(We are pleased to present another Guest Post from our friend Jan Mueller, a history and genealogy librarian with an interest in personal history. If you have an interesting story about preserving life stories and would like to write a guest post, please contact us.)

One priceless piece of family memorabilia we have is a recording of our Father, taken in the late 1980s, just a few short years before his passing. Hearing Dad’s voice and words as he shares recollections of his childhood during the Great Depression with my oldest niece, who had recorded his poignant memories for an eighth grade assignment, is something we will always treasure.  Her mother very thoughtfully had the cassette recording converted to audio CD format and shared copies with the rest of the family.

Listening to my father recount the difficulties he and his family experienced during the Depression Era—infrequent meals, housing difficulties, and impoverishment—still makes my heart ache for him, his siblings, and my grandparents. On this precious, 15-20 minute recording, my Father also mentions the 1937 Flood, the onset of World War II, and his attempts to join the army, which were thwarted by several medical conditions. What a precious, intensely personal, microcosmic view of such far-reaching historic events—thankfully preserved as a result of my niece’s homework assignment!

Of course, every time I listen to this recording, I find myself wishing that my Mother’s recollections would have been recorded in the same way. While we do have several videos featuring both of our parents during family gatherings, there is nothing quite like a one-on-one recording focused on preserving one person’s thoughts on life-changing events and cherished memories. And though I do have a very strong interest in oral history and have recorded numerous interviews for various research and writing projects, when my parents were still with us, I was absorbed in my own life and sadly did not take the time to preserve their reminiscences in this way. It is a regret I have lived with each day since their passing.

In my work as a history and genealogy librarian, many patrons share these same regrets with me on a fairly frequent basis. Together, we share our commiserations over the treasured tidbits of information, personal experiences, and little known facts that may be forever lost to us. If only we had taken the time to sit down and talk to our parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles, and other relatives!  Indeed, it is precisely this regret that has renewed my passionate pursuit of my own ancestry and inspired me to seek a career in genealogy librarianship.

Don’t follow this same pattern of regret. Be sure to take the time to capture the unique stories which form your own family’s singular history—now, before time either takes them or their memories. As Kristi and Jennifer thoughtfully note in the “Storied Lives” section of their Website, “[r]ecording your own life story is a priceless gift to future generations. Encouraging a beloved family member to tell theirs is a gift of respect and love for the story teller.” Preserve these priceless gifts now, before it is too late—you’ll be happy you did, and so will your relatives for generations to come!

Soon after the funeral, I ran across this YouTube clip of Warren Zevon’s amazing song, Keep Me In Your Heart. I wasn’t really that familiar with his music, or his story or his last appearance on the David Letterman show. But as I learned of the grace and humor with which he handled the awareness that his life was coming to an end, and listened to his legacy song, over and over, I became a fan. And I mentally added this tune to my list of songs with which I hope to speak to my children and grandchildren (and maybe great-grandchildren) as they mourn my passing.

What else is on my list? Three others so far:

• Travelin’ Thru (the Jason Castro American Idol version of the Dolly Parton song) Maybe the closest my funeral will get to a hymn.
• It’s Your World Now, by the Eagles. The right message, with the vibe of my Southwestern youth
• Brown Eyed Girl, by Van Morrison Self-explanatory for anyone who knows me very well.

The Whitneys receiving their 80th Birthday Tribute Book

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Another client compared his 80th birthday book to a “living funeral”, a chance to hear about the impact he had made on the lives of others, in words that might otherwise only be spoken in a eulogy.

The husband of a 50 year old woman who has everything told us, “I got a lot of points for this book! She cried for an hour.”

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Package prices start at $500, for up to 10 contributors. Allow at least two months from project start to finished, priceless masterpiece.

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My Father was a gifted—and entirely self-taught—musician. He took great pleasure in music of all kinds—an affinity he passed onto his children and grandchildren. My early memories include my Father accompanying us on school field trips to Cincinnati Symphony Orchestra performances, playing Bluegrass tunes on his old banjo, serenading my siblings and I—and later, his grandchildren—on his harmonica, and joyfully strumming his prized Gibson electric guitar during impromptu Saturday evening jam sessions with his brothers. Though his hands were work-worn and calloused, my Father’s fingers nimbly coaxed joyful tunes from any instrument he picked up. Even after he was forced to sell his beloved Gibson during a rough patch in our large family’s finances, Dad made do with an old acoustic guitar.

Because my Father worked a demanding, physical job and would often spend his evenings and weekends working around our house on countless projects, he didn’t have a great deal of leisure time to indulge his passion for music. And yet, even while he toiled away in his basement workshop, his cheerful whistling would filter through the house or he would accompany the hammering, drilling, and sawing with a song. “(How Much is That Doggie) in the Window” was my favorite! Though, in my younger years, I may not have appreciated his album collection—which included selections from legendary Bluegrass banjoist Earl Scruggs and rhythm guitarist Lester Flatt, John Philip Sousa’s rousing, patriotic marches, and symphonic highlights from the “Victory at Sea” television series—I have now come to treasure these vinyl heirlooms.

Though I have never learned to play an instrument, music is as much a part of my life today as it was growing up in our bustling, crowded, and music-filled household. I’m convinced that I have my Father to thank for my own openness to nearly all musical genres. I am even more gratified to see that my Father’s musicality has also been reborn in younger generations of my family. One of my nephews took up the guitar, formed a band with several friends, and played at local venues. Another nephew and niece are gifted flautists who have also played in their high school bands. Two other nieces have been blessed with amazing voices. This musical continuity is a gift my entire family treasures.

In homage to my Father’s musicality and in loving tribute to his memory, I proudly display his banjo in my family room. Gracing a well-lit corner, it sits, nestled in its open case, topped by one of the “Sunday best” hats which complemented the suit and tie ensembles my Father would always wear to church. This decorative nod also serves as a visual reminder of the musical legacy which runs through our family—just one of the many binding ties between past and future generations. While many of us retain treasured family heirlooms, decorating our homes with them may seem a bit maudlin to some. And yet, incorporating at least one of our parent’s, grandparent’s or other ancestor’s prized possessions into our home’s décor may serve as a prompt for sharing family stories with younger relatives. Even the most common belongings and household items can hold layers of meaning. And keeping those intangible memories intact for generations to come is one of the most important—and often overlooked—methods of embracing our families’ unique heritage.

Today I came across an article about a new trend that takes this concept a step further, websites that allow you to create your own multi-media memorials and leave messages to be communicated to loved ones after your death. This reminds me of a news story I saw years ago, about a young mother dying of cancer  who was recording video messages for her children to watch on special occasions: their graduations, weddings, birth of their babies. I remember marveling at that woman’s foresight and fortitude, her grace at leaving such a gift for her children. And I remember thinking what a shame it was that most people in the same situation would not be able to do this. So now, sites like I-Postmortem.com aim to make it easy for everyone to create their own memorials and posthumous messages, whether they are old and ailing, or young and healthy.

I spent some time on this site, and their sister site, I-Tomb, and I’m still trying to process the concept. It seems like a good idea, but I wonder if the websites will really address the key obstacle to leaving what is essentially a cyber-legacy letter – just doing it. I mean, if it were easy to commit your wishes and wisdom to permanent format, wouldn’t everybody do it? It’s one reason our Words To Live By: Writing Your Legacy Letter workshop is so well-received – we give participants more than just the tools to write their letter. The workshop provides the motivation, time and space to actually do it.

I am also reminded of an episode of This American Life, The Parent Trap, that shows the potential pitfalls of letters from beyond the grave, particularly those that contain “instructions”. If you have a few minutes, and are thinking about this issue, I really encourage you to listen to this piece.

Then, let us know. What do you think? What kind of messages would you like to leave for your children or other loved ones? Do you think the online method has potential, or do you prefer the old-fashioned paper and pen approach? We’d love to know.

~ Kristi

Given the tremendous pop culture presence generated by UK-based reality series such as “Who Wants to be a Millionaire,” “Dancing with the Stars,” and “What Not to Wear,” even those who don’t watch much television can’t help but be aware of these programs. One of the most recent offerings to enter the ratings fray is the Americanized version of Britain’s genealogy-related show, “Who Do You Think You Are?” Exploring the family histories of popular celebrities such as Tim McGraw, Sarah Jessica Parker, Lionel Ritchie, Steve Buscemi, and Gwyneth Paltrow, among others, this series has garnered enough audience share to merit a third season, slated to begin in February 2012.

Watching as Rosie O’Donnell visits an Irish potato famine-era workhouse, Tim McGraw discovers an ancestor’s connection to George Washington, and Vanessa Williams learns that her great-great grandfather was one of the first African Americans to be elected to the Tennessee legislature has been both moving and inspiring. After each viewing, I ponder my own quest to discover more about who I am by discovering who my ancestors are. I have been doggedly pursuing every lead, hoping to uncover that one fact, photo, or document which will fill out the branches of my growing family tree.

While I enjoy watching these stories unfold and feel genuine excitement and happiness for the subjects as their ancestors come to life through images, archival records, and newspaper articles, I would really love to see the show’s producers include the genealogical journey of a non-celebrity. As Kristi and Jennifer’s Webpage banner simply—but eloquently—states, “Every Life Has Stories.” Truly, each of us has family stories which are just as meaningful as any one of the made-for-TV episodes featured on “Who Do You Think You Are!”

And yet, how many of us will choose to document and preserve these stories? Who do you think you are, and how do you plan to find out?  At the beginning of this New Year, how will you chronicle the past, present, and ongoing stories, experiences, and memories which will form the combined record of your life and the collective record of your family? And perhaps an even more important consideration—how do you plan to preserve this information and pass it along to future generations?

~ Jan Mueller

But today, after a one year hiatus, I was lucky to be on hand to take a “First Day of Work” photo before my college sophomore headed out for the first day of his co-op job, dressed in “business casual”. Less surly than his teen years, the expression he put on for the photo was more resigned “okay, Mom” than “woo-hoo, I’m so excited about this new chapter in my life”. If you have teen boys, you may be familiar with the “whatever” attitude. In any case, I snapped the photo quickly, where he stood, and let him be on his way. I think I was more nervous than he was about the big day, and I can’t wait to get home tonight and see how it went.

In the meantime, I dug out his very first “First Day” photo, taken when he was barely three years old, and just starting preschool, and let the memories of the past 16 years wash over me. That first day, and for many days after that, the teacher had to hold him up to the window, so he could watch me go, both of us waving and trying, with varying degrees of success not to cry. How can it be that he is 16 years older and yet I am not? If I didn’t have the photos to prove it, I wouldn’t believe it myself. They are a piece of our family history that will last forever.

How about you guys – do you take traditional photos? First day of school? Kids in front of the Christmas Tree? Share your ideas with us, will you?

~ Kristi

It’s officially graduation season!  We’ll give you a break on looking back so you can focus on the hustle and bustle of graduation time! More than anything, this month our wish for you is to be fully present in the moment. Make a conscious decision to savor these days, these final weeks. See if you can let the stress and hubbub of the time wash off you, while you truly experience and enjoy these days. This might be a good time to find a moment to write down how you are feeling as you approach the big day. Again, just a few sentences on a note card can do the trick. You can decide later whether or not to share these words with your graduate, but you will always be glad you captured your feelings in the moment.

We’ll be back with you in June, with a few final suggestions on wrapping up your memory project and what to do next.

What’s Happening This Month?

Events that may be occurring in your senior’s life this month and ideas on how to capture the moments:

• AP Exams: How is your senior preparing? After the exam, ask your senior to write down any questions/essays he or she remembers.
• Prom: Save photos, tickets, pictures of corsage/boutonniere.
• Spring Concerts/Plays/Musicals: save ticket stubs, program. If your son/daughter is in the play, ask him or her to save notes she receives with flowers.
• Last day of class: Does your school have any unique last day of activities for seniors? A senior prank perhaps? Senior Skip Day? What were these activities like? Can you get some photos?
• Buying graduation clothes  - Probably more important for girls, what will he/she be wearing under that gown?

Graduation Photos Not to Miss

Between the two of us, we have now survived one college and three high school graduations.  In spite of our best planning and noblest intentions, each time we realize after the event that we missed one or two photos that we really wished we had taken. We also realized that if you spend an entire ceremony or event worrying about getting that perfect shot, you can miss actually experiencing the event. So, here are our suggestions for finding that sweet spot in the middle:

Plan Ahead - Make a list of photos you want to be sure you capture. Whether you carry the list with you or not, the simple act of writing it can help you when the time comes. Some ideas for your list:

• Graduate alone, with diploma, close up and full body
• Graduate with parents
• Graduate with siblings, entire family
• Individually with grandparents/extended family
• With a favorite teacher
• With “the gang”, best friends
• An overview photo, setting the scene
• Graduates processing or recessing

• Consider placing special relatives in charge of reminding you that they need to have their photo taken with the graduate. At Kristi’s son’s college graduation, the grandparents who had traveled thousands of miles were persistent about making sure they were not forgotten in the photo frenzy. This was greatly appreciated!

• Think about taking photos before the event if you can. Once the ceremony is over many graduates will shed the cap and gown and quickly be on to other things…parties, finding friends, etc.. It can be harder than you think to get that special photo after the event.

• Charge the camera or buy new batteries. Make sure there is plenty of space on the camera for new photos. You don’t want to miss a special moment because your camera card is full!

• Once the pre-event photos have been taken, try to sit back and experience the moment.Many schools hire photographers or videographers for the ceremony itself. These professionals have better equipment and superior access and their photos will show it. Don’t try to get the shot of the graduate walking down the aisle if your photo is going to be too dark, too far away or full of the heads of parents in front of you.  Instead, try to make eye contact with your graduate and take a picture with your mind, fully savor the moment. You’ve both earned it.