Big Beautiful Girl

To tell or not to tell

noreply@blogger.com (Neshamah) — Thu, 06 May 2010 15:27:00 +0000

I made a decision a while back - before I went ahead with the surgery - not to tell anyone about it.

There were a few people who, along the course of matter, I could not avoid in saying something, and one friend put a few things together and worked it out.

For those people I entrust a sacred bond and have asked them not to discuss or tell others. Not because I live a lie, not because I am secretive - but because its been a very personal journey for me and one which I would like to share with those who need to know. Its nothing to do with trust or who I "like" more than another person. My decision was mine to make and I believe its mine to then share with those I want to.. and not for it to be openly chatted about.

I was in a lot of personal emotional pain before the surgery and had shut myself away. So afterwards and during my recovery, it was easy to keep away from people and friends. For many I was absent for up to 6 months - so the changes in my body - if they noticed at all - were not of a shock or surprise.

For some friends, I found it very difficult NOT to say anything, but kept my silence. I've always been one to tell friends everything and be very open about stuff.. but for some reason - this decision I made - was for me alone and one I didn't want to share with even the closest friend.

So - if you are wondering - should I tell people or should I not? Whatever surgery you are looking at doing - do it for the right reason - for you.

Ask yourself - what are you going to 'get' out of telling others about your decision?

Will that support you or place negative energy on you?

For me - the judgement and negativity I received from my sisters - people I thought would support and encourage me regardless to what I did, formed the base in which I operated from. I was not ( and still am not) prepared to have to justify my decision - or feel embarrassed or ashamed I 'succumbed' to the beauty myth.

I know I have said this before - but I had massive changes in my body - and not very many people even commented on it. I really don't think many even noticed... which is a big slap in the face - but one that confirms that you need to do this surgery for YOURSELF...

Scars and Stuff

noreply@blogger.com (Neshamah) — Thu, 28 Jan 2010 14:04:00 +0000

I have been saying I will take a photo of my scaring and publish them - but just haven't. Yes its a bit personal - so no offense is intended and I am certainly not the type to be flashing my bits around normally.

I am publishing these so that anyone who is thinking of doing something similar will be aware of the extent of scaring that can occur. Personally its a very small price to pay. they are in very intimate areas - and anyone who has access to those areas damn well best keep their mouth shut if they don't like the look of them.

I will be pretty open here - so if you're not up for it - click away now.

First - my breasts. There is a little darkening in some areas around the nipples and I have had internal stitches get all festy and lumpy. However - the body just got rid of the foreign objects - so in a gross spurt of goo - bits of stitch were ejected. On the whole though - fantastic - re-attached perfectly..

There are scars from underneath which trace upward to the nipple area. They are fading fast - but won't ever go - but really - small price to pay.

This is a shot of my hip area. My Tummy tuck scar is from hip bone to hip bone. As you can see, its fading fast too. the closer to the middle though - I still have deep bruising. The line is still noticeable - but I really don't care. Its not like I am going to flash it round or go nude anywhere soon.!!

If I go back to Thailand, I will seriously look at getting a tat done all the way across over the line - entwined ivy - like my ankle.

I still have very little feeling along the scar line and none at all in the middle around my bellybutton area.

If I am feeling braver soon, I'll get someone to do a body shot... hummm not too soon though...

A year on from THAT Wedding

noreply@blogger.com (Neshamah) — Sat, 16 Jan 2010 13:04:00 +0000

A year ago I went to a wedding and began to pour out my fears, insecurities and sadness as a reaction to my perception of what I looked like. I'd done years of self development, courses, training and coaching in an attempt to be at peace with the way I looked and was....it never really truly worked. I grew more unhappy and more withdrawn.

Despite having gone to the hairdresser, had money thrown at me by my family to buy whatever I wanted to wear , had the whole beauty treatment done with nails etc, I felt fat, frumpy and very unattractive. I begrudgingly stood in for photos and hid at the back where I could. I escaped much of the reception as I didn't feel comfortable eating or drinking with others, nor did I want to get on the dance floor or talk to anyone. I hid in my room and cried and hated myself and what I was.

I sit here now - a year on - thereabouts in any case. Unbelievably, I have just come back from another wedding. What a complete change and difference. I rock and rolled on the dancefloor with my cousin, I danced by myself and anyone else who would get up there. We line danced, pole danced, barefoot danced, sang and generally made too much noise and had a lot of fun.

Just after midnight, I even contemplated going skinny dipping in the pool... and I hadn't drunk much at all ( a few glasses of champers which had by that time worn off) I was simply high on fun and life.

I can't put a price on that confidence. I know I still have a long way to go....and will be working on this every day. I also know that I would not be in this frame of mind or position if I had just gone down the track of intensive gym membership...

Six months on

noreply@blogger.com (Neshamah) — Mon, 21 Dec 2009 10:16:00 +0000

I will write a big reflective piece in July - 1 year on from the surgery - but heres my thoughts 6 months afterwards.
yes - it was worth it - what price do you put on your life? your joy? your confidence? I truly believe I was given 10 years wind back of the clock.

Pain? after the surgery I had access to the best pain relief ever - and could have had as much as I liked for longer than I did. The staff were brilliant, kind, understanding and supportive. I will never regret going where I did or doing what I did.

The effect? - brilliant!! love love love it. to be picky though - my belly button is skew wiff and I am lopsided a little on the stomack area. However I have quite a few pounds to shed before I can really assess if its just me or the surgery....

Afterwards - my stitches are all but gone - the lines are distinctive - but those who see them in the intimate places they are in have no business commenting...

Recovery - I thought I could do more than I can and put my recovery back a bit by overdoing it all... I am ready now to get back into my dancing and marital arts classes. In saying that - especially around my stomach area it is still senseless.I've been to accupuncture a few times and that seemed to work a bit on regaining sense in the area.

to sum up. I completely love my perky breasts and love the fact I can walk around with no bra - despite the size and not worry about droop. I feel so much more confident and able to cope with more.

The surgery has given me a new lease on life and a confidence I would never have been able to recapture. Its all fine and well to say - just go to the gym or get a personal trainer and you will lose weight and then you'll feel confident. Perhaps that works for other people. It didnt; for me. I just got despondent and hungry, bitter and depressed.

One thing I will say though. Other people don't notice what you look like.. really. its both comforting and depressing.

I have been up and down with my eating plan since the surgery and so far have lost 27 kgs. Christmas season and family holiday will not and has not assisted -but I also made the decision not to get stressed about it and eat what and when I wanted... and guess what? I went mad for a day... and then got back onto sensible eating.

Given this though - I've seen alot of my family and far flung friends lately... who have not know what I have been through - or even that I have been to hospital or had surgery... and hardly anyone has commented. not said a word - not - wow you look nice today - or you look great.....

27 kgs .. far out - thats a fair amount - but obviously not enough to make me look any different to what they percieved me to look in their minds eye. ... now that is depressing...

the take away from this though - for you - my reader... don't do this for anyone but you... becasue no-one else will notice .. only you..... do it for you.

Dietgirl's Greatest Tips to Lose Weight

noreply@blogger.com (Neshamah) — Tue, 27 Oct 2009 13:53:00 +0000

I literally stumbled across this site whilst looking for something completely different. I have copy and pasted her tips directly here and give full credit to the author, Shauna Reid.

Please do pop over to her site as she has written what looks to be an outstanding book and runs a great looking forum.

by Shauna Reid

Begin with the big picture. Write down your goals and be specific. What do you want to change? Where do you want to be a year from now?
Then focus on the details. Every day we make dozens of tiny decisions that can spell the difference between whether we lose weight or gain. Do you pick the muesli for breakfast or the chocolate muffin? Do you spend twenty minutes on the couch or twenty minutes on a brisk walk? Small changes can add up to huge results.
Start exercising no matter what your fitness level. At 25 stone I could only shuffle to the end of the street, but I gradually built up to the whole block. Within a couple of years I was running!
Eat breakfast. A wholesome breakfast makes me feel smug, satisfied and determined to stay on track all day. My favourite is porridge, livened up with grated apple and cinnamon, or chopped banana and teaspoon of peanut butter.
Be kind to yourself and your body. You don’t have to look in the mirror and chant, “I love me! I am beautiful!” but at the same time yelling at your thighs won’t encourage your weight loss efforts.
Make your treats miniature. Instead of banning puddings, I choose smaller portions – like an apple crumble baked in a ramekin dish or a small bar of Green and Blacks chocolate. I get my sugar hit without dangerous leftovers!
Lift weights. It won’t make you bigger – it’ll make you svelte and strong! If you’re worried about loose skin, resistance training is the best thing you can do to tone your body as you lose weight.
Planning is crucial. Every Saturday I take ten minutes to plan our meals for the coming week. I choose from a list of 25 easy, tried-and-true recipes, so it’s quicker to cook than phone for a takeaway.
Buy your groceries online. It saves time and you’re not tempted by all the sights and smells of the supermarket. Or tortured by your screaming children.
Feel your emotions, don’t feed them. In times of stress it’s tempting to bury your feelings in cake – better to feel bad about binging than tackle the real issue! But try to find non-edible ways of coping – I highly recommend kickboxing classes.
Go Greek. If you’re a cream or sour cream fiend, 0% or 2% Greek yogurt is an excellent substitute. Dollop into meringue nests and top with fresh fruit. Splodge onto a bowl of chilli. Swirl into butternut squash soup.
The best exercise is the one you enjoy. So what if your best friend swears by aerobics at dawn? If you’re a shift worker or just plain grumpy in the morning, this will never suit you. Choose an exercise you like and do it when it’s most convenient for you – this way you’ll stick with it.
Stock your office pantry. I can ignore the vending machine when I’ve got half an orchard sitting on my desk and a drawer full of oatcakes, nuts and seeds.
Have a cuppa. When hunger strikes and it’s not meal time, I make a cup of tea. This gives me time to figure out if I’m really hungry or if I’m just bored or cranky. Herbal tea is great – experiment until you find one that doesn’t taste like grass clippings!
Have a moan. Losing weight isn’t easy, but you don’t have to feel alone in the struggle. Start a blog or speak up on the WLR forums. Remember, we’re all in this lardy boat together!
Put the scales in perspective. Don’t fret over small fluctuations – focus on all the healthy things you’ve been doing for your body. Get out the tape measure or have a pair of “measurement jeans”, so you’re not dependent on the scales for feedback.
Be adaptable. Make your plans to lose weight fit around your life, not the other way around. Sometimes circumstances will change – a new job, a family crisis, moving house – and suddenly your usual routine doesn’t work. The trick is to be flexible and know when it’s time to tweak your methods.
Set a non-scale goal. Why not train for a charity 5k race or challenge yourself to do ten push-ups? Focusing on fitness means I don’t fret about the numbers so much. And all those endorphins make me feel less inclined to go on a chocolate bender.
Accept that sometimes it’s going to suck. Despite your best intentions, there will be days when you fall into a bag of crisps. But long-term success is about persistence, not perfection. It’s picking yourself up when you fall, over and over again.
Don’t wait to be “skinny” to start living your life. If you have dreams of travelling or writing a book or learning to scuba dive, don’t think you need a smaller bum before you deserve them. Your life is happening right now – so forget about your wobbly bits and jump right in.

Plateaus and Hill tops

noreply@blogger.com (Neshamah) — Sat, 24 Oct 2009 14:14:00 +0000

I know that there will be times I will plateau with my weight loss but I have been so motivated and seen the results every few days, I started to think that it won't happen to me....sigh

I can put it down to a few things - I spent two weeks with family on holiday - just casual - but I let my hair down a bit - ate at every meal, had alcohol and even indulged in some chocolate - but nothing too outrageous or ridiculous.... and I put on 3 kg.. I nearly died when I saw the scales.

Have been able to shed 2 of those but now on a plateau and its so hard not to jump on and off the scales to check .. like every meal time.. I am trying really hard not to be obsessed... but I have the fear of going back - of being really fat again.

I have upped my activity levels and going to two classes a week as well as 20 mins of wii fit a day... writing this I know its not really enough... damn it..sigh....

I wore a bikini today

noreply@blogger.com (Neshamah) — Wed, 07 Oct 2009 13:54:00 +0000

I wore a bikini today at the beach.

For some people this is a very boring experience and perhaps others may think.. umm so what??

.. the last time I was in a bikini was when I was 8 years old and I have never owned one as an adult. I generally get out into the water with more material on than an Iranian lass in a birker.

I have to admit for the first few moments – especially when I looked at my reflection in the mirror, I thought what on earth possessed you to not only buy a bikini – but to now wear one in public?

When I first got out of hospital and the bandages taken off, I stared in wonderment at my new shape and cried. I never thought I’d have the opportunity to see anything that resembled a flattened tummy again. Although I have a rounded tummy still, it basically goes straight down – no floppy bits – no folds or flap overs. I also understand that I need to lose weight and get my tummy muscles into shape in order to have a much tighter and flatter stomach line.

With this in mind – I strode out into the waterside, head held high.
I am wearing a bikini.

I may still have a rounded tummy and love handles at the side – but I am wearing a bikini. That is such a strong statement of self confidence, I am still in awe.

Just thought I’d share that one…

Oct update

noreply@blogger.com (Neshamah) — Thu, 01 Oct 2009 13:47:00 +0000

I promised to keep an update on how I was going - at least once a month...

I went back to my exercise classes for the first time this week - a bit nervous about stretching and over doing it - but am taking it easy.

I have been to acupuncture sessions quite a bit as well - I still have very little feeling along my stomach and along the scar line - though I believe that these sessions are really helping out.

I've been very careful with my eating and have continued to lose weight. I am so delighted - so entranced by my changing figure - I can't recommend this surgery more..... though I do know that it won't suit everyone - nor would others have the success I am enjoying I guess. Its been a full mind/ body retraining ting for me.

I have chucked/ sold all my fat clothes. So far Ihave gone from a size 28 and am currenlty comfortable in a size 20. Since the week after surgery when I was weighed at the hospital till now, I have lost 10 kgs. My legs seems to be the main area I am losing it, and though I know I need to lose it EVERYWHERE, I wish the wodge from my back would start to shift in time for the hot weather.....

well - till next time..

9 weeks after surgery

noreply@blogger.com (Neshamah) — Thu, 03 Sep 2009 03:10:00 +0000

I said I was only going to wear tight tshirts and stuff hey?

Well this week I finally turfed all of the surgical garments. I didn't wear any of them in that last photo I took a week or so ago - but have been very consistent otherwise. to be honest they are too big now - stretched no doubtedly - but I have been shrinking at a great rate - so they hold less of a restrictive band around me.

My 4 year old took this photo - so it is a bit fuzzy... but well - you can see the difference in my shape huh? I am ECSTATIC!!!

I am also realistic enough to know I need to keep going - and I have a fair way to go... but heck I am so happy!!!

Recovery and Reshaping

noreply@blogger.com (Neshamah) — Tue, 01 Sep 2009 02:14:00 +0000

Its been a while since I updated my progress files here.

I have been frustrated with the length of time I am taking to recover. My stitching etc is perfect - with the use of an aloevera product I have - it took almost no time to bond together and the lines are fading quickly.

I had in my mind that I would be ready to go back to fitness classes and dance etc within 6 weeks. Sadly - for at least my case - its not so. I have noticed that even with days I do the shopping and carry in a box of groceries - or go out and do a bit more walking about than just sitting at home - I will swell up.

Its so frustrating to see my tummy- which had been getting flatter and a better shape than I have in more than 20 years - to suddenly balloon - as though I were 9 months preg.

I'm being super careful about food intake and water.

In saying all of this though the scales are still going downward every week. I have a goal to reach before my birthday - and that bikini still hanging on the doorway. Regardless of me achieving my goal or not - I will take a photo of me in it and post it up.... now there is a public challange!!

8 weeks after surgery

noreply@blogger.com (Neshamah) — Mon, 24 Aug 2009 03:02:00 +0000

Hi - thought I'd include a photo of me 8 weeks after surgery - I was at a party and wore a new clingy dress with a neckline that plunged! ( I am not wearing a bra either!!)

although I am still lumpy round the middle - boy I am not complaining.. as soon as I can get into some exercise I'll be working hard on it!

Well into healing time

noreply@blogger.com (Neshamah) — Wed, 19 Aug 2009 06:08:00 +0000

Its well into 8 weeks now since the surgery and I never appreciated how long it actually takes to heal. I am not sure if I am brave enough to put skin photos up yet.

Suffice to say, I still have quite red looking scar lines and stitches poking out in some places. When I got back home I was very careful to have lots of rest - sitting and lying down - nearly killed me - but I knew how important it was for swelling. I was rewarded each day with a lessening tummy and breasts deflating toward the D cup promised. ( sort of a bit sad to see my very large perky ones go....big smiles.)

One side of my tummy and my new belly button is still very swollen and I am still wearing the constrictive bandaging 23 hours a day. However - they are very loose now and its sort of losing the impact.

I have gone from a size 26 ( getting on the plane 8 weeks ago) to currently a size 18/20. I've done no exercise so far. I boogied and did some dancing the kitchen last night and was punished with swollen breasts and sore tummy withing an hour. I feel so great and wonderful and was seriously thinking of going back to my dance classes next week. I guess not huh?

I feel amazing and delight in wearing hipster jeans and a tight tshirt - grinning like an idiot at my flat stomach. Although I still have the very unsexy undergarments on - I feel fab.

I plan to continue to keep a weekly diary here to inform any who pop over - on my recovery and my thoughts.

please do comment and ask me questions - more than happy to answer!

EBAY queen

noreply@blogger.com (Neshamah) — Thu, 13 Aug 2009 02:58:00 +0000

As promised in an earlier post - I have been constantly going though my wardrobe and turfing.

It pains me sometimes to see favourite shirts or outfits in the pile - but I am not willing to keep them - as energetically they will sap my soul - and give me messages that I need to 'grow back into them." which I am absolutely not going to do.

I own so much black... just as well I was a goth for a long time. Its also hard at times to see really good quality stuff ( things I may have only worn once or twice) get sold for a few dollars.

Still - its got to go and I am glad its going to someone who needs a lift and needs clothes...

Old stuff out, New Stuff In

noreply@blogger.com (Neshamah) — Wed, 29 Jul 2009 06:21:00 +0000

Everything from my wardrobe was striped and unceremoniously dumped into boxes for sorting - charity store, friends and to sell. I was shocked to see so many of my clothes ( all black) which were nearly new - but realized what a depressed state i had been in the last few months - hanging out in track pants and long flowing t-shirts or shirts.

So my main rule is - nothing flowing. Its pained me to see favorite ( and expensive dresses and outfits) be turfed - but I am opening my virtual gateway to opportunities to accept new and beautiful clothing - which both fit and make me look glamorous and gorgeous.

So ebay - here we come...

My Story So Far

noreply@blogger.com (Neshamah) — Mon, 20 Jul 2009 03:36:00 +0000

I’d like to share my story with others in the hope that I may serve as an example, or an indication to them of what changes undergoing cosmetic surgery can make. I underwent an extensive amount of surgeries - a tummy tuck, liposuction, breast reduction and breast lift; but want to make it clear that these things are not about losing weight (in actual fact very few kgs difference from the before and after shots) The reason I chose to do these surgeries was about looking different and a chance to give my body a kick start into fitness and health with massive head start.

With any surgery comes the involved risk and stress on your body. I was mindful of finding a top surgeon who would not only respect my stance, but not judge me. The minefield of referrals, long hospital waits and my distrust of the medical system in my state had always stopped me from pursuing surgery. The surgeons at Bangkok Phuket Hospital; organized by Restored Beauty Getaways gave honest feedback with realistic outcomes, setting expectations for each patient. They operate under the highest level of integrity and confidentiality and I am confident that anyone who undertakes a surgery with them will be delighted beyond words.

Why surgery for me?

I would hazard a guess that I was a fairly typical Aussie lass looking down the barrel of being forty and unhappy about my physical appearance. Active when younger, but after two children, the stress of an on going illness in the family and the sedentary life a suburban existence can offer, I stacked on weight. Many attempts with a range of severe and restrictive dieting, support groups, gym subscriptions, activity classes and personal trainers resulted in see sawing weight and the loss of confidence as I gained more weight and unable to shift it. A spiraling case self confidence and depression about the milestone I was about to hit and being in the physical condition I was brought me to the decision to do something immediately about it.

It may be difficult for others to understand why someone who supports the alternative health lifestyle, no chemicals or toxins in the house and consumes mostly organic products would consider surgery. I also understand that its difficult for someone who has never been overweight to fully appreciate the consuming existence of this physicality.

Imagine every time you sit, a soft mass also rests on your lap – and its attached to you; that there seems no gap from the drooping breasts to the drooping belly, all pulled downward by gravity. Unable to do a sit up, bend over to help your children to do their shoes, touch your toes or do up your own shoes, unable to shave your legs properly - all not through lack of flexibility or stretch; but through the physical impossibility to reach that far because of the eternal mass in front of you. Imagine what its like to be constantly asked by strangers in the street when the baby is due, of what its like when you turn around din a café and the table next to you has all its settings upset, unable to go on theme parks rides or having to ask for the extension belt in order to get the airplane lapbelt across safely.

Now imagine that there is an opportunity to drastically change that reality and set you on a more positive path? Who wouldn’t want to explore that?

Do the surgery for the right reasons.

The best reason to undergo surgery is for yourself, not for your partner, your family or for the ladies at the gym who look at you strangely. Something which shocked me when I first arrived back after recovery was to realize that generally, other people don’t notice what you look like. I hadn’t told anyone of my adventures and went to a few social events with close friends. I was astounded that not even they noticed any changes with my body ( or at least mentioned it to me) Instead of wearing flowing long clothes, I now wear tight fitting or figure accentuating outfits – so I would have thought the changes were obvious – especially with the size of my much diminished breasts. This was a big learning point for me on the motivators for a surgery such as this – do it for yourself – not for others. If you choose to tell others, ensure you tell those who will be supportive of your decisions and surround yourself with people who will genuinely care about your confidence and health.

Only a Starting Point

This surgery is only ever meant to mark a starting point for those who have weight issues. My belief is that now I feel better about myself, I am now enthusiastic about getting out of the house, wearing comfortable but trendy exercise gear and joining in on social outings without the shame and fear it used to hold. I now wear tight t -shirts and jeans, proudly showing off a belt and a flattened stomach – even if that showing off is just for me.

Educate yourself

Restored Beauty Getaways provide a thorough service with the information they provide about the surgeries and the travel options available. Use the internet to research the procedures and watch videos on similar surgeries you are thinking of undertaking. There are plenty on youtube – just do the searches. Understand the risks involved, but also understand the risks with you staying the way you are at the moment. Weigh these up carefully and make your decision with your eyes open.

Prepare yourself

Six months before I underwent surgery, I undertook a detoxifying course to ensure my body would be healthy and ready to heal quickly and cleanly. I chose to have plenty of raw and unprocessed foods, enhanced with good quality supplements and glyconutrients in order to give my cells the best opportunity to bounce back after surgery. I also took up extra gentle exercise and became very mindful of extra activities I could undertake to strengthen muscles and endurance.

Identity

It important not only to prepare physically; but psychologically for the surgery. After surgery you will look different, hold your body differently and move differently. Do not leave it till surgery day to begin to work on what this new identity you are about to create will mean to you or to those around you.

Relationships to food may or may not be a major issue or contributor to your physicality. Undergoing surgery is not the answer to an obesity issue. It aught be used in conjunction with a range of strategies; all focused on self acceptance, sensible lifestyle choice and an ongoing commitment to maintaining the body image you want to create.

This surgery will not immediately make you into a supermodel. I understand that I have a journey in front of me with fitness and more reshaping; but its now not such an insurmountable task that I can’t see past the doorstep. I am excited about going to my exercise classes. Clothes fit and look better. I have dropped a few sizes and am encouraged to continue dropping as I focus on a sensible eating and fitness regime. I stand up straight and smile. I feel sexy and desirable; even when naked and staring straight into the mirror. The stitches and surgery markings will fade with time and I look forward to wearing the first bikini I have ever owned.

First Before and After photos

noreply@blogger.com (Neshamah) — Mon, 13 Jul 2009 00:54:00 +0000

I'm a bit shy about putting the naked photos up as despite me pouring my heart and guts out online - I am actually a very private person.

I thought I'd share the first before and after shots ( clothes on) and I hope that it gives you an idea of the incredible transformation I am undergoing.

This photo is of me waiting for a consultation - just after I landed in the country.

This photo is of me - a week after surgery - wearing the same pants. Underneath you can see I have my surgical restrictive garments ( very sexy I can assure you) and I am still quite swollen. I hope it gives you an indication of the body reshaping that has happened.

Its the first time in years ( probably 5) that I have worn a tight t-shirt. I can hardly contain my excitement at the opporuntity I now have presented before me with clothes options. NO MORE LONG SHIRTS - nothing baggy.. nothing hanging over my tummy to hide it... are you kidding? I am either going topless or showing off my new belly button from now on.. ( will wait till swelling goes down)

Testimony

noreply@blogger.com (Neshamah) — Wed, 08 Jul 2009 02:52:00 +0000

I am so thrilled and delighted, I am writing a testimony for the company who organized the trip for me. Claire, the lass whom I have had the most contact has been utterly delightful and tireless in her care and in answering queries and questions. I have no hesitations whatso ever in recommending this company and the hospital and surgeons I used.

Restored Beauty provides a personalized sensitive and supportive environment for individuals to discover freely about the surgical procedures which may best suit the outcome of your desire. I am convinced that the surgeons will not advise an individual on a procedure unless it has strong success when compared to the individuals wants.

From first contact, to the recovery afterwards back in Australia, individuals will find the support, and in depth information available breathtaking.

The quality of medical acre far surpassed anything I had expected in my own country. Detailed reposts tests are consultative were conducted to ensure the safety and suitability of the surgeries to each individuals health and well being.

I cannot express the level of genuine concern and care that the nurses and stag at the hospital afforded me, ensuring my comfort and happiness were paramount to their day. The level of attention at each stage of preparation, surety and recovery allayed any fears which I may have had , replacing it with trust.

I cannot describe the thrill I got even from the early stages of stitches and swollen post surgical body, of seeing my reshaped body. Having beautiful pert round breasts and a flattened stomach has gifted me a confidence I’ve not held for over 10 years.

Very early after recovery I went out dancing at a club, an activity I’d not pursued for over 15 years and at no time during the night did I feel self conscious or out of place. I felt beautiful, desirable and youthful and the best part is that it is only the beginning.

I strongly recommend Restored Beauty Getaways for the no nonsense but deeply caring approach to individuals inquiries. The surgeons give honest feedback with realistic outcomes, setting expectations for each patient. They operate under the highest level of integrity and confidentiality and I am confident that anyone who undertakes a suregey with them will be delighted beyond words.

All Aboard!

noreply@blogger.com (Neshamah) — Mon, 29 Jun 2009 14:27:00 +0000

All packed, ready to go. Panic and stress finally settled in - what to take, what to wear? Will everyone be ok? What will they do with out me?

This is the most disorganized I have ever been on a trip. I have no tourist guide or maps, have not done up an itinerary nor learnt a single word of the languagege. I suck. So stressed and scared about the whole proceedure.

Hubby dropped me off at the airport - I didn't want a big farewell thing - had tears in my eyes the whole way in anycase.

I seriously thought about running out and catching a cab and going to a hotel and slinking back home the next day. Waht a whimp.

huge step in trust and letting go here... wish me luck

Journey of Trust and asking for help

noreply@blogger.com (Neshamah) — Sun, 28 Jun 2009 15:25:00 +0000

Another big session today. Lots of tears and realizations. Far out - how can one person who is supposed to be on this path of self realization be so screwed up?

I never ask for help - unless I have 100% assurity that I will get it. I value security and my independence over everything and yet value love and connection at that high level too. No wonder I have so much conflict in my life.

This surgery will be a big wake up call and journey for me - because there will be nearly a week I cannot do a thing - go to the toilet - brush my teeth sit up - without asking for help - and it will be from complete strangers that I will need to ask for this assistance.

Am feeling mentally and emotionally tired after today.

What got me started

noreply@blogger.com (Neshamah) — Sat, 27 Jun 2009 07:25:00 +0000

You’d have to be living under a rock not to have been exposed to TV reality shows like the biggest loser or extreme makeover. I can’t say that I have ever actually watched these in entirety – perhaps a few snatches here and there – but then I don’t watch a lot of TV in anycase.

I’d seen some articles about lipo and cosmetic surgery – looked at it on the internet – but the price from the local surgeries really scared me off. Sometime last year I saw an article on surgeries oversees. I looked up the company and just for fun – got a quote on a few things. We kept in contact but I never really thought about going ahead with it.

Having weeks off away from the family and the cost – even though it was half the price – really put me in my place. I felt I was not worth it. Last year one of my good friends had the lap band surgery and really hadn’t looked back – she really is half the size she used to be. However – talking to her and being with her made me realsie that I couldn’t follow the lifestyle that is required to keep this up. The thing that did it for me was no fruit or veges raw as they can’t go down the tiny hole. I love my apples and carrots, just munching them straight from the fridge and to think I couldn’t do that.. eeekkkkk can anyone say colon cancer?

Just after Xmas, one of my sisters – stick thin as she is – never had a weight issue ; as lovingingly as she could, cornered me at the washing up pile and said she wanted to pay for help for me to get rid of my weight issues. It was then a bit of a relief to actually talk to her about some of the options I had found. We then got on a conference call with another sister who also committed money to put in for help.

I then had no objections as far as the cost went – and a huge weight was lifted from my shoulders – I researched in earnest for the best options. Dieticians, phyc help

For lots of reasons I have discussed before, surgery was the best for me. After presenting this to them, I was told flat that they were not going to pay for this – that they would only pay for the lapband surgery. This really sucked the wind out of my sails. I was so buoyant and free before this – feeling I was doing something that would make a huge difference to me and then the rug pulled unceremoniously from under my feet.

However – people who want to rescue you only do it for themselves – under their terms and I was not going to be bullied or convinced to do something that in my heart I knew was not right for me. It really hurt and I cried for days about it. Just when I thought my sisters truly understood me and ‘got’ me – only to realize that they had no idea.

But then its pretty difficult to understand a physicality you have never experienced yourself. Being this overweight is not like carrying a few pounds you hide under a big shirt . Its all pervasive. It defines you and people judge and pervieve your character before they even meet you – simply on the way you look.

How could I get the message across to someone who has never worn something larger than a size 12 what its like to never go into a normal clothing store – because there simply is nothing you can buy, what its like to have a loaded credit card – desperate to buy something – anything to wear to a special event and not find – literally a thing to wear, what its like to find something that does fit – and you just buy it – even though it’s the wrong colour and style for you – but simply because it fits?

You can’t and for that reason I forgive them. They see the lap band as the right way – the safe way. I’ve gone into all the dangers it entails and even if half is true and not prepared to put my body through that – even if someone else pays for it.

This is on my terms. I just wish they could understand how important it is for me.

FEAR

noreply@blogger.com (Neshamah) — Thu, 25 Jun 2009 15:12:00 +0000

Fear - Forget everything and run.... or

False Expectations Appearing Real.....as much as I am saying those false expectations are nothing but fantasies in my head.... I have VERY good imagination and I am shaking and feel sick..

I go from being so confident and feeling great about this surgery and feeling like I about to die, wondering what will happen to my family because I was so selfish and risked my life in this way.
One of the worst things about it is that I have very few people to share this sick grinding fear with.

My hubby is so supportive and wants me just to be happy, but I can't forget the tears he has shed or the fears he holds because he cannot be with me.

One of my closest friends has completely shut me out of her life and is on a journey of her own. She done nothing but be consistent with her values and demonstrated the way she does friendship - so its not up to me to judge that. It is what it is. Its just not the way I value things nor is it the way I prefer to conduct friendship. I think its just harder right now because I really need a girlfriend to confide in - to cry and fall apart with. I am having a bit of a pity party about it all - but need to suck it up - she has done nothing inconsistent with they way she has always lived her life. Its just right now I need her first real time I really need her to be there.. and shes not.

where to get the best care for cosmetic suregery

noreply@blogger.com (Neshamah) — Tue, 23 Jun 2009 15:08:00 +0000

well - here is the link to Phuket Hospital - where I will be. its gorgeous. enormous rooms, wonderful staff etc.. check it out.

http://www.phukethospital.com/eng/tour-hospital-ward-president.html

A Shamanistic Journey

noreply@blogger.com (Neshamah) — Sun, 21 Jun 2009 14:02:00 +0000

I had some counseling on Tuesday and have had a bunch of things to think about since then.

One very strong thing I have taken away from my time was the reframe on the surgery. For me its not an end all and be all solution - its the start of a journey. I have done so much and I need help to get me to the next level. I need to physically change before i can take that step.

The surgery is a journey for me - like shamanistic ceremonies where there is firewalking, or drawing of blood, sweat tents etc. my body needs proof and symbols to reinforce that it is undergoing permanent change...

Going under anesthetic each time will allow my body to journey deep inside, to uncover the last corners and to bring back some answers for my conscious self.

Today I am feeling at peace with it all. just wish it were sooner.. the waiting now is killing me.

Still wondering what to say to folk

noreply@blogger.com (Neshamah) — Sun, 21 Jun 2009 07:13:00 +0000

SOfar I have been unable to tell many people – hubby ( of course – after tearful and gutwrenching displays of emotion and a bunch of other stuff months ago.) and a dear girlfriend of mine whom although we see very little of, email or be in touch, we connect immediately when we do – and over lunch I felt it right to tell her. She was so supportive and fantastic about it. She even wanted to come with me and get some stuff done.. believe me – out of all my girlfriends, she is the last person I would think needed any perfecting on.

I kinda have to thing about what I am going to say to people as I am expecting its going to be quite a transformation when all the swelling etc goes down. I know its not going to change me into a size 12 – but there will be some major body shape differences. Maybe I just won’t say anything. After all – its not like its anyones business.

I know its not a end all and be all change – it’s the beginning of something fantastic and new. I feel I have done as much as I can and I really need help ona major level to step up to the next phase in body acceptance. Its just not going to work when I look the way I do.

I am both scared and so looking forward to it.. less than two weeks now.

trying to tell girlfreinds

noreply@blogger.com (Neshamah) — Sat, 20 Jun 2009 04:25:00 +0000

This is a really tough one. I have desperately wanted to tell my close girlfriends but wanted to tell them face to face.

I'd tried to organize a time to get us together, but everyone seems to be so busy and little time to take time out to spend with others. It just didn't happen.

One of my closest and the one I had hoped I could rely on the most - I had planned to tell while we were at an expo health retreat thing all day. Surrounded by really positive energy and lots of loving intentions, we were to have the day together chatting with spiritual people about true feelings and emotions. As I was setting up our display stuff, she sent me an sms to say she was not coming. She turned her phone off for the rest of the day and didn't return any calls or sms that day.

It was a bit of a blow but I had to cope - huge day ahead, now all resting on me to provide and deliver. I hated having to lie to the organiser why she wasn't there, so didn't. just said she chose not to be there and left it at that. I was disturbed by my lack of emotion about the whole day. I understand that I was put into survival mode and drew on my tools and coping mechanisms to deal with what happened. However, its not for weeks afterward that I realise how this event and what happened afterwards has affected me deeply.

I didn't hear from her for nearly two weeks and as time went on I discovered it to be a very difficult and distressing position, where it become apparent to me that she was completely oblivious to the whole situation, obviously thought that what she had done didn't need mentioning or explaining and certainly not apologizing or being responsible in anyway for it.

and the thing was that I wasn't even after an apology - just some sort of recognition or responsibility for how her decision impacted on me and my day. May be its just me and I have made it bigger than it aught to have been, I don't know.

I can't speak for her or even understand why she chose not to have any dialogue with me but it would be my guess she thought I would cope and just get on with it and that it wasn't a big deal.

After struggling with with for a while I came to the understanding that she has done nothing but been consistent the entire time we have been friends. She has consistently been this way and I have allowed and accepted this. All she has done since is to demonstrate in her own way, the way she conducts friendships and they way she likes to be approached - so in reality - nothing has changed - she has done nothing different than she always has. Its my perceptions and the meanings I have placed upon those events which have caused me so much heart ache and distress.

At a key time where I actually needed someone to be there for me, she wasn't, perhaps and I suspect this is true, she never has been. In all this I need to take responsiblity for my actions. I don't demand much from a friendship. I am neither clingy or needy, gossip nor judgemental. I demand solidness, strength of character, authenticity, integrity and congruency. Maybe thats a hard shopping list.

It is what it is. Its been nearly 2 months since that expo and I've barely spoke or seen her ( twice I think) She is very busy with a project and has been focusing on that. Perhaps this is the inevidibel end of that friendship.

So its left me with no-one to share my last month of fear ridden concerns. No-one to slap me and tell me to stop wrapping christmas presents for goddess sake I am going to be here to do it myself. No-one to kick me and tell me to go and enjoy my kids and stop worrying about them so much.

It is my fault, I let so few in and am so devistated when they don't make the grade.