being Mom2Amara | MoninaW | a Cleveland mom's blog

just keep swimming

2012-01-26T20:15:00.000-05:00

I think I've been Mr. Grumpy Gills lately. But I just need to keep swimming.

Just keep swimming.

Which makes me even more excited for this.

How an American Idol taught my daughter an important life lesson

2012-01-16T16:39:00.000-05:00

I was mocked.

I remember when the first season of American Idol was announced. People at work laughed at me for being excited for the show’s debut. But I didn’t care. I knew I would be enthralled with it.

Granted, I watch the reality show less and less these days. It lost its appeal. Not to mention life has my schedule a little booked.

But that doesn’t mean I can’t myself reap the rewards of its Idols. I am a teeny bopper at heart.

So this past weekend as I was listening to Kelly Clarkson’s new album, Amara asked me a piercing question.

What does it mean when she says, ‘What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger’?”

I shook my head. Why do I always end up with the profound eight-year-old? How could I make this song lyric resonate with a third grader?

So I did the only thing I could do. I compared it to the one thing that has consumed our lives the last few months.

It's no secret. Divorce is painful. It shreds families apart. And good people turn ugly.

I told Amara even though some days may seem long and dark, she will get through this time. And she will see how she is a better person because of it.

This will transform her. For the better.

Yes, there were days when I just wanted to die. My heart literally hurt. I was nauseous. Dizzy. I couldn’t breathe. For what seemed like an eternity, I asked God for a sign, a way out. I waited. But I can’t blame anyone for where I am in life. I realized I had to just move forward and thrive.

In with that, I will become stronger. She will become stronger.

And with her gorgeous brown eyes, she looked at me and said she’s already gone through chaos she never imagined she would live through. Then she told me about the great sadness she felt after my mother’s passing.

Damn you American pop culture for having relevance and infiltrating in on my child’s character.

So guess what? Apparently mayhem will toughen you up. And an American Idol does know what she's talking about. What doesn’t kill you will prepare you to deal with the heartbreaks of life.

You just have to hope there are people around that can nurture and care for you as you fight.

this is how 2011 ends

2011-12-27T07:00:00.000-05:00

There are many things I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy.

And that doesn't say much since I'm really not that nice of a person all of the time.

But 2011 hasn't been really nice to me.

Yet as I reflect back on the year, I wouldn't wish a lot of it on even those crappy souls that came after me. But in hindsight, this year has been one of the best for me too.

2011 has been ugly and painful. But it forced me to take a road less taken and not look back. And I had to become a "nicer" person and let go of bitterness. I am reminded by brilliant friends of what truly matters in life. I have overcome obstacles and turned emeralds into diamonds. (I'm not a lemon into lemonade gal!)

So good riddance, 2011. Happy to see you go.

Here's to 2012!

I'm a numbers girl

2011-12-19T09:22:00.000-05:00

I heart math.

You would never guess it now. But I actually used to be really great at numbers. Like calculus great.

Now I’m literally grateful I can multiply by 10’s in my head.

But for some reason, I still have this knack for numbers when it comes to dates and times. I can clearly remember milestones big or small.

April 21, 2003: I moved into my first house.

March 7, 2008: Amara received her first phone call.

December 4, 2009: We lost my Mom.

And today, today is an ordinary Monday for most. For my friend Danielle, it’s a fabulous one because it’s her birthday. For me, it’s another one of those days that I can remember so vividly but this time I want to shut it out from my memory. I want it to stay as part of the past but know it will always be a part of me. It made me who I am today. Hopefully that’s a stronger person.

I don’t think anyone realizes the significance of today. And that’s ok.

I’ll just go on crunching numbers the way I do. That’s who I am.

that was easy

2011-12-05T10:03:00.001-05:00

We've all seen the commercial with that easy button. Press it and presto - instantaneous gratification of some sort.

That was easy.

Well yesterday was anything but easy for me. I was on an emotional roller coaster. It was pouring down rain. And I looked a hot mess.

I made a stop on the Turnpike when two strangers rolled down their car windows. Oye. I was so not in the mood to speak to anyone. But I didn't want to be rude. So I graciously turned. And they paid me a nice compliment.

Me.

Completely unprompted. They didn't know me from boo.

It made me smile.

I drove away. And all of a sudden, for a few short minutes, I forgot how grumpy I was about the weather and the compliment made me giggle.

So today, do something easy. I know I plan to.

always in our hearts

2011-12-04T07:00:00.000-05:00

3/12/49 - 12/4/09

blessed (in pictures)

2011-11-28T07:00:00.000-05:00

So I reread my Thanksgiving post and realized what a bummer it was to start the holiday season.

Because all things considered, I'm blessed. I'm blessed with a supportive family and fabulous friends. I'm blessed with a good job, a roof over my head, and food on the table.

And over the past few months, I realize how blessed I am to not only have a beautiful daughter, but to have one that amazes me with her poise and grace.

I'm so proud of how Amara has handled herself. She's had a lot of growing up to do in short period of time.

That's why I was so grateful we had an afternoon that was all about Amara and her cousins downtown with local photographer Sarah Sloboda.

Amara was free to be herself. And heaven knows that's what she did.

Photo courtesy of SarahSloboda.com

Sarah really captured Amara's true character.

Photo courtesy of SarahSloboda.com

And that smile. It's what warms my heart.

Photo courtesy of SarahSloboda.com

I'm in awe of Amara.

And I'm grateful to Sarah for capturing my daughter's true essence. This wasn't a "photo shoot." But Sarah really did help my family create wonderful memories. She allowed each child's personality to shine. And she gave each of them time to be in the limelight.

These past few months have been incredibly difficult, but I can now look to these photos and be reminded of all the hope the future holds and love by which I'm truly surrounded.

I am blessed.

the 'first' holiday

2011-11-24T07:52:00.000-05:00

I don't want to poison Thanksgiving. And I'm not talking about my cooking.

This will be the first holiday which Amara won't be with both her parents.

I won't lie. I considered for a fleeting moment offering to share the day with Dad2Amara to preserve a sense of stability for my daughter. But I ultimately knew what would happen. After superficial conversation, we would end up bickering like children.

So instead, I will go without my heart today for the first time in eight years. My only child will not be sitting beside me at the dinner table.

Sure, I will be surrounded by family. But I can't help but think I'll still feel alone.

While I was in college, I spent a Thanksgiving on my own in my apartment in Chicago. No one knew I spent it by myself.

It. Was. Miserable.

I had to work Black Friday. So paying for a flight home for a turkey dinner made no sense. And I didn't tell my friends about my plans so there were no invites to attend their family gatherings. I mean, I couldn't impose. So I sat in my apartment, in the dark, crying. Because I was spending my first holiday alone. Not even football could make me smile. I think I ate chicken nuggets.

This Thanksgiving, I'll have my family with me. But the beautiful little girl that matters most won't be with us.

But I have to remember that after my first Thanksgiving alone, I spent a glorious Black Friday with friends. And that is what will happen tomorrow. I will have Amara again. And we have a fantastic weekend planned.

So this Thanksgiving, no tears. Only gratitude. For I do have much to be thankful.

And that includes no chicken nuggets on the menu.

Dear Santa

2011-11-09T08:29:00.002-05:00

Dear Santa,

It's been a few years since I've last written. My last letter may have included glitter and a request for a Cabbage Patch Doll and Belinda Carlisle album.

I know this is your busy period. But hopefully your elves will deliver this letter to you.

I love Christmas. And I love your jolly nature.

Yet today, Santa, you made me want to yank away my 8-year-old daughter's innocent spirit.

She's only asking for one thing from you this year. And it's something I can't give her.

I explained how wish lists are exactly that - wishes.

And she cried.

But she was prepared. She said you were magical and capable of anything.

And that's when I wanted to tell her the love she feels on Christmas morning isn't because of you and your red sack. It's me. I'm awake in the middle of the night eating cookies, drinking milk and wrapping gifts. Not you. For her entire life, I cultivated this wonderful, glowing story on how you bring joy and happiness into her life. But today, I longed to tell her the truth and that what she's asking for is not what's best. And I hope one day she understands and forgives me.

So Santa, I hope you can understand why I'm writing you this morning. Just thought you should know. You didn't just make Amara cry. I cried too.

Signed,
Mom2Amara

defriended

2011-10-31T00:18:00.001-04:00

We're going to be connected for life. He is after all Dad2Amara.

And when all is said and done, I truly hope he and I can remain friends in real life.

But there's something about staying friends with him on Facebook through this process that made me uneasy.

I surely didn't want to add fuel to the fire. We've gone down an already destructive path - the journey did not need to be rockier. I didn't want a confrontation. So I gently asked Dad2Amara if I could do the unthinkable. And last night, I clicked "unfriend."

It seemed so final.

And it seemed so simple. One click, and it was done.

But I know it isn't. I'm sincere when I say I hope I can friend him on social media again in the future.

But let's be honest. It's not like I'm dumping him. We're beyond that now.

I could have untagged him from family photos. I mean, we've been married for 11 years. We have an eight-year-old daughter. That's a lot of holidays, anniversaries, and other random memories documented on that timeline. But I did not.

Yet I felt I needed to cut him from my Facebook friends' list.

I'll admit, I had a bit of immature stalking going on - checking up on his page, keeping tabs on him. He rarely posts on Facebook so then I thought, well maybe I can keep posting so he can see what he's missing. But I'm not Beyonce. I don't think I'm making him jealous over my wall posts about Pixie Dust.

Because Dad2Amara is not active on social media, it wasn't his posts in my news feed that annoyed me. I was more worried about how he perceived my posts. Paranoid? Perhaps. Self-centered? Sure. But legitimate concern of mine? Absolutely. It goes without saying he notices what I post.

And honestly, I felt like I was typing on virtual eggshells. I didn't know what reaction my Facebook statuses would get. And it's difficult to get my friends to comment on my posts when they know he's watching too.

So in the end, defriending him is what I chose.

Maybe I'll get a friend request from Dad2Amara. Perhaps it will coincide with when Amara opens her Facebook account. Or maybe it will be the day this is all official and complete. But I've said it before: nothing lasts forever. But I'm hopeful one day, he and I can be friends again.

forever

2011-10-28T04:00:00.000-04:00

Nothing lasts forever.

Years ago, I remember having everything at my fingertips. All was right with the world. I was so smitten, I was literally hugging trees. I thought all sorts of things would last forever.

Today, I stress out thinking about how short life is. After my Mom passed, life seemed even more precious. But this delicate life became so hectic. I was suffocating. Yet it was strangely exhilarating. My head spun. I couldn't see straight.

I began to reevaluate life. In it's most basic state, I saw it drifting in a different direction. But I know some see it much more dramatic and unraveling. Yet the road on which we set, I don't think I can come back.

No, I don't want to be alone. But the house stopped feeling like a home. And I am reminded of past broken promises and don't know if I can accept more of the same. I have to be willing to let go of this life we planned.

I have this beautiful gift. And she is as wonderful as I could have ever dreamed. But beyond her, being apart is best. I know it.

At some point, you have to realize that some people can stay in your heart but not in your life.

This isn't how I thought it would end.

Nothing lasts forever.

when life was simpler

2011-10-26T00:07:00.001-04:00

October, 2005

she survived the rainforest (and the roadtrip)

2011-10-24T00:17:00.000-04:00

Last weekend, Amara and I jumped into the mom-mobile for a girls' weekend in Chicago.

Yes, Amara hit me up for three days in the Windy City. And it was oh. So. Much. Fun.

But given the rising cost of airfare, I figured we could make do driving the five hours west rather than flying. But how on earth would I occupy an eight-year-old while I tried to stay in my highly caffeinated state?

Enter Ruckus Media. I was introduced to them at the Social Soiree during BlogHer11. And honestly, with all the hubbub surrounding back-to-school, I had forgotten about them. But Amara didn't. She knew she wanted new apps for the iPad. So we downloaded three interactive stories just before our getaway.

My personal favorite is Andrew Answers. It is cleverly written, although for a child Amara's age, the game was not that challenging. But Amara did find the story to be entertaining. She listened to it over and over again.

Now for the animal lover in my daughter, she adored Rainforest Survival Challenge. She loved it so much, she wrote her own review:

Rainforest Survival Challenge was a fun game to play. I liked it because you get to learn how different animals and plants survive in the rain forest with just themselves and their surroundings. I also liked that you could swap cards and use that instead of the card you had. You could put your name in and if you wanted to change it or if someone else wanted to play and didn't want to play with your name they could change it. The only thing I didn't like was that sometimes when I tried to move a card it was just frozen. That is what I think about Rainforest Survival Challenge.

Because she is a girlie-girl, I thought Amara would enjoy My Little Pony: Twilight Sparkle, Teacher for a Day. But the story just didn't grab her the way the other two app's did. She played this app once, and it has sat on my iPad unused ever since.

For the most part, all of the iPad apps were very engaging. And they really encouraged the kids to learn. This really just demonstrates to me how technology can be instrumental in education. Amara really focuses on the story lines when she's on the iPad. And it's super convenient for me to take the iPad with us on the go, rather than lugging around 10 books in the back seat of the mom-mobile. We survived our 300 mile trek to Chicago, in great part because of Ruckus Media. If Ruckus Media comes out with more apps geared towards Amara's age group, we'd definitely try them out again.

Disclosure: The products were provided. No compensation was received. The honest opinions are my own.

Phineas and Ferb: The Best LIVE Show Ever!

2011-10-23T23:55:00.000-04:00

So I think I've mentioned once or twice that Amara and I love Disney. So we're counting down the days until Phineas and Ferb: The Best LIVE Show Ever! at the Wolstein Center.

Yet, while I'm a huge fan, apparently I'm not that big of a fan. Because there's some trivia even I couldn't answer.

Do you know what city Phineas and Ferb live in?
How old is Candace?
Do you know Isabella's last name?

Try Danville. 15. And Garcia-Shapiro.

Yup. Those questions stumped me. But doesn't matter. I'm still excited for the Show! And you should be too!

Don't forget, when you go to this page to purchase seats, you can save $4 in advance on each ticket with CODE: MOMDL. (Restrictions: MOMDL code valid through October 30, 2011. Not valid on Front Row and VIP seats. Limit 6 tickets per transaction.)

Hope to see you there!

where is home?

2011-10-10T02:40:00.000-04:00

It took a friend reminding me a few days ago that I have been at my "new" job now nearly four months. Hard to believe because I felt out of sorts yet feel like I fell into place there.

And I really like their toilet paper. It is really soft.

My first morning in the office I literally sat down and realized, "wow, I'd use this at my house." My last place of employment used that industrial scratchy stuff. But there, even my rear was happy.

It's like home.

Lately, this concept of "home" has been coming up a lot for me. Does it exist in a place? A moment in time? A feeling that comes along with you like toilet paper? Should be an easy question to answer, right?

Cleveland's my home. Actually my home was a house on Lori Drive where I grew up less jaded and bitter. I can picture the rolling hills in the backyard, complete with a swing set. I remember Christmas mornings and family arguments. This was home.

And that new job? The building sits upon my old sledding hill. Talk about memories each time I drive into work.

But these days, I think my definition of home has morphed into something different - for better or worse. Home is where love is waiting for you at its doorstep. Its where your heart, soul and mind thrives. Its where you are comfortable. The city may change but the furniture stays the same. And it is still home. Its where you simply belong.

Amara has been blessed to have known two homes. Each has been unique for a reason. But again, they each have been just that...home.

Has your definition of home changed? Where is home for you?

whatcha doing? Phineas and Ferb are headed to CLE

2011-10-09T23:04:00.000-04:00

Again, it's no secret I love all things Disney.

But it's not just the Mouse we love. Amara and I are huge Phineas and Ferb fans.

So when we heard they were coming to the Wolstein Center on October 30th, we were ECSTATIC. Hello? The step-brothers are our favorite!

Disney's Phineas and Ferb: The Best LIVE Tour Ever! comes to Northeast Ohio complete with an evil plan of Dr. Doofenshmirtz.

So do you want to go? And do you want to go with a discount?

Thought so.

When you go to this page to buy your seats, you can save $4 in advance on each ticket with the code MOMDL. (Restrictions: code valid through October 30, 2011. Not valid on Front Row and VIP seats. Limit 6 tickets per transaction.)

Want to know more? Visit the official tour website here. Hope to see you there!

Disclosure: I am a Feld Family Ambassador, and in exchange for my time and efforts, Feld Entertainment has provided me with complimentary tickets to Feld shows and opportunities to attend private Feld pre-Show events. Opinions stated, are always my own and never wavered by products received nor compensated unless, otherwise, stated. Also, I am not a Disney employee. The postings on this site are my own and do not necessarily represent Disney’s positions or opinions. I am an independent contractor and my views are not intended to reflect the opinions of Walt Disney Parks and Resorts, it affiliates, its management, its agents, or its employees and have not been reviewed or approved by Walt Disney Parks and Resorts Online prior to posting.

Disney skates on through

2011-10-09T00:07:00.000-04:00

A few weeks ago, Feld Entertainment invited us out to see Disney on Ice presents Mickey and Minnie's Magical Journey. Having gone to several Disney on Ice productions in the past, we knew there is no such thing as a bad seat at the Q.

And from the get-go, Amara was loving the show. I mean, who doesn't love seeing Mickey Mouse in his safari gear?

And with the 3D release of movie, Amara thoroughly enjoyed The Lion King portion of the show. She sang aloud as Simba and Nala skated.

I really thought the vibrant colors of The Little Mermaid number were incredible.

During previous shows, I thought the production was a little long for the children in the audience. But this one seemed to be just the right length.

The music, costumes, and artistry really do get better year after year.There's a reason why we never miss a Disney on Ice show when they skate into Cleveland. And as Amara grows older, we don't plan to start.

Disclosure: I am a Feld Family Ambassador, and in exchange for my time and efforts, Feld Entertainment has provided me with complimentary tickets to Feld shows and opportunities to attend private Feld pre-Show events. Opinions stated, are always my own and never wavered by products received nor compensated unless, otherwise, stated. Also, I am not a Disney employee. The postings on this site are my own and do not necessarily represent Disney’s positions or opinions. I am an independent contractor and my views are not intended to reflect the opinions of Walt Disney Parks and Resorts, it affiliates, its management, its agents, or its employees and have not been reviewed or approved by Walt Disney Parks and Resorts Online prior to posting.

split personality

2011-09-26T03:30:00.000-04:00

I started blogging because I was bored.

Then it became a way to chronicle Amara's life.

And for a time, it was an outlet for me during my Mom's last days. Cancer. Brain tumors. Hospice. Grief.

I just always write about things I know, whether anyone's reading or not.

Recently a friend told me she thought I had created a second persona. Like having a split personality. Perhaps not intentionally but as a way to shield myself from heartache. Or rejection. Or deep sadness.

Happy thoughts are easier to write about.

She said there is the Mom2Amara who attends Friday night football games, chit chatting with the other parents and cheering on the team. This is the same "persona" whom she says tweets, blogs, and Facebooks updates she thinks others will like.

Then there's me. The true Mom2Amara that cried at the end of the Great Food Truck Race because Hodge Podge was so close to winning it all. The one that doesn't sleep through the night because life isn't going the way she had planned.

Consequently, I find myself blogging less often. Because if I try to direct my writing towards a different direction, I feel I'm offering up a bit too much of my life. Or at least more than I'm willing to share. It's just where my present world sits.

So maybe I do have two personas.

But doesn't everyone?

Not everyone wants to destroy their white picket fence notions and air their dirty laundry, right? Very Stepford, I think. Well minus me being mindless or drop dead gorgeous. You get the picture.

I initially thought writing this post would help me understand my role as a "mom who blogs." But now I realize it's this random stream of consciousness. And it's made me more confused about who I am as a blogger.

How do you see yourself online? Are you who you say you are?

Disney on Ice presents Mickey & Minnie's Magical Journey

2011-09-24T00:57:00.000-04:00

I just told a friend of mine that I am ready for another vacation. I'm itching to get away.

I do have a few weekend trips planned. And I hate admitting it - I don't pack light. I never do.

But apparently neither do Mickey and Minnie.

Did you know that there are 220 costumes in the production of Disney On Ice presents Mickey & Minnie's Magical Journey?

That's a lot of suitcases.

And the production travels with three washers and three dryers. Oye. That may not sound like a magical journey for some Moms. Good thing that's behind the scenes.

Because it's all smiles on the ice as Mickey and Minnie act as your tour guides at Quicken Loans Arena beginning September 29. You'll travel with them to different destinations and meet up with other beloved Disney characters.

And It's not too late to get in on the fun.

When you click here, you can save $6 in advance on each ticket with CODE: FFA6 -- or save $3 on each ticket on the day of the show with CODE: FFA3. (Restrictions: FFA6 code valid through September 28, 2011. FFA3 code valid September 29 - October 2, 2011. Not valid on Discount Drug Mart Front Row and VIP seats. Limit 6 tickets per transaction.)

Amara and I are excited to see the show. We hope to see you there too!

Disclosure: I am a Feld Family Ambassador, and in exchange for my time and efforts, Feld Entertainment has provided me with complimentary tickets to Feld shows and opportunities to attend private Feld pre-Show events. Opinions stated, are always my own and never wavered by products received nor compensated unless, otherwise, stated. Also, I am not a Disney employee. The postings on this site are my own and do not necessarily represent Disney’s positions or opinions. I am an independent contractor and my views are not intended to reflect the opinions of Walt Disney Parks and Resorts, it affiliates, its management, its agents, or its employees and have not been reviewed or approved by Walt Disney Parks and Resorts Online prior to posting.

dreams

2011-09-20T04:30:00.000-04:00

I think something's wrong with me. Seriously wrong with me.

Most parents, when they dream dreams for their children, concoct futures made for Harvard. Or Hollywood. Or at the very least the headlines of Huffington Post.

They want their kids to become President. Or to be the doctor to cure cancer. Or a highly paid NFL wide receiver.

But I realized this week my dreams for Amara are much simpler.

Am I aiming too low?

I remind Amara daily to "make good choices." Because, to me, Amara's integrity is much more important than her status or even her financial success.

Yes, I dream Amara will one day attend college. Hopefully in Chicago so I can relive my co-ed days through her. Although Amara already has other ideas. She wants to attend school in Florida so she is that much closer to Disney World. But I digress.

I've always told my daughter to shoot for the moon because even if you miss, you'll land among the stars.

I wish someone had given me the same advice. Instead, I was led to believe these white picket fence notions that I now realize aren't very realistic. Living in the 'burbs with two and a half kids with a minivan and a dog. Then a sort of ceiling was placed overhead, and all of a sudden, my dreams were capped.

As Mom2Amara, I know Amara looks up to me. So I too need to continue to go after my dreams.

I want to show Amara she has the freedom to explore the world around her. I want my daughter to feel she can achieve anything she wants.

I don't care if Amara becomes a teacher, veterinarian, garbage collector, racecar driver, or fashion designer. I just want to encourage her to make a difference in the lives of the people around her.

I dream for Amara to be inspired.

making the Ford Explorer a family car

2011-09-10T08:23:00.002-04:00

You know I am a Mom when you see pudding, brownies and whipped cream all over the back seat of the mom-mobile. This is what truly makes it a family vehicle.

So when the good folks at Ford asked if I would be interested in borrowing a "family-friendly vehicle" from their fleet, I laughed.

One, I am not a big Ford fan. I grew up driving everything but Ford. And I up until recently, I have had bad luck with Ford cars. I now only drive Ford trucks and SUV's.

Two, Grandpa2Amara works at the local Ford Assembly Plant so I'm forced to drive them anyways.

And three, Amara and I are kinda too cool for a "family" vehicle. So if we were to borrow anything, we'd want a Mustang convertible.

Yea, the reps at Ford didn't go for that. But they did give us a sweet 2011 Ford Explorer Limited for the week.

It arrived just in time for the first day of school. So Amara immediately wanted to drive a friend to class. And that was fine since this Explorer had three rows of leather seats. And on this hot August day, we turned on the climate controlled seats so my rear end had a nice cool breeze.

Amara and Friend2Amara loved all the space they had in the Explorer. And they discovered on their own that the SUV had inflatable seatbelts in the rear.

This SUV not only did carpool but it did Girls' Night Out in the Warehouse District, margaritas at Si Senor, and grocery shopping in my town. It saw it all in Northeast Ohio.

Now, I love my gadgets. But this was sensory overload for me. The MyFord Touch touch screens were too much. I don't know if I could get used to driving a vehicle with this much on the dashboard. (I'd have a photo for you but mysteriously, all but two of my Explorer photos have disappeared. You'll have to trust me on this one.) But at the same time, all I wanted to do was touch all of the pretty buttons on the eight inch screen! The satellite radio, climate control, GPS...oye!

But then again, the technie in me appreciated the USB ports and the hands free activated controls for my smartphone.

The Explorer Limited has reverse sensing and an alarm system, which was great. It's always a huge fear of mine backing out of the driveway that a neighborhood kid is approaching and I don't see him or her.

And let's not forget the ambient lighting galore in this SUV. At night, I kinda felt like I was in the pimp-mobile. Not the mom-mobile.

When I'm buying a car, there are two things that are very important to me - outside of safety of course. A sunroof, which this particular Explorer did not have. And the sound system. This Explorer Limited came equipped with Audio by Sony but, to me, it was severely lacking in bass. I like to feel the bass rattle my chest. And this just didn't do it. I want my music to envelope me. Yup, didn't feel it.

So is the Explorer a good fit for my family? Well, it's mammoth. I couldn't even put my elbow out the rolled down window because I'm that short and it's that big. And on a typical day, there is never more than Amara and me in the mom-mobile. We're a quaint lil' family.

But after a week of driving it, did I absolutely fall in love with it? Yes. Yes. Yes. I hated giving it back. The Ford Explorer Limited drives so smoothly. It's quiet. And it maneuvers curves really well. I'm sad I didn't get to try the Terrain Management controller and go off roading! Maybe next time.

I hope I get to drive a Ford Explorer again soon. I'm going to miss this SUV. I know Amara already does. She asks daily (seriously she does) if we can buy one. Maybe one day.

Oh and Ford, sorry about the pudding in the back seat. I cleaned it up as best as I could!

Disclosure: This post made possible by Ford Motor Company. Opinions stated, are always my own and never wavered by products received nor compensated unless, otherwise, stated.

I use jazz hands

2011-09-08T08:58:00.002-04:00

I have learned so much about myself these last few weeks. Some things have made me laugh so hard, I get side stitches now just thinking about it. Others have broken my heart a million times over.

Want to know more about me? Or for those of you who think you know me well, let's see if you knew these things about me too:

I hate emptying the dishwasher. I mean loathe it. Loading it is no problem since I hate clutter. Seeing plates and glasses in the sink bother me so I want to toss them in the dishwasher. But why do I hate putting the items away?
Music is a big part of my life. Every milestone in my life has a song associated with it. There's an anthem for each part of my life. I was in A Capella choir in school. And somehow, music got lost the last few years. So I've been dancing more in the shower. And singing in my car. And yes, I use jazz hands.
Sleep is really important. And there's no amount of Starbucks that can replicate a good night's sleep
I heart eyeliner. A little can go a long way. For real.
Everything I learned in high school apparently went out the door the moment I moved out of my hometown. Sorry Mr. McCarty. Wish I had retained some of that A.P. Economics. Would come in handy these days.
I apparently do not need every Badgley Mischka purse I see. Even if it's on sale. Or super cute. Or that I'm still regretting not buying it days later. #JustSaying
I bought new jeans after losing some weight. I'm not a jeans girl. Well I wasn't. I apparently am now. And now these jeans are loose. Not sure if that's good or bad. But I'll take it.
My calves are still too big for riding boots. Dammit.
Even I can have too much online time.
I like gin. Who knew?
No matter how exhausted you are, no matter what others say, I can push the limits for the sake of Amara. Because that's what a Mom does.
Sometimes it's ok if life is a cliche.
I have some of the best friends. (Yes, I already knew this but still.)

Disney skates into CLE

2011-09-05T20:02:00.000-04:00

You all know I love me some Disney.

In fact, it's 25 days until my next trip to Disney World. But who's counting?

But when I can't get down to Orlando, what's the next best thing? When Disney comes to Northeast Ohio, of course!

Amara and I haven't missed a Disney on Ice performance since she was born. And we don't plan to break tradition this month - since my beloved Disney characters are skating into Quicken Loans Arena on September 29 for Disney on Ice presents Mickey & Minnie's Magical Journey.

Why do I love Disney on Ice? Because it's never just the Fab Five (Mickey, Minnie, Goofy, Pluto and Donald). We get to enjoy a ton of other characters too. This time around, Mickey & Minnie's Magical Journey includes Peter Pan, Tinker Bell, Ariel, and a host of other favorites.

Want a reason to love Disney on Ice? How about a discount? Mickey & Minnie's Magical Journey will be at the Q from September 29 to October 2, 2011. Head over to this page to buy your seats, and you can save $6 in advance on each ticket with CODE: FFA6 -- or save $3 on each ticket on the day of the show with CODE: FFA3. (Restrictions: FFA6 code valid through September 28, 2011. FFA3 code valid September 29 - October 2, 2011. Not valid on Discount Drug Mart Front Row and VIP seats. Limit 6 tickets per transaction.)

And need a way to get the kids excited about the show? Here's a fun coloring sheet to share with them!

Hope to see you at the Q!

Disclosure: I am a Feld Family Ambassador, and in exchange for my time and efforts, Feld Entertainment has provided me with complimentary tickets to Feld shows and opportunities to attend private Feld pre-Show events. Opinions stated, are always my own and never wavered by products received nor compensated unless, otherwise, stated. Also, I am not a Disney employee. The postings on this site are my own and do not necessarily represent Disney’s positions or opinions. I am an independent contractor and my views are not intended to reflect the opinions of Walt Disney Parks and Resorts, it affiliates, its management, its agents, or its employees and have not been reviewed or approved by Walt Disney Parks and Resorts Online prior to posting.

giving dating advice to my daughter

2011-08-31T03:07:00.000-04:00

Every parent hits milestones with their children.

And each seem to come with a sense of pride. Hope. Surprise.

But shoot me. I should not be talking to Amara about dating. At age eight.

Awkward.

I'm sure there are plenty of parents that believe their kids aren't old enough to date. But again. Amara's in third grade.

Why are we having this conversation?

We were driving home in the mom-mobile last night, having a perfectly fine dance party to Matt Nathanson when Amara meekly looked up from the back seat and asked if she could tell me about her day. Her tone and demeanor changed, and I thought for sure my daughter was having a break down.

Hello? Welcome to the club, my dear gorgeous girl.

Apparently Boyfriend2Amara confided in BestFriend2Amara that he may now like her. And of course BestFriend2Amara told my daughter at recess.

Follow that?

Oh, and by the way, Boyfriend2Amara has been "seeing" Amara for the last two years. We've been to family parties already.

In true Amara fashion, she continued talking through her mist-filled eyes. She responded it was okay, because she was now "available" for "football players."

Again, allow me to remind you she. is. eight.

I told my daughter what a beautiful young woman she is growing up to become. And how proud I am of her for being smart and strong. I told her to be successful, she doesn't need to be in a relationship. She can dance, work, and shop -- all without someone at her side. But if and when she is dating, it needs to be a healthy relationship. Her partner should adore her, accepting and supporting her for all that she is. Her partner should respect her, and their relationship should be based in honesty and open communication.

And when she's older, I'll explain how love is about risk. And passion.

I told Amara someone once said it's sometimes best to just hold your head up high, blink away the tears, and say goodbye.

Then in the end, as I drove, I wished with all of my might that my daughter would stay a little girl forever.

Because I'm learning skinned knees are easier to fix than a broken heart.

a letter to my crying third grader

2011-08-25T06:48:00.005-04:00

Dear Amara,

I hate seeing you cry.

And I hate that you witnessed me laugh at your pain. Really, I do feel bad.

But today's the first day of third grade. And I know you will rock it. Cursive writing? You'll be messy, but I will adore it. Multiplication and division? Hello? I'm your Mom. No problem. And I hear rumors you'll do some algebra. Yay. Algebra! And no, I haven't changed my mind on the bumper sticker, but it'll be fine.

Now, distinguishing the difference between science and technology? You're gonna have to find someone else. But we'll get through it. You'll get through it. Because you're bright. And talented. And amazing.

Today marks a new day in your educational journey. Third grade isn't a milestone. But it is a new school. With lockers.

You're a big girl now. Last year, your school supplies sported adorable puppies and glitter topped pencil pouches. Now, your folders adorn Rachel and Finn from Glee and fashion accessories.

So remember how you cried not 36 hours earlier when I read to you the student handbook verbatim? How your shorts were a wee bit too short? And how your tank tops were a bit too revealing? All of a sudden, the frightening jitters of the first day became secondary. And now, you are learning all of the interesting and wondrous idiosyncrasies of your school.

Amara, I let you "go" when you were just six weeks old to daycare. And no matter what you think, I will always be there for you, even if I snicker or mumble under my breath. Bean, I love you. And remember, no matter what you're wearing, I know you'll succeed and kick @ss. Because you're my daughter. And that's what we do.

Love,
Mom