Best of Desi Jokes

Taxi Driver

2009-09-29T21:19:00.000+05:30

A woman and her ten-year-old son were riding in a taxi in Mumbai.It was raining and all the prostitutes were standing under the awnings.

"Mom," said the boy, "what are all those women doing?"

"They're waiting for their husbands to get off work," she replied.

The taxi driver turns around and says, "Geez lady, why don't you tell him the truth? They're hookers, boy! They have s*x with men for money."

The little boy's eyes get wide and he says, "Is that true, Mom?"

His mother, glaring hard at the driver, answers in the affirmative.

After a few minutes, the kid asks, "Mom, what happens to the babies those women have?"

"Most of them become taxi drivers," she said.

Thermos Flask…

2009-09-29T20:50:00.002+05:30

A sardar goes into a store and sees a shiny object.

He asks the clerk, ‘What is that shiny object?’

The clerk replies, ‘That is a thermos flask.’

The sardar then asks, ‘What does it do?’

The clerk responds, ‘It keeps hot things hot and it keeps cold things cold.’

The sardar says, ‘I’ll take it!’

The next day, he walks into work with his new thermos.

His sardar boss sees him and asks, ‘What is that shiny object with you?’

He said, ‘It’s a thermos flask.’

The boss then says,’What does it ! do?’

He replies, ‘It keeps hot things hot and cold things cold.’

The boss said, ‘Wow, what do you have in it?’

The sardar replies, ‘Two cups of coffee and a coke.’

Crocodile Boots...

2009-09-29T20:48:00.000+05:30

A Sardarji proposes a woman. She says yes if you bring me a pair of crocodile boots.

Sardarji sets off to Africa and disappears.

Finally Sardarji was found hunting crocodiles. He was killing a huge one. He walks over the reptile, checks its legs and angrily exclaims ’71st and *again* barefeet!’

Vegetarian Chicken

2009-08-23T16:07:00.000+05:30

Each Friday night after work, Santa would fire up his outdoor grill and cook a tandoori chicken and some meat kebabs. But, all of his neighbors were strict Catholics and since it was Lent, they were forbidden from eating chicken and meat on a Friday.

The delicious aroma from the grilled meats was causing such a problem for the Catholic faithful that they finally talked to their Priest. The Priest came to visit Santa, and suggested that he become a Catholic.

After several classes and much study, Santa attended Mass and as the priest sprinkled holy water over him, he said, “You were born a Sikh, and raised a Sikh, but now, you are a Catholic."

Santa’s neighbors were greatly relieved, until Friday night arrived. The wonderful aroma of tandoori chicken and meat kebabs filled the neighborhood.

The Priest was called immediately by the neighbors and, as he rushed into Santa's backyard, clutching a rosary and prepared to scold him, he stopped and watched in amazement.

There stood Santa, holding a small bottle of holy water which he carefully sprinkled over the grilling meats and chanted: "Oye, you waz born a chicken, and you waz born a lamb, you waz raised a chicken, and you waz raised a lamb but now yara, you are a potato and tomato"!

Laloo from the South

2009-07-05T23:16:00.000+05:30

Laloo, Rabri and his son were returning from south by train.

Laloo was ccupying the lower berth, Rabri the middle berth and his son the top most berth in the train compartment.

The train stopped at one of the stations on the way back and the son asked Laloo to bring him a Cadburys chocolate. When Laloo and his son returned they found that a South Indian who couldn't understand Hindi had occupied his son's berth.

Upset and angry, Laloo called the Ticket checker & asked him to help. The Ticket checker said that he could not understand Hindi or Bihari so it would be nice if Laloo explained the whole situation to him in English.

So Laloo explained, "That man sleeping on top of my wife is not giving birth to my child."

Some Adult Jokes

2009-07-05T23:07:00.002+05:30

Why did Shahid and Kareena break up?
Because she wanted to have Saif Sex !

***

Mother found a condom in daughter's cupboard. She went straight to her n asked: What is this?
Girl: To aap kya chahti hain, main is umar mein Maa ban jaaun?!

***

Lady: What is a good time for Sex?
Doctor: In the afternon between 2 to 4.
Lady: Why ?
Dr: The compounder will not be here...

***

Tension is when wife is pregnant!
Terror: When girlfriend is pregnant!
Horror: When both r pregnant!
Tragedy: When you are not responsible for both!

Sex Knowledge of a Sardarji

2009-07-05T22:56:00.001+05:30

Pappu: Papa what is SEX?

Santa gets tensed but explains everything.

Pappu: But papa how to write all those things in this small box of school admission form?

*****

Once sardar was filling a form at the hospital. He fill his name, age, place and in place of sex he cuts both M and F written there and write thrice a week.

Mosquito Song

2009-07-05T22:54:00.000+05:30

Bheege hont tere,

Pyasa dunk mera,

Lage amrit sa, mujhe koon tera,

Kabhi mere saath,

Koi raat gujaar,

Tujhe subah tak me suka dunga yaar..

Meri aur Shahrukh khan ki Aadat

2009-07-05T22:45:00.000+05:30

Meri

aur

Shahrukh khan ki 1 hi adat same hai.

Guess, what?
?
?
?
Na me usay SMS karta hon, na wo mujhey SMS kerta hay!!

Three Birds Shot Dead

2009-07-05T22:40:00.000+05:30

In 1975, 6 birds were flying in the sky. Suddenly, 3 of them dropped dead on the ground.
.
.
.
.
Why??
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Becoz Gabbar had shot 3 bullets in the air !!

China ka Kamaal or just a Coincidence!!

2009-06-09T16:23:00.000+05:30

Don't know if this is just a sick coincidence but....

2007 - Chinese year of the Chicken - Bird Flu Pandemic devastates parts of Asia

2008 - Chinese year of the Horse - Equine Influenza decimates Australian racing

2009 - Chinese year of the Pig - Swine Flu Pandemic kills hundreds of pigs around the globe.

Has any one else noticed this???!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It gets worse........ next year......

2010 - Chinese year of the Cock - what could possibly go wrong?

Abhishek n Aishwarya’s Son

2009-06-09T16:20:00.000+05:30

Quiz: Elephant and Ants

2009-06-08T23:15:00.000+05:30

# Why was the ant lying on the floor with his hands and his legs up in the air?
He wanted to trip the elephant.

# Why was the elephant lying on the floor with his hands and his legs up in the air?
He had tripped over the ant.

# The elephants of the jungle were playing basketball. There was one ant in the midst of all this. What was he doing?
He was the referee.

# An ant and an elephant are playing hide-and-seek near a place which has 1000 temples. The elephant starts counting. The ant goes into one of the temples and hides. The elephant finishes counting, and within a few seconds knows which temple the ant entered. How does he know which one?
The ant left his slippers outside the temple.

# One fine morning, an ant goes off to the market on his new motorbike. On the way there, he meets an elephant who asks him for a ride to the market. The ant says, okay, hop on, and they're on their way to the market. A little while later, they come across another elephant who also wants a lift to the market. The ant says, okay, hop on, and they're again on their way to the market. Just before they reach the market, they crash into the truck. The paramedics arrive, and they see that the elephants are in a very bad condition, on the verge of death,.. but the ant has escaped with just a few minor injuries! Why is this so?
The ant was wearing a helmet (yeah, shoot me!).

# Later, the ambulance is seen speeding off to the hospital with the two elephants inside. Behind them, several ants on motorbikes follow. Why are the ants following the ambulance?
To donate blood.

# At the hospital, blood from all ants were rejected. Why?
They all had AIDS.

# An ant and an elephant went swimming. But instead of swimming together, they took turns getting into the pool. Both were never in the pool at the same time. Why?
They had only one pair of shorts.

You Must Be a Dentist

2009-06-08T23:02:00.003+05:30

A guy and a girl met at a bar in Mumbai. They started getting along really well they decide to go to the girl's place for a drink.

A few drinks later, the guy took off his shirt and washed his hands. He then took off his socks and washed his hands. The girl looked at him and says: 'You must be a dentist!'

Flabbergasted, the guy responded 'Yes, that's amazing how did you figure that out ?'

The girl said: 'Easy .... you keep washing your hands'

One thing led to another, they migrated to the bed and things became more passionate. After they were done, the girl said: 'You must be a GREAT dentist!'

The guy was very very surprised, and said 'Yes, I sure am a great dentist ... How did you figure that out??'

The girl said: 'Easy ... I didn't feel a thing'

Desi Photo Sessions!!

2009-06-08T22:54:00.000+05:30

Here are few examples how our desi people poses for a photograph: If you have some more photos of this kind please throw me a link:

Funny Equations

2009-06-08T22:29:00.002+05:30

SSC + HSC + BTech + MBA = UNEMPLOYMENT

An Idea + An Idiot = A Dot com.

One Chinese gymnast = India's Gold Medal tally since 1896

Sushmita Sen - 1.2 feet = Salman Khan.

Special Effects in Shampoo ads = Special effects in Jurassic park.

4 weeks in Switzerland + London + New Zealand + Canada = a 4 minute song in Hindi movie.

Ajay Devgan + cosmetic surgery + acting ability + personality + own production company = Kajol..

Rona dhona x Bewafai x Badle ki aag = Your mum's favorite serials.

Amitabh Bachchan + Jaya Bachchan - Talent = Abhishek Bachchan

Any actor + Any actress + many movies = David Dhawan

1 smile + 32 teeth = Govinda

1 person - shirt = Salman Khan

1 person + straight hair + un-straight walk = Sanjay Dutt

1 hand + 10 kg weight = Sunny Deol

One engagement + Two weddings + Three wedding songs + Four hundred Relatives + A house bigger than Buckingham Palace = One Sooraj Barjataya Film

Reading mails all the time + no replies = Silence of the Lamb!

Software Engineer, Qualified Employee + No Work = Forwards

Biscuit Tin Method

2009-06-08T22:25:00.002+05:30

At Kolkata writers’ building staff room, ladies are busy gossiping. Topic is family planning method employed by them.

First one: We use Nirodh. We don’t like it at all. My husband says it’s like having bath over one’s raincoat. I too don’t like it.

Second one: I take the pills. I hate the vomiting feeling it causes in the mornings and I don’t like it.

Third one: I use the loop and the fear that it might slip keeps me on tenterhooks. I don’t like it at all.

The fourth, a tall stoic lady knitting a sweater is obviously quite satisfied with her method but doesn’t want to reveal. The others accuse her of being nasty and she corrects them. “Our method is somewhat crude and needs a bit of explaining. As you know I am tall. My husband is quite short. We always do it standing. In order to reach me he climbs over an old Britannia tin we have at home. I know when he is about to ‘come’. I kick the tin.”

Ghajini Mania

2009-01-13T15:27:00.000+05:30

A Proud Indian

2009-01-13T15:19:00.000+05:30

A first grade teacher explains to her class that she is an American. She asks her students to raise their hands if they were American too. Not really knowing why but wanting to be like their teacher, their hands explode into the air like flashy fireworks.

There is, however, one exception.

A girl named Gita has not gone along with the crowd.

The teacher asks her why she has decided to be different. "Because I am not an American." replied Gita.

"Then", asks the teacher, "What are you?"

"I'm a proud Indian," boasts the little girl.

The teacher is a little perturbed now, her face slightly red. She asks Gita why she is an Indian.

"Well", my mom and dad are Indians, "so I'm an Indian too."

The teacher is now angry.

"That's no reason", she says loudly, "if your mom was an idiot, and your dad was an idiot, what would you be then?"

A pause, and a smile.

"Then," says Gita, "I'd be an American."

New car model LAURA

2008-12-31T15:28:00.000+05:30

Skoda recently launched a new car model LAURA.

All drivers are having a tough time when their Memsahibs say: Driver Laura Nikalo!

It Happens Only in America

2008-12-31T15:26:00.001+05:30

Sardar Jokes

2008-12-31T15:24:00.000+05:30

Boss: Where were you born?
Sardar: India ..
Boss: which part?
Sardar: What 'which part'? Whole body was born in India .

Two sardar were fixing a bomb in a car.
Sardar 1: What would you do if the bomb explodes while fixing.
Sardar 2: Dont worry, I have one more.

Sardar: What is the name of your car?
Lady: I forgot the name, but is starts with 'T'.
Sardar: Oh, what a strange car, starts with Tea. All cars that I know start with petrol.

Sardar joined new job. 1st day he worked till late evening on the computer. Boss was happy and asked what you did till evening.
Sardar: Keyboard alphabets were not in order, so I made it alright.

Museum Administrator: That's a 500-year-old statue u've broken.
Sardar: Thanks God! I thought it was a new one.

At the scene of an accident a man was crying: O God! I have lost my hand, oh!
Sardar: Control yourself. Don't cry. See that man. He has lost his head. Is he crying?

Sardar: U cheated me.
Shopkeeper: No, I sold a good radio to u.
Sardar: Radio label shows Made in Japan but radio says this is 'All India Radio! '

In an interview, Interviewer: How does an electric motor run?
Sardar: Dhhuuuurrrrrrrrrr. .....
Inteviewer shouts: Stop it.
Sardar: Dhhuurrrr dhup dhup dhup...

Tourist: Whose skeleton is that?
Sardar: An old king's skeleton.
Tourist: Who's that smaller skeleton next to it?
Sardar: That was same king's skeleton when he was a child.

AIDS Virus

2008-11-26T12:18:00.000+05:30

There was a German, an Italian and our Santa on death row. The warden gave them a choice

of three ways to die:

To be shot
To be hung
To be injected with the AIDS virus for a slow death.

The German said, "Shoot me right in the head." (Boom, he was dead instantly.)

Then the Italian said, "Just hang me." (Snap, he was dead.)

Then Banta said, "Give me some of that AIDS stuff."

They gave him the shot, and Banta fell down laughing. The guards looked at each other and

wondered what was wrong with this guy.

Then Banta said, "Give me another one of those shots." So the guards did. Now he was

laughing so hard, tears rolled from his eyes and he doubled over.

Finally the warden said, "What is wrong with you?"

Banta replied, "You guys are so stupid..... I'm wearing a condom!"

Will Power

2008-11-26T12:09:00.000+05:30

At 33 he quit smoking - will power

At 43 he quit Drinking - will power

At 53 he quit Gambling - will power

At 63 he quit S*X - Power Failure

The Real King

2008-10-27T15:17:00.002+05:30