Big Dreams Do Come True

Desire, Ask, Believe, Receive

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Sun, 12 Sep 2010 16:30:00 +0000

Difficult times have helped me to understand better than before how infinitely rich and beautiful life is in every way and that so many things that one knows nothing about are if no importance whatsoever.
-ISAK DINESEN

Are you a worrier? We all are to a certain extent, but some of us are more pessimistic than others, and when we worry, it's always the worst possible thing that comes first to mind. Worrying is a great thief of time. I have a good friend who can soar from distress to disaster in five seconds, and it has caused her no end of sorrow. Now that she recognizes the patter and can stop herself in mid-flight with a gentle reminder, she experiences much more inner harmony even under difficult circumstances. Often when we stew, we think that we're doing something positive about the problem; at least we're thinking about it. Instead, we've set off an escalating spiral that can ruin an entire day-for ourselves and those in our vicinity.

If you find yourself fretting over an issue, instead of working yourself into a frenzy, stop. Now think about everything that's humming along nicely. Can you have a conversation with Spirit? If you don't feel comfortable calling your communion with a Higher Power "prayer," call it a "communication with a good friend." "I learned that simply to ask a blessing upon one's circumstances, whatever they are, is somehow to improve them, and to tap some mysterious source of energy and joy," writer Marjorie Holmes confides. "I came upon one of the most ancient and universal truths-that to affirm and to claim God's help even before it is given, is to receive it." Lift up your worries and ask for grace to get through the rest of the day. There is an abundance of amazing grace available to all of us if we simply learn to ask for it. "Desire, Ask, Believe, Receive," the mystic Stella Terrill Mann advises. Begin praying or conversing in that order and you'll understand why she does.

After praying about your worries, is there a friend you can share your problem with? If not, sit down quietly and write out what's troubling you. Now write out the worst case scenario. What are your greatest fears? If that happened, what would you do? How would you cope? Once you have .a solution beyond an "I don't know" response, write it down. One of the reasons we worry is because we feel powerless to control our futures. When we figure out what we'd do if the worst did happen, the sense of hopelessness diminishes. "I have spent most of my life worrying about things that have never happened," Mark Twain admitted at the end of his life. We all do this.

Worrying about the future robs you of the present moment. Try to observe how much worrying you do. And if the nagging worry follows you relentlessly throughout the day, follow Scarlett O'Hara's example. Tell yourself, "I'm not going to think about this right now, I'll think about this tomorrow. After all, tomorrow is another day."

The Plie of Pleasure

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Wed, 08 Sep 2010 16:20:00 +0000

What is your hobby? Every woman ought to have some pet interest in life, outside of the everyday routine which composes her regular occupations. What is yours?

-THE MOTHER'S MAGAZINE, January 1915

There is a vitality, a life force, an energy, a quickening, that is translated through you into action and because there is only one of you in all time this expression is unique," modern dancer Martha Graham advises us. "And if you block it, it will never exist through any other medium and will be lost."

Where are you blocked? A hobby is a wonderful way to start freeing ourselves creatively. That's because no one expects us to be perfect at a hobby. Hobbies allow us to experiment, to dabble with the paint, the poem, the pot, the plie. When ballet dancers speak of doing plies, they mean bending their knees. Doing plies at the beginning of rehearsal warms up the leg muscles before the dance begins. Pursuing a hobby warms up our talents and illuminates our natural inclinations. We get to try on imaginary lives and see how they fit.

Now that you've done some moodling and have discovered some personal pastimes that bring you pleasure, today choose one to pursue. If you need materials such as yarn or paint, make a list of the necessary supplies. Give yourself a week to assemble what you need to get going, and one week from today plan an hour to begin. By doing this, you commit to bringing more fun into your life, and what was once inconceivable will soon become impossible to live without.

Solitary Pleasures

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Sat, 04 Sep 2010 16:16:00 +0000

Alone, alone, Oh! We have been warned about solitary vices. Have solitary pleasures ever been adequately praised? Do many people know they exist?

-JESSAMYN WEST

Remember, once upon a time, when we all knew how to play?We're going to have to travel back to when we were younger to look for clues. Did you love to play alone when you were ten? What were your favorite extra-curricular activities in high school and during college? Nothing in our past lives is wasted. Nothing that once made us feel happy and fulfilled is ever lost. There's a golden thread that runs through each of our lives. We just need to rediscover this thread before the joy of living completely unravels.

Why not have a brainstorming session on paper to excavate your buried bliss?Write out a quick list often solitary pleasures. Don't give this a lot of thought, but don't be dismayed if it takes you a few minutes to come up with something.

Need some help? Well, what was your favorite childhood game? Your favorite sport? Your favorite movie as a kid? Your favorite book? Comic strip? Your favorite singer or musical group? What was the best time you ever had as a youngster? As a teenager? As an adult? Can you remember? Can you re-create the memory?

If you could instantly acquire three additional skills, what would they be--playing the piano? figure skating? taking really great photographs? What three outrageous things would you try if no one knew about it¬belly dancing? clowning? hot-air ballooning? What three daring things sound intriguing, even if you'd probably never attempt them-stand-up comedy? mountain climbing? scuba diving? What three all-expenses-paid vacations appeal to you-an archeological dig in Egypt? a ride on the Orient Express? a visit to the Paris haute couture collections? Do you like to work with your hands-needlecraft? bookbinding? gardening? Or does the visual appeal to you-framing pictures? working in stained glass? creating shadow boxes?

Get the idea? There's a fabulous world out there just waiting to be explored. We simply have to be willing to experiment.

A hobby affords us a marvelous opportunity to awaken our natural talents. It does require a little bit of effort. First of all we have to figure out what we'd like to do to shake the doldrums. Then we have to carve out time to do it. Alice James, the sister of Henry and William James, believed that in life, "Truly nothing is to be expected but the unexpected." By seeking and finding a solitary pleasure that would make you jump out of the bed each morning to pursue it, you'll discover just how right she was.

Discovering What You'd Like to Do, If You Ever Had the Time

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Mon, 30 Aug 2010 16:10:00 +0000

Develop interest in life as you see it; in people, things, literature, music - the world is so rich, simply throbbing with rich treasures, beautiful souls and interesting people. Forget yourself.
-HENRY MILLER

In the beginning spending regular time alone just to collect your thoughts.

I will seem like indulgence enough. Spending time alone to nurture your authentic vision, to express yourself creatively, to enjoy a personal pursuit' that brings you contentment and pleasure will seem-well, impossible. Incredulous. Impractical. Inconceivable. Out of the question.

"Right. In another life," is the usual response, along with audible sighs and the rolling of eyes when I broach the subject in my workshops. Then wistful looks appear. "You mean to have fun?" the women want to know. "Yes. Have fun."

"You mean, by myself?"

"Yes, by yourself. Fun. What would you like to do if you ever had the
time?"

"Fun?"

You can see where this leads. Most women I meet have a hard time holding up their end of the conversation when fun is the topic. Let the discourse be on diaper rash or Einstein's Theory of Relativity and we can hold our own. But, fun for its own sake? The plain truth is that somewhere between family and careers during the last twenty years, most of us have misplaced an essential part of ourselves. Once we begin embarking on solitary sojourns to get reacquainted with our authentic selves, we usually discover that something is missing.

It's called zest. Exuberance. Joi de vivre, as the French would say, or "the puzzle finally fit. The heartfelt happiness we derive when something brings us keen pleasure. Something uniquely our own. They used to call this magical something a hobby.

But what to do? The writer Brenda Ueland tells us that our imaginations need "moodling-long, inefficient, happy idling, dawdling and puttering" to flourish. Perhaps we also need a little personal sleuthing to uncover what solitary pleasures might be fun. It's been so long since we've consciously set aside time solely for rewarding reveries that many of us can't fathom what to do (except, of course, take a nap) when we have a couple of golden hours in which to answer to no one but ourselves. We lose what little leisure time we have Milable through attrition.

Today, give in to your need for "moodling." And while you're dawdling and puttering, consider what rewarding reveries you've put aside that brought you pleasure in the past. "How I think about my work is indistinguishable from the way I think about my needlepoint or cooking: here is the project I'm involved 'in.

It is play. In this sense all my life is spent in play-sewing or needlepoint, or picking flowers or writing, or buying groceries," says writer Diane Johnson. Once you commit to bringing more of a sense of play into your daily round with authentic personal pursuits, life will begin to take on a harmonious lilt.

Paying a High Price

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Thu, 26 Aug 2010 14:52:00 +0000

Certain high-achieving women are imploded with demands, both external and internal, and lack the skills to filter them. These women complain that the first thing they sacrifice is their private time or private pleasures.
-HARRIET B. BRAIKER, PH.D.

Those of us who don't spend regular time alone to rest and recoup are likely to suffer from what psychologists call "privacy deprivation syndrome." Symptoms include increasing resentment, mood swings, chronic fatigue, and depression.

Sound familiar? Sound grim? It is! Sufferers struggle through their days in a vacuum of unfulfilled exasperation, only to drop into bed too emotionally depleted to sleep well at night. The littlest thing can set them off, bringing tears and tantrums-and not only from the children in the family. Soon work and personal relationships begin to suffer. Why? Because the never-refreshed are really not that much fun to be around. The cycle may continue unabated until physical illness sets in. Remember the flu you had last year for five weeks? The two weeks you were laid up with lower-back pain last summer? The sinus infection you couldn't shake last month?

We don't have to make ourselves sick before we can call a psychic time out.

Unfortunately for many women, it is only when we do get sick that we allow ourselves a dispensation for time and space alone. This may be how real life is for you right now, but it doesn't have to stay that way. If you find yourself secretly looking forward to regular rendezvous with a hot water bottle and NyQuil, then privacy deprivation syndrome is exacting a high price. Let me reassure you there is a better path.

The Importance of Solitude

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Sun, 22 Aug 2010 14:31:00 +0000

If women were 'convinced that a day or an hour if solitude was a reasonable ambition, they would find a way attaining it. As it is, they feel so unjustified in their demand that they are to make the attempt.

-ANNE MORROW LINDBERGH

I am convinced that when the end of the world comes it will arrive not as two clashing armies on the brink but as a "last straw" : the fax that unravels six months' work in a single sentence, the telephone call that sends us reeling across the room, the seemingly innocent request to perform yet another task. Can we attend one more meeting? Write an additional memo before we leave the office? Bake another batch of cookies? Drive an extra car pool trip this week? Suddenly, without warning, women will rush screaming into the night, leaving men and children shaking their heads in amazement wondering if it was something they said. Always remember, Greta Garbo never declared she wanted to be alone. She said: "I want to be lift alone." There is a significant difference.

I believe that it's essential for busy women, by which I mean all of us, to pause a moment-this moment-to reconsider the entire subject of solitude. Too many of us approach time alone as if it were a frivolous, expend¬able luxury rather than a creative necessity. Why should this be so?

Could it be that by shortchanging ourselves, the only thing impoverished is our inner life? And after all, if the lack doesn't show on the surface, if we can pull it off one more time with smoke and mirrors, why, then, of course it doesn't count. Or does it?

"Certain springs are tapped only when we are alone. The artist knows he must be alone to create; the writer, to work out his thoughts; the musician to compose; the saint, to pray. But women need solitude in order to find again the true essence of themselves," Anne Morrow Lindbergh urges us to remember. "The problem is not entirely in finding the room of one's own, the time alone, difficult and necessary as this is. The problem is more how to still the soul in the midst of its activities. In fact the problem is how to feed the soul.

Neglect Not the Gifts Within You

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Wed, 18 Aug 2010 14:49:00 +0000

She endured. And survived. Marginally, perhaps, but it is not required if us that we live well.

-ANNE CAMERON

Oh, yes it is! We may come back to enjoy another life-and I'm open to that possibility-but until I know for sure, I don't want to waste the one I'm living right now. I've endured. And survived. And I've lived marginally, but living well is all it's cracked up to be.

Over the years, particularly as I have gradually tried to honor Spirit's unfolding in my life by not neglecting the gifts within me, I have meditated long and hard about this inner directive, this craving for solitude. For I love the company of, my husband and child; I'm excited by brainstorming and creating fabulous projects with a professional team; I adore spending time with close friends. But what I have discovered while composing my authentic concerto is that some of the notes require pauses. I yearn for what May Sarton called "open time, with no obligations except toward the inner world and what is going on there." To maintain inner harmony it is essential for me to ransom at least an hour's worth of solitude out of every twenty-four and to defend this soul-sustaining respite against all intruders and distractions.

Deliberately seeking solitude-quality time spent away from family and friends-may seem selfish. It is not. Solitude is as necessary for our creative spirits to develop and flourish as are sleep and food for our bodies to survive. "It is a difficult lesson to learn today-to leave one's friends and family and deliberately practice the art of solitude for an hour or a day or a week," Anne Morrow Lindbergh admits. "And yet, once it is done, I find there is a quality to being alone that is incredibly precious. Life rushes back into the void, richer, more vivid, fuller than before."

I believe t.hat Anne Morrow Lindbergh, who endured more than any of us could even bear to think about, demonstrated with her courageous and creative life that it is not enough for us simply to end, or survive. We must surmount, learn to excel at playing our notes. We must move to a higher octave or a lower one, whichever is necessary to finding the delicate balance between our deepest personal passions and our commitment to family, friends, lovers, and work. As for me, I have discovered that the surest way to hear the soft strains of harmony is in the Silence.

True North

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Sat, 14 Aug 2010 14:27:00 +0000

It is good to have an end to journey towards; but it is the journey that matters in the end.

-URSULA K. LEGUIN

I used to believe that happiness could only be found after arriving at my heart's destination. Explorers call it true north. For me true north was enough success to ensure that there was plenty of money to control my own creative destiny, to allow me the luxury to pursue my passions. Now that 1 have spent far longer on the road from Here to There than I could have ever imagined twenty-five years ago when the adventure began, 1 have come to an awakening. I've always controlled my own creative destiny, though not always its course. 1 simply didn't have the common sense to realize it until now.

But more to the point, I've learned that the spirit of our journey is as important, perhaps even more important, than the arrival at our destination. In order for us to realize genuine happiness, we must be willing to court contentment every step of the way. For after all, the journey is really all that most of us will ever know. Day in, day out. The journey is real life.

One day in 1923, the artist Georgia 0' Keeffe came to the same conclusion. "I found myself saying to myself. . . I can't live where I want to . . . I can't go where I want to . . . 1 can't do what 1 want to. 1 can't even say what I want to. ] decided I was a very stupid fool not to at least paint as I wanted to . . . that seemed to be the only thing 1 could do that didn't concern anybody but myself."

We may not all be able to paint like Georgia 0' Keeffe, who found splendor in bare bones and desert sands as well as flowers, but we can certainly learn slowly to follow her example, to carve out time for rewarding reveries that acquaint us with our authentic selves and give us glimpses of true north.

For it's during our expectant hours-those hours that might once have been called "idle" -that we are most pregnant with our own potential. The English poet Rupert Brooke, who celebrated quiet. joys so eloquently, spoke of those few lucky souls who could "store up reservoirs of calm and content. . . and draw on them at later moments when the source isn't there but the need is very great."

This skill-the soulcraft of devoutly caring for our authentic selves rarely comes naturally or easily. But with practice, with patience, with perseverance, it does come.

Habits That Steal Precious Moments

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Thu, 12 Aug 2010 16:25:00 +0000

Lost, yesterday, somewhere between sunrise and sunset, two golden hours, each set with sixty diamond minutes. No reward is ciffered,for they are gone forever.
-HORACE MANN

Nothing dies harder than a bad habit. Usually we know whenever we're doing something that's not good for us because the small voice that resides in the center of our heads can be a pretty vigilant nag. "Please don't," it will whisper when we light up that cigarette, pour an extra glass of wine, or stand in front of the refrigerator inhaling cold spaghetti because we're nervous. The trouble is, of course, that until now, we haven't been willing to listen.

Before changing any behavior, it's helpful to know why you want to get rid of habits that don't nurture or contribute to your sense of well-being. If you change, what will be your positive payback? A healthier lifestyle, more energy and vitality, the joy and serenity of emotional sobriety, a slimmer body? Going within opens up the eyes of your awareness in gentle ways. You start to treat yourself more kindly. As you become more intimate with your authentic self and see glimmers of the woman you truly are inside, you shore up the courage to take the first tentative steps necessary to help her evolve and emerge outwardly.

Soon, we'll begin hearing whispers that encourage and comfort, not berate us. Then one thirsty evening, instead of automatically reaching for wine while we fix dinner, we'll enjoy a refreshing glass of sparkling mineral water, especially if it's served with lemon in a pretty cut-glass goblet. Instead of the unconscious snacking every time we enter the kitchen, we'll start eating only when we're sitting down and only what's on our plates, especially if we take the time to prepare delicious meals that satisfy the eye as well as our appetites. Instead of impulsively reaching for a cigarette to bring solace when we're nervous, we'll pick up needlecraft, or even the crossword puzzle.

Too often, we're unaware of the ways in which we rob ourselves of precious moments that could be spent nurturing our creativity. These are unconscious habits that the Surgeon General doesn't warn us about but that our authentic selves will. For as long as we continue to cling to bad habits that may not be life-threatening but certainly aren't life-enhancing, we only steal from our potential.

The Celebrating Table

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Tue, 10 Aug 2010 14:21:00 +0000

The table is a meeting place, a gatherina around, the source of sustenance and nourishment, festivity, society, and satisfaction. -LAURIE COLWIN

Whether we're single, married, with or without children, we all have to eat dinner. The evening meal should be the highlight of the day. If the day has been peaceful, pleasurable, and profitable, it's time to celebrate. If the day has been difficult and discouraging, it's time for comfort and consolation-blessings by themselves and reason to celebrate. Either way, the celebrating table bids.

Just as there are different food categories, there are different types of dining in: make-do, carryout, home-style, and feasts. All of us make do sometimes, but as a lifestyle choice, a crust of French bread and a heel of salami can quickly lead to psychic starvation and dietary deprivation. Carryout meals can cut corners miraculously, but are extremely expensive, and a steady diet of restaurant food will make you feel as if you've been on the road too long. Home-style is what I call Monday-to-Friday suppers, which, with planning, can be easy, fast, and delicious. Weekends call for your favorite meal one night and a culinary feast the next.

There was a time when I wouldn't begin to think about what to have for dinner each day until four 0' clock that afternoon. Today this thought makes me shudder. Planning, shopping, and cooking in the space of an hour is self-abuse, pure and simple. Fear not, there's a great resource for planning your meals and weekly grocery shopping. It's the Monday to Friday Cookbook by Michele Urvater. Michele's a professional chef who created this cookbook because, at the end of a long day cooking for other people, she wanted simple but savory, no-fuss suppers for her family. She'll teach you how to stock the pantry with staples, what to fix when schedules clash, and how to avoid the Mother Hubbard's empty cupbord syndrome with style.

"We need time to defuse, to contemplate. Just-; in sleep our brains relax and give us dreams, so at some time in the day we need to disconnect, reconnect, and look around us," Laurie Colwin reminds us. "We must turn off the television and the telephone, hunker down in front of our hearths, and leave our briefcases at the office, if for only one night. We must march into the kitchen, en famille or with a friend, and find some easy, heartwarming things to make from scratch, and even if it is,but once a week, we must gather at the table, alone or with friends or with lots of friends or with one friend, and eat a meal together. We know that without food we would die. Without fellowship life is not worth living.

Come, the celebrating table bids.

The Good Life

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Fri, 06 Aug 2010 14:10:00 +0000

The one fact that I would cry from every housetop is this: the Good Life is waiting for us - here and now.

-B. F. SKINNER

In 1932, during the darkest days of the Great Depression, Scott and Helen Nearing abandoned life in New York City to become twentieth-century pioneers in the Green Mountains of Vermont. They were socialists, pacifists, and vegetarians; they were also inventive visionaries determined to create a completely self-sufficient lifestyle that was solely dependent on their wits, hard work, and perseverance.

The Nearings went in search of the good life: "simplicity, freedom from
anxiety. . . an opportunity to be useful and live harmoniously." Two decades later they had succeeded and wrote a homesteading handbook, Living the Good Life: How to Live Sanely and Simply in a Troubled World.

This book barely caused a ripple when it was published in 1954; those were the affluent postwar years when a television in every living room, a barbecue grill in every backyard, and a station wagon in every suburban driveway was considered the good life. But in 1970, when the book was published as a paperback, it became a best-seller and the bible of alienated barefoot baby boomers in search of flower power, love, peace, and communal nirvana.

When I began the Simple Abundance journey, I was eager to discover all the advice, encouragement, and wisdom I could find to point me toward the good life. However, the Nearings' grueling saga, which included wresting Utopia from the earth twice (they moved from Vermont to Maine when the area surrounding their farm was being developed as a ski resort), is mythological in scope. Their daunting exploits don't just inspire, they exhaust. I certainly can't identify with a woman who could build a stone house by hand when she was in her seventies and her husband was in his nineties.

And as for the life they 1ed after the house was built, "good" doesn't begin to do it justice. Try saintly. Living the Good Life is often described as this century's Walden, but the Nearings' ceticism rnakes Thoreau, who loved his salt pork, look like a sybarite. They drank only water, juices, and herbal brews and consumed little more than raw fruits, vegetables, nuts and seeds "that have finished their life cycle," and copious quantities of popcorn. There was no salt, sugar, tea, coffee, dairy products, or eggs in their pantry, and naturally they did not smoke or drink alcohol. Honey was used only sparingly because it "exploited the bees," and maple syrup which they tapped and sold for cash or bartered-was swallowed with a smidgen of guilt because it sucked "the life blood of noble maple trees."

Of course, this explains why Scott lived to be 100 and why Helen, who is now 91, is still going strong. Perhaps the secret to the "good life" is revealed in the Nearings' simply abundant suggestions for living less stressfully, which Helen shared in her moving memoir, Loving and Leaving the Good Life:

. Do the best you can, whatever arises.
. Be at peace with yourself.
. Find a job you enjoy.
. Live in simple conditions; housing, food, clothing; get rid of clutter. .
Contact nature every day; feel the earth under your feet.
. Take physical exercise through hard work; through gardening or walking.
. Don't worry; live one day at a time.
. Share something every day with someone else; if you live alone, write someone;
give something away; help someone else somehow.
. Take time to wonder at life and the world; see some humor in life where you can.
. Observe the one life in all things.
. Be kind to the creatures.

I've no doubt that if we lived these suggestions every day, not just thought about them, we would realize as the Nearings did, that the good life is truly here and now.

\

Getting Real and Personal in the Pursuit of Happiness

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Mon, 02 Aug 2010 13:56:00 +0000

Expect nothing; live frugally on surprise.

-ALICE WALKER

In 1890, philosopher-psychologist and spiritual pioneer William James, the brother of the famous American novelist Henry James, rattled rigid Victorian society with the publication of a landmark exploration on human happiness, The Principles of Psycholo8J. Twelve years in the writing, two volumes and fourteen hundred pages long, it boldly went where no book had ever gone before, investigating the mind-body connection, the impact of our emotions on behavior, and the importance of nurturing an inner life, instead of concentrating on outer trappings to achieve personal harmony. With this book, Dr James became the father of the self-help movement.

William James was also an eloquent and persuasive champion of a philosophical school of thought known as Pragmatism. He argued that the world already exists when we are born, and we have to accept it as it is. But our ability to create our own inner reality can determine if we view the Universe as friendly or hostile. "Be willing to have it so," here, because ". . . Acceptance of what has happened is the first step in overcoming the consequences of any misfortune."

Being a pragmatist, Dr. James believed that personal happiness hinges on a practicality: if your reality lives up to your expectations, you're happy. If it doesn't, you're depressed. This is as real, personal, and simple as philosophy and psychology get, and it makes perfect sense.

Of course, this means we have a creative choice to make if we want to be happy. Do we consciously and continually strive for more accomplish¬ments and accumulations? Or do we lower our expectations, live with what we have, and learn to be content?

Many of us mistakenly think that lowering our expectations means we must surrender our dreams. As one friend put it, "Sorry, Sarah, but this sounds like giving up to me."

Absolutely not. Dreams and expectations are two very different things. Dreams calls for a leap of faith, trusting that Spirit is holding the net, so that you can continue in the re-creation of the world with your energy, soul gifts, and vision. Expectations are the emotional investment the ego makes in a particular outcome: what needs to happen to make that dream come true. The ego's expectations are never vague: Oscars, magazine covers, the New York Times best-seller list. Your dreams must manifest exactly as the ego imagines or someone isn't going to be very happy. And guess who that is? The ego! Since none of us can always predict either the future or the best outcome for oW" authentic path, this kind of thinking is self-destructive. Because if we don't live up to the ego's expectations, we've failed again. And at some point we really do give up.

The passionate pursuit of dreams sets your soul soaring; expectations that measure the dream's success tie stones around your soul. I don't think we should just lower our expectations; I believe if we truly want to live a joyous and adventurous life, we should relinquish them.

Living your life as a dreamer and not as an "expector" is a personal declaration of independence. You're able to pursue happiness more directly when you don't get caught up in the delivery details. Dreaming, not expecting, allows Spirit to step in and surprise you with connection, completion, consummation, celebration. You dream. Show up for work. Then let Spirit deliver your dream to the world.
After a lifetime of setting myself up for heartache, the way I now approach the delicate balance of dreams versus expectations is very Jamesian: dream, do, and detach. "When once a decision is reached and execution is the order of the day, dismiss absolutely all responsibility and care about the outcome," Dr. James tells me. I approach my work with a passionate intensity, acting as if its success depends entirely on me. But once I've done my best, I try to let go as much as possible and have no expectations about how my work will be received by the world. I have consciously chosen to be surprised by joy. It's a choice you can make as well.

Today, try to get real and personal about the pursuit of happiness. Oprah Winfrey once said that God's dreams for her were much more than she could ever have dreamed for herself. I don't think any of our dreams begin to come close to the dreams Spirit has waiting with our names on them. I also believe we'll only find out once we start investing our emotions in authentic expression, and not in specific outcomes.

The Simplest of Pleasures: One Good Thing That Is

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Wed, 28 Jul 2010 13:50:00 +0000

Redeem The time. Redeem the unread vision in the higher dream. . .

- T. S. ELIOT

Some days are shaped by simple pleasures, others are redeemed by them.

Today-a beautiful summer's day at the beach-was shaped by joyful simplicities. Idylls on a screened porch, roaming in interesting shops, an after-noon on the shore with family and friends, irresistible reading, confidences exchanged while the waves lap at ankles, an ice--cream cone for lunch, strolling the boardwalk, playing amusement park games, winning a prize. Then back to the house, a refreshing outdoor shower, cocktails and conversation, the conviviality of cooking dinner with a dear friend, an abundance of delicious food, delightful wine, laughter, and good cheer-and so to bed, happily.

An Irish proverb tells us "Better one good thing that is, rather than two good things that were, or three good things that might never come to pass." Today there was no need to glance wistfully at the past or project anxiously into the future because the present was fully lived and simply abundant. Today was rich with one good thing after another until it literally overflowed with pleasure.

But not all my days are beach sojourns. Not too long ago, an eight A.M. phone call announcing a major change in plans sent my day careening out of control. I hung up the telephone, my heartbeat accelerating. In one stroke, my carefully arranged coping strategy was out the window and my host of commitments had been made almost unmeetable. This was too much, I thought, as I paced back and forth, muttering and moaning under my breath. I had three choices before me, but only one real-life solution:

Scream with rage at the top of my lungs, put my head in the toilet, or take a deep breath and redeem the day with Plan B.

Since I have an understanding in my home not to do anything that might alarm children or animals, screaming was out. The toilet bowl was out as well. If you're really going to drown yourself, you can't do it in a bucket of water. So 1 poured myself a cup of tea and recalled the Hasidic prayer, "I know the Lord will help-but help me Lord, until You help."

The reality was that the day would be as hard as I made it. Or as pleasant. There was nothing 1 could do about my circumstances but accept them. "It's always my choice," I reminded myself. Not necessarily to like whatever life throws at me, but to try to catch the ball. After all, success in life is not how well we execute Plan A; it's how smoothly we cope with Plan B. And for most of us, that's 99 percent of the time.

I considered Plan B: redeem the day with simple pleasures, some good things to look forward to. At first, learning to smoothly shift gears to Plan B takes some attitude adjustment, but, like driving a car, it becomes an automatic reflex with practice.

First I took my tea out into the garden to calm down. I pulled a few weeds, picked some flowers. After arranging them, I looked at cookbooks. Should I prepare something new for dinner tonight or a comforting favorite? I decided to stop off at the farmers' stand for fresh produce on my way home and see what appealed to me. Why not pick up a good movie as a treat after supper? The peaches on my table were perfectly ripe, so I decided to make dumplings when I got home. In the meantime, I had an hour to work uninterrupted before I had to leave the house and decided to make the most of it. Better a golden hour that is, than two that were, or three that obviously will not come to pass today.

The day stretched before me-not as I had hoped. But not, thank heaven, beyond redemption.

Constant Craving

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Sat, 24 Jul 2010 13:41:00 +0000

I have learned, in whatsoever state 1 am, therewith to be content.
-ST. PAUL

In my twenties, I thought fame would do it. In my thirties, I became convinced that a comma in my checking account balance was the answer. Now that I'm in my forties, I know that all my seeking can be summed up in one word: contentment.

In my forties I realize-gratefully-that fame comes at too high a price. Being considered an "accomplished" woman who shepherds successful creative' projects from conception to completion is much more appealing than being famous. And in the deepest recesses of my soul, I know that money cannot guarantee happiness. I realized this with certitude the summer morning I read that a famous and wealthy author, whose books hover on the best-seller lists for months, had lost a beloved child to a freak accident. While washing the breakfast dishes, I glanced out the kitchen window to see Katie bouncing a tennis ball against the back of the house-happy, safe, alive. I knew that famous author would trade all her worldly success in a heartbeat to know again the blessing bestowed on me that morning. After I prayed for her, I prayed for myself. Please let me never forget how rich my wonderful life is right at this moment. Please let me never forget that all I have is all I need.

Please let me never forget to give thanks.

But I know that I am a much happier woman when I can pay my bills with ease, take care of all my needs, indulge a few of my wants, and have a comfortable cushion of savings. It would also be wonderful-and I hope to have the experience once before I die-to see something fabulous and just say, "I'll take it," without asking the price.

Still, these days contentment is my constant craving. So much so that I have begun asking each twenty-four golden hours stretching before me, luminous in their potential for pleasure, what might be mine for the taking. Sometimes it's as simple as making a delicious tuna fish sandwich. with celery and tarragon mayonnaise on buttermilk honey bread for lunch-the way I do for guests and for my family but rarely take time to do for myself. Or as easy as sitting on the beach, not with work in my lap (even when a deadline looms), but a great book.

Just as negative addictions sneak up on us a day at a time, so do positive cravings. Meditation, creative movement, moments of self-nurturance that bring contentment-all can become positive habits of well-being. I find that when I take twenty minutes to get quiet and go within, work with the visual images in my discovery journal, take a walk, or ask how can I make the next task more pleasurable, my wants diminish.

Today, consider the desires that really count-what you really need to be content. Then make sure there's at least three moments today that fulfill mind, spirit, and body with what you alone must have.

Repotting: (Giving Roots and Yourself Room To Grow)

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Tue, 20 Jul 2010 13:18:00 +0000

Little flower-but if I could understand What you are, root and all, and all in all I should know what God and [woman) is.
-ALFRED, LORD TENNYSON

Uh-oh. Dropping leaves. Whatever can be the matter? The plant has been watered; it basks in the light; it's neither too hot nor too cold. 1 pick up the pot and look at the small drainage hole in its underbelly. Tiny white roots are frantically pushing through in a futile attempt to escape confinement or at least find a little more breathing space.

Pot-bound. Did you know that plants need to be re-potted at least every two years? This has not been a problem for me in the past, since plants rarely made it that long around here. But as 1 become a better caretaker of myself, I care better for everything. However, even if the roots don't need more room to grow, the old soil should be replaced because all the nutrients have been consumed. The interior of the pot is a wasteland.

"I don't know when 1 myself am too pot-bound," Gunilla Norris con¬fesses in her numinous devotional, Being Home, "lacking courage to be replanted, to take the shock of the new soil, to feel into the unknown and take root in it."
We, too, need to consider repotting for growth. But when? When we wilt even before the day begins. When we can't seem to visualize or dream. When we can't remember the last time we laughed. When we have absolutely nothing in the next twenty-four hours to look forward to. When this happens, week in, week out, we need to realize that we're pot-bound. We need to gently loosen the soil around our souls, find something that sparks our imagination, quickens our pulse, brings a smile or a giddy lilt to our conversations.

But repotting doesn't mean we have to leave the marriage or quit the job. It just means we need something new. Why is it too late to go back to college if you do it one course at a time? Maybe this is the summer to learn to speak French or to start your own gift basket business? Perhaps you can get the sewing machine fixed, try making blackberry cordial, or take up fencing- What's stopping you from writing for that grant, applying for the fellowship, pulling together that one-woman show, attending that lecture series, publishing your own newsletter, or just sending for that intriguing mail-order catalog?

As I work with my plants, I see that the roots are just stunted. Gently with my fingers, I untangle them. Leaf. Stem. Root. Mind. Body. Soul.

Three in one. Spirit's seamless thread of mystery. I have often thought
that if I could just discover where one strand left off and another began, I could understand it all. As it is, I understand little, yet somehow I know.
I set the plant into a slightly larger pot. Not too large; we must not overwhelm but encourage. So too, I must not take on the world but simply each task before me. Now I add rich potting soil. Water. Slowly I take the plant to a shady spot for a day so that it can become adjusted to its new environment-But even at this moment, the stem seems straighter, the leaves uplifted. "Speak to Him thou for He hears," Tennyson urges. "Spirit with Spirit can meet-closer is He than breathing, and nearer than hands and feet."

Root and bud bear silent witness to the restoration.

If my harvest is to be a simply abundant lifestyle rooted not in the world but in Spirit, I must be patient.

"You are not living by human laws but by divine laws," Eileen Caddy reminds us. "Expect miracles and see them take place. Hold ever before you the thought of prosperity and abundance, and know that doing so sets in motion forces that will bring it into being."

Splendor in the Vase: Living with Flowers

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Fri, 16 Jul 2010 13:15:00 +0000

I'd rather have roses on my table, than diamonds on my neck.
-EMMA GOLDMAN.

The famous English gardener and writer Vita Sackville- West believed that gardening was like painting: "One has the illusion of being an artist painting-putting a dash of color here, taking out another dash of color there, until the whole composition is to one's liking." I am still too much of a novice gardener to have experienced her observation firsthand. 1 only dis¬cover what dash of color I've put somewhere after it blooms. But I do feel like an artist when I arrange a beautiful bouquet of flowers.

Now is the season for splendor in the vase. Let's make the most of it. Living with flowers is an exquisite simple pleasure, and in the spring, summer, and fall, it's an affordable luxury. Come the winter months, flowers are too expensive for my budget. Like Emma Goldman, I'd choose roses on my table over diamonds any day. This is a real possibility if you grow your own, which is why I splurged on rosebushes this spring. In my heart and imagination blooms a fragrant English cottage and cutting garden, but it is materializing very slowly. Cutting gardens can take years of nurturing before they reward you with bouquets of flowers. So I weed and water and wait.

Midsummer Night's Dreams

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Mon, 12 Jul 2010 13:11:00 +0000

Now is the high-tide of the year, And whatever if life hath ebbed away. Comes looking back with ripply cheer. Now the heart is so full that a drop overfills it, We are happy now, because God wills it.

-JAMES RUSSELL LOWELL

For centuries, wise women have known that a bit of midsummer madness and magic are good for the soul. This probably explains why in Europe, Midsummer's Eve (June 23) has traditionally been set aside as the night for high-spirited merrymaking and lighthearted bewitchment.

Midsummer's Night is also the high holy feast of the "Stillwaters," the mock New England sect imagined by author and illustrator Tasha Tudor. Stillwater followers-originally Tasha Tudor's family and friends-believe at life's simple pleasures are meant to be savored and that Nature is to be revered.

The Stillwater religion, which combines the best beliefs of the Shakers, Quakers, and Amish, is a state of mind, according to its creator. "Stillwater connotes something very peaceful," Eldress Tudor explains, "Life without stress. Nowadays, people are so jeezled up. If they took some chamomile tea and spent more time rocking on the porch in the evening. . . they might enjoy life more."

On Midsummer's Eve, the Stillwaters have a Great Party-plenty of music, dancing)n the barn, and a sumptuous summer supper. "Stillwater believers are very hedonistic. Life is to be enjoyed, not saddled with,"Tasha Tudor insists. The first commandment of the Stillwater religion, is to "Take joy" from each day. This is a catechism we should all embrace to experience Heaven on earth. Unfortunately, the Still waters don't proselytize door to door, so we are all on our own. Nonetheless, this credo invites personal investigation.

I love Midsummer's Day (June 24). For me, it's a personal mid-course correction for the year. I wander out into the backyard very early in the morning and pluck a blossom from the garden heavy with dew. With my fingers, I'll pat the dew upon my face, for legend has it that any woman who washes her face in the dew of Midsummer's Day will grow more lovely with the passing year. Fairy cakes are made for tea, midsummer's syllabub (a delightful concoction of cider, lemon, berries, and whipped cream) is prepared for a moonlit picnic, and personal dreams are renewed. Being Irish, I don't dismiss the belief in love charms, magic herbs, and divination, for 1 know there's more to this world than we'll ever hope to understand. But these days I'm not so much interested in what the future holds as 1 am in the present.

"I believe the nicest and sweetest days are not those on which anything very splendid or wonderful or exciting happens, but just those that bring simple little pleasures, following one another softly, like pearls slipping off a string," the Canadian writer Lucy Maud Montgomery reveals through her heroine, Anne Shirley. When Midsummer arrives, it's a time to look ahead and dream. Perhaps, if one is lucky, the days ahead will unfold as a "never¬to-be-forgotten summer-one of those summers which come seldom into any life, but leave a rich heritage of beautiful memories in their going-one of those summers which, in a fortunate combination of delightful weather, delightful friends and delightful doings, come as near to perfection as anything can come in the world."

May this potent Midsummer spell never be broken for you and those you love.

Choosing to Blossom

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Thu, 08 Jul 2010 13:07:00 +0000

And the day came when the risk [it took] to remain tight in the bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.
-ANAIS NIN

How much time, creative energy, and emotion do we expend resisting change because we assume growth must always be painful? Much personal growth is uncomfortable, especially learning to set boundaries in relationships. When we commit to nurturing our authentic selves, people close to us are going to start noticing that changes are taking place. This is the sea¬son when growth in the garden, which had been gradual, now accelerates. It's that season for us as well, now that we're six months into the journey toward Wholeness.

For it can be difficult to express your authentic needs by saying "Sorry, I can't" when everybody else assumes you can. But it's worse to thwart the ascent of your authenticity. The day comes-maybe it's today-when "remaining tight in the bud" is more painful than blossoming. "Garden-making is creative work, just as much as painting or writing a poem," the Victorian writer Hanna Rion tells us. "It is a personal expression of self, an individual conception of beauty." Gardening is also a wonderful way to gently explore some of the personal growth issues raised by authenticity. Mother Nature is a patient mentor.

Can you find one perfect rosebud, either in your garden or at a flower shop? Place it on your desk or night table. The Talmud tells us that "Each blade of grass has its Angel that bends over it and whispers, 'Grow, grow.'" So do we.

Creating a Plan for Personal Papers

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Mon, 05 Jul 2010 13:01:00 +0000

Tidied all papers. Tore up and ruthlessly destroyed much. This is always a great satisfaction.
-KATHERINE MANSFIELD

This morning let's mull over how much of our precious natural resources-our time, creative energy, and emotion-we squander looking for the orphans of disorder: the overdue bill, the misplaced party invitation (with directions), the registration form for the swimming lessons that begin this afternoon.

If you don't have a plan for keeping track of your personal papers, take two hours this week to establish one that will. Unless of course, you feel like Winnie the Pooh's creator, A. A. Milne, who believed that "One of the advantages of being disorderly is that one is constantly making exciting discoveries." But my life is exciting enough without tracking down recalcitrant receipts when I need to return something to the store. So is yours.

I've got a very simple version of paper order. In fact, it almost relieves me of the n_ to think, which can be very handy! Like children who like to store their toys in separate boxes, I store my papers in the same way: different fabric-covered boxes and square baskets sit on shelves above my desk. One box is for unpaid bills and financial records; as soon as they arrive in the mail they're deposited here; after they're paid, the receipts go into a file. Other boxes keep personal correspondence separate from business correspondence. Another box keeps my publishing papers separate from my workshop materials, and still another box is for my business receipts (as soon as I'm home from an errand or a trip, receipts are deposit¬ed here until tax time). There's a box for family papers we'll need in the near future: lesson forms, party invitations, directions for visits to my daughter's friends. I know approximately which box to look for something in. Believe me, this helps.

Once a month-usually the afternoon of the last Saturday-I follow Katherine Mansfield's advice and ruthlessly toss and re-file. When I get in there monthly, it only takes an hour, and the feeling of being in control of my personal papers is very reassuring. Today, start a paper chase around your home, searching for every stray piece of paper you can find. Gather them all into one large cardboard box. Pour yourself a refreshing drink. Put on some lively music. Go through each paper and separate them into categories. If you don't have boxes or baskets handy for stowing them, put them in large labeled manila envelopes until you do. Throwaway whatever you can.

Think of all the time you waste when you don't know where something is when you need it. Now reflect on all the time that you'll be able to ransom simply because you do.

A Nook of Your Own

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Thu, 01 Jul 2010 12:57:00 +0000

In solitude we give passionate attention to our lives, to our memories, to the details around us.

-VIRGINIA WOOLF

In October 1928, the British novelist and literary critic Virginia Woolf gave two lectures on women and fiction at Cambridge University in England. In her talks she publicly voiced for the first time what women had quietly shared among themselves for centuries: in order for women to create, they needed privacy, peace, and personal incomes. The following year these lectures were published as A Room if One's Own, which was Woolf's recommendation if women were to honor and hone their creativity and not become "crazed with the torture" of silence.

Tillie Olsen has exquisitely explored the creative voice when it is muffled, muzzled, and mute-"the unnatural thwarting of what struggles to come into being, but cannot" -in her book Silences. Olsen her¬self was silenced for twenty years while she raised and supported four children through menial jobs that left her no energy to write; she was nearly fifty when she published her acclaimed first novel, Tell Me a Riddle.

Many of us today experience creative silence. Not the hush of the heart necessary to bring forth the unexpressed from Spirit, but the creative silence brought about by circumstances we feel are beyond our control: lack of time, and! or lack of space or a place to create. Perhaps we also suffer from a lack of clarity, a failure to realize how necessary it is to nurture our sacred creativity daily.

To begin with, many of us, unless we live alone, don't have a room entirely our own. But that does not mean we cannot carve out a small psychic space-even a nook-to call ours alone. I have a friend who created a personal space in the corner of a city apartment with a floral folding screen from the 1930s that she found at a flea market. Behind it she angled a small desk and a chair near a sunny window for a restorative retreat.

No room for a screen, a desk, and a chair? Then start with a bookcase all your own. The important thing is that the bookcase be yours: a psychic space that offers passionate reminders to attend to your private, artistic impulses, a place to encourage you to reclaim your creativity.

Joyful Simplicities for June

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Tue, 29 Jun 2010 13:23:00 +0000

- Take a trip down memory lane by catching lightning bugs or fire¬flies on the lawn at twilight. Prepare a comfy hotel for them in a clean mayonnaise jar with holes punched in the lid and layered with grass (remember?). Be sure to let them flyaway home after a brief visit!

- Enjoy a frosty pitcher of lemonade and conversation when you come home from work. While the frozen variety is fine for most days, why not treat yourself to an old-fashioned nectar made from fresh lemons and sugar syrup? Here's how. Boil two cups of granulated sugar and one cup of. water with the rinds of three lemons cut into thin strips for five minutes. ¬Let the syrup cool and add the juice of eight lemons. Strain and store in a covered container in the refrigerator. Use two tablespoons of the syrup for every glass of ice or carbonated water to make lemonade.

- Be on the lookout for a strawberry festival or hold your own. The Victorians called these homegrown events "Strawberry Regales," and the menu included every strawberry confection imaginable. Turn this into a potluck dessert party and invite friends to bring their favorite strawberry sensation. Indulge!

- Remember that ice cream is good for the soul. Freeze a homemade batch, treat yourself to a cone for lunch, make friends with the Good Humor man.

- One June weekend, buy a whole watermelon and keep it in the refrigerator for at least a day so that it gets ice-cold. Cut it in large pieces and sit on the porch, back deck or front stoop eating watermelon with family or friends, spitting out the seeds. Have a contest to see who can shoot the farthest.

- Hang a hammock. Lie in it.

- Celebrate the Summer Solstice on June 21 by camping out in the backyard. Pitch a tent, bring out the sleeping bags, build a 'campfire in the grill. Serve hot dogs and S'mores for dessert. (Remember S'mores? Take two graham crackers and sandwich a thin chocolate bar with a toasted marshmallow. Eat one. Eat some more!) Tell ghost stories, then sleep in the moonlight.

- Hold "The Great Party" on Midsummer's Night Eve (June 23) like Tasha Tudor's Stillwater sect. If you are a fan of Tasha Tudor (and who isn't?), have you seen a copy of the Tasha Tudor gift catalog from the Jenny Wren Press? It features stationery products, artwork, reproductions of Tasha's collection of eighteenth-century furniture, Corgi Cottage Preserves, and much more. A one-year subscription can be ordered by call¬ing 1-8OO-552-WREN, or by writing the Jenny Wren Press, P.O. Box 505, Mooresville, Indiana 46158.

- While dreaming of creating a fancy pantry, call for Allison Kyle Leopold's Victorian Cupboard catalog to savor an authentic taste of the past. Allison, who is the author of many beautiful books on Victoriana, has gathered together nostalgic food specialties from here and abroad, as well as vintage tabletop and home accessories. A catalog can be ordered by calling 1-800-653-8033.

- Treat your authentic self to the most fetching straw hat you can find. Paint your toenails red.

- You might not be able to create a real secret garden, but a secret spot in which to sit can be yours by building a tepee in the backyard with a wooden stake and string, then planting scarlet runner beans, morning glories, or sweet peas. When the vines appear, guide them up the strings. Retreat to your "tepee" frequently to contemplate the meaning of life. Everyone needs a refuge where there's no phone and no fax.

- Even if you're convinced that you can't have a garden because there's no space, Malcolm Hillier's marvelous Book if Container Gardenina will inspire you to get in there with a spade and a pot. It's filled with fabulous suggestions and instructions for planting window boxes, barrels, tubs, urns, and baskets, and much more. A sensational idea for spring bulbs is to grow two different types of tulips layered in one pot for a dazzling display of indoor beauty.

- Plant rosemary for remembrance, and while you're at it, a little lavender, sage, and thyme. Emelie Tolley's enchanting series of books about herbs (written with Chris Mead) will inspire you to become your own herbalist. Herbs: Gardens, Decorations, and Recipes will start you off in the right direction; Cooking with Herbs, Gifts from the Herb Garden, and The Herbal Pantry all provide delightful suggestions for what to do with the herbs after you've cultivated and harvested them.

- Call for the comprehensive, inspirational catalog of books for gardeners from Capability's Books. It lists over one thousand books and is a wonderful demonstration of just how much delight can be found in the backyard. Capability's number is 1-800-247-8154.

Classic Chic 102

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Fri, 25 Jun 2010 12:49:00 +0000

Style has nothing to do with money. Anybody can do it with money. The true art is to do it on a shoestring.

-TOM HOGAN

Since the world, with very few enlightened exceptions, does not celebrate thrift shop chic, why don't we? There are five Simple Abundance strategies that are essential to elevating secondhand skills to new-to-you savvy (they apply to both fashion and decorating): (1) Save. Seek. Find; (2) Understand scale and proportion; (3) Trust your instincts; (4) Train your eye; and (5) Take your time.

1. Save. Seek. Find. Or, as the ancient Vulcan sages put it, "Live well and prosper." If you save while seeking what you really love, you will eventual¬ly find it and have the money to pay for it. (This is how the Universe dress¬es and decorates.) It may take longer than a week, but it will happen. Years from now, we'll meet, probably in a thrift shop, and we'll know each other by the gleam in our eyes. We'll acknowledge each other with the secret slogan, "Save. Seek. Find." I just hope your hand isn't on the mirror I've been eyeing for over my mantel! Oh, go ahead and take it, if it's perfect for you. I know that my authentic good is on its way.

2. Scale and proportion. The real reason that your room or outfit doesn't look like the pictures in a magazine has less to do with your choice of fabric, color, or style than with scale and proportion. Tom Hogan, co-owner of the sassy, thrift-shop-chic home furnishings shop Chartreuse in New York, believes the secret to a great-looking room (or outfit) comes down to striving for balance. Not symmetry, so much, as the visual weight of scale and proportion. For example, if you have one big, hffiy piece at one end of a room, you need to balance it with another bulky shape at the other end. If you want to mix modern and rustic for an eclectic look, go ahead, just make sure each style is represented in the same proportion.

3. Trust your instincts. You know what you love. Don't be guided by "friends, fads and fashion," advises Tom Hogan. If you do, six months from now you'll be so tired of the item, you won't want to walk into the room or your closet. "That is money wasted."

4. Train your eye. "Your eye is used to a certain look, so anything different is going to look funny," says Tom. Before you order twenty yards of a new fabric, live with a sample draped over the furniture for a couple of weeks. If your eyes don't adjust, you know it's not for you. In the same way, your eye may not be used to seeing a piece of furniture, so give it a chance to fit in. After a week you might realize that the table that doesn't work in the living room would be perfect for the bedroom if you painted it white.

5. Take your time don't be in a hurry to pull it all together. People make the mistake of doing it too fast and then they end up hating it," Tom counsels. The best rooms and wardrobes seem to evolve gradually They don't spring from your head or a store in finished form. And always leave room for inspiration. You may never know what "find du jour" you'll discover tomorrow.

Next time you head out the door on a shopping expedition, just remember: authentic style has nothing to do with money and everything to do with trusting your instincts. Class dismissed.

In Praise of Modesty

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Wed, 23 Jun 2010 12:44:00 +0000

Style is to see beauty in modesty.

-ANDREE PUTMAN

Modesty isn't a very exciting virtue. A sparse or stark style can be sophisticated and dramatic, but modesty seems dull, too often confused with the girl dressed in muslin sitting on the side of the gymnasium who's never asked to dance. But the French designer, Andree Putman, who has reinterpreted everything from hotel interiors to pencils, believes "unless you have a feeling for that secret knowledge that modest things can be more beautiful than anything expensive, you will never have style."

Perhaps as a child you were told not to toot your own horn, even when you accomplished something amazing. Or maybe you were told to stop dreaming of setting the world on fire, and "have more modest aspirations, so you won't be disappointed." Maybe when you try to express your authentic self you hear an old voice berating you for "being a show-off."

Yet at the same time, out of the corner of your eye you could see it was the bie gestures that got all the attention in life. Glamour. Fame. Wealth. The trinity of what's considered good taste worshiped by the world. Or at least that's the way it looks from here. It's always the wealthy women who make it on the international best-dressed lists, the movie stars' mansions that are glorified in glossy layouts. It's not enough to write a finely honed first novel, it has to be a best-seller or you'll have difficulty publishing a sec¬ond one. You can't just be a talented actress, you have to win an Academy Award to be considered a success, Tell me, when was the last time you knew of a bronze medalist signing a $1 million endorsement deal?

Most of us can't see our name in lights on Broadway, so we give up, sorry we even tried, our sense of self diminished. Being a modest success just doesn't make it. We hear "modest" and think "mediocre."

Meditate on modesty for a moment. What if she isn't the self-effacing, shy, retiring, nerdy virtue we've thought she is? What if Modesty is really passion restrained? What if modesty is a virtue so full of her own smoldering sense of self that she isn't distracted by the glitz? The American writer and illustrator Oliver Herford believed that modesty was "the gentle art of enhancing your charm by pretending not to be aware of it." People with an authentic style know what they are, but even more important, they know what they are not. They don't care about labels. They care about personal expression. Frank Lloyd Wright would never have asked Laura Ashley to decorate his house, even though both of them showcased the beauty of modesty in their work. The trick is to go deep enough to mine the core of your authenticity. First, find out what you love, whether it's a coat, a couch, or a career. Worry about the packaging and the tags later.

I leave this thought with you today. Goldilocks was a modest little lady who didn't want very much. She knew what was "just right," what was perfect for her-be it porridge, chair or bed-and she made confident, creative choices. Now there's the girl I'd like to be when I grow up!

In Search of Soul Food

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Fri, 18 Jun 2010 14:18:00 +0000

Soul food is just what the name implies. It is soulfully cooked food or richly flavored food, 8ood for your ever-loving soul.
-SHEILA FERGUSON

In 1900, a Kentucky mountain woman walked fifty miles to seek a place for her granddaughter at Berea College high school. "It's a lot worse to be soul-hungry than to be body-hungry," she explained. Now I know why every year I travel a thousand miles for a plate of pinto beans.

Soul food is our personal passport to the past. It is much more about heritage than it is about hominy. It's Grandma's beaten biscuits or Nana's borscht. Sheila Ferguson tells us in her cookbook Soul Food: Classic Cuisine from the Deep South that it's "a legacy clearly steeped in tradition; a way of life that has been handed down from generation to generation." And while the expression "soul food" is usually used to describe traditional African¬American cooking, this emotionally evocative cuisine is color-blind. Real soul food only knows the borders of the heart. Soul food is universal culinary memories, stories, and recipes. It's how to fry the chicken or the wan¬ton, shape the noodles, simmer the brisket, roll the tortilla, sweeten the iced tea.

Whenever I've gone home to visit my parents, over the last twenty-five years, the fil'S rand last meal my mother has always prepared for me is my favorite: soup beans, a tangible time transporter to her old Kentucky home and mine. Soup beans are pinto beans that have simmered slowly for hours, until they create their own soup. Ladle soup beans over mashed potatoes. Serve with coleslaw, hot cornbread slathered with real butter, and an ice¬cold beer. This summer my mother is gravely ill and my sister, brothers, and I are struggling with the traumatic reality of saying good-bye. In a few days, Katie and I will travel north for a family reunion of all my mother's children and grandchildren; there will be conversation, cooking, comfort, closure. Although I know intellectually how to prepare my favorite meal, I don't emotionally. I don't think about my mother dying, I think about my last helping of her soup beans. There are many ways to grieve.

When preparing soul food, we can't cook by the book but rather by instinct, by using our senses. "You learn to hear by the crackling sound when it's time to turn over the fried chicken, to smell when a pan of biscuits is just about to finish baking, and to feel when a pastry's just right to the touch," Sheila Ferguson tells us. "You taste, rather than measure, the seasoning you treasure; and you use your eyes, not a clock to judge when that cherry pie has bubbled sweet and nice. These skills are hard to teach quickly. They must be felt. . . and come straight from the heart and soul" As I write, I have just come to the heart-wrenching awareness that I need at least another lifetime to learn how to cook like my mother but that I only have today, if I'm lucky.

This summer, collect soulful recipes, or have someone you love but don't see very often cook for you. Better still, try taking a personal cooking lesson. You might think you know how to make jam cake with caramel icing, but do you?

Encountering Hestia

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Fri, 18 Jun 2010 12:44:00 +0000

House ordering is my prayer, and when I have finished my prayer is answered. And bending, stooping, scrubbing, purifies my body as prayer doesn't.

-JESSAMYN WEST

You clean a cluttered closet, slowly sorting through clothing, considering what is to be saved, stored, or shared with others. She is there. You gather together the fruits of the earth on the altar of your kitchen counter, baking not a blackberry pie but a benediction, invoking an unspoken blessing for those who will partake of your love offering. She is there. You ready the guest room to welcome friends to your home, dressing the bed with your best linens, laying fluffy towels on the chair, arranging a bouquet of flow¬ers next to the reading lamp along with a few of your favorite books. She is there. You polish the silver, fold the laundry, iron the tablecloth, wash the dishes, replace the candles. She is there. Hestia, the venerable domestic spirit. We may not have known her name, but we have felt her move through us when we experience pleasure in our daily round.

Three thousand years ago in ancient Greece, Hestia was the goddess of the hearth, guardian of family life and the temple. It was to Hestia that women turned for protection and inspiration so that they might, as an act of worship, transform their dwelling places into homes of beauty and com¬fort. Hestia was one of the twelve Olympians in classical Greek mythology. But she is the least known of all the deities, and there are no legends about her, even though Zeus bestowed on her the privilege of sitting in the center of their celestial home so that she might receive the best offerings from mortals. While the other gods and goddesses were personified in sculpture and paintings, Hestia was not rendered in human form. Instead, her spiritual presence was honored as an eternal flame burning on a round hearth. Jungian analyst and author Jean Shinola Bolen tells us in her book, Goddess in Everywoman, that Hestia's sacred fire prov_d illumination, warmth, and the heat necessary for food. Despite her anonymity through the ages, "The goddess Hestia's presence in house and temple was central to everyday life" in ancient Greece.

Today, as in ancient times, reflecting on Hestia "focuses attention inward, to the spiritual center of a woman's personality," according to Dr. Bolen, enabling us to tap into an inner harmony as we go about our daily round. Hestia is not frazzled, hanging on by a thread. Instead, Hestia is "grounded in the midst of outer chaos, disorder, or ordinary, everyday bustle." Everything that needs to get done in the home is accomplished with ease and grace. By knowingly seeking encounters with Hestia in our daily life, by letting her quiet, calm, orderly presence influence our behavior, we can come to the awakening that there is sacred Mystery in the mundane.

And just how do we do this? Sometimes I'll invoke Hestia's help as I work around my home. Or I'll ask myself, is this how Hestia would approach this task? Of course, if I have to ask that question, I know it's not, but the question brings my awareness back to the contemplative nature of homecaring.

Most of all, Ifutia gently reminds me, as Dr. Bolen points out, "tending to household details is a centering activity equivalent to meditation," if we want to make it so. If you feel you have no time to sit down to meditate, that you have a valid excuse for not seeking communion with Spirit because the floor has to be swept, realize that if you approach your tasks with reverence, it won't only be your home that will be transformed. The Goddess knows what it takes to run a household and She has deemed it holy. So should you.