Big Ceremony

Is Marriage a Contract or a Covenant?

2008-05-23T10:47:00.000-06:00

Is marriage a contract or a covenant?

So many times we hear marriage referred to as a contract. Sometimes it’s even called “just a piece of paper”.

One dictionary definition of a contract is, “A binding agreement between two or more persons that is enforceable by law.” A contract, by definition, is a give/get relationship between two or more parties. You agree to do something and in return you get something for your efforts.

A builder signs a contract stating that he or she will build you a house and in return you agree to pay them a pre-determined amount of money. If the house is not built or the money isn’t paid, then it’s off to court.

Many great things have been accomplished through the use of contracts. A contract essentially attempts to keep honest people honest and dishonest people to a minimum.

A contract can be an extensive five-hundred page document, researched and compiled by top-paid lawyers over a grueling amount of time, listing multiple “what-if..” scenarios and agreed upon outcomes, or it can be a simple verbal agreement bound by a single handshake.

However, in most cases, when two people marry, the signed marriage registration document merely states that the two people mentioned in the document were joined in matrimony. It does not mention anything about things agreed upon – who will give what, and what they will get in return from the other person.

Even the vows don’t contain any “What I will get in return” statements. They only contain what each party will give and not what they will get. This is because love is a very powerful “life force”. It is not just an emotion. When someone truly loves another they don’t count the cost. Parents will risk their own lives without a thought to save the life of even one of their children.

Marriage is a contract in that it binds both people together, but it is much more than that. Marriage is a more like a covenant which is much deeper than a contract. In a marriage covenant, each party agrees to give themselves totally and unconditionally to their partner. It’s an “I’ll be there for you no matter what” attitude. That’s the commitment level required to make a marriage work.

Is this a hard commitment to live out in practice? Ask any marriage that has survived many years and you’ll hear the answer to be a resounding “Yes!” Marriage, like anything good, has to be worked at if it is to succeed and each party enjoy years of fulfilling life with their spouse. Ask those same couples if it was all worth it and you will also hear a resounding “Yes!”

Marriages break down when one or both of the parties consistently fails to live out their commitment to the other and the load is too much to bear for the other partner.

It’s only when both parties live out their married lives to each other as a covenant, and not just a contract, that a marriage can be strong and survive in today’s world.

Living out a full covenant of married love can bring a joy, a strength, a closeness, and a life filled with love that truly lasts until “death do us part”.

Why Do You Need A Wedding Planning Checklist?

2008-04-27T15:04:00.000-06:00

With everything you'll have on your mind when you're getting ready for your big day, if you don't have a wedding checklist you're asking for trouble.

No matter how good your memory is you'd be very unwise to rely on it for every little detail you have to remember concerning your wedding.

It's such an important day for you it would be a crying shame if it was spoiled simply because you failed to plan properly in the first place - and a properly constructed checklist is the very best way you can ensure that all of your wedding plans come to fruition.

Creating a wedding checklist tailored to your specific needs and desires will certainly help to relieve the inevitable stress, particularly as the special day gets closer.

Having a well thought out wedding checklist will ensure that you don't forget anything and will enable you to relax, safe in this knowledge, and enjoy the day itself.

Some of the things you should put on your checklist are setting the wedding date and time, reserving the date with a florist, photographer and DJ; reserving the church and reception location. These are the first things that should be done in the planning stages six to twelve months before the wedding day itself.

Other important things for your checklist include planning a budget, choosing the wedding party and ordering the invitations. You also need to make arrangements for a wedding dress, hairdressing and makeup. Not forgetting that you also need to arrange for co-coordinated clothing for your wedding attendants and, of course, you need to arrange the all-important wedding rings with a jeweler.

All of the above major things should be arranged as early as possible so that you have plenty of time for the small details later.

Don't forget to ensure that you put reminders on your list for closer to the date. Reminders for ordering your wedding flowers, the wedding cake, addressing and sending invitations, a final fitting for the wedding dress and groom's outfit and placing a wedding announcement in the local press etc.

About a month to six weeks before your big day you should go over your wedding checklist to make absolutely sure you haven't forgotten anything.

There are, of course, many more things than those listed above that you will need to put on your specific wedding planning checklist that are personal to your wedding, but the above will give you an idea of the things you need to include.

Remember, as long as you keep yourself organized with a checklist and give yourself plenty of time to complete each task, you'll have the ultimate reward of a happier and more stress-free wedding day.

Why Couples Elope?

2008-02-05T08:40:00.000-06:00

Once thought to be a formality used only by troublesome teen couples, eloping has now become a legitimate event for many lovers. It includes not only the traditional form of eloping, where you head down to the local justice of the peace, but now, many couples are tying their knots in many exciting, out-of-the-ordinary ways.

What drives this need for something different?

Most couples start with exciting plans of a romantic, enjoyable traditional wedding. They dream up wild ideas for creating a memorable event to start their lives together. And then... reality hits. Family members dabble their fingers in the minute details. For example, Aunt Jan offers to sing her favorite love song, in operatic voice, while you want a cellist and pianist. In addition to your family intrusions, you can see your bank account and maybe your parent's as well, beginning to plummet from all the essentials that make a wedding successful. Estimates put the average American wedding in the $20,000 to $25,000 range. And since 30% of couples end up paying for their own wedding, this can often mean the difference between having a memorable one day event and having a down payment on a home. Plus, coordinating everything... from photographer, to location, to dates, to relatives, becomes an increasingly painful experience.

Other factors have also played an important role in couples who elope. The average age of marrying couples has slowly risen since the 1950's. This has led to couples who are more independent and not as worried about pleasing parents and friends when they tie the knot. Also, due to high divorce rates, many second marriages lead couples to opt for smaller, more practical ceremonies. It also seems, in general, that social pressures have lessened in regards to non-traditional weddings.

Some couples find they have lived together for several years, and finally decide they just want to legally consummate their relationship. In fact, a large portion of elopers, some independent statistics show up to 75%, actually plan their weddings months in advance. This is much different from the common perception of an instant, spontaneous wedding... which is often how we see elopers portrayed on TV and in the media.

If you have hit that point, where you are tired of all the stressful planning, all the schedule juggling, and all the money draining from your account, then maybe it's time to stop. Relax! And think about the other wedding option... eloping.

Although eloping may not seem like the most romantic of ideas, it is definitely a wedding strategy that can actually save you from tons of stress and can also give you a lot of fun memories to share.

When Should You Marry?

2008-02-05T08:39:00.000-06:00

Since the divorce rate is at an all time high many are asking when and if they should marry? It is interesting that at the beginning of the 20th Century men were in their late twenties before getting married.

In the early part of 1960 half of all girls in the USA were married by their twentieth birthday. Males were about two years older.

The 90's saw many getting married while still in their teen years. This no doubt accounts at least in-part for the high percentage of divorces. The national statistics reveal that teenage marriages are the most unstable with the highest chance of divorce. Many of them marry out of emotional impulse and pre-marital pregnancies which lead to a higher risk of divorce.

At the present time those entering into wedlock are taking longer to decide about marriage. However, some are attempting a trial habitation to see if it might work.

When are you ready for marriage and how do you know if proper preparation has been taken for a successful marriage? There is no absolutely guarantee for success...

There are at least 3 areas to consider in determining if you are properly prepared for a life long commitment.

Maturity

You should be mature enough to take on the personal responsibilities of a family. Granted this may be some what subjective, but there are ways to measure the maturity level. If you are not sure what those responsibilities are, or even if you do know, it is advantageous to speak with someone who is well capable of addressing the responsibilities of a couple.

Studies have indicated that the best age to enter marriage is early to mid-twenties. This is the age that most men are either out of school or have performed their military service to their country. Likewise the women are out of school by this age as well. At this particular time most have had their share of dating experiences and desire to begin the process of settling down.

At the same time, however, chronological age is not necessarily proof that one is mature. Women seem to mature earlier than men, but that is not always the case. There are many factors in a persons background that either enhances their maturity or retard it. Therefore, each person has to be considered separatley.

You should, however, evaluate not only your own life, but your potential partner as well. Do not leave the evaluation process up to someone else. You do the evaluating. You may want someone's advice, but you must have your eyes "wide open".

What are you looking for in your evaluation? Start with the reasoning behind getting married. Why do you both want to be married? It is not enough to say that you love each other. Wouldn't you assume that most people who are now divorced would have said they loved each other in the beginning? Not all of course, but most "fall" in love and get married.

Look deeper than the love aspect! Are there clues of immaturity such as: wanting to be out of the parent's authority; desiring a sexual relationship; escaping educational responsibilities; etc. These may be good reasons for marriage, but more often than not, they are poor reasons.

The emotional aspect of love is very fickle. It comes and goes, so look for intellectual reasons for getting married. Do you both complement one another with your strengths and weaknesses? Do you both have the same type of objectives in life? Do you enjoy participating in similar events?

Educational

Have you both completed your education? This is a judgment call whether you should have it completed prior to marriage. It may be beneficial to have it completed so you are able to focus on your studies and extra-curricular activities.

There also may be less resentment if both partners have their education completed. Many times the wife drops out of college to put her husband through school, then, she never gets back to her own educational goals. Once the dust settles (her husband is in his career, children are all in school) regret, anger, and resentment begin to knock on the wife's heart.

Financial

Not everyone is able to be financially independent at the time of marriage, but financial stability is a good place to begin a marriage. If you are deeply indebt or do not have a reliable occupation it may behoove you to postpone the ceremony a bit longer.