Being Mummy Being Me

it's been a while let see if i can still do this

2013-02-22T10:59:00.003-08:00

Well the world of me is spinning as ever trying to get by day to day as best i can. Also acquired my sisters presence in my newly gained home but myself an my son are all good with that. Love of my life has been lack luster an without much thrills an spills. 6 months single and counting guess there is no romeo out there for me anytime soon. But I am much better in myself away from the counselling and dealing with loss of my nan as best I can a day at an time. Been pondering the idea of maybe starting writing and seeing how that goes who knows my blogging could turn into my passion and then on into something more. I still j'adore my football although as any red follower will tell you times have been troubled and tough of late but that still doesn't dampen my passion and pride. We will bounce back my LFC a girls one true love.

I have not found single parenthood easy I can't lie my tears and tantrums have been nearly as regular as my sons but I am coping and working on being the best mum I can be focusing on giving him all he needs the toughest obstacle breaking past that moment when I have a near 4 year old yelling at me that he doesn't like me anymore and he wants his dad. But its all part an parcel of day to day events never a dull moment.

Crazy as may be we have 2 further editions to the family in out kittens both wild little hell raisers who's only fear so far seems to be my son. But as i battle against ex's and real mothers over financial security i think to myself well I am still waking every morning and seizing the day as best as my will and body can so i am doing ok for now I will blog more again soon when I find my stride but this is just a hey still here don't forget about me.

After a lil lapse and space

2012-09-28T07:33:00.003-07:00

Well its days away from October and this year is flying so fast I fear am gonna miss something but am working again now got a great little job as a waitress I get to indulge in delightful Italian food all in the name of work and service. I am studying to become a teacher and as far as my coping without nan everyday is different i have both good and bad days day where i know in my heart she is with me and loves me and days where i just don't want to lift my head off the pillow because life feels unfair but am on a good day so i chose today to blog . My little boy is loving being in nursery and i am finding myself getting things done without half the stress which is frankly bloody brilliant. I have been enthralled in reading again I am guilty as charged when I confess am obsessed with the Fifty Shades Trilogy. An I only wish I could say I was feeling the love for my beloved red men its been hit n miss off late mainly hitting the ball and alot of missing but have to say enjoyed both there 5-3 win an 2-1 win although I am glad of those am still praying for success on the prem front. I am still avidly gaming and all things music related although I don't see myself getting into the gangham thing thats flying about at the moment just doesn't float my boat. An also thanks to my ell-bomb friend am daring to attempt writing in a creative sense although i have hit a block after the first 4 paragraphs on what angle to take next but seeing as she is officially published I am taking her advice and just writing when the mood takes me.

By the way check out her book its well worth it the girls worked so hard on this for a long time http://www.amazon.co.uk/gp/product/B009HBR2PY/ref=oh_d__o00_details_o00__i00

But thats it really between serving drinks an serving tables essay practice down time and study am doing ok so i thought i would take some time to day hey still here still going and still working my way through the insanity of my life.

I need to get it out there

2012-05-28T14:08:00.000-07:00

The smiles are cracking the face is faltering and i don't know how much longer i can hold myself together at the moment life doesn't seem to be catching up on me it seems to be stalking me down as though on some form of a hunt.
I am at the stage at the moment where I feel like am up against a wall my mummy role is where I seem to be struggling for love nor money I can't get my son potty trained and his tantrums and lashing out are wearing me down and all the time outs in the world are seemingly useless against his strength of will.
As well as that I am facing the prospect of having counselling to help me handle the loss of my nan as it seems according to medical people I am not processing it as I need to and they are worried as I feel the need to pick myself up get on with life an be strong ......... but I have to do that hence why I keep saying it every-time they tilt there head n ask how am feeling.
So although I have my boy to keep my busy n make me smile it feels as though my ability to handle things is a bit away from me at the moment and its not helped by this gut wrenching fear from what the counsellor is goin to have to say.
I know what is wrong with my an why my heads a mess is because I have lost the person who I went to for everything I advice ranting the whole 9 yards and she is gone and there is nothing that can change that but I am trying to cope as best I can and I know that I am going to have lows like this and there are gonna be days and times that suck frustrations over ignorant employers but I have to get on with it I need to pick myself up and get on with life because what good am to anyone if I don't.......

So time to use on a rainy day

2012-04-25T01:43:00.001-07:00

Well i have been vacant from most of the worldwide web for a little while so i am pretty out of the loop but i m getting back on my feet and pulling myself together. We gave up the hell house which was causing alot of our stress and i got through saying goodbye to my nan as best i could. Now i just have to get back on with life and be strong for my boy he needs me and i needs me too be strong for me too as i cant let it eat at me how much i miss my nan she would only kick my ass for it if she were still here. So now i am back battling life head on and i thought the best way to announce that i am picking myself up and putting my big girl boots on to kick start the days. I am back staying with family so i am leaning on my support at home and i am grateful for all the love and kindness shown to me by my cyber pals its strange but some have shown more kindness and support than peopel who have known me my whole life. But i just wanted to say thanks mostly as i sit here tryna get warm on a baltic day snuggled by the fire. I have made a choice to run next years race for life and plan to do fund raising for the macmillian nurses who helped my family and em soo much so if you have a fund raising idea for a short arse with awful coordination let me know considering as man options as i can to raise as much as i can for the cause. todays blog will only be short and sweet just really a short mention that am doing ok and to pick your brain so please reply in comment box or tweet me any ideas for fund raising that i can look into .

much love an thanks xxxx

how am i goint to get thru this

2012-04-05T13:54:00.001-07:00

i dont know what to do with myself nana lost her fight with ovarian cancer at 10:15 this morning i feel lost and numb i feel empty and as though i am in some horrible dream this has all happened to fast and i dont know how i am going to get through this i know she isnt in pain any more and she is back in my grandads arms but i miss her soo much it hurts i held her hand willing with every fibre in my body that she would squeeze it back. an finally my weakness in having to leave as i coudlt sit ther any longer convinced she had moved or breathed i just dont know how i am goin to do this now i need my nana an i miss her soo soo much its not fair that she has been stolen from me like this i am heartbroken lost weak and utterly devastated i just want to hug her n to hear her voice

i dont know how to deal with this

2012-04-03T16:11:00.001-07:00

just got home after what was a normal day spent with my son popped to the shop n made a call to see how my nan was only to be told that i was about to be phoned. the end of life (pathway) medication has started an i felt sick knocked to the core when i was told the rate she is deteriorating they don't think she has a week left how in the hell did this happen how didnt i see it or do more sooner i keep racking why didnt i know sooner and do something about this . I sit here in all honeslty what i can only describe as empty asking myself the same things and i dont have an answer all i can think is i must of been evil in a former life to have the one person who i never dreamt of loosing snatched away in what seems to be a cruel and sinister way if cancer was a person i would be locked up for a thousand years for the things i would do to it torture wouldn't come close to covering it .

I hate that I am now powerless to the events that are now collapsing around me my eyes are sore i need to cry but cant find the tears an i am lost how am i gonna cope without the person who i call for the recipe for my sons favourite cakes cookies or stew i never thought to write it down because i neer thought that she would be gone and i know its foolish but now all i want is my nan to be able to tell me all the things she knows so i can keep the tradition going on and i haent done it and now she is so unwell that i cant and i realise how stupid i have been not to think of it sooner. I dont know how many more blogs there will be after this if i can muster it i will and i hope i am wrong in my fears but i dont think this world is kind enough to let me be wrong.

I just want things to be how they should be not like this this life is cruel and vicous and its unfair.

This is my be strange to share but for me its a kind of therapy.

2012-03-27T14:18:00.000-07:00

hello i am back again but today its to talk about some thing that has currently happening in my life and to make aware to people just how anyone can be effected by this. I am the granddaughter of an astounding woman a woman who raised me when things were hard and helped me become who i am today. For a few weeks now i have been dealing with this lady who means the world to me being very ill an in discomfort. We were made aware that she had a cyst that they were going to look at treating the cyst seemed to pose no further danger than the discomfort but they said they would do tests just incase. Sadly my nan became increasingly weaker and unable to manage much food or drink all of which came to head on saturday just gone when she got rushed to hospital. After several tests we found she had a irregular heartbeat possibly brought on by a mild heart attack. This came as a huge shock but further tests were ordered. So today we went to the hospital after being told they had the results and were dealt the devastating news that my nan has a 25cm tumour on her ovary that they have found to be cancerous and that although there are potential avenues to go down the doctors advise us that she is simply too weak to handle them and they would merely cause her more distress than aid her as they feel the cancer has progressed to far this entire whirlwind took place over 4-5 weeks from her getting ill to us being told we can no longer do anything to save her. Today i have cried till it hurts and then cried again and i know some people will wonder why i have blogged this but for me this is like my diary of things i feel i need to say out loud i am scared upset and trying my hardest to be strong but i wanted to share my familys story of just how devastatingly fast our lives have been turned upside down as over the next few days/week/months we are having my nan come home so for however long we have left with ehr she can be comfortable at home with her family around her it is her last wish a wish i never expected to hear so soon and i will stand by it and now we look to the support of the macmillian team. I intend to post a link for the ovarian cancer support site and the macmillain cancer support site if my story helps maybe one person think about getting that worry checked or helps some one in a similar place then i can tell my nan i show her my blogs and she knows i am an open book to all . thanks for taking the time to read this here are the links http://www.ovacome.org.uk/
http://www.macmillan.org.uk

So Close The Atmosphere Is Building

2012-02-25T01:33:00.001-08:00

I'll be straight to the point this blog today is goin to focus on one thing and one things only the fan ruddy tastic weekend of sport with England Vs Wales in the Six Nations and then the Redmen of LFC storming into WEMBLEY. What more could a girl ask for her country of birth (wales) looking on good form to remind the twickenham heads how rugby should be done. An then onto the team that stole my heart many years ago heading onto the battlefield to face cardiff city. For me this bizarre show of support is simply clarified I support wales nationally because i live there an i am proud of the fact i am welsh but i chose to invest my heart an emotions into lfc which means for me the rugby although i want nothing less than a kick ass performance from the welsh rubgy boys who fill me with pride at being welsh every game i watch is merely foreplay for the main event on sunday.

I have to say in the build up i have spent many an hour browsing through youtube videos reminising on past glories of our cup success an have to say its long over due yo have LFC back in trophy winning position. I'm not even going to justify the haters who call it a mickey mouse cup or not important cup because any liverpool fan reading this knows who 99% of the people who say that are an i have wasted enough blog space on the likes of those in the evra saga.

So what are my hopes for tomorrow well a win obviously but i want to see LFC take control and show their dominance from the out set i dont want any chance of an underdog shock story as we see so often in competitions such as this we have the makings of a power house at anfield that merely needs care attention an fine tuning so heres hoping kenny puts his foot down an floors us to a outstanding victory an show of performance. We all have our ideas of who is gonna be the hero of the day an i think the captain mr gerrard will not disappoint an i think suarez will focus his head on the task at hand as he has shown he can handle himself in the face of adversity and witch hunters. So wether your watching the match at the pub with friends and a cold one or at home with the family i hope you like me will keep the faith and back our boys in taking the silverware we have long deserved because if am honest i think a win like this is just the sort of boost we need for those still lacking in confidence.
YOU'LL NEVER WALK ALONE!!!!!!

Well hello again......

2012-02-07T03:53:00.000-08:00

All change in the wonderful world of me I have officially left the job that was making me miserable beyond all belief and I am amidst the process of training for my relief support work with full backing off my family who knew how unhappy I was in my old job. But life goes on and we pick ourselves up an get on with life as normal.

I am looking forward to more time with my son and finding a steady job that I can enjoy as the relief work will on come as an when I am needed. So here's hoping that my time spent forwarding CV's and cover letters pays off one has already brought me an interview date.

Also in me world I have to say bravo to Liverpool the spurs game although wasn't won was a fair showing of strength as they although are a bunch of tax dodgers (I'm joking) have been known to play football well (so I hear). But my pride comes from the shower of misery we brought down on the red with frustration and blue with depression sides of Manchester and low and behold we have further pleasure this coming Saturday in facing off with them with a willing and able Luis Suarez making an appearance last night against spurs no doubt in preparation for our showdown against manure on Saturday. Come on LFC do us proud.

Also seen as my blogs never make much sense and I have a habit of going off on tangents I have to say oh my gosh how can any one cope with the pain caused by the horror that is wisdom teeth mine have been giving me hell and I have got an abscess on my gum so I went to the dentist as you do who told me take sum antibiotics which have done jack diddly :( so I have took to swilling rancid warm salty water round my mouth as much as I can bear.

In mummy world exhaustion is the note of the day between colds and bad dreams a solid nights sleep is something I think I wouldn't know even if I fell over it but here's hoping I fall over one soon :). But things are looking up so I am in general a happy lady indeed sure my jaw hurts but that will stop me jabbering away to much and LFC are doing us proud and my little boy is making me prouder by the day cheeky he may be but I suppose having an outspoken mother like me will do that to a child and I wouldn't have it any other way.

More of the same

2012-01-11T02:42:00.000-08:00

Hello again am back with another little blog on the events in my life.

As every LFC fan knows tonite we take on city in the cup a game you just can't help but look forward to the big clashes are always the best and we have got a good few coming up seeing as we have been drawn against the other half of Manchester in the FA cup as well. But first things first i can't deny i am a little bit happy they are without Kompany after his appeals at a red card went down like a lead balloon. I am hoping to see Bellamy and Gerrard play a strong role in the game. Sorry to say i would still struggle to miss Henderson's presence on the field but thats because personally i feel he is lacking presence on the field in the most part i know many will say it's age or that he is growing as a player but i still havn't seen the player that should of come with his price tag. I really want to see Carroll start getting somewhere for me he just seems to be struggling but i hope with Gerrards fantastic deliverance like we saw starting to show in the Newcastle game. This partnership needs to be developed and made more efficient considering we are going to loose Luis S to his ban . So all i can hope for is we go tonite as the away team and show city what we are made of before bringing them back to Anfield to kill it off. YNWA

In the mummy world things have been hectic as ever and thats nothing new really lets be fair with nursery runs arranging tax credits for childcare costs as well as potty training and the aftermath of where to put all the new toys from Christmas its been go go go as my lil munchkin says. We have had the joys of the answering back stage the no to everything and the i don't want to go to bed mummy arguments. But the reason i wanted to do a focused mummy section is because the other day i was reading the paper an came across a bizzarre story of parents claiming that the childrens tv show peppa pig was a cause of bad behaviour in children. Now call me crazy but last time i checked it was a parents duty to ensure they taught their child good behaviour not a tv show. Maybe if parents didn't use tv's as child minders kids wouldn't play their parents up. It infuriates me that people blame outside forces for how their children turn out my son is cheeky and gets messy and is also sweet and loving. I wudn't have him any other way being cheeky shows me he isn't afraid to speak his mind the fact he gets messy means he isn't going to end up paranoid about cleanliness or germs. As long as my son knows when i say no he understand and listens most of the time i can live because in all honesty what 2 year old doesn't have moments of defiance.

So short-ish but made the points i felt i needed to and don't forget if you check out this page an like what you read leave me comment or check out some earlier blogs to you never know you might just find one you like :) take care an i'll b back soon no doubt my break from reality is over back to chasing my lil munchkin round and dealing with the day :) xx

back to reality

2012-01-07T04:06:00.000-08:00

The festive season is past us an now we get the pleasure of resolutions we make that we will never keep in my case anyway, so this year my resolutions have been very simple: I'll spend more time doings activities with my son. I'll spend more time with the people who matter to me and take less notice of those who don't. An finally i won't allow other peoples burdens to weigh me down as I am one person and I can't change the world.

But enough of the heavy lets get back to the online posting pleasantries shall we. Christmas as ever was a exhaustingly hectic time of year anyone with a young child will know between finding the right gifts and then hiding them away so the lil monster doesn't find them is only half the task. As the mum i did what most mums do and took control of the entire shopping for the family a nightmare in itself but i stuck to my guns as discussed in a previous post the only family members who had presents off me were the nieces and nephews everyone else regardless of their opinion was told the same i am focusing on the kids only. If they didnt like it tough luck

Our new years celebrations consisted of dvds a takeaway and a duvet curled up on the sofa and it was lovely no fuss no drama an waking to the new year fresh. don't get me wrong i know many people enjoy a good old knees up myself included but for me new year unless its spent round at a friends house party is simply a way for taxi companies bars and pubs to rob you blind.

My beloved Liverpool have had further race drama after a FA cup game against Oldham its now the fans that face the label of racists. It's too early too know the details but i feel that it needs to be understood by not only the public but by the media and the investigative parties that one bad apple doesnt make the rest rotten and that we do not deserve a label for one fools mistakes which is how i feel it's looking to be dealt with by the media when they use headlines such as another race row ate liverpool like it's some weekly occurance. So yet again a good evening football has been tarnished can we all remember racism has no place in football not via players or fans and as the LFC family we should stand united but i wont back the actions of a yobs when it makes the rest of us look the same we are fans of football a sport in which we all share a passion and a love for our specific team mudslinging in the form of racism is disgusting end of.

So its back to work back to weekends spent yelling at the telly at our team of choice and back to getting ready for the year ahead the birthdays the holidays the family visits lets do it all again and do it well life is only what you make it and i plan on making my year even better this year i hope you all do the same and live life how you want to after all its your life go an bloody enjoy it :) xx

well talk about a frickin curve ball

2011-12-20T12:59:00.000-08:00

This is just a little blog as i sit here ASTOUNDED at the FA who claims to have no bias (my a***) but when a mixed race Uruguayan is made guilty of racist through claims from a known tool who cries wolf more than the boy in the story and get an 8 yes 8 game ban and a label which many who won't listen to the facts will weld to him purely for the hell of it how is that justice.
Racism is wrong in any sort but we all know when John Terry is dealt with it will be no where near the punishment received by Suarez because and i am speaking as a British citizen FA kiss English players backsides all day long and favour them look in the case of Rooney for his appeal an army is gathered marching in and get what they want Luis Suarez is being used as a scapegoat so the FA can say hey look we are being tough on racism (unfounded claims that have no actual proof bar a interpretation of a word that has a different meaning in different cultures and the word of Evra).
Luis Suarez has been a international and club level player and never had any accusation of this nature against him and gets a crushing blow of 8 games for actions that are apparently completely out of character and even though the person accusing believes Suarez not to be a racist and admits he himself was abusive to the person banned there is no repercussions being brought upon Evra.
How on any level is a man being made a scapegoat for something that can't be proven be a fair and just out come.

Luis Suarez is not a racist he is a victim of an unjust system.

Christmas .....................Humbug

2011-12-11T14:40:00.000-08:00

Evening all hope you all well weather the viewers are 3 or 30 am happy. It's getting to that insane time of year that obligates us to buy for people we generally see at most twice to three times a year yes it's beginning to look a lot like Christmas .. *yawn*.
Now don't get me wrong I love Christmas for my son his excitement and enjoyment is infectious but what I detest is the social requirement to feel under pressure to buy the cost appropriate presents for family and friends.
As a sole provider for a family that is not in the in a sturdy place financially it's a time of year that evoke intese pressure and stress when all i want is for my little boy to smile and be happy with what i have got him every penny is being strained and stretched to its maximum capacity and i am not ashamed to admit its still difficult to do it. But every year we run around buying for various aunties uncles and cousins when really isn't it nieces and nephews who are still young and can enjoy it we should focus on it sounds like am being a misery but i really don't need or want anything for Xmas my family has all been told the same spend what you would of on me on my little boy get him a little something extra.
It's him who this Christmas is about for me now no one else.

So this blog is more about for me the fact I am releasing my family of buying me the bubble bath sets i will forget i have put in the cupboard till i put the chunky winter blankets away and think oh yeah must use them and just to let my boy have the fun cause if i remember anything from Christmases as i have aged it's much more fun for the younger ones so let it be about them heck times are hard and purses have less change to carry as it is and am not saying if you can don't indulge but if you can't don't make yourself feel like the grinch because your not stealing Christmas from any parents they have all they need in their childs eyes.

Although my blogs are generally about my life i just felt i needed to share this much love and Merry Xmas to you all x

Lads Ladies and all those in between

2011-11-25T05:53:00.000-08:00

Afternoon she's back again :) I know not many read this but if 1 reads and likes it am still gonna be happy :).
So what's been occurring in my wonderful little world well.........

Liverpool doing some nice arsekicking of chelsea never a bad thing :). I have had several arguments with a tosser on ebay and his choice of courier and i have become far to addicted to modern warfare 3. Really it is not a healthy addiction.

My lovely lil boy has been causing havoc as ever and has developed a current obsession with all things train related. Like all mums i have started the dreaded xmas shopping and too all the clever people who are all finished please don't brag it just winds the rest of us with our backs against the wall up i know its not your fault but some of us are simply incapable of being properly organised. A self confessed fault of mine for a long time and after 23 years i can't see it changin now :).

I other news dog gave us a absolute scare of a lifetime sitting watching tv after having argued with ebay and such noticed dogs eye was swollen and that he was getting bumps and lumps all over his face so called on call vet who said he probably just took a tumble playing with my son in the garden. Then this morning i wake up to a dog with a face swelling up that he now resembles some bizarre mastiff cross breed rush to vets and face a 40 pound cost to find the daft aputh has has an allergic reaction albeit a fairly severe one it appears to of been caused by a wasp or bumblebees last act of revenge on y dog for eating it. So hear i am today blogging instead of working because the dog has to be monitored to make sure he doesn't have a bad reaction to his shots.

I other news i am officially working 2 jobs now i am still in the restaurant and have taken on doing relief support work for adults with learning difficulties. Its a job i have done before and absolutely loved so seeing as life in general costing a bloody fortune lately and my dearest beloved is still having no luck getting a job through college its mummy bread winner to the rescue :)

Back in work at the restaurant tomorrow though but looking forward to being off sunday nice big sunday roast for me an my boys as the redmen kick sum manc city tush then onto the scumford bridge tuesday to dig another jab into the wounds we left at chelsea last week :).

So its been hectic a lil bit kooky and crazy but its my life and although time to myself is a rare and i cant remember the last time i got my nails done or a pamper day its the life i live the life i love and the life i chose :)
love to all who take the time to read this any and all feedback is very much welcome :) xx

It's Been A while

2011-11-09T15:00:00.000-08:00

Hi all been crazy few months between looking for a new job dealing with childcare issues and basic drama an life. But fear not am back to ramble one an go into great lengths about the thrills and spills that is my life.
Since my last post Liverpool Fc are still a love in my life as is my baby boy and the other half but we have had to endure some lack lustre performances. Swansea for one need I say more but I will, how is it in the prem stoke can stuff us like a chrimbob turkey and in domestic cup away we can walk away smiles n giggles tis bizzarre for me.

In me world I have bit the bullet and gone for a interview to look at getting back into to that will keep you posted :) . As well as getting far to into on-line gaming again for a lady of my age I have enjoyed much more me time having what can only be called a hysterical Halloween night out with friends. I have sadly dealt with the loss of my great uncle an also had a near heart failure but that is for the mummy section. Gone is the wii fit I am now thinking if I can't love me the way I am post child birth I am going to drive myself insane wishing for that size 8 tush back. My current size although not perfect is doing me just fine hell I even got a "nice arse" comment today true it was from a van of gypsies collecting scrap but beggars cant be choosers. Now the crappy months of weather are hear I now longer need to fear the legs out on a night out so I am sure as hell not gonna starve myself over it :). In other news my love for my music is back full force i just wish i had the voice to go with the passsion i am i have to say a little bit obsessed with 'Jar of Hearts' and pretty much everything Ed Sheeran sings .

In mummy land its been very topsy turvy the latest incident that as my uncles wife and uncle brought my son home one evening last week they crossed the road as you do on what can be described as a shitty weather day around tea time. Only to get half way for some complete tosser running into the pushchair carrying my son. Thanking every lucky star there is in the sky he was ok he had a bump to the head but was in general back to himself in a day or so. But for me the ludacris part was that the ambulance staff not only didn't take him to hospital but did't record he had bumped his head leading to the police trying to brush events under the carpet as a non injury rtc which I rang them countless times to enlighten them it wasn't and that I wanted answers. For myself as a mother who was at work relying on family helping with childcare I expected more from the taxes I pay so now we are midst an investigation since they corrected the previous note of no injury and again that story is to be continued .

But I won't go on too long and won't take so long with the next post don't forget comments would be fab and if ur a tweeter follow me @Emily_C_B1ondi3

the night before

2011-08-12T15:31:00.000-07:00

this is simply a lil blog because this time tomorrow approximately i will be sitting with a cold can watching match of the day something the household has missed for weeks now feels like football has been gone a lifetime.

Seeing as i am a fully fledged kopite with a fledgling of my own i cant help but look forward to the next few years of taking my boy to his first matches hopefully before the end of the Kings era "In Kenny We Trust". The anticipation is at all an time high with tweeter buzzing about the coming events myself included in that buzz so at 3 o clock i will be hunting for some way to watch the match by fair means or foul and will re kindle my love affair with the English Premier League and for all the highs and heartache I can't bloody wait.

a message of madness

2011-08-10T16:06:00.000-07:00

Hey again i am back really unsure if anyone even reads this lol. But as u will all know from the news the riots in the UK have been going since Saturday. I for one feel its ludicrous that these looters feel they are doing any form of protest for something that is so obviously just organized violence and civil disregard for their fellow human being but i won't rant as i cant change anything by being mad at it.

In other news England vs Holland was cancelled leaving a completely crap choice of British TV on a Wednesday night so instead i have been tweeting Google+ and Facebook-ing to entertain myself. Their has also been speculation over suspension of the start of the new premier league season which would cause up roar in my house alone let alone with the thousands of other fans who have been dying for it to start.
i have also decided to try and spruce up my blog to get more readers comments so on and so forth so keep your eyes peeled for that.

Back in the world of mummy me its been a lot of sleepless nights as J refuses to stay asleep lately god only knows why it appears to be a phase of how many hours of sleep can mum sun on today it turns out not many at all and i keep functioning maybe i am some part machine woman and was just never made aware of it. Who knows? So basically the country i live in has gone to the chavs but its all great on the home front bar needing extra coffee to make it through the day for which in light of what some people are going through isnt bad at all.

love as always and love for lfc xxx

I Have been jailed

2011-07-22T16:28:00.000-07:00

was happily chattin away this evenin till i got my first ever lock up in twitter jail how very rude i had only been on for an hour or so an exceeded my limit i knew i was a chatter box but blimey this is summat else lol jus thought i would share this lil incident as i was left rather gobsmacked lol that is all

bein a socialite so to speak!!

2011-07-18T17:38:00.000-07:00

Soo i have endeavored in getting a Google+ account not a clue how it work but thanks to twitter i have 2 people in my circle.
After joining I was thinking I have had every kind of social account at one point or another Bebo MySpace Netlog Facebook Twitter and now Google+ . This Lil fact made me see something i hadn't before although I am a very sociable person I find that I am more of a socialite through my tweets where i often have interesting chats with funny and interesting people than i have with many of my "real life" friends, I find it astounding that the level of conversation with practical strangers known by screen name actually trumps my best friend who although i love her to bits her interests mainly include that of the next eyebrow shape nail salon visit an fake tanning.
Where as these "strangers" i talk football reading movie and general day to day there is always a topic never am i lost for words or on the phone making the excuse of the tea is ready so am going to go eat to break an awkward silence of saying all the things we had needed to. I would like to state that this is not a blog about the friends i have as i have a variety of friends whom i spend time with under various circumstance i.e work friends, gamer friends, best pals, friends i only see now n then, and friends i don't see enough. But the ones i interact with most are those social net-worker just like me sitting down at the end of the day just logging on to see whats going on in the world. I admit i am more of a internet geek and too most of my "real" friends its common knowledge and often butt of many jokes at me unexpected geek chic but I enjoy it because whether its my best friends who know me inside out an back to front or the people i say hey to of an evening i would like to consider myself blessed friends locally socially and internationally and for all those who say its a bad thing i say this if having online friends as well as real ones who ensure that at any point when you need it you can find someone to just have that chat you need to is a bad thing well there's something wrong

so there u have it whether its in my lil home town or cyberspace i think we should celebrate our socialite in us we all have one xx

life and trials of childcare

2011-07-11T17:35:00.000-07:00

As a working mum i would love to get my child into a nursery there are 3 in the area all chocka full so when i thought about a childminder as a second choice and found a place, I thought great but when i call the tax credit ti get the help i qualify for i simply end up sat on a fone for what feels like a life time.

This i feel is something we all have to face as an issue with government run facilities but seriously i have tried no less than 5 times in 2 days an been on hold at least half an hour at a time if they want us to improve the lives of our children and get them into early education at least make it plausible to gain the information on help we can receive financially in these difficult times a small rant but i felt i had to do it :)

back again

2011-06-27T15:45:00.000-07:00

So i have been absent from blog world but i am back with an update on the current nightmare of trying to teach J some manners and as he is 2 years old this is a huge challenge he insists on everything being now and most answers include don't want. But we persist with the please line and don't shout at mummy and daddy currently to no avail. In other news i am working towards becoming shift manager in work and it means more paperwork to go through training courses and many other fun events to get through on top of attempting to maintain a tidy home. This is currently failing to all those mums who have a pristine home i honestly have no idea how you do it without tying your children down for the remainder of the day till bedtime as my son has an ingenious knack of undoing all my hard work in a swift way. As its the summer we are still going through limbo as the boys and myself have no interest in weekend TV any more although this will spark up again in august thanks goodness with the start of a new season I know I am one of a small section but being in a family of majority boys I have always had a passion for the sport football and sport in general.

In other news I have noticed as the kids near the holidays that they seem to have accumulated a total disregard for general human nature as I caught a rabble of youngsters throwing rocks at the side of my home I went out to pleasantly tell them to well get away from my house to which i was grunted at n asked how much I was a go. Being far to polite I wont tell you my response but u can imagine it I am sure.

To finish off my regular TV rant the show is one about vinny green childrens home for lets say the disfunctional youths or those that are a danger to themselves the latter I can understand the government giving millions to ensure mental health care and improvement of their confidence and how to deal with the issues they have. But when it is mearly some jumped up little thug who wants to fight the world I say a much more firm approach of if your big enough to do the crime go and see what the big boys in prison make of you I think we would see quite the decline in young offenders if ther realised they would run into someone bigger and meaner than themselves.

So all in all everything is much the same I miss my beloved football dearly whilst getting whiplash from tranfer news and rumours whilst working hard to keep all my balls in the air and make sure that am not only being a good mummy and being good to me :)

Sorry for the absence

2011-05-07T01:56:00.000-07:00

I have decided to reduce my blogging in order to hopefully make it less mundane as i aim for quality over quantity. So heres our life over the last few weeks aswell as dealing with increasing tantrums we had J 2nd birthday an event with had ups and downs downs being family that should of come not bothering hurtful but unfortnate. But I decided to cater and plan the party myself a task which i have been called mad for doing but overall a good day was had by all. My concerns now lie in getting J to sleep in junior bed without wanting to run off out in his room and potty training which in all honesty is going at a snails pace. But we seem to have won a battle in getting J to walk like a big boy now rather than use the buggy so much one less thing to lug around and as a parent knows thats always a god send having one less thing to lumber around. I have watched another of these reality shows around parenting and too not repeat my earlier rant I turned it off. No wonder young parents get no respect. On top of lifes trials and tribulations I have had to be tough mum and push my pains to the side as i have been dealing with a horrid bbout of tooth/earache for days now but as all mums know we just have to get up and get on with it and thats exactly what i have done. so i sign off for now having got a hack of a day aheado f me but will be back soon too fill you in again.

A Heck Of A Day

2011-04-13T00:27:00.000-07:00

The past few days have been hectic with birthday preperations as well as another family occasion and working I have been feeling the candle burning at both ends but its all part and parcel for me a feeling I am well used to. It's true when they say motherhood gets no holidays and no sick days but is the best job in the world. I had the satisfaction of being able to watch my little man run around shouting goal at the tv monday night at the liverpool win he only watched the first half but his latest outburst of excitement lead to his dad going and getting him a football. God have mercy on my house, also we have been re-decorating the house due to its dated appearance of faded paint a job which J finds entertaining wanting to try and help. But since the crayon has still not been covered in the living room I decided his help was not best. I have to say though my pride is bursting as he get better and better at putting words together and saying new words. So we can't be doing a bad job if he is learning at the rate that he is. I have got work again today so J is having a boys day at home with dad seeing as they're both still asleep i think cuddle may have to wait till later for me please continue to share this blog and tell me your views if you wish I do this simple to share my experiences with other mums because i know first hand how much hardwork it is.

Finding The Balance

2011-04-08T16:48:00.000-07:00

So after coming home today from an 8 hour shift I started thinking about how us mums find the balance of working being mum and beinf wife/girlfriend/friend .

I would like to say yes i have a good balance but I admit if find it incredibly hard still leaving J or if I am working early and he is at home with my partner knowing I won't see him till I get home if he isnt up before I leave.Its hard because I know have alot less time as mum than I was previously used to and miss him when I am working but I know I cant be the only mum dealing with this pull feeling of wantin to not miss a moment of their childs day but also wants to work and provide the best that they can for their child. I think the way i get through is knowing when I get home J will shout for me as soon as my key goes in the door and run to me arms wide open for that hug that lets me know yes mum i missed you too.

I always say to my friend and family about how fast J is growing up but its absolutely terrifying to think in 6 months time he will be in a nursery 2-3 days a week and then next stage will be school and my little boy won't be little for long. But i plan on building many memories for us to enjoy over the years. I came from a home where my gran was the mother to me my own mother should have been and I was my dads little girl and I want to ensure that J has the best mum and dad we can give him. Family units are something I say about alot but its the absolute truth my family I are amazing and J is going to have great cousins to grow up with aunties and uncles who adore him and be surrounded by love as he is now.

When I think on to the more recent future though I have to admit as a mother who tends to go with her gut instinct and tried and advised methods there is one thing ahead of me I am not sure how to tackle J is getting to potty training age now and I am completely thrown on how best to deal with it we have a potty which J sits on and we cheer and give him praise for doing it properly but have had no success stories as of yet and also getting him to drink cows milk is proving a push and pull battle as he really isnt keen on it we have had occasions of success but mostly he refuses it and wants his formula my only worry is as he is getting to an age where formula isnt appropriate how do I win this battle.

I am going to try and space my blog to every few days though so that this doesnt end up my online diary as unfortunately my life siply isnt that excitin lol. Also please drop some comments yours views are appreciated.

Long day.

2011-04-06T12:10:00.000-07:00

Been feeling low today had to leave my son with family while i went to be my friends model for her course but was upsetting as he got very upset when i left him .

Feeling very emotionally worn down but its all part n parcel of the job for example its 8pm and am sitting down for 5 minutes before going to make some tea and it reminds me of what I said in my first blog me and my partner work very hard to be all we can be for our son no matter how tired or how long our day has been we still make sure we have smiles and play time for our little man. Because above all else his happiness is our priority. I cab't wait for the weekend we have had forecast for some good weather want to enjoy it with my partner and son we deserve a nice day out.

Would love to hear your views or experiences on what its been like for you going back to work or your child going to nursery and missing you .