Biblical Counseling for Women

The God of Our Circumstances

noreply@blogger.com (JulieG) — Wed, 22 May 2013 10:00:00 +0000

And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose. Romans 8:28 (NASB)

Many of us struggle mightily with circumstances that cause us to be anxious, fearful and to worry. These are perilous and difficult days we are living in! There is so much uncertainty for us with the economy and employment being so volatile.

It is easy to forget that God is in charge of all these things and knows the end from the beginning in each person's life.

John MacArthur says, "God does not merely use the circumstances in our lives, as in “somehow” works with them after the fact. He actually causes them. The Sovereignty of God is exhaustive and he ordains, both causes and effects or another way of putting it is He ordains the ends and the means to those ends. In His providential care God orchestrates every event in life-even suffering, temptation, and sin-to accomplish both our temporal and eternal benefit."

We need to be constantly reminded that is God who not only uses our circumstances, but causes them in the first place. We must look to the Old Testament narratives and the New Testament testimonies of the servants of God to see how He orchestrated every event down to the smallest detail in order to accomplish what He had planned.

One example would be Israel. God brought them into Egypt in the first place, brought them out 400 years later (as He foretold He would do) , and took care of them every step of the way as they wandered for 40 years in the desert.

In spite of God's faithfulness to them, they were fearful and complained about everything!

What indeed do they have to be fearful about? What do they have to worry about? What do they have to complain about? Why are they so anxious? Why do they fret?

Well, like us, they had heart problems that caused them to doubt God’s goodness, His provision, and His divine plan for their lives. The doubt feeds the fears and the desires of the heart, that is, what we really worship, forms a vicious circle of out of control emotion and paralyzing fear.

Consider Job and his wife for a moment. Job is struck and afflicted, his family is killed, all his worldly goods are gone. His wife suggests he curse God and die.

But he said to her, “You speak as one of the foolish women speaks. Shall we indeed accept good from God and not accept adversity?” In all this Job did not sin with his lips. Job 2:10

The word foolish does not mean ‘silly” but refers to one who rejects God or His revealed will. Such a person is considered “unwise” in Scripture because they doubt God and His power, His goodness and object to the circumstances He has sovereignly placed in their lives.

Job, on the other hand was willing to accept the circumstances as from God. He did not blame Satan and he did not blame the Chaldeans. He recognized that both were instruments of God’s revealed will and was therefore able to live out his belief in God's sovereignty. Simply put, Job trusted God rather than trusting his own "wisdom"!

Spiritually, worry is a form of idolatry and a fruit of unbelief. On a practical level the chronic worrier is unwise, living as if there is no God to place trust in.

In Matt 6:19-21 our Lord deals with seeking and trusting in various treasures. Worry involves earthly things to worry about or treasures: (job, marriage, money, relationships, death, any desire, lust, passion of the heart )

What you are focusing on (eyes for) competes with God. Focusing and fixating on them gets the heart (inner self) attached. The thought process sounds like; when, how, if, how soon will these treasures fail?

The man is help captive to the idea of losing his treasure.

We try to manipulate our idols. We want something from our idols-the pay off is a temporary reassurance. In reality, the idol master’s you and you serve it-the manipulation is a two-way street.

What you value supremely will rule your life. In other words what you treasure rules you.

Is this really God's ideal for His people?

Interview with Dr. Kurt Grady on Psychotropic Drugs

noreply@blogger.com (JulieG) — Tue, 21 May 2013 10:00:00 +0000

Today I am posting an interview of Dr. Kurt Grady by Linda Rice on Psychotropic drugs. There has been a lot of buzz in the days since the psychiatric association came out against their own "bible," the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Illness (DSM). I will post the second part on Thursday. Linda's blog can be found here.

by Linda

Recently, I corresponded with Dr. Kurt Grady to ask some questions regarding psychotropic drugs.

Dr. Kurt Grady is a practicing clinical pharmacist in the St. Louis, Missouri area. He holds a Doctor of Pharmacy degree, a Master’s degree in Business Administration, and a Doctor of Biblical Studies degree in Biblical Counseling. Kurt is certified by the International Association of Biblical Counselors. He serves on the board of directors of Overseas Instruction in Counseling and Christian Education Enterprises, Inc. He is a faculty member at Gateway Biblical Counseling and Training Center, Master’s International School of Divinity and an associate teacher in international graduate degree programs with Overseas Instruction in Counseling. With Dr. David Tyler, he is the co-author of Deceptive Diagnosis: When Sin is Called Sickness and ADHD: Deceptive Diagnosis both by Focus Publishing. Kurt lectures on biblical counseling topics at both domestic and international conferences. He and Lesley have been married over twenty years and they have three teenage sons.

What percentage of your customers are purchasing psychotropic drugs?

My current position is in long-term care pharmacy so I take care of nursing home patients primarily. National data as of March 2013 show that approximately 63% of people in nursing homes receive at least one psychoactive medication. These include antipsychotics (24%), antidepressants (47%), antianxiety medications (22%) and sleeping medications (7%). Outside of nursing homes, in 2010, 1 in 5 adults in the USA took at least one psychoactive medication…that’s about 60 million people.

What are currently the most popular psychotropic drugs?

By volume, there were over 43.5 million prescriptions filled for two antidepressants (escitalopram (Lexapro) and trazodone (Desyrel) in 2011. Both of these drugs rank in the top 20 of all prescriptions dispensed in the United States that year. Other psychoactive drugs in the top 200 prescriptions by volume dispensed include: Cymbalta, sertraline (Zoloft), alprazolam (Xanax), Seroquel, clonazepam (Klonopin), fluoxetine (Prozac), citalopram (Celexa), lorazepam (Ativan), venlafaxine (Effexor), Abilify, Vyvanse, zolpidem (Ambien), diazepam (Valium), amitriptyline (Elavil), paroxetine (Paxil), amphetamine (Adderall), risperidone (Risperdal), and Zyprexa. Some of these drugs appear multiple times in the top 200 as the generics are often made by different companies. Alprazolam, for example, holds 5 spots in the top 200.

Considering the most popular, what are its purpose, actions, and side effects?

The top two psychoactive drugs by volume are escitalopram and trazodone. Both are classified as antidepressants and each carries a boxed warning of increased suicide rates in people up to 24 years of age taking the medications. While suicide rates are increased in people with depression, the FDA believed there was a more profound effect in younger people taking the drugs and thus added the black box warning. Each drug is associated with nausea, vomiting, constipation, decreased sexual performance and sex drive in general, dizziness, dry mouth, increased appetite and others. Trazodone is known to be profoundly sedating so much so that it is often used for sedation and sleep. In addition, both are sometimes used for treating anxiety.

What emotional problems do escitalopram and trazodone likely indicate?

This is a difficult question in that there is so much experimentation that goes on in mental health drug treatments. These drugs can be used for various anxiety disorders, depression, headaches, treatment of pain, bipolar disorder, aggression, obsessive-compulsive disorder, post-traumatic stress disorder and premenstrual dysphoric disorder and undoubtedly others.

By experimentation, are you referring to the trying of one drug and then another to see what works? If so, how many drugs to people commonly try before they settle on one?

I have seen patients taking up to a half-dozen psychotropic medications in an effort to find just the right cocktail. Rarely does a patient start on one drug and stay on that drug alone for a lengthy period of time. There is a high discontinuation rate.

What makes these two drugs so popular as opposed to other drugs?

Trazodone is a drug that has been on the market for decades so most are familiar with it. As noted, it is profoundly sedating so it is used more as a sleep aid than as an antidepressant. It is also used as a sedative for people with anxiety, bipolar disorder and other disorders. It’s also quite inexpensive. Escitalopram is newer and is thought to have fewer side effects than the other SSRI’s [selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors]. It is the generic for Lexapro, which was widely prescribed and was one of the last SSRI’s to lose its brand status. As such, it is the drug that has most recently been highly promoted for depression by a pharmaceutical company. If more people were taking the brand name agent due to heavy promotion, this would lead to more generic prescriptions once they are available. It really comes down to prescribing habits and familiarity.

If depression leads to suicide, and a particular antidepressant increases the risk of suicide, how can it be called an antidepressant? It seems like prescription of such an antidepressant is like dripping lighter fluid onto the fire. What benefit did research show that would convince a psychiatrist to prescribe it for depression?

The theories would have us think of it like this: severely depressed people may think of and even plan suicide, however, they do not have the “energy” or motivation to carry even this act to fruition because they are so profoundly depressed. When these drugs are given, as they begin to lift mood, this gives the depressed person enough energy to actually carry out suicide.

Another factor may have to do with people abruptly discontinuing their medications. While this is also theoretical, the thought is that a rapid discontinuation of the SSRI medications, for example, may lead to a “chemical storm” in the brain as the organ seeks to begin producing various neurotransmitters that it has not been producing because of the presence of the medications. This process of restarting the production of dormant neurotransmitter production takes time. So, if the drugs are removed before the brain can produce its own chemistry again, the results are all kinds of horrors from suicides to murder (including school shootings, theatre shootings, mass murders, etc.). The fact that the boxed warnings target a younger population could be supported by the fact that younger people are less likely to be adherent to drug therapy due to various side effects.

Finally, we do know that these people have problems. They are depressed. The incidence of suicide is higher in depressed people. Perhaps drugs are not the cause at all? Perhaps there are other factors involved….

Is there any danger if a person takes himself off the drug? For example, perhaps he has side effects that are so uncomfortable that he wants to quit the drug?

See above. The SSRI’s, for the most part, need to be tapered slowly. In working with counselees and physicians, my experience has taught me that the length of time it takes for a person to safely and successful come off one of these medications is related to how long they have been taking it. It is also possible that a person may not be able to completely discontinue one of the medications. It may be, in people who have taken multiple medications or who have taken them for a lengthy period of time, that real organic changes have taken place in the brain that do not allow complete medication discontinuation. However, our goal as biblical counselors is not to manage medications or suggest that people stop taking them. Our goal is to glorify God. Restoring the counselee (discipleship) to a place of obedience and usefulness in the Kingdom is our aim, regardless of whether or not they are still taking medications.

Part 2 on Thursday!

Waiting in the Wings

noreply@blogger.com (JulieG) — Mon, 20 May 2013 10:00:00 +0000

Yesterday Don Whitney was out guest preacher and he spoke to us about waiting. Waiting is such a hard thing to do, and there seem to be an inordinate number of people I know waiting for something. When the waiting is prolonged we become impatient and angry that God's will is taking so long to be revealed in our lives.

As I pray about the things other people and I are waiting for I am reminded of the Hebrews and their captivity in Egypt.

So God heard their groaning; and God remembered His covenant with Abraham, Issac, and Jacob. God saw the sons of Israel and God took notice of them. Exodus 2:24, 25

I want to remind you that God hears our pleadings, and even though you have been waiting for a long time He has not forgotten you.

God saw the suffering of His people in Egypt, and He sees your suffering this moment too. He is not watching from His heavenly throne with His arms crossed across His mighty chest passively observing you like a bug under a magnifying glass, He is actively building character in you as you struggle. He is building faith, and perseverance, and trust and hope and endurance in your heart and mind. He is preparing you even now for the next trial you will face, strengthening you so that when that day comes you will be able to bear it.

"For the eyes of the LORD move to and fro throughout the earth that He may strongly support those whose heart is completely His. 2 Chron. 16:9a

Finally we see that God took notice of His people. On the surface, the verse in Exodus can be misleading because it reads as though God was unaware of them or their plight. What this verse actually means is that God “knew” them; He brought to bear the covenant He made with their forefathers. It was not because of any action they had done no set of righteous deeds caused God to move, it was simply time.

We can take a lesson from this as well. Sometimes while we are waiting we get a mindset of works righteousness and wrongly think that if we fast more, pray harder, sacrifice something, and beg or plead with tears that God will move on our behalf; that we can make God move. I am sorry, we cannot. God will move in our situations when it brings Him the most glory. It may be the last minute of the last hour we have or in the time we least expect Him to do so. Always, always, He moves when it brings Him the most glory.

This is further testimony to why I say that it is all about Him and not at all about us. From the time God began to actively intervene in the captivity of the Hebrews it was all about bringing glory to Himself. All those miraculous signs were not about Pharaoh, or Moses and Aaron or the Hebrews; they were about a mighty and all powerful God revealing His glory to the world.

When God chooses to move in your circumstances it will be for His glory and your benefit. Be assured that as He was bringing Moses into the world He had the same plan in mind as the one He brought to pass. He already has the answer to your question of “when” and your job in this time of waiting is to pray He would bring Himself glory in revealing it.

Help in Depression

noreply@blogger.com (JulieG) — Fri, 17 May 2013 10:00:00 +0000

Do not be conformed any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind (Romans 12:2).

I have recently been helping someone understand the process of mind renewal and heart change. It is critical to understand that you won't have one without the other.

Mind renewal is especially important when dealing with feelings of depression. When your thoughts, beliefs, and desires are set on glorifying God, you will begin to do the right things, such as serving others, and you will experience good results, such as relief from depressive feelings.

If you are a woman who struggles with feelings; especially depressive ones, I would encourage you to consider what God says about your reason for living. Why do you think He created you? Search the Scriptures and make a list of the reasons God says He made you. To get you started, look up 1 Corinthians 6:20.

I also encourage you to remind yourself daily of your spiritual identity. The book of Ephesians
gives you some great clues about who you are in Christ. Examine the book in depth, especially the first three chapters. Take notes, use various translations, and look up words you don’t know or understand in a concordance, such as Vine’s or Strong’s.

Do you know who you are in Christ? Check a concordance for words like “justified,” “sanctified,” “called,” “elect,” “blameless,” “holy.” Memorize the Bible verses that reveal how these words apply to you.

As you go throughout your day, look for God at work in your circumstances. Examine the life of biblical characters such as David, Samuel, Ruth, Naomi, King Saul, Samson, Elijah, and Paul. These people were used by God and still testify to us today; how did they handle their crises and troubles?
Do a study on what the Bible has to say about grumbling and complaining. Use both the Old and New Testaments.

Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a huge crowd of witnesses to the life of faith, let us strip off every weight that slows us down, especially the sin that so easily hinders our progress. And let us run with endurance the race that God has set before us. We do this by keeping our eyes on Jesus, on whom our faith depends from start to finish. Hebrews 12:1-2a (NLT)

Let me challenge you with these questions as I leave you for today:

What is your focus today?
Do you just want to be “feeling better”?

If so, may I suggest you change your focus to “seeing Christ?” The goal of true change is to see only Jesus Christ. He is your answer. He is your comfort. He is your help in time of need. He is your light, your salvation, your all in all. He is your hope.

He’s on both sides of the coin

noreply@blogger.com (JulieG) — Thu, 16 May 2013 10:00:00 +0000

Today's guest blogger is Stephanie Van Gorden. Stephanie and her family serve with Village Missions, a missions organization whose purpose is to strengthen and establish healthy Biblical churches in North America, primarily in rural areas.

During the most difficult period of our dealings with infertility and treatment, I frequented a Christian message board for women struggling with the same thing. One discussion centered around one woman’s indecision about whether to continue praying for healing or to just finally move on. It’s a valid question, and one that has ramifications for all kinds of waiting situations. The same principle applied when our family was waiting on news on a job change. It applies to other kinds of medical treatment. It applies to university decisions. It applies to relational difficulties. If infertility isn’t your “thing” today, fill in the blank with circumstances you’re experiencing or know of where God has asked you to wait.

I don't think that praying with faith and accepting the current situation are mutually exclusive. In other words, it's not like in God's economy it's an either/or. Trusting the Lord can be more AND than OR. My husband defines prayer as humbly expressing our dependence on God, responding to what and whom He has revealed Himself to be.

SO...we can pray with faith, recognizing our dependence on Him both to walk with us through the current circumstances (Isaiah 43:1-3a), and to change them according to His will. God's sovereignty covers both sides of the coin. We can humbly and joyfully (though not necessarily happily) accept God’s ‘no’ answer, resting in the sovereignty of an all-powerful, perfectly wise and loving heavenly Father, who knows what He is about. At the same time that we say, "Thy will be done," we can ask Him if His will can include this thing we’re asking for. Consider it, if you will, the same coin as Jesus' prayer in Gethsemane: "Take this cup from Me; nevertheless, Your will be done." He was willing and joyful (even though not happy) to obey the Father even to the ultimate cost of His life, but He still asked His Father (our Father!) to change the circumstances if He would.

So whether or not to continue asking for a change, for a ‘yes’? I think God is pleased when we do, because we're glorifying Him by expressing our belief that only He in the universe is capable of bringing that about. But we must be sure we're (a) asking with the right motives (James 4:2-3), and (b) asking in humility, content to rest in the palm of His hand, knowing that His will cannot be thwarted .

Something that has helped me is Psalm 84:11-12:

For the LORD God is a sun and shield;
The LORD gives grace and glory.
No good thing does He withhold
From those who walk uprightly.
O LORD of hosts,
How blessed is the man who trusts in You!

If something good is being withheld, it's because in God's will, there is something better for me and beyond me in the long run. Someone once said that God's will is exactly what we would choose if we knew what He knows. Understanding that truth does not preclude us from asking for something, merely from grasping at a perceived right to it, or holding so tightly to it that we respond sinfully if He does not give it.

Several years ago, a man in our congregation contracted cancer for the 5th time. When he told us the news, he said, "I've been healed four times, and I know God can heal me again if He chooses to, so that's what I'm praying for. But I know that if He doesn't heal me here, I'll be healed in heaven, so it's a win-win situation."

We can turn our situations into win-win situations like Del's if we're willing to say, with Christ, “Let this cup pass from Me; nevertheless, Your will be done.” Or, in my case, as I posted a reply on that message board thread, “God, I desperately want children, but I don't want to 'need' them more than I need You. Help me to obey You with joy; help me to be content with You as my portion (because how can children add to Your perfect perfections?!). You have made this day for me, and as Your Word says, I will rejoice and be glad in it! I also ask You to bring about healing in my body so that it might bear children for Your glory, if You are pleased to do so. Nevertheless, I know that You are in Your heaven, and You do what You please. May it please You to bring children to our home. But if it doesn't, may it please me to honor You with all that I am and have, so that whether by my infertility or by having children, Your name will be glorified.”

Answers When Life is Hard

noreply@blogger.com (JulieG) — Wed, 15 May 2013 10:00:00 +0000

But I will sing of your strength; I will sing aloud of your steadfast love in the morning. For you have been to me a fortress and a refuge in the day of my distress. O my Strength, I will sing praises to you, for you, O God, are my fortress, the God who shows me steadfast love. Psalm 59:16-17 (ESV)

When things are hard and there seem to be no answers, our human emotions tell us that God is a casual observer of life, that He does not or must not care about suffering. Biblical thinking reminds us that in each event He is working out good for the believer who loves him. Each event is completely purposeful, as well as intricately planned and guided by Him. Emotions tell us that it is wrong to let people suffer in this way. After listening to a conversation similar to this one, a friend once said, “God is mean.”

Can you really trust God when misfortune or adversity strikes? Can you really trust God when your life is filled with pain? Emotions answer with a resigned “What’s my choice?” We find ourselves in the default position of “If I don’t trust God is trustworthy, then what?” Emotions want an immediate bail-out from adversity and relief from the pain. We want it to be over.

Biblical thinking reminds us that suffering is purposeful and should be expected by believers because we are sojourners in this wicked world. Biblical thinking also tells us that it is contrary to the character of God to passively and casually observe human suffering. God is active and involved in our suffering.

Many times I hear counselees say that if they only understood what God was doing, they would feel better. We long for understanding when we are suffering. We believe that if God would pull back the curtain and let us peek into the future and see how this all turns out, we could cope with it better.

The faithless heart is a heart that lacks trust in God and His sovereignty. This is essentially a character assassination of God!

Look again at the synonyms for unfaithful. When you react and respond emotionally, can you see how you are actually saying that God is not following through on His promises to you? You are actually saying that God is betraying your trust in Him? You are really saying that God is deceitful and treacherous?

If you do not believe God is faithful and trustworthy, then where is your hope? Can you see how your thinking has a tremendous effect on your life? There is a close relationship between what you think and believe and how you feel!

If you have no faith or trust that God is who He says He is in the Bible, you will struggle mightily with depression. You will be tossed about by the trials this life brings and see yourself as a victim of everything. You will be, as James says, unstable in all you do.

So, you see, it is impossible to please God without faith. Anyone who wants to come to him must believe that there is a God and that he rewards those who sincerely seek him. Hebrews 11:6 (NLT)

They Say He Has No Conscience.

noreply@blogger.com (JulieG) — Tue, 14 May 2013 10:00:00 +0000

Today's guest blogger is Linda Rice. Linda is and author and conference speaker. She will be speaking at our Regional Biblical Counseling Conference in March of 2014. You can read more of her writing here.

We’ve heard stories like the Columbine school shooting or children who torment animals or kill parents all without remorse. Similarly, children labeled with RAD are noted for callousness, lack of compassion, lack of empathy, and lack of remorse. It is not uncommon for them to be spoken of as children without a conscience.

Webster’s 1828 dictionary says that a conscience is “the faculty, power, or principle within us, which decides on the lawfulness or unlawfulness of our own actions and affections, and instantly approves or condemns them.” This states the biblical teaching pretty well. Proverbs 20:27 says that the spirit of a man works like the Lord’s lamp, searching the secret closets and corners of the heart, exposing motives for evaluation to affirm or accuse the person. Affirmation produces peacefulness; accusation produces guilt feelings.

Many psychologists teach that a child labeled RAD not only does not show remorse, he has no ability to feel remorse because he literally has no conscience. Some theorize that the conscience resides in certain neurons in a location of the brain. Furthermore, a baby is born without a conscience. This is why babies have no scruples doing hurtful things (pinching, hitting, poking, pulling hair) that, at older ages, they would not dare to do. At about age two the brain grows and develops the neurons for a conscience, which then further develops during childhood. So if a toddler does not develop those neurons, then his brain has no conscience. Or in some cases, brain damage can destroy the part of the brain where the conscience resides.

It is one thing to refuse to repent or to show remorse. It is quite another to literally possess no conscience due to the structure of one’s brain. There are enormous implications.

One implication is the lack of limits on behavior. By its alarm or the discomfort of guilt feelings, the conscience dissuades us from doing worse than we would. So without a conscience, the person will have no internal alarm to warn him away from wrongdoing. Only the fear of getting caught or not living by his own warped code of ethics will restrain him. It is open season on fulfilling any selfish desire to any extreme. He can treat others any way he wants with no compunction. No wonder we automatically shrink back from the idea of someone having no conscience.

The belief in a lack of conscience excuses people from responsibility. Thus, the insanity plea comes in handy.

The ultimate implication for the person is that he has no path to salvation. First John 1:8-9 says,

“If we say that we have no sin, we are deceiving ourselves and the truth is not in us. If we confess our sins, He is faithful and righteous to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.”

Someone unable to sense conviction of sin does not perceive himself as having sinned. Someone who hasn’t sinned doesn’t need the Savior. Without awareness of wrongdoing there is no rationale for repentance and without repentance there is no forgiveness and without forgiveness there is no salvation from wrath or way to peace with God. This belief that a person can possess no conscience robs of hope.

Thanks be to the Lord that His Word holds the truth. As I noted in my book:

Scripture teaches that everyone has a conscience. Romans 1:19-20 says, “That which is known about God is evident within [people] . . . , so that they are without excuse.” Untaught people have an innate knowledge that God exists and that there is a moral standard to which they are accountable. About those unaware of God’s written law, Romans 2:14-15 says, “. . . they show the work of the Law written in their hearts, their conscience bearing witness and their thoughts alternately accusing or else defending them.” The fact that people who have not been instructed in the Law innately do some right and condemn some wrong shows that possession of a conscience is universal.

The conscience is a moral capacity, not a set of neurons.

The idea that the conscience resides in brain structure is a philosophical position, not a scientifically derived fact. It is based on the belief that the mind resides in and emerges from the brain, a view which is rooted in the theory of evolution. The immaterial depends upon the material. The brain generates the mind. Without the brain, there is no mind or conscience.

The Bible teaches a different view. The in-breathed spirit, not the brain, is the animating force of man (Gen. 2:7; Jas. 2:26). The spirit of a man searches his (immaterial) heart, not his brain (Prov. 20:27). When the body dies, the spirit does not die like an animal’s but returns to God (Eccl. 12:7). The apostle Paul wrote to the Corinthians that he preferred “to be absent from the body and to be at home with the Lord” (2 Cor. 5:8). He knew that even without his body he would be conscious of his beloved Lord and able to relate to Him. His mind, being immaterial, would still be functioning without the material brain. The brain both influences the mind and is a means of expressing it, but the mind is not completely dependent upon the brain for its existence or function. Conscience is not just a brain function but a moral capacity. Again from my book:

But just because infants do not know particular wrongs and do not demonstrate conscience in a way that adults can measure does not mean that they do not have a conscience. Adam did not experience developmental stages and in his innocence did not give evidence that he had a conscience. Yet, as soon as he sinned, he felt shame and hid, demonstrating that he possessed a conscience. It had just not previously been activated to sound an alarm. Every person is born with an innate sense that some sort of right and wrong exists and possesses the capacity for moral self-judgment.

We have all offended God by disobedience. He has kindly given each of us a conscience that convicts of guilt before God so that we can be aware that there is a problem. Unpleasant as it is, conviction of guilt provides essential hope because it motivates us to seek God’s solution. Sinners need a Savior and God provided one. Christ died to pay sin’s penalty so that those who repent by grace alone through faith alone in Christ alone will be saved from the power of sin in this life, from the wrath of God in hell, and will live with God for eternity.

Feelings, Worry, and Faith

noreply@blogger.com (JulieG) — Mon, 13 May 2013 10:00:00 +0000

“So don’t worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will bring its own worries. Today’s trouble is enough for today. Matthew 6:34 (NLT)

Often, people who struggle with fear, worry and anxiety react rather than thinking. Emotional reactivity becomes the habitual response of being a “worrywart.” They have trained themselves to respond with the feelings of worry and anxiety and have done it for so long they do not know how to respond differently.

Feelings are a normal part of life but they ought not to control our lives.

The feelings that result from fear, worry and anxiety feel bad. Did you know that your feelings are actually indicators of what is going on inside in the heart (inner-man). Read this next sentence slowly and carefully-

Your feelings are actually by-products of your thinking.

Making a distinction between what you believe and what you feel is critical because your attitudes reflect your inner beliefs about self and your problems.

Our feelings are a part of our emotional package and part of our cognitive processes (which are our ability to think, reason, and communicate). Disturbed feelings may be the first indication that there is a problem (Matt. 6:34). When we experience distressing feelings it may be the result of sin we have committed (Ps. 38:3-10; Gen. 4:6-7).

For example, David (often a heroic example for sinful issues) sins with Bathsheba. In Psalm 38 we learn of David’s distress because of his sin. There is a cause (adultery)-effect (distress) on his emotions.

Another example would be Cain in Gen. 4:6-7. Cain disobey's God about the kind of sacrifice he is to bring to God and brings an offering of his own choosing. God rejects his offering and Cain becomes angry at God, and then angry at his brother Abel who is held up as the example. Rather than being repentant for his disobedience, Cain is angry at God and murders Abel even though his own sin is the cause of the rejection.

Also on the negative side, a person can feel happy and be involved with unrighteous deeds (Ex. 32). Do you recall the story of the golden calf? While Moses was receiving the Ten Commandments the newly freed Hebrew people had Aaron fashion an idol of gold to worship. Once it was done they had a wild party full of debauchery. Apparently their feelings of happiness were connected with their sin!

It is the same today when a woman tells me how happy she is in her illicit relationship. This illustrates how emotions cannot be trusted as truth. Emotions and feelings result from what goes on in the heart.

Do you find yourself obeying or living by your feelings? If so, then I suspect that your life is unstable, and that you often find yourself living in a see-saw emotional upheaval, never knowing how you are going to feel next. This is a difficult way to live and not at all glorifying to God.

You are not to be mastered by anything, including feelings and emotions. You are to be ruled by the Holy Spirit of God. Allow Him to be your guide rather than those feelings of worry, fear, and anxiety. Trust that God is completely aware of all that encompasses your life and that He is working in and through your circumstances.

Doubting the Love of God

noreply@blogger.com (JulieG) — Fri, 10 May 2013 10:00:00 +0000

I have a friend who for a period of time doubted the love of God in her life. Small things would happen that were not a part of her plan for the day and she would wonder aloud, “Don’t You love me God?”

Have you ever been there? Have you been in the midst of some difficult circumstances and wondered if God loves you? Or, have you ever believed that you sinned so greatly that God could never love you or accept you? Some of you have, I know.

What would you have to see or experience to realize this love? How about a day where everything goes right, or an extra paycheck or bonus shows up in your mail slot? For multitudes of people the gauge of God’s love are the circumstances in their lives. If things go well then God loves them and is pleased with them. If things go badly then God is somehow displeased with them, especially if things go wrong for an extended period of time.

I once went through a horrible time of conflict and thought that God was done with using me in ministry as a result of it. I was very, very sad at this thought but wanted what God wanted for me and for His church. I did not realize that I was questioning God’s love for me in the midst of all that grief until I was asked to read the Word of God to the congregation on Christmas. I was simply overjoyed at the privilege of being asked to share the very Word of God and vividly recall hanging up the phone and with shouts of joy and tears saying, “You do still love me! You do still love me!”

Until that moment I did not realize I doubted Him. I also did not realize that my beliefs were in conflict with the truth of Scripture. I did not realize what an insult such thoughts and beliefs truly are. Listen, when you are tempted to think such thoughts ask yourself this, exactly how much more would God have to do for you to show you that He loves you? What more this there than death?

For while we were still helpless, at the right time Christ died for the ungodly. For one will hardly die for a righteous man; though perhaps for the good man someone would dare even to die. But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us. Romans 5:6-8

I repeat, what more can a person do for you to show you His love than to die for you? We makes heroes out of men who jump on train tracks to rescue a little child and rightfully so! What about one Man who provided a way of rescue for every man woman and child ever born? What else could He possibly do to persuade you of His love?

Jesus is enough! His death was enough to prove the love of God for us my friends. His death was sufficient to secure our salvation. His death was enough to secure our life. His death was proof of His love as on that day for the first time ever in all of eternity God turned His face away from His own Son (Matt.27:46).

But the LORD was pleased To crush Him, putting Him to grief; If He would render Himself as a guilt offering… Isaiah 53:10

God did not spare His own Son in any respect in this death. Jesus’ death was not private as His betrayer’s was (Matt. 27:3-5, Acts 1:18). It was not a simple hanging in a deserted place or a neat and orderly affair, it was a bloody, messy, vile affair that was public; and every stripe was intentional, every drop of blood spilled was accounted for.

In his book Grow in Grace Sinclair Ferguson says, “When we think of Christ’s dying on the cross we are shown the lengths to which God’s love goes in order to win us back to Himself. We would almost think that God loved us more than he loves His Son. We cannot measure His love by any other standard. He is saying to us, ‘I love you this much.’”

Carefully read Isaiah 53 today. Spend some time meditating on the great love that God has shown us in Jesus Christ. Put away the childish notions that worldly things are evidence of His love and favor and instead think on things that are true (Phil 4:8).

“Greater love has no one than this, that one lay down his life for his friends." John 15:13

They'll Know We Are Christians

noreply@blogger.com (JulieG) — Wed, 08 May 2013 14:39:00 +0000

I was observing as people came and went in and out of a busy place today. I saw people of all sizes shapes and colors. Whether we realize it or not, we tend to identify people by their race or ethnicity and use that as a means of pointing them out for one reason or another. Now, to be clear I am not talking about slurs or unkind comments or anything that the politically correct police would disapprove of. I am simply stating that we often tell what people group someone belongs to by what we see on the outside in their coloring, facial features or clothing. To hear them speak many times confirms our suspicion.

Can people tell that you belong to the people group known as "Christian?" How would they know that?

We have a church in our general vicinity that is very attractive to youth and the 20-somethings. Many of those Christians are covered in tattoo's, have multiple piercings, and their clothing style is very trendy. Their preferred music is as far away from a hymn as you can get and many don't use a printed Bible, but a tablet or other electronic device on which they access Scripture.

There are branches of Christianity that some say are identifiable by their clothing; the women wear only skirts and dresses, or they have long hair, or wear no makeup on their faces. Some only read a certain version of the Bible, or have no television set, others will not dance or watch a movie in a theater. Certain Christians will not eat pork or other foods, and I have known Christians who insist on wearing a smile and denying they have a problem in the world because it looks more Christian than to admit they struggle.

For us women, we wrongly measure one another's Christianity by the number of children a woman has, if she uses birth control or not, if she home schools or sends her children to public or private school.

Does doing or not doing any of these things make a person more or less Christian? I think not.

But the LORD said to Samuel, “Do not look at his appearance or at the height of his stature, because I have rejected him; for God sees not as man sees, for man looks at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart.” 1 Samuel 16:7 (NASB)

I believe if we had the ability to see the inner man we would see that there are devout, regenerated believers in both groups, and hypocrites in both groups too!

This is the danger in trying to determine from outward appearances the state of a person's soul. Paul warns the Ephesian church not to judge by the outward appearance, and not to give preferential treatment to someone who comes in the door wearing gold and jewels (1 Tim 2:9).

Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewelry and fine clothes. 1 Peter 3:3 (NIV)

What then should characterize the "look" of the Christian? These are some of the marks of a Christian; someone who desires to be holy and to live out that internal heart-level decision of holiness in their every day life:

but let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the imperishable quality of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is precious in the sight of God. 1 Peter 3:4 (NASB)

Therefore, laying aside falsehood, SPEAK TRUTH EACH ONE OF YOU WITH HIS NEIGHBOR, for we are members of one another.

BE ANGRY, AND YET DO NOT SIN; do not let the sun go down on your anger, 27and do not give the devil an opportunity.

He who steals must steal no longer; but rather he must labor, performing with his own hands what is good, so that he will have something to share with one who has need.

Let no unwholesome word proceed from your mouth, but only such a word as is good for edification according to the need of the moment, so that it will give grace to those who hear.

Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice.

Be kind to one another, tender-hearted, forgiving each other, just as God in Christ also has forgiven you. Ephesians 4:25 through Ephesians 4:32 (NASB)

But as for you, speak the things which are fitting for sound doctrine.

Older men are to be temperate, dignified, sensible, sound in faith, in love, in perseverance. Older women likewise are to be reverent in their behavior, not malicious gossips nor enslaved to much wine, teaching what is good, so that they may encourage the young women to love their husbands, to love their children, to be sensible, pure, workers at home, kind, being subject to their own husbands, so that the word of God will not be dishonored. Titus 2:1 through Titus 2:5 (NASB)

... be subject to rulers, to authorities, to be obedient, to be ready for every good deed, to malign no one, to be peaceable, gentle, showing every consideration for all men. Titus 3:1-2

But avoid foolish controversies and genealogies and strife and disputes about the Law, for they are unprofitable and worthless. Titus 3:9 (NASB)

Unfortunately, in our day there is little difference between many who profess Christ as Savior and Lord and their unregenerated friends and family. The call to holiness has been abandoned for a slick package of religiosity. Drinking, partying, and immorality of all kinds are found among those who look Christian and profess to be Christians and I am adamant when I state as James did: "This should not be!" (James 3:9)

So, how are you known? Is your life displaying the righteous life of Christ? Do your words reflect the grace and truth you claim to possess? Are your actions those of a person who understands that she is a slave to Christ? How have you grown and changed since you professed Christ? These are but a few things to ponder as we go forward in daily life.

God’s Goodness is Equal to His Greatness

noreply@blogger.com (JulieG) — Tue, 07 May 2013 10:00:00 +0000

Today's guest blogger is Linda Rice. You can read more of Linda's writings here!

How much goodness might that be? Since King David said, “His greatness is unsearchable” (Ps. 145:3), God’s goodness must be beyond our ability to measure and, therefore, beyond our ability to comprehend or express. Yet God, in His goodness, gives us the ability to enjoy not only what we comprehend but much of which we are not even aware.

David had a lot to say about God’s goodness. Here is a precious sample that has many times encouraged me:

How great is Thy goodness,
Which Thou hast stored up for those who fear Thee,
Which Thou hast wrought for those who take refuge in Thee,
Before the sons of men! Psalm 31:19, by King David

The Hebrew word translated “great” in this verse refers more to abundant space than to number. The goodness that God has treasured up for those who fear Him is “large, vast.” Not only has God stored it up; He has “wrought” it. He has made it. He initiates and takes the active role in its supply. His goodness toward us is His idea and His work.

God gives good gifts to all. He is so good that He gives good gifts even to His enemies. What a generous goodness!

While God is good to His enemies, to His own children He provides abounding goodness. Being large or vast, how much space might this storehouse of God’s goodness take up? How deep? How wide? How densely packed must it be? The supply would be inexhaustible. The value of this treasure is beyond calculation.

Look around at all of the colors, the hues and shades of colors. If the goodness God has color, how varied and vivid would its colors be?

Elsewhere, David said, “Oh taste and see that the Lord is good” (Ps. 34:8). How intense are its flavors? How rich and richly packed with nutrients it is such that it totally satisfies he who tastes of it. How potent is its effect upon the recipient?

Are you going through a tough time? Think about what kind of Person would go to such efforts as to make and store up an over-abundance of goodness for another. Furthermore, He stores it up for one (you or me) who is undeserving of it. We don’t earn it. We can’t earn it. That is impossible. God initiates. He makes it, stores it, and delivers it purely out of His goodness and grace.

If you fear the Lord, if you are one who takes refuge in Him, if you are a follower of Jesus, then the Lord has a treasure of goodness for you. According the Bible God has an immeasurable amount, an inestimable store, an inexhaustible supply, an infinite vastness, a fully satisfying banquet, an invaluable treasure, an incalculable value of goodness stored up for you.

How does the vastness and value of God’s goodness compare with your present trial?
In what ways is God doing good to you now? Do you find it satisfying?
What difference could this truth make in your life today? How might you apply it?

Grieving Changes of Elderly Parents

noreply@blogger.com (JulieG) — Tue, 07 May 2013 10:00:00 +0000

My long-time readers will remember my posts about my journey with my parents as my beloved Mom's earthly life came to an end. That was a little over 4 years ago now and most days her loss is bearable. Since she left us my Dad has aged tremendously. He is 91 years old now, and of course that is the primary reason he has aged; but losing his soul mate was a hard blow for him despite his crusty exterior.

He is an amazing man. At 91 he has a busier schedule than most of us have! His social calendar is full of physical activities that have kept his body strong and his mind sharp. He has been taking care of himself with some assistance from family since my mom left us.

There are big changes in the wind now....

He is forgetful these days. Not dementia, but forgetful. He repeats himself and forgets things he is told and things he tells us. He is forever losing things in the house. Keys, mail, have been misplaced sending him into a frenzy to find them. He struggles to remember basic things on the computer that he has done for years and is often unable to complete his computer work without a little help or reminder of how to do something. On a more serious note, he sometimes forgets his medicines which can have significant ramifications.

He is becoming frail. His active lifestyle has been a godsend, but it is obviously harder for him these days. He used to be tall and he is now about my height. He moves slowly and carefully, mindful that he is not physically the man he used to be. He sleeps a lot now, reliving days gone by in his dreams.

There are big changes in the wind....

It is too hard for him to manage the house now. His health issues are becoming more numerous and more frequent, evidence of the curse (Gen 3) on mankind for sin. It is clear his life is slowing down and winding down.

Watching him decide how much of his life to take to his new home is enlightening and horribly sad. All their lives my parents gathered and collected things for comfort and enjoyment in their old age. It is heart wrenching to watch him let go.

It is here I find sheets of rainy tears embedded in the winds of change...and the tears are mine

My childhood home, the only one I ever knew is going away. It has been a comfort in some respects to visit my dad there and see things as they have always been. Memories of my parents are there; endless summers of fun with my childhood friend in the backyard pool, family gatherings, weddings, Christmases, my high school memories, heartbreaks, proms, and the day I married (and divorced) are all ensconced in the fabric of those walls.

Each time I was there to care for my parents I slept in the bed and bedroom that was mine my whole life before marriage. That room saw many laughs, many tears, and much mischief.

My comforts, my touchstones, my connections to all my childhood memories are going away- to be packed up or sold off. Somehow, this is harder because I never expected it to unfold this way...

The Sin of Perfectionism

noreply@blogger.com (JulieG) — Mon, 06 May 2013 10:00:00 +0000

"Therefore you are to be perfect, as your heavenly Father is perfect. Matthew 5:48 (NASB)

Perfectionism is a common problem among our counselee's, and even more so among those who are depressed. The word "perfectionism" is not found in the Bible, but we are told to be perfect aren't we?

At first blush it looks as though we are told to be without defect or sin. That is not quite what the Lord had in mind when He spoke to His disciples. There is a difference in the command to grow and change into holiness and Christ-likeness (which is the point of being perfect as in Matt. 5:48) and perfectionism.

Christians who aim to be perfect often have as their goal pleasing God and working toward that end. They try to do what is right, live a good life, be good people, serve in the church, honor God, read their Bible, and perform other religious duties yet they always fall short of their goal of perfection.

The problem is not in the goal to be perfect, it is found in the root of perfectionism which is self-righteousness and legalism. Legalism in this context is attempting to attain by human effort what has been procured for us by Christ. We can never be righteous by our deeds or desires; we have been made righteous by Christ (Eph. 1:3, 2 Cor. 5:21, Gal. 2:16, 21), and our righteousness is found in Him alone!

We can live righteously because Christ has made us righteous. We can walk righteously because of the Spirit Christ has placed within us! We have been declared to be dead to sin and alive to God in Christ Jesus (Rom. 6:6) therefore, we have the ability to live differently because we are different.

The perfectionist mis-steps when she thinks and lives as though she must lay hold of that which Christ Jesus has already laid hold of for her (Phil. 3:12). She misses the understanding of progressive sanctification and this leads to despair and unending attempts at self-perfection through legalistic means.

When a person is attempting to work for their own righteousness it is sin. This is why perfectionism is sinful. Repentance, confession, and returning to a proper understanding of the Gospel is critical. A thorough reading of the book of Galatians is in order!

A person struggling with perfectionism needs to be reminded that holy living and righteous living is to flow out from her relationship with Christ and is not a means to gain a relationship with Him. She needs to understand Gospel rest.

Our rest does not equal laziness, but work. The work must be for the right reasons and flow from the heart that understands and accepts the sufficiency of Christ's sacrifice on our behalf. This makes our work joyful service and an offering of love to God and others. This brings joy, peace and contentment into the life of the Christian and replaces the sorrow and misery in the life of the perfectionistic person.

Considerations When Working with Teens

noreply@blogger.com (JulieG) — Fri, 03 May 2013 10:00:00 +0000

Masters, treat your slaves in the same way. Don’t threaten them; remember, you both have the same Master in heaven, and he has no favorites. Ephesians 6:9 (NLT)

I recently had cause to interact with a young Christian woman who was very depressed and suicidal. As we untangled the issues she brought to the counseling table a clear picture began to emerge: she had become a "human-doing" and along the way had "lost" her humanity. She told me she had effectively ceased to live as a human being with the full range of emotions. She prefers to live without emotions or feelings because she says it is less painful that way.

As I listened to her describe what brought her to this place of not caring if she lived or died she told me about working on various farms in her area. She has done this kind of work since she was 14 years old and is now a very gifted ranch manager. Because she has excelled in what she does she has never lacked employment, and has worked very hard all her young adult life.

Slaves, obey your earthly masters with deep respect and fear. Serve them sincerely as you would serve Christ. Try to please them all the time, not just when they are watching you. As slaves of Christ, do the will of God with all your heart. Work with enthusiasm, as though you were working for the Lord rather than for people. Remember that the Lord will reward each one of us for the good we do, whether we are slaves or free. Ephesians 6:5-8 (NLT)

At every farm or ranch she strived to please her employers and really struggled when she was not perfect at her job. The harsh words of the ranch foreman were enough to ruin her day. She would determine to work harder, faster, and better than anyone else the next day. Any positive words from the foreman were received like water to a parched and dying person. Her life became focused on being the best so she could please the boss. A good day at work meant she was worthy. A bad day at work meant she was trash.

A bad day was defined by being yelled at, being told what she did was stupid, being criticized, and demoralized. A bad day also would include getting the message that she disappointed the foreman and didn't quite measured up to his expectations. She worked extra hours, learned new skills, did above and beyond her job duties yet despite how hard she tried she was never "good enough" to please. There was always something she did that was not quite right.

She dealt with the emotions that resulted from such working conditions by turning them inward on herself and "shutting them off." She isolated when not at work, turned away friends and invitations for social activities. She was frequently "bummed out" and lifeless. She said that nothing brought her any enjoyment in life anymore. She began to hate her job and hate her life. She went through each day shutting off her emotions so she could make it through the day. Each morning she woke up dreading the day ahead.

This is what brought her to me. A young woman not yet 20 should not be in this position.

As I listened to her I thought about the influence that adults have on the young people who work for them in so many capacities during these early working years. My boys worked in a variety of jobs while in their teens: cashiers in grocery stores, lube techs in oil change places, all sorts of jobs in fast food joints, and waiter-ing in casual dining restaurants just to name a few. One of them even worked on a farm for a summer! Sometimes the adults who had oversight were kind and other times they were downright cruel. I can recall a few occasions where one of them came home sad or emotionally bruised because of how they were treated by the adults on the job.

a bruised reed he will not break, and a faintly burning wick he will not quench; he will faithfully bring forth justice. Isaiah 42:3 (NASB)

When I asked my children if this is typical they told me young people are very often verbally abused and used by their employers because they know there is someone right behind them waiting to fill the position.

Adults must understand these teens and young adults are human beings, not just human doings. They are not machines or androids who mechanically go through their work shift. They are dealing with many things outside of work and the problems of teenagers are magnified because of their emotional immaturity and lack of life experience.

Very often, the "product" or the job is not life or death, it is just a hamburger or an oil change or a bag of ice to be scanned. Yes, we must teach responsibility and enforce rules, but it is how that is done that has lasting effects on our children. Adults who work with teens really need to think about what kind of influence and impact they are making on their young employees. Adults who work with teens must understand the desire of many of those who show up for work really want their jobs. They want to please, they just aren't able to process like a grown man or woman yet!

Are you someone who works with kids or young adults? Be aware of what you say and how you say it. Be determined to treat your charges with the care and compassion of Christ.

Put on then, as God’s chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, Colossians 3:12 (ESV)

Handle the Guilt

noreply@blogger.com (JulieG) — Thu, 02 May 2013 17:27:00 +0000

The greatest need any of us have is to be sure that our guilt has been handled. This pertains to our future, present and our past. In our current series on dealing with guilt, I wanted to bring out how to deal with our "innocent past" and our "guilty past."

Our primary guilty past has to do with the sin we are are born with.When Adam sinned, sin entered the entire human race. Adam’s sin brought death, so death spread to everyone, for everyone sinned. Romans 5:12 (NLT)

We are all guilty before God and that must be taken care of by entering into a salvific relationship with Jesus Christ. That is the greatest need you and I have in relationship to our past and that our imputed guilt has been handled. We must be sure that our sin has been washed away by the blood of our precious Lamb of God.

Once we are certain of our reconciliation to God, we must then seek the forgiveness of the person or persons we have sinned against. This can be difficult due to length of years that have past, sometimes the people we have sinned against are deceased and we have no opportunity to confess our guilt to them and ask their forgiveness. I would urge you to do the best you can with this and attempt to reconcile with them through repentance and confession.

The problem with discussions about the past is the person is always the “innocent party” therefore, the “victim”. The theory is that the reason the person is having trouble today is because all these people in the past were evil- therefore it is not her fault. But it is not that simple- there were of course situations where I was innocent- someone was evil to me- but my response was wicked- or the habits I developed after that event were wicked. Sometimes my behavior was wicked from the start.

One of our greatest needs in this area is to discern what sinful habits we have developed in the past that shed light on the areas that we are struggling with today. Where there is sin, it must be confessed, to God and to the other person. If restitution is necessary, it must be made. If It Has Been Confessed, Rejoice In God’s Forgiveness, Learn The Lessons You Need To Learn, And Move On.

In other words, don’t wallow in the confessed past. How do you know if you are wallowing? If there's no rejoicing, there’s no learning, there’s no moving on. Have you noticed that there is no productivity when you wallow? If you are wallowing today you are simply in another form of slavery to the past; but this slavery is self-inflicted.

What is the godly purpose in regularly going back and reminding yourself of sins you have committed in the past? You have confessed them- stop beating yourself over the head with them!

Do you see how moody you are? Do you realize that this makes you discouraged and depressed? Stop it!

Living this way is preventing you from reaching out to others, it is preventing you from reaching in and serving others. And, most importantly- it is stopping you from putting the proper amount of effort into growing in the present, because you are too consumed with the past.

Lies We Tell Ourselves- and Believe

noreply@blogger.com (JulieG) — Wed, 01 May 2013 10:00:00 +0000

Many of the problems we face are due in part to the lies we tell ourselves.

"I am fat"
"I am stupid"
"I am what I do"

Someone makes a negative comment to us or about us and we receive it as though it is true.

"You will never amount to anything"
"You are ugly"
"You are worthless"

Over time these lies are reinforced by our own thinking and eventually they become a part of our belief system. This can lead to depression, anxiety, worthlessness and other responses that lead to life dominating sinful actions and attitudes.

"Why should I try"
"I will never be good enough"
"I am defective"

It is very, very difficult to convince someone to believe differently about themselves once negative messages have been ingrained in their heart. There must be a strong unchangeable foundation underneath a persons belief system for it to hold up under the negative messages of the world.

Is it right to let the opinion of a teacher or a boss define your identity?
Is it right to be persuaded about your worthiness by popular opinion or culture?
Is it right to accept the messages of ungodly people into your heart?

I see the devastation that is created in the lives of people who accept as gospel truth the words of people about who they are.

Addiction
Eating Disorders
Self-harm
Suicide attempts

Our identity is determined by our Creator.

a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people belonging to God 1 Peter 2:9
holy and blameless Ephesians 1:4
God's workmanship Ephesians 2:10
God's chosen people, holy and dearly loved Colossians 3:12

He is the one who has made us in His image.

Yet to all who received him, to those who believed in his name, he gave the right to become children of God- children born not of natural descent, nor of human decision or a husband's will, but born of God. John 1:12-13
Because you are sons, God sent the Spirit of his Son into our hearts, the Spirit who calls out, "Abba, Father." So you are no longer a slave, but a son; and since you are a son, God has made you also an heir. Galatians 4:6-7

He has given us our gifts and talents. He has given us our abilities and our capabilities.

“Now there are varieties of gifts, but the same Spirit; and there are varieties of service, but the same Lord; and there are varieties of activities, but it is the same God who empowers them all in everyone.” 1 Corinthians 12:4-6

Having then gifts differing according to the grace that is given to us, let us use them: if prophecy, let us prophesy in proportion to our faith; or ministry, let us use it in our ministering; he who teaches, in teaching; he who exhorts, in exhortation; he who gives, with liberality; he who leads, with diligence; he who shows mercy, with cheerfulness. Romans 12

The problem I see is the voices of the world drown out the soft, quiet whisper of God.

For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place. When I was woven together in the depths of the earth, your eyes saw my unformed body. All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be. Psalm 139:13-16

It is easier (although painful) to listen to someone tell you who you are than it is for you to search it out in Scripture. It does not make sense, but sometimes people prefer to believe the bad things are true about themselves.

The unholy Gospel of Psychology is all around and seems to make so much sense until it is held up to the Gospel of Truth. Sadly, sometimes a person chooses to believe the unholy over the holy despite the pain it brings them. The Gospel has to be foundation in the heart and soul of a Christian. The gospel has to be the basis for a persons belief about who they are. Any other message is false.

Prayers for Children Who are Believers

noreply@blogger.com (JulieG) — Tue, 30 Apr 2013 10:00:00 +0000

Today's guest blogger is Linda Rice. Linda is a biblical counselor at Gateway in Fairview Heights, Illinois. She is the author of the book, Parenting the Difficult Child. You can read her blog here.

by Linda

Considering the couple of posts I wrote on prayer ideas for parents and for unsaved children, I thought I’d round out the topic with a few ideas for prayer for our believing children. Of course, specific needs and ideas will be endless. This is just a sample of thinking out how to pray according to Paul’s example or praying through a passage about how to suffer well, especially for those children who deal with others who offend them. We could all use that kind of prayer at some points in life.

Praying passages like these can be very encouraging for the pray-er, also. I find that it reminds me of truths about my own position in Christ or convicts me that I need to apply it in a particular situation. Passages make great guidelines for praying for friends and family.

I’ve been especially impressed by how often in his epistles Paul thanked God for fellow believers, so I started with that. Adapt them according to the gender and situation.

Thanksgiving to the Lord for the child and his faith in Christ
That he will grow in understanding that having been justified by faith, he has peace with God through Jesus, that by faith he stands in God’s grace. That he will exult in hope of the glory of God and in trials, knowing that the trial rightly handled builds in him the character of Christ. (Rom. 5:1-5)
That he would honor and obey you, his parents, from the heart, that it may be well with him throughout his life (Eph. 6:1-3)
That he would apply James 1:2-16 to his life:
- Considering it joy when he encounters trials because they will prove that his faith is genuine,
- Asking God for wisdom,
- Refusing the temptations to self-pity or to be proud that he is better-behaved than his difficult sibling,
- Persevering in love for the Lord,
- Remembering his own vulnerabilities to sin.
That God will motivate him to long for the salvation of his sibling(s) (Rom 10:1)
That he will discipline himself for godliness (1 Tim. 4:7-8)

Follow the Leader

noreply@blogger.com (JulieG) — Mon, 29 Apr 2013 10:00:00 +0000

I hear women complain about husbands that won't lead their families all the time. It is a frequent topic of discussion in counseling, and I thought I would bring it here for you to think about.

Being a leader is something that few men are trained for in our homes anymore. Many men have been raised by their mothers due to divorce or single parenthood for other reasons. They have not been brought up to be godly leaders or godly men.

When our men come to Christ they do battle with great and powerful forces in the world that are intended to seduce them into immorality, pornography, laziness, self-indulgence and other forms of idolatry. They are used to the women in their lives being overly strong and competent so they are content to let their wives take the place of leadership in the home.

When we marry, we tend to place expectations on our husbands that they are not equipped to deal with. We expect that they will be able to meet every emotional need or presumed need that we have. We also expect them to be able to read our minds, to know our hearts, to be strong yet tender, and able to leap tall buildings in a single bound. We build these houses on sinking sand.

We are quick to quote verses like Ephesians 5:22-24, Colossians 3:18, and 1 Corinthians 11:3, verses many women don't like very much because they speak of submission, and yet these are the ones that are clubbed over the head of men reminding them they must lead.

I have said this before and I say again, if you want your husband to be the leader in your home, then stop doing it yourself. Get out of the way and let him do it! He cannot lead if you are not following, and he cannot be constantly fighting you for that position in your home. Too many men are leading a parade of one in marriage because the wife won't place herself under his protection.

May I ask you, if you are unwilling to submit to your husbands leadership what makes you think you are submitting to Christ? Submission to his leadership is an act of obedience and regardless if he is a good or bad leader we are called to follow. If you are "submitting" and you hate it, and you are doing so with a grudging attitude, then who are you fooling?

The Lord never insists on having authority over us, He never says, "You will submit to me." But instead He leaves us free to choose if we will humble ourselves under His hand of leadership.

So again I say, if you are struggling with a husband who won't lead consider getting out of the way. Surrender your will and your fears to the Lord first and then place yourself under the leadership of your husband.

In Spite of How I Feel

noreply@blogger.com (JulieG) — Fri, 26 Apr 2013 10:00:00 +0000

I was recently faced with the dilemma of having to do something that I knew was going to feel bad in the emotional realm, but was commanded by Scripture to do. I think that doing what is right in spite of how we feel is the biggest challenge facing us as Christians. Of course everyone faces this challenge, but for the believer in Christ it seems to be a particular struggle.

We have two natures at war within us every moment of the day! Scripture says they fight with each other-

For the flesh sets its desire against the Spirit, and the Spirit against the flesh; for these are in opposition to one another, so that you may not do the things that you please. Galatians 5:17 (NASB)

The choice to obey or disobey is presented in what we are called to do and the attitude that we bring to obedience. If you are at all like me, you have an easier time doing what is right with a bad attitude than doing what is right with a submissive and obedient attitude before the Lord. My pesky feelings always get in the way of righteousness!

In a way, I enjoy this battle within myself because it reminds me of my never ending need for Him and for the cross. That Holy Spirit reminder that comes in the gentle tug at my heart and mind bringing before me who I am in Christ and what is required of me is welcomed in my life.

I so often engage in this battle of obedience, and more so as the changes in my life grow closer to being reality. I have no doubt that each of these temptations are intentional and purposeful. They are allowed by our wonderful and holy God. I admit, like everyone else, I can fight these changes to my inner man. But because my hearts desire is to serve God in the church teaching the Word, counseling, instructing in righteousness, and helping others grow and change, I submit and obey.

It doesn't feel good at all. And yet, I am called to obey and not only to obey but to do so with the attitude of a servant. I am a servant of the most powerful King the world has ever known. He is my Lord and Master and I am His loving servant.

Doing what is right when I don't want to requires keeping this thought at the forefront of my thoughts: It is the chief end of man to glorify God. Obeying God will glorify Him and God will continue to use me wherever He plants me in the lives of the people that surround me!

Do I know who I will influence for Christ? Do I know whose life I will impact? Do I know the spiritual condition of the people I will see every day? Of course not! God does and it is His will that I go forth in faith and submissive obedience to His will.

You will see the results of my obedience continue to be reflected in this blog... and I am sure there will be further adventures in sanctification. I hope by my example others will follow in heart felt obedience, in spite of how they feel.

Looking Heavenward

noreply@blogger.com (JulieG) — Thu, 25 Apr 2013 10:00:00 +0000

Today Whitney Standlea is our guest blogger. Whitney is a devoted wife to her husband Jimmy and mom to three wonderful children.

My pastor recently started a sermon series through Revelation. During one of his first sermons he talked about the imminence of the Day of the Lord. As we’ve been going through Revelation, I’ve been thinking more of this and the many Scriptures that speak about hoping in the Lord’s coming. We are told to eagerly wait for it (1 Cor. 1:7 and Phil 3:20-21).

Do I often think about the Lord’s coming and the hope I have?

Do I eagerly watch for it?

Do I even watch for it at all.

Thought 1: E-MAIL

I confess! I have an addiction to Gmail. I keep it open all day and am constantly (every minute or so) glancing at it to see if I have received a new message. I’ve recently taken measure to reduce this but its been challenging. Its always something: a reply back from a friend, a confirmation my order has shipped, an update from the church, a new home posted that meets our search criteria (we’ve been home hunting). All day, in every free moment I am running past the computer to see if something new has come in.

I think there are others with similar “checking” issues. It can be with phones, Facebook, Twitter or even the mail box. I know I have a hard time waiting for the mail man to get here each day.

How would things be different if we were constantly glancing at the sky with our eyes or constantly turning our hearts to God in prayer in hope that He is coming?

Let my eyes glance upward.
Draw my heart to Heaven.
Help me see past all that vies for my attention here.

Turn my thoughts to Jesus.
Send my mind to prayers.
Make me ever watchful, until He should appear.

Thought 2: Honey, I’m Home

It seems that marriage is always full of such wonderful examples and metaphors for us…

My husband’s job varies each day. Sometimes he returns home at 1:00. Other days its 6:00. I never know what it will be each day. He usually calls to inform me when he is on his way home, but not always. It seems that whether he tells me or not, my eyes are always glancing out that sliding glass door for his work truck. Its funny that that big old work truck with “Four Paws Fence” on the side is so special to me. If I hear a car driving up, I do a double take with the hope that its him.

Sometimes when I’m doing this I remember back to the days we were dating. I was always glancing outside for that silver Ford Taurus. Always hoping he would surprise me, even if I knew he wasn’t coming.

Would that my desire for the presence of Christ be far-surpassing to my desire for my husband’s presence.

Jesus, your precious presence
near to me each day.
Let is be a foretaste of
The joy that’s on the way.

From this earthly separation
my heart should turn to You.
Till fullness of your presence
when all things are made new.

Thought 3: Home Decorating/Remodeling

The first two thoughts focused on waiting… the next two will deal with improving/fixing…

I’ve always been amazed at the amount of home remodeling and home decorating shows there are on tv. I’ve enjoyed “Extreme Makeover: Home Edition” in the past, but I don’t have cable television so I haven’t seen a lot of the other ones. Now that we are planning to own our first home I’ve also been overwhelmed out the number of blogs on this subject. It is neat to me that you can find a step-by-step guide for anything you can dream of doing to your home.

I believe all of this home improving points to something deeper: We have a longing for a little corner of perfection on earth. As we twiddle and widdle our way to creating the most functional kitchen or the most relaxing bedroom, we are expressing our inner desire to have a piece of heaven. We want a place where all is right and everything is beautiful.

Its interesting to see how quickly styles in design move out of fashion, and our own tastes are even more fleeting. We constantly feel the urge to paint a room again or need to buy a new bed set even if the old one isn’t worn out. The temporal-ness of interior decorations should point us ever Homeward. We can certainly try, but things are never going to be quite right here. The great Designer has perfected a home for us (with streets of gold and walls of precious stones) and we will find no true satisfaction in any arrangements this side of heaven. As you work on your home by cleaning, reorganizing, or redecorating, may it be a reminder of the place God has prepared for you.

Post-Abortion Help

noreply@blogger.com (JulieG) — Wed, 24 Apr 2013 10:00:00 +0000

There is currently a news story that is grossly under-covered. It involves a Pennsylvania abortionist who from all reports operated an office Josef Mengele would been proud of. If these reports are accurate, this man is a monster. The details that are filtering out are horrific and reveal unimaginable acts of brutal murder of the babies he delivered through late-term abortions. He did not spare the women either, as several are known to have died at his negligent hand.

Many of you who read this blog today have had an abortion. You may have had no idea that the "thing" inside of you was a baby. You may have had the abortion under pressure from someone who thought they had your best interests (or theirs) at heart. It is also possible you knew exactly what you were doing (taking the life of your unborn baby), but you were not at a place in your spiritual life where you cared.

My goal is not to shame you, or call you names or condemn you. Chances are, if you have had an abortion you are still hurting from taking that step. The evidence shows that most women bear lasting consequences for having an abortion. The news reports of that butcher in Philadelphia are reopening wounds you thought were closed.

Women who have had abortions describe so much lingering guilt (even after years or decades) as a result of the abortion. The guilt is real, because a human life has been ended by the woman who was charged with protecting and nourishing it. I know there are cases where abortions are forced on women by parents, husbands, and other people in positions of power in that woman's life. Those are relatively rare circumstances compared to the number of women who choose to abort their child.

Guilt is the result of sin, violating God's moral code for life. Guilt is present when a person does something they intrinsically know is wrong. (Those who have no guilt have extremely hardened hearts and seared consciences.) The ugly truth is that abortion is the taking of a human life.

The way to deal with guilt is admission and confession of the sin that is already known to God.

God, you know my sins, and my guilt is not hidden from you. Psalm 95:5 (ISV)

Relief from guilt comes with admission of the sin to God and seeking His forgiveness.

If we say we have no sin, we deceive ourselves, and the truth is not in us. If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. If we say we have not sinned, we make him a liar, and his word is not in us. 1 John 1:8-10 (ESV)

When a woman asks God to forgive her for causing the death of her child God grants it without any reservation.

I acknowledged my sin to You, And my iniquity I did not hide; I said, "I will confess my transgressions to the LORD"; And You forgave the guilt of my sin. Psalm 32:5 (NASB)

Both David and Paul were guilty of murder. Both men ended the life of innocent people and yet both were mightily used by God afterward!

David's confession in Psalm 32 and 51 are complete. He does not justify or rationalize his sin, and he recognizes that his sin is against God.

Paul (formerly Saul of Tarsus) was described as a man who was so intent on stamping our Christianity that he was as a wild dog, mangling the church (Acts 8:3). He stood by and consented to the death of Stephen, persecuted the church and was responsible for the death of many Christians. His confession in 1 Timothy 1:13 indicates that he understood his previous actions were sinful and grievous to God. His life post conversion proves that he was indeed a repentant man.

If you are a woman who has committed the sin of abortion and you have repented of any immoral ways, confessed your sin to God, and have been regenerated by grace through faith you stand forgiven. Your forgiveness is complete in Christ.

Sadly, the emotional consequences of abortion can linger in the heart and life of a woman who has had one. There is no human who can change that, only God can. God can take your sorrow and broken heart and bring joy into life again.

Create in me a clean heart, O God, And renew a steadfast spirit within me. Do not cast me away from Your presence And do not take Your Holy Spirit from me. Restore to me the joy of Your salvation And sustain me with a willing spirit. Then I will teach transgressors Your ways, And sinners will be converted to You. Deliver me from bloodguiltiness, O God, the God of my salvation; Then my tongue will joyfully sing of Your righteousness.

O Lord, open my lips, That my mouth may declare Your praise. For You do not delight in sacrifice, otherwise I would give it; You are not pleased with burnt offering. The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit; A broken and a contrite heart, O God, You will not despise. Psalm 51:10-17 (NASB)

God offers you restoration!

I waited patiently for the Lord; And He inclined to me and heard my cry. He brought me up out of the pit of destruction, out of the miry clay, And He set my feet upon a rock making my footsteps firm. He put a new song in my mouth, a song of praise to our God; Many will see and fear And will trust in the Lord. Psalm 40:1-3 (NASB)

You do not have to live with the guilt and shame of the past for any sin- even abortion. God stands ready and waiting to help you move forward in life. If you are suffering, I encourage you to get help from a biblical counselor. She can show you from the Scriptures how to find help, healing, and hope in Christ.

On Trial

noreply@blogger.com (JulieG) — Tue, 23 Apr 2013 10:00:00 +0000

Today, guest blogger Stephanie Van Gorden ministers to us on the topic of suffering. Stephanie is a regular contributor to the blog. She and her husband Matt make their home in beautiful Colorado.

The second chapter of Cynthia Heald’s Bible study, Becoming a Woman of Excellence, lays out the argument for having such a goal. So it focuses on God's character, specifically His love, sovereignty, and provision. One particularly helpful exercise, based on particular Scriptures she suggests, asks the student to write a paragraph giving a Scriptural view of suffering.

Let me be clear: Matt and I don't suffer terribly. In fact, when comparing ourselves to others, we barely suffer at all. God has given us a great life—an abundant life. Are there things we'd like to change? Sure. We'd love to be through with this particular adoption process, but God is enough while we wait. I'd love to be healthy and feel normal again, but God is enough if He continues to allow this particular weakness in my life to manifest His glory. We'd love to minister to perfect people (like us, of course...um...) who are already mature and never complain, gossip, criticize, balk at serving, or insist on their own way. But God is enough since we are none of us perfect, we're all experiencing the humanly difficult process of becoming like Christ, and since we all complain, gossip, criticize, balk at serving, and insist on our own way—some of us more than others, but none of us blameless.

So we don't really suffer outside the normal realm of the kind of suffering everyone experiences. We're not special. This exercise was especially helpful, though, because I feel like this has been The Lesson I Most Need To Learn over the course of my adult life.

Maybe this distillation of only a few passages that give direction and comfort will be helpful to you, as it was to me:

According to Scripture...affliction is good (Psalm 119:71) because it accomplishes God’s purpose.

According to Scripture...God’s purpose in allowing trial in our lives is manifold: sometimes He wants to teach us something (Psalm 119:71; 2 Corinthians 12:7), sometimes He wants to strengthen our testimony to a blind, lost, and dying world (John 9:1-3; 2 Corinthians 4:7, 10). Sometimes it’s a consequence of sin, but that’s not a given (John 9:1-2). Whatever the reason we see, His purpose is always to do us good (2 Corinthians 4:16-17) and to manifest His glory (His character) in our lives and to the world (John 9:3; 2 Corinthians 4:6-7, 12:9-10).

According to Scripture...God’s character doesn’t change when He allows us to experience trial and sorrow: He is always righteous and faithful (Psalm 119:75); steadfast, loving, and comforting (Psalm 119:76), and gracious (2 Corinthians 12:9). He “keeps His eye on the clock and His hand on the thermostat,” as Wiersbe says, never allowing the trial to go beyond what we can bear (1 Corinthians 10:13), maintaining control on its scope at all times (2 Corinthians 4:8-9). His sovereignty is never challenged, even when He allows Satan to get in on what’s going on (Psalm 115:3; Isaiah 46:9-10; 2 Corinthians 12:7-9).

Given all this, I can rejoice in the God of my salvation (Habakkuk 3:17-19) even when experiencing deep trial, because I know that He is sovereignly working to bring about peace (John 16:33), encouragement, and good (Psalm 119:71; Jeremiah 29:11; Romans 8:28-29) in my life, and to glorify Himself. He cannot glorify Himself if He allows me—His creation and His child in Christ—to fall (Psalm 37:23-24). I can rejoice because He holds me in the palm of His hand (Isaiah 49:15-16; John 10:28-30), He is God, and He will never fail (Psalm 119:89-90).

The Danger of the Self-Esteem Movement

noreply@blogger.com (JulieG) — Mon, 22 Apr 2013 10:00:00 +0000

For through the grace given to me I say to everyone among you not to think more highly of himself than he ought to think; but to think so as to have sound judgment, as God has allotted to each a measure of faith. Romans 12:3 (NASB)

From the time children are born, parents are told to pump up self-worth in their children through constant verbal encouragement. The children are told what good boys and girls they are many times a day. School facilitates the self-esteem movement by removing competition for winning First Place in games, or having winners at all (by the handing out of trophies and ribbons to all the children), using pass only grading systems (no one fails) and ceasing the use of letter grades so children don't feel bad about getting a "C" compared to the other children in the class. This is the gospel of self-esteem and is a creation of the psychological system.

A propped up self-esteem leads a child toward feeling oriented living. Children learn they have to feel good about themselves and have the approval of others all the time. This becomes problematic as the child grows and enters the adult world and is not constantly affirmed or "special." Another blow to the kids is reality dictates that some people win and some lose; there is not a prize for everyone or for coming in Second Place.

On the spiritual end of the self-esteem movement, promoting the gospel of self-esteem insulates a person from the gospel. When a person hears constantly how good they are they have no need for a savior. The heart of man is supremely fixed on self, and the culture we live in furthers the notion that man is by nature "good." How can a sinner in need of salvation ever understand they are a sinner in need of salvation when they do not understand their condition apart from Christ?

Paul tells us to take a realistic view of ourselves through the lens of Scripture, and to see ourselves as God sees us. From God's heavenly perspective, we are horribly broken and in desperate need of His help. We are alienated from Him because of our inborn sin (Romans 2:5;Colossians 3:6,7)) and our wicked hearts (Jer. 17:9) that lead us toward every kind of depravity.

Biblically, there is no such thing as self-esteem, the word is not in the Bible. You would not know that by what you hear from some pulpits these days. Some schools of theology teach that God saved man because He found him worthy of being saved. They say that man is good and God added to his goodness. This is a lie. As much as we want to think that we are worthy of God, and that we are so special that God died for us, nothing is further from the truth. No one is worthy of God's favor. No one is good enough to merit His love and grace. We bring nothing into the relationship but sin. Our so-called righteousness is as filthy rags (Isaiah 64:6) and there is nothing whatsoever that we can do to change those facts on our own.

What is God Doing?

noreply@blogger.com (JulieG) — Wed, 17 Apr 2013 10:00:00 +0000

‘For I know the plans that I have for you,’ declares the LORD, ‘plans for welfare and not for calamity to give you a future and a hope. Jeremiah 29:11 (NASB)

Like us, our counselee's need to hear and want to hear that God knows what He is doing, even when it all looks muddy. They (and we) need to be encouraged to have a heart of faith that is focused on trusting Him for the results of a given situation, even though it may look hopeless. We need to remind them of Who God is especially when He answers prayer in a most unexpected way!

Jerry Bridges says this in Trusting God: "If there is a single event in all of the universe that can occur outside of God’s sovereign control, then we cannot trust Him. His love may be infinite, but if His power is limited and His purpose can be thwarted, we cannot trust Him."

Faith and trust go hand in hand. When it comes down to it, we either believe God is sovereign or we don't. We believe He is in control of the uncontrollable or we don't. We believe He is all powerful, or we don't.

God does not move according to our time table and He is only accountable to Himself for His actions. He does not owe us and is not beholden to us. When God moves in most unexpected ways it is important that we remember we are the servants of the Most High God, not the other way around. God is on the throne. God is sovereign, and all that comes to pass will be an unfolding of His plan, determined before the foundations of the world were set in place.

God's sovereignty is never subject to the "free will" of man. (A person who is not Reformed in their theological background may not understand this point.) This does not mean that we blame God when bad things happen, it means that we accept He is sovereign over every aspect of our lives. We have no right to blame God for His activity in our lives for we are His possession, bought with the blood of Christ.

A final thought from Trusting God: "The sovereignty of God is often questioned because man does not understand what God is doing. Because He does not act or think as we think He should, we conclude He cannot act as we think He would.”

Down on the Three-Count

noreply@blogger.com (JulieG) — Tue, 16 Apr 2013 14:01:00 +0000

Today's guest blogger is Linda Rice. Linda has quickly become another of your favorites here! You can find more of her writings here. Enjoy and learn from today's post.

The other day, I googled “why do parents count to three.” You probably know what I mean, but in case you don’t, that is when a parent gives an order and when the child doesn’t immediately obey the parent counts to three before she takes action, if she take action.

What I read was that some parents swear by counting to three. They say that it makes the kids quake in fear. A mom named Mary says that “I’ll count to three” is a statement that every mom should love. Some say that counting backward from three “totally works.”

Then again, one mom says that her three- and four-year-olds don’t take action; they just think her counting is cute and count with her. Smart kids.

Some parents say that counting to three is not like giving three warnings, but that it gives the child about three seconds to begin obeying. Who are we kidding? I think that Donna’s kids pop this bubble. Donna writes that counting worked for awhile. Then one day as she was counting, her older child leaned to a younger and said, “You don’t have to do anything until after she gets to two.”

This behavioristic technique answers the child’s foolish disobedience with foolishness. Proverbs 26:4 says, “Do not answer a fool according to his folly, lest you also be like him.” Foolishness in parents is like their children. Those who use this behaviorism are “kidding,” or “kiddifying” themselves.

Really, why does anyone need to time a child’s get-started process? What if I count slowly? What if I count quickly? If sometime I don’t count will he wait until I start? Does he need some sort of audible hand-holding to keep him focused on beginning to start to commence?

I’ve heard people say, “God is a God of second chances.” Adam didn’t get a second chance. The moment he took one bite, just one bite, he died spiritually and began the journey of sweat, sickness, and pain toward his eventual physical death.

There is much more to obedience than getting the child to cooperate with the parent’s immediate plan. Obedience is of supreme importance to God. Since we want children who revere and love and obey God, teaching the value of obedience should be high on our priority list. Dare we think that teaching a child that authorities will wait on his convenience does not carry over into his response to God’s commands in the Bible? He learns that it is acceptable to presume upon God’s patience by obeying God when he gets around to it. There is no reverence.

Also consider this idea of making the child quake in fear. Fear of discipline has a valuable place, but if fear is the main tool that plies obedience out of the child, then a) the day will come when the child will no longer fear so he will no longer obey and, b) there is no valuation of obedience as an act of love, as something done because it is right and loving rather than to avoid unpleasant consequences.

Parents need to teach their children why obedience is so important. Talk about it from God’s perspective. Teach them about the supreme right of God to command, about His immeasurable love in giving commands that are for our benefit, and about the fact that obedience demonstrates our love for and trust in Him.

Parents need to train their children that when the parents gives a command once, the child obeys. If there is disobedience, a parent will take action. The action will, of course, depend upon the degree of infraction. In some cases, it may be as mild as taking the child by the hand and leading him through the obedience with further instruction. The main point is that the child needs to see that a parent is not all talk and no action.

When you give a command do you mean what you say or don’t you? The Three-Count method:

Teaches disobedience at least three times for every infraction: Disobedience to the initial command plus counts one and two.
Models laziness. The parent is lazy in not taking action at the first resistance.
Implies that a parent does not mean what he says. He doesn’t mean, “Get ready for bed now.” He means, “Get ready for bed after I show you that I can count to two.”
Incites disrespect. Who respects someone who is lazy and doesn’t mean what they say?
Teaches the child to push the limits rather than sensitizing him to quick obedience. Do Christian parents really want to be the ones who teach the child dullness to the commands of Scripture? To devalue holy obedience?
Incites anger. As the contest for control continues, a parent’s emotional reactions escalate. The child may become angry over the manipulation of the counting or over the injustice of a parent who doesn’t mean what she says and then gets angry when the child takes advantage of the lesson.

What do you want to teach your child about God’s view of obedience, about reverence for His authority, and about how we show our love to Him?