I’m not really the kind of person who likes to look back at things, but, I found myself driving to Menard’s at 9pm tonight, and I really felt like I needed some prayer time.

(Oh, sorry, I should have warned you.  This is going to be a little more of a spiritual post.  If that’s not your thing, you might want to move on.  I won’t be offended.)

I’ve written previously about being bitter, and over the past could days I think I realized there was a bit of that still clanging around.  And I was ready to let it go.  So, without going into too much detail, I let it go.  It’s been too long, after all.  But, I wish I had realized the real problem at hand.  It wasn’t about who wronged me or who did this or who did that; it was me.  I was the problem.  And the problem was was while I was upset about who had sinned against me, I didn’t think about who I was sinning against.

Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Eph 4:31

If I had really thought it through, maybe I would have realized that whatever happened or whoever sinned against me, I was sinning against God.  You know, the Creator of the Universe, the guy who made me, loves me, takes care of me. All of that.  I think I just got too comfortable with forgiveness.  “Oh yeah, I’m in sin, but God will forgive me.” Stupid.  What a stupid thought.  I wouldn’t treat anyone else like that, but when it comes to the most important person, it’s not a problem.  I wish I had realized who I was up against.

I was talking with my wife when I got home and she related a story she heard at church about how we’re all carrying bricks (I’m going to butcher this story; I’ll keep it brief) and how we need to lay them at the cross.  I thought for a second and said, “It sounds so easy when someone else says it, but when it comes down to it, it’s really hard to do. And then, after awhile, you get used to having the brick with you, and you get attached to it, and soon you don’t even realize it’s there, though it weighs you down.”  I knew I was holding on too long, but I just got used to it, too comfortable, much to my detriment.

The other thing my wife said was, “Why were you surprised?  1 Peter says that we’ll have trials in our life.”  My wife, she’s one smart cookie.  I SHOULD have realized that.  I had had a pretty good run, so I should have thought, “You know, statistically speaking (that’s how I think, I’m a huge nerd, I know), I’m due for some bad times.  So get ready.”  But I didn’t.

So, I wish in some ways that I could finish this blog post, then send it back in time to myself about two years ago.  But then that would cause some kind of alternate reality where I probably crash on some freaky island, then end up having to protect that island.  The truth of the matter is that things have turned out really well, and I’m happy with where my life is right now.  God was faithful to me, even though I was undeserving.  Time to look forward.

We stayed up late last night to watch Conan O’brien‘s last show.  I can’t help but to feel bad for the guy. You can tell that he really wanted to host the Tonight Show for a long, long time.  He deserved it, too.  He’s funny, talented, and does a good interview.  NBC really didn’t do him or Leno any favors having them both host shows around the same time.  And sure, he got a nice (REALLY nice) severance package of $37million, but, then again, if you already had a LOT of money (I believe Conan was making $10million per year, how much more money would it take for you to walk away from your dream?  Here’s the video of his farewell speech, very touching:

The last part is especially true.  If you’re kind, and work hard, amazing things will happen.  I feel very blessed in my life, and God has been very good to me. I have a wonderful wife, an amazing daughter, and a son on the way, not to mention a wonderful family and great friends.  I work at a job I really enjoy, which pays our bills and puts food on the table.  There’s not much more I could ask for.

But, what if the rug were pulled out from under me? What would my next move be?  I’ve always been the kind of person who looks ahead, which is probably why I enjoy strategy games.  Nothing better than planning out your moves, adapting your plan to the situation, and triumphing in the end.

So, what’s the next move?  I’ve got some ideas…

What’s your next move?

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Dear Ed Norton,

You’re awesome. Out of all the actors in Hollywood, you’re either 1a or 1b on my list.  Let’s just say you’re 1a (1b is another post).  Every movie you’ve been in is about 1000 times better than what it should have been.  I can honestly say I’ve never seen a bad movie in which you appear. I was a little weary of Keeping the Faith, but after 5-10 minutes I was hooked. Here’s how I imagine the conversation went between two producers pitching Incredible Hulk:

“Remake Incredible Hulk? I don’t know.  It was already done like a year ago…”

“We have Ed Norton.”

“Done Deal.”

But, I believe I have found your secret: you can actually act. I know this seems redundant, but that’s actually hard to come by these days.  For instance, Nic Cage, Vince Vaughn, and Jennifer Aniston don’t actually act.  They just show up for a movie, say some lines, and are generally just themselves. In every movie.  Over. And. Over. For some reason people consider them actors/actresses.  The reason baffles me.  But I digress. You actually act.  You take a character, and actually change yourself into that character. And you’re awesome at it.  How you’re not the most wanted actor in Hollywood is a travesty. Or, maybe you are, but you reject all the horrible movies people throw at you.  That seems more likely. I bet you passed on The Tooth Fairy.  Yeah, you passed.  Nice job by you. Probably weren’t interested in Couples’ Retreat. Well done.  And you probably lit the script of Old Dogs on fire.

In short, keep being awesome.

Truthfully yours,

Ben

Yeah… maybe… not sure I want to…

“Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, “Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother when he sins against me? Up to seven times?” Jesus answered, “I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times.Therefore, the kingdom of heaven is like a king who wanted to settle accounts with his servants. As he began the settlement, a man who owed him ten thousand talents was brought to him. Since he was not able to pay, the master ordered that he and his wife and his children and all that he had be sold to repay the debt. The servant fell on his knees before him. ‘Be patient with me,’ he begged, ‘and I will pay back everything.’  The servant’s master took pity on him, canceled the debt and let him go. But when that servant went out, he found one of his fellow servants who owed him a hundred denarii. He grabbed him and began to choke him. ‘Pay back what you owe me!’ he demanded. His fellow servant fell to his knees and begged him, ‘Be patient with me, and I will pay you back.’ But he refused. Instead, he went off and had the man thrown into prison until he could pay the debt. When the other servants saw what had happened, they were greatly distressed and went and told their master everything that had happened. Then the master called the servant in. ‘You wicked servant,’ he said, ‘I canceled all that debt of yours because you begged me to. Shouldn’t you have had mercy on your fellow servant just as I had on you?’ In anger his master turned him over to the jailers to be tortured, until he should pay back all he owed. This is how my heavenly Father will treat each of you unless you forgive your brother from your heart.”

Matthew 18:21-35

OK, good point… not sure I’m there yet…

“Which is easier: to say, ‘Your sins are forgiven,’ or to say, ‘Get up and walk’?”

Matthew 9:5

…

“And when you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone, forgive him, so that your Father in heaven may forgive you your sins.”

Mark 11:25

Forgot about that one…

“Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another.  Forgive as the Lord forgave you.”

Colossians 3:12-14

Hard to argue that when I’ve been forgiven so much. OK then…

…

…

…

(deep breath)

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