Being Redefined

viveza: new blog up!

2008-08-08T22:50:00.001-04:00

The first entry is up at viveza, my new place over on WordPress.com. Add it to your RSS feed reader and join the discussion!

Newsflash!

2008-08-04T23:15:00.002-04:00

Amusing: CNN uses "disses" in article title. Can you do that? Apparently the L.A. Police Chief is "dissing" the proposed "Britney Law" against paparazzi. Interesting.

Packing Up

2008-08-01T01:26:00.003-04:00

As much as I adore Blogspot/Blogger, I'm thinking I'm moving things over to Word Press soon--and if I'm relocating in real life, why shouldn't I do so online, as well?

Stay tuned for more information.

Ethics of Consumption

2008-07-30T14:05:00.004-04:00

Given the state of the economy, it's not surprising that Americans are looking for shopping tips. This isn't new for those for whom money has always been tight, and neither is it new for many Jesus-followers. Some of the Christian families I know are expert bargain-buyers, in fact: Wal-mart, TJ Maxx, Aldi, tax holidays, semi-annual sales, and cooking at home are a way of life. I didn't grow up in this culture, but I was socialized into an upper-middle class adaptation. Today, most of my friends looking to save money are trying to either 1) survive during/post-college or 2) live on less to give more.

Today I want to take issue with the latter goal.

Many of us have thought for so long that we need to pursue simpler lifestyles by buying fewer things, therefore spending less money. Those savings can be reinvested in churches and ministries, other non-profits, electing candidates that will maintain justice (at least better than their opponents), giving food to homeless people-- whatever. And I'm not proposing we stop doing that.

I do think, however, than much of our cheap shopping can be as destructive as it is generous. While we save a thousand dollars to give to the poor, we spend thousands to pay greedy CEOs, only to have pennies returned to the women and men who sewed those Payless shoes or exposed themselves to toxic chemicals for the well-being of our brightly colored vegetables. What good is our thousand dollar gift to those exploited by the businesses we support?

So I spend more money. On organic vegetables. On a fair-trade computer case made from recycled plastic bags that once littered streets in India. On 90% post-consumer product toilet paper. I try to tip well (right or not, I also practice a pretty arbitrary form a affirmative action in my tipping based on who my heart goes out to that day), and I boycott Wal-mart. Put with my refusal to consider Ramen a meal, these choices place me far from claiming the cheapest lifestyle. But I don't think cheap necessarily means just. Sometimes we are called to spend more money on the same amount of stuff that we could buy for a cheaper price.

There are a lot of things I haven't figured out:
*How do I afford to have a conscience when I'm on a tight budget?
*What should we encourage the poor do? If the market response to increasing demands for just products, will they be left with even fewer options?
*Should I consider extra money I spend as "giving" if it's doing more good than simply saving might? Why do we feel our money must clearly fit only one box, anyway?
*How do we hold our wants in check and steer away from any kind of selfish "spending more will help more and more trickle down!" mentality just because we're buying justly?

And, importantly: Why, if I'm buying something I need and something ethically responsible, do I still sometimes feel guilty for spending more money?

For the present, I don't count that extra $30 as giving, but I don't always reach 10%. I don't display consistency, depending on how recently I've been paid. I don't know if I'm a fool who should wait until I have a "real job" to spend intentionally. For that matter, I don't even know all the time if I'm truly concerned for justice or merely turning into one of those elitist liberals that think they're hip because they spend lots of money on trendy political statements.

But these ideas and questions have been tossing themselves around in my head for the past couple years. How do we love our neighbor through shopping?

Pasadena Tidbits 2

2008-07-30T12:34:00.000-04:00

* Census stuff requires some extra calculations if you think the Bureau's system of separating Hispanic "ethnicity" from "race." Here's some numbers I think are accurate (also from http://factfinder.census.gov/):
-33.4% Hispanic ("of any race"--aka Mexicans, Argentinians, and Puetro Ricans all count the same)
-39.1% white non-Hispanic
-14.0% black non-Hispanic
-0.2% American Indian/Alaskan Native non-Hispanic (aww, only 324 people!)
-9.9% Asian non-Hispanic
-?.?% Native Hawaiian/Pacific Islander non-Hispanic (We don't know... the Census won't give info about how many of them are Latino because there are too few of them to allow for that without an invasion of their privacy. Latino or not, the 2000 census found 132 of them, so roughly 0.1% of the population, unless they're all Latino as well?)
-?.?%- Some other race alone non-Hispanic-- they also won't say.
-1.5% Some other race alone or with another race non-Hispanic
-3.1% Multiracial non-Hispanic

So that effectively must mean...
-14.3% of Pasadena is "white Hispanic"
-0.4% of Pasadena is "black Hispanic"
-0.5% of Pasadena is "American Indian/Alaskan Native Hispanic"
-0.1% of Pasadena is "Asian Hispanic"
-14.5% of Pasadena is "Some other race alone or with another race Hispanic"
-2.3% of Pasadena is "Multiracial Hispanic"
=32.1% of the population... (suppose those billions of Pacific Islander Hispanics and significant figures explain the difference?)

I have no idea what "Some Other Race" must mean to most people-- I always want Middle Easterners to check that box because they don't get one of their own, but NO, they're supposed to call themselves "white"-- I think it'd be much more useful to elimate "white" altogether and instead ask for "European" ancestry or something of that nature. Having lighter skin doesn't make anyone automatically Anglo, or Finnish or Hungarian or Greek for that matter. I am proud that InterVarsity usually provides a "Middle Eastern" box and sometimes even distinguishes between regions of Asia. ;o)

Back to the topic of race in Pasadena: I actually had a friend tell me this summer, "Sometimes I forget you're moving to California and think you're just moving to Asia!" A rather interesting/awkward/funny comment, I thought. Ironically, I occasionally find myself thinking I'm moving to Latin America. Fittingly, Fuller offers classes in both Korean and Spanish.

Pasadena Tidbits 1

2008-07-23T21:20:00.007-04:00

When I'm not working, I spend way too much time exploring Pasadena from the confines of my North Carolina home. Here are some things I've discovered:

* Pasadena has two decent-sized independent bookstores: Apostrophe Books and Vroman's.

* A Metro EZ Pass allows you to take Metro bus and rail, as well as several other local carriers (provided you get a stamp to pass between certain zones on certain routes-- something I don't think will affect me) for $70/mo. It's good to know this NOW, because apparently, they stop selling them online the 19th of the month before!

* A community development association with ties to the new Hope Community Church (new Evangelical Covenant plant) has recently done some surveys in NW Pasadena, which is the poorer section of town. A video of some related interviews with local leaders is posted online: http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=1015432019115919394

* 53.8% of Pasadena's housing units are rented rather than owned by occupants. (Check out http://factfinder.census.gov/)

Finally making what I made right out of HS... by the hr, at least

2008-07-23T13:23:00.003-04:00

Work related news to be celebrated by all:

(1) I quit my job at the Phonathon this week! As much as I want to help the University and encourage rich people to be generous, it was super-duper hard to go through all four ask levels when a '79 grad tells me he's just a sales associate at ACE Hardware...

(2) Minimum wage hike!

(3) I moved up a pay grade at the store due to hours!

= from $6.67/hr to $7.57/hr-- that's 13% people! My coworkers and I are ecstatic.

Deeper thoughts to come...

...then comes marriage?

2008-07-20T22:02:00.011-04:00

I haven't read fiction for a long, long time, but yesterday while returning a book to the library, I saw a cheesy Christian romance novel by Robin Jones Gunn on the new acquisition shelf. I couldn't resist, since back in junior high, I gobbled up her novels, and this book was about the characters I already knew so well. The first chapter opens with a scene at Christy and Todd's wedding--the place her last Christy book left off seven-ish years ago--and by the middle of the book, Tracy and Doug have had their first child. The youngest character is probably Katie at 21, the oldest is around 25. Everybody's in transition and adjusting to new phases of life, just like me and my friends.

It wasn't high-brow lit, but it was fun catching up with the characters and surprising, though natural, I suppose, to see them quite differently. In 9th grade, reading about Christy's college years and eventual engagement felt a long way off, but picking up at the same place in their lives from a different place in mine provided an interesting mirror. Huh. I'm there, aren't I? I don't have to look up at them anymore. I just look around me, and these are the people I know.

I am officially (awkwardly) entering that stage of life in which people I know get married and have children. None of my close friends have kids yet, thank God--I don't know how I'd make sense of the world if I were that old. But several acquaintances that are a couple years older than me, or even a year younger, already have babies. I have friends--not 33-year-old IV staff friends but peer friends--that are parents? Holy crap.

Much more frequently, people are marrying. Bob and Caroline last weekend. Kathryn and Chris in June. And then the closest friend of mine to get married is Betsey, who tied the knot with Luke two weeks ago. I've officially decided nobody I'm considerably tight with is allowed to get married to a while. And I don't know that they will. Yet, other acquaintances and friends continue to announce engagements. James and Emily. Kat and Fitz. Josh and Jennifer. Susan and Jason. Yikes. The list goes on.

The strangest part, I think, is knowing that my whole world is about to change: seminary is full of the married and marriageable. Futhermore, I'm about to leave a university that's almost 2/3 female to enter an educational setting that's largely male--as I understand it Fuller is fairly even as a whole, but the School of Theology is closer to 2/3 men. It boggles my mind to imagine many of my classmates being men that are several years older than me, married, or both. Will I feel left out? Will it be awkward? Could it be real fun, even a blessing?

Such situations also invite wishful thinking. It's been a long while since I've seriously flirted with anyone, much less dated. Could I even find myself in a serious relationship in the next couple years? Who knows. I'll be turning 24 or 25 when I graduate from Fuller, and I think it's likely I'll have at least been on a couple dates by then. Not even thinking about marriage, just thinking about having a boyfriend for the first time since high school is a pretty wow/way-out-there concept right now. The married people, the 22-35 crowd, and the number of men all swirled together make one large serving of crazy.

After starting and finishing the book yesterday and experiencing a weddingless Saturday for the first time in a couple weeks, I must have thought it was my turn, because I had a dream last night about my own marriage. (Amanda will be interested to know that he was white--surprise, surprise.) About two weeks post-wedding, I was looking at the photos, and it still seemed surreal. And apparently, we hadn't exactly done anything to help it seem otherwise. Due to our upcoming move to California, we'd decided to skip the honeymoon for now, waiting to go in 6-9 months when we truly needed a vacation. In my wack dream, though, without the honeymoon we'd never gotten around to having sex, which led me to consider an annulment. I don't know much about the laws about how quickly one must apply, but I was thinking, Gosh, I don't even really know him or why I married him. He seems ok, but I'm just a little freaked out by this. Why do I want to do this, again? Maybe I just want to wait another five or fifty years...

When I woke up, I was still feeling somewhat panicked. I admit, I keep forgetting I'm just 21. I keep thinking I've already turned 22 or even that I'm 23, since lots of my friends are a bit older. But when it comes to thinking marriage, I feel 17 again. Is it even legal at my age? How would anyone have met someone to marry anyway? And, wait, does that mean they're real adults? I think I'm glad to have married friends now so that it's not such a shock to settle down in Fuller student housing next to couples and young kids. Still, I have a feeling that for the first several months of my being there, it's gonna feel pretty darn wack.

Three Pasadena jobs I would die for (er, almost)

2008-07-14T23:31:00.004-04:00

In order of my finding them:

1) Church planting intern with Hope Community Church, Pasadena
They're urban. They're multi-ethnic. They're justicey. They like women in ministry. Evangelical is even in their name (Evangelical Covenant). Oh, and they're all about actually doing community together. If churches were allowed to be sexy, this would be a really sexy church. More importantly, I think it's a really biblical church committed to the gospel (eh, but who says that's not the definition of sexy?). Interning for them would pretty much be super-duper cool and I think I would learn a heck of a lot about, well, many different things. Myself. The Church. People. Justice. Patience. Life. I'm really interested in joining their church, even if I don't intern-- I may visit a couple others, but I'm guessing there's a 70% chance I'll end up here.

2) Editorial Assistant for Fuller's Department of Public Affairs
I'd proofread stuff, write bios of faculty for the website, I think also write press releases or other newsy items, perhaps. All writing and basic editorial type stuff. I was always called the grammar queen in junior high, and just having the word "editor" embedded in my title makes me shudder with glee. (Yes-- shudder. It makes me so happy, it's just darn scary.) Sure, I don't know that I have what it takes to be an editor-- but editors are related to publishing which interests me and which relates to books, which really interest me. So being an editorial assistant could never be bad, right?

3) Sale Associate at the Fuller Seminary Bookstore
Ok, so they don't actually have this listed online, so I don't even know that it's available. But I'm trying to find out! Besides the Fuller class books they have other Christian books, and since they're a thoughtful/academic, multi-ethnic, justicey, and overall cool school, they have pretty good tastes. The bookstore sells 1266 InterVarsity Press titles, 80 Paraclete, 1721 Baker (I'm jealous on IVP's behalf), 153 Brazos (which may/may not be double-counted as Baker-- not sure how they do), over 1779 Eerdmans (they have silly-ly listed some as Eerdmans and some as Eerdmans Pub or something, so depending no if those are double-counted...), and a large number of Zondervan (more double-counting issues). So put simply: lots of good, good books. Really exciting. Drooling all of them. Already know I like retail much better than some other positions. Conveniently on campus. Would go crazy to get to try to talk people into buying good books. And what other bookstore would have a stock so similar to what I personally would want to sell if I owned my own shop? I'm convinced this is the closest I could ever find... Oh my goodness! How amazing would that be?

My excitement may seem to increase with each position, but it's not because I want to work at the bookstore more. It's just that I have found three different jobs I actually want, that actually might work, or might not, but at least I found something besides all those work-from-home scams that make up 50% of any part-time job search online. That is pretty darn exciting and warrants a lot of enthusiasm.

Father to the Fatherless

2008-07-13T01:15:00.009-04:00

It must be the summer of sappy movies for me or something, because WALL·E was not the first major tearjerker I watched this summer. Several weeks ago I sat down with then-roommates Amanda and Whitney to watch Martian Child, and much like WALL·E, I was pleasantly surprised by its depth-- a touching story about the adoption of previously abused little boy who claimed to be a Martian by a fun, affectionate single man who happened to be a sci-fi writer. (As it turns out, it was based on a largely true novel, which I'm reading right now-- Martian Child, by David Gerrold. While some plot details are different, many specific happenings in the movie are based directly on the book, with the one major character difference being that the movie makes no implication that David is gay.)

(SPOILER ALERT!)
In the film, the last scene is the one that really made me bawl. Dennis climbs onto the roof of this observatory/science museum, claiming a spacecraft from Mars is about to take him home, that he must say goodbye to daddy David and his earth life forever. Dennis, the little boy, has a lot of issues-- his short little life has been traumatic enough to cause a truckload of damage. In particular, bonding is difficult and scary for him, so it's understandable that he didn't believe he could actually finally have a family that would last.

During the very intense roof scene, David addresses Dennis's fears in a manner just dripping with the kind of love Dennis's heart longs for, strikingly similar how God might speak of his adopting us. In response to Dennis's Martian story:
You're a great human, Dennis, that's the funny part. And I just wanted you to feel like you belong to me. I think that's what you want, underneath all this. I think you really want to belong to someone. I wish we could have more time together. I want to prove to you that not all parents disappear forever.

And a bit later:
Whoever let you go, those were the stupidest beings in the universe. I mean, they were so dumb they couldn't even see what was right in front of them. How could they not see how extraordinary you are? How big your heart is? I'm not even that smart, and I can see it––it's so obvious. I mean, you're the easiest kid in the world to love. Well, to me you are. You know what I think? I think you love me too. Like you're just filled with it. Think it's just waiting to burst out of you. Dennis, you're my son. You're my home. Forever. And I will never, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever leave you.

(I have the whole scene's dialog typed on my computer-- don't even ask how long it took.)

I've been talking with a friend a lot lately about our similar family backgrounds, and no matter how many times I repeat this scene in my head, I don't entirely get what to do with it. On the one hand, I cried my eyes out. Here was this story about the father we were all supposed to have but didn't. It resonates with me in a way I can't put into words. David read Dennis-- he knew what he needed-- something my friend and I also feel we needed and need but never received-- and likely never will-- from our fathers. There's something magical and beautiful and painful about having your heart read like that.

It also happened to be the story of a different Father that is good to us. But anyone with Father issues will tell you it's not that simple. It's not as easy as saying "God loves me," or "I love him," or "I belong to someone." As quickly as we are moved by God's response to the desires of our hearts, we pull back with anxiety and bitterness, asking questions like Dennis. Why? Why? Why? I'm discovering all the theological ammo you can find to shoot down the feelings of abandonment and desperation doesn't do the trick. I once hoped that acknowledging the problem solved it at least 75%. If I recognize I don't believe God really loves me, I'm almost believing it, right? Shouldn't it at least get easier? But I'm not sure it does. And I'm not sure it will. The most frustrating part being, the longer it takes, the more I question that love-- I mean, if he has power to fix everything-- or even a few things-- right now, why doesn't he? If there are specific things that have happened to us that make it hard to accept God's love, and if that breaks God's heart, why the hell doesn't he just do something? Something immediate and tangible, as real to me as Jesus's resurrection must have been to those first disciples.

Why is there a gap between the already and the not yet of his kingdom? And if he wants to come dwell with us in a remade world someday, why can't he be with me physically now? My theological answer to these questions is, "He wants to transform humanity from the inside out-- he wants to use us to do his work because he's crazy like that! The answer to these problems is the Church!" But my real-life answer? The Church doesn't do it's job. People get forgotten. Pain still happens. Healing seems far-off. Judgment is ever-delayed. The kingdom sounds far-fetched. And then I sound like Bart Ehrman... But really. Really. Why do we have to wait for things to change? When will things be made right? And how do we process the love of a God that simultaneously offers us the true fairytale we've always wanted and tells us we have to wait forever for it to come true?

I feel a story like Martian Child. I feel its truth; I feel my need for what it points to. But how to actually experience that remains a mystery most days. And why God doesn't make it an easier puzzle to solve seems forever beyond my grasp.

Are you freakin' kidding me?

2008-07-12T00:25:00.003-04:00

Disclaimer: This is not profound.

So every time I eat a frozen dinner, I feel I'm eating a lot of salt. Most frozen meals contain about 30% of the sodium you need in a day. I try to limit my consumption of other high-sodium foods when I eat such meals. I knew restaurant foods sometimes also had high sodium, such as my McDonald's favorite, the Filet-O-Fish (640 mg or 27% DV). But I had no idea what I was dealing with until today...

I noticed today that I've been uncommonly thirsty. I was actually sort of worried. Was something wrong with me? Why was I drinking constantly? When would it stop? Was I drinking too much?

Finally, a few minutes ago, I decided to look up the Chick-fil-a sanwich I had for dinner. (It was free because my friends and I dressed up like cows for the annual Cow Appreciation Day.) 1230 mg, or 51% of the sodium I needed for the day. Ah, it must have been that! No wonder I was so thirsty.

Still, then I was curious. I had eaten a flatbread at Cafe Carolina for lunch. Surely it was about another third of what I'd needed today, right? I suspected it was also fairly high, though perhaps not quite as extreme.

I really thought I read the screen wrong at first: 3147 mg! What % would that be? (The nutrition guide didn't say.) Working backwards from the Chick-fil-a #, it appears to be over 130% of the DV for sodium. NO WONDER I'VE BEEN SO THIRSTY!

So this is a warning-- hate on McDonald's all you want, but when it comes to sodium, at least they are REASONABLE! Perhaps that sandwich is close to a third of what you'll eat in a day and therefore appropriately about a third of your sodium. But no way is a thin-crust pizza what I'm eating for 1.3 days! And now I'm going to be drinking and peeing pretty much constantly for the next 48 hr to get rid of all the salt.

Are you freakin' kidding me? Food in the United States is simply unthinkable...

Pixar goes activist as much as Disney can

2008-07-04T21:16:00.010-04:00

While aimed at children, Pixar movies tend to be entertaining for adults, as well, and two of my male co-workers came in raving about about WALL·E this past week. "Oh my gosh... freakin' ADORABLE!" Exciting babbling went on for at least twenty minutes combined, convincing me that, yes, this was a movie worth seeing. A sweet story about robots falling in love with stellar graphics? Sounds like perfect Friday afternoon entertainment for me and Kate, who's visiting this weekend.

WALL·E is an ordinary Disney movie for kids, right? Take a peak around the official site: corporate sponsors like BP and Rayovac, a Verizon Wireless WALL·E game for your phone, a gallery of screenshots, and a link to purchase tickets. College roomie Kate says she heard plastic WALL·E watches were distributed at some theatres on opening weekend, and a quick search online reveals a plethora of merchandise aimed at children, as well as older adoring fans: bed sheet sets, video games, even baking cups. Typically excessive.

However, Thursday Kate told me her not-so-favorite uncle accused WALL·E of an environmentalist message, something I hadn't realized was prominent from the previews alone. It turns out quite intense, with some asking if WALL·E could be a "stealth Michael Moore-style attack on America" and calling the film, "Marxist Philosophy and Environmental Theology." While Christianity Today insists, "it is absolutely not a political movie, no matter how hard a small faction of political bloggers might try to pin it as one," and Christian writer/director Andrew Staton exclaims, "The last thing I'm going to do is try to make a message movie!" somebody's got to be either lying or totally oblivious to believe such a thing.

Don't believe me? Check out the unadvertised BuyNLarge website, the pretend portal of the mega-company running the world (or shall I say, the universe), in the film. Besides an obscene privacy policy that pledges to use all information collected for corporate gain and other facts about the company, the site includes a news site (because BnL owns and controls everything, of course), some of its stories quite telling. Perhaps the most surprising, "Lost Student Found at BnL Business School" resides under the Education section and makes some pretty explicit comments about BnL silencing "political dissidents," a.k.a. those the would critique capitalism.

The movie presents itself a comic sci-fi adventure that at its core is a love story––and that much is true. However, it goes so far beyond that I don't actually know how Pixar convinced Disney to distribute it to theatres. Underneath the cute story comes a harsh critique of consumerism and big business, one that puts Disney itself to shame. The environment, the economy, individualism, authenticity, relationship––WALL·E takes a stand on a number of issues. If Pixar wants to play like these were all just coincidental themes that came about by how the "main storyline" was forming, that's fine. It could be true, and it certainly is more likely to allow the movie to reach viewers who otherwise might not watch and theatres that might not welcome. However, these themes are hard to miss.

The biggest question answered by the movie, though, was on an even grander scale: What does it mean to be human? WALL·E nails it on the head: Directing affairs on earth with compassion, justice, and responsibility and living in relationship with others. As I watched WALL·E at points, I thought I was reading a chapter from N.T. Wright's Surprised By Hope instead. "Sin, we note is not breaking arbitrary rules; rather the rules are the thumbnail sketches of different kinds of dehumanizing behavior," Tom tells us on page 180. In WALL·E, the residents of the space village of Axiom are completely dehumanized, ruled by forces that hold sway over our American culture today and threaten to do us in. It takes a few renegade robots to awaken humanity to their purpose, and in the end, earth is re-colonized—a sort of re-creation (minus, of course, an explicit Christ figure), in which people are finally free of the powers that enslaved them and can live as genuine human beings on the planet they were meant to take care of and enjoy together.

While it's saddening to see the film commercialized as any other Disney feature and to hear the filmmakers denying the depth of the film's heart (whether put there intentionally or by Spirit-led accident), WALL·E has become a new favorite. In fact, I cried constantly throughout about a quarter of the movie (a good chunk in the middle, a larger chunk at the end). I bawled my eyes out because here, in disguise as a cute kids' movie was one of the most powerful films I'd ever seen. The vastness of our brokenness overwhelmed me, and I longed with all my heart to see the kingdom of heaven on earth.

I am 17, going on...

2008-06-26T00:09:00.007-04:00

Over the past couple years, I've become aware of new 21st century phase of development commonly referred to as "emerging adulthood," occurring between the teenager years and becoming a "real" adult. While in college the term fascinated me, and I related a lot to the story many commentators were telling about my generation. College and jobs work differently, we marry later, we pretty much just think differently due to when what's going on in our lives, etc. Fascinating stuff.

Now that I've graduated, I'm not sure I can speak of such theories so positively. I just read a review of a book on evangelism to postmodern skeptics, which broke off into an aside about "emerging adulthood." I read a sentence that made me squirm:

"Thus, today's 22-year-old is the developmental equivalent of a 17-year-old in 1980."

On the Myers-Briggs I'm a strong E, even stronger N. But my F and J battle T and P for first place. This was one of those moments I felt my inner F and T going at it. T insisted I look at this objectively: he cites books and research to back up his claims, and he says it to help others understand ministry to my generation. He's a Fuller professor, which surely means he's reasonable and good-hearted, and that's an area I'd like to study further myself. For T, the factoid was much appreciated.

I can't say the same of F. F got squirmy and grimaced. Was that supposed to sting? What area of development is he talking about? If nobody respected me as an almost-22-year-old, who's going to respect me now? Even though an earlier paragraph speaks of the importance of trust and respect in evangelistic relationships with postmoderns, what kind of cheap respect are we being offered? (You will note the very odd expectation that respect is to some degree ascribed but not only to elders... My concerns definitely spring from my cultural biases, and I'm not even certain where that kind of bias comes from.)

And most of all, it feels like it was all sort of for nothing. Adolesence. Pretty much every day of high school, I heard middle-aged adults speak as if we teenagers were the bane of their existence, and I ached to graduate. It was always somewhat disorienting to move from Greensboro Day, a private high school that offered more freedom and responsibility to its students with every new year, to the "real world" in which few thought young people were so capable.

The same awkward transition is occurring today: InterVarsity spoiled me with staff that insisted upon calling us "women and men" (instead of "guys and girls"), let us lead a 300-person chapter, and truly invested in us. Like an older sister or a kind uncle, they spent time with us as buddies, as well as mentors. They told us we had something to offer, and thankfully, we were crazy enough to believe them. I believe the way InterVarsity develops young indigenous leadership is truly countercultural.

It's an odd thing now. In InterVarsity, I felt more adult than I ever had. (Of course, I suppose, I was the oldest I'd ever been at that point.) Now, I think times are frustrating for all of us. We are fairly grown-up in some ways—rent and bachelorette parties and even babies for a few. We are taking "one last big family vacation" and sipping drinks after dinner and applying for new credit cards and paying off—or opening—loans for tens of thousands of dollars. We're even investing seriously in our futures by going to therapy to work out some of the things that didn't develop quite as they should have.

At the same time, my friend who's getting married this weekend will have to live in her parents' basement for a few months at the very least. Nobody I know that was intending to join the work force can find a job that pays living expenses or uses their gifts to any mild extent. (We all hate the economy right now-- it feels like it's intentionally screwing over the class of 2008 some days, as I'm sure every segment of the population also imagines of its own troubles.)

So while we are "adult," it's true that our lives look much more similar to the college years than we ever intended. And now, on top of that, we have the privilege of hearing that research shows we're not even past high school yet. My inner F responds with an exasperated, "Are you serious? I just got through college only to find out I'm still 17? Thanks a lot, buddy!"

(Of course, when I was 17, I would have been offended a 21-year-old didn't want to be me...)

At this point, I'm trying to cherish being almost-22. But some days, I absolutely cannot wait to be thirty-one or twenty-eight. Or even just old enough to rent a car. Really, people. I am hoping living with a 30-ish woman (in addition to another 22yo '08 grad) and attending seminary with an age-diverse student body will allow me to reclaim at least half the years I've supposedly lost. What do you think, friends? Think I can at least achieve 19 or 20 by the end of the first quarter? Maybe if I try really hard...

The Most Amazing Budgeting Savior You Could Have Dreamed Of

2008-06-24T17:38:00.003-04:00

I mostly simply have to announce to the world that I have obtained a new Bank of America account, and I am in love.

I'm not dissing Wachovia-- they have more branches in NC than any other bank, and it's been pretty sweet to have my UNC OneCard (meals, library, laundry, etc.) linked to my checking account as my debit card. But in California, there aren't nearly as many. I needed a bank that was bigger out West.

So I chose Bank of America-- which, conveniently, is located pretty much everywhere.

Today I signed into my online account for the first time, and I was blown away. There was a free feature which allowed me to categorize every purchase and instantly see my monthly spending on a pie chart or compared with a budget. What's more: I can link both my Wachovia accounts and Capital One MasterCard to the site and see all my financial information at once-- and categorize all my purchases.

My days struggling to make an Excel spreadsheet that doesn't what I want are OVER. (Of course, I don't technically have Excel anymore, since I have a Mac with open-source Office software... but the pt remains...) I don't have to buy any fancy programs or even subscribe to a convenient online service like Mvelopes. I can do everything I want straight from my bank account.

That, my friends, is pretty freakin' amazing. I have become a quick fan of BoA!

Now if only my new debit card would arrive...

Flirting with Misunderstanding

2008-06-22T23:26:00.002-04:00

Well, friends, a new blog post is up at the CBE Scroll. CBE wanted me to edit it pretty significantly, because the post originally contained much of the content of an offensive YouTube video. To me this was just pointing out racism--obviously, not everyone sees it the same way, though. I thought it'd be interesting to put the original on here to let you compare between the two. Which one speaks to you? Which one seems better written? (Which might not have anything to do with offensiveness--just editing!)

**********

“There’s a video I want you to see,” my roommate Kate told me earlier this week. “I think it might be really bad.”

Of course that piqued my interest. “Bad” You Tube videos come in many different flavors: Would this video be poor quality, offensive, or just plain bizarre? With wide eyes and low expectations, I turned toward Kate’s computer.

The Fox MADtv clip featured an overly eager, cornrowed and do-ragged black man intent on winning a white woman at the cinema. “Excu’e me can I tal’ to you fo’ a minu’e? Uh, yeah, my name Darrell. It’s spelled like DARE-el but it’s pronounced Duh-RELL. Yeah, I just wanted to let you know, the back of yo’ head is redikuhlous!” With boyish energy, freakish bug eyes, and an obsessive curiosity about the woman’s nonexistent boyfriend, the man proceeds to ask her urgently: “Can I ha’ yo’ numbuh?” This becomes the catch phrase of the skit, with the man repeating his request to the end.

“Where did this come from?” I asked Kate.

Apparently, after the Bible study she co-leads, someone had opened their laptop to show a couple videos. “Oh, wait, have y’all seen ‘Can I have your number?’” one of the women asked. Those familiar repeated key words and phrases, mimicking the video’s mock Ebonics with an awkwardness only white people can pull off.

Kate chuckled at parts, as the video was truly “redikuhlous” in every sense of the word. Still, she thought the video was racist, and I completely agreed. The clip blends versions of the black stereotypes that have existed since U.S. slavery—the “Buck” stereotype of hypersexuality with the infantilized stupidity of the “Sambo”—making African-American men out to be inconsiderate fools. I don’t know any black men that behave in such a manner, and these generalizations are obviously offensive, inappropriate, and unfair.

On the other hand, I think the clip does convey a sliver of truth. Even if its portrayal of black men is inaccurate, it shows that someone somewhere finds the way a subset of black men interact with women to be both humorous and disgusting when compared with assumed mainstream (read: white U.S. American) norms. This focused on supposed differences can lead us to consider a larger issue at hand: If not exactly as the video portrays, how do we behave when we’re interacting across both gender and cultural lines?

Every (sub-)cultural group has its own flirtation norms, meaning that when individuals of two cultures interact, they’re often playing by two sets of rules. Men and women are frequently on separate pages already, so compounding that existing divide with an ethnic-or class-based cultural gap can make communication quite complex, especially when it comes to initiating (or stalling) romance.

I think for us as egalitarians, these cultural differences make life pretty darn tricky. Sometimes the male-female scripts of a particular culture don’t seem to match up with my egalitarian ideals, and it’s easy to rush to (sometimes inaccurately) label others as sexist. My lack of cultural fluency sometimes leaves me confused about whether a man is hitting on me or how to I might respond appropriately, which might in extreme situations lead to cases of potential sexual harassment, as one culture would define. And obviously, ignorance paired with prejudice leads to the kind of media portrayal we see in this video.

The long-term solution, I think, is to pair our work for local and global gender equality with intentional efforts to understand people that are culturally different from us. As we get to know them and get to know ourselves, we’ll be able to live together with less miscommunication. Greater clarity in all relationships will benefit cross-gender relations, as well, as we begin to understand the rules that dictate flirting, friendship, and the like. Plus, confusing—even offending—each other gives us practice embracing patience and grace.

In the meantime, any thoughts on navigating male-female interaction across the cultural divide?

Seven Fast Facts

2008-06-21T15:07:00.000-04:00

Al Hsu tagged me with this meme:

Here are the rules:
1. Link to your tagger and post these rules on your blog.
2. Share 7 facts about yourself on your blog, some random, some weird.
3. Tag 7 people at the end of your post by leaving their names as well as links to their blogs.
4. Let them know they are tagged by leaving a comment on their blog.

FACT #1:
I'm obsessed with anything coconut. Tropicoco soda. Gamesa Baras de Coco (cookies for the non-Hispanohablante). Coconut-based curries. Coconut Bacardi. Coconut-scented lotion. Agua de coco. Fruit salad with shredded coconut. I think coconut is absolutely amazing, closely followed by figs, mango, guava, soymilk, and curry powder.

FACT #2:
Before there were blogs, I had multiple websites, complete with amateur graphics and handwritten HTML and CSS. No one except my other HTML-geek friend Christina ever visited, besides a couple really bored people that passed out "awards" to ugly pages they thought were cute. I also became a "Community Leader" on GeoCities (before they were bought by Yahoo!) helping enforce various rules, etc. I think I was technically too young for the job, so finally, I felt bad and quit. (This was right about the time all the rules about 13-year-olds online were being developed.) I also discarded the websites soon after starting high school.

FACT #3:
One of my absolute favorite experiences with InterVarsity Christian Fellowship during college was attending the Urbana 06 missions conference. Not only did I enjoy the speakers, seminars, and worship, but every aspect of its development--from the use of the TNIV Bible to decisions about what to sell at the bookstore to the way communion was served--fascinated me. I'm excited to now be a part of an online focus group helping out the Urbana Director of Operations. Essentially, he emails occassional questions to a group of us that attended Urbana last time so they can improve Urbana 09. Unfortunately, I've only received one email since I joined the group a month or two ago, but I'm hoping they'll send us more as we approach the conference date!

FACT #4:
I did my high school senior project with my orthodontist, and for my presentation I walked my audience through my own case (completed a few months earlier--I had braces late, from 10th-12th grade), which, yes, essentially meant sharing with them way too many up-close pictures of my teeth. I had a long-distance boyfriend at the time named Jim, and I sent him my entire presentation-- I mean, it was an important part of my life, right? When we both got to UNC we ended up having some friends in common, and what was one of the first things he told them about me? "We dated for a while... she showed me all these pictures of her teeth!?!" (I seriously considered dental school for about a year and a half, until I took Analytical Chemistry at UNC and became interested in social justice.)

FACT #5:
I still sleep with a bear. I can't remember a day I haven't slept with a stuffed animal, save a couple in college, I suppose. One time, when on an urban project over spring break that required a "poverty simulation," I could only keep three items with me over a 24-hr period. I did not opt for a bear, but I did cuddle with my Nalgene. I have to hold onto something to fall asleep, so you make do with a pillow, blanket, or hard plastic bottle, if you must.

FACT #6:
While I regrettably must admit I all too often find prejudice lurking in the dark corners of my heart, generally, one easy way to capture my attention and goodwill is to mention some international connection. My college roomie Kate and I watched the Oscars this past year, and I practically melted on the futon every time someone with an accent reached the stage. They clearly deserved to win the most--after all, they were foreigners! I love malls and airports where different languages and cultures swirl about: any kind of diversity brings me glee. But I especially love people that aren't from the U.S.! One of the prayers that always comes most naturally for me is a quick blessing for an immigrant family I encounter in a public setting. I want to see them succeed and be happy, for their countries to prosper, for their kids to receive the wisdom and grace necessary to navigate bicultural living, for them to see the Kingdom and its King.

FACT #7:
My feet are absolutely impossibly tiny. I wear a size 5 or 5 1/2, and can sometimes manage up to a 6 1/2, depending on the style. Many times shoes are just too big for me, but they don't feel so awful after breaking them in. My current Ecko sneakers, as well as my Nikes for working out, are both size 4 in kids. People think my feet are cute, and women that wear 10s and 11s envy me. But they shouldn't. It's ridiculously difficult to find shoes that fit that aren't covered in Hannah Montana decals.

Whew! Those is some long facts!

I'm tapping...
- Liz Hundley's Writing the Unwritten
(the soon-to-be-movie-producer who doesn't post enough)
- Whitney Pierce's give yourself wholly
(because she's leaving my house and moving to Kentucky!)
- Margot Starbuck's Thoughts of Hair, Shoes, & Other Stuff
(haven't heard much from her since she turned in her manuscript to IVP)
- Diane Benbow's Sleepless in Greensboro
(her stories are always entertaining and enlightening)
- Marshall Benbow's Joy in the Margins
(who did not pick up the phone the other night when I called him on behalf of the UNC Phonathon)
- Elana Schuster's It Will All Be Worth It
(my GUPY pal that is going to change the world someday)
- Alex Kirk's Piebald Life
(world-renowed extrovert and "Baby Shark" performer)

Called Out... to Call Out!

2008-06-19T23:30:00.000-04:00

I'd like to make a special announcement about the upcoming InterVarsity Black Campus Ministries conference, Atlanta 08-- a triennial event to advance black student leaders. I am honored to be on the prayer listserv for this event, and up until now it's been something I knew I should be excited about, but I knew very little of what to expect. Having been to the regional Black Student Conference for the Blue Ridge the past two years, as well as the national InterVarsity Missions conference, Urbana, I had some idea of how things might look, but none of the details.

The wait is over, my friends! The website for the conference has just been launched.

If I may summarize...

The theme, "Called Out... to Call Out," is based on the story of Jonah, the Jewish prophet called to tell a non-Jewish people group (the Assyrians: capital- Nineveh; relationship with Jews- not pretty!) that they needed to repent from their sin. Unfortunately, Jonah's important message, while ultimately effective, was initially hampered by his bitterness, prejudice, pride, and generally not-so-hot relationship with the Ninevites--not to mention the overall state of his heart.

The conference encourages black students to learn from Jonah's story in two ways.
1) to recognize the kingdom purposes to which God has called them, including, many times, calling others out, like Jonah did.
2) to not allow their calling to call out encourage an attitude of moral superiority but instead to remain compassionate and gracious, ready to reconcile and partner with others.

The speakers look truly fabulous:
- one that taught at Fuller Theological Seminary for a while
- one that went to Berkley and heads IV's Black Campus Ministries now
- one that is Zambian, works as an AIDS activist, and actually has HIV herself (she also spoke at Urbana 06--> aka, she's super-cool)

And lastly, my two absolute favorites:
- A man of South Asian descent that grew up in Africa and India and has done significant work with IVCF's Black Campus Ministries
- An African-American man that has done significant work with IVCF's Asian American Ministries and is on staff with a Korean American church.

How sweet, beautiful, inspiring, and thrilling is that?

This, my friends is why I love InterVarsity. But we didn't come up with it ourselves, of course. Which is why I also love Jesus. ;o)

Don't worry-- as time goes on, I'll give you plenty more incentive to go to this conference. Rodney, Keosha, & other Impact peeps... Natasha and Keanna... (Gosh, the number of black people I know still in school sure has dwindled, haha.) Rest of the world... Expect to continue to hear about this!

Top Ten Reasons to Love/Hate Denominations

2008-06-17T00:01:00.003-04:00

I swear I'll finish my other mini-series, as exciting as it is... I just can't think very well right now. Hence, a list:

Today I met with one of the priests from the Episcopal church I've been attending with my former roommate for a few months now, talking about seminary funding, as well as ordination, and I've come to a conclusion:

I love/hate (or today, hate/love) denominations.

LOVE having a church in fellowship with other churches with common goals.
HATE that we don't have more similar goals to begin with.
LOVE the institutional memory and tradition.
HATE the inflexibility and red tape.
LOVE the theological depth.
HATE the lack of continued questioning.
LOVE the idea of raising my kids in one particular church.
HATE the box you put yourself in if you can't find (a good congregation in) that church in your area.
LOVE the support they give to their own seminarians.
HATE the fact that I'm excluded from that because of birth and many circumstances beyond my control.

Today, in particular, I love the Episcopal church's
*liturgy
*emphasis on the Eucharist
*thoughtfulness and openness
*apostolic succession (supposed, at least)
*emphasis on justice
*ordination of women

But I also hate its
*seemingly inevitable continued spiral toward theological liberalism
*association with a country-- specifically, Colonizer England
*remaining lack of diversity- in people and style of worship
*elitism and affluence (which from my very limited experience in Chapel Hill seems in constant competition with its emphasis on justice)
*disengagement from the larger evangelical world (the evangelical Episcopalians out there never seem super-involved, but perhaps that's just the circles I've run in)
*its occasionally-a-pain government (heard a story today about a conservative priest placed in a liberal parish--asked not to be put there, was put there anyway, and in the end was fired because of theological disagreements with the Rector. GO FIGURE!)

I still haven't set foot in an Evangelical Covenant Church, but I'm very attracted for them for certain reasons... But I have another set of things that make me unsure about it. It's inevitable, huh? Who would have thought a church could be imperfect? ;o)

Don't even get me started on the plentiful advantages and disadvantages of even deciding to pursue ordination...

This is it (p2)

2008-06-13T19:16:00.006-04:00

It feels a little dangerous to say that you were made for something just because it feels good, but I'm not trying to limit our purpose to privileges or "blessings" that make us happy. Certainly, seeking God's kingdom is sometimes quite stressful, risky, frustrating, expensive, or heart-breaking. But at the same time, I think we are built to recognize those "this" moments at many times that are truly significant:

Engaging in powerful conversation. Laughing till your abs hurt. Spending time with the poor. Finishing an intellectually stimulating book. Taking naps on the futon. Explaining to someone what "Messiah" meant and means. Receiving prayer. Eating Thai food. Worshiping in Korean and Spanish with 22,000 other people. Attending political rallies (at least when you're a poli sci major!). Chatting with first-year students.

In these things, we experience rest, calling, relationship, and God's Spirit. We explore creation, our personalities, and the gospel itself-- all things I think God rejoices in our relishing. Our "this" moments are therefore clues of a sort that point us to both who we're called to be in a broken world and what good things we were originally designed for.

While I don't often get to experience Chris Brown's fantasy-come-true of dancing with someone sexy into the wee hours of the morning, when I hear "Forever," I'm reminded of the fact that despite the blah and boring times, we all still have moments when we realize I've waited my whole life for this. This is what I should be experiencing forever. And for me that leads me back to the One that first envisioned a life and an eternity for me.

To be continued...

This is It. (p1)

2008-06-13T00:03:00.001-04:00

Have you ever had one of those moments when pretty much everything in the world seems right? When I think of those moments, I can't seem to remember them without visualizing them cut and pasted into an intro for a cute family sitcom like Full House, complete with an energetic, feel-good theme song. I was reminded of these moments tonight through one such potential theme song-- Chris Brown's "Forever":

It's like I waited my whole life
For this one night
It's gon be me you and the dance floor
Cuz we only got one night
Double your pleasure
Double you fun
And dance forever

Despite the fact that it steals some of its clearly sophisticated lyrics from Double Mint gum, I have to admit I love this song. And tonight I think I figured out why.

I think that when I hear "Forever," it reminds me of the sharp contrast between my teenage years and college. Earlier this semester, I realized that while I know I enjoyed life as a younger child, there was a point somewhere in junior high or high school that I really stopped having almost any fun at all. While I don't know that I was clinically depressed and I did have a good deal of attempted "fun," I was actually mostly just surviving, a lot of that stemming, I believe, from an increasingly messy and painful family life. This is not so much a complaint against my family or anyone else for the difficulties of high school. It's much more of a prayer of thanksgiving for my time at UNC. UNC was the first time since puberty that I can remember thinking, "This is life. This is as good as it gets. This is what you were made for."

Ever have moments like that?

To be continued...

Wanted: An Explanation of the Dead and Dying

2008-06-10T23:18:00.005-04:00

Uninformed and undeveloped thought:

I was reading this book on Christian history today, and got to hear a brief overview of the origins of the non-Western church, something I always knew existed fairly early on but have never been taught anything about.

I still don't know enough to write anything educated on the topic (so I'm not), but I did want to pose the question: how do we make sense of churches that die?

Like the early Chinese church or Arab church.

And churches that still die today.

I'm not so much talking about why churches in a society might have more trouble winning converts during a particular era and certain church bodies might lose membership or even fold. But at a larger scale, why is it that some societies with a Christian witness watch that witness actually essentially die out?

Are they the corrupt and faithless?
Or are some of these churches actually faithful?
Do we blame the leaders or the regular people or the missionaries that first evangelized the area or the outsiders that perhaps just watch or at worst don't even look?

Is it an issue of theology?
Practice?
Prayer?
Distractions?
Persecution?

What causes the death of a "solid" church? Of a "weak" church? What defines each?

And where is the Holy Spirit's life-giving power?
Or sin-convicting voice?
Or sustaining comfort?

Why do churches die?

Why are there people groups that know about Jesus, where Good News should be taking root and leading to reconciliation and restoration left and right and then all of a sudden BAM-- it's gone. Did these people ever understand the gospel to begin with? (Do any of us?)

Why does God let this happen?

And are we doomed to endless cycles of converting and reconverting? Sure, God is inefficient ( a good thing), but he also wants the gospel to have a presence everywhere-- a presence that transforms its surroundings. Is there any hope for the gospel to actually be more than a fairy tale but something God continues to work out in our midst? How do we invite him to do that, considering the fact that that work has stalled time and time again among various peoples?

Is the answer to simply shrug and refer to the parable of the sower? "Those people didn't actually accept the gospel in a meaningful way." "Those people let the Good News of Jesus be choked by the weeds of conflicting cultural priorities." "Those people never had the gospel presented to them in a way that hit-home."

Does the church have to operate in cycles? And is this more of a sine wave? Or is there any consistent direction we're going? What does that mean if there's not?

Not a real post, but a couple announcements...

2008-06-08T00:04:00.003-04:00

Of note:

*I'm going to try Fuller anyway. My rent, at least, might be as low as $365-$380. Which is good for Chapel Hill, much less, SoCal.

*I'm also volunteering (with three fabulous hardcore Obama supporter friends!) at his Raleigh event Monday! It's apparently an invitation-only event, and we will be four of only 30ish volunteers-- pretty excited!

Cool Women in Publishing

2008-06-06T16:58:00.002-04:00

Did you know Zondervan has a new female CEO? Read more about the evangelical publishing giant in my new CBE post, "Zondervan's New Chief."

Maybe over the weekend I can post something original on here, too... over the summer, I'm thinking twice a week is going to be the regular rate. (Which is fine/perhaps healthier than posting every other day.)

Looking for... Money, Jobs, Housing, Friends, etc.

2008-06-02T23:33:00.003-04:00

Hey friends,

This can just be your official announcement that I'm not 100% sure but it's at this point looking pretty darn unlikely that I'm actually going to be at Fuller next year, or really, any time this decade, maybe this century.

Unfortunately, despite my FAFSA saying the government expected me to pay all of $0 for my education, I've been offered around $25K to pay $45K of tuition, living expenses, etc. Obviously, a part time job doesn't exactly make up the difference. Plus I'd still be graduating with over $60K of loans as-is. I'm going to call and talk with them tomorrow and try to figure out why so little of the cost of attendance (as they estimate!) is being covered, but I'm not exactly expecting miracles. If anything, they'll probably just offer me more loans, which when you're going to seminary instead of dental school, simply aren't manageable.

I'd appreciate your prayers over the next few days since I'm supposed to be turning in a $500 housing deposit by Wednesday. If I don't turn it in, we lose our housing. If I do, then I'm committed to paying rent for six months. So that means I have to figure out a good deal of my life in the next two days. Really not looking forward to that.

Honestly, I'm really, really angry right now. I don't want to sit in bitterness for any length of time, but I can't pretend I'm not really angry, and really hurt. (There's a little more going on here than just being frustrated at Fuller...)

As far as the next chapter of my life goes, I don't have a job and I don't have housing. I would love to live with anyone nice, preferably in the Triangle, but anywhere there's a job and nice people, I suppose. If you have any recommendations (or if you know of some miracle fund for seminary), please let me know. Moving in with my dad isn't an option, and moving in with my mom would be pretty darn stressful because all my friends are in the Chapel Hill area or scattering. It would be really hard on me to lose community-- it's tough enough having to adjust to "the real world."

I have a friend moving to Lexington, KY and another friend moving to Chicago and another in the Urbana-Champaign, IL area... I'm trying to think if there are any other hot spots. Eh, a friend in France. A couple friends looking at D.C., too. One of those places could be nice, seeing as I'd at least know someone. Durham/Raleigh/Cary/Chapel Hill/Carrboro, of course.

As for the kind of job, anything ministry or justice related. Or not. Something that allows me to think or that might let me move up to a position that involves thinking in the next 5 yr. I will do office work if it'll get me somewhere, but I will go crazy if I think I have to do it forever. I don't have any qualifications besides my silly degree in Poli Sci and my InterVarsity experience. Let me know if you have any questions. Or if you hear about anything.

Sorry to write something so pitiful sounding, but due to my desperation to find something coupled with the fact that I am really not in a good mood right now... I just would have felt super-fake to be positive and enthusiastic.

Being a Statistic

2008-05-28T07:50:00.002-04:00

It's rather weird to know you're part of a larger cultural shift yet not feel that makes anything you think, feel, or believe disingenuous.

Younger evangelicals are either going to team-led churches (probably often of the emerging stripe...) or high-church traditions like Anglicanism: "Church Celebrity Death Match".

And people are intrigued that many young evangelicals are Obama fans: "Young, Evangelical... for Obama?"

As much as I agree with what Jesus Made in America has to say about American evangelicalism, and as much as I think things like the flaky theology of CCM, consumer culture, the Religious Right, etc. still hold significant sway in our community, including its members of my demographic, that's not ultimately the world in which I spend the most time.

My world is the one described in these articles. A world where my friend Liz wishes her parents understood her vision for community, her desire to live simply, or her dream of being a Hollywood producer. Where my housemate Whitney and I discuss whether or not evangelicals idolize the Bible and my friend Julia feels frustrated to hear other Christians take NT passages out of context. Where I sat with five friends to see Obama on my campus and knew many other people–many other InterVarsity students–that were just as excited about his coming as I was. Where I have more friends than I can keep track of going to get a masters in social work next year but no friends going to medical, dental, or law school. Where a Christian friend just asked me to give to an urban ministry project instead of buying her a wedding present. Where my college roommate Kate and I have begun attending an Episcopal church–she being baptized there this past Easter.

This isn't all of UNC-IV. This isn't all of the 20-something evangelical world. This isn't all of evangelicalism. And it's not where I grew up. But it's where I am, where I seem to be headed, and where a heck of a lot of others are apparently going with me.

It's an exciting place, an exciting time. But also odd to be in the headlines.

And there's still that lingering question: even as we try to engage the world, how do we reconcile with our pasts? That's the part of following Jesus I think very few of us have figured out.