Me, Lewis Black, and the damn autoflash not kicking in

I met Lewis Black a few hours ago.

He was making his first appearance in Arkansas, and the Walton Performing Arts center in beautiful Fayetteville.

The show was a hit, the opener, John Bowman, was hysterical, and my dad and I found ourselves raucously laughing as he tried his best to pop a vein in front of the audience, complaining about smartphones, politics, stupidity and the way of the world.

Afterward, Lewis hung around for autographs, so I – as one who is now

Hey, I know you.

determined to meet celebrities whenever I get the chance so I can say I did – waited in line, carrying the black and white xeroxed pamphlet about him as well as the Bobble-head I had purchased during the intermission.

Let’s back up to Intermission, when I purchased this Bobble-head. I carried my new $30 purchase back to my Row F seat, so proud, since every other celebrity Bobble-head I’d wanted, from Keith Olbermann to Robert Osborne was no longer available and I was determined to buy celebrity Bobble-heads when interesting ones presented themselves to me.

As I looked at the Bobble-head in the box, I found myself noticing that it looked absolutely nothing like Lewis Black. He had a familiar face. The face of one of those “Oh, you’d know ‘im if you saw ‘im” kinda folks.

Then, as I was describing him to my dad, we both realized who it was.

So back to the end of the show, I’m in line, still staring at this box and saying, “I have to tell him who this Bobble-head looks like.”

We met. He sat at his autograph table, Sharpie in hand and hand-shaking with the other.

He asked for my name, I spelled it out, and I put down the box of the Bobble-head, and this is how the conversation went:

bs: You know, he looks like - 

lb: Oh, God, don’t say it -

bs: Mark Russell.

Mark Russell, or, That Political Comedian With The Piano On PBS

lb: Oh God. Fucking Chinese! This is the seventh fucking doll we’ve put out. Fuck!

Then we took the blurry photo. I did not bother getting another one. He hates me.

It’s the best I could ask for, really.

Side Note: My new Lewis Black/Mark Russell Bobble-head says “Go FUCK yourself!” I predict it will get much use here in the Bellesouth household.

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I’ve had an awful time sleeping lately. The prescriptions don’t work, the soothing ocean waves of Android apps aren’t helping, and that guy who tried to hypnotize me on Youtube worked once and failed the next time.

I’m trying all kinds of ways to get a good night’s sleep. But possibly the worst parts of some nights of sleep are the nightmares.

And they aren’t even really gruesome nightmares, either. Earlier this week I had a nightmare that I moved to this neglected and well-known Arkansas city I’ll call Armpit. The city stinks, has lost any hope of amenities, and its once posh shopping districts are now emptied. I live in a polar opposite of that city now, and have no desire to go back to Armpit.

Then, two nights ago, I had the recurring nightmare; the one that creeps up on me every so often. It’s the dream that I’m BACK IN COLLEGE and I have to take some crazy classes to complete my degree.

Usually these classes are something completely above my mathematical skills and have nothing to do with my Sociology degree. Classes like Calculus 55, or Advanced Topics In Quantum Mechanics. These dreams usually leave me panicking, shaking, sweating, and then when I wake up I have to remind myself that somewhere, stuffed in a closet, I have a Bachelor of Arts in Sociology, and I pause for a minute and then try to calculate in my head how many days it will take for my student loan to be paid off. (So far I’ve got it down to about 36.84 million days.)

But then I saw this clip tonight, and it both made me think, “Eh, my dreams aren’t so bad.” Then I thought, “Oh, dear, what if this happens to me?”

I present to you, the worst Closet Bogeyman ever.

So, what kind of nightmares do you have? And do you have any tips on how I can get some sleep?

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The credit on this Overstock gift card could be yours! But not the wallet. It still stores my stuff.

It’s late at night, I’m wide awake, and I haven’t posted in a few days. I have a $20 Overstock gift card that’s been sitting UNUSED in my wallet for a few months, so why not? I’ll give it away!

Now before you ask, “Why is she not using this gift card? Is there no good stuff at Overstock?” Let me explain. I LOVE Overstock – one of my favorite stores from Overstock is the Worldstock Fair Trade store, where you can get GORGEOUS artisan and hand-crafted items while supporting fair wages. The Fair Trade store sells these GORGEOUS and colorful tri-fold wallets from Guatemala, and I’m on my second wallet, which you see pictured in this post. If you’ll notice, the gift card you’ll win can get you one of these wallets!

I want you to know that I’m not being compensated in any way for the story I’m about to tell you: Overstock has been my wallet supplier ever since the company CEO, Patrick Byrne, left a comment on my blog when I experienced problems with receiving a wallet I ordered from them. I wish you could see that post; maybe if you search within the depths of the Wayback Machine you can find it; goodness knows I wish I knew where it was.

Anyhoo, the moment you’ve all been scrolling down for. ONE winner will receive:

1 Overstock gift card  ($20 value); sent via e-mail

 Now, since Overstock is an online company, I’m just going to send the code out   to the winner’s valid email address, rather than mail a physical card. Physical gift cards are so 2004 anyway!

Just follow the instructions on the Rafflecopter to enter! Good luck!

a Rafflecopter giveaway

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Lately I’ve read and heard a lot of disillusionment among my fellow Americans, some of whom are convinced that voting doesn’t matter. There is frustration. They were promised the world, and the elected officials refused to deliver.

It can be easy to give up during hard times such as the ones we are facing. But when it comes down to it, I still show up at the polls to vote for everyone from my city Council to the President, because I know things matter.

Several states are looking to pass laws that could seriously limit a woman’s right to choose what is best for her body, her health, and her future. In the past, these limiting laws led poor women to death and wealthy women to either other countries or tight-lipped and well-paid physicians.

That is why I am making it a priority to elect pro-choice representatives to Washington. In the face of disillusionment among my peers, I say – no matter what side you lean toward – that first and foremost, break it down by how they vote and who they appoint.

In the Presidential election, it comes down to how candidates answer the following question:

What are you looking for in a supreme court justice? If you hear someone say the term “activist judges,” or you hear someone speak poorly of any current justices without referencing specific cases over which they have ruled, be wary. These candidates need to cut through talking points and get to the heart of it. Why? Because those appointed justices are there for life. And those judges are currently scheduled to make a ruling over health care legislation, and are likely to make a ruling over state laws regarding abortion rights and access. If everything else confounds you, come back to that question.

Another very important issue you’ll want to study:

Voting Records and stances on the issues. There are excellent sites that allow you to access voting records and statements that can tell you where a candidate stands on a particular issue. Do they have a clear and concise voting record? Do their statements change depending on what area of the country they’re visiting? One of favorite sites to access information is Project Vote Smart, a nonpartisan site that is dedicated to making the voting records, quotes, campaign contributions and transparency of representatives and candidates public.

I will watch local and national debates. I will read the news from conservative, progressive, moderate and unbiased sources. And yes, I will put forth my energy and my finances to support candidates whose views are in line with mine.

Furthermore, I will stand for substance, evidence, research and truth. I hope you will, too, and I hope you will join me in voting this year.

I am proud to be a part of Blog For Choice Day for another year to commemorate the anniversary of the Roe v. Wade decision.

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Ooh! An opportunity to share some of my favorite music! I can’t turn this down. I was tagged on Facebook, obviously because of my impeccable and eclectic taste in music, and since I’m a blogger I thought I’d just share it with whomever lands here.

Here’s the instructions on how to participate. I tag all of you! If you post your list to your blog, please link back to me in your post and PLEASE share a link to your list in the comments section. I’d like to make this a regular thing and maybe make it into a hop or something. Anyhoo.

(1) Turn on your MP3 player or music player on your computer.

(2) Go to SHUFFLE songs mode.

(3) List the first 30 songs that come up (song title and artist) NO editing/cheating, please. Even if you might skip the song when it comes up or be embarrassed for people to know that it’s in your collection, you still must list it.

(4) Publish your list to your blog.  Be sure to link back to Bellesouth’s Music Shuffle

Here’s what my digital library yielded. I’m using Spotify and added the URLs so you can listen to any of the tracks if you’re a fellow Spotify user.

1. Lily Allen – LDN

2. Kings of Convenience – Leaning Against The Wall

3. Scissor Sisters – Mary

4. Duran Duran – Notorious

5. Daft Punk – Harder Better Faster Stronger (Jess and Crabbe Mix)

6. Kings of Convenience – I Don’t Know What I Can Save You From

7. Röyksopp – It’s What I Want

8. Daft Punk – Steam Machine

9. Scissor Sisters – Laura

10. Rihanna – Shut Up And Drive

11. Florence + The Machine – Remain Nameless

12. Scissor Sisters – Lovers In The Backseat

13. David Bowie – All The Madmen

14. Kasabian – I.D.

15. Duran Duran – Save A Prayer

16. David Bowie – Cygnet Committee

17. Florence + The Machine – Ghosts (Demo)

18. Beck – The Golden Age

19. Scissor Sisters – It Can’t Come Quickly Enough

20. Röyksopp – Go Away

21. Neil Young – The Old Laughing Lady

22. The Temptations – You’ll Lose A Precious Love

23. Curtis Mayfield – Readings In Astrology

24. Neil Young – Stringman

25. Nirvana – Scentless Apprentice

26. Talking Heads – Uh-Oh, Love Comes To Town

27. Sly & The Family Stone – Trip To Your Heart

28. Florence + The Machine – Rabbit Heart (Raise It Up)

29. Kasabian – Seek & Destroy

30. The Gossip – Got Body If You Want It

Now you show me yours!

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This guest post is from friend, writer and published novelist Aaron Dietz. 

You may already have, so you may already know this, but I wanted to share it to be sure.

When I was young, I imagined doing all this awesome stuff, and sometimes when I think about all the awesome stuff I imagined doing I get depressed because I never did any of it.

But then I have to remember that I did end up doing all kinds of things that were amazing and wonderful and actually, in many cases, probably were better than anything I could have imagined.

And the reason why I was able to do all these amazing things was pretty much because I lived long enough. It’s not because of luck or skill. I just lived long enough. So it’s almost like a guarantee: you’re going to do cool stuff.
When you’re young, you think you’re in control of your future. As you get older, you realize, you pretty much just have to go with the flow, and do what comes your way.

When I was young, I figured I’d become an astronaut, invent some new science-y stuff, be a rock star, cure cancer, and walk on water.

As it turns out, I have done none of these things, and really only regret not curing cancer (yet).

However, most of the time, I’m completely okay with my lack of what my younger self would call success because of the amazing things that somehow came my way.

I’m going to list just a few, now, because that’s a healthy thing to do, and I suggest you do it, too.

1. Once, I took a 400 page book and turned right to the page I wanted, on the very first try.

2. I got to follow Phoenix Jones, the most well-known real life superhero in the world, on one of his patrols (I got to see him make a citizen’s arrest!).

3. I went skydiving (I have a fear of heights).

4. I experienced at least 15 minutes of fame as a MySpace blogger.

5. I helped talk a friend out of suicide.

6. I wrote a novel. You know, as in, I actually finished it.

7. I found a little bird trapped in a building and carried it down six flights of stairs in my hands, its tiny heart beating against my fingers, and then I watched it fly away into the blue sky.

That’s just a small list. I’ve done other stuff, too! I’m hoping that you’ll tell us about the cool stuff that somehow life allowed you to do, so leave a comment if you have some accomplishments to share!

Aaron Dietz is the author of Super, a novel from Emergency Press about commitment, crisis, paperwork, and heartbreak. Dietz’s super powers include a high metabolism and the ability to put things back where he got them. He’s also pretty good at math. Dietz writes for TheNervousBreakdown.com, blogs ataarondietz.us, and is an advisory editor of KNOCK Magazine.

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I learned many moons ago that treats are essential to a dog’s training experience.

Treats are dog currency. Dogs eat them, place them in safety deposit boxes throughout the house or the yard in case of emergency, and I’m pretty sure dogs would put up their toys as collateral to apply for a dog treat loan.

You can get a dog to do anything as long as you use food as the motivator. Which is why you need VERY GOOD treats around the house that your dog will love to scarf down. As I’m typing this I keep looking at the photo to the left of me. Look how mesmerized he is. He doesn’t care about the camera or about anything else on the floor, he’s staring right at that Milkbone dog biscuit. That is power right there.

The things dogs do for food – everything from hunting to burial – comes from generations ago when their wolf ancestors scoured the lands in packs, protecting each other and protecting their food. The alpha is always the one who feeds the dogs and has the control in the house. As your dog’s person, your job is to be the pack leader. You can do this without aggression and without making your dog fearful. The key here is positive reinforcement.

Here’s the deal: Dogs have no clue what you are saying. They just know that if you say something loudly, that you got their attention. So when you are training your dog, focus mostly on rewarding good behavior and correcting bad behavior.

If you are nice to your dog and reward him with good things, and show him
that yummy, tasty treats and affection will be found for doing the good things, your dog will not only be obedient, but he will be loyal and loving.

Sebastian knows that when I call him over, he’s going to get either petting, tummy rubs, snuggle-times or food. He knows that he doesn’t need to cower when I approach him. And he and I have figured out how to communicate with one another. He definitely knows where his biscuits are buttered, and here’s a scary-then-heartwarming tale to prove it:

A few weeks ago, my dog ran out into the night, managing to cross one of the busiest streets in town and then walk several blocks, into some  areas that were really hard to navigate. It was freezing. I went after him. My mom went after him. He thought we were playing a really cute chasing game, which, for me, was not fun in the least.

After a while of playing this “game” with Sebastian, I, with no leash in hand, simply turned around and walked back to my house. Soon enough, Sebastian realized I wasn’t playing the game anymore. He immediately said, “Hey, wait up!” and started walking beside me. For six blocks we walked together, leashless, until we returned to my house and I had my next door neighbors help in getting him back.

That’s the kind of loyalty you want to instill in your dog. And that’s why you give your dog yummy things to eat: Because he will come back. On other occasions when he’s run out, me and everyone in the house have just decided to throw a little party while leaving the front door open and the glass door closed. We play with his toys, share his treats, and totally ignore him. Within minutes, Sebastian will show up right by the door, looking at us with his puppy-dog eyes and wondering why he wasn’t invited.

In my latest album on my page on Google Plus, I’ve got lots of fun and interactive ways you can use treats to help your dog’s manners and even work his brain. Please head here to give it a look.

Much luck as you work with your dog and make him not the family pet, but a family member. Woof!

This post was compensated as part of a shopper insights study by Collective Bias. All opinions are my own.

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The Smartphone has enabled brands to connect with people and provide incentives more easily than ever. There is a HOST of smartphone apps out there that promise you quick cash and rewards and often end up being a real hassle to deal with. I’m here to take out the hype and share with you some smartphone apps that really have earned me money, gift cards and prizes.

I earn them my checking in to local businesses, scanning products in the store, endorsing my favorite products and even just walking into stores.

I’ve been using smartphone reward apps for almost two and a half years, and here are some of the best ones I’ve come across. I use these on my Samsung Galaxy S II Skyrocket with Android 2.3.5 (Gingerbread), so your mileage may vary.

Please note that I have included my referral links with all of these products. These really are great products and I have spent a lot of time working with them to find the best out there, so if you want to sign up, please do so through the links n this post. In return, you can invite your friends and readers and get referral bonuses as well!

1. CALYP – Once called Blue Calypso, CALYP (pronounced “clip”) is a program you can use on your PC or smartphone to endorse products on Twitter, Facebook, email, text messages or your blog.

Getting a CALYP account is easy. You can set up an account through Facebook or Twitter. Immediately you’ll see a list of a few dozen products you can choose to endorse. Simply pick out a product, tap the “share” button, and decide which of your social networks you’ll send it to.

The more places you endorse, the greater your earnings will be. You’ll always earn -something,- but you will also be paid per click.

CALYP will send you payment via a debit card, and your earnings will be deposited once a month. They sent my debit card this week; I plan to use it to buy Amazon gift certificates or even use as rainy-day money. You can also level up and get perks, which get you discounts at all kinds of places.

The good: The products available for endorsing are QUALITY products. You will not be sending out messages telling people how to get white teeth, gain 10 jillion followers in a day, or about the latest Acai-Pomegranate-Magic Potion that all the talk show hosts are using.

Products I’ve endorsed through CALYP include: Dingo rawhides, Blue Buffalo dog food, L’Oreal and the latest album from DEVO. Since you can only endorse four products a day, it’s a guarantee that you’ll be able to find four things you use every day that you will be proud to endorse.

The bad: CALYP is still kind of new, and I’ve found it to be buggy at times on my smartphone. However, the team has AWESOME tech support and will quickly help you if you have a problem. The good outweighs the bad on this one a thousandfold. To get started with Calyp, visit here.

2. WeReward: This is a fun Smartphone app from the folks at IZEA, one of the top sponsored-content companies in the world. WeReward is like FourSquare, except checking in can actually earn you money. You can also fill out very brief surveys to earn, and you can also take photos of yourself in stores or restaurants and with products to earn. It’s kind of like a brand scavenger hunt! It’s very fun, and I’ve earned more than $300 from them.

The good:  You can rack up points and cash them out VERY quickly. Each point you receive is worth a penny, and once you reach $10, you can immediately cash out your earnings through Paypal.

The bad: Some people think this is bad, but I don’t: any IZEA product requires you to submit your social security number. This is bona fide income, and if you earn $600 or more from IZEA during the year you will get a tax form and you will need to file it as income. I actually find peace of mind with this, because it lets me know that IZEA is playing fairly in the game. To download WeReward for your Android or iPhone, go here.

3. Shopkick: This is a fun app that rewards you for scanning products in store and even walking into stores! It also includes coupons that the cashier can scan from your phone’s screen. The interface is cute and simple and the app has never closed on me, and I’ve earned gift cards from Target and Best Buy just for scanning.

The Good: The prizes are great! You can win gift cards to Best Buy, Macy’s, Target, Old Navy and a whole bunch of other places. Also, you can register your VISA with shopkick so you can earn points for purchases in certain stores.

The Bad: Shopkick has a lot of bells and whistles and pointless badges that take your point-earning time away. I’ve also had difficulties with the walk-in, sometimes having to walk in and out of a store two or three times to get my kicks. Also, it can sometimes be really difficult to scan products in store, either because the lighting is wrong, the bar code or QR is difficult to get to, or a number of other reasons. But the app works perfectly more often than not, and if you have a great smartphone, you should have very few problems. To join Shopkick and start out with 50 kicks, go here.

4. Checkpoints: This is another scan-to-earn app. There are no walk-in points, but for scanning products in-store, you can earn points and coins to use to play one of two games. The games can allow you to win extra points, and you can use your points to make donations to your favorite causes, or get airline miles, gift certificates or other prizes. You can also download apps to earn more coins.

The good: This is the only rewards app JUST for your smartphone (at least to my knowledge) that gives out Amazon gift cards. I actually cannot remember the last time I have used my own money to add to my Amazon balance, because I keep earning gift cards from Checkpoints, Swagbucks and other places online.

The bad: The “Easy points” section of the app allows you to download games and apps to earn extra coins. The main problem is that many of these “easy points” are riddled with adware. However, in most cases you can just open the app once and then uninstall it to get your points. You can opt not to download these extra programs, and checkpoints, in and of itself, just has ads in the app, no surprise pop-ups. It’s worth it to me to earn the extra Amazon cash. To join Checkpoints, click  here and use the code “bellesouth” to start off with some extra points.

5. Swagbucks Search Swidget and Swagbucks TV Mobile: LOVE these two apps because it makes earning a lot easier. I use swagbucks as my default search engine on my phone now. It’s not a browser add-on; it’s basically just a widget you place on one of your screens to search just as you would with Google. Essentially it’s a shortcut to the swagbucks search engine from your phone. The Swagbucks TV Mobile app allows you to watch all those swagbucks videos on your phone. You can even set it to stream continuously, put the phone down for a little while and in no time you’ve got more points in your account! Swagbucks is an awesome way to earn Paypal cash, gift cards and prizes. I can’t think of a shopping blogger who doesn’t use it. If you don’t have an account, sign up here.

I know having a smartphone is expensive, but when you combine these programs, it really does make it easy for your smartphone to pay for itself! These are all paying you for doing things you would do anyway – shopping, searching, walking into stores, playing games. I hope I’ve provided you with some great tools to get started and find new ways to pay for your stuff!

Are there any smartphone rewards programs you use? I’d love to know!

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I’ve censored the following, in protest of a bill that gives any corporation and the US government the power to censor the internet–a bill that could pass THIS WEEK. To see the uncensored text, and to stop internet censorship, visit:
http://americancensorship.org/posts/38534/uncensor

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This is a Sponsored post written by me on behalf of Walgreens for SocialSpark. All opinions are 100% mine.

My mother has been a Walgreens customer for more than a decade. Like many people her age, she has a lot of prescription drugs on which her life is dependent. I consider us extremely lucky to be right down the street from our Local Walgreens, where she or I visit at least twice a week to pick up prescriptions.

For us, Walgreens is mainly the best option because it is open 24 hours a day. In addition, her records with Walgreens are available at any Walgreens location nationwide, so should we go on a trip and she either becomes ill or needs to go to the hospital, the nearest Walgreens will have her prescription information for either helping her figure out if she can take any over-the-counter medications, or I can pick up the information and hand it to the nearest hospital.

I am very glad that Walgreens has given us peace of mind.

I’m so glad that my mother is not part of the Express Scripts pharmacy provider network, because after negotiating over the past year, Walgreens and Express Scripts have parted ways. This means Express Scripts customers who have purchased from Walgreens nationwide will have to find a new pharmacy in their network – possibly having to drive long distances and experience the hassles of transferring all of their prescriptions to a new pharmacy.

If you are a member of Express Scripts, perhaps you have been affected by this change and have to drive longer distances to find a pharmacy network. If you are in a military family and use Tricare, one of Express Scripts’ clients, this may affect you here at home and any loved ones stationed overseas.

In response, Walgreens is asking customers to use the Prescription Savings Club at Walgreens, Norally, the Prescription Savings Club is available for $20/year per individual and $35/year per family, but through January 31, Walgreens is offering annual club memberships at $5/year per individual and $10/year for the whole family.

The Prescription Savings Club web site includes a search function, in which you can search for your prescription, enter your dosage and see the prices Walgreens is offering. Discounts for 8,000 prescriptions are available, and although the prices may not be lower than the ones you are paying with your current pharmacy or prescription plan, you can check the site for yourself and see.

I searched for my own prescriptions and did not find any significant discounts from what I am paying without insurance and with a free prescription savings card. This may be different for you, but I have learned over the years that the best thing you can do to save money on your prescriptions is to do as much research as possible to find the lowest prices.

I just asked my mother what she would do if her pharmacy network stopped including Walgreens. I have to clean up what she said for this post:

“I’d be [expletive for 'extremely mad.'] I’d [call my provider and vocally express my opposition, most likely in a raised voice.]”

For more information, follow Walgreens on Twitter and like Walgreens on Facebook.

Will this affect you? How would you feel if your pharmacy provider removed your pharmacy from its network?

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