Biblical Insights on Christian Living

My Blog has Moved!

2012-06-29T08:20:00.000-04:00

We have migrated the entire blog to my ministry website and with the release of my new book Marriage Triage it will be updated with regular fresh material! You may purchase Marriage Triage at most outlets in paperback, Nook, Kindle, and Itunes!

Stephengoode.com

A Biblical Approach to Death and Loss

2012-03-24T01:45:00.001-04:00

Book a Counseling Appointment

2011-09-10T09:03:00.000-04:00

Online appointment scheduling for Counseling-Marriage, Family & Personal

Marriage Triage a Book by Stephen Goode

2011-08-29T02:36:00.000-04:00

Always Be on Guard!

2011-06-17T14:04:00.002-04:00

By Steve Goode

Steve served as a police officer on the Greensboro Police Department from 1986-1997. This article is from Steve's personal reflections and opinions, and does not necessarily reflect the views or policies of the present day Department.

What does a police officer do to keep busy at two in the morning on a weekday? In an effort to keep the thin blue line secure I will refrain from telling you everything, but I can assure you there is always something to do, to avoid nodding off to sleep behind the wheel.

It was the winter of 1989 and I had been a Greensboro NC police officer for almost two years. I was assigned to the west side of town and had just left a coffee break near interstate 40 and West Wendover Avenue. It was a great place to work at night and there were a variety of things to do such as work traffic, and check buildings. Our primary duty was to answer our calls for police service, but this night had been rather quiet. Too quiet. (I always wanted to use that line in an article. Now my writing career is complete.)

I was caught up on all my accident, and investigative reports, and quite frankly, my eyelids were getting heavy at two in the morning and I needed something to stimulate my curiosity. I already had the window rolled down in the cold weather, and I was afraid to play the car radio too much louder out of fear of not hearing my police radio. As I rode east then west on Wendover Avenue near the postal bulk mail center, a west bound dark colored older model two door Chevy Monte Carlo with a burned out headlight caught my eye. There were two teen looking boys in the car, and their eyes got as big as saucers when they passed me. Something just didn't seem right about them although the only offense I had was improper equipment for the burned out headlight. Having nothing else on my plate at that moment I chose to investigate a little further. I turned around, got behind the Monte Carlo, and picked up my radio microphone to call in a traffic stop. I had no way to know what I was on the brink of encountering all because of my curiosity.

I activated my bluelights as I called in the description, and tag number to communications. It appeared we were going to be pulling off into a small driveway directly in front of the postal bulk mail center. It was a rather odd place to stop because the driver of the Monte Carlo had no place to exit or pull away with my police car directly behind him. Maybe he was not up to anything so there was no need for him to make a way of escape. Whatever the driver's mindset may have been, I could not simply assume the best because I had to keep my guard up, and I was still very ill-at-ease about this particular traffic stop.

I stepped out of my police car and carefully surveyed the movements and gestures of driver and passenger trying to see where their hands were resting. They didn't appear to be scrambling or overly figiting, which was good. I approached the drivers window with the utmost caution trying not to focus on either the driver or passenger too long. I had to be alert. I can honestly say at this point that any concern I had over staying awake was long gone.

I stayed back from the driver's window which forced him to look over his left shoulder just to see me. My flashlight was partially blinding him from getting a good look at me which gave me a small safe advantage if he was armed. He already had his driver's license ready and I told him I was stopping him for the burned out headlight. The driver didn't appear terribly nervous, but the passenger seemed very concerned.He seemed even more concerned when I recognized him. I had been his school bus driver years earlier! Still, I did not see the connections to anything criminal yet.

I was examining the driver's license and noticed the driver had not given me the registration to the car he was driving. I sometimes let this one go because I can run the license tag, but this time I asked the driver to give it to me. He reached for the glove box and as a precaution I slowly moved my right hand to the handle of my Berretta 92 pistol which was currently in my safety-holster at my side. When the driver opened the glovebox several twelve-gauge shotgun shells fell out onto the passenger floorboard!

At this point I started feeling the adrenaline beginning to pump, and asked the driver to exit the vehicle and stand with me. I also asked him if he minded if I searched his car, and remarkably his only response was, "yes". I called for an assist car and advised my communications person why. They rushed a car my way as I patted both driver and passenger down for weapons that may do me harm. Both were clean.

I directed the driver and passenger to stand in front of their car as I shined my light into it. The first thing that caught my eye was two ski-masks with eyeholes cut out, and two pairs of black gloves. I then noticed something that sent me over the edge of my red-alert mode.

I shined my light on the driver's floorboard and noticed the wooden handle of something under the seat. I pulled the handle out and it was attached to a sawed-off loaded twelve gauge shotgun. I immediately placed the driver under arrest as my assist car arrived and motioned for my assist car to detain the passenger. By this time my adrenaline was in full pump and I had lost a partial bit of my hearing and had a low hum in both of my ears.

What I wasn't aware of at the moment was that the tactical police squad had been staked out at the Wilco gas station on Wendover avenue less than a quarter of a mile from where I stopped these teenagers. The tact squad was staked out after getting a tip that the Wilco was going to be robbed. I had unknowingly stopped the very suspects who were moments away from committing armed robbery at a convenience mart!I would like to say that the tactical police squad was appreciative of my diligence, but that would not be true. I cut in on their effort that night and took quite a bit of excitement away from their quiet evening.

Keeping Alert as a Christian

You may ask what this has to do with our lives as Christians, and maybe some of you have already used the illustration in an applicable way. We each have a duty before God to stay alert, sober, and diligent to the schemes and plotting of Satan in our lives. Satan wants you to fall, and ultimately wants you to fail, but we must be ever-mindful of his cunning and coniving tactics. Just as I recognized the passenger in that car on that night, we fight and war with an enemy we know and are familiar with.

Peter warns us that Satan is just waiting for us to drop our guard and expose our weaknesses. "Be self-controlled and alert. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour" (1 Peter 5:8)

The night I encountered this situation I was tired and fatigued from a very long night, but I didn't have the luxury of dropping my guard. As a believer in Jesus Christ you will find that Satan has your whole lifetime to wait for you to relax or drop your guard. He looks for those moments in your life where you don't study the Bible or pray. He watches to find your weakness or weaknesses because he will not relent or ease up. Satan and his helpers are the most interested in finding where you will succumb to his attacks, and he doesn't have to look that hard with many of us. Many Christians are immoral and willing participants to his schemes.

Satan needs no enhanced interrogation techniques to break you, all he needs is to observe and wait for his moment because he knows it will come.

Know Your Weakness and Confront it!

The night I encountered this situation my biggest enemy was fatigue. I could have easily ignored the car I stopped and done nothing, but it may have placed some of my brothers in blue in harms way even more than I. As Christians you must stay active and alert to your weaknesses and never give into complacency.

The Bible teaches us how to be ready in Ephesians 6:10-18 where Paul teaches us step-by-step how to be prepared for Satan's attacks. Always be ready and alert because even the most "spiritual" person you know can become weak if they become slack or tired. Always be prepared to take defensive measures in your everyday activities. If you are prone to inappropriate relationships then take measures to cease what makes you fall. If you are an addict then seek out the right Biblical help and get accountability in your life. This list could go on, but we must not give in or give up!

How do We Define Wellness?

2011-06-15T16:53:00.003-04:00

By Steve Goode

With all the emphasis being placed on physical fitness and wellness in the workplace, it seemed like a good time to discuss it from a Biblical viewpoint. In fact, even as I write this article I am suffering from Bursitis of the right knee related to my beginning attempt to run. My wife April and I also get an immense amount of relaxation, and benefit from biking together. Exercise is a great stress easer and wellness tool I highly recommend.

How do we define wellness? Should we define it as feeling good about ourselves? Ed Bulkey states, if a criminal feels good about his stealing, does that make him a mentally well person? (Bulkey p.144)

Even Jesus' own family thought He was insane. (Mark 3:21) If this is the case then how can someone measure their own wellness? Is it all supposed to be relative or a matter of one's own personal preference? What if someone is being obedient to God's call, but doesn't feel good about where they are?

I believe we must first separate wellness (feeling good) from having a peace about where we are. The Bible says, "I will keep you in perfect peace who's mind is stayed on Me." (Is 26:3) But does this type of peace have to do with how we emotionally feel?

For example, when my son Noah was learning to walk he must have fallen more than a thousand times, or it just seemed like it to me. It was quite an experience for my wife and I. There were times Noah would let go and walk toward me. In Noah's mind it must have been uneasy or even scary because of the feelings of uncertainty in his legs, but he never had to wonder about the fact that his father was right there with him giving him encouragement and support. This gave Noah a sense of peace even when he felt uncertain about the next step.

It's the same with the Christian's view and experience of wellness. Even when it appears we are three pills shy of the funny farm we can still have peace and contentment. Paul summarized it by saying, "I have learned that whatever state that I am in, there I am within to be content." (Phil 4:11)

Let's now go back to the criminal who feels good about stealing. The criminal may feel good about his successful theft because it met an immediate need, but he will never be content with his life because he has pursued the temporal pleasures of life instead of the eternally satisfying and fulfilling course.

Where are you today? Are you confused on how you should feel? Do you have no peace or contentment in your life? You may have the body of a Greek god and still be miserable with your circumstances. I encourage you to pursue the eternal and lasting things. Be patient, and strive for a Christ-like life that will bring glory and honor to our Savior. Whether you ever arrive at the earthly definition of wellness is irrelevant, but contentment and peace will never disappoint you!

Things that Make us Idle Are Usually Idols

2011-06-07T21:30:00.001-04:00

By Steve Goode

Anything in your life that makes the hours pass like minutes, the weeks pass like days, that does not feed a starving soul, and does not glorify God's Kingdom, fill the hearts and hurts of our wives, husbands, and children. Yes anything that leaves us purposeless, and feeling empty, yet craving more is by no means a gift from God. Quite simply, it is called an idol.

The past year I have been considering what kind of things could be so distractive and destructive to both our families, friends, and our Christian testimonies. Something that would help us to understand the meaning of having idols in our lives as described throughout the time of the Israelites in the Old Testament. The kind of obsessive idol worship that Jesus continually referred to throughout the parables in the Gospels. What could possibly illustrate to us the way that we get sidetracked or unfocused when it comes to what God's plan for our life is? How far will we go at some point to rationalize away our selfish, sinful, and obsessive behavior when it comes to such idols in our lives? Is there a cost to such obsessive behavior or is no one really hurt when we are distracted in such a significant way?

To understand what an idol is, let us use a simple definition. Furthermore let me clarify that if you are not a Christ follower, some of this will make no sense. A Christ follower is someone who has committed their life to Jesus Christ and believes in the atoning death, burial, and resurrection of Christ. (Rom 10:9-10) Unless you have made this commitment, you will obviously not see the need to change anything about your behavior or obsessive idols. The sad part is that there may be some Christians reading this that refuse to acknowledge the harm of their own obsession themselves. None the less, I ask you to keep reading with the hope that you may walk away from this article with a new life perspective.

An idol in your life is anything that has taken on more importance than God. The symptoms of idol worship will always be a desire to spend a disproportionate amount of time with something other than your family, friends, and even daily household chores. It will be an ever-present thought on your mind which will be of first importance to you when you get home or near it. It will always make you seem that you would rather be doing this thing even when you are with your family. Usually the person who has such an idol obsession witll become irritated and angered if confronted about it by those who care about him or her.

An Extra-Marital Attraction

2011-06-06T17:39:00.003-04:00

By Steve Goode

What is extra-marital attraction from a Christian's perspective, and what should be the Biblical response? In this article we will address these hard-hitting questions.

“When you are intoxicated by devotion to Christ, it subdues the desire for additional inebriants.”

Jennifer had known Sam for only about six months, and they worked closely together on a few work projects in their business unit. Sam loved playing what he considered to be harmless practical jokes on Jennifer because it made her laugh and light up. She had a beautiful smile and a magnetic personality that just made people feel at ease and comfortable around her. Why shouldn’t Jennifer seem this way? After all, she was a woman who loved the Lord heart and soul, and she was very active in her local church ministries. She wanted to be a good example to others around her, and part of this was being warm and inviting. She never saw any harm in letting a man in her office play jokes on her and carry on playfully each day. She never once looked at this behavior as a potential “boundary tester” and enjoyed the personal attention Sam would sometimes give her. Jennifer began to be more open with Sam about many areas of her life, and even caught herself sometimes staying after work to chat with him about work related issues, and sometimes even more personal things. It became easy to communicate through all the modern day means at their disposal, from text-messages to short emails.

She became so comfortable with their conversations that she didn’t even begin to notice that she had been dropping her own protective boundaries that were in place to guard her heart from temptation. She rationalized away the thought that anything was inappropriate about her behavior with Sam, but she began to notice that she was looking more and more forward to going to work each day. Jennifer even began to dress a little differently and spend more time in the morning getting ready for work. She even caught herself wearing dresses to work which was totally out of character for her fun-loving personality. Still she did not see anything necessarily wrong with her behavior toward Sam because they had never actually touched or even hugged, but emotionally she was beginning to feel something more than a casual friend should experience.

All of this playfulness and time spent in comfortable conversation would be fine except for the fact that Jennifer is a married woman. Has she already carried this emotional infatuation too far? Should a married woman never expect to feel an attraction or connection with another man as long as she lives or is it a matter of our behavior we need to control?

In the scenario I have created, the husband has been very distant to Jennifer for years, and he has not been a consistent spiritual leader in his home. Jennifer has felt lonely and neglected and strongly desires to share an emotional connection with her husband, but the husband has been off his post as the guardian of Jennifer’s heart for quite some time. The result is that Jennifer is now left both vulnerable and empty in her marriage, which has opened the door to outside influences. Although Jennifer is still responsible for her decisions with Sam, the husband should have never placed Jennifer in this position of temptation. If the husband fails to seek a spiritual and emotional connection with Jennifer, she could be subjected to the temptation of a man eager to give her the attention she desires. If Jennifer chooses temporary happiness instead of obedience to Christ, she is about to make some regretful memories she will never be able to erase.

The scenario I described is not based on any one particular couple, but it represents a mosaic of many couples I have spoken with over the past 20 years. Even when I was in police work there were so many domestic incidents where husbands simply failed to fulfill their Biblical roles and in turn the wife made some wrong and sinful choices. In other words, sin brought forth more sin. I know that some of you may not even see an issue with the friendship in this scenario because after all, nothing necessarily happened between Sam and Jennifer, but sin doesn’t start with the act, but in the heart. (1 John 2:16) Can a married woman feel an attraction to someone other than their husband and is it a sin?

You may think I have lost my mind to address this taboo question, but the answer is quite simple. Throughout your entire marriage you will sometimes feel connections, attractions, and likes for people other than your spouse for various reasons. Maybe it’s someone you share work duties in common with or maybe it’s someone who likes a particular hobby that you also enjoy. It could be that the two of you worked on a particular project and have had to talk a lot about some work goals you have in common. It could also simply be the person has qualities that appeal to you.

Even if you have an awesome and sacred relationship with your spouse you can still sometimes see something you like in the opposite sex. This doesn’t mean you must run from the presence of every person you will ever see, but the Bible has some clear direction on the way you should behave yourself. Remember that sin doesn’t indulge itself at the mere temptation, but it does begin in the heart. Remarkably it’s the same path that God uses to become intimate with us. The Bible says that man looks on the outside, but God looks in our hearts. (1 Sam 16:7)

Even though you may sometimes have an attraction to another person, that attraction is never to be pursued out of obedience to God, and submission to your spouse, whether they are doing their part or not. (Eph 5:22-23) Even if you are married to a spouse who is not carrying their load, you are not given a pass to seek out someone you are more attracted to. You are to be patient and pray daily for them and ask God to change their heart. You must strengthen your own heart through prayer and Bible study. (James 5:8)

In the scenario with Jennifer we can follow the pattern of what led her down the road of compromise. It started out with a sense of attraction or comfort, and it should have stopped there, but the positive and euphoric experience was alluring. She began to feel so comfortable with Sam that she encouraged the practical joking and playfulness in their relationship. She then began to spend more time with Sam and shared with him about her personal life and maybe even her frustration with her husband. At this point she has shown total disrespect for her marriage and opened the door for Sam to get emotionally closer to her. If Jennifer does not end this behavior immediately, there is a high likelihood that Sam could replace the emotional connection reserved only for Jennifer’s husband. The pattern is quite simple to follow and is found in the book of James.

“But each one is tempted when he is carried away and enticed by his own lust. (Desire) Then when lust has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and when sin is accomplished, it brings forth death.” (James 1:14-15)

The scenario was subtle in its approach much like the illustration of the slowly boiled frog. Any frog will jump right out of a boiling pot, but if you turn the heat up slow it will never know what happened until it’s too late. Since Jennifer dropped her guard early in the relationship when the joking and playing was occurring she was unaware of the danger of what appeared to be harmless activity. I referred to this type of activity as boundary testing earlier because there are times when men either knowingly or unknowingly use this type of behavior as a way to break the ice. In many cases it may be harmless, but a married woman needs to be cautious with other men in her life. She does this out of a desire to be obedient to God and it is a way to show her husband respect even when he is not around. It also prevents a boundary or foothold that may diminish her desire to work on her marriage.

I want to get personal with wives for a moment so stay with me just a paragraph or two more. Have you crossed any emotional lines with men other than your husband? Is there another man in your life right now who you constantly feel the need to defend in front of your husband or make casual contact with, either through phone, text or email? Have you reached a point in your marriage where you just don’t care anymore and just want someone who will fill the void in your life? Wherever you are today I have good news for you! I have just the man you need in your life that can fill the void and make you feel fulfilled! His name is Jesus Christ and He desires a close and intimate relationship with you every single moment of your life. If you take the time to fall in love with Jesus Christ then I can assure you he will give you the strength to resist those moments of temptation that may be attacking you even now. He will give you the strength to resist when the temptation is the greatest.(James 4:7-8) I will be praying for all wives who have a husband who is not encouraging them or providing emotional strength so they will not fall into temptation.

Practical Ways for Wives to Guard their Heart

1. Sever any ties if you are in an emotional relationship with a man outside of your marriage immediately!This includes but is not limited to emails, phone or text contact.(Eph 4:22)
2. Radically study the scriptures or you will compromise! (Theology of Biblical Counseling, Adams)
3. If you work around a man that you find appealing then never be alone with them, and never share personal life matters with them. If they are really a temptation then find a Christian accountability partner to help you remain pure in your marriage that will pray with and for you. If a transfer in your job is a possibility, pursue it! Your marriage and obedience is worth it!
4. Never tell a man you are attracted to him under any circumstances. Be guarded and respectful. If they know there is a chance they will be more persistent.
5. Never go to lunch alone with another man.
6. Always pray that God would increase your desire for your husband in your marriage.
7. If you have a husband that will pray with you then do so daily, even if it is at first awkward.
8. Never confide in another man with the exception of formal counseling, about personal issues.
9. Never have long cell phone conversations with a man who is not your husband.
10. There are many more we could list, but you can begin to see a pattern of steps necessary to guard your heart.

A Personal Note to Wives from Steve

My wife April and I have been married for fifteen years at the time of this article,and we have learned from many experiences both terrible and exceptional. What I can share with you about the issue of extra-marital attraction is that even though we struggled in this area in the early years, our personal relationship to Christ and quiet time has played a key role in our unity. When I am in the Word and praying with April I see her through the filter of God’s eyes and she is utterly breathtaking to me. At this point in our relationship, after fifteen years I still get awe-struck when she walks in the room and it is almost surreal to me that this beautiful Godly woman is my wife, and mother of our children! It wasn’t always like this in fact if you were to talk with April she would tell you that there were times she thought we would never make it past status-quo.

How wonderful it has been to see how God can transform and renew the way we perceive our spouse when we become totally dependent on our relationship with Christ first and foremost! April and I didn’t arrive here overnight and we understand that as we nurture our relationship with Christ it provides a bond of protection in our marriage. Please don’t get the wrong idea that we have experienced our last argument, temptation or disagreement. In fact we can still have struggles, but the frequency, recovery period and desire to reconcile and be transparent is so much more resolute and genuine between us. We offer the issues and struggles of our marriage as a testimony to God’s grace and forgiveness. If you are struggling with extra-marital attractions we encourage you to make it a struggle! Don’t give up! Immerse yourself in God’s Word and prayer daily or more if necessary. Contact a Biblical counselor who can help guide you! You can make it through Christ! (Phil 4:13)

In Sickness and in Health

2011-05-26T07:27:00.006-04:00

By Steve Goode

We have all heard this wording in a wedding vow before. “To have and to hold from this day forward, for better or worse, in sickness and in health, for richer or poorer, until death do us part.” Most of us have said a similar vow if we are married, but did you ever really sit down and consider what it means to stay with someone through their sickness? As husband and wife we both play an important role in the physical, emotional and spiritual health of our spouse. When we first make these promises at the altar it sounds like a fairly easy proposition to be there during the good and bad times, but through the years we see that there are complexities in our relationships that we never could have anticipated! Being there during sickness is more than simply running to the drug store and picking up a prescription for your spouse. Enduring through the seasons of sickness in your marriage requires a great deal of self-sacrifice and effort that rarely brings recognition. In fact some of the symptoms of this sickness could make a spouse want to “wash their hands” of the relationship. The truth is many do. In this article I want to examine the three categories of sickness we will face in our marriage and examine in a general way, what the symptoms may look like. I am not a medical doctor so don’t worry about any big words or phrases you may read. We will stick to laymen’s terms. I am nothing more than an assistant to the master heart surgeon (Jesus) administering Biblical direction to sick hearts. (Jeremiah 17:9)

Physical Sickness

When our spouse suffers from a physical sickness it can manifest itself through an endless number of symptoms. If a spouse is diagnosed with cancer they may suffer from nausea, pain and weakness throughout their body. It may require the use of chemo-therapy or radiation which could result in physical changes in the way our spouse appears. They may lose all of their hair or lose a large amount of weight. It may affect the way your spouse may treat you because they have no strength or energy to meet your needs. They may treat you rudely and say things that they would not normally say as a loving and healthy spouse. If a spouse has surgery or heart issues it may require the other spouse to carry a bigger part of the load in the day to day household duties. It is burdensome for one spouse to do more, but they understand that their spouse is sick, and they want to honor their commitment to endure in the relationship. They don’t help and assist their spouse with the motive that they will be returned the favor at a later time, but they do it out of love and commitment. A spouse doesn’t change a bed pan or a colostomy bag because its fun, but they do it out of love and commitment to their spouse. They want to be there for their spouse through the sickness as well as the health part. It is an unconditional act of love and service that honors their commitment, and at the core of their life, it honors God.

Emotional Sickness

Emotional sickness comes in a variety of conditions that can range from personality disorders to depression. Depression can be quite life-sucking to a relationship because of the tendency to withdraw and push away from your spouse. Whether the depression is chemical, spiritual or a combination of both, it can make a spouse feel extreme loneliness and abandonment even when they never leave the house. When a spouse is depressed they will not go out of their way to meet the needs of their mate. They may even withdraw to the point of hardly speaking. It is a hard and difficult road for those married to a depressed spouse, and the only way to make it through these times is to endure with God’s help. You have to realize that your efforts to care for your spouse may not be reciprocated, but that’s when your desire to obey God and honor your commitment must be enduring and resolute. (2 Tim 1:9)You may not even see the same qualities and traits that first drew you to your spouse, but your commitment was to honor them in spite of their emotional state. You can only pray that your spouse is going through a season of emotional sickness. It is a season that will greatly test how you define the word unconditional. Will you define it the way the world sees it, or will you interpret it as Christ showed you. (Rom 5:8)

Spiritual Sickness

Spiritual Sickness can be manifested in an infinite number of ways that can go in some rather extreme directions. The peculiar thing about spiritual sickness is that it can manifest itself in what we don’t do as much as what we do. We refer to this as sins of omission where we fail to be the person God desires for us to be. Spiritual sickness comes on the strongest from failing to spend time in God’s Word and failing to pray, or praying with the wrong motives. It is not always easily diagnosed because the spiritually sick person may be parading as a spiritually well person. They do this by continuing to attend church and social functions as though nothing is really wrong with them and they know the churchy lingo. A spiritually sick person may be prone to commit sin and treat their spouse in an ungodly fashion. They may even be tempted to succumb to sins outside of their marriage such as unfaithfulness to their spouse. They may talk abusively and hateful to their spouse and use critical language. This kind of spiritually sick spouse may have an addiction to a substance or person outside of their marriage. Overall a spiritually sick spouse is in very poor condition and in need of acute care, but how does a spouse provide that care? Remember, we did commit to sickness and health!

You may think I have just set an inescapable marriage trap, but let’s think about this for a moment. All sin stems from spiritual sickness meaning our selfishness, poor choices, words and actions. (Jer 17:9; Rom 3:23) When we are spiritually sick we are incapable of making the right choices and will be more likely to choose our sin and selfishness before holiness. (Rom 6:12)In a marriage that sin can be some pretty repulsive and damaging things. If we think about sins in marriage it could be lying, abandonment, deception, substance abuse, adultery, and verbal abuse. Maybe a husband is failing to be the spiritual leader in his home and has not nurtured a Jesus centered family. He is now seeing the cascading effects of his own sin play out in the life of his spouse or children. (1Tim 3:4-5) There are many more we could list, but this gives you an idea of the categories of spiritually sick sins that can occur.

In earlier versions of this same article I have been challenged as to whether a spiritually sick spouse is no longer responsible for their actions, and my answer is emphatically no! Even when a spouse is living in sin, they started the process little by little through their sinful choices. What begins to occur when we turn toward sin is that it becomes easier to say yes to it. Paul describes this in the book of Romans. (Rom 6:12) It is a process of voluntary enslavement.

I have left a big question as to how we go about treating the spiritually sick spouse and I will get a lot of excuses later about why it isn’t possible, but that’s okay. I understand that it is hard to play doctor to a spouse who is spiritually sick or unresponsive. That sickness may be manifesting itself through acts that you feel are a direct attack on you, but they aren’t. Any spiritually sick spouse is sinning directly against God first. They are in a state of selfish and sinful rebellion that needs triage!This is when the offended spouse is more prone to get pragmatic, and jump-ship to save themselves from the hurt.

Treating Your Spiritually Sick Spouse

The first step in the process of treating your spiritually sick spouse is to make sure you are not part of the problem. If you are the husband then you need to reflect upon whether you have been the sincere spiritual leader and loving husband in your household. You will need to begin the process of change in yourself and ask God to forgive you for your failure and sin to be the sincere spiritual leader. The Bible says it would be better to put a huge stone around your neck and jump into deep waters than to hypocritically mislead even one little one. (Luke 17:2) Instead of focusing on the spiritual sickness and sin of your spouse, take time to focus on yourself and where you need to be. No surgeon’s assistant walks into an operating room to perform surgery with dirty hands! The more you focus on yourself and your own obedience to God you will begin to be a usable tool be divinely enabled to help your spiritually sick spouse. You can’t put a time limit on how long this may take. Becoming who God wants you to be takes endurance and lots of time. It takes more than a thirty day boot camp to become what God wants you to be. Be patient with yourself and God’s work in your life and it will teach you to be patient with your spiritually sick spouse. (Is 40:31; Rom 12:12)Always remember that your spouse did not begin acting this way overnight, but it is usually something that occurred through years of conditioning and treatment. You can't expect everything to get better in months, and some cases years. You must be patient.In fact the Bible tells us that your trials will produce a great deal of patience. (Jm 1:2-4)

The second step in the treatment process is to never give up on your spiritually sick spouse no matter how hopeless the situation appears. Even if your spiritually sick spouse spits in your face and betrays your trust, you must endure and support them through prayer and forgiveness! (Eph 5:25) Don't misread what I am saying. There are times that your love must be given from a safe distance in the case of abuse, but don't be so quick to run to the next relationship. We are commanded in Ephesians for husbands to love our wives as Christ loved and gave himself for the church. When you consider how Christ was treated by the church it puts a solemn perspective on the hurt we must endure from our spouses. Let me remind you that you weren’t called to happiness in your marriage, but to holiness in Christ Jesus. It doesn’t feel pleasant to be hurt by the one you love and to be walked upon, but Jesus gave us an example by what he allowed Himself to be subjected to because of His love for us. Jesus never gave up on us even when we were living in open and willful rebellion and sin against him! (Rom 5:8) We were terminal in our sins and He revived us! Here is a lesson for husbands when it comes to their wives. Stop thinking your wife is disposable just because she is damaged goods and see her for what she really is. She is a redeemed child of God forgiven through the sacrificial blood of Jesus Christ just like you!

The third step in the treatment process is to love your spouse no matter what the circumstances. There is a verse in Romans that says “Love each other with genuine affection, and take delight in honoring each other.” (Rom 12:10) Paul wrote this to teach the church how they should love one another. If he wrote this to the church in general how much more does this apply to our spiritually sick spouse? We need to love them even when they push away and act as though they are repulsed by our love. I have even heard testimonies from unfaithful husbands about how much their wife's unconditional love brought them back to Biblical obedience.

Consider the way we treat Jesus many times in our own life when we give into selfishness and self-centeredness. If Christ still loves us, how much more should we endure in love toward our spouses! Don’t give into that carnal feeling to declare your relationship dead because Christ never gave up on you! Husbands love your wives just like Jesus enduringly loves us! Listen to me good! It is never your responsibility in the relationship to your spiritually sick spouse to declare them dead to you! God hates divorce. (Mal 2:16)If your spouse walks away from you and breaks the covenant, then you cannot stop them. Just don't be the one who is eager to end things and walk away. God may be in the process of refining you in ways you never dreamed if you just endure, and guard your heart.

The fourth and final step in this treatment process is to leave the results in God’s Hands and be patient. (Rom 8:28) Let me ask the question you may already be considering. The question is if there is any guarantee of what the result will be, and my answer is yes. The result for the obedient spouse who chooses to treat and endure with their spiritually sick spouse is that their life will be miraculously changed forever. You cannot control the way the spiritually sick spouse will respond to your obedience, but that was never the purpose of your actions. Your purpose was to walk in holiness and obedience to God’s direction for your life. That clear-cut direction was to show unconditional and relentless love for your spiritually sick spouse regardless of the outcome.

Now with all of this having been said, I will direct you to a passage that summarizes the end result of all actions by an obedient child of God. All things will work together for good to those who love the Lord first and are following His calling and purpose in their lives. (Rom 8:28)

You Married the Wrong Person?

2011-05-19T11:04:00.004-04:00

By Steve Goode

I once heard a pastor discuss the topic of spouses who think that they married the wrong person. Dr. Mack Brunson from First Baptist Jacksonville spoke of how a spouse uses this type of phrase to justify many of their feelings and actions. I personally have lost count of the number of spouses who have used similar phrases to describe the feelings they have toward their mates when it appears the love has been lost or damaged.

I recently spoke with a person who felt that they had married outside of God’s will by committing themselves with a person who had no real interest in spiritual matters and unremorsefully had entered into an affair with another person. One Christian relationship after another has entered into a disillusioned state because of intense hurt, pain, loneliness, and selfishness on the part of one or both spouses who have become too impatient to wait on an answer from God in their relationship. They have reached the point where they simply conclude that they feel like they married the wrong person.

Before I address the question of whether a spouse can marry the wrong person I want to discuss the actions of a person who may have reached this conclusion. If a spouse is fixed on believing that they married the wrong person then they must conclude that the right person must be out there waiting on them. Whether in actual words or actions they have also concluded that it is perfectly acceptable to continue treating their spouse as the wrong person since they obviously made a mistake in marrying them. A spouse with this mindset has placed themselves in an extremely vulnerable position because I can assure you that the counterfeit mister or miss right person is out there waiting for their shot! It’s that person with the listening ear who claims to know just how you feel. It’s that person you have convinced yourself that you can be deeper with than your spouse because they know and accept you and make you feel so good about yourself. Before you know it you are treating this stranger in your life as the right person and shoving your mate to the curb as the wrong person. The truth is that the new mister or miss right doesn’t know you better at all.

In her book “I Do Again” Cheryl Scruggs concludes that in emotional affairs the stranger always wins because they know only the good side and don’t see you in the confines of your own home. They are safe because you can choose what you want them to know and leave out the weaknesses. You can simply live day to day in the “drug-like” euphoria of the moment with that person and become addicted to feelings and experiences with the so-called stranger. I like referring to this state of mind as counterfeit contentment because although it looks and feels real, deep down it’s all a façade of deceit and betrayal. The Bible says that it is a dangerous infatuation when feelings grow faster than our commitment. (Songs 2:7)

We have now returned to the million-dollar question of whether a spouse can marry the wrong person. A drum-roll is not necessary for me to answer this question and I am certain some will both agree and disagree with my conclusion. According to the Bible (the only authority) a man will leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife and they will become one flesh. (Gen 2:24) As we continue through the Bible we see numerous illustrations of the importance of permanent or lasting marriages. Jesus told us in Matthew that marriage is a permanent union between man and woman. (Matt 19:6) We see examples of where although Abigail married David, she did not do so until her husband died. (1 Sam 25) Another powerful story is found in Esther where she was married to the king and she was lonely and miserable. She had not seen her husband, the king, for weeks when her cousin, Mordecai, encouraged her. He told her that she had been placed in this marriage and had a great purpose for such a time as this! (Esther 4:14; Rom 8:28)

We are pretty deep into this paragraph and I have yet to answer the question of whether a person can marry the wrong person. My answer to this question is that whether you have married the wrong person or the right person it is totally irrelevant! It doesn’t matter if you married the right wrong person because God has called you to be the right person! In your marriage God has placed a call on you to obey Him and all the plans He has for you. Your purpose in your marriage is to strive toward obedience to God regardless of how you feel.

My wife April and I can testify that there were mornings we awoke in our marriage when we felt lonely and miserable, and all we had was obedience. Someone reading this article may be there today. Maybe the grass is looking greener or you just aren’t happy in your marriage. You will not find a single scripture that commands you to be happy in your marriage, but I can find plenty that call you to honor your commitment also known as your marriage covenant! Even when you can’t see the purpose in returning or staying in what seems to be a miserable marriage, God is strong and firm in his purpose for you. He has placed you in your marriage (kids or no kids) for such a time and purpose as this.

Don’t give up on the covenant you made with God to remain in your marriage. Understand that through your successes and failures in your marriage that God desires your obedience to Him. If you have lost the “feelings” for your husband or wife then pray for restoration and that God would bring back the feelings. The key is a desire to be obedient to him first, and then wait patiently for the feelings to be restored by God, not by you.

Aren’t you glad that as the bride of Christ we have never been left because of all of our many failures and affairs? Christ loved us through some of the craziest behavior one could ever imagine, and yet he didn’t leave us for a person who seemed more right. The Bible says that God commended His love to us in that while we were active in our sin, he still died for us! (Rom 5:8) I don’t think Jesus felt like being beat by strange men and hung on a cross to suffer until dead, but he did it anyway. He showed us a level of commitment that has a permanent and unconditional meaning.

To wives and husbands with unloving spouses I offer my sympathy, but I offer no get out of marriage free card. (Matt 19:6) God has placed you where you are whether wrong or right to be the right person and to be obedient to God. God will provide the contentment you need and will sustain you because of your obedience. (Phil 4:11)

Link to Audio of Article

Apologize to Your Children!

2011-05-11T08:00:00.002-04:00

By Steve Goode

The transparent, honest truth is that I thought this day of traveling would never end. We had just left our friends house in Columbia, Tennessee after some great lunch and much needed fellowship, and I was just tired and ready to be at our hotel in Tuscaloosa. You could say that I had gone into the stereo-typical primitive male version of the conquest mode. We were on our way to Tuscaloosa Alabama where I was scheduled to preach a Sunday homecoming service at Grants Creek Baptist church days after their worst tornado in recorded history. Our seven and three year old had been buckled into their car seats for more than eleven hours in the past two days and we all were all a little frayed around the edges. As much as we loved being together I must admit that patience began to be a commodity that was as hard to find as dollar a gallon gasoline at certain moments. You know what I mean if you have a red blooded family. Even the most Christian family has moments when even the slightest gestures can start seeming like nails across a chalkboard.

We had entered the outskirts of Birmingham off interstate 20 where my wife April wanted to pick up some items at Target. We thought it was best to get what we really needed before entering the Tuscaloosa area because there were still hundreds of thousands without power in Alabama. While at Target I needed to pick up some basic necessities such as a new University of Alabama ball cap, a staple good for those of us who were born in Tuscaloosa. If I didn't happen to mention it, my point of origin is Tuscaloosa.

My seven year old, Noah and I purchased our items and proceeded out to one of the benches in front of the Target store so that I could relax, and so that Noah could climb up and over the red balls. Any parent with children who has ever been to Target knows exactly what I am talking about. It was a gorgeous sunny Saturday and it appeared that everyone from Birmingham was here at the Target. I began thinking about the fact that this would be an ideal Kodak moment for Noah and I! I had my brand new Crimson Tide ballcap and I could seal this moment in history with a daddy son picture on one of the benches outside of the Target!

I didn't have my Canon EOS camera handy, but my Droid X takes some pretty sharp and amazing pictures, although I wish they would have just put a simple button on the side of my phone for click. Too much detail I know, I am digressing. I got Noah to get close to me, and I held the camera out at arms length to take the picture, and then I would crop the pic later so it was framed right for Facebook. That's what Noah says anytime I take a pic or he wants his pic taken. Daddy, take a picture of me and put it on Facebook!

The sun was pretty bright as we were attempting to get the picture, and Noah kept whining and squinting saying the sun was hurting his eyes. Although we were not in the direction of the sun, Noah kept squinting every single time I would click, and I became unreasonably impatient. No matter where we re-positioned ourselves Noah would squint, and whine. I was to the point of just saying forget it, when my darling wife April came out of Target. She took my camera-phone, which freed my hands up to position Noah on the bench, but he still continued to squint and whine almost to the point of crying. This was the point where I just should have said to forget it, and hit the road, but I am sorry to say that I didn't.

There are times as a parent when we just need to back away and disengage before things get out of hand, but the truth is we all fail at this from time to time, and today was my day. I became so frustrated at attempting to get Noah to relax, that he became stressed. April had hinted to me to forget about it, but I didn't relent. In a burst of frustration I finally opened my big, deep, and wide mouth and said to Noah, "Quit acting like such a wimp! The sun is not so bright that you have to squint!" There, it was out there. My big fat mouth had uttered hurtful words I could never reel back in. April rightfully gave me the look, Noah's shoulders slumped, and I had just exepediently "fixed" everything. Yea for me! April snapped one more shot of Noah and I, then our three year old Savannah was not going to be left out and joined us. In fact Savannah began copying Noah's expressions and literally broke the tension that I had created.

I know some daddies that would allow for the silence to act as their so-called healing mechanism in this scenario, but I knew to do so would be to ignore my sin of impatience, and hurtful words. God had allowed my idiocy to occur, and a teachable moment was developing for both Noah, and myself.

We walked across the parking lot to our minivan and Noah opened his door and was buckling into his seat. As he started to close his door, I stopped him, wrapped both my arms around him and proceeded to tell him something. "Noah what I said to you earlier was wrong, and uncalled for. You are not a wimp, but a son I love and I am very proud of. Please forgive me for saying that to you." Noah teared up, and I teared up and he forgave me for letting him down and speaking to him in a way that did not build him up. It was a true teachable moment.

Some daddies may be scratching their head wondering what I did wrong. Maybe you are one of those daddies who says a lot worse to your kids on a regular basis. It could be that you are so conditioned to being disrespectful to your children with your mouth that it just doesn't seem bad. To those daddies or mommies let me clear this up. To speak to your child like I spoke to my son is a sin against your children and God!

And you, fathers, do not provoke your children to wrath, but bring them up in the training and admonition of the Lord. (Ephesians 6:4)

Many times parents will stop at Ephesians 6:1 where it says for children to obey their parents, and fail to realize that parents have a Biblical duty to nurture their children. There may be moments you feel like a drill instructor with your children, but there is so much more to raising them the way God requires us to. You see, the problem with my response to Noah was never his fault. I may have been frustrated with him, but the impatience and hurtful words were not what God wanted me to implement. I was wrong, and my son deserved to know that I was sorry and loved him.

Is there someting you need to go say to your son or daughter right now because of the way you have responded to them? Have you called them a name or reacted either in body language or words, in a way that has created a teachable moment with your children? If the answer is yes, and I know good and well it is in a lot of cases, do not wait to talk to them, and ask their forgivess! Some of you may say that I do not understand. You are afraid your children will hold it against you or manipulate it. The truth is I do understand! Less than 30 feet from where I type this article sleeps my little three year old cherabim with horns! Don't tell me I don't understand! But whether I understand or not, doesn't change what the Bible requires of you.

My prayer is that all Christian parents would begin to understand that they have the answers to raising their children right in front of them on their coffee table. The Bible, and proper discipleship can encourage and help you even when you feel at witts end.

Choose for you this day whom you will serve. As for me and my house, we will serve the Lord. (Joshua 24:15)

Joshua 24:15 has been abbreviated in the article. Please reference it in your Bible for the full context.

Parenting is Not About Your Convenience!

2011-05-09T15:13:00.007-04:00

By Steve Goode

Its important to realize that as inconvenient as it is to be a parent, you are their world and how they perceive reality. If you are prone to anger, impatience, pragmatism, and selfishness then it will surface in your children. Pardon me for not taking a moment to warm up the crowd before plunging into this topic, but I have a low tolerance for the self-centered parent who lives daily questioning why they have to be so self-sacrificing to their children! For the parent who keeps this selfish mindset there is no hope of feeling any sense of accomplishment, only a churning sense of regret for the time they think they are losing.

Some may chastize such a parent for not thinking it through before having children, but I believe we need to consider how much we realized the sacrifice it would take to become a believer and follower of Jesus Christ. Most of us in the USA never once had to consider the job description to become a Christian, and didn't realize the sacrifice involved to have a deep and close personal relationship with Jesus Christ. Did you really sit down and make a list of things you would have to give up to follow Christ? I don't need a Barna survey to say that most did not weigh every possibility of sacrifice, but it does not give you a pass on striving to be all that Christ requires you to be, and nurturing the relationship. The same holds true of selfish parents who keep wondering when "their blessings" will come. Parenting is hard and many times thankless, but if that is your only motivation you will stay in a malaise of resentment and discontentment. Furthermore there is a deeper issue in a persons relationship to Christ if they have stepped off the path and gotten lost in the weeds of this mindset. Although a psychologist would give a person a pass for such a mindset and call it an anxiety, coping, or even an adjustment disorder, the truth is there is something much deeper happening in the life of a believer in Jesus Christ.

If you are looking for where to start learning how to parent, read out of the book of Joshua 24:15.

"If it is disagreeable in your sight to serve the LORD, choose for yourselves today whom you will serve: whether the gods which your fathers served which were beyond the River, or the gods of the Amorites in whose land you are living; but as for me and my house, we will serve the LORD."
GOD'S WORD® Translation (©1995)

In this passage Joshua is making an unapologetic challenge to the Israelites to make up their mind about who they wish to serve. Being a parent doesn't leave room for you to be immersed in your selfish wants and desires while still serving the Lord. In fact we are told that if we abide in Christ we will develop new desires as both a believer in Christ, and a parent. Where do you fit in today? Are you battling with feelings of resentment because you think the world is passing you by as you teach and raise your children? It's time to choose today what you will do. I pray it will be to lay aside your selfishness, and spritually guide the young and impressionable children you have been entrusted with. Make convenience a seldom used word when it comes to raising your children!

The Most Dangerous Christian

2011-05-06T21:44:00.039-04:00

By Steve Goode

With the recent killing of Bin Laden I thought it would be an appropriate time to discuss the Christian's approach to the Muslim religion, and whether we need to be bold or passive toward their beliefs. Is it better to be passive and tolerant in our approach toward the Muslim religion or does it require Christians to be firm in what they believe? I would even go as far to state that the most dangerous and reckless Christian is the one who passively lives out their life with no real zeal or passion in what they believe. On the other hand the most dangerous type of Muslim is the radical who is willing to strap bombs to their body and kill innocents all for the supposed reward of 72 virgins awaiting them in what they call paradise. Even as recent as May 8th, Muslim mobs set two Cairo churches on fire overnight (5/8/2011) during sectarian clashes that left 12 dead and more than 200 injured. The Christian's response to the Muslim religion is never to include violence of any kind. Christians have been instructed to love their enemies, and pray for those who persecute them. (Matt 5:43-48)

Recent headlines have focused on Heartsong Church in Cordova Tennessee allowing Muslims to use their facilities, and whether this was an appropriate action. Especially when the informed Christian considers that Christians do not worship the same God as the Muslim version of God. In fact a sincere Muslim cleric will openly admit that they do not worship the Christian God.

To be sure that we all understand who the Christian God is, we need to briefly look at the Trinity, otherwise known as the Godhead. The Trinity consists of three co-equal and co-eternal persons, namely the Father, the Son (Jesus), and the Holy Spirit. The three persons are God. Each has a distinctive role which does not diminish their equality with each other. The Father is creator, the Son is Redeemer, and the Holy Spirit is comforter. Although the term "Trinity" is not used in the New Testament, we can clearly see the three persons in the Trinity defined, described, and at work throughout the Bible. Although the Godhead is three distinct persons with co-equal status, Christians are monotheistic, meaning they worship one God. The Godhead of the Holy Trinity. Both scholars and theologians consider it a mystery to how this can be, but we believe it is implicitly mapped out in the Bible. Muslims do not believe in the Holy Trinity because although Muslims are monotheistic, they don't believe that Jesus is God. They believe in a singular God, and that Jesus was a prophet, but is not God. This means we do not worship the same God as the Muslims. This is why phrases such as "finding common ground" do not apply when it comes to the belief of a Muslim and Christian. Don't get me wrong because I believe we can stand at the soup line and serve food together or take food to shut-ins, but we have nothing in common in the context of the God that we serve.

You may be wondering why I am spending so much time on this issue, but it is the propensity of the average Christian to look lethargically at the core tenants of their faith! We must understand the importance of studying God's Word and not just accepting truth as we think we understand it! The Bible tells us to study the scriptures so that we can learn and understand! (2 Timothy 2:15)

Recently I read a post from a person commenting about how we can show the love of Christ by allowing Muslims to use Christian facilities, but there is a big problem with this. We have seen from the pictures shown above in this article that Muslims do not tolerate being evangelized by Christians. In the next paragraph I will quote what the person said. The context of this person's comments were directed at author and apologist Dr. Alex McFarland who recently appeared on Fox News to talk about the Christian church allowing Muslims to use their facilities for their worship service.

Alex McFarland with Loren Green on a recent Fox News Show

Comments below appeared on Facebook on May 6, 2011.

"I saw your views on muslim and christians sharing a church/mosque. I commend those who share their faiths and place of worship, to deny another man his views is not Gods will. You state that one should not endorse false religions, but how about you opening your heart and place of worship to others and in that action they could see the love that God has for all? Is that not the will of our Lord? I do not know if you will let this comment stand, but we will see."

I thought about what the person said, and responded to her comments, which I will share with you in the remainder of this article. The person's comments were laced with what they thought God's will should be. In fact God's will is that none should perish, but all come to repentance. (2 Peter 3:9) What this person has done can be a temptation for any Christian. We want to impose what we think God's will is without truly taking the time to study the handbook of God's will, the Bible. My response to the person is in the remainder of this article.

I saw your comment and appreciate your passion for what you consider to be truth, but we have core truths in our Christian beliefs taken from the Bible that are not negotiable. Primarily that Jesus Christ was not just a prophet as Muslims believe, or great person, but he was God who came in the flesh. (Jn 14:6; Jn 1:1; Jn 1:14) Furthermore He is the only way to salvation and the Father. To allow any religion to enter a Christian house of worship and proclaim a false god is a sort of misguided hypocrisy. I believe the church has good intentions, but their actions could mislead and misguide the Muslims. If I could put this in an Old Testament context, Baal is being worshipped in the house of God. Knowing that we serve both a loving, and jealous God, do you think God would be tolerant of this? (Ex 20:3)

I agree that we do need to show the love of Jesus Christ to the Muslims just as much as we do any other religious group, but it will not be done by passively nodding or allowing them to worship a false god within the same building that the one true God is worshipped. To deny the deity of Jesus is to deny the Trinity (God). We may serve a loving God, but we also serve a God who has given us all the guidelines we need, to know how He wants us to worship and serve him. (2 Tim 3:15-16)

The Bible says that the wounds of a friend are far better than the kisses of an enemy. (Prov 27:6) When it comes to how we approach the Muslims, the most loving thing we can do is to take a bold stand, and be unapologetic about our love for Jesus Christ. To not challenge their use of Christian facilities for false worship is to passively condemn them to an eternity apart from Jesus. If you are a believer, I encourage you to be bold, winsome, and loving with your Muslim friends, but don't be timid in speaking the truth of Jesus with them. I can tell you from experience that they respect boldness much more than passiveness.
This was the conclusion of my response to the person.

So what will your approach be with Muslims, Mormons, or even Jehovah's Witnesses who live in and around you? Will you simply sit quietly by and tolerantly say nothing? Will you be the one that takes time to study, and do your research so that you will be prepared to give an answer? (1 Peter 3:15) I encourage us all to read and study so that we can be bold, confidant, and winsome with our Muslim friends. Never forget that the most dangerous Christians walking around today are never the radicals, but the passive and silent ones.

Unlike the religion of Islam, it is not the goal of Christianity to dominate the world. Jesus didn't come to earth on a mission of global domination, but to provide a way of redemption to all that would surrender their hearts to him. (Jn 3:16-17) Jesus came as someone with equal status to the Father, but He never raised one weapon in His defense. (Jn 10:30) The Christian's response to the Muslim religion is to always be one of confidant, loving, and winsome determination, which never apologizes for our belief in Jesus, our only way to the Father. (Jn 14:6) I charge all Christians to study, study, study, and know whom they serve! Be a true light of love to all that you come in contact with without apology or passiveness! Always be ready to give an answer! (1 Peter 3:15)

Some revisions and additions have been edited on the author's response to the Facebook posting for clarity.

Is the Entitlement Mindset Biblical?

2011-05-03T12:59:00.016-04:00

By Steve Goode

(Pictured to the left is what remains of the Salvation Army of Tuscaloosa)

In the wake of all the death and destruction in Birmingham and Tuscaloosa this past week, I could not think of a more applicable topic than entitlement and suffering. In fact the pictures you will see inserted throughout this article were taken by me and my family this past week as we visited and ministered to the people of Tuscaloosa and Fosters Alabama. We even took a trip into Pell City where we witnessed the destruction of straight line winds, which can topple and uproot enormous trees, and remove roofs from people's homes.

If I could contextualize the entitlement mindset in our Christian walks, and even our marriages, it demands without any sense of earning or payment for what is received. It is the mindset that says that you can create your own list of expectations for your spouse, and when they are not met, you are entitled to seek some form of retribution or compensation. It removes the need to place any responsibility for a person’s actions upon themselves, and reactively blame others for their plight in life. A marriage to such a person becomes an emotional rollercoaster where it is more important to seek self-gratification than it is to esteem ourselves as humble and serving.

If someone feels a sense of entitlement then they can set the expectation of happiness in their marriage and bail the moment things get trial some and difficult. They will use a plumb line that measures quick and expedient fixes and never look at their circumstances as a way to learn and grow. This same mindset will look at the tragedies that befall their lives as some sort of unjust punishment from God, because after all, they are entitled to a good life!

Where does this all fit into a Biblical framework? Is anyone entitled to good things with a lifelong moratorium on bad things? If it were true to say these things then why did James feel the need to say the following?

"My brethren, count it all joy when you fall into various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces patience. But let patience have its perfect work, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking nothing" (James 1:2-4)

James clearly believes trials will befall us all and makes no apology for God. He doesn’t provide an exclusion of any kind for those people who feel entitled to avoid the hurts they will inevitably face in their life. Even if they believed they could earn a pass, it wouldn’t matter. Some of the godliest people I know have suffered through horrendous and disproportionate trials and afflictions without a release.

I wish I could help people to understand that the Bible is not a release from pain, but a way to cope with life’s trials through the lens of the cross. Jesus said that “In this life you will have trials and tribulations, but take heart! I have overcome the world!” (John 16:33) For the believer who feels a sense of entitlement, I believe the problem goes much deeper. Such a person is focused on themselves more than they are Jesus. They have a skewed worldview that will enslave them to a sinfully entitled mindset that will not change until they surrender their will to Christ.

The Bible says “And he said unto all, “If any man would come after me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross daily, and follow me” (Luke 9:23) The Christian life of pain and suffering is not laced in entitlement, but denial of our personal wants and desires. Jesus explains how we can have total contentment in His ways if we simply abide in him. Abiding is not a hotel stay, but a residency where we begin to see things through Jesus’ eyes as opposed to our own.

What do we truly deserve?

You see? We all have our own measure of who should or shouldn’t suffer or be subjected to loss and tragedy! What we need to sometimes realize is that the only reason things do not get worse is because of the common grace of God. Common grace is the restraining nature of God, which both sinner and saint alike benefit from. You as a child of God are a part of that common grace which out of your obedience to Christ, get to show the love of our Savior to others through our acts of service and kindness to all those around us.

Only one person ever has walked in the flesh that did not deserve the trials He faced! He is the co-eternal, co-equal, second person in the Trinity who took on human form by being born of a virgin. He lived a sinless life, and atoned for our sins by dying on the cross, He rose again on the third day defeated the grave, and ascended back to Heaven and is seated at the right hand of the Father making intercession for you and me. His name is Jesus and He loves and cares for you and wants to spend eternity with you if you will surrender your heart and life to Him!

The cemetary pictured above is on Wesley Chapel Road in Fosters Alabama, 11 miles outside of Tuscaloosa, and sustained major damage from the Tornado on April 27th. Almost every grave marker was knocked over or broken in half. A church 300 feet away was leveled.

The Devil You Know (Updated after it aired 6/22/2011)

2011-04-23T08:13:00.022-04:00

What it’s really like to be a part of the interview process for a true crime drama and documentary. Steve Goode served as a Police Officer in Greensboro, NC,from 1986-97.

by Steve Goode

It was a day like any other day in mid 2010. I was still working as desktop services manager for a fortune 500 computer company in Charlotte, and Marriage Counseling part time. In fact I recall just leaving a marriage counseling session with a couple in the Mooresville North Carolina vicinity on this particular day when my caller ID on my cell phone displayed a number from Canada of all places! I answered the phone and a nice man with a British accent asked for Steve. Only my friends and closer acquaintances would know me by that name so I kindly advised the nice man with the British accent that he had the right person and that I was very curious how he got my information and what the inquiry was related to. The man said that he had researched me and found my information through Facebook and several other resources, and he was calling on behalf of Make Believe Media who was filming a true crime documentary on a murder case from 1990, a time period when I was a police officer in Greensboro North Carolina.

My heart sank in my chest and started an accelerated beat all at once. I knew precisely what case he was talking about. In fact I had been able to duck the A & E American Justice version of this almost nine years ago, and I never expected this particular case to surface again. Even the 2001 book by Fannie Weinstein called Please Don’t Kill Mommy was a reminder of the case where I saw my name in a couple of the chapters, but I was a public figure so I had no recourse. At first I was thinking it was a joke, but the more the person talked, the more convinced I became that it was legitimate. I really didn’t know if I wanted to do the interview because there was so much that I had been able to archive in the recesses of my brain over the past 15 years that I preferred not to recall. Even when I watched my fellow officers on the A & E American Justice episode it made my heart race, and was very emotional for me personally. I remembered the frustration I felt at the coroner’s office in 1990-91, and the fact that we could not bring any charges against the killer because of a N.C. law that required the cause of death to be listed as homicide. Our victim’s autopsy was documented by the coroner as unable to determine. I recalled how I helplessly learned that the killer had murdered again in Pennsylvania, and the flashes of anger I felt at what this man had done to his family! It brought back all those feelings of frustration I had processed through over the years. How we had followed all the rules and laws, and still could not stop Timothy Boczkowski from leaving the state to continue his life in Pennsylvania. It made me want to scream out like Habakkuk in the Old Testament, asking God why it appeared evil was prospering! The way Tim had started a new life, and even witnessed his three kids Randy, Sandy, and Todd, bond with his new wife, only to kill that wife too. I never faulted the kids for standing by their dad because after all, he was the only living parent they had. My anger was toward Tim for being so insensitive to his children to induce that kind of painful loss on them, not once, but twice! How although we eventually obtained a murder conviction on Tim Boczkowski, that nobody really won. The kids were torn because even though their dad was held accountable, they lost all of their parents. I still wonder if the dad is ever going to tell his children the truth about the murders even as he begins to grow old in a North Carolina Prison.

Now to get back to my decision to be interviewed for this crime documentary. I decided that I would do the initial phone screening and see if I felt capable of going down this painful memory road. The phone interviewer began asking me a lot of questions about 1990. It lasted about thirty minutes and I felt pretty at ease about the direction the documentary was taking. They told me that they had received an agreement to interview Tim's children Randy, Sandy, and Todd, which made me feel better about the process. They would be allowed to share their views and feelings which meant that it would be a fair and balanced crime documentary. Make Believe Media said they were doing some other cases too, like the Green River Killer and several others. Once I agreed to participate a time was arranged for me to meet the documentary crew in Greensboro for the filming. One last step I took before committing was to call the Greensboro Police Department and speak with a friend. I asked him to play devil’s advocate with me and try and shoot holes into any reason I should decline. We thought about any potential appeals and what questions to abstain from for legal reasons. It was great counsel, but no roadblocks in terms of doing the interview. It was only a matter of finding a location to do the interview at this point.

Because of the nature of the interview, the Police Department would not typically grant space for obvious reasons. The film crew decided to use a church instead, which led us to the South Elm Street Baptist Church of Greensboro,where my wife April and I were married. This was my first introduction to the director and interviewer from the production company. The sound and video team scoped out the church and began setting up their equipment while I changed clothes, and spent some moments speaking with the director and getting an orientation on the process. She had a real knack for making a person feel relaxed and all I could think of was being aware of my words. I knew what I could and could not discuss, but it also appeared that the goal of the series was more family focused. Once I watched a screening it appeared they were more concerned with the impact on the family than they were the fine details of the case. I would categorize it more as a human interest type of true crime documentary.

The director sat to the right of the camera off screen prompting and talking me through questions. I picked up on what a good director does. When I would be talking and she liked the subject matter she would encourage me with her expressions or looks of surprise and smiling. I could see how a person could get carried away with their depictions. The director knew I was a Christian Counselor and she asked me a question on camera that surprised me. She asked me if I thought Timothy Boczkowski was evil. She wasn’t ready for my answer. I said that the Bible in Jeremiah 17:9 says that the heart of man is wicked and deceitful which means we all have the ability to do evil things without the restraint of God in our lives. I noticed that question didn’t make it into the series.

There were moments during the interview that were very unsettling because of the content of the questions. I was having to dig and remember many facts that took me more than a year to suppress. Seeing Elaine Boczkowski at Wesley Long Hospital and the things I had to document. Remembering all the time I spent interviewing Tim only to watch him avoid being charged until years later. There were months that went by before I could look at a bathtub without picturing details from the murder of Elaine because of the circumstances of her death I was aware of in the investigation.

I lost track of time during the interview, but hours went by with brief breaks. The size of the room we were using along with all the camera equipment made for a cozy fit. If I was Closter phobic I would not have lasted. The camera team and director made the whole experience very pleasant. We wrapped up in the mid-afternoon in time for them to drive to some other locations.

I left the interview feeling literally like I had been wrung out like a wet dish rag. It had nothing to do with the crew I had worked with or the director. They were a class act and I would gladly give them my time again based on the way I was treated. It was the content of the interview that came upon me. All those feelings of frustration, and disappointment were relived on the day of the interview. I think it even showed in my mannerisms and expressions. The director even mentioned the way I held my hands during the interview and how it added effect.

It took me almost a month to the date of the interview to lose some of those old feelings I had from the Boczkowski case. Can you imagine that? A case that occurred twenty-one years ago that hit me that hard.

Well if I had a bucket list I am not sure that I would have ever added this exercise to it. Elaine Boczkowski’s murder wasn’t my first at GPD, in fact I think I had more than the average share of death investigations. What made this one so impressionable was the coldness, and the children. These children were denied a mommy twice and that was a very difficult thing to watch the kids endure. I hope the children, who are all grown now,understand that Elaine's death has even impacted the way I counsel married couples. God used this experience in my life to place a burden on my heart to dig deep when counseling. I appreciate the opportunity to have been a part of the crime documentary and based on my life experiences, I pray that it is a process I never have to endure again.

Update after watching the series on Discovery ID

I watched the series this past June on Discovery ID and it was well done and quite balanced. The only point that was not clarified had to do with how the Greensboro murder case was re-opened. The documentary says I pressured for it, but it was actually a detective who was in my opinion one of Greensboro's best. He has been retired for a number of years and I will respect his privacy, but I recall that he was the key to bringing all of this together. I have another good friend who is retired that worked on this case, and she provided key research and testimony. She actually did the A & E American Justice show back in 2003.

The Biblical Counseling Moment | Teachable Moments with Our Children | Part 4 | The Biblical Counseling Moment

2011-04-18T21:01:00.000-04:00

The Biblical Counseling Moment Teachable Moments with Our Children Part 4 The Biblical Counseling Moment

The Biblical Counseling Moment

2011-04-16T14:29:00.003-04:00

The Biblical Counseling Moment is a response to the busy lives of this generation. It is our prayer that you will slow down long enough to hear a Biblical Word that will intrigue and point you back to the Bible for all the answers in your life! (2 Tim 3:15-16) You may listen on WHVN each Saturday between 11:00am and 11:45am or you may listen to the downloadable audios on Northsidecharlotte.com. Also hear Pastor Brian Boyle's uninterrupted sermons and all of the upcoming events at Northside Baptist Church, Charlotte.

The Biblical Counseling Moment | The Biblical Counseling Moment

The Eternal Inheritance of A Godly Legacy (A Plea to Christian Parents)

2011-04-15T08:05:00.001-04:00

Written by Steve Goode

Steve's son Noah Goode with his Great Grandmother Annie Durham when she was 102. She is now 104!

With all the chaotic demands in the world today for rights, benefits, and entitlements, it has made me consider what type of gift truly has genuine worth. Is there something out there that we are truly owed in our society, and even our family? Even when I was in policework I remember how families divided and crumbled over dividing the inheritance of a deceased loved one, and it begins to make one wonder what we truly deserve. Seriously, is there something I am missing here? Do we truly have the right to demand anything even if it is gifted to us? Money, a car, a house? Should these temporal things matter to us so much in this brief life or is there something more that we should be seeking or demanding?

Let's talk briefly about what we truly deserve in this life from a Christian's perspective. We came into this world as a sinner guilty before a holy God. (Rom 3:23) If you don't believe me then reference the Ten Commandments and you will find that you have violated more than one of them. (Ex 20) If this is the case, there is a price you will pay for your sinful condition, which is death. (Rom 6:23) In the same scripture passage I just noted there is an invitation to a gift that God has made available to us all provided in the form of His Son Jesus. Without the atoning death of Jesus there was no way for us to bridge the gap between us and a holy God. Jesus is the Son of God, and second person in the Trinity who was born of a virgin. He was both fully God and fully man when He came to earth. He lived a sinless life and ministered as noted in the Gospels both teaching and performing miracles. He offered up himself on the cross to provide a once and for all sacrifice, and atone for our sins! He made a way for us to have fellowship with the Father.(2 Cor 5:21) As much as Christ did this "once and for all" work for us on the cross, it is a gift that we must take possession of. I can place a Ferrari in your driveway and leave the keys in the ignition, but until you sit in the drivers seat and turn the key, it is of no use to you. Can you begin to imagine all the people in the world that will never accept the gift Jesus has freely offered to us? Billions in the world who will never accept what Jesus has done for them through his once and for all work on the cross. An eternal inheritance that will remain unclaimed for all eternity that was there for the taking. Instead, many will spend their entire lives embittered to temporal demands of rights, money, and entitlements, which will be lost and tossed when they die and enter into eternity having left their eternal inheritance unclaimed.

Photo below is Steve and Noah at the grave of his father and mother

So my question to you is what can we leave to our family that will have eternal value regardless of the response of our sons and daughters?

I don't know how better to illustrate this than to tell you about the death of my own mother and father, and the inheritance that was left to me.

Steve's Dad pins his badge on the day he was sworn in Greensboro NC 1986

It was Friday, August 25, 2000 and my father had been in Forsyth Medical Center in Winston Salem Since the previous Saturday. Although his condition was critical, I never anticipated him not coming home from the hospital. I remember receiving the call from my work site in Greensboro that I needed to proceed to the hospital right away. I was met by my wife April on the Cardiac floor and she was sobbing. She said dad was gone and had died an hour earlier. His death was agonizing to me because he was such a rock of comfort and counsel in my life. The following year was defining for me, especially since dad was very close to both April and I. Almost three years later on August 16, 2003 I was at the bedside of my mom after she suffered an aneurysm behind the wheel of a car. My brother, niece and nephew, and I stood by the bedside at Baptist Hospital in Winston Salem as mom took her last breath on earth. They are remembered by me and many others daily, but what I treasure the most about their passing is what they unselfishly left to my brother and I.

You see my parents gave sacrificially their whole lives for the sake of others. I remember churches where my dad's whole salary was less than 50 dollars a week, but he always preached million dollar sermons. Mom always took care of the ledger, and although there were times we were truly considered poor, my brother and I never realized it. My parents were always stewardly with their money, but never lived comfortably by any stretch of the imagination. So what is it that mom and dad left me that I treasure more than fine gold and precious silver? A Godly legacy. They lived their lives in such a way that I have strived to model their Godly character through my life and the life of my family. A Godly legacy isn't just a good option, but a requirement for the eternal benefit of our family and children. You may not be able to control the moment and manner in which you leave this earth, but you can control the way you live each moment of your life now. "Choose you this day whom you will serve, as for me and my house we will serve the Lord." (Joshua 24:15)

Count it All Joy?

2011-04-14T22:41:00.003-04:00

by Steve Goode

James is a favorite New Testament Book of mine. When I was a teenager my mother would make me read the entire book of James when I back-talked her, so by the age of 14 I was a little familiar with it.

James is addressing his letter to Jewish Christians scattered outside of Palestine because of persecution and induced dispersion in most cases. These Jews must have been disillusioned and even disheartened and tired. They stood up for their faith! They were faithful to Christ at the risk of losing family ties and friends! Security through their trade was found in their home city(s) along with a sense of oneness and purpose. So why is it they had to flee from their homes out of fear of persecution and death? Wasn’t following Jesus supposed to be a bed of roses? Who is this person to tell us how great it is to be experiencing trials? Not only that, he didn’t put a clause in there telling us if we send him money we would be blessed with prosperity! I am hyperbolizing on this point for effect, but I believe it explains my point.

James is addressing the Diaspora which would refer to people who have been scattered from their ancestral roots. I even like how the New World Encyclopedia says it better because it speaks of people forced or induced to leave. With all of this in mind he is now telling the Diaspora to count it all joy? Not only that James tells them it’s coming, not if, but it is coming! The pep-talk is to rejoice because you will suffer regardless of your faithfulness.

What do you need to rejoice about today in the midst of your suffering? It should not be by surprise this moment would come because even James told us that it was a case of "when", and it was never "if". Hang in there and rejoice while God will reveal his purpose in His time.

Do You Value Your Wife?

2011-04-14T22:24:00.001-04:00

By Steve Goode

I have a topic for Christian husbands to ponder regarding the way they demonstrate how much they value their wife. According to Encarta, value is the worth, importance, or usefulness of something to somebody. To a scuba diver an oxygen tank may hold irreplaceable value. If you are a programmer then a computer may hold great value to your efforts, but what about a husband? A Biblically obedient husband understands that apart from his relationship with Christ that his wife is the most valuable treasure in his life! (Eph 5:25)

Recently I had the privilege of eating with one of my vendors so we could discuss some important business and negotiate some matters pertaining to our companies. Somehow the conversation shifted from work, to spiritual matters and we began to discuss the vendor's marriage. The conversation went into deep waters rather quickly as we began to discuss things about the vendor's wife, family, and his hobbies. It turns out that the vendor was an avid golfer who enjoyed spending many hours away from home with his golf buddies at an average of 80 dollars a round. I asked him how long he had been married and he told me only two years with no kids. Something seemed to change in his countenance when we went from golf to marriage. I pried a little deeper and asked him what his wife enjoyed doing. The vendor said his wife was a school teacher who was immersed in her job in Charlotte, but he could not name one single thing his wife enjoyed doing in the form of an activity or hobby. I also noticed the perplexed expression on his face that I would dig into an area of his life that appeared to be lacking. In the course of 20 minutes we were able to uncover the fact that after two years of marriage his wife was anything, but a priority and that the influence of his in-laws and his own hobbies were creating mounting friction in the relationship. Not being able to let it go I asked one more question to stir the pot. "Do you see any issues with your scenario?" The expression I received was priceless and sad all rolled into one. There are some additional complexities in this relationship that I will not go into, but there is a high probability that this relationship is headed the wrong way. I can picture the husband staring clueless at an empty bed one day asking himself, "What went wrong?"

What husbands can learn from this is that we will know, study, and spend time with what we value. The husband in this situation read, studied, and immersed himself in the game of golf. He took lessons on improving his swing, invested in expensive clubs, and spent thousands of dollars on green fees so he could improve his game. He understood that his hobby took precision, practice and finesse. My question to everyone is what returns will the husband receive from all this effort? Will it make his wife draw close to him? Will the wife be instilled with a sense of her purpose and value to the husband? I could pile on here, but ultimately the only thing the husband will gain is a selfish sense of satisfaction and accomplishment that will hold no value when he leaves the parking lot of the golf course. Don't get me wrong because I am not asking anyone to boycott golf. This illustration could apply to any hobby, but ultimately anything that a husband values more than his wife will have no appreciable return, in fact it will ultimately create a potential bail-out. A husband cannot honor God if he values stuff more than his wife.

Husbands I encourage you this week to spend time listening to, studying and learning what your wife desires, wants and enjoys. Understand that it is a lifetime pursuit that requires continuous study, adjustment, and practice. Love isn't something we fall into like an open manhole, it's something we learn new and fresh everyday! It's not something we simply try out and throw away, but an active action we demonstrate to our wife moment by moment. It can become exciting and adventurous in ways you could never begin to imagine! Furthermore I encourage
the husbands to give their wives more than one and two word answers to the things that are on their heart. Go deep with each other and show that you value and treasure your relationship with her. Do this by sincerely opening up your heart to her and valuing her opinions and desires. If you already have this kind of marriage I applaud your efforts and ask you to look for young couples you can encourage and mentor about their relationships.

Most of all, I want to be sure that you place your wife second while placing God first. (Eph 5:25) Also remember that there will be moments in your relationship where all you may have is your obedience to God to get through a difficult trial or temptation. In concluding let me direct you to a few useful scriptures to utilize in your marriages. Submit to each other (Eph 5:22-24) Don't live in constant Conflict (Matt 12:25) Husbands love your wives as Christ loved the Church because our relationships are to be a model of Christ's relationship to us. (Ep 5:25) God's design is for man not to be alone (Gen 2:18-25) Our marriages are to be intimate and fulfilling which Husband and Wife must promote and work toward (Gen 2:18, 24)

Picture Courtesy of Marriage Stock Photos
http://www.fotosearch.com/photos-images/marriage.html

The Legacy We Leave

2011-04-10T23:07:00.003-04:00

A Reflection from Childhood into the life of Chris Lee

By Steve Goode

I have had one of those reflective weekends where I catch myself staring into space and pondering life and death more somberly than usual. I have looked at my seven year old son Noah with a different depth and feel since the afternoon of Saturday April 9th when I arrived home and took a quick glance, if there is such a thing, at Facebook checking the likes, comments, and who-cares. I would have logged out and headed straight for the pile of books in my living room, but a distant name caught my eye from my friends list. In fact this particular name was so distant that we haven’t seen each other face to face in more than 32 years, and yet I couldn’t shake the need to look further. Chris Lee? I do remember friending him in 2010, and I even remember him posting a funny and friendly message on my wall kidding about how long it had been and how nice it was to hear from me! It was December 21, 2010 at 9:04 PM to be exact. Facebook is great for leaving a trail.

Last time we had even seen each other I didn’t even have a drivers license or job. I had to really work to remember my relationship to Chris it had been so long. We were never really buds, and didn’t really hang out, but for some reason I had fond memories of Chris. They weren’t like detailed and specific memories, but every time I envisioned his 14 year old face it had a smile on it laced with a whole lot of playful mischief. He made me laugh!

Picture Courtesy Facebook Profile

As I searched for the memories of Chris what kept returning to my mind was the smile, laughter, and the fact that he had been liked by more girls at 14 than I had by graduation, but I ‘m not jealous of course! But life didn’t stop for Chris nor myself at 14 when my dad was called away from the First Baptist Church to a church 400 miles away in Greensboro North Carolina. Chris was forgotten by me, but his life was just starting. You see, this is where it gets foggy for me to tell this story, but I began to dig, as most x-cops do, to see what else I could learn about what Chris had done with his life through the years. Many that may read this can tell this story much clearer than I, and many have made lots of memories through the years with and around Chris. Many times the years drastically change who we are, sometimes for the good, and sometimes for the bad, but in Creek’s case none of the above. Even the many comments on his Facebook page from hurting friends recall the fact that Chris was just Chris, rain or shine. He wasn’t interested in being hypocritical, but genuine.

In the book of James 1:22-25 it speaks of someone being more than just a hearer of the Bible, but a doer. It uses the depiction of a man who looks in the mirror and then walks away forgetting quickly who he was. Based on the testimony of his friends I believe Chris was one of those who never forgot what he saw in the mirror, but always understood who he was. A sinner saved by the grace and mercy of Jesus Christ alone trying to be a living example of genuineness and light to all he ever met. I am not trying to depict Creek as a saint by any means, we all have fallen short, (Rom 3:23) but I do believe that Chris was a beacon of hope and encouragement to the friends and co-workers in his sphere of influence while here on earth.

One area that I have strived to be faithful in as a daddy is keeping that strong relationship with my son who is also named Noah. From some of the comments from Chris it appears he was very passionate in this area with his son Noah. I read some of the comments of how proud he was, and how he really understood that Noah was a gift from the Lord. It reminds me of a Psalm 127:3 where it tells us that they are literal gifts from God placed in our care. I saw comments where Noah really loved his daddy too, and I know this will be one of the most defining moments for his little heart as it endures the pain of loss. It really makes you want to question God like Habakkuk did over all the injustice he saw in the world and wanting answers to his questions. Ultimately he had to trust that God knew what he was doing, and it appears we will have to follow suit while praying for the right influences of love and guidance to help raise and nurture Creek’s most prized treasure. From the comments I have seen, I am prayerful that will not be an issue.

Picture Courtesy of Facebook

Enduring the Pain of Loss

Usually this would be a good time to quote Romans 8:28, but it is a passage that is more effective at times in reflection as the Holy Spirit provides the comfort we need through the throttled up phases of pain. Those moments when the stomach never stops fluttering, and as C.S. Lewis described of his own pain, “At times it feels like mildly being drunk, or concussed. There is a sort of invisible blanket between the world and me. I find it hard to take in what anyone says.” (C.S. Lewis, A Grief Shared)

There is family and many friends who are feeling the sudden, excruciating, and unexplainable feelings of loss and sadness right now. You may be looking for answers to why this happened at such a young and “full of life” age! It has impacted all of us aged forty-something adults and friends who see what appears to be good suffer and evil prosper! Creek had overcome so much and kept his laughter and smile undamaged, and we just want to know how to respond to such an unexpected and devastating loss of a good person! It is understandable to feel this way, but what we all need to realize is that Chris’s mission is far from completed!

Chris’s Mission has not Ended

Just because Chris is in the presence of Jesus and away from his earthly family and friends doesn’t mean his influence and ministry is done! He has left an evidenced Godly legacy. Each one of you carries a piece of Creek’s story everywhere you go. From the stories of laughter, and even to the stories of heartbreak in his life. You will honor his memory and legacy by the ways you learn from the lessons of Chris’s life both good and bad. The first lesson we will all take to heart is making an inventory of our life and measuring it against where God desires us to be. Psalm 139:23 says to “Search me oh God, and know my heart.” We have learned from Chris that this is not something to procrastinate about and put off! We need to act now before it is too late. Not one of us is promised another minute of life beyond the next breath. I can speak from experience because I was there to watch my mom breath her very last breath on earth. There are no promises so do not delay!

Take Action in your own Life

Once you have assessed your own life against God’s measure it will be time to enact your changes. The first priority is to see if you have ever committed your heart and life to Jesus Christ. Jesus who is God in the flesh told us that He alone is the way, truth and life, and no one gets to the Father but through Him! (John 14:6) The reason we speak of a Chris who has gone to Heaven is because he committed his heart and life to Jesus Christ. Chris did nothing to earn this gift, but only because he acknowledged his need to be redeemed by Jesus! (Romans 10:9) Maybe you are a Christian who is just out of fellowship and you need to re-engage and get back involved. This period, when you feel an urgency to do something, is the best time to act!

Never Forget the Pain you Now Feel

No pain endured by us is ever pointless or in vain. In fact James gives us a guarantee that pain and trials will visit us in this life (Jm 1:2-4) This pain you now feel will be something that God uses later in your life to minister to someone else who is suffering from a loss. Your pain will help you minister more effectively and with much more empathy and compassion so never block the pain. Use it to the glory of God! (Col 3:23)

Picture Courtesy of Facebook

We Will Miss You Creek

As close friends and family experience this loss I want to share my deepest sympathy and will be doing more than “thinking”, but praying for you each day, as will my 7 year old in our nightly prayer times. I also pray you will use this as a teachable moment with your kids, and may it draw you closer to them. May we all honor Chris’s memory with smiles and reflections that will make us more of what God desires for us to be each day.

In closing let me just say that when it comes to the legacy we leave behind as Christians when we die, whether young or old, maybe the measure of our impact really isn't the number of people bitterly mourning and weeping at our funeral, but the scores of people who are laughing and smiling as they share wonderful testimonies to our life and the Savior we serve. It's understandable that we hurt, but let us do so without the sting that death has to those who don’t know Jesus Christ! (1 Corinthians15:55)We will see Chris again if we have committed our heart and life to Jesus Christ and I am looking forward to that future reunion day!

Overwhelmed by Worship

2011-04-10T14:29:00.000-04:00

By Steve Goode

A Review of the Travis Cottrell Concert at Northside Baptist of Charlotte on April 9, 2011

It had been a rush of a good Saturday since my feet hit the floor this morning. Two counseling appointments at the church, Christology research, more homework, and a sick wife and daughter. How I have managed to dodge this fever-ridden, cough inducing demon is beyond me, but needless to say it was a crazy day. I was hoping to see a friend who was doing a conference in the area this Saturday, but by the time I got home it was already three o’clock and the Travis Cottrell concert was set to kick off at 6:30. I played with my son briefly, took care of some important chores, and finished a twenty-five piece puzzle with my three year old Savannah. Why do Saturdays seem to always be so rushed? There must be at least one day in the week to chill! The plan was that since April was sick, Noah, my seven year old, would go with me to the concert and we would stay until it was near his bedtime and return home. We scrambled out the door at 6:00 PM with just enough time to hit the McDonald’s drive-thru for a traditional cheeseburger happy meal, and headed down I-85 to the church. My phone alerted me repeatedly on the way to church that I had an important incoming text message from the weather center warning of severe storms in the area. Should I just turn the car around and take us home. No! I was determined for Noah and I to go through with this! When we pulled in the parking lot the lightning and rain were parking too! Thud! Crash! Cool daddy! Did you see that one?

We walked into the church in time for me to realize that my tickets for the concert were on the dresser at home where I changed clothes before coming tonight. Fortunately I knew the ticket takers or we may have never experienced what was yet to come this evening. Noah and I decided to sit in one of the less populated areas of seating, and there was a nice sized crowd in the auditorium. Jonathan Lowery made the opening remarks and turned the stage over to Travis at which time both projector screens lit up with opening words of worship and softer music.Travis opened with Forevermore which began building an excitement that could only point to Jesus! Noah kept wanting to lay down and put his head on my lap during the concert and for just a moment I thought I had found a good excuse not to stand. It all sounded like a pretty good plan until the 100 plus member praise and worship choir and band began to sing the song “We Bring Honor Glory and Praises.” The sound of all those voices began to fill the auditorium and people began standing and raising their hands in a vocal symphony of harmonic praise! It’s as though any excuse I had made to stay seated was totally forgotten and all I wanted to do was stand to praise and honor my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. Noah just wanted to stay seated at this point and I didn’t push it. Each song of worship built on the next as hundreds of believers raised their voices and hands in honor and praise to Jesus. Scriptures flooded through my mind of praise and worship. It made me begin thinking of the passage, “And I, if I am lifted up from the earth, will draw all men to Myself." (John 12:32)

At one point Travis began asking those in the audience of a word that would describe Jesus. Some shouted provider, glory, deliverer, encourager. I am pretty sure I heard GLORY more than once during the concert. My favorite was thankful. One of the most notable things Travis Cottrell said tonight was after eliciting responses that had to do with being thankful. He stated, “One day when we stand before God and give an account of our works I don’t think God is going to say, I think you thanked me a little too much at the concert at Northside Baptist.” Laughter erupted and we continued singing and praising God.

My most memorable moment occurred when we were singing praise to God and I reached a point where I was so moved with gratitude and thanks for my Savior that tears welled in my eyes. I tried to speak, but I couldn’t. It was such a holy and revealing moment because all I could do was weep and pray silently. I literally became overwhelmed by the worship. I think God shut my mouth so I wouldn’t ruin the moment with some stupid meaningless catch-phrase. At the same moment all this was occurring I felt this little head nuzzle against my side, and this little hand grab my right hand. When I looked down two precious little tear stained brown eyes were staring back up at me. Noah wanted to stand with me and even sing some of the praise songs he knew. It was a moment I will never forget.

When Travis began singing the song “Moses” I don’t think Noah blinked the entire song. I whispered to him that we were going to have to leave at about 8:00 PM and thought he would be ready. He told me he wanted to stay longer and see the whole concert. Although it wasn’t even a possibility I think it spoke to the ministry of Travis. The range of ages that attended the concert tonight was from younger than seven, all the way to senior adult. I believe this style of concert showed a great deal of diversity and breadth. Travis could be successful within a number of genres, but has chosen to reach out to both young and old with the message of praising our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. I pray that other singers will take note of this as they seek the Lord’s will in their praise and worship endeavors.

I am thankful to Northside Baptist for choosing to bring Travis Cottrell to Charlotte, and thankful to our Lord and Savior Jesus for giving us the privilege of honoring and serving Him through our worship and praise.

Coping with Pain in Our Christian Lives

2011-04-06T11:09:00.006-04:00

Written by Steve Goode

About the Author of this Article

Some may ask what right a person has to comment on emotional hurt and loss, which is a fair question. One may say that before they can write about coping with pain, they need to have experiences to the same level. In Steve's case he has been through his share of pain and some in the more recent past. He lost his sister in 1964 and although he was born in 1963, he watched the affects of that loss on his mother throughout his life. Steve was very close to his father and lost him to a heart attack in 2000. He watched his mother grieve herself into poor health and in 2003 she was hospitalized with a brain anehurism leaving Steve and his brother to make decisions regarding leaving the respirator in place or having it removed. She died four days later with Steve and his brother watching her breath her last breath here on earth. His mother's death was almost three years to the date of his father's. Needless to say emotional pain has visited his life, and in this story he briefly describes the source of his strength through a entertaining and eventful bike ride. We pray that this story will encourage you wherever you may be on your emotional journey.

Bicycling

I have recently developed a real passion for bicycling. I am by no means a Lance Armstrong follower and I don’t follow the Tour De France, but I love riding. I typically have stayed in the vicinity of North Carolina where my wife April,and I can find new and interesting places to take our bicycles and spend time together. There is something that any good bicycler knows is necessary if you really want to enjoy more distant rides across a larger span of territory and that is you need to condition yourself to ride through quite a bit of pain. The other day I arrived home before my wife April and decided I would take a nine mile trek down some new roads near our house. All was good as I hit Oakwood and went onto Rogers Lake Road. I was having to be extremely careful because the road was only two lanes and cars typically trump bicycles when it comes to getting knocked off the road. As a car was coming up behind me I pulled to the far right side and my tire dropped off the shoulder of the road. It wasn’t necessarily a problem at first but I noticed the shoulder was becoming taller as I continued to roll and my front tire became wedged to the point I couldn’t steer the bicycle. I tried to keep the bike up but to no avail and was thrown sideways onto the road with my bicycle landing on top of me. I immediately felt a great deal of pain in my left leg, arms and hands. I looked down and saw a kneecap covered in a good dose of road rash filled blood. At this point it would be safe to assume that I said “ouch.” I took a moment to thank God that I wasn’t run over by a car, truck or larger sized conveyance. In fact somehow my bike didn’t appear to have a single significant scratch or dent on it.

I was in a fair amount of pain as I stood there on the side of the road and I had a bit of a problem. I was too far from home to simply walk my bicycle, and there was another seven miles left on my journey! Could I honestly quit my mission all because of a little pain I was experiencing or did I need to finish the race? I decided on the side of the road that although I wasn’t too excited to move my injured and bleeding kneecap back and forth for another seven miles, I had to finish my mission. I remounted my bicycle and began to pedal although I will not confess to any potential girly-man sounds I may have made over the next mile or so. As I continued to pedal and focus on the road and enjoy the scenery surrounding me I began to periodically forget that I had fallen earlier in the journey. In fact there were a few things I was now doing on my bicycle to avoid what happened earlier. In other words I had learned from my past mistake. I was now focused so much on my mission that the pain became secondary to me and I was literally enjoying the ride!

What pushed me to continue when I began to feel the pain and burn was knowing that it wouldn't last forever and that rest and refreshment was coming at the finish! As I pulled into the driveway of our home on mile nine there was such a feeling of exhilaration of knowing that I finished my mission and didn't quit. Let me be the first to say I didn't break any time trial records on my trip, but it was never about how good I was, but finishing what I started.

Many Christians believe that a life in Christ is a pain-free existence, but this is not the case. Jesus never promised us that we would suffer no pain in this life. In fact Jesus told Peter a time would come in his life when he was older when he would stretch out his arms and be placed somewhere he did not want to go. (we believe he was possibly referring to Peter dying from crucifixion) In fact Peter went onto write that if any man suffers as a Christian let him not be ashamed! (1 Peter 4:16) Peter emphasizes this again in the same letter where he tells believers that there comfort comes from knowing that the suffering will have a duration of time but will not last forever. (1 Peter 5:10) No one likes suffering and pain and as Christians we are not immune from any of these experiences in our Christian walk. Becoming a Christian does not involve the issuance of a halo and a hovercraft! Our lives can be tough and sometimes the pain can even seem unbearable, but there is good news. Our suffering is limited to this life and our comfort and contentment will last forever. In fact Paul tells us that we don't have to grieve as those who have no hope. (1 Thes 4:13) Whatever your suffering may stem from there is a comfort and peace you can constantly have that has no expiration. You have a hope that can drive you to finish your mission through any sort of pain and suffering. Paul even said that he learned that whatever situation he was in that he could have contentment in his heart. (Phil 4:11) What state are you in today? Is it a broken marriage, grief over the loss of family, broken relationships? Are you in the "if only" mode of regret or have you made some mistakes in your marriage that you feel will never be reconciled? I believe I could make this list quite long, but for the sake of word count I will let you fill in your blank.
You may be at the painful point of throwing in the towel over your pain thinking you cannot go one step further, but I am encouraging you today that in Christ you can make it!

God is completing a work in you as we speak that will blow your mind. You may already have seen it and know that quitting should not be an option. I exhort (that means encourage) you to press on and find comfort in knowing that the pain won't last forever, but as Peter said, for a little while. Let God finish the wonderful work he has begun in your life. (Phil 1:6) Lastly I ask you to do as Paul instructed us which is to finish the race. We have not been told to win this race just as I mentioned my time was no record to brag about. We are just told to run this race without apology, pain and all! We are to run the race with persistence and patience (Hebrews 12:1). You can do it through Christ who provides the strength! (Phil 4:13)

http://www.trumpetforgod.org/audio/20090922/coping-pain-our-christian-lives

Assessing AA from a Biblical Perspective

2011-04-05T17:37:00.016-04:00

Written by Steve Goode

We all know someone who has been affected by alcoholism in their friends or family. In eleven years of police work I was constantly around the affects and aftermath of alcoholism. In fact I have arrested a person for DUI on the way to an AA meeting. The question I must address in this article is how Christian is AA. Just because a meeting is held in the confines of a church educational space, does this make it "Christian?" In this article I want to address the twelve steps of AA from a Biblical perspective. In bold numbered points you will have the step from AA, and I will respond after each step.

First Step
We admitted we were powerless over alcohol—that our lives had become unmanageable.

The truth is we are powerless to change anything in our life without surrendering to Christ (Phil 4:13), but God has also given us the ability to make choices in our life. A person is only a slave to alcohol because they have allowed themselves to become enslaved by it. The Bible says everyone who commits sin is a slave to it (John 8:34). If this is the case a person is only powerless over the alcohol because they have made a conscious choice to place themselves in such a position.
A person indwelled by Christ will never be powerless because greater is He who is in them (Phil 4:13). They can do and accomplish anything through the power of Jesus Christ working thru them. It would furthermore be a true statement to say a life apart from Christ is unmanageable, but once again a person has chosen this path.

Second Step
Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.

Isn’t it amazing how a little truth mixed with a little lie can sound so promising? The truth is the “a” power is not the source of restoration, but the only power (John 14:6). We know that A.A. denies the exclusive claims of Jesus Christ in an effort not to be “offensive.” To the believer we are equipped to stand against an addiction. The Bible tells us that God has not placed fear in us, but power, love, and sound judgment. (2 Tim 1:7)

Third Step
Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him.

Once again ambiguity skewers the real meaning of this step by throwing in “as we understood him.” It is true that we must surrender our lives to Christ (Rom 10:9) but the truth is we do not have the luxury of understanding God as we see him. The truth is that God stands alone, “For there is one God and one mediator between God and man,Christ Jesus.” (1 Tim 2:5) This step falls short of instructing a person how to give their lives over to the care of God. A pastor friend of mine used this quote which summarizes it well when he said, “You cannot manage sin to gain victory, you must surrender it.”

Fourth Step
Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.
One of the most influential passages in terms of my own personal inventory is found in Psalm 139. It says that God knows all our ways and that even before we speak He knows our words and thoughts. Furthermore there is nothing hidden from God in our lives (Matt 10:26). It then stands to reason that for us to truly know ourselves better we must first know the God who created us. (Eccl 12:1) The truth in the following statement would be, to be honest with ourselves about who we are. We are all full of fault and worthless apart from Christ working in us. (Rom 3:23, Phil 4:13)

Fifth Step
Admitted to God, to ourselves and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.
Once again, we almost have truth in this statement with the exception of the main ingredient in the scriptures. The problem with this statement is that we have already prefaced that we are to use “god” as we know him. In other words the god we may be admitting to could be a block of wood in our living room for all we know. I even know a few husbands who may be bowing down about their “wrongs” to the boat in the driveway. Another problem is that there is a difference between sin and wrongs.
The closest we get to truth is found in 1 John 1:9 which tells us if we confess our sins God will forgive us. The Bible even says that a man who conceals his sin won’t prosper so there is a Biblical foundation that can be established, but not in the original purpose of the fifth step. Another area to understand is that there is no forgiveness for anyone unless they repent and believe in Jesus which we learned from the parable of the prodigal son. (Luke 15:11-32) Simply admitting a wrong does not take that wrong away.

Sixth Step
Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.
The initial problem with this step always comes back to the definition of God in the eyes of the addict. Secondly the term that is being used is a defect of character rather than sin. The euphemisms hide the ugliness and wretchedness of the problem. Another part of this is there seems to be a need for readiness on the part of the addict. In our Christian walk we may be in the position of feeling uncertain about what to do. We simply need to cry out to God whether ready or not. (Matt 11:28-10)

Seventh Step
Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings.
Once again I feel the sense of aggravation creeping in because although we can pray to God for anything we must first make a decision that accompanies our desire for change. The part that is missing from this cry is a plea for forgiveness of our sins. (1 John 1:9) These steps are hung up on wrong doings and shortcomings, but it falls short to address that we have fallen short of the glory of God! (Rom 3:23) God is not whoever we perceive him to be, but the only true and living God who we have sinned against. My reason for emphasizing this is that simply crying foul does not take the putrid smell of our shortcomings away. In fact John wrote that “If we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus, His Son, purifies us from all sin.” (1 John 1:7) We can scream or humbly ask “god” as we perceive him to remove our shortcomings, but it falls significantly short of the Ephesians 4 model of true, sincere, and repentant change. Furthermore, absolutely no change can take place without a person surrendering their heart and life to Jesus Christ and becoming a follower.

Eighth Step
Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all.
I am reminded of a television sitcom in which the main character makes a list of all the people he ever wronged, and makes a commitment to see them all. The truth is that none of us really know all the people we may have done harm to, and we will never be able to make amends for it all. That’s where God’s grace kicks in! The Bible says that by grace are we saved through faith, that not of works, it is a gift from God unless any man should boast.” (Ephesians 2:8-9) AA has once again overcomplicated the saving grace of our Father with the need for endless works of earned redemption.
Another point not to miss is that we have sinned first and foremost against God. Others are the carnage and collateral damage of our sinful actions, but we must ultimately ask for God’s forgiveness so that he can create in us a new and clean heart (Ps 51)

Ninth Step
Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.
I believe the inclusion of this step right after step eight speaks to the hollowness of our own efforts. In one breath they speak of the need to make a list and a willingness to make amends, and in the next step they simply say it’s okay not to. It seems rather double-minded (James 1:8). Another part I have issues with is the reason you may need to conceal your wrong doings. Maybe you went to a bar, got drunk, and had intimacy with someone other than your spouse. This step gives an AA member permission to simply hide the sin from their wife or husband. I may be reaching in this point, but I can see how this step will be used as a “get out of jail free card” over and over in different situations. The step advocates pragmatism and not real whole hearted change. Those who are in Christ are made new persons through Him (2 Corinthians 5:17).

Tenth Step
Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it.
The theme of this step has a presupposition that says that a person can never be rid of their sin and will always be dirty. Part of the victorious Christian life is to keep ourselves in check, by dying daily to the flesh (1 Corinthians 15:21) Part of this personal inventory for a Christian is found through the word only. “Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly as you teach and admonish one another with all wisdom.” (Col 3:16) Another important aspect of not falling continually into the trap of sin revolves around our immersion in God’s truth. “I have hidden your word in my heart that I might not sin against you.” (Psalm 119:11; Psalm 119:105)
This necessity to constantly take inventory is likened to a person who walks slowly and carefully always worried they are going to stumble or fall. They must check their every step with fear of falling down! What a ludicrous way to live! The Bible says to train yourself to be godly like an athlete who persists in his training! (1 Tim 4:7-8) A runner doesn’t have to inventory his every step because he has trained himself to run with hard work and persistence. Someone brainwashed into this hopeless rhetoric needs to understand that they need to get rid of what hinders them and run the race with perseverance. (Heb 12:1)
The alternative for them is to follow step 10 and look like a dizzy tightrope walker on a shaky wire the rest of their life. I will now step off of my soap box.

Eleventh Step
Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God, as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out.
Once again we return to the term “as we understood Him.” In the Christian walk of sanctification which lasts a lifetime. We will slowly but surely grow and mature as we meditate and pray to God the Father, not a god as we understand him. What is lacking from this step is the fact that we meditate and pray to the Father so we may be transformed into what He wants us to be. (Phil 2:12-13) The entire potential of this step is lost in the phrase that leads people to believe that your god can be whatever you perceive it, him, or her to be. Just as a little leaven leavens the whole lump, a little mistruth, mistruths the whole step. (1 Cor 5:6)

Twelfth Step
Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these Steps, we tried to carry this message to alcoholics, and to practice these principles in all our affairs.
There is only one spiritual awakening and it occurs when a person comes into knowledge of the law. When a person experiences this knowledge they then become conscious that they are a sinner. (Rom 2:20) Paul said he would never have been conscious of sin if it had not been for the law. (Rom 7:7) Based on the previous eleven watered down steps in AA, there has been no exposure to the law, other than the Criminal and Motor Vehicle Laws in most cases, which means a member has not become conscious of their sin, only that they got caught. (Rom 3:23)
I am angered by this step because I have spent countless hours with a particular AA mind-bender (I mean member) who has been dry for 16 years. He has debated me on countless occasions over who God is! He always drops back to the fact that God can be whoever he wants him to be, which means he had his own unique spiritual awakening. The problem my friend will not acknowledge is that Jesus receives those who believe in His name (John 1:12) so simply dreaming up an “in the head” idea of a spiritual awakening will leave you dead and deceived spiritually.

To Christian Dads

2011-04-01T19:29:00.001-04:00

Written by Steve Goode

I have a test for those claiming to be a Christian dad.

If there is no daily prayer with your children
If there is no daily prayer with your wife
If you don't try and have a family Bible study regularly
If Jesus isn't spoken of naturally, regularly and intentionally
If church is just a weekly optional obligation
If there is no sense of oneness in your family
Then what makes you any different than a non-believers home? Truth is there isn't.

Read Ephesians 4:17-24 If you are one of those dads who do all these things I praise your efforts. Problems may still exists, but they seem so much smaller under the lens of intentional Christian living and striving.