Similar tests are used by corporate and government organizations worldwide (including some 80% of the US Fortune 500 companies and 75% of the UK Times 100 companies) as well as by some Nanny, Babysitter and Au Pair agencies and childcare organizations. As a matter of fact, such tests are mandated by the US government for all Au Pair agencies.

Why are such tests needed? Aren’t interviews and checking references sufficient to select a nanny? Most recruitment specialists agree that the validity of interviews is quite low, even when conducted by trained professionals. Most parents are not trained interviewers and are usually lacking the necessary experience to properly formulate interview questions, read between the lines of what the applicant says, interpret non-verbal signs and body language, etc.

A Nanny Personality and Risk Assessment test can be considered as a very detailed and structured interview that overcomes some of the parents’ face-to-face interview limitations.  The test includes several hundred questions, covering all relevant issues, including questions which parents may feel uncomfortable to ask in a face-to-face interview. Personal traits covered may include responsibility, obedience and discipline, self control, emotional stability, coping with pressure, positive attitude and service awareness.

Risk assessment issues should include violent behavior, drug abuse, drinking problems, truthful reporting, respect to property and more. In a similar manner to an ordinary interview, online interactive tests of this sort allow different questions to be asked according to prior responses, as well as provide real-time feedback to the applicant triggered by specific answers that are considered problematic.

Yet, the main benefit of the Nanny Personality and Risk Assessment test is in the accuracy of the information provided. A properly constructed and administered test includes various mechanisms which are aimed at identifying misleading and inaccurate responses; the large number of questions (some repeating themselves in different versions), the way those questions are structured (which may sometimes seem peculiar), the time constraints and some additional mechanisms (which won’t be detailed in this article for obvious reasons).

Using a Nanny Personality and Risk assessment by parents may also face certain challenges. Some parents are concerned that the use of such a test may offend an applicant and create a bad impression. While this may be true and certain applicants may even refuse to take such tests, parents should always keep in mind that such tests are a standard procedure for applicants in many business and government organizations, as well as part of the screening process in a number of Nanny and Au Pair agencies.

There is really no good reason why parents recruiting a nanny on their own, will not benefit from the use of such assessments. There is no other position as important and as critical as that of a child caregiver. Parents shouldn’t compromise on the screening process and use all possible means to make the best-informed decision. To minimize objections, parents should explain to the nanny about the test, why they feel it is important, and ask her to put herself in their place, facing a similar decision about her own kids.

Another challenge is for parents to avoid using the test results as a single decision factor. Parents should keep in mind that Nanny Personality and Risk assessments do not replace interviews or any other component of the existing caregiver screening process. As any other psychological tool, they are not 100% accurate and should be considered a decision supporting tool and not a decision making tool. When hiring a nanny, parents should always interview applicants, check references and use their intuition, which is as important and useful as any scientific tool.

Nanny Personality and Risk Assessments should be used correctly to ensure test results are valid. The applicant must read fluently the language in which the test is administered. Applicant’s who are not fluent in the test language should not be tested. Tests are also designed for a specific purpose. For example, a test designed to assess applicants for a job should not be used for self-test purposes, such as by someone who wishes to check if he is suitable for a certain position or occupation.

Designed and used correctly, Nanny Personality and Risk assessments are invaluable for parents who are looking for a nanny for their child, and should become a standard component of the screening process of any childcare provider.

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(On a personal note, my children were amazed to hear that when I studied abroad during my junior year of college, I was only able to call home three times. There were no cell phones, no computers or email, and it cost $40 for a 20-minute phone call, which I had to make from the post office.  Even though the program was well-supervised, I had lots of decisions to make and challenges to meet. No mom or dad to rely on, no instant feedback… and it was the most amazing and growth-filled year of my life!)

It takes so much time to explain and guide and teach. You may feel it’s faster and more efficient to take care of it yourself.  In the short-term, being pressed for time and patience, you want to step in and do it yourself; however, if you do, you will be raising a child who

• Doesn’t know how to problem-solve.

• Runs to you to fix everything.

• Cannot function independently.

• Cannot be depended upon to accomplish tasks.

• Has low self-esteem.

Now consider the long-term picture. What do you see fifteen years down the road? Most parents I talk to say they want their children to be confident, self-sufficient, happy and successful. For that to happen, they need the opportunity to grow. This requires parents who are able to step back and let their children experience life.  Here are some tips to help you on this path.

• As always, take a breath and think.  Whose problem is it?  If it’s not an issue of health or safety, consider whether you need to be part of it.

• Your child will make mistakes. Most mistakes are not fatal, but they are necessary to become confident and competent.

• Express confidence that your teen can come up with a solution.

• Offer to be available to help (not to do it for them).

• Teach him/her how to problem-solve.

Some of The First Steps Are:

• Brainstorm and narrow down possible action steps.

• Evaluate how realistic the possibilities are.

• Set a time frame for action.

• Listen carefully and accept and acknowledge feelings.

It is said that we are born with all the abilities, wisdom and potential we need to take us through life. Trust that this is true for your child, too. You’ve been responsible for a long time for all aspects of his well-being.  Help him tap into his innate potential to care for himself and find his own solutions.

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#1 – It Doesn’t Just Fix Problems… It Can Prevent Them From Ever Happening!

While the program is specifically designed to help parents handle disrespectful, abusive & obnoxious children 5 years of age or older, and gives TONS of great techniques for handling tough kids… I actually think this program can help open the eyes of parents with younger children too.

That’s actually why I eventually decided to purchase The Total Transformation Program… so I could learn about the problems my two young children might run into in the future. And if you use The Total Transformation program in that way… as a tool for preventing behavior problems BEFORE they start, I think you can get even more out of it then James Lehman says you can.

#2 – It’s About MORE Then Behavior Modification

When you first start going through Lehman’s Total Transformation Program one of the very first things he talks about are 16 character flaws that children can develop.  And after reading through these 16 character traits, I realized something… all the traits he lists are traits that you are I use to describe people we don’t like in life.

And what James taught me is that if you don’t work at overcoming these character flaws while your children still live under your roof, they will become adults with these flaws… and those flaws will repel GOOD people away from then, attract negative influential people TO them, and therefore keep them from EVER reaching their full potential.

Here are some that stood out for me:

• Always Blames Others - This is a person who always feels like their a victim.  That problems in their life are OTHER people’s faults.  But with the Total Transformation program James shows you how to teach your child to start accepting responsibility and learning how to stop feeling like YOU are their problem.
• Become a Wisher - A wisher is a kid who might get a bad grade in school, and when asked what he’s going to do about it just says with complete sincerity, “I’ll do better next time”; except never realize that he has to change if he wants a better grade.For me, this is one of those character traits we could ALL work on as humans… realizing that sometimes we’re the ones who have to look inside ourselves and ACTUALLY change if we want to achieve our goals in life.  And what I learned from The Total Transformation program were step-by-step techniques for how to teach our kids to grow up with this skill.
• Justifying Their Abusive Behavior - Children who do this think they can do things like yell at their teacher, or hit their sister because they were mistreated.  If not corrected, Lehman shows you how they grow up and just keep abusing everyone in their lives who don’t act as THEY think they should.  And inside Jame’s Lehman’s program you learn how to teach children APPROPRIATE ways to handle people who mistreat them.

#3 – You Get REAL Life Scripts For Handling Children

This was really one of the coolest parts of The Total Transformation program.  In one audio CD from the program James Lehman spends nearly one hour going over classic arguments your child will have with you, in a way that lets you watch how a REAL parent responds after being coached on The Total Transformation methods.

This isn’t just some fairy tale scripting either… in these scripts the kid acts out just like they do in your home, and you see the exact methods at work on the fly, and how kids react to them.  It’s a very cool part of the program.

My Final Thoughts…

Basically The Total Transformation program didn’t just deliver what the infomercial promised… it OVER DELIVERED!

It really is one of those programs you should buy, put on your ipod and relisten to every few months until your parenting job is over… it’s just that good.

If you’d like to try it out for yourself, you can get a $1 30 day trial by clicking below:

The Total Transformation Program

And please, after you go through the program, come back and leave me a comment on what you learned after going through all the exercises… I think it’d be a fun way for us parents to take our parenting skills to the next level by learning from each other’s big take-aways

Chet Womach also acts as an affiliate marketing partner for Legacy Publishing Company.

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However, do you have the time to care for hair other than your own? Because little girls either can’t, or won’t. I don’t have a girl yet but just watching my sister-in-law debate with her daughter over hairstyles whenever they go out exhausts me. And then, there are the other things to consider:

Hair products and how often hair is washed.

Not only do additional hair products and trimmings add up to family expense, your tot may also not like getting her hair washed. More hair products invite more occasions for stinging in the eyes. Plus, you’d also have to find a product that your daughter’s hair will respond to. If you’re going out, it also may take a while before it gets dry enough to be styled.  Bedtime may also be affected as sleeping with wet hair may result in more tangles in the morning.

Knots, grooming and styling choices.

Most girls hate having their hair brushed because the knots and tangles are a pain. I am sure a lot of us have vivid memories of a mother rabidly combing our hair that felt more like she was trying to scalp us.  Let a girl play with her hair free and five minutes later, it’s already all tangled up. Even if you’ve managed to braid that hair before letting your child loose in the play yard, you’re bound to get her back with hair in disarray. And at around the age of two, they start having style preferences that may not agree with your tastes. Worse, mothers also feel that their little girls’ grooming is a reflection of their parenting and good tastes so a lot aren’t likely to let a daughter out with clips and ribbons that didn’t match what their daughter was wearing. And pray tell, how do you expect a husband to help in this area? Mine only combs his hair once a day, after taking a bath, so I doubt he’d know how to properly maneuver a boar brush through tangles.

Other real hazards.

Hair unchecked may easily be caught in doors or appliances like mixers. Worse, they become a target for boys to pull, make fun of, or throw gum at. Enough said.

Like what I said, I don’t have a girl (yet). I am pretty sure a lot will depend on a family’s lifestyle, parenting styles and even a child’s temperament. After all, girls who really WANT long hair may be more cooperative with all the hair combing and twisting and decorating. And there are parents who are cool enough to let their child wear bunny headbands even in Christmas or mismatched hairclips. I think I’d do as my friend’s mom did with their hair though: keep it short until the girl is old enough to take care of it and style it herself. I am pretty sure a lot of moms love Dora for the same reason.

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The key is this, when we compliment our children we want to avoid giving them evaluative praise- like “you are so smart”, “you have the best personality”, “ you are so pretty”. Evaluative praise is seen as mechanical and empty, it gives children a fleeting sense of well being.  That is why my clients daughter was so resistant to listening to her mother. This type of praise makes children uncomfortable and defensive.  Children need descriptive praise. Descriptive gives children a positive image of their capabilities and will truly boost their self esteem.

Here are some examples of descriptive praise:

Instead of: “You are the greatest”

Be descriptive and remind her of the times that she was helpful and kind:

“Remember the time, I couldn’t find my earring and you looked all over the place and found it. That was so helpful and kind.”

Instead of: “You are so pretty”

Be descriptive and focus on her ability to put herself together:

“I love the way that blue sweater matches your eyes. That is a good color for your skin toneWe . 
The sweater and the skirt together reminds me of an outfit I saw in a magazine.”

Instead of: “You are so smart.”

Be descriptive and focus on her accomplishments:

“I remember your last essay that you wrote for English class. It showed that you really felt Anne Frank’s plight and frustration. Your teacher also felt that way- remember her comments.”

Instead of: “You are so nice”

Be descriptive and tell her how she has made you feel:

“I was having a really rough time today, I didn’t know if I was going to get dinner on time and I was feeling frazzled. I really appreciate that you unloaded the dishwasher and did your brother’s job of setting the table. That helped me get calm and focus on cooking dinner. I felt we were a good team tonight.”

Instead of: “You are the most intelligent girl I know”

Be descriptive and acknowledge the effort she put into her work:

“You really worked hard on this science project. You took the time to decide on a topic that interested you. You did the research that you needed to do at the library and on the computer. You did the artwork and the writing for the presentation. When the experiment didn’t work like it was supposed to you asked your teacher and I for ideas and help. You should be proud of the effort you put into your work.”

When we use descriptive praise with our children we paint pictures of their accomplishments and their developing talents. Evaluative praise, “Your’e the best” can be erased the next day by a negative comment, “You will never learn.” But you can’t ever take away the time she helped cheer up her sister by getting her an ice cream cone, or the time he did his chores without being asked. These memories, based on his concrete actions, become a part of the child ‘s sense of self. He can draw on them when he is feeling down a

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And as you watch the video, there’s a spot where I talk about Einstein, but I really meant to say Edison… and wasn’t going to reshoot a whole 22 minute video to fix the mistake

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Stay in the Shade

Stay out of the direct sun whenever possible. Sit under trees, on the porch or anywhere there is shade rather than under the broiling rays of the sun. Use beach umbrellas and try to avoid the sun’s hottest hours – between 11 a.m. and 4 p.m. Remember glass doesn’t keep out UV rays, sitting next to a sunny window in the house or car can be just as harmful as being outside. Use window shades that block the sun in the car, particularly the infant car seat side.

Keep Your Shirt On

Stripping down to the bare basics may seem the way to keep cool in the summer  offers no protection to your skin. Lightweight cotton that breathes is a much better choice.  Keep in mind light colors reflect the light and heat while darker colors draw it in.  Wearing white or pastel colored clothing will help keep you cool and protected. Children should be covered well, especially at places like the beach. Use beach cover-ups with sleeves when children, and adults, are not in the water..

Spread on the Sunscreen

Sunscreen should be applied generously a half-hour before going out into the sun.  You want your sunscreen to be a SPF 15 or higher. Be sure and spread it on often overlooked areas – your ears, nose, top of your head and lips are particularly sensitive and vulnerable to damage from the sun. To protect the lips use a lip balm specifically designed for being out in the sun and has sunscreen added.

No sunscreen is one hundred percent waterproof no matter what the label may tell you.  Reapply lotion every hour when swimming or playing in water. When working or playing actively outside reapply sunscreen every hour. Sweating is the same as being in the water; it causes the lotion to wash off your skin.

When buying sunscreen read the label carefully. Make sure it provides protection from both times of rays from the sun -UVA and UVB – those ultraviolet rays that are invisible to the eye but do serious harm to our unprotected skin. Most of us are aware of the UVB rays and the damage they cause – redness, sunburn and blistering – the results we see and feel immediately from being out in the sun too long. But UVA rays are dangerous too. They can cause more serious problems down the road like skin cancer and early aging skin.

Hat’s On Not Off

Your head needs protected from the sun as much as the rest of your body, so keep a hat handy. Wide brimmed hats are an easy way of keeping the sun off your face along with your head. The hat needs to have a brim of at least one to two inches to do any good. Ball caps won’t work if you want full coverage. Children and babies should always wear a hat when in the sun.

Blisters, Sunburn and Redness – Oh My!

If you end up being in the sun with no sunscreen or were out longer than you intended and do get sunburn, take care of it immediately. Apply cool water compresses gently to the sun burnt area to cool the skin. Drink plenty of fluids to re-hydrate your body as your skin can get dehydrated as well as the rest of you. Sunburn depletes water and needed nutrients from your skin.

Good, old fashion aspirin is one of the best things you can take to get rid of the inflammation and pain of a sun burn. Taking aspirin, at the first sign of a burn can make a difference in stopping full-blown sunburn. You can also apply topical pain relievers that can go to work immediately and start soothing your skin. Soaking in oatmeal bath is soothing to burnt, dried out skin. Applying a healing lotion, cream or gel that contains Vitamin E and menthol can help cool and start the healing process as well. If your skin starts to blister badly you may need to see your doctor.

Remember with a few simple steps taken ahead of time you and your whole family can enjoy the sunny days of summer and protect your skin all at that the same time.

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Editor’s Note: This article was originally written by Malina at Notes on Parenting (a great site, if you haven’t visited before) — we loved it so much that we decided to republish it here (with permission).  As the parent of a 6 year old, I agree completely that the sleepover issue can be tricky if not thought out in advance by parents.  Fortunately, Malina’s article will help prepare your family when your child gets asked to sleepover at a friend’s house.

At some point in your child’s social life, they will want to participate in a sleepover. It is a good  idea to decide what your family guidelines are going to be for sleepovers ahead of time, before the question comes up in a less than ideal circumstance.

My sons’ first sleepover invitation was from a girl his age when they were 5. While I liked the family, I was NOT okay with the idea of my child being over there all night unattended (especially at the age of 5!) Luckily my husband and I had already discussed that there would be no sleepovers at all for our children. So it was easy for me to answer and explain that it had nothing to do with them as much as that was our family rule.

As you decide what your policy will be toward sleepovers, there are several things to consider. It is not as simple as you first think. Sleepovers are also not the innocent childhood diversion from your memory.  I grew up going to sleepovers and was lucky enough that they were harmless overall. However, sleepovers are often a place where bullying, chicanery, pornography, alcohol and even abuse could possibly occur. Many parents choose to allow long playdates or gatherings that end about midnight as an alternative to sleepovers.

Here are some considerations:

Readiness – Children should be able to deal with basic hygiene and getting ready for bed on their own. They should be comfortable falling asleep on their own. Children who have a hard time sleeping in unfamiliar places are not great sleepover candidates.

Presence of older siblings (and their friends) in the home – You may know the parents and the child really well and be comfortable with them. But what about the high school aged sibling and any friends of theirs who might be visiting? I have read and heard several accounts of children who were the subject of abuse in such a situation.

Parenting styles – Do the other parents parent in a similar style to your own?  If not, do they share similar values? Will they be actively monitoring the sleepover or letting the kids do their own thing? Will they even be home the entire time? Do you trust them with your children’s well being?

Exposure to unsavory materials -  Is alcohol available easily in the home? Does your child handle peer pressure well or give in easily? Do you trust your child to say no and call for you to come and get them if things aren‘t good?

Bullying – More common in group sleepovers where the first to fall asleep often has pranks played on them  or when groups of “friends” gang up on individuals for small bedtime quirks. Is your child able to stand up for what they know to be right? How will they react to being the subject of bullying?

Group sleepovers – Birthday parties and the like, group sleepovers can be the ones that are more out of control and less supervised. Bullying and exposure to unsavory materials is more likely even when you know most or all of the kids present.  Are you comfortable with all group sleepovers and feel your child is prepared for them?

Co-ed sleepovers – Some parents feel they are harmless at young ages, some parents allow them even when older. Are you uncomfortable with co-ed sleepovers but comfortable with a different gender sibling being present the whole time? It’s trickier than it seems!

Reciprocation – A seemingly simple solution is to only allow sleepovers at your own home where you are able to supervise and know what is going on. But how would you feel if it was your child’s best friend (and a family you are fairly close to) saying “Sorry, we only allow sleepovers at our home” to your child and that is your policy too? Someone is going to have to give in. Thus really if you allow any sleepovers you have to be ready to deal with reciprocation etiquette and taking turns.

Perhaps you think I am too strict with our “No sleepovers” policy. I hope this has given you some insight into how we reached our decision. Maybe when my children are in their “tweens” it will be adjusted slightly to allow for 1-1 sleepovers with children from families we know REALLY well. But for now I am quite happy to tell my kids, “Sorry we just don’t have sleepovers in our family.”

What are your thoughts on sleepovers? Do you allow them? Starting at what age? What are your family rules regarding sleepovers?
Original Post written by Malina on Notes on Parenting, Copyright 2010

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Being a parent at the playground is much trickier than being a kid. For the first few years of parenting, the playground was overwhelming for me. All the new parenting situations were bewildering. I used to be worried about saying something–afraid that another parent would show up and yell at me for disciplining their child, even in minor things that affected my kid. I tried glaring at parents and hoping they would see the situation and discipline their kid. It didn’t work. I tried avoiding other kids at the park and only going when there weren’t a lot of people there. My kids noticed and started seeking out other kids to join in their play. It has taken time for my confidence in parenting others’ kids to grow.

Here are my tips to help you have a better experience with other people at the playground.

• Leave the favorite toys at home or in the car. If your child will cry and scream and be unable to sleep without the object, it isn’t a good idea to bring it to the playground. Preferably only bring toys that are easily shared and if lost are easy to replace. Bringing toys can be a great opportunity to practice sharing but if sharing is going to lead to meltdowns, better to wait until they are older.
• Speak up if your child is being bullied, endangered or hit by another child. Family therapist Suzanne Lopez says “A lot of people make the distinction of ‘that’s not my kid,’ but the best way is to treat every child is as if they were your own. Address the child in a firm, loving and respectful manner, and remain connected to yourself as an authority figure, even when the child is not yours. If you’re really clear in a grounded way, children respond, believe me.” Do so with confidence. I was amazed at first to realize that kids would respond to me as an authority figure. But they did!
• If it seems possible, try becoming friendly acquaintances with parents of kids that your child is playing a lot with. A compliment about their child can be a great ice breaker. Connecting to other parents before a problem arises gives you an ally. It can also help tension melt away if you do have to stop something inappropriate. After one mother asked my kid to stop wrestling almost on top of her toddler and I reassured her that it was fine and appropriate when she saw me and tried to apologize, she said “We’re all on the same team”. I so agree!
• Avoid confrontation about parenting, and don’t become defensive if an adult does start yelling. State your position calmly and don’t argue. Walk away if necessary and keep your cool. Remember that your example of how to deal with conflict will be emulated by your child.

What are your tips for parenting at the park with confidence?

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