One of the most interesting conversations is happening around The New York Times opinion piece penned by Cain, titled “The Rise of the New Groupthink.” She takes a stand for introverts, certainly, but her main point is about the loss of quiet, private, solo contemplation time. Instead, our work places and schools have been shifting towards more intensive collaborative learning environments. She writes,

“The New Groupthink has overtaken our workplaces, our schools and our religious institutions. Anyone who has ever needed noise-canceling headphones in her own office or marked an online calendar with a fake meeting in order to escape yet another real one knows what I’m talking about. Virtually all American workers now spend time on teams and some 70 percent inhabit open-plan offices, in which no one has ‘a room of one’s own.’ During the last decades, the average amount of space allotted to each employee shrank 300 square feet, from 500 square feet in the 1970s to 200 square feet in 2010.”

I know exactly what she’s talking about. Early in my career, I realized that I did my best work when I had private space. Even talking on the phone with someone else in the room was painful for me. I learned that the environment I was working in was as important as the work I was doing. Cain acknowledges that magic can happen in teams… but if we’re forced into the group situation, we’re not as likely to be able to pull a rabbit out of our hat.

The answer to the question of where creativity and innovation thrive – in groups or in solitude – isn’t either/or … it’s both/and.

Here’s my take on it: When I hear the word “groupthink,” images of sheep pop into my head, with everyone falling to line with whichever voice or opinion is the loudest. That’s certainly not an environment in which creativity would flourish. Introverts tend not to process aloud or jump into fast-paced conversations, so it’s unlikely their voice will be the loudest. Unless leaders are aware of the way introverts think and process, they might not realize that there is still valuable information left on the table.

Creativity, productivity and collaboration, as well as leadership, are all enhanced when those who need it (which definitely includes introverts) have space to think. My absolute favorite words on the subject come from essayist and critic William Deresiewicz in a speech he gave at West Point in October 2009.

My first thought is never my best thought. My first thought is always someone else’s; it’s always what I’ve already heard about the subject, always the conventional wisdom. It’s only by concentrating, sticking to the question, being patient, letting all the parts of my mind come into play that I arrive at an original idea. By giving my brain a chance to make associations, draw connections, take me by surprise. And often even that idea doesn’t turn out to be very good. I need time to make mistakes and recognize them, to make false starts and correct them, to outlast my impulses, to defeat my desire to declare the job done and move on to the next thing.

Consider that for a moment, the truth of this statement: My first thought is never my best thought. It’s not that we shouldn’t be open to influence; we simply need to give ourselves space for reflection, away from the group. To connect the dots. To come up with an original thought. To know what WE think about something.

And that’s part of what differentiates creative thinkers from the rest of the pack: they have taken time in solitude to cultivate original ideas. Rather than follow the conventional wisdom, the “groupthink,” they’ve put energy into coming to their own conclusions. This doesn’t require that you be bolder or louder or more noticeable than anyone else – you will become those things naturally when you grow confident through reflection. It might, however, require asking for solitude, and that might not be easy when you’re in a group setting or someone is demanding an immediate answer.

How do you explain it to someone who doesn’t get it and insists on groupthink? The simple response is to say, “I can give you my first reaction, but I’ll give a better response if I have time to think about it.” Let them know that to do your best work, you need to take the data and sift through it and sit with it alone long enough to be creative. We can be more effective in collaborative situations if we’ve had an opportunity to get our thoughts and questions in order first.

Here’s how to put the “I” in “Team” and create a more “introvert friendly” environment for yourself within “go team!” situations:

Take the lead. Volunteer or position yourself to be the team leader, where you’ll (theoretically) have more control over how the group operates. If you can’t be the head honcho, see what processes you can lead within the group.

Brainstorm new ways to brainstorm. Group brainstorming sessions can be stressful for introverts; we like to be prepared, to think things through, to observe. Think of alternative ways to get the same results and increase your participation: Ask for topic questions in advance. Brainstorm in solitude before going into the meeting. Ask to be the scribe or facilitator. Incorporate small group (3-4 people) brainstorming time into big group processes. Give everyone post-its and provide time for solo thinking in the group setting.

Get up and out. Draw firm boundaries around break and lunch times. Don’t get sucked into a “working lunch” or not moving from your chair when it’s time for a break. These might be the only 15, 20 or 30 minute opportunities for solitude that you have in a day. Find a firm and polite way to discourage people from highjacking your time. For instance, “It’d be great to keep the conversation going, and I’m happy to do that after I take a break.”

Ask for a “home office” day. If certain aspects of your work can be done apart from the team, suggest that you have occasional “home office” time. Your work or boss doesn’t permit that? Simulate it by spending a few hours working from the coffee shop down the block, or an empty conference room or office. Not only does it remove you from the more people-saturated environment, but you get the bonus of a change of scenery.

De-clutter your space and mind. We know that being surrounded by people all day uses up our energy reserves. The same holds true for being surrounded by stuff. Get control of your papers and files, remove visual clutter and do whatever you can with whatever space you have to make it easy on the eyes. As I shared on Facebook earlier this week, “simplicity of space=serenity of mind.”

Mute the virtual voices. It’s not only flesh-and-blood people demanding our attention; social media, blogs and online news can max out what little free bandwidth we have left. Just like you don’t want constant conversation to cut into your breaks, don’t let the virtual world do the same thing. Step away from the computer, turn off your smart phone and unplug.

Every team needs an “I” – both introverts and individual thinkers. The key to collaboration that works is creating space for different personalities, learning styles and communication methods to coexist in a way that creates energy, not stress. The individual should be honored, as well as the team. We need regenerative solitude to be balanced with thoughtful team approaches.

The Three Musketeers summed it up best: “All for one and one for all!”

Today’s conversation serves as another perspective, this time looking through the lens of entrepreneurship. Rather than being forced into groupthink situations, introvert entrepreneurs often experience the opposite challenge of isolation, or of too much time alone. The middle ground between working in solitude and working in “all teams, all the time,” is strategic collaboration. My podcast guests, Monique MacKinnon and Patricia Weber, are examples of successful and strategic collaboration in action.

Together, we talk about the many faces of collaboration and what strengths introverts bring to the relationship. Insights shared include:

• How partnerships can increase your marketability and creativity
• What to look for (and look out for) when choosing a business collaborator
• Why collaboration is like dating (and doesn’t have to lead to marriage)
• Anticipating the icky stuff and how to handle it when it comes up
• The benefits of strategic collaboration for introverts

Listen Now:

OR Download this episode (right click and save)

This podcast interview focuses on how we can increase our energy awareness and listen to our body's truth more closely. Kathryn Hunter of The Social Caterpillar is an introvert and an artist who, upon realizing the small size of the box she had created for her life, began chronicling the trials, successes and failures of stretching her comfort zone. Kathryn and I talk about how that all happened, plus

• The easy way to protect your precious energy
• How to turn anxiety into adventure
• One simple question that will shift your attitude
• The importance of "mental resets"
• Simple back-to-basics steps that will bring you energy and productivity

Listen Now:

OR Download this episode (right click and save)

I mean, is this *really* necessary!?

In November 2010, I wrote a prescient blog post entitled, “The Dangers of Being Home Alone.”  My main point was that while I was working from home and technically “alone,” I was rarely alone with my thoughts because I was almost never unplugged, never disconnected. Part of me also felt that working from home alone was not the most productive place to be. However, my introvert self LOVED it because, while I was alone, I wasn’t lonely.

But something about that post probably set the wheels in motion, because soon after I started fantasizing about having my own office space outside the house. The notion persisted for the next few months. As business started to pick up, it felt more and more financially feasible. One week in mid-November 2011, I started looking at lease listings on a Monday, saw a couple spaces by that Wednesday and had a verbal commitment to take a lovely and affordable space by Friday. This sequence of events is famously known in our house as getting the “Beth Buelow Bee in the Bonnet,” because there are certain things that I get fixated on (“obsessed” is too strong a word, ya know?!), and I don’t stop until I’m done.

Events happened quickly and smoothly enough that I didn’t stop to think too much about them. The thinking kicked in when I started sharing my news with friends and colleagues. These were people with whom I felt safe – no fear, no judgment. And yet… I’d get this catch in my throat before I’d tell them my “I’m leasing an office!” news. The feeling persisted for several tellings, until I almost started second-guessing myself. What was going on!?

It was when I was telling maybe my fifth or sixth person, when the catch came and I found the word that I’d been searching for: indulgent. I felt indulgent for getting my own space. It tapped into my “Who do I think I am…?” insecurities. Really, unless I’m doing a speaking engagement, I do almost of my work on the phone, on the computer or in my clients’ place of business. What the heck do I need an office for? I’m an introvert, for crying out loud! Why would I want to leave my cozy home and spend money to work in a much more public setting?!

I’m not going to expand on that here; the reasons are pretty straightforward and only mildly interesting (but I will probably share in a future blog post, as I experience the pros and cons of the situation). What I find more interesting: the realization that I felt indulgent suddenly brought to mind other times I’d felt something similar but hadn’t identified the feeling…

• When I decided in the middle of my first master’s degree to get a second one because my heart was calling me in a different direction.
• When my husband and I decided that after almost 14 years of marriage, we were happy to remain child-free.
• When I choose not to pursue traditional employment after a cross-country move, but rather follow my instinct to become a coach and writer.
• When I bought an expensive camera for my 40th birthday.
• When I signed up for a photography workshop to learn how to use the camera.
• When I take a power nap in the middle of the afternoon.
• When I buy books, rather than borrowing them from the library.

It almost makes me feel sad to consider this list – indulgent? Really?!? That was my perception. The reality is that each of these choices comes out of knowing who I am and what I need to take care of myself. How can that be indulgent?

At the root of these feelings is low self-worth, scarcity, shame, or even wishing I was someone I wasn’t (someone who wanted a large family, to be super high energy, to tangibly sacrifice in some way… a big time case of the “should”s). It was an indulgence because I was making choices that defied – in my mind – what was generally acceptable and expected.

One of the most important pieces of my message to introverts is this: the more we understand ourselves, the more we will know what we need and be able to act on it. For most introverts, it’s not a luxury to want time, space, solitude, quiet or minimal distractions. It’s not indulgent to want creative stimulation while also needing to recharge by shutting out stimulation for a while.

Putting my finger on the word “indulgent” is what saved me. I realized in that moment that it was a fear-based emotion that wasn’t true or lasting. I looked it in the face and said, “Huh. Really. That’s not it at all!” All of the choices I shared above were made from my heart, from a place of trust, of honoring my needs and knowing that I was worth every penny, every second of time I invested in my choices.

Think about your choices. Consider the times when asking for what you need feels like you are going too far or being selfish. What’s really going on there? Are you giving away your power to the “should”s and “shouldn’t”s around you? Do you feel like your needs and desires are less important than others? It’s worth reflecting upon… otherwise, second-guessing will turn into guilt will turn into shame will turn into habitually rejecting the parts of you that need to be nurtured in order for you to thrive.

This is not about “self-care.” This is about your basic human need to live into your purpose and your light. You’re worth it.

PS: My first thought after reading a draft of this? “Is this post indulgent? Am I spilling my guts just to make myself feel better?” HA! It certainly helps, but feeling better is only a nice by-product of sharing my story. My hope is that it’s invited you into reflection and supports you in making mindful choices for your introverted self in the new year.

Featured image: REAL indulgence, found via Pinterest.com, http://cdn.thegloss.com/files/2010/09/Triple_Rainbow_Cupcakes_by_dashedandshattered.jpg

Physical activity is key to our overall health, and my guest today takes that truth even further by sharing with us the mental game that contributes to our health, for better or for worse. He calls it “the athlete within,” and it’s not just about being able to run around the track and not collapse when you’re done… it’s about taking care of yourself, body, mind and spirit, so that you can have energy for all of things that you want to accomplish.

Athletes from all over the country have been seeking out Mike Margolies for close to thirty-five years for his expertise in helping them live up to their potential. They have sought his counsel and unique teaching style to learn about the game within the game. His new book is called “The Athlete within You,” and it’s intended for athletes and non-athletes working to achieve more in life.

In this interview, you’ll learn:

• What it means to have an “athlete within”
• The power of being AMPed up and finding your real motivation
• Why internal motivation – an introvert strength – is key to long-term success
• How to express yourself “on the field”
• Why being active requires relaxation

Listen Now:

OR Download this episode (right click and save)

She’s bitchy, ballsy and brash.

She’s Tabatha, and she’s taking over.

I might be a little late to the party, but I’ve just discovered “Tabatha’s Salon Takeover” (to be relaunched on Jan 10 as “Tabatha Takes Over”), and I’m hooked.

Tabatha Coffey is almost the complete opposite of me in every respect (although, when I was around 7 or 8, I had worked out a basic business plan and was already practicing on my dolls so I could open “Beth’s Beauty Bar” when I grew up). And yet, there is something extraordinarily compelling about watching her crack heads together in the name of saving a failing business. Watching her, I know there is something for me to learn. There’s definitely a homeopathic dose of Tabatha that would make a difference in my business.

With lots of lovely holiday time to reflect on what exactly that dose is, I’ve come up with my “A” List, channeling Tabatha’s on-air advice and to-the-point style (but minus the delightfully colorful language)…

• Attitude: you can’t be in business, especially a service-based business, if you have a cruddy attitude about what you do or who you’re doing it for. Get over yourself and put the client or customer first (if you’re clear about and attracting your “ideal client,” this should be relatively easy). Also, watch out for a casual attitude – set high standards for yourself and others, and meet them.
• Appearances: they matter. Whether you’re working from home or in an office, take care to be organized, clean and professional. Even if no one ever comes into your space, aren’t you – “just” you – worth it?
• Achtung, Baby: pay attention to everything. Details make the difference between being average and knocking it out of the park. This means you know where your money is coming from and going to. You follow a clear business model. You ask your clients and customers what they think (it doesn’t have to be a big deal or a 10-page questionnaire … just make a habit of asking if they’re satisfied and what could be better). Organize the details into systems that work for you.
• Always be learning: no matter what field or industry you’re in, things are constantly changing. Keep up with trends and new information. Stay grounded in the basics while expanding your knowledge.  Be a lifelong learner.
• Attachment: get over it. So much of what holds us back and keeps us stuck is our attachment to people, things, stories and the way things “should” be that no longer serves us. Learn to travel light. Be open to outcome, not attached.
• Align: with your passion. I love something Tabatha said in an early episode: “You should feel excited about putting your key in the door in the morning. It’s like opening a present.” Yes! Take time to recharge your batteries and passion. Don’t take it for granted that it (your enthusiasm, passion, energy, delight) will always be there. If you can’t seem to reignite it, see “Attachment,” above.

If you – if I – heed this wisdom, it’ll help us steer clear of some of Tabatha’s other favorite “A” words, including (but not limited to) “appalling” and “atrocious.”

So, Tabatha’s not “taking over” The Introvert Entrepreneur in the television sense (I already have  a business coach/adviser to kick my butt and help me stay on track, thank you very much). But she has become another voice in my ear, reminding me that running my own business is a gift and that I have to keep stepping up, every.single.day, to keep that gift flourishing.

Please share in the comments: What helps you step up when the going gets tough? If you’ve ever been close to calling it quits but didn’t, what turned things around? If you’ve watched Tabatha’s show, what have you learned that’s made a difference for you?

Tabatha Coffey Image Source: http://www.bravotv.com/bio/tabatha-coffey

This was not the case with “The Princess and the Pea.” On the contrary, sensitivity was a signal that a person was of royal blood. Think about that! It was desirable, and a mark of nobility, to be sensitive.

There are those among us – especially among us introverts – for whom emotions, feelings, sensations and the environment play a profound role in how we relate to the world. We are the HSPs, or Highly Sensitive Persons.

This interview with Ane Axford, CEO and founder of sensitive + thriving, Inc., is not only interesting, but life changing … at least it was for me. Ane and I explore what it means to be an HSP, and specifically, an introverted HSP.

We also talk about

• How introversion and HSP characteristics can look the same (but by definition, aren’t)
• Why finding a label to slap on yourself can be helpful
• The physiological underpinnings of “analysis paralysis”
• Turning Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs on its head (this blew my mind!)
• Why it’s important for entrepreneurs to move from comparison to connection

Listen Now:

OR Download this episode (right click and save)

The past few weeks have felt like a time of “lake turnover” for me, and I sense that it’s happening for others as well. There’s an energy in the air of old things, old stories, old assumptions sinking and fading into deep darkness, and newness rising to the surface. And it’s not just because the new year is right around the corner. For me, it feels like I’ve settled into some new truth about myself… like I’m owning who I am more fully. I’m feeling more powerful and confident in my own skin. There’s a sensation of new waters rising to the surface, waters that are ready to face the sun and be transformed.

Another word I’ve been attaching to the sensation is churn. Things are getting stirred up. There’s a feeling of anticipation, and more than that, of uncertainty.

I’ve been listening to Pema Chödrön over the past few weeks. She talks about making friends – or at least, calling a truce – with the uncertainty that we live with every day. We go through phases of collective awareness when we say “these are uncertain times,” as if the times before were certain, and we’re looking forward to a time when things will be certain again. We’re in that place now. We use words like “recovery” and “back to normal,” as if there will be a moment when we can all go back to our regularly scheduled programming.

My theory is that we’re experiencing the societal equivalent of lake turnover. New energy is coming to the surface, and it’s uncomfortable, unpredictable and uncertain. And guess what? It’s the new normal. Every day we’re creating “normal,” choosing what it looks, feels, sounds and tastes like. There’s nothing to wait for. We’re in it. We’re making it happen.

Here’s the thing: the turnover, the churn, simply means that it’s time to look inward and outward with refreshed eyes, because things are changing. Always. We have an opportunity in every moment to shift from fear to curiosity. There’s no use in fighting it. Lake turnover keeps the ecosystem healthy and alive; the turnover that happens in our psyche is no different. Why resist what is natural and necessary?

This moment, right here, is certain. It’s what you have to work with. What are you going to do with it?

Featured Image: Traverse City, MI from the air, showing Boardman Lake and Grand Traverse Bay. Beth Buelow, summer 2011.

What do you think? Have you been feeling a churn or turnover in your life recently? How has it shown up? And how do you feel about it? What’s the opportunity? Please share in the comments!