Beth Comics

[Beth Comics] Conditional

2026-04-18T16:41:00.007-05:00

This is all 1,000% accurate and from the deepest and most horrified depths of my soul. It has churned there since 2016, around 10 years as of this posting.

I cannot express the depths of anger and betrayal. I'll forgive a vote, though it can be hard, and I'll still love the kind and forgiving people who've always been kind and forgiving, even when I think they're barking up a very rotten tree, but those who used to (and probably still do) terrorize anyone who doesn't live up to their ideals? They can burn in hell.

Panel 1

Conditional Love is when you have to "earn" affection by pleasing the other person, and you lose affection when you don't.

Person 1: I'll love you if you're perfect.

Person 2: That's messed up.

Panel 2

This is extra bad for kids because kids learn that they aren't loveable for who they are but rather what they do.

Blue Adult: Behave and I'll love you.

Little Beth: Ok.

Pink Adult: Noooooo! You deserve unconditional love! Love is not a transaction!

Panel 3

I grew up around church people who did this. Me and my brother successfully earned their love by meeting impossible standards. If we had failed, we would have been treated like trash.

Blue Adult: Look how I treat others who disappoint me. That could be you.

Little Jon: Ok I'll be good.

Pink Adult: NO! THAT'S LITERALLY A THREAT!

Panel 4

These were unsafe adults. Not physically -- emotionally.

Little Beth played their game. So did Little Jon.

Blue Adults [patting our heads]: What a good child!

We were perfect for them. We did it. Succeeded. Avoided their scorn. I used to be proud of this. Like it was an achievement.

Panel 5

After I grew up, those unsafe adults gave unconditional love and forgiveness to a politician who didn't meet the IMPOSSIBLE STANDARDS I contorted my life to fulfill.

Beth: What was it all even for?

Jon: Nothing. It was for nothing.

Panel 6

[largest purple text] They forgive him. They admire him. They celebrate him. They defend him.

[small indigo list between the big bold purple and pink text] Arrogant. Dishonest. Volatile. Vengeful. Adulterer. Materialistic. Promiscuous. Gluttonous. Greedy. Selfish. Cruel. Aggressive. Egotistical. Thin-Skinned.

[large pink text] I never want to see them again. I never want to hear from them. I regret wanting their love. I think I hate them.

[crowded purple text, some big and bright, others smaller and faded] Why is he safe with them but we weren't? (I'm not okay.) I was perfect for them. (Why?) This hurts. (I'm so angry.) How could they? (It hurts.) We were good. (Pain.) (Make it stop hurting.) (How could you?!) (Hypocrites.) You only loved those who behaved. (Hypocrites.) I was everything they wanted me to be, and he's none of it. (I loved you.) Why? (Betrayal.) You ruined lives for so much less. (Liars.) (Monsters.) Why is he held to a different standard? (Lies.) (Traitors.) (I'm so sad.) It hurts so much. (Betrayal.) I feel sick. (It's not okay.) We worked for their love and he just... gets it? (I'm so angry.) Why wasn't I worth loving like this? (Pain.) (Liars.) I was good. (Monsters.) I hurt. (It's not okay.) (Heartbreak.) Our efforts were for nothing. This is personal. (How could you?!) (I'm so angry.) I'm not okay. (We were good.) (Why?) We were kids. (Liars.) We did everything right. (I'm not okay.)

Jon: Yeah. Yes. Exactly. Same.

Panel 7

[boldest] Even grown and far away, my inner child whispered "Please them." Now, the whispers are SILENT, and my life, perhaps for the first time, is what I alone choose.

[light yellow text] I'm out. Never again. CU never. So done.

[cursive] The opposite of love is not hate; it's indifference.

[letter style] Dear Jerkwads, I met your impossible moral standards and assumed you had the same ones for everyone. But now you're calling Trump a great guy? We. Are. OVER. Don't ever talk to me again. I will be throwing your expectations for me IN THE TRASH where they BELONG! Sincerely not yours anymore, Beth

Periods (Continued)

2025-10-31T07:00:00.001-05:00

Periods (Explained for the Boys)

2025-09-28T10:17:00.003-05:00

Transgender

2025-08-31T09:32:00.001-05:00

Roommate

2025-03-04T16:07:00.000-06:00

No-No Word

2024-11-19T19:48:00.003-06:00

Beth's Quick Guide to Abortion

2024-11-06T15:40:00.000-06:00

Hate Speech

2024-10-21T09:02:00.000-05:00

Beth's Quick Guide to Bad Words

2024-10-16T22:46:00.000-05:00

Beth's Quick Guide to Christianity

2024-10-06T16:01:00.003-05:00

Punctuation Snob

2020-07-03T15:13:00.004-05:00

Beth: If I'm allowed to hate one thing about another culture for no good reason, this is my thing. This is what I choose. This is the hill I die on.
Alex: You know I'm going to learn British English Punctuation just to mess with you.
Beth: I do know this.
Alex: And your brother. And Tanner. And Zach. We will all use this to troll you.
Beth: I'd be surprised and concerned if you didn't.
Alex: Cool.

Super Lily

2019-12-14T10:42:00.000-06:00

Lily (3yo): I'm a superhero doctor princess!
Beth: Good for you, sweetie. Mommy is very proud.

Weird and Creepy

2017-10-30T23:30:00.000-05:00

Goodbye, Tiger

2017-07-12T21:31:00.000-05:00

May 2nd, we lost Tiger to old age. He was 12 and has been part of our family for 11 years. I wanted to draw something for him, although this little tribute pales in comparison to what he deserves. This is also the first time I've drawn Alice since her death six years ago, as drawing her has previously been too painful.

I like to imagine she was waiting to pounce on him and lick inside his ears.

Heard It All Before

2017-07-06T15:32:00.000-05:00

Breastmilk is great for babies, something you will see and hear everywhere babies are discussed, but I had low production with my first and was stressed about that for my second -- a perfect recipe for not wanting to hear the sales pitch one more time.

Panel 1
Beth: Every time a baby smiles, God sheds a tear of joy that falls into a stream at the top of a verdant mountain where unicorns roam, feeding off the mystical grass and living forever.

Panel 2
Nurse: I only asked what you know about breastmilk.
Beth: It's called a metaphor.

Experience

2017-06-30T21:07:00.002-05:00

Panel 1
Aaron: I heard you're getting a sister.
Luke: Uh huh!

Panel 2
Aaron: I am so sorry.

Sing-Song Life

2017-06-21T20:36:00.000-05:00

The Hufflepuff Way

2017-04-06T20:13:00.000-05:00

Best part? I made my Slytherin friend facepalm when I pitched this idea.

Panel 1
Slytherin Student: I'm going to give 110% on tomorrow's test.
Gryffindor Student: Well, I'm gonna give 120%!
Ravenclaw Student: I'm going to give 100% because no higher percentage exists.

Panel 2
Hufflepuff Boy: I'm gonna do my best. I think I'll take a nap now, though. Who's up for a nap?
Hufflepuff Braided Girl: ME!
Hufflepuff Girl: It's important to be well-rested.

Panel 3
Hufflepuff Boy: Maybe we can study after dinner.
Hufflepuff Girl: That's a great idea.
Hufflepuff Braided Girl: Let's help each other do well!

Old Version

April Fools!

2017-04-01T23:59:00.000-05:00

Sorry, everyone. Ponies will not be the default comic format from now on.

However, if you were excited about seeing more ponies, yesterday's won't be the only pony comic! It almost killed me getting that one done in time for April 1st, but I like ponies too much to let it be a one-off.

I committed pretty hard to this April Fools Day, even changing the website layout:

I'll work on updating the layout later and will leave the pony theme up to keep you company until I have something to replace it.

Have a fantastic April, everyone!

My Little Beth

2017-03-31T23:59:00.002-05:00

Huge announcement, guys! From now on, my comics will be drawn in PONY form!

[April Fools! We'll be back to our regularly scheduled human comics soon.]

Panel 1
Beth: WE'RE PONIES! Ponies! Unicorn ponies! PONIES!
Alex: . . .

Panel 2
Beth: I have a CUTIE MARK! Look look look look look!
Alex: Oh dear God. So do I.

Panel 3
Beth: Oh my goodness, this is the best day ever, I am so happy to be a pony and I want to have tea with Fluttershy and party with Pinkie and check out Twilight's library and did you know we have MAGIC now? And it SPARKLES! I COULD JUST DIE! But RIGHT THIS SECOND, Leah and I are going to Rarity's boutique to check out the latest in pony fashion, okay bye!

Panel 4
Jon: What just happened?
Alex: I don't know. But I'm afraid.

2016

2016-12-30T12:18:00.002-06:00

Referenced: Politics, Alan Rickman, Anton Yelchin, Carrie Fisher

2016, I can't stay mad at you.

Making Change

2016-12-13T15:22:00.000-06:00

Anti-Corruption - https://represent.us/

Civil Rights - http://ccrjustice.org/

http://www.aclu.org/

Climate Change - https://www.nrdc.org/

Human Rights - http://www.amnestyusa.org/

Journalism - http://www.propublica.org/

http://www.freepress.net/

Political Accountability - http://www.commoncause.org/

Race-Based Civil Rights - http://www.naacpldf.org/

Refugees - http://www.refugeerights.org/

Voice Control

2016-11-20T14:29:00.001-06:00

Prince Luke and The Missing Princess

2016-08-20T17:00:00.000-05:00

Created to celebrate the birth of our daughter, Lily. In this story, Prince Luke must go on a harrowing quest to save his sister.

-----------------------------------

A few notes in case you care about why I picked some of the details of the story.

I wanted an adventure for Luke and a way to introduce his baby sister at the same time. Babies can't do much, but cousins can! So 3-year-old Luke is joined by 6-year-old Aaron (who is very silly) and 2-year-old Katie (who is very strong-willed), and Lily plays a minor role.

The "villain" being my dad made sense after a bit of thought because there is nothing in this world my dad loves more than holding babies and chatting to them, which makes for a great (and harmless) motive to kidnap his granddaughter. He also loves sweets, but it would be hard to transport ice cream up a mountain, so I went with cake.

I'd originally thought of the goblin lair being a dark cave, but my dad is claustrophobic and so I chose to set him on the very top of a mountain.

My mom is an adventurous soul, very interested in trying and learning new things, so imagining her as a queen who abdicates and goes on lots of adventures and becomes a well-respected warrior when her royal consort is cursed made sense to me.

"Sir" Puppy is Luke's favorite real-life stuffed animal, and we rarely leave home without him. Also, Luke will only carry Puppy by wrapping an arm around Puppy's poor stuffingless neck. And Katie will bring Puppy to Luke sometimes if Puppy is just sitting around. It's super cute.

The monster is a large version of our cat, Tiger, and Luke has learned that you can offer Tiger a finger to sniff if you're careful and quiet.

I considered giving the kids mounts, but you don't even want to know how bad that looked. I am not gifted at quadrupeds.

My brother has plastic kiddie swords that he'll use to play with Aaron and Luke sometimes, and then Katie gets hold of one and pokes her brother in the eye because seriously, she's just two, and the game ends. (I'm hoping to get Katie a short little foam sword of her own at some point so she won't injure people.) My brother is very good at roughhousing with the kids in general, and it's fun to watch, so the sparring session in the next-to-last panel is a nod to that.

That's all. Hope you enjoyed it!

One More Scenario

2016-08-12T23:30:00.000-05:00

I was worried in case I couldn't get hold of my emergency babysitters when I go into labor, but the doctor reassured me. Then my imagination kicked in.

Not included: Luke applauding himself after his declaration.