Bender's Symposium

I am Back With What Men Think....

2012-06-20T14:47:00.000-05:00

Novemeber was last time a wrote anything and now its almost the end of June. Where has the time gone? I guess time flies when you work as much as you can, take care of the family, bills, house, etc. Blink twice and a year goes by. After hitting a proverbial brick wall recently, I learned that it doesn't matter how strong you are, the mental stamina one might have...everyone needs a break at some point, time to just unplug and take some time for themselves. So I took a couple of days off work and did absolutely nothing and am now using this blog to continue what I had been wanting to do with it, as well as, use it to take a little bit of time for myself here and there and do something I enjoy while the rest of the world waits for me to finish (as long as its not an emergency that arises).
I have been reading the news as I always do and have noticed there seems to be an increase in articles for women based on what men think. Most I agree with but some have tried to make us men seem more complex then we really are. So as a man, with no degrees or qualifications based on the subject, I am writing this simply as a man. The true facts of what we are thinking and what we talk about or think at work.
First, ok so men probably aren't quite as shallow as we would like women to think we are. Yes we do have times where we do some deep pondering. Here is the caviot ladies, if we want you to know we will share when we are ready. Believe it or not, a lot of our deep pondering are on things that we really would just like to keep to ourselves. What are we pondering? Does it matter? Do you really have to know everything? If you do, here are some possible topics that we do ponder on, so it could be one of these. It could be our family, our spouse, our relationship with spouse, our job or just contemplating where we are in our life, where we want to be or what we need to do different. I will tell you this ladies, I will garantee that 60% of the time that you ask your male significant other or son what they are thinking and they respond "nothing", that is infact true. Most of the time when you ladies ask us what we are thinking and we say nothing it means NOTHING! We do infact, for whatever reason, periodically sit and zone into space thinking absolutely nothing. That look that you see and insist its because we are thinking something, no were aren't. That is one of the biggest things you could for him, understand that most of the time when he says nothing, it means nothing. We are just giving our brains a break and letting absolutely nothing go in or go out of it for a short amount of time. The highlight of my days are the 45 minute drive to and 45 minute drive from work. Why? Because during those 45 minutes I have my music blaring, let my brain zone and have 45 minutes straight of not thinking...except for the occassional flipping of the bird and yelling colorful phrases when someone cuts me off. We like to zone and a lot of those times you insist we men are thinking of something because you know that face, maybe you need to rethink how well you know us because reality is more than likely he really is thinking of nothing. Especially if a game or music is on. Guarantee you that he really is just zoning.
Now for the othe 40% that we are thinking something, a percentage of that time in which we say nothing we are lying. Which percentage varies on the man. Some men are more open with their feelings and there for will say nothing less often than a man like me who is not real open with his deep feelings. How can you write about some the things you have and shared what you did? Easy, your a faceless audience that I don't know and will probably never meet. Its a venue that I am using to vent, share ideas, be funny, etc. Those that do know me and read this, also know that me writing is a whole different picture than me talking. Why some men are one way and others the other, I don't know. I think it depends on personalities along with life experiences. Some of us have personalities that don't like to open up and share about deep personal things with our spouse or anyone and some life experiences have just made it harder for us to do so. Other men find it easier but still have their times they say nothing simply because they don't want to share it or aren't ready to share it at that time. Also think about some of the topics I listed above, especially when dealing with family. Do they seem like subjects that one would just open up about, especially with their spouse? Is it wrong of us to think things like that? I am not going say no because sometimes we do it just to show to ourselves how much we love our families and how glad we are on the decisions we made.
Now another question ladies love to ask and hate our responses are about work. You ask us "how was work?" We say "good" or something to that affect and leave it at that. We maybe go into detail on what we did at work but are quickly dismissed bc you don't really want to hear what we did bc you already know what we do for a living. What you guys want to hear about is the gossip or drama around work. What you fail to realize is that men don't really gossip or create drama around work. Ok, we gossip but not the way you all think we do. We don't gossip about our families, or the stuff you want to hear. If we gossip, its about our bosses and the frustration they cause us and how we think things could be done better. Again, thats not what you want to hear. Then we are asked the questions about coworkers families, etc. Honestly ladies, we don't know because we don't ask. How can you go eight hours with someone and not know that information? Another famous question of yours. Its easy, because guys talk about the same thing day in and day out. Over a period of time (I would say about two months) male coworkers, in my opinion, spend about 60% of their communication joking around, making jokes at eachothers expense, talking about hot women and of course sex, food and drinking. That is the majority of our communication. 30% is probably work related, 19% is spent on sports and other common interests. The remaining one percent is a rarity in which we do manage to find one or two people who we confide it and get a little deep with. Not too much were we feel exposed but enough to help us through some of our thought processes and get opinions if we need them. We sometimes share the info depending on how our friend confided in us, and if we feel he would be pissed we shared with our wife, we simply won't. Again, even some of the stuff we share might be filtered to protect our friend. We share so you feel connected with us and also more just to keep our friend in your mind as we probably are having a hard time seeing our friend go through whatever it is they are struggling with.
So ladies, that is the truth about what men think, talk about and what we mean by "nothing". Men really are not complex like some try to make them out to be.

Decisions?????

2011-11-08T17:05:00.001-06:00

I have been thinking a lot the last few days about decisions. They are choices that we make every day. Most are trivial and really don't impact a whole lot out side of the immediate time they are made. Yet there are few decisions in life that all will ultimately make that will affect every aspect of their life. Most of us make them thinking it is the best or right choice at the time. After sometime has passed though, each and everyone of us will look back at that decision, see how it has affected our lives and wheigh in on wether it was the right one or not.
If it is the right decision, then great and all power to us. The feeling of knowing the right decision was made feels wonderful and we enjoy the benefits it produces.
But what if the decision was the wrong one? Without having to say, instead of feeling joyous and wonderful, we are left the opposite and often times feeling miserable. What do we do?
Some decisions can be reversed. Ok, so we took a few steps back and with time will get to where we were and a little more time be where we want to be after learning from a mistake.
But what about the decisions that we can't just reverse? The decisions that don't just affect us, but others as well? Do we accept the damage that undoing the decision will cause us and others, or do we accept the decision and try to make the most of it as to keep damage to a minimal?
Each person is different and each person can only answer the question for themselves. I have been thinking a lot lately about a couple decisions I have made and am wondering if infact I made the right one? I have thought a lot about this the last few days and managed to find two hours for myself yesterday to really ponder and try to figure it out. Unfortunately I can't yet decide if I have made a good, or rather right, choice so I can't even determine yet on what I want to do about it. I find myself torn down the middle. A part of me says yes and despite the questions I have, feelings I have, doubts I have, that big picture wise I made the right choice. Yet a part of me at same time says that if I did make the right choice, then I wouldn't feel the way I do right now about it.
So which one do I listen to? I struggle with a part me that just wants to pack everything up, drop all ties, go some place and start over while I am still fairly young. Would that be the right thing to do or would I just be running from whats making me most miserable right now? Decisions.......
I hate the times that feel miserable and what use to make you most happy, is now making you most sad and hurt. Maybe these are just the growing pains of life that I was told about while growing up that I would face one day. Maybe this is life trying to teach me a lesson... Or maybe I made a bad decision and through a series of events I am seeing the mistake I made and how I should have choosen differently. I am still trying to figure that out and at this point can honestly say that right now I don't know.
I will say though, that becareful of the decisions that you do make. While most may seem trivial compared to the over all picture of life, beware of the decisions that will have a lasting impact on your life and ensure you put true thought into it because some decisions aren't so easy to undo and others can't be undone...........

Been a While...Yet again!!!

2011-10-06T22:14:00.002-05:00

It never ceases to amaze me at how time flies. It seems like just yesterday I was loading up the cars and driving away from Mississippi to Florida to begin the next chapter of my life. Yet here I am, over three months later...two months into a job and almost three weeks as a civilian. A LOT has happened between then and now. Moved to a new state, moved into a new house, realized a close friend wasn't exactly what they appeared to be nor where they up to what they claimed they were up to, beginning a new job as a contractor, adjusting to civilian life and lastly officially becoming a civilian. Now I am in the process of trying to adjust my mind set and realize that I am no longer a part of the military and that I am a regular civilian. Part of me realizes that but a part of my mind hasn't quite let that go and I find myself very often still thinking I am. I am not sure if its because after being in for a third of my life, that my mind hasn't fully wrapped around the idea or if its part of me isn't ready to let go of that belongingness. Either way, it has been a roller coaster of events, thoughts, feelings, emotions, etc.
All that brought to a screatching halt yesterday by one event...yes, Steve Jobs death. Three months have past and it doesn't feel like it. Time has just flown by as I have been working and getting other affairs done and in order. I haven't really taken a lot of time to just sit and enjoy the moment, try enjoying my freedoms as a civilian and the realization that my weekends are my weekends and I am not having to worry about being called in, that they are mine to do what I want and go where I want as long as I am back at work Monday. You would think the car accident a month and half ago would have me stopping and taking a step back then, but with so much to do I just shook it off and kept pressing.
For a year and half I have been researching Apple, their products and Steve Jobs because I am in the process of swapping all electronics that I can over to Apple and wanted to be sure I was making a good choice. After so much reading and researching this last year and half, I actually felt sad when I heard Steve had passed. I don't usually get sentimental over celebrity deaths, but having the realization of how that one single man has affected the entire world and how we go about conducting business today, I did get sad. Then I did take a step back and realize yet again, in one second it all can be gone. Now, I do live with that thought everyday as I am also plagued by thoughts of Afghanistan and the ambush I experienced there. Yet I have learned how to push it aside so I can keep going through my daily life as normal as possible and try to hide the jumps and startles I go through everyday. Yet everyonce in a while, something happens that brings it all to the front of my brain again, and Steve Jobs death did that.
In one second, it can all be gone from us. How will we be remembered? How will our families remember us? As caring and always there, or always gone and working, or a healthy mix of both? How will our friends remember us, as dependable and always there when needed or distant and always working?
This weekend I do have some things to do. I have to get my drivers lisence rescanned, oil changed in my car and a few minutes of configuring my computer so my Majic Jack will keep working and mow my lawn. Aside from that, I am taking rest of weekend to slow down and do fun things and just relax. Put my sons dresser together with him and take the family to Baja Fresh for dinner. I plan on enjoying this weekend with them because who knows if there is another Monday for me.....

Stresses of Moving

2011-05-11T07:42:00.000-05:00

Well I am at about 38 days until I start the next chapter of my life. Stress right now is through the roof. The good news is that we already have a house worked out to move into. However, I am still trying to line up a job, need to finish out processing the military, pack up the current house, etc. There is so much to do and sometimes it seems over whelming.
Reality though is that the check list I have to complete to separate from the military, long as it might be, is fairly easy to do. The hardest thing is driving all over base to go to the various different places. Yet I find myself dragging my feet and having a hard time motivating myself to get it done. I can't figure out why.
One would think that being this close I would be all over it like a fat kid with chocolate cake. Yet I am not. The military is all I have known since being on my own. Getting out and becoming a normal civilian again, honestly scares the crap out of me. Maybe that is why I am having a hard time. But a part of me also wonders if I did have a job lined up right now, would I be knocking this checklist out of the park?
Unfortunately with this economy nobody is hiring more than a few weeks out. This means reality is no one is going to be offering me anything for about another month. So I am separating from the military, planning on moving, signing all the official paperwork to separate, doing all this in faith that God will provide me a job so I can begin working shortly after arriving at our new home.
Needless to say, I am pretty stressed right now. So many questions, so much to do, etc...
The only thing I can do is take everything one day at a time. I have decided today to go out and knock a good chunk out of my checklist. Maybe that will help with stress some. So off I go and having faith that God will provide a job so I can start working when I am desiring to start working. I figure this, if this is what I was meant to do, then He will line everything up for me.
Now, off to go get some outprocessing done....

Celebrating the Death of a Terrorist

2011-05-05T10:00:00.001-05:00

Everyone knows and is talking about the death of Osama Bin Laden. This is a huge world event that has an affect on countless millions. I am sure this will be talked about for decades to come.
There seems to be a common topic that is being discussed. Is it right to celebrate the death of a terrorist? A lot say yes but I am suprised at how many are saying no. They are saying no because regardless of what he was, he was still a human and death should not be celebrated.
I don't agree with that and for those saying that, I think they are not realizing a few things. As I stated in a Facebook comment to a status of one my friends, the actual death of Osama is not what is being celebrated. People aren't so much rejoicing because his heart is no longer beating, but more because of other issues and feelings that the man brought about being alive.
Some are celebrating not the death of the terrorist so much but more the accomplishment of the military troops. The military has been fighting for ten years and have constantly been reminded that an objective with all fighting entailed is to catch and bring to justice Osama Bin Laden. That is constantly reminded to the troops overseas who are fighting the war. That goal has finally been reached. Ten years of fighting, lives lost, money spent, but the goal has finally be accomplished. So many are celebrating the death of Osama more out of celebration, pride and support for the troops. Ten years and the military is still strapping up their boots and taking action where need be with 100% of their effort as they did the day the war started. That is worth celebrating, their refusale to give up and to keep doing what is necessary everyday to make this world safer and protect our country. That is one reason I think celebration is happening.
For others, its a celebration of justice. Because of Osama, 3000+ people lost their lives on 9/11. For some people, his death brings justice for those innocent lives. You may agree or not but it doesn't change the fact that that is how some people are dealing with it. So when they are celebrating Osama being dead, it's not so much his actual death but more the justice they feel for the 3000+ lives that were lost on 9/11, the countless number of our troops killed in the wars, etc. For them, it's the beginning to start moving on because they feel like some sort of justice has been delivered and they can let it go now.
Others I think are celebrating because with Osama dead, they feel safer. It has been a long time since the USA has been directly attacked on our land. Lets face it, every single one of us felt vulnerable after that. Before, many tried but never succeeded. This man did and it scared us and made us feel unsafe. Just as one might feel having their house broken into. Until the thief is aprehended, they never feel safe in their own home again, regardless of the security systems, cameras, etc that get installed shortly after. Our country needed the same thing because despite the increase in military, homeland security, etc we didn't feel safe because Osama was still on the loose. We needed the master mind who successfully attacked our country to be aprehended so we could feel safe and not worry if he would attack again. So I think many are celebrating that relief, the relief that the only one who has successfully attacked, in a long time, on our own soil will be able to harm us no more.
Lastly, like others have been saying, I think the younger adults are celebrating the end of "the monster in the closet". Kids are taught about evil and after 9/11 they had a face and scenario to go with the picture. They were taught that he is on the loose and if not caught, he would do more evil. They grew up with that fear and went through middle school and high school studying and learning about the event and that evil man. Yet now, after ten years of learning and fearing, he has been brought to an end. That face that represented evil has been erased. There is no more monster in the closet or under the bed. That is what I believe the younger adults are celebrating more than just the death of Osama Bin Laden. Celebrating that face of evil that they have grown up studying is finally erased.
Me, I see nothing wrong with the celebration. Each has their own reason and when looked at more, each is celebrating for a much bigger reason and feeling than just a death of a human. Because of that I am ok with the celebrating and honestly have done some of own for my own reasons. I have been in combat in Afghanistan and have a few issues regarding that. Him being killed makes me feel in a way that what I deal with today and probably the rest of my life isn't in vain, as it in a small way helped us reach this point. I also feel like the five memorial services I went to for fallen soldiers at the Forward Operating Base I was at wasn't in vain as they did more than their part in helping us get to this point. So I have done a little of my own celebrating and have even shed a few tears of relief as it strikes a few chords that other military members can relate to.
For those who don't agree death should be celebrated, try to realize that the death is not what is really being celebrated. Its not the death of a man but rather much deeper and profound feelings and ideology. Try to understand that, and maybe then it won't seem so offensive.
To those who directly lost loved ones on 9/11 and in the wars, you are right. This mans death is not going to bring your loved ones back. Please know that we don't know your pain because we are not in your shoes but we understand. We understand the hole in your hearts that will be there forever and our hearts are with you every single day. Please understand that when we are celebrating, we are not forgetting that fact and not forgetting your stance or feelings or thinking this will erase all your pain. I ask you too, to also please try to understand that there are deeper and more profound feelings and ideologies being celebrated than just the mans death and that is what is truely being celebrated.
My heart goes out to those who lost a loved one on 9/11 or the war and we will never forget them. History books will never let them be forgotten.
I hope maybe this helps someone who has been offended by the celebrating to maybe understand a little better what is really going on so that you may not be so offended. I am proud of our country, proud of our troops and am happy this man has been brought to an end. I don't see anything wrong will celebrating but I will also say to those who are celebrating, keep in mind the company you are around and celebrate with taste. Be sensitive to those who may not share your thoughts and feelings. If given the chance, try to explain why exactly it is you are celebrating so that those around won't think you are shallow and heartless to be celebrating just a death. Explain so they can understand there is more to it.
This has been a big accomplishment and I thank all the men and women who have served relentlessly to make this happen over the last ten years. Thank you!

It's Been a While!!

2011-05-05T08:11:00.001-05:00

Ok, it has been a while since I have posted any new posts. Every once in a while Life decides to throw a lot of curveballs all at once. The last few months for me have been nothing but curveball after curveball. It has been one of the more stressful times in my life. I probably should have kept posting as it would have offered a more healthy way of dealing with the stress. I instead shut down, bottled everything up and bit by bit began working on what I needed to inorder to get life back on track. I have never been accused of always making the right choices. :) Oh well, whats done is done and the point is I am back on.
To say I got knocked on my backside would be an improvement. I got straight beat down, run through the mud, backed up on, repeated cycle, etc. Yet sometimes in life we need these times in order to realize what we have been doing wrong and fix them before its too late. Now I am a Christian and believe very much in God. So for me it was more than life just throwing curveballs, it was God trying to give me a wake up call and testing me in other areas to see if I would keep trying to do everything on my own like I have for so many years or finally start looking to Him for help.
I am a very stubborn, thick headed, etc person. If you don't believe me, just ask my family and friends. They will be more than willing to back that claim up. Sometimes trying to get things across to me is like talking to a brick wall. I think that is why it took such a beating from Life and God to make me realize a few things.
I was looking at divorce, going through stresses of separating the military without any luck of finding a house, job, etc.
I eventually reached a breaking point and I broke down big time. I reached out to a select few friends and family, my pastor and God. I have never felt so hopeless, helpless, etc in my entire life as I did for the last few months. Little by little I started to work on myself. Started to try to correct the areas where I have failed as a husband and father. That was incredibly hard and still is as I have a long way to go. That wasn't the hardest though. The hardest was trying to show my wife that I have realized some issues and am working on changing them when she had given up, stopped caring, and didn't want to see what I wanted to show. Many times I wanted to give up as I am not one who has ever failed at anything. Yet I was staring failure in the face, it was a new frustrating feeling, and I wanted nothing more than to give in and give up. My friends and family were faithful though and kept me going. I eventually reached out to God and asked Him for help as well. Thats where things started to change. In a 24 hr time frame my wife found a house, I have a potential job lined up, my orders to separate finally came in and my wife had seen enough change in me to be willing to give us another chance. In a 24 hour time from I went from 0 to 60 with everything falling into place. I had been starting to wonder if separating the military was the right choice as it seemed that everything was falling apart around me as I got closer to the time and worked harder to make it happen. With everything finally falling into place, I can say it is the right decision but I still have a lot of work to do.
Why am I sharing this? I have really no idea other than to offer a brief explanation as to why this blog has been quiet. Maybe to also try to line in my head where I am at so I know where to go and what to do next. Either way, my readers, the few that you are, at least know I am back. As I said from day one, this really isn't a blog on anything specific. It is just me sharing my thoughts, ideas, experiences, etc. Mainly a way for me to vent and let others, who might be going through same situations or have same ideas, know that they are not alone.
A lot is going on right now and there is a lot to write about. So I am back and let Bender's Symposium continue.

The Bigger Person Concept

2011-03-08T11:32:00.000-06:00

I was recently challenged, yet again, to be the "bigger person". What is this bigger person concept? Why do we have it? There are a few scenarios on which this concept can be used.
One scenario is being able to sense when a situation is getting unnecessarily heated. The bigger person at that point takes a step back, says something nice to diffuse the heated tension, and then walks away until a latter time when the issue at hand can be discussed in a calm and mature manner.
Another scenario in which the "bigger person" concept can be used is when after a situation has gotten out of hand, the bigger person comes back later, accepts the fault and tries to smooth things out so the situation can be attempted again to be worked out.
The last scenario in which the "bigger person" concept can be used is typically the one I get stuck with. This consists of the bigger person accepting all the blame for the unfortunate incident, making the other party feel better about themselves, and then carrying on like nothing happened. This is the worst scenario as it leaves the "bigger person" with a tarnished image and forces them to take the hurt and feelings they had during a heated incident, and bury it deep in themselves with no real way to vent or be heard.
For most of my life, the third scenario has repeatedly seemed to land in my lap. No matter what, I always seemed to be the "bigger person". Because of it, my reputation did get tarnished. Any thing went wrong and I was normally the first person who they went to. Why? Not always because I was the culprit, but more because I would assume the blame.This inadvertently had a negative impact on me. As time went on I started being that kid who seemed to be the fuck up. I figured, hell, if I am going to get in trouble for it in the end, I might as well have the satisfaction of actually doing the deed. Again, reputation ended up getting tarnished and no matter what I did, I always had that clout stuck to me.
Some of my friendships also were affected. It is inevitable that two human beings are going to have conflicts. When these inevitable conflicts arose, they usually ended up heated and again, I ended up being the bigger person and taking on responsibility for the scuffle. This then left my friends with this negative picture of me, mixed with the tarnished reputation....see where I am going with this?
The bigger person....other wise known as the scapegoat. Society needs scapegoats. They need someone else to throw the blame on so that they don't have to feel bad about themselves and can carry on with their lives being able to look down at others and use them as a means to verify that their life is not as pathetic as others.
So I was challenged to be the bigger person again. About a year ago there was a big misscommunication between me and some family. I did something that they did not agree with. Instead of talking to me about it and finding out why I did what I did, I was ignored and talked about behind my back. I put on the bigger person shoes again and tried scenario two. I picked up some pieces, took some of the responsibility and tried to make peace with all and smooth things out so all could carry on happily as we had been. Some came to and others carried on the sharade. Since they ran out of things to attack me about, they then went after my family knowing all the while I am trying to put things back together. That drew the line for me and I threw in my towel. I walked away, I had enough. It has been almost a year now and not a peep from a single one. One family member did recently contact me and tried to convince me that blood is thicker than water. Yeah, not this blood. They then tried getting me to be the bigger person. Why not? I always have in the past. Everyone else is too stubborn but some how I seemed to be the one to go and make ammends. This time I responded with, "I don't think so. Not this time." I am tired of being the bigger person actually, and I left it at that.
Home is another area that I seem to be the bigger person and it seems to always blow up in my face. For instance last night. Me and my wife are trying to buy a home and we got some good info that could help us in that treck. First step was to see if a bank would be dumb enough to lend me money. So I went online to to fillout what I needed to in order to see if I could qualify for a home loan. Well my wife decided I wasn't doing it right. I was putting in options that did not make sense to her. She has yet to understand that I learn by doing, by trial and error. If I put information in wrong I would be displayed an error message and told to try again. This did not set well with her and she decided to let me have it. So I quit and started doing my own thing. Then she got upset because I wasn't taking it serious. How in the hell am I supposed to take something serious when someone is knocking my method of getting it done? Inevitably this lead to scenario two. I ended up gathering my things and went to bed. I figured sometime apart, a good nights sleep would be best. I woke up this morning alone in the bed and my wife sleeping in the office. Why? Because I wasn't filling out an application the way she thought it should be done. I got ready for work and went into the office and asked why she was sleeping there. I was met with a rapid fire of responses. "First, I wasn't sleeping, I just fell asleep. Two, you know why I am here. Third, you don't deserve an explanation." Word for word, that is what I was told. Now I had two choices here. To fire some smart ass remarks back, which I really wanted to do, or.....yeah you guessed it, be the bigger person. So I kissed her on the head and left the office.
This action will now lead to me going home at some point today and everythign carrying on as normal because I ultimatly accepted the blame by not responding to her accusations.
Now the cycle. Now my wife is going to have a tarnished view of me and one that insists that I am just a fuck up. Ask her, she will proudly tell you all the reasons she can't trust me and why I am such a fuck up around the house. She will give times and dates, trust me! This also will now cause me to take those feelings I had and bury them deep inside me as any outburst of them will just be viewed as a feeble attempt to try and restore my credibility.
I am almost twenty nine years old and this repeat cycle has taken a toll on me. I have aches and pains where a twenty nine year old should not have them. My heart has been handling stress for a very long time. To the point that when I get upset it beats so fast I get get dizzy and light headed. This ultimately will lead to me having an untimely death as my heart will one day beat so fast that it will stop. I am certain that I am going to have an early end and that I am going to die young. No heart can handle the stress that mine has had to deal with for years. A heart can't handle that without having some sorty of outlet to put that stress and frustration towards.
So that, my friends, is what being the "bigger person" really is. It is being the scapegoat for others, so they can keep on going feeling good about themselves and shove all the blame to someone else. Eventually the clock will stop ticking and when all is said and done, do you really want the nicest thing said about you being, "He/she was always quick to accept blame and keep things running smoothly". I sure as hell don't and for that reason I am done being the bigger person. I am sorry to the one who recently challenged me to take that roll one more time. I just can't do it, not this time. I am too tired, worn out, hurt and frustrated to put both my body and my heart through that kind of treatment again. I just can't do it, not right now.......

A Little More about Me!

2011-03-05T12:25:00.000-06:00

So, this is just a little more about me. Growing up, I have always been over all, a fairly easy going and simple person.
There were things about me though that have not always been so simple. For one thing my hair has always been picky about. I have always needed gel in it, and always combed and kept in a specific way.
Another thing is I have always needed to have lots of colognes and options for smelling good. For instance, right now if you walked into my bathroom, at my sink there are 12 cologne bottles. Brands ranging from Affliction, to Chanel, to Este Lauder. I have a few that I wear on a regular basis and the rest I wear when I feel like a change is needed. I don't require a lot but when it comes to my colognes, I need to have several and ones that are good.
Another area that I have always been simple about is clothes. Give me a pair of Levis and a t-shirt and I am good to go. If not that then a pair of Nike sweat pants with a sports t-shirt and that is even better. I have been married now for six and a half years. They say opposite attract and in this area, it is true with me and my wife. She likes to look elegant all the time. Well when you have someone who looks elegant and me who looks plain and simple, it kind of gives an off balance picture. For six years my wife has been trying to get me to step it some and recently got it done. It took us finding something in the middle. The middle is a great store called Buckle. I have absolutely fallen in love with store and the kinds of clothes in it. It is a little spendy but well worth it as the clothes will last a long time and are a whole new level of comfort. They have t-skirts but that are designed in a way to be worn casual or in a some what nice atmosphere. They have dress shirts that can also be worn casually or for more elegant atmospheres. Their jeans, a whole new level of comfort and again can be worn for different occasions. When I wear the clothes I still feel like the layed back and relaxed me. My wife I'd happy because I don't look so simple and plain. If you haven't seen this store or have not tried it, I highly encourage you to at least go in and look around, and try on something that you like. You will the. See what I am talking about. I love it and now is all I go for.
So there is a little more about me. I am just giving you readers a little better picture of who I am so that when you read my thoughts and ideas, you might have a better picture of what I am trying to say.

How My Dog Helps Me!!!

2011-02-22T10:39:00.000-06:00

Ok, so it has been a while since my last post. For that I apologize. Life has been a little hectic these last couple of months and I have had my hands full with quite a bit. However, I have a little down time right now and figured I would start getting back with my blog.
I have been thinking about this for a while and think this is something that others who might have some sort of similar issues, might want to look into.
For half of 2008, I was deployed to Afghanistan. During that time I drove a Humvee that was part of a convoy. During the trip we experienced a pretty heavy ambush. There were a few times during that ambush I thought for sure my number was up and I was going to meet my Maker. Thankfully, I did not and how we all made it out alive with minor injuries only, I still can't explain. That experience, along with a few others, has affected me. One thing it did is cause me to suffer now from hightened anxiety disorder. I also have nightmares on a regular basis and restlessness. I am on medication that helps calm me done, helps me sleep and stay asleep and most importantly keeps me from remembering most of my dreams. For the most part, I have learned how to carry on with life and push past the different issues I have when they arise.
One thing though is that I still dred sleeping. Even though the medications I am on knock me out, keep me asleep and the majority of the time keep me from remembering dreams, I do ocassionally remember some dreams and when that happens it usually affects the rest of my day. Its frustrating as I have my ups and downs and get tired of feeling this way. I want to be able to sleep on my own and not dred going to bed every night wondering if this night is going to be a good one or not. Wondering if that night am I going to wake my wife up yelling or fighting in my sleep. My wife has enough medical issues herself and needs all the rest she can get. When I affect her ability to rest, which in turns affects how she feels that day, it frustrates me as I don't want to feel like a burden to my family. Its not their fault I went through it, they weren't even part of it, yet not only has this affected me (and probably will for the rest of my life), my family suffers here and there from it too, and that REALLY frustrates me.
I am sure with two wars going on, there are alot out there like me, and tons more who are even worse than me. To those of you out there who that applies to, think about what I am about to say.
In previous posts I have mentioned that we have a pure bred Yorkie. He is not big, nor is he exactly something we would really on for protection. He is only ten pounds but he sure is a daddy's boy. I have over the last couple of years, have greatly appreciated him and he has slowly but surely won my heart over as he has probably helped me more than anything else. Here is how.
I am on pills to help with my anxiety but sometimes, especially after getting spooked, I will remain tense for sometime. For some reason having him crawl up in my lap or lay next to me calms me down. When he is clean and allowed up in the bed with us, he immediately heads to my side of the bed and curls up next to my stomach. These nights that he does that, are the nights I am most relaxed and the nights I don't have nightmares. I have no idea why that is. Maybe because I feel like I have to protect him that I put everything to the side and am able to relax. Or more possibly, for some reason, he helps me feel protected. Having him curled against my stomach helps me keep from feeling alone and if anything happens I know he is going to alert me. Maybe that is why I feel better when he is with me, he helps me feel protected despite only being ten pounds.
Whatever the reason, the fact still remains. I can be tense as hell and on edge, but as soon as he is with me, I calm down. Having him next to me helps me sleep better and when I know he will be sleeping with me, I don't dred sleeping as I know it will be a good night. Guess that might be another reason I sometimes wait for my wife to fall asleep and then sneak him in bed with me, even though he needs a bath. :)
Maybe the military should look into this and promote this idea for those of us military personnel who have issues such as this. If you are someone like me, I highly recommend that you at least think about this. Think about getting a pet. Doesn't have to be a small dog, could be any dog you like. Their company might help you more than you think. There is a reason they are called "mans best friend". If you are not a dog lover and prefer cats, get a cat. Either way, at least think of getting some pet that will keep you company. It might sound rediculous but you might find it more helpful than any therapy or medication out there.
It definitely won't fix the issues, but at the very least it might offer some relaxed sleep here and there, since that is probably what we crave more than anything else.... one relaxed and restful nights sleep here and there.

Strep Throat

2011-01-22T14:33:00.000-06:00

So it has been a while since I have made a post last. This is due to me coming down with a pretty bad case of Strep Throat. It knocked me on my backside and kept in bed for five days. Today I am feeling a little better but throat is still hurting me some. I almost never get sick, but when I do get sick....step back because it is going to be one hell of a ride.
I hate being sick, but I think me getting sick at this time was a good thing. I have been running on fumes for a long time now. Between working full time, taking care of wife with medical issues, taking care of my son, the house, finishing a degree...needless to say I have been burnt out for a very long time. Getting this sick and causing me to do nothing but be in bed relaxing and resting is something I definitely needed.
While resting in bed and thinking about how I got that sick I realized that I am the reason I got that sick. I have been pushing my body so hard for so long, that it gave it out in a sense. My bodies defenses were weakened that any sickness could attack and I did not have energy to fight it. Strep Throat found me first and had a hay day with me. To help me overcome it, I had to have a penicillin shot if that tells you the severity.
It was not any fun and the pain I was in, I don't want again. Yet, again, it was my fault. You can push your body only so much without taking care of it before you will suffer consequences for it. That was my consequence. Sure if I had rested more and taken care of me more over the last year, I probably still would have gotten sick but not near as sick as I did. For five days I was layed up and could not only not take care of my wife and son, but couldn't even take care of myself. My body needed rest and it got it but at much discomfort to myself.
For five days I have been thinking about how I have been pushing myself and how I have not been taking care of me when I should have because I was too busy putting everyone else first. I am not saying I was wrong in doing that, I love my family very much and will always put them first, but I realized that despite what might be going on I need to sometimes put everything else aside and take a little time for me. Take a little time to rest, relax, do something I enjoy, etc. Our bodies need that time to relax and rest so that when the hard things in life come, it has the energy and strength needed to fight it or go through it.
So that is what I am going to start trying to do more. Still put my family first, as a husband and father should, but take more time to take care of myself as well.
If you are someone like me, I challenge you to do the same thing. Its ok to be "selfish" every once in a while. Its ok to take a few hours here and there to do what you want or to rest or relax. If you don't take care of yourself, eventually you aren't going to be able to take care of anyone because your body will get the rest it needs one way or another. Take care of yourself first so that you are healthy and strong enough to take care of others.

My Dog's a Tattle-Tale!

2011-01-14T08:00:00.001-06:00

So, an incredibly funny thing happened last night that I have to share. I am seeing now why they say that dogs are mans best friend.
I have two dogs...well I have a dog and my wife has a dog. My dog is a Beagle mixed with Basset. He is a good dog, very protective of the family and yet one of the most sentimental dogs I have ever seen. For instance if one of us is sick in the house or sad, he picks up on that and stays near them until they feel better. He is very loyal as well. As long as everyone is fine, he is never very far from me and if I move around the house, he is typically not far away. The only time he is not near me is at night, when he decides its bed time. Then he goes to the pillow in my bedroom and stays there the rest of night no matter what I do or where I go. That is his way of him saying, "You're on your own dad, I need my beauty rest." He a good dog and we are a perfect match.
My wifes dog is a Yorkie. A ten pound, yappy lap dog. At first I hated this dog. My wife wanted a yorkie and a dog of her own after my dog being pretty much a daddies boy. So I got her, her dog. As anyone with dogs know, the newer dog is going to adapt to the thinking that the older dog has. The Yorkie saw that my dog follows me and sees me as leader of the "pack". He knew who his owner was. The Yorkie naturally adapted the same thinking and assumed I was his owner as well. As I said before, at first I hated that dog. It was little, it was annoying and not my type of dog. The Yorkie was persistent in winning my affection and after sometime he grew on me and now I love him as well. I spoil the crap out of him. It drives my wife nuts as that has pretty much obliterated the reason we got him. He is very loyal to the family, affectionate with everyone, but is also a daddies boy. So much so a daddies boy that he barks at my wife when we are cuddleing and he can't be in my lap. If barking doesn't get him some room he will then attempt to lay or sit between us to separate us. And if that doesn't work, then he will find some other location nearby waiting for my wife to move so he can quickly dash in and take her spot. Very loyal dog and I love him. Makes me laugh regularly.
Last night marked the pinnacle of his personality however. It was after my shower and after getting ready for bed. I normally close the bathroom door as I have learned if I don't close it all the way he will push it open and wait for me to get out of the shower and then lay at my feet while I finish brushing my teeth, getting dressed, etc. So when I opened the door he was waiting for me and started jumping and making quick dashes down the hall. He would then turn around and dash back, jump to tap my legs then dash down the hall again. I knew he was trying to tell me something and figured he was wanting to let me know someone had forgotten to refill his water or something. So I followed him and through quick, short bursts he led me to the laundry room. I turned on the light to see my dog had gotten into the trash and was eating it. Once I saw this, the Yorkie started running all over the house and running back into the laundry room to watch me fuss at my dog and clean up the mess. Once I was done cleaning up the mess he was still sprinting around the house for a few minutes. Once I was in bed he jumped up in my lap and began trying to play in an all hyper way.
So I told my wife she wasn't going to believe what just happened. Her dog, in his own way, managed to tattle-tale on my dog and then was so proud of himself for it. The only thing I could think about was how much it was like two little siblings and one sibling telling on the other one and then watching and laughing when they were getting into trouble. That is exactly what it was. Her dog, tattled on my dog, and then was so proud of himself for it. His water was full, he was not eating trash, he was not wanting anything or doing anything wrong like my dog was. He simply wanted me to know that his brother was doing something wrong and then was so proud of himself afterwards. I couldn't believe it!
I laughed so hard after this and still am chuckling thinking about it. These dogs are definitely a part of the family and I couldn't imagine our lives without them. They definitely bring good times, sometimes more than others, like last night.
I just had to share that as it has brought a smile to my face and if you are one who could use a "pick me up", I hope this makes you smile too. Dogs really are a man's best friend.

FINALLY!! The Verizon Iphone!

2011-01-11T17:44:00.000-06:00

I posted yesterday about my hopes for today...that it would bring an Iphone on Verizon. At 11 a.m. ET I was not let down and a long awaited dream became a reality. I am excited and happy that I waited as long as I did and I can say at this time it feels like it paid off. (of course I can't fully say until I have it in my hands and use it for a while first) After much research and observation, it is the phone I have wanted for about a year now. Verizon and Apple heard our requests and delivered...so for that I thank both companies on making this happen.
What I can't believe though is how the news is just 6 hours old and already there is a flood of internet traffic upset and whining about some of the features that the Verizon Iphone has. Really people? Does your life suck so much that the only thing you can do is take good things and find something wrong with it? How have you not committed suicide yet?
Ok, so you can't talk and surf the web at the same time. How many people really do that anyways? That hasn't affected my opinion in the least bit. Why? Because I am one track minded for one thing. If I am talking on the phone, then I can't focus on the internet. If I focus on the internet I won't pay attention to the conversation. In reality that "problem" is probably going to save my bacon sometime when my wife calls me to tell me some "ground breaking" news in the future. Also, I am one who holds the phone to my ear to talk. I am not sure about everyone else but I don't have eyes on my ears so that feature would do me no good. I could use a bluetooth, but I don't, so still wouldn't do me any good. Ok, so a legitimate arguement is that you can't use the GPS for driving directions and talk at the sametime. Ok, we haven't been able to do that with previous phones so for Verizon customers we are use to that. If you are like me, you have a separate GPS so its still not an issue. The only ones it would be a problem for is AT&T customers who want to join Verizon. Ok, that could be a drag and take some getting used to. Thankfully there has been the invention of voicemail. If someone calls, ignore them, they leave a message and call them when you get to your destination. Adapt the philosophy that I have. My phone is for me to reach people, not people to reach me. Don't like that? Then stay with AT&T. I think they did a really good job at compromising the feature and inputting a wifi hotspot feature in the phone. So now look at it like a trade off. One or the other. Which do you want more?
Both are great. AT&T and Verizon will both succeed with this device and the general customers of both networks are happy with what they have.
I just find it amazing that something like this, something that has made best of both worlds possible, people are going to complain about so soon after the announcement without even seeing the results first. Just enjoy the moment, enjoy the prospects and once both sides are active and time has passed to make an educated opinion on the phones based on first hand experience, then cry about it.
Me, I am happy and excited. I am happy that my carrier has the Iphone finally. I am happy that I will be able to use the video feature with other Iphone users despite the network they are on as long as both are on wifi. I am excited to be able to share in some of the games and social networking with other friends Iphones despite the carrier they are on (like that word game for instance). I am happy to finally have the chance to use a device that I have wanted on a network that I am overall happy with and been with for almost nine years now. To both companies that made this happen, again I say thankyou for hearing us and making this possible. It was what we asked for and you delivered. So some tweaks had to be made but you compensated in other areas. Overall, we asked for an Iphone4 and you gave us what we asked for.
I am happy....and looking forward to Feb 3. That is the day I will never forget!

Verizon Iphone?

2011-01-10T07:49:00.000-06:00

Well the news is filling up about Verizons press event tomorrow and wether or not the Apple's Iphone will be finally launched on Verizons network. I in no way am here to try and analyze the thought as I in no way concider myself near informed enough to "report" on it. I am merely sharing my thoughts and feelings as I Verizon customer and as one of the Iphone "hopefulls".
I currently have a BlackBerry...the first Storm to be exact. It has been a great phone, right up until about six months ago. As with most BlackBerry products, it is almost two years old and is about to die on me. So I am desperately needing a new phone.
For the last year I have had a keen observation of the Iphone and watch as friends use theirs, news agencys report on it and the different apps, etc. Needless to say, for the last year I have wanted an Iphone.
Not because I am a bandwagon type person that just wants what everyone else wants, but because I see the efficiency in it. Along with observing the Iphone, I have been observing Apple as well, and believe that Apple has finally turned around and have risen to the top in the computer industry. Three years ago I never would have concidered an Apple product, but after observing the reliable and quality products and programs they have put out, I am starting to slowly convert over to the Apple side.
Getting back to the phone...I see the efficiency in the Iphone. You think of a task, and there is literally an application for it. You think of the most rediculous idea and there is an application for that as well. I seem to have a very busy lifestyle. I am always on the go and if I am not working, then I am running here or there. I don't get a whole lot of down time and friends and family have learned that the best way to reach me is texting me. That gives me the chance to respond as I can and communicate with them during times that a verbal conversation otherwise would be deemed inappropriate. With constantly being on the go and running here or there, I have realized how much a smart phone has helped me. I can keep my appointments organized, I can organize the appointments my family has, I have internet and email connectivity when I need it and don't have to wait until I am home, etc. Yet there is still a lot I do and use that seems to be spreadout. Some I can do on my phone, others I have to do on a computer, and yet others I have to do through the mail (like depositing checks), etc. So the smartphone has helped me organize a little better but I still feel like I am constantly juggleing tasks between technological devices.
Researching, observing, etc. the Iphone has made me realized that through one device I can almost eliminate all that juggling. All the news I can read through the phone, all my banking (including depositing checks with a simple photo) can be done through the phone, all the bills can be paid through the phone, hell even my blogging can be done through the phone, all social networking through the phone, texting is still there, email is still there, pretty much anything I need is there or I can find an app for it. Throw an Ipad in there (which I also plan on getting in future when I can afford it) and I won't need anything else. Whatever I need to do that a phone is too small for, I will do through the Ipad.
Sure there are the Android phones which claim to be as efficient and they do hold their ground against Apple. The size doesn't appeal to me as they are too big, the number of Apps is no where near as many as Apples, and my personal prefference for known quality draws me to Apple and their Iphone.
I am all about working smarter, not harder. If there is a an easier more organized way for me to accomplish that which I need to do, then I am going to go for it. The Iphone can do that for me on a device that is big enough to do most tasks but not so huge it feels like I am caring a tablet on my waist.
I didn't just wake up and see it and want it, the desire for the Iphone has come after a lot of researching, observing and asking lots of questions to Jason Viglione (a very tech savvy friend, refer to blog titled "Tech Savvy" to know what I mean by that). So finally hearing and having something more concrete about the Iphone coming to Verizon, has been a year long dream come true...maybe.
I really hope that tomorrows Verizon press conference does produce the Iphone. Not because I want to join the bandwagon of Iphone users, but because it offers me a way to be more efficient. To organize my constantly busy life and allow me to complete various tasks sooner and more efficiently, thus hopefully giving me more time to relax. After a year of waiting, sitting on my upgrade for six months, I am more than ready for the Iphone to be shared with Verizon. Hopefully I am not dissappointed but until tomorrows press conference happens, we won't truely know and I will just have to keep hoping.

Types of Friends

2011-01-08T11:53:00.001-06:00

The holiday season caused me to think a lot about friends. I got to thinking about the different types of friends there are.
There are the friends that are acquaintances. Those that we pass here and there and say hey to and ask how they are doing. We keep on walking though because in reality its just a formality and we could careless how they are doing and don't feel like getting caught up in a conversation with them.
Then there are the average friends. These friends are a step up from acquaintances and we will talk and converse with them. When asking how they are doing, we will even listen as we do care. Conversations are not deep but enough to learn about each other and have a beer with.
Then you have close friends. These friends we talk to regularly, get together with regularly and share more personal details with. These friends we call when we need help and who we can count on in times of need.
Lastly you have, what I call, family friends. These friends started out at the basic friend level and over time have become more family than friends. These friends are always there when you are need wether you ask for it not. These friends are friends that if you don't talk to them in a while, the next time you do, you pick up right where you left off like no time has passed. These friends will go through anything with you, no matter the cost to them. They will stay by your side because your well being is all they really care about. These friends are the best friends and the ones that help up through life and the type of friend we should strive to be.
I have thought of this a lot lately as me and my wife have had lots of struggles lately. Got a lot going on and it gets over whelming sometimes. Yet we have a few friends that have continually been by our sides helping us as they can. Some here in the local area with us, and others afar who call and offer emotional support. Going through trying times definitely shows us who are what kinds of friends. I am so blessed to have so many friends who are more like family. For each I am so grateful.
As I have been shown this friendship by so many, I have been thinking on whether or not I have been showing the same kind of friendship to others. I have been blessed and need to return the blessing to others who might need to see the compassion as I have been shown. So I have been trying as I can to be sure to show others the kindness I have been shown and try to be better friend to all. Life is not easy and sometimes friendships are the only thing that gets us through it. The more friends one has, the more support they will have when life deals those tough hands.

A New Year That Brings A New Life Style Change

2011-01-04T08:44:00.000-06:00

So 2011 has just begun. I have been looking forward to this year for what seems a long time now. This is the year that I separate from the Air Force. I have been sitting at my desk thinking about it...yet again... and a second wave of realization has hit me. I am getting out of a job that I have known for a little over 9 years now. The only job and life style I have really known since being on my own. I have a lot to do and a lot to prepare. Just happens that right now I am on stand still as I am waiting for certain things to happen in order for me to continue. I am waiting for a friend to submit my resume with a company so I can begin looking for a job and I am waiting on the Air Force to approve my seperation date so I can begin the paperwork process of seperating the Air Force.
About 155 days until I begin my terminal leave, that is 155 days to get all my ducks in a row. Looking at it, that is not a lot of time to get everything done. I am kind of glad for that though as it will help pass the time quickly. I am sure as the time gets closer, I will be wanting to desperately push on the brakes, but for now that is good.
I am excited, scared, happy, etc. A lot of unknowns but me and my family are more than ready for the change and the opportunities that lay before us.
2011 is going to be an interesting year, a year I will always remember. Bring it on 2011...I have been waiting a long time for you.

My Brain Won't Shut Off!

2011-01-02T00:56:00.001-06:00

I never really thought about it growing up. When I hit my teen years, I could only fall asleep if I had music playing in the background. That gave my brain something to be distracted by while trying to fall asleep. When I went to boarding school, I snuck and hid a CD player so I could listen to it at night so I could fall asleep. Why did I did do this? Because if I did not, then I would be up until two or three in morning with my brain thinking of all kinds of things until it just finally turned off so I could sleep. Problem was that would only give me a couple hours of sleep.
Again, I did not think anything of it until I was dating my wife. When I was finally on my own I would have the TV on when I fell asleep and would have it on all night. It was the only way I could sleep as it offered a distraction to my brain and kept it from running rampant with all kinds of thoughts and ideas. When I was dating my wife, she got tired of TV always being on and it was only then that I realized what I was doing. I was giving my brain something to listen to and be distracted by so I cold fall asleep. That is when I realized that if I did not have anything in the background to fall asleep to, my brain would think of all kinds of things. I would start out with analyzing the day and thinking of all the things I would have done different and the possible outcomes that they would have had. I would go clear to the point of making up mathematical problems and trying to solve them just because my brain wanted something to analyze.
I really don't know what this is or why my brain operates like this. I would love some answers as I have slowly began realize how this has affected other areas of my life.
It seems my brain is always running. I am embarrassed to admit that even when I am by myself, I am carrying dialogues in my mind just to keep my brain analyzing things. Another reason I started this blog, to put my thoughts out there that I have running through my head occasionally.
I have recently realized how much this wears me out and how much I strive to shut it off. I am not a big video gamer but have recently started playing Resident Evil 4 on the Wii and realized I enjoy it so much because it shuts off my brain from trying to think of all the different things it thinks about and analyzes. I have realized another reason I like having some alcohol is because it also slows by brain down. I am so desperate all the time to shut my brain off from constantly thinking about things. It wears me out sometimes to always be thinking of things and I enjoy that which shuts it off or drastically slows it down as only during these times do I feel really relaxed.
I can't sleep unless the TV is on giving my brain something else to focus on and be distracted by so I can fall asleep. It is frustrating to constantly have my mind running as such and don't know why I am like that. I wonder if anyone else out there is like that and can relate to the feelings I have. It is very frustrating as I never to seem to be relaxed about anything. I don't think this is a bad thing, but I don't know how to productively use this so it seems more of blessing than an embarrassment or baggage like it feels now.
I don't know. Like I said in my first post, this is called Symposium because any topic is likely to popup on this blog. This topic has been on my mind quite a bit lately and I am tired and needing some good rest but find it difficult as it is very hard to get my brain to just forget about stuff long enough to just rest like it desperately needs.
I hope others out there are like me, as I would then not feel like such an odd ball. Maybe then I could also get some ideas on how to turn my brain off enough to realize that it doesn't need to be analyzing things all times of the day and it is ok to turn off to offer me rest.
I am just ranting at this point and hoping getting this off my chest will offer enough relaxation to rest.

What Makes or Breaks Managers!

2010-12-23T19:51:00.000-06:00

What makes or breaks a manager? This is a question that I have been asking myself for a few years now and one that I ask as I am about to pursue a management position, hopefully in near future. I have had ample opportunity to watch management at all levels and I have watched...very closely. The best way to learn is to watch others, watch their mistakes, watch their successes, watch what you like and what you don't like.
In my opinion, after watching many managers at different levels, I have come to the conclusion of what makes or breaks someone in a management position is their people. The workers below them will ultimate determine whether a manager is successful or not.
Why do I bring this up? Why is this important? Because I believe this is a fundamental issue that is slowly being forgotten about in our society. The best managers that I have had, are those who have not forgotten where they came from and have taken the time and effort to take care of their people. By taking care of their people, I mean ensure that their workers have what they need to get the job done, ensure their basic needs are met and feel a part of the team. Too many bosses I have experienced are too concerned about their own careers and see their workers as tools to further their career. They aren't people, they are objects that need to do certain things to get the job done so the manager doesn't look bad. This concept often leads to the workers basics needs not being met, not feeling important or part of team, and most importantly not appreciated. This is going to lead to tired and disgruntled workers and eventually the team will start to crumble and ultimately what they manager is trying so desperately to keep from happening is going to happen...they are going to look bad because the workers are not going to work as hard or "follow the leader".
I have had two exceptional bosses that I have always kept in mind of who I want to emulate when I reach their levels of management. A shop chief name Rob Powers and a Non Commissioned Officer In Charge (NCOIC) named Luke Spring. These two men went to great lengths to protect their workers. They ensured their employees where asked to do things that were meaningful and not pointless that would have just exhausted their employees. They took time to talk to each of their employees to find out how they were doing at work as well as personal lives. When an employee needed help, they went to whatever lengths they could to help the individual out in anyway they could. They took time to just talk to them employees to get to know them better, for the employees to know them better. All the while still keeping it professional. They wanted to know about their employees, their employees to know about them, and most importantly wanted their employees to feel happy, unified and appreciated. Why did they do this? Because they understood that happy employees meant a good work center and shop unity. All that meant that the mission was going to get done and not just done, but done to the best standards possible. Because they took care of us, we took care of them. When they asked us to do things that may not have been the easiest or things that did not make sense to us, we did it anyway without complaint and did our best work. We did it because they took care of us and we wanted to return the favor. We knew if we worked hard and did what we were asked, their careers would reflect it. Rob Powers once told me right before I became a Sergeant, "Use the stripe that you are about to wear to get for those below you, what they can't get for themselves. If you keep your people happy and help them meet your needs, they will take care of you." I have held onto that since the day he told me that. I look back now and see that he could have asked anyone of us to do the most bizarre thing imaginable and we would have done it because we trusted him and we trusted him because he took care of us.
Both men have since moved on to bigger and better things because they have been successful every where they have gone. They have been successful because they have taken care of their people and were able then to do amazing work with a happy and unified shop and personnel. I thank them for their example of leadership day in and day out, and most importantly thank them for taking time here and there to mentor me to reflect the same kind of leadership style.
That is a trait that is becoming harder and harder to find our society now days. I unfortunately have never felt or been a part of a shop like I experienced with them, since then. I have not seen managers in those positions go to those extremes to keep their people taken care of and have seen how that breaks shops down and creates frustrated and tired employees.
As I separate from the Air Force and hopefully one day have a management position in the civilian world, I am hoping to be as successful as those two men. I challenge anyone who reads this who is a manager to take care of people. Take a step back from your own career goals and ensure your workers have what they need. Find out if they are missing something or if they need help with anything. Work on taking care of them and bringing a sense of unity and belongingness to your employees. Once you have happy employees you can ask them to do the extreme things and they will happily do it. When they do work, their full effort will be put into the job. This then will reflect positively on you.
What makes or breaks a manager? In my opinion, its the people that work for them. Take care of your people, and your people will take care of you.

The Unsung Heroes!!!

2010-12-16T19:33:00.000-06:00

I saw a post today about placing an Air Force Badge on your Facebook profile page to honor the Airmen that serve this great country. Of course me being in the Air Force and having close friends in the Air Force, I put one on my page. Even though I am separating from the Air Force in six months, I will always be proud to have been apart of serving this country during a time we had two wars and be proud I was able to serve during those times and do my part. I will always be proud of the Airmen that serve this country as I am truly proud of many close friends who will continue to serve, and the new Airmen I see coming into the Air Force and will be future leaders one day. Even when I separate, I will always do what I can to support and help out those Airmen, Soldiers and Sailors, and I will always be proud of the military and the service they provide to our country everyday.
That got me thinking about what I am going to miss being apart of and serving in the military. I am going to miss the comradery that I experience with fellow military members. I am going to miss the "family" atmosphere that the military offers and how if you are really in need of help, you can rest assured that you will always have help close by. I will miss having complete strangers come up to me while I am in uniform and thank me for my service. Not because I am looking for a pat on the back, but because no matter our societies opinion of the war, it shows that our society is still 100% behinds its military members.
This then got me thinking of those times when I have been thanked and have realized that there are heroes that are hardly thanked, if ever thanked at all. It is the heroes that if they weren't there the way they are, a large percent of the military would not be able to continue doing what they do or keep our military as strong as they are. These are the heroes that often go unnoticed while the military members are being recognized by complete strangers....even though those heroes are just inches away.
Who are these heroes that have just as an important role in our armed forces as the military members themselves and go unsung all too many times? These heroes are the family members of the military member. The wives, husbands and kids of the military members. Us military members make many sacrifices to serve our country...our families also make sacrifices so that we can serve our country.
I have been with my wife and son for six Thanksgivings and Christmases now and I have been deployed for three of them. I have been with them for six years and have spent a total of 1 year and half separated from them on deployments and training. This is a common story for most military members and a large part of military can claim even longer amounts of time of separation, more holidays separated from their families, etc. We military members sacrifice a lot to serve but our families sacrifice just as much. They leave their loved ones to follow us where the military sends us. Kids say good bye to friends on a regular basis as members get reassigned to other bases, etc. Our kids change schools every few years and sometimes even in the middle of a school year, yet they do it without much complaint and focus instead on the new adventures ahead.Kids experience occassional holidays and birthday parties with only one parent present because the other is fighting the bad guys. Yet they do it without much complaint and have learned that is just part of what they have to do so their parent can serve their country.
Spouses also make sacrifices. They too make friends only to have to say goodbye in the near future as people come and go to that base. When the military member deploys, the spouse picks up the pieces and plays both roles while maintaining all the responsibilities that families inquire. They accept the life that is going to require their loved one to work long shifts and sometimes weekends. They are always there to greet the military member when they return home and prepare a uniform for the next day.
Without our kids accepting and making the sacrifices they make, without our spouses picking up the pieces when they need to and providing us the support we need, we would not be able to put in the 100% focus that we do into the mission at hand which makes our military so strong. Without the support and sacrifices that our families make, we would not be able to continue serving the country we all love so much.
Just as important as it is to ensure our military members know they are supported and thanked by our country, it is equally important to remember and recognize the families members who have also done more than their parts for this country...and all too often I believe they get over looked. I challenge you that the next time you see a military member and thank them, ask them if their family is with them (if they are not standing next to them) and specifically thank those family members for their service to this country as well and the sacrifices they make.
So I want to take this moment to specifically thank all those family members of our military members. Thank you for the sacrifices that you make, the support you show and do which enable your soldier, airman or sailor to continue serving this country and put in their 100% everyday. Thank you because we wouldn't be able to do it without you.....

If I Could Go Back and Change......

2010-12-14T17:24:00.001-06:00

I was walking through the hall at work today and over heard one student tell another student, "If I could go back and change....". I could not hear the rest of what he said as I got out of ear range and had to get back to my class but that immediately got my brain churning. I started wondering what people would say if I asked them, "If you could go back in time and change one thing in your life, what would it be?" I would never ask my wife this as she asks me all too many times to remind her why she married me. Now poor, innocent, and angelic me would never provoke this comment from her.....ok, so maybe I deserve that comment from her occasionally after some good teasing. But I wondered what people would say. Then I got to thinking about how I would answer that question. What in my past, if given the opportunity, would I change? This caused me to think through my life thus far.
I got thinking through my memories, thinking of all the good and bad things that have happened. Now like everyone else, I would never change any of the good things so I moved on to the more difficult aspects of my life. The things in my life that I have experienced or that have happened to me that have caused me emotional pain. The things you think about that just make your stomach cringe hoping you never have to experience those things again. The difficult times in life that we sometimes look back on and think to our selves, "was that really necessary for me to go through?". I started thinking about all those things and tried figuring out which one I would change if given the opportunity.
The more I thought the more I realized.....I wouldn't change a single one. If I had to do it over, I would go through each one again. Why is that? Because no matter how painful some experiences were, no matter how frustrating or stressful others were, each one has had its part in making me who I am today. We all love the good times in life, but who appreciates the hard times? Thinking about it made me realize that I do appreciate even the hard times and low times in my life. Did I like the pain, stress, frustration, etc. that each one gave me? Hell no! But thinking about it made me realize that I appreciate them because they have helped mold me into who I am today and I like who I am. I appreciate who I have become and am happy with who I have become. So I therefore appreciate even the hard and low times in my life.
What would I change in my past if I had the opportunity? (Besides maybe a few different lottery numbers) Not a single thing, not one single event or experience because it has helped make me who I am today. If I got a do over....I would do everything the exact same way, good and bad, because I appreciate how each one has molded me into who I am today.
Now I ask you.....would you still change anything if given the opportunity?

In Six Months, A New Chapter Begins

2010-12-13T13:58:00.001-06:00

As I have stated and aluded to in previous posts, I am going to begin separating from Air Force. I made this decision almost three years ago and a few events and experiences since have solidified my feelings that I do not want to make this a career. The military has been good to me over all and has provided me with plenty of experience in the IT world and has more than paid for my education. I served my country for nine years now and have put my country before myself in many occasions. But now I am ready to put me first, work for my goals and desires and make the rest of my life what I want it to be, not dictated to me by the Air Forces needs or desires. I still want to serve my country just on my terms and hopefully one day at a level much higher than military positions. Now I love the atmosphere and the types of people that the military brings. So for that, I won't be going far. I am seeking employment with a company that contracts out positions in the Air Force. So I will still work on an Air Force base, with military personnel, etc. The only difference between now and then is I won't be wearing a uniform, will be Mr. Bender, and making about four times what I am now.
I am really excited to be nearing the new chapter of my life and I am actively counting down the days. I would be a fool however to say that I don't have fears. I joined the military a few months after high school, so the military is all I have really known since being on my own. There is a lot of the civilian mind frame and concerns I have not had to worry about, that now I have to start taking into concideration. Like buying a house, property tax, life insurance (bc nothing out there is better than the militaries offer), job stability, etc. I have a lot of fears and a lot of nervousness about this change in my life.
There is a lot to happy for as well. Like I don't have to worry about moving unless I want to. I have opportunity to move up the "ranks" a lot easier than in the military, based on what I do or don't do, know or don't know, etc. My family gets to make friends and keep friends without having to worry about saying goodbye. So there is a lot to look forward to.
So over all, I am incredibly excited to be nearing the end of this chapter and beginning a new chapter. Yet a lot that still needs to happen between now and then. A lot to take into concideration and lot of nerves to calm down so I can think straight. I am happy and excited yet fearful and nervous all at the sametime. All I can do though is keep moving forward, get down what I can get done and have faith that this is what I am supposed to be doing and believe that everything will fall into place for me as long as I do what I need to. Six months....time to start getting stuff done!

The True Reward of Teaching

2010-12-11T11:16:00.000-06:00

When I was a little kid, clear to sometime in high school, I always said I wanted to be teacher. When I was in high school and realized the low pay teachers got, plus the hassle they have to put up with in society now days, all rules and abuse from students and the inability to do anything about it, etc., I went on to new career choices. Little did I know that the military would still give me that chance.
For the last year and half now, I have been teaching new military members the fundamentals of my career field. Building a foundation for them to build on once they arrive at their first duty station and be able to perform my occupational job in the operation field. I have logged about 1400 teaching hours and need about 600 more to get my Occupation Instructor Certification which will allow me to teach lower level, career oriented class at colleges and what not. I am really striving for this certification, not with the hopes of teaching at a college or community college, but because it will offer a fall back plan if my original plans fall through. Why this as my fall back plan? Because I really enjoy it. Having the opportunity to teach that the Air Force has provided me, has made me realize that if my first passion doesn't work out, teaching is my second passion. Here is why...
Teaching, believe it or not, is hard work. On average I have ten to twelve students for about two weeks. during that time I have to teach them a certain amount of material and they have to pass a test in order to move on the next class (or block as we call it). Its not a lot of time especially with that amount of people and the amount of material that each block has. Teaching is hard because I have to keep straight in mind the material that we are covering. I also have, potentially, ten to twelve different learning methods. This makes me have to quickly find out how each student learns and then ensure my teaching method covers each learning method. While teaching, I have to also be interacting with the students in a way that will convey to me which ones are understanding and which ones aren't. Those that aren't I have to get to understand before pressing on to new material. All this while trying not to make it obvious what I am doing so that the slow learners don't feel called out or feel they are holding everyone else back. Teaching, true teaching, is definitely hard work and causes the brain to have to be processing many different things all at once. By the end of the day, I am exhausted and usually once or twice a month I will come home after work, lay on the couch and pass out for the day. True teaching, (the teaching that wants students to really understand, not the teaching that is just regurgitated facts and process) is hard work. But I love it and love being in classroom teaching students.
Why do I love it? Obviously is not because of the pay. Enlisted military pay is not something write home about and civilian teacher pay is not much better. So why do people do it and love it? I believe it is for one simple fact. Before each class begins (this happens both in military training and civilian training) students are told what they will be learning. Every time this happens excruciating looks are seen on students faces of "we will never understand this". As a teacher is teaching they can feel the frustration at times of students not understanding or feeling intimidated. Yet keep pressing on and NOTHING is more rewarding than seeing the light bulbs go on and the students excitement of understanding. That is why I love teaching, I LOVE seeing the students excitement of learning something new. I LOVE seeing students walking into my classroom not knowing anything of what I am going to teach, and then walking out at the end understanding everything. That is true reward of teaching. That I believe is the reason why we have teachers today. They aren't there for the pay, but because they enjoy seeing the students learn and enjoy seeing the excitement in students when they comprehend new ideas.
I have new respect for all my past teachers that had an impact in my life. My teachers like Al Lotz, Steve Swope, Joel Demings, Brian Dentler...just to name a few. Their job was exhausting and I now understand the work they put in to ensure I learned what they were teaching.
Teaching is an exhausting job and teachers by no means get paid what they should. Yet the rewards they experience when students learn and the excitement that students show when they finally do understand something...that is why we do it. I will be leaving this base in six months and it is known, as history shows, as the time gets closer I will mentally checkout of different areas of my work center. The classroom is one that I know I will not stop giving my 100% until the end of the very last day I teach because I enjoy it so much and find it so rewarding to see students learn. I care about my students and want them to understand. I don't care about a test, I care about the material and I want them to understand, truly understand the material. If they do that, then I know the test will come to them. When they do understand....that is when I get happy and that is my reward.
That is the true reward of teaching...the excitement of students as they learn.

Tech Savvy

2010-12-09T08:53:00.000-06:00

Wasn't sure what I was going to post today until someone called me a computer geek. Now I got something...
Ok, my profession is working on networks and global communication lines. I install, maintain and troubleshoot them. My degree is in, as stated in a previous post, Information Technology Management. I love my job and could not see myself working in any other proffession. I decided to get a degree in the management area of my carreer field because I don't want to be a grunt worker all my life and would like to get in the management/leadership realm eventually, if not the near future.
Now, when people ask me what I do and I give them the brief explanation of what I do, I think all they hear is "networks" and they respond almost everytime with "oh, you are a computer geek". No, I am not a computer geek and I will explain why.
Computer geeks are often thought of as those who are constantly working on computers, writing computer programs, and a party for them consists of building a computer with friends. If given the choice to go out and have a beer or work on a computer, they would prefer working on a computer. (Now there are always exception to the rule and if you are one of them...cool. My friend Viglione is one of the exceptions but who I would classify as something else which I will get to.) They typically are very intelligent and therefore sometimes lack in some social skills. Computer geeks can sometimes fall into the realm of "gamers". Gamers are those who primarily think of getting home to play World of Warcraft instead of thinking of spending "quality" time with the opposite gender. They spend more time playing video games than anything else.
Now me, I do enjoy computers and other technological gadgets. I am fansinated by the technological advancements that are constantly taking place and do enjoy the benefits and "fun" that these gadgets offer. I always like having the latest gadgets and experiencing what they have to offer. I can work on computers and fix most problems. For the problems I don't know about, give me enough time and I will figure it out. I am also intelligent as one has to have some kind of brain power to succeed at my job, but not to the point that social skills are hindered. However, I do have a life. I have a family and I do have friends. I like spending time with my family and interacting with them in ways that do not revolve around gadgets. If given the choice between playing a video game or having a beer with a friend, I am going to choose the beer with a friend. I like socializing and having a life and experiencing what life has to offer in the world. I want memories of activities, not who I beat in a video game.
Being that I do have a passion for technology, computers, etc. but still have a life outside of those of those things, I want to begin a trend that associates the "computer geeks" like me as something else. I prefer Tech Savvy. Tech being for technology and savvy being experienced and well informed. This has a lot less duragatory meaning and could be appreciated by people like me. For those of us that enjoy computers and technology but also have a life outside of that realm....tech savvy. That is what I am, not a computer geek, I am tech savvy.
So the next time you run into someone like me, don't ask if they are a computer geek...ask if they are tech savvy and you will find they will be a lot less annoyed. I would like to get that trend and category started....

Where am I From?

2010-12-08T13:28:00.002-06:00

I haven't had any "profound" thoughts today (I use profound very loosely as I am not sure Derek and profound can really be put in the same sentence) but I have been thinking of a question that has plagued me since I was kid. I decided to share this as I still don't know the answer and to also give those who read Bender's Symposium a little background information on myself.
Serving in the military gives one the opportunity to meet new people, especially being an instructor. This has become an almost daily event for me. Part of the process of meeting new people is trying to find some common ground in which more conversation can be built off of. Being in the military, and everyone coming from different places, had led to the guarantee of one question always being asked when meeting new people. This question, after nine years of service, has become my most hated question. "Where are you from?". Its not the question so much I hate, its the mere fact that I honestly cannot answer it as I don't really know where to claim as where I am from. Let me explain....
I was born in Medina, Ohio. At age three I was put up for adoption and went into a couple foster homes. At age four, I was adopted and lived in Chardon, Ohio until I was eight. At that time, my parents decided to become missionaries and we moved to North Carolina for a year for them to recieve training. After that year we moved to Painsville, Ohio and for the next year and half to two years jumped back and forth from Ohio and Grants Pass, Oregon. We had been in Grants Pass, Oregon about six months as we had decided to move there permanently until my parents had raised enough money to begin their missionary journey. December of 1993 came that time, and we moved to Costa Rica for a year. During that year my parents went to school to learn Spanish. After a year of language school, we moved to Bolivia South America where my parents went on to further learn Spanish and Quechua. I would remain in Bolivia until I graduated high school at age 19 in 2001. During those seven years in Bolivia we lived in three different cities...Sucre, Cochabamba and Aiquile. Upon graduating high school, I decided I wanted to go back to Grants Pass Oregon where some family members were. I was going to go to a community college to get the preliminary two years out of the way and then transfer to Southern Oregon University where I would further study to become a CPA. I was in Grants Pass for about two months and quickly realized that staying there meant that all the people we knew there would always see me as the "missionary kid", and anything I did that they did not agree with, I was going to be scrutinized for. So after realizing that I was not going to be able to be ME in that city, I decided I needed a quick way out and something that I could also go to college and preferably without much student loans. RECRUITER!!!! That popped in my mind and I asked my dad to take me to the Air Force recruiting office. Within a week I was signed up and three months later I was on my way to bootcamp. After bootcamp and further job related training, I was stationed at Buckley AFB in Denver, Colorado. I was stationed there for seven years. After being at the same base for seven years, with some deployments in between, the Air Force decided it was time for me to move. Which brings me to my current location, Biloxi Mississippi. In six months I will begin separating from the military and will move to Tampa, Florida, where I hope I never have to move again and have no plans of every moving again.
So...where am I from? I can't answer that as I really don't have a definite answer. Most people respond with where they grew up at. I can't do that as I grew up in many different areas. Many friends have tried to help me come up with an answer. Like go with where my favorite sport teams are from. That doesn't work because... Baseball = Cleveland Indians. Basketball = Portland Trailblazers. Football = Denver Broncos, Hockey = Tampa Bay Lightening. Nascar = Jeff Gordon. So I can't use sports because my teams reflect the places I have been and depending on where I was when I got interested in that sport depicted which team I went for. (Except for Denver Broncos. I became a fan while still in Bolivia after watching them win the Superbowl against the Greenbay Packers) The longest I have been in one city is the seven years I was stationed in Denver, but its hard to claim that as where I am from as I was told to live there and knew it was only temporary.
Do you see my delima? I speak both English and Spanish. Due to growing up both in the US and in a third world country, I have characteristics that reflect both cultures. I don't feel like I am from any one place but rather from many different places. So when I am asked "where are you from?", I cringe as I hate that question because I don't have an answer. I usually respond with "pick a place, probably have been there", or "from all over", or sometimes I just respond with "I joined the military from Oregon". Those aren't typical answers so then I have to elaborate which takes several minutes to explain and usually followed by weird faces and dumb questions which causes me to share more about myself than I am willing to share with a stranger.
So that is why I hate that question. Not because of the question, but because I honestly cannot give just one answer. In six months I will move to Tampa Florida permanently and will then, for the first time in 29 years by then, have a place to say where I am from....as long as they don't ask me if I grew up there, then that will become my new most hated question.
But until that time, and being that I am probably going to meet countless number of new people due to the nature of my job, maybe I should respond with the following..."Lets just say I am a proud American citizen. Whose heart, mannerisms, and character reflect the several regions of this country, as well as some other countries, in which I have lived."

Decisions

2010-12-07T20:57:00.001-06:00

So, I have spent most of my day sitting in an Emergency Room with my wife. She is fine...she just has a few medical issues that do have us visiting the hospital enough to were I am pretty sure they will be naming a wing after us soon. That is for a future blog.
Any how, as anyone who has spent time in an emergency room knows (unless you are the person who is recieving the "happy shots"), there is a TON of waiting time. It was during one of these extended waiting periods I started to think about some of my upcoming decisions (again more detail on those in future blogs) and thinking through wether some of the choices I have made are in deed the right ones and thinking of the decisions I still have to make. Anyone that knows me well enough, knows I have a lot of "squirrel" moments (for those who have seen the movie "UP") and I had one of those during my future planning. No one has ever accused me of good timing.
During this "squirrel" moment I started thinking about decisions and how one decision can affect a lot more than people think, myself included. When making decisions, how many people really think past themselves or immediate family? Even in the little things, do people think past themselves or immediate family? I mean it is small so how much thought really is required for it?
Lets take me for instance. Everyone that knows me, knows I am really unhappy right now workwise. I have never once in my life ever woken up and dreaded going to work. I am kind of a workaholic and really do enjoy working and enjoy the whole "demanding" atmosphere that our jobs require. Yet for about ten months I have hated work and I have done a pretty good job letting everyone know how I feel (goes back to my first blog and how noone who knows me wonders what I am thinking). Now there are several reasons for me being unhappy at work right now, like having served in the military now 2 years longer than I was meant for, dealing with "experiences" in my last deployment to Afghanistan, etc (again more in a future blog). Yet I have realized had to realize in the last couple weeks what I was doing, not just to me but everyone around me.
Lets take you for instance. You wake up one morning on the wrong side of the bed. You have a choice, to either take a few extra minutes to lay there and get your head on straight or get up and continue how you are. You decide to remain grumpy and be upset at life all day. That causes you to be a real pain to your coworkers. Putting up with your grumpy attitude all day ends up making them frustrated and before you know it, the whole department is frustrated and upset. At the end of the day everyone goes home and one person is so upset at how their day went, they end up arriving home angry. This causes them to be short with their wife and kids and one kid has been getting yelled all night and ends up crying because dad is yelling at them for spreading the peanut butter first instead of the jelly. Why is this kid crying? Because they know its stupid and wondering why dad is yelling at them all night. Dad is yelling at them because he is frustrated at how is work day went and the "hostile environment" he had to experience all day and his family is who he is taking it out on. The work environment is hostile because everyone got frustrated listening and dealing with your grumpy attitude all day. You had a grumpy attitude because you decided to get out of bed upset instead of taking the extra couple minutes you needed to get your head on straight. So there, you inadvertently made a decision that caused a child to cry later that night and did not even know it. That is just a little decision. I won't even imagine a big decision.
So ok, my example is a little extreme and exagerated a bit but it makes a point. I have kind of realized that a while ago and have therefore been attempting to make myself barely visible at work lately as I don't want my frustrations to affect the attitude or work environment for those I work worth and have to be there for a few more years. I leave in six months and will then be able to make of myself what I want and strive for goals that I desire and won't have to deal with the rank structure that I currently deal with and feeling of being tied down because the military says someone of my rank doesn't have a chance to improve their roles or responsibilities until they have the next rank or become an officer. In six months I leave and move on with my life and the only thing that will stand between me and my goals is me based on the things I do or don't do, the things I learn or don't learn to improve my maturity which would allow me to handle more responsibilities over time...I will be the only thing between me and my goals, not someone telling me I don't have enough rank, or because I am enlisted I will never be able to have that role. It will be entirely up to me to learn and prove myself and move up the ranks based on what I do or don't do, not based on tests. Congress, hope you are warming my seat because I am coming one day.(ok, had another squirrel moment, told you this would be entertaining)
Getting back on subject, I am leaving in a few months yet those I work with aren't and their perception of the work place shouldn't be affected by my feelings. Thankfully, most peoples frustration in the workplace have nothing to do with me, but I have had to admitt that I have not helped the situation either. I have had a decision to go to work and keep my mouth shut or be myself and let me feelings be known. Even though some of my frustrations are justified, I am not making the right decisions to try and improve the situation and in the end am just adding fuel to an already blazing fire. Realizing that felt like a swift kick in a strategic and specific area I don't like getting kicked in. So I have changed my decision some, realizing that my decision before was not just affecting me but others around me and potentially to some in the end that I don't even know. So now, I try to keep my rants to a minimum, am trying to joke and laugh more at work, and trying to keep some feelings to myself realizing I only have six more months. What decisions have you recently made that could be affecting others in a negative way? Did you even think about that?
I use to think I made decisions on this concept before but after coming to the above realization.... "think of the BIG picture", takes on a whole new meaning.

Now What?

2010-12-06T18:53:00.000-06:00

So, for the last seven years I have been working on my Bachelors Degree in Information Technology Management, in between deployments, family responsibilities, etc. Most people that go to school for seven years are called doctors, I will settle for "Mr". Needless to say, my last seven years have been busy to say the least and spare time has not been in my vocabulary. I have been done with my degree for two weeks now and all that is left is receiving the diploma. It feels good and I have a sense of accomplishment that I have never felt before. Two weeks now I have gone to work and then home right after work. I have enjoyed coming home, plopping my backside down on the couch and do nothing. Sitting there watching tv, talking with friends and family, etc., all the while not having to worry about due assignments, upcoming classes, so forth and so on. It has been great, but after seven years of studying and constantly having things that need to be done, I am now getting rambunctious. Sitting around doing nothing is now becoming boring.
My brain likes challenges and likes being active. Now my wife and friends might have a different opinion and claim more I should be one with a bicycle helmet that rides the short bus. Despite their claims of being mentally challenged, I do like challenges and like having things for my brain to analyze. So two weeks sitting on my couch like a bump on a log, I am getting bored. Me getting bored is like a jewel thief in front of a jewelry store...only going to lead to trouble.
So while at work reading the news, I realized I needed something to do and quick as I was getting that urge. I thought about what I like. I like analyzing things and be intellectual. Not that smart things ever come out my mouth (which maybe why those mentioned above think that when God was handing out brains, I thought He said trains and asked "what the hell am I going to do with that? I will pass.") but I do like learning and I do like analyzing things about life and forming opinions. I also like getting into conversations with people and sharing my opinions or thoughts and getting their opinions and thoughts as well. This thought then brought me to another point. Anyone who has known me for any amount of time immediately picks up that I am a person they never have to wonder what I am thinking, where they stand with me, etc. I am that way because I do believe in one simple thing...life is too short to always be worried about what others are thinking about you. You only live life once, that is it. Once this life is over, there is no redoing it. Whatever belief you might have for the after life, there is still only this one chance on this planet. It is too short to always be worried what people think about you, worrying about offending someone, trying to make everyone else happy, etc. If you spend your life trying to please everyone else, you will find real quick that more than not, you will end up sacrificing your own happiness. Now I also believe in tact, and think there are people who have not learned that. Most of the time I remember some shred of tact but do occasionally forget, must be the Irish in me. Share your thoughts and opinions and make sure you are happy first, but never be a prick about it. Then that just makes you ignorant and people will shy away. I mean who wants to hang out Simon Cowell....
So I was thinking all this wondering what I could do that would give me an outlet to my ever intellectual and analytical mind, that would also allow me to be me. Then I came across an article about blogging and thought BINGO!!! What better way for me to put down my thoughts, and since the Internet can reach everyone, maybe I could get some discussion or thoughts sent back. Then I thought, well what would I write about. Eventually I would run out of things to say...then I thought about the last nine years of my life and realized every time I turned around some drama was happening causing me to think about this or that. (I swear I could probably sell movie rights to the last seven years of my life, anything and everything I have gone through, good and bad.) So I decided why not, I will start a blog that I can write in whenever I want, give me a chance to reach others out there and share ideas and get some in return. If anything, with all the craziness that Life seems to throw my way, it will be entertaining to readers to say the least. So begins Bender's Symposium...this should be entertaining.