Being Light Skinded

Inequality

2012-01-25T23:27:00.000-08:00

When I was working in the inner city, I noticed that the kids were rarely unaware that they had less than other kids. When we went on field trips, they would ask me, "Is this where the rich people live? These house look like rich people houses." They would often point out that white people in the grocery stores buy more food than their family was able to, and that other people didn't have to live where there was shooting most nights.

As I've been doing private tutoring, I have obviously been working with many students whose families are much better off financially than my former students' families. One of the interesting things to me is that many of them are not aware how fortunate they are. At one point, a student who goes to a prestigious private elementary school asked me if I tutored any of my former students. When I said no, she asked me why. I simply said that most of them couldn't afford tutoring - didn't explain further. She looked at me for a minute or so and said, tearing up, "That is so sad." She wasn't being sarcastic or petty; she was serious. She had no idea that some of these kids didn't have enough food - not being able to have a tutor was enough for her to get visibly sad.

Another student who goes to a very good middle school in a fairly wealthy area asked me why so many people eat at McDonald's. Her family is big on whole grains, vegetables, and homemade soups. She likes to really understand things, so we talked about how fast food is easy and fast and somewhat addictive. She kept saying that she still thinks it's gross and that people shouldn't feed fast food to children. I told her that I agreed but then tried to explain the concept of a food desert, and how some people don't have cars to get to grocery stores, don't have grocery stores in their neighborhoods, and don't have enough money to buy food, so the dollar menu might end up looking pretty attractive. She's a smart girl and she got it. She had never realized this before and asked me a few times if I was sure there were neighborhoods without grocery stores. I described the neighborhood where I had taught and told her that a lot of the families were only able to shop at liquor stores. She took it all in and said, "I wish there was a way we could get good food to them." Amen, sister.

The last conversation I've had about this subject was this week, with another private school student. She was looking through the photos on my phone and commenting on my dog and my niece and how cute they are. She happened upon a photo of me with my Little Sister and asked who she was. She was confused because my Little Sister is black so "she isn't related to you, right?" I didn't explain that families can be interracial (thought of that later), but told her she was a girl I volunteer with. She asked me why and what did I mean and I sort of explained the Big Brothers Big Sisters program. I was not prepared to explain as much as I did, but she kept asking me more. Why did the kids need people to volunteer with them? Did they all have only one parent? What did it feel like to have one parent in jail? Do kids with parents in jail know why their parents are in jail? Do they think their parents are good people even if they're in jail? What do I mean some parents don't have cars? How do they get their kids to appointments though? Don't they get to go on vacation? Some people don't make enough money to go on vacation? What do they do if they need help in school and can't afford a tutor? What if they need to go to the hospital and they don't have a car? So, the things I do with my Little Sister are just things that she does with her own parents? Why do I spend time with this girl when I'm busy?

She ended with: "Can you write down the website for this program? I think I'd like to learn more about it."

It astounds me that none of these kids had any idea about how the other half lives. These aren't celebrity children and none of them live in gated compounds. They have just never been around poor children. And they could easily spend their whole lives having no idea that there are people who are struggling to get enough food - not even two miles away.

On the other hand, the kids in the low-income neighborhoods are totally aware that there is an "other half." They may have many misconceptions about them, but they know they exist.

I feel like this needs to be addressed. I'm not sure how, but I'd love to hear ideas.

Burnt Cookie: Skin Color in Third Grade

2012-01-06T20:52:00.000-08:00

another of my posts got published in Teaching Tolerance!

I really liked this paint chip lesson so please read and tell me what you think!

Merry Christmas

2011-12-25T14:00:00.000-08:00

Like any good Mexican (en mi corazon), I celebrated yesterday, on Dec 24. But in honor of the season, here are some of my favorite Christmas posts:

The boys that I dearly love and have lost touch with but think about and pray for very very often:

Having a beautiful Christmas moment in inner-city Oakland

("This kid - who has left me voice mails cursing me out more than once, who has hung up on me, who has told me to get out of his life, who has been arrested probably more times than I know about, who stole his mom's car and went drunk driving - texted me and said "Thank you for the gifts." That thank you - which definitely didn't come because his mom told him to - meant more to me than any thank you note I've ever gotten.")

Showing me that they're not completely hardened.

The orphanage that is my second home

Christmas in Reynosa, Mexico

The Nutcracker with 9-year olds. Always interesting:

Field trip escapades

"Why aren't they wearing pants?"

More Writing Games

2011-12-22T21:06:00.000-08:00

I wrote about helping a friend's son with writing by using the two-minute writing game I made up. You have the kid write any words at all - the only rules are that they have to be words and you have to keep writing for two minutes. It has helped a number of my students who are perfectionists and just think way too long and hard about writing, never getting to the writing part.

I got a Christmas card from this friend and actually laughed out loud. She wrote:

I honestly believe "Johnny" wouldn't be as successful in writing now without getting past the block with "Hey NASCAR toot fart butt pee poo yo he mom dad father"

I wanted to introduce another writing game. I don't have a name for this one, but I'm taking suggestions. i have the student pick a number between 2-10. Then we write a story together. If the student picks "5" for example, she writes five words and then I write five words. The story usually ends up being pretty silly, which elementary school kids LOVE - the sillier the better.

This is definitely something parents can do with kids or kids can do with each other. It will be fun. I promise.

A Black Family in the White House

2011-12-19T22:30:00.000-08:00

This post is not about politics. For this post, I don't care if you like Obama or think he's the worst president in 100 years. If you can, just for a few minutes, try to put that aside and hear what I'm saying - something about the First Family that is not political:

There is a black family in the White House.

This makes me so happy in so many ways. Some of you right now are thinking that this is another form of racism - that I should only judge the First Family on their character, not on their skin color. You're right and wrong. That, of course, would be ideal, and I think that is a well-meaning position, but if that was your first thought, I'm going to venture a guess that you have never personally had to deal with racism.

I am pretty fortunate as well. I'm a middle-class educated white person and I've never suffered from racial profiling or racial discrimination. In fact, I've probably benefited from racism in more ways than I'm comfortable thinking about, as have most white people in this country. However, I have been able to learn from my students, and that is why I am able to rejoice in the fact that there is a black family in the White House.

When Obama was first elected, I tried to explain this. It is incredibly discouraging to hear 8-year olds say that the president will always be white, that white people will always have more money than black people, and that they're not even sure colleges let "people like us" in. I could lecture the kids all I wanted about equal opportunities, but it just doesn't ring true without examples.

If I were more cynical about this, I could, of course, point out that the Obamas have very little in common with my students. They were a powerful upper-class family - the elite - even before coming to the White House. Most of my students receive welfare and won't graduate from high school. But it's a step. Because visuals are important and do inspire. And for kids who are so incredibly removed from power and success, it can make a big difference to look at a picture and see kids who at least look just like them.

A black family in the White House makes me so happy.

Bits and Pieces

2011-12-18T20:15:00.001-08:00

Middle class kids are better equipped for asking for help in the classroom that poorer kids.

An adult took a standardized test meant for kids.

Ridiculous middle class white people.

One Thing Right

2011-12-13T12:56:00.000-08:00

I was watching some more of Tavis Smiley's Too Important to Fail series and the current 90-second clip that is up shows the same panel of young black male offenders that led me to find my student from first grade. He is in this clip also although he doesn't say anything. The young man next to him, however, talks about how he didn't pay attention because he was traumatized (the interviewer's word, not his) by his sister being killed in front of him. He goes on to say that he thinks most black boys in his neighborhood had similar experiences (I agree). Then one of the other kids said that when he was in fourth grade, his teacher told him he wouldn't amount to anything and he gave up.

I am pretty positive that I've made a huge number of mistakes and bad judgment calls in my years of teaching but I am confident that I did this one thing right: I never said that to a child. I never called a kid bad. I never told a child I hated him or her, and I never said that they wouldn't amount to anything. Never.

Most years, I'd ask the class, during the first week of school, to close their eyes and put their heads down. then I would ask them to raise their hands if they had ever been called bad. Usually over half the class raised their hands, and it was a rare year when every African American boy didn't. I would repeat the same thing for "worthless" and "a problem." Then I would tell the kids some version of this:

"I will get mad at you. I may yell at you even though I don't think that's a good idea, and I will get frustrated. But I want you to know right now that I love you even when I'm mad. It's my job to take care of you while you're here and I will never ever call you bad. If any grown-up has called you that before, they were wrong. You might have made a bad decision. You might have done something (or a lot of things) that hurt people. But you are not bad."

Apparently it worked, because there was more than one occasion when I was really, really angry at a kid and they said, right to my face, "I know you yelling at me because you care about me, not because you think I'm bad." (I'd like to think that if I went back to the classroom today I wouldn't yell at all, but I'm not positive."

So, at least my student who ended up on this documentary had that. And, fortunately for him, as difficult as he was, I wasn't the only teacher in his life - at least in elementary school - to go out of my way to show him that, even though he was driving us crazy, he wasn't bad and there was hope. I hope it helped, just a little.

Seeing People as Individuals

2011-12-07T21:58:00.000-08:00

Please read my new blog post at Teaching Tolerance!

It's Too Bad You Don't Have Children

2011-12-05T20:40:00.000-08:00

Dear person who told me "It's really too bad you don't have children; you'd be a good mother:"

You're wrong.

Not that I'd be a good mother - you're right on that. I'd be a very good mother. Anyone who has ever seen me with children can agree on that.

No, you're wrong that I don't have children. It's not totally your fault - I wasn't thinking when you asked me. And in fact, I haven't been thinking clearly any of the times that people have asked me that. I always answer the way that people expect me to and I think it's time to change that.

I know that when people ask me "Do you have children," (or my least favorite, "Do you have a family?" "No, I sprang into being all on my own!"), they mean did I birth children who I am now the guardians of. Maybe if they're more open-minded they just mean, "Are you the guardian of children?" And the answer is no. Before you start feeling sorry for me, I am totally good with that. I really don't want to go through pregnancy or childbirth and I feel no need to create more people in this world of 7 billion.

But here's the thing: I do have children. No, they don't live at my house and I am not their mother. But I am their auntie (related by blood and otherwise), their teacher, their tutor, their Big Sister, their former youth group leader, their former teacher, their classroom volunteer, and their friend. And here's the secret: It's wonderful.

No, it's not the same as being a mother. You don't have to tell me that, millions of people who are mothers and for some reason want to try to convince me that I'm missing out (why?). It's very different. But the amazing thing is that it's not worse. It's a different relationship and it's very important and incredibly rewarding in a totally different way that doesn't need to be threatening to mothers.

I don't know why so many people feel the need to point out to me that being a teacher (or volunteer, or whatever) just isn't the same as being a mother. Of course it's not! And you don't need to tell me that I don't understand because I'm not a mother. Of course I don't, because I'm not! But the fact that you never realized how much you could love a child until you birthed them does not reflect on me at all.

In the past year, I have gotten to knit booties for an expectant mother who was a former student and is now married, cried when I saw a former student on a documentary about incarcerated teenagers, talked to a current student who I caught smoking marijuana about how disappointed I was that he had lied to me, talked to a former student - now an adult - about how to file a restraining order against her brother who had put a gun to her head, taken my Little Sister to my parents' house and watched her play for hours in the little wading pool and mini beach set up for my niece, knit my niece and her baby doll matching outfits, been to conferences with teachers, had dinner with a former youth group kid and his wife, helped many many students learn in the various personal ways that they learn, received multiple handmade birthday cards, and gotten a hug from a (popular) 8th grade boy who RAN across the lawn to me with his arms outstretched, smiling and yelling that he was so glad to see me - totally unembarrassed.

I'm not missing out and I'm not wasting me life, so please stop feeling sorry for me. I have children. And they are incredible.

The Difficulty with Diversity

2011-11-21T14:26:00.000-08:00

...was what I wanted to name this blog post. But they published it, even with another title, so I'm still exited!

Please read. And yes, all true. I did have teachers try to trade me their black kids for my Samoan kids. Yes indeed.

Worth It

2011-11-17T22:50:00.000-08:00

I stopped by my old school the other day to pick up my Little Sister and take her to buy yarn (her mom is having a baby so I'm making a baby blanket). When I parked and started walking, this kid - actually tall young man - ran across the lawn, arms outstretched. I honestly don't know when someone has been so visibly excited to see me. It was my student from third grade who met President Obama. And ate lots of hamburgers while in DC. (in reading his essay, that seems to be what stuck out for him).

This kid is now in 8th grade, so probably 13 years old, has lots of friends, and appears to be a leader among his group of friends. He is tall, confident, and outgoing. And he's not embarrassed to be running to hug his third grade teacher in front of the whole school.

That's worth it all right there.

Consolidation

2011-10-16T23:24:00.000-07:00

In my 8 years of teaching in Oakland, I was lucky to never have my grade level changed in the middle of the school year, but I had plenty of co-workers who did. The schools try to staff for the kids who will come but they don't actually know who is coming and in which grades. So every year, teachers would spend hundreds of dollars and countless days on getting their rooms ready, only to have to switch in mid-October.

Here's a very brief story about it and another teacher's thoughts, very well explained.

My Little Sister's teacher is being consolidated and she LOVES her teacher. I happen to know that the teacher she's getting is very very good but she's spent 6 weeks bonding with the teacher she has and starting over is scary.

Bats

2011-09-24T23:25:00.001-07:00

I took my Little Sister to an animal show today and we got a bat book.

LS: I hate bats.

Me: You know they eat mosquitoes, right?

LS: I LOVE BATS! They are my favorite animal.

Homeless Children

2011-09-20T14:53:00.000-07:00

A blogger I really like wonders "Do We Care About Homeless Children?"

I wish the answer was yes. However I really think that if the answer was yes, we'd do something about it. And very few of us do.

A Day in the Life

2011-09-18T20:56:00.000-07:00

From a teacher who wishes to remain anonymous, after Ann Coulter went off on "useless public sector workers." [By the way, I don't like to think of human beings as "useless," but if there was one, it would be Ann Coulter]

First, Jon Stewart had the best response I've heard to this. Ever. Check it out. Then read this day in the life of a good teacher.

I know, I know. But the word useless really got under my skin.

"Dear" Ann Coulter,
First you called kindergarten teachers "useless public sector workers" and then went on to say that public school teachers get off at 2 and get the summers off. Finally, you implied we're highly paid. Clearly, everything one needs to know really *is* learned in kindergarten: kindness, fairness, honesty, manners... Too bad you were truant.

Why don't you walk a mile in the shoes of a "useless public sector worker"?

6:00 Get up, get the tea going, get the lunch ready and the cats fed and tended, read that book you were too tired for last night; pray for students.

7:40 Eat breakfast in car; mentally run through day.

7:55-8:40 Borrow a book from a colleague you should have been given but never were, make a teaching chart, write your schedule and objectives on the board, type documents on computer and then save to flash drive to print downstairs because the school can no longer afford printer ink for classroom printers.

8:40-8:50 Greet parents (trying to remember which parent goes with which student), cajole students into participating in morning exercises, hand off materials to colleagues; remember to say something encouraging to A. before he does something that will require correction.

8:50-9:00 File into building, issue many reminders for quiet and hands off walls, remember to smile at the students as they enter, hug D. on the way into class, give thumbs up to fourth grade class across the hall for having a quiet line; check for homework, backpacks, uniforms; loan uniform shirts to students who need them (paid for out of pocket by yours truly); resolve at least one conflict; try to have a quick class meeting to go over agenda, review the rules and class pledge, and say good morning to each child while simultaneously logging onto computer to do attendance.

9:00-9:30 Pass out English Language Development boxes while lining up students to go to two other classes, receive students, teach an ELD lesson, get students lined up again and on their way.

9:30-10:30 Shepherd students back into class; adjust attendance to account for late student; lead a math discussion and try to involve student who never volunteers; teach a math lesson; reteach concepts to students who didn't get it the first time; get them to clean up and line up quietly.

10:30-10:45 Direct students who didn't do their homework to bench; dash to the bathroom; dash back to the yard; try to supervise yard and help with homework and resolve conflict and discuss how student can change his or her behavior for the better and encourage former student to keep up the good work; line them up again, remind them to be quiet and not touch the walls; do lots more reminding; compliment the fifth graders who are walking quietly and calmly; wink at that student who needs a little encouragement; finally get into the room.

10:50-11:20 Wonder how it can take so long to get into the room; teach a phonics lesson, a reading lesson, and a grammar lesson (except really that's impossible, so try to rejig things mentally so the most important stuff gets done); encourage A. with his reading and S. with her English; give J. a stamp on his chart when he finally says something in a kind tone of voice.

11:20-11:55 Review assignments for independent work time, give students time to ask questions, answer the questions, review the rules, start a small group, redirect students who interrupt to ask questions; interrupt small group instruction to answer the phone; send a student around the class with a quiet sign because you can no longer hear the students in the small group.

11:55-12:00 Get class to clean up; discuss what went well and what needs improvement tomorrow; line them up for recess; sit them down again when they can't be quiet; line them up again; remind A. to get in his spot in the line; remind S. that piggyback rides are not allowed; forget to put lunch in microwave; walk students to recess; bring students back up who need to finish homework, who've earned a prize (bought by yours truly), or who need to write a reflection because they've broken a rule; put lunch in microwave, blow out circuit; dash down hall to reset circuit, check with other teachers to figure out who else was trying to nuke something, negotiate who will wait; send students to lunch; gobble a few bites of lunch; run to the restroom; run to the cafeteria; try to get students to finish eating; remind at least four students to walk as they throw away their trash; line students up, remind them to be quiet and not touch the walls.

12:40-1:45 Teach a reading lesson, a writing lesson, and an inquiry lesson; except not really, because there's not enough time for that even when you don't have to account for time lost to confiscating toys, reminding students how to use their binders, or reminding students how to use the pages of a journal in order.

1:45-1:55 Pass out math facts papers; time individual kids who swear they finished before the timer went off yesterday; give the timed test for the day; reassure the kid who didn't pass that it's not a big deal, he just needs to keep practicing.

1:55-2:40 While teaching a science lesson, help groups work together without making each other cry; fix broken materials; remind students that though they are excited the noise must be down to a dull roar and there is NO RUNNING in the classroom; silently curse whoever invented tone generators (because the sound strips enamel off your teeth) and plastic balance beams (because as soon as you've helped each group zero their balance, the first balance you worked on now needs to be reset); be interrupted because though you did do the attendance, it didn't register in the system and now needs to be redone.

2:40-2:55 Direct students to clean up; call students to rug; ask for students ideas for what went well and what could be better tomorrow; line students up; send two students back to desks to get homework folders they forgot at their desks; walk students downstairs; say goodbye to each child, say goodbye to former students who are in the halls, help a student look for their sibling, answer questions from five different parents; be hugged by students that you are pretty sure have never been in your class, wonder who they are but hug them back and say, "How was your day, sweetheart?"

3:00-3:30 Teach a reading intervention class for free because even though you know it's a bad precedent to set, this program really works and ultimately will make your life easier; walk intervention students downstairs, talk to three parents.

3:30 Realize one more student forgot their homework folder, take it to the afterschool program classroom.

Do all the above while repeating the following actions innumerable times: implore W. to stop talking long enough to allow anyone to finish their sentences; ask A for the millionth time to turn around and do his work; ask W. to get off the floor; remind T. to pay attention; ask W. to stop spinning on the stairs; tell I. "You may do X", listen to him say, "Teacher! can I do X?"gently ask, "What did I just say?"; remind students to sneeze into their elbows and to use a tissue (bought by yours truly) and to throw the tissue away!; tell just about everyone that no they can't go to the bathroom during instruction time, then watch for signs of true distress and send that student out of the class, hopefully when no one else is watching; wish you could go to the bathroom yourself, make mental note to not bring soup for lunch unless it's Wednesday when there's early dismissal; raise your voice more than you should; try to remember to breathe.

3:35-6:00 Readjust lesson plans; grade papers; get math facts ready; stamp charts; write on students' weekly report forms; sharpen pencils because you forgot to remind the student helper to do her job at recess; have a conference with the resource teacher about a student; walk downstairs to make copies, realize you've forgotten something, go back upstairs, come back down and realize there's no paper in the copier, walk back upstairs to get paper, walk back downstairs, wait to use the copier because now there's a line; fill out a referral so a student can get special services; walk downstairs to turn it in, realize office is now locked, go back upstairs; gather up used loaner shirts to throw in the wash; Gather up stuff, forget coffee cup, go back for it; pray you don't get run over trying to get out of the parking lot.

6:15-10:00 Come home, empty pockets of toys and caught being good tickets; wonder how long you've had that dry-erase pen stain on your pants; feed cats, wash dishes, pack lunch, refill water bottle, heat up dinner. Eat dinner while checking email, check in on facebook, order prizes from Oriental Trading Company. Thank God that there were no lockdowns today and you didn't need to make a call to Child Protective Services. Thank God for your students, including the ones who can be hard-heads. Go to bed.

3:00 Wake up, thinking about kids. Realize A. needs to get into the afterschool program because no one at home can help with homework, you should call J's mom and tell her he's been doing better, and you forgot to get out the science materials for the next day's lesson. You also forgot to brush your teeth.

4:3o (if lucky) fall back asleep, wake up at 6.

TL;DR
Spend the entire day teaching children to think, read, write, do math, and be decent people. Work as many or more hours for free than for pay. Spend your own money on basic supplies and for any extras. Do this with or without the appreciation of administrators, parents, or children. Apparently, do this without any appreciation from the nation. Do it every day, for fourteen years and counting.

Who, exactly, are YOU calling useless?

No Love,
Useless Public Sector Worker, AKA Public School Teacher

P.S. - To the rest of you, while I'm ranting:
Don't call me a saint. Don't say there's a special place in heaven for me or that I'm doing God's work. Put your money where your mouth is and donate to a teacher's project on Donors Choose (I won't complain if you donate to mine, but really- donate to anyone!). Then harass your legislators until they do right by teachers, which includes doing right by teachers' unions. Then maybe we won't have to spend our "free time" begging on Donors Choose in the first place.

Frank

2011-09-13T22:57:00.000-07:00

I was working on my computer today when I got a facebook post from a friend and former co-worker:

"Hey, I am watching this special on PBS hosted by Tavis Smiley. He is at the Alameda Youth Jail and I think I just saw Frank. I don't remember his last name but I knew him as soon as I saw him. He had the scar on his forehead. Isn't that your old student. They said he was 18. Does that add up"

Yes. yes, it does add up. Frank (it is odd to use his real first name, but he's on TV with that name) was a kid in my first and third grade classes, in 2000 (I came in January and they had had 6 substitutes before then) and then 2001-2002. He was famous at our school, not least because he was expelled in second grade for hitting a teacher or something like that - I honestly don't remember. He was brought back for third grade and I requested him again. He was one of those kids who caused trouble everywhere he went and was so angry that it was just coming out of his pores, even when he was six. He was also really smart and an excellent athlete, but he didn't have time to really devote to these things because he was always, always in trouble.

This child would sometimes just melt down. I was 24 when I taught him for the first time and was not at all prepared for a kid with these kinds of emotional needs. I sometimes had to give him time outs at the class across the hall, where the teacher would teach him multiplication to calm him down. I can still see him and how proud he was that he had learned 12x12 in first grade. Sometimes he would climb up on my lap and cry, sometimes he would show off how he could read, and sometimes he would steal my supplies and throw up gang signs in class photos

In third grade, I tried to get him more help but we just had so many obstacles - ranging from his family structure to our turnover in principals - that we never got really far. He got counseling from an MFT or LCSW intern for a while but we lost our funding for her. I had some amazing volunteers that year - Cal athletes - and one of them really took Frank under his wing. His name was Patrick and he was a tennis player but unfortunately, I don't still have his information. I'd like to tell him how Frank looked forward to Fridays when he could see Patrick. His therapist tried to teach him visualization techniques to calm himself down and his favorite one was playing cards with Patrick. He'd try to calm himself down by sitting in the corner and closing his eyes, then dealing the invisible Uno cards - "one to me, one to Patrick."

Frank's mom went back and forth about if she thought I was helping him and if she was furious with me. I'm sure she had a lot to deal with and I know she loved (and I'm sure loves) her son immensely. It's a hard, hard place for black boys and black men.

This documentary is about exactly that - how difficult it is for black boys and young men in this country. I have only watched two clips but it would have made me cry even if I didn't know any of the young men being shown because it's so true and so hard.

This is the clip. Frank is the second to last one to speak and you can tell he is thoughtful and intelligent and wants better than what he has and what he's done. I don't know what he's been locked up for, how many times it's been, or what he's doing now, but I've been praying for him for 10 years. He both breaks my heart and reminds me of why I am so grateful and honored to have had the chance to teach where I did.

I am going to buy this when it comes out on DVD and I hope it affects many, many people. Anyone who's tempted to judge kids who are imprisoned needs to actually listen to them. Of course they've made mistakes and made bad decisions - in some cases, really horrible decisions that caused a great deal of pain. But there's always a reason and a story behind it. I don't say that to absolve them of responsibility but maybe to put more responsibility on all of us to stop this cycle and help these kids out. They're worth so much more than this.

Regrets

2011-09-05T23:21:00.000-07:00

The regrets I have from my time teaching in a classroom are not what you might think. I know I gave everything I had to those kids - no regrets there. I was tired - very very tired - and would have done better if I wasn't so exhausted, but there wasn't much I could have done about that.

What I regret most is not standing up for myself to authority figures in the school and the district.

When my first principal told us that we should all be afraid for our jobs, I wish that I had said that I didn't feel motivated by a constant reminder to be afraid for my job.

Each and every time an administrator answered my request to sign my after-school tutoring papers or reimburse me for something with "But don't you do this for the children?" or "I'm disappointed that you're asking me this - I thought you did this for the children," I wish I had said "Excuse me! I am a professional and we had an agreement! Please do not try to tell me that I am not committed to my job or these children because I want to be paid what I am owed!"

When I was subbing for the district and the sub coordinator cursed at me - actually cursed, and yelled - I wish I had said calmly that I wasn't going to talk to someone who spoke to me that way.

There were so, so many instances like this that I wish I had dealt with differently. Sometimes I was afraid for my job, and at other times I was just too young to have experience or confidence, but I think that I would have been a better teacher and not have gotten burned out so fast if I had higher standards for the people in charge. Of course, I may have been fired, but still. I wish I had done that differently.

Slavery

2011-08-26T21:22:00.000-07:00

There is a blog post I want to share, from a blogger I really like, because it reminds me of some interactions I've had with some of my students. This blogger talks about her (black) kids going to a slavery exhibit and getting really scared. It felt to real to them and the fact is, if they had been born into a different time, they might have been put on a real one of these ships.

Kids don't really understand timelines. I've had many students, in all seriousness, ask me if I had slaves as a little girl. Or if Martin Luther King, Jr. freed the slaves. Or if they lived in Africa if they would have been captured and sold. It's interesting, because in many ways, we try to "child-proof" history, like I've talked about before - making fun little Underground Railroad mazes and word searches. But history is really scary in many ways. Is it better to protect kids or to explain the truth to them?

The Feelings Paper

2011-08-23T00:06:00.000-07:00

Feelings can be very scary for children, and in the lower grades, they often don't have the vocabulary they need to express their feelings. Frustration, anger, sadness - sometimes even excitement - can all lead to kids acting out in a number of ways.

I wish more adults understood that there is always always a reason for kids to act the way they are acting. They aren't just being "bad" because they want to be - there's something behind it. Some kids hit others when they are angry, some kids put their heads down and become unresponsive when they're sad, and some kids interrupt constantly when they are nervous. There's always a motivation behind the behavior, but children are often not equipped to see this.

One of the things I'm most proud of is creating this silly piece of paper that the kids called the "feelings paper." I did it right before the first day of school one year and I wished I had done it sooner. I've seen similar things with pictures of facial expressions, which I suppose is where I got the idea, but I tried to pick the feelings that would be most applicable for my students.

If you can't see the photo, the paper has a spot for the child's name, and then says "I feel:" They can check "angry," "sad," "disappointed," "worried," "frustrated," "nervous," "excited," "happy," or "I just need attention." They can also write in their own feeling. At the bottom it says "Please tell me why and what would help you.

If I had to pick the single most effective tool I have used in my years of teaching, it would be this paper. I set some ground rules. The papers were in a stack in a certain place and the kids could get up and get one at any time as long as they were quiet. They could also hand it to me or put it on my desk at any time. I would look at it as soon as I could but they understood that I might not be able to do anything immediately. Often, they didn't need me to, because they just needed to acknowledge their feelings.

I'll write later about how I taught some of those words ("frustrated" was a particularly empowering word for many kids). Every one of those words got used, and the most common write-in was "I want to hit someone." (We had talked about how it was OK to feel like hitting someone, as long as you didn't actually hit someone.)

One child whose mom was getting out of jail kept filling out papers with "excited," "happy," and "nervous" all checked. He didn't need me to do anything except read it. One kid, who I wrote about before, checked every single emotion, and filled out a feelings paper probably four times a day. Often he'd write something about hating himself. I don't know if it helped him at all, but maybe it made him a tiny bit aware of the fact that he had a lot going on.

A girl I remember quite well verified the need for "I just need attention." Before I introduced these papers, she was a big of a nightmare. After, she still acted out sometimes, but she would often get a paper instead, and check "I just need attention." Then she would underline it four or five times and add exclamation marks to it. Sometimes she would rewrite it at the bottom, just in case I hadn't understood. The amazing thing was her self-awareness. She really did just need attention. I could get the paper, read it, go over to her and touch her shoulder, and go back to the front of the room, all without stopping what I was saying to the class, and it worked. At least, it worked for 30 minutes or so before I got the next paper from her.

Labels

2011-08-19T00:24:00.000-07:00

I was in a crowded public area with a friend last week when I saw a woman in a really short skirt. I kind of nudged my friend and looked toward the woman and my friend didn't see her. I whispered to her what I was looking at (she skirt was really short) and my friend still didn't see her. I tried a few other descriptors: the woman with short hair, the woman with brown shoes, etc. Then I realized what I didn't say. I didn't say that it was the black woman. That would have pointed her out right away.

Aside from why it was so important to me to point this woman out (it wasn't that important, but once I had said it, for some reason, I wanted to make my point), I thought later about why I was so hesitant to point out the woman's race. I was willing to use just about every other descriptor, but for some reason if felt wrong to say "the black woman."

I have noticed this at school too. The kids were very direct. "Who hit you?" "That Mexican kid." Who is in your class?" "That black girl." This can be a little jarring, but it's very clear. Teachers, on the other hand, went out of their way to not mention race when pointing out a child. I've heard teachers point to a child across the playground, and mention what child is wearing, what position he or she is in, what his or her haircut is... all when pointing out the race of the child would have cleared it up immediately.

A friend recently shared an interesting article about race and how we talk to children about race. It turns out that it is essential that we talk directly to children about this subject. Many of us are pretty uncomfortable with this and like to take the "colorblind" approach, but this may not be the best way to deal with it. Comedian Stephen Colbert does an excellent job of pointing out how silly this approach can be, saying things like "I don't see color. People tell me I'm white and I believe them because police officers call me 'sir.'"

I'm not entirely sure I've always done a good job with this subject - clearly I have my own issues around it, as we all do. But I've found that when students ask me questions and I answer directly, they're happy to get an answer. They're naturally curious and want to know why my skin doesn't look like theirs, and they're not afraid to keep asking questions - everything from why I get sunburned so fast to if I had any black friends growing up. I wonder if we shouldn't take this approach more often.

Separate

2011-08-09T18:55:00.000-07:00

I wrote another blog for Teaching Tolerance that you can find here. It describes an eye-opening experience I had in my second year of teaching about how drastically segregation/separation can affect children. I'd love it if you read it! Even more exciting is the fact that they want me to blog for them regularly!

One more note: If you read this blog on the actual website and not through RSS or Facebook, you may have noticed a "Donate" button to the right. This is a tip jar. I write this blog because of my passion for justice and my desire to ignite that passion in others. Unfortunately, passion don't pay the bills. If you appreciate my work here, please donate! I will also be sharing more valuable teaching tips and strategies in the future (things I wish someone had told me), so if that helps you and you'd like to express your gratitude, every little bit helps me devote more time to writing about these topics. Thank you!

Facebook doesn't always let you click through, so the website can be found at: http://www.tigerthegecko.blogspot.com

New Home for the Gecko

2011-07-29T22:44:00.000-07:00

Tiger is going to be in a middle school science class this year! I have a feeling that the students will love him. Animals have a way of reaching the students who are tough to reach - somehow this little lizard can break down walls that humans can't. I have seen the meanest kids in my class talk to animals in an incredibly loving manner.

The gecko is also good for teachers. Nothing quiets a class down faster than "Well, I guess I'll have to take Tiger home because this class is too loud for him."

He's a good pet.

Four years ago: Back to School Specials

I Knew I Liked Matt Damon

2011-07-26T22:33:00.000-07:00

I've always liked this man.

One year ago: Race Does Matter

Two years ago: And...Another Bad Decision

You're OK

2011-07-23T22:07:00.000-07:00

I'm working with a teenage girl right now who's having a hard time. There's custody issues and anxiety and probably depression and definitely ADD. I wouldn't be surprised if there were some other mental health diagnoses as well. Recently her guardian (another family member) decided that she didn't need her ADD medication. This guardian decided that the girl was just "dramatic" and would be fine without the medication. She didn't consult the doctor, the therapist, or the child.

When I saw this student, she had been off her meds for a couple of days and was really upset. She probably was being dramatic - teenagers tend to - but I think she was also going through some withdrawal. After all, if you're going to go off any medication, it's a good idea to do so in a doctor-prescribed way and not just have it yanked away from you. She had also been doing really well on this medication and was feeling stable and calm, so to have it taken away very obviously shook her up, which probably compounded any issues she was already having from adjusting physiologically.

At one point, she got really frustrated that her handwriting was worse than usual (the photo is her writing from the week before at the top and her writing from the week she was off her meds at the bottom) and broke her pen in half. Then she cried because she didn't want to break things. I didn't know what to say so I just kept saying, "It's OK,; you're OK right now. I know you feel bad but you're OK and we're going to do this." It was pretty pathetic but it seemed to calm her down somehow.

I said that to my third graders a lot too. Some of them had seen some horrible things and people had left them who shouldn't have left them and they just hated themselves. Those kids were smaller and I knew them better and I could hug them and say "You're OK. I'm taking care of you right now and you're OK." I think the most I could give them was a feeling of being OK just for that one minute.

One year ago: Creativity

Two years ago: Decisions

Three years ago: My Time With the Three-Year Olds

Kobe

2011-07-20T22:05:00.000-07:00

I really liked this kid. The school he went to before ours was George W. Bush Elementary School (in another city). He told me "I don't know why they named a school after him. He didn't do nothing for education. A wise 8-year old.

Friday, July 20, 2007

Meet a Child: "Kobe"

This is a kid who moved away mid-year because his mom was terrified of all the violence - especially after someone came and threatened his teenage brother.

Writing about himself:

My name is Kobe. I am 8 years old and my birthday was born in 1998. My eye is dark brown and my hair is black and I like to play footbal. I like to play with my best friend. I am very talkative and honest. I am very cook and I am very nice. I make friends. I like school. Sometimes I get to change my card to Green that mean I am in trouble. Sometimes I stay on Blue. I got friends and we went to the coliseum the A's won the other day the other day the raider lost. I like school. I have a nice teacher.

On imagining he was in a scene from a book where the kids walked past a barbecue and a church:

I imagine I went to church and when it was over we had BBQ burgers. Our preacher was light skined with black hair. It was fun at the end and "We love God, and love you Jesus." In there it smell like strawberries. My cousin my aunties and my brothers and sisters, my mom, brothers and sisters.

He is talkative and nice and honest. And I do miss him!

Two years ago: Poison Oak

Four years ago: Meet a Child: Kobe

Five years ago: I'm On Summer Vacation!