Beth Buelow, The Introvert Entrepreneur

The Power of the Professional Accountability Partnership

Beth Buelow, ACC, CPC, The Introvert Entrepreneur — Thu, 17 May 2012 18:26:11 +0000

Since The Introvert Entrepreneur is celebrating its two-year anniversary this month, I’ve been reflecting on the ways the business has evolved and what’s made that evolution possible. One of the keys to success in my business has been who I have surrounded myself with. We know that as introverts, we often expend more energy than we gain from interactions with other people. That’s why it’s so important to be intentional about who we bring into our lives. We have to make sure it’s worth that expenditure of energy.

Today’s podcast is a slight departure from the norm, because I’m using it to highlight one of the relationships that has been worth the energy. You’re about to listen to a conversation I had with my Accountability Partner and fellow introvert entrepreneur, Arden Clise of Clise Etiquette. Together, we share how our partnership came into being, what personal and professional benefits we’ve experienced, and things to consider if you want to find your own accountability partner.

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Connecting Online and IRL (In Real Life) with Morgan Barnhart

Beth Buelow, ACC, CPC, The Introvert Entrepreneur — Sat, 28 Apr 2012 19:10:05 +0000

One of the things I noticed right away when I started my business was that it was much easier to be outgoing and social online than it was in real life. I could do things at my own pace, sit back and watch for a while before jumping in, and I generally felt in control. Contrast that to a live social situation where anything can happen – I could forget someone’s name, draw a blank when someone asks me a question or spill my drink on a new acquaintance when I go to shake their hand.

I’ve learned over the years that I’m not alone. There are lots of introverts who describe themselves as extroverts online, and introverts IRL, or in real life. It makes us start to wonder, “who am I really?” The truth is that both are true, unless you’re going over-the-top online and taking on a new voice, brand or personality. I became curious about how introverts could leverage the power and relative comfort of social media to form stronger off-line relationships. My guest, Morgan Barnhart of Sociable Boost, gives us some insights to help us bridge the divide.

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Table for One, Please

Beth Buelow, ACC, CPC, The Introvert Entrepreneur — Wed, 25 Apr 2012 02:04:22 +0000

A few weeks ago, I had a speaking engagement about an hour away from my office. I made plans to meet a friend at a restaurant afterwards. I arrived on time, requested a “table for two” and waited. And waited. And waited.

I was perfectly content passing the time by catching up on news and Facebook on my phone, but I sensed that the server was starting to feel sorry for me. Here I was, alone, waiting for someone who never showed. I finally let her off the hook and said, “I think something must have come up for my friend. I’m going to order some hummus and enjoy the sunshine.” (A sunny day in Seattle is not to be missed! And yes, an unexpected event prevented my friend from joining me – it happens!)

I’ve never had a problem with dining alone, especially if I have something to read. It’s actually a pleasant way to recharge, be intentional about enjoying my food, people watch and eavesdrop (shhh!). The only sucky part about dining alone is the greeter who says, “Only one of you today?” while looking at me with upraised eyebrows that hint at pity.

But wait!! There’s GOOD NEWS! No more do I have to be the subject of pity and “oh, so sad to be alone” looks. Thanks to “Invite for a Bite,” I never have to eat alone again! According to an article on msnbc.msn.com, the newly launched website “helps women who are out and about, be it for business or leisure, connect with other women so they don’t get stuck alone at restaurants, pretending to be on the phone or staring longingly at the happy couples around them.” (Please see the important **PS following this post)

They even use the word “crisis” to describe the undesirable predicament of having to dine solo.

Seriously!?

I will acknowledge this: while I have no problem dining alone (or going alone to the movies, a ball game, concert or museum), there are others who don’t like it. This provides a nice option for someone who would enjoy a dining companion.

THAT SAID…

The way this service is promoted in the media** highlights our fear of solitude and the stigma around going solo in otherwise social situations. I enjoy eating out with others, and I’m also perfectly content with the pleasure of my own company. At the end of a long day, especially if I’m traveling, the last thing I want to do is expend even more energy talking with a stranger.

And I object to the story’s generalization and assumption that there’s something wrong with a woman (or man) dining alone. I think rather than coming up with a band-aid solution, we should look at the root of it: how we train service professionals (that “Just one?” statement should be the first to go!), along with how our society views and (de)values solitude.

Not everything has to be a social experience.

I shared the article on my Facebook Page and within minutes, a flurry of responses appeared. I smiled reading every one of them, enjoying the dialogue of thoughtful, kindred spirits. Here’s a sampling of the posts:

For people who want to make new contacts, I think it’s a great idea in theory. That said, its very existence perpetuates the stereotypes and stigma.
I’m not the least bit bothered by eating alone and snooty servers can shelve their attitude. I’d be more bothered with having to chat with a stranger.
Obviously depends on your perspective. Some see [dining alone] as a negative; others see it as a positive. I personally find it empowering.
Interesting peek into what is obviously an extrovert’s issue – not enough people around to talk to!
I don’t know where to start really. As others have said, it perpetuates the stereotype that there is something wrong with dining alone. Maybe they should address why people are so insecure that they can’t go out for a meal without feeling like they must be with someone. As for having to sit down and eat with a total stranger as the only option… puhleese.
I like the idea of being able to meet up with someone to share a meal with if that’s what I’m in the mood for, but I’ve always felt sorry for people who “dread” the “table for one” or worry that they’re being judged by others because they aren’t with someone else. I’ve dined alone plenty of times in plenty of places and enjoyed myself quite a bit most of those times. It’s sad that others don’t feel like they have the option of just enjoying themselves.
I can’t imagine anybody would feel sorry for me if I eat alone. They ask – “how many”, I say “only me” and I smile and I look straight at his eyes and that is it – from that very moment the receptionist doesn’t feel sorry for me. Feeling of loneliness or absence of it is in your eyes
I’ve never given the slightest thought about what others think, and really, I’m guessing they don’t care. Other people aren’t paying as much attention as we seem to think. Just can’t believe anyone still believes that.

If I shared tips on how to enjoy dining solo, I’d be preaching to the choir. Instead, here are a few alternatives to “Invite for a Bite” for people (I won’t assume only extroverts!) who would rather drink hot lava than dine alone:

View the experience as “Adventures in People Watching.” Really notice the people around you, and imagine what might be going on in their lives. Carry a small notebook to capture ideas and impressions that come up… casually, of course. We don’t want anyone to think you’re a PI or stalker.
Sit at the bar. Several people commented that sitting at the bar was a nice way to be selectively social while still dining alone. If there’s no one to talk to, chances are the television will provide adequate distraction, if you want it.
Have a mindful meal. Focus exclusively on the food (whether it’s fast food or five star) and notice its texture, smell, color, taste, presentation. Eat slowly and appreciate the experience of nourishing your body. Put away the smart phone and be fully present.
Bring a book, magazine or newspaper to read. This is a tried-and-true introvert default. If you’re in a new city, pick up a copy of the local paper or weekly alternative rag. You’ll not only get a taste of the local culture, you’ll also find events to attend when you have free time.
Visit apps on your phone that you forgot you downloaded. The smart phone (or Kindle/iPad) is the greatest gift to solo diners EVER. For better or worse, it’s generally socially acceptable for us to bury our noses in our electronics and ignore our surroundings. If that’s your pleasure, mix it up by opening neglected apps. The first time you stumble upon an app you were so excited to download but have never opened since, it’ll feel like Christmas morning.

So for those people (or reporters) who see solo diners as sad creatures whose lives would be oh-so-better if they just had a stranger to talk to, hear this: I don’t feel stuck being alone, I don’t have to call my imaginary friend on the phone, and I don’t stare longingly at the happy couples around me. Most often, I’m a table for one by choice. My ability to enjoy that is something to honor and celebrate.

What do you think?

Do you enjoy dining alone? What do you like or dislike about it?

Would you ever use the “Invite for a Bite” website? If so, under what circumstances? Please share in the comments!

** PS: The anti-solo slant might have been journalistic license on the part of the MSNBC reporter, because I don’t find the actual “Invite for a Bite” website copy as distasteful. In fact, it almost looks like it could be fun, even for a solo-loving introvert… almost . Get the scoop at http://inviteforabite.com/press

Finding Your Authentic Presence with Jonathan Bender

Beth Buelow, ACC, CPC, The Introvert Entrepreneur — Fri, 13 Apr 2012 21:04:46 +0000

Comedians often highlight the absurd truths in society, and introvert – yes, introvert – Jerry Seinfeld is especially skilled at shining the light on our contradictory natures. Here’s what he has to say about public speaking: “According to most studies, people’s number one fear is public speaking. Number two is death. Death is number two. Does that sound right? This means to the average person, if you go to a funeral, you’re better off in the casket than doing the eulogy.”

The fear of public speaking is called Glossophobia, which comes from the Greek gl?ssa, meaning tongue, and phobos, fear or dread. My guest for this podcast has dedicated his business to changing the way people – especially introverts and glossophobes – think about themselves and being on stage and in the spotlight.

Jonathan Bender, founder of WholeSpeak, is a professional speaker, coach, actor, theater director, writer, and self-proclaimed introvert. He is passionate about helping introverts become strong speakers who actually feel comfortable in front of large groups. His passion comes through loud and clear during this conversation, as we talk about

The reasons introverts can feel empowered by being on the stage
The five “keys to confidence” in public speaking
How to turn fear into freedom
How introverts can be more naturally expressive

For info about Jonathan’s upcoming course, “Speak with Confidence, Inspire with Ease,” visit http://www.authenticspeakerseries.com/confidence

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How to Know When Two Heads Would Be Better Than One

Beth Buelow, ACC, CPC, The Introvert Entrepreneur — Wed, 28 Mar 2012 00:13:29 +0000

”If you want it done right, do it yourself.” *

The words of an introvert, me thinks!

I lived by these words for many years, embracing them wholeheartedly because they gave me permission to fly solo. A co-pilot tended to muck up the works. There was always the possibility of communication challenges, conflicting agendas, and unexpected demands on my precious time and energy.

Introverts and independence go hand-in-hand. It doesn’t mean that other people aren’t important to us; we simply are more deliberate and even cautious about who we invite into our inner world. We see it very simply: people in, energy out. We can absolutely love and adore those people, and they can still exhaust us. That’s why we tend to have intimate circles of friends and place a premium on our alone time.

I’ve noticed that just as I’m protective of my energy when it comes to personal relationships, I’m almost more protective when it comes to who I bring into my entrepreneurial life. My independent streak and natural curiosity allowed me to be a one-woman show for a while. What I didn’t know, I could figure out…

Until I couldn’t figure it out anymore.

Until I hit the wall of “OK, I’ve tried everything I know to do… now what!?”

And until I realized that some things were too big to tackle on my own, that for the BHAGs** I had, two heads were better than one.

A recent conversation with a professional singer and self-professed introvert reminded me of why we will sometimes do anything to find a solution to a challenge, other than ask another person for help.

Vulnerability.

She and I agreed that whenever we bring someone else into our psyche and make the internal external, we are acutely aware of our vulnerability.

“There is a crack in everything. That’s how the light gets in.” Leonard Cohen

I’ve always read that beautiful statement with perfectionism in mind. That’s certainly one interpretation, but I’ve also begun seeing it as an invitation to vulnerability. I see it as a call to crack open what I’ve held so tightly and let the light – other people – in.

How do we introverts invite others into our work in a way that doesn’t zap our energy (or cause us to cross the line from cracking open to cracking up)?

Start small. Right now, you may be flying solo with only informal support from friends, family or colleagues. Consider small ways you can start to integrate more formal relationships into your work:

Join or start a regular Mastermind Group. (Learn more about the Mastermind concept in this post and this podcast)
Enlist an accountability partner for mutual support. My twice-weekly phone calls with my partner are critical to my focus and feeling of connection. And good news, we’re going to do a podcast about the accountability partner relationship this spring!
One of my coaching clients meets regularly with a friend for a two-hour writing block, during which she writes her weekly blog post. Through this, she experiences a dependable connection and mutual support.

Be strategic. Consider your big picture goals when deciding where it’s going to be worth it to stretch your energy by including other people. I have two examples that might spark some ideas for you:

I formed a “Speaker’s Circle,” an intimate group of colleagues who share the goal of making public speaking a substantial part of our businesses. We meet bi-monthly to share lessons learned and experiences. In between those conversations, we support each other through referrals, answering “what would you do?” inquiries and cheering each others’ wins.
2012 is “The Year of The Book.” When I think about “BHAGs I have known”, this is one that’s been on my list for years. My writing skills are solid enough that I could muddle my way through a first draft solo, which seems like an attractive option when I consider the agony of having someone critique my writing. But then I realized it was going to be heavily scrutinized sooner or later, so I might as well enlist a partner early in the process. Enter my book editor, stage left. It’s proven to be one of the best strategic partnerships I’ve ever made. Yes, I still use passive voice too often and ramble on , but she has given me priceless feedback – positive and critical – that not only strengthens my manuscript, but toughens up my sometimes-too-thin skin.

Be proactive. As I mentioned in a recent video, don’t wait until the plane is going down to put on your oxygen mask. There are times when that oxygen mask takes the form of another person providing perspective, encouragement and feedback. Sometimes, because we don’t want to bring anyone else down with us, we don’t reach out. The situation escalates. We hit bottom. Alone.

Confession time: on occasion, when I’m stressed, I don’t even tell my husband what’s going on inside my head, even though I trust him more than anyone in the world. He’s been 1,000% supportive of my entrepreneurial ventures, but I am loathe to reveal my fears and perceived failures. So I suffer in silence. And hit bottom. Alone. Now that I’ve noticed this pattern, I’m going to try to open up more. I’m not going to wait until I feel so disconnected from him and everyone else that I can’t find my way back.

Who do you have in your life who can help you decompress the stress in progress? If not a spouse, partner or friend, consider working with a coach. Being able to share both my mistakes and my wins with my coach has made it easier to let others into my business. Our conversations support, affirm and create accountability.

Some people call themselves “soloprenueurs,” and by their definition, I would fall into that category. The reality is that no one, even if you’re legally a company of one, is a solopreneur. We may be independent, we may be introverts, but we’re interconnected. We need each other to succeed. As they say, it takes a village. The key for introverts is to choose that village wisely.

For Your Consideration: Have you ever hit that wall? And did you resist reaching out for help? Or did you start looking for solutions not in technology or books, but in other people? What worked? What didn’t? Please share your experiences in the comments.

* The proverb has a long history beginning with Miles Coverdale in Matrymonye (1541): “That whych thou cannest do conueniently thyselfe commytte it not to another.” “If you want a thing well done, do it yourself.”~Charles Spurgeon, John Ploughman’s Pictures, p. 33 (1880) First cited in the U.S. in Poems (1858) by Henry Wadsworth Longfellow. http://forum.quoteland.com/eve/forums/a/tpc/f/99191541/m/7861058451

** BHAG=Big Hairy Audacious Goal, Jim Collins, “Built to Last”

Quiet: The Power of Introverts with Susan Cain

Beth Buelow, ACC, CPC, The Introvert Entrepreneur — Fri, 09 Mar 2012 01:54:54 +0000

When people hear the word “introvert,” they almost always think “shy,” or picture someone with his nose buried in a book, or with noise-cancelling headphones as her constant companion. And it’s true – we do like our solitude. We not only like it, we need it. But on the other hand, if we’re called to bring an important message to the world, we’re almost required to balance that solitude with celebrity, with putting ourselves out there and being more in the public eye.

Now with the publication of her book (“Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can’t Stop Talking“), a highly successful TED Talk, and a whirlwind of publicity, when people hear the word introvert, they’re just as likely to think of Susan Cain as they are to think of the word shy. Susan has had to learn to walk that tightrope between solitude and celebrity, and I’m excited to share this conversation we had about her experience and advice for introverts who want to fully embrace their introvert personality.

Susan shares with us:

How she worked through her nervousness about public speaking
What introverts can do to feel at ease in uncomfortable situations
The benefits of being aligned with your passion
Why understanding introversion is so important to the next generation

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(Main Post Image: http://www.someecards.com/cry-for-help-cards/i-desperately-crave-and-loathe)

Cut the CRAP: Get More Done in Less Time with Pam Weatherford

Beth Buelow, ACC, CPC, The Introvert Entrepreneur — Sat, 18 Feb 2012 01:07:20 +0000

Pam with a parrot - she's so productive, she has time for FUN!

If there’s one complaint I hear over and over again, it’s about how we all have so much to do, and so little time to do it. As introverts, our energy is our most precious asset. We have to be intentional about how we spend it and when it’s best to save it. Knowing how to do that is not always easy when we’re being pulled in a million different directions.

So why is it that some people seem to get so much done while others get bogged down, overwhelmed, and further behind with each passing day? It is possible to focus your energy in such a way that you are more productive without feeling burned out. Bruce Lee offers us one approach; he says, “Absorb what is useful, reject what is useless, add what is specifically your own.”

Today’s podcast guest, Pam Weatherford of D3 Seminars, offers another approach that’s similar to that advice, but uniquely hers. She calls it “cutting the CRAP,” and her intention is to give you tools that allow you to get more done in less time.

You’ll learn

Why less is more when it comes to working towards your goals
How the 80/20 Rule applies to time and energy management
The art of saying “no” gracefully (and why this is super important to introverts)
What Pam has identified as the Habits of Highly Efficient & Productive People

(Note: This podcast was recorded Oct 28, 2011, so references to “next year” mean now!)

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I Know I’m an Introvert Because…

Beth Buelow, ACC, CPC, The Introvert Entrepreneur — Thu, 16 Feb 2012 01:50:59 +0000

Ever since I put a stake in the ground as The Introvert Entrepreneur, I’ve wondered if anyone would create anything along the lines of The Extrovert Entrepreneur.

Well, grab your noise-cancelling headphones, because I’ve found something close to it!! Did you know there’s a “full-service healthcare agency” called “Extrovertic“?

Fascinating!

Everyone who works there is an extrovert (at least according to their bios). Each bio starts with the phrase, “I know I’m an extrovert because…”

Inspired and curious, I posted the following on Facebook: “How would you finish the sentence, ‘I know I’m an introvert because…’??”

I know I'm an introvert because I love this t-shirt.

The answers were spot-on and often amusing, and I think you’ll find some kindred spirits in this group. And if I ever decide to form Introvertic, I know who to start with…

Kris: I know I’m an introvert because I speak quietly and occasionally.

Rita: I know I’m an introvert because I enjoy solitude. I have never dreamed of immersing my self in noisy, crowded gatherings.

Elizabeth: I know I’m an introvert because…hey, look over there! (runs away while you’re distracted)

Matt: I know I’m an introvert because I’d rather solve a puzzle or game than go to a party.

Beth: I know I’m an introvert because the best part about going out is coming home.

Carol: I know I’m an introvert because, even though I can act very extroverted at times, I always renew myself in solitude. And I love solo vacations.

Francesca: I know I’m an introvert because I’m a very private person and my ‘choosing friends’ rule is quality not quantity.

Carol: I know I’m an introvert because I’m not confrontational or like to be center of attention.

David: I know I’m an introvert because I have no energy after spending 30 minutes at a reception, but loads of energy working at 11pm all by myself.

Jeanie: This one isn’t mine. I stole it from an interview I real one time of a local introverted actor (I can just tell he’s an introvert. I have a psych degree so I know these things). Anyway, his would go something like this: “I know I’m an introvert because I would be voted most likely of the actor’s company to be staring off into space looking really serious when really I’m just thinking about pickles.” Mine: I know I’m a introvert because when I talk in person I’m sooo minimal, but when I talk through email or with written words, you can’t shut me up!

Susan: I know I’m an introvert because I HATE parties! (Even with my family; I mean, I love them, but sometimes a party is just too much. )

Janet: I know I’m an introvert because I don’t really want to discuss why I’m an introvert. :-/

Rhiannon: I know I’m an introvert because my thoughts suddenly make so much more sense as soon as I’m in a room by myself.

Joyce: I know I’m an introvert because trying to talk about myself is excruciatingly painful.

Arden: I know I’m an introvert because I listen more than I talk. But ask me questions and I’m happy to share.

Jolly: All of the above and I don’t have to give answers and explanations starting with ‘because’, I just know.

Ella: because…. i love solitude and privacy and because extroverts exhaust me and make me wanna run a mile lolol! i do like people, just as long as its not too often or for too long )

Kim: I know I’m an introvert because I don’t like extroverts or anyone else for that matter. Just kidding. Because I’m amazed by extroverts, almost like they’re from another planet. And because I can relate to every comment above, and I like pickles. And because when friends ask me to travel with them I panic that I’ll be in the same room with someone else for an entire trip. But I’m definitely an e-extrovert … outgoing online. : )

What about you?? Which of these answers resonate with you? How would you finish the sentence “I know I’m an introvert because…”? Please share in the comments!