bhardwajakshay42

काश की सो जाऊं मैं...

2016-01-08T08:14:00.000-08:00

उम्मीद तो नहीं है,

पर सोचता हूँ कि सो जाऊं मैं,

दुनिया की दुश्वारियों से जुदा हो जाऊं मैं,

ना थी उम्मीद इस ज़िन्दगी की,

सोचता हूँ कि अब जुदा हो जाऊं,
सब तो छोड़ चले मुझे अकेला इस जहां में,
फिर क्यूँ ना मैं इस दुनिया जुदा हो जाऊं,
जीने की कोशिश करते करते,
मरने की कोशिशें करने लगा,
सोचता हूँ कि अब थम जाऊं,
या तो जी लूँ या मर जाऊं,
पर ना तो ज़िन्दगी रूकती है और ना ही मैं,
काश की सो जाऊं मैं...

Adhuri Kahani

2016-01-08T08:12:00.000-08:00

Rimjhim barsat me peheli mulakaat me,

Bheega uska tan badan us barsat me,

Sharab se bhi zayada naseelapn uski aankhon me,

Bheege duppate ko behad kabiliyat se sambhalna us barsat me,

Na jane kaha se seekhi thi ye ada usne us barsat me,

Na jane kitno ko ghayal kar gayi thi uski ye ada us barsat me,

Hosh na raha tha mujhe bhi us barsat me,

Yun laga koi farista utar aaya ho zameen par us barsat me,

Wo sarmayai si, ghabrayi si us barsat me,

Aayi thi milne apne yaar se us barsat me,

Par ye basrat itni berahem nikali ki,

Ki cheen liya uska yaar us barsat me,

Wo royi is kadar us barsat me,

Yun laga ki barsat bhi ro utthi ho uske sath me...

Written By- Akshay Bhardwaj
Date- 17 dec. 2012
Copyright @Akshay Bhardwaj

Ek Khoya Hua Sa Sapana...

2016-01-08T08:10:00.000-08:00

Sapana toot jayen to gum nahi

Sapana poora na ho to gum nahi
Par sapana kho jaye to hum nahi
Kho gaye hai sapane mere is duniya ki bheed me...

Sapane....
Jo hum Roj Dekhte hai
Sapane....
Jo Toot Jate hai
Sapane....
Kuch poore hote hai
Sapane....
Kuch aadhure hote hai
Sapnae....
Kuch kahin kho jate hai

In khoye huye SAPANO ko dhoond rha hoon
Jaane kahan kho gaye ye sapane
Na jaane kyn kho gaye ye sapane
Har pal yun lagta hai
Ki hain kahin aas paas he ye sapane
Kuch jaati aankhon se dekhe the
Kuch soti aankhon se
Jaane kahan kho gaye ye sapane.....

Written by- Akshay Bhardwaj
Posted- 6 june 2015
Copy write @ Akshay Bhardwaj

To all the drama queens... and kings...

2014-09-06T21:43:00.001-07:00

Calm Down. If your heart was really broken, you’d be dead

Please, for God’s sake now, don’t start sending me mails saying I’m cynical or anti love etc. I’m as romantic as they come, but also try to be as practical. Mind you - both can co-exist. There’s a good reason why I keep telling you to not obsess about four letter words, especially this one - love. Because it is overrated, overused and you just don’t get over it.

If I get 700 mails in a week from you, at least 500 are about a broken heart. And no, not of the medical kinds. Had that been the case, I could have tied up with a hospital and made some money by referring you to them. You write about the emotional heartbreak. Can’t blame you, I too, was like this as a teenager, but uff, I’m seeing more and more drama queens these days. People just like to overdramatise everything - I will die without her, I don’t want to live anymore because he hasn’t replied to my text for six hours now. Arrey chhodo. Ab yehi reason reh gaya marne ke liye?

Please take the trouble of asking a senior... someone who managed to get his/her love and have lived with that person for 10-15 years. They’ll tell you how they clamour to get some peaceful moments, without the ‘love of their life’ lurking around, looking for a new reason to fight. Of course love exists in their case too, but the expression and intensity assume some semblance of maturity and sanity. Khair that’s not the point of discussion here. The topic today is that it is perfectly possible to be young, in love, go through heartbreak - and still not behave like a walking hormonal mess. Look here, into my eyes, and answer one question honestly and very seriously. “Kya aapke toothpaste mein namak hai?” Sorry, bad joke... and I even cracked it once earlier. Maarna mat, don’t answer any question. Just try to pay attention to these, if you’ve ever suffered from heartbreak, be it due to rejection of love or a nasty breakup.

1-No obsessive thoughts, please: Thinking about a person 24x7 is not healthy. Period. Be it a celebrity, the hottest one in the neighbourhood or a highly desirable colleague or classmate. An obsession with anyone never leads to a happy outcome. If you ever start to feel that you would die if a certain person wasn’t with you, slap yourself on the left cheek from my side and then think about this - Even when you did not know that person, you had a life. It involved your parents, your friends, and also a routine of going out, watching movies, reading books etc. To suddenly consider all of this inferior to thoughts about another person is so unfair. Because even if that person doesn’t exist in your life anymore, all of these still do. If a relationship has not worked out, it only means one thing. That someday, another will. Thoughts of cutting yourself from the whole world, killing yourself for someone etc are frankly, very uncool. While you are in love, live it as the most beautiful and healthy feeling, and give it your best. When you are out of love, look at all the other beautiful and healthy things in your life. Leave the obsession - and its expression to Hindi films.

2-Don’t seek too much advice: As a race, we love and specialise in advising others. When it comes to matters of heart, then toh we go overboard telling people what to do. May I please request you something... give your heartbreak the dignity of healing without making it the subject of someone else’s water cooler gossip. Don’t ask for advice from the whole world. Also don’t move around with Devdaas written all over you so that people start advising you even when you’ve not asked. Frankly, no one else lives your life for you. And its very easy for your friends to tell you how to get over grief and for people like me to write columns on what you should do. But it’s another thing for you to live through the experience of pain. Go through it quietly, and give it time. Do just what your mind tells you too. I would have said heart but woh toh toot gaya nah! Oops, bad joke again.

3-Everything ends: This will sound very weird (as though the rest of the writeup doesn’t), but the universal truth is that every relationship in this world ends. I’d once read somewhere that whether it comes through an untimely breakup, or a detachment of the mind, or ultimately death... but the end of any relationship is inevitable. And people still have to go on with their lives. Why not then, go on with it happily, till it lasts. Treat heartbreaks as temporary setbacks and signals that things didn’t work out only because something better is in store for you, or the other person. In both cases, the pain is worth it.

4-You are not alone: If it helps, do know that scientists who have nothing better to do have come up with studies that reveal that over 70% of people in this world experience heartbreak at some point or the other, in life. Over 40% are toota-dil veterans who undergo it more than once in life. That’s massive company you have. And still look at how the world’s population is bursting at its seams. The lesson: People may die of heart failure but no one dies of heartbreak. It just heals. No more drama. Just get over it and get yourself a life.

Via- Sonal Kalra
Hindustan Times.
Date- 7 sep 2014

Sex, lies and the threat of 'rape'

2014-09-06T21:38:00.001-07:00

All of last week, we have been entranced by the TV appearances of a model/actress (face dutifully blacked out to preserve her anonymity) who claims that she was raped by BJP minister Sadananda Gowda’s son, Karthik. Her story is as follows.

She met Karthik in May 2014 and the two of them became close. He began courting her, and soon tied a mangalsutra around her neck with his driver acting as witness.

When she discovered she was pregnant and told Karthik, he told her not to blame him and stopped taking her calls. Then one day, she woke up to the news that Karthik had become engaged to another woman.

At this point in the narration, the model/actress breaks down and insists that all that she wants is to be accepted by Karthik as his wife, and by his parents as their daughter-in-law because she “cannot live without him”.

But this touching display is rather ruined by the TV ticker running underneath it, which informs us that she has filed a case of rape against Karthik, and that the police have registered a case against him.

As of this writing, Karthik has not been arrested, but by the time you read this, I would not be at all surprised if he was, indeed, behind bars, facing a charge of rape.

Rape? Seriously? By what definition is this rape? By her own account, the lady concedes that she was in a consensual sexual relationship and that she hoped to marry Karthik (or had married him in some sort of symbolic ceremony) and that even now, she would like to be accepted into the Gowda family as a daughter-in-law. So how does a consensual sexual relationship miraculously turn into rape just because the man in question has dumped her for another woman?

It can’t be sex when you think the guy will marry you; and rape when it becomes clear that he won’t. If, like many women, you equate sex with marriage, then for God’s sake, keep it off the table until you are married (and in a legally-binding ceremony, not some faux exchange of garlands or rings, or by the tying of a mangalsutra). And if you can’t do that, then take some responsibility for your decision instead of playing the victim and crying rape.

Not just because this is something we expect of grown-up women with minds, hearts and brains of their own but also because this propensity to cry rape when no rape has occurred is a slap in the face of every woman who has ever had to face real sexual violence in her life. Every time a woman levels such a frivolous charge of rape, it makes it that much more difficult for actual rape victims to be taken seriously.

And what of the men who have been falsely accused and besmirched in the court of public opinion in the process?

Remember the case of Hindi film director, Madhur Bhandarkar? A little-known actress lodged a complaint with the Versova police in 2004, alleging that the director had ‘raped’ her 16 times between 1999 and 2004 on the pretext of giving her a role in one of his forthcoming movies. There is a word (or words) that could describe the behaviour of an actress who sleeps with a film director in the hope of getting a role (hint: it does not begin with ‘r’).

But if you are sleeping with someone in the hope of profiting from the act, then the fact that you don’t actually profit doesn’t turn you into a victim, let alone a rape victim.

If you choose sex as a transactional tool to get ahead in the world then you have to be prepared for both good and bad outcomes. And if you end up with a bad case of ‘seller’s remorse’, that doesn’t mean that all your previous consensual sexual encounters must be re-categorised as ‘rape’. It simply does not work like that.

But even though this may seem self-evident which, looked at through the prism of common sense, it took Bhandarkar nine years to have the case closed.

The trial continued in the High Court even after the Mumbai Police filed a report that the case against Bhandarkar was ‘maliciously false’. It took a bench of the Supreme Court to quash the proceedings, noting that the actress no longer wanted to pursue the case and that the Mumbai Police report had exonerated him.

No doubt, the case against Karthik Gowda will also drag on in a similar manner, unless some sort of out-of-court compromise is affected. But these are just two high profile cases. There must be thousands of others in which men have been falsely accused of rape and have no option but to struggle through our complex and slow legal system to prove their innocence.

Which is why I feel that this is as good a time as any to codify all those instances when a rape is not a rape. Breaking up with a long-time boyfriend? No, your sex life cannot be re-categorised as rape. Sleeping with someone with a view to profit in some way? If you don’t succeed, the sex doesn’t turn into rape. The man you slept with refuses to marry you? Still not rape.

Each time we cry ‘rape’ when a relationship goes wrong, we insult the real victims of sexual violence. And in recasting our sexual experiences as something they are not, we let down our own sex.

Via- Seema Goswami

Hindustan Times
Date- 7-9-2014

http://www.hindustantimes.com/brunch/brunch-stories/sex-lies-and-the-threat-of-rape/article1-1260527.aspx

Mujhe meri girlfriend se bachao!!

2014-04-19T22:36:00.002-07:00

Barely a month and a half after we all bowed down, or were made to, before the ‘fairer sex’ (totally meaningless term, by the way) in the name of International Women’s Day, I dedicate this week’s column to the hapless guys all over the world. Hapless — and I could’ve said helpless too — because of the emotional torture they sometimes suffer at the hands of the girls in their lives.

The trigger is this mail I got from Krishabh from Indore, the excerpts of which I’d like to share here. ‘My girlfriend gets upset at least 5 times a day. That’s the minimum. I love her and all that, but I feel all my energy just goes in manaoing her and saying sorry a million times. It’s another thing that mostly, I don’t even know what I’m saying sorry for. She sulks endlessly and doesn’t bother to tell me what has hurt her. She says if I love her, I should know. Please help, and don’t disclose my name.’ Well, Krishabh, I so wanted to respect your wish of staying anonymous, but not being able to ignore your attempts at jamming my inbox by sending this mail nine times in the last one week, I’m only adding another letter to your name. So technically, I’m not disclosing your identity but secretly hope this does its bit in shooting up your girlfriend’s ‘average’.

Girlfriend woes

That said, you have my full sympathies for trying to deal with a sulk. It is never easy to be with partners or spouses — male or female — who decide to use the relationship as a platform to unleash negative behavioural traits, the worst of which is sulking. Also, I wonder why people forget the ‘friend’ part the moment they turn into a ‘girlfriend’ or a ‘boyfriend’ to someone. You wouldn’t treat your friends with a perpetually long face because you know they’d leave you in an instant. Just because a boyfriend won’t, it doesn’t mean you take him for granted. In my opinion, someone who often gets upset without caring to even tell the reason doesn’t really deserve to be cared for too much anyway. But then Krishabh my dear, you clearly are in ‘love and all that’ with the sulking beauty and well, to each his own. Here’s what you could do…

HT City Editor Sonal Kalra

1. Stop apologising: You are not doing yourself a favour if you are saying sorry to your partner all the time, especially when you don’t know what you are apologising for. Because if you don’t know, you’ll keep repeating whatever has hurt her in the first place. Always remember that uttering ‘sorry’ without meaning it, is worse than not apologising at all.

2. Don’t indulge tantrums: Whenever a person sulks too often, they are essentially trying to manipulate the relationship to make you feel responsible for their emotional immaturity. Encourage this behaviour and you’ll be digging your own grave. I know a guy whose girlfriend’s pet phrase in life is ‘I’m not talking to you’. I and his other friends would see her do that to him in public, and the more he responded with ‘Why honey, what have I done?’, the more difficult it was becoming for all of us to look for places to throw up after this excessive display of mollycoddling. Until one day, we sat him down and told him what she was turning him into. He had to realise that him constantly giving into her tantrums was making her feel she was winning at it, and would make her repeat the behaviour far too often. It was not helping either of them, or the relationship in the long run. Next time she said it, he responded with, ‘okay. I’m here whenever you feel like talking.’ It wasn’t negative, and it did the trick. Indulging the excesses of a loved one is a nice gesture at times. But only at times.

3. Understand the gender bender: No matter how much we talk about equality in relationships, it is important for both genders to understand the inherent behavioural differences between males and females. Since this week’s column is primarily addressing the guys, let me tell them how a girl’s psyche works. They want conflicting things, and are often unclear themselves about what exactly they are looking for. They would want attention, but would freak out and call you possessive when you’ll give too much of it. They’d like to be pampered but would behave with defiance when you’ll be at it. In a nutshell, girls are pretty messed up in the head, most of the times… and then there is PMS! But these unpredictable emotional swings may just be the endearing thing about them. Try and understand that, and you’ll sail through. The idea is not to take their mood swings personally and let them know that you are around to care if, when and in the amount that they would desire that care.

4. Talk it out: Oh well, girls love to talk. Didn’t you know that already? Every girl’s favourite and every guy’s most dreaded sentence in a relationship is ‘We need to talk’. So go ahead, do it for once if her behaviour is taking a toll on your mental health. Tell her it’s not pleasant to see a long face several times in a day and remind her that constant fighting leaves little time for expressing love, and she may just enjoy the latter more.

5. Love or leave: I’m not asking you to dump her. Well actually I am, but only if you are sure that it’s not possible for you to go on being with an ill-behaved adult-child. Rather than living with the guilt of ending a relationship, give her the choice of ‘love or leave’. Tell her you would like to give your relationship a genuine try, but not at the cost of their mood being in the driver’s seat all the time. It’s not too much to ask for, is it? And if you explain yourself clearly, and she still doesn’t get it, it’ll be time to ask yourself some serious questions. Remember, once the charm of a new relationship wears off, the negative traits in a person seem all the more starker. It’s important to sometimes step back and foresee that situation.

Shared By- Akshay Bhardwaj

Source- Sonal Kalra (A Calmer You), Hindustan Times April 19, 2014

Love aaj kal: five new age relationship rules to follow

2014-04-12T04:17:00.000-07:00

We live in a world of constant upgrades, but for some reason, many couples are still following the 1.0 version of love advice. It's time to click refresh, don't you think?

If you want to make it work, these are the five modern love rules you need to follow religiously.

1 Out of sight, out of mind: Have you removed all pre-breakup photos from Facebook, changed your status, re-gifted your teddy bears and torn up your love notes? If not, then don't delay! Despite your efforts to rid of every physical aspect of your ex, relationships leave you with emotional inventory that can't be cleared with a keystroke like the history cache on your computer.

2 He asks, she pays: The one traditional dating 'do' that still stands is the general belief that men are supposed to make the first move and then pay the bill for the evening. Not anymore. Women can ask men out and then treat them to an evening out as well.

3 My way or the highway: This attitude has no place in a relationship. Depending on the attitude of the two people involved together, a relationship can either be an ordeal or an adventure. Each partner is an entire individual, not simply part of a couple. Just as peer pressure can negatively impact a friendship, partners can overpower each other and create instability in a romantic relationship.

4 You can love again, and again: Love is constant? Not anymore. Before you find The One, everyone wants to experiment a bit and meet all kinds of people. However, don't take anyone for a ride. Tell him/her exactly where you stand in a relationship.

5 Honesty is (still) the best policy: Not enjoying your time out with the new person in your life? Tell him/her and in the best possible way. No good will come out of being impolite, and you never know when you'll run into him or her again later in life. Remember, manners matter.

Original source:- Ankita Ganguli, Hindustan Times

Astronomical Watch

2014-03-31T04:44:00.000-07:00

You can now have that solar system diorama you made in school on your wrist in the form of a watch. Van Cleef & Arpel have debuted a gorgeous new astronomical watch, the 44mm Midnight Planétarium, at Geneva's annual Salon International de la Haute Horlogerie. The watch shows both numerical time and the rotation of five planets — Mercury, Venus, Earth, Mars, Jupiter, and Saturn — visible from Earth. Each planet is represented by precious and semi-precious stones, which rotate around the sun (a stone in the center) in the amount of time it takes for the actual planet to make a rotation. You'll easily be able to see a full rotation of Mercury every 88 days and Venus every 224 days, but it'll take a while to see a full rotation of Saturn — 29 years to be exact.

The watch makes telling regular time easy and whimsical, using a shooting star on the outermost area of the face. In addition to the rotating planets, the "Lucky Day" feature adds another layer of luxury and fancy: use the bezel to select any special day of the year to be your Lucky Day, and the Earth will fall underneath the painted star on the watch's crystal on that day every year.

Midnight Planétarium is a testament to Van Cleef & Arpel's legacy of making watches with stunning, playful displays, as well as Dutch boutique designer Christiaan van der Klaauw's astronomic prowess. Van Cleef's master watchmaker Denis Giguet told Cool Hunting that the biggest challenge was making the planets rotate correctly, and doing it in such a small, thin frame. Van der Klaauw's expertise in astronomic design made him a wise partner for the company, which wanted a special watch to add to its Poetic Astronomy series. While it looks like a fanciful tool out of Harry Potter's world, the watch is a kind of ridiculous beauty that warrants the $245,000 price tag, and that will be striking every time someone looks at it.

Kisi ke paas charger hai?

2014-01-28T21:04:00.002-08:00

I know what some Einsteins among you must be thinking right now. Cell phone toh likha nahi, charger likh diya. Hai nah? Bolo, bolo. Look at my photo above. Bewakoof lagti hoon? Some things in life are understood yaar. Phone toh hai hi by default, but tell me, hand on heart, how many of you get stressed about how much charge your cellphone battery has or doesn’t, several times during the day. So many nah? That’s why a charger has rightfully made it to the list of our basic needs. And when there is need, there is also stress if it doesn’t get met.

Aur charger na hone ka stress toh khatarnaak hai. The same desperation and frequency with which you hear shout-outs in the college or office saying, ‘So who’s coming to the loo?’ can be now sensed when you hear ‘kisi ke paas iPhone ka charger hai?’. Earlier the good’ol traffic signal vendors would sell the humble cotton candy, now they sell phone chargers of all sizes. Vaise this size bit reminds me, what an unfair thing by the telecom companies that they can spend millions on launching newer, sleeker phone models but can’t come up with the option of using the same charger on every make, every model of a cell phone.

This half-eaten Apple wala company is the worst tease. They changed the charger slot itself when they moved from iPhone4 to iPhone5. Such an encouragement for the show-offs... where you’d earlier say, ‘does anyone have an iPhone charger’, now you have to declare in a shamelessly capitalistic way that you need a ‘chhota pin wala iPhone 5 charger’. Imagine the extent to which universal brotherhood would have got a boost if, along with caste, creed and colour, we all could shed our Nokia, Samsung, Blackberry, iPhone, Micromax biases and use the same charger for phones whether they cost 2K or 50K.

I think I’m the only one who is thinking of patriotism at this high level on Republic Day, no? Aap log toh baithe hoge rajai mein, with five different phones in the family, plugged with five different kind of chargers on the switch board. Sigh. Anyway, this whole charger obsession also made me observe a few varied...and weird kinds of behaviour some people display when it comes to feeding their phone batteries. Let’s analyse these breeds...

1 The charge hunters: For these people, the biggest quest doesn’t relate to finding the true meaning of life, it begins and ends at finding a point to plug in their phone charger. They’ll check into a hotel for a vacation, and before keeping the luggage down, would hunt down the charging point and plug in their phone. All the souls wandering around an airport lounge, looking highly confused and lost, are also the ones not looking for their boarding gate, but for a phone charging point. Whether in the office of the college canteen, or in their fancy cars, their phone would be plugged to the wall, much like a leashed and tied dog, and I’m sure, cursing its owner in telecom language. These people are so obsessed that their phone battery should be fully charged all the time, that the besharam of the lot would not even think twice before removing someone else’s phone getting charged and plugging in their own. The identifying traits of this breed – 100% phone battery... and high blood pressure.

2 The charge-less: This is the other end of the rainbow. These people do not wake up to the hunger pangs and cries of their phone battery till the charge reaches 1%, or passes away. Their friends and family are by now are used to listening to the ‘The number you are trying to reach has been switched off’ message in the beautiful voice of Airtel or Vodafone aunties. Their wives and girlfriends and bosses shout at them everyday, but somehow they can’t remember to carry the phone charger. Identifying traits – 0% phone battery... and high blood pressure.

3 The charge savers: Yeh intelligent log hain. Padhe likhe...with too much time at hand to read up on the various ways you can save your phone battery. They’ll be too happy to give you tips on how to increase battery life. If they are close to you, they might just snatch your phone and switch off some background applications so that your battery gets more life. They are the same people who are always ready with naturopathy cures for all your diseases and tell you to eat healthy and exercise everyday. They are also savvy enough to save their hard earned money in buying phone covers that come in-built with extra batteries, and portable battery backups. Identifying traits – two batteries for every phone... 0% blood pressure problems.

4 The charge borrowers: Shameless morons who are either too kanjoos to buy their own chargers or too forgetful to bring them from home. So they are always seen begging for a charger. Banks should come up for easy instalment schemes for this breed. I also proudly sit in this category and my work day begins with bowing my head down before a Ganpati idol in my office, followed by a ‘kisi ke paas charger hai?’ query. During appraisal times, my query is met with a prompt and willing response by my team, but in other months, I can hear them mutter ‘Apna kyun nahi laati?’ under their breath. Samarth, the music editor in my team curses the day he and I ended up buying the same phone models... now he hands over the charger as soon as I reach, without me even asking for it. AND cries helplessly when I sometimes even take it home with me. Identifying traits: Blood pressure problems – Borrower 0%, lender 100%!

So which breed are you? Dekho whatever it is, some stress about charger stays... right? Join me in this cause to promote national integration and harmony by demanding a universal phone charger. Modi or Rahul or Kejriwal or anyone else – whoever makes it their first manifesto promise is getting my vote. Yours?

Sonal Kalra just cleaned up her drawers and found 7 phone chargers. None of it works with her current cell phone. Is Red Cross interested in a donation?

From :- Sonal Kalra (HT)

37 reasons why girls like boys ?

2014-01-28T20:56:00.001-08:00

The way they always wear their favorite cologne ( which happens to be the one that you bought to them for their birthday )

The way that they run their hands through out hair

The way that they look at you and you want to die right there and then

The way that they casually put their arms around you

The way that they kiss away your tears…and the way that they then get mad at how they can’t make your problems go away

The way they show off around their friends, even though you both know that you would love them even if they missed a basket or two

How their eyes light up at the result of 3 hours of preparing your date

How they always know just what to say to make you blush

How they sometimes think that they know just what to say to make you feel better, even if you think that it is the worst thing they could say

The way they hold you close when you are cold

How they look at you when you are mad at them and all your anger melts away

How they always smile when you are together

The way that they always let you win any game that you play together …and then when you point that out to them, they pretend to not know what you are talking about

The way that they smile at you

The way that you feel when they call to apologize after you had a big fight

The way that they say ” I love you “

The way that they say ” I love you ” in front of your friends

The way that they touch and hold you so gently, like they are afraid that they will break you

The way that they kiss you

The way that they open their arms to you when you are crying

The way that they never admit that you hurt them

The way that they try not to cry when they are afraid that they are losing you

The way they think that they are your big protector, even though you think that you are theirs

The way that they say ” I miss you “, even though they hate to admit it

The way that you miss everything about them when they are gone

The way that they remember your special moments or anniversaries when you think that they forgot

The way that they apologize when they do forget

The way that they comfort you when you have a bad day

The way that you can’t wait to get home and tell them all about your day

The way that they write you love letters even if they think that it is not cool

How they would rather be with you than their friends sometimes

How you want to hug them even though they are all sweaty

Yet regardless if you love them, hate them, wish they would die or know that you would die without them

it matters not. Because once in your life, whatever they were to the world they become everything to you.

When you look them in the eyes, travelling to the depths of their souls and you say a million things without

a trace of sound, you know that your own life is inevitably consumed within the rhythmic beatings of his heart.

We love them for a million reasons. No paper would do it justice. It is a thing a feeling, that is only felt.

From:- http://avmediastudio.com/blog/37-reasons-why-girls-like-boys/#sthash.mc22Elti.dpuf

2013-12-11T20:34:00.000-08:00

ये मेरी देह है तुम्हारी मिल्कियत नहीं...

याद है पिछले साल दिसंबर की 16 तारीख. मैं लंदन में थी. खबरें आ रही थीं दिल्ली की सड़कों पर बढ़ती भीड़ की, हवा में तनती मुट्ठियों की और विरोध की तेज़ और तीखी होती आवाज़ की.

दिल्ली बलात्कार घटना एक ऐसी घटना थी जो भूलने की आसान सी आदत डाले इस समाज पर हथौड़े बरसा रही थी. ये घटना अख़बारों के फुटनोट में आकर गुम होने वाली घटना नहीं रही.

इन्हीं कहानियों की तलाश में मेरी मुलाकात रेशमा से हुई. फोन पर रेशमा की आवाज सुनकर अंदाज़ा नहीं हुआ था कि उनमें 15 सालों से चली आ रही अपनी खामोशी को तोड़ने की हिम्मत होगी.एक साल बाद क्या बदला है इसी का जायज़ा लेने की मंशा से बीबीसी हिंदी अगले एक सप्ताह तक उन कहानियों और मुद्दों को आप तक लाएगा जो औरतों के संघर्ष और उससे इतर उनके सफ़र की कहानी है.

घर का पता पूछने पर वो फोन किसी और को थमा देती हैं. ड्योढ़ी से बाहर की जिंदगी का अंदाज़ा तक नहीं है उन्हें. कानपुर के एक छोटे कमरे के घर में वो अभी अपने मां-बाप और छोटी बहन के साथ हैं.

रेशमा 30 साल की हैं और पांच लड़कियों की मां. छठा बच्चा अभी गर्भ में पल रहा है.

वो जानलेवा हमला

एक कमरे में बिस्तर पर लेटी लंबी सी रेशमा सलवार कमीज में हैं, रुक-रुक कर बोलती हैं. उठकर बैठ नहीं सकतीं देर तक. क्यों पूछने पर जवाबों का सिलसिला शुरू होता है.

पंद्रह साल पहले उनकी शादी हुई. शादी के बाद से ही प्रताड़ना का दौर भी शुरू हो गया. रेशमा कहती हैं कि उनके पति अच्छा कमाते हैं लेकिन उन्हें घर चलाने के लिए कभी उतने पैसे नहीं मिले कि वे अपनी पांच बच्चियों का पेट अच्छी तरह भर सकें. उनकी ज़रूरतों को पूरा करने के लिए रेशमा ने सिलाई का काम शुरू किया.

हर रोज़ छोटी-मोटी बातों पर पिटना, ज़लील होना उसके लिए रोज़मर्रा की बात हो गई थी.

दुपट्टे के कोर से आंखों को पोंछती रेशमा कहती हैं, "जब छठी बार मैं गर्भवती हुई तो पति ने कहा उन्हें अब और बेटी नहीं चाहिए. इसीलिए अल्ट्रासाउंड करवाओ. अगर लड़की है तो गर्भपात करवाना होगा."

क्लिक करेंरेशमा कहती हैं कि उन्हें ये बिल्कुल मंज़ूर नहीं था. जहां पांच पली हैं एक और पल जाएगी.

बहुत सह लिया

पर उनका मना करना उनके पति को गवारा नहीं हुआ.

रेशमा बताती हैं कि झगड़े के बाद उनके पति ने तेज़ाब की बोतल उनकी योनि की तरफ निशाना बनाकर फेंकी. अगले चार दिनों तक उनका इलाज तक नहीं किया गया. वे बेसुध बिस्तर पर पड़ी रहीं. मायके से जब पिता आए तब अस्पताल में भर्ती कराया गया.

अब तक की चार दीवारों में कैद ज़िदंगी और अपने सारे फ़ैसले कभी खुद न लेने के डर ने भी उन्हें पीछे हटने पर मजबूर नहीं किया.

पुलिस में मामला दर्ज हुआ और उनके पति अब जेल में हैं, हालांकि वे इन आरोपों को नहीं मानते.

चुप्पी तोड़ी

रेशमा कहती हैं कि दिल्ली की घटना के बाद वे औरतों के चेहरे ज़्यादा पढ़ने लगी हैं. उन्हें लगता है कि हर चेहरे पर यातना से जुड़ी एक कहानी की लकीर साफ़ दिखती है.

“अब बहुत जुल्म हो गया. अब औरतों को चुप नहीं रहना चाहिए. क्या हम शौहर के लिए केवल सामान हैं कि जब जी चाहा आए इस्तेमाल किया और जब जी चाहा मरने के लिए छोड़ दिया." रेशमा फूलती सांस में अपनी बात पूरी करती हैं.

अपनी पांच बच्चियों के भविष्य के लिए वो चिंतित नहीं हैं. मुझे नहीं मालूम कि इस हिम्मत की क्या वजह हो सकती है. खुद बुरी तरह अस्वस्थ, तेज़ाब का घाव भरा नहीं है, पेट में एक और बच्चा है, मां बाप बेहद ग़रीब हैं और अब इस भार से थोड़ा उकता भी चुके हैं.

क्लिक करेंलेकिन रेशमा बस बार-बार यही कहती रही, ''उस नरक से तो कोई भी जगह अच्छी है. हाथ-पांव अच्छे हो जाए तो खुद कमा लूंगी."

मुझे एक मामूली सी दिखने वाली रेशमा की हिम्मत को देखकर अचरज हो रहा था. क्या यह एक बदलाव की बानगी है?

बाक़ी है उम्मीद

आख़िर महिलाओं के ख़िलाफ़ हिंसा की रिपोर्ट करवाने के लिए महिलाएं आगे नहीं आती हैं. यह एक आम राय है लेकिन पिछले एक साल के आंकड़ों को देखें तो तस्वीर बदली हुई नज़र आती है.

दिल्ली पुलिस के आंकड़ों के हिसाब से इस साल के अगस्त महीने तक पिछले साल से दोगुना बलात्कार के मामले दर्ज हुए हैं. झारखंड जैसे राज्य में भी इस साल में ऐसी ही बढ़त दिखी है.

महिला अधिकारों के लिए काम कर रहे कार्यकर्ताओं का मानना है कि यौन हिंसा के आसपास सधी चुप्पी की टूटने की ख़बर आती सी दिखती है. यही तो बदलाव की पहली शर्त है. आगे रास्ता तो तय हो ही जाएगा.

कानपुर से लौटते हुए रेशमा की बात मेरे मन में कौंधती रही.

उन्होंने कहा था, "बोलना ज़रूरी है. कई बच्चियों की जान इससे बच सकती है. मरना तो एक दिन है ही फिर तिल-तिल कर क्यों मरें?"

From BBC Hindi.

Four myths about healthy sex busted

2013-12-03T02:38:00.002-08:00

Most of the couples have no idea that their sex lives are in better shape than they think-even with the occasional off-night or dry spell.

Dr. Jennifer Berman, the director of the Berman Women’s Wellness Center and the author of ‘For Women Only’ has busted the top four top myths that couples shouldn’t buy into.

The first myth is that both need to be in the mood. The fact is that it is normal for sex to be a little ho-hum for one or both spouses up to 15 per cent of the time, Fox News reported.

Many factors can throw things a bit off-kilter: timing, your mood or the partner’s, the amount of foreplay, life stresses, you name it but rather than postponing it, have sex when you can-and don’t interpret an off night as a sign of a failing relationship.

Second myth is that the best sex is spontaneous, expecting sex to just happen at the spur-of-the-moment can lead to long dry spells, whereas writing it in on the calendar is a show of commitment; plus, it gives the couple something to anticipate.

Third myth is that a couple should have sex three times a week. Having sex regularly nourishes a relationship, but couple shouldn’t get too caught up in the counting, as most happy couples don’t have sex every day or even two or three times a week.

Fourth myth is that good sex is long and slow but few people can afford the luxury of leisurely sex, in fact most of the people secretly think it sounds like more work after an exhausting day and holding out for the ideal moment can lead to infrequent or worse, vacation-only sex.

From- MSN Lifestyle

Five things that can ruin a first date.

2013-09-22T00:39:00.005-07:00

Been a while since you ventured into the big bad world of dating? We tell you how to avoid a nightmare.

THAT UNCOMFORTABLE DRESS: You might be going on a date after years, but that too-tight, uncomfy dress will not make your case stronger. There’s nothing wrong in flaunting your hot figure, but don’t overdress on your first outing. Be yourself and keep that septum piercings intact and don’t hide the tattoo — they define you perfectly.

YOUR FARMHOUSE IN THE HILLS: We understand that your daddy might have a sprawling place in the hills, but this is not the right time to talk about it. Your date loves nothing more than your self-made credentials, so rather than listing out your royal ancestry, focus on you. Of course, too much self talk can be annoying, so keep it balanced.

IOS 7 AND ITS AWESOMENESS: Your iPhone might be the hottest property in town, but please stop obsessing over that new operating system. Gadget talk might be sexy for some, but how many times have you had this conversation with ALL your friends?

THE ONE THAT GOT AWAY: First date after a long relationship? Make sure you don’t say out aloud whatever is going on in your head. And under no circumstances should you discuss the context of your breakup. Before you kick off with “she was so clingy,” and “I think he had a thing for his colleague,” and end with “but first love is always special,” — please stop.

LISTEN TO THE BEATLES: Listen to The Beatles as they tell you to just let it be! You don’t need conversation start cards or hours of pre-planning — just go with the flow.

From- Hindustan Times

Some people just WON’T GROW UP!

2013-09-22T00:30:00.003-07:00

If I could catch hold of the word ‘cute’, I would beat it up with a hammer.

When it comes to weird people, there are several varieties in this world. But talk about so-weird-they-make-you-feel-like-jumping-in-front-of-a-train, and the list may not be that long. Prominent in that list of mine are childish adults. Childish to the point of exhibiting an

Sonal Kalra gives you tips to calm down in her weekly column 'A Calmer You.'

unrecognised trait of dementia, which, I’m certain, will some day make it to the list of medically untreatable imbecilities.

The reference to the train is because I happened to see one such CA (childish adult; No, the chartered accountants can’t sue me, they are all busy filing some return of the dragon or something), when I happened to travel by the Delhi metro recently. There was a guy in the compartment, with his CA girlfriend who was driving him, and everyone else, nuts with her kiddy-talk. ‘No, no, no.. I told you I want to travel in the pink coach. Pink is so cute,’ the 20-something-girl said, stomping her foot thrice. My eyes widened at this unabashed display of utter horror. ‘But pink coach is only for women. We’ll have to travel in different coaches,’ reasoned her boyfriend. ‘Toh? Mein tele chhe phone pe baat talungi nah,’ (So? I will talk to you on the phone) she replied, actually mimicking a 2-year-old’s voice, complete with a hand gesture of talking on phone.

I glared at her boyfriend with a look that screamed ‘Slap her, slap her right now.’ But the poor thing looked as helpless as everyone around them were amused. And then, as their destination was about to arrive, this girl suddenly crossed her arms, refused to get down, and with a fake-pout, declared ‘you don’t love me’ to the hapless guy. I swear I involuntarily moved an inch and a half towards her, contemplating where to dispose off the body if I kill her. But then visions of Sridevi in Sadma and the possibility of the drama queen actually suffering from some disorder stopped me. But I still feel all that she was challenged of was sensible, mature behaviour. Anyway, itni lambi kahaani ka point is that some people forget that they are supposed to grow up with their age, and turn into the highly irritating breed of CAs. Here’s how to recognise them

1. Tantrum throwers: A behavioural trait that should have ended when they were five continues even when they are 45 - throwing tantrums when things don’t happen the way they want. Even at workplace, you may have seen calm, rational looking adults sometimes act very juvenile in situations. Much like a toddler refusing to eat green vegetables, they would refuse to see logic in an argument and won’t budge from their position.

The same could happen if you are in a relationship with a CA. Your partner would suddenly sulk for days, without telling you the reason, or behave in a really immature way when something upsets him or her. The best way to deal with tantrum throwers is actually to not deal with them at all. If you pay attention to a tantrum, it only grows. Leave them to sort it out and make it clear that you will entertain only rational behaviour.

2. Cutie pies: If I could catch hold of the word ‘cute’, I would beat it up with a hammer. Such a misused expression, I tell you. Because most CAs of the world try and get away with obnoxious behaviour hiding under this one expression. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t endorse people who are gloomy and serious all the time in the name of acting mature. To a certain extent, it’s very important to bring out the child in you. But if that child refuses to go back, then my dear, you have problem.

I know of a girl nearing 30 who speaks, dresses and behaves like a 6-year-old a majority of the time. Maybe when she initiated this behaviour, someone called her ‘cute’. Her computer’s wallpaper has two furry ‘cute’ cats, her T-shirts have cute puppies on them and her wallet has poor Snow White dangling from the chain. Anyway, all that is her personal choice. But the trouble is that she brings this inner child to work with her. And doesn’t even realise that she may be a subject of mockery because of this. My advice: curb the cute, bring out the sensible — most of the times. If you manage to do that and the cute comes out only occasionally, people would genuinely find you endearing, rather than going all ‘awww, how chweet’ on your face and throwing up when you turn around.

3. Cry-babies: These people may not actually cry, but their behaviour sure makes others feel like it. I know this guy who has whined close to 98% of his living time on this planet. Always cribbing, always complaining. He must be in his 30s but does the noble task of reminding me of all the small children of this world, the moment he opens his mouth. Right from the weather being too hot to the girlfriend not being hot enough, his life seems like a big mess. Well, it’s actually not. To anyone else, he’s had it going pretty good and life’s treated him with kid-gloves. Kid-gloves? Oh damn, that may have been the problem.

Net, net, here’s the deal for all the CAs out there. Life’s not to be taken too seriously, but neither so non-seriously that you make a joke of yourself. All the baby-talk, pouting, sulking will work only when done in moderation, and maybe in private. But beyond a point, it’s not funny. It’s rather icky to people who have managed to keep pace with their calendar age. Knock it off!

Sonal Kalra wants to apologise to the kids of this world because some adults have encroached their territory. What? We are forgiven? Awww… how cute.

By- Sonal Karla
Hindustan Times

7 SHOCKING laws that haunt women in Saudi Arabia

2013-09-07T04:09:00.003-07:00

In a historic move last week, Saudi Arabia passed a legal ban on domestic violence and other form of abuse against women. The law is the first of its kind in a nation that has been dubbed as one of the worst places for women to live.

But will a Saudi Arabian woman report abuse by her male guardian? The domestic violence legislation is just a baby step towards emancipation in a country that considers girls “ready for marriage at 10", and where rape laws are a matter of ridicule.

No access to basic rights like healthcare without male guardian

Male guardianship

Fatima A, a 40-plus woman living in Riyadh, cannot board a plane without a written permission from her son.

In conservative Saudi Arabia, a woman's life is not her own; she is nothing but a legal minor.

Every woman in Saudi Arabia must have a male guardian. Till she ties the knot, the guardianship is the job of the father, but even uncles, brothers and sons can assume the role of a guardian.

As per this tradition, Saudi women need a go ahead from the guardian to study, work, travel and marry. That's not all. They need the permission of the guardian to access certain types of healthcare, thus increasing their dependency on their male counterparts.

A woman's access to justice is also restricted for she cannot file a case or even be heard in court without a legal guardian. And often, it is the male guardian who is abusive.

These discriminatory practices keep women away from their basic rights, giving them no authority over their own lives.

Fathers 'sell' teenage girls to men in their 70s, 80s

Child marriage

Twelve-year-old Fatima's father sold her for marriage to a 50-year-old man who already had a wife and 10 children. Fatima managed to escape and finally got a divorce in February 2013, three years after Equality Now, a human rights' group, took up her case.

But Fatima's story is not a rule but an exception in a kingdom. It's not an uncommon practice to here girls, who have not yet hit their teens to forced to marry men in their 70s and 80s.

Sheikh Abdul-Aziz Al Sheikh, the grand mufti, considers girls ready for marriage from the age of 10 or 12. This he said at the faculty of Imam Mohamed bin Saud Islamic University in Riyadh in 2012:

“Those who call for raising the age of marriage to 25 are absolutely mistaken,” he added. “Our mothers and grandmothers got married when they were barely 12. Good upbringing makes a girl ready to perform all marital duties at that age.”

Today, Saudi Arabia faces immense pressure to raise the age for marriage as more and more cases of children forced into wedlock with older men have been reported in the media. Early marriages lead to an abrupt initiation to into sexual relationships, impact their right to education. Studies by UNICEF show domestic violence to be common in child marriages.

In April 2013, the Saudi ministry of justice confirmed new regulations where 16 will be set as a minimum age for marriage of girls. While this provides some hope for women it is hardly the first time that such announcements have been made. A similar announcement was made in 2009 as well. Moreover, the 2013 draft has several loopholes -- there's provision which allows the father to override the law under certain circumstances. Since it is the fathers who "sell" their daughters to wealthy men for a huge dowry, even if the law comes into force it will be redundant.

There must be four witnesses to act of rape

Rape laws

In 2007, a Saudi court sentenced a gang-rape victim to six months imprisonment and 200 lashes. Initially, she had been sentenced to 90 lashes for being in a car of a man who was not a relative and flouting the rigid laws on segregation of sexes.Saudi Arabia, where girls are married off in their pre-teens and covered from head to toe, is among the countries in the world with the highest rape cases. This can be blamed for the insufficient rape laws in the country.

Though Saudi's legal code is based on the Sharia law, which criminalises rape as punishment,spousal rape is not considered an offence. The anti-rape laws are flawed and the actual conviction process is impossible. In order for an accused to be convicted either he has to confess or there must be four witnesses to the act.

Foreign female domestic workers, which comprise of 1.5 million of foreign nationals, receive no protection from labour laws, and hence are the most exploited. Moreover, women enjoy no rights in courts. They are not allowed to speak for themselves and must be represented by a male relative or a lawyer.

And to add to this is the taboo against reporting rape. Often, the woman are accused to having an illicit relationship while the man is not questioned at all about the crime. A woman, who has faced such abuse, is often deemed unfit for marriage or is violently punished for bringing shame to the family.

The chances of justice for a rape victim is almost zilch.

Purpose of educating is to be a successful housewife, mother

Education

In 2011, Swsan Ali El Demini, an ambitious 18-year-old wanted to pursue her study in the United States. Her father, considered to be her male guardian, backed her. But she was unable to apply. As per the Saudi ministry of higher education a male guardian is expected to accompany any girl who studies abroad on government scholarship. While both her parents were willing to accompany her, Swsan's father was barred from leaving the country and her mother was not considered a guardian, according to equalitynow.org.

In Saudi Arabia's sex segregated education system, the facilities available to women are inferior and more limited compared to the boys. According to the Saudi official policy, the purpose of educating a girl is to bring her up in a proper Islamic way so as to perform her duty in life, be an ideal and successful housewife and a good mother, ready to do things which suit her nature such as teaching, nursing and medical treatment.

To study overseas on government scholarship the permission of the male guardian is required and the student is regularly monitored by a cultural attache. The guardian has the authority to stop a girl from pursuing her studies and the girl needs his permission to choose a field of study.

There are several restrictions imposed on women -- they are not allowed to leave the premises of an educational institution even in case of an illness without a male guardian. Reports suggest that in many institutions female teachers and students are locked in during teaching hours.

The curricula and field of study are also restricted with no university programmes for women in engineering, architecture or political science. Even their access to libraries is restricted.

In what is being look at as a small step towards female education, Saudi Arabia's first female only vocational institute will be opening this September. However, the college offers education in subjects that have been specifically chosen to allow females to work from home such as business administration, fashion and jewellery design and beauty.

Gender segregation prevents employers from hiring women

Employment:

Manar Saud graduated last May from a university in Winchester with a master’s degree in organsational leadership, paid for by a Saudi government scholarship. But six months after hunting for a job she was unemployed, according to a Washington Post report.

While the Saudi government spends billions on education its women, but the conservative society is still not open to women at workplaces.

The figures alone tell the story.

Around 57 per cent of Saudi women have university degrees.

78 per cent of female university graduates and 60 per cent with Phd degrees are unemployed.

Job prospects are complicated. Segregated since puberty, Saudis find it difficult to strike a conversation with the member of the opposite sex, making an interview awkward. Many employers still use the excuse that society is strictly gender segregated as a reason not to employ women.

As a result, Saudi women though more educated than men (Some 59,948 women received post-secondary degrees in 2009 compared with 55,842 men, according to the education ministry.) are a wasted source.

Only country in the world that bans women drivers

Ban on driving

In 2008, Wajeha al-Huwaider, became a worldwide name, when she filmed herself driving a car and posted the clip on YouTube on International Women’s Day. Al-Huwaider’s act was considered that of civil disobedience in the only nation in the world, which bans women from driving.

Five years on, little has changed. Saudi women still depend on private drivers or male guardians to move around in the country.

There are no written laws that restrict women from driving. The prohibition is rooted in conservative traditions that giving freedom of movement to women would make them vulnerable to sins.

Generally, police stop female drivers, question them and let them go after they sign a pledge not to drive again. However, there have been cases where a woman has been sentenced (lashed) for breaking the law. Interference from King Abdullah saved her from the lashing.

In April, Saudi Arabia lifted a ban on women cycling and riding motorbikes. However, women are still prohibited from using bikes as a mode of transport, can use them in designated recreational areas but only if accompanied by a male.

Women are banned from playing sports, gymming

Ban on sports

Two female athletes were allowed to compete in last summer's Olympics only after intense pressure from the International Olympics Committee to end Saudi Arabia’s practice of sending only male teams to the games. Their participation was NOT shown on Saudi TV stations.

Saudi girls are banned from playing sports in schools and are denied access to sports facilities, including gyms and swimming pools.

Princess Nora Bint Abdul Rahman Unviersity, the largest female university, has a swimming pool, tennis court and exercise area for its students. No other university in Saudi Arabia has sport facilities for its female students and staff, reports The Gaurdian.

Female athletes cannot register for sport clubs or competitions. They are banned from entering national trials, which makes it impossible for them to qualify for international competitions.

In May 2013, private schools were allowed to hold sports activities for its female students. But they have to adhere to a strict dress code and sharia law.

Few rights that women can now enjoy...

Since the Arab Spring, King Abdullah has adopted a reformist stance, especially with regards to women’s rights.

He granted women the right to vote and run in the 2015 municipal elections.

In January, he appointed the first female members to the Consultative Council, naming 30 women to the 150-member advisory body.

In 2009, he opened the first-ever fully integrated coed university and appointed the country’s first female minister -- Nora bint Abdullah al-Fayez, a US-educated former teacher was made the deputy education minister.

Women can now work in lingerie and makeup stores, as supermarket cashiers and as quality managers at factories. Saudi Arabia now allows its women to work in restaurants in special sections, independent from areas where men work.

These changes though significant leave women in Saudi Arabia decades behind other countries. They have a long way to go.

FROM- REDIFFMAIL

10 Dumb Lies Women Tell Men ---

2013-08-08T05:58:00.000-07:00

Men and women only really "communicate" in the movies. Especially in terrible Meg Ryan chick flicks, where all the men are sensitive and all the women have pouty lips. In Hollywood's fantasy-lands men and women sit down, stare into each others eyes and tell it like it is.

In reality, both genders generally just lie to one another. Usually, honesty is the best policy, but sometimes a lie is just a heavily-sedated, declawed truth. Lying can be a great way for couples to bury issues, foster resentment and add to the cloud of general misunderstanding that hovers between them! The problem here is that women are just so much better at it than men. Maybe it's because women are smarter than men, or maybe it's because men just have problems with words.

Are you a man who thinks you've been lied to? Are you a woman looking for a new lie to tell your man? The truth is out— here's a list of 10 dumb lies women tell their men to avoid having to actually tell them what's up.

Lie #1: "Nothing's wrong."

The truth: Seriously? Of course something is wrong. Isn't there always something wrong? If it isn't his mangled toenail clippings smattering the bathroom floor, it's his lack of empathy for the women on Army Wives. Sure, it's sweet that a woman is willing to take it all in stride, but that's only if stride doesn't mean a death stare and a three-week dry spell.

Lie #2: "Size doesn't matter."

The truth: If McDonald's two-story cheeseburgers and keg-sized sodas at the gas station can tell us anything about American culture, it's that we like things big. Women are no exception, despite what they claim their thoughts are on the size subject. Guys, don't get it twisted — a woman will tell you anything to stroke your ego (instead of, well…), but the truth is, she loves you anyway, small peen and all.

Lie #3: "I'm cool with you going to a strip club."

The truth: Men, I'm going to let you in on a little secret. This is actually a brilliant subterfuge passed down by great women since Helen of Troy. The woman gives the man just enough room to do something completely ridiculous and then uses her subsequent rage run amok for months, without repercussions. Are you really surprised we thought of this? I mean, if you weren't with us for our quick wits, you'd obviously be dating a stripper.

Lie #4: "You're the best I've ever been with."

The truth: Didn't your mother ever tell you she loved you more than your sister? Sure, she probably didn't really mean it, unless your sister was one of those out of control teens on Sally Jesse Raphael. It's the same with woman and sex. The better you feel about your performance, the more likely you'll be able to actually perform.

Lie #5: "It's okay you forgot."

The truth: Its okay you forgot. A man forgetting important events is like a terrorist attack on a woman's heart. Though she may move on, she'll have to bear the scars of that fateful day forever. And while there's always a subtle, disembodied fear that it could happen again, she likes to hope everyone has learned an important lesson from the grave tragedy she's had to endure.

Lie #6: "I don't usually do this."

The truth: Like the pathetic excuses of a hog-tied chap on Cheaters, women like to act like every one-night stand or risqué sexual practice is a brand new thing for them. Don't believe them - they're actually that slutty. But so what, don't men secretly like that anyway?

Lie #7: "I wouldn't change anything about you."

This is only true when a woman is in love, which lasts about a week. But believe me, after that she starts keeping a dossier of blueprints in her mind, constantly re-sketching better and more appropriate versions of you from her reflections on Marie Claire articles and pictures of underwear models.

Lie #8: "I love your friends."

The truth: Women like those piggish apes as much as men like their girlfriend's pudgy, Camry-driving maid's of honor. Enough said.

Lie #9: "I never think about my ex."

The truth: If your boss asks you if you're happy your new job, of course you're going to say yes. Same is true in relationships. After all, no one wants to make things awkward at the coffee machine.

Lie #10: "You're right."

The truth: You're not. You never are and you never will be. If there's one feeling men and women share about each other, it's this. And it's the fact that all relationships, nay, all gender communication turns on. Only thing I can say is…get used to it or get a good lawyer.

By- YAHOO

Tanha hoon...

2013-06-07T06:59:00.004-07:00

Tanha hoon,
Udaas hoon,
Akela bhi hoon,
Manzil ka bhi kuch pata nhi,
Yun to chala bhi hoon akela kafi door tak,
Par ab thak chuka hoon chalte chalte,

Rahen sari anjani si kyn hai,
Har raha begani si kyn hai,
Chala jis raha par bhi,
Na thair mila na thikana mila,
Manzil ka kuch bhi thikan na mila,

Koshishen raang kyn nhi la pati hai,
Har baar kyn dhul jati hai ye,
Jaise dhul jate hai sagar ke kinare,
Har ek lehar ke baad,
Waise he ye kyn dhul jati hai,

Jaanta hoon ki abhi chalna bahut hai akela he,
Phir bhi na jane kyn ab ruk jane ko maan karta hai,
Karta hai maan ab thair jane ko,
Phir kabhi na jaagne ko,
Khamosh ho jana chahata hoon ab,

Darta to nhi hoon nakamiyon se,
Par na jaane kyn ab thak chuka hoon,
Guzarish hai us khuda se,
Ki ab or na satye mujhko,
Ya to MANZIL ka pata de mujhko,
Ya MANZIL ko pahucha de mujh tak,

Tanha hoon,
Udaas hoon,
Akela bhi hoon,

Written By- Akshay Bhardwaj
Written Date- June 7, 2013
Posted Date- June 7, 2013
Copyright @Akshay Bhardwaj

Ho Raha Bharat Nirman...???

2013-06-03T03:47:00.001-07:00

Ho rha Bharat Nirman.....!!!

Bhooka hai aadmi,
Nanga hai tan uska,
Or ho rha hai Bharat Niman...

Kamane ke liye job hai nhi,
Sar dhakne keep liye chaat hai nhi,
Or ho rha Bharat Nirman...

Dari Hui hai aadhi aabadi,
Loot rhi hai betiyan,
Or ho rha hai Bharat nirman...

Ro rha hai khoon ke aansu insaan,
Or poochne wala koi nhi,
Or ho rha hai Bharat nirman...

Seek rhi hai rotiyan,
In netaon ki humare khoon-paseene ki kamayi se,
Or ho rha hai Bharat nrman...

Ye kaisi sarkar,
Jo karti nhi kuch kaam,
Sivaye chori, dakaiti, loot-khasoot, balatkaar or bhrastachar ke,
Or ho rha hai Bharat nirman...

Ho rha hai Bharat niran kahi agr to
Wo hai bhirastchaar, loot-khasoot, chori, dakaiti or balatkaar me...

Ye kaisa Bharat nirman???
Mera Bharat mahaan,
Ho rha hai Bharat nirman

Written by- Akshay Bhardwaj
Written date- June 3, 2013
Posted date- June 3, 2013
Copyright @Akshay Bhardwaj

Siksha ka Adhikaar

2013-04-02T19:30:00.001-07:00

Abhi haal he me humari nikammi sarkar ne ek kanoon lago kiya hai jo ki siksha ka adhikaar naam se jana ja rha hai. Agar dekha jaye to ye kanoon har bachche ko padne ka adhikaar deta hai jo ki ek achchi baat hai kynki aaj ke hisaab se har ek insaan chahen wo bada ho ya chota ko padne ka haq hai or siksha par sirf aamir he haq kyn rakhe gareeb ko bhi haq mila chahiyen. Jab tak sab pad likh nahi paayenge Bharat aage nahi bad he paayega. Bharat ki tarrakki apni janta ko pada likha ke he ho paayegi.

Lekin baat sirf pada likha dene tak he seemit nahi hai kynki jis tarah se humare yaha padai hoti hai uske hisaab se to main to ye kahunga ki pad likh lene ke baad bhi chotu chai ki dukaan par, hotel par, dhabon par jaroor dikhega. Kynki humari education hume pet bharana nahi sikha paati. Ye to chotuon ki baat thi but ye baat un par bhi theek hai jo aaj apni graduation or post graduation ki degree le kar JOB pane ke liye mare-mare phir rahe hai. Huamari nikammi sarkar padne ke liye to bola rahi hai, lekin usne is baat ka koi bhi intzaam nahi kiya ki jab hum pad likh kar bhaar aaye tab humari roji roti ka intzaam kaha se hoga???

Jis sarkar ko chalane wale he nikamme, kamchor or anpad chala rahe ho to phir unke duara banaye gaye kanoon bhi unki soch jaise he honge. Aap khud soch ke dekhiye jis ghar me kamane wala he mar gaya ho or kamane ki jimmebari un masoomon ke haath me aa jaye tab aap kaha se use padne ke pryrit kar paayenge jab ki unke pass apne pet ko bharne ka bhi koi zariya nahi rahega or bhooke pet to bhajan bhi nahi hota to padai kaha se??? Or aaj ke Bharat ki position dekh ke to wo panda to soch he nhi sakte kynki jis desh me aap har pal janata ki jeb par daka dalte rehte ho us desh ko pada likh to kabhi nahi paaoge.

Main ye to nahi kahunga ki main is kanoon ka virodhi hoon ya virodh kar raha hoon but jab tak aap public ke liye unki basic need ko poora nahi kar paayenge tab tak aapke duara banaye gaye sare kanoon bekaar he rahenge. So mera to ye he kehana hai ki pehele aap JOB ki guarantee de, salary bhi badayen jaise baki cheezon ke rate aapne badye hai usi hissab se salary bhi de, sabko rojgaar mile, koi bhi bhookha na so paaye, tab aap success ho paayenge or tab chotu cahi ki dukaan par nahi school me dikhega.

Akshay Bhardwaj

April 3, 2013

Girls have fun, Boys have none

2013-03-17T01:57:00.002-07:00

This is the 24079th column being written on this subject.
And I’m still determined to flog the dead horse because no matter how much our society evolves, somehow the punch never goes out of a guy vs gal debate. No? The seed of this week’s column is a Facebook message from a reader,

Aseem, who recalled an example of how differently we react to the two genders.

It says that a boy once put up a Facebook status that said, “Going to commit suicide”.

He got 0 likes (thank God!), and 1 comment from a friend that said, “Bike kiske paas rahegi?”

On the contrary, when a girl posted: ‘Got a new dress, loving it’, 100 people liked it and she got another 100 comments, that too mostly from guys.

‘Does it reflect the desperation of Gen-X?’ asks Aseem.

Well, desperation ka toh pata nahi, but, exaggerated as anecdotes may be, I confess it does reflect a little bit of reality.

Why, why, why do girls have it so easy in life… is a question every guy asks, though I suspect they anyway have their own theory for an answer. And although it would seem that girls would take offence to this hypothesis, I was pretty surprised to see that six out of eight female colleagues who I discussed this topic with, tend to agree that girls indeed have an advantage.

Of course, I must make it clear that I’m not talking about serious issues related to gender discrimination. Because sadly, in parts of our country, being able to be born as a girl itself involves a struggle, right from the foetal stage.

I’m instead referring to day-to-day situations in an equal-opportunity urban setting. In the space and times that we live in, most parents spend as much time, attention and money in raising a girl as they do, on a guy.

There’s equal competition at school, for college admissions, for jobs, for promotions and so on. And then comes an evening when there’s a mad rush for tickets to a new blockbuster in the theatre.

While the guy, waiting in a long queue, curses everyone in sight, the girl breezes past, straight to the counter. Of course, it’s another thing that had there been a single queue, some lechers would have got busier in ogling than bothering about the tickets. But not every guy is like that and it’s not his fault that some are.

Anyhow, you get the point, don’t you?

Guys feel that girls are cake-walking through life.

To understand it better, I asked some of my male cousins and friends to elaborate on what frustrates them the most. 19-year-old Reliance (not his real name, he just suffers from too much gas!) said girls don’t have to struggle at all, in life.

“They just have to sit there, look pretty and wait for some guy to wander along and spend all his hard earned money on them,” he said. I slapped him. Horribly sexist, wasn’t that?

Then came 22-year old Tush (Yeah, I know. Sorry that I have people with such names in my life. That explains all the weirdness!), who gave these three gems.

1 Less expectations: ‘Although girls claim to be equal to guys in all respects, there are certain things that they are just not expected to even attempt,’ says Tush.

He recalled an incident when he had to go to a friend’s birthday party and was waiting for his sister, who had taken the car, to get back. She called to say that the car had a flat tyre, and that she’s standing on the roadside not sure what to do.

‘Change the damn tyre,’ I wanted to say but I knew she wouldn’t bother, because she’s never expected to,” he says.

Eventually, he had to go, change the tyre, fetch the car… and his sister, thus missing the party.

‘And still when we entered home, mom fussed all over my sister because she had such a hard time,’ he cries.

2 They know when to play the feminine card: ‘The same girls who are forever ready to pick up the morcha for equal rights don’t blink an eyelid before entering the pink coach (reserved for women) on the Metro, with a look that says they own the bloody train,’ says Reliance.

I didn’t slap him for this one. It’s true that girls enjoy the benefits of reservation.

Sometimes it seems justified, sometimes it doesn’t.

When it comes to arguing with parents over going out with friends, they are equal to guys.

When it suits them to cry ‘cramps’ and wriggle out of a tricky presentation in college, they are not. Point toh hai.

3 And of course, as Tush points out, girls have the most potent, invincible, unconquerable, trump card of all — tears.

It works — in all situations, at all times.

For whatever complexes of their own, guys can’t use this weapon.

In fact, the poor guys are not allowed to get senti at all. Girls have all the right to hold each others’ hands and chirpily skip around. If a girl hugs her girlfriend and says I love you, we go all awww.

A guy tries it, and we all secretly look for opportunities to call his dad and say he’s gay. And this, when he may anyway under be tremendous stress to flaunt a girlfriend. Tsk tsk.

Poor XY chromosomes. By now I’m sure some enraged girls would’ve already begun making hate groups on Facebook, targetting me. But wait yaar, the heat will be on the guys next week, if I get responses from girls countering today’s piece.

Bring it on, Venus. Sonal Kalra suddenly feels she’s thinking like a guy.

Oh sisters of the world, drag her back to the reality of your life!

By- Sonal Kalra (HT Media)

Ek Ladki...

2013-03-13T04:41:00.001-07:00

Ek ladki...

Anjaani si, Nadaan si,
Jiski nadaan si hasi pe tum muskurate ho,
Jiski nadaan si baaten tumko pyaari lagti hai,
Jsiki aankhon me hai anekon khwab,
Jo chahati hai khule aasmaan me udna,
Udne do use khule aasmaan me...

Udne do use,
Kyn bandhte ho pankh uske,
Nadaan ho tum, ki rok loge use,
Agar kiya zor-o-zulam us par,
Wo phir bhi ud jayegi todke sare bandhan,
Laga ke maut ko gale wo ud jayegi,
Jaise ud jata hai parinda qaid se...

Pachtaoge tum phir jab kuch na milega tumko,
Rooge tum uski nadaan hasi ko sunne ke liye,
Uski us masoom se chehare ko dekhne ke liye,
Uski un massom shararton ko dekhne ke liye,
Uske un masoom sawalon ko sunne ke liye,
Taras jaoge tum... taras jaoge tum,
Udne do use udne do use...

BY- Akshay Bhardwaj
Copyright- @akshay bhardwaj
Written Date- March 13, 2013
Posted Date- March 13, 2013

STORY BEHIND YOUR DATE OF BIRTH !!! Interesting !!

2013-02-28T08:04:00.001-08:00

STORY BEHIND YOUR DATE OF BIRTH !!!! Interesting !!

Hey this is really true and see it will work for you too

If U were born on the 1st, 10th, 19th, 28th of any month U r number 1....

If U were born on the 2nd, 11th, 20th, 29th of any month then U r number 2...

If U were born on the 3rd, 12th, 21st, 30th of any month then U r number 3...

If U were born on the 4th, 13th, 22nd, 31st of any month then U r number 4...

If U were born on the 5th, 14th, 23rd of any month then U r number 5...

If U were born on the 6th, 15th, 24th of any month then U r number 6...

If U were born on the 7th, 16th, 25th of any month then U r number 7...

If U were born on the 8th,17th,26th of any month then U r number 8...

If U were born on the 9th,18th,27th of any month then U r number 9...

Number 1

You are smart, straight talking, funny, stubborn, hardworking, honest,Jealous on competing basis, kind hearted, angry, friendly, authorities,Famous

person...always want to be and regarded as first on people position, they are often like to be independent, will never be under others, self confident

people!
You are most likely to fall in love in the younger age, but will get marry when you mature! You are likely to have problems with people who have opposite

views
And you are most likely to take revenge over your enemies in a long time basis. You are a spender, but you will have a good profession in the future.

If you are guy you will be very popular that everybody will have mental attraction and respect at you. You can go anywhere from the local shop to the

heart of the parliament because you are positive and well talented in numerous issues!! But in your life you will always have some people who will work

hard to bring you & your name down. This is undercover!! Coz of your smart behavior you will be hated by some people too...

Your family life is very cool, you will have a very nice partner & wonderful children... You are pioneer, independent & original...

Your best match is 4,6,8 good match is 3,5,7 !!!

Number 2

No matter what, you will be loved by every one coz your ruler is the moon and every one loves the Moon. Well.. You are a person who day dream a lot,

you have very low-self confidence, you need back up for every move in your life, you are very much unpredictable. Means you do change according to

time and circumstances, kind a selfish, have a very strong sense of musical, artistic talent, verbal communication.

Your attitudes are like the Moon, comes to gloom and fade away so everybody can expect changes in you. You can be a next Mahatma Gandhi who does

peace love or you can be a Hitler who wants to destroy the man kind and peace (I mean in the community and your own home).

If you really have a deep thought about your own believe in God you can feel the difference which will make you stronger! Most of the time your words

are a kind of would be happening true! So without any knowledge you can predict the situation. You will become poets, writers, any Artistic business

people!

You are not strong in love, so you will be there and here till you get marry.. If U r a girl you will be a responsible woman in the whole family. If U r

a man you will involve in fights & arguments in the family or Vice-versa. Means you will sacrifice your life for the goodness sake of

Your family...You are gentle , intuitive with a broad vision, a power behind the scenes, well balanced People!!!

Your best match is 2 ,5 ,9 no other people can put up with you !!!

Number 3

You are a person of hard hearted, selfish most of the times, religious, loves to climb up in your life. You always tend to have lots of problems within

your family in the early stages but you will put up with everything.. You have the strong word power, pretty happy face.. So wherever you go always

you have got what you wanted!!! And from the birth always wanted to work hard in order to achieve something.. You will not get anything without hard

work! When you reach a man/ woman age you want other younger once to listen to you because you want younger people to respect people older than

them. You do set so many examples to others.

Generally you are not a cool person. It's not easy thing dealing with you. A tough player you are! But once you like someone's attitude then here you

go, what can I say? It will be a lasting friendship. You always have respect from others.

Your life seems to have lots of worries and problems but sure they won't be long.. you will always have brilliant kids!!! You love the money a bit too

much so temptation will push you to endless trying and trying.. If you are a guy then it's over. Looking after your family and help friends, so you will

spend a life time just being generous and kind (except 21st born men). And number 3s you will
be such an example of how to be in the culture & life!!! If you are girl then you have good character and culture & hardworking attitude. You always

follow.

You are a freedom lover, creative, ambition

focused, a person who brings beauty , hope & joy to this world!!!

Your best match 6 ,9. Good match 1 ,3 ,5 !!!

Number 4

You are very stubborn too, very hard working but unlucky in important matters in life, very cool, helpful, you have rough word power.. Might put lots

of people away from you, you may cause nuisance to others if you are a man, and you often understands others and their problems well. If you are a

girl you are very good with studies and arts. If you are a guy you spend most of the time after girl friends (almost) at times, you will have sort of too

much fun life with mates & girls. Your friends will spend your time & money and get away with their life and you will become empty handed and don't

know what to do... So be careful!! You love to spend anyway!!!

Your good will is you are always there to help family and friends. Tell you what you people are little gem! s, specially the girls.. You always fall in love

in younger age as well. You often live with disappointments, for an example you have got a degree in some thing... but you will be unemployed.. or will

do very ordinary jobs.

But you will take care of your family very well...All you need to be careful of people who will take advantage of your kind heart. And beware of your

relations too..

You are radical, patient, persistent,a bit old-fashioned, you live with foundation & order...

Your best Match 1, 8. Good match 5 ,6 , 7 !!!

Number 5

You are very popular within the community, you can get things done by just chatting..to even enemies! You have a pretty good business mind, you are

often have no-idea what is today is like, or tomorrow is like, you are a person who does anything when your head thinks "lets do this". You will be

famous if you open up a business, get involve in share dealings, music etc.. Very popular with sense of humor ,you are the one your friends and families

will always ask for help, and you are the one actually get money on credit and help your friends. You will have more than 1 relationship, but when u

get settle down you will be a bit selfish anyway. Coz your other half will have a pretty good amount of control in you, be careful! You tend to go for

other relationships! Contacts even you are married at times 'coz your popularity..

You are someone who get along with anyone coz the number 5 is the middle number.. Changes & freedom lovers you are! You are an explorer with magic

on your face. You learn your life through experience and it's your best teacher!!!

Your best match 1 ,2 ,9. Good match 6 ,8 !!!

Number 6

Ooopppss..you are born to enjoy.. You don't care about others. I mean you are always want to enjoy your life time, you are a person.. You will be very

good in either education or work wise or business management! You are talented, kind (but with only people who you think are nice), very beautiful girls

and guys, popular and more than lucky with anything in your lives. All the goodness does come with you. Your mind and body is just made perfect for

love.

You are lovable by any other numbers. But if you are a number 6 man, you will experience kind of looks from most girls and will involve in more than

few relationships until you get married. If you are girl, most of you will get marry/engaged early. You are a caring person towards your family &

friends . If you miss the half-way mark then you are about to suffer physically and mentally. Generally you will lead a very good inner-home happiness

with nothing short of. You are a person of compassion, comfort & fairness, domestic responsibility, good judgment, and after all you can heal this

world wounds to make peace for every life coz you have the great power of caring talent to make this world of love one step further...

Your best match 1, 6, 9. Good match 4, 5 !!!

Number 7

You have got the attraction to anyone out there, you are realistic, very confident, happy, such a talented individual with your education, music, arts,

singing, and most importantly acting too. You have real problems with bad temper! If you are a girl, you are popular with the subjects listed above.

You give up things for your parents. I mean you value your family status a lot, you will be in the top rank when you reach a certain age. If you are a

guy you are popular with girls, you are a very talented too. Most of the number 7s face lots of problems with their marriage life.

Only a very few are happy. You have everything in your life, but still always number 7s have some sort of unfullfilness, such worries all their lifetime.

It's probably the Lord given you all sort of over the standard humans talents and you are about to suffer in family life. So you need to get ready

looking for a partner rather than waiting. If you don't, then you might end-up single. So take care with this issue,
ok?

You are wonderful, friendly, artistic, happy person.. You are born to contribute lots to this world!!!

Your best match is 2. Good matches are 1,4 !!!

Number 8

You are a very strong personality, there's no one out there will understand you. You are very good at pointing your finger at some thing and say "this is

what".
You are more likely to suffer from the early ages. I mean poverty. If your times are not good you might lose either of your parent and end up looking

after your entire family. You often suffer all the way in life.

The problems will not allow you to study further, but you will learn the life in a very practical way. You are the one who will fight for justice and may

die in the war too. You are normally very reserved with handful of friends and most of the time live life lonely and always prepared to help others.

Well. once you get married (which is often late) then your bad lucks will go away a bit and you! u become safe. You will face un-expected problems

such as : the error, government, poisonous animals, accidents.

You are some one with great discipline, persistence, courage, strength which will take you to success. You are a great part of a family team. You are a

fighter!

Your Best match 1 ,4, 8. Good match 5 !!!

Number 9

Hey...you guys are the incompatibles people in the world. You are so strong, physically and mentally... You are often have big-aims. You will work hard

and hard to get there. Normally you suffer in the early age from family problems and generally you will have fighting life.. But when you achieve what

you have done, it's always a big task you have done! You are so much respected in the community, you are a person who can make a challenge and

successfully finish the matter off.

You are very naughty in your younger age, often beaten up by your parents and involve in fights and you seemed to have lots of injuries in your life

time. But when u grow you become calm and macho type.

Love is not an easy matter for you. You are good in engineering or banking jobs coz people always trust you.

Your family life is very good, but will have worries over your children.

Your such qualities are humanitarian, patient, very wise & compassionate.

You are born to achieve targets and serve every one all equally without any prejudice.

You are totally a role model to anybody in the world for a great inspiration.

PS-JUZ BELIEVE IN U... TAKE THIS AS FUN

Old Parents — Heart Touching Story

2013-02-05T04:52:00.001-08:00

An 80 year old man was sitting on the sofa in his house along with his 45 years old highly educated son. Suddenly a crow perched on their window. The Father asked his Son, “What is this?” The Son replied “It is a crow”. After a few minutes, the Father asked his Son the 2nd time, “What is this?” The Son said “Father, I have just now told you “It’s a crow”.

After a little while, the old Father again asked his Son the 3rd time, What is this?” At this time some ex-pression of irritation was felt in the Son’s tone when he said to his Father with a rebuff. “It’s a crow, a crow”.A little after, the Father again asked his Son t he 4th time, “What is this?”

A calmer you: I want a PhD in hurt sentiments

2013-02-03T00:15:00.002-08:00

Please acknowledge my unique talent. My sentiments do not go a week without getting hurt. I’ve always cried hoarse that when it comes to being sentimental, or senti, or mental, there’s no one quite like me. But you all just smile and ignore it. Well, not anymore,

because my sentiments now want their due. I claim to hold a record in sentiments that are the quickest in the world to get hurt. Sometimes even before knowing the cause. They are pretty experienced, you see. They were hurt the first time when I was born and heard the nurse at the hospital hesitatingly tell my dad, ‘Sir, ladki ho gayi. Chalo phir bhi badhai ho.’ Ouch. And they have stayed hurt ever since. By God’s grace and that of our countrymen, the occasions to feel and express the hurt have been aplenty. Had I lived in any other country, I would have had to make the effort of looking out for valid reasons to get upset. Here, thankfully, everything is a reason and every reason is valid.

I don’t know why some people raise a big objection to something as heart-tugging as hurt sentiments. Arrey, dil hai to dukhega nah? Mera toh dukh jaata hai, easily. Every other day, someone mad as a hatter goes ahead and writes a book, or does a painting, or makes a film, without caring for my sentiments. They don’t even think twice before assigning a religion to their characters. How utterly horrible to only care for money and not for the feelings of lakhs, including someone innocent like me, who believe in bhagwan jis of all religions. Bloody commercial minded people, I tell you. I still remember when I saw my first film. There was a guy who rapes and murders a girl. And chalo, rape and murder toh theek hai, but guess what, he had the same name as my first cousin. A typical Hindu name! Can you believe it? I went into such a depression. Finally, when I couldn’t appear for my term-end exams and wrote ‘hurt sentiments’ as the reason in the application, my teacher scolded me. ‘Are you crazy? It’s just a film. They are acting,’ she said. ‘How unsentimental,’ I thought.

Then I read some stupid award-winning book in which the antagonist, a dacoit, was a Muslim. Oh my God! My sentiments almost jumped off the terrace. I’m not Muslim myself but, you see, my best friend at that time was. I thought of asking the same teacher where I could lodge a complaint against the author, but she had been giving me dirty looks from the time of the film incident, so I kept the hurt within. For years, I have taken offence at every film, every book, every statement, but had no one to share my pain with.

Well, not anymore. Now I see that my other, equally emotional, brothers and sisters have also started coming out in the open with their protests. And apparently, they are powerful enough to make even governments ban films and authors. Yeh hui nah baat. Unity wins. The story of your movie may be based on Hindu or Muslim or Sikh or whatever terrorists, but how can you show them as Hindu or Muslim or Sikh? Give them numbers instead of names, call your villains A2 or B1 and make them wear identity-free dresses. Leave them clothes-less for all I care, but don’t you dare hurt sentiments. I’m ready to put aside the stress I face at workplace, the EMIs I have to pay, the corruption I have to deal with, the thought of not being safe on the roads, but there’s no way I can deal with the unbearable pain of seeing the character of a terrorist in your film belong to my religion. What face will I show to God when I see him in the temple this week, you sentiment hurters! Now that the governments have started listening to people like me, here are some clear demands, or else, I know some cheap and best effigy makers who also supply black paint and shoes ki mala.

1. Include ‘avoidance of sentimental hurt’ as a compulsory subject in the curriculum from class II onwards. What? There are already too many subjects? Arrey, remove science or math or some such useless thing from the syllabus. Who cares for trigonometry when eventually I have to be out on the roads burning effigies and demanding bans. Teach children how to ensure that their artwork never has the remotest connection to any community or religion. In fact, teach them not to pursue any art if they can’t manage to make it hurt-free. Who cares for the creativity crap anyway? It’s the sentiments that count.

2. Allocate the portfolio of hurt-sentiments to a cabinet-ranked minister. In the interest of fairness and impartiality, the ministry of hurt sentiments should employ only those who belong to a religion not found anywhere in India. I’ve heard of some communities in extreme north corner of the south pole where you may find the right people, as they don’t believe in religion, or clothes. Any cases of their sentiments getting hurt on dealing with us, may be presented before an international tribunal.

3. Institute degrees and awards for the stalwarts in this noble area of work. I know it sounds selfish but my sentiments should have at least fetched me a doctorate by now, considering I take equal offence at films and books depicting any religion in a bad light. I’m ready to base my thesis on coming up with an entirely new fictional religion, whose followers will exist only in books, films, theatre and artworks. They will bear no similarity or allegiance - in name, behaviour or appearance - to any religion or community in real life. To see Shah Rukh Khan or Ranbir Kapoor named as A1B2tutu may seem strange to you in the beginning, but you’ll get used to it. At least the sentiments won’t be hurt. Or haan, publicly punish parents who start naming their kids A1B2tutu after that. Otherwise, 20 years from now, a new community with hurt sentiments will be out raising slogans. Meri mehnat waste.

Sonal Kalra thinks there’ll be a mad rush of universities wanting to give her an honorary doctorate after this brilliant piece. She’s decided to accept all, as she can’t hurt sentiments.

BY- Sonal Karla (HT)

17 One-Tight-Slap Phrases to Avoid

2013-01-27T01:57:00.000-08:00

Among all the theories of evolution, my favourite is that man (and of course woman!) kind is moving at a lightening pace towards absurdity. Oh, you don’t think there is any such theory? Dammit. Okay fine, it’s my own, and maybe because I’m clearly leading the pack that’s moving towards untouched

heights of weirdness. The other day I sat and analysed some of the phrases and slangs I often use in my daily communication. A lot of us do. Then I went on the net and realised that they are the pet peeves of grammar Nazis across the world. But people continue to happily use them. Shall I tell you something my dear buoys? We are totally mental. Because it struck me that some of the most common expressions we throw in so randomly into our day-to-day language, don’t mean anything at all. Some are downright dumb.

Starting today, I’ve decided to cleanse myself of verbal nonsense. My dedication to the cause is such that I’ve spent quite a while compiling the following OTS (One-tight-slap) phrases ... and how I, or some of those who’ve written about these on the Net react to them. Slap me if you find me dishing out these from now on …. only after you allow me to do the same with you.

1 What’s up?: Ha! All ‘cool’ dudes greeting everyone by saying ‘Whassup’, please come here. Tell me what the hell you want the other person to answer. What could possibly be up? The ceiling? The sky? Vaise, tell me one thing. Am I a pervert or does this question sound a bit obscene to anyone else too?

2 How do you do?: I have the same problem with this one too. How do I do what? For God’s sake, this doesn’t even seem like a grammatically complete or correct sentence. And yeah, obscene, again. Oh lord!

3 To be honest: I use this one a lot. Well, not anymore. If you say ‘to be honest’ before saying something, are you suggesting that you are normally dishonest in other things you say?

4 You know what I mean: Yes, I do Einstein. But that won’t keep you from saying it anyway, will it?

5 It is what it is: Wah, wah. Yeh hui nah intelligent baat. It is=It is. You are a mathematician, Sir. Respect.

6 I thought to myself: Hmm … could you have thought to ‘someone else’? Would you like the lead role in the next Ramsay Brothers’ film if you have those kind of powers? Consider, please.

7 I’m afraid I can’t: Bachche, it’s okay if you can’t. What are you afraid of? Koi maarega kya?

8 Are you coming, or what?: What, what, what? What was the need to add ‘or what’ here? Are you crazy or what?

9 What’s done is done: Are you the same guy who says ‘It is what it is’? You better be, I don’t want to kill two people.

10 You can’t have your cake and eat it too: Well, this is supposed to be a famous saying. My foot. If it’s my cake, of course I’ll eat it. What else am I supposed to do with it? Try stopping me.

11 I’m only human: Achha ji? And what are others, vermins who’ve come attached to humans as free gifts?

12 This is my only choice: Dimaag theek hai? The definition of choice is to have an alternative. If you have none, say ‘I have no choice’. There’s nothing like only choice.

13 Take care of your personal belongings: As opposed to what … my impersonal belongings? Oh, you mean something I stole from the fellow passenger? Don’t worry, I consider it very personal now.

14 Bring to the table: This rubbish gets said a lot in corporate meetings. Trust me, I can swear on Chaddha ji’s head that nothing ever gets brought to the table. Not even coffee. Also, when they say ‘he’s on board’… nobody is. I’ve checked very carefully.

15 Barking up the wrong tree: Believe me, barking up the right tree gets no different result. Total. Unadulterated. Nonsense.

16 First things first: Please, it hurts to even joke about this one. Have you heard of a word called ‘Obviously’?

17 I saw it with ‘my own’ eyes: Oh shit.

Sonal Kalra bought a self-help book to clear her mind of these weird thoughts. But is it really self-help if a book written by someone else is helping her? Do we live in a crazy world?

By- Sonal Karla