Being a bitch

Grad year and rad sex... hehe

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Mon, 29 Jan 2007 11:27:00 +0000

Good day everybody in blogger land... i am back after a much needed holiday and i can finally (and happily) say that i am a grad student, finally in er.. final year and then its off to the real world... hehe... frankly i dont think the real world is ready for me yet... oh well... tough...

Now on to the part that you all wana read... Rad sex.

what is Rad sex you ask???

Well you can ask my boyfriend... or i can just tell you.

Rad sex is when sex is soooooo gewd that you:

Forget your name afterwards

Forget where you are

See pretty pink fairies

Yes, i have experienced rad sex, because i kick ass and my BF, S knows how to please me. Now every one can have rad sex, there are just some simple rules one has to follow in order to fully appreciate the wonders of rad sex...

Number 1:

Set the mood... ooh!!!

It doesnt have to be like all romantic and flowery and all that jazz but simply let that lucky person know exactly what you intend to do to him or her... in detail... you know... wet their appetite.. hehe, send a naughty email or sms... or a sexy pick... ooh!!!

Number 2:

Decide on a venue, come on guys theres nothing worse than being all hot and heavy for each other and not being able to shag at her place cos its being fumigated and you cant do at his place cos he forgot to clean the 3 month mess in his house.

Number 3:

Foreplay Foreplay Foreplay!!!! do i have to say it again!?! there's nothing like discovering each others bodies... slowly... dont be scared!!!

Number 4:

Tell each other what you want in bed... If you think you'r good now, armed with that info, you will automatically enter the sex god hall of fame!!!

Number 5:

Cuddle afterwards, have some ice cream (for the non- smokers) or a ciggie...

And there you have it steaks, Rad sex in 5 easy steps... trust me , you'll be thanking me afterwards... hehe

ps... i found this darling lil sight called pyzam.com it is hilarious, full of pics, jokes and layouts... very entertaining... and with that i leave you with a short chinese lesson... mwah steaks, Shortypam is back!!!! hehe...

Tequila, Foreign rum and drunk bloggers

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Sun, 24 Dec 2006 15:35:00 +0000

The blogger meet on the 15'th of December was absolutely AWESOME!!!! a huge thank you all all the organisers, it was an absolute wow!!!!!!!!!!

I met my hero Peas On Toast, that was so awesome she is so totally sweet. I also met our Crusader for the ones in need Champagne Heathen, she is kewl and she likes her tequila!!!
S and i (yes my sexy man was there with me) also met Third world Ant as well as Jam!!! iv been wanting to meet Jam 4 a long long time and it was an absolute pleasure...

I also met the peeps from Ostendo: Deadalus, Devlin, In her shoes and BIG Al!!! Deadalus is really funny!!! a real hoot!!! Big Al is... big in a fluffy-cuddly-bear kinda way (he feels like a huge teddy bear when you hug him) In Her Shoes, now she is absolutely gorgeous!!! Devlin is also funny but what was real funny was his beautiful wife... she was going mad with everybody coming up to her saying: "so you are Devlins wife..." by the end of the evening she was threatening to punch the next person who said that to her... but by the time i left no punches had been thrown... yet.

The dudes from Joblog (very interesting guy i tell you!!!) and Chumpstyle (wezzo is so sweet) and Aquila online,(Also very sweet). now the big surprise of the evening was seeing everybodies favourite commenter Chew the cud, Now he brought some Rum from his holiday in Mozambique, it smells like Vanilla and it tastes like... you guessed it... vanilla lol!!!

A big Holla to my bud Suave who was also there and actually directed Skitee and i to the "blogger tent" while we sat wondering who of us in the crowd of people were also fellow bloggers....

So once again a big thankyou to all who organised the meet, it was so wicked kewl!!!!

Freedom!!!!

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Sun, 26 Nov 2006 18:05:00 +0000

This weekend has been totally rocking... on Thursday i wrote my last exam... woohoo!!!! and im finally (and officially) on holiday!!! yay!!! its time to unleash my old sexy self without the freaky marketing turrets syndrome... yay!!! but still jobless i might add...

On Saturday i celebrated my one year anniversary with my sexy amazing man S. (Happy anniversary babe!!! you are truly an amazing man) Anywho...first it was my house for a little hanky panky... or should i say a lot of hanky panky with alot of screaming and gasping... hehe...then it was off to the lion park and then we had some fun.

After that we went to a lil sexy resturaunt called Rio Sol and we had the most romantic and marvellous dinner one could only dream about, then we spent the night at his place for some more hanky panky under the blanky... hehe...

Then came Sunday, where we spent the day playing some putt-putt and just having some all round fun... then it was off to the moveis where we watched the Preview of Happy feet. very cute and sweet i must tell you... you have to watch it!!!!

This weekend i also came across three interesting blogs, one being Verge's blog One step ahead of the rest which is pretty kewl, (im loving the legs) and another blog by my buddy Sam Sexy senhorita who is a sexy classmate of mine, and she's just as naughty as i am, its called Milk and Wine... hope you like it and one more blog for all the guys out there who like interesting hobbies, its a blog called Skitee the one and only this blog is dedicated to RC racing, and its headed up by none other than my sexy man, S himself, so check them out their pretty kewl...

Well im off to sleep and hopefully il find a new job soon... oh well, but ill return with a goody post called "holiday shags, where to do it and why" on Wednesday... hehe

Enjoy steaks!!!

Exams are an anti climax

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Tue, 14 Nov 2006 10:09:00 +0000

The worst part about exams is:
No not the studiying....
No not the writing of the actual exam...

Yeah you guessed it its that niggling feeling in the back of your head telling you, that you should be studiying for your Intergrated marketing communications exam instead of shagging the day lights out of your man!!! well for me anyway...

Honestly man how the heck can i blind-fold and tie my man to the bedpost and shag the living shit out him all crazy-ass- chic- style when im too busy thinking about the Globalisation techniques of Coca-cola... its ridiculous i tell you!!!

Next im gonna scream out "ooh yes baby!!! just like that!!! work that creative execution and strat review babe, im almost there!!!" while we're doing the biz... i swear folks i can see this happening in my mind...

But thinking of that it does sound kinda kinky... i think...

"ooh Yes!! Yes!!! keep going!!! do that post advertising evaluation!!!"
" yeah baby!!! im cummin!!! im cummin!!! macro/micro analysis!!! oooh!!!!"

ok thats a bad idea. sounds like a rare form of marketing turrets syndrome... ok the simple way to stop my thinking of School work and shouting out possible answers would be for me to be tied to the post and gagged and let my man Shag the pants off me... mmmm that could work...

By the way exams are going kewl. Yes i meant to spell kewl like that, its the new thing... lol!!!

On Friday the 10th i met some one so kewl and sophisticated. you could say he was er.. Suave...
Thats right i met good ol Suavilicious.. there's me enjoying a Millers at bowlers and i look over and see this chocolate man standing all dapper- like. i thought to myself... "mmmm he looks familiar, some how"

I went over and tapped him on the shoulder, and asked if he had a blog, to which he replied yeah, rather stunned... i then asked if he be Suave, he said "yeah", and i said "Hi I be shortypam"
yeah and what followed was raucous laughter and photo taking, (my pic is on his blog 4 all you curious peeps) even the BF thought he was kewl...

So this post is dedicated to Suave!!! now back to the studiying!!! Enjoy the week steaks!!!

Quite lil ho....

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Tue, 31 Oct 2006 08:05:00 +0000

Hey there guys, i will be starting exams in about a week, so if i seem a lil quite or it looks as if i have disappeared, do not send out a search party!!!! I will be fine, a lil ticked off and ready to rip some heads off, but fine none-the-less.

just remeber this... Ill be back!!!

happy Birthday to me!!!!

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Tue, 31 Oct 2006 07:52:00 +0000

Oh the great 20!!! i am one year closer to becoming an adult!!! it was my birthday on sunday and it was amost wonderous day and i got spoilt rotten (like a queen of ho's should rightfully be treated)... i got some cool gadgets like an MP4 player... yeah MP4, and a pretty laptop as well as jewelry and such and such ooh and lets not forget the chocolate and the birthday shag!!! (thank u S!!!)

hehe...

how lusty are you?

Your Lust Quotient: 44%

You are definitely a lustful person, but you do a good job of hiding it.Your friends would be surprised to know that your secretly very wild!

How Much Lust Do You Have?

i do a good job of hiding it??? obvoiusly they dont know me like you guys (bloggers) know me ;-)

how evil are you?

You Are 62% Evil

You are very evil. And you're too evil to care.Those who love you probably also fear you. A lot.

How Evil Are You?

That explains my mothers behaviour think she's too scared to look me in the eye... lol!!! just kidding!!! ;-) but i must say this comes as no surprise it explains why almost everybody in my class avoids me like the plague... Im not evil... Im just an evil bitch....

Any one for some fanned shit???

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Sat, 21 Oct 2006 20:45:00 +0000

And now the shite has Effectively... hit the proverbial fan!!!

Some DumPhuck has told that wanker of my boss whats gone down!!! Mutha phucker!!!!! Now you all remember the post, "backtabbings and broken hearts" where i told you all about the moronic, sorry excuse for a man i call my boss, george and what he had said about me and planned to do to me at my best buds party a few hours ago this wonderful saturday evening....

Now can you believe it??? He knows!! He knows bout the conversation i had with my best bud, though he seems to have a very skewed up version of it... apparently i called him some names and i told My BB (best bud) to choose between us. first of all i DID call him a couple of names:

Dumbass
Wanker
Insecure freak
Mommies boy
Ass licker
Closet gay
"Packet o poo"
Piece of shit
Small dick man
Herpes boy

Thats only a few of the names i called him but i DID NOT make my BB choose!!! i couldnt do that to her, now the million dollar question is... who told the wanker...

He could have read my blog... it is a possibility, but i doubt he has the brain capacity to comprehend that i did not intend to make my BB choose between the both of us.

The sister in law could have told him, but i dont think she would jeopardize her "happy" family life for something like this...

The other manager may have told him, he of course knows whats going on.. (dont ask me how... ) but yeah could be him, though he hates george... or so he says....

Some other fool must have told him... cos in a restauraunt, NOTHING is ever a secret...

So now the sister in, law informs me that he plans to fire me tomoro, sunday, (for what i dont know). He may sabotage me, being the manager and all, he has access to all my tables on the computer, or he may just fire me whenever and for whatever he sees fit... the phucking, idiotic, insecure, pee-brained, wanker ass licker!!!!!! how LOW can you go??? i mean, does he really think this is going to tear my whole life apart???

How much more insecure can you get? this dude is obviously some hectic low life who masturbates with his pillow then cries himself to sleep at night...

You know what? i actually feel sorry for this dude, he is a total loser of the first order, what he does not know is, the BB already knows about his little scheme and all his dirty secrets cos well iv told her and so has the sister in law.... mmmm i wonder how he will react to that news?

But revenge is sweet my dearies.... revenge comes in the form of health inspectors who will inspect their wonderful salmonella-infestested, dirty- as- hell-sticky floored kitchens!!! when you walk in that kitchen you have to hold onto to something so that you dont slip and fall on your ass, cos those floors are so caked with oil and fat, its like ice-skating without the ice... yeah... KITCHEN floors, place where they cook your food that you will put in your mouth... mmm yes health inspectors that should be fun!!!

And if the wanker does FIRE me on some stupid grounds im gonna haul his ass to the CCMA, i dont want money... oh no, i want him to die of embarresment, just picture it the lawyer walks into the shop and in front of all of the staff asks for george and tells him about the wonderful subpoena, now little boy george must explain to daddy dearest where this guy came from and why...

lol!!! yes well this is assuming it works of course... if not well the health inspectors will be a fun idea to entertain...

Wish me luck steaks!!!

Backstabbings and broken hearts.

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Mon, 16 Oct 2006 06:27:00 +0000

Fuck me im pissed off!!! no no... im FUCKING HACKED OFF!!!!! with that sorry good for nothing boss that i work for!!!! let me get u updated the last time i spoke about my boss in my way back when was in the post called playing cupid is a bitch . This is the post in which i vented my frustration at the fool smsing and calling me at all hours of the day asking me and telling me how much he liked my best friend and if she liked him back, like some kind of insecure child!!! well they inefitably hooked up thanks to alot of my hard work by me behind the scenes buttering her up and helping george (my boss) with his self esteem issues.

So now its been three months down the line and their still going strong.

Lately this wanker george (my boss) has just become the favourite son to his dad, who owns the restauraunt where i work... prime grill in meyersdal. Now he has become the big boss after stabbing his brother and his fiance in the back and getting the poor guy (the brother) so frustrated he left the family business... (oh yes i know all bout their family fueds caused by him, he is just so jealous) the pathetic loser middle brother.

Now heres the problem, the guy gets the utmost pleasure from making me feel like an idiot and embarressing me in front of my best friends family (whom iv known all my life)... he swears at me in front of my co-workers makes lewd and suggestive comments and always reminds me that he is the boyfriend and im just the best friend.

Yesterday, Sunday, i was at work and he carried on with his shit screaming at everybody and exerting his power in front of daddy like a pathetic little boy trying too hard to impress. He then avoided me all day. He informed me earlier in the morning that he will be hosting a surprise birthday party 4 my best friend at the restauraunt this coming saturday and that i should come.

After doing my work and serving customers, his soon-to-be-sister in law, (his brothers fiance) came over to tell me that george has been talking about me. I then demanded to know what was said about me. She told me.

This is what he said to one of the new trainee managers and all the staff who were standing with him at the time:

That my best friend is too good to be friends with a person like me, he cant understand why she is friends with me in the first place. He also has a plan to embarrass me in front of her and her entire family on saturday and make sure that she dumps me and finds new friends, He cant wait to tell me that im just a "stupid waitress" and im not all that and i should just shut the fuck up and stick to doing my job and then he is going to tell me to"just shut up and go fetch his drink".

I sat there stunned and then i had a feeling of unbelievable rage well up inside me. How the fuck could he say that? why would he say that? why? after everything i did for him, got him the girlfriend of his dreams, worked for him when there wasnt enough waiters, helped him out whenever he had misunderstandings with people. how could he?

Well obviously im very stunned and hurt by this. I dont know what to say, only that i dont know what to do. do i tell my best friend? do i make her choose between him and i? and this hurts me because i dont want to put her in this position, she'll be crushed. but i dont know how to tell her that he is making me feel like crap and that i no longer even want to work at the restaurant because of him. i dont want her to be with a person who treats other people like dirt when she's around just to impress her and treats me like crap when she isnt around and constantly tries to make me look bad in front of her and her family (her sister in particular), he just puts on an act when she's around like his some kind of good guy.

The problem is she is so happy with him and the last thing i want to do is make her sad. i dont know how to tell her this.

Im stuck in one hell of a dillema here.

Dirty little secrets

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Wed, 11 Oct 2006 12:04:00 +0000

Lately i have been quite stunned. As you all know i am at college and i belong to a class of the most diverse and wonderful group of people that i have ever met, however, there is one particular student who i find so baffling. i honestly cannot make sense of this person honestly man!!!

Ok im sure you are all a little confused... this is a guy i like to call "virgin inactive" (please jus use me) now he is like "the perfect student" he is currently doing two degrees at once and attending night classes and still maintaining an 80% average... i kid you not.

He also belongs to a band and they happen to be doing very well (he is the lead singer and guitarist). He is also a lovingly sweet church boy, who doesnt drink, smoke or poke (as Sam put it, bless her little porno heart) yes folks he is 24 and still a virgin... hence the name Virgin inactive. or so he says... mmmm

Now virgin inactive is also highly skilled in the metrosexual department, almost bodering on closet case gay. He knows fashion and he is also a budding fashion designer (go figure)...

he is also very well groomed, good looking and has a great body, have you ever???

Now what sam and i cant understand is that how can one guy be so perfect??? there is something definetly not right wit him. He is not a happy beaver people.

I think he harbours some kind of twisted evil fetish or something. heres a list of some possible secrets he may be harbouring:

he is a cross dresser
he is actually a man-ho
he likes to steal nieghbours panty's off their wash-line
he likes to sniff pantys
he likes to wear chicka underwear
he likes to take some recreational material.. (drugs dum dum)
he is actually a chickita

I dont know but these seem to cut it. i need help people, need to know wats up with him... he is seriously dodgy!!!!

mmmm... baffeled

fuck.

ps. dont forget to vote for the name you think will suit my boobies!!! voting ends on tuesday!!!

have fun steaks!!!

Name my boobies, lets vote!!!!

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Mon, 09 Oct 2006 11:12:00 +0000

Ok steaks... for the past two weeks all of ya'll having been putting through some very interesting suggestions of names for my boobies. you may remember that post... "what are my boobies called?" where i asked all them bloggers out there to help me name my boobies. i gave you two weeks and then some to come up with some suggestions and here they all are... its time 4 all of u to vote which one of these names are my boobies gonna inheret. You can vote in my comments page and type the in the number of the name you think is worthy... voting will close in a week!!!!!!!! have fun steaks!

"Butch cassidy" and "the sundance kid"
"Siamese twins"
"2 plys"
"Hand" and "full"
"Sugar" and "spice"
"More and more"
"Two flowers"
"Theodara and Priscilla"
"Full" and "hands"
"Marsh and mallow"
"slippery when" and "wet"
"Tit for" and "Tat"
"betty" and "boop"
"Benson" and Hedges"
ul find the next suggestion HERE
"Delorez and Shirly"
"Beavis and Butthead"
"Milk" and "shakes"
"Dicksy and Daisy"
"silk and Satin"
"Siegfried and Roy"

i know there are some good ones and some er... peculiar ones... so hurry and get voting, the future of my boobies names depends on it!!!!

Have fun steaks!!!

Update

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Tue, 03 Oct 2006 13:06:00 +0000

my links to how sinful are you and what kind of kisser are u are not working... so here they are.... you can find them Here and Here. Toodaloo steaks!!!! mwah!

guess who's back!!!

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Tue, 03 Oct 2006 05:50:00 +0000

Right folks im back after some gruelling tests and a welcomed break!!

how sinful are ya?

Your Deadly Sins

Lust: 60%

Envy: 20%

Gluttony: 20%

Pride: 20%

Greed: 0%

Sloth: 0%

Wrath: 0%

Chance You'll Go to Hell: 17%

You'll die from overexertion. *wink*

How Sinful Are You?

what king of kisser are u?

You're a Romantic Kisser

For you, kissing is all about feeling the romanceYou love to kiss under the stars or by the seaThe perfect kiss involves the perfect moodIt's pretty common for kisses to sweep you off your feet

What Kind of Kisser Are You?

I'll die from overexertion???? bwahahahahahaha!!! lol!!!! thats so cool, its the only way to go... i can see it now... boofing my BF or boofing in a porno, and then i peg..... classic!!! interestingly enough my chances of going to hell are only 17% i must be doing something right then!!!! ;-P

ps... guys uv got one week left to come up with more names for my boobies... then we'll have a vote... good luck u steaks!!!

New and Improved

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Sat, 23 Sep 2006 16:06:00 +0000

It's been a long time coming...

Welcome to the new and improved "Being a bitch"

Thanks to my bud One third basketi who helped me out by creating me this fabulously delicious template.... i love it!!! and its a nice change...

what are my boobies called???

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Thu, 21 Sep 2006 11:13:00 +0000

i have been stuck in a prediquiment... for years i have called my lovely passion pillows... Tom and Jerry.. akward... yes, since they are boys names...Recently iv started calling them "the girls"... but i want a more ho-licious name for my boobies so i went onto (www.blogthings.com) and got onto the boobie generator....

And this is what they came up with...

Your Boobies' Names Are...

The Bazoombas

Boobie Name Generator

The what???? the bazoombers what the hell?

er..... no over my dead body... thats not ho-licious its just... just... ggghhhh!!! words fail me!!!

So now iv decided to find some suitable names for "the girls" some ho-licious names here are a few options...

bigger and better

sugar and puff

Clearly im not good at this... so now im appealing to all fellow bloggers out there to help me out...

Come up with some holicious names for my boobies and well hold a vote to see who came up with the best name and my "girls" will officially adopt them!!!

Come on guys!! get er... cracking!! you'v got two weeks!!!

Ho-licious

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Fri, 15 Sep 2006 06:17:00 +0000

Yes folks its that time agian... its ho ettiquette for the whorishly-challenged. Todays lesson is how to be ho-licious.

Ok 4 all of you dont know here is the definition to ho-licious...

Pronounced: (hoe-leesh-ious)
ho-licious (verb)

To be so damn sizzlingly hot and sexy u set things alite, you'r booty-licious, delicious and fantabulicious all at the same time that ur jus so"ho-licious", not only do you look ho-licious u act ho-licious, u KNOW ur ho-licoius and u go to geat lenghths to show it... like me!!

Now it has dawned on me that alot of people dont know how to be ho-licious... here are some helpfull tips on how to be so damn ho-licoius ul want to shag urself!!!

U gotta show off that chest!!! wear skimply tops and flaunt that chest... if uv got small boobies dont worry flaunt those too, jus look at gwen stefani!!!

Get into a sexercise routine, wen ur with ur other half boof their brains out and try some new techniques, get the kama sutra and practice, practice, practice!!! If u dont have a other half then practice with urself!!!

Tell urself that ur so damn ho-licious every morning when u get up and every evening before u go to sleep... if u feel ho-licious, u ARE ho-licious.

Now when ur with the member of the opposite sex, stare at them alluringly and IF their game, whisperinto their all seductive like, how ul make them say ur name.... u should have them outta them clothes in no time...

Always dress ur best and strut your stuff like you're on a cat walk... everybody digs models...

Practice your "pants-off-now" voice and use it all the time!!!! Even to your boss... making them question their sexuality is funny!!!

And last but not least, practice ur kissing and pucker up, a good kiss should be gentle and lingering with a bit of a nibble on the the lower lip... then my friend ur a ho-licious ho!!!

Well i hope this helped, im looking forward to seeing alot of other ho-licious peeps out there soon!!!

ps... The boyfriends going to bangcock on monday for a week or so... so expect some horny ramblings!!!

Yeah im so hot!!!!!

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Tue, 12 Sep 2006 12:21:00 +0000

Today was pretty interesting... i have been having a couple of peeps telling me that im seriously hot, now not just my very nice booty and my voluptuous chest but just my overall attitude and personality makes me ideal "girlfriend" material, though this got me wondering, how hot is hot? and how can u tell that somebody is absolutely hot (not jus body wise).

Now i firmly believe that there are some mild variations of hot these being:

sensually hot, where the right clothes and the way you move and conduct yourself is seriously "bang me now!" sexy.

sexy-hot, where the flirty behaviour and overall seductiveness rules the game.

Slutty-hot, ok this is your "let-me-stick-my-face-in-your-big-silicone-boobs" type hot, recommended to look but never to touch...

School-girl innocent hot, this is the type of hot most of us fantasise about, you know fresh faced and totally innocent, though i would reccommend that u check their ID first...

Ho hot, this is so me... need i say more?

Now with all that covered i think the hottest hot to be is the Ho hot, sensual hot and Sexy hot. These seem to the get the best nods... but how hot is ho? i mean one persons hot is another persons "cool"...

here's some suggestions...

ur know ur hot when:

u walk down the street and u cause a 54 car pile up.

u set stuff alight when you touch them

u are banned from petrol stations

people stare at you wearing speacial "eclipse glasses"

construction workers hoot and whistle at you and call u "moonch" (happens to me everyday, seriously)

ur a ho... need i say more???

If these suggestions don help then you can go over to blogthings and find out exactly how hot you are... like i have... yeah i rock!!!

You Are Super Spicy

You're a little bit crazy, a little bit naughty, and a whole lot of sexy.
You go beyond hot - you set people's senses on fire!

Are You Hot?

This is so me!!!! yay!!!

who's my daddy

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Mon, 11 Sep 2006 07:56:00 +0000

whos my daddy?

Your Daddy Is Patrick Stewart

What You Call Him:

Why You Love Him: You don't love him, you just love calling him "daddy"

Who's Your Daddy?

This is erm... interesting!

now all i need to do is practice my "ai!! papi" accent...

whats your drug personality?

my personality is like alcohol???? oh shit.

Your Personality Is Like Alcohol

You're the life of the party, a total flirt, and probably a pretty big jokester.Sometimes your behavior gets you in trouble, but you still remain socially acceptable.You're a pretty bad driver, and you're dancing could also use a little work!

What Drug Is Your Personality Like?

yep everybody knows im an alchoholic..... and a sexoholic, and a chocoholic among other things...

horny horror!!!!

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Thu, 07 Sep 2006 10:56:00 +0000

i am as horny as hell...(again) my poor boyfreind S is in no condition to shag me senseless cos his boss is a slave driver and he has deadlines to meet, so the fool is in the office till late and judging from his sms's he sounds very pooped!

But the problem is that im getting to the point where pleasuring myself at night is no longer helping... with or without the durex tingle lube. Today i caught myself staring at a chikita... yes another girl and thinking, "ooh id like to snuggle my face in those boobies of urs!!!"

EEEEEEK!!!! that was totally a lesbiana thought!!! i cant be!!! no! No! i love dick... lots of it, not only that but i find that i snap at everything that comes my way and all of a sudden im insanely jealous of other couples that i see....

This whole, horny-but-not-getting-any thing is clearly not working for me, iv turned into some kind of nympho monster!!! i want a good shag, boof, fuck right now!!!! and its driving me up the wall and for some unknown reason everything i see reminds me of a penis...

the banana i had for lunch
the pillars
car gearsticks
fruit juice bottles

its driving me bananas... mmmm banana...

i think im suffering from horny-itis

Induced by raging hormones and innate need for great sex.

symptoms include:

staring at fruit and wondering about their practicality as sex toys
staring at sex toys in a sex shop... Im guilty i went into adult world and stared at the merchandise.
staring at members of the same sex (in my case)
carressing urself in public without even noticing
practicing seductive looks in any mirror u see...
being jealous of other couples that you see
hating everybody and everything.

yep, i got it... oh the horror!!!!!

Oh divine bitch!!!

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Mon, 04 Sep 2006 10:27:00 +0000

This morning i recieved a wonderful email, and i was delighted in the title which read "being a bitch" immediatly i thought, hey! thats me, instead of hitting the trash button, i read it, all i can say is that i was duly impressed by this wonderful..er.. notion.
Now unlike my buddy kyknoord ( see links below), im not starting a cult but rather a new way of life that all women such as myself should follow, the bitchology way, and dont worry guys, everybody knows that bitches are fiesty like that...

BITCHOLOGY

When I stand up for myself and my beliefs, they call me a bitch.

When I stand up for those I love, they call me a bitch.

When I speak my mind, think my own thoughts or do things my own way, they call me a bitch.

Being a bitch means I won't compromise what's in my heart. It means I live my life MY way. It means I won't allow anyone to step on me, When I refuse to tolerate injustice and speak against it, I am defined as a bitch. The same thing happens when I take time for myself instead of being everyone's maid, or when I act a little selfish. It means I have the courage and strength to allow myself to be who I truly am and won't become anyone else's idea of what they think I "should" be. I am outspoken, opinionated and determined.

I want what I want and there is nothing wrong with that! So try to stomp on me, try to douse my inner flame, and try to squash every ounce of beauty I hold within me. You won't succeed. And if that makes me a bitch , so be it. I embrace the title and am proud to bear it.

B - Babe
I - In
T - Total
C - Control of
H - Herself

B = Beautiful
I = Intelligent
T = Talented
C = Charming
H = Hell of a Woman

B = Beautiful
I = Individual
T = That
C = Can
H = Handle anything

Now ladies all we need to do is wake up every morning and repeat this to ourselves and we'll be ready to take on the world... who needs self help books?

Hey!!! sweety my baby!!!

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Wed, 30 Aug 2006 10:10:00 +0000

Now can some one please shed some light as to why some men take it upon themselves to be utterly annoying from time to time.

Now as i meantioned before i live in a complex in the south, its nice, its safe, its quaint, its quite. but recently they have been building another complex opposite us in the barren space.

Cue the construction workers with their noisy drills and things, power outages and water cuts, but if thats not bad enough i have to deal with about 20 of them all jostiling each other for my attention.

Every morning as i walk to the bus stop i get whistles, cat noises (yes these freaks meow at me) and lets not forget a flurry of phrases like:

ow!! sweety my baby!!!
hello nice nice
hello sweety
eish!!! ur lekker!!!
sihke le keke baby!!!
hi moonch (moonch???)

Now im slighlty confused, why do All 20 of them start screaming if there is only one of me? and do they really expect me to actually reply anything other than a cold stony stare, blatant ignorance or the occasional zap or "fuck off"... what do they expect?

Fuck me with a stick, what do they want me to do? go up to all of them and pick my favourite whistler?

And its not only the construction workers its EVERYWHERE!!!!!!, on my way to college on the bus, when i take a walk to the shops, when im out with friends, in town when im window shopping (those hawkers drive me insane!!!)

There was even one particular guy who once, upon my blatantly ignoring him, thought that i was deaf (no really) he then proceeded to tell me in sign language, very badly... that he loved me and that i was beautiful. He even followed me all the way to my bus!!!! what the heck? did he not get the message???

Just what does a girl have to do to stop getting whistled and gawked at like a piece of fillet steak (medium rare of course), i assure u even if i had to dress up in some real bad clothes they would still harrass me but i have a few ideas on how to make them stop...

when they whistle, whistle back

If many of them want u at the same time, try and get as many numbers as possible and make appointments for all of them, "ok sipho ill see u at 6 and doug you at 7, er..eddie ill see u after i see fred at 8" this will put them off.

If one comes up to u and tells u that he loves you, point at him and laugh really loudly, attract as much attention as you can... onlookers be looking at him wondering what on earth he did...

When one approaches u, simply inform him that the sex you had with his wife the night before was phenomenal.

If one approaches you, let out a blood-curdling scream and run away.

If these dont work i dont know what will, maybe i should have a sign on my head that says: "no i dont want ur number!!!!"

Any one have a spare habit (nun outfit) for sale?

Little boofing hideaways

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Wed, 23 Aug 2006 07:03:00 +0000

This whole week iv been thinking about the incident that i had on Saturday night and how that rattled me. I was left sad and shaken thinking, where on eath am i gonna find another boofing spot now?

Then i started thinking about other secluded spots that we could try, that will ensure us the odd, uninterupted passionate quickie... i spoke to some friends and made some observations of my own and this is what i came up with:

The automatic carwash (part 1). This is a good place to boof: in your car while the big brushes are whiring past, this makes for perfect camofluage.. though please keep in mind that this quickie is meant to be really quick those damn car washes go fast and you need to look all calm and collected when you exit from there like nothing happened and you didnt jus have mind blowing raunchy sex jus a few seconds earlier...

The carwash (part 2). This carwash in particular is the one where they give your car a nice hand wash, dry and a nice polish, now at night these places are particularly empty as the car-washers go home. u can pull into there and park ur car and have some fun.. u can even be more adventurous and get out of the car and band each other away on the equipment, you can even use them as props... hose as a whip sort of thing...

The emergency exists in the cinemas are a nice choice too, their always empty and they are always dark... during the movie when the lights are dark you could quickely sneak into the place and have some fun.. The zone in rosebank's cinamas have emergency exixts that lead onto the roof just behind the "zone" sign, so you have a nice view and you can shag on the roof...

At kiddies parties sometimes we feel the need to boof our partners in a moment of sheer passion, the wendy house or the tool shed is one good place to do it in.. simply tell the kids that there is a verocious monster in the wendy house/tool shed and if they go near it they will wake up and gobble all of them up in one go... simply sneak in when all the kiddies are having their cake and have some fun. you can be as loud as you like, if some kid happens to be walking past they'll run 4 their dear little lives cos they think its the monster... good fun.*

The zoo is also a good place to get some boofing action, now there is a tunnel where one can go to see the inside of the animal enclosures, you know where u watch the monkeys and things sleep, those places usually are empty most of the time and you can have some seriously good fun in a seriously dark corner... just Make sure that the place is truly empty and that there are no tours taking place that day, you dont want any tourists "oohing and Aahing" and clicking away at the both of you.

Now if you have a particularly big car with a big boot, u are in luck my friend... underground parking garages are great, there are not too many people, esspecially late at night and at a basement where a club is situated... thats some good stuff. Get into the boot and close it just a bit (do not lock yourselves in there!!!!!!!) and have some banging good fun, if you find a particularly dark corner to hide your car in then Bonus!!!

The baby centre or the disabled bathrooms at shopping centres, ok now these places are kept exeptionally clean. and everything is nice and low down for easy access and comfort, particularly if your short... so pimp: get onto the seat, ho get onto your pimp and enjoy the ride... or Ho, get onto the seat, pimp: keep standing and let the ho place her legs on your shoulders and have some fun... just remember to sneak in carefully and LOCK THE DOOR!!! you dont want to traumatise a disabled person or a poor little baby..

And thats all the tips and places i can give to all who are interested in boofing each others brains out in non- conventional areas..

happy boofing everyone!!!

*make sure that the kids at the kids party are all under the age of 8... if older they wont believe you and they Will investigate the source of the strange noises... not fun.

Boofing with spectators

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Mon, 21 Aug 2006 12:29:00 +0000

It was er... quite the evenful weekend i tell you, particularly on saturday but il get to that now now... on friday night i had to skip work in order to do my Consumer behavoiur assignment, which entailed me watching a programme called "vyfster" and asking consumer based questions related to todays environment.

now how the heck is Vyfster related to todays environment??? it was produced in the 70's and its so old it doesnt have subtitles in them and the sound quality is so bad i could barley hear what they were saying... anyway enough of that..

Saturday came rolling on and i was pretty excited cos i was gonna have some boofing fun with the one and only S... we spent the day watchin stand up comedy dvd's eating Mac's and well you guessed it... boofing each others brains out. we then went out to movies watched the break-up (aww so sad..) then left and that is where the fun began...

As we were driving home from Monte, (we live in the South) i got an overwhelming urge to boof the man while he was driving... honestly i just had to have him right there and then, give it to me hard baby!!!! sort of thing...

so i took off my seat belt and i er... pleasured him for the duration of the ride home... now we were nearing my house and i whispered into his ear "babe, i really want u right now, i mean really want u, oh babe im so hot..." all seductive like.

Like a good man he then took his cue and proceeded down the highway en route... the spot. now i firmly believe that everybody should have a a "spot". a place which is discreet, that only you know about, your own little spontaneous-backseat-boofing-spot. So there we are we arrive at our little spot.

This is a cul-de-sac with a couple of houses at the bottom but the top is covered with veld with a couple of semi-built houses, quite and pleasent. We did the routine check, checked if the place be kosher. Once we gave each other the all clear we got right to it, we threw off our clothes and got into the backseat for some dirrty fun....

We got interupted by the usual fool pulling into his driveway and staring at us, we waved, he looked. Im convinced he hates us and he calls the security guards on us from time to time...

Anyway we boofed away for a while longer then we stopped to have a water break... then one guy out of nowhere appeared and walked on by.... ok... we thought that was really random.

Then another guy came walking past then before we knew it about 10 of them came out from thier dark dingy hide aways and surrounded the area. S and i looked at each other to which i just told him to drive, which he promptly did with his tool standing at attention , he hopped over to the front seat and put pedal to the metal nd we drove off, we seriously did not wana know what was going to happen from there...

we stopped at the nearby church and put our clothers, yes...we were still naked much to the amusement of the nearby church security guys, we drove home amused at the situation and very pissed off at the situation... honestly man, where the hell did those freaks come from???? were they watching us boof??? why did they have to come out ??? we were not finished yet!!!! Argggg!!!!

its monday and im still immensley horny and i blame it on those freaks and those goddamn fruit fairies!!!!

how to know that ur graunch is gonna get u laid...

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Thu, 17 Aug 2006 12:04:00 +0000

well after some much thought and requests from friends and Cookie monster, i have decided to add a part two installment to my previous post "to graunch or not to graunch"

now in this lovely installment we see if ur kiss is gonna ensure that u get a good boof afterwards and that u didnt kiss the poor fool in vane...
now usually kisses lead to other things like more graunching, heavy petting, to heavy breathing, then of course good heavy boofs.. (my favourite)

but some people fail to see if the kiss is going good or bad, so here i am, im gonna give you some tips to ensure u get all the graunching and boofing that u are entitled to.

you know its a good kiss when her tongue fires back in ur mouth and she acts like a hungry badger,you know its a bad kiss when she retracts her tongue and u start hearing that "beep beep" of a truck reversing.

you know its a good kiss when she starts tearing off your clothes screaming "take me now u beast!!!" in the resturaunt, its a bad kiss when she becomes the incredible hulk and chucks ur ass around like ur her dinner.

you know its a good kiss when she starts rubbing herself up all over u like she trying to create static electricity, you know its a bad kiss when she starts to rub herself up on someone else while kissing you.

you know its a good kiss when she keeps on kissing you with her eyes closed and a blissful look is upon her face, you know its a bad kiss if her eyes are roaming around the room checking out the other hot guys.

you know its a good kiss when she starts giggling and pulling u closer, you know its a bad kiss when she starts whimpering and clawing at u all scared like.

you know its a good kiss when other girls stare in awe and start queuing up to kiss u too, you know its a bad kiss when other girls look at u in distgust and spit at you.

you know its a good kiss when she pulls your face closer and starts running her fingers through your hair, you know its a bad kiss when she starts pulling your hair out!!!

you know its a good kiss when ur kissing a ho!!! cos any kiss with a ho like me is a great kiss!!!

mwah mwah, happy kissing everybody!!! :-)

To graunch or not to graunch?

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Mon, 14 Aug 2006 12:37:00 +0000

Now this weekend was a bit interesting... Woolworths had sms'd me and told me that he had exciting news for me... so i sat there listening intently... for all those who are slightly confused as to who woolworths is, he is my boss who is dating my best friend Suzuki...

now he sms's and informs me that he and Suzuki had gone out and they were sitting in the car and he wanted to kiss her.. but he wasnt sure if he should yet (ah... new relationships)...

why is he asking me? she's my best friend!!! iv never kissed her!!!

but this got me thinking... exactly when is the perfect time to give your honey that first "relationship" graunch?

I mean S and i shared our speacial moment in the car after he took me out to a very larney dinner on our first date... many other people believe it should be whenever the perfect time or "mood" but when exactly is the "right" time for a good first time kiss?

Here's a few right timers

You may kiss her after dinner and a movie while ur on her porch (always remember... it must have been a good date that went extremely well and u must not stink of the garlic bread u had for ur starter)

You may kiss her in a romantic moment where is she talking too much and the only way to get her to keep quite is to kiss her, she'l think ur adorable, ur ears will be grateful...

You may kiss her when ur in the movie and Orlando Bloom kisses his love interest, DO NOT try to kiss her when Orlando Bloom( or any other studly actor) dies in the movie... u will get a blue eye.

Do kiss her when she leans into you and closes her eyes, Dont kiss her if she leans away from you on account of your Bad BO, she is trying to stay away from you.

You can kiss her all romantic like, if she trips in her high heels and u catch her all Cassanova-like. You may not kiss her if she trips and you didnt catch her and sat there laughing and pointing...

If she kisses you may kiss her back, dont pull away, or else you wont be kissing those lips for a long time coming, and believe me u will never hear the end of it!!!

You can kiss her when ur sitting in the park enjoying the moonlight, you cant kiss her in the park in the moonlight while your getting mugged!

You may kiss her while she's admiring a puppy in a petstore, you cant kiss her if her puppy has died!!!!

You may kiss her when she jumps u and rips ur clothes off, then my friend you got yourself a ho!!! u lucky sod!!!

My weekend:bruised ass and dodgy neighbours.

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Mon, 07 Aug 2006 10:57:00 +0000

Im in immense pain as im typing this today.

Now my weekend started off in a very promising way..

Friday

It all started on friday, i had duped my manager into giving me the night off!!! no waitering that night Yay!!!

I was set for my presentation and that went well, really it did, the lecturers seemed to like our strategies...

So there it was we were done for the day and i headed home for some rest, relaxation and couch surfing. Now as u all know, i take the bus home and everything was just going swimingly, i had even bought a bottle of wine for S and i to enjoy together the next day. Nowthe bus ride home is filled with dangeruous turns and curves since i live in a mountainy area in the South of JHB. now my stop is at the terminus, so im the last person to get off.

We were only a block away from my house when disaster struck, there is a curve before my house in which you have turn to the left in order to stay alive but unfortunatley, you cannot see the oncoming traffic. At this point i got up (in my heels) and i started making my way to the front of the bus because my stop was coming up...

I suddenly felt myself running faster towards the doors and i asked myself, "why the fuck am i running" then before i could realise wat was happening, bus swerved violently and breaked really hard,

i went flying onto the floor, landed on my preacious booty and i went sliding on the floor towards the front of the bus, bottle of wine in the one hand and my bag in the other.

I slid and rolled right into the bus doors before the bus driver could realise why the heck i was screaming "oh fuck oh fuck!!!!"

Now the reason why the bus swerved and breaked which ultimatly led to my downfall (lol!!!) is that at the bend, another car was coming up in our lane which means he had to swerve to avoid a collision.

i got up battered and bruised and very dishellved and wondering who i should sue for this. my body ached, my heel had broken off my shoe but my wine was OK!!! :-)

Saturday

On saturday morning i checked out my ass in the mirror and let out a woeful scream, i have a bruise (big, purple and sore) the size of two fists on my ass. my beautiful ass, my trademark at summer pool parties, My beautiful ass!!!!

Anyway enough bout my ass, S came over on saturday morning (as he usually does) 4 some DVD's and a good boof(s). we opened the wine and got the blanket out and the heater and we settled in to watch our DVD now usually by this time we start getting naked and do alot of graunching and hectic heavy petting, but on this day we took it slow.... all of a sudden the door flies open and in comes Queen, my moms very bitchy and very jealous girlfriend.

we sit there stunned it would have been meer seconds before we ripped each others clothes off and boofed each other right there on the couch. She came in, got something then took off again all while we sat there giggling and thinking "what if"....

Sunday

on sunday afternoon as i got home from work my mother informed me that she had put my clothes in the wash and had hung them out to dry, now since we live in a complex we sorta have a communial wash line thing going on... there is one on either side of our line of units and we "own" the line on the righthand sice of our unit but sometimes we use the left one which another unit line "owns".

so off i went to the other line and took down my washing. upon returning to my house i saw our nieghbour who lives opposite the front side of our house, going to the washing line and looking at it, they had hung cheap nasty sheets. he nodded his head and went to the window of his house where his paranoid wife was sitting and gave her a thunbs up, meaning "no dear, she didnt steal anything"

Its not the first time that they have done this but this time i had the displeasure of seeing it. I know that my mom is black and i happen to be half white too, but that doesnt automatically make us thieves... my mom has our sheets made to order, specifically to her specifications and designs (a regular coconut that one), why the fuck would we want thier cheep nasty sheets???

i cant believe i live next to such barbarians, i looked at both of them, they looked back and i smiled sweetly then flipped them the bird...* i doubt ill be invited to thier annual residents bring en braai party...

*i later found out that they are in fact the vice presidents of the board of residents at our complex... like i give a hoot.....