The marriage of religious authorities and… marriage. Does it work? Does it help? Does it hurt?

Assuming you are a religious person, and adhere/subscribe to one way of life, then yes, why shouldn’t religious authorities help guide you in something as large and important and delicate as marriage? Assuming, again, that they have the proper training.

Whispered along the walls of the Jewish community, I’ve heard the horror stories of abused women and children who can’t get out of their homes because they have no support. In Judaism, there is a concept called “shalom bayit” – a peaceful house. It’s a clause used often to try and realize the greater good of your home: work towards shalom bayit, it’s the most important thing.

That is true, of course, until it is no longer true. Recently I’ve had to listen to the horror story of an old friend who is finding herself taking all kinds of crap from rabbinical authorities who are asking her to just keep quiet for shalom bayit. She is in a situation where the marriage is way past shalom bayit, and it is time for everyone, including the rabbis, to face reality.

In what seems to be a new turn, a course is now being offered by the Emunah Religious Women’s Organization to train Orthodox rabbis on giving professional advice and guidance on sexual health and marital relations. This is under the notion that “rabbis are catalysts for family change.”

And how true. Young couples, who never received a sex education beyond learning the difference between a woman’s purity and impurity, can finally get some healthy, sound advice from a figure they trust. Believe it or not, but there are plenty of people who will go to their rabbis before their doctors.

Here is a full article about the initiative, which I definitely agree with, as long as the rabbis use it for good – especially in the cases of the abused.

Rabbis offer professional sexual, marital advice
New course offered by Emunah Religious Women’s Organization trains rabbis to provide professional counseling in marriage, sexuality. ‘Rabbis are catalysts for family change,’ says Emunah deputy head Rina Wasserman

Bedroom affairs and marital problems are now open for discussion in the Orthodox sector. A newly launched course trains rabbis to engage in family and marital counseling and give advice on sex-related matters in order to help the religious sector deal with these rather sensitive issues.

“The course focuses on psychological aspects, family relationships and sexuality,” said Rina Wasserman, Vice Chairperson of Emunah (Religious Women’s Organization) Israel, which has initiated the course. (source)

Just because I enjoy watching the efforts to bridge peoples with sports – especially children – here is yet another attempt, this time by the Peres Center for Peace and the NBA:

NBA’s only Jewish player in Israel for visit
As guest of Peres Center for Peace, Lakers guard Jordan Farmar runs basketball clinic for Jewish, Arab kids in south Israel

Los Angeles Lakers guard Jordan Farmar, the NBA’s only Jewish player, is in Israel to instruct Jewish and Arab kids.

Farmar was running a basketball clinic in southern Israel Tuesday.

Farmar, 21, is the guest of the Peres Center for Peace, founded by Nobel Peace laureate Shimon Peres to encourage cooperation between Israelis and Palestinians. One of the ways the center tries to improve relationships is through children playing sports together. (source)

A friend of mine sent me this video detailing the architectural plans for the Valley of Peace initiative in the desert area between Jordan, Israel and the West Bank. It’s a plan that has captured the imagination and support of Israeli President Shimon Peres and is being pursued by Jordanians, Israelis and Palestinians. It is meant to build communities, businesses, amusement parks, shopping centers, and most of all – a greener and more productive desert, shared by different people with similar interests.

Seems quite grandiose and ambitious; especially from the looks of the video and the optimism in the narrator’s voice.

But you know what? Why the hell not dream. It looks good, it feels good. I could spend afford to spend some energy on making that happen.

Oh, where have I been? I know it’s been a while…

Things with school have been relaxed the last few weeks since I finished up my last two papers before my final major work: the report on my internship, which I am currently engaged in.

Let me take a step back. My last two papers both covered interesting topics. One was an overdue paper for a mandatory class I took in the first year which was something about conflict in Jewish history. It covered the Dreyfus Affair and the many perspectives through which to view the Antisemitism involved.

The second paper was a bit more interesting and personal to write – that was a study of adult children enduring their parents’ late-life divorce. It was based on a survey I did and some research; one of the conclusions of the paper is that there is simply not enough academic research out there (though I did read a few good articles).

The internship I’m doing is in online dispute resolution. It’s taking place on a wiki Q&A site that is based on a social community of members who ask and answer questions and work towards this global goal of creating a major source for quality Q&A. It’s very much in a growing stage right now and conflict resolution was a definite must for this community.

It’s been engaging so far and I should have lots to write about. Looking forward to sharing my insights.

On the lighter side of the law… I thought this article was pretty funny in its irony:

Can’t show underwear law

“Be careful if you have saggy pants in the south Chicago suburb of Lynwood.

Village leaders have passed an ordinance that would levy $US25 ($25.70) fines against anyone showing three inches (7.62 centimetres) or more of their underwear in public.

Young adults in the village, like 21-year-old Joe Klomes, say the new law infringes on their personal style. He says leaders should instead spend money on making the area look nicer.” (source)

Hehe. I guess the village leaders believe they are making area look nicer – by covering up the likes of Mr. Klomes’ butt.

I thought I would republish some words I wrote to a friend on the subject of lifelong relationship, i.e., marriage. I took out the personal bits and reworded a bit, but you’ll get the drift:

So many people go into these things (marriages) completely careless, and a lot of the time loveless, and if you have both care and love, you create so important a combination… And I’m confident that couples with those skills, over time, find that every day they feel stronger, after every fight or argument or event, after they’ve worked it out, it’s added a new brick to the relationship-building. I know I have that now, for the first time in my life… After I learned (and still learn) to let go of my own shit, to be a part of a ‘we’ and to be constantly focused on the building and investment, I really do love my partner more every day (and most fights make me realize how dumb I am at that moment). It’s still early on but I just hope we will be like this always, even as life gets more complicated and crazy…

You know your partner is right for you when s/he can serve as your mirror, and vice versa… I know if I’m being selfish or romantic or mean or clever by the way it shows in my partner’s face… and I’m pretty sure vice versa… S/he loves you, so you can trust that s/he is serving as a healthy mirror who reflects you… Sometimes, I hear myself in my partner and sometimes I hear elements of my partner coming out of my mouth… It’s such an intense thing to realize you are literally joining with another person…

It’s all a big learning experience; the trick is to love the person you’re along for the ride with – enough to lose yourself in him, let him lose yourself in you, not too much so that you don’t recognize your soul but enough that you’ve created something new between the two of you.

That’s how I see it anyway.

Hmm. We can’t always pick and choose what works… We can’t always control how conflict resolution will happen… Which is why open-mindedness is so important.

I present this:

Make love not war: Israeli adult Web site promotes reconciliation in new way

Parpar1.com shows amateur pornography only featuring Israeli Arabs and Jews.

There is one place in the Middle East where Arabs and Jews seem to be getting along quite well. It’s the Israeli Web site Parpar1.com, where amateur pornography features Arabs and Jews at each other’s throats – but only for erotic purposes.

Founded by two Tel Aviv computer professionals, the Web site has been serving up such X-rated fare as “Kosher Lesbians,” “The Rabbi’s Daughter” and “Sex Party in Jerusalem” since 2001. Parpar1 has hundreds of hours of video porn featuring amateur performers. It is a pay service that can be accessed on the Web or via mobile phone. (haaretz)