Betty Dodson & Carlin Ross - Better Orgasms. Better World

My Bodysex Research

Carlin Ross — Sun, 05 Jan 2025 20:07:50 +0000

My Bodysex Research Carlin Ross Sun, 01/05/2025 - 20:07

Covid lockdown happened on the heels of our Goop episode. We'd received thousands of emails - our workshops were booked with wait lists - then everything went dark. Betty was dying and I was making healthcare decisions over the phone.

With a broken heart, I put together "virtual Bodysex" drawing upon my workshop experience, concepts Betty had impressed upon me, and a desire to hold space for women during this difficult time.

I worked with 400 women in 40 countries/45 states from different cultures and backgrounds but with one shared desire: to connect to their orgasm. As I looked over my excel spreadsheet, I started to see patterns so I reached out to Debby Herbenick at Indiana University.

She had me complete research training and signed on to help me turn my data into research. Consent forms were sent out, personal information was redacted, and we quantified the Betty Dodson method of self-love and independent orgasm. We proved Bodysex.

132 women participated. It was an honor to work with each woman. Thank you for the trust -thank you for sharing your stories – thank you for lending your experience to guide womankind.

Betty Dodson’s Bodysex® Workshops

Bodysex started as a “conscious fantasy”. Betty’s journal entry October 12, 1971:

“just woke up and had a conscious fantasy – to share with my sisters next Saturday. We have decided to engage in a radical therapy to bring us all together. We will privately hold an all-female orgy with a ritual based upon loving the glorious (vulva). We will share our vulvas with each other and every member will masturbate to orgasm.”

It’s bold and it’s brilliant but how did Betty get there? She had to have the courage at 18, with $400 in her pocket, to leave Kansas and head to New York City to become an artist. In 1950, women couldn’t lease apartments or open bank accounts or apply for credit cards. She was on her own and the art world had no space for women.

Then she had to spend 10 years in a sexless marriage. The ink was wet on her divorce papers when the Sexual Revolution started. At 40, she met Grant, a NYU professor, and they explored the group sex scene. This was at a time when there was no online pornography – women didn’t see sex. Betty was seeing sex.

Betty quickly realized that the women were faking orgasms but the men were not. At the end of the night, the women found themselves vibrating together and the energy was different. In her own words, “it was magic”.

During this period, feminism was growing as a movement and Betty joined her local conscious raising group (which included Gloria Steinem and the women at Ms. Magazine). Betty wanted to focus on sexual equality for women and Gloria encouraged her to start with own group.

All Betty knew was that she would run her group in the nude. She understood that group nudity created a sense of shared vulnerability. Then she would have the women answer two questions: how do you feel about your body? How do you feel about your orgasm? And that was it. She created the space, enrolled the women, but had no idea what she would do for the rest of the workshop.

Betty used to say that if you get a group of women together that they’ll tell you what they need. This is how genital show and tell was borne.

During group share, a woman confided that there was something wrong with her vulva; her husband had never “seen one like that”. No one in the group understood exactly what she was talking about so the women asked her to show them. All of a sudden, she opened her thighs and displayed her vulva. Betty said she broke out in a cold sweat. Then she was captivated. One by one each woman shared their vulva - they all were different. The shame melted away.

The women created genital show and tell.

During another workshop, Betty shared her group masturbation fantasy. They would all orgasm together and the energy would lift the building and everyone in the surrounding areas would start pleasuring themselves. The women announced, “let’s do it”. Before Betty could hesitate, Sheila (her co-creator) jumped up, pulled out their case of vibrators, plugged them in and everyone started stimulating themselves. The orgasms started and each woman had a different build up. No one looked or sounded the same.

The women created erotic recess.

Betty ran these workshops for almost two decades taking a break in the early 90s. In 2008, we relaunched the workshops after the success of our Bodysex documentary. We held 10 workshops a year for the last 13 years. Those were beautiful times.

My Background

When I was still practicing law, I rolled up the assets of a failed dot.com including a lifestyle brand for women. I found myself fantasizing about building an online platform for women to connect to pleasure and express their sexuality. Then the New York Times called. They were working on a feature about professional women moving into the sexuality space. I was interviewed and it ended up on the front page in 2007. Grant cut out the article and gave it to Betty.

I was outed as a sex expert with no PhD or training of any sort; I was simply orgasmic. So I decided to I launch a podcast. That would force me to read the books of the greats before I interviewed them. This is how I met Betty.

We ran workshops, released weekly youtube clips, published Betty’s memoir and filmed our Bodysex documentary. Thousands of women walked through Betty’s door.

After our last workshop – which we didn’t know was our last – Betty looked across the table at me and announced, “you’re better than me”. I looked deeply into her eyes and knew she meant it. I loved Betty. She was my mother, sister, best friend, mentor – there isn’t a word to describe our relationship. She kicked open the door and I walked through it. Her brilliance was my foundation and I am forever grateful.

Covid was a unique time in our history – similar to the Sexual Revolution. We were locked down staring death in the face but we had zoom. Several of the women from our Bodysex community reached out and asked if we could jump on a group call. I sent out an email blast and 100 women showed up. I thought we’d just talk but then one of the women raised her wand over her head and exclaimed, “I though we were all going to masturbate”.

Erotic recess via zoom was the furthest thing from my mind but it became our lifeline. Every Sunday we would get together for one hour – we’d talk, share orgasms and forget that the world was falling down around us. This is where I demo’d virtual genital show and tell. I talked about my ideas and got their feedback. I put together a page and my first client registered.

The women created virtual Bodysex.

How I Collected Data

Ultimately, this research happened because of the pandemic and technology. I worked with more women in 3 years than Betty did in 4 decades. Sessions were stacked, 4-6 per day with women all over the world: single moms on a budget, disabled women who couldn’t travel, and women living in totalitarian regimes.

A great benefit of taking the work virtual was that I could take notes. Imagine displaying your vulva or building up to orgasm with someone jotting down notes on a legal pad. You could never do it in a live session or workshop. With zoom, my pad was off screen.

This is how I collected data: I wrote down what I saw and witnessed. Then after each session, I would enter the data in a spreadsheet to keep track of clients. Very often, I had 3 clients named “Emily”. That’s when the patterns emerged.

Then there was their sex essay.

The Sex Essay

To book our first session, I had each woman write up their sex essay. They answered the following questions:

Your religious upbringing; parent’s attitude towards sex
Your first memory of masturbation
Your first partner sex
Your current sex life
Your sex goal - what you desire

When we put pen to paper, it becomes our past. More importantly, we can see the dysfunctional pattern we experienced. This process is exactly like the first group share in a workshop when we answer the questions: how do you feel about your body? How do you feel about your orgasm?

I had one client who took 2 years to write her sex essay but she got there. Writing our history makes us confront our shame. I entered this information into my spreadsheet.

Once I received their sex essay, we’d book their first session: education.

Education

This was our first face-to-face meeting. I would welcome them, ask them were they were from, and thank them for sharing their story. Then I’d ask them if they had all the items needed for sessions: oil for lubricant, vibrator, and the barbell for penetration (they could use their hands if they preferred or any vibe that they already had at home). This is also when I’d ask them about their current masturbation practice advising that there were no wrong answers. Finally, I’d share my screen and take them through the following:

Vulva styles

Internal clitoris

Female model of sexual response

Urethral Sponge

Pelvic Floor Muscle

At the end, I would ask them if they had any questions. They never did. They were hearing this information for the first time. I went through this same session again and again with women all over the world – for many, English wasn’t their first language. I paid attention to my word choice and how I introduced concepts – noticing when they smiled or kept eye contact. I honed my message for my audience so that I could be received.

The women created education.

Homework: Vulva Massage

The women had homework between sessions: audio podcasts that guided them through exercises. They started with vulva massage. The first step in connecting to your orgasm is making a tactile connection to your sex organ. They were instructed to touch every part of their vulva – no orgasm. When we take orgasm off the table, we feel more because there’s no goal – there’s no failure. Also, there are so many erogenous zones on a vulva - you have to touch them all to figure out what you prefer.

Genital Show and Tell

This session started with a simple question: how did vulva massage go? I recorded their response in my notes and, for each woman, made the following statement: vulva massage was about creating a tactile connection with your vulva. Today, we going to create a visual connection with your vulva.

Then I would guide them step-by-step. Setting up their camera so they had a good view would take a few minutes. This is when I’d build trust. I stayed in - we made adjustments until they could see themselves clearly.

They were prompted to put some oil on their hands and apply it to their vulva. I’d ask them to show me which strokes they preferred during vulva massage and recorded their responses in my notes (I also recorded any aversion or difficulty keeping their hands on their vulva). I told them their vulva style and we found all the structures together: the clitoris, clitoral shaft, inner/outer labia, urethral opening, urethral sponge, and pelvic floor muscle.

Finally, they put both hands on their vulva, closed their eyes, and made a promise to their vulva – something that they wanted for her. They could say it out loud or in their minds.

Homework: Rock n Roll Technique

After genital show and tell, I would explain their homework. They would watch video clips of me doing Betty’s Rock n Roll Orgasm technique (combining clitoral stimulation with vaginal penetration while breathing and rocking their pelvis). Then, they would practice the Rock n Roll with a guided audio podcast. They understood that I didn’t expect them to orgasm. Finally, I’d describe our next session: guided Rock n Roll.

Guided Rock n Roll

Guided Rock n Roll wasn’t part of my initial design. I had planned the Rock n Roll homework but figured we’d talk through their experience in the next session. However, my very first client asked if I could watch her do the Rock n Roll because she didn’t think she was doing it correctly. I confirmed that she was comfortable and moved forward (I also broke out in a cold sweat).

The women created guided Rock n Roll.

During these sessions, I guided each client step-by-step. They weren’t performing for me. We started with vulva massage and would add clitoral stimulation then vaginal penetration and, finally, put all the movements together. Depending on what I saw in each woman’s body, I would change the instruction. I could see their preference. They were reminded to breath…take breaks if needed…and keep going.

I documented the exact time with what was happening/changing within the body: how long they did vulva massage, how long it took to slowly penetrate their vagina, and how long it took them to experience each orgasm wave. Finally, I documented how their body experienced orgasm with a code:

BL (butt lifting); LT (leg tension); SD (sounds); HB (head back); SH (shaking); MO (mouth open)

I learned more in 3 years than in a decade of workshops. Just like Betty, I was seeing sex. Most sessions lasted 60 minutes but some Rock n Rolls went to 2 hours. In all, I spent 1,500 hours watching women build up to orgasm and they all got there.

Homework: Fantasy

At the end of guided Rock n Roll, I would introduce the next week’s homework – fantasy. I sent them links to resources including audio erotic apps, feminist pornography, and written erotica (short stories/long form/audio books). This was an exercise in self-knowledge, understanding what inspires them sexually. I advised that sometimes you make a connection and sometimes you find a limit.

This process normalized arousal and combatted the shame many clients feel thinking sexual thoughts.

Final Session

For our last session, we would talk through what they preferred. I would encourage them to keep going with the Rock n Roll using fantasy to lengthen the time of their self-pleasure sessions. For many, it was the first time they created a fantasy image in their mind. The process gave them permission to express their interests and understand the role of fantasy in creating desire.

Each client had my personal email address and were encouraged to reach out with any questions. Several kept the connection. One client sent my son a bedtime reading book. My first client sends me a Christmas card every year.

RESULTS

These results were authored by Callie Patterson¹, Debby Herbenick^1,3, and Shahzarin Khan^1,3.

¹ Center for Sexual Health Promotion, Indiana University School of Public Health, Indiana University. Bloomington, IN. United States.

²Department of Public Health, Des Moines University, West Des Moines, IA. United States.

³ Department of Applied Health Science, Indiana University School of Public Health, Indiana University. Bloomington, IN. United States.

Participant Characteristics

Participants were 132 women between the ages of 21 and 74 (mean = 42.42, SD = 12.17, median = 40) who had participated in one-on-one virtual Bodysex® sessions and who consented to have their data included in the present study.

These women lived in 33 countries and 23 US states. Participants were

White (n = 89, 67%),

Asian/Asian American (n = 7, 5.3%),

Black (n = 4, 3%),

Hispanic/Latina (n = 11, 8.3%), and

Middle Eastern (n = 5, 3.8%).

Thirteen participants (9.8%) identified as Jewish.

A majority of the sample 93.2% hadn’t received information about sex growing up.

More than three-quarters of women 79% described shame through their sex essays or during their virtual Bodysex® session.

More than half of women 59.1% disclosed specific trauma or abuse related to their sexuality.

Vulva Massage

41.7% of participants reported that vulva massage allowed them to feel more or better sensations or that they liked or loved the feelings associated with vulva massage.

Other common reactions included that vulva massage was difficult 13.6% or feeling resistance to vulva massage, often taking multiple attempts before they were able to engage in vulva massage 13.6%.

Some participants noted a specific area that they most enjoyed touching, or that felt the best 13.6%. Nine participants 9% noted that the vulva massage evoked feelings of shame, anxiety, sadness, or that they cried. Eight participants 6.1% indicated that they had experienced orgasm or ejaculation from engaging in vulva massage.

Women also described the vulva massage as feeling:

different or new (3%),

pleasurable, enjoyable, or fun (3.8%),

erotic/arousing (3.8%),

powerful or empowering (3.8%).

Several participants said the vulva massage felt like they were had been given permission or invited to love their vulva 2.3%, that they felt a release from trauma through vulva massage 3%, or that they enjoyed not having a goal or feeling pressured to orgasm through vulva massage 3%.

Finally, three participants responded with an observation about or description of their vulva (e.g., that their vulva was soft or kind). Other miscellaneous responses that didn’t fall into a category included mentions of feeling in control, enjoying the use of oil for vulva massage, using breathing techniques, using “tender touch,” feeling like they were making progress, feeling numbness at first and then pleasure, describing their clitoris as feeling “invigorated,” feeling like it “gave (her) energy,” and that their vulva felt “alive.”

Clitoral Sensitivity

Most frequently, participants experienced clitoral sensitivity when touching their clitoral shaft 44.7%, or clitoris more generally 12.9% and 25.8% reported enjoying direct clitoral stimulation followed by circular motions 6.8%.

Vaginal Sensation

In their descriptions of vaginal sensations, participants most frequently noted experiencing the most sensation at the urethral sponge 18.2%, vaginal opening 6.8%, perineum, 3% and labia 2.3%. Fifteen participants reported feeling pain, tightness and/or burning sensations 11.4% and four specifically noted vaginismus 4%.

Orgasm and Buildup

Prior to their first session: education, more than half 56.8% of women reported either never having had an orgasm or having “lost” their orgasm at some point, and 40.9% reported only having previously experienced a small orgasm. Through virtual Bodysex® sessions, most women 68.9% were able to experience orgasm with one Rock ‘n Roll session, while one quarter did so with two sessions 25%, and 3% of women experienced orgasm in their third Rock ‘n Roll sessions.

Participants took between 3-32 minutes to reach orgasm (M = 12.49; SD = 6.435, median = 12) and 6-48 minutes to reach full body orgasm through Rock ‘n Roll sessions (M = 19.69, SD = 7.776, median = 18)

Time to orgasm and time to full body orgasm did not significantly differ among women who never previously had/lost their orgasm (time to orgasm: M = 13.12; time to full body orgasm: M = 21.11) compared to women who had experienced/had not lost orgasm (time to orgasm: M =12.36; time to full body orgasm: M = 17.74).

**Women who reported teen masturbation (M = 11.18) compared to women who did not report teen masturbation (M = 13.76) demonstrated significantly shorter time to orgasm.

**The same was observed for full body orgasm; compared to women who did not report teen masturbation (M = 21.39), women who reported teen masturbation (M = 16.80) demonstrated significantly shorter time to full body orgasm.

No significant differences in time to orgasm or full body orgasm were observed for childhood masturbation or adulthood masturbation.

A total of 21 combinations of orgasm buildup characteristics were observed.

Legs tensing (79.3%),

buttocks lifting (73.8%),

sounds (57.3%) and

shaking (56.1%)

No specific combination of characteristics was observed in the majority of the sample. However, the combination of head back, legs tensing, buttocks lifting, sounds, and shaking was observed in nearly a quarter of the women.

DISCUSSION

Bodysex Diversified

Taking the sessions virtual diversified Bodysex. Before Covid, you had to have the time and money to travel to Manhattan to take a live workshop. Our participants skewed white and upper class.

I’m proud that women of color felt safe to work together online: 5.3% were Asian, 3% were black, and 8.3% were Hispanic. The cherry on top: 3.8% of my clients were from the Middle East. I remember working with my client in Iran. She placed a towel at base of her door and spoke in whispers to avoid a visit from the police but we got to that orgasm. Her fiancée was supportive and she’d enter marriage an orgasmic woman.

Disabled women…older women…single moms with young children could log on and experience Bodysex from anywhere in the world. If they felt uneasy at any time, they could simply close their lap top. That broadened our reach to include women willing to stick their big toe in the Bodysex pool before jumping in.

Because of zoom, I was able to work with women from varied backgrounds and walks of life. More importantly, I could drop the price and expand globally from the privacy of my own home.

What became clear is that there isn’t a country in the world where women are free to express their sexuality. And I shared this fact with every client; my refrain was “it is work to become a fully sexual woman”.

Lack of Information is the Main Block to Orgasm

From 13 years of groups shares, I believed that trauma was the main block to female pleasure. It seemed that sexual equality for women could never be achieved in a rape culture. 59.1% of participants did experience trauma – a high number – but 93.2% received no information about their sexuality.

Put simply: the world runs on the male model of sexual response. We see actresses achieve orgasm in 2-3 minutes from vaginal penetration alone - simultaneously with their partner. We do the same things in the same amount of time and don’t have the same results. I’ve never worked with a client who blamed anyone but themselves for their inability to achieve orgasm.

Penises don the halls of every museum yet we don’t see images of our sex organ. Without a baseline of what an average vulva looks like, you’re unsure where you stand. Imagine going out into the world never having looked at your face in the mirror. How would you know who you are or have a semblance of self-esteem?

If you don’t understand that there are a range of vulva styles or how your body works - what brings you pleasure - how are you ever going to connect to orgasm. No information is misinformation.

In just two hours of sessions, we were able to heal decades of shame and self-doubt. Participants received complete information about the female model of sexual response, vulva diversity and pleasure anatomy. Then, they made a visual connection with their vulva during genital show and tell. Being witnessed enabled them to see the beauty and take ownership of their sex organ for their own pleasure.

Finally, the guided Rock n Roll sessions allowed them to experience pleasure outside of romance. This is critical for women who are conditioned to believe that they can only orgasm if they’re in love. If they could orgasm with me over zoom, then they could orgasm with any partner drawing upon this positive experience where they were vulnerable, went within, and achieved orgasm on their own.

The More You Touch the More You Feel

Vulva massage is the game changer. 41.7% of participants felt more after doing vulva massage for one week - 20 minutes a day. It’s so simple yet so profound. Touch creates blood flow and orgasm is simply about blood flow - for women as well as men. I love that any woman anywhere in the world can pop on my podcast, oil up their hands, and start their journey to orgasm. It costs you nothing and it doesn’t matter what you look like or how anyone feels about you.

Creating a ritual of touch pushes out the shame. Once you start to feel, then you’re ready to move forward to orgasm. Touch is the healing.

Most participants liked touching their clitoral shaft 44.7% but many 25% liked going directly on their clitoris. Others preferred around the clitoris at 12.9%. Often, I’d be working with a client who thought they preferred direct clitoral stimulation but, during guided Rock n Roll, it was clear that they preferred the vibe to be just under the clitoris closer to the vaginal opening.

Finally, you can only know how you like to be touched if you try different techniques. Do you prefer a soft, light stroke with one finger down the length of your vulva….two fingers on either side of your clit in the wishbone…maybe two hands doing the wishbone…or the crown favorite full circles with one hand gliding over your clitoris. Pressure, speed, variation: we try it all to figure out what works best.

Pleasure takes time and effort.

There is No Limit to Female Pleasure

The hardest part of becoming orgasmic is shifting your belief system from scarcity to abundance. As women, we have the most sophisticated sex organ on the planet capable of endless pleasure that never ages but we have to believe it. We have to overcome thousands of years of gaslighting and decades of bad sex.

The orgasm gap exists because the world runs on the male model of sexual response. The female model is very different.

Kinsey put the average time from penetration to ejaculation for men at 5 minutes. Let’s give them ten. The female model of sexual response is waves of good feelings that come in and go out. For most women, when that first wave comes in and goes out they believe that they’ve lost their orgasm. They are comparing themselves to the male model of sexual response.

These orgasm waves will keep coming for as long as you stimulate your body – there is no end. On average, the first wave takes 12.49 minutes of stimulation. That’s about 7 minutes more than your male counterpart. Right as they’re finishing, we’re starting our orgasm build up.

Most women can’t make that 5-minute window. So, if you’re heterosexual, then you’re going to have to start first or stimulate yourself during foreplay or keep going after they finish to get your orgasm. Betty used to hit her first orgasm wave before she would call in her partner (she whistled for him). Personally, I use my vibe while I perform oral sex to hit my first wave. That way I’m primed and ready for my second wave before I’m penetrated. There are times when I want to keep going – maybe my partner stimulates my nipples or kisses my neck while I vibrate – we call this partner assisted masturbation.

To get to that full body orgasm, you’re looking, on average, at 19.69 minutes. In my opinion, not a long time. How many Netflix episodes did you binge during lockdown? You’re worth 20 minutes. Again, we have to believe that the waves are coming to get to the full body orgasm.

I would email clients my write up of their Rock n Roll session - sometimes that made the difference. Knowing that their first wave came in 12 minutes and then each wave after that came in 3-minute intervals followed by the full body in 22 minutes gave them certainty. I advise every woman to masturbate with a clock and pad next to the bed. Note when you start…hit each wave…and hit that full body. How did your orgasm feel: like heat, electricity? This information will support your partner sex.

Finally, the diversity in women’s orgasm is quite remarkable. There’s no one way to orgasm; there’s no one spot to touch; and there’s no one orgasm build up. I observed 21 combinations of orgasm build up characteristics. Your orgasms will always be there shifting, changing, and growing. And your orgasm will always carry you through anything life throws at you.

Conclusion

The female model of sexual response must be taught.

Our sexual experience must be acknowledged by the culture. Vulva diversity, the internal clitoris, combining clitoral stimulation with vaginal penetration – this is straight forward information that should be part of the public discourse. Ultimately, the orgasm gap is really a ten-minute window…women just need a bit more time to get fully aroused because our erectile tissue is inside our body. Our experience must be honored and included.

Young women and girls need the time and space to explore their bodies.

Among the participants, those who masturbated in their teens reported a shorter time to orgasm as adults. Can you imagine how different your life would have been if the women in your community encouraged you to explore your body, if you experienced Bodysex rituals before any sort of partner sex? Our self-esteem would soar. We would speak our minds and state our pleasure.

Betty always said that masturbation is the foundation of all human sexuality. This is where healthy sexual development begins. First, we must know ourselves. Masturbation IS sex.

As women, we need to break the cycle of shame.

The most feminist, revolutionary act you can do is touch your body simply because it feels good. But it’s not enough. As women, we must share our experience with others to normalize female sexual expression.

When the producers for our Goop episode called, I was having a bad day. They asked the same question I’d heard a million times and I’d had enough. I announced, “you know what women need to see. They need to see a real vulva and a real orgasm”. There was silence on the other end of the phone. They she replied, “I’ll have to run it past leadership and get back to you”.

At each step in the production, I didn’t believe any of it would make it to air. It wasn’t until they sent over the invite for the premier that it became real. I was overcome with fear that I’d jeopardized the relationship with my son, that I would embarrass him as he got older. Then I imagined the women who’d watch our episode and how it could change their lives. I had no regrets.

Sitting in the theater watching the vulvas dance across the screen – I grabbed Betty’s hand - tears in my eyes - and said “we did it”. After the screening, they’d set up media interviews. I anticipated the “slut” sucker-punch but it never came. The journalists were in awe of my courage expressing their admiration for my sacrifice. In that moment, I realized that if you make yourself vulnerable and speak a truth you will be respected. There is no shame in expressing my sexuality.

Thank you, Betty Dodson, for leading the way. Thank you, Debbie Herbenick, for supporting the research. And thank you, Carlin Ross, for sitting in front of your lap top - hours on end - guiding women to orgasm.

Mentions And Related Topics

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Betty's Rock n Roll Orgasm Technique

Overcoming Shame & Trauma

Vulva Styles

Internal Clitoris

PC Muscle & Lubrication

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Menopause Podcast Series

Carlin Ross — Wed, 23 Oct 2024 14:32:08 +0000

Menopause Podcast Series Carlin Ross Wed, 10/23/2024 - 14:32

Listen to our series here on soundcloud.

I'm peri-menopausal and Laura is post-menopausal...together we're talking through the highs and lows while maintaining pleasure in our lives.

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Menstruation Series from Our Bodysex Coaches

Carlin Ross — Sun, 21 Apr 2024 12:58:43 +0000

Menstruation Series from Our Bodysex Coaches Carlin Ross Sun, 04/21/2024 - 12:58

This is one of my favorite topics in our monthly blog series written by our Bodysex Coaches.

Read each post here: https://bodysex.com/menstruation/

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Betty Draws the Internal Clitoris

Carlin Ross — Tue, 20 Dec 2022 21:44:32 +0000

Betty Draws the Internal Clitoris Carlin Ross Tue, 12/20/2022 - 21:44

Betty was a consummate educator using her fine art background to teach women about their bodies.

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The Basic Structures of Your Vulva

Carlin Ross — Wed, 15 Aug 2018 13:53:24 +0000

The Basic Structures of Your Vulva Carlin Ross Wed, 08/15/2018 - 13:53

Betty has championed the distinction of "vulva" vs "vagina" for decades and there's a very important reason. Your vulva is your clitoral glans, inner and outer labia and your vaginal opening. Your clitoris exists solely for pleasure. Women can enjoy multiple orgasms and limitless pleasure when they stimulate their "clitoral system".

Women have as much erectile tissue as men. We get internal erections and our clitoris is just the visible portion of our complex clitoral system. We have internal structures - the legs and the bulbs of the clitoris - a pleasure wishbone running through our labia and around our vaginal opening.

Our vagina is a canal. There are pleasurable parts but that varies with each woman. The best orgasm is the combination orgasm when we combine clitoral stimulation with vaginal penetration. The vagina is wonderful but serves two purposes: pleasure and birth. Our clitorises exist solely for pleasure.

Here are some pics of my vulva with some simple anatomical descriptions. Please feel free to use these images in presentations and your blogs as long as you clearly label D&R.com.

Happy Orgasms.

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The Range of Vulva Styles from Sex for One

Carlin Ross — Fri, 27 Jul 2018 12:22:06 +0000

The Range of Vulva Styles from Sex for One Carlin Ross Fri, 07/27/2018 - 12:22

Back in the 70's, during the Genital Show & Tell ritual in her Bodysex workshops, Betty started identifying the "style" of each vulva using architectural styles as a reference: Classical, Gothic, Modern, Renaissance, Baroque, and the Heart.

The women connected with the architectural reference and we still describe your vulva style in our Bodysex workshops today. After 40 years of looking at vulvas, Betty will see some shape or combination of features that is unique to that woman's vulva. Our sex organs are divine and no two vulvas look alike.

Betty sketched these vulvas for the release of her international best seller Sex for One. Her girlfriends were her models.

Below is the Classical vulva. Notice the symmetrical inner and outer labia and the moderately sized clitoris.

Below is the Gothic vulva. Notice the elongated clitoral hood and the dramatic draping of the inner labia.

Below is the Modern vulva. Notice the large clitoris, sleek lines of the labia, and vaginal opening.

Below is the Renaissance vulva. Notice the ruffled inner labia that drape down from the clitoral hood like beautiful fabric.

Below is the Baroque vulva. Notice the ornate quality of the labia with several scallops and turns and the unique hood folds over the clitoris.

Below is the the Heart vulva (my personal vulva style). Notice how the outer labia - when pulled to the sides - make the shape of a heart with darker inner labia and madonna-esque clitoral hood and clitoris.

Betty and I always say that we've never seen an unattractive vulva.

Each clitoris has over 8,000 nerve endings. The folds and drapery of the inner labia are spectacular. Then there are the beautiful variations in color: baby pinks and soft peaches....deep mauves and chocolate browns...velvety blacks and soft opalescent pearls.

The beauty is endless. Here are the rest of the sketches with variations on the above "styles":

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First Time Orgasm

Betty Dodson — Sat, 12 Feb 2011 11:56:38 +0000

First Time Orgasm Betty Dodson Sat, 02/12/2011 - 11:56

Most young girls will begin by using their hands and massage oil. A young woman who has a history of little or no masturbation and has reached her mid to late-20s and is looking for her first orgasm, a battery driven vibrator can be a good choice. There are many of these vibrators available.

However, it you are in your thirties or older, the Magic Wand is also a good choice. If you are using a Wand, I recommend putting some kind of fabric between you and the vibrator to soften the vibes. Lately I've been putting a sock on mine. I use a thin or a thick one, depending upon my mood.

The Magic Wand vibrator only works on AC current so the company will not ship to countries with direct electrical current. However, there is a vibrator that works on batteries called the Mystic Wand. It’s like the Magic Wands little sister. This new one has five different settings. The low setting is good for young women who are beginners and the third setting has vibrations as strong as the Big Mama Magic Wand. The Mystic is smaller, quieter and adorable. Both vibrators are available from our sex shop. Another good vibrator is the Eroscillator that is compatible with both AC and DC current.

GETTING READY: You will need to gather a few basic items. If at all possible set aside at least an hour in a warm room that's completely private. Turn off the telephone and put your cell phone in another room. Although it's not necessary, it's also nice to have candle light and music of your choice.

For your genital exam you will need

1. a makeup mirror that stands alone with at least an eight-inch mirror surface.

2. A gooseneck desk lamp is the best or some light source that can be aimed between your legs.

3. A bottle of organic massage oil such as almond, coconut, apricot, avocado, etc.

4. A soft washcloth and a towel to sit on

5. The Magic Wand vibrator or a battery oporated one. For some women, the softer vibrations of a battery vibrator may be preferable.  Or if you prefer, you can also use your hands. Ideally girls would use their hands until they enter their late twenties or early thirties.

6. Betty's Barbell for penetration. Or  improvise with a peeled carrot or zucchini. The advantage of the Barbell is that the weight will hold it in place while you stimulate your clitoris.

GENITAL EXAM: To learn about the form and function of your vulva, it's essential to begin with a genital exam. Get a soft towel and put it on the floor with some kind of back support. Place the mirror so that you have a view of your entire genital area. Aim a bright light between your legs. Oil your hands. Now spend a few minutes doing an over-all genital massage while observing your vulva in the mirror. Enjoy the pleasurable feelings as you press, kneed and move your hands over the entire area.

Next spread your outer lips apart to explore your vulva's intricate internal design with its delicate folds. Locate your clitoris at the top of your vulva just below where your pubic hair begins. Find the shaft and hood of the clitoris. Pull the hood back so you can see your clitoral glans. With a well-oiled finger, touch the glans softly to understand why those 8,000 nerve endings are protected with the hood. Now massage your clitoris using different kinds of pressure from light to firm on either side, on top and underneath your clitoral glans. Observe the different sensations. Spread the inner lips apart with both hands. Locate your vaginal opening that will appear as small folds that will part when you enter with your finger. The vaginal vestibule is the recessed space inside your inner lips. See if you can locate your urethra, a tiny opening nestled somewhere in the vestibule below the clitoris and above the vaginal opening.

Arrange your genital flower in a manner you find most appealing. Take a few moments to appreciate the beauty of your magnificent sex organ. You might want to trim or shape your pubic hair and take a pussy portrait for your lover on Valentine's Day. Or enter your photo in my Genital Art Gallery.

THE PELVIC FLOOR MUSCLE: Consciously relax your vaginal muscles while taking several deep breaths. Then very slowly press your middle finger inside your vagina. Once inside, circle your finger feeling the contours of the vaginal barrel. Take another deep breath and relax all the surrounding muscles and focus primarily on the muscle that stops the flow of urine. Now squeeze and release this muscle on your finger. You will feel your vagina gripping your finger softly or firmly depending on the strength of your PC (pubococcygeus) muscle. Take your finger away and watch your entire genital area move from your clitoris to your anus when you contract the muscle by lifting up and squeezing. Do not bear down or push out. Lift and release. Lift and release. Be sure to check out how to do Kegel exercises under Betty's Vaginal Barbell.

BREATHING: Next lie down on your bed, a futon, or a blanket on the floor. Make sure you are comfortable and warm. Place a pillow under your head. Your feet are on the floor with your knees bent and both legs at a comfortable angle. Take a series of deep breaths exhaling with an audible sigh. Send loving thoughts to your body. During your masturbation session it's a good idea to be able to hear yourself breathing out loud. Getting oxygen into the blood stream is essential for clitoral engorgement. Inhale through your nose and exhale through your mouth. If your nose is stopped up, do both the in and out breath with your mouth. Most women tend to hold their breath during sexual arousal so make sure you are breathing fully.

PELVIC ROCKING: Avoid tensing up and holding your body rigid. Move your pelvis like Elvis. Roll your hips. Do a little dance lying down. Use movements that feel good. Loosen up and stretch. Smile. As your hips rock forward and back the muscles in your body flex and relax similar to an athlete in motion. Take a minute and dance to the music of your choice with rhythmic pelvic thrusting along with deep breathing and sounds of pleasure. Remember sex is about having fun and feeling good. During your entire masturbation session, a gentle rocking motion can be perpetual motion. Rest if you get tired.

PENETRATION WITH PC MUSCLE: Now that you are in touch with your PC muscle, you are ready to do slow penetration. If you are new to vaginal penetration begin with your finger. Then use a peeled carrot or zucchini gradually making them bigger. Just be aware that squeezing your vaginal muscle will tend to push the veggie dildo out so hold it with one hand. If you have Betty's Barbell, penetration virgins or postmenopausal women unaccustomed to vaginal penetration will place the smaller end of the Barbell just at the vaginal opening (inside the vestibule). As you begin to squeeze and release the PC muscle, observe the sensation. Penetrate your vagina very slowly going an inch at a time while pausing to grip and release the dildo or Barbell with your muscle. Once the Barbell is inserted, it stays in place leaving both hands free. Your veggie dildo will get pushed out as you squeeze the muscle, so hold it in place or just forget set it aside.

CLITORAL STIMULATION: With the Barbell in place, add clitoral stimulation first with your oiled finger. Release all expectations of what you "should" be feeling. Just observe what is happening without passing any judgments. Stay with manual as long as it feels good. When you desire more clitoral sensation, add a battery vibrator. Stay with this for as long as it feels good.

For women using an electric vibrator, begin with the switch on low. Its okay to experiment with high later on, but the low setting will allow you to take more time and enjoy all the pleasurable sensations. Keep a light touch. The whole point of selfloving is to train your body to tolerate higher levels of sexual pleasure that last longer than a few moments.

COMBINING BREATHING, PELVIC MOVEMENTS AND THE PC MUSCLE: As you rock your hips forward, squeeze your PC muscle and exhale through your mouth. As your pelvis drops back down inhale through your nose and release the PC muscle. Forward, exhale and squeeze the PC. Drop back down as you inhale and release the PC muscle. Continue doing this while breathing out loud. Listen to yourself breathing. While this seems a bit complicated at first, like any new dance step, once you've done it a few times your body will remember the moves. As you reach a higher level of sexual arousal your breathing will be similar to jogging or walking briskly. Eventually you can make sounds of pleasure on the out breath. Try the vowels sounds of Ah, Oh or say the word "yes." Let your jaw drop and have your mouth slightly open. Keep your eyes closed with your attention focused on the sensations in your genitals.

ORGASM: It's important to let go of all romantic notions of what you think an orgasm will be like. Instead keep an open mind and pay attention to the good feelings that are happening in your body. Be patient. A consistent problem for beginners is putting pressure on yourself to come. This is the exact opposite of experiencing pleasure. Sexual excitement does not go in a straight line to orgasm similar to many men's sexual response. You can get a sensation that feels great and then it will drift or go away completely. Nothing is wrong. Keep breathing while you tense and release your PC muscle. Find another rhythm with your clitoral stimulation and change your pelvic movements until you catch the next wave of pleasure.

Just in front of a climax your pelvic movements might become more urgent and breathing more rapid as your heart rate increases. Or you might slow down and get quiet. At that point trust your body until it has the orgasm. Once orgasm occurs, don't stop. Simply lighten up with clitoral stimulation by moving the vibrator above or off to one side. Keep breathing, moving your pelvis and pumping the pelvic floor muscles. After a few moments, the hypersensitivity will subside and for some women, her clitoris will be ready to go again. At that point you have the choice of building up to another orgasm or simply riding the aftershocks of pleasure from the orgasm you just had. Some women feel satisfied with one nice full orgasm. We are unique so one size does not fit all.

About The Magic Wand: This vibrator is sold as an electric body massager. Although there are many electric vibrators on the market now, the Wand is my personal favorite. This sturdy and reliable machine is great for relaxing and soothing sore muscles throughout the entire body. The therapeutic vibrations bring a new supply of blood to any area being massaged including the genitals. Once I discovered how great this vibrator was for sexual pleasure, I started buying them by the case to share with the women in my original Bodysex groups. Since the early seventies I have recommended the Magic Wand without being paid for my endorsement. I currently sell the Wand on my website in addition to Betty's Barbell, my vaginal exerciser, and a few other favorite sex toys along with my books and videos. When you use the Wand, I recommend using a layer of cushioning. At first, I used a soft washcloth layered. Today I just put a clean white sock on the head of the vibrator.

The Magic Wand vibrator only works on AC current so the company will not ship to countries with direct electrical current. However, there is a vibrator that works on batteries called the Mystic Wand. It’s like the Magic Wands little sister. She has five different settings and one has vibrations almost as strong as her Big Mama Magic Wand. Mystic is smaller, quieter and adorable. The low setting is good for beginners. Another good vibrator is the Eroscillator that also comes in both AC and DC current. These vibrators plus other sex toys are available from our sex shop.

A woman who has a history of little or no masturbation and is looking for her first orgasm in her mid-thirties or older, the Mystic or Magic Wand will provide steady stimulation for as long as she needs to awaken her slumbering clitoris. The strong consistent vibrations will make up for years of sensory deprivation. The Wand is a must for postmenopausal women who want to renew a fading libido or for women taking an anti-depressant. The electric vibrator is to women what Viagra is to men. The Wand is also marvelous for women interested in increasing the intensity of their orgasms, wanting to have several orgasms during a masturbation session and for women that want to experience orgasm during penetration sex with a partner. Get my book Orgasms for Two that has information on how to use a vibrator while having sex with your partner.

VARIATIONS ON EXPERIENCES WITH VIBRATORS: When you are new to vibrator sex, you may experience any number of responses. One client I observed had a full-body orgasm, but she claimed nothing had happened. Her expectations of an orgasm were so exaggerated she couldn't identify what was actually taking place in her body. Another woman had a small climax and didn't think it was real. In order for her orgasms to grow, she needed to acknowledge her small climaxes. A girlfriend told me that the first time she used a vibrator, she had the most intense orgasm of her life, but it was over before she knew what had happened. Another woman had to practice for a month before she broke through to her orgasm. We are all very different in how we respond to clitoral stimulation.

COMMON MISUSE OF THE VIBRATOR: Some women create pain instead of pleasure by bearing down with the vibrator, crushing their sweet little clits while demanding immediate results. Or they vibrate too long irritating their vulva. If you feel pain or a burning sensation, stop. You are doing something wrong. Instead of relying on pressure to increase the sensation, keep the vibrator moving around your clitoris with a light touch. A little pressure from time to time is okay, but bearing down will numb out the most athletic clits. Breathing fully, rocking your pelvis and squeezing the pelvic floor muscles will increase your genital sensation. Avoid bearing down harder with your vibrator.

The other problem is not spending enough time. Most women who come for a private session have never masturbated for more than five or ten minutes. In order to get the energy moving similar to getting your heart rate up, I often keep my client moving, breathing and vibrating for at least an hour, sometimes up to three hours. The common complaint from women is, "I seem to get right in front of an orgasm but I can't get over that edge." My answer is, "There is no edge." Just keep vibrating while trying something different; a new fantasy, a different rhythm, shifting the position of the vibrator, altering vaginal penetration., increase your pelvic floor muscle squeezing. Most important is don't stop, keep going.

SEXUAL FANTASY: One of the best ways to focus your mind on sexual pleasure is to engage your mind in a hot fantasy instead of running the grocery list. If you are new to fantasy you can start by imagining something sexual that you enjoyed and gradually embellish the details. Sexual fantasy is at the heart of the creative process that requires the freedom to imagine the unimaginable. Get rid of the mental censor inside your head. My fantasies have ranged from sugary romantic scenarios to thinking up elaborate set ups for bondage where I'm taken advantage of by cruel men. At first I worried about my rape and bondage fantasies, but these were the images that got me really hot. In real life I have never been put into bondage or raped. Once I understood that I was playing all the roles in my fantasies, it freed me to stop passing judgment. That alone freed my imagination to think about anything that turned me on.

DILDO USE: Once you have your orgasm pattern established, adding vaginal penetration with Betty's Barbell or differently sized dildos will intensify sexual sensations. When using my Barbell, first oil your toy and start with slow penetration. Once inside, you can leave the Barbell in place while you squeeze and release the PC muscle. The weight of the Barbell holds it inside the vagina. Or you can move it slowly in and out or do a short rapid motion while continuing clitoral stimulation. Angle the Barbell or any other dildo up toward the ceiling of your vagina and press into the urethral sponge (G-spot) and observe the sensation. Don't look for some special spot inside your vagina. It's a sensation.

Focus on your primary sex organ, the clitoris with its eight thousand nerve endings. The internal clitoris inside the body surrounds the first third of your vaginal barbell. Continue to work the PC muscle against the Barbell. Try a variety of different sized dildos. You might find a larger dildo that stretches your vagina feels good. If vaginal penetration is not that interesting for you or it doesn't feel good, then drop it and just stay with your clitoris.

GETTING EVERYTHING TOGETHER

Combining the five elements of clitoral stimulation, vaginal penetration, pelvic movements, PC muscle contractions and breathing out loud makes this style of masturbation the one that's most easily translated to partnersex. During intercourse, you or your partner can add the kind of clitoral contact you prefer with fingers, a battery vibrator or any electric vibrator including my favorite, the Magic Wand or the Mystic Wand.

If you've followed these instructions and STILL CAN'T ORGASM, I've put together a longer version that's an ebook: Learn to Orgasm in 4 Acts on Amazon.

Also, go to the Nav Bar and under Ask Dr. Betty, read the questions and my answers asked by other women. This will give you more ideas of skills you can try. I'm always working on gathering new facts to share. Be sure to read my information on the G spot. If a woman squirts naturally it's perfectly OK, but I advise beginners to stay focused on the clitoris which is our primary organ for sexual pleasure. Another fact is that squirting is not the same thing as having an orgasm so don't get caught up in all the PR surrounding this over-stated sexual response.

Happy orgasms!

If you need more information, you can purchase my ebook How to Orgasm in 4 Acts: https://www.amazon.com/Learn-Orgasm-Acts-Betty-Dodson-ebook/dp/B004SPYM…

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How to Use Betty's Barbell

Betty Dodson — Sun, 20 Jul 2008 13:41:55 +0000

How to Use Betty's Barbell Betty Dodson Sun, 07/20/2008 - 13:41

Betty Dodson designed her Barbell after working with women to connect to their orgasm for over 40 years. It's our best-selling product and, most recently, was featured in Gwyneth Paltrow's Netflix series Goop Lab. We teach how to use the barbell in our Bodysex workshops and online courses.

The Barbell is both a practical vaginal exerciser and an excellent pleasure device. Made of stainless steel, the Barbell is sturdy enough to become a family heirloom that can be passed down from grandmother to granddaughter. The Barbell is 6 3⁄4 inches long and weighs nearly one pound. Once inserted, the weight holds it in place.

First Some Useful Information

Kegel Exercises:

Many women today are familiar with doing Kegel exercises especially after giving birth. In the early 1940's a gynecologist named Dr. Arnold Kegel was helping women to overcome urinary incontinence through pelvic floor exercises instead of relying only on surgery. After several months, some of his clients reported having orgasms for the first time.

Dr. Kegel designed a feedback instrument called the Perineometer, a meter with a rubber hose attached to a penis shaped device. Once inserted, it showed the amount of pressure applied by tightening the vaginal muscle. In Betty's early 1970's orgasm workshops, women took turns using a Perineometer with a condom on it. Similar to the strong men in the circus swinging a mallet to ring the bell, when a woman scored a 100, Betty rang a bicycle bell while the group applauded.

Locating the Pelvic Floor Muscle:

The pelvic floor muscle attaches to the front of the pubic bone and goes around the anus. When the pelvic floor is contracted it can be felt in the clitoris, vagina, and anus. One way to locate the muscle is to abruptly stop and start the flow of urine. A second and more dramatic way is to insert a finger inside the vagina and squeeze the pelvic floor muscle. When you feel pressure around your finger, you are using the correct muscle.

Exercising the Pelvic Floor Muscle:

Try to keep everything relaxed except the vaginal muscle. LIFT UP. Do not bear down. At first, women often tighten the surrounding muscles in their stomachs, thighs, and buttocks. For the best results practice isolating and then tightening just the pelvic floor muscle. Be patient. Many women find it's easiest to use the barbell first thing in the morning or just before going to bed.

There are many ideas about how to best do pelvic floor muscle exercises like squeezing the muscle 10 times and resting. Or holding the muscle tight for a count of 5 followed by several rapid contractions. Most professionals agree that having a resistance device inside the vagina gives better results.

However there's nothing wrong with exercising the pelvic floor without the barbell while watching television, talking on the phone, or browsing the Internet. It not only feels good but it keeps us in touch with our bodies.

Possible Benefits from Using Betty's Barbell

1. A toned Pelvic Floor Muscle:

Insures better orgasms, genital health, and bladder control as well as regulates the bowels and enhances overall health. Engaging the pelvic floor muscle can also shorten delivery time and restore vaginal muscles after giving birth. During intercourse, rhythmically squeezing the pelvic floor muscle enhances sexual pleasure for both a woman and her partner.

A healthy pelvic floor muscle would lower the number of preorgasmic women, avoid surgery to tighten relaxed vaginas, and eliminate Urinary Stress Incontinence. USI is the involuntary loss of urine while lifting, coughing, sneezing, laughing or having an orgasm. Millions of women needlessly suffer some degree of urinary incontinence resulting from multiple births, menopause, and the absence of genital awareness due to the lack of sex information.

Using the Barbell will avoid off-putting treatments like surgery or having to wear adult diapers.

2. Combining Pelvic Floor and Orgasm:

Simply using the Barbell during your self-pleasure sessions will engage the pelvic floor muscle. The weight provides resistance when we forget to squeeze and release the muscle (see Betty's Rock n Roll). Ultimately, having an orgasm is the best exercise for your pelvic floor.

3. Vaginal Dilator and Aerator:

Young women can use the Barbell as a vaginal dilator to prevent painful first time intercourse. By getting in touch with her pelvic floor muscle and starting with the smaller ball, she can gradually penetrate her own vagina with a minimum of discomfort. Many women diagnosed with vaginismus (painful spasm of the vagina) or who suffer from a chronically tight vagina can use the barbell to gradually learn how to relax the vaginal muscles by working the pelvic floor muscle.

For women who are postmenopausal or no longer having penetration sex with a partner, using the Barbell will aerate the vagina, help slough off dead cells, encourage lubrication and enhance orgasms during self-stimulation.

How to Use Betty's Barbell

1. Inserting the Barbell:

Lie down on your back with one or more pillows under your head. Bend your knees with both feet on the floor. Be comfortable. While taking several deep breaths and relaxing, spend a few moments connecting with your body. Apply massage oil on your hands and warm up with a genital massage that includes your clitoris. Lubricate the Barbell and place the larger ball just at the vaginal opening.

Totally relax the vaginal muscles as you exhale then squeeze and release the pelvic floor muscle on the edge of the ball. Take another deep breath and exhale relaxing the vagina as you slowly insert the Barbell an inch. Again squeeze and release the pelvic floor muscle several times. Continue this process until full penetration has been achieved. If any discomfort is experienced, use the smaller end of the Barbell.

2. Enhancing Your Orgasm with Pelvic Floor Exercises:

Depending on the length of each woman's vaginal barrel, an inch or two of the Barbell will remain on the outside of her vagina. Once fully inserted, the weight of the Barbell holds it in place leaving both hands free. Use one hand for clitoral stimulation either manually, with a battery or an electric vibrator while squeezing and releasing the pelvic floor muscle.

Try using the other hand for body and breast massage. To move the Barbell, tighten the pelvic floor muscle as you slowly pull it out leaving the larger ball just inside the vagina. Then relax the vaginal muscle and let go of the Barbell. Its weight will allow it to drop back inside effortlessly. In the beginning, most women prefer to leave the Barbell in place while they combine pelvic floor muscle contractions with pelvic rocking, breathing, and their preferred clitoral stimulation.

3. Coordinating Breathing, Pelvic Rocking and the Pelvic Floor Muscle:

As you rock the pelvis up, exhale and squeeze the pelvic floor tight. Then inhaling you drop your hips back down and relax the muscle. Keep the movements small and gentle. If the reverse feels better you can inhale rocking forward and exhale dropping back. At first this seems complicated but it's similar to learning a new dance step.

In the beginning we feel awkward and self-conscious but after many repetitions the body takes over and the moves become automatic. There is no one "right" way to use any of these techniques. The important thing is to breathe, rock and squeeze the muscle until your own individual style emerges.

4. Betty's Barbell as a Sleek Sextoy:

It's very sensual to have a lover slowly move the Barbell back and forth inside the vagina while a woman uses her fingers or the Magic Wand vibrator to stimulate the clitoris. With the woman lying on her back, try angling the Barbell up to press on the ceiling of the vagina, stimulating the urethral sponge/female prostate/g-spot. Or gently press the Barbell against the cervix.

The smooth surface of the barbell makes it a safe toy for anal penetration. It is important to note that when using the barbell anally you or your partner must hold on to the end to prevent the barbell from slipping all the way inside.

5. The Pelvic Floor Muscle and Men:

A toned pelvic floor muscle is as important for men as it is for women. If young men knew how to use their pelvic floor muscles during masturbation, they could learn to control the urge to ejaculate. Then they would be able to extend the pleasures of intercourse and enjoy having fuller orgasms as adults. Men at any age can benefit from doing isometric exercises with the Barbell inside the anus.

A healthy pelvic floor muscle will not only reduce the vast numbers of fast ejaculating men, it would also lower the high percentage of older men who no longer have erections and/or end up with urinary incontinence. Using the Barbell anally while stimulating the penis heightens male orgasm with or without internal prostate massage.

Mentions And Related Topics

Betty's Rock n Roll Orgasm Technique

First Time Penetration

Painful Penetration

Myth of Hymen

PC Muscle & Lubrication

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Tosh Patterson

Carlin Ross — Tue, 24 Feb 2026 15:19:16 +0000

Tosh Patterson Carlin Ross Tue, 02/24/2026 - 15:19

Hi, I’m Tosh (she/her)—a Bodysex facilitator, pleasure coach, and sound healer based in Playa del Carmen, Mexico (45 minutes from Cancun).

I help women reclaim their bodies, reconnect with pleasure, and feel at home in their skin again. I offer one-on-one Bodysex sessions (online and in person), Bodysex workshops (group circles), and sound healing to support deeper safety and embodiment. All vulva-bodied folks are welcome in my space; I also curate intentional circles for women of color.

After a 20-year career in higher education, I left burnout behind, started my coaching business, and moved to the coast of Mexico, where I now enjoy beach walks, fresh mangos, and ease and joy.

My journey includes sexual trauma, cultural repression, body shame, and years of trying to “fix” myself through books and therapy. Some things helped—but nothing brought me home to my body the way Bodysex did.

I found Bodysex in 2014, but it took me five years to say yes. It took time, courage, and a few false starts—but once I finally sat in that circle, I knew: this is the missing piece in my healing.

Sitting in the circle, nude, was one of the most honest, healing, and liberating experiences I’d ever had. Bodysex was the piece that helped me feel what I had only understood intellectually: that healing lives in the body. I walked away knowing without question that my body belongs to me and that pleasure is how to reclaim my power.

Now? My sex life is juicy. And I feel confident in my plus-size body. I happily teach what I know—things we, as women, should’ve learned in high school about our bodies, our pleasure, and our power.

My work is about more than orgasm (though yes, I help women have more of those too). It’s about releasing shame, softening into body safety, and rewriting the story that says we must perform for love or hide our desire. It’s about teaching that pleasure and sexual satisfaction aren’t things to earn but, instead, are fundamental birthrights.

If you’re carrying trauma—yours or inherited—you’re not broken. You’re not too late. And you’re definitely not alone.

You can have a satisfying sex life! Whether you join me in a group circle or one-on-one, I’ll meet you where you are and walk with you as you remember and reclaim what’s always been yours. If you’re curious about working together, I’d love to chat – just grab time on my calendar.

toshpatterson@gmail.com

toshpatterson.com

Our Last Workshop

Carlin Ross — Sat, 08 Jun 2024 12:52:32 +0000

Our Last Workshop Carlin Ross Sat, 06/08/2024 - 12:52

We didn't know it at the time but this would be our last workshop together. Two months later nyc would lock down and I would never physically be in Betty's presence again.