I caught Elise sneaking out of her bedroom window to meet up with her friends.

No, that’s not right.

But I did catch her trying to take her brother’s bib off while watching me to make sure I wasn’t watching her. It’s like she has a mind of her own. And I want to know how that happened. How is my baby growing up so fast?

How did that happen?

I’m a little tempted to go back and read my posts about Tristan from the early days but I’m not far enough away from them yet. I won’t even link to them here. You can do a search under “HELP, MY BABY IS TRYING TO KILL ME.” Or just search under “Tristan.” Either one. To sum it up, Tristan was a very fussy baby. (But also very sweet and very cuddly.) He still is what I would call “high needs.” For example, just now, he woke up from a 1.25 hour morning nap (not bad). I fed him and changed his diaper. After about 10 minutes on a blanket with rattles and me by his side he became hysterical. He’s not one of these laidback babies who will chill on a blanket or in a chair or swing for very long. It turned out that he was tired again (we’ll get to sleep later) so exactly 1.25 hours after he woke up from his morning nap he’s back down again. At age six months. There’s a lot of inconsistency in his schedule and a lot of guessing — is he hungry, tired, in pain, teething, just needing attention?

I always fear that I come across as complaining on this blog. Maybe that’s why I took a little time off. Any mother of any child will understand that my love for Tristan is, in the words of Jules Renard, “like an hourglass, with the heart filling up as the brain empties.” Even after a very poor night of sleep my heart remembers that big smile he gave me at 4 am. My brain shuts out the crying and fussing. I really love how cuddly and snuggly this baby is. I can’t squeeze and kiss him enough. Yet I know the consequences of stress and sleep deprivation on my mental and physical health. This is all a big balancing act and, of course, a learning process. I’m a student of these two children of mine. They teach me and challenge me every single day.

For my wonderful followers of Tristan’s early days, I wanted to give a few updates…

Reflux: Tristan is still on medication for reflux but I think we should start weaning him from it soon. He still spits up a bit but there is no fussiness related to eating anymore. (I’m still breastfeeding exclusively but I’m ready to supplement with formula every once in a while when I need a break and I choose not to pump.) If you’ve been following the blog you’ll know I went dairy free because we suspected that T was sensitive to milk. About two weeks ago I slowly began introducing dairy back into my diet — namely cheese and ice cream. I’m still determining how he’s handing it but he seems to be doing just fine. I certainly don’t plan to over do it with dairy and I don’t think I’ll ever drink straight milk again. (I love my coconut milk.)

Starting solids: We skipped baby cereal and went straight to “real food” about a week ago — sweet potatoes, avocado, banana, bagels. I’m not opposed to making baby purees (like I did with Elise) but we’re also trying what’s called Baby Led Weaning. The idea is that when the baby is developmentally ready to eat, he will. And he can eat what everyone else in the home is eating. (Very little added sugar or salt, of course.) Tristan is interested in food but still isn’t totally getting it. Right now he’s playing and tasting food and gnawing on big chunks of bagels and banana. I suspect that in a few weeks he’ll get better at picking up food and putting it in his mouth.

Sleep: I really believe that good night sleep sets the tone for the baby’s day sleep, eating habits and temperament so this is an area we still need to work on. If you remember the early days, Tristan slept with us out of necessity. (I’m not exaggerating when I say that he was held or worn or sleeping up against us 24 hours a day.) Cosleeping, for us, wasn’t simple. He needed me to fall asleep and stay asleep, and at 3 months he started going to bed at 7 pm. This was extremely difficult to manage while also caring for a 2-year-old. Around this time (3-4 months) he started to “grow out” of the fussiness so we decided to transfer him to his crib. We chose to teach Tristan how to soothe himself. What that means is that I now put him down awake but drowsy and he falls asleep on his own. (Usually within 1-2 minutes, no crying and with the help of sucking his thumb.) So yes, in order to achieve this it took some crying. Looking back, that was the right decision for us. I’ll never “blanket” recommend it because every situation is different. That said, he’s still waking up twice to eat between the hours of 7 pm and 7 am. I know for a fact that he doesn’t need that first feeding (11 pm-ish) because he starts to fall asleep when I start feeding him. We’ve also tried just not responding to him (like we did last night) and within 10 minutes he was back to sleep. He then got up around 3 am to eat. My view is that if he were really hungry, he’d put up more of a fight to eat at 11 pm. Our plan is to get rid of that first feeding NOW and then deal with dropping the 3 am feeding when he’s a bit older. I think this should help with his day sleep, too. Right now he takes about three naps a day but they are never at the same time or for the same duration. I certainly don’t need him to be on a schedule but I suspect he might be a happier baby if he’s given the structure. Oh, and a little random — just days after we taught him to fall asleep on his own, he stopped screaming in his car seat. It was as if he learned to soothe himself awake and asleep.

Other developments: Tristan is sitting up, rolling around, getting up on his hands and knees. I welcome the mobility! Maybe he’s fussy because he just wants to keep up with his big sister.

How is Elise? The girl can’t get enough of “Baby Nay Nay.” This is good and bad. She’s great at making him smile when he’s having a fussy day but I have to watch her like a hawk. Lately she’s been trying to sit or lay on top of him. Cute, huh?

So there you have it. Everything you ever wanted to know and more. Wait, one more thing. Do you see a resemblance?

Tristan on the left, Elise on the right. Both at 6 months.

]]> http://www.bigcitybelly.com/2012/02/tristan-is-6-months-old/feed/ 2 http://www.bigcitybelly.com/2012/02/tristan-is-6-months-old/ http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/BigCityBelly/~3/mvLDevzappI/ http://www.bigcitybelly.com/2012/02/about-breastfeeding/#comments Wed, 01 Feb 2012 19:51:23 +0000 Kate http://www.bigcitybelly.com/?p=2129

Breastfeeding is hard.

Or it was. At least for me. It was one of the hardest things I’ve ever started. A physical, mental and emotional game. Your head’s got to be in it. Your heart, too, I suppose. I considered writing about all the details. But I won’t. Let’s just say I think I’ve been through it all. Pain, engorgement, low supply, oversupply, reflux, latch issues, nipple shields, clogged ducts.

Then one day* it just works and you notice that his little hand grabs at your shirt. His arms sway. It’s like he’s swimming when he nurses.

Breastfeeding is beautiful.

It’s warm and sweet and, really, it’s a miracle. Except when it’s not. Sometimes it’s just about feeding my baby. So move along. Nothing to see here.

[Listen, for breastfeeding moms, boobs are about breastfeeding. For most everyone else, they're about sex. I get that. That's ok. Can't we all just get along?]

Breastfeeding is good for him.

But let’s be honest. It’s for me, too. I have something to prove. Maybe it’s a control thing (for me). It doesn’t always work for everyone in our household (including me). I’m not quite sure what to do about it but it’s been on my mind.

I’m not sure when I’ll stop breastfeeding. It’s so easy. I promise you, I never thought I would utter those words. If I had it my way, he’ll be a toddler eating real food and drinking from a cup but nursing once or twice a day. I think I’m going to let him decide when to stop. I know that scares people but it just feels right.

*It took us 3-4 months to establish a successful breastfeeding relationship thanks to the help of these people and the support of family and friends. If you’re struggling, find an IBLCE.

I’m just not up for blogging regularly these days but I wanted to check in and say hi.

In December, Elise turned 2. Her birthday party was so much fun. Her personality, her words, her place in our family….it’s all a really fun and special time right now.

Four days later Santa brought Elise this kitchen. We had been talking about it for weeks. It looks like Elise is zoned out here but really she’s in shock. I think she now truly understands cause and effect.

Nay Nay is 5 months old. That’s what Elise calls Tristan so we call him that too. He doesn’t mind.

He’s not really fussy anymore. So that’s good. But he’s also not really sleeping well, either. He is and he isn’t. Inconsistency is what he’s all about these days. And being really cute.

Are you on Instagram? Lately I’ve been posting lists and photos of home projects — my “2012 Home Organizing Project.” My goal is to organize and/or decorate every room in the house so it feels like home. I’m documenting this under the hashtag #2012HOP and would love for you to join me so we can inspire each other.

Months ago I was given a complimentary pedicure at the Urban Mom Salon. Elise played in an adjoining room with a childcare provider while I was pampered. It really is a brilliant idea and I’ve been wanting to share it with my readers. The pedicure was great, the staff was so nice. I’d like to go back. I need to go back. So check it out here.

There’s so much for expecting and new moms in Chicago. I’m really lucky to live in this great city. But right now I’m staying close to home. I’ve been spending some time thinking about what I’d like to focus my energy on in 2012. There is so much to do. The mixture of things becomes so messy. Let’s be honest, there’s nothing nice about potpourri. Too many colors and smells. Its petals become dusty, too.

So I’ll focus on one thing at a time. Or nothing at all. That’s fine with me for now.

Happy New Year, friends.

After I delivered Elise the doctor brought her to my chest and announced that she was a girl. I was shocked. Perhaps I had anticipated a boy so I didn’t have to face the fear of raising a girl. A someday woman, wife, mother and friend who will learn from this right-now woman, wife, mother and friend. It’s an awesome and terrifying responsibility.

I look at her. She looks at me. I see a lot of myself but …

I also see her own-ness shining through.

I’ve been quiet lately. It happens when I just don’t know what to say. I don’t have the answers. I’m sleep deprived and frustrated. I’m struggling with parenting choices and guilt that I’m not enjoying Tristan enough. I kiss his china doll face a dozen times a day and smell his sweet head but I secretly wish he were 5 years old. I wish he could just tell me what is wrong.

I find it strange when people say that they knew their family wasn’t complete after the birth of a child. Right now, my family of four is complete. If we have more children, we’ll be complete then too. I think they call this “living in the present” although I’m guilty of wondering what the future holds. If money, space and health weren’t issues we’d have more children. My heart says yes, everything else says no.

The other night I lay in bed alone thinking about my family. The love, oh, the love. It is painful. It gives me the biggest high. It makes me feel guilty. It makes me proud of myself. It makes me examine my behavior, my mortality, my other loves. The non-parental kind. It makes me want to do a better job.

This love is hard.

This love is oh so worth it.

—

All photos by the very talented Chicago Family Photographer Julia Franzosa.

Poor Elise. I hope this blog is defunct by the time she’s starting to date or looking for her first job.

Our sweet monkey moo is having temper tantrums.

Let’s review. She is 23 months. Her brother arrived when she was 19 months. We moved into a new home when she was 17 months. She started nursery school at 16 months. That’s a lot of activity and change for anyone. All that aside, she’s just a normal, healthy toddler who is living a very full life. She’s speaking in full sentences. She’s communicating her needs and establishing her place in our family. She wants to do what she wants to do. She hates to hold my hand when we cross the street. She wants to play with the baby’s real pacifier and not a toy one. And don’t even think about helping her with that last scoop of yogurt in her bowl.

We took her to the doctor this morning and explained that “she’s just not herself lately.” Sure, she seems to always have a cold but something else is going on. She’s hysterical at times, almost hyperventilating. Last night I kept asking Elise, “What is wrong? What hurts?” After a very thorough exam, the diagnosis from the doctor: temper tantrums and the terrible twos.

My husband and I just looked at each other like, Huh? We just spent $25 and a miserable drive through rush hour traffic for that?

Our doctor said that consistency is key. If you always say no to cookies, then always say no to cookies. If a temper tantrum is happening, IGNORE it. We can also start timeouts, he said. (For the record, we have a “quiet chair” where Elise can read books until she’s ready to join us again.)

I’ve called a family meeting (parents only) so Nolan and I can get on the same page. Do we let her play with her brother’s paci? Is she allowed to take a sippy cup of water to bed with her? How do we handle the throwing of toys? I’m looking forward to this meeting. I already have a running list of topics to discuss.

Here’s where I’m stuck: I’m questioning my judgement as a parent. I went with my gut and it landed us in the doctor’s office with a diagnosis of: you’re being fooled by your 2-year-old. Sure, I ruled out a sickness. Smart. But I’ve got a long road of parenting ahead. How did you handle the toddler years? Any good books or websites I should be reading? Or do I throw the books away and continue to go with my gut? I don’t get offended by unsolicited advice. In fact, I’m soliciting advice!

A note to my sweet Elise: Look at you, you are gorgeous and smart. You are kind to your brother and sweet to your friends. I love you so very much. But the tantrums? They hurt my heart. I want to scoop you up and hold you but I can’t. And I won’t. And I think you’ll be a better person because of it.

Jean-Claude Brizard and his family moved to Chicago this past Spring. Like so many families relocating to the Windy City, they’re renting in a popular neighborhood to get the lay of the land before they settle on a house — and, more importantly, a school — for their toddler. Brizard and his wife, Brooke Stafford-Brizard, aren’t leaving a stone unturned — they’ve done online research, toured schools and attended the popular annual NPN school fair. But there’s one small detail that sets Brizard apart from other parents — he happens to be the new CEO of Chicago Public Schools.

I had the opportunity to sit down with Brizard recently and ask him all about his search.

1. The search for a school in Chicago can be overwhelming. Where do you suggest parents start?

Just the other day, CPS gave parents a powerful resource for starting their school search: an online map with a wealth of detailed school-level information. The CPS website has a useful “find a school” search tool as well. I would also strongly suggest attending our citywide school fairs. Finally, there is no substitute for visiting a school.

Brizard was named CEO of Chicago Public Schools in May.

2. As a former educator and now administrator, what do you look for in a neighborhood school?

My wife (an educator as well) and I first look at achievement data – comparing the school to similar ones and looking at data on more rigorous exams (for example, Brooke and I look at the “Exceeds Standards” data on the ISAT as a minimum bar). We then look at whether the school has a culture of teacher ownership: do teachers hold themselves responsible for helping their students achieve academic success? We also want to see how much schools ask students to take ownership of their own learning.

3. If parents have the opportunity to tour a school, what questions should they be asking? What should they be looking for in the halls and in the classroom?

I would look for student engagement: how much talking teachers do in classrooms versus how often the students talk. Ask the leader what she or he values, struggles with, and what she or he sees as key successes. I would carefully look to see what the principal brags about — it shows what he or she values.

4. As the new chief of CPS, are there any priorities on your agenda for early childhood education?

An advisory panel put in place by Mayor Emanuel recommended that we first need to improve the quality of providers — they assessed that we had enough seats but the quality of programming was mixed across the city. My second goal will be to push for funding to provide free service for all parents in the city.

5. What excites you about raising your family in Chicago?

Brooke and I find the city very livable. We loved the Upper West Side of Manhattan (where we lived) but had trepidations about raising a family in Manhattan. Westchester County and the Outer Boroughs of NYC were much too far a commute for us. Chicago has it all (we love great food and great theater) and we can have a home with a backyard 20 minutes from downtown. Crazy!

Months ago I wrote a post called I believe in Chicago Public Schools. And I still do. In June we bought a home in the city with the plan to send our children to the neighborhood public school.

Yesterday I met with Jean-Claude Brizard, the new CEO of Chicago Pubic Schools. It was a great conversation but I admit that perhaps I was a bit naive about the state of our city’s school system. It’s in rough shape. We’re one of the “lucky” ones. We can afford a home in a “good” district. The disparity is discouraging. We discussed the longer school day, high school reform, class size, crime, teacher evaluations and much more. I’ll be writing a couple posts within the next week about these topics.

Until then, I wanted to share the links of the four other bloggers in attendance in case you want to check out what they took away from the meeting. I’m not sure when or if they’ll be writing.

CPS Obsessed

The Chicago Moms

Ups and Downs of a Yoga Mom

Families in the Loop

Stay tuned for more…

We’re not sick and we’re not planning on getting sick. But you know that about-to-get-sick feeling? A little scratch in your throat or an ache in your back? We’ve got a plan to fight it this winter.

What I’m doing: 

Taking a lot of Emergen-C — 1 to 3 packets a day.
Taking probiotics —  I got this brand at Whole Foods.
Washing my hands or using hand sanitizer throughout the day.
Wiping down my phone and laptop keyboard regularly.
Sleeping as much as I can with a three-month-old baby.

What we’re doing for Elise and Tristan:
Not much. Humidifiers in bedrooms and, for 22-month-old Elise, a healthy diet. Oh, and breastmilk in the eyes for both kids if I notice that their eyes are gunky. Here’s why. You may think it’s gross but it really works. Since we’re on the subject of gross, have you heard of the Nosefrida? I use it on both kids to clear their nasal passages to prevent sore throats and ear infections.

I talked to Jasmine this morning for some additional advice. She’s the wellness consultant here in Chicago that I worked with to go dairy free. Here’s what she recommends to ward off colds and flu:

- A smoothie for Elise with frozen strawberries (high in Vitamin C), spinach (high in iron), non-dairy milk and protein powder. Since Elise isn’t dairy free I just used yogurt and a little orange juice instead. Yogurt has plenty of protein. If your kids take liquid vitamins you can sneak them in here.

- Vitamin D3 for me. About 4-5,000 IUs per day.

- Vitamin D3 drops for Tristan, which he should take anyway since he’s exclusively breastfed.

- A detox bath! Warm water with 1/4 c of Epsom salt, 1/4 c of apple cider vinegar and 1/4 cup of hydrogen peroxide. Soak for 15-20 minutes. This is definitely a non-research-based remedy that your Grandma would recommend but it has worked for Jasmine and her daughter.

- I asked about me taking zinc to prevent a cold. There’s actually a home test to determine if you’re deficient in zinc. Jasmine also mentioned that pumpkin seeds are high in zinc. Perfect! I have a bowl of roasted seeds on my counter. I found this list of top 10 foods high in zinc. Dark chocolate is also on the list!

- I also asked about Vitamin C for kids. There’s a brand that sells a supplement but it’s an easy vitamin to achieve through diet. (See smoothie above.)

So, what do you do to prevent colds and flu?

This information is solely for informational purposes. IT IS NOT INTENDED TO PROVIDE MEDICAL ADVICE. This information does not replace the advice of your physician or other health care provider. Before undertaking any course of treatment, the reader must seek the advice of their physician or other health care provider.

I just rocked the baby to sleep and put him in his crib. Before that I nursed him, I burped him, I changed him, I swaddled him. I’ve already been back upstairs twice because his pacifier fell out. I rocked him again and put him back in his crib. It will start all over in 45 minutes or an hour.

The reason I didn’t call this post ‘The monotony of parenthood’ has nothing to do with alliteration. I do most of the feeding, the diapering, the putting down, the wiping of faces, the ordering of baby supplies. It’s just how it is in our house. Every night between 1 am and 5 am I lift my heavy body out of bed. I put on my glasses and tie my hair back. I walk the 15 or so steps to the baby’s room. I pick up the crying baby and a burp cloth. I turn on the lamp. We sit on the bed in his room. I nurse him, I burp him, I change him, I swaddle him. Then I put him back down again.

Of course when Dada is home there’s feeding and diapering and putting down. But there’s also a lot of fun! and games! Park playing and book reading. It’s just how it is in our house.

There’s nothing smart or witty about this post. It’s a collection of thoughts and a few questions. Did I expect this? Did you? Motherhood is unlike any work I know. It’s made up of the simplest of tasks but there’s nothing simple about it. Any old idiot can do it and succeed. The smartest, most loving, most patient can struggle. It’s not about the rewards but there are plenty. There are milestones throughout motherhood, too. Just when my first born and I started to leave the house several hours a day for playdates and shopping and lunches out, my second was born. We still get out about once a day but it’s usually a short trip to the park at the end of the block. Baby is in the sling, his big sister runs throughout the playground, I watch the clock thinking about the next feeding and changing and putting down.

Maybe it’s not the monotony of motherhood that challenges me after all. Perhaps it’s the feeling that my life is “on hold” or even that I’ve taken a few steps back. It’s nearly impossible to care for two kids under 2 and do everything I did pre-children — shower, eat, write, respond to emails, run errands, remember birthdays. After I called my niece a day late to wish her happy birthday I hung my head and sobbed. I’m just so tired and so unorganized. I’m just so frustrated.

I find solace in the bittersweet reality that this is all very temporary. My children will be off to school in a few years. I won’t be nursing and rocking the baby to sleep forever. I’ll be wearing nicer clothes and having lunch dates with adults! But right now? This is my life. It will be for a while.