Here’s the thing…

I want to be a good person, want to be a good wife, a good mother, a good employee.

I want to live this big rich life that’s filled to the brim with MEANING.

I want to be of service to the world and to use my God-given talents in the best way.

I want to kick-ass, ya know? Live full out, no regrets, so that my kids are like “yeah, I know how to do what it takes to live an awesome life on my own terms because my mom showed me how.”

But there’s a part of me that’s always saying “who the hell do you think you are?” You don’t really KNOW how to do that, you’re just guessing and grasping at straws. And because I listen to that part of me way too much, I find myself constantly seeking out the hidden secrets that other people use to live their kick-ass lives. I’m hardly ever able to flat out make a decision without spending way too much time verifying that someone else has done/felt/tried the same thing and succeeded.

Does that sound familiar?

Then maybe you’re like me… looking for someone to give you permission.

Well here ya go:

YOU HAVE PERMISSION!

You want to change your life? Want to go back to school, find a new job, homeschool your kids, take up ballet at 80 years old, create a school for orphans, learn to dance the cha-cha?

Go ahead, do it! I believe in you, I believe that you have that anxious itch for a reason, I believe that you aren’t too old, too poor, too responsible, too clumsy or whatever other “too” excuse you have ringing in your head to do it.

I know that you’re capable… I mean, you’ve gotten this far, right? I’m sure your life hasn’t been all smooth sailing this far, but you’re here, right now, reading this blog. That says something (besides the fact you have good blogging taste!).

I won’t lie… living a kick-ass life won’t be easy.

Making changes isn’t easy.

Sometimes you’ll stumble, sometimes you’ll trip, you might even fall flat on your face… but I still believe you can do it.

I believe I can do it.

I give you permission… and today is as good a day to get started as any… what’s your first step?

Yes, I can hear you muttering “what’s new?” while rolling your eyes and I don’t care, this is my midlife crisis and I’m allowed to navel gaze all I want to this year! (Haven’t dyed my hair blond yet, bought a motorcycle, or run off with a much younger man, so I think I’m being mild, all things considered.)

I wanted to chat with you about what I’ve discovered in my navel gazing, hopefully offering you something funny and inspiring, but I don’t feel up to it today. Instead, I’m just gonna share some of the interesting/inspiring/navel gazing resources I’ve been checking out:

#1 – Find Your Genius in only Five Minutes!

“They” say to live a successful life, you should focus on your strengths. Not sure what those are? Well this genius, Roger Hamilton, created a personality test that you can actually finish in just five minutes. It’s not  hype–I took it in probably three– and it was accurate for me. So go– find your genius at MyGeniusTest.com.

#2 – Inspiration… John Green – Do I really need to say more?

As I was bemoaning the fact that my creativity and genius is only activated when I feel that I’m being “of service” to the world and how that seems at odds with actually making a living, my friend sent this great video to me:

#3 –  Mapping Your Desire a/k/a  Navel Gazing Instruction a la Danielle LaPorte

Danielle LaPorte should be on my permanent #WCW (Woman Crush Wednesday, for you nonInstagramers) list because I love her so much. Her navel gazing system, “The Desire Map” doesn’t exactly grab me though. Of course, I’m pretty sure this is because it starts with the question “How do you want to feel?” and my response to the person who asks me that isn’t exactly blog friendly or in keeping with a Christian woman… so, yeah, it’s really my personal problem.  That’s why YOU should go check it out.  It might be just what you need to re-energize that list of New Year’s Resolutions that is probably languishing in your junk drawer by now !

Okay, now it’s your turn!  What’s inspiring you now, 15 days into our new year?  What do you think I’d find inspiring?  Share a link or two in the comments… (Oh, and if you take the my genius test, share your type!  This nosey “Blaze” wants to know.)

I wish you great peace–the kind
that flows from the belly
holding you firm in the eye
of all storms
sunshine, blue skies carrying you
through a life of flying houses and cackling
witches yet unsquashed

I wish you (and I) have open eyes
to see blessings in midnight
and opportunities that shimmer uncertainly
ahead like angels
or fairies
or wishes faithfully made on birthday candles
just.
in.
case

I wish you remember rainbows
–hope
an always promise
remaining as long
as
one
droplet
exists

Wishing you all a very Happy and Blessed New Year!

– Shauntelle

that is Life
the great stripping

tearing away
false things, good things,
all- any – images

stripped until
I am

bare

If no one ever likes or loves me again and I am left with only God, I will still have too much acceptance and love to handle well, or respond to appropriately, or endure gracefully. I can tell you the truth of my heart because when you handle my heart imperfectly, it’s okay, I forgive you already. You don’t have to love me perfectly. I don’t depend on you for that. You can be human, and you can make mistakes with my heart. Because if you hurt me, if you accidentally ignore me, if you love me imperfectly, I still have perfect love to turn to, to remember, to feel. And so I feel safe with you. And you can feel safe with me too, because I will never expect you to be someone you’re not. We don’t need to be afraid of each other. Perfect love casts out fear.

I dare you to go read the whole piece… and then remember:  Broken and tear-stained IS ENOUGH.

First day back to work after the long Thanksgiving holiday and I find myself staring out the window, frowning at the rain and grey.

Even after a wonderful holiday dedicated to gratitude, I find it easy to slip right back into the same old cranky mindset– ruminating angrily over how quickly the year has gone, how fast the days will go between now and Christmas, how I have yet to figure out the answer to the question “What am I supposed to do with my life?”

Why do we make life so complicated?

Why do I make life so complicated?

So much time spend navel gazing… and even more time spent thinking some magic answer exists “out there” that will take away the unknown, the challenges, the questions.  Constantly seeking epiphanies and omens but refusing to truly accept what’s shared with me.

What am I supposed to do with my life?

LOVE

All else is spitting into the wind. Things break, money is soon spent, job titles can come and go. Today’s sense of mission because tomorrow’s wasted time or old hobby.  But a life dedicated to love, real love, the kind that seeks to serve?

The work is unending and the yield… unimaginable.

Can I ask a favor?

Next week… or later this week… when I come back here and type a new version of my same-old story, will you remind me?  Will you remind me to stop asking what I’m supposed to do tomorrow and ask instead, how can I bring more love to the world TODAY?

What can I do, in this present moment, to embody Love in my work, in my family, in my friendships, in my community, in the world at large?

And if you want, I’ll promise to remind you to ask that question for yourself too.

I’m bored.

Maybe you’ve been here before:  nothing particularly wrong with your life, no serious stress that you can pin your disquiet upon, just a general feeling of “blah” that never really goes away, no matter how you try to fight it with the usual suspects?

I’m pretty sure in the romantic Victorian days, one would say I was suffering from “malaise.” There’s an old spiritual term that monks used that could also apply:  acedia, a state in which one is mentally or spiritually apathetic.

What I know:  I want to love my life like I love Doctor Who.

I am somewhat obsessed with Doctor Who.  (The Day of the Doctor is just two days away!!!!  CAN. NOT. WAIT!)  I have watched every episode on Netflix since the end of the last season, cried because my Doctor will be regenerating in the upcoming season, and counted down the days until the 50th Anniversary special like a child counting down to Christmas.

Even thinking about Doctor Who makes me giddy… like the first flush of falling in love or the anticipation of an evening of intimacy… heart beats faster, my emotions are a rollercoaster… yeah, it’s crazy, I know it’s crazy, and I.DON’T.CARE.

Except that I worry when I realize I don’t feel that excited about any other aspect of my life.

It’s like I’m cheating on my life with Doctor Who!

Perhaps cheating is pushing an analogy too far.  Then again, maybe not.

Here’s the thing about acedia (where you wondering when that would come back up?)– the monks saw it as a very dangerous sin whose root was apathy.  A monk suffering from acedia would begin to complain about the uselessness of his perfectly acceptable and good daily actions.  Why pray daily? Why sweep the floor or make my bed? Why work the fields?

The mundane and daily chores that were at the core of monastic life and held together the actual fabric of monastic community would slowly be renounced as pointless and useless distractions.

BORING.

Whatever fancy or theological terms you want to use, it boiled down to a monk deciding that regular life was too tedious and boring. So they’d just quit doing stuff.  Hole up in their bedroom and just stare at the walls, sighing. Question the point of getting out of bed and then living in general.

When people in committed relationships feel that way, they often resort to cheating.

Cheating for a monk could mean running away from his monastery, refusing to leave his room, or even suicide.  In a marriage, that looks like picking up someone on the side and funneling all your attention and energy into wooing and sneaking around with the affair partner.

In my relationship with my life, it looks like watching Doctor Who episodes back-to-back for days on end.

Anything to avoid the “boring” and “tedious” details of living a first world life– you know, the kind that means you aren’t struggling to find clean water, a safe place to sleep, or food to eat.

Here’s the personal epiphany (this is my lesson, but you can keep reading if you want to…)

It’s easy to get caught up in the idea of living an “ideal” life… one in which the work I do each day is ALWAYS interesting, challenging, and fulfilling, my marriage is a daily romantic romp, and parenting is this easy-breasy experience resulting in perfect children who are bright, obedient, and a continual fount of joy.

It’s easy to think the day-to-day tasks that make my life run smoothly are boring and useless. That I’m missing out on something if every moment doesn’t make me want to burst into Disney-esque songs about the joy of living and loving.

Washing one more dish, filing one more report, doing one more load of laundry can feel like running on a never ending hamster wheel of pointlessness.

But that’s acedia talking.

That’s taking the blessings in my life for granted talking.

That’s showing an utter lack of respect for the small, daily actions that maintain what is actually a pretty wonderful–and REAL– good life.

I need to remember that the only reason I have the space to find my life boring is BECAUSE I’m so blessed.

13 Reasons (Because 21 ended up too damn long!):

1) I’ve almost become a “woman of a certain age”

Yeah, that used to not sound like something I could look forward to, mostly because you generally hear that phrase in conjunction with a list of ridiculous things she shouldn’t be doing.  You know like:  “a woman of a certain age shouldn’t wear skirts above her knees” or “a woman of a certain age shouldn’t wear her hair long.”

Now though, I like the phrase because in my head I hear “I’m almost a woman of a certain age, I’m too damned old to care what you think!” and I LOVE that.  A woman of a certain age gets to make her own damn decisions because society has already written her off anyway and there’s a whole lot of freedom in that.

2) My kid’s school has a real clinic with a doctor and an oxygen machine

There are a lot of things I’m not fond of regarding my youngest son’s elementary school. This has birthed conversations with hubby about things like “where will we move next summer?” and “should we look into homeschooling?” but today, when hubby called to tell me that the clinic called to say they gave him oxygen for his asthma attack and are sending home prescriptions for antibiotics and such… I was SOOOO grateful!

I work 25 minutes away from the school with no traffic and we’re a one-car household, so them being able to treat him immediately versus waiting for me to get there literally could have meant the difference between life and death.  It’s the only school in our district with a full clinic and I’m so grateful he was there today.

3) For unexpected buns in the oven

Not my own–I just told ya’ll I’m almost a woman of a certain age so no more buns from this oven! I’m just excited for a dear friend’s bun and happy that my own bun making experience is coming in handy to help her overcome her anxiety about her sweet bun!

4) Letting your imperfect hang out is catching on

Not so long ago I told ya’ll the online world was stressing me out and making me feel like I had to be “on” all the time. Since then, I’ve been seeing a lot of blog posts pop up about the same topic. People standing up and saying “I’m not perfect and I’m perfectly fine that way!”  I LOVE this.  Not for validating reasons either, but because I think our society will benefit from people dropping their masks and just being HUMAN.

5) Zaxby’s is close to my job

Three words:  boneless buffalo wings.

6) I’m on track for my #Flashmo challenge this year

Once again, I’m remixing NaNoWriMo to better fit my life… that means writing one short story every day in 30 minutes or less.   This year I’m posting my #flashmo stories on my Tumblr, so feel free to pop over there if you’re interested in checking them out.

7) Tumblr lets me indulge my inner teenager

No, I’m not trying to relive my teenage glory years. I just love having a place to just geek out about all the random things I love without needing to make sense of them or make them fit a theme or anything. I adore wordpress.com but it’s so mature over here!  Tumblr is relaxed, random, and full of pretty pictures… sometimes I need that… (and cute cat pictures!  Yeah, I’m THAT person!)

8) I got 99 problems and a man ain’t one

Okay, no offense meant to anyone who is single, but I’m so damn glad I’m not in the dating scene. I get to hear all kinds of dating sagas from my single friends and I gotta tell ya, none of them make me think the grass is greener.  Marriage is hard work but when it’s going well, it’s pretty nice.

9) I’m not looking for someone to complete me

This is probably a piggyback on the last one… but really, there are days I’m reading posts on Instagram and Tumblr from young (and not-so-young) adults, and I’m like “thank you God that I finally understand only YOU can complete me.”  One of the hard knock lessons I learned when my marriage wasn’t going so well is that it’s not fair or healthy to expect another person to complete you.  (If you don’t know what I mean by that, feel free to email me and we can chat.)

10) I love my in-laws

Maybe I wouldn’t go so far as to say you shouldn’t marry a person if you don’t genuinely like their parents, but it does make life a lot easier if you do.

11) Iversity offers awesome free courses.

I’m taking two awesome ones there right now (these are referral links if you click through, that give me the chance to win an ipad mini, but seriously, I’m only sharing because I’m enjoying these classes so much and did I tell you they’re free?):  Design 101 (Design Basics) and The Future of Storytelling.

Could I babble on and on to you why I’m enjoying these classes so much? Why yes I could!  This post is already long though, so I’ll give you the short answer:  they’re designed well (and I’ve tried several online courses from well known schools that WERE NOT), I’m actually LEARNING a lot, the community is very active, and I’m being challenged.  High quality education– for FREE.  Can’t beat that!

12) Doctor Who Anniversary Special in 17 Days

Can’t type… fainting from the feels…

13) Freedom to flex my creative muscles

There’s so much I want to share with ya’ll about this, but this post is SO long already, I think it may need to be a post of it’s own.  Let’s just say, I’m really enjoying the freedom of creating just for the pleasure of creating again, something I haven’t experienced for quite a while.

So what about ya’ll?  Today is discussion Wednesday, what are you grateful for?

If I could give one gift to you and to everyone I love, I’d give you the gift of deeply understanding that happiness is an inside job.  And then I’d turn around and ask you to give me that same gift because it’s the most precious gift we could ever share with one another.

In the marketing world that I come from, a case study is a marketing piece you give to potential customers that is written to show how your product or service has helped another similar customer accomplish a goal.

One method of preparing to write a case study is to create a list of potential “successful outcomes” that your future customers could be interested in.  Then using that list as a tool, you choose past customers to interview and feature who have achieved those successful outcomes.

Here’s the funny thing…

The best customers to feature aren’t always the ones who have had the most obvious successes with your product.

I know, that’s a tricky sentence to unpack.  Stick with me, okay?

Let’s say you sell widgets to factories that help to keep their machines running better.  Maybe the obvious success would be that you sold 30 widgets to Acme to fix 30 machines  that were all broken. Now that your magic widget is installed, all 30 of those machines work perfectly.  100% successful outcome, right?  So writing a case study on that would be a no-brainer, right?

Maybe.

Now let’s say that you also sold widgets to Lou’s Fix It Shoppe, located in the middle of the desert near Sedona, Arizona. You’ve sold them 15 widgets, only three of them actually worked to fix the broken machines, so they asked for a refund of the other 12.

Sounds like a bad experience, and definitely a customer you don’t want to chat about, right?

Except, Lou happened to mention that he received a thank you card from one of his customers because your magic widget fixed the machine that helped him finally succeed at his life long dream.  And Lou shares with you a picture of a happy coyote sitting down to a roasted poultry dinner.

If your goal is to finally eat Road Runner after a 20 year chase, this is a resounding success and the perfect example for a case study.

Life as a Case Study: Are you using the right measuring stick?

They say birds of a feather flock together and that must be true in my case, as I’ve had the dubious “pleasure” of experiencing my own midlife crisis while watching many of my friends undergo their own.  One topic that comes up again and again as we compare notes is the question of “how successful am I in my life?”

This is a crap question, I’ve come to realize.

Most of the time, we ask it while comparing our lives to the Facebook lives of other people.  More importantly,

100% of the time, the criteria we’re judging against is faulty.

If I’ve raised three awesome kids, am I really a failure because I haven’t visited 30 countries over the past 20 years?  If my husband and I have managed to survive financial bankruptcy while maintaining an authentically wonderful relationship for 15 years, does it really matter that I haven’t become CEO of the next great startup tech firm?

Hell, if life has thrown you nonstop curve balls for the last 20 years and you’ve managed to survive intact, a warm and hopeful person who still believes in the future… who’s to tell you that you aren’t a success?

********

Chat with me:  Do you feel successful in your life?  What criteria do you use to measure your success?  Have you ever mindfully and consciously settled on criteria?