Beth's Boring Blog

What's a Bargain Worth?

2011-11-24T09:41:00.001-07:00

I'll keep this short and sweet. I don't participate in Black Friday for several reasons, but the most important is that every year people are seriously injured and some even die. A good deal on electronics is not worth a life. Right?

I'm Still Alive!

2011-09-14T19:43:00.000-06:00

Wow. Long time no blog. I've chronicled my brain injury saga on my other blog, and it's the reason I've barely been able to keep up with that blog let alone this one.

I've had lots on my mind lately, and I keep coming back to some of my posts here, particularly this one and this other one, as I am in the process of putting together a Coming of Age Ceremony for my oldest, who turns 13 in exactly one month. My how time flies! I'm very excited about it and I hope that it will be a beautiful time that will leave her with many great memories.

She has one more year at her awesome school, then we are considering taking a year to travel anywhere and everywhere we can. I have no idea if we can really do it, but we're going to try. She will either homeschool or cyberschool and we'll just get the heck out of here!

I'm homeschooling my youngest and it's going well. She's a great kid. I enjoy her so much.

Here are a few recent pics of her hamming it up for the camera whilst taking self-portraits. Goofball:

In These Arms

2011-06-13T08:00:00.004-06:00

Alex and I met in high school. I was a senior and he was a junior, and we were both on student council and in the school play. We became fast friends. He was so funny, and we enjoyed goofing around and playing pranks on our teachers. A few months into our friendship I started going to his youth group with him. We would go to his house after school and do our homework, eat dinner with his family, then go to youth group. One night after youth group my dad came to pick me up and I told Alex bye. We hugged for the first time, and it's hard to even explain the feelings that washed over me as I was enveloped in Alex's arms. I wouldn't call it a spark, or even a tingle, but this flood of warmth that carried with it an amazing sense of peace and calm, and this deep knowing that: this is where I belong.

That feeling has never faded.

Happy 13th Anniversary, my love.

In your arms was where I was meant to be.

Dear Abortion Protestors

2011-05-11T09:04:00.000-06:00

You really pissed me off the other day. I was simply trying to get from point A to point B with my husband and daughter when we came across you all at an intersection, standing there with your cross necklaces, holier-than-thou looks towards us poor lost sinners, and giant pictures of mutilated babies. I had to quickly tell my 6-year-old to close her eyes and keep them closed, since it would be absolutely inappropriate to let her see those pictures.

I know you think you are doing a good deed. Trust me, I know. I was once in your camp.

I marched at a couple of pro-life rallies as a young teen, partly to get extra credit in my Bible class, but also because I really believed I was doing what was right. I wrote a poem and gave a speech about the horrors and sin of abortion. But then, something happened. I grew up. I left the sheltered bubble that is Christian school. I fell in love with a young man, and as teens are wont to do, we had sex. Once. And I got pregnant.

I had my baby. I am glad I did. I love her and her sister more than anything in the world.

Even though I made the choice to go through with my pregnancy and raise my child, it isn't necessarily the right choice for everyone, and it came with a lot of sacrifices. Each woman's situation is different. I was blessed to have a boyfriend (now husband of 13 years) who wanted to raise our child together. We had a network of support in our families and friends; after they had gotten over being ashamed of us, that is.

What do you think standing on a street corner with pictures of mutilated babies accomplishes? Do you think you are earning bonus points with God for giving up your Saturday afternoon to anger rationally thinking adults and scare the crap out of children? Really? You don't think there are better ways to go about lowering abortion rates? Because that is the goal, right? Here are some ideas to help you towards that goal:

1. Stop shunning and/or shaming unmarried pregnant women and teens. I have been on the receiving end of it, and it sucks. Thinking, "Am I ready to face the scorn and judgment?" is a very real consideration for unwed women who find themselves pregnant, especially those who are religiously affiliated.

2. Embrace them instead. Love them. Be their network of support, without judgment, and give them whatever type of support they need, be it physical, emotional, spiritual, or financial.

3. Stop teaching abstinence. It doesn't work. You cannot teach abstinence, be against birth control, and expect abortion rates to go down.

4. Realize that regardless of your own beliefs, for others sex is a health issue, not a moral one. People need to be taught how to engage in it in a healthy and responsible way.

5. Educate yourself on the realities of abortion, like the fact that 3 of 4 women who have an abortion describe themselves as religiously affiliated:

I assume that those of you who were out on the street corner last Saturday are vehemently opposed to homosexuality being mentioned or taught in public schools, because you think that as a parent it is your right to keep that reality from your children, or to teach it in a way that you see fit. Well, I happen to teach my children that gay is a perfectly acceptable and normal way to be, but I think that I have the right to shield my child from the reality of abortion until she is at an age where she can understand it. Six is not that age.

Please, use your time doing something that will actually precipitate the change you want to see. Address the socioeconomic inequities that drive women towards abortion, encourage men to take responsibility for the children they father, fight against the domestic violence that may make women scared to bring a child into their violent world. And for Christ's sake, quit judging. Quit making assumptions about the women who abort. As the statistics show, the majority of women who have abortions already have children, and know what it is to be a mother.

Actions speak much louder than words. And pictures.

Beautiful

2011-03-25T15:00:00.000-06:00

"I know a woman who knows how to love. I know a woman who understands her own mind and who will take nothing less in life than all that she wants. I know a woman who gives herself wholly, mind, heart, body, and soul, and she is wiser than to tarnish her gifts with shame. Sisters, ours is not the generation to embrace her insight, for we have been taught too long and too well the lie that the gift of ourselves is poor and unworthy. We have come to believe it, and this lie taints every honest feeling, every true thing we would do."

~Paula Reed

Hester: The Missing Years of The Scarlet Letter

I highly recommend the book.

More Allergy Stuff

2011-03-22T21:20:00.001-06:00

There is a story out of Florida that has been brewing for a bit. I read about it a couple of weeks ago and have now seen it picked up by some of the national news outlets. Basically, the administration at an elementary school has done an exemplary job of putting accommodations in place for a young girl who has an incredibly severe peanut allergy. Her classmates are required to wash their hands and rinse out their mouths before entering the classroom in the morning and after lunch. Surfaces in the classroom are wiped regularly with Clorox wipes. No outside food is allowed in the classroom. A special dog was brought in to the school during spring break to sniff out any remaining peanut residue.

Some of the parents of her classmates decided to stage a protest outside the school. A few of their complaints:

- Having to wash hands and rinse mouths takes away from valuable instruction time.
- They can't send in cake, cupcakes, or cookies for their children's birthdays.
- Their kids "have rights too."

Because birthday parties don't take up valuable instruction time. Right. That makes sense. And washing hands is good hygiene. No one wants their kids doing that!

A note about the mouth rinsing, since people seem to think it's absolutely ridiculous: My guess is that it's because of the young age of the students. It's a first grade classroom, and kids that age are apt to touch, hug, and sometimes even kiss each other on the cheek. They also are likely to put things in the classroom in their mouths. If a lot of the school supplies are shared, it's not at all unthinkable that one child could mouth something and then the allergic child might do the same and go into anaphylaxis if their was even a bit of peanut protein on the item. The first school that Mikaela was at wanted all the school supplies to be shared. She was in 4th grade at the time and our solution was that she had her own supplies labeled with her name and kept in her desk and didn't share them.

Fact:

-Food allergy is a disability.
-Some allergies, like my daughter's (and the little girl in Florida), are so severe that anaphylaxis can result from a microscopic ingestion or even from the smell of peanuts.
-Schools are required under federal law to provide a safe learning environment for every student.
-Students and parents may have to go out of their way to help protect a life.

Opinion:

-They should be happy to do it.
-Shame on those parents for ostracizing a 6-year-old girl who already has a huge burden to carry.
-Their signs may as well have read, "We don't care if your kid dies!"
-Has anyone asked the kids if they mind going out of their way for a classmate? My guess is that they are happy to help protect their friend.

I am assuming that the school administration, the girl's parents, and possibly her doctor came up with the accommodation plan to keep her safe in school. They are the only ones who know the severity of her allergy, history of her reactions, and likelihood for future reactions. If they decided such stringent procedures were necessary, they likely are. If parents are so set on sending in treats for birthdays, I'm sure the mom of the allergic child could make up a list of packaged safe treats that would be acceptable. Or the school could choose to provide them if they have the finances to do so.

I had heard that the parents chose to pull her out because of the hostility they are facing, and I certainly don't blame them. I have been through a horrible experience with a school (and the Office for Civil Rights did a thorough investigation finding completely in our favor that they had discriminated against my daughter) but I was dealing with uneducated administrators. Students and parents were actually quite supportive. It was by far the most stressful thing I've ever been through, and even reading about this story has brought up some of the feelings and symptoms from that time: insomnia, heartburn, sadness, anger.

It is such a hard thing to learn that the vast majority of people, or at least a very vocal minority, just don't care about your child's life. Eating peanuts in school is WAY more important than keeping ONE kid from dying. She's just one kid.

Until she's your kid.

Not Easy to Share

2011-01-17T11:58:00.000-07:00

I don't really talk about the emotional aspect of having a child with a life threatening food allergy, but it's something that has been on my mind a lot lately (it's in the back of my mind always) so I'm going to go ahead and share.

In short: It sucks. It is still so hard to wrap my head around the fact that a microscopic bit of peanut protein could potentially kill my child. I mean, that is just bizarre. Food is not supposed to kill us. Basically every time she puts something in her mouth, there is a risk (albeit generally a small one depending on the source of the food) that she might die. I feel like I don't even have the time or energy to worry about the things that most parents worry about when I am consumed with making sure her food is safe.

And now, as she gets older, the responsibility has to shift onto her shoulders so that she will be prepared to handle it on her own. I'm so scared of the teenage years. I remember reading that food allergy deaths are most likely to occur between the ages of 13 and 20. That freaks me out. I really try to not let my mind go there too much, but sometimes I can't help it, especially with the sad news of a 13-year-old girl who died last month. My heart aches for her parents.

Sometimes I wonder how I will ever be able to let Mikaela go do stuff with friends. What if she starts to have a reaction and no one helps her? I mean, teenagers can be plain dumb. You hear the stories of kids binge drinking and passing out, then being left to die of alcohol poisoning because their friends ditched them or just didn't think to get help. What if Mikaela has a reaction so severe that there is no time for her to Epipen herself? What if she's alone and there's no one there to help her? Reading about a recent study that kids with food allergies are taunted and bullied doesn't help.

I get so angry when I read articles about how food allergies are often misdiagnosed or over-diagnosed, and then people are commenting with speculation that parents just make up their kids allergies. First of all, why the hell would someone make that up? And second of all, if a doctor tells you that your kid has an allergy, needs to strictly avoid that food and always carry an Epipen that might save their life in the instance of a reaction, are you going to test it out to see if the allergy is really that severe? I don't think so. Even if allergies are misdiagnosed, that is the problem of doctors, not parents, and definitely not the kids.

One thing that people don't realize is that even if an allergy is initially diagnosed as mild, you never know what kind of reaction you'll get each time. I am a perfect example of that. Several years ago I started noticing that my neck got itchy when I ate cucumbers. It wasn't horribly annoying so I continued to eat them occasionally, up until the reactions started worsening and I started avoiding them. This last spring I accidentally consumed some at a restaurant (they were diced into really tiny pieces in tabbouleh) and ended up having an anaphylactic reaction and now I have to carry an Epipen as well. Allergies are not very understood, and it's unknown why someone can have a mild reaction at one point and then full blown anaphylaxis at the next exposure to that food. It's not something one would want to mess around or experiment with just to see what happens.

I'm not looking for pity with this post. I'm just trying to give an inside view of what it's like, to help further understanding. Here are the main things that I would like people who don't have to deal with food allergies to know:

1. It's extremely stressful. Luckily Mikaela is in a very safe school at National Jewish Hospital right now, but the first school she went to I literally dropped her off every morning and wondered in the back of my head, "I wonder if today will be the day that I get that call." Not to mention the stress that she is under as the one with the allergy. She has to constantly be mindful of not touching her mouth, nose and eyes, washing hands often, checking to make sure that everything she eats is safe...and more.

2. Please try to put yourself/your child in our shoes. It's easy to say, "Just let that kid sit at a different table, just not have the treat being offered to everyone else, just be left out if it's not safe enough," etc, until it's your own kid.

3. I get that it's inconvenient. You may have to modify your kid's lunches and snacks if they go to a nut free school or have a nut free classroom. My goal is not to inconvenience you, though. It's simply to protect my child's life, and I truly, truly appreciate it when people go out of their way to help.

4. Please don't assume that we're making it up or it really isn't that severe. Mikaela has had contact, inhalation, and ingestion reactions to peanuts, including an anaphylactic reaction where I had to jam an Epipen into her thigh and call 911. It was terrifying. I kept my cool in the moment and did what I needed to do but afterward just shook and cried. She could have died. Quite frankly, any insinuation that I'm making a mountain out of a molehill is extremely offensive.

I Helped Script This Video!

2011-01-03T16:11:00.000-07:00

Just wanted to share. I am pretty pleased with how it turned out. Unfortunately I was unable to be involved with production and post production due to life being chaotic at the time, but they did a good job.

Happy Holidays!

2010-12-24T11:09:00.000-07:00

I've been thinking a lot this year about the myriad holidays that are celebrated this month, and refining which ones I want to celebrate with my family and redefining what Christmas means to me. Growing up Christmas was about Jesus, and my parents didn't "do" Santa. I remember making one of my classmates in kindergarten cry when I told her Santa wasn't real. I wasn't trying to be mean; just telling her my truth at the time. I thought I was doing her a favor but she burst into tears. Oops.

We've done "Santa Lite" over the years with our own kids. He fills up stockings and parents do the gifts under the tree. Mikaela has never really bought into it anyway. Once when she was three we were talking about Santa and apparently I got too into it because she suddenly leaned in and whispered, "Mama. He's not real." Oh. Right. She always wants to play the game, though. She always instigates and enjoys our little traditions of leaving out reindeer food and milk and cookies on Christmas Eve.

Sofia seems to really buy into it all, which makes me feel a tad guilty. I'm hoping she won't be one of those kids who finds out the truth and won't talk to Alex and I for a few months. She'll look like this:

I'm sure we'll have plenty of excuses, though. "It's a cultural myth. Everybody's doing it! We didn't want you to feel left out." It's been fun for us since neither of us grew up in Santa households.

I've heard the phrase, "Take what you need, leave the rest," as far as receiving advice and suggestions, but it's kind of how I approach the holidays as well. Christmas is no longer about the birth of Christ for me, but I have no problem still enjoying the traditions and songs from my childhood. They are familiar and a comfort. "Oh Holy Night" will always be my favorite Christmas song. It's simply beautiful.

I've also been learning more each year about Pagan traditions, and they speak to me in a deeper way than "religious" Christmas ever really did. It speaks to my soul to acknowledge where we are in the year, and to create traditions and ritual for my family that are simply about the season. More and more, for me, I'm coming to believe that the season is the reason for the season, and that's okay.

So, with all that said, I wish you a very Happy Winter. It is a beautiful time of year. Whatever holidays you do or do not observe, whatever religion or belief system you subscribe to, whatever traditions you have created for your family, I hope you enjoy them to the fullest.

Love, charity in giving, graciousness in receiving, joy, tradition, our Advent quilt, (hopefully) snow, evergreen trees, holly, ornaments, lights, St. Nicholas, holiday songs, cookie baking, tamale making, total lunar eclipse on the full moon and Solstice watching (that was so cool!), reading Christmas and Yule stories, even appreciating the beauty in a well done nativity scene...these are the things that I am celebrating, enjoying and cultivating for my children. And I love it.

BE MERRY.

Book Giveaway! Comment so You Can Win Too!

2010-12-10T18:17:00.000-07:00

Great contest: Celebrate the HAUL-IDAYS with Chronicle Books!

Post a list of Chronicle Books valued at up to $500 that you’d like to haul in, and you’ll be automatically entered into a drawing to WIN your list of books! And, one of your readers who comments on the post will win the list too!

So leave comments!!

David Choe $45.00

What's Next $22.95

I Dare You $14.95

Wine Wars $19.95

1001 Ways to Live in the Moment $9.95

Heroes of the Environment $16.99

Gratitude Journal $14.95

The Pleasures of Slow Food $24.95

Fortune-Telling Book of Dreams $9.95

Mom's Ultimate Family Organizer $24.95

How to Raise Your Parents $12.99

World Almanac Puzzler Deck $9.95

I Will Never Forget You $24.95

The Winemaker Cooks $35.00

Bitten $16.95

The Exquisite Book $29.95

Just Between Us $15.95

Spirit Animals $14.95

Curious Lists $12.95

Secrets of Simplicity $19.95

Get High Now $14.95

Everyday Astrology $24.95

The Commonsense Kitchen $35.00

Between the Bridge and the River $24.95

Total: $498.03

Crazy Thankful

2010-11-24T20:24:00.000-07:00

The title pretty much sums it up. I am so grateful for so many things, and I've reached a point in my life where I feel truly, madly, ridiculously happy. I've had some stressful things happen lately, and some very sad things occurred this year, but at my core I just feel so...free. It feels good.

I was just looking at my goals that I set back in January:

1. Reach my goal weight.

2. Get the house organized and on a regular cleaning schedule.

3. Paint/decorate the house.

4. Run/walk the Bolder Boulder. (Unfortunately this one was thwarted by the bad fall I had in May. Next year, though, I'm there.)

5. Write a screenplay. (I've still got a month, right?)

6. Be authentic and true to myself; and accepting of myself.

7. Nurture my spiritual self; be open.

8. Design and get a tattoo.

9. Get prepared for homeschooling by August.

10. Start playing volleyball again.

I've accomplished all but 4, 5, and 10!! And of course some of them, like 6 and 7, are ongoing.

I'm so thankful for everyone and everything in my life. Life is GOOD.

Happy Thanksgiving!

Education Reform

2010-11-06T10:31:00.000-06:00

My friend Jessica posted this link on Facebook about Modernizing Education by Sir Ken Robinson. Go watch the video and then come back.

I really like the video animation and wholeheartedly agree with what he has to say. Even when I was in school, I remember wondering what the point was to the constant repetition and why certain things were required learning, when things that would have been really useful to learn weren't even taught. For example, I hated math in general but algebra in particular. I knew early on that math wasn't my strong suit and that I would not be going into any kind of career field that had an emphasis on math. However, I was required to take two years of algebra. Why? It would have been way more useful to have a math class that taught budgeting, how to balance a checkbook, how to price compare, how to understand credit, making good financial investments, etc. Instead I wasted two years memorizing the step-by-step process of how to solve different equations in order to facilitate a good grade, and then promptly forgot it all. I can say with certainty that I could not solve even a simple algebra equation, since my daughter has asked for help with her homework and I'm totally clueless.

This is an issue that has been at the forefront for me lately, not just in terms of deciding on how to educate my own children, but larger societal issues that are happening (like bullying) that all stem from the same problem. There are so many problems with our education system that it seems almost hopeless.

I had a great discussion with Mikaela last night and we are leaning towards homeschooling after next year. The thought of homeschooling for high school is simultaneously intimidating and so liberating. We will most likely do the Options program in our city, and she will be able to take college courses her junior and senior years and have her associate's degree when she graduates high school. She's already a grade ahead, so that means she can potentially have her bachelor's degree by age 19 if she chooses to just get it done right after high school.

We want to create time for our family to participate in volunteerism, activism, travel, and simply to follow our dreams and have time to pursue them. I told Mikaela that high school culture in its present state doesn't reflect the values of our family nor cultivate the best in individuals. If I could sum up my plan for a curriculum, it will probably look like this:

Dream
Love
Laugh
Learn
Experience
Give

...Be the Change

We are jumping off the treadmill; disqualifying ourselves from the rat race, and intend to live life to the fullest whilst learning and loving, and probably dancing. It's going to be FUN.

A Funny Story

2010-11-01T16:23:00.002-06:00

Several years ago, when we lived in a small house with a huge yard that contained a few large trees, it was around this time of year that we set out to rake up all the leaves. Of course we would pile them up for Mikaela to jump in, and sometimes jump in them ourselves. What can I say? We were fun (translation: YOUNG) parents.

One year Alex and Mikaela were working diligently, and I called over, “Hey, if you get me a rake I’ll help.”

Alex nodded towards the shed not 20 feet from where I was standing. “Rakes are in the shed.”

“I know where they are. But I want you to get it.”

“You can get it.”

“No, I can’t. There are spiders and snakes in there.”

(Rolling his eyes.) “There are NOT snakes in the shed.”

“Mm-hmm. There are.”

“Have you ever seen one in there?”

“No. But I know they’re in there.”

“Oh brother.”

He absolutely refused to go get me a rake, so I cautiously crept up to the shed and tentatively opened the door.

There, propped up against the back wall of the shed was a rake, with a brightly colored garter snake coiled in and out of its tines.

It wasn’t a large snake, maybe 20” long and quite thin. But it was a SNAKE. On the RAKE. In the SHED.

I calmly called Alex over so as not to scare the snake away and instead of bowing to my superiority he simply laughed and laughed and laughed. I did too. It was quite funny.

And it was one of the best times ever that I've been able to say, "I told ya so."

Yay for fall! And snakes on rakes.

I Wore Purple on Wednesday

2010-10-22T12:14:00.000-06:00

I sat down to blog on Wednesday but the whole issue of bullying and suicide makes me so damn sad that I can't even seem to get a coherent thought out. I have a 12-year-old. A 12-year-old in 7th grade. It is so hard to imagine that she, or any child, could cope with the kind of bullying that is happening now. It's not just at school. "Cyberbullying" has taken it to a whole new level.

I was harassed by a group of boys when I was in high school. Really it was sexual harassment since everything they said or did to me included overt sexual innuendo. They were given a slap on the hand and I was given a "boys will be boys" speech, and the harassment continued. The ring leader of the group tormented me until we graduated.

The thing that stands out to me is that I remember at first feeling so angry and hurt, but when I realized that the administration wasn't on my side, I felt trapped and panicked. One day it was so bad that I marched into the school office and asked if I could withdraw myself from the school or if my parents had to do it. It was towards the end of my junior year, and I seriously considered not coming back, but then decided I didn't want to try to make new friends at a new school as a senior.

It was a really horrible experience. One day the whole group of boys and I were called into the vice principal's office so that he could try to "mediate" the situation (to this day I don't understand what there was to mediate when one side was clearly in the wrong) then we were all sent back to class and they walked behind me and taunted me the whole way, even making physical threats.

So I take that experience, and then wonder what it would have been like if I'd had a cell phone, and an email account, and a Facebook page, etc, where the tormenting and threats could have continued ad nauseam for 24 hours a day. Honestly, I might have killed myself. They would have been unrelenting and despite my strong sense of self it's very easy for me to imagine how kids get to that point. You start to feel crazy, and eventually you start to believe what they are saying, or wonder if it's somehow your fault.

I held my head high at school and ignored them as much as I could, tried to save my tears for when they weren't around, but I had a reprieve in the evenings and on weekends. Kids today are getting no reprieve.

I am happy that this issue is getting a lot of media attention, and I think the "It Gets Better" videos are great, but I'd really like to send a message out to all kids, and the parents who are telling their kids it's okay to be a bully:

BE BETTER

It is horrible that so many kids have killed themselves, and my heart aches for their families, but I also think about the kids that bullied them and pushed them to the edge. I can't imagine living with that on my conscience for the rest of my life.

So before you do so much as walk by when you see someone being bullied, nod your head in agreement when one of your friends says something nasty to or about another person, think how you would feel if you were that person, and then DO SOMETHING. Intervene if you can, go get an adult if you can't. Stand up for people who are being picked on. Befriend people who are being picked on. Don't be friends with bullies. Take a stand.

I can tell you as a 31-year-old that survived high school and a horrible bullying experience that it most certainly does get better, but you can be a force for change right now so that it will be better now and later.

Be bold, be free, be YOU, and stand up for others so that they can do the same.

Christian Feminism - My Thoughts

2010-09-28T17:19:00.001-06:00

Thanks for all the comments on the previous post. I will say that ultimately I pretty much agree with Jenn and Kate.

There are some women who claim both labels of Christian and feminist, and they strive to bring the sacred feminine into (or back into) their religious traditions, but technically, Biblically speaking (as the Bible has been translated and accepted) it's simply not there. A Christ-centered practice, as opposed to a Bible-centered one, leaves some room for feminism because of the way Jesus treated women in his ministry, but then it has to be acknowledged that the Bible is not infallible and the (many) portions of scripture that denigrate women have to be set aside and ignored. The Bible is not a pro-woman book, therefore branches of Christianity that view the Bible as the ultimate authority of the church are not pro-woman (and therefore God is not pro-woman if it's truly His word.)

Some of the Biblical directives for women include:

- Dress modestly (no braided hair, gold, pearls, or expensive clothes.) Good thing I shop at Goodwill!
- Learn in all quietness and submission.
- Do not teach or have authority over a man; be silent.
- Remain silent in church. If you have a question ask your husband when you get home.
- Submit to your husband.
- Cover your head.
- Don't wear men's clothing.

The hierarchy of power of God ----> Man ----> Woman ----> Male Children ----> Female Children is a central tenet of Christianity. Sue Monk Kidd, in Dance of the Dissident Daughter, states:

"One of the more destructive consequences this hierarchy sets in motion is a pattern of imbalanced valuing, in which the masculine is valued over the feminine."

This was very much my reality growing up in the Christian environments of school and church. Followers of the Bible believe very deeply that a woman is to be submissive. Qualities that are desired in girls and women are quietness, humility, meekness, helpfulness or a "servant's heart," and total faith and dependence on the men in her life, be it father, husband, brother, or pastor. Women are to be the caretakers of home, husband, and children. Christianity is very much a patriarchal institution, and I am now beginning to see that people who fight against feminism and gay rights are fighting tooth and nail to maintain the patriarchy. "Traditional family values" is simply code for patriarchy.

The language and imagery of the divine within Christianity is strictly male. I remember learning that technically God was genderless, but if that was so why did we never say "Goddess" or even "she?" I think it's because to refer to the divine in the feminine would have been to lessen his divinity, since in the hierarchy of power male is above (and therefore better than) female.

Woman is blamed for the fall of all mankind, and this supposedly explains why she has to experience pain in childbirth and should keep silent in the church:

I do not permit a woman to teach or to have authority over a man; she must be silent. For Adam was formed first, then Eve. And Adam was not the one deceived; it was the woman who was deceived and became a sinner. But women will be saved through childbearing - if they continue in faith, love and holiness with propriety.

- I Timothy 2:12-15

Um, I call bullshit. I simply do not accept that this is the way things are supposed to be. I'm sure some would say that I'm just rebelling against God, but I don't think I am. I just don't accept that I am an extra step away from the divine, or that I should accept my place in the hierarchy since it was supposedly the first of my kind who fucked it up for everybody.

My talk the other night went pretty well, but I took issue with someone who said that even if I had read the Bible, clearly I didn't really get it. I hate the inference that somehow we should all be able to ascertain what God really meant in between the lines of what the words actually say. The Bible says what it says, and either it is the word of God and should be taken literally or it shouldn't. Not only do I no longer believe that it is the word of God, I believe it is a very dangerous book.

So, while I admire those trying to change things from the inside out, ultimately I decided to just reject all of it outright. I don't have the strength, time or energy to do the study that would be necessary to reframe Christianity in kinder to women terms. There are some strong cases out there that the language and imagery in the Bible was not originally so male centric, and that the feminine aspect of the divine was included. I think that's great, but as far as Christianity as it stands today and the Bible as it is currently translated and accepted, I just don't buy it. I believe I stand equal to men, and equidistant to the divine.

And frankly, this image:

Speaks to me far more than this one:

Christian Feminism - Oxymoron?

2010-09-24T14:21:00.000-06:00

I am planning on leading discussion at my Bible Study on Sunday, and the above is the title of my talk. I don't want to give anything away beforehand, so I'll come back on Monday and give more of my own opinion, but what do YOU think? Are those terms mutually exclusive, or can someone claim both labels?

In Memory

2010-08-31T19:38:00.001-06:00

It's only when we truly know and understand that we have a limited time on earth -- and that we have no way of knowing when our time is up -- that we will begin to live each day to the fullest, as if it was the only one we had.

- Elisabeth Kubler-Ross

I was shocked and saddened yesterday to learn of the passing of my friend Keith. The above quote was what he had written in his "About Me" section on his Facebook profile. He often posted inspirational quotes in his status updates as well, always putting a smile on my face or giving me a thought to ponder during my day.

Keith was a beautiful person, inside and out. I've only known him a short time, and I wrote about him briefly HERE in my post about Pridefest. He was open-minded, joyful, funny, slightly full of himself (but anyone with his body would be), and one of the most authentic people I've ever had the privilege to know.

He had the greatest laugh. I am hoping against hope that I will always be able to recall it in my mind - his huge, genuine smile and infectious laughter. He would just throw his head back and crack up at anything.

He loved my children. They only spent that one day with him, but he was so genuine in his care for them that yesterday when I told them they both knew instantly who I was talking about and they each went through some very sincere grieving. Sofia drew him a picture and taped it up on the wall after she had cried her little heart out. She's such a happy-go-lucky little thing that I was almost shocked by the depth of her sadness. She really, really felt drawn to Keith, just as I did.

The day of Pridefest there were tons of dragonflies flitting about, and again in the last two weeks (when Keith was in the hospital unbeknownst to me) I have been almost accosted by dragonflies when I've been out and about. I feel that he is a dragonfly who flew into my life to give me a lasting and important message.

Thank you, Keith, for landing briefly in my life. I will choose to live life to the fullest every day because of your example, and I will always be me, no matter what anyone else thinks.

Ride 'em, cowboy.

You will be missed.

Fun Memories!

2010-08-21T13:47:00.000-06:00

I got to go to Lakeside Amusement Park last night, for the first time as an adult. I haven't been there since I was a teenager. It was so fun to see how little it has changed, and the sights, sounds and smells brought tons of memories flooding back to me. Bumper cars will always smell like bumper cars.

So retro.

Look which child is the most excited.

My child that likes sensory stimulation is in seventh heaven. The other one was brave and went on rides but did have a few moments of the freak out.

The Round-Up. I totally went on it.

Mmmm...gross amusement park food.

My all time favorite ride!

Our whole group!

Hilarious.

Good Guys or Bad Guys

2010-08-05T10:13:00.000-06:00

I love the show History Detectives on PBS, however this season I've totally been forgetting to watch. I looked it up online today and discovered to my delight that I can watch full episodes right on my computer. Mikaela loves to watch it with me, so I queued up the latest episode this morning and we sat down to watch it. I didn't even give it a second thought when Sofia sat down as well.

I don't do much censoring of media around here. We watch little television and most of what we do watch is on PBS. This last fall and winter we watched The Amazing Race every Sunday night as a family and that was pretty much the only mainstream show we fit in to our schedule. We all love movies though. The general limits are any movies with a G or PG rating are fine, and we've been letting Mikaela watch some PG-13 movies here and there that we have pre-screened. She's seen all the Harry Potter and Pirates flicks, as well as Avatar. Sofia has also seen some of those since it's really hard to keep her away from what her older sister is doing. In general she does perfectly fine, and even seems to enjoy "scary" movies. This kid loves Tim Burton, and went through a Corpse Bride phase a few months ago where she watched it late at night almost every night while the rest of us were in bed.

I'm not painting a pretty picture of my parenting skills here, am I? I move in some circles where my views regarding my children and media are not very popular, but I totally respect other parent's choices. I've read the articles and studies that say our kids are getting far too much screen time, and that it should be limited and possibly even forbidden before age two. I guess I'm just a proponent of an "everything in moderation" mindset. We've allowed some PBS shows and videos since the girls were little. Sofia loved the Baby Einstein videos when she was an infant, but I had no illusions about them making her smarter. They were pure entertainment for her and a 30 minute break for me.

My thoughts on the matter are that television and movies are a huge part of popular culture, and I don't want my kids to miss out on what's going on in the world at large, but I also want them to learn to have a discerning mind when engaging in it. I want them to be aware of what's out there, immerse themselves in it if they so choose, but to not be obsessed. It was great to hear my tween say when asked if she liked the Jonas Bros, "I don't get it." But she has an awareness of who they are, and that a lot of girls her age do like them, a lot. She has always been discerning in her viewing choices. The first time she saw a snippet of Barney she was about one, and she looked back and forth from the screen to me with a look of absolute disgust on her face and demanded, "Off."

I like to discuss movies just as we would literature. Movies are written before they are shot, after all. It's visual literature and it's art. I want them to be able to digest what they watch and glean lessons from it, if there is a lesson. We had a discussion a few days ago about how Disney has made bank by rehashing the same storyline over and over and over, and how one parent (usually mom) always dies or is absent.

Entertainment for the sake of entertainment is a totally valid reason to watch as well. There are shows that I enjoy simply for the fact that they are really frickin' funny. (Flight of the Conchords, anyone?) I certainly don't want to be or have semi-conscious couch potatoes in this house, but sometimes a little channel surfing or watching something silly and/or dumb is stress relief. I'm the same with books. Sometimes I just want some "fluff."

Back to my story: The episode of History Detectives that we watched had a story about the Korean War, and there was real war footage included. Sofia asked if what they were showing was real and if it really happened and I told her yes. She then asked if they were good guys or bad guys. I realized that I didn't know what to say. I could say there was "our side" and "their side," but I didn't want to imply that one side was good and one bad. It was really interesting to have a simple question from my 5-year-old daughter force me to reconcile my thoughts on war; that there are no good guys. It's horrible all the way around. We talked a little bit about it, but she became increasingly agitated and then chose to walk away, saying, "I don't like this show. I don't like it when it's real."

I've had some interesting (and funny) conversations with Sofia lately that show me she is trying to discern between reality and fantasy, including her making up a story about a ghost that she sees at night. I was totally intrigued and apparently she could tell because she looked at my face and said, "I'm just making it up, but just pretend that it's real." During her Corpse Bride phase we drove by a cemetery and she calmly announced, "There's dead people in there. But they can't come up out of the ground!"

Another aspect of film that I have enjoyed is how the ones that we love get ingrained into our family culture. All four of us incorporate quotes from movies into our dialog on an almost daily basis, the majority lately from the hilarious and inventive Fantastic Mr. Fox. Sofia recites an entire scene from that movie perfectly. I really should get it on video.

As I'm rereading this I'm realizing it's very long and rambling without much of a point, so I'll leave you with some movie recommendations from our family to yours.

Fantastic Mr. Fox
Anything directed by Hayao Miyazaki, particularly My Neighbor Totoro and Howl's Moving Castle
The Pixar films, particularly Monsters Inc. and The Incredibles
The American Girl movies
The Narnia films
The Golden Compass

Giveaway!

2010-07-31T08:51:00.000-06:00

Just in case you didn't know...

Enter to win a case of Oogavé soda and a t-shirt on my other blog, The B.E.T.H. Approach!

Tell all yer friends!

Book Teaser

2010-07-30T16:47:00.000-06:00

Got the inspiration from my friend Buffy.

Rules:
* Grab the book nearest you. Right now.
* Turn to page 56.
* Find the fifth sentence.
* Post that sentence (plus one or two others if you like) along with these instructions on your blog or (if you do not have your own blog) in the comments section of this blog.
*Post a link along with your post back to this blog.

Vampirates: Blood Captain by Justin Somper

p. 56, 5th & 6th sentences -

The candle has long burned out and it is dark inside the booth. But Sugar Pie can smell death.

Music

2010-07-29T22:00:00.000-06:00

Well Mikaela had a blast at camp! We both got through it. Phew!

I've had lots of stuff on my mind to maybe blog about, but I've been so stressed in the last week that it's hard to find the time and energy for any really deep thoughts.

Music has been my sanity lately. Here's a bit of what I've been listening to:

And I have to say that I must be really picky when it comes to music videos. There are a couple of songs that I really like and wanted to include here but I hated the videos, and honestly I'm not crazy about these ones. Apparently I'm a music video snob. I'm a commercial snob too, though. One of my biggest pet peeves is bad commercials...

A Mess

2010-07-15T20:33:00.000-06:00

First things first: Click HERE to enter a giveaway on my other blog!

I'm feeling overwhelmed and scattered. Mikaela is going to camp, and I'm excited and anxious about it. We're working on getting her all packed up and ready to leave on Sunday morning. I also have a bazillion other things on my mind, and I keep getting totally sidetracked. I've been doing a bunch of research on feminism and religion; went searching for a book I thought I owned and ended up sorting my books and pulling some out to get rid of. Apparently I borrowed that book from the library. Found several other books I want to read like, NOW, (God how I long for osmosis!) and add to that a pretty bad allergic reaction after eating out today (accidentally ate some cucumbers) and I'm a mess.

I'm also still thinking about the possibility of working, and wondering if I have it in me to make a career of freelance writing. It's what I want to do, so I should just DO IT. Right? Right.

RIGHT.

ARGH.

Oh, and it's really hard to take a picture of one's own back, but here's the best shot I could get of my tattoo:

It's actually really even and symmetrical and cool. Just looks weird because I had to reach behind me. The moons are a triple goddess symbol and represent the three stages of womanhood - maiden, mother, and crone. The triskele in the center moon is another symbol meaning the same thing, as well as the cycle of life - birth, death, and rebirth. I had the idea of combining them and I love how it turned out!

Dreams Again

2010-07-07T11:16:00.000-06:00

So almost exactly a month ago I wrote about the nightmares I've been having. I'm beginning to wonder if they are hormonally induced or at least influenced. I'm cycling now and was then, or had recently finished. I had another one last night that wasn't as scary but still very strange, and incorporated magic, running away from evil forces, and Spanish again.

I had a wand and at one point was getting away from the "bad guys" who had transformed themselves into cats but had glowing green or orange eyes, and I continually cast circles around myself with my wand and chanted "Seguridade" over and over so they couldn't come near me. I'm wondering if I'm feeling a need for protection or security right now. So strange.

I don't remember too many more details, but weird houses with secret rooms and passageways played a part, as well as one room that was full of scary dolls. I refused to go in it. Ha.

Interestingly Sofia had bad dreams last night as well, and came into my bed in the middle of the night. This morning she told me that she dreamed about Grinches sitting around our table, and they started fighting with each other and it made her scared. There was a blue one, green one, and purple one.

The Winds of Change...

2010-07-01T22:42:00.000-06:00

...are a blowin' at the Turner house. Alex is going back to school in a little over a month, and I have been on the job hunt. He has worked for the post office for 11 1/2 years, and has finally hit a wall with it. I don't blame him. In fact, I thought it would happen much sooner. He has always, since I've known him (15 years now) wanted to be a graphic designer. He completed 4 college courses several years ago, but at that time he was working anywhere from 45-60hrs/week, and it was just too much for him and our family to handle. But now he works just 40hrs/week, normal daytime hours, and has some time and energy left over for school. My hope is that within a year he will be able to quit his job and focus on school full time.

I never finished college. I think I have/had 97 credit hours when I quit, and I would like to eventually get my bachelor's. For now though, I am just going to try to find a job and start contributing to the family income. Health insurance is the major sticking point right now. We can't go without it, and I don't know that I'll be able to find a job with good benefits. I am considering getting licensed for childcare, and we are also considering renting out a room in our house. Only one or the other of those, though. Don't think I could handle both!

I was/am planning on homeschooling Sofia for kindergarten this year, but that is now up in the air as well. I think we'll go ahead and do it, and we'll just fit in the lessons where we can. I'll likely sign her up for the Colorado Virtual Academy like we did with Mikaela in the early grades. That way the lessons are online and Alex or I (or Mikaela, now that I think about it) can do them with her.

If anyone has ideas for us I'm all ears. We're open to anything that will make this all feasible for our family. I want Alex to finally be able to have a career that he loves. We'll get there somehow!