Believer in Balance

Motherhood is an Emotional Rollercoaster Ride

2008-10-29T18:49:52Z

Motherhood is an emotional rollercoaster ride with all the highs and lows, twists and turns, and nauseating moments you get from the one at your local amusement park. However, unlike your typical two-minute ride, this one lasts a lifetime and begins moments after you pee on a stick.

Hop in and I’ll share a seat with you on my rollercoaster ride so far!

* When I found out I was pregnant, I was elated. I couldn’t wait to be a mommy, again and again.

* During the first trimester, I panicked. What came in the easy way, had to come out the hard way.

* During the second trimester, I was calm. I knew if millions of women could deliver babies, so could I.

* During the third trimester, I was desperate. I felt like I couldn’t wait another minute to get my body back again.

* The moment my children were born, I felt relief. They were healthy.

* Three days post-partum, I was depressed. I couldn’t bear the fact that one day my babies would leave home. Yes, only three days later. While that thought still brings tears to my eyes, the baby blues made me sob at the unbearable notion.

* Three weeks post-partum, I was overwhelmed. How could I possibly take care of a baby, then a toddler and baby, then two kids and a baby all by myself during the day?

* Three months post-partum I felt capable. I had mastered breastfeeding, the car seat and how to get a shower in during the day.

It’s been over ten years since I started this rollercoaster ride and during that time I’ve also felt:

* Immense pride for all that my children are . . . smart, beautiful, thoughtful, fun, generous, polite, creative . . .

* Guilty for raising my voice, being impatient and taking my stress out on them.

* Crippling worry about their emotional and physical well-being.

* Grateful to be blessed with three incredible daughters.

* Stressed at the amount of tasks I have to do while being the primary caregiver.

* Lucky to be their mommy.

* Angry when they are disrespectful to me.

* Content knowing that my decision to not work outside the home was the right one for me.

* Regret on days I’ve spent more time nagging than playing.

* Happy just being with my daughters.

I know there will be more highs and lows on this emotional rollercoaster, but there’s no better ride than motherhood!

One Way to Keep an Ice Pack on Your Kid’s Head!

2008-10-01T19:33:02Z

I’m Living the Life I Imagined

2008-09-30T17:36:36Z

A few months ago I shared that I think it’s important to listen to the words of Thoreau and live the life you have imagined. While I don’t know what Thoreau had in mind when he uttered those profound words, I know I always imagined being part of a big family. And since fate would have it and I am an only child, I knew I had to make that large family myself . . . well, with my hubby’s help of course!

However, after giving birth to two beautiful girls, the life I imagined and the life I knew diverged and I took the road more traveled. Sorry Mr. Frost! But after a combined total of 96 hours of labor, umpteen ounces of pitocin and an epidural that went in like a sledgehammer hitting an ice pick, I decided two kids were enough. After being enveloped in the chaos that is raising kids, I decided two kids were more than enough!

Six years later, I changed my mind on this day. Not because my hubby and I weren’t completely thrilled and content with our two daughters, but because we wanted to live the life we imagined when we were dating. We imagined having four kids.

So seven years after our second child was born we welcomed our third daughter to the family! And the life we lived blossomed and the life we imagined drew nearer.

But of course we couldn’t stop with just three! Even though three kids can definitely be considered a “large family,” we wanted our third child to have a sibling close in age so she wouldn’t feel like an only child when her older sisters moved out. (Sniff. Sniff.) And again, we imagined having four kids!

And now we do. I’m pregnant with our fourth child . . . our last child . . . our life as we imagined child. But if you peeked in the sidebar, you knew that already!

The Nag-Free Morning Routine

2008-09-24T21:31:36Z

Well the first day of school has come and gone. And with that went all the excitement that caused my daughters to be up and ready for school without any prompting.

While they still enjoy going to school, getting them out the door started taking some combination of nagging, scolding, reminding, and of course rushing. It got to the point where even I was sick of listening to myself ask the same questions every day.

“Did you brush your teeth?”

“Did you make your bed?”

“Did you put your lunch in your backpack?”

Ugh.

I had to find a way to dial down my nag-o-meter! While I know that we all need to remind our kids to do things, too much nagging is just background noise. So being the Type A mommy that I am (for those of you Type B’s who go with the flow, that means I’m excessively organized and desperately rely on lists to get things done!) I decided to make my kids a morning “To Do” list. Yes, I even typed it. Okay, okay . . . in the interest of full disclosure, I even made two lists. An upstairs list and a downstairs list. (Can you say Type A+? Unfortunately, this is one time when an A+ isn’t such a good thing! But hey, it’s who I am and I’m trying to use it to my advantage to stop nagging.)

I put the upstairs list on their bulletin boards and the downstairs list on the fridge. Now they read what they need to do and my only question is “Did you do your list?” I guess technically, I should ask “Did you do your LISTS?” but you get the idea! Either way, I’m nagging, scolding, reminding and even rushing less. And that’s a good thing.

Such a good thing that, as a School Counselor, I advise my parents to do something similar when they come to me saying their mornings are so stressful because they can’t get their kids in gear. For parents of children who aren’t reading yet, I provide a morning list with pictures. For parents who think I’m an organizational freak, you’re right, but it works!

I’m a certified School Counselor who works with students on various issues including anger management, social skills, anxiety, divorce, self-esteem, study skills, impulsivity and bullying. If you have any parenting or school issues that you would like me to address, please leave me a comment. I’d be happy to answer any questions you may have in my weekly Ask the School Counselor segment.

Twitter Tools

2008-09-24T21:20:11Z

I have to admit I’m a little behind the times when it comes to blogging . . . and well fashion and hairstyles, but I digress. I just came back from the BlogWorldExpo and I’m convinced I’m the only blogger on the planet who doesn’t own a laptop. However, I learned from a few of my fellow Sparkplugging writers, I’m not the only one who seems to be missing the boat on Twitter. (No, Jessica! I absolutely do not mean you . . . you Twitter phenom! You really do know something I need to know!)

That said I’ve researched a few tools to help me on Twitter.

Tools? You mean like a Blackberry?

No, I don’t have one of those either. I am thinking of investing in a cell phone though.

Just kidding! I’m not completely in the dark ages.

What I mean is that I need help keeping up with Twitter. It overwhelms me. There’s just so many tweets! My head starts to spin when I try and keep track of who is talking to whom. So like anything I do, I need to get organized. That’s why I was happy to discover TweetDeck and Crowdstatus. (While these tools may be old news to some of you, I suspect some of my fellow newbies haven’t heard of them.)

With both Tweetdeck and Crowdstatus, you can organize the people you follow into groups. That way it’s more manageable to keep up with the conversation. For example, I created a group in Tweetdeck of all the people who write for Sparkplugging.com. Not only does this group help me keep up with the conversation, it makes me more inclined to join the conversation. Which, you know, IS THE WHOLE POINT OF TWITTER! Thus my problem to date. I’ve been sitting on the sidelines. Watching from afar. Lurking. It’s not that I haven’t tried jumping in, but like a Sparkplugging friend shared, when I did and got no response it felt like the entire table of cool kids in the cafeteria stopped talking and got up and left! Clearly, I have issues from high school!

Speaking of high school, I also found a site that tells you what grade you have on Twitter. Not that you can flunk out of Twitter! But TwitterGrader.com can tell you how you’re doing with it. Specifically, it reviews your profile, who’s following you, how often you update and calculates a grade and a ranking for you. Considering my ignorance with Twitter, I was pleasantly surprised I received a passing grade! Well, barely. I received a grade of 69 and a ranking of 9,621 out of 32,777. Could be worse! But now that I’ve created small discussion groups for myself, I’m sure I’ll get a B in Twitter 101 in no time!

If there are more Twitter tools, please share them with me! I need all the help I can get.

Thank You Epson!

2008-09-24T20:26:18Z

I know I haven’t posted in a week, but I do have a great excuse reason! Epson sponsored the Sparkplugging.com team to go to the BlogWorldExpo in Las Vegas this past weekend. How cool is that! I know cool for me, not for you, and I shouldn’t rub it in. But indeed there is something Epson is doing that is cool for you too!

Epson is giving away one of their WorkForce 600 All-in-One printers! So if you’re in the market for a state of the art all-in-one printer, or just like anything free, head on over to Momsational and see how you can enter to win!

Back to School Shopping with Three Girls

2008-09-17T20:05:50Z

Empowering Youth: A Great Resource for Parents and Educators

2008-09-11T18:36:09Z

As a School Counselor and mother of three, I believe it is vital that parents, educators and others in the community help children become strong, confident, compassionate leaders. Though I admit this is no easy task. It takes patience, persistence and plenty of tools. That’s why I am pleased to share with you a new book by a fellow School Counselor, Kelly Curtis.

Kelly’s book, Empowering Youth: How to Encourage Young Leaders to Do Great Things provides not only inspirational anecdotes, but specific strategies and activities to help cultivate and motivate the young people in our lives. While heavily influenced by the Search Institute’s Developmental Assets framework, which consists of 40 “building blocks” that help “influence choices young people make and help them become caring, responsible adults,” Empowering Youth focuses on the following four Empowerment Assets:

When a Community Values Youth

Treating Youth as Valued Resources

Serving the Needs of Others

Ensuring a Safe World for Young People

So if you’re a parent, educator or just know a young person, I highly recommend you read Empowering Youth: How to Encourage Young Leaders to Do Great Things. And to help get this wonderful resource out into the community, I’m giving away three copies on Momsational! So head on over there and leave a comment to enter to win a free copy of this valuable book.

Kelly Curtis, M.S., is a School Counselor, writer, speaker, and believer in the power of the Developmental Asset approach. She is the founder of Empowering Youth, Inc., which publishes positive youth development curricula, including the SPARK Peer Tutoring Handbook and Training Manual, and Hidden Treasure of Assets and Career Expedition board games. Kelly writes regularly about her experiences with children, parenthood, and family travel on her blog, Pass the Torch.

Work Life Balance Quotes from Famous People: Volume 2

2008-09-10T20:03:21Z

Here is the second post in my series on what famous people have to say about work life balance. Yes, even the multi-million dollar celebrities struggle with this issue! How, when they can afford to hire a housecleaner, personal chef, landscaper, nanny, chauffeur, and personal trainer . . . I DON’T KNOW! But evidently they do.

Anyway, here’s what these famous people have to say about balancing parenting and their careers:

Reese Witherspoon, a movie actress and single mom with two kids, says “It’s a lot of balance and a lot of really hard decision making.”

Faith Hill is a country singer married to Tim McGraw with three kids. She says “There’s no secret when it comes to juggling career and motherhood. At the end of the day, I just throw my feet up on the couch and say, ‘God, that was a long day! But somehow it all worked.’ There are days when everyone is fussy, fighting and late. Gracie has long hair, and sometimes it’s such a fight to brush it in the morning and get her ready for school. But I think about the days when she’ll be too big and tall. She won’t ever let me brush her hair then, so I enjoy the little moments now even though they’re not perfect.”

Jennifer Garner is a movie actress married to Ben Affleck. They have one child. She says “I’m trying to juggle it all, but it’s hard. I just had a year off where I put every spoonful of food into Violet’s mouth. Now I’m working and though I’m usually with her more hours than not, some days I just can’t be. That’s hard for me, and for the first time, my daughter. Luckily my husband is a true partner, and he picks up where I leave off.”

Angelina Jolie is a movie actress married to Brad Pitt. They have six kids. She says “I think if you love what you do, and you love the choices you’ve made in your life, somehow that drives you forward to enjoy it all. Even the chaos, even the exhaustion of it, and even when it seems out of balance.”

Naomi Watts is a movie actress engaged to Liev Schreiber. They have one child and one on the way. She says “I’ve got friends who have given everything to be there for their family, but I’ve always wondered, are they at peace with themselves? I think balancing career and family is just one of those things you have to work out as you go along.”

Ryan Phillippe is an actor who used to be married to Reese Witherspoon. He has two kids. He says “I have not found balance in my life yet.”

If you’re interested in what Kyra Sedgwick, Brooke Shields, Jennifer Lopez, Sarah Jessica Parker and Patrick Dempsey had to say about work life balance, check out Work Life Balance Quotes from Famous People: Volume 1.

Group Hug

2008-09-10T18:00:26Z

Don’t Overcommit: Ten Ways to Say No

2008-09-09T14:17:15Z

Lately, I’ve been feeling overcommitted. Stretched too thin. Overwhelmed. Considering the summer was supposed to be down time, this is not good. Considering it’s just the beginning of the school year for the kids and me as a School Counselor. . .travel soccer season . . . music lessons . . .girl scouts . . . organizing the church picnic . . . editing the newsletter . . . doing more freelance work. . . planning my daughters’ birthday party . . . and much more, it’s really not good!

So I’ve decided I need to cut back. But that is easier said than done! Everything listed above is something I need to do or want to do. So what does that leave to cut out of my busy schedule? Things I haven’t said yes to . . . yet! Since I have the disease to please, like most women (and some men!), I often commit myself to things because I feel badly saying no.

Not anymore!

So after reading an email I received from my mom with a few ways to say no politely, I decided to add my own to the list and share it with you, just in case you too need to stop saying yes to things that add additional stress to your life.

Ten Ways to Say No

1. My family comes first and they keep me very busy!

2. I have too much on my plate right now.

3. I can’t do “x” but I could do “y”.

4. Maybe next time.

5. I really need to cut back right now.

6. I’m going to have to skip that this year.

7. Thanks for asking, but I’m going to have to pass.

8. I don’t have time to breathe, let alone take on one more thing!

9. I wish I could, but I can’t.

10. No, thank you.

I hope this list will help you stop being overcommitted . . . so you don’t feel you need to be committed due to additional stress!

First Day Back to School

2008-09-04T13:43:34Z

Today is the first day back to school for my daughters. While my neighbor thinks I should be overjoyed, I miss my girls already. Sniff. Sniff. But these are exciting times. My oldest daughter started middle school today and my middle daughter started third grade.

And while I knew I wasn’t being the cool mom when I ran barefoot across the yard with wet hair to snap these pictures, I knew better than to give them a big fat kiss in front of all the kids looking out from the bus windows. Even though I desperately wanted to plant one on them. Fortunately for me though both my girls stopped to give me a kiss before they got on the school bus. They knew I really wanted one despite my efforts to be cool! See why I miss them already?

Where Does the Time Go? Use This Work Life Balance Calculator to Find Out

2008-09-02T18:57:17Z

We’ve all heard the expression . . . “Time flies when you’re having fun.” However, I think we’d all agree that time flies when you’re crazy busy too! I think that’s why we’re also familiar with the age old question “Where does the time go?”

Well I discovered a tool on CNN.com to help answer that question! It’s a work life balance calculator that enables you to find out exactly how you spend the 168 hours we all have in one week. Specifically, you input the number of hours you spend on the following activities:

Work
Sleep
Meals
Commute
Leisure
Chores

Frankly, I think there needs to be a category for transitional activities like getting ready in the morning, driving to soccer practice and putting the kids to bed, but I ended up putting those types of activities under chores and leisure. While I thoroughly enjoy reading my girls a bedtime story, reminding them to brush their teeth is a chore!

I was pleased to discover that when I input my typical schedule during the school year into the work life balance calculator that I was in pretty good work life balance. (I didn’t bother to input my summer schedule because with three kids home all day, there’s no way to be balanced!)

So if you too are asking yourself “Where does the time go?” take a few minutes to figure that out. Hopefully, you’ll either be pleased with your level of work life balance or be able to identify areas you can modify to get yourself more in balance.

How to Help Girls Resist the Pressure to be “Supergirls”

2008-08-27T17:10:37Z

I was very fortunate to meet Claire Mysko at the recent BlogHer conference. We both attended the session on how to help children have a healthy self image. When Claire shared her expertise on this subject, I was thrilled when she graciously agreed to write the following guest post for me!

Girls today are told they can do anything. Unfortunately, what they’re often hearing is that they have to do everything, please everyone, and look thin and stylish while they’re at it. The increasing pressure in girls’ lives comes from many different sources—the media, parents, teachers, friends—and it’s all adding up to big time stress. According to The Supergirl Dilemma a recent study conducted by Girls Inc., more than half of girls in middle school reported that they often feel stressed. By the time girls get into high school, that number jumps to 74%. Perhaps even more disturbing is that one third of all girls in grades 3-12 said they often feel sad and unhappy.

When girls get caught up in the quest to be “supergirls,” they are less likely to feel confident in themselves and celebrate what truly makes them amazing. As adults who care about girls, it is our job to help girls confront the pressure they feel to be perfect. Here are a four tips on how to tackle the supergirl dilemma:

1. Teach girls to be savvy and critical media consumers. Ask them what they like and dislike about the movies and TV shows they watch and the magazines they read. Illuminate the difference between fantasy and reality by telling girls what retouching is and how often it is used to make models and actors look artificially flawless.

2. Encourage girls to exercise their bragging rights. Too often, girls are hesitant to talk about what makes them amazing because they don’t want to be seen as conceited or they feel like they’re not perfect enough to be proud of themselves. Turn that thinking around by challenging girls to take pride in all of their amazing qualities, not just their achievements.

3. Discuss the value of making mistakes and taking healthy risks. Many girls are so focused on being perfect and doing things “right” that they miss out on valuable opportunities because they are so afraid of failure. Share a mistake you made or a risk you took in life that helped you get where you are today.

4. When girls talk about the pressures they feel, the best thing you can do is listen. Don’t judge, interrupt, or get upset. Remember that what girls need most of all in their lives are supportive adults who take the time to hear what they’re saying.

Claire Mysko is the author of Girls Inc. Presents: You’re Amazing! A No-Pressure Guide to Being Your Best Self. She has served as the director of the American Anorexia Bulimia Association, the Executive Editor of SmartGirl, and the Assistant Director of Communications at Girls Inc., the organization that inspires all girls to be strong, smart, and bold. She is also the co-founder of Inside Beauty, an outreach program designed to give girls and women a healthy fashion and beauty reality check. Claire received an Master’s in Gender Studies from The New School for Social Research. Her website is www.clairemysko.com.

Slip and Slide Fun

2008-08-27T16:07:28Z

Strategies if You Think Your Teenager is Smoking Marijuana

2008-08-20T16:50:53Z

Vanessa Van Petten is the teen author of the parenting book You’re Grounded!: How to Stop Fighting and Make the Teenage Years Easier. She writes a parenting blog from a teenager’s perspective to help parents understand what is actually going on in the minds of teens today. Her awesome parenting tips as a Family Peacemaker have been featured in the Wall Street Journal, Los Angeles Daily News, Fox 5 New York, CBS 4 Miami and much more. I highly recommend you check our her site OnTeensToday.com! Vanessa was kind enough to share the following post.

Guest Post from Vanessa Van Petten

This is a tricky subject and different for every family, but I truly believe that every teenager who wants to get marijuana, can.

Therefore, I always tell parents, it is extremely difficult to try to shield a teenager today from being exposed to marijuana because it is so prominent. I believe parents need to spend their efforts trying to equip teenagers to make the right choices, so when they are exposed to it, they will choose not to smoke marijuana.

To be very honest, no matter how strict a curfew you have, how often you drug test your teenagers, or whether they are an athlete, a scholar or a jock (see Teens Dealing Urine Post), your teenager will always find a way to smoke marijuana if they want to. They key is making sure they do not want to.

1. Ask Questions

Before you dive into trying to equip them with the power to “just say no” try to gauge their level of involvement. Ask the tough questions. I am not saying to grill them before they go out, but showing them you are paying attention and are very involved is important and you can get an idea of how much or how little you know about their social life.

2. Listen to their Answers

Most times, when I hear parents talk to their teenagers, parents do ask questions, but then answer the questions themselves. A question, and then silence will get you a long way. For some reason, even after we have already given a one-word answer, if we feel you are still waiting for more, we either get nervous (a sign we are hiding something) or splurge and let our mouths go. Also look at your teenager’s immediate facial response as soon as you ask a question. We are not as good at hiding our emotions and you might be able to gauge a lot by watching our reaction.

3. Look at Their Friends

I constantly hear the “well, it’s not my teenager because . . .” response when I do speaking engagements on this topic. If you feel your child is either an angel or unreadable, look at their friends’ behavior. Have they gotten in trouble? Are they the ones who make the decisions where to go on the weekends? Friends’ behavior means everything in the world of marijuana.

4. Talk to Your Friends and Other Parents

Get informed about the marijuana culture in general and in your specific community. I post frequently on this topic and what kids are doing right now, so you can stay a step ahead. I highly recommend getting together with parent friends and talking about what your kids are doing and sharing notes about what they think is going on.

5. Don’t Lecture!

If you think we are smoking marijuana, seeing it at parties or just want to talk to us about it, please talk, don’t lecture! I promise, we have heard all of the negative sides to smoking marijuana in health class. As soon as you start lecturing us, we stop listening. So, instead of approaching it like a health teacher, ask questions and let us come to our own conclusion, usually we know what is right and wrong, and if we feel like you are talking to us, not at us, at least we will come to you if we have questions or problems down the road.

6. Find Out Why:

This is tricky, it is important to understand that, today, marijuana is not only for ˜the stoner” kids. All different kinds of teenagers are doing it and it has become a sort of social unifier. A drama kid and a jock might not hang out at school, but if they get to the party and share a joint, they are friends. It is really important to understand this new social aspect and that it permeates all kinds of peer groups.

For more strategies to use if you think your teenager is smoking marijuana, click on page 2.

The New Normal

2008-08-20T14:31:58Z

I always like participating in MamaBlogga’s group writing project, but this topic, The New Normal, is particularly timely because I’ve recently come to the conclusion that our fast-paced, jam-packed, long days are no longer the exception, but the rule.

Many of you might be thinking, “Duh! What took you so long to realize that?”

The answer is an ongoing stream of seasonal rationalizations that all add up to 12 months of crazy.

“Back to school time is always nuts.”

“Planning my kids’ birthday parties always adds several items to my never-ending to do list.”

“The holidays are always fun, but so much work.”

“Things are always extra chaotic during soccer season.”

“The end of the school year is always extra busy with field trips, picnics, etc.”

“Preparing to go on vacation and then unpacking everything and getting caught up always means long days the week before and after our trip.”

So now instead of hiding behind my rationalizations, I’m accepting the fact that our fast-paced, jam-packed, long days ARE the new normal. And those lazy days when time appears to stand still are most definitely the exception.

Our Good Times on Cape Cod

2008-08-20T13:29:00Z

The Work Life Balance Interview Series: Best Selling Author Sheila Weller

2008-08-19T01:23:42Z

I believe maintaining work life balance is a universal challenge. In other words, whether you’re working full-time, part-time, inside the home, outside the home, with kids or without, we all have experienced the stress of being overcommitted and the satisfaction of feeling on top of things, even if that moment is fleeting.

That said, I’m very interested in what others think about work life balance. So I decided to start an interview series to find out what successful professionals in various fields have to say about work life balance. I think you’ll enjoy their perspectives as much as I did!

Today’s Interview is with Sheila Weller

Sheila Weller, author of six books and winner of several journalism prizes, is a Contributing Editor at Vanity Fair and Glamour magazines. She also occasionally blogs at The Huffington Post. Her most recent book, GIRLS LIKE US: CAROLE KING, JONI MITCHELL, CARLY SIMON — AND THE JOURNEY OF A GENERATION, spent eight weeks on the New York Times best seller list.

What does work life balance mean to you?

That’s a good question. By that I mean, when I was younger and my son was growing up (he’s 26 and happily on his own), I’d say it meant being able to have a work life that didn’t keep you from being a totally involved mom. Being a freelance writer, I was lucky that I could. But now that he’s out of the house, my husband, who’s also a writer, and I work pretty much all the time! We’re both work-focused, self-absorbed, independent, and our marriage works because we never make undue demands on each other. So I don’t think I’m an ideal candidate for “work life balance” now! I guess I’d have to say, contrarianly, that I’m a believer that work life unbalanced people have their own integrity and, hey, let’s hear it for us! Obsessed writers and others!

On a work life balance scale of 1 to 10, with 10 being in perfect balance and 1 being a state of utter chaos, where do you fit on the work life balance scale?

For the past seven years, I’ve been a 3.

What strategies or resources do you use to help maintain your work life balance (i.e., time management, productivity, efficiency, technology, services, books, etc.)

I like helping friends. I e-mail a lot. I go to an office , at Glamour magazine, so life can be social. I love driving and sometimes my best and most peaceful thoughts come from driving down country roads . . . going many, many miles just to buy a few food items and the NY Times.

How can you tell when you’re out of balance?

I gain weight, am cranky and have back aches.

How can you tell when you’re in balance?

I’m happy when people love the work I do, and love the things I say to try to help them and when we go out to dinner and all have fun. I don’t know if it’s balance, but it’s gratification.

Here’s the thing: When you’re a writer, you’re already expressing yourself, so work isn’t the onerous thing it can be to a less creative type. (Not that - believe me! — writing is always fun. Often it is hell! But at least it’s self-expression.) So a lot of “life” IS in the “work.” If I were a patent lawyer or on an auto assembly line, I’d sure as hell need balance in my life. But, as a writer, even if I’m hunched over the computer and eating at my desk so much that my yesterday’s plates of dried food crash into each other . . . I’m still “living” because writing is a very enlivening thing to do.

Do you think work life balance is solely a women’s issue? Why or why not?

No, it’s everyone’s issue. If your kids are young it’s more a woman’s issue. Women feel more guilty or out of sorts if they’re away from their kids, more than men.

How do you balance the benefits of mobile technology? Is it always good to be reachable?

I don’t have a Blackberry - that would be like a potential heroin addict getting a free hit every hour. I have a cell phone but, living in NYC, and not having young kids, you don’t need it that much. I’m not a big cell phone talker - those phones are too little and hard to hear. When I’m in the city or my country house or in my office I am ridiculously, absurdly linked to my e-mail.

What is your favorite place on earth and why?

Some island somewhere. I haven’t been to the beach in forever! I see ads and commercials and dream of an island, in the Caribbean . . . I’ll get there again one day!

What is your favorite “work” web site? “life” web site?

I go on DrudgeReport — it’s my newsstand. Then all the news sites and The Huffington Post, where I sometimes blog. Salon, Slate, Gawker! LOVE Gawker! Those are my sites — work, life, or whatever.

Please describe a typical day in your life when you are in work life balance?

Wake up just before 7 a.m.
Have coffee and try to watch opening of Good Morning America or TODAY show
Check / answer / write e-mails and go to websites
Do work interspersed with e-mails
Either go to my office at Glamour or work from home , but always in front of the computer
Sometimes a lunch date, interview, talks with colleagues
Home to hubby - talk, improvised dinner, watch TV
Go to bed with Charlie Rose on — I love falling asleep while watching Charlie Rose. My husband tells me in the morning, “He had a good show, but you fell asleep.” I feel cared for that I can fall asleep while we’re both watching Charlie Rose — go figure.

What accomplishment in your life are you most proud of?

Writing this last book of mine, GIRLS LIKE US: CAROLE KING, JONI MITCHELL, CARLY SIMON — AND THE JOURNEY OF A GENERATION. Hands down.

If you’re interested in winning a free copy of Sheila Weller’s best selling book, Girls Like Us, leave a comment on this Momsational giveaway post.

10 Ways to Simplify Your Life with Kids

2008-08-07T18:33:37Z

In keeping with the spirit of Simplify Your Life week, here’s a post for all you parents out there! In addition to the first ten, here are ten more ways to simplify your life . . . with kids. Frankly, it never occurred to me I HAD to simplify my life until I had kids. Go figure.

So here are some tips that work for me. Hopefully a few will work for you!

Ten Ways to Simplify Your Life with Kids

1. Stock the Car

If you’re like me, you live spend an inordinate amount of time in your car. Okay, I admit it . . . minivan to be precise. And while I’ve often joked we could survive in our minivan by eating the remnants of snack crumbs and half empty full water bottles, I’ve learned the hard way more than once that we weren’t equipped for the many mishaps that occur while we’re away from home.

Now, my car is stocked with the following:

Dramamine
Plastic bags
Wipes
Hand sanitizer (You’ve probably gathered one of my kids gets car sick.)
Lifesavers
Cell phone (Whenever I take it out of the car, I lose it. It’s that simple.)
Bottled water
Pillow
Blanket
DVDs
Snack bars
Baby’s sun hat
Sunscreen
Baby’s shoes (I got so freakin’ sick of not being able to find her shoes that I now keep them in the car at all times!)

There might even be more out there, but I’m too lazy to go look.

2. Get Up Earlier Than Your Kids

This one is particularly difficult for me! I’m addicted to sleep and have some serious withdrawal symptoms when I don’t get enough of it. Yes, I think cranky is a withdrawal symptom! Anyway, I’ve been forcing myself this summer to get up earlier than my kids, well at least two of them, in order to get tasks I need done and prepare for the day. Thankfully though my wonderful hubby lets me catch up on my sleep on the weekends. Do you think it’s because he likes me better when I’m rested? I never thought of that until this moment. Hmmm.

3. Prepare for the Next Day the Night Before

Okay, I am getting up earlier, but not like hours! So it always helps when we prepare whatever we can the night before (i.e., lunches, school backpacks, summer camp items, soccer gear, etc.) Whenever I deviate from this mantra, I ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS live to regret it. The mornings are too damn stressful as it is.

4. Create To Do Lists for Your Kids

Instead of constantly reminding your kids to brush their teeth, do their homework, and complete their chores, write down what you expect them to do. (I typed my kids’ lists and print them out each week. Anal? Definitely, but it’s a lot more effective and a lot less aggravating than getting “blue in the face” repeating yourself.) This tip definitely works better with kids who can read, but I have to admit I created a morning to do list for one of my students with graphics instead of words. His mother was thrilled!

5. Pick Up the House Once a Day

I can’t stand clutter, but I’m learning to live with it . . . at least until the end of the day. This is because I’ve learned that if I pick up all of our collective clutter throughout the day, not only do I feel like a maid, I get absolutely nothing else accomplished! Now, we jam together as a family at the end of the day and I enjoy an orderly home for that ever shrinking time frame between when my kids go to bed and when I do.

For five more ways to Simplify Your Life with Kids, click on page 2.