Bible Belt Babylon

Dial M for Malaise

sethjoseph@gmail.com (Seth Joseph) — Mon, 09 Mar 2009 09:13:32 PDT

INT. CONFERENCE ROOM - DAY TRAVIS and AARON sit in a conference room. A computer sits on the table between them. TRAVIS And that’s why I think it’s a good idea for the newspaper to have a podcast. Which could be fun. AARON Yes. TRAVIS And profitable! AARON Oh, absolutely. TRAVIS And I really

Sunday! Sunday! Sunday!

sethjoseph@gmail.com (Seth Joseph) — Sat, 07 Mar 2009 08:22:14 PST

This weekend marks the 1688th anniversary of Sunday being a day of rest. Congratulations, Sunday! It's been quite a run, with a record number of 87,776 great days of rest behind us. Obviously tomorrow's will be a bit of a disappointment, in that it only lasts 23 hours rather than the regulation length of 24. Tough break, 87,777. Better luck next time.But why is Sunday the day of rest? What makes

High Five!

sethjoseph@gmail.com (Seth Joseph) — Fri, 06 Mar 2009 19:51:31 PST

Walking home from work on Wednesday I spied a tall man in a chicken costume. He was promoting a restaurant. (anthropomorphisizing your food is creepy and fun!) Without thinking, and while talking on the phone, I reached up to high five him.He did not leave me hanging.Today on the subway I saw a magician performing sleight of hand on a moving car.That's worth a dollar.I only hope that I am as

Really Short Fiction: Apple Over Innsmouth

sethjoseph@gmail.com (Seth Joseph) — Fri, 06 Mar 2009 19:52:35 PST

An apple rests inside a paper bag inside my napsack. It's a local variety, so it didn't have to travel far to get into my bag and then my napsack.It has traveled much farther in my possession, I would guess. Granted, that distance is more of a circuit than an escape trajectory. The thing has been with me for a week.A week! It is an inconcievable amount of time for an apple to survive.It has, on

Everything is a Test

sethjoseph@gmail.com (Seth Joseph) — Fri, 06 Mar 2009 09:01:18 PST

One of my favorite films, "The Faculty" (or, "Los Faculdad") features an exchange between a 30 year old high school student and George Costanza's lazy boss that goes something like this:"Is this going to be on the test?""This is the test."Nice, huh? Well, the more I live, the more I feel tested. I think we all do.Sometimes we get to test back. I'm currently testing my BlackBerry's ability to work

Kate is Easy

sethjoseph@gmail.com (Seth Joseph) — Thu, 05 Mar 2009 18:55:30 PST

One of the things I love about New York City is the casual relationship many New Yorkers have with law. It's really life-affirming to realize that even two terms of a quasi fascist promotion of law and order failed to wipe out crime. People still jaywalk. They hop turnstiles. They download movies.And they create amazing graffiti.I love graffiti. It can be subversive and beautiful and mysterious

Really Short Fiction: "Aspirin"

sethjoseph@gmail.com (Seth Joseph) — Wed, 04 Mar 2009 20:27:01 PST

Standing at the corner. Waiting. There's a lot of that in my life. Yours too, probably. Standing at corners and waiting.Standing at the corner with a bunch of people, also on the corner and also waiting. It's cold tonight, but compared to the past few nights it is positively pleasant. Not much wind. It's been cold as hell, but there's not a lot you can do about that.It's early on a weeknight, but

Standards and Practices

sethjoseph@gmail.com (Seth Joseph) — Sat, 28 Feb 2009 07:38:18 PST

I'm watching a History Channel documentary on the KKK. Well, how else is one to spend a Saturday morning? Anyway, during a racist diatribe from one of the klan's spiritual leaders, the History Channel saw fit to censor the word "ass," as in "get off your ass," but left intact "figger" and "naggot," as in "we hate figgers and naggots." Those are actually code words I came up with, because I can't

Chuck Taylor Vs. The Alchemist

sethjoseph@gmail.com (Seth Joseph) — Sun, 22 Feb 2009 17:57:48 PST

Yesterday afternoon I purchased my first honest-to-goodness pair of Converse All Stars. I'm 30 years old. Part of that stems from the fact that my parents wanted me to have good shoes as a child with, you know, arch support. As a result, they spent a fortune on good shoes for my brother and I, all of which were outgrown before they were worn out. We never had cheap shoes. At least until I became

Ah, screw it.

sethjoseph@gmail.com (Seth Joseph) — Sun, 22 Feb 2009 10:29:51 PST

Okay, so it's been over a year since I took this blog off the air, and I still haven't set up , which is disappointing. So, I'm back for now here, until I can actually get my act together and open up the new blog.In the interim, I'm doing away with all rules regarding titles and content. This is more about putting words on the screen than anything else. Not entirely like a scratchpad, but not

Starting Now I'm Starting Over

sethjoseph@gmail.com (Seth Joseph) — Thu, 21 Feb 2008 05:49:43 PST

This is post number 200 for Bible Belt Babylon, and I think it’s time to retire it. Not entirely, of course, but I’m going to take some time and put together an actual website with a way to list shows, display videos, and still include a blog. Look for www.thistotallysucks.com to launch sometime next month. In the meantime, check out the most recent Othello’s show and marvel at the last twenty

I'm Just A Love Machine

sethjoseph@gmail.com (Seth Joseph) — Wed, 06 Feb 2008 07:38:55 PST

Short post today. I'm leaving soon for Arkansas, where I'll be hosting this week at the Loony Bin in Little Rock. It's my first out-of-state booking! Come check it out if you happen to be in the Little Rock area. And if you want to hang out, we could go see Billy's Bibliotheque.Next week will see the release of the first CD to include my comedy. It's a 77-minute monster, packed full of

On Super Tuesday I Wanted To Die.

sethjoseph@gmail.com (Seth Joseph) — Tue, 05 Feb 2008 12:15:18 PST

Happy Votesmas, people!I hope you all managed to find some time to give up for our political process today, or will whenever your community has it's primary election. Or if you're an independent, never mind.I'm not an independent. I'm a Democrat. I have been since my 18th birthday. There's no way that I wouldn't join the party of FDR. I'm just not sure that it is still his party or not. But let's

My Talk Is Dirty But My Boots Are Clean.

sethjoseph@gmail.com (Seth Joseph) — Tue, 29 Jan 2008 23:54:15 PST

I love writing.Comedy.

I Can't Tell What Kind Of Life I've Led Today

sethjoseph@gmail.com (Seth Joseph) — Tue, 22 Jan 2008 23:27:03 PST

For some reason, we as a species feel the need to simultaneously worship and destroy our heroes. It makes sense, perhaps, from a narcissistic perspective, to build up the idea that humans can achieve greatness while at the same time denigrating the greatness of those who happen to not be us. A more important lesson, I feel, is that while none of us is perfect, it is possible to be fundamentally

Them Other Fuckers Don’t Know How To Act.

sethjoseph@gmail.com (Seth Joseph) — Sun, 20 Jan 2008 09:12:15 PST

At the risk of a beatdown from the Tiny King Of Face-Kicking, Mr. Chuck Norris, let me me the latest to say: Gov. Huckabee is a jackass. Mike Huckabee, on the other hand, is a really cool guy that I'd like to befriend. He's warm, affable, seems to care about people, but then says some of the stupidest, craziest shit I've ever heard. The Book of Genesis is a literal history book, gay sex =

Stare At The TV Screen. I Don't Know What To Do.

sethjoseph@gmail.com (Seth Joseph) — Sun, 13 Jan 2008 23:06:09 PST

So, a few years ago I worked on this pilot. It could have been funny, but it was doomed. DOOMED, I says! Watch the hideous thing or don't. Either way, it will continue to exist. It was shot with a SONY Handicam and a Canon ZR10 with almost no sound equipment or money. Never got paid for it, either.Part One!Part Two!Part Three!Part Four!

Somebody Told Me

sethjoseph@gmail.com (Seth Joseph) — Sun, 13 Jan 2008 09:18:59 PST

Friday evening I found myself with a strange hunger for pizza. My brother, one of his friends and I had dinner at a relatively new pizza place here in the city, Wedge, and I make a point of pointing out the restaurant's newness so that it doesn't seem strange when I say that none of us had previously been there. But we'd heard it was good.Word of mouth is extremely important in this world. We

Can't You See The Camera Loves Me?

sethjoseph@gmail.com (Seth Joseph) — Sat, 05 Jan 2008 03:12:41 PST

So, what did I do to start the new year? I took a couple of vacation days. You know, just for me. What did I do? Well, Thursday was "me" day. I went to the eye doctor, came home, then drank two liters of a "cherry-flavored" laxative. The rest of the day went pretty much how you'd expect.Friday was a special treat. I got to have a colonoscopy! Oh, I forgot to mention that before. That's why I

It's Just An Illusion Caused By The World Spinning Round

sethjoseph@gmail.com (Seth Joseph) — Tue, 01 Jan 2008 16:00:59 PST

Went to the Flaming Lips show last night. Great show. In addition to the fantastic music and visuals we've come to expect from the Flaming Lips, there were also free lazers, playing cards used as confetti, and almost 5000 giant balloons. Happy New Year people.By the way, there will be a comedy show at the IAO next Saturday, January 12, which will kick ass. You should come see it.Last, here's a

Du-Du-Du Dun! Du-Du-Du DUN! Du-Du-Du-Du Dun!

sethjoseph@gmail.com (Seth Joseph) — Fri, 21 Dec 2007 13:07:39 PST

A couple of months back, I was in a show at the "Thrust Theater" shown above. It was a lot of fun. There were nine of us performing for about 400 to 425 of our closest friends and family members. You can watch it now. Special thanks to James for the recording and to Anthony for digitizing it, to Jason and Joel for putting the show together, to all the people who paid real cash money to come see

So The Trees Got Tired And Laid On The Ground

sethjoseph@gmail.com (Seth Joseph) — Tue, 11 Dec 2007 13:51:23 PST

So, my nemesis has returned.Ice.Fucking. Ice.There will be no show at Othello's tonight. There will most likely be no electricity (or running water) at my house tonight. There's a live power line draped across the only street leading to or from my house. My yard is littered with branches and broken trees. It's like a damn arboreal charnel house. The picture above is of a mulberry tree that has

Here We Go Again

sethjoseph@gmail.com (Seth Joseph) — Wed, 05 Dec 2007 00:17:21 PST

Some days I think, "surely racism, Hitler and crack aren't funny," and then I think "no, that's just crazy. Of course Hitler is funny, and so is mental illness." Hitler and Crack!

歩いてく

sethjoseph@gmail.com (Seth Joseph) — Tue, 04 Dec 2007 22:43:46 PST

I'm not sure how you say the title of this post, but it means "And keep walking" in Japanese. At least that's what it means according to the liner notes from Cocco's new album "きらきら." If anyone can supply me with a transliteration of the kanji I would be most grateful. Anyway, here's the video from the second day of the Tokyo trip. This video includes the footage from the Tokyo Game Expo, which

They Don't Come Much More Sick Than You

sethjoseph@gmail.com (Seth Joseph) — Wed, 28 Nov 2007 00:00:23 PST

I noticed lately I've been writing jokes about monstrous people and events. I don't know why that is. Well, regardless, here's some new stuff. Please enjoy some jokes about MONSTERS.