bellydancerella

depressed......

2008-03-23T05:45:00.000-07:00

This winter has been really long and I'm sick of it.

I feel depressed. It's Easter and there's still a good foot of snow outside.
It SUCKS!!

Back to School......

2008-01-12T15:30:00.000-08:00

Well I just finished my first week of my 2nd semester and it went pretty well.

Except when it came to getting normal, everyday stuff ready for the kids. The most serious "crime" was against my son who is 5 and in SK. He goes to school every Monday, Wednesday and every other Friday. On the Fridays, the kids can participate in the hot lunch program. You have to buy tickets in advance (which I did) and they have to be sent in, there isn't a record that shows you intend for your child to get a hot lunch. Because this program is only for the SK class, they don't get a choice of what they want--it's pizza or nothing. The rest of the school has hot lunch on Thursdays and it alternates between pizza and hot dogs so you need to keep track. Anyway, call it a blond moment, blame it on lack of sleep, whatever, I didn't send in the tickets.

WHY???

Because at 5:30 in the morning on Friday, I had it in my brain that he DID get a choice and that I had no idea whether it was pizza or hot dogs so .......I couldn't send a ticket. I look forward to these days because it means that packing a lunch is much easier, it's only snacks!
Only when I picked him up later that day did I realize my mistake. That's when I realized I have too much going on in my life and I need to find a better way to deal with it.

I'm still looking............

It's almost Christmas!

2007-12-18T15:34:00.000-08:00

I really do enjoy this time of year, people tend to be friendlier. Well, I'm on my break from school with one semester down and an average of 97% or 4.0 GPA!! I'm thinking this was the easy part, next semester I spend time in a classroom--should be fun! Time has been pretty sparse and doing some of the things I like has sort of fallen by the wayside, mainly bellydancing. Now the weather isn't co-operating making it almost impossible to get to the studio---did I mention SNOW is a four letter word????????

The kids have adjusted well and things are on track with them. I'm still a little scatter-brained at times when it comes to some of their school activites ( what do you mean you need a Santa outfit for tomorrow??) although I do vaguely remember reading about them!!

Chris is being very supportive now which is nice, I think he realizes that I'm doing this for ALL of us. I also think he has this voice in the back of his mind saying that he should be the one responsible for looking out for our family. I know--this is the 21st century--and he does provide the bulk of the support but he can be stubborn too. His business is really picking up which is great however, scheduling conflicts occur all the time. It's slowly coming together.

As I said, I really like this time of year. The kids are counting down the days till Santa comes. My 8 year old daughter had doubts about Santa--does he really exist?? Is it just me or does it seem too young to be questioning this?? I felt kind of sad because I feel that sometimes kids these days grow up too quickly. I didn't really have to explain anything because " Santa" called that night. He brought up some very specific details that not everyone would know ( thanks to the questionnare I filled out the week before!) so for now, she still believes. I'm looking forward to spending the holidays with friends and family, enjoying good food and the odd drink!
Merry Christmas!

2007-10-27T06:25:00.000-07:00

Well, things are going well with school. I've kind of proven to myself that I CAN do it and I am enjoying it. What I don't enjoy is the feeling of being pulled in all different directions. I feel scatter-brained most of the time and when I realize I've forgotten something that has to do with the kids (did I send the money for hot lunch????), I get hard on myself. I feel guilty. Can I do this for another 2 years? Who knows.

Totally changing the subject here. My dance studio has asked me if I'd perform a solo at the next show. Did I mention my husband HATES when I perform in public? What's worse, is that ALL his friends back him up.

Back to school

2007-09-15T03:24:00.000-07:00

Well the kids are settled in their routine and seem to like their teachers. I think my daughter's teacher is going to be a bit of a hard-ass, in a good way, so that should push her a little more. She does extremely well in school and doesn't have to try very hard and I explained to her that one day, she'll have to. That day has come. As for my son, he's Mr. Helper at school--not at home though--and loves doing the homework in his agenda. I'm sure that'll be short-lived!

I started my course on Wednesday and it's great, a little scarey and a lot of work! There are assignments that don't seem too bad but there are 2 quizzes in this term/semester and they are worth 50% of my total grade. HOLY CRAP!! No pressure there.

I have realized that with this extra work load and the kids activities, that I can't do everything. I had to quit the Hallowe'en show for belly dancing but I'm still going on Sundays. I wish there was a way to do it all but this course means too much to me and there will be other Hallowe'en shows.

Ever get the feeling the decision has been made FOR you????

2007-08-27T17:19:00.000-07:00

Well I made the cut for the upcoming Hallowe'en show....................without even trying out! Imagine that! It will take too long for me to describe what I'm going to be in the show but basically, I'm writhing on a stage with a black veil over me. Then I get to dance to one of my favourite songs which will require a lot of shimmying for 7 minutes------I know, it sounds like fun right? Well it does to me.

My kids are getting ready to go back to school. By that, I mean they are going to bed much earlier than they would like ; ) We've got all the back to school stuff, I just hope I remember where I put all of it so they wouldn't wear the clothes!

Not much else is new other than I went to a horse show to watch my sister's horse--something I haven't done in a very LOOOOOOONNGG time. It was the horses' first show and she did well--my sister was so nervous it was actually funny. I used to be the nervous one at shows--I used to throw up before my class and once I nearly passed out while jumping a course! Anyway, it was a good time.

So now it's back to the grind of every day life and all the surprises it brings me.

It's been a while......

2007-08-15T03:31:00.000-07:00

Between Facebook, emails and life, I just haven't had the time for this blog. First off, I'm not watching what I eat or how much and it's starting to show. I'm a little pissed at myself for that and now that BBQ season is winding down, it should be easier to get back on track.

Facebook--I'm addicted. It gets worse with all the applications and shit. Why can't I see the *naughty gift* someone has sent me without having to add it to my profile???? I still get sucked in though : )

Life--My tattoo has healed well and I'm really happy with it. I start school in September and I'm both excited and nervous. My bellydancing studio is holding auditions for a show they're doing the weekend before Hallowe'en. I'm kind of considering it however I'm not sure I can commit to the time requirements of extra classes, practise time now that I'm going to be in school Tuesday and Wednesday evenings. They want me to audition though.
Things on the home front are good. Chris is happy doing what he does and is pretty busy. The kids can't wait for school to start and have enjoyed their summer so far. My Mum's health isn't that great but atleast she's dealing with it. I haven't heard from my Dad since Father's Day---nice, so much for being in my kids' lives!

I can't believe the summer is almost over! It's been a good one though.....

I got inked

2007-07-26T05:48:00.000-07:00

I went on Tuesday with the knowledge that I could back out because this was technically a " consultation" appointment. The next thing I know, I'm up on a chair, one that looks like an old dental chair, with my ass/back facing the guy and I'm hugging my knees!! The guy is Jason Riedel and he's been tattooing for 10 years and I know this is only my first tatto, but I think he was great! I got there early, to get a feel for things and, as anyone who knows me, I'm early for EVERYTHING!!! His assistant was very nice and explained everything to me. She was right, it's not a pain you're used to. I wouldn't even describe it as a pain--I felt like it was a burning sensation, a warmth that washes over you. There were moments where it was a bit sore but nothing like I'd imagined. Jason was great, he kept me talking which kept me calm and before I knew it, it was done. The tattoo isn't big, it only took him 20-30 minutes to do. What amazed me was that he drew it on me, no stencils. So I asked him about that. Guess what? He free hands everything! The pictures up in his shop of the tattoos he's done are a true testiment to his talent. His website doesn't do him justice. Check it out anyway.
www.myspace.com/riedelneedle
When I left, all I could think about was what my next one is going to be!

I did it!! I BELLY DANCED FOR ORANGEVILLE!

2007-07-15T08:31:00.000-07:00

I performed for the first time EVER on Friday night. It was a blast! I'll admit I was nervous, like I wanted to puke, but I had a little liquid courage and the next thing I know....I'm up shakin' my thang!!!!!!! I remember at one point looking out into the crowd and thinking, "Where did all these people come from?" and not being nervous at all. Friday night I danced for nearly 4 hours and then we started up again on Saturday. Unfortunately we got rained out after only one set in the afternoon. Truth be told, I was glad to go home!!!!! I was cold, wet and worn-out and just wanted to have a nice hot bath.

Chris came with the kids and his parents and actually enjoyed it. He likes that I have something as a hobby and that I enjoy it so much--he just isn't comfortable with me on a stage dancing.........for other people even though I've explained it isn't like THAT!! We don't do provocative, it's very tasteful. He actually got to see that and opened up about what he felt and I think he understands what it's all about now.

I'm so glad I did it........................now hopefully I'm brave enough to get the tattoo.

Contemplating

2007-07-01T04:20:00.000-07:00

I've been thinking of doing something for a long time but usually chicken out. I've heard all the stories, what to do, what NOT to do. I'm almost 100% positive I know what I want and if I'm going to do this, I'd like to do it soon.
I want to get a tattoo.

I've had a lot of changes happen over the past little while and part of me thinks it's some weird mid-life crisis thing--does that happen at 35???!!!! I don't know.

Another big change for me is I'll be going back to school--part-time--for 2 years in September. I'm sooooooooooo excited about that.
The weight-loss has sort of fallen by the wayside. I gained and gained and then finally had a loss of nearly 3 lbs on Friday which is good, BUT, it put me back where I started. I'm very frustrated with myself because I know what I need to do, I can see I need to do it but somehow it isn't enough. I think I see myself as skinnier than I really am and thought is really depressing.

So............on a positive note, I'm enjoying this long weekend! I only have 3 more weeks until my holidays which will be busy but fun.

I hope I look like my Grandma when I'm 90!!

2007-06-18T06:14:00.000-07:00

Man she looks good for her age! The party was a hit and I think everyone enjoyed themselves. The food was good, seeing people I haven't seen for many years was great. It made me realize that I actually miss some of them!! Grandma was glad to see most of her grandkids AND great-grandkids and was quick to recall little tidbits about all of them. She was also trying to " recruit" some of us younger folk into convincing my Dad that she should be able to live on her own again. She hates the place she's at and she doesn't sugar-coat anything when you ask her about it!! I guess when you're 90, you can do and say just about anything. Oh to be 90 ; )
Unfortunately, she has what appears to be early on-set of Ahlzeimer's and up until 2 years ago, she was in her own apartment. However, the staff at the senoirs apartment told my Dad that they thought she should be in a full care facility. She started telling everyone that people were breaking in to her apartment and stealing dishes, towels and food. To this day, she still insists someone broke in and tore up her bedspread. It's sad. I hope the party and the guests made her realize how special she is to all of us--she definately had a great time.

Father's Day was also a hit. The kids had made little gifts at school and we bought him a 007 movie. We had my in-laws for a BBQ and it was good. The kids got to swim in the pool--it was 72*--way too cold for me!

This week, Chris is up north working and won't be home until Thursday/Friday. The kids are having a bit of a hard time with him going. I'm going to miss him too......

Whew! It's half over!

2007-06-06T11:48:00.000-07:00

I haven't blogged in a while--too busy with FaceBook!! Actually I've been busy at work, home and the kids which I suspect isn't about to change any time soon.
Next weekend is my Grandma's 90th Birthday!! My Dad is organizing a party and I'm in charge of food. It's going to be fun and quite the family reunion!
It's also Father's day next weekend and I think we're taking Chris out for dinner.
We had a "date" last weekend at one of our favourite restaurant--the food was excellent and it was nice to have a dinner sans kids.
I went shopping with my sister, Mum and a friend which we haven't done in a LONG time. I bought some stuff for the kids and I--mainly the kids and now I feel guilty for spending the money on myself. It sucks!

Hello long weekend!!

2007-05-18T05:44:00.000-07:00

I'm starting early for the May two-four, I'm off today and it's beautiful--well it's going to be beautiful!! I'm making Chris his birthday dinner tonight--Crabcakes w/ wasabi aoli, grilled veggie/caesar salad with REAL bacon bits and for dessert..........homemade Strawberry Shortcake. To be truthful, I'm a little worried about the baking part of the shortcake. I can cook anything and it always turns out but baking isn't my forte, it's sometimes hit or miss on it turning out. I'm sure he'll eat it anyway ; )

I'm getting my hair done tomorrow--I want a change. I'd like to go shorter but genetics won't allow that! Picture a mushroom cap and that's what my hair looks like short........not good.

I STS for weight this morning--I'm a little bummed but I can't change the results now. I had a patient in this past week who's been doing WW since July/06 and he's lost 55lbs! I almost didn't recognize him, he looked fantastic.

Work is work, the office manger was sick AGAIN and left early yesterday. Totally looked like she was faking and a few times I heard her on the phone sounding perfectly normal. UGH!! Just freakin' take the day off, why subject the rest of us to a running commentary of how your nose feels, how stuffed up you are, how cold you are.........ENOUGH ALREADY!

Well, I've got to get started on those shortcakes and there was a garage sale starting at the top of my road this morning............maybe I'll have a look. I'm soooooooo addicted to garage sales......sad isn't it?

TGIF

2007-05-11T16:52:00.000-07:00

Thank god it's Friday..........I'm down 2 lbs, which I'm happy about. I think the walking is finally paying off.

Today I went on a class trip with my daughter's class to Guelph Lake. I had no idea how beautiful it was there and it's only 25 mins away from home! We'll definately be going back in the summer.

This week has been very busy and one of the highlights was........I bought a belly dancing outfit! I love it!!

Well, it's going to be a busy weekend and I'm wiped out from chasing a bunch of 8 year olds around all day : )

Up a pound........

2007-05-04T03:29:00.000-07:00

Well this morning I weighed myself and I'm up a pound. I know why---I'm not eating breakfast regularily or yoghurt so I have to fix that.

Anyway, this month I turn 35--it seems so surreal to me. I remember when I was 21 thinking about what I'd be doing when I was 35 and it seemed SO FAR OFF, time sure has passed on by. I had pictured a few things differently but the mind of a 21 year old and reality aren't always in sync.

I can honestly say I'm happy where I am AND who I am.

Lots of things are happening over the next few months which I'll blog about as they come up, one of which is my Grandma's 90th birthday!
In a month, my daughter is supposed to be going camping at the Toronto Zoo with her Brownies troup. Her Dad and I decided she wasn't going for many reasons. Here they are: it's a 2 hour drive each way, she has a severe peanut allergy, they are sleeping in tents on the grounds of the zoo, she's 8 years old, drop off is Sat @4:30 and pick up is the next morning @10 am and lastly it's $55.00 for all of this. I told the leaders last night and got a bit of attitude about this, frankly I'm a little pissed off. What do you think?

Where has the time gone???

2007-04-27T02:51:00.000-07:00

I'm sitting here, realising that April is almost over, and I'm wondering where it went? I guess as you get older, time goes by much faster. The good thing is that summer will be here in no time!

Okay, I STS this week and I'm a little pissed. Not because I worked really hard at drinking my water, exercising or portion control because I DIDN'T. No, I'm pissed because I'm freakin lazy and feel 0 motivation at this point. I'm sick of being over-weight plain and simple.........but............there's a part of me that frankly doesn't give a shit! To top it all off, I'm off today, the kids have a PD Day and here I am at 5:30 am writing my blog! UGH!! I sooooooo needed/wanted to sleep in today.......

On a positive note, I tried the new coffee bar just outside of town and it was really good. I might just head up there this morning for another Cafe Mocha. Tomorrow, I've got family coming for a BBQ/ birthday celebration and I have a few things I want to prepare so I'll be busy grocery shopping today.

On a not so positive note--I'm a little sad this morning because I read a fellow bloggers blog in which they talk about something very personal and something they've struggled with for many years. This person is my sister so I actually have seen the turmoil this has brought to her. I've been quick to give her advice in the past about this but I'm not going to this time because she knows deep down, how I feel. She doesn't need to be jugded, she doesn't need to be told what to do. I think she knows and it's scaring the crap out of her. However, she's done it before and it only made her stronger--it's not fair--but it's better than the alternative.

It just makes me sad.

Another weekend over : (

2007-04-23T10:13:00.000-07:00

Well first off, i lost the pound I'd gained last week so now I'm even!!!

Friday, my daughter Shannon had a friend over for a sleepover--they finally went to sleep around 10:30.

Saturday was her 8th birthday as well as her party. We had the best weather and the kids had a blast. I hired this face painter and she did a remarkable job, it was great.

Sunday my son woke up with a fever but " managed" to go outside to play, I figured some fresh air would do him good. It was such a nice day, even the dog didn't want to come in.

Today is a day to get caught up with the crappy stuff that nobody likes to do--laundry, straightening up, dishes....ugh! Nate is home from school, still with a fever that comes and goes. He's watching George Shrinks right now.

I did it!

2007-04-16T11:27:00.000-07:00

I danced my first performance last night at the open house for our studio!! It was a group of 7--hahaha, a little canadian art humour--and we rocked it! I didn't think we were going to do it because we only practised twice but surprise, surprise there I was front and centre!! I was nervous at first but as soon as the music started, I totally forgot about the crowd. There were about 40-45 people there, some were new, others were from the other classes.
The only downfall--I didn't think it was the open house because they said it was a free dance session so I didn't bring the family. Chris really wanted to see me perform, I felt like such an ass when I got home and realized he wanted to go.

I'm a day late.....in blogging!!

2007-04-14T05:00:00.000-07:00

As was expected I'm up almost a pound. Not surprising when I ate 4 brownies for breakfast on Monday! And YES, they were worth it! Bellydancing starts up again on Sunday, I'm looking forward to it.

And now a word about FaceBook..........I have had more family members contact me from it than anything else. That's sad because I haven't seen most of these people for many, many years and FaceBook is what brings us together. It's made me realize that my sister and I have been brought up in an environment where family--extended family--wasn't important. Granted, our parents split when we were young and our Mum's family are all from Scotland/England but still..........It's sad when someone adds you to their"friends" and has to explain they're your cousin. It wasn't always like that. Back in the day, when we were kids(8,9,10,11), all of us would happily spend the weekend with my grandparents either at their apartment or at the campground. At any given time they'd have my sister and I and atleast 2 other cousins. Now I'd be hard pressed to recognize them in the street.

Is this normal?? Does anyone else have this going on in their families? Maybe I'm going through an emotional mid-life crisis and suddenly feel the need to see ALL of my family. Who knows........

NSV

2007-04-11T03:30:00.000-07:00

I just realized I could take off my pants WITHOUT undoing them first!!!! And no, they aren't an elastic waist! I think I'm back into the single digits---time to shop. I've got a gift certificate that I HAVE to use but wanted to wait until I lost some weight. I LOVE NSV'S!!

Where to start......

2007-04-08T16:11:00.000-07:00

OK, first of all, I lost 2 lbs as of my WI on Friday--WOOHOO!! I've lost 10lbs so far and I feel great.

This weekend was the mark of the first time I was seeing my half-sister in 18 years........and pretty much meeting her son, my nephew, for the first time. I was stressed. I wanted everything to go well and I was worried that everything would go wrong. THANK GOD IT DIDN'T! We had a blast and it was sad to see them go.

I am emotionally drained right now--I've slept for most of the afternoon. I'll write more tomorrow.

Happy Easter.

Another ONE bites the dust...

2007-03-31T04:08:00.000-07:00

and another one gone, another one gone, another one bites the dust yeahhhhaahhhhhhh! I used to love that song by Queen. My sister and I used to request it at weddings. Anyway, I've lost another pound, I wish it was more but atleast it was a loss.
I had this week off and god knows where the time went. It was good to have it off though and I don't go back to work until Tuesday.
I've got lots to do today, cleaning, getting things ready for Easter weekend. I hate cleaning.
I drove the route I take the dog on for our walks just to see how far I actually walk--6kms in total!! I was doing this 2-3 times a week in the summer. We're working our way back up to that now, I'd probably have to have a search and rescue team sent out to find me if I tried it now!

Light bulb moment.......

2007-03-27T07:01:00.000-07:00

I went into our local grocery store this morning after dropping off kids. I spy the WW frozen dinners and all the low point treats start jumping out at me as I walk down the isles. I start putting one thing after another into my cart when I realize that most of the "fat free" and "low points" foods are snacks! Here I am buying stuff I never used to buy( frozen dinners, cookies, chocolate bars) but I've got them in my cart because they're "low fat" and they say WW Smart Choice! Here's the thing. My weight gain has never been about the crap I eat because in all honesty, I don't really eat that much crap. I DO have a weakness for Miss Vicki's chips but I don't particularily like ice cream or doughnuts, muffins and I rarely eat cookies. I've had 2 packages of the Cadbury Thins bars in my cupboard for well over 3 months that I forgot about until yesterday!!! We live in a very small town( 12000 people) so there really isn't take out.......other than Subway and I only get a veggie sub which is like $7 and so not worth it. We only eat out about 1 every 2 weeks and that's usually at the golden arches because I have the kids and we've been out all day. My problem is portion control--plain and simple. I eat too much! So... back to my shopping cart. I realize that I STILL don't need these things to help me lose weight and why am I spending all this money on it??!! It's like I'm sabotaging my self. So I put back the WW stuff and the thin Oreos and bought what I actually went in there for in the first place. I'm calling this an NSV.

STS

2007-03-23T18:17:00.000-07:00

No loss to celebrate this week....I'm a little disappointed but that's life.

This weekend is going to be very busy. Tomorrow I have to clean the house, bake a birthday cake for my son, wrap gifts, take son to another birthday party in Georgetown, get my daughter ready for her sleepover......I feel like I'm forgetting something.........nope, that's it! Then on Sunday, my son is having his birthday party, he turns 5 on Monday. There's going to be 4 boys in total--this is a first--he's never had a b-day party with friends.
I know, it sounds..........insane BUT I have next week off so that should be plenty of time to recuperate : )
I would love to be able to just buy one of those pre-decorated cakes from Zehr's but I can't because my daughter has a peanut allergy. Because of that, I've made all the birthday cakes!

Well, my application got processed and I'll find out in May/June if I got in. I'm starting to have doubts if this is the right thing to do. I guess there's no point in worrying about it now, I haven't even been accepted!

On a positive note, my bathroom is coming along great.

Facebook

2007-03-19T13:47:00.000-07:00

I now have a Facebook page--after being convinced that it's not a bad thing from my sister!! Anyway, I've got a few pic on it that I can't seem to download to this blog : ( Look me up if you like!

Pamela Cull