Being What I Always Wanted To Be.....

DAY 324 (Fighting your demons)

2025-07-24T21:57:00.000-07:00

I believe we all have some demons from our past and sometimes in the present too. More than often I see people trying to run away from them rather than facing them and dealing with them once and for all. It is always easy to not talk about it. It is easier to pretend that it never existed. But it did. It lived, it breathed and you fed it. But now if you know that you could have chosen better, you must have the courage to look it in the eye and say I am not afraid of you. I might be ashamed of you but you cannot scare me anymore.

When I talk about such things to close friends, the feedback I hear is that it liberated them. Talking it out, confessing it made them feel free. Sometimes when we talk it out, we realise those were not our demons. Some demons are brought to our lives and we assume that we birthed and fed them whereas it was given to us to deal with.

Hence, talking and sharing is important. Saying it out, writing it out is therapy. Now that people are more open to mental health, they must also understand that in many ways, our past shapes our future. If we do not want certain things to linger on, we must take few bold steps.

However, it is rare to find the right people to talk to. Maybe that's why mental health experts and healers are earning more than most of us. Obviously, we who are not experts sometimes do not know how to deal with the emotion shared with us. We might give a reaction that is too undertone for something as huge for the other person finally finding courage of sharing it. I had trouble taking in many things too and I have been disappointed a lot in the past as well. I would say if you are at the receiving end, just reciprocate. Holding someone's hand when their eyes are welling up or giving them a hug after they offload is most of the times doing 90% of the reciprocation. Understand that they are sharing their scars, they are not looking for solutions. They know you can't change anything but they trust you to still love them through. It is much simpler than what we make of it.

Having someone to listen to you is one of the choicest blessings of God. People do not want negativity from others so they distance themselves when someone hints of emotional dependency. But I think it is a basic humane thing to be there.

Just. Be. There.

These 3 words can change someone's life. I wish we all act more human and give everyone a chance to fight with their demons. A little support is all it takes.

DAY 323 (Empowered... Are you?)

2025-03-20T21:58:00.000-07:00

This one is going to sting because many people are not going to like what I have to say. While we talk about equality, empowerment, progress, and what not I want to know how are you doing at your roots/basics/fundamentals?

You might be a leader at your workplace, doing well with financial independence but do you still face these root challenges?

Not having the surname you were born with and even if you managed to keep one, there is no one to carry it forward for you. Basically your lineage ends here. (Not that it matters... duh!).
You have no home. Yes maybe you have paid for it and even have the legal papers for it but as per the society you were earlier living in your father's home and now living in your husband's home. Your future maybe your son's home or an old age home.
You brag your ability to have a career as independence. Isn't it supposed to be a basic right as for the other gender? You are "supported" to work and you are so grateful for it.
Your "time-management" to be able to give yourself a break is an extended task. You are blessed with the right support where once you complete all your duties, you are "supported" to go out and do what you like.
Forget about the world, you are 100% convinced in your gut that cooking and cleaning are your primary responsibilities. Anyone else doing it is favoring you by helping you out.
You were born to be an obedient, good-cultured daughter, then a good wife who is supposed to bear child(ren), and then a responsible mother. You carry that child inside you but the child's family lineage is only his father's. Basically, in your childhood your family tree told you that you were born out of your parents and your "both" parents were born out of your father's parents. And now once you are a mother, you are born from your parents in-laws too (which does not make any sense but it is what seems natural to everyone including you) ! :-D
I read a quote which so resonates with all of you "The whole world worked to empower women but forgot to teach themselves how to live with empowered women".
While at work or leisure, your brain is 90% occupied with lunch/dinner menu planning, laundry, pending homework of your child and househelp arrangements.

If you all go through this everyday, where is the empowerment? I believe in looking at the positives but how long are we going to call the same positives as consistent growth? Can we agree that we are stuck?

I am a part of a cricket team where all of us are either working women and/or mothers or housewives. This is not our career but we are really passionate for the sport. However, whenever we have to play a match or even have to practice, more than half of us are trying to do arrangements like who will take care of their kid(s) and/or cook at 5 am for the house duties and then go to play. Do you see the same challenge when your sons/husbands have to go out to play?

Today morning when I reached office and was waiting for the lift to come at basement, there was a male employee who was also waiting with me. While the lift button is already pressed and it took hardly 2-3 minutes for the lift to arrive, he re-pressed the button more than 15 times (I counted and smirked) as if that would bring down the lift faster. This is the amount of patience that men have (usually). While they preach you and expect you to be calm and composed while multitasking with all your body parts, a wait of 2-3 minutes get to their nerves.

Believe it or not, there is no progress and there never will be and I am a little tired today to motivate anyone and speak the positives. Your sons are also growing up with same beliefs. While their jaw will not drop if their father is in kitchen (unlike the boys of your generation), but they would also expect the same things from their partner what is expected of you today. And a big credit to that goes to us only. Empowerment is only theory. We cannot change, our mindset cannot change.

I would say let's divert from empowerment and work on our safety. That is something that we really think we deserve but unfortunately not getting it. So working on something that might actually show some results is better than self-patting ourselves over nothing.

Happy Friday ladies!

DAY 322 (Choose the world you want to live in!)

2025-02-05T21:15:00.000-08:00

I honestly believe that 1 good thing/person overpowers atleast 5 times of negativity.

Whole my life, I have seen narcissist men all around. That's precisely 22 years of my life. And then I meet one guy and he immediately superseded and changed my expectations from men. What I felt was obvious and natural behavior for 22 years became unacceptable behavior without any leniency. That's what goodness does to you. You forget the capacity and the quantity in which you have it. It is just right and nothing in the world can make you feel otherwise.

Similarly, there might be 100 people who don't really like you or wish ill to you but the 10 people who are your true well wishers will always supersede them all. It is a simple logic. Hate/dislike is never committed enough to be consistent. Someone does not like someone, they will talk ill or wish bad for the person and then move on to the next one to curse. But love prevails always. It is there in the conscious and the subconscious. People who wish well for you, who love you will always love you. Their good energies and blessings will always walk with you. And that's why it is so powerful to have well wishers.

When random people meet you and just compliment you for random things, bless them back. Be grateful for their positive thought. That one thought will be your fuel in tough times.

I am someone who is always cursed and criticized for being a "Black-and-white" person. Almost everyone has advised me in so many situations that the most dominant situations in life are "grey". World is not binary. But you know what, it is. For me.

So be thankful for that one person who stays with you when you tag black and white to things/people/situations.

Be thankful for that one person who shares your silences and your blabbers.

Be thankful for people who inspire you without even knowing that they inspired you and acknowledge with humility if someone is inspired by you. Someone told me "To be inspired by someone does not need that person to be a person of fame. Real Inspiration and role models are around us."

This reminded me that for most of my life my role model was my grandmother. Whenever someone would ask how I want to be when I grow up, I always used to say I want to be like my grandmother. Progressive, fighter, patient, person of high morals. Though with time, my role models changed but still most of them are people who are just around me.

Goodness always circles back. The problem is we expect it to circle back from the people we did good to. That's not fair. Goodness is goodness only if its selfless. If you are doing it for returns, you better invest it with all the calculations of the highest returns!

So, have faith. If you don't feel blessed enough, mark your people, set them in your inner circle and talk about how you feel. When you hear them saying how much they love you, admire you and appreciate all that you do, you will forget everything that you feel you don't have. Fortunately, I have hardly ever felt "not blessed enough". It is the cure for everything you think is incurable.

When you are treated well or being helped by someone, make sure you spread that goodness to the world. That is your least responsibility as someone who was helped once. They might say that it is not a world of purity and goodness but we define what this world is and what we can do to contribute to it to be a better place to leave for our children.

Easier said than done? I don't agree. Much easier done than said! Try it.

DAY 321 (Bring the change!)

2024-10-22T08:40:00.000-07:00

If you are a mother and if you keep cribbing about societal issues and the way kids have been brought up in our generation, keep reading.

Well, every generation have their own issues and we all progress in a way or another. But even after generations of changes there is one common issue which is discussed in all forums (professional and personal/ formal and informal/ planned and unplanned) is patriarchy.

I am not one of those feminist who advocate for the world to turn into a matriarch to take revenge on the oppression generations of women have been facing. I honestly vote for equality. And I think most of us do. However, what do we actually do to bring that change?

Apart from discussing and being profound at the takeaways, I don’t think there is any progressive step that we actually take. I do feel that to take the step it does not have to be groundbreaking. Everything starts at home and so this solution starts at home too.

Most of the time, we start discussing or working upon these issues with the men of our age or a generation above. Results? Arguments, inconclusive suggestions, dead-ends. Ever wondered why? Because most of them have almost lived half of their lives already and you are asking a change in something which has been there forever in them.

What’s doable? Bringing a change from the start of a life. Which brings me to moms. Stop telling your girls to be independent, self-reliant, learn self-defense, be assertive. All those are the right things to guide to but they won’t make a difference in patriarchy. Your girls will grow up and make another lean-in circle to discuss the same things you are discussing now.

Plant the right seeds in your boys. Don’t tell them what’s right and what’s wrong. Show them. Kids learn what they see and learn only half of what they listen to.

I will give the examples of my attempts in the hope of bringing of a change.

1. I go out for meals with my friends, I play sports regularly, I go out and work, attend conferences and I tell my son to be a good boy while I am away. For him it is normalised for his mother to be away equally and sometimes more than his father and he expects equal parenting from both.

2. I tell my boy how to be independent. I strongly feel it is much more important for men to be independent rather than women. If you notice, we map independence to mostly earning for yourself. But what about the independence of survival? Imagine you can earn crores, but can’t find your sock! Are you independent? So I teach my son to do his own chores. No special treatment. If he is hungry, in few years he should know to cook his own meal rather than being dependent on the woman of the house. Keep yourself organised so you know where your stuff is. Know that your surrounding and ecosystem is your responsibility and not a woman’s or a household hired and supervised by a woman.

3. I try to teach my son to be expressive. It is very very important that boys are taught to be expressive since the beginning. All the “man up” talks builds up narcissistic men who are unaware of how they became what they became.

4. My son is a reader and I don’t discourage him from liking, picking, reading the princess fairy tales (if he chooses). I don’t really like the concepts of a maiden being rescued by a prince but I want him to explore everything and decide what he likes. This opens him up to avoid gender chosen readings and also shows him both sides of the world. I also avoid making gender comments like you can’t like this colour it’s pink! Or you can’t see that movie, it’s for girls! I know it sounds ridiculous but I see many women of my age saying these things to their boys all the time. It is unconscious bias.

5. It has not been time yet, but I intend to teach my son about menstruation and how and what a girl experiences during this time and how he can help his friends, sisters or partner in future. It is very very important that men normalise knowing and talking about menstruation and genuinely understand how much females need their support and how long a kind gesture goes!

6. I teach my son to never be insensitive and always think how would he feel about something that he is going to do or say to someone else. If he doesn’t feel good about it, don’t do it. I feel this exercise will make him a calmer man and will avoid calling assertive women aggressive which is the most I have faced and would not want another woman to face it atleast from my son.

7. It’s too early right now but I intend to teach my son to always prioritise life over money and comfort. Men are taught to be mechanical. They are taught to measure their success by how much they earn or how much luxury they can afford. I intend to teach my son to watch out for signs when he is loosing out on life and people. Look for signs like forgetfulness: which means too much on your plate, take a break. Loneliness: which means you are losing your loved ones, reconnect. Always maintain work life balance. Because if you don’t, you won’t even know when you lost everything!

These are just the “what you could do” pointers and there can be many more you keep doing at your home to “bring the change”. I attended a recent conference where a successful female CEO said that if we are talking about the same problems 10 years later then there is no point in wasting this time right now. That hit me hard.

There cannot be a problems-free world but there can be a progressive world to the most regressive problem we have been facing since generations.

So do your bit and bring up the right humans for a better world! Don’t man them up, human them up!

DAY 320 (Dream of a doer!)

2024-09-25T21:36:00.000-07:00

I am elated today because my childhood friend achieved my childhood dream!

They say that people live their dreams through their children but I feel there are few such close-st ones who when they achieve something you always wanted to, a major part of you wins!

So we are friends since 20 years and before being friends, I had always been a fan of this girl. Excelled in academics, love to read books, talks intellectual with a great sense of humor and can just lighten you up by being around. Over the years, we became the closest of friends, even roommates, our spouses being friends, we 4 becoming fantastic 4, we separating our cities, becoming parents at just a gap of 3 months, and still till date meeting once a year like a religion!

Over the years, she has never ceased to amaze me with the way she handles life, changing drastically and yet remaining the same. And yesterday, I (umm...I mean the fantastic 4) got on a video call (because we have to share all the big things in life to each other when they happen!) with this book being published by her.

https://amzn.in/d/cdw2YEg

I was elated with a lump in my throat as it was literally a "Journey to the Moon" for me.

There are thinkers and then there are doers. She has always been a doer and that is just so inspirational. I wish I could have been with her and hugged her and patted on her back but instead I patted myself and wished to send out the energy to her. And I became a fan yet again!

There are friends whom you talk to everyday. Then there are ones who know your routine most of the time. There are work friends, there are happy news friends, there are bad news friends. And then there are friends who are life. She is life.

Couldn't have been happier and prouder and I request all readers to check out this book, buy it for your kids, nieces, nephews or for gifting purposes and spread the word. Do add your reviews on Amazon as well and trust "the-constructive-ones" to be implemented in her next book!

DAY 319 (Wellness holidays?)

2024-06-21T00:09:00.000-07:00

If you are a working woman reading this post and if you are a mother too, tell me if you ever had a holiday which was truly holiday for you? Finishing off pending tasks, doing that extra cleaning or taking up extra responsibilities because you are not working today, is that really a holiday?

While men in my workplace are making one-day trip plans and beer outings, I am planning to buy that new pan that has been pending for long. Does that ring a bell? Well, find your happiness in small things they say. And buying a new pan is also happiness but then how is it different?

Trying to pursue a hobby? Well it takes a lot of work too. Sometimes you have to find people to pursue a hobby which often you don’t especially if those people are also women. Secondly, if it’s a solo hobby, you can truly get to it peacefully only if your child is sleeping or occupied in a class/school or somewhere else and by the time you get to it, often the passion is fizzed out.

On top of all of it, the biggest pain of all women : “what” to cook! Cooking is never a problem but the consumers don’t know what they want and we have to best guess and sell the product. This training is not given in any course in the world!

My company has this policy of giving 4 wellness Friday offs in a year. Today is one of those and I am so well that I am writing this post here ! Meanwhile the men in my team are getting together, doing what they usually don’t get time to do and defining wellness Friday.

And that’s why for women I think the wellness Fridays should be defined as compulsory outing by the company where you must be present and away on the venue for minimum 8 hours. I don’t care whether they just give us a dormitory to sleep off. But the basic requirement of cooked good food (if possible topped with some beer!) , no noise and no phone network would be just perfect!

I know it’s a lot of venting but can you blame me?

Happy un-wellness Friday ladies!

DAY 318 (Do you talk or respond?)

2024-02-21T21:30:00.000-08:00

Writing has always been healing to me. It has always happened that I would have words articulated exactly the same way I am thinking them when I am writing but when I speak I always miss somethings and then I redo it in my head. Has it happened to you?

I went back many times to retrospect why so? It took me to as back as I could remember where I was hardly 8 years old and used to maintain a diary where I talked everything "to" it. "Dear diary..." and it went on everyday. I had so much to tell my diary and if someone asked me how was school today, I would say fine.

There were no big secrets spilled there. What secrets would a 8 year old have? I still remember journaling stuff like, "Oh it was such hot weather today! We did not even get enough water breaks! How unfair?!"

But if someone would ask me later "You seem dehydrated." I would say "Oh, is it?"

So having never acknowledged for all these years that I am the most expressive and "Extrovert" while I write made me an anti-people person. Sure, I can sit in a crowd, I can laugh at others' joke (which sound funny to me), I can host a party, I would accept invites, but I prefer going back and writing it out or read myself to sleep. I would rather drink and dance it away with people and continue being an "extrovert".

For some, it might sound sad, for some it might sound so therapeutic.

Now when I see my son, he wants to speak everything in the world! That makes me so happy! Sure he is just 5 years old and mostly all kids of all generations speak everything out loud in this age but he literally doesn't leave anything. He would never hide his fears and reservations too. He would express that he needs hugs right now. He would say he doesn't want to talk right now. And I wish I had this freeness of speech all these years. I wish I would actually "talk" to people rather than just respond.

I find myself most expressive on morality grounds. I see something going morally wrong somewhere (on my morality scale), I would speak up without a peck of shyness. Words would come out just right too. But when it comes to talking, I find papers and pens are much better companions. They would let me finish. They would not frown upon the silly things I am upset about or why I want the world to change.

I wish my son can both talk it out and write it out in his life journey. I feel to be able to express yourself is the most important like skill which people often ignore.

I don't even know if this post made sense. But it was healing..as always.

Happy reading/writing/talking ..whichever bucket you fall into! Till I write again...

Day 317 (Sisterhood!)

2024-02-03T06:06:00.000-08:00

There are a lot of times in life when you look like this confident successful person on the exterior while you are fighting a battle inside every second. You have this timid little person inside this brave shell.

Recently I faced such situation where I was a confident achiever a day before but there were upcoming challenges right around the corner that clouded my self-confidence every other second. I didn’t know if I was good enough. Every pointed finger made me question myself. Unfortunately there came an awful night before a big morning where I broke out. I didn’t see anyway out and I wanted to run and hide in my shell.

You know, it so happens often that when you are in such a phase, you are best for you! There is no one who can understand you better than yourself and it’s your own battle to fight and win over. But being humans, we look upto our family and friends to rescue us.

Being a woman, lately I have learnt there is nothing better than female friendship(s) to get you out of a situation where you doubt yourself. Being a big advocate of womanhood and sisterhood, this day marks my memory forever for being pulled out of a ditch from the best rescuers anyone could ever have.

Imagine having someone around you, who with a sense of “something’s wrong” just makes sure she meets you face to face and works on you and gets you all fixed up!

Imagine someone who is a thousand miles away but shadowing you like your soul and makes sure you never feel the long distance. You get supported like having a physical shoulder to cry on right next to you!!

I do not think these kind of blessings come as a return of good Karma. I feel such friends/people are there in the world to prove to the cosmos that goodness cannot extinct. Love cannot extinct. Selflessness cannot extinct.

I know our darkest, deepest fears and secrets are organically kept safe with our families often but mine are safer with the families I chose! Sisterhood goes a long way .. and I think it’s the most underrated bond in the universe.

While you lose some, you gain some. But when you gain love from people who you know are meant to be in your life and vice versa, I think your life served its purpose.

So raise a toast to all the women who are there for each other when no one is. Women who offer their hands to step you up the ladder. Women who are your family more than your family is! I love you girls ❤️

Cheers!

DAY 316 (Hear, Hear!)

2023-10-18T00:56:00.001-07:00

Have you ever experienced the pain of being unheard?

You are talking to your elders pouring your heart out and they are just mindlessly nodding their heads and sometimes even not that.
You are in a room full of people where you are at the table as part of a decision maker but people talk over you or repeat the same things you said and getting acknowledged while it seems your voice didn't reach them?
You are talking to your children and they shut the door on your face or after 5 mins ask you to repeat what you said because they were not listening?
Your texts being read but are not replied to?
Your spouse engaging you in a guessing game where you guess whether he/she heard you or not because you don't get any response?

How do you deal with such situations? How to be heard? How to be respected when you speak?

Some people might say talking is an art. You need to learn how to say what you want to say so as it makes an impact. Okay. I can agree with this for a public speaking situation. But do we really need to change ourselves to be heard in our day-to-day routine?

It's unfortunate that I hear this pain being faced mostly by women. I am not disregarding any man who faces this but I have not come across any man (yet) who faces the unheard syndrome.

What if one day women take charge and decide to turn the table? Let us play the guessing game. Let us talk over others' sentences. Let us see texts and not reply. But we cannot even survive for 24 hours with this behavior. 2 reasons:

1) We are sensitive and value others' emotions.

2) We are genetically talkers. We feel it is natural or basic manners to respond to anyone who is talking to you.

Over the years, this behavior repeated by your environment or community towards you can make you go into a shell or make you a non-talker which is not as healthy as turning into a non-smoker.

Small gestures can change someone's lives for good and for bad. Your next generation looks at you and learns from you. This includes "shutting the door" syndrome. You would have done it and kid picked up from you.

I have seen people turning from extroverts to introverts in a matter of few years. I have seen people suffering within themselves and stop asking for solutions. I have seen people stop trying.

This is the worst we can do as humans to other humans.

Be sensitive. Be responsive. Reply. Talk. Hear.

It does not take as much toll as you think.

DAY 315 (Self-worth)

2023-08-29T01:37:00.000-07:00

When I wrote the post on retrospection, many people discussed a lot of things with me which made me feel good for two reasons:

1) They read my writing 💓

2) The post stirred something inside each of them and I learnt so much from the discussions.

In one of those discussions when we kind of side tracked to the topic of doing things for ourselves, one of my friends said that she has been doing it lately consciously and she feels it is very important for the reminder of our existence. She gave me a specific example that earlier when she used to order anything to eat, she would always think or ask her kids what they want. Even if she doesn't want to eat, she would order the same. But now, she rotates this choice of food. At times, the kids eat what she would want to order and this makes an incredible difference.

This thought kept ringing in my mind and today I decided to implement it. So, today its me and my son at home alone and I was super hungry at lunch. He was hungry too but not as hungry as me. Usually when I am at home alone with him, I would never eat before him or even if I am super hungry, I would eat while feeding him getting irritated when he throws tantrums in eating. Today I asked him to wait for me first while I finish my lunch. I did my peaceful eating for 10 mins and then I fed him. My patience level was up 50% and my irritation was down by 50%.

Some people would call it selfishness or maybe pass comments like "What kind of a mother you are? Your child is hungry and you are eating selfishly taking your own time." But you know these days as opposed to the famous saying, there is no village to raise the child when it was needed. So no need to listen to the village because you know that your happiness is directly proportional to your child's happiness. Some acts are not selfish but they are important for self-worth. They are important to let you know that you are above a duty, above a designation. They remind you to think about yourself too.

So I would say, shower yourself with some self-worth now and then and pat yourself for a job well done! 😊

Day 314 (Chaos)

2023-08-25T10:05:00.003-07:00

We often find ourselves lost in the jungle of chaos in the middle of life. What is chaos? The one that is inside or the one that we “think” is outside?

Too many thoughts can be chaos. Absolute silence can be chaos too. Not crying at all can be chaotic and so is crying unstoppable. Not writing it out can be chaotic and so does writing on and on.

Where does it end? Please don’t say nowhere. That’s a dangerous word. If it ends nowhere that means it is endless. And who would want to live in an endless loop of unwanted things?

Once again, for everything the answer is within. The answer for you is you and for me is me. We seek darkness hence we find it. If we seek light, it is easier to find as a matter of fact because it is within.

I know it doesn’t work when it comes to it. I know it is not easy. But what is easy? From the day you were born, from lifting your neck to dealing with this today’s chaos, everything has been difficult. But we still lifted our necks. We rolled, we crawled, we walked, we jumped. If we could do that then we can do this.

In a dark room, if you are patient enough and give it time to adjust your eyes, eventually you can see your way out. Panic is when we hit ourselves but blame it on the darkness.

I know it’s easier to say that every dawn eventually brings a morning. I know it is easier to stay in the dawn and then lose yourself in the night. But then, seek out the stars till you reach the sun. Seek out home. Seek out peace. Seek out your inner light.

One day at a time and you have a lifetime right by your side. Just keep hustling !

DAY 313 (Retrospection)

2023-08-20T23:01:00.002-07:00

There always comes a time in life when you retrospect past few months/years and decide what needs changing. Sometimes the changes are in your routine, sometimes the people surrounding you and other times starting new things for your own good.

My retrospection gave me all three recently! It is overwhelming to realize at times that you were roaming in the wrong lanes and had you not done this exercise, you might have done a lot of damage to your own.

I got this habit or rather this alarm of awareness ever since I was in 9th standard or somewhere around same age where I kind of auto-fix myself with this exercise. It is usually a hit and trial but the self awareness makes me more independent every time I do it.

This exercise is also very helpful in thinking about myself (just me and no one else) which no one else would do so selflessly. It is such a basic thing but I see so many people forgetting to just think about themselves. They would think about their ageing parents, their spouses, their children, their close friends. But they would forget the one soul who is the only constant and that's them.

You know it is your energy that can fix people around you as well. You are irritated but your concentration is on making the right food, getting your kid's homework done or hosting a guest. Instead you should take a breath, fix yourself and then see the difference.

The problem gets bigger with people whose morality is above their wellness. For example, I have this deadline and I am sick but I gave a commitment so I will do this and then take care of my escalated ill health. Or, I have no time in my day, I need those 30 mins to myself but someone else needs my shoulder to cry so I will let myself drain even more to support the troubled soul because no one else ever did it for me.

These things are angelic on the scale of morality but at the same time squeezing you out. So you need to take a call.

I have often heard/read about "my innermost circle". When people ask who is the closest to you , we give 1 or 2 names from our life whom we consider the most special people of our life. But I feel, in the innermost circle we should learn to be with only ourselves. Most of us don't know how to live with ourselves or in other words how to live alone. And that causes so much chaos in our mind all the time. We are constantly thinking about others so basically our mind is taking double or triple load every second. Its bound to wear out.

Pausing every few days/months/years and retrospection is the best gift you can give to yourself and you can see magic around you. And this realization came to me during one my retrospection!

DAY 312 (Embracing the Healthy Progression)

2023-03-16T23:37:00.001-07:00

This year women’s day was special. Not just for me, but globally. I saw so many changes around the globe for women. Changes we all have been waiting for since a long time.

Let us take sports. Our Indian girls won the U19 cricket world cup championship and what a moment it was! Shafali Varma’s (Captain) emotional turmoil was so touching and relatable to all the Indian girls. Imagine the girls who had to disguise themselves as boys all their young age to be able to develop the skill set for the sport and attempt an entry on professional level if they could surpass the conventional norms of their families. No matter how blessed we are, we all go through similar challenges somewhere in our lives.

I recently learned and realized how important men are as our allies to change the world. You want the world to be progressive, you can’t do it just by women even if your progression is for women. And second most important thing is resourcing. Having the right resources at the right time. This is so crucial.

Any kid (boy or girl) in India grew up playing sports like cricket and football in neighborhood gullies and being beaten up or fined for destroying the property of a grumpy uncle. But did it stop the spirit? No! Imagine tournaments being conducted in 5 foot wide gullies with strange gully rules that everyone follows so seriously. Those times were golden.

And then we modernized. Now we live in bigger and sophisticated societies with civic rules and we expect everyone to upgrade themselves. However, imagine being blessed enough to have the right resources in this modern society to re-live your childhood with your children in a lush green playground and sweat it out every evening with your favorite sports like football, cricket, kabaddi and what not. I know you are smiling right now just imaging it.

I live in a wonderful green society which is surrounded by lush greenery all around and also has blessed us with a playground to give us the right resources for all that is needed for a healthier lifestyle. On top of it, my society is filled with athletes and sports lovers. If you see the seriousness of the tournaments we have conducted: be it football, cricket, badminton and what not, you will not believe the crazy talent we have ranging for all age groups.

We recently had a cricket tournament where we had different categories of league matches: kids, men and women. The sportsmanship that we all learnt from such experiences cannot come from any other coaching. The spectatorship was celebratory. What else can you ask for? Imagine not having such facilities in campus, we would lose so much talent just because of inconvenience. And it would be a sad affair!

We did not stop there. We already had a society level Men’s team representing us in inter-apartment tournaments. This platform gave us so much confidence that we proudly announced our women’s cricket team and won the first cup in the first match we played in an inter-apartment fixture. The pride, the fame, the inspiration such experiences bring to our lives is just phenomenal. And this all started because we had the right allies (men and women), we had the right resources (playground, sports equipment and the talent) and we had the right passion.

We all think that as one small community in such big city, what big can we achieve? We can achieve everything only if we have all that is needed with the right will. And this made me realize how important a small playground is for a community especially with current lifestyle. Imagine every residential community blessed with such playgrounds and allies and the impact it has in the long run on the overall progression of the world.

While the world is sinking in new viruses and climate scare, health is the right wealth and it is a blessing if it comes with talent upliftment and exemplary entertainment.

So, keep playing and keep cheering. Cheers to a healthy life!

DAY 311 (Love and losses)

2023-02-13T22:24:00.004-08:00

When today everyone talks about love and pampering, I want to talk about loss. Loss of a life, loss of a relationship, loss of memories, loss of friendship.

How naive it is for someone to assign a day of love. Can you love someone for a day? Can love be for just a day?

Like losses, love is a constant. When you lose someone, you lose them forever. People might argue that a lost relationship/friendship sometimes comes back. Does it? Does it ever come back in the same form it went? I don't think so. There is always this wound that you taped which if ripped, will again make you go through it all over again.

Today, 11 years ago, I lost my grandfather. There were flowers and kisses exchanged all around but we were grieving. But still, on his death anniversary when I go back and remember him, I only find love. Sometimes, it might feel like I am forgetting his face and then the next time, I can recall each wrinkle on his fingers. He taught me to write. I would have never known how to write in English had he been not there. And his way of teaching was brutal. I hated those moments. But today, I only remember love.

So in a way, loss and love are related. Many a times, people start loving people when they lose them. How ironical.

I am reading this book currently तितली by Manav Kaul.

If you have not read this book and you can read Hindi, it is a strong recommendation.

It is a book on death but gives a completely different perspective on it. We all think death is loss of life. And things stop there. But this book talks about the aftermath and much more.

I strongly feel that death births love. In many ways. We love what we never realized. We become empathetic more than ever. We appreciate love more than ever.

And like death is permanent, so is love. So while you express and love with all your heart today, do that forever. One day is not enough. Even forever is not enough.

By the way, तितली means butterfly: Brief but beautiful.

Happy Valentine's Day.

DAY 310 (Women Tribe)

2023-01-16T22:11:00.001-08:00

Now that the world is progressing and we do see women leaders all around the world doing great things and inspiring people, my organization also have some powerful women personalities leading the business while inspiring and paving way for inclusiveness and diversity.

A prime inspiring day of my life was a recent conference that I attended last week at my workplace which was a talk session of the women technologists/leaders of the group. The session gave away so many life changing lessons to me that I am so glad I did not miss it. There are moments in your life that literally grows you in your character and personality and this was one of those moments of my life.

We, the women tribe, are so smart and yet so naive. It was so overwhelming to realise that all or most of us feel the same things, go through the same struggles in day-to-day life but we all feel that the situations are unique to us. Or at best we assume, there are very few people who have to face the same things. There were some great personal stories shared in this meet and it was a feeling of personal connect seeing all the nodding heads around to simple things like

"Whenever I go out for work or pleasure, I have this fear of how for those few hours my kids will be managed"

"I feel I am very important (not in an egoistic way) and nothing can be managed without me at home or elsewhere and that's when I try to imbibe the super-woman syndrome in me which tires me and leaves me exhausted"

" All I need most of the times is a push, a support that I CAN DO THIS".

"I always feel guilty when I try to do something for just myself. "

These are such simple statements and we feel we are silly to be feeling this but in that room of a couple of dozen women, all those nodding heads were such an assurance that I am not alone in this. And that togetherness goes a long way.

I understood the power of women-tribe that day. How just getting into a room of random women and sharing your stories can be life-changing. How sharing your vulnerability can be so empowering. How it is so important to find allies in all aspects of life.

There was such an important discussion where it was also discussed how it is equally important for men to be our allies. They called it "BAM: Bring a Man". We all, always assume that in order to share our problems/challenges or find solutions, it is only fellow women who can understand and help us out. But we are so wrong. World is full of diversity and we need our allies in the world and not just in a room.

How it is so important to not feel guilty and thus not trying to imbibe the superwoman syndrome. We don't need to prove anything to anyone. Often, we come under the society pressures or peer pressure (as we like to call it) and try to juggle too many balls altogether. What is it worth? What are we going to achieve with it? What good is it going to do to me? Am I going to be happy being exhausted? And if I am not happy, can I have a positive environment around for my family?

These are the questions we must understand and ask ourselves when trying to achieve something dramatic without a cause. We must not shy away from asking help. And find alternatives if we don't get help.

One more key take-way that I think I am never going to forget in my life is: Any problem that you face- ask yourself- is it going to matter in 5 hours, in 5 days, in 5 weeks? 99% of the problems do not matter after 5 weeks. There is only 1 problem that is big enough to not be able to get out of is a bad marriage! And it's so true and an unrealized truth.

We women, must learn these 4 points for a better life professionally or personally:

Do, Delay, Delegate, Drop.

We are brought up in a way that we tend to achieve 100% of what we are asked to do. Sometimes things are not even asked of us. We assume our responsibilities. And we try to do everything of that list. It is not only unfair, it is inefficient. We are not going to do our best in any of the areas because we are just 1 human with only so much life in us. And that's when we need to decide, understand and work upon what it is that we need to do, what can be delayed, what can be delegated and what can be dropped. Simple enough, but life changing.

Often, it is our immediate family who brings us down and demotivates us from reaching our potential. That is when the women tribe comes so handy and uplifting. I personally believe, it is not just women with personal challenges who need to come together and just pat each others back and inspire each other. It is the women who are blessed enough, who are supported enough also need to participate and join hands. These groups are just so important and a need not just for togetherness of the tribe but for the progress of the world as a whole.

Hence, I encourage all you women readers, to come together. Be there for each other. Inspire each other. And do not forget to ally with men who you know can help the cause.

Keep shining!

DAY 309 (Roots and Wings)

2023-01-15T07:25:00.000-08:00

Recently, I read this book "Postscript" by Cecelia Ahern which is the sequel of the famous romance fiction P.S. I Love you. Its a strong recommendation by the way. However, the book talks about a concept called "Roots and Wings" which fascinated me so much that I kept thinking about it and wanted to write something on it.

Without giving any spoiler of the book, there is a point where one of the characters asks Holly (the protagonist) : what is that one thing in her life that gives her both roots and wings?

Such a powerful question, isn't it?

We all want to soar high in our life in all aspects: we want to succeed in career, in relationships, in parenting, in business and what not. Those are the wings we need to fly and reach the heights.

At the same time, many of us want or rather need to be grounded and never forget our roots. What made us what we are. What's that reminds us of our beginning, of our base. What's the thing that keeps us tethered to home?

It is rather fascinating to imagine something that would give us both. Something that keeps us grounded while giving us the wings to fly.

I thought a lot and I think for me it's two people in my life.

One is my son. When I look at him, I see a lot of me in him. He reminds me of who I am (which I hardly noticed before him), how I talk, how I behave in certain situations. He reminds me of myself, of my roots. On the other hand, he surprises me with his potential, creativity and endurance. Being with him has made me more inquisitive and I think differently. These give me my wings to soar high, to reach my potential.

The other person is my grandmother. She is my roots. From how to walk, how to be happy in simple things, how to stay connected to family no matter what happens to how to know and be aware of our culture are the roots she has been enriching me with since my birth till now. On the other hand, she also gave me my wings: she introduced me to latest fashion in my teenage years when I had zero fashion sense (I still don't have any sense whatsoever). I remember there was once a discussion during my childhood where a lot of aunties were just bad-mouthing a young girl in the neighborhood and she corrected them saying that the problem is in them that they can't think ahead with time. She pushed me to write more, she provided me resources for guidance to her best capacity. She taught me to fight for yourself and how to stand my ground. So, she gave me my wings too.

It is so important to have your roots and wings together in something or someone. It can do wonders while giving you some great results in life. It can be your treasure for life.

So.. what's or who's your roots and wings?

Day 308 (Goals and assertions)

2023-01-02T21:35:00.001-08:00

Like everyone else, my new year began with some positive assertions in my mind. A basic idea of what I have to focus on and what I have to discard from life. My husband gifted me a planner book which is almost a project book rather and needs another planner to plan on how to fill that book. It asks me to plan out my year first on the year level, then on the month level and then on each day level and I sometimes wonder that if I were so sorted, I wouldn't need the planner after all. However, to those of you who have read "Atomic Habits" and "The power of your subconscious mind", this planner is a hybrid of both and needs a lot of skill which I am trying to acquire and make time for. My problem is that anytime I get, I find something "better" to do which is mostly reading and thus I miss out on a lot on trying some new things.

Anyway, one of my assertions was trying to write more. There was a time when I used to write 1 blogpost everyday. However, I was as jobless as I could be then (I was literally waiting for my company to give me a joining date), I had no responsibilities and my quality of writing was not even on the beginner level. The quality part has still not improved beyond a margin though.

But well, to assert on my assertion, here I am trying to articulate something readable. There was a trash Salman Khan movie whose dialogue was a piece of trash but yet meaningful (depends on perspective) which said "What gives you the kick?"

So sometimes, when I think my life is becoming a entangled ball of threads or my life is becoming too monotonous, this question pops up my mind and life gets sorted for atleast few months.

For me, setting a difficult goal and achieving it gives me the kick. When you read this, you might think difficult maps to something unimaginable, non-achievable. No, ofcourse not. By difficult, I mean simple but difficult things. Difficult for me, my routine, my life, my body, my brain.

So for example, setting a goal to wake up at 6 am and going for a run at 6:30 am. Getting myself prepared to do this and then achieving it gives me the kick. Honestly, running is the easiest part in this process. If I get the motivation to get up from the bed, 80% battle is won. And that what it takes for any goal in life. Taking the first step. Starting to do it. Deciding to do it and planning sincerely for it. That's all it takes.

Often I see people asking me, how do you read so much? Do you skip on pages? Do you skip on epilogue or prologue? No, I don't. All I do is, I read everyday. That's it. I don't care how many pages. I don't care how many minutes. Some books need time to absorb so we can't measure them in a marathon of pages. I just make sure to read everyday. It all seems so small and maybe irrelevant but its all the relevance that you need most of the times.

So this blog was just to encourage you, the readers, to not be afraid to take the first step. Don't worry about the finish line, have the courage to stand on the start line. And let me know "What gives 'YOU' the kick?"

Have a kicking new year 2023!

Day 307 (Closing thoughts)

2022-12-20T08:10:00.000-08:00

While the year 2022 is coming to an end, I felt that I should oblige to another one of my forgotten hobby..blogging.

I think this is one of those years where I wrote the least, read the most and did a lot of things that I never imagined I would.

I read around 30 books this year and 31st still in the read and I got to understand something about myself. While I try to explore the spirituality in me by reading, trying to understand and then finally accepting few concepts of beyond life and death and the true awakening, I am also equally interested in the self-help books which tell me how to live a happier and healthier life, how to have better habits, how to fit in the circle of life of which I am trying to get rid of. It is ironical and tells me straight in the eye how far away I am from any kind of awakening and spiritual growth.

I have participated in more sports in this year than I have participated in total in my young life (which was the right time of participation) and that told me that there was a side of me that I did not know I had for most of the first half of my life. Sometimes opportunities come in your way and teach you something about yourself you absolutely thought you knew.

I have met more people this year than I have met and had acquaintance with in the last whole decade I believe. And this is a fun fact when I am pretty social or atleast I thought I was. But now I truly understand what being social is and sometimes I wonder if I truly am a social person. Now that I understand or maybe understanding the hooks and nooks of being in one room or one place of more than 4-5 people, I sometimes zone out and ask myself if I am where I should be? Am I fitting here? Do I need this? What was it that they were talking? And then on other times, I am just elated that I am finally getting to be a part of some gatherings which qualify to be a social gathering. I know that this is ironical too.

I have become more calmer this year than I ever was. I know retrospection outside dictionary now. I believe in doing good and being treated the same every single instance. I believe in not judging people and truly allowing them to be as they are who they are and there is no right and wrong in that. I believe in evolving.

I have moved on from my expectations from every single soul on this earth. It is pretty hard to disappoint me. But please don't take it as a challenge!

I believe and I am truly trying to do something for the greater good. I don't know what have I done this year that counts and even if I knew something that counts, I wasn't going to blog about it. But I absolutely believe that this should be atleast somewhere in the order of priority of every human being.

I have been a pretty disappointing mother this year compared to the last 3 years of my motherhood. I can't pin point a single problem of my child that I single-handedly solved, I could not be with him as much as I was the last 3 years, I did not teach him a single new thing which was a remarkable achievement and honestly, most of the times I bore him. I have no action plan as of now, but I intend to not continue like this next year.

I have found new true friends and I have lost few friends. I have learned to appreciate the blessing and be thankful to what I had till I had. Losing someone in life or death should not take away the happiness they brought with you when they were there.

I mended some lost relations and I forgave almost everyone. I feel so light. Its just an unnecessary heavy baggage that we carry and forgiveness is liberating.

So this was about me as of 20th Dec 2022. And I don't anticipate anything ground-breaking for next 10 days. These were my closing thoughts of the year with a bunch of open ended questions to myself.

I hope and I wish that you all had a great year and you all retrospect and become a better soul with time. We all are connected and I am sure we will cross paths in flesh someday too.

Till then..cheers to 2023! :-)

DAY 306 (Does reading makes you crazy?)

2022-10-01T23:27:00.001-07:00

They often say that the more you read, it makes you a little more learned. But I believe it makes you a little more crazy too. You are philosophical in all your approaches of looking at life. I recently had read this book “The Shiva sutras” which has blown my mind. I wouldn’t make this blog a book review but this book is something which I would revisit till I am breathing and I would like to absorb atleast few of the teachings if not all.

If the knowledge says that we are all the same, you are me and I am you and this world and it’s baggages are all but a myth then there are so many things which are non-existent and still we are all time running-after or “dying-for”.

From the materialistic pleasures to the emotional pains, we have devoted ourselves day and night to these commitments. In reality they are just a figment of imagination of our cosmos which is conceptualising this false concept of “life”.

Some of our basic motives are baseless:

What do we want to do in life?

What makes us happy?

How to help others?

How to help ourselves?

While we are “living” and “dying” and then “re-living” these mysteries, we never understand that the truth is much beyond all this because actually we never “take-birth” or “die”. You are me , I am you and thus we all are one while conceptually living separately.

One of my favourite sutra: यथा तत्र तथा अन्यत्र.

Or in other words, I am here and thus I am everywhere. It’s so simple and yet so complex.

While I am sulking to a bad day or something else, I wish my kundalini chakra could awaken to help me get out of this shallowness and be what I truly am.

As I said, a lot of reading makes you mad. But then it sometimes finds a way to get through a painful experience by exploring on a philosophical journey.

I can’t say for sure which is right or makes more sense but whatever gets you through the day is.

When situations weigh you down and losses are inevitable, is it really so crazy to dive into some craziness and find solace in some comforting theories for distractions?

Something to ponder upon, isn’t it?

DAY 305 (Big wins and small losses!)

2022-09-21T21:54:00.001-07:00

During the past few weeks, I wanted to write on so many occasions but sometimes the situations held me back and sometimes I didn't have the flow to complete the post. So I intend to give it a try now...

Its not so long ago that I wrote last but there are so many big wins and small losses that happened with me during this period:

I won a lot of time with my son. I especially love our exclusive walks at odd hours when mostly no one is around and we are just ourselves talking about the trees, our favorite things, school stuff, some teachings and learnings from both sides, running, sometimes cycling and being silent.
I lost the zeal to grab projects and be on top of things. Well, you got to set your priorities. Sometimes life is calling out to you to retrospect, pause and redo certain things. You accept the reality of the situation and you choose what is important for now.
I won a couple of great friends. I am a social person in general but I am neither a person who hangs out in groups, nor am I someone who opens up to just anyone. However, I still found a couple of people right where I live who are just steps away from me and I can call them friends for life. They are less than handful but they are more than enough to what I need.
I lost multiple attempts till now to make my kid "socially perfect". I haven't been able to teach him the difference between home and school behavior. I haven't been able to tone down his moods or to discipline him to his age.
Still, I won my son's outstanding performance on his culmination day in school which left me crying my eyes out like a toddler when a day before there was no hope that he will be participating in his big day. I won his new learning to cycling with full pedaling, his love for jumping and exercise, his acceptance to learn new things.
I lost my reading time temporarily to things that needed my immediate attention. However, while I write this, I think I am already going back on track. So I cannot call it a loss now technically.
I won the confidence of dancing in front of people as a performer and I did it in one of the grand celebrations of our apartment.
I lost self-confidence for few days. I was doubting myself for a lot of things too frequently.
I won the zeal to start back my running and become regular even if its less frequent. Going to attend a marathon event this Sunday after around 6 years!

In all these wins and losses, I learnt and gained so much. No loss was big enough for me to literally "lose" something in life but all wins were grand enough that they will be my award for life.

So never be disheartened at those small losses which might seem big enough for the moment but eventually you will win and then those losses will just seem as big as a hiccup.

Cheers to a winning day 😊

DAY 304 (Parenting hacks)

2022-07-05T06:16:00.001-07:00

All (or most) modern day parents (parents of the last decade and further) struggle everyday to find hacks to a new problem they are facing in their parenting techniques. Moreover, there is no single formula for two sets of parents for even exact same problems. There are so many variables that sometimes it seems like its worth a 10-year degree course with no notes to refer to.

Having no leads, no hints and no workable model, we dive into this ocean of unknown trying to pick clues to this treasure hunt in the hope of hitting jackpot a day that will never arrive.

I sound like a hopeless parent, don't I? But trust me, it gets hopeful. I think hopes start when our brain gets creative and gets to work with never giving up attitude. We were/are all difficult people in our own ways and we all got through somehow in life, didn't we? So there must be something right in us and we steered the right enough to get to where we are today. We just need to do it for our offspring now until he/she is big enough to do it for themselves.

However, its a riddle when you are running out of ideas and there is no solution to the current challenge that you are facing which brings me to an interesting perspective that me and my spouse came out with. Most challenges with parenting turn out funny after a few months or years down the line. Like we do not appreciate infants living just on milk, taking multiple naps, not moving or running away and being so small and cute! When they become toddlers, we laugh at us being so hassled for sleepless nights when it was just a phase which flew away. However, at the time "hold this moment, time flies" quotes irritate us and we think these quote-masters do not understand the plight of young parents surviving without help in this crazy new world.

Kids grow, problems change but parents don't. We are still hassled. We still think others don't understand our plight which is the mightiest of all. But the perspective I was talking about is if you are able to imagine this plight being solved today and then revisiting it next year, wouldn't you laugh at it or tell your kid his crazy behavior and laugh together with him/her? If you have that imagination, there is your hack and with this lighter mind, your mind can atleast start working towards being creative.

In all this problem-solving attitude, we all forget the good parts too very conveniently. Ofcourse no kid does everything wrong. There must be something right. Infact it would be mostly right but we choose half glass empty. We think us not appreciating the good part will punish them right on edge at times or we also sometimes do it subconsciously but it is so important to appreciate the good as much as disciplining the bad. If we don't do that, we are everything as a parent that we don't want to be.

It is such a trick though to balance the appreciation and discipline and I am still working on it. Books/podcasts on parenting might give you hints on how to push forward in journey but no one has it written anywhere and you have to write your own even if you are not even remotely a writer. It is a travelogue which is a classic and will take you to places so it is a keeper.

Everyday is a learning and I wrote this when my kid was 2 days old and I am writing it again when he is 4 years old and I think I will keep writing it till my last breath.

Hacks never last and are never enough but its always fun to hear a fellow parent's hack and cheat from it. So, what's your hack?

DAY 303 (The grey hair chronicles- part 1)

2022-06-22T08:21:00.002-07:00

With time and age, we become wiser (so to say!). We evolve, we change and most changes are for the good on the conscious level. Every person’s changes are good and applicable for their lives and it is not necessary that his/her formula would fit to my life.

However, there are few learnings on the path that you realise can benefit most and hence sharing one of my learnings here. I will call it … the grey hair chronicles!

When I assumed I had grown up, maybe I was 12 or 13, I just had this mantra of life that I had to be myself. The mantra itself was good, but to achieve it I assumed that I just had to say everything I had in my mind when I had it. After all, talkers are people with pure heart. I was sometimes harsh, sometimes cheesy, sometimes embarrassing but I just had a little pride in me of being myself.

I think I felt this was the right thing to do for more than 2 decades. And then by just being influenced by few books and in the search of becoming better with experiments, I decided to take a new path to salvation recently… be myself but hold my tongue.

Well, it’s difficult if you have been a talker for more than 3 decades of your life. But once you see an impeccable return, you are tempted to try it again. It works everywhere.

1) It works magic in parenting: Suppose your child is driving you crazy to play a game for 101st time consecutively in the same day at the same time and you are literally dizzy with it. The old me would just scold him at the top of my voice telling enough is enough, either we are playing something else or we are not playing anything. The new me will try to calm myself while avoiding to play the game again. So I would ask him why does he like this game so much? Did he tell about this game to his school friend? What did his friend say? And it will divert him without playing the game but still talking about it. It’s a win-win and a moment of holding my tongue just did magic.

2) It works magic at work: one of my co-worker is just adamant on some theory and is not ready to receive ideas even though I have a POC of my method which is more efficient and quality-assured. The old me would just snap in the meeting asking I disagree and I would rather not be a part of the project. However, the new me will ask my coworker to try out his method for a week (since he is so adamant on it) and in parallel I will report back my method’s result and then we will sit and compare together 1-1. Ta-da ! I save both personal and professional relationship there.

3) It works magic in marriage: I disagree with my spouse over something and all the nerves in me are just bursting out to prove my point. But hold on… just give it sometime. Let me cool down while repeating what he is saying in my mind. There can be 3 outcomes:

a) I will agree to his POV

b) I will find a better way to convince him of my point without being hyper.

c) I would realise it’s not even a topic worth discussing!

And it saves a ruined day, a lot of drama, and a troubled sleep.

Similarly, there can be so many situations where we can just take a moment, sit back and see ourselves in that situation as a third person. Ask a few basic questions:

1) Do I like myself right now?

2) Is it worth it?

3) Why does this deserve my time and energy?

4) What example am I setting for myself and my kid?

I think these kickstarters are enough to get the train back on track. I know it’s not easy. It took me around a year to bring it to practice and I still fail several times.

I read a lot lately which helps. It makes me calmer in general and wiser psychologically.

But over the time the process of taking a moment and talking to yourself as a third person to handle the situation better just takes a microsecond most of the times and you realise words are precious. They should not be wasted just anywhere for anything.

Choose your words wisely, think before you speak, read a lot.

This worked for me and hope it helps anyone who reads it.

DAY 302 (So much to learn..so little time!)

2022-06-18T07:47:00.004-07:00

So, I have never been a person who tried to boost herself up with pre-conceived notions. Ever since I had hit my teen, it was pretty obvious to me that I am not gonna make friends or be likeable based on my looks. So the only option I have is my brain. Maybe, just maybe if I am smart enough I might fit into some group.

Also, I have always had this weird problems of making friends from girls/women. And it is hard to sometimes find the right guys to be friends with without sending them and the world any wrong ideas. Now, its double pressure: I have to be smart enough, but just enough to fit a group of decent guys. Phew!

So, I was good in grades in school but I think I was teachers' pet too. I scored more to impress teachers rather than to learn something. So, I hated Physics but I would still be amongst the top 5 scorers of the school. So you can imagine my lack of learning and my desire of "winning". I loved literature but I was taught that there is no "future" in it. So I scored more but never got any "yay" moments out of it.

So, I realized (right before my teens were to be over) that if there is anything decently "smart" about me, it is: reading and writing. Now, reading...well can it be called a skill? Uh..no! Anyone can read, I just like to read. Infact I want to read all the books in the world. But is that an introduction to be "smart enough"? No!

Writing...well whenever I wrote something "good" (reviewed by me ofcourse), the universe always showed me a better blog post, a better poetry hanging around in the world. And there are millions of them!

So well, I decided that I should give up trying to be smart because lets face it..I am not! And let me just do my thing. As expected, my grades fell in college (sometimes just enough to get through!) and I was pretty content with it.

So I continued my reading and writing in my spare time, talked to any fellow readers (if I found any) and smiled to myself if I found someone reading the same book I read and have an imaginary book discussion with them.

Reading all this, you would think, I am a loner (basically not many friends). But no! Somehow I made friends (each friend being the forever one) throughout my journey and each stage of my life gave a forever friend. So I do not have any group of friends (who know each other) but I have individual friends who are equally dear to me.

After college, I did think about it that I never made a forever friend in this 4 years of my life! Strange! And bam...a year after college-end me and hubby (my ex-classmate from college) became a couple and now we have a 4 year old!

So until, I got to know my husband I was pretty confident to myself that atleast I like to read or maybe I like to write. It "can" be a skill based on how I present it, an intellectual hobby. But then this man re-defines smartness for me! He is good in academics, so much so that he remembers all the theories and formulas and explanations and what not from school AND from college. He reads, he has played every sport (he will correct me saying that he hasn't played polo though..duh..!) and some to even professional levels, he can sing well, he is polite, a gentleman and has a tight group of friends! Okay..so that's what's called being smart!

Never mind... I will do my thing and do what I do. After all, what else can I do.

Just when I thought there is so much to learn from this man, I got a boy. A toothless, fits in my palm boy who is so small and just came out of me! Oh there is so much to teach him and show him and learn "with" him.

And bam..! 4 years later, he has his first day of school. He is so excited! Although he is clueless what happens in school, which kids are there, how many are there, who is his teacher, but he tells me confidently "I will tell my teacher and ask everything Mumma, don't worry". Me and hubby drop him and once he excitedly runs away without even saying goodbyes, we stand there like 2 toddlers with teary eyes who don't know what to do for the next 3 hours of our lives. We pick him up anxiously after 3 hours and his excitement still isn't down! He wants to know why is it over too soon. He has his victories, his defeats, his complaints all wrapped in 1 day but he is so excited when will tomorrow come to go again.

He doesn't care whether his friends (classmates) like him or not but everyone is his best friend! He doesn't care if teachers didn't give him what he wanted but he loves his teachers! He tells me everyday what happened in detail and asks me when he will go next.

So, just when I thought that there was so much to learn from the big man, this little man, opened up an alternate reality altogether. A reality where there is no expectation, no losses, no sadness, but just excitement! Everything else will fall into place.

So I don't know how long the life is gonna be but even if there is half of it left, there is so much to learn..and so little time! And so everyday I get up gearing up to learn from these men and become "Smarter" than yesterday! :-)

So here's me wishing the best father that I know of..my husband..a very happy Father's day in advance from the little man who plays a big role in achieving this award :-)

Day 301 (Mother's day)

2022-05-08T02:17:00.002-07:00

This is my 5th Mother's day and the gift I am giving to myself is finding time to write a blogpost. Incidentally, my mom (actually both my parents) are here in Bangalore staying with us currently so it is kind of a two generation Mother's day in the same house today.

Mother's day is just another (Sun)day which if someone tells my son to wish me, he wishes with a shower of kisses but like any other Sunday it is a myth because we have a 4-year old hyper-energetic boy running around 24x7.

From kitchen duties to kid's duties nothing can be skipped on any day because it is a vacation-less responsibility. The other day I was watching this hilarious stand-up comedy where the comedian said that "When we were small, we were told to listen to our parents. We listened thinking that when we will become parents, our kids will listen to us. Apna time aayega! But when we became parents, syllabus changed. Now it said to listen to your kids. Apni batting hi nahi aayi!"

So being another mother (parent) of this referred generation, we try to give rest to our old parents. But in all this idealism, there isn't left anything for us to do. And honestly, sometimes I think we are ageing faster than them!

However, I try to do a lot of things. Last year on Mother's day, I explained how even in complete lockdown my kid encouraged me to be a "fit mom". I continue this legacy realising no matter how hard I try, I am not gonna get more than continuous 20 mins free from my day. If that's the case, why not skip those lazy 20 mins and bunch them together and try to do something to keep yourself up to the pace for the coming years. So I engage myself in book club, Zumba, running or any other activity I can find my hands on 3-4 days a week which club my 2 days of free time into 1 slot of a healthy workout (mental or physical).

I have realised we might not age like our parents due to 2 reasons:

1) Our parents had healthier food and habits to consume which will be a support in ageing process.

2) We have been brought up to acknowledge this ageing process and do our bit. However, we don't intend to put the burden of expectations on our kids because the world has so many burdens for this generation already that keeping themselves up with those is itself a life-long engagement.

But no matter how smart a mom of my age can try to be.... to be fitter, smarter, sane and what not, she has to keep in mind the duties that await her after burning even 1000 calories. You can't give your 100% to any workout because either you go to a workout after doing all household chores + office + kid's entertainments or you do all that right after sweating and panting like crazy!

No matter how modern you are, but your prime worry is always the century old worry "Did my kid eat?"

Sometimes I decide my running course based on what I have to cook. If I have to cook something quick, I can attempt 5km or more. If I have to cook something time taking, I have to get back within 30 mins which means around 3km of run.

In all this, we keep reading articles of "how to find me-time", "how to manage time more efficiently", etc. But we all know there is no one size that fits all. Sometimes we prioritise things we are responsible for over things we love.

All moms do their best but all of us fall short everyday. We cannot be the best mom, the best employee, the best cook and the best wife at the same time. And that is okay. Fortunately, we have days like women's day and mother's day to encourage fellow women to keep going and do what we are doing. We learn everyday and we evolve everyday.

Happy mother's day!!

Day 300 (Simplify yourself!)

2022-04-03T23:53:00.000-07:00

Ever since I started a book club in my apartment, I am so inspired to read more than ever that my reading speed has increased threefold and I am finishing up books like magic and feeling so content after each book.

Seeing me read every other minute, while cooking, while feeding my 3 year old son, while getting a 5 mins break or basically on every other opportunity, my son is also getting more than curios than ever before about reading everything in the world.

He has always been a reader (since he was 1 year old) but there have been phases when he wasn't interested in finishing the story and just making a game out of a book. However, these days he even wants to read what I am reading and sometimes I can sense him feeling "insecure" (in a child's way) expressing to me that I should read with him and not ever without him. He feels he is missing out on "books" if I read in his absence.

Remembering one such incident, I was reading this book last month "Death" written by "Sadhguru". I was in the initial 50% of the book and I had never followed or watched too many videos of Sadhguru before so I didn't know if these things are already said before at many occasions word to word and the book hadn't reached the stage where Sadhguru declares himself the supreme Godman or maybe God himself and so I had my interest glued in the book and I wasn't able to put it down. I was reading in between working as well, I got that obsessed.

One such incident, when my husband is busy in his usual never-ending office meetings, my son is roaming in the house. I am partially busy in office but the work I am doing is a process-work which in between gives me 5 mins here, 10 mins there while the data is processing.

So in those short breaks I was reading the book. My son kept observing me for a while and then eventually came to me and asked and I quote:

A: "Mumma, what are you reading?"

Me: "I am reading a book beta"

A: "What is this book?" (which meant what is this book about)

Me: "It is a story beta"

A: "Story on what?" (which meant story on which topic).

Me (puzzled and not wanting to share the title death): "Beta, it is a story on life".

A: "And what is life?"

Me (stumped!): "Life is a lot of things."

A (confident): "No!! It (Life) is games!"

And he laughs and runs away!

We all complicate ourselves so much , reading , hearing, watching and then going on a quest to find "the meaning of life". It is true that any complicated question can be answered by a kid and you will realise that it couldn't have been a simpler question to be so puzzled about.

You don't have to be a genius to define your philosophies. You just have to be a little naive and a lot more innocent.

You had a fight with someone? Go and talk to him next time as if nothing happened and see things untangle themselves.

You are feeling low? Just give yourself what your heart desires, what you truly like starting right then without calculating the repercussions.

You feel tired? Sleep.

You miss someone? Call them.

It is that simple. But as we turn adults, we decide to un-simplify things! And that's why it is such a thoughtful question to us when someone asks "What is life?"