Big Goals No Guilt Blog

Are you ready to end the frustrations?

2011-04-12T13:41:00.004-05:00

As a business owner do you find yourself wearing all the hats and being the person who has to keep all the plates spinning? Plus, I'm guessing you are the key "rainmaker"! Trying to balance taking care of your clients AND growing your business at the same time can be very stressful and frustrating.

Well, I have a special invitation for you designed to give you less stress, more success AND save you 48%! I explain it all here, on this video I shot for you. Just click the image below to access the page where you can watch this short 2 1/2 minute video. Use VIP2011 to save 48%!

This special message and invitation is for you to join me at the upcoming Make it Happen! Virtual Summit. This summit features six experts who will share concrete information and strategies for several aspects of your business like:

marketing that gets results from Google's #1 Marketing Coach
how to create effective business relationships
creating your fr^ee powerful support team
overcoming the negative thoughts and fears
attaining your business goals
and using technology to help you be more effective and efficient

Each speaker will share information and strategies you can immediately use to grow your business and increase revenues. Sessions will take place April 19th – May 6th on Tuesdays and Fridays at 1 pm central / 2 pm eastern. I’m excited to be one of the speakers who will be sharing information on How to Get the Business RESULTS You Want Guilt Free on May 3rd.

You can find all the details about it here:

www.MakeItHappenVirtualSummit.com

(Use VIP2011 to save 48%!)

Come to hear just one or two speakers, or get an All Access Pass

for the best value and receive MP3 recordings of each session and

any notes provided by the speakers.

{How to Get the Business RESULTS You Want Guilt Free}

What holds most of us back from getting what we want isn’t capability. It’s generally fear, guilt, and self-imposed limitations. This can create feelings of paralysis and overwhelm that can keep you stuck and unable to create the business success you are working toward.

How do I know this? I’ve been in the same boat - - feeling overwhelmed and over committed with not enough time for family and my business. When I got really clear about what I wanted and implemented some straightforward strategies, I came out on the other side much happier personally AND created greater success and income in my business. I took what has worked for me and my clients and developed my Guilt-Free RESULTS System. I’ll be revealing this simple and repeatable 7-step process and some strategies you can use too.

During the May 3rd session I’ll also be sharing with you the three primary sources of guilt:

The “Should or Shouldn’t Dilemma”
The “Type A Trap”
And The Three Big O’s

You'll hear how you can overcome or eliminate these sources of guilt completely. This is critical to getting the business results you really want.

To find out about all six sessions or to register, visit www.MakeItHappenVirtualSummit.com.

Come join us and get ready to move passed any obstacles in the way of having the business and income you were meant to have!

All the best,

How Well Do You Maintain Balance?

2011-03-28T11:45:00.003-05:00

If trying to maintain balance in your life makes you feel like a tightrope walker, you’re not alone. Most of us have so many demands on our time and energy; life can feel like a three-ring circus. Take this quiz to see how well you are meeting responsibilities, while also recognizing and fulfilling personal needs and wants.

True / False
¤   ¤ 1. The only way I can successfully manage my life is to take care of myself physically and emotionally.

¤   ¤ 2. Nurturing myself enlarges my capacity to help others.

¤   ¤ 3. I eat healthfully and exercise regularly.

¤   ¤ 4. I get check-ups, go to the dentist, and take preventative precautions.

¤   ¤ 5. I set aside personal, quiet time for myself, whether I’m meditating or simply letting
my thoughts drift.

¤   ¤ 6. I experience the gifts of each season: ice skating, sledding, bundled-up beach walks; gardening, hiking, more time outside; camping, swimming, barbecues; harvesting the bounty, gathering wood, spending more time inside.

¤   ¤ 7. Creativity nurtures me, too. I do what I love, whether that’s cooking, drawing, painting, writing, dancing, singing or another creative pursuit.

¤   ¤ 8. Reaching out to others enriches my life. I spend quality time with family and friends.

¤   ¤ 9. Contributing to the world provides connection and purpose, so I give my time, energy and experience where it is most useful.

¤   ¤ 10. I notice and heed the emotional signals that tell me I’m out of balance: irritability, overwhelm, resentment.

¤   ¤ 11. If I feel that I’m catching a cold, I realize I may have stressed my immune system with overactivity, so I stop and take care of myself.

¤   ¤ 12. When I need or want to, I say no to requests for my time.

¤   ¤ 13. I listen to and honor the requests my body makes for such things as a nap, a walk, green vegetables, hot soup.

¤   ¤ 14. If I have something planned for myself, I don’t just toss that aside when someone makes a request of me.

¤   ¤ 15. I’m busy, but I find time to do the things I want to do.

¤   ¤ 16. I’m happy. I regularly experience well-being, contentment, even joy.

Your Guilt-Free Challenge:

If you answered false more often than true, you may want to take a look at the questions to which you answered false and see if you can incorporate something of its message into your life. You can also get assistance with your balance using my GOT BALANCE? audio program. Please don’t hesitate to call if you’d like to explore the issue of work and life balance further.

GOT BALANCE?

Looking for greater life harmony and balance?

Are you a working professional frustrated trying to do it all and feel as though you are unable to get off the treadmill of life? Get ready to find your unique sense of balance and make the small shifts to get there using this 45-minute audio and 18-page booklet.

You can get the digital download and start today!

A strong vision leads to success

2011-02-01T23:30:00.003-06:00

By Victoria Cook

While networking I recently met a really sharp woman, Traci Ellis. She's a bit of an unorthodox attorney working virtually. I was really intrigued by this and fascinated by her story. You see, when she first began practicing law, she got a position with a great law firm. She was putting in the hours and working her way up that proverbial corporate ladder...and she was miserable! She naturally concluded that working in corporate wasn't for her and she was going to start her own firm.

So she did! She got her own space, started her own practice and successfully ran it for several years when she realized...she was miserable. She wasn't doing the kind of work she desired, working the kind of hours she wanted (did I mention she's also a mother?), or serving the type of clients she was passionate about. Traci told me she had an "Ah ha" moment when she realized all she had done when setting up her business was duplicate her corporate job and added on the responsibilities of business ownership and all the overhead. She hadn't created a VISION for what she wanted in her own practice.

After taking some time to contemplate what she really liked about her work and what she really wanted from her business, she got rid of her office, honed in on her niche of working with women business owners and became a virtual attorney working from her home office. I'm happy to share that she works with amazing clients across the country doing work she enjoys and loves business ownership. She's truly happy and fulfilled.

That's great for her, but what does this have to do with you? If you're feeling a bit unfulfilled professionally, when's the last time YOU took some time to envision what it is you'd REALLY like? All too often I hear similar stories from business owners who thought entrepreneurship would be the answer to their unhappiness only to find it isn't quite what they thought it would be. From some of the corporate client's with whom I've worked, I've seen instances where clients sort of fell into a role or career path because it was something they excelled in or paid well but for which they didn't have a high amount of passion. I hope that won't be your story!

Your Guilt-Free Challenge:

If you are you tired of going through the motions and feeling like you have no set direction or if you feel like something is missing but you aren't quite sure what and don't want to live with any regrets, then you'll want a copy of my Priorities, Purpose & Vision 54-page life-changing guidebook. It is great for helping:

Give yourself permission to succeed

Uncover your distinctive impact on the world around you

Articulate your unique purpose

Uncover the key values that make your life fulfilling

Explore what's really important to you

See a bigger vision for your future

Visualize your goals

You can get the digital download and start today!

Who do YOU impact?

2011-01-05T12:31:00.001-06:00

By Victoria Cook

As I do each holiday season since about 1987 (when I was first gifted the movie) I watch It's a Wonderful Life. The movie does such a wonderful job of illustrating how intertwined George Bailey is, and really each of us are, in the lives of others.

A new client shared with me a piece written by Joyce Rupp on Spiritual Zest. Within it she also echoed the message from It's a Wonderful Life using the anaology of a puzzle. Each of our lives is a puzzle, she writes, but we don't always have all the pieces to our puzzle within ourselves. We need those around us in order to complete our picture. The opposite is also true. We each hold some important pieces to the puzzles of the lives around US.

Ms. Rupp referenced a wonderful message from Albert Einstein further illustrating this point in which he said:

Strange is our situation here upon earth… Each of us comes for a short visit, not knowing why, yet sometimes seeming to divine a purpose. From the standpoint of daily life, however, there is one thing we do know: we are here for the sake of others… Many times a day I realize how much my own outer and inner life is built upon the labors of so many others…

Your Guilt-Free Challenge:

As you begin to plan your year and set your goals for 2011, I ask you to contemplate how the accomplishment of one or more of your own business and personal goals might provide a valuable puzzle piece in the life of someone else? Identifying that can provide you with a vastly different view of your goal and some additional inspiration to achieve it.

Let this also serve as an extra boost of motivation to help you through any challenges that may come up along the way to reaching your goal. Remember, it's not just your own puzzle you are building, but also providing a valueable piece in the life of someone else!

Not sure what your puzzle looks like?

Schedule your own private Rapid Results Session. This session can assist you in creating a strong vision for your 2011 business goals. During this 30 minute phone session we will work together to:

- - > Create a crystal clear vision for ‘ultimate success’ so you know exactly what you want, where you're headed, and what you need to do to make it happen.

- -> Uncover hidden challenges that may be sabotaging your ability to make changes that last or that are slowing down your progress

- -> Leave this session renewed, re-energized, and inspired to finally achieve the change you seek- once and for all.

Schedule YOUR session TODAY and clarify your vision for 2011 and how you can impact those around you!

Cultivating Your Character in the New Year

2011-01-03T15:23:00.001-06:00

I've just begun work with a new client, which is always fun. The other great benefit is that I am regularly inspired by my clients too. Today Nancy shared with me Franklin's Thirteen Virtues that I thought was a timely bit of information given the New Year!

Benjamin Franklin's (1706 - 1790) Thirteen Virtues - from Flame Bright

You probably know him as one of the Fathers of the United States, a great leader and diplomat. He signed the major documents of the founding of the U.S. including the Declaration of Independence and the Constitution. Maybe you know him as an inventor, or as a scientist who flew kites in lightning storms, or as a writer and printing press operator.

But did you know that in 1726, at the age of 20, while on an 80-day ocean voyage from London back to Philadelphia, Benjamin Franklin developed a "Plan" for regulating his future conduct? He was partially motivated by Philippians 4:8 "Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable--if anything is excellent or praiseworthy--think about such things." He followed the plan he created "pretty faithfully" even to the age of 79 (when he wrote about it), and he was even more determined to stick with it for his remaining days because of the happiness he had enjoyed so far by following it.

His "Plan" was made up of 13 virtues, each with short descriptions:

1. Temperance: Eat not to dullness and drink not to elevation.

2. Silence: Speak not but what may benefit others or yourself. Avoid trifling conversation.

3. Order: Let all your things have their places. Let each part of your business have its time.

4. Resolution: Resolve to perform what you ought. Perform without fail what you resolve.

5. Frugality: Make no expense but to do good to others or yourself: i.e. Waste nothing.

6. Industry: Lose no time. Be always employed in something useful. Cut off all unnecessary actions.

7. Sincerity: Use no hurtful deceit. Think innocently and justly; and, if you speak, speak accordingly.

8. Justice: Wrong none, by doing injuries or omitting the benefits that are your duty.

9. Moderation: Avoid extremes. Forebear resenting injuries so much as you think they deserve.

10. Cleanliness: Tolerate no uncleanness in body, clothes or habitation.

11. Chastity: Rarely use venery but for health or offspring; Never to dullness, weakness, or the injury of your own or another's peace or reputation.

12. Tranquility: Be not disturbed at trifles, or at accidents common or unavoidable.

13. Humility: Imitate Jesus and Socrates.

He committed to giving strict attention to one virtue each week so after 13 weeks he moved through all 13. After 13 weeks he would start the process over again so in one year he would complete the course a total of 4 times.

He tracked his progress by using a little book of 13 charts. At the top of each chart was one of the virtues. The charts had a column for each day of the week and thirteen rows marked with the first letter of each of the 13 virtues. Every evening he would review the day and put a mark (dot) next to each virtue for each fault committed with respect to that virtue for that day.

Naturally, his goal was to live his days and weeks without having to put any marks on his chart. Initially he found himself putting more marks on these pages than he ever imagined, but in time he enjoyed seeing them diminish. After awhile he went through the series only once per year and then only once in several years until finally omitting them entirely. But he always carried the little book with him as a reminder.

Benjamin Franklin's 13 virtues are unique and obviously served him well since he is one of the most respected and most accomplished men in the history of the United States.

Merry Christmas...

2010-12-22T12:39:00.001-06:00

...and Happy Holidays!
From Victoria Cook, The Guilt-Free Coach

Every year when Christmas comes I realize anew
The biggest gift that life can give is knowing folks like you.
May the spirit of Christmas that forever more endures
Leave its richest blessing in the hears of you and yours!
(Unknown)

For a little more holiday cheer, take a listen to a medley of some unique holiday tunes with a twist. Enjoy!

Where are you headed?

2010-12-16T08:44:00.000-06:00

By Victoria Cook

All too often when talking with business owners who are unhappy with their results, I find they haven't set many goals much less created a specific plan on how to reach them.

While speaking with one owner recently, she shared that she really doesn't set annual goals, she just does as much work as she can to "hopefully" achieve the same level of success or more each year. When business is slow she just works more hours and spends more time reaching out to her network to try and generate business. And oh, by the way, during that same conversation she mentioned that she really wanted less stress, and to get a better handle on her time so she could have more of it for fun with her spouse, family and friends. This is not an unfamiliar conversation and she's not alone in her struggles.

Does any of this sound familiar to you? If not, go ahead and stop reading now. But, if you are tired of working harder and harder and want to reduce some of your struggles keep reading!

Many years ago US educator and writer, Laurence J. Peter made a simple and profound statement that is still true today: "If you don't know where you are going, you will probably end up somewhere else!" Ending up where you really want to be, or darned close to it, requires just a couple simple steps:

1) Cast your 2011 Vision! - Schedule some quiet time for yourself to just sit for 30 - 60 minutes and write down where it is you really want to be in the next 12 - 36 months. It's important to get a clear idea of what specifically that will look like and why it's important to you. I began this process with my clients in October with a special 2011 Visioning Bonus call. As a thank you for being a loyal subscriber to my e-zine, I'm making that call audio and handouts available to you too at http://www.theguiltfreecoach.com/visions/

2) Create a regular reminder of what your vision looks like. There are several ways in which to do this, but this year my clients and I created vision boards (that's mine). We got together one evening and shared our vision and vision boards with one another. Several clients who participated said sharing their visions publicly made it feel real and that it created a sense of urgency and focus to get moving to reach it. It was such an inspiring evening to see where each person is headed.

3) Identify Annual Goals. Review your bigger vision and pull out the things you will do this year that will move you in the direction of your vision. Many of my clients have found mind mapping to be a great way to begin this process. Be sure to make SMART goals for 2011!

4) Create a written plan to get there. This is such an important and often overlooked step. Having a specific plan will help you to maintain focus and combat feelings of overwhelm. For each goal, chunk out the top ten things that need to be completed to reach that goal. Break each of those ten things down into monthly, weekly, and daily actionable steps (with due dates) and you've got a solid plan to get to where you want to be! I have several tools on my website you can use to capture your plan.

5) Review progress & edit your plan monthly. Schedule time at the end of each month (or beginning) to look at your plan and check off what's completed. I believe in celebrating each accomplishment, no matter how small! It helps to build momentum and increases confidence. Don't worry if you didn't get it all done. Use what worked to help inform you about what's realistic to complete for the next month and adjust your plans accordingly. Remember, PROGRESS is more important than perfection!

Still Struggling?

Schedule a Rapid Results Session today to assist you in creating a strong vision for your 2011 business goals.

During this 30 minute phone session we will work together to:

Create a crystal clear vision for ‘ultimate success’ so you know exactly what you want, where you're headed, and what you need to do to make it happen.

Uncover hidden challenges that may be sabotaging your ability to make changes that last or that are slowing down your progress

Leave this session renewed, re-energized, and inspired to finally achieve the change you seek- once and for all.

Inspire Personal Accountability!

2010-12-13T10:14:00.002-06:00

An excerpt from Change is Good...You Go First
By Mac Anderson and Tom Feltenstein

Something magical happens when we accept personal responsibility for our behavior and our results. But, it's not easy, because it's human nature to "pass the buck". I (Mac) know there have been times in my life when my business was struggling where I found myself blaming others, blaming the economy, blaming this, blaming that!

But as I've gotten older (and a little wiser) when things go wrong in my business, or my life, I can always find the culprit...in the mirror. In every instance, it always comes back to choices I've made in my life that put me exactly where I am today. I have to say, that this one "tweak" in my attitude may sound like a little thing, but it has made a big difference in my life.

What does all this have to do with change? Plenty! As a manager, one of the most important things you can do in times of change is to get your people to understand how taking personal responsibility and recognizing problems as opportunities, will not only help the company, but will help them as individuals. In other words, sell the idea of...what's in it for them?

Authors B.J. Gallagher and Steve Ventura wrote a great little book about achieving success through personal accountability titled: Who Are "They" Anyway? I like their list showing how each individual in the company can benefit by adopting a "personal accountability attitude":

You have more control over your destiny
You become an active contributor rather than a passive observer
Others look to you for leadership
You gain the reputation as a problem solver
You enhance your career opportunities
You enjoy the satisfaction that comes from getting things done...the power of positive doing
You experience less anger, frustration and helplessness - all leading to better physical health
You realize a positive spillover effect into your personal life at home

According to Gallagher and Ventura, the most important words of personal responsibility are as follows:

The 10 most important words:
I won't wait for others to take the first step.

The 9 most important words:
If it is to be, it's up to me.

The 8 most important words:
If not me, who? If not now, when?

The 7 most important words:
Let me take a shot at it.

The 6 most important words:
I will not pass the buck.

The 5 most important words:
You can count on me.

The 4 most important words:
It IS my job!

The 3 most important words:
Just do it!

The 2 most important words:
I will.

The most important word:
Me

Pulling Together

2010-11-29T14:28:00.001-06:00

An Excerpt from the book Pulling Together...The 10 Rules for High Performance Teams
by John Murphy

My friend Ron Roberti shared this information with me and I thought it was good information on cultivating a high performance team!

At the center of every high performance team is a common purpose - a mission that rises above and beyond each of the individual team members. To be successful, the team's interests and needs come first. This requires "we-opic" vision ("What's in it for we?"), a challenging step up from the common "me-opic" mind-set.

Effective team players understand that personal issues and personality differences are secondary to team demands. This does not mean abandoning who you are or giving up your individuality. On the contrary, it means sharing your unique strengths and differences to move the team forward. It is this "we-opic" focus and vision - this cooperation of collective capability - that empowers a team and generates synergy.

Cooperation means working together for mutual gain - sharing responsibility for success and failure and covering for one another on a moment's notice. It does not mean competing with one another at the team's expense, withholding important data or information to be "one up" on your peers, or submitting to "groupthink" by going along so as not to make waves. These are "rule breakers," that are direct contradictions to the "team first" mind-set.

High performance teams recognize that it takes a joint effort to synergize, generating power above and beyond the collected individuals. It is with this spirit of cooperation that effective teams learn to capitalize on individual strengths and offset individual weaknesses, using diversity as an advantage.

Effective teams also understand the importance of establishing cooperative systems, structures, incentives and rewards. We get what we inspect, not what we expect. Think about it. Do you have team job descriptions, team performance reviews and team reward systems? Do you recognize people by pitting them against standards of excellence, or one another? What are you doing to cultivate a team-first, cooperative environment in this competitive, "me-opic" world?

To embrace the team-first rule, make sure your team purpose and priorities are clear. What is your overall mission? What is your game plan? What is expected of each team member? How can each member contribute most effectively? What constants will hold the team together? Then stop and ask yourself, are you putting the team first?

Are you ready to finish strong in 2010?

2010-11-23T11:06:00.001-06:00

With just five weeks left to the year, now is the time to think about how 2010 is wrapping up. Consider some of the commitments you made to yourself for this year. What could you finish, or start in the next month that would really let you feel solid about 2010?

I know during the holiday season many of us tend to slack off with parties and festivities; we can get lulled into distractions. But what if instead you were to choose just one focus – one thing that could power you through to next year! Victory is just around the corner!

Need a little help? Join my Big Goals No Guilt 30 Day Challenge or register for a FOCUS for SUCCESS Session today.

Want to Succeed in Business?

2010-11-15T15:35:00.002-06:00

I recently joined the National Association of Woman Business Owners (NAWBO). In October I had the opportunity to participate in the first annual NAWBO Day. Breakfast featured a panel of four extraordinary and accomplished women business owners hosted by Maryann Childers. Each woman had valuable information to share and I found myself taking copious notes! I'd like to share with you the Top 10 Business Learning's shared by President & Owner of The Soma Institute, Joan Hannant.

1) Find your passion and turn it into your business. Be sure to stay true to yourself and connected to that passion.

2) Build a support of family and friends. Nobody does it all on their own!

3) Treat failure as an opportunity. The first three months of Joan's business ended up being a failure that resulted in reinventing her business. She could have been discouraged by failure but instead took the opportunity to learn from it and start again...this time much more successfully!

4) Run a cash flow report EVERY week and REVIEW it! It's important to have a good eye on where your money is going.

5) Be slow to hire and fast to fire.

6) Under promise and over deliver....especially with your banker!

7) Work on your business, not in your business

8) Read the book Blue Ocean Strategy: How to Create Uncontested Market Space and Make Competition Irrelevant by W. Chan Kim and Renee Mauborgne. (I've personally read this book and agree!)

9) Treat your employees AT LEAST as well as you treat your customers. This will make an awe inspiring shift in your corporate culture.

10) Develop your next generation of leaders today. That is how you will ensure your continued business success for years to come.

Joan Hannant is the President & Founder of The Soma Institute in Chicago.

Three strategies to stop feeling overwhelmed

2010-09-07T12:08:00.000-05:00

It starts out slowly; a missed deadline here, an unexpected project there, and then a growing pile of items needing attention. Before you know it, time and your schedule have gotten away from you. Not only does this affect your productivity, but it also begins to erode away at your mindset and confidence. Self doubt and negative thoughts begin creeping in. This only compounds the problem, increases the feeling of overwhelm, and leaves you stuck with NOTHING getting done. What's a girl to do?

This is a common occurrence but it doesn't have to completely pull you off track. Here are three strategies you can use to stop feeling overwhelmed:

1) Pick just 3 things that MUST get done today and work on those

If you are like me and the majority of my clients, you have a list of things to do that is as long as your arm. Writing it all down can be good for getting it out of your head so you don’t feel like you need to remember it. However, that in itself can cause feelings of overwhelm. So, instead of looking at that long list every time you sit down to work, select the THREE key items that MUST be done today and set the rest of the list aside. If you complete them, then you can go back to the laundry list of to-do's and select another item.

This will help with your ability to focus AND create a sense of accomplishment as you check them off.

2) Tie your values to what you are doing

When there are multiple competing to-do's, prioritization is essential. But how do you prioritize things that feel of equal importance. Well, you utilize your values (not sure what your values are, visit the Free Resources section of my website to find the Values List tool you can use). Look at each task or project and identify what key values you have that will be honored or expressed by each. The items that honor more values or perhaps your higher values should have greater importance than the others.

My client "Sally" had some exciting business goals she was striving for this summer AND she set an important goal of spending quality time with her two teenage children who were heading off to college (one for the first time). She wanted to send them off on their next chapter of life with a bang. She also added some new services to her business that she was also launching. Just to make things extra interesting several family challenges also came up. Sally was feeling a bit overwhelmed and behind on her goals, but as she reviewed her progress and what she had accomplished she shared this:

"I feel like I have lost momentum and focus on most of my goals [the last couple of months]. When I reviewed my list …the one goal I did not drop was to spend as much time as possible with my kids before they left for college and to get things ready for the big graduation party. Realizing this made me feel good, because I kept my priority on my kids and family."

Sally achieved several of her business goals, but not all of them and was feeling a bit bad and overwhelmed about it until she really looked at what was most important to her. The goal she set around her family scored highest on her values list and as such garnered more of her time.

Know WHY you are doing something and do the things that honor your core values first!

3) F.O.C.U.S.

A couple years back I heard a speaker who used the word focus as an acronym for Follow One Course Until Successful. I thought that was brilliant! We are often a society of multi-taskers, hey, I've tried on more than one occasion to get more done that way, but it doesn’t generally work. Instead, of trying to multitask on two or three things (including reading e-mail) and not get much accomplished spending 30 - 60 FOCUSED minutes on a task. You'll be much more effective. You may also find that things take less time to get done!

3 Key Qualities in the Right Accountability Partner

2010-07-09T08:00:00.000-05:00

If you've read a few of my articles you already know I'm a firm believer in having an accountability partner when working on a goal whether or not the goal is a personal or professional one. While preparing for a personal goal of my own, it was my four-year old son who provided me with a great example of the 3 key qualities needed to have the right accountability partner.

I had such a great time participating in The L.A.T.E. Ride last summer I decided to register again this year…and actually do some training/conditioning unlike last year. This event hosts up to 9,000 bicyclists on a summer Saturday night/Sunday morning for a 25-mile ride through Chicago's neighborhoods climaxing with a beautiful stretch along the Chicago lakefront. There is nothing like experiencing the city, safely, in the dark of the night on a bike!

My partner for training has been my son on the tag-a-long. He's game for riding anytime and LOVES to go down the big hills (you can't go too far from my house without going up one or down another). He also likes to direct our route. It was on a warm afternoon ride earlier this week when he kicked my butt AND exemplified the following three key qualities needed in a great accountability partner.

When working towards a big goal it's important to have someone who will push you beyond what you would do on your own. Left to my own devices, I would easily fall into a routine route that wouldn't stretch me beyond my limits. But when encouraged by someone take a more challenging path; it’s easier to get beyond myself. On this particularly hot and steamy ride, Aidan chose a 4 ½ mile loop and about 2 miles of it is up hill! Which leads to the next important quality…

Your accountability partner must genuinely and whole-heartedly believe in you. I must admit that I had an inkling of the route Aidan wanted to take AND I tried to suggest some alternates but he wasn't falling for it. When I groaned and muttered something about it being a big hill, he energetically replied, "We can do it, Mommy! We have STRONG legs!" How could I argue, especially when my son thinks I'm strong? Honestly, after he said it I did feel a surge of strength and energy as we rode up the hill.

Finally, as you are in the midst of the work and struggle of goal achievement, it's important to have someone who will cheer you on and celebrate the success! As we faced the second of three hills I could hear him chanting behind me "Go, Go, Go!" and I realized he was really cheering me on. OK, I'll admit it. My chant to him was “Pedal faster!”...I needed all the help I could get!

As we finally turned onto our street, I sucked a bit of wind and breathed a small sigh of relief knowing it was literally all downhill from there. I was ready to coast across the finish line, but my accountability partner kept on cheering. He wouldn't settle for anything less than my best. Maybe it was the lack of oxygen but somehow I'd forgotten that average is the enemy of excellence. We couldn't just coast in. Instead my partner encouraged me to change gears and we pedaled as fast as we could down the hill as though we were racing for the Tour de France finish line, blowing right past our driveway. When we finally got home and off our bikes, we high fived and Aidan said, "That was fun! You did really good Mommy." My heart just melted. Not only did I get a great workout, but also a great lesson. Now if only I could take him with me Saturday night!

Are You Ready to Celebrate?

2010-07-02T12:36:00.002-05:00

Wishing you a Sparkling & Safe
4th of July!

“Every good citizen makes his country's honor his own, and cherishes it not only as precious but as sacred. He is willing to risk his life in its defense and is conscious that he gains protection while he gives it.”

Andrew Jackson quotes (American 7th US President, 1767-1845)

Wishing you a joyous celebration of the freedoms we have and a moment to remember those who sacrificed to make America all it is today!

Happy Independence Day!

The Guilt-Free Coach

www.TheGuiltFreeCoach.com

Are You Guilty of False Guilt?

2010-06-09T11:32:00.000-05:00

By Guest Author Kim Gibbs

It’s amazing how often we feel guilty when we shouldn’t. Times when we haven’t broken a law, or violated our personal code of ethics, or hurt anybody’s feelings, yet we still feel guilty.

This is called false guilt. This type of guilt is something we impose on ourselves even though there’s no evidence of wrong-doing. It’s self-inflicted, unhealthy and totally undeserved. It’s also rampant, especially among women.

One of the major sources of false guilt is taking time for ourselves. Whether it’s spending more time at work, in the saddle, soaking in the bathtub, or pursuing our goals, we tend to feel guilty because more time spent on ourselves usually means less time with our family.

Most of us live by the Christian ideal of putting others first. But putting others first doesn’t mean that we have to go last. It doesn’t mean neglecting our own spiritual, physical and emotional needs. Those must be met in order for us to be healthy and happy.

The better care we take of ourselves, the better care we can take of others. Otherwise, we’re no good to anybody. There must be a balance between the time we spend on others and what we spend on ourselves. We can put others first without putting ourselves last.

There’s nothing wrong with working, riding, or taking long baths and no reason to feel guilty about doing them. We just need to make sure our peace of mind and family relationships don’t suffer as a result.

If relationships are suffering, then we need to rearrange our time schedule to accommodate both self and family. Many people take advantage of early mornings and late evenings for guilt-free time. Others eliminate frivolous, unnecessary activities in order to make room for the more important ones.

So the next time you’re feeling guilty, check to see if you’ve even done anything wrong. If not, then get rid of that guilt and plow ahead. If so, rearrange your time and do the best you can with what you’ve got. No one’s life is perfect and there’s no reason for you to be guilty of false guilt!

About the Author: Kim (left with her horse Dusty) uses cowgirl wisdom to guide women through guilt. For more strategies on overcoming guilt, visit www.theguiltguide.com or contact Kim at info@theguiltguide.com or 406-240-7882.

Top 5 Reasons Attending Live Events is Essential for Continued Personal & Professional Growth

2010-05-02T21:54:00.000-05:00

Last October I had the pleasure of joining my Marketing Coach, Veronika (Ronnie) Noize, and the other members of my SoHo Marketing MasterMind group for a day of inspiration in Vancouver, WA. I wasn’t sure what to expect but left not only inspired, but with some incredible ideas to take my business to another level. It was at that meeting that Ronnie challenged ME to create my Big Goals No Guilt 30 Day Challenge. I’d like to share with you the top 5 reasons I believe attending live events is essential for your personal and professional growth:

1 – Get more personal: Live events provide the opportunity to meet your mentor personally and really get to know them. Successful people think and act differently. Spending a day or more with a mentor provides great insight into how they do it so you can see how to do it too!

2 – Deep Submersion: Having uninterrupted time allows you to really submerse yourself in the subject matter with no distractions. An entire day focused on just marketing and inspiration created more depth of understanding on these subjects for me. I also had time during the meal breaks to begin thinking about my project and brainstorm with some of the other members to begin applying the information to my business right away.

3 – Learn about things you didn’t know you needed to know: Often at live events other fantastic speakers are invited to share the stage. That was the case at another live event I attended last year. Mari Smith (@marismith) was a special guest speaker during one of the evening sessions. I’ll be honest; I had NO IDEA who Mari was prior to the moment she took the stage. Turns out, she’s been dubbed “the Pied-Piper of Facebook” by FastCompany. After her talk, I better understood how social media could benefit my business and jumped in! You can follow me on TWITTER @BigGoalsCoach or see my Facebook business page at www.facebook.com/BigGoalsNoGuilt.

4 – Meet other likeminded people: Chances are if you are going to hear a particular speaker, you’ll meet others with whom you have some things in common. During the October event everyone was focused on helping each other and collaboration. Not only did I get help on my business but I was able to share ideas with the other members (this is a photo of some of us) and learn more about what THEY do. It resulted in my hiring one MasterMind friend to help me with my website, another to kick start my social media marketing plan, and strategic alliance with a third!

5 – Gain valuable strategic time: As a solopreneur, it’s so easy to get swept into the day-to-day tasks working IN my business that I consciously have to carve out time to be more strategic to work ON it! Being away from the office and the usual distractions allows for greater focus and time for strategic thinking.

BONUS - Have some fun! If you’ve gotten to know me even a little bit, you’ve learned that I like to have fun! Life’s too short not to!! If your event is in a different city, it’s fun to explore and see some new sights. I ended up staying with one of my MasterMind friends, Connie, and getting to see a bit of Portland, OR too!

Attending live events is a commitment of time as well as finances, but one that can have a huge return on your investments. I left with tactical strategies I can immediately implement, excitement and inspiration to get into action, and belief in getting it all accomplished!

I’ve enjoyed attending live events myself and wanted to share some of the work I normally reserve for private clients so I’m hosting an event myself. The Finding Your True North Workshop will take place on Saturday, May 8th in McHenry, IL from 9 am - 3 pm.

If despite your financial and professional accomplishments you feel there’s got to be something more, then this six hour workshop is the answer. This LIVE, closed-door event is designed specifically to walk you step-by-step through discovering your unique purpose so you can bring joy, fun, and excitement into your life. This is going to be a fun, inspiring, and life changing day! I'd love to work with you to discover your unique purpose and help you begin to live in alignment with your purpose and values in your personal and professional life!

The early bird registration date has passed, BUT I'm offering a special price to my loyal Face Book Fans until midnight on Wednesday, May 5th! Visit www.theguiltfreecoach.com/truenorth and use Discount Code FBFAN. Registered RIGHT NOW because this opportunity expires at midnight THIS Wednesday, May 5th.

I’d love to have you join me!

Even Shaunie O'Neal & Kenny Chesney want it. How about you?

2010-04-18T17:16:00.000-05:00

This past week I read two separate articles in the April 19th edition (they come out a week ahead) of PEOPLE Magazine about very successful people who both want the same thing. It is the very thing many of my clients seek. Perhaps, despite your own personal and professional success, you too are looking for the same thing.

Shaunie O'Neal, the soon-to-be ex-wife of Shaquille O'Neal, revealed in her interview that despite the multimillion dollar home, cars, closets full of clothes, and five beautiful children the thing she wants is "a purpose". She felt she was missing "some peace within" that she had been longing for.

Apparently, it's not just women looking for purpose.

Kenny Chesney, four-time CMA and ACM Entertainer of the Year recipient shared he is taking the next year off from his successful music career. After spending the past 17 summers touring on the road Kenny is taking time off to see how he can better balance his career and personal life. "I have a great life, a great career, but I need more," he says. "Not more money. Not more fame. More heart." My read, more heart = more purpose. A greater sense of meaning tied to the work he does.

If you are feeling something is missing in your life despite all the outward signs of success, you won't want to miss my upcoming Finding Your True North Workshop on Saturday, May 8th in McHenry. This live six hour workshop is designed to help YOU uncover your TRUE NORTH, that clear sense of purpose and direction! Using some specific exercises and my seven step proprietary R.E.S.U.L.T.S.™ process you too can discover YOUR True North.

Knowing your True North will assist you in setting professional goals that align with your values and purpose. When you do that, it's so much easier to create sustainable success you can feel really good about without sacrificing what is important to you in your personal life.

Time is running out to register. Space is limited and the $50 early bird savings expires at midnight on April 30th. Visit www.TheGuiltFreeCoach.com/truenorth for all the details and registration information. Bringing a friend? See the website for additional savings.

I hope you'll join me!

Three Key Struggles with Setting Boundaries

2010-04-09T10:30:00.002-05:00

Boundaries and self-esteem seem to go hand in hand. Clients with a strong sense of themselves and healthy self-esteem have an easier time setting AND ENFORCING their boundaries. When clients struggle with boundaries, very often they are struggling with their own sense of worth. Once they start setting and enforcing their boundaries, self-esteem begins to rise. Additionally, when they value themselves, their time, and their experiences, they won’t let others walk all over them. It’s not about being harsh, prideful, or walking all over others. It’s caring for yourself enough to say “enough” when needed.

Over the years of working with clients, challenges with boundaries seem to fall into 3 main categories:

Tough conversations when needing to set or enforce boundaries
Have you ever needed to set a boundary with someone close to you? That can be one of the more challenging things for you to do. Instead of saying what needs to be said do you ignore the subject? When you avoid these tough conversations, resentments and tolerations arise. Unresolved feelings of resentment lead to guilt. This becomes a vicious cycle that can really damage relationships and lead to bursts of anger that show up at inappropriate times. This further creates a pattern of not dealing healthfully with conflicts at the time they need to be handled further straining relationships.

Boundaries with time
The word “No” has gotten a bad rap! Contrary to what many people believe, saying no is not rude; it doesn’t mean you aren’t a team player; or that you are being selfish. Sometimes telling someone no is the BEST thing to do for THEM!

Consciously choose what it is you say YES to. Will saying yes allow you to honor your values, utilize your strength or natural abilities, or align with your goals? Or do you say yes and add more to your plate because you feel guilty or that you SHOULD say yes? Saying yes to the wrong things also generates resentment, anger, frustration, and the feeling you’re being used.

Boundaries with constant complainers
Have you ever had someone in your life that seems to do nothing but constantly complain whenever you are together or talk? This can be a tremendous energy drainer. Additionally, the negative talk can be contagious. Very often the issue has nothing to do with you and you aren’t part of the solution, they are just constantly venting, spewing their negative talk.

A healthy self esteem is beneficial to you and the relationships with those around you.

If you struggle with setting boundaries in any or all of the three categories listed above, you will benefit from the upcoming teleseries, Relationships from the Inside Out, I’m hosting with Jeanine Mackintosh beginning Wednesday, April 14th. Jeanine will share three keys to building positive self esteem. Get more details here.

What's really important to you?

2010-03-29T11:13:00.003-05:00

Our family recently experienced a rather unexpected and sudden loss. Brian's 38 year old cousin suddenly passed away due to complications of pneumonia. It's never easy to lose someone, but when they are so young, vibrant, and seem to have so much ahead of them it feels especially hard. She was very close to my age, so it really hit home. I've spent some time reflecting on just how precious my time on this earth really is and the importance of savoring all I have right now. I happened to recently hear the song 100 Years by Five for Fighting on the radio and it echoed this sentiment.

If you've not heard this song, or haven't heard it in a while, the words to 100 Years are really powerful. It's worth a listen.

The song chronicles the various "seasons" of life, beginning with age 15 through 100. The main theme is that we're always chasing the next place in our lives instead of really enjoying where we are right now. When we finally arrive at that next place, it's just for a moment and we don't fully experience it.

Have you ever thought, "If I could just…" or "If only I had done (fill in the blank) then I’d be happy; or then I would have a better direction; or be able to pursue my greatest ambition?" But that someday never comes. No one sets out to get to the end of their life with a song still in their heart, with words left unsaid, or a dream unrealized. We are just so busy living and existing we sometimes forget what's most precious until it's gone.

Enjoying each moment, incorporating your purpose and passion, and living a significant life can seem like an unattainable goal. I'm here to tell you it's NOT! It is possible! But there is no quick fix. It's more of a life journey than an end point destination. The journey begins by taking some time to be still and reflect on the top 1 – 5 things that matter MOST to you. If you were 99 years old looking back on your life, what would make you feel as though:

you made a difference
you impacted others with your skills and talents
and really counted?
what dream or injustice do you long to achieve or right?
what is the legacy you want to leave your family or the world?

Jot down the 5 things that matter most to you and then answer the following questions for each one:

How will I feel when I achieve this?
Who, besides me, will this impact?
What's the cost of NOT striving for this?
Who do I need to be in order to succeed?
What's one step I can take today towards this goal?

With any journey, there is a first step, and I encourage you to take it. Please don't end up at "..99 for a moment. Dying for just another moment...dreaming and counting the ways to where you are." Every day IS a new day. An opportunity to be who and what you've always dreamed possible.

If you're struggling to identify your purpose consider attending my upcoming Finding Your True North workshop. When you understand YOUR true north it's easier to align your unique values and choices for a more fulfilling life.

The Power of Perspective and Attitude

2010-02-25T14:02:00.001-06:00

Every now and then something crosses my e-mail inbox that makes me thankful that some of those inspirational messages or videos people pass around go "viral". Mind you, I've seen what feels like EVERY special message, notice, warning, and inspirational PowerPoint photo show. To be honest, I usually delete a lot of these kind of messages rather quickly, especially when they say I have to pass them onto five people for luck. Thankfully my family, friends, and colleague know this, and are VERY selective in what they send me.

A week or so ago my friend Tom sent a link to see a wonderful YouTube video of Jack Rushton. I decided to hit play during my lunch break and was so glad I did! It's easy to see that as a quadriplegic on a respirator Jack has his challenges and yet his attitude and sense of humor are contagious! I laughed out loud.

Jack reminds us that it's easy to get mired down in the "stuff of life". Maybe the company for which you work is struggling and cut backs are coming, health challenges may be weighing on your heart, or other family or financial pressures might be getting to you. We certainly can't control all the challenging things that come our way but the one thing we can control is our attitude.

He looks at what most would consider a bad situation from a great perspective. I hope you'll be encouraged and see some of your challenges differently too so you can move onto the goals you desire!!

Victoria's 3 Secrets to a Guilt-Free Goals Revolution

2010-02-18T13:25:00.002-06:00

Every year starts out the same way. It's that “fresh start feeling” that generates the desire to set some New Year's resolutions or goals. Did you set any? Did you spend January beating yourself up because they were the same resolutions / goals that were set last year or the year before, or the year before that?

If you've broken your New Year's resolution already, or forgotten about the goals you set, you're not alone! Studies suggest that 25% of resolutions are broken within the first month of the New Year.

So why do we do it?

For some folks enthusiasm is high, they get caught up in the emotion and set some grand (if not unrealistic) resolutions or goals. For others, it's the resolutions they feel they SHOULD make. So instead, let's throw out the resolutions and forget about pie in the sky and start a Guilt-Free Revolution. A revolution where we have meaningful goals we are attracted to completing and actually get them done without sacrificing what's important!

“Victoria's 3 secrets to a Guilt-Free Goals Revolution”.

I believe these are the keys to getting those goals you really want actually accomplished!

Secret #1 - Properly power your goals

This is achieved when you align your goals with your values and life's intention or purpose. This is a critical step most folks skip. When I begin working with a client, before we set ANY goals, we first step back and identify what's most important to them, their values, and sense of purpose.

When we live our life and position our work in such a way that we are playing to our strengths, honoring our values, and purposefully contributing life feels complete and fulfilled.

Unfortunately, most people don't live lives that are driven by their life's purpose. They live by chance, reacting to what happens and feeling like a victim of circumstances. As a result, they feel a lack of meaning and direction in their life. This is often coupled with uncertainty about the future and feeling overwhelmed about what to do or where to head next. I've felt this way in the past and so have many of my clients. The good news is you DO have a purpose and it can be identified with a little effort. I've even tried to make it a simple step-by-step process in my Priorities, Purpose & Vision Guidebook.

As for values they are what make you YOU. They aren't morals or ethics. Examples of some core values that might power your goals are: making a difference, Creativity, Leadership, Contributing to a group, or autonomy. Not sue of your core values take my complimentary values assessment.

Secret #2 - Our goals are manifested by our consistent productive actions

If you're doing the same things each year and it's not working for you, YOU'RE SETTING YOURSELF UP FOR FAILURE!

It's time to take an objective look at why your actions haven't worked for you and what's holding you back. If you don't get to the core of the issue, you will only make temporary progress but not achieve the sustainable success you desire.

If you know what you need to do to reach your goal and aren't doing it, take a look at what's stopping you. While it's very important to have that plan to reach your goal, daily habits for success, and time to regularly review and assess how your plan is working, in my experience, the most common thing holding people back is the 6” between their own ears.

When we consciously say we want to accomplish something but don't subconsciously believe it, the subconscious will win! The two MUST be aligned for truly sustainable success. Otherwise we make some progress but are left feeling frustrated and doubting ourselves for lack of reaching our ultimate goals. Use my complimentary Mindset Mastery Assessment to gauge the strength of yours. Then putting in the consistent productive actions will be a snap!

Secret #3 - and the most important SECRET to achieving your goal is to be ACCOUNTABLE.

This is the critical key! My marketing coach, Ronnie Noize, summed it up best when she said, “achievement of your goals is supported (or maintained) by self regulation, self discipline, and others.” What this said to me was

ACCOUNTABILITY on several levels!

I find most of us are people of our word to EVERYONE but ourselves! That's why it's important to have accountability for doing what it is we say.

This starts with first declaring what we want to ourselves and really owning the goal. “This is what I will achieve in 2010…” Then share that with someone else like:

An accountability partner – someone who will be honest and not let you give up
A mentor – someone who's walked the path you're headed down
A coach – This is the ultimate accountability partner. Someone who is actually TRAINED to help you figure out what you want, how to get it, and overcome the fear and frustrations along the way to your ultimate success.

Not only can an accountability partner “hold your feet to the fire” but they can provide an objective sounding board and encourage you so you don't stop short of the goal.

If you need more “how-to” with respect to guilt-free goal setting, and want some daily encouragement to keep you moving I invite you to join the Big Goals, No Guilt 30 Day Challenge as my guest. There's no cost or obligation for you. During this complimentary 30 day e-course I share with you details about my 7-step Guilt-Free R.E.S.U.L.T.S.™ System and daily action steps to create sustained progress.

So start your own a Guilt-Free Goals Revolution (skip the resolutions) where we have meaningful goals we are attracted to completing and actually get them done without sacrificing what's important!

Let the Revolution begin!

Top 7 Reasons Why New Year's Resolutions Don't Work - Part 2

2010-02-04T10:01:00.003-06:00

(and what to do about it - - I'm not gonna leave you hanging!)

By: Victoria Cook

Have you broken your New Year’s resolution yet? If so, you’re not the only one. Studies suggest that 25% of resolutions are broken within the first month of the New Year. In part 1 of this article I shared the first 3 reasons why New Year's Resolutions Don't Work. You can read Part 1 on my Big Goals No Guilt blog.

This week we pick up with reason #4:

4. The goal is too large for the timeframe. It’s great to “go for the gold” AND it’s important that it’s a realistic goal and timeframe. When I spoke with a few participants about why they didn’t complete their goal from my Big Goals No Guilt 30 Day Challenge, the answer I heard most was that the goal they set was just TOO big for a 30 day period.

TIP: Stephen Covey’s philosophy of “…begin with the end in mind” is a great way to reverse engineer your goal and the necessary deadlines needed to reach it. Then you’ll be able to see if it’s truly achievable in the timeframe you’ve set. If not, you can decide if the sacrifice to meet the dates is worth it or adjust your deadline date.

5. Lack of planning. Too often these resolution style goals are made but no time is spent strategizing and planning on how to systematically complete it. Little thought is put into what the monthly, weekly and daily habits and tasks are needed to see it through.

TIP: Every BIG goal is comprised of several sub goals or projects. Take the time to break things down and identify those pieces and the logical order for completion. Need some help breaking things down, take a look at the Top Goals Form or Goals Planning Template files on the Freebies page of my website.

6. All or nothing mentality. When most people set their resolution they think in terms of either success or failure. This is black and white kind of thinking that leaves no room for the color spectrum of possibility or account for any minor setbacks that are sure to happen along the way.

TIP: Set goals and change your reaction about potentially not achieving them or about achieving something you hadn’t anticipated. It's okay if you don't achieve your goals! Successful people often miss their target. The key is getting in motion, creating momentum, and moving ahead.

7. Not enough accountability. The word accountability is defined by Merriam-Webster as “…an obligation or willingness to accept responsibility or to account for one’s actions”. If I tell a client, friend or my coach I’m going to do something, I get it done because I want to be accountable for my actions and I’m a woman of my word (even if it means staying up until the wee hours of the night - - which I’ve done!)

So why is it harder for us to keep those commitments to ourselves? Human nature? Too easy to let ourselves off the hook? Less sense of urgency as if we aren’t as important as everyone else. NOT SO!

TIP: Create several levels of accountability to keep you going. Commit to yourself, make a public declaration of what you will do, and be accountable to a partner, mentor, or coach.

The other day I saw a friend who announced he was going to run a half marathon in May for a charity close to his heart. He’s never run a marathon in his life that I’m aware of. Why did he announce to us his plans? So he could be accountable for his health goals. He wants to adopt a healthier lifestyle, maintain a healthier weight and exercise regularly. And I know he’s going to do it because he's made a public declaration of raising funds through the marathon for charity!

Still struggling to create and achieve the goals you want without sacrificing what’s important to you?

Let me walk you step-by-step through a proven results process and show you how to begin implementing it for greater success in the next 30 days...did I mention I'd do it for FREE?! Get the details or get started at www.TheGuiltFreeCoach.com

Top 7 Reasons Why New Year's Resolutions Don't Work - Part 1

2010-01-20T08:00:00.009-06:00

(and what to do about it - - I'm not gonna leave you hanging!)

By: Victoria Cook

Have you broken your New Year’s resolution yet? If so, you’re not the only one. Studies suggest that 25% of resolutions are broken within the first month of the New Year.

I was listening to the radio the other morning and heard the following list of the top 7 resolutions most often broken:

7) Be a better person
6) Relax more
5) Learn something new
4) Stop drinking so much
3) Spend more time with family
2) Follow my dreams (do something more fulfilling)
1) Lose weight

These are all good resolutions, so why is it that the majority of folks who set them don’t accomplish them? Here are the first three of my Top 7 reasons why New Year Resolutions don’t work and what to do about it:

1. They are usually the same resolutions made year after year and never kept. Consciously you say things will be different this year. This is the year you will turn things around, but subconsciously you already know you aren’t likely going to get it done. Until the conscious and subconscious are in alignment, the subconscious will always win.

Joe Vitale really concisely articulates this point when he said, “When your conscious mind thinks you want something but your subconscious mind thinks you don’t deserve it (or any other limiting belief), you will fail at getting what you want. Instead you will actually attract what your subconscious feels is right for you.

In order to attract what you prefer, your conscious and subconscious have to be in agreement.”

TIP: Not sure if this is the cause of your struggles? Take my complimentary Mindset Mastery Assessment.

2. Not a powerful enough WHY. Most resolutions are made in response to something negative - a habit or situation you want to change or end. It’s really tough to develop momentum from a negative response. Harvard-trained psychologist Dr. Stephen Kraus states, “The motivating power of any goal comes from truly understanding *why* you want it. But most resolution-makers don't think through their underlying motivations.

Just wanting to lose ten pounds for its own sake may be a fine goal, but it won't be enough to motivate you when you have to make sacrifices or suffer a setback.

But you'll have that motivation if you know that getting in shape will mean having more stamina for playing with your kids, or going on a big hiking trip with your friends.”

Tip: Not too sure about your own "WHY"? Register for my complimentary Big Goals No Guilt 30 Day Challenge and I'll walk you through some exercises designed to help you begin uncovering the answer to this question!

3. Unreasonable expectations – Here’s where the guilt comes in! Whether you are trying to conform to the expectations of others or an overly high self-imposed standard, the result is the same - - frustration and guilt.

Feeling pulled by the expectations of others is often due to not knowing what you specifically want for yourself or family. If the unreasonable expectations are self-imposed, it can be caused by not having a balanced view your life. This occurs when standards are set at one point in life and not adjusted for changes or circumstances that arise (change in work status, children, illness, etc).

This can create huge feelings of guilt making it difficult to forgive ourselves for not living up to the standards we’ve set. Sometimes those standards are impossible to achieve thus setting ourselves up for failure.

Tip: Take an objective look at your feelings of guilt to assess from where they are coming. If they are self-imposed, take some time to reflect on them. Do they align with your current season of life? If not, perhaps it's time to hit the rest button. If your guilt stems more from outside sources, it's time to set some new boundaries or reinforce the ones in place.

My next post will share the remaining 4 reasons and provide some additional tips for overcoming them!

Top 7 Reasons Why New Year's Resolutions Don't Work - Part 1 © 2005 - 2010 Victoria Cook. All rights reserved.

Creating YOUR Future Nostalgia

2010-01-05T09:57:00.000-06:00

By Victoria Cook , The Guilt-Free Coach

Today, 67% of women with children under the age of 18 are employed, according to the Bureau of Labor Statistics. Results from my own survey show that women find trying to be “SuperWoman” is not so super – leaving them depleted, resentful, stressed, and feeling guilty. If you’re a working parent reading this, I’m sure I don’t have to tell YOU that!

As working parents, we want to get it all done AND feel good about it. Don’t you wish that your future self could tell you what you can do so that you can stop trying to be “Super Woman” and live without regrets? Here is an opportunity to learn from someone with a lifetime of experience. We can all learn something from her insight. The late Erma Bombeck wrote this after she found out she had cancer:

If I Had My Life To Live Over
by Erma Bombeck

If I had my life to live over, I would have talked less and listened more.

I would have invited friends over to dinner even if the carpet was stained and the sofa faded.

I would have eaten the popcorn in the “good” living room and worried much less about the dirt when someone wanted to light a fire in the fireplace.

I would have taken the time to listen to my grandfather ramble about his youth.

I would never have insisted the car windows be rolled up on a summer day because my hair had just been teased and sprayed.

I would have burned the pink candle sculpted like a rose before it melted in storage.

I would have sat on the lawn with my children and not worried about grass stains.

I would have cried and laughed less while watching television - and more while watching life.

I would have shared more of the responsibility carried by my husband.

I would have gone to bed when I was sick instead of pretending the earth would go into a holding pattern if I weren't there for the day.

I would never have bought anything just because it was practical, wouldn't show soil or was guaranteed to last a lifetime.

Instead of wishing away nine months of pregnancy, I'd have cherished every moment and realized that the wonderment growing inside me was the only chance in life to assist God in a miracle.

When my kids kissed me impetuously, I would never have said, "Later. Now go get washed up for dinner."

There would have been more "I love yous".. More "I'm sorrys" ...

But mostly, given another shot at life, I would seize every minute... look at it and really see it ... live it...and never give it back.

At the heart of this is what EVERY person wants for themselves and family. Too often people wait until the opportunities are gone before learning these things.

Instead of waiting, the beginning of the year is a great time to use forward thinking to create the memories (or future nostalgia) you desire for yourself, your family, and business. What will you miss when it’s gone? Will you miss the time you didn’t spend or things you didn’t do with your children, family and self? Where do you want to take your business this year? On December 31st what do you want to remember most about this past year?

Wasted time can only bring regret, sorrow and guilt. Procrastination is a thief of time and livelihood. Tomorrow is a mystery but you have the opportunity to create your future nostalgia NOW. If you wait around for good things to happen, you will always be waiting. Your life and future is at your fingertips. Believe it and live it.

As Erma realized and expressed, there’s no point trying to be “Super Woman" at the expense of really living your life.

Once you have your clear vision, it’s going to take some ACTION to get there. Here’s how to create your “Future Nostalgia” TODAY!

Get into ACTION:
Take a look at your vision and take the time to break it down into smaller steps. These steps can be Quarterly, Monthly, and Weekly goals or milestones. Markers along the way of your journey to help gauge your progress, assess your strategies, and make any adjustments to your plans.

Strengthen Your Habits:
It’s important to develop some strong daily habits for success. What are those things you need to be doing EACH DAY to move you towards your goals? Is it calling 5 new prospects, reading some inspirational quotes to maintain your motivation, planning your day, tracking the previous day’s progress, or sending 3 personal notes to current clients? Remember what Aristotle said, “We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act but a habit.”

Maintain Your Momentum:
Once you get into action, maintaining that action and taking more small steps towards your goal will fuel your enthusiasm and create momentum.

Invest some time in yourself and your family to create your “Future Nostalgia” today and you won’t have the regrets and guilt tomorrow! Your worth it!

About the Author
Victoria Cook, The Guilt-Free Coach, helps professional women accomplish big goals guilt-free, Feeling frustrated and overwhelmed? Get free resources for increasing your time and reducing stress so you can accomplish YOUR big goal at http://www.theguiltfreecoach.com.

Creating YOUR Future Nostalgia © 2005 - 2009 Victoria Cook. All rights reserved.

5 keys to creating a more positive attitude

2009-12-28T09:42:00.001-06:00

By Victoria Cook, The Guilt-Free Coach

I was reminded about the importance of choosing a good attitude at a High Tea and women's networking event I attended earlier this year. The feature speaker, Laurie Nelson from Family Services, did a great job of sharing some benefits of a positive attitude and how to work towards creating one. Here are the 5 key highlights I took away from her talk:

You’ll feel better
A positive attitude makes you feel better, more energetic, and people are more drawn to being around you. Some studies have shown that a positive attitude can help fight disease. Laurie quoted that optimists are 55% less likely to die than elderly pessimists. Even if these statistics are only half true, it would still be worth choosing a positive attitude!

We believe what we repeatedly hear
Laurie reminded us that our brains are wired to believe what we repeatedly hear, whether it’s positive or negative. That’s why affirmations are a great way to work on changing our attitude. Affirmations can be used to positively influence negative feelings, thoughts and emotions.

OK, if you were watching late night TV in the 90’s thoughts of Al Franken’s Saturday Night Live character, Stuart Smalley, are probably coming to mind, “I'm Good Enough, I'm Smart Enough, and Doggone It, People Like Me!”? Sure, he provided a great chuckle, but say that sentence aloud in front of your mirror every day and see what kind of changes it can make in your confidence. As a bonus, I bet it makes you smile! Maybe that’s not the right affirmation for you, but you get the idea!

Affirmations really do work. They change us on a cellular level. They serve as visualizations for what we want to do in our own life and set the intention to reach it. When repeated, they help us focus and create a sense of expectation about accomplishing what we confess. It creates stronger beliefs and helps rewire our brains to I CAN and I WILL if said regularly with a strong belief. Language is very powerful and we believe what we continually say.

Change YOUR tune
Garbage in, garbage out!! Affirmations are a terrific way to put more good stuff in. Here are 5 elements of a good affirmation to help you in creating your own:

1. Affirmations must be specific & measurable (just like a good goal)
2. Make it personal (“I…” or “I am…”)
3. Use the present tense
4. State your affirmation in the positive for a positive outcome
5. SUPER CHARGE your affirmation by adding EMOTIONS and feelings

Don’t forget to write them down and say them aloud!

Choose happiness…
Make a habit of associating with happy successful people. Just like our Moms told us, “You become like those you associate with!”

While we can't change some of our situations, we CAN choose how we respond to them. Reframing less desirable circumstances in a positive way can help us learn from the experience and look for hidden opportunities.

Your Guilt-Free Assignment (should you wish to accept it)
Pick one of the goals you’ve been struggling to achieve and see if you have any attitudes or beliefs that could be holding you back. Once identified, use the 5 elements above and create your own affirmation to counter that belief. Commit to choosing happiness and reciting your affirmation at the beginning and end of each day. Let me know how it’s going after a few days or a week.

If you are still struggling, let me know. I have a few more tricks up my sleeve for turning around affirmations that aren’t quite working for you.