As a trans masc porn performer I know what it’s like to go looking for advice only to find nothing that feels like it’s actually written for me. That is why I’m drawing on my 4+ years of experience performing as Billy Lore to bring you a comprehensive class for sex workers that promises to never refer to the audience as “ladies.” Not even once.

This two hour introductory class will walk you through everything that goes into selling your sex tapes and spicy selfies, from the process of creation itself, to posting and promoting your work online. Along the way I’ll share the tools and best practices that I use to manage my business, while showing you where to look to find the information you’ll need to determine what works for you. Whether you’re looking to take your sexy side-hustle full time, or you’re still planning your OnlyFans debut – by the end of this workshop you’ll leave feeling motivated, inspired, and confident in the decisions you are making to build your business.

This class welcomes people of all genders, orientations. Bex has experience teaching events ranging from intimate gatherings to large crowds both in person and online. For more details on how to book Bex for your conference, event, or organization please visit our contact page or email BexTalksSex (at) gmail (.) com.

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Next, I’ll share my best tips for sexy selfies, cover some basic sexting etiquette, and talk about how being a “sexting detective” can help your messages feel more intimate and personal. Finally, we’ll bring it all together to talk about how you can even use your time chatting with your favorite cutie to improve your sex life irl! 

This class welcomes people of all genders, orientations. Bex has experience teaching events ranging from intimate gatherings to large crowds both in person and online. For more details on how to book Bex for your conference, event, or organization please visit our contact page or email BexTalksSex (at) gmail (.) com.

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The pre-recorded video lessons that make up this course can be accessed any time and can easily be broken out into bite sized servings to suit your schedule and learning style. Plus, your purchase grants you lifetime access to the content, meaning you can revisit it as often as you find yourself wanting to brush up on your skills.

Each online course features all of the content in my live workshops, with the benefits of a more leisurely pacing and a few extra diversions and musings that never seem to fit into the live runs. I’ve also included links to relevant resources where appropriate, and each lesson has a comment section where we can discuss any questions that come up for you along the way.

Teaching live like this truly is my preferred way to educate, it’s how I feel most articulate and engaging, and I’m so glad that I’m finally at the point that I have the time and skills to be able to create these resources. My workshops are designed to feel inclusive and welcoming to audiences with diverse range of experiences and abilities. They aspire to be as inspirational as they are funny, and hope to actually teach you a thing or two along the way. 

My first course is adapted from Better Bottoming for Submissives, which is probably my favorite workshop I offer (although my newest is giving it a run for it’s money). Better Bottoming is the class that I feel really exemplifies my style as an educator as well as my philosophies as a kinkster, and presenting it for the first time truly felt a bit like coming into my own as an educator. Now, as I find myself entering this new stage of full time sex-ed, it just felt right that Better Bottoming be the first class I immortalize online.

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Whether you’re cruisin’ for a bruisin’ or looking to pull your favorite little slut over your knee for a spanking – preparing for an impact scene from either side of the slash can be intimidating. Luckily, this workshop covers everything you need to know to get started!

From bare hands to paddles and from floggers to canes we’ll be discussing the many tools at your disposal and the things to consider when building up your collection. Then we’ll move on to discussing safety tips, and the skills that go into successfully planning, negotiating, and executing your scenes. 

We’ll cover essential skills for tops, such as how and where to hit someone, rhythm and pacing, interpreting your bottom’s reactions, and the art of leaving marks (or not!). We’ll also dig into pain management tools, subspace, bruise aftercare, and other essential skills every masochist should know. Finally, we’ll wrap it all up with a live demo where you can see how everything we discussed comes together while I dole out some “intense sensation” to my eager co-presenter!

This class welcomes people of all genders, orientations. Bex has experience teaching events ranging from intimate gatherings to large crowds both in person and online. For more details on how to book Bex for your conference, event, or organization please visit our contact page or email BexTalksSex (at) gmail (.) com.

The post Beautifully Bruised Booties (and Other Bits) appeared first on Bex Talks Sex.

This class welcomes people of all genders, orientations, and experience levels. Although the class is presented for submissives who bottom, we welcome tops, bottoms, and switches of all stripes who are interested in learning more about the skills that go into being a great bottom.

Bex has experience teaching events ranging from intimate gatherings to large crowds both in person and online. For more details on how to book Bex for your conference, event, or organization please visit our contact page or email BexTalksSex (at) gmail (.) com.

The post Better Bottoming For Submissives appeared first on Bex Talks Sex.

This class welcomes people of all genders, orientations. Bex has experience teaching events ranging from intimate gatherings to large crowds both in person and online. For more details on how to book Bex for your conference, event, or organization please visit our contact page or email BexTalksSex (at) gmail (.) com.

The post Bangin’ BJs for All Bodies appeared first on Bex Talks Sex.

After years in sex toy retail, podcasting, and sex education, I wanted to build a workshop to answer the questions I heard every day, and to fill in the gaps with what you should have learned in sex ed. Many of the topics we cover could easily support a workshop all to themselves, but this two hour discussion gives attendees a little taste of everything–from anatomy and sex physics, to communication, sex toys and BDSM. You’ll leave with the foundational skills you need to build the kind of sex life you crave!

This class welcomes people of all genders, orientations. Bex has experience teaching events ranging from intimate gatherings to large crowds both in person and online. For more details on how to book Bex for your conference, event, or organization please visit our contact page or email BexTalksSex (at) gmail (.) com.

The post Everything They Didn’t Teach You In Sex Ed appeared first on Bex Talks Sex.

There’s always going to be something you forgot to ask, but I’ve found the easiest way to mitigate that is to have a formula. A series of reminders that I can follow no matter how distracted I am. Since the walk to the dungeon is hardly the time to pull out a Yes/No/Maybe list I came up with was SIMMER, wherein each letter stands for an area that I need to negotiate around.

This guide is not designed to be prescriptive or exhaustive, feel free to take what works for you, add your own flavor, and disregard the stuff that doesn’t work for you. This guide is also not designed to be directed exclusively by the dominant towards the submissive, instead it should be a collaborative exercise. Many people forget that the dominant has boundaries, limits, and motivations that impact the scene, and it’s important to take those into consideration in the same way you would for a submissive.

S – Sex

Not everyone’s sex involves kink, and not everyone’s kink involves sex. It’s important to check in with your partner to see if sex is on the table for your play session, and if it is, what will that sex look like. This is also a great time to talk about safer sex practices and STI status, which can be nerve-wracking for a lot of people. If you’re unsure how to bring it up, I often start by disclosing my own status – “So, I was last tested in May for HIV, gonorrhea, chlamydia, and HSV 1 & 2. All of the tests came back negative, and I typically use barriers for penetration but not oral. You?”

You’ll notice I did a few things there. First of all, by disclosing first I role modeled the information I wanted from my partner and created space for them not to share their own status. I listed the tests I had done because “getting tested” can mean different things at different clinics and typically doesn’t include HSV. I also didn’t call myself “clean” because people with STIs aren’t dirty. Finally I included my safer sex practices and prompted them to share their own information.

Questions You Might Ask: Do you want there to be a sexual component to our play tonight? | What do you imagine that sex looking like? | How do you feel about my touching your genitals? Over clothes? Under clothes? | Do you want there to be a sexual energy to this scene? | Can I kiss you? | Is penetration on the table? Which holes? | What do you feel comfortable being penetrated by? | Are there any parts of your body I shouldn’t touch? | Are there any parts of your body you love having touched? | Is orgasm important to you tonight? | If orgasm is a priority, what is the most reliable way to get you there? | Do you enjoy sexual play at the same time as your kink, or should it happen separately? | How do you feel about bodily fluids (blood, spit, cum, etc.)?

I – Intensity

Kink can be about overcoming a challenge but it doesn’t always have to be, sometimes it’s about relaxing after a long day at work or getting a nudge into the right head space to get through something stressful. Other times, it’s about pushing your limits beyond what you ever thought possible and trying something really scary. Calibrating intensity levels with your partner or partners can help clarify for each of you where you want this scene to take you, without it, you run the risk of one player pushing the other well beyond where they were hoping to go.

The trick with intensity is that it’s not exactly quantifiable. Most of these questions are designed to be discussed before a scene, but intensity requires regular check ins during the scene to make sure you’re on the same page. The red/yellow/green safe word system works well for this, as yellow can be used to indicate when you’re approaching your limits. I’m also a fan of using a 1-10 scale, as it allows you to set your goal number ahead of time and quickly check in by asking which number you’re at.

Questions You Might Ask: On a scale of 1-10, how hard do you want to be hit today? | How far do you want to be pushed today? | Will today test your limits? | How are you feeling about today’s scene? | What are your hard limits? | What are your soft limits? | Which limits do you want tested today? | How much do you want to struggle today? 

M- Meta-Communication

This is one of my favorite categories of questions, but also one of the most overlooked. For all of the communication you have before a scene, it’s still important to hammer out exactly how you’re going to communicate during your scene, especially when you’re playing with someone new. People experience kink in very different ways, for example if my best friend cries during a scene, it’s business as usual, however if I spontaneously burst into tears that scene better come to a halt so we can assess what went wrong. Instead, when I’m in a scene I go nonverbal very quickly, so I need to negotiate in advance so my partners know to check in more often when I get all floaty.

Questions You Might Ask: Which safe words or safe signals will we use? | How can I check in with you in the middle of the scene? | What can I expect to see if you are enjoying yourself? | How will I know if you need me to check in with you again? | What is the best way to communicate with you if you are in top space or subspace? | Which language do you like used for your body? | What would you like me to call you? | Are there any words I should avoid? | How do you feel about dirty talk? 

M – Motivations

Kink is about a lot more than what you’re doing, it’s about why you’re doing it. Sure, someone might want a spanking scene, but are they looking to endure and conquer something? Are they trying to be a good boy for a dominant? Are they looking to be punished? These are all very different scenes, and it’s important to discuss what you’re looking for ahead of time. Delving into the why also makes for more interesting scenes, your partner might have more ideas for ways to evoke certain feelings that had never occurred to you before.

Questions You Might Ask: How do you want to feel during this scene? | Why do you want to do x? | What is it about x that turns you on? | What feelings do you want to avoid during this scene? | What are you looking to get out of today’s scene? | How do you want to feel at the end of today’s scene? | What do you crave today? | Why is feeling x important to you? | What do you love about x? | How do you hope your partner will feel during the scene? | Do you want this scene to leave marks?

E – End

So, you’ve negotiated, you’ve done your scene, but now what? Negotiating what happens at the end of your scene is just as important as negotiating what you’re going to do during it. First of all, you’ll want to know how the scene will end. Maybe it ends in orgasm,  or it ends with a safe word. Maybe you’ll just go until you both get tired, but how will you know when that happens? Knowing what everyone expects from a scene will help it come to a graceful close.

Then comes the aftercare. When you’re both coming down from a scene in a dungeon is not the time to decide that you’re going to need Reese’s Pieces and a warm shower asap, so make sure to check in and prepare for your future selves.

Questions You Might Ask: How will we know when the scene is over? | What kind of aftercare do you find most helpful? | Is there anything you will need after the scene? | What is the best way to check in with you after a scene? | What happens when someone fails an assignment/task/predicament? Is that the end of the scene?

R – Risk Assessment

Sex is risky, kink is even more so. Your risk assessment will vary based on the type of play you’re engaging in, but it’s important for all types of play. Mistakes happen, boundary violations happen, we step on emotional landmines and our floggers don’t always land quite where we intended, sex is messy, kink is messy, but it’s important for us to minimize that risk, and negotiate what we will do when something goes wrong.

Part of the risk assessment is also making sure everyone is informed of the potential risks involved in the play you’re engaging in. If someone is new to a particular activity, the onus is on the more experienced player to not only talk through the risks, but to also give the less experienced player the resources they need to research the activity on their own. When the person introducing you to something new is your only resource for information on that thing it creates a dangerous power dynamic, and not the fun kind.

Questions You Might Ask: Do you have any injuries I need to know about? | Are there any triggers I need to know to avoid? | Are there any positions that are hard for you to hold? | What is your experience with x? | What do you know about x? | How will we quickly end the scene if we need to? | What is your current health condition? | Do you have asthma, diabetes, or any other condition that might impact your play? | Do you have any problems with circulation? | Is anyone intoxicated and/or have they taken any substances? | Do you have any known allergies?

So there it is, SIMMER, the six areas you want to make sure to touch on when you’re negotiating a scene. What are some of your favorite questions to ask before a scene?

The post Six Things To Remember When You’re Negotiating appeared first on Bex Talks Sex.

Etiquette

People like to think of sexting as if it’s this thing completely separate from in person sex, when really, a number of the same ideas apply: First, confirm that this is something they want to do. Find a sexy and sfw way to ask if they’re down,  I can’t stop thinking about you, do you want to hear what I’ve got on my mind? or I just took a great picture for you, would now be a good time to share it? It’s hard to read your partner’s mood when your not in the same room, and while sometimes it might be fun to be surprised by an epic dick pic from someone you adore, there are certainly other times where that would not be welcome.

You also want to set realistic expectations, if you’re at work or another place where you might get distracted or pulled away, share that information with your partner. There’s nothing worse than sending a selfie that makes your ass look like it should be hung in a museum… and not getting a response. In the 35 minutes it took you to handle that issue with Todd from accounting, I’ve already assumed you hated it and am now sitting in a pile of blankets with some comforting Ben & Jerry’s, texting it to my best friend so she could appreciate it the way you didn’t.

Sexting is like improv, it can’t continue unless both people are invested. One of the core tenants of improv is simple: “Yes, and…”. The idea is that a “no” shuts a scene down, whereas a “yes, and…” allows you to build on  it and keep things moving. For example:

Person 1: Here, would you like some cake?

Person 2: No, there’s no cake here.

When instead it could have gone:

Person 1: Here, would you like some cake?

Person 2: I’d love that! Can you believe Grandma is turning 80 today?

Not only did the person agree, but they built on it, which allowed the scene to move along and grow in a different direction. This gets complicated when we transfer it into a sexual context, no one should ever feel obligated to say yes, however if you want the sexting to continue, you might want to be engaged enough to not derail it entirely with non-responses and single word answers. Take what they say, and build on it.

Person 1: I wish you were here so I could taste you.

Person 2: That’s hot.

Could instead become:

Person 1: I wish you were here so I could taste you.

Person 2: Fuck yeah, imagine how I’d look arching my back and pushing my pussy into your face.

That said, sometimes you do have to say no, someone might suggest something that just doesn’t seem hot to you or that crosses a boundary. In that case, I want you to feel comfortable shutting things down if you want to. Other times, you might not be interested in what they suggested, but are still interested in making something fun happen, in this case I recommend redirecting and offering something else you’d rather do instead. So instead of:

Person 1: Do you want Daddy’s cock in your ass?

Person 2: Nah

Which doesn’t really give something for the other person to continue the conversation with, you might have better luck with:

Person 1: Do you want Daddy’s cock in your ass?

Person 2: I’d rather Daddy fill my cunt up with his cock, I love how he feels, pushed against my g-spot.

Sure you made it clear that you weren’t interested in what they offered, but you also suggested an alternative so that the other person can gracefully pick up the conversation there.

What Do I Say?!

Here are some prompts to get you started:

• Talk about what is currently happening, consider what you’re doing, seeing, and feeling.
• Talk about what has happened already.
• Talk about will happen in the future
• What do you think it would be like to…
• Last night I had a dream where…
• I watched some porn the other day and it made me want to…
• I can’t stop thinking about…
• I want to _____ your _____
• I love…

Making it Hot

One of the hardest parts of sexting is finding the right words to use. Not only is there the pressure to sound sexy, but there’s also the risk of using words that alienate your partner, or make them uncomfortable. That’s one of the reasons my Yes/No/Maybe list template includes a section to negotiate the kinds of language you enjoy, but you don’t have to sit down with your spreadsheets to get some hints on what language to use.

You can ask your partner about the language they prefer for their body, or ask their favorite filthy words, and you can pay attention to the language they use. If your partner tells you they want you to stroke their cock, you can probably assume that they like referring to their genitals as their cock. If you notice certain feelings and adjectives coming up in their sexting, maybe they talk about how aggressively you’d fuck them, or how indifferent they’d be to your begging, you can then mirror those types of language back at them in your own sexts.

Start simple, choose one of the prompts from above and hammer out what you want to say, then pepper in some adjectives and details to make your language more colorful. Build scenes and engage your senses. Consider how would you or they feel in the moment, both physically and emotionally. How would the sex you’re having look? How would it taste, smell, and sound? What might you be thinking while you play? Include details and don’t just tell the story you want to share but bring them into the moment.

• “Remember when I sucked your cock last night?”
• “I loved sucking your cock last night, all I can think about was the way you taste and how you felt in my mouth.”
• “I can’t wait to spank you”
• “I can’t wait to pull you over my knee and beat your ass. I want to feel it get hot and red under my hand. I want to see you squirm.”
• “Last night I had a dream where we fucked”
• “Last night I dreamed about you fucking me, your hand tight around my throat while your straddled me and rode my cock”
• “I love fingering you”
• “I love having my fingers inside of you, feeling you tighten around me as you come.”
• “I want to go down on you”
• “I’ve always wondered what you taste like, I can’t wait to have my mouth on you.”

Looking for more ideas, or not even sure what words you find hot? Erotica is a fantastic resource to explore the language that turns you on (and the language that most certainly does not), as well as audio erotica and porn with a lot of dirty talk. Nina Hartley tends to be particularly communicative. Make a note of what words and phrases pique your interests and remember to integrate it into future scenes.

Pictures and Video

Some people feel content with keeping their digital dalliances limited to text, while others choose to include photos or video. No one type of sexting is superior to another and you should never feel obligated to do more than you are comfortable with, even digitally, but if you’re looking to include some seductive selfies there are some things you’re going to want to consider.

Not every picture you send needs to be explicit, there are plenty of ways to be sexy and safe for work at the same time, and sometimes I just like to see your face. Regardless of what you want in your picture, there are some basics you’re going to want to pay attention to. First of all, is your space clean and free of clutter, at least the areas that will be in the frame? Will you be well lit? Natural lighting is great whenever possible and try to keep your light sources to the front or side of you, being backlit is never a good look. When I’m feeling serious about my nudes I pull out the simple lighting kit I bought for like $60.

Since we’re talking tech, nude taking is one of the only times I will encourage you to buy a selfie stick, but they do come in handy for getting creative angles and including more of your body in the shot. I also love my remote shutter and mini tripod that allow me to take all kinds of photos from any angle I like.

If you’re looking for inspiration look to the models you admire, see how they pose and what props they like to include. I’m not endorsing ripping anyone off entirely, but you can gain a lot of insight about what looks good for you body by looking at other people with similar body types. Consider angles and poses you may not use normally, when I’m taking nudes, I love to take way more than I plan on using and then cull them down to my favorites.

Sexting is all about creativity, play with the pictures you take and the language you use. Try our new kinks and get excited for the next time you play. Most importantly, sexting is about having fun, so feel free to take thing things that work for you and ditch the things that don’t. Play, experiment, and get sexy, friends!

The post I Could Write It Better Than You’ve Ever Felt It appeared first on Bex Talks Sex.

The answer is more than just a yes. Sure, we carried sex toys that men could use, but that’s simply because all sex toys are sex toys men can use. Now, I understand that when people asked me this question, what they were asking for was a sleeve that they could put their penis into and jerk off, and sure, there are plenty of those, but the world of sex toys for men is so much wider than that, so today I’m here to bust some myths about “male sex toys”.

Male sex toys? So, you mean Fleshlights right?

Men can use a whole range of sex toys and strokers are just a small portion of that. The Cobra Libre is a vibrators designed to stimulate the head of the penis and a cock ring can offer vibration and a stronger erection. You don’t even need a vibrator designed for penises, countless men enjoy having vibrators like the Magic Wand pushed up against their bits. Men who enjoy anal play, which doesn’t make you gay by the way, might enjoy the long slender curve of the Pfun plug, or a thick dildo like The Outlaw. Cis men might want a harness, for double penetration or to just try on a new dick for a day.

None of this is exclusive to cis men either! Trans guys can enjoy all kinds of vibrators externally, and if they enjoy penetration in one or both holes they might enjoy an internal vibe or dildo. Trans men might enjoy butt plugs or harnesses, they might even enjoy a cock ring as a finger vibe for stroking their cock.

Okay, but women get all the cool sex toys. There’s nothing interesting for men.

One glance at the review site Men’s Toys Hub disproves this one. There you’ll find strokers that stroke themselves, blowjob machines, and prostate stimulators that move on their own, and that’s with just a cursory glance across the first page. The Stronic Zwei is a thrusting vibrator that can be used anally or vaginally, and the Loki Wave will curl forward to put pressure on the prostate with consistently hugging the perineum with vibration. The Hot Octopus Pulse features a plate that pulses against the frenulum, offering a unique style of vibration.

Trans men have access to a whole range of toys, from the way Satisfyer’s suction based clit toys can feel like a blowjob on demand to strokers designed specifically for trans clits, cis women aren’t the only people with interesting new sex toys to try.

Well… those sound kind of cool… it’s too bad sex toys are only for sad lonely men living in their parent’s basement.

Nope, this one isn’t true either. Jerking off isn’t exclusive to single folks, and neither are sex toys. Sex toys also don’t make you lonely or pathetic, they make you a person who is invested in exploring their pleasure. Sex toys are also great to use with a partner! The Fleshlight Quickshot is a great accessory for a blowjob, and a good cock ring is going to feel great for everyone involved.

Mutual masturbation is another fantastic way to use your toys, one of the hottest memories I have of my ex was the way he looked with a Magic Wand pushed up against his cock, and who doesn’t want to watch their partner get off?

There are countless options for men in the world of sex toys, and countless ways to use them, all you have to do is start exploring.

Many thanks to Men’s Toy Hub for sponsoring this post! As always, all writing and opinions are my own.

1. That said, I love me a good grimy sex shop and fully believe they have their own place in the industry.

The post The Myths of Men’s Sex Toys appeared first on Bex Talks Sex.