Beyond The Mango Juice

I’ve Got a Red in the Bed

Hoo Don — Tue, 09 Feb 2010 22:20:02 +0000

The title refers to Wonderful Wi and is a reference to her growing obsession with the Thai anti-government group the United Front for Democracy against Dictatorship (UDD) or red shirts as they are more commonly known (the image on the right is for reference purpose only). Last Saturday night the red shirts held a rally at the small town near Wilai's village and the young one donned her 100 baht red shirt and went along for the evening. I just hoped she didn't decide to wear a yellow hat with matching handbag and banana coloured shoes like the man in the photo. A girl has to look right on the night, rally or not. Sang Khom was the venue for the UDD's latest sally into brainwashing the Isaan public into helping rid them of the Abhisit Vejjajiva led government and to reinstall the master puppeteer Thaksin Shinawatra into office as the leader of the country. This was a growing army who were equipped with the knowledge that their main weapon was far more lethal than those of their rivals. Red tomatoes are a lot more messy than yellow bananas and far more easier to aim. After hours of extensive research into Thailand's political history dating back to its first Prime Minister Phraya Manopakorn Nititada to the present incumbent Abhisit Vejjajiva, I was ready for my interview with Beyond The Mango Juice's on the spot political reporter Khun Wilai. I wiped the sweat from my brow, grabbed my mobile and rang Wilai at this massive red shirt event. " Hello Wilai, what is happening at the red shirt rally. It's very loud, can you hear me." " Hus...band, now have sing a song come. Sing a song I like." " Wilai have they given any indication toward their next political move." " Hus...band. Now have lady sing a song, she have nom yai (big breasts). She have big milk" " Wilai are there any signs of counter protesters, is security high." " Hus...band lady sing a song very beautiful. I think brudder (brother) would like look she. Lady big milk go up down, up down, up down, dting dtong Thailand." "Big breasts, Wilai did you bring your camera. Get me a close up of the singer." I'll admit it wasn't an interview which will be inscribed in the worlds political annals forever, but in my defense it was my first attempt. I put down my phone and gently consoled myself with a few Winston Churchill like words. " Bollocks.... that didn't go as well as I was hoping it would." The UDD rally in Sang Khom on Saturday night was attended by approximately 2,000 locals from the surrounding villages and town. The event had many UDD members giving speeches but the big attendance was solely due to the appearance of Khattiya Sawasdipol, better known as Seh Daeng. Army specialist Major General Khattiya whipped the gathered throng into a frenzy with a speech lasting over one hour before leaving the small town just after midnight. Seh Daeng really had painted the town red.

The pro Thaksin UDD supporters now have their own TV stations to satisfy their thirst and wash away the bitter taste the present government has left them with. People Channel TV (above photo) is constantly tuned in at our village house as Wilai and her mama lap up the political speeches, propaganda and red shirt leaders singing look thung (country) songs. Power cuts are a part of life in the Isaan villages and if one blacks out the TV then you can always get your red fix from a magazine such as the one pictured on the right. Through TV, magazines and concerts, the red message appears to be getting through. The opinion polls appear to be starting to suggest that too. The Trojan city of Troy fell to a giant wooden horse with an army inside, could Bangkok's elite fall to a karaoke machine, red shirt protesters and some of the best country singers in Isaan marching their way down the yellow brick road of Government House. If they do turn the water cannons on the Isaan mob, let's hope the big breasted singer is right at the front. After an internal investigation into the Sang Khom telephone interview, Beyond The Mango Juice has decided to withhold the fee payable to our political reporter Miss Wilai. At great expense Beyond The Mango Juice has now sent the young reporter to the Karaoke Rehabilitation Centre in Udon Thani. Credits Photograph Red shirt rally by Peter Switzerland/Thailand Related posts:

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Thailand’s Ghostbusters

Hoo Don — Sat, 06 Feb 2010 21:51:10 +0000

Ghosts in Thailand are two a penny, or nowadays better described with the Thai baht currently showing great strength on the worlds currency exchange as one a baht. If you've been to Thailand and haven't heard a ghost story then have you really been at all. This week I picked up on a ghost story which I think should be shared with my readers. The ghost killing-gizmo that could change the world tells the tale of the Trisaksri Ghost Repellent (pictured right), a simple plug in device which the developers claim will rid your home of all ghosts. They even give a 100% guarantee. The machine was developed in a ghost free laboratory in Bangkok on March 5th 2009 but since then has been withdrawn from the company's range of products. Dan Aykroyd and Harold Ramis may have had their own sophisticated weapons to capture ghouls in the hit 1984 American science fiction comedy film Ghost Busters, but I set out with my bare hands and numpty type brain to try and track down the truth behind the all amazing Ghost Repellent machine. In respect for the company's privacy in this matter I have decided to omit their name from my report. If you do wish to know the developer's name then follow the link above.

The explanation of the machine's method of disposing of the ghastly ghouls is best described by the company themselves. In their very own brand of laboratory English, prototype grammar and a grade of spelling which was born from Scrabble games played in big city ghettos, here are the company's own words with an introduction and summary of the Ghost Repellent. You or someone may have experience with ghost or devil after bought new second hand house from the former owner. Some houses may have bad spirit inside which will interfere your daily life unhappy and frighten your children. Finally many of you leave away the house and find a new home. We have a solution for you, "Trisaksri Ghost Repeller". Just place this device in side your house and switch ON. All ghost and devil will leave away your home and won't come back again. Now who run away, You or ghost ? Save money in finding a new home. How it works ? Trisaksri Ghost Repeller © composed of complex electronic circuit. The video camera was special designed to capture the invisible and inaudible signal generates from natural phenomenon such as ghost or spirit. The signal was then converted to radio signal and transmit to KILLER WAVE. The ghost spirit will be destroyed at this process. The device output is extreamly sensitive to changes of as little as 0.5% of the strength of the Earth's magnetic field. Generally Ghost spirit usually emit weak natural electric field which can not be measured by normal meter or can not be responded by humen senses. The device has been designed to ignore the AC fields of power lines, appliances, etc. It only interact with ghost's and animal spirit and no harm to humen health. Before you grab your credit card and mobile, I best explain once more the $259 contraption is no longer on sale although I was offered the original prototype myself. I sent out an email to the design team never expecting to receive anything back in a month of Sundays. The very next day (yesterday) I received an answer. My email asked how many Ghost Repellents they had sold. Here's their reply. ( click to enlarge ).

Having never been woken from my nights sleep by the sound of a headless drummer boy standing at the end of my bed beating on a military drum, my reaction to their kind offer was a resounding no. On closer reading of the email I concluded the company had now expanded and were employing the use of a young uneducated secretary with hands the size of an Irish navvy and detached retinas. Beyond The Mango Juice apologises for reporting this great invention after its withdrawal from public sale but don't despair. The prototype team are currently working on a mosquito repellent. My guess is it's a CD with a sound loop and a 100% guarantee. " Exterminate, exterminate, exterminate...." If the Ghost Repellent company does read this report then I hope they view it in the spirit it's meant. Related posts:

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Nightmare Flights

Hoo Don — Wed, 03 Feb 2010 13:21:20 +0000

Image by tripadvisor

... The above image is from TripAdvisor's Airplane Seat-Mate From Hell survey and whilst I am unaware of the ongoing status of the survey, looking at the photographs I have sat next to a few of them myself. I think I can confidently say I personally don't fit into any of the categories. Being on a long flight isn't much fun from take off to landing and the person(s) occupying the seat next or either side of you can make your flight for the better or worse. Aside from shortly before take off hearing a Steve Martin-esque voice announce " this is your Captain speaking, " sitting next to someone with a running nose or a wagging tongue can make your flight a torturous ordeal. I've been lucky on my numerous flights to have never been seated next to the Oblivious Parent, probably my own personal choice of seat-mate from hell. I always try to get positioned right at the back of the plane, it's easy for toilet access and the drinks and food galley is a few steps away. It is on a very rare occasion I've seen children sat at the rear, although I have heard their screams many a time. I'm the type of person who can easily develop an in-flight dry throat and cough (air condition has this affect on me). I get quite uncomfortable about the probable disruption I'm causing to other passengers and remedy the problem by getting a drink of water from the air stewardess. The oblivious parent seems to ignore all cure or solution to their fellow passengers agitation caused by their noisy child. This one would get my vote.....then again. The Bio-Hazard...sniff, sniff, sniff. It's one of those noises that really irritates me. If you're due to board a flight and the days leading up to it see you come down with a cold or possible influenza, you take medication to relieve the symptoms. Not the bio-hazard passenger. Sat next to the bio-hazard traveler and Elton John or whoever just doesn't sound quite so good over your headphones. And it seems to me you lived your life Like a candle in the wind Never knowing who to cling to When the rain set in, sniff sniff sniff. The Chatter-Box is another who really gets my goat. I honestly don't want to know about their messy divorce and how they have now found love in Thailand with a ladyboy half their age. The ins and outs of getting caught in your next door neighbours greenhouse late at night with their teenage boy and a greased cucumber is no concern of mine but... " Yes I can obviously understand my wife being a little annoyed, but divorce was a little harsh." he drones. You've just got to hope when the food comes round he hasn't ordered a special salad. Your best bet with the chatter-box is to put on the headphones and feign sleep. If that fails then get blind drunk and blatantly ignore him. The Nervous Wreck is in all of us but it depends to what degree. Air turbulence does scare me a bit, mainly because I might spill my Jack Daniels and Coke and the wait for another one depends on the pilot's prowess in gaining safer altitude. They say some people can hear a pin drop, the nervous wreck can hear a pin drop and roll to a stop.....Plop. " Jesus shit man, one of the engines has just blown." he screams and grabs your hand, somehow drawing blood with his chewed nails. " Calm down sir, the gentleman in front has just popped open a tube of Pringles." In truth you're thinking. " You bastard, piss off and annoy someone else." The problem with the nervous wreck is your suggestion of an alcoholic drink to qualm their fears is met with the resounding answer that it would only make them sick. I've touched on just four of the ten choices in Trip Advisor's poll, the other six being Seat Swapper, Entertainment Director, Carrie Carry-All, Space Intruder, Self Entitled and Smelly Snacker. Which of the ten would be your least favourite seat mate. If any of you do have a minute to spare then please click on the link at the top of the post and register your vote in Trip Advisor's survey. If enough of you vote then Trip Advisor might forgive me for borrowing their survey image. Thanks. Credits Photograph Medicine by Dolnikow / Dreamstime Song Lyrics by Bernie Taupin Photograph Cucumber by © Lukajani | Dreamstime.com No related posts. Related posts brought to you by Yet Another Related Posts Plugin.

Thailand Blogs – January 2010 Review

Hoo Don — Mon, 01 Feb 2010 10:59:01 +0000

Beyond The Mango Juice kicks off the year with a slimmed down monthly blog review format. Due to the increased content of my Thai blogroll I have been forced to omit entries from my world blog links as the ever increasing length of the review has forced me to compress future posts. I have recently added [...] Related posts:

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How Much Do You Tip in Thailand

Hoo Don — Thu, 28 Jan 2010 07:51:25 +0000

On many occasions in the Land of Smiles I’ve booked into a hotel for an overnight stay. Wonderful Wi and I tend to do so when we fancy a night out in Udon Thani for whatever reason. The scenario as we approach the hotel entrance is nearly always the same. We jump out the samlor with [...] No related posts. Related posts brought to you by Yet Another Related Posts Plugin.