beth washington

may 1989 - april 2008

strangehappypeople — Tue, 22 Apr 2008 21:22:58 +0000

I have died. Exams and final papers have killed my poor, worthless soul.

second-hand embarassment.

strangehappypeople — Wed, 16 Apr 2008 02:57:46 +0000

Political Science Professor: Smaller, inferior nation states have a few tactics at their hands to balance power against the behemoth that is the United States. We are now seeing the rise of terrorism, so it’s no coincidence that terrorism is nicknamed “The Weapon of the Weak.”

Red-Haired Idiot [raises hand]: Do you mean Weapon of the W-E-A-K or Weapon of the W-E-E-K? Because I’ve always thought you meant Weapon of the W-E-E-K and if that’s the case…it’s been used longer than a week.

Beth Washington [whispering]: Are you fucking kidding me? Oh, I said that out loud didn’t I…

Sometimes I wonder how my college is able to maintain its top rating on USNews and Princeton Review when they admit dumbasses like this in.

cats and dogs.

strangehappypeople — Fri, 11 Apr 2008 21:02:55 +0000

Girls hug because we like that sense of comfort and security. According to Ryan, boys hug because “we like the way your boobs feel on our chests, like soft, squishy clouds.”

Male bloggers please confirm or deny this sentiment.

evil plans.

strangehappypeople — Tue, 08 Apr 2008 19:11:18 +0000

The college just sent out a campus-wide letter warning the student body - DO NOT GET THE PRE-FROSH DRUNK because drinking “is not the thing to do.” Well, of course it isn’t the only thing but in a town that proudly boasts an 8,000 member population and mountains for miles, drinking and actin’ a fool are usually the first resorts for fun.

That and streaking but I have yet to let my boobs flap in the wind. Maybe next year.

Since I opted out of hosting a pre-frosh because my dorm room floor is for towels and dirty clothes only not a stranger’s body, I won’t feel any obligation to pretend like there isn’t a big drinking culture here. I fully intend to feed alcohol to some little, unassuming 17 year old from Ohio. I will then force her to dance and/or be molested by a sex-starved jock at the toga party this Friday. Yes, I will have my fun playing puppet master and pouring water on their hungover faces the next morning.

And I will do it without having consumed a single drop of alcohol myself. I’m such a law-abiding angel, aren’t I?

boring thursdays.

strangehappypeople — Thu, 03 Apr 2008 19:08:40 +0000

Thanks to streaming porn I no longer have 200+ videos clogging up my computer. I take my victories where I can get �??em.

Also, girls watching porn is apparently a strange phenomenon. This was confirmed at lunch today when I went off about the poor lighting in this one video that I was excited about because if I�??m waiting twelve minutes for the damn thing to download I want to be able to see what�??s going on. All I got were blank stares.

This also happened when I showed them a print out of two vibrators that I couldn�??t decide between.

I truly wonder why my friends keep me around.

class of 2012.

strangehappypeople — Tue, 01 Apr 2008 00:25:35 +0000

The pre-frosh are swarming. I wonder if I was as annoying as they are? I’m sure I wasn’t, I knew my place, but these little assholes have Pre-Frosh Complex.

Symptoms include laughing obscenely loud at a professor’s joke, obnoxiously leaning over a student to read a passage in a book that the class has almost finished, constantly raising your fucking hand, and referencing Vonnegut or Joyce as if no one has ever heard of these two “obscure” authors.

This blondie in my English class had a severe case of the Complex. She repeatedly joined into a discussion about a short story that she hadn’t read. I wanted to take her damn swivel chair and roll her out of the room. Every comment started with “Well, from what I’ve read…” Bitch, you read a paragraph! How can you glean anything from that? Obviously she couldn’t because her analysis was a bunch of verbal diarrhea.

Message to pre-frosh - all you’re supposed to do is visit a class, not participate every five minutes. No one gives a fuck if you’re intelligent so quit trying to prove it. You just look like an asshole and then no one will want to get you drunk that weekend.

Thank-you.

Dick.

strangehappypeople — Mon, 31 Mar 2008 04:02:45 +0000

One of the nicest things Ryan has ever done was invite me to Bonnaroo this summer. A friend of his family’s offered him a few tickets and he immediately asked if I wanted to go. Of course, I said yes. Alcohol, drugs, and mud? I definitely wouldn’t have missed it.

This was months ago. He knows I’m shamelessly excited about it, but I should’ve known that it’d all go to shit. Long, dumb, story short he saw his ex-girlfriend over spring break and now he’s not sure if he should give the ticket to me or her.

If his roommates weren’t standing just outside the door I would have exploded. I stormed out instead and because I’m currently riding the red wave, I cried like a little girl in my room. In true movie fashion, my friends came over with cookies and mercilessly made fun of him.

The last six weeks of school don’t look promising. It’s going to be a long time before I get laid again.

whine, whine, whine.

strangehappypeople — Fri, 28 Mar 2008 10:23:20 +0000

PMS hits me in the most stereotypical way - four days of crying fits and an increase in my bitchiness level (an 8 to a 9). At college I spare everyone by turning off my phone and locking myself in my room, but at home there’s no escape from my siblings.

I’ve all ready yelled at my sister for not asking if I wanted a PB&J sandwich and started weeping when my 2 year old niece whispered “I lub you.” I’m so sick of myself. I’ve considered taking testoterone and getting a phalloplasty.

Unfortunately, this parade of erratic hormones lasts for three, long days and then Auntie Flo will come and use my ovaries as speed bags.

I also need to get laid.

fuck my life.

strangehappypeople — Thu, 27 Mar 2008 18:47:28 +0000

Text to Ex [Monday]: Hi, Ben! I really miss you. Do you want to get together before break is over?

Ex Text [Monday]: Beth, I’ve been wanting to see you for awhile. I’ll call you up.

Ex Text [Tuesday]: By the way from your Facebook pictures I can see that you look really good. I like your short hair.

Text to Ex [Tuesday]: Thanks. Hopefully all that cafeteria food hasn’t ruined your abs

Ex Text [Tuesday]: No, they’re still here if you’d like to see them.

Text to Ex [Wednesday]: When do you want to meet up?

Ex Text [Wednesday]: Soon, soon.

Text to Ex [Wednesday]: Ok, I’ll talk to you later, BDF.

Ex Text [Thursday]: BDF? No, just plain Ben ——.

Text to Plain Ben [Thursday]: ….I thought you were my ex-boyfriend this whole time.

Plain Ben [Thursday]: Oh…

Plain Ben [Thursday]: Do you still want to hang out though?

Plain Ben is a creeper from college and has the same name as my ex. When he’s drunk he tells my friends that he imagines me naked. I have ruined my spring break. How could anyone be this dumb?

childish.

strangehappypeople — Wed, 26 Mar 2008 20:22:56 +0000

I haven’t been posting because there’s literally nothing to write about. All I’ve been doing is watching movies and trying to transport my body to New England.

I did go to “a cute little diner” with the Moms yesterday. “Cute” and “little” translates into cheap, low-quality food. To no surprise my mash potatoes were rocks, so my 2 year old niece and I were flinging them at each other.

I know, I need to grow up. I will in a couple of months.