Days of the Week

The Single Story of Dr. Q and Others

2015-11-09T19:29:00.002-05:00

TED talk about the "single story" - great video, from a Nigerian speaker

When I read the description of the video, I first assumed that a “single story” referred to larger-than-life persons such as Dr. Q. I just read his story for a book study in my county.

I immediately concluded that the message would be to avoid basing opinions of all immigrants, for example, off of the one incredible story of Dr. Q. Instead, I learned that the definition of a “single story” is quite different, standing for an all-encompassing narrative. Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie warns of seeing foreigners /others as the latest incarnations their country’s one, most common stereotype. Mexicans are poor immigrants. Africans are war-torn and starving in the dirt roads. The British are drinking tea and chatting about the weather.

I really appreciated Ms. Adichie’s disappointment in hearing that her characters were not Nigerian/African enough because they were instead middle class people dealing with personal and family problems. This, in a country where the government is failed and so many live precariously. Yet the story was genuinely Nigerian, just not one focused on the country’s most salient (and lamentable) features. In that way, Dr. Q. is a single story. “Oh, yeah, poor Mexican immigrant. His country is in turmoil, so of course he crosses over illegally. Oh, but wait, this one is so gifted and hard-working, he makes it as a neurosurgeon! Dude, AWESOME!” Despite all of his success, his still tends to be a single story because the book (even an autobiography) looks at him first and foremost as a poor Mexican immigrant. The book is clearly marketed that way.

His many qualities are very pronounced: extreme empathy, humility, and probably more than anything, an unrelenting desire to achieve more and more. It’s not in a greedy way, just in the ambition of always improving.

Interestingly, Ms. Adichie did not have a single story of America. Her reading on the USA involved many authors, and so she understood that the country was a place of diverse individuals. Does this openness suggest that education is the way to avoid a single story, or does it instead/simultaneously suggest that a robust marketing scheme is necessary? I don’t know.

I don’t feel that as an educator I make my students a single story. For one thing, it is usually only after I get to know them that I learn origin stories such as how they came to the US. To put it in terms of the issue at hand, it is only after I make a human connection with them that I learn about what some people might use as a source for stereotypes. By that point, therefore, I know a human person, not a stereotype, and so I think I evade the risk.

Some stereotypes, however, hold true and can even be helpful. Many adult Latino immigrants have a low level of education, and may even be illiterate. This deficit would normally pass down to their children, my students, so it is important to know about and address. We need to make sure all schools foster a love of reading. As an educator, I have to be ready to teach the child that enters Kindergarten knowing how to read, as well as the one who is not familiar with books at all. This isn’t a single story about the child or the family, but it is definitely part of the bigger story of who they are as people. Once we get to know a person, we see that there are so many stories. And an essential part in understanding a story is appreciation for the main character.

My Recent History with Tech in School

2014-07-14T20:34:00.000-04:00

Much of history isn't pretty. This year I was part of a tech cohort for iPads. I was hoping (and explicitly asked for) lots of hand-holding to make sure I got the most out it.

We're all busy. If something seems only moderately interesting, then it risks getting tossed to the side. Anyway, I'm a teacher. I know how to run lessons no problem. I don't “need” to incorporate any specific newfangled tech.

But I don't want to stagnate, either, so I signed up. It's pretty exciting to get the toy that everyone dreams of.

Good things:

cool
from Apple! Apple's cool, right?
...video (?) it takes videos...that's amazing, right?
decent way of navigating the web for a tablet
a few worthwhile apps

Bad things:

I had to use my home wifi connection in order to download any app whatsoever
I found out about that after wasting tons of time trying to use school internet
same with updating apps
and dropbox doesn't work
and I could never get a cable to connect the iPad to a projector
and for paid apps you have to submit a form and send it to central office
and for most any app you have to ask special permission to download
I never liked Apple in the first place

Okay, I'm bitter. I'm disillusioned. Plus (to add one more item to the list above), most of the resources we worked with in the cohort were just for websites, no specific device needed!

I don't want to finish sounding whiny and beaten. And I appreciate the opportunity. But I needed some serious hand-holding. Without purpose, technology goes to waste. And half (or all) of a tablet's appeal is its convenience, which was reduced to negative one million by all of the county tech policies.

My biggest takeaway: get your own Kindle Fire HD. It's awesome.

Oh, I edited the picture with Google's Pixlr app. That's awesome, too.

To a Great New Year!

2014-02-01T13:07:00.000-05:00

The past few years have had lots of downs and ups, but something tells me 2014 is going to be BIG.

I'm rich! I've got millions of dollars coming my way. Well, the lottery group I had didn't turn out that well – after five months we won $2 (minus the cost of the tickets). But now the odds must be in our favor – that's why everyone wants to do it again! After losing, you're more likely to win, right?

Espen is awesome! He just is. That's not new.

I'm a writer! Maybe. Basically, all of my life I thought I was good at writing and wanted to write a bunch of really awesome novels. In 2011 I started a YA novel, which I finished at the beginning of 2013. The book was bad. The biggest problem is that over the entire course of writing, It was the first time where I felt like I had enough time and enough constructive feedback. In other words, I had everything I needed to do my absolute best... It still was horrible. So, my failing despite all of that effort made me think that my dream would never realize. However, I never completely gave up, and my writers group (Columbia Writers) has breathed new life into the novel. It could actually be a good book! Hopefully I can finish by the end of 2014.

whatever the quality of the book, I know the cover will be good

I'm writer! Really! Plus, this year I'm going to self-publish a book related to education. Natasha is helping, too; she's the illustrator. The novel I mention above has issues, but this education book will be AWESOME.

I won't look like a monster! I've had really crazy irritation in both lower eyelids, making me look like an evil monster. Last week I started an extreme action plan with a new eyelid specialist, who will in two weeks remove the nastiest part of the problem. This time I really have confidence that the efforts will work and I might look like a regular human again. Then I'll only be ugly on the inside.

My arms are made of iron! Really. Touch them. You might be surprised.

Here's to a great 2014, everyone!

Santa and Christmas

2013-12-25T12:47:00.004-05:00

Why I tell my Child THERE IS NO SANTA CLAUS:

Just kidding. It's Christmas. I don't tell my kid there's no Santa. I'm not a jerk.

Merry Christmas!

Why I Play the Lottery

2013-10-18T07:07:00.004-04:00

It's not about the money.

Okay, okay, that's a little simplistic. Playing the lottery, naturally, is about the money. And it's common knowledge that when someone says it's not about the money, it's precisely about the money. And, strangely, people use the same expression about teaching.

So I'll try again. It's not about striking it rich. Hmm... Yes, that's about right. I don't definitely don't have some pressing need to buy a million things and go crazy (like most every lottery winner tragically does).
What is it about, then? Why throw away that dollar? If you're looking for a sense of financial security a dollar spent in any way whatsoever is bound to disappoint you. If you're looking to buy interesting things that ordinarily we wouldn't consider, there are plenty of Dollar Trees around. No, the whole motivation is something different entirely.

More and more, I want to feel that I don't "have" to do these things at my job. I like my job. Actually, this year, SLO's aside, I can even say I love my job. But there is so much hassle, enormous amounts of paperwork that only satisfies state and federal requirements with realistically 1% of all of that effort in some way getting back to helping students.

What would I do if I won the lottery? I would like to think that I would stay at my job. I love my school and believe in the mission of working with children to help them achieve a better life. So I'd like to think I would stay. In all of this, though, it would be nice to have some sense of security. It would be nice not to be 99% sure that the state pension is a lie that will be revoked from teachers 15 years down the road. It would be nice to earn a wage in some way commiserate with how much I work, how much training I've had, and how important my job is.

Sadly, though, I will probably never get those things. But the thing I would like most of all is the assurance that, of all these tedious things our school systems cook up, I don't have to them. Don't get me wrong - I do them. Sometimes I want to cry about doing them. What I mean is that I would like to not feel so compelled, that I don't have to do them. That I don't have to spend countless hours on documentation no one will view,that I don't have to attend meeting after meeting when I'd much rather be preparing my classroom, and - our favorite this year - that I don't have to write SLO's.

Instead, I would like to have the feeling that we did when we first entered teaching: I do these things - sometimes plenty of extra things - so that I can work with children. If I do all of these things, then I can make a difference in someone's life. We made plenty of sacrifices just to get in to teaching. Somehow I kind of expected them to stop after a while, but no. There are more than ever.

So I play the lottery to remind myself that working with children is a gift that I chose. Everything else that goes with teaching is a shame for sure, but at the same time, it can act as a reminder of how special the profession really is.

That's how I win.

MUSIC - Good Listening Through the Year

2013-09-23T18:45:00.000-04:00

We've had a few cold spells, and even now the nights are chilly. On those stiff mornings, I put in one of my favorite albums. The days are warm, but once the sun has set we need more than shorts and a tee-shirt. So I put in Revolver.

Every Beatles album - each one of course one of my favorite albums ever - sounds that much better if played during the appropriate season. Please see my musical calendar below.

Summer days: Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band
Long, hot summer days: Yellow Submarine (the album, not just the title track)
Long, hot summer days, after sunset: the “White Album”
Summer turning into fall and fall days: Revolver
Fall before sunrise or after sunset: the “White Album” (can be listed here twice since it’s only a nighttime preference)
Fall turning into winter: Let it Be
Christmastime and before or after winter parties: Abbey Road
Dead of winter: the collection of singles (Past Masters, really Volume 2)
Winter into spring: Rubber Soul
Spring: Magical Mystery Tour
Spring turning into summer: Help!
When you’re just really bored: Please Please Me, With the Beatles, A Hard Day’s Night, and Beatles for Sale

Try it out this year and let me know what you think.

TEACHING - that warm, back-to-school feeling

2013-08-23T06:50:00.000-04:00

Why is it that at the beginning of the school year, everything has such a rosy glow?

You get all revved up for the start of the school year. You rush and stress and work super long hours the first week of school (after having worked during the summer) in order to throw yourself into that first week of students. More long, stressful hours. The coffee helps, but it’s really the positive vibes that keep you going.

Then, the crash.

Reality sets in. The drawbacks of the job stand out. I don’t know why, and it doesn’t have to be that way. Everyone in November is basically the same as they were in August, but something has changed. You start asking yourself questions, questions that don’t necessarily make you happy. It can really mess with your mojo. I don’t even think that it’s anything bad about the job of teaching. Maybe it’s just that adrenaline can only last so long.

Don’t get me wrong. Right now, a few days before students, there are plenty of questions.
Are the new evaluations fair? How many hours a day should I be working? What was (insert name of department) thinking in writing its new curriculum? Why does the teacher’s union have a cookout? …on a military base?

That’s the magic. It’s August. It’s okay not to have satisfying answers. Okay for now. During the grind of the school year, these kinds of questions would probably have me shaking my head ruefully. Now, though, I think I’ll go eat a hotdog.

It's going to be a good year.

Things that give me a thrill

2013-07-16T08:26:00.000-04:00

I was walking into Target and some guy asked me if I knew the area. He asked me about the roads, if it was Montgomery or Dobbin, and I immediately knew that he was looking for the Columbia location, not the Ellicott City one we were currently in. Shopping is one of my biggest thrills (even though it’s for basics like toilet paper and groceries). So at that moment I felt like a woman. Then I gave him directions to the Columbia Target, using directional words and names of roads. So I felt like a man.

Another thrill has been rewatching season 3 of the Vampire Diaries. This show has amazing storytelling, with so many interesting characters and their lives and desires interweaving in unforeseen ways. There was one scene, though, that really made it hard for me to suspend disbelief and just distracted me from the heart of the episode. Here there are vampires, werewolves, witches. At the beginning of the season, the werewolf kid reveals to his mom his bizarre curse, and he does this by putting her in this weird dungeon place where he can transform during the full moon and hopefully not hurt anyone else. The mom is forced to stay there through the entire night and witness how her only child transforms into a horrible, savage animal. No doubt she was scared. I’m a very sympathetic person, so I kept thinking: “If I were in a cage all night, I wouldn't care if my son were a werewolf - all I’d be able to think about was needing to pee.”

Tyler's mother went through something no parent should ever have to endure:
She unexpectedly had to spend 12 hours without a toilet.

For that reason, this was the scariest episode of the series.

Then we watched the Avengers, and they put Loki in this super cage prison thing. If he tried to escape from the virtual bubble, he would plummet to a sure death. Natasha asked me where he was going to pee.

Another thrill I used to get was going to church. I used to love thanking God, praying, and in general thinking about all of the blessings he gives us. But now all I do is fight with my three-year-old son. So now that thrill is more like angry shudder.

And I’m working on a young adult novel. That’s pretty cool.

TEACHING - Getting a Raise

2013-06-16T06:50:00.001-04:00

Wow, looks like we’re getting a raise!

Eventually…

Well, immediately we can afford a happy hour. For next school year we’ll be earning 101% of what we used to! Just make sure the happy hour is at a fast food place where extra ketchup is free.

And then in the middle of next school year, we’ll actually get a raise.

Sorry, sorry, that is not exactly accurate. We will receive a contractual pay increase that in some way reflects the number of years we’ve (without a raise) worked. Not a raise.

Maryland keeps getting ranked as #1 in public education, but there’s no need to pay teachers more for that. When I used to work at a restaurant, there we had an expression for when customers said how great the service was and then left a lousy tip. Actually, there were a lot of expressions, but the one you may not have heard before is verbal tipping.

verbal tipping - it's not just for waiters anymore

But hey, getting those rare, infinitesimal pay increases is better than in other school systems where all the teachers get fired, right? Right? I mean, what we’re doing now is better than just leaving, right? We shouldn’t just give up and stop working in a broken system where no one appreciates us, right? … right?...

-(clears throat amid deafening silence)-

Oh, wait – it's summer.

Okay, so I can't be too bitter with weeks of vacation at hand. But please understand that the teacher appreciation image above is intentionally missing parts.

Enjoy the summer, everyone!

Teacher Created Resources Paw Prints Lesson Plan and Record Book, 40-Week (Google Affiliate Ad)

TEACHING - the Gardener

2013-05-19T07:57:00.000-04:00

So now I am a gardener. I went from using my strapping biceps sawing logs to planting daffodils. Really.

last year

this year

trying to flex muscles but looking like I hurt my back

Some people even asked me: “Do you garden?”

Haha. No. “garden”? You should see our little patch of dirt and weeds in front of the house. Haha, no, I don’t garden.

But I helped put down a mean bed of daffodils. And there are some other well-known, beloved gardeners: Samwise from the Lord of the Rings, God from the Book of Genesis, and Betty Gailes from school. That's pretty good company.

TEACHING - the new alcohol

2013-04-13T15:53:00.001-04:00

In college, people would ask me:

“Do you like vodka?” “Sure.”

“Wine?” “Oh, yeah.”

“Whiskey?” “Definitely!”

“Do you like-“ “Just give it to me, and I’ll drink it.”

Eventually I coined the phrase: “I love all of God’s alcohols.”

I’ve had a lot of changes over the past few years: kid, house… okay, not a lot of changes, but big ones. Maybe there haven’t been so many because I’m not a big “change” guy. I like consistency. I eat the same exact lunch every day, drives my wife crazy.

Yet going back a few years ago, there is something new, something I never would've expected: Coffee. It was never interesting to me until recently. For all my life I was horrified at the idea of people spending tons of money for a fancy Starbucks every morning. And one of my friends in high school was so caffeine-addicted that he got headaches if he went for 12 hours without a Mountain Dew. For those and whatever reasons, I didn't see the point.

Maybe it’s that our grocery store gives free samples. Maybe it’s having a child. And then there’s my school. There are always two pots ready to serve.

everyone who drinks from that should be contributing, too, whoever you moochers are!

There’s one last big reason. Coffee gives you that extra comfort you’re looking for, but you’re actually allowed to drink it at school. It’s normal. It’s everywhere. Half of the teachers have a drink in hand when kids enter in the morning. That wouldn’t float with beer.

Coffee.

Coffee is the new alcohol.

But DON’T worry – I’m still very traditional and am not looking for a replacement for non-school life. Some things never change. 

choose, but choose wisely

Mountain Dew Tee - Big And Tall (Google Affiliate Ad)

WRITING - this blog

2013-04-02T16:57:00.000-04:00

Dear Everyone,

Look, it's been a while.

Fortunately not tooooooo long. And I shared the epic story of the the carrot in the nose, which I hope you enjoyed. So I wanted to say thank you for reading and let you know a little about what is going on.

First of all, to address the name of the blog. Originally the name of the blog was Between Wednesdays. I went to a writers group on Wednesdays, and so the blog name indicated my passion for writing, implying that everything else was simply whatever happened outside of this extraordinarily important event. Then I stopped going. That is, now I only go on special occasions, having decided to stick to a different group that I joined and have been an active member of since 2008. So the Wednesday group is essentially out, and now the blog is named The Days of the Week to carry more of a day-to-day, "teacher" feel.

Second item of business: I've had some writing projects going on. In fact, I recently finished a revised draft of my young adult novel! I'll still be working on it for a while but hope to have it in presentable condition by the end of the summer.

Third, no more hiatus. Why the lull? It's been a rough year. And then the novel has taken a lot of my writing time. And I always have a top secret project or two going on, link not provided. But from now on, I'll make a new post in the middle of every month. Promise.

I hope you enjoy. I like sharing with you.

Sincerely,
+Grant

PS: the YA novel thing is not a joke. I really wrote one.

FAMILY - video - the Carrot in the Nose

2013-03-06T09:06:00.000-05:00

Narration of the Carrot in the Nose. It helps understand the poem's rhythm. You'll want the other post's pic to clearly see the words. Enjoy!

Croft And Barrow Carrot End Hem Kitchen Towel (Google Affiliate Ad)

FAMILY - The Carrot in the Nose

2013-03-04T19:28:00.002-05:00

The poem says it all, I think. It seemed to hurt only when we tried to get it out - artistic license.

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TEACHING - ESL and ESOL

2012-11-27T17:34:00.001-05:00

I’m a soft-spoken person.

I have even been called a low speaker, to the effect that people don’t hear me. In fact, several times a day, I will be behind someone who suddenly turns around, throws her hand to her chest, and says: “Oh my God! You scared me!” Sometimes I'm just walking into the room. It could be a teacher or a student. I’m really not trying to sneak up on anyone, so maybe I’m scary, too.

Perhaps that’s why I like to write. No one hears what I say, but they should be able to read what I write, right? Or so I thought. Here's what happened:

Our county automatically adds a line below our signature. So if you work in my school system, you have the following under every email:

After the first week of school we had an ESOL Team meeting, during which we learned that English to Speakers of Other Languages would now be called ELA, English Language Acquisition. And ELL’s (English Language Learners) were now called EL’s (English Learners). Never mind that all of our official, government-mandated documents still say ESOL and ELL.

I recalled my time in grad school when I had to learn all of these different acronyms. And then the past six years when I’ve told someone I’m an ESOL teacher and he/she’s replied: “Oh! You mean ESL?”

So I changed my signature to include this message.

by the way, these are all official ESOL acronyms

The thing is that I changed my signature at the beginning of September! Nobody noticed. I've been really sad about it, but I decided I wouldn't tell everyone – that’s part of what makes it funny! It’s just there, slyly underneath every communication I send out.

Finally, FINALLY, someone did notice. The prize goes to Sonja Norwood, our new ELA specialist! (though if you met her in July, she had the very different title of ESOL specialist)

Thank you for the recognition, Sonja!

For everyone else, sorry if that snuck up on you.

TEACHING - first day of school

2012-08-28T19:47:00.002-04:00

Good fences make good neighbors, right? How does that apply to roommates?

Don’t get me wrong, the reading teacher I share my room with is GREAT. She’s always helpful, loves kids, and is fun to talk with.

She’s just kind of a pack-rat. And, you know, she’s been at it for a while and so has accumulated an impossible amount of "resources." Plus, last year we got a new reading series with tons and tons of materials.

So it’s getting a little tight. Fortunately, I’m a minimalist. And I’ve always had at least two schools, so if I don’t feel like I want to carry it to and from my car several times a year, I toss it. In that way, then, Dawnette and I are a good match because she uses lots of space and I don’t use so much.

But then some things don’t make sense. I’ll let the pictures do some of the talking.

a week before the first day of school

Okay, so we're all getting set up, right?
...

the FIRST DAY OF SCHOOL

How does your room get worse for the first day of school? How does it get messier?

Despite it all, I still had a group that day – on the other side of the room. It was fun to see a 10-year-old squeeze through.

TEACHING - the New Counting

2012-05-16T18:39:00.000-04:00

That was Bob’s status update. No words, no pictures – just the number: 24.

Yet I knew exactly what he was talking about.

24 days left of instruction! Summer is almost here!

Come to think of it, there may have been an exclamation mark.

I remember my first year of teaching. Thanksgiving break was coming up, and I was anticipating having several uninterrupted days off. I took thankfulness to a personal new level. At that time I had three schools, and the dozens of teachers I saw in class or crossed in the hallway were bright and cheery for the upcoming holiday. In fact, it was all anyone talked about.

The kids, however, were much less excited. I couldn’t help thinking about the mini-vacation, but when I asked them about plans or if they were excited, the responses were subdued. Plus, they even had a few more days off than the teachers.

I talked to my dad about it. It was one of the very rare occasions where he couldn’t help but make me feel like an idiot. At least he got a good laugh out of it. “You thought the kids looked forward to break more than the teachers? Buuuwwwahahahahahahahaha!!!!!!”

Children are so naïve.

In advance, happy summer – I know that’s all any of my fellow teachers are thinking about.

George proposed that the last 10 days involve some kind of theme, a spirit day that only teachers celebrate and the kids just observe and wonder about. Yes, that is the spirit indeed.

TEACHING - teachers' lounge

2012-04-30T18:59:00.000-04:00

I've been away from the blog, but I intend to be back now and keep readers informed on 1) teaching and 2) writing.

Now a little anecdote from #1.

This is a true story.

Friday I was in the teacher lunch room. Jane was telling everyone about this Brazilian restaurant in Baltimore called Fugo de Ciao. I don't know if the name is supposed to be a pun or what. I don't know Portuguese, but I can guess that the “fugo” means fire. The ciao, though, usually in so many romance languages means bye, like “see you later.” So it must be a pun or something (ciao/chow). Several people even talk about how they don't know what the name means and don't even know how you would spell it.

I, however, keep my mouth shut. I usually don't talk that much at lunch. For me, it's normal to be quiet. There is another person there who is silent, a substitute teacher.

For a sub, silence is also very normal. Most subs are not trying to make friends at a school that they will only be at for one day, then go to a different school the next. It depends on personality, really, but in general, substitutes don't strike up conversation in the lunch room. On top of that, this sub in particular huddled over herself a little while eating and had pale skin and red hair, all somehow in my mind indications that she's not chatty. I'd say she was about 25.

So Jane continued on about the great restaurant, how her bill amounted to nearly $300 for three people, but it was completely worth it. Their food was delicious, and they had valet parking and even a orchid to accompany the dishes. Sounds nice and of course pricey.

Her story was finishing up with how they had to wait to retrieve their car after the meal. Apparently her son was concerned about the valet parking, worrying that someone maybe stole their vehicle. Meanwhile, they had driven a van, while other patrons had sports cars that cost as much as houses. She loved telling that part. “Yeah, right. Like someone is going to pick our mini-van, when they could take a Lamborghini? Hahaha.”

That, of course, was when the until-then-silent, redhead substitute turned and looked at Jane.

“The vans are better for storing the dead bodies.”

Delicious food...to die for

***

The real story ends there. But I feel compelled to add this: The woman gave us an expectant look, like she was ready for the rest of the room to burst out laughing. Now, I almost did laugh at the weirdness of the comment, especially when I imagined what kind of reception she must have thought the joke was going to earn. But I just kept my mouth shut.

WRITING - the namesake

2011-11-19T20:32:00.001-05:00

WRITING – the namesake

Now the blog will take a turn towards...what it was intended.

Between Wednesdays

Come on, guys! I write a title that I am sure no one gets, and yet no one asks me about it!?!?!

The name of the blog has to do with the Columbia Writers writers group I attend the first and third Wednesday of every month. Ergo, “Between Wednesdays” refers to the time when I'm not at a writers group. Although equally important is the Martha Dailey Lookout Club I attend, too. --If I didn't say that, I know Karen would excoriate me at our upcoming meeting.

As the namesake is writers-group related, I'll give you some funny tidbits about Columbia Writers.

Salt and Muse

For the first time ever, we decided to try a write-in. A write-in is simply getting together to write. Adam was really against the idea. Out of all of the discussion I've participated in with these people over the past year, no one was ever so against any idea as Adam was against this one. He looked like he was going to vomit. So when the time of the meeting came around, he said that he wouldn't go because the food there was too salty and he couldn't stomach writing in a restaurant full of people gorging themselves on all of that salty food.

Strange encounters

At a different meeting, Katy said with complete sincerity that it was perfectly reasonable to believe that her brother, diagnosed with autism, was in fact an alien and that was why he behaves differently.

Strange encounters part II

Brenda agreed.

Back to school

Jessica is a first-year teacher in a middle school, and one of her students wrote on her test (that she then handed to the teacher): “I hope [you] die and burn in hell.” She got suspended.

Argh! That's kind of a teacher comment. I was promising myself I wouldn't do that.

Kelly

And then there's Kelly. She's a good writer and is not visibly steeped in craziness. That seems nice. She probably eats babies.

Strange encounters, revisited

Dude, she really said that. Seriously.

Weird guy

Me. With school, Montgomery College on Saturdays, my wife's parents, and Espen, most of my day-to-day conversations are with people who have not mastered English. So I'm kind of surprised that I should still be the one teaching English. Or writing a novel in English. But I guess I can't write it in crazy gibberish. hmm...

Anyway, thanks for reading. With my college class wrapping up soon and Natasha getting her job more under her belt and taking 4 credits next semester as opposed to 6, I'll have more time to write! I can't wait! More blogging, more real writing, too!

I weihight, theihtieunderhkjmalon gmmkfkjiop grammarpodlo thenoohitinonlplace tehime! (see paragraph above - let me know if you think this has potential)

FAMILY - Espen speaks

2011-11-08T19:28:00.002-05:00

FAMILY – Espen speaks

I'd like to start off by saying that the following statements about Espen are true.

I remember the golden days. Just babble. “Babblebabblebabblebabblebabble. Babblebabble. Babblebabblebabblebabbleba, babblebabblebabblebabble. Babblebabblebabblebabblebabblerabblebabblelabblebabble?... Babble!”

But now he only babbles 50% of the time. That might sound like a lot, but the remaining 50% is more interesting.

One of his first words was “Yes.” I think he was inspired by my consistently being so accommodating with my wife. Of course, the typical word is no, but he's much more open than that. Somehow, even before he was a year old, he could identify the sound of a question and respond – always in the affirmative.

He appeared willing. “Do you want some fruit?” “Yes.” “Are you sure?” “Yes.” “Okay, open your mouth.” “Yes.” “Espen, you didn't open your mouth.” “Yes.” “Are you crazy?” “Yes.” “What do you want to eat?” “Yes.” “Do you want to eat your bib?” “Yes.” “Can you say no?” “Yes.”

okaaaayyyyy...

“Yes.”

But at least if you knew how to phrase your questions, he would agree to anything.

And he's great at ice-breakers. Most kids get nervous around crowds. If he is feeling a little gun shy, he just points to his feet and says: “Shoes.” That note will kick off any party.

We try to keep the phone away from him. For one thing, I'm concerned about radiation, etc. Also, we don't want him calling random people, which he has done. The rare times we used to let him answer the phone, he would just laugh and breathe heavily like a stalker. And we also have a variety of phones that he is allowed to use – cheap toy phone, better toy phone, real phone that no longer has a plan, TV remote that he treats like a phone, and finally the real, working phone that he somehow gets his hands on because we are bad parents.

The last time he got the real phone: “Hello? Hi, Kory! Babblebabblebabblebabblebabble. Hahahaha! Babblebabblebabblebabblebabble? Hahaha. Bye, Kory.” And he hung up.

I hadn't spoken to Kory in two weeks.

Last night he was being difficult, and I asked him: “Are you crazy, or are you young?” His response: “Young.”

That's better than yes.

FAMILY - Skull Mask

2011-10-30T22:13:00.001-04:00

FAMILY - Skull Mask

It's really the eyes that get you. The whole idea of child psychology gets thrown out the window when they have eyes just like an adult's. They look around, look at you, look everywhere as if they know everything or are absorbing it all instantly.

There are some things I wouldn't expect Espen to do at age two, especially right upon turning two. But those eyes get you.

Then there's when you cover up the eyes.

With an adult-size skull mask.

glow-in-the-dark skull mask I've had since high school

We spent half an hour switching roles. One person wears the mask and makes scary noises while the other two run away and scream in terror.

After a while, Espen would take off the mask (from himself or right off someone else's face) and give it to the next person. “Mama mask,” “Dada mask,” - to say who he wanted to wear it.

Definitely one of the funnest half hours I've had in a long time. Plus – how the heck does someone who is 25 months old even want to do that?

at Bass Pro

He actually is truly scary when he wears that mask.

The disproportionate yet apt head helped add authenticity to our screams.

HOME - STUPID/ILLEGAL STUFF

2011-10-19T22:50:00.001-04:00

HOME LIFE – STUPIDITY CONT'D

There is a man after my own heart. A hero. Maybe a superhero. There is someone doing great things. I must note, however, that I have no direct personal knowledge of this miraculous being. How do I know that he's a man, then, after all? Because he's that bad-ass awesome.

A few weeks ago, we were on our way to church and had to turn left onto our main road. If anyone knows our blinking light intersection, it can be dangerous turning left. Normally it's not a problem for us because during peak hours we're turning right. Anyway, it would have gone on like a normal Sunday had it not been for some obnoxious signs planted a little further down the road that completely blocked our view of oncoming traffic. How dangerous! They were ads for newly built houses and apartments. How inconsiderate! How traffic-confusing! How annoying!

How very, very dangerous! Help! Innocent drivers! Help!

“Never fear!”

Well, I didn't hear him, but he was there! We ended up making the turn fine and then an hour later after church we were going back past our intersection and saw those same signs strewn on the ground! Not only had someone ripped up the signs from the ground, but the posts for two of them were broken in half! Wow! What a man!

Those pieces of wood are really thick, too. You would think that they put up signs with some wimpy plywood, but then it turns out it's actually strong, thick wood. Let me remind the reader that I have no idea who pulled the three signs out of the ground, broke the wooden posts, and then left them there. I just saw that someone did it and am very proud. That wood was so thick, probably that guy's wife also pulled out a post and tried to break it herself but couldn't and then they just decided to leave. But she still had fun. That's my best guess.

Whoever this mysterious man is, I would like to personally commend him for his bravery in the face of extremely rude advertisers. He has made his neighborhood a little safer.

And he must have had so much fun breaking those signs!

– again, sorry that I don't have a pic here – hopefully my next post will! –

WRITING - Being Stupid

2011-10-15T20:55:00.000-04:00

WRITING – EVERYTHING - AND STUPIDITY

What happens to us as we get older? To me it always seemed that people are fun and carefree as children, experiencing some hiccups in high school and college, and then they become fat, ugly, and boring. Naturally I didn't want to experience that change myself, but now at age 30, here I am.

Is it just having more challenging responsibilities? Now I have a job (actually two), a family, and a house. But is it just the weight of those obligations that makes us uninteresting? I don't think so. I know plenty of fun, interesting teachers. I try to hang out with them, but they repeatedly explain to me that I'm simply not cool enough. I understand that there is a coolness gap, but how is it that some adults keep having fun and others like myself lose it? - yes, I was interesting at some time -

A convincing answer: being stupid. You have to do stupid things from time to time, maybe often. As humans, we somehow have a biological/psychological/illogical need to do stupid crap on a regular basis.

When you're a child, you can decide to stand on your head for an afternoon, and no one will disrespect your use of your time. In fact, if you're among other kids, the stunt might make you popular.

This eternal truth came to me after September's writers group in Ellicott City. We had finished the critiques and were heading to Outback for our regular post-meeting snack. I was pulling out of my parking space at the Barnes and Noble when I stopped to see Mabel and Karen looking down at the parking lot paving. The were laughing – giggling! - and bobbing their heads around, linking arms, and half stumbling as if they had instantly become drunk. These gals are 40+ years old and giggling in a parking lot!

There was a praying mantis in the middle of the parking lot, and they wanted to save it. It was smack in the middle of a big parking lot. A big parking lot, from which its car-dodging escape was inconceivable. He needed help, and they wanted to be the ones to extend that helping hand. Yet they didn't want to touch it. Or let its disease-bearing appendages anywhere on them. With their poking towards the ground, spontaneous screaming, and wild laughter, their mix of hesitation and daring was like someone trying to turn on a light by connecting live wires.

sorry - no pic of the epic praying mantis rescue

It was hilarious. Eventually I gave them a piece of paper that they used it to scoop him up so that they could escort him to the shrubs beyond the curb. They must have giggled all the way to the restaurant.

That's when I understood. You just have to do stupid things. Silly things. Things that SHOULD make any normal person look at you askew. The dumber, the better. If you aren't awkwardly rescuing insects from the parking lot, then you're fighting with your spouse or talking behind the back of your co-worker. The stupidity must come out! Therefore, better to have fun with it.

Then while we were waiting for our food at Outback, they kept talking about how they had seen another praying mantis at the main door and wanted to rescue that one, too. I was eventually wondering if they had jointly hallucinated the whole thing from start to finish. Maybe there had never been a praying mantis in the first place! But they were sure having fun.

So to honor the wisdom I saw in those two ladies, I stayed there past my bedtime and then at home stayed up until midnight even though I wake up at 5 every day. Now that was stupid. And as I staggered through the next day, it all made me very happy.

TEACHING - Saturdays are back

2011-09-11T11:41:00.001-04:00

WRITING & TEACHING – The turn of the tide

Even when I win, I lose. And then when I lose, I win. No, I should have written that the other way around. Things are just not going as well as I wanted, or, er... they are exactly what I had asked for.

On Saturday I went to start my writing course at Montgomery College. I've been working there since 2007 and have always taught at least one course there every session (fall, winter, summer). For this fall, the enrollment for my writing class was super low, so low that we were almost sure to cancel. But they wanted me to come in for the first class at least, hoping for the slim chance that people would enroll that very morning and boost up the roster. This fall they had already canceled a few courses – things are really crazy, even at colleges.

We didn't have enough people. It was guaranteed. Plus, out of the people who do sign up, somehow not everyone comes. I will never understand this – people pay for a course and then don't even come or even try to contact the instructor on the first day. How crazy is that?! So we had to cancel the class. My colleague in charge of helping the students find other classes asked me if I wanted to keep waiting to see if more people would show up. She didn't want to cancel. Of course the students didn't want to change courses. But there was one person in the room who wanted the course to be canceled...

So 15 minutes after the class' starting time, we canceled. I wished everyone the best and went on my way. I was SOOOOOOOOOOOO happy! We finally don't really need the money. I mean, we're not wealthy or anything, but we're fine. Already this school year would be the first time in a years without me taking classes. Then for it to become the first time without a second job – who knows what I would do with my new found free time? It was the biggest rush you could get, like drinking 10 cups of coffee yet without jittery regret.

My head swam with all of the things I could do. I could spend more time with Espen and Natasha. I could write. My free time would almost be doubled! Wow! I could visit friends in Virginia. I could do anything. I was invincible.

I called Natasha. I called my parents. I called Brent and Gina about going to the Renaissance Festival now on a Saturday – “I'm free on Saturdays now!” I called Kory. I called as many people as I could without killing anyone on my way home.

Then I got a call from my boss.

(note ominous spacing above)

Naturally she was calling about compensating me for being present for the first class, having prepared my syllabus, etc. It's standard procedure and never involves any news that you would not want. Just the slightly sad news that your class is canceled.

Except this time the news was something I had never heard of – the class was UNcanceled. How is that even possible? I don't know. But someone new signed up, even after I was out of the building. Now, that's really dumb to sign up for a course 20 minutes after it starts, but in ESL at MC, it happens all of the time. The thing is that those students are usually not signing up for a course that has been canceled! So anyway, we'll have our first class next Saturday. I'm really disappointed, but of course I'll still do my best and it will no doubt be a great class, as they almost always are. It's just that the free time would have been nice.

So kind of in response to that, I had a party last night with some of the neighbors. It was also to break in the deck. We need to understand motivations, anyway – if my course had really been canceled, I would have had the party to celebrate my free Saturdays. It's like kids think they're smart so they don't check their work, or they think they're dumb, so they don't check their work. People will do what they do. Below is a picture of what we did.

We also took a 1am breakfast run – special thanks to Donna for being the only one there at the time who hadn't drunk.

So anyway, I think somehow this semester is going be our transition time, and we're just going to learn to do a million things and magically produce our own free time. Yes, I mean it and believe it. I have to believe it. Details to follow.

2011-08-30T12:16:00.000-04:00

Nice, isn't it?