue, 13 May 2008 20:57:00 +0000

25 Things That Matter

When Relating To Our Children

(Short Shots On Leaving A Legacy Of Love To Those We Love)

In my opinion, these things matter...

1. Enjoying childlike delights before the child no longer
delights in being one.

2. Paying attention long enough to understand yet caring
enough to make a necessary correction once it's all
understood.

3. Responding to immaturity in a mature way.

4. Being silly when I can,
5. And fun when it's not cool to be silly.

6. Making time to listen when it's their time -- not just
"my time."

7. Being big enough to say "I was wrong,"
8. Sensitive enough to ask, "Will you forgive me?"
9. And courageous enough to correct my ways in the process.

10. Teaching by my actions that additional freedom is earned
by being responsible and not an automatic right acquired on
the date of the next birthday.

11. Sharing laughter for no other reason than laughter is
being shared with me.

12. Complimenting like crazy,
13. Avoiding foolish demands like the plague,
14. And hugging whether they are huggable or not.

15. Remembering that little people are no more -- but no
less than -- just that: little people.

16. Looking in the mirror and realizing "I'm one of the
little people who got older."

17. Making sure that "You've done well" doesn't always carry
with it "But you *should have* done better."

18. Knowing when to truthfully say "For this I am not
responsible: you are." (And living with myself once I've
said it.)

19. Knowing the importance of releasing without
disconnecting,
20. Being a friend while being a parent,
21. Listening to learn instead of waiting to tell,
22. And giving space without giving up.

23. Knowing the immense value of being able to say in the
end "I have done all I could reasonably do -- and then
some."

24. Taking time to show up when I can as opposed to wishing
I could when showing up is not possible (or even worse: not
wanted).

25. Loving with all my heart because in the end it's worth
it all.

Reflecting. Responding.

Thinking about my own list of 25, what would I write?
Reflecting on the practices of others that I have seen in my life, what would be my top ten "things that matter" as it pertains to relating to children?
Should someone ask me as a dad, "What would be on the top of your list when it comes to relating to kids of all shapes, sizes and ages?", what would you say?
Of this list of 25 above, do I see anything that might cause me to say, "Hmmm, better get to work on that!" Or, reversed, what could I mark down with a grateful heart and say, "I'm very grateful to say that I'm not doing all that bad here!"?

_______________

On Being Grateful ... One More Time

noreply@blogger.com (Being A Good Father) — Thu, 22 Nov 2007 17:29:00 +0000

On Being Grateful...

I'm thankful for...

People loving people when they don't need to or would rather
not... but they do so anyway.

The ability to see colors and the on-going ability to see things I
never realized or comprehended previously.

Fighting that ends -- whether it's between countries, in
marriages, or between little friends or big kids who should
no better in the first place.

The beauty, simplicity and healing power of laughs of all kinds...

Weird ones,
Louder than you'd like ones,
Barely above the sound threshold ones,
And ones that make your stomach ache despite any feeble attempts to stop the process.

Dreams that create ways to help, heal, motivate, inspire,
and conceive dreamers who repeat the process.

Teachers who...

Give more than they receive and know more than they share because they they'd rather build up than tear down,
See eyes brighten with every new discovery,
And design for others ways to enjoy and improve the one life they've been given.

Soldiers who...

Defend for all the right reasons
Instead of maiming and destroying for every wrong one in the book.

Moms who...

Love their kids,
Kids who love their moms,
And dads who love them both.

Butterfly Kisses that mean so much more
than the song ever could because of lyrics
played during the ever changing rhythms of daily life.

Those who...

Really do help little old ladies across the street,
And little old ladies and gentlemen who preserve the art of caring by living and loving in ways that leave legacies of hope for each of their watching worlds.

Dogs at the neighbors that don't bark
and barking neighbors who don't live near me.

Cars that run,
Empty bathrooms during times of ultimate crisis,
Spyware that works,
And cats that quickly leave my back door.

Minds that remember what they should
while forgetting what is brought to mind
because they love people more than they do
grudges that don't matter anyway.

Addicts who win,

And athletes who know and show the difference between

winning at life and simply taking a win to the next game.

In short, I'm grateful for my life
And the God who entrusted me with the same.

_______________

Notes on trust to a friend

noreply@blogger.com (Being A Good Father) — Tue, 13 Nov 2007 19:43:00 +0000

Notes On Trust To A Friend

A Casual Visit

A friend stopped in to my world for a few moments recently,
we interacted for a while, and then both of us stepped back
into the demands of our everyday worlds.

Reflecting on our conversation, I decided to write him a
short note (which follows).

I include it here because of the subject: trust. It seems to
come back again and again in my life -- and, because I
believe the process I've described is so important for me
as a dad. Obviously, my perspective is faith-based so it
would not apply to everyone.

But it certainly does to me.

May this brief post be encouraging to you, dad. Ours is
a high privilege, high honor, and high responsibility role.

Lee

Thoughts Shared With A Friend...(i.e. the note)

"Thanks for stopping in to chat. I thoroughly enjoyed our
time together and appreciate the desire of your heart to
serve the Lord in all areas of your life.

At times I feel that our lives with Jesus can be reduced to
what might be termed "drastically simple."

Simple,
But not simplistic.

I look back on our walk with Jesus and so much of it seems
to be...

1. Dedicating ourselves and to the Lord.

2. Trusting God for some aspect of our lives -- including
those reoccurring failed expectations.

4. Releasing people and situations into His hands.

5. Continuing our faith walk as best as possible.

And then the cycle repeats itself again.

The cycle molds us, shapes us for future life and ministry,
and sometimes just helps us get through the day.

At least that's how we have experienced it in our own lives.

May the Lord continue to bless,

Lee"

_______________

Affirmation... a reminder

noreply@blogger.com (Being A Good Father) — Mon, 29 Oct 2007 17:02:00 +0000

On Affirmation

While in class sometime back one of my students shared how someone dear to him spontaneously said six words.

Just Six Words: Six!

The student heard just six words that sent him on an emotional high for the day -- and beyond.

"Thanks for treating me well today."

And here's the interesting aspect of this short snippet out of his life: the six words were not shared because his actions consistently would be categorized as negative.

Rather, his practice weighed in on the positive side of the emotional scale.

Let's Think About This In Relationship To Being A Dad...

A few considerations come to mind while reflecting on fathering:

1. How little it takes to lift up the heart of another person: six words and a heart is encouraged.

2. The importance of affirmation in the lives of people.

3. The value of verbalizing our positive thoughts to others.

On Saying A Little...

As dads we can say a little, true.

But a little -- said well -- can provide days of encouraging thoughts to our children.

Something to think about.
And do.

May God give us the ability to be alert while parenting our children.

Lee

_______________

Involvement...such a simple thing

noreply@blogger.com (Being A Good Father) — Sun, 28 Oct 2007 00:11:00 +0000

Involvement...

Such A Simple Thing

© Lee Wise

____________________
Neat To Watch

Dad enters the door, late, after a long work day, gets a quick bite in the kitchen...

And the two kids were already carrying on, beginning what looked like kangaroo exercises, and proudly told Mammaw and Pap: "We're going to have a movie night.

Sure, it took two -- both husband and wife -- but the "movie night" took shape.

Lights out.
Sleeping materials on the floor.
Popcorn made by dad and now ready to eat.

And the movies began.
____________________
Being Involved In The Simple Things

Sometimes being a good dad in my opinion simply means being involved in the simple things with your children: such as what took place in our home last evening.

I saw it, liked it, and thought I'd share it.

Enjoy the evening, dads!

Lee

_______________

Avoiding The Pitfalls Of Being An Insensitive Dad

noreply@blogger.com (Being A Good Father) — Mon, 08 Oct 2007 14:56:00 +0000

Avoiding The Pitfalls

Of Being An Insensitive Dad

I WAS AMAZED

I could hardly believe what I was hearing. A father and
his son had entered the men's room. While I was washing my
hands, I listened as the father wielded a series of
demanding and demeaning statements at his son as if they
were swords in a battle for ... who knows what?

And all about going to the bathroom quickly!

It was the perfect victory. The enemy (the son) had been
slain. The battle was won. The general had summoned his
one-man army to do his bidding.

It was also totally and completely ridiculous. There was
no consideration for the feelings or physical needs of
the young person.

The "bad boy" had won the day -- and the bad boy was not
the son.

It was the son's insensitive dad.

I WAS SADDENED AND ANGRY

This incident occurred while on vacation. I loved vacation
except for one aspect: watching fathers deal with their
children.

I was sad.
And I was angry.

The "interesting" thing was that when I related this
observation to my daughter and son-in-law, they proceeded
to share with me *their* same discouragement while they were
on a recent trip to a theme park.

Their message was the same:

"We had a great time.
The only discouraging thing was
seeing dads with their children."

I AGREE: IT'S NOT EASY

I am a father and I would be among the first to declare that
raising children is not an easy task.

Parts of it are rough.
Real rough.

I would also be quick to admit the times I have failed as a
father.

But I do hope that no one has ever said this about me after
observing my relationship with either my children or grand-
children:

"We saw the most discouraging thing today.

This guy was a jerk. The way he treated those kids was
awful.

No respect. No honor.

Only demands and unrealistic expectations. I tell ya,
it was sad."

WE KNOW THERE IS A BETTER WAY

Let me be quick to add: all is not bad. I have seen many
loving, caring fathers throughout the years. I *love*
watching those types of dads relate to their children. It
is one of my personal delights in life :)

With that in mind, I am offering a few simple suggestions
for a better way: a better way for fathers to relate to
their children than the two negative examples I have shared
with you.

I will center my suggestions on five themes:

1. Consideration
2. Respect
3. Humility
4. Compassion
5. Love

Two comments as I transition into my suggestions:

*You will quickly discover that this will not be a long
and drawn out discussion of these themes. Enjoy.

*Many of the points will be shared through using simple
"affirmations" -- or descriptive comments if you
please. These affirmations will help you personalize
what is said.

So...

We have discussed a few of the "bad boy" characteristics.

Let's turn our attention to five characteristics of the
"good boys." That is, men who are determined *not* to be
thought of as "one of those insensitive dads."

CONSIDERATION

Consideration says...

"I adjust my expectations according to the needs, maturity
level and emotional capabilities of the child I am relating
to at the moment."

Because of the important aspects of the statement you just
read, I'm going to repeat it and break it down for you.

That's my part.

Yours will be to reflect on each aspect as you read it one
more time. Reflect on it through the lens of how you would
have liked to be treated as a young-person-in-the-making.

"I adjust

My expectations

According to

The needs,

Maturity level

And emotional capabilities

Of the child

I am relating to

At the moment."

RESPECT

Respect says...

"I see this person entrusted to my care as one who is worthy
of my honor, approval and love."

This mental stance provides for me a frame. A frame I wrap
around my child *to begin with.* The child is worthy of my
honor, approval and love -- from the beginning.

It is a part of the package each child should *sense* in me
from "Day One" so-to-speak.

HUMILITY

Humility says...

"Because I am still learning, I give my child space and time
to learn."

"Because I still fail, I forgive and support my child when
he or she fails."

"Because I respond poorly when people are angry with me for
reasons I do not understand, I resist all uncontrolled and
self-centered anger when dealing with my child."

COMPASSION

Compassion says...

"I am a 'show and tell' person.

*I show my child I care.
*I tell my child I care."

"I strive to be gentle, not harsh."

"I care and my child senses it."

LOVE

Love says... all of the above.

A DISCLAIMER

Let me make something perfectly clear: children can -- and
do -- hurt their parents: good parents.

Parents who in a very real sense lay down their lives for
their kids and still get kicked in the guts while trying to
help their children be happy and succeed in life.

These parents know a special kind of pain. A pain that no
one really wants to understand. I salute those parents.

You may be one of them.

So my disclaimer is...

*I realize this is a two-sided fence

*My purpose is not to add guilt to a conscience
already plagued by the "Why's" of their child's
bad attitudes and behavior -- in spite of hundreds
of hours of trying to do what's right.

Rather, if you happen to be one of those parents --
and especially a dad since that is the topic of these
comments -- I want you to hear these words:

"I thank you for trying."

I thank you for trying and for the lonely hours
you have spent that only you, and possibly your
spouse -- and God -- knows about...

The tears. The heartache and the pain that goes
on and on as each new report surfaces about some
action or attitude your child has displayed."

For those times, tears and heartache -- I reflect
to you my appreciation. And I'm sure I
represent only one of many voices that would
echo the same to you if they could.

Therefore, review these comments and take note
of each positive thing you have done. Take a
bow. You deserve it."

Yours for a day filled with beautiful moments in time,

Lee

____________

Lee is a Writer an Online Marketer and Life Coach. With a passion for on purpose living and making a positive impact in the world, he seeks to encourage people in their personal and professional lives. See his Inspirational Handbook for Attraction Marketers here http://attractionmarketinghandbook.com

Feel stuck? Need a boost anywhere in your life at this time? Seize a FREE 15 minute coaching session with Lee by going here today http://leewise.marketingmerge.com/coaching