Bengaluru Parishe

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noreply@blogger.com (abhi) — Wed, 22 Feb 2012 19:56:33 PST

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Cover that matters the most

noreply@blogger.com (abhi) — Mon, 17 Oct 2011 20:41:00 PDT

- By abhishek Iyengar

“First we need to get a new cover.. it will get spoiled.. “, shouts the uncle in the neighborhood! raising his BP levels, “tomorrow I am going to the market to get it and there are no second thoughts on that” he exclaims, “I thought he will give us free” justifies the lady of the house! huh! the suspense was in-tolerable as i peeked into their house to check on what’s happening!

‘Crap!”, ‘holy shit’, I dismayed! Yes! the inevitable had happened, I couldn’t believe my own eyes, They had bought a new TV and the TV remote was not covered!! can any one believe that? ‘A brand new Television’s remote completely lying their bare with absolutely no cover on it, what’s more the TV either did not have a cover and the salesperson had duped them of a remote cover! as they tried to calm down and I walked down the steps of their house to only add to my appall! I had never seen a Bare body TV remote in my life! leave alone TV remote, I have never seen any appliance bare body! we are typically ‘covered’ people here in sub-continent, Yes we like to cover every possible thing available to us in this world! Long before telephones were just discovered into Indian houses, where having a land line was all the ‘Status Que’ one had to show it off! we covered those telephones with ‘Turkey towels’, ‘handmade woolen cloths’, ‘cut Saree pieces’ what not? Creativity was at its high and ‘Telephone covers’ were sold like ‘hot dogs!

The old VIP suitcase and its ‘Military cover’, the eternal ‘Bajaj’s Scooter spare wheel’s cover’ and the oldest of all, ‘Spectacles cover’ which was an ounce heavier than the spectacle has brought in us a whole new tradition of covering things, We do hate to see things bare, we only enjoy when they are covered, believe me! when they are covered hard.

With the advent of ‘television in our homes, our ‘Covering’ creativity just got bigger! dark,bright television covers ruled our houses, the covers were actually more priced than the ‘Television’ itself. When ‘Charles Babbage’ invented ‘computers’ least he knew that We would invent ‘covers for computers’ from big brands such as ‘Zenith’ to local market side shops, computer cover business made ‘hay’ while the rest of the world saw us astonishingly! “Computer cover free” became the most powerful ‘Marketing strategy’, As Indian opened their ‘Economic gates’ to the outside world! we were exposed to a whole new ‘Economical revolution’, ‘The cover revolution’. Things got smaller and faster and so our ‘covers’.

The automobile industry revolutionized the whole world and so did our ‘COVERS!” those plastic covers were on our cars and scooters for decades to come, the chance of an engine wearing out was high, but the covers on our bikes and cars did not loose their charisma! they glittered and glittered to glory. ‘Reselling’ rates were decided upon the amount of ‘covering the automobile had’, the car accessories had created a record with their plastic covers, 4 generations made sure that the covers were intact. We loved those covers hard! our passion for covering did in fact affect the whole world

Little did steve jobs knew that his revolutionary ‘I-pod’ would even find a cover to fit in, The mobile and laptop world did not stop us from ‘covering’ either. Leather pouches, handmade cloth covers, those plastic covers et.al it only got bigger! higher the appliance, costlier the cover, smaller the appliance, bigger the cover. “Cover that”, “Cover this” we covered every little thing in our life, indeed it was our treasure and we had to make sure it had to be covered!

We covered every little thing with plastic! or did we really cover? huh! if only we had covered ‘Everything ‘with plastic’, ‘Our population would have not crossed a billion mark’ or ‘We had to counter HIV and AIDS’

Cover it! cover it intelligently! fight against HIV

Indian Citizenship verification tes

noreply@blogger.com (abhi) — Mon, 17 Oct 2011 20:40:01 PDT

-By Gautham Kamath

A true tribute and our SALUTATIONS to a MAN who has made us PROUD for over 2 decades now!

Once upon a time there was a patriotic Indian gentleman named Vishy (Not to be confused with Viswanathan Anand).He was an awesome chess player and World Chess Champion, who used to represent India in all major global Chess tournaments.

For some reason, he was asked to Prove his Indian citizenship, for which he had to meet an Officer in HRD Ministry.

With all difficulties he managed to get an appointment with that Babu(IAS Officer). He promptly went to HRD Dept, but had to wait outside the office for 2 hrs before he could get a chance to move in. Sadly, nobody, nooobody(including the HRD and Sports Ministers of India, who were passing by) recognized him though he was then a World Chess Champion who represented India.

Knowing the reason for Vishy’s arrival, shady-looking Babu asks Vishy to sit.

Then Babu starts asking questions sarcastically -

Babu: “Mr. Vishy.. The Indian Citizen…”

Vishy: “Yes Sir”

Babu: “But your records don’t say so…”

Vishy: “Sir but..”

Stopping Vishy in the middle, Babu Continues:

“Let me ask you few simple questions, which will prove whether you are Indian or not.

“Where were you born? “

Vishy: “In Mayiladuthurai Sir”

Babu: “Mayila kya?”

Vishy: “Mayiladuthurai Sir, a small town in Tamil Nadu”

Babu: “But you are residing in Spain for years?!?!”

Vishy: “Temporary sir, for professional reasons I …”

Babu: “Haan Hann theek hai theek hai, Now show me tuza Mayiladuthurai in that Indian Map” and points his fingure towards Indian map hung below Madamji’s photo.

That map had only metros, district HQs and few other places. No Mayiladuthurai. Vishy still searching.

Babu: “5..4..3..2..1… Time’s up.

“ok.. Where did you study?”

Vishy: “In Chennai Sir”

Babu: “Excellent… Then Beedy, Cig, drinks, disco, girls, ragging, gang wars, ****** films, eve teasing, class bunking, rocket throwing, cards, gambling, matka etc etc; Kuch toh kiya hoga naa tuneh?”

Vishy: “Ayyayyo, no Sir, Kadavule… “

Babu: “Still you say that you studied in India?, interesting…

Vishy: “Ok, what are you now?”

Vishy: “I am Chess Player Sir, World Champion. I am representing India in..”

Trring trring.. Babu’s phone rings.

Asking wishy to wait, Babu lifts the receiver: “Hello…. Oho Ania ji, boliye kaise yaad kiya hame?… Citizenship problem?…… Dont worry, I will help you get India-Pak Dual citizenship. Bass hamare fees.. ha ha ha.. bye..”

After dropping the call, Babu continues: ” Yes Vishy, where were we? Haam, you are a chess world champion. Any match fixing or something like that?”

Vishy: “No no sir,Never. I am real hard worker. I have been playing chess since…”

Babu: “Ok.ok.. But I am wondering whether Indians play chess also!?!? I dont see anybody playing anything other than Cricket in India… By the way, if you are Indian, you also would have played cricket right?”

Vishy: “I am Indian sir, but dont know how to play cricket.”

With birthplace not found in Indian map, no Indian-student like track-records, no involvement in match-fixing, and worst of all – No Cricket; Babu now almost convinced that Vishy is not an Indian. Then he decides to put Vishy to this Ultimate test.

Scratching his head Babu says: “Now I have enough evidence against you to say You are Not an Indian. No problem. I can sort it out. But the thing is…….. he hee hee….” with his hand under the table.

Perplexed Vishy wipes sweat on his forehead, failing to understand what that Babu was up to; failing to understand ‘True Indians’ way of asking Bribe’.

Now Babu is 110% sure that Vishy is not Indian. Suddenly jumping from his seat Babu says: “Aha.. Checkmate…whom do you think you are fooling, you spanish idiot, get the hell out of here. NOW”.

Vishy: “Sir but I have got Arjuna award, Khel ratna etc..”

Babu: “Big deal. Every other bat lifter gets these awards. Its a mere print-out. If you go to Shivajinagar(B’lore), you can get Bharathrathna replica also. So it is not enough to prove that you are Indian”

Vishy: “Sir , Sir, how can you say that? I was born and brought up in India. I have got Only Indian passport. Here is the original one sir.” Shows his passport.

Babu: “Huh, there are millions of people roaming around without any passport. Do you say that they are not citizens of any country? Moreover I can get you passport in any name you want. So Mr. its no proof.

“Ramukaka, koi ise dhakke maar ke bahar nikalo”.

Vishy while Ramukaka was dragging him out: “SSirr, Indian passport, awwwaaarrrds, Indian ffflllag while playing, bbbboorrn and bbbroughttt up here, nnnot even applied for annny other cccountry’s citizenssshhip…. sssiiirr, sirr, saaaaaaaaaaar”…

Kannada Barutha

noreply@blogger.com (abhi) — Fri, 16 Sep 2011 04:47:46 PDT

“Kannada Barutha??” ah! I am sure most of you in Bangalore would have heard this, but what is “kannada barutha?” here it goes. Bangalore the IT capital of India, the silicon city and now a Metro city opened its gates to almost all kinds of people. Very evidently the recent poll census proved that there are only 47% of original inhabitants in Bangalore/bengaluru. The life style of the city has seen a gradual change with Pizza Corners replacing MTR’s, classy eat out’s replacing “Vidyarthi Bhavans” and flashy pub’s replacing all our “Mahalakshmi wine shops”.

“Change is inevitable” from the days of BEML, HAL and BHEL to INFOSYS, WIPRO; Bangalore now has a new look now on the world map. Gone are the days where a typical Sunday for any bangalorean was a nice romantic walk on the pavements of “LALBAGH…”, “rave idli and coffee..” at the nearest yet old looking MTR and a wonderful Annavra film either at Santosh or central ‘talkies’. Today’s Bangaloreis deluged in traffic, stress and pressure, Saturday nights without beer is desolate and a Sunday without a visit to either a nearest spa or health clinic is schlocky!! The gandhibazar’s are now AC cooled super markets, majestic is now replaced by ultra modern and diversified Brigade road, sri cauvery coffee joint is now Coffee days.. and “Bhagyalakshmi coffee adda.. is now barista. With globalisation and more retail market the city will definitely see more forceful changes.

Have all these changed our language? Kannada the local language of Bangalore is supposed to be one of the most meaningful language, it also has an unique script as compared to its other counterparts; but how many percentage of people really use Kannada in Bangalorenow? The figures are staggering, only 37% of people speak Kannada in the state’s capital, for rest it is only “Kannada bartha?”

Any normal guy starts with this sentence “Kannada barutha?” while talking to other person, people confirm before they speak the language. You want to ask an address in Bangalore? Or reply to a question then English is the most preferred language other than Hindi. It’s a famous fact that two kannidagas in an IT company always talk in a neutral language!! Even the vendors and shop keepers are channelled with this new wave, the moment when you step in any shop in Bangalore, you are always asked “Kannada barutha?” or the entire conversation takes place in non Kannada languages. People have lost the confidence of speaking in the local language and more over speaking Kannada on the streets of “M.G road “or “kormangala” is substandard.

Shopping malls in the city have been completely banned from using Kannada, not a forced one but definitely an adapted one. One has to confirm that the other person knows the language before he starts using any language. “ondu glass beer” is a insult when it comes to any decorous pub in Bangalore. “Swalpa menu card kodthira..??” has been replaced by “Can I have the menu card pls…?”

Just to hit some facts, marathi is still the largest and common speaking language in mumbai even though mumbai has the highest no of inhabitants. Telgue is a practised ritual in yet another IT HUB Hyderabad. When it comes to tamil nadu, beware you can be alive either if you are a fan of rajnikanth or you know tamil. Malyalam runs in the blood of every mallu be it Kuwait, dubai or any hospital; but when it comes to kannada it is always “kannada barutha?” and next is “namaskara.”

I am not a Kannada activist neither I run any Kannada supporting organisation, I am just a plebeian who just love the language. Globalisation is the trend and modernisation is the mantra but at the cost the language? Sounds no logic.. is speaking kannada down market? The answer has to be found within oneself. Next time when you hear “kannada barutha?” you just remember that “kannada runs in your blood…”

Abhishek Iyengar.