My Tiny Little Life

A Year in Review.

2020-01-05T11:58:00.001-08:00

Looking back over 2019 and all that happened. The decision to leave Why and Coyote Howls The weeks of preparation and the 5 days it took to load up everything and drive to my new home.

It was the winter and it was harsh. Cold. Wind. Rain. The work to build the homestead was slow and fit between storms and sunshine.

So much has changed here since that first Sabbath we spent here. The water house, shower and toilet are a luxury most off-gridders struggle to get and to maintain.

But water, just pouring from a tap INSIDE your house? What an amazing, precious commodity!

A hot shower outside, with sun pouring in through the roof? It’s miraculous. A “stream in the desert” that is highly prized.

As I listen to myself reviewing 2018 and hoping for 2019, 2020 has begun. I realize the same hope, the same prayers, the same trust in Abba Father will take me through the next 52 Sabbaths.

O Father Elohim,

Continue to pour out Your Ruach onto Your people. Give them confidence in Your unending love. Keep them safe from harm and the enemy far from them. Let Your Name be glorified over all the earth! O Father, let Your Kingdom come. Your will be done. Let every sheep hear and obey the voice of our Good Shepherd, as we wait and watch for Mashiach’s return.

Bring shalom to Your people as Your presence is invited in.

Thank you, ABBA Father for the promises in Your Word - fulfilled in our lives.

Ahmein and Ahmein

Prayers for Shabbat

2019-12-27T05:00:00.000-08:00

LIFE IS CRAZY.

And there’s only one sanity.

One way only, to find the Shalom you are searching and longing for.

When I see you running as fast as you can,

And you’re tired and disheveled and the chaos of the world is seeping in and

You just long for rest.

How do you keep running and NOT get tired?

How do you not just give up or give in and sit down on the side of the road?

How, in the midst of hard things and the threat of chaos do you find rest?

We pray for each other.

As brothers and sisters.

And we make EACH OTHER the priority.

We ask Father Elohim that we would each grow in wisdom. And Stature. And in favor with YHWH and man! Then our hearts will rejoice knowing that we walk in Truth! That the path was Your design and leads home through fields of Shalom.

Thank you Father!

For every good and perfect gift you rain down on us.

Thank you for our Salvation.

Thank you for Your provision and constant protection!

Thank you for Wisdom and Discernment.

For Strength. And Comfort. And Joy!

You are Yahweh. Yahweh Elohim. Yahweh Echad.

Ahmein and Ahmein. Shabbat Shalom.

We Have a House to Build

2019-12-21T19:06:00.001-08:00

To build a house.

To make a home.

To invite in the weak and the weary,

the lonely,

the wanderer.

To those who feel like strangers and aliens.

To welcome them in and offer them whatever we have. Hope.

Courage.

Wisdom.

To build this house with a firm foundation.

That all things done according to and as unto Elohim.

A foundation of Truth.

With bricks of His word and the mortar of the Ruach.

A house with windows and doors, where all are welcome and Light flows in through clear glass.

A view of mountains, valleys and the road less traveled. Where sojourners make their way.

A home to rest in for a while.

A place to find the good food of chavar - fellowship.

And a washing of the Word.

A front porch swing , to have a moment to breathe in the beauty of the mattan - the gift of Father’s Creation,

while warm breezes of acceptance and shalom brush over our senses.

To edify.

To build this house of weary souls,

longing for eternity’s home,

this is our work here.

To strengthen each member with the hope,

with the love,

and the courage that flows from the Ruach Ha’Qodesh - the Holy Spirit - living in each heart.

This house; not built of sticks and stones, but with the love of each wayfaring stranger! The ones passing through this land of woe, stopping in for nourishment and strength to continue on the narrow, hard path that leads home.

Each of us, Qodeshin - called out ones - making room. Opening wide the door of welcome.

Setting a table of mercy and of love.

Clothing the naked with a coat of forgivensss.

Feeding hungry hearts with the meat of His Word.

Giving fresh waters of encouragement and insights to the discouraged.

Binding hearts together with chavar - true fellowship - and rejoicing in the chedwah - the joy - of our Adon.

This. This “building of a house” is how we occupy.

Edifying one another until that day we hear the trumpet of our Adon calling us up, to enter into our true home!

Where as one, as He is One, we will gather and dine.

And worship Him with one voice, crying out,

“Yahweh, Yahweh our Elohim, Yahweh Echad.

Ahmein

You Are Precious

2019-12-13T04:30:00.000-08:00

You are precious.

Precious to me.

To Him …

You are precious - of high value-

To the King of ALL Kings!

High and lifted up …

You are MOST precious to Him.

Yahshua, all hail Emmanuel.

It was the evening of a very eventful day.

I wouldn’t call it “fun” … but, it ended beautifully,

And my heart spilled over …

Thursday October 24, 20219

A flock of birds settling in for the night.

The roar of the truck engine as the driver hurries home.

Someone steadily mowing the grass, for the last time of summer.

Crickets singing out into grasses, wet with dew.

Like waves rolling up onto the seashore,

cars swoosh by coming into view

and the sounds wash away.

And for moments in between the silence whispers -

“This is the way. Follow it.”

And you feel His presence,

And the Ruach reveals the Truth.

You don’t follow your heart, You follow your Shepherd.

Always leading, directing, renewing, restoring.

Always loving.

All things.

Working all things together for our good.

Answering every prayer exactly as it should be.

Thank you dear Father Elohim.

Today was so full of everything good.

And You are the giver of every good thing.

You are so very good to me.

To us.

Please guard our hearts, Abba.

Keep us.

And bring us Shalom.

In Yahshua’s Qodesh name.

Ahmein and Ahmein.

Shabbat Shalom

What's Up Wednesday? Gloria!!!

2019-12-11T09:39:00.001-08:00

Yep. A new "What's Up Wednesday?" has been posted.

Week 2 of "What's Up Wednesday?" is now posted on YouTube, where I discuss Christmas and playlists, worshipping Yahshua, and spiritual warfare!

I'm hoping that by blogging it my subscribers will be notified of uploads! My goal is to have a regular Wednesday post and on Friday - for Shabbat, I hope to be of my writings and studies and sharing Shalom.

For today ...
Blessings to all,

Betriska

Hope and Prayers

2019-12-03T13:32:00.000-08:00

This was written Tuesday October 8, 2019, as i traveled from Dolan Springs, AZ to Tobaccoville, NC and New Castle and Salem, VA. After speaking with my friend over the phone, and a day's thinking on the road.

It's about them, and for them - my hopes and a prayer. And the hope and the prayer is also for all who come here to read these words that Abba Father placed on my heart to share.

10/08/19 5:30 p.m.

The end of a lovely day. Father, YOU have made me rich. And You continue to fill the treasure chest of sweet memories. I ask that as i travel, that someone’s treasure chest is also being filled by memories of an odd character who blew through and left a sweet fragrance.

I have a dear sister, recently diagnosed with a cancer. Today? She is somewhere in New Mexico, and I hope she’s dancing. She’s on a camping trip with the love of her life. I think of them - making golden memories together on a great adventure. I know their eyes will take in the beauty of creation dressed in Autumn. And they will praise Father Elohim in the glory of it all. Their love will bind them tight now, as it has in years passed. And I think …

What if we all lived each day this way? Believing that soon - any day or hour or month or year - we could be gone from here and the treasure we leave behind is a sweet fragrance of memories.

We could you know. Live like that. Focus our hearts on finding the treasures Father has hidden for us in a day. Imagine His delight when our hearts find joy in that moment, and we sing out in gratitude!

As I sit here by this lake, with evening’s sun reflected onto my skin, i lift my heart to the Giver of all good gifts, praise Him. Trust Him. And if you listen carefully, you‘ll hear my heart singing out to Him, into the afternoon winds.

Dear friends, I pray for you that every joy of Father’s Creation be yours. That a treasure chest of beautiful memories can be made in the coming days. This life, is just a breath and the love we hold in our hearts will last through eternity! May your cups overflow, your hearts spill over and Yahshua be lifted up. And glorified.

Ahmein.

Questions Answered about Living Tiny

2018-02-19T13:02:00.000-08:00

My Truck and the Tiny - my first trip. circa. 2014

Yes. I continue to live in the Tiny and I continue to live tiny - or as some would say - minimally. I have reduced consumption of resources to the barest of minimum, including but not limited to -

- Maintaining a home off-grid.
Example: No electricity. Which of course means no electric "bills". I currently have lights, charging of phone and laptop, blending of coffee, all made possible via 3-100 watt solar panels, 2-deep cycle, heavy duty batteries, inverter and cigarette lighter charging station. There is, of course, the initial start-up of purchasing and installing; however, the last electric bill I paid averaged 150.00 a month. Yes. My system has paid for itself multiple times.

- Purchasing/spending/shopping
Example: If I do not actually need something, I no longer shop for it. There is a saying, "Want what you need, and don't need what you want." This has become my motto.

- Stashing/Storing/Collecting
Example: See above. As in, the less you need/want the less you purchase. The less you purchase the less space you need to stash or store!

- Food.
Example: I have enough for at least a month of meals at all times. I eat simply. With little to no cost in preparation. I can use propane, solar energy (for beverages like tea, and even coffee), or in an emergency, I can build a fire. Yes. I have a fire pit - of sorts. It's a spare trailer tire wheel.

Food storage is in cabinets in the Tiny. Bulk or surplus foods are in air-tight bins in my truck. I also use my refrigerator space, as the frig no longer is in working order.

- Clothing.
Example: I have enough clothing to keep me covered, warm and dry - for approximately 2 weeks. I do not put on clean/fresh outer clothing daily unless they become soiled in some way. I have enough underclothes to go more than 2 weeks. And I also wear clothes in layers when the temperatures fall below 40 degrees F. I wear handknit wool socks, good leather boots, and wool sweaters/vests/hats to stay warm in winter conditions.

Wool is naturally antimicrobial, water repellent, and warm. It wicks away moisture keeping you dry when you need to be!

- Water.
Example: Water is a necessity. Clean water is imperative/preferable. I currently have water access on my site. It could be consumed however, it doesn't taste very good. But, if I had no choice? I wouldn't die for lack of water. I haul water in gallon jugs into the Tiny for dish-washing, in-between shower bathing, and cleaning the Tiny. I also have water filtering tablets and multiple ways of purifying water in case of emergency.

For drinking purposes, I travel about a mile to fill a 5-gallon water jug for $1.00. I also fill 3- 1-gallon
jugs, and a 2-gallon container, for a quarter per gallon. When all containers are full this is enough water for 7-10 days. That includes coffee, tea, lemonade and fresh drink.

I have been questioned as to how, why, where, how long, as long as I have lived in the Tiny. I've never actually written about it here. I suppose it would be a good thing. And yes. I will answer those questions in upcoming blogs. I am just getting started again. And today was the day that I finally was able to find the proper space to sit and type. So. If you have read this far, and you are interested in learning more about how I live in the Tiny? Stay tuned, and meanwhile? Ask me your questions! You can comment below, or even email me directly at Betriska at gMail dot com!

Blessings Chavarim!

How to Kill Your Batteries

2017-03-24T11:20:00.000-07:00

The white wire is 14 gauge and used for the positive terminals

With a bit warmer temps, I'm doing battle with batteries, chargers, charge controller and solar panels - that are not working!

This will test one of the two batteries and my #tiny solar panel. I'm attaching the clip ends to make it easier to switch from one (most likely dead) battery to the other (probably dead) battery.

I killed them. First I let them run dry. I knew better. I just forgot to check. Then I put well water in, instead of distilled.

Ugh. Expensive lesson. And a tangle of decisions to make. The batteries are too heavy for me to lift. I need both in my truck, so they can be checked and enough money to buy a new battery if they really are dead.

Two little batteries sitting in a box.

So at the moment - as I have no money for a new battery - one battery is connected to the inverter and eventually the charge controller. But, first I have to purchase new MC4 connectors for the 100 watt solar panel. I use the inverter and this battery to charge my phone and run my #tiny blender for coffee in the mornings.

The other battery has the cigarette lighter charger attached and will be used for running my muffin fan (for ventilation) and lighting.


The marine battery on the left, 2014, with inverter and charge controller.

The battery on the right was purchased in 2016. Here's how you kill a battery.

` forget to add water.
` charge completely - while dry
` burn out your charger
` fill cells with well water.
` charge. Repeat. Repeat. Repeat.

It's late in the day. I've done what I could. I'm hoping. We'll see what happens ...

I Need to Tell the Story

2017-01-12T16:40:00.001-08:00

I want this story of Your great mercy and love for me to be known.

I want to bear the fruit of glorifying You in my life, please show me how!

How do I tell of the battles and challenges of day to day living?

How I ended up here.

Without sounding like I'm whining and/or complaining?

How do I also share Your great goodness and mercy to me?

I need to tell of -

- The storm and the Anchor that holds me.

- The battle and the King that leads me.

- The Desert, and the Water that restores me and gives me life!

I need them to know I have been alone in the wilderness,

and of the Gentle Shepherd who rescued me and brought me back to green pastures!

You alone deserve the honor, O God in Heaven. I must glorify the Name of Jesus my Redeemer.

He has redeemed my life and I have hope;

hope that He will redeem the lost time, the lonely-grieving-broken-in-a-million-pieces time!

He is ALWAYS there. Jesus. Walking with me.

Loving me even when I'm dirty,

and my oily hair strings around my face,

and I'm wearing the same clothes from 3 days ago!

He gently bids me come, and His burden IS light!

He lovingly washes every hair He has numbered.

He bathes me in His perfect presense and

He has promised that these dirty threads of sin and despair,

will someday be exchanged for a robe of His white purity!

Testing and Testing

2016-10-10T05:17:00.002-07:00

I bought this tiny computer to fit my tiny life.
I set it up.
And promptly forgot the password.

HP - well. Sure they'll get me in! YAY
After I pay them 60.00. Which is not huge.
But. I paid 150.00 for the entire computer and
all that I had managed to get on it "personal" was ONE picture.
So. NO. Um. Hell no.

I still owe my Mandie.
'Cause for two days she worked. She deleted. And wiped.
And downloaded and uploaded. And she fixed it!

This would be my first entry on my new keyboard.
That's the only reason I bought it! Just to have a keyboard.

I'm working online by using my phone - which is NOT broken -
for a hotspot wi-fi connect. We'll see how it goes. And you may ask,
"not broken"? Yea. I went to plug in the charger and boom. I thought
I broke the charge port. I did not. After Mandie inspected it, it was
the second charger I've had for the phone that broke! I had already
bought a new one for my old phone and it WORKS!

Now all I need is to find a way to type on a surface instead of
my lap! My posture has to be right or we're gonna be in trouble/pain.

Well, there ya have it. Not that anyone's reading yet ... and if you do?
THANK YOU! And bless you! Stay tuned. I've got a lot of lessons
I learned driving from East to West and then West to East from 4/20 til
9/18/2016

the B

September 2011

2016-08-03T17:09:00.002-07:00

I remember that summer.

My first one in Quincy.

May is when I showed up.

And now, September is fast approaching and

it's been 5 years.

That's all ... nothing exciting.

Just.

You know.

5 years.

Lessons Learned from The Westside Apple Tree

2016-05-20T15:42:00.000-07:00

Before sucker removal.

- Suckers never produce ... anything.

- Suckers, "suck" the life from the branches that DO produce and

weaken whatever fruit is produced.

- Sometimes when you're deleting suckers ...

especially with a saw? You get dust in your eyes.

- New suckers will grow out of suckers you have cut before.

- There is season for everything.

There's a season to remove the dead stuff.

A season to prune.

And there's a season to cut out the suckers.

After sucker removal.

Now I can see.

Add.

- Suckers block your view.

That's all for today's outdoor work. See the droplets on my window?

It's rain.

Cold. And rain. And wind.

Time to hunker down. Put on an extra pair of leggings.

Find your wool socks and put on a hat!

Eat dinner in front of the fireplace and watch a Netflix movie.

Yeah. That.

What Happens When You Pray ...

2016-05-02T06:07:00.000-07:00

Out of respect - I did not take a photo! What I just witnessed was the men who will be working on my truck, gathered in a circle and praying! I am overwhelmed and full of the joy of the Lord!

God has me. Right where I need to be! Thank you, Father. For your tender mercies made new today!

Amen.

This Journey I'm On ...

2016-05-02T05:26:00.001-07:00

It won't be easy to blog it on a phone. But I'll try.

I'm having 4x4 troubles, 300 miles in. Today is disengage day. I'm waiting my turn and Caera's waiting with me ...

She's showing me how to relax and be patient in the waiting!

That's all I got for this test run of blogging via phone! Stay tuned for updates!

The Tiny Water Tank Fail

2016-03-22T13:53:00.000-07:00

I've been working on my list.

Today's goal was to put water in my holding tank.

I have 2 - 25 foot hoses that I hooked together and attached to the nearest faucet. I needed 3.

I had already added bleach - so I filled my 5 gallon jug I use for Caera's water and proceeded to attempt to pour it into the tank. I managed to get about half of it in when I realized it was trickling out! Below me.

Along the seam.

I put my hand in the trickle.

Smells like bleach.

Great.

It appears there's a leak.

Somewhere.

So I look under the trailer and realize. I have to see what it looks like inside.

Under my bed.

I took all the pillows, the bags and books and blankets off the bed. Then removed one 6' section of plywood. And used the other section to prop open the door of the tank/storage space so I could have a good look with my crazy bright flashlight.

Bummer.

It appears the back corner, where the hose that pumps the water into the sink, is attached. Is wet.

And dirty.

And where the leak is happening.

I put the bed back together. Piled all my stuff back on.
Went out and wound the hose back up and put my trailer wheel (I'm saving for a 'burn ring') and the hoses back in their spots in the storage compartment in the back of the trailer.

Good news! I found my summer dresses! I forgot I had put them there! And now I've got a great space to store my heavy winter clothes!

Also. I learned a valuable lesson. The plywood on my bed is cut wrong for the trailer. Instead of 2 - 21" x 6 foot pieces? I need 1- 42" x 4 foot and 1 42" x 2 foot section. (Approximately)

That will allow me to access my tank/storage space more easily. I would use the pieces from my bed in my truck, shortened to go horizontal like a shelf. So it wouldn't go to waste!

Of course wood cutting wouldn't be necessary if I upgraded to a little bit bigger. A little better shape. A camper with a bathroomette.

After all. A girl's gotta dream ya know!

The Scarf That Saved my Neck

2016-02-21T06:54:00.001-08:00

Actually. I kind of fell/was dragged down by Caera. Not her fault! I was going to wipe her muddy feet to come in. I had hold of the chain with my left hand and had a towel in the other.

When she tried to back out I tried to keep her in. She went down the steps and instead of letting go? I held on.

I went sideways/backwards off the step. Stumbled. Tried to keep upright by holding the chain. Went down twisted and hard. The chain caught me around my neck.

My left hand bruised and cut.
My neck bruised.
My right knee busted, swollen and bruised.
My back. From the twist/sideways/stumble and fall.

Of course I was covered from shoulder to ankle in mud!

God's blessing? I was going through my inventory. Found a pretty cotton scarf and wrapped it around my neck 3 times. Just minutes before opening the door to bring Caera in. The chain, instead of ripping my skin, caught my head keeping me from a face plant in the mud.

I left Caera out while I gently removed ALL of my clothes. I anointed everything that hurt with my oils before putting on clean.

I took turmeric (4 capsules), my other vitamins, a shot of vodka with cassia oil and went to bed.

Hope your day went better? LOL

2016-02-19T09:00:00.003-08:00

This is what I have.
It's all I have.
And if I leave it all behind,
it ain't much.

But. I think it's all I ever wanted.
And it took me a long time to get here.
Right here. Right now.

Where do I go from here?

Choices. Always choices.
Roads. Love. Paths.
All to choose.
Or some. Times. Not.

I long to be.
Where the sky shines completely bright.
And the Milky Way nightly lights the darkness.

Where the air is warm. And dry.
And sun.
Sunshine and warmth.
Ice covered peaks of multiple mountain ranges.
And long dirt roads winding through desert lands.

Or not.

What else would I do?
Where else would I go?
Or be.
I would be here.
There's nowhere else to go.

Tiny List Planner

2015-11-28T06:47:00.000-08:00

'Tis made.

I took a tiny journal, that was a gift and made my own 'tabs' from cut paper and packing tape. It took a few days of thinking and priority setting and this is what I created.

I'm working with my phone here.

But. I think you get the idea.

The front half of the List Planner is divided into categories ...

Spiritual
Organize
Physical
Financial
Blogging and
Travel

The back half has one divider - IDEAS.

So as I'm trying to get my tiny life in order, create things for sale or giving as gifts, or decide on a new goal? I first write the 'idea' in this section. Then as I begin to establish a plan I add it to the appropriate list.

For example - last night's thinking began as a journal entry about how the coming months of winter and into spring will transpire. There's a lot of work I need to do on my tiny trailer. Most I will do myself. So there are tools and supplies I need to purchase.

So under "Financial" I'll list the cost of the tools and supplies and when I will have the funds available.

Under "Travel" ('cause that's the point of the work - to get ready for travel)

My timeline is set in my Journal.

I've only begun to use this system. I believe it will work for me. If you have any ideas on how to improve on it? Please let me know!!!

Tiny Life Planner Beginnings

2015-11-18T07:26:00.001-08:00

In my research to build this life planner, I was overwhelmed by just the first two offerings - one free to print, the other with a starting price of $50. They were so detailed. And Pretty. And full of blocks and spaces and sections and daily, weekly, monthly and even hourly, blanks to fill in.

I closed my computer. I walked away. With confusion and determination to find a way to set all the areas of MY life in order. I was looking for simple. Because simple works for me. And what came to my mind - lists. Lists of where I need to be, or go, and when. Lists of items for projects, for food, for destinations.

I LOVE a good list. I love writing it. And I love checking it off! So. What I really need? Is a "List Planner". A "Life List" not really a "life planner". A "This is what I hope life to be and this what I'm planning to do to make it happen" planner.

Yeah. THAT. Today.

Tiny Disciplines = Big Rewards

2015-11-17T08:56:00.000-08:00

Or. So we hope.
Last night ... well at 2 a.m. I wrote this -

I just saw a "Pin" for a DIY Life Planner. And I thought - "THAT is exactly what I need!" A map. A calendar of events. How to go and be and do - all that I can and must, before that day comes when I can NOT go and be and do!

I laughed when I read the "small print -

-meal planning
-budgeting
-home organization
-health & fitness
-work/blogging
-stockroom inventory (Ooooo! I like that one!)
- and dry erase daily routines (What is that?)

All of this. WITH LISTS! My favorite.

And my happy brain said "What!?" Yeah. THAT'S it! Exactly! It's a discipline I put aside as my tiny little life changed from wife and mother to single woman and YaiYai. But NOW ... now I see that THIS - this life planning idea is a great one. So instead of me planning my life, my life has been planning ME! And therein lies the problem for me.

For, it is when I have made lists and plans and goals for myself as a person; when I have been most disciplined in my life - "Doing what needs be done. Doing it when it needs to be done. And doing that in excellence." - is when I am most happy. And my happy comes from contentment and peace. It's in the writing it out. Seeing it. Daily. That sets my heart on fire to be the very best me I can be!

So yeah. I'm gonna do it. I'm going to make my very own "Life Planner" and I'm going to start planning my life, instead of letting my life plan me.

It'll be fun. A challenge. A discipline that will build and make me stronger. I will work in the strength of the day. I will rest, because a clear conscience finds a soft pillow.

I love a good challenge. Because my life is so different now, it will be an adventure; applying the skills of yesterday to my life today. So. I'm off to do it myself - make a planner for my life.

We'll see how this all works out ...

2015-10-21T05:40:00.000-07:00

This season,

called Autumn;

following Summer.

And in the summer of 2015,

my life changed.

By death.

My brother passed.

In the night.

Of a hot August day.

My mother left,

after a summer of misery;

when the seasons changed

in September.

This season,

is of mourning.

And hope.

And loss.

And love that does not end.

B.DeMers 10/21/15

A (Not so Tiny) Tiny Little Heartache

2015-08-21T11:07:00.000-07:00

On May 29, 2015 my mother didn't die.

On May 29, 2015 sometime during the day my mama had a stroke. It left her unable to phone for help or even push the fantastical button she always wore around her neck.

We never prepared for a stroke, that would leave our mama unable to speak, to lift her right arm, or her right leg. She had written all the directives. She has prepared a will. But the heartache we suffer now was not something any of us were prepared for.

Why? Why didn't we think of this? Why were we not prepared? I don't know. I guess we thought that if she had another stroke she would just pass on. She's 88 years old. She told us repeatedly she was "ready to go". So we prepared to let her go.

But she didn't go. She's still here. She can't speak, express her heart or her love. She can't tell you she doesn't like this or that or the other. She can't tell us if she's in pain. She can't tell us she wants to sit up more or lay back. She can't eat. She can't swallow. She can't hold herself upright.

Yesterday. She cried. My mama cried. And she can't tell me why. I know she must have been scared. She had been picked up by an ambulance and the young men who would escort her to her doctor's appointment. But when she got there? They put her in the conference room. I can only imagine what she was thinking. None of it good and as her fear and questioning overwhelmed her? She started to cry. No sound. Just tears. And her breath was ragged. And my heart broke as I wept for her and with her.

If Mama had died? I would mourn differently. I would mourn the loss and celebrate the homecoming she would be having with her friends who have gone on before her; she would be dancing and smiling with my daddy. She would be singing and shouting and laughing and crying joyful tears with her Savior.

But. None of that is happening. And it's awful. It hurts. It hurts me for her. It hurts me to see her lying in a strange place, being attended by strangers, and waiting. Just waiting. Maybe tomorrow. Or the next. Only God knows that day, the hour He will call her home. And everyday until then I will have a tiny little heartache that slowly breaks my heart in pieces, as I watch her live out the rest of her days. Without a voice. I believe if she could speak she would ask you for God's mercy. So since she can't ask? I will ask for her. I don't want to lose my mama. I love her. Just the way she is. But, I can't bear to watch her suffer this way. When you pray - and I know you will - please pray for God's mercy and will to be done here, on earth, as it is in heaven.

Amen and amen.

Tiny Front Steps

2015-08-01T12:38:00.000-07:00

Well. Not so tiny.

Those buggars weigh a TON!

But. That's what I needed to keep them from

getting all knocked around and scattered by

Caera's lead.

I do still need to refine them.

The small pavers are not going to work.

But, the dozen trips up and down the hill,

carrying a 20 pound rock? I'm done for the day!

As grandson #2 says ... Ta-De-DA!!!

My Tiny Little Roof Patch

2015-07-31T13:01:00.002-07:00

So. In my tiny little life there are times when I have to do scary hard things. Today, was one of those times.

First I had to remove the tarp, that has been on since I first

discovered the leak in my cabinet a few months ago.

Then we did the inspection. I've never actually seen the top of my trailer before.

Caera the Big Dog!

Heave and ho and off we go!

First - Luke age 5 - checks the ladder for YaiYai's safety.

And now YaiYai - with fear and trepidation - makes her way up to the top.

Molly - officially in her 2nd trimester with baby #4 -

climbed up to take a few photos.

Ruh. Roh. I think I see the problem.

I sealed all of the outer edges, the hole, and around the vent!
I did NOT fall in, or through, or off!

Yay me!!! Gettin' 'er done!

So with minimal spillage and/or smudges I had a very

productive morning! I'm feeling so brave and accomplished now, I'm

thinking I'll purchase another gallon of sealant and

coat the entire roof come fall!

Good plan?

A Tiny Little Adjustment

2015-07-25T13:37:00.001-07:00

Sometimes your tiny trailer has been sitting for months, on soft ground and has slowly gotten itself off kilter. It wasn't a major lean, but it was enough to keep the doors from staying open and it probably led to the leaky seam I found when I checked on it a few months back.

So this morning. I had determined was the morning I was going to make the adjustment. I needed to either back it up, or pull it forward. After much thought? I decided to back it off of the 3 boards on one side and away from the chocks that were now buried in soft ground.

Seems simple enough. Truth be told - it took nearly 3 hours to make a simple adjustment. A tiny - TINY - adjustment. Why would it take so long? Well here's what actually had to transpire before attempting to hitch on to my pickup !

- Secure everything inside that might fall down and break.
- Remove all 4 stabilizers and the wood they were sitting on.
- Move the dog away from the trailer.
- Disconnect cords for electric and refrigerator.
- Then ... now comes the tricky part and where I spent the MOST time. Hitch the trailer to the truck and move my trailer the 18" it needed to level it up.
- Oh. Find trailer hitch in back of packed pick up truck! Ha!
- Attach said hitch to truck. Easy peasy.
- Back truck just right to the tongue of the trailer.
- Try again.
- Try again. And again and again. INCHES - just inches to get it there.
- After about 10 tries? Success.
- Lower the trailer onto the hitch.
- Sit down and figure out what to do when the trailer won't come down to the ball.
- Put wood blocks under tires to raise truck.
- Back truck just right to the tongue of the trailer and onto the boards to raise the hitch.
- Try again.
- And pull forward and bounce onto the wood blocks and try again.
- Cuss.
- Back up again, the inches you need to get it just exactly right!
- Lower the trailer (again)
- Get in truck and back up 2 inches so ball sets in tongue.
- Wipe sweat.
- Drink water.
- Readjust wood boards and pull trailer onto boards.
- Check level. *Perfect* (well perfect enough!)
- Set all 4 stabilizers in place.
- Plug tiny trailer back in and lay out cords properly.
- Put everything inside back in it's place.

What would have taken maybe an hour if I'd have had a spotter? Took me 3. So I did all of this by my tiny little self, using my tiny little brain to figure it all out! And the best part? I did it! I did it myself! I faced my fear. I prayed for God to help me. I prayed I could get it done without hurting my truck, my camper or myself. And I did it.

Next up? Seal the roof seams. I just may hire somebody for that! *LOL*