Big Hill Goddess

Art dolls and feeding my passion

2012-02-24T22:25:00.002-06:00

If you are coming here from Swap-bot, the information you are looking for is below the first picture. Of course, you are welcome to read the entire post! It is a long post.

I mentioned in an earlier post that Lisa Swifka's post about OWOA has made me give some serious thought about what I am really passionate about creating. I have spent the last few years dabbling and having a wonderful time, but I believe it is time that I invested more of my creativity into what makes me really happy and learn and develop my skills, so that I am really good at one thing, rather than mediocre at my dabbling. I am going to feed my passion until it consumes my artistic spirit.

That passion would be art dolls and healing dolls.

I have neglected them sadly, mainly because I haven't had the energy that these require. I have decided that I need to pour the energy into them and rely on karmic law to return that energy to me. I love making healing dolls. I love creating weird and wonderful art dolls. And I love seeing others' work. I spend so much (too much) time googling images of these things. I recently introduced a friend to Pinterest and her first response was, "Where is your art doll board?" I don't have one! Yet. I have a feeling that I will have one very soon. Probably within the next day or so!

I have not made a healing doll in quite awhile The last one I ~~made~~ started was for someone that stated she had leukemia and later it was found out she faked her death and scammed a lot of people on swap-bot. I never sent it to her, mainly because the whole time I was making it, I kept having bad feelings and nothing would work right... I broke several needles, dumped trays of beads, cut my fingertip off with scissors, the cat chewed on it.... it was just a disaster. As soon as I put it away, I felt better. When her "death" was announced, I didn't believe it but kept my mouth shut, as I am apt to be very skeptical and cynical but my instinct was justified when she was found out. I burned the doll.

Bah! Anyway... I am ready to make this a positive process again.

To kick off my journey back into this medium, I am hosting a healing doll swap in the Crafty Witches group on swap-bot. Wheee! Energy required indeed! I believe it is a good start and will make me think of others, as my totem animal swap is doing. (which I stayed up all night creating, by the way. Awesome!)

I am revamping my profile to reflect this shift in my priorities, and am looking forward to planning some dolls to try new techniques and see where my imagination takes me. I will continue with my art journal and the 4x6 art journal pages, just because they also make me happy and they are not terribly time consuming. I truly believe that focusing on one main creative pursuit will only benefit me...emotionally, technically, artistically, and spiritually. I know that my dabbling over the past few years has not been satisfying. After the healing doll swap is well on its way, I plan to start an art doll series, not sure what direction that will take.

In setting up the swap, I realized I wanted to set some very strong expectations as to what a healing doll is and is not, but I didn't want to make my swap appear to be terrifyingly long, so I linked the swap to this post, so people who are thinking about signing up can come read some basic information and be linked to some wonderful inspiration.

The Dreamkeeper

Initially, the Dreamkeeper was not a healing doll to me. After he was completed and I could not let him go, I realized that he embodied so much of myself that he needed to stay close to me. The items that he is guarding within his body (close to his heart) are things that matter to me. There is a letter to the universe sealed in a tiny bottle with dried roses from the first place I ever lived alone. The befuddled, worried, and lost expression on his face mirrors how I feel most of the time.

The head was made at least a year before the doll was started. I kept looking at it and wanting to do something with it, but never could think of what to do until I started the box, which was meant to be a shadow box.

Things happened. It all came together. And it was very cathartic to make. His story is in my heart.

So.... he is a healing doll. And I love him.

The following is for swap people:

About the process-When I am making a healing doll, I light candles, make sure it is quiet or I am listening to inspirational music, meditate on my purpose, the person I am creating for, and what the intent of the doll is, then start working on the doll. Each stitch, each embellishment, each component is added with the focused intention of healing energy. I will be honest here-it can be draining. At the same time, it is empowering. I am looking forward to doing this again.

Some basic definitions from an old post of mine:

Art dolls are very loosely defined as an original work of 3D art in a doll form used for artistic expression–an emotion, an intent,a political statement, or thoughts. Reasons for creating art dolls are varied and can’t be pinned down or limited.

They can be very realistic or abstract with barely anything recognizable on them. They can be human, humanoid, anthropomorphic, alien, fantasy, sci-fi, or just about anything in between. This is what makes them interesting!

Art dolls can be made of any medium or a mix of medias, including paper. The only hard and fast rule for an art doll is that it is not meant to be played with. They are not toys.

Poppets are used in sympathetic magic, are vaguely human in form and filled with herbs, stones, or other magical items to bring about an intended change. Color correspondences and embellishments are important when poppet making.

Healing Dolls are a form of poppet. They are usually created with a very specific intent and given to the recipient as inspiration, hope, comfort, and a symbol of love and care from the doll maker. Healing dolls can also be made for yourself.

Healing dolls differ from poppets; They are meant to be given away and poppets are usually used in a ritual or spell, then kept, buried, or burned by the doll maker.

Spirit Dolls (Native American interpretation)represent or interpret guardian spirits inhabiting the forests, mountains, rivers and the plains America. Inspiration comes from nature; the colors and textures of a sunset on the open plains, the aged oak adorned in new snow, an autumn evening evolving into a star-studded twilight. (paraphrased from Ancient Ones)

Healing and Transformative Dolls blog has excellent information about the process of creating healing dolls.

Some of the most amazing stories and dolls are on Barb Kobe's Healing Dolls Blog . I absolutely love this site and enjoy reading updates. She recently posted a doll called Patty's Blessing Way that made my heart hurt, it is so powerful.

Barb Kobe has a very succinct and clear post about the 6-steps of creating a medicine doll here. I am copying it also, as it very eloquently describes my own feelings about it.

Dollmaking can help you to heal at a physical, emotional, mental and spiritual level. The essential process of healing yourself with artmaking is one involving creating change so that you can become more conscious and restore your connection to your intuition and your soul.

When you are physically ill, in pain, dealing with emotional issues, or challenged by a life changing event, you can start to heal yourself with art by opening up to your inner voices, listening to them, and allowing their messages to emerge.

Hobby Loco has some good information on techniques and some gorgeous dolls to goggle at.

Some no sew spirit dolls and tutorial from Go Make Something:

Spirit Dolls from Go Make Something

These would be so awesome using all natural elements. Years ago, Art Doll Quarterly showed some dolls like these with all sorts of charms, amulets, and gris-gris attached to the bodies. They were so amazing and I have never forgotten how I instantly felt drawn to them. Yet I have never made a doll in this style!

Interesting Hoodoo/Voodoo dolls from Planet Voodoo can be found here.

Magic Bean has a wonderful post about healing dolls, plus links to patterns and other inspiration sites.

Here is a simple (very simple) poppet pattern from Earth Witchery.

Friendship Quilters has a gallery of healing dolls from a massive swap. The whole site has a ton of inspiration, by the way.

This simple and wonderful little gem of a warrior is by Judi Wellnitz:

Warrior healing doll by Judi Wellnitz

This is a gorgeous Chakra Healing doll by Barb Kobe. As mentioned above, I am enraptured by her work. As balancing and aligning my chakras is on my list of things to accomplish throughout 2012, I was intrigued by the thought of a chakra doll.

Chakra doll by Barb Kobe

Here is a color correspondence chart and here is a general chart, or you can google, use your personal reference books, or just go with what feels right. Some sites contradict each other, so really... go with your instinct.

This is quite a bit to absorb, but I hope that if you are joining the swap and have never created a healing doll for someone else, that you look at these sites and give some thought to the powerful energy you can bring to this project and to your partner.

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Link to swap

I have asked the swap participants to answer some questions in order to really personalize the process. This was inspired by Barb Kobe. I am posting my answers here.

1.What parts of your body or spirit do you feel need healing or to be balanced? What will this doll remind you or be a symbol for?

At this moment in time, I feel that my spirit is in the most need. I have been depressed for a very long time and near the end of my endurance. I feel like a caged animal sometimes, and just want to escape and flee to a new place. The doll will remind me there is hope, love, and care in the world, that I am stronger than I think, that I do have self-worth, and that I need to look toward the light, not darkness.

2.What is your spirit seeking at this moment in time?

Freedom and security.

3.What colors are you drawn to at this moment in time? This doesn't have to be your favorite color, necessarily.

Blues and greens....watery colors.

4.What is you favorite color normally?

Garnet red

5. What element best describes you: earth, air, water, or fire?

Earth! With a touch of fire.

I tried to use the book "The Way of Four" to try to balance those other elements in my life and was just freaked out by air and water. I need to try it again, as I am working on balancing my chakras this year, as well.

6. What animal do you most closely identify with?

Moose.

Awkward, ungainly, ugly. Yet with an innate dignity and grace. And survivors.

After that, blue heron.

For a lot of the same reasons.

7. Do you have a favorite song, poem, myth, fairy tale, piece of art or quote that you always think of when times are tough? Why?

Not really. I tend to constantly be looking for new inspiration or new thoughts. With that being said, my favorite books or poetry to go to are:

Walt Whitman

Emily Dickenson

Walden by Henry David Thoreau

Gift from the Sea by Anne Morrow Lindbergh

I just find them soothing. Sometimes I read Bukowski, but he just pisses me off even more than I was when I started, so I consciously try to avoid reading him when I am not in a good place mentally.

To cheer myself up, I sometimes listen to John Lennon, Michael Frankti, Appalachian dulcimer music, or go to cute overload and squeal over the adorable animals.

8. What symbols or shapes are you drawn to? You use them in art, collect them, or always stop to look when you come across them.

Spirals. I draw them all the time. I love mazes and labyrinths.

And stars and circles.

9. Do you have a guardian spirit or angel? Do you see this spirit as male or female?

I tend to think of and mentally talk to a male spirit; not necessarily an angel, but a guardian deity. Sometimes my journal entries are letters/questions strongly slanted toward this spirit. I find that if I direct my questions outwardly, they are easier to process internally. He is faceless and nameless.

I also feel empowered by the presence of a very voluptuous goddess figure. She is also faceless and kinda shadowy, but sometimes makes her presence known very forcibly. When I saw this avatar:

Cannot locate source. Do you know it?

I immediately associated it with the guardian goddess presence which I find intriguing. I wish she would come out more, but it seems that she is okay with remaining in the background.

Is there anything else you would like to share with the person creating your healing doll?

Not posting this answer publicly.

Thanks for spending time with me today. It's always a pleasure to have you as a guest! Love to you and yours, Angie

Ostara Quilt Block, 4x6 Art Journal Page

2012-02-23T13:03:00.002-06:00

******************SWAP SPOILERS****************

I completed 2 more swaps!

This is my 4x6 art journal page for the theme-flowers. I love this background and have been hoarding it. I decided to let it go for this swap, as the swirly bits go well with the circles of the flowers. It is very simple, but I find that nowadays, I just lean toward a simpler style.

art journal pages

And I finished my 2nd block in the Wheel of the Year quilt block swap (that's a mouthful!). This is for Ostara.

Wheel of the Year quilt block swap: Ostara

I have another block in the works that is slightly different, but trying to clear my dashboard because I am hosting 2 swaps that are fairly time consuming. With that being said, I have made a great start. The swap is for a card (ATC, inchies, postcard, whatever) plus a gift, with the theme being your partner's totem animal or favorite animal. One of my partners has turtle, the other white fox, with both of them listing bear as second totem. I am very excited about this swap.

After this, other than the quilt block swaps and the 4x6 pages (which are quick and fun), I am going to focus on my art dolls. I mentioned in a previous post that OWOA requirements made me really think about what my artistic passion is. It is art and healing dolls. That is what I truly love doing and I have neglected it. So in the future, I am going to develop my skills in this area. I am still going to work in my art journal and try new techniques, but a lot of the painting and composition techniques I learn while working in my art journal are easily transferred to art dolls. With that in mind, I am going to host a healing doll swap-with a list of 10-15 questions that must be answered by your partner before you start.

And I started on a personal doll today. It is a nice break from job hunting.

Thanks for spending time with me today. It's always a pleasure to have you as a guest! Love to you and yours, Angie

Internet drama, flaming, confusion.... I just wanted to join a mixed media art community!

2012-02-20T18:51:00.000-06:00

At the beginning of the year, I embarked on an exciting new project, and was really looking forward to coming out of my shell and joining a group of like-minded art journal enthusiasts. My creativity was almost zero for the past year and a half and something about this project drew me in completely.

Impulsively (out of character), I clicked "join" as soon as I stumbled across it.And WOW! From the very first moment, my creativity went into overdrive and I started a new art journal, started some art journal tip-ins on swap-bot, just really got my groove back. I ~~was~~ am so grateful for this. I spent the bulk of January and early February processing the crappiness of my present existence, which helped me cope so much better. For that, if nothing else, I thank the person who started this process.

There is a Facebook group for the members, which I also joined, as it is an easy way to carry on a dialogue and also to see all the eye candy, because the 400+ members are posting their art journal pages. SO much inspiration.

But......

After a few weeks, I started to see dramas. This is normal for groups that are forming; management 101. For a group this size, I was amazed there wasn't more drama. I tend to disregard these, but I observed a couple of things on the part of the group owner that really made me sit back, watch carefully, and decide to stop offering so much of myself to the group. At the same time, I was still caught up in the "high" of being able to work in my art journal again, so I still was a fan of the group and the group owner. Then I realized that I was not seeing the drama because as soon as someone was less than glitter-flinging-oh-yes-this-is-perfect-and-I-love-everyone-and-yes-I-agree-with-everything..... they were removed from the group and the thread was deleted.

Now, removing someone from the group is one thing. Your group, you may have whomever you wish. But I detest censorship, and I also detest seeing comments by members that make no sense because I was not privy to the deleted thread. (I have to sleep at some point) See my rant about deleting forum posts here. So I backed off even more. I have been popping into the FB group occasionally for inspiration and to offer support and artistic appreciation for the lovely people that are active in the group. Other than that, just haven't posted, because I don't care to give so much of myself to a group that I feel is unstable and will most likely self-implode.

The owner has repeatedly posted links to her blog, or made comments about how she has been wronged, all without giving any specifics, and all without admitting there may be another side to the story... (there is ALWAYS another side). Worse, after these posts are up for a bit and people have commented and given her attention and support, she announces she is just tired of the drama and deletes the post.

Then does it again. And again. And again.

Ever hear the term, "energy vampire?"

I just don't have the energy to feed this kind of drama. I have my own REAL issues.

One night, she directed us to a blog (see disclosure below) which was a very polite yet firm retraction of an endorsement of her and her group. The comments made, by the owner of the group, and commenters who had the other side of the story referenced above, made me reach out and try to learn more about what has caused all this drama.

I really don't give a rat's ass about internet drama. But here's the thing. I do not want to be associated with someone that is suckering people, bullying people, stalking people, or just being an all-around bitch. So I reached out, got a few answers, still no specifics, but did get enough to poke around some more.

And I was appalled. People make mistakes. People are misunderstood. People just don't know their ass from a hole in the ground. And that is what happened. But aside from mistakes, misunderstandings, and pure idiocy, there seems to be some real maliciousness. Not just by the owner of the group (named below) but by others also. But the bulk of the drama is swirling around and has been instigated by the energy vampire/group owner. These are events that happened months ago. And there is still bitterness, strife, blog rants, and a division in the mixed media online community because of it. That there is so much hurt and anger after a long period tells me just how much this woman has damaged people that thought she was a friend.

I am not even going to comment on the fact that I have seen a direct copy of other artists' work (from the book 1000 Artist Journal Pages) with no acknowledgment of source or inspiration. Someone else has taken that gauntlet up. I can barely comment on this, because I am not directly involved. But I wish that everyone would just just come out and tell their stories.... like a round table of blog posts. Someone did give their story today... which is what prompted my post. It's another piece in this very ugly puzzle. Link is further down.

I didn't know that when I signed up for a "year long exploration into developing a daily art journal practice" that there would be so much soul searching about the group owner. This was supposed to be about ME and my creative journey. And it is NOT going to be about the group owner any longer. As soon as this is posted, I am removing myself from the group before I am forcibly removed. I am grateful for the spark that got me started, but I am not looking for drama, not looking to take sides, I just want to enjoy my creative process in my art journal.

That's it.

And in the interest of full disclosure:

The group is Book of Days by Effy Wild. The FB group is Sisterhood of the Book.

02/05, Satina at Flighty Artist posted a very brief and polite blog post that she was no longer endorsing Effy Wild's group, which was her prerogative. I observed the FB thread that led to Satina being removed from the FB group, and honestly felt that the whole thing was a molehill/mountain situation, but this was one of the threads that was eventually removed, instead of leaving it and just burying it. It may be deleted, but I remember it. You can't erase the past by deleting a post. Others remember it also. There are even screen caps of it. Effy linked to the blog post 02/06 (I would have never known about it otherwise....), made some very drama filled comments to the blog post, then after a short period of drama and poor me festival on FB, she announced she was tired of the drama and deleted HER OWN POST that had directed everyone to the drama.

The comments on that blog post are what really led me to watch the FB group carefully. I was also removed from Satina's FB group, so Satina is exercising her right to have whom she wants in her group also! No hard feelings. I refuse to get bent out of shape over this type of thing. I still enjoy her blog, so aside from the drama I just mentioned, anyone who reads this... go check it out.

I had decided that I would stay in the group on FB, simply because I enjoy the company of some of the ladies that post there. I have 12 emails linking to Effy's video stream with the journal prompts and techniques that I just haven't had the heart to open. I have just been doing my own thing.

But again....today.... a blog post was brought to my attention via Effy, that has made me decide I just don't want to participate at all. I am sure that Effy will delete her FB post later, but it doesn't matter. I am done.

I am of the opinion that people should be able to have access to more of the story, so I am linking to the blog posts that made up my mind tonight.

In the comments on Satina's blog, someone named Maisy is mentioned a couple of times. She has a great blog, but the one telling of her experiences with Effy is here. This is the blog post that Effy hints at in her post linked above.

Christy of Gulfsprite Studios is one of the people I reached out to, trying to find out if I wanted to continue my association with the Book of Days. She has a blog post here referencing Maisy's post and an amazing art piece referencing the drama here. I am really nuts about Christy's artwork and am glad I discovered it. I am still unclear what part she plays in this, but it doesn't matter. I joined her art geeks group and there is nothing personal mentioned there. It's about art journals. Which is what I was looking for.

I am not the only person trying to find out what happened, not out of idle curiosity, but to keep our names from being associated with negativity. I wish that I had had all this information before I got caught up in the Book of Days group. I would never have joined, just because I would have been afraid of being personally touched by the drama. I have not been touched by any of it yet, but I am afraid it is just a matter of time. This has nothing to do with what Effy has done or not done in the past, it is based on what I personally have observed, mainly the censorship in the FB group, as well as contradictory mission statements.

This is why I linked to these blog posts. Separately, they mean nothing. All together, they really give a picture and it is not a pretty one. I am still confused. I don't know the whole picture. At this point, I don't even care. I just want to enjoy my Book of Days and being able to express myself creatively. And I think the way to do this is to just bow out of the group and keep doing my own thing.

I am sad, mainly because the camaraderie in the FB group has been awesome, but I think it is healthier to step back and go back into my hermit cave. This group is about spiritual and creative exploration, which leads to a bond and a certain intimacy between the members. While I feel comfortable with the women I have interacted with so far, I am just not willing to risk giving of myself either directly or by offering support to those that do want to share, as long as the group is hosted by Effy. Will continue to seek.

Thanks for spending time with me today. It's always a pleasure to have you as a guest! Love to you and yours, Angie

Jack White-Love Interruption

2012-02-19T20:11:00.001-06:00

Big fan of Jack White. Loved White Stripe. Was thrilled when he came to Nashville.

I am slightly buzzed on hard cider, which I bought with a Christmas gift card to celebrate the fact that Richard starts work tomorrow and I started today... mine is just extremely part time (less than 20 hours a week) doing link building and SEO, but it is a start.

Thank you, universe.

In the midst of my buzzed and happy internet hopping, I found this!

And I am in love. This is just fabulous. I am so thrilled to see and hear this. And amused that even when Jack White goes solo, he is sharing the limelight. :D

Thanks for spending time with me today. It's always a pleasure to have you as a guest! Love to you and yours, Angie

Art Journal Pages

2012-02-19T14:28:00.003-06:00

I finished the 3rd page for the angel project. I can mail these out Tuesday. Yippee!

I ~~was~~ am still hungry. That dictated the page I did. :D

I used a page that I painted some time ago, then bordered it with some things I found in my paper drawer last night. I was going to hand write the recipes, but I couldn't get them all on one side of the cards, so decided to type them up. The cards are detachable; I used eyelets and slits in the paper to get them on the page.

Art journal pages

The scan was a little blurry, which I did not realize until I had packed the page up. Here are the recipes.... The spaghetti carbonara took me 5 years to get perfect. I love this and only make it 2-3 times a year. Guess what we are having tonight! The raspberry thumbprints have won bake-offs for me. And it is always requested by my kids and friends at Christmas.

Spaghetti Carbonara

1 pound spaghetti 4 eggs

1 tablespoon olive oil 1/2 cup heavy cream

8 slices pancetta, diced 2 1/2 cups grated Parmigiano-Reggiano cheese

1 tablespoon olive oil salt and black pepper to taste

1 onion, chopped 2 tablespoons chopped fresh parsley

1 clove garlic, minced

1/4 cup dry white wine (optional)

In a large pot of boiling salted water, cook spaghetti pasta until al dente. Drain well. Toss with 1 tablespoon of olive oil, and set aside.

Meanwhile in a large skillet, cook chopped pancetta until slightly crisp; remove and drain onto paper towels. Reserve 2 tablespoons of bacon fat; add remaining 1 tablespoon olive oil, and heat in same skillet. Add chopped onion, and cook over medium heat until onion is translucent. Add minced garlic, and cook 1 minute more. Add wine if desired; cook one more minute.

Return cooked bacon to pan; add cooked and drained spaghetti. Toss to coat and heat through, adding more olive oil if it seems dry or is sticking together.

Remove from heat.

Mix the beaten eggs, cream, cheese, and salt and pepper, then slowly stir into skillet, stirring constantly, until eggs are set and sauce is smooth and creamy.

Top with parsley.

Raspberry Thumbprint Cookies

1 cup butter, softened 1/2 cup confectioners' sugar

2/3 cup white sugar 3/4 teaspoon almond extract

1/2 teaspoon almond extract 1 teaspoon milk

2 cups all-purpose flour

1/2 cup seedless raspberry jam

Preheat oven to 350 degrees F

In a medium bowl, cream together butter and white sugar until smooth. Mix in 1/2 teaspoon almond extract. Mix in flour until dough comes together. Roll dough into 1 1/2 inch balls, and place on ungreased cookie sheets. Make a small hole in the center of each ball, and fill the hole with 1/4-1/2 tsp jam. Place in freezer 15 minutes, otherwise the cookies spread too much and the jam flows out.

Bake for 14 to 18 minutes in preheated oven, or until lightly browned. Let cool 1 minute on the cookie sheet.

In a medium bowl, mix together the confectioners' sugar, 3/4 teaspoon almond extract, and milk until smooth. Drizzle lightly over warm cookies.

Thanks for spending time with me today. It's always a pleasure to have you as a guest! Love to you and yours, Angie

Art Journal Pages

2012-02-17T22:27:00.000-06:00

For an angel on swap-bot. A group of us are angeling this to help out the person who was to initially send, due to some very rough personal hardships/emergencies. The project was to create an art journal with 15-20 pages, with suggested prompts. I am doing three pages, but finished these two.

Prompt: I have a dream. I didn't want to give this one up, but I printed a copy to add to my own journal.

art journal pages

Prompt: Read this book!

Art journal pages

Thanks for spending time with me today. It's always a pleasure to have you as a guest! Love to you and yours, Angie

New Chairs for $0.00 !!!!

2012-02-17T10:21:00.002-06:00

A couple of months ago, Richard and I picked up some really rough looking chairs by the side of the road. They were really ugly, but had good bones. And they were FILTHY!

BEFORE

The person who had them before obviously had no clue how to reupholster a dining room chair. The red one is a piece of ~~felt~~ I-am-not-sure-what-fabric. It was really icky feeling. And it was tacked onto the chair:

Hideous, right?

But good bones.

One of them also needed a little repair, as the brace was cracked. I glued, reinforced with a piece of wood, then put new screws in that corner.

I had absolutely no money to spend on these chairs, so I used what I had on hand. I had sandpaper, just enough white paint to put 3 coats on each chair, some clearcoat (The backs got skipped) and fabric and staples for the seats.

I am mostly pleased with the way they turned out.

AFTER

Slinky seems to like them also!

Thanks for spending time with me today. It's always a pleasure to have you as a guest! Love to you and yours, Angie

SWAP SPOILERS**Art journal pages, dotees, and a tea wallet giveaway?

2012-02-14T11:20:00.001-06:00

I have been working on quite a few craft projects, mainly as a way to process some of what I am going through, as a distraction, and just to hide away. I am still working on my Ostara quilt block and it is coming along nicely.

I joined a series of 4x6 art journal page swaps on swap-bot. I have made many more than needed for the swap (which will never be shown here), simply because I enjoy working with this size. I just can't seem to get into ATCs, inchies, twinchies, and so on. Skinnies.....okay, I like those too, but really, the 4x6 size is best for me.

The purple page to the right is for the theme: LOVE. It is acrylics, a torn songbook page, embellished with lace and a silver heart. Around the edge, I wrote a quote from Vita Sackville-West: "There is nothing more lovely in life than the union of two people whose love for one another has grown through the years from the small acorn of passion to a great rooted tree."

The page to the left was for a song lyric challenge. I chose Dream a Little Dream, as that song is one of my absolute favorites. Cass Elliot's version makes me get all misty-eyed, no matter how many times I have heard it.

It is freehand drawing with colored pencils, a medium that I am very slowly becoming more comfortable with. After the picture was complete, I typed up the lyric, then pasted it on the page.

I have to say... I was a little afraid to send both of these, because they seem so simple. However, I did put a lot of time and thought into them, love the way they turned out, and I hope my recipients enjoy them.

Here is Cass Elliot on the Smothers Brothers show singing this wonderful little song. I am not a fan of the idea of turning it into something funny, but whatever. Enjoy the song. It's beautiful, as was Cass Elliot and her amazing voice.

I also made a dotee this week. It is what I call an instant gratification craft because they come together so quickly, they are so simple to create. I noticed that someone on swap-bot mentions on her profile that she has never seen a dotee in real life, plus collects witches, so how could I resist?

I mentioned a few posts back that I made a couple of tea wallets that are a little wonky. I would like to offer a giveaway for these, but not sure if there is any interest in tea wallets that have stitching a bit off kilter.

And I am not sure if I want to offer them here or via swap-bot. I just don't know what else to do with them, as they are not perfect enough for selling and I made others for gifts. These were just practice ones.

I think they turned out cute, despite the unevenness. I just don't know if anyone else would like them!

I have been giving a lot of thought to OWOA and what I would like to showcase and give as a gift. I like to dabble in so many things, it's not funny. However, I am still enraptured by the heart motif and will be doing something with those. Maybe a bowl of ornaments? I have made quite a few of these hearts and just love them. Recently, I started (but did not finish) some quilted hearts. They are flatter, so easier to mail. Very folk artish and primitive. Maybe I will finish these and offer those.

The whole idea of OWOA is to show your passion, which made me really think. As mentioned, I enjoy dabbling in a lot of things. But if I had to narrow it, I would say that sewing small ornaments and art dolls is what makes me happiest. Second place would be my art journal, but I am not sending that to anyone! It's made me wonder if I should give up the dabbling and focus on the one thing that makes me happiest, and become an expert rather than a dabbler. Still mulling that over.

I have been looking so hard for a job that I am getting desperate and applying for jobs that I am not qualified for, jobs I am over-qualified for, jobs that I know I will hate.... I just need a job. But I have really been thinking about the whole process and wondering why it is so hard for someone to do what they really love. It has made me give serious though to what my dream job would be. I haven't come to any real conclusions yet, but I know that it would not include being on the phone all day, which is what I have been doing for the past 6 years.

People scare me

2012-02-10T14:21:00.000-06:00

Two people murdered for unfriending someone on Facebook.
Really.

And there are people who wonder why I prefer to be around dogs and why I don't friend just anyone on Facebook. See previous rant. I enjoy Facebook. I have connected with high school friends. I have been able to keep in touch with family members that I otherwise would not have. It's fun to touch base so easily and quickly, as well as frequently.

But.....

But....

Enough.

People are crazy. They scare me.

I know there is more to this story that what was written. There has to be. But even the slightest connection to this kind of craziness is pushing me closer to deactivating my account.

A few weeks ago, I unfriended a former coworker that I felt was becoming unhinged. She messaged me a few times, trying to be friended again, then when I failed to reply, she got fairly abusive. (Really. Why would you beg to be a friend on Facebook with someone who is, at best, an acquaintance only?) I blocked her, but I have often wondered if the next thing would be for her to start calling me or showing up at my door. So far, nothing, but it does make me feel a bit concerned.

And I am not going to rant over this, because I just don't have the energy.... but all these people that post all damn day? Go take a walk. Talk to your children. Read a book. Play with your dog. Take a class. Call your actual friends and go out to dinner. Get off the computer!

Thanks for spending time with me today. It's always a pleasure to have you as a guest! Love to you and yours, Angie

Don't post unless you mean it

2012-02-07T00:29:00.001-06:00

Obligatory PSA-What follows is a passive aggressive attempt to vent my frustrations. I know it is passive-aggressive and I apologize for the offense I am about to inflict. This is my blog. I will post what I want. And be advised that a lot of my frustration stems from my own personal problems (see previous posts) and makes eensy little irritations into big issues. Whatever. I am venting. Getting out of my system so I can move on.

****Added after post was written and scanned for grammatical errors (there are many): This is rambling. Almost stream of consciousness! All over the place! No sleep. Major back and leg pain. Stress. Tramadol. Lortab. Nuff said.

I become very irritated when people post on blogs, Facebook, Twitter, or what-have-you.... get drama stirred up amongst everyone who reads the post, then delete the post in a big "woe is me" flounce. It has happened several times lately, both with people I know and care about and on various sites I belong to and read as an amusement. Lately, it has escalated from irritation to full-blown anger, simply because it seems to be a trend, especially on Facebook.

Sidenote: I generally keep my Facebook post down to one or two per day and they are usually a YouTube video, a cool quote, or just something silly. I very seldom post a lot of personal crap there, and most people on my FB list don't have my blog address. There are various reasons for that, but that's not important. Compartmentalizing, really.

Where was I going with this? Oh yeah.

When people start posting a gazillion times a day, I remove them from my feed. (I removed my husband for awhile because he posted 8 YouTube videos in a row.... I am impartial about this)
When people start spouting tons of religious stuff or political stuff constantly and that is the bulk of their posts, I remove them from my feed.
Most of all, if people use Facebook as a way to moan and groan constantly, stir up drama, and seek negative attention, I remove them from my feed. And most of the time, I go ahead and delete them from my friend's list. It's just not worth it, you know?

Here's the thing. If YOU post something on the internet that you know good and damn well is inflammatory, then people comment, then YOU post that you are removing it because YOU are tired of the drama....well, your credibility is lessened. If you do it more than once, your credibility is null. Zip. Zero. YOU are a drama queen. Period. There is simply no other conclusion to be made. Then, when people refer to the (now deleted)post in other threads, it is just fueling the drama. And confusion.

It is bad enough when these are personal posts. When it is forum threads in a moderated group, it just smacks so much of censorship that it makes my blood boil. Why would you decide to repeatedly post rants and raves so you get sympathy from people that genuinely care about you, then delete them? Then post another one, reference the previous episode, then delete that one? And do it again and again and again? I genuinely do no understand. It just leaves everything hanging and nothing after it makes any sense. PLUS, just because it no longer matters to you, it may be relevant to other members and you are depriving other people from reading and drawing their own conclusions. Control freak as well as drama queen?

I do think that threads should be locked or buried if they get too inflammatory. But if there is a respectful dialogue and meaningful participation, even if it is painful, it should stay. As mentioned, deleting it does not make it disappear from memory.

I do realize, if it is your site, your group, you can do whatever you want. If I wanted to, I could moderate the comments posted to this blog. But I won't. I could post this, upset several people, then delete it. But I won't. It's a personal choice. I am posting it. And I will stand by it. If I know that I may regret posting something later.... it goes in a private post. Simple. I am not saying that I haven't regretted posting things. I have. But I did it and I am not going to pretend it didn't happen by deleting it and going on my merry way.

This post was prompted (as I mentioned earlier) by more than one episode by more than one person, on more than one site. Is this a trend? I googled and found several sites devoted to Facebook stupid drama. Yikes. I belong to a group on Facebook that I enjoy very much; the camaraderie and joy there have meant a lot to me. But in the past 3 days, there have been multiple threads started and deleted in the name of moderation. This is not moderation.

It is upsetting and has caused me to pull back and take a second look at what is really going on underneath the surface. And let me make this very clear. This is a very specific behavior and has no bearing on any other interaction I may have with you (one of my very favoritest people in the world recently started this baffling behavior). This is something I have personally observed on more than one occasion and I have formed my own conclusions, with absolutely no discussion about it with anyone else. That is how I roll. I sit back and watch and form my own conclusions.

I appreciate moderation: keeping trolls out, flame wars doused, spam deleted, and keeping a respectful and fostering environment. Beyond that, I feel that it is important to allow people to observe, question, and form their own opinions. And I don't believe in erasing history. I feel that starting "poor me" threads, getting support and sympathy, then deleting the post only to post another, is not justifiable in any way.The more it happens, the more likely you are going to foster discontent and apprehension, and lose support.

And deep down, I am sorry that someone needs that kind of attention. It is negative attention and really is not healthy. That someone needs that kind of energy is just sad. Worse is seeing people that I love and care about engaging in this irrational and destructive behavior. It puts me in a position of either removing them from my feed (effectively ignoring them) or trying to talk to them, which may cause family tension, loss of friends, being kicked out of groups.... and so on.

Rant over.

Tramadol is really kicking in, so I am going to curl up with my heating pad and cat and try to sleep.

Thanks for spending time with me today. It's always a pleasure to have you as a guest! Love to you and yours, Angie

After that horrible Monday

2012-02-05T02:21:00.000-06:00

.... the rest of the week was bad, but not so bad in comparison. I took my day off on Tuesday, but Richard kept trying to talk to me about Monday, which infuriated me. I finally told him I did not want to talk at all. Period.

I spent the day working in my Book of Days and planning my next quilt blocks.

Wednesday, I went back to DHS. I got there at 5:00 AM and stood in line until they opened at 6:30. I left at noon, but I got it all completed and approved. We were put on the expedited list because we have had no income since mid-December. We should have the card within a week. We also got a list of food banks.

More humiliation.

I insisted that Richard go to the food bank, as I was just not up for more begging. I was surprised at how much we got, as well as the variety. Sure there was Ramen and cheap mac & cheese, but also a large pork loin, bread, vegetables, eggs, and so on. So we are okay there, thank you Universe.

The very last of our savings went to rent and bills. We have enough left for gas and pet food, and small incidentals, but that's the last of our resources. Something has to happen in the next couple of weeks. I am trying to stay positive, but it is damn hard.

Thursday, more resumes and online apps. I also went back to the fast food places I already applied at. Nothing.

Friday, cleaned house and did laundry, and more resumes. Cut cable off and discussed turning off my phone. I hesitate to do that, as it keeps me in touch with kids, plus I have sent all these resumes out with this number on it. I had some serious nightmares that night, so did not sleep well. I also woke up lying on my back and was so stiff I could not roll over. Scary. My back is very painful now.

Positive news: I was chosen as one of the book givers on World Book Night. I can't wait to find out which books I am giving.

Saturday (yesterday), I worked on a couple of chairs I am repainting and recovering seats. I am hoping they will look good enough to sell on Craigslist when I am done. We picked them up on the side of the road a few months ago and they were just tucked in a corner, not doing anyone any good. I also worked on my quilt blocks.

Today is Sunday. I am taking another day off. I am just too tired to face job hunting. And my back is killing me.

Thanks for spending time with me today. It's always a pleasure to have you as a guest! Love to you and yours, Angie

A zero day

2012-01-31T09:45:00.001-06:00

Yesterday, I sat for over 5 hours at DHS, waiting to apply for food stamps, and my name was never called. This was one of the most humiliating and depressing things I have had to do in a long time, something I never thought I would be forced to do. Especially at this point in my life.

I applied online earlier in the month and received an "appointment" letter stating I needed to be at the office between 6:30 AM and 9:00 AM. Early for a night owl.... I dragged myself out of the bed, rode a bus for 45 minutes, then walked a mile, all before 7:00 and with no coffee. I arrived a little after 7:00, so I thought I might be done and back home by 11:00 to walk YoYo and then go for another round of job hunting.

As I sat there hour after hour, I learned from others that my "appointment" was just to make another damn appointment. WHAT? WHAT THE FUCK! Now, I was told to be there by 9:00. At 10:30, I asked the receptionist if I had missed my name because of all the noise. No, they hadn't called me. At 11:00, I had a headache of epic proportions. At 12:30, I gave up and left.

Which means I have to go back.

I did verify that yes, I filled out an online app and the appointment was just to make another appointment. Thank you government for using my 25 years of tax dollars so wisely and efficiently. That's 5 1/2 hours and 3.40 bus fare that I will never get back. For NOTHING! It was a pointless exercise. All it did was reinforce my depression and feelings of hopelessness and helplessness. Thank you.

Then I came home around 1:30 to, "I'm sorry you had such a rough time. I'm hungry, what's for supper?" Well, there is leftover potato soup in the fridge, left over couscous.... help yourself dammit. You already ate all the cornbread and left none for me, so you obviously know there is food there. I just want a fucking cup of coffee and a handfule of Excedrin before I decide to kill you, me, and whoever owns the car that sits outside the apartment with the car alarm going off every few hours. Unbelievable.

Speaking of coffee.... I bought Kroger brand in an effort to stretch our grocery budget. It is disgusting.

So, I spent the rest of the evening in a slump, lying on the bed staring at the ceiling, trying to distract myself with Pinterest, art, sewing, reading.... it was a long evening. I finally ventured back downstairs to eat some potato soup, then came back upstairs. After a bit, bacon wafted upstairs, which made my mouth water. Was there any for me? No. Of course not.

I am so sick of this. I don't know how much more I can stand. I advised Richard that I am taking a zero day today. I am not haunting the job ads, I am not going to do one damn thing. I wish he would get off his lazy ass and take pictures of the telescope and backpack and get them posted. I have only been asking for 2 months now. Or fill out the forms for the unclaimed money. That's a couple hundred we could use. But no.... it's all left up to me.

What a useless husband. Who will be an ex-husband at some point, I am sure. Or a widower.

I stopped and checked my bp: 226/174. No surprise there. My legs are all swollen again, too.

Rant over.
Zero day starts now.

Thanks for spending time with me today. It's always a pleasure to have you as a guest! Love to you and yours, Angie

Art Journal Pages

2012-01-27T01:25:00.001-06:00

SWAP SPOILER***********

I have done a few 4x6 art journal pages the past couple of days. I am signed up for a series of swaps for these. I enjoy using this size to create things, much more than an ATC, inchie, or a larger size. It works for me. I made 6 pages, but am only posting 3.

This first one is for a swap. The challenge was to do a magazine collage. I had so much fun doing this. It was therapeutic. The images came from Flea Market Style, Cottage Style, Romantic Homes, and Better Homes & Gardens DIY.

magazine collage for art journal page

I made another one, that I am adding to my book of days. I went in a different direction for this one, using the images to create pictures, rather than just layering items.

magazine collage for art journal page

And I had to play with the acrylic paints, of course. I like the way this turned out. The picture looks like there are white splotches, but really, it is silver sheen. I am sending this one as a RAK to the host of the art journal page swaps.

art journal page~ hearts

Thanks for spending time with me today. It's always a pleasure to have you as a guest! Love to you and yours, Angie

Random updates

2012-01-21T14:36:00.000-06:00

No luck on job hunt. I have sent a total of 24 resumes or online apps this week. Two interviews, neither of which I felt good about afterwards. Richard is having no luck either. He is leaving for an interview in Franklin in a bit and I have mixed feelings about it. He needs a job, but I am not sure our POS car is up to that commute.

I am extremely worried about rent and bills for February. I applied for unemployment, it was denied because my doctor did not fill out the paperwork properly. The appeals process can take another month, by which time I will be homeless. Again. Richard has not heard yet on his unemployment benefits.

Having Richard here all the time is making me crazy. I tried to get him to go camping while the weather was nice and he wouldn't go. I swear, I look at him and get irritated. Since he follows me room to room, I am in a constant bad mood.

With all that, I am still trying to be positive.

I finished a final block for the Imbolc Quilt Block Swap. I just was not completely happy with the one I was going to send. I actually wove a St. Brigid's cross, then appliqued it onto a blue background. Still not perfect, but I am out of appropriate fabric for this theme, so it has to be it.

Imbolc quilt block for Wheel of the Year Quilt swap

I hope she likes it!

I also made some tea wallets and pocket tissue holders as practice for some actual gifts. They are far from perfect, so I will offer them as a giveaway at some point. They turned out nicely, but the stitching is not even on one side and they are a few minor flaws. I promptly tucked one in my purse, however, and will be proud to use it in public.

I worked in my Book of Days this week, but there was a lot of black paint used. The journaling part was pretty intense also, so not posting any pics of it this week.

I was really looking forward to Our World, Our Art but not sure if I will be able to participate. It has been delayed, so still hoping. I have been looking forward to it for a year now.

I have started working on my giveaway, I am going to trust in the universe to provide me with a job, allow me to keep my apartment, and take part in something that brings so much joy to me.

Thanks for spending time with me today. It's always a pleasure to have you as a guest! Love to you and yours, Angie

Book of Days~ Week One

2012-01-10T16:59:00.009-06:00

This year, I did not make any New Year's Resolutions. Instead, I am choosing a word to focus on. I have come across this idea before and found it interesting, but never really gave it much thought. Because 2011 was so rough (health, finances, jobs, marital strife, emotional issues) and resolutions went to hell in a handbasket, I wanted to do something for ME this year that would help me focus, and let all the details slide on by.

The word I chose is

ABUNDANCE

I had a ~~list~~ scribbled mass of words that resonated with me:

and thought about it for a week or so. I chose Abundance, simply because it covers what I need in my life. Abundance is not all about material wealth, although I am trying to improve that too! I would like to see more of quite a few things: love, peace, creativity, time, generosity, freedom.....well, the list goes on and on. And it ties into the book, Simple Abundance, which I will be reading daily this year. That might be a resolution, but it goes hand in hand with my Book of Days project, so just going with the flow.

Book of Days

I stumbled across this and it sparked so much creativity, I am on overload. This is a project by Effy Wild of Wild Precious Studio. It is a commitment to develop your art journal practice, which I sadly neglected last year. I missed it, but I got to the point that I would just sit and stare at the page and then get up and go do other things. Very sad, it was. But I just couldn't seem to generate any energy or enthusiasm.

I am hoping that I will have an ABUNDANCE of energy and enthusiasm for this the entire year.

I started gathering a few things last week, and started the book on Friday night. And yet again, I am kicking myself for giving away all my art supplies a few years ago. This definitely stretched my resources and creativity, because I really don't have anything. I will have to buy paint in a week or so, if I want to continue the book the way I started it. And not sure how that will work, as I still have no job.

And I am not focusing on that for this post. I am trusting the universe to provide me with a job, as I am doing my part in actively looking.

Anyways. I sat and stared at my book for a long time. I couldn't decide between an altered book, a scrapbook, or a composition book. I was afraid I would just end up journaling, with no art aspect, if I chose the comp book, so I quickly put that away. I ultimately decided on an altered book, as I used to love that, and I am hoping it will spark some really great creativity.

I am altering a book called "Those Who Love," which is about John and Abigail Adams. It is old, and the pages are chewed and coming out. It is a nice big book, so should last at least 1/2 the year.

Here is the cover:

Book of Days Altered Book

This has about a gazillion layers, because I kept changing my mind. I decided on the blues and greens because they are my favorites, and added an image of the Wheel of the Year that I love. Hard to see in the picture, but the moon phases are going around the tree and the outer circle.

The butterflies are for transformation. And just because I like them!

The first spread we did was letters to 2011 and 2012. I just did little notes, as I have my own private ritual for that. I kept this spread intentionally simple.

Book of Days Altered Book

The rainy picture sums up pretty much what I felt about 2011. I felt like I was hunched over and just trying to make it through the bad weather all year long. I used pockets in the middle to tuck in tags, which have my notes to the years on them.

Book of Days Altered Book

The 2012 page is the very first thing I painted in 2012, and represents a hope that I spend more time with nature this year. Camping, maybe. Definitely more star gazing.

The second spread is about the word I chose for the year. I was ridiculously pleased with the way it turned out:

Book of Days Altered Book

I wanted a sunny yellow, just to express hope, happiness, and light. I drew the picture on sketch paper, using koh-i-noor colored pencils. She is joyfully catching all the abundance being sent to her.

On the right is an old ATC I made to represent myself, which has the coffee cup overflowing. The white strips are affirmations that I am using to reinforce my word for the year. They are also being used on my visualization board.

Here are the affirmations:

Book of Days Altered Book-Affirmations

The last spread of the week was journaling. I am going to keep writing in my regular journal, plus I blog and update on Facebook, so not going to focus a lot on this aspect of the journal. I used snippets and highlights, just brief reminders of the week. I also added my daily walking mileage. I track this on MapMyWalk, but wanted a reminder here. I am not sure if it will go on every week, but we'll see.....

I started the year with a migraine, which started on New Year's Eve. It seemed a fitting way to end the year, but I was not thrilled to start the new year that way.

Book of Days Altered Book

I am really excited to start this project and I am enjoying the community on Facebook as well. There is so much love and support, so definitely a positive thing to have in my life.

Thanks for spending time with me today. It's always a pleasure to have you as a guest! Love to you and yours, Angie

Quilt Blocks Part 2

2012-01-07T22:09:00.000-06:00

SWAP SPOILER

I posted a quilt block in previous post that needed some modifications. I made a better block today, so it is ready to swap. I also made an alternate block. The embroidery part is intentionally ragged. The settings on my new sewing machine are taking some getting used to. After I did one line, I looked at it and decided I really liked the roughness of the stitches. It seems a little more like wheat? I dunno, I decided to leave it and keep going.

Imbolc Quilt Block

Thanks for spending time with me today. It's always a pleasure to have you as a guest! Love to you and yours, Angie

Quilt Blocks

2012-01-04T21:26:00.001-06:00

SWAP SPOILER

I am embarking on a year long project to make a Wheel of the Year quilt. I am making 2 blocks for each sabbat, one to keep, one to swap. The 9th block will be a personal magic block. When all is said and done, I should have 2 quilt tops, one made by me, one made by friends. :)

The first one is for Imbolc.

I have not done any piecework in ages. AGES!!! So, I have been reading, looking at pictures for inspiration, and graphing out what I wanted. Initially, I was going to do a 4-block square, and embroider symbols of Imbolc: candles, sheep, St Brigid's cross, and a besom. I started it, but it just will not come together, so I put it to the side. Today, I drew a St Brigid's cross and started cutting strips. The challenge was that I cannot go out and buy fabric, so I had to use what is on hand. I managed to find some navy blue for the background and and an assortment of yellows for the wheat, and decided to put a red block in the center.

The end result is not perfect, but I am going to make 2 more blocks since I have worked out how it should be put together. They will be measured more evenly!

St Brigid's Cross Quilt Block

I realize it is not even in a couple of places, but considering how long since I attempted anything other than a basic 9-patch or a crazy quilt (which throws all the rules out!), I was ridiculously pleased. And as I said, I will make more and better blocks for the actual swap and quilt.

I think it is a decent representation for Imbolc, so looking forward to making the other two and focusing on making it perfect!

I had an automated/recorded interview with Sav-a-lot. I have no desire to work there, and the pay is most definitely a come down, but any job is better than nothing. I also have a resume in with Discovery HR (and a contact), but they are not hiring at the moment. I spent the bulk of Tuesday filing out apps and forwarding resumes. Disheartening.

I am trying very hard to remain positive.

Thanks for spending time with me today. It's always a pleasure to have you as a guest! Love to you and yours, Angie

Laundry Day and a Swap-bot angel

2012-01-03T11:57:00.004-06:00

A few weeks ago, I made a batch of detergent. It had been awhile since I made any and wanted to try it again. I decided to make dry powder, but am going to try the liquid/gel form when this batch runs out.

grated fels-naptha for DIYdetergent

I grated a bar of Fels-Naptha, which seemed like took forever. I started with a bar of Zote, but it was so soft, it just clogged the grater. I am wondering if putting it in the freezer for a bit would help that. I made another batch with Kirk's Castile and it grated like a dream, so I will most likely use that in the future, if I can't figure out the Zote. I like the pink, so I would prefer to use that!

1 cup each washing soda and borax for DIY detergent

I used:

I bar Fel's Naptha
1 cup washing soda
1 cup borax

It just takes one tablespoon per load, so it is very economical. The powder (because of Fels-Naptha) is kinda strong, but the clothes do not have a strong scent when laundered. It is just fresh.

Mixed it all together with a wooden spoon

In the past I have added an ounce of essential oil: lavender, eucalyptus, or rose, but I decided to leave this as is.

1 tbsp per load!

I also used the same powder to make a multi-purpose cleanser by mixing:

2 tbsp of the detergent with
4 tbsp vinegar
15-20 drops tea tree oil
1 cup very hot water.

After the detergent was completely dissolved, I put it all in a spray bottle. I have to shake it up every time I use it, so I am going to play with the proportions some. It does clean, however, and the tea tree oil is a
disinfectant so I am not far off base, I think. It removed a rust stain on the counter and makes the bathroom sparkly clean, so I am enjoying using it.

I also crafted a little bit! I needed to do something positive.

I made lace covered mason jars!

Lace covered Jar and 2 homemade votives

I was reading the swap-bot forums (a guilty pleasure) and came across a thread that made me want to angel someone. The swap was to upcycle something. One of the participants received a "pincushion" that was not made well and packaged improperly so what she received was a smashed mushroom can with some plastic packaging stuck out of it.

The people reading the forum thread had to ask what it was. Let me just say.... the thread was started by the creator of the pincushion, to complain about something she received. Her recipient did not take this to the forums, but it all came out, as well it should. If you cannot take time and care on your own projects, then you cannot expect others to take time and care on yours.....

I also wanted to say that I would have never sent a pincushion, as the recipient has bad eyes and states on her profile that she does not sew very much.

Anyways, the host was already angeling the swap, but I wanted to do something too, as a surprise. I have been wanting to make some of the lace covered mason jars I have seen on a few sites and here was my opportunity! The recipient likes pioneer related things, romance, and candles. She also mentions enjoying drinking coffee and reading on her porch, so I thought this would be nice. It can be used indoors or on the porch. :)

I think it is romantic and a nod to the pioneer women. The lace is from an old wedding gown that I have been taking apart and reconstructing as a summer dress for Nicki. I thought the buttons added a nice touch.

I really like the way the jar turned out. So did Richard...when he saw me packaging it, he got a little upset because he thought I was making it for myself. So I made me one too! I also enclosed a couple of plain votives that I made some time ago, wrapped to match the jar.

I hope she likes it. (Update 01/10--DC shows delivery 12/31 and she has been on the site several times, but no acknowledgment, so going to have to assume she does not like it. I have angled some postcards and handmade bookmarks also. I hope they are received better. )

obligatory lit candle shot

This picture did not turn out well. The lace pattern actually looks quite pretty IRL.

Still nothing

2012-01-02T01:25:00.000-06:00

Resume after resume after resume. Nothing.

Richard was supposed to have started a new job last Wednesday, but when he showed up, was told to call after the first of the year. WTF.

Stress. MAJOR stress.

No idea where rent money (that was due today) is coming from. I swear, if I end up homeless one more fucking time.... it may be the end of the road for me.

What is the point of living like this?

The PEN Ready Project and Spreading Joy

2011-12-28T23:34:00.009-06:00

Can you imagine walking down the street and a stranger handing you a free camera? Wouldn't that be amazing? Can you imagine being the one to give someone else that joy? Wouldn't it be fun to see the surprise and joy on the face of the recipient?

Olympus did just that by giving over 1000 people in 6 cities (and one JetBlue flight!) the PEN® E-PM1 camera as part of the Pen Ready Project to show how easy it is for anyone from any walk of life or any skill level to take incredible pictures.

To see what they shot, go to http://penready.com. There are some amazing pictures there and you can sense the joy everyone had as they tried out their new cameras. It certainly makes me want to add this camera to my wishlist! It was fun to look up pictures by camera number and I saw many pictures that were intriguing.

I love taking pictures and love poring over others' pictures. Pictures are magic to me. They are a moment captured forever.

I can only imagine how excited I would be if someone gave me such a great camera and told me it was mine. And I bet it was a lot of fun for the Olympus people to take the pictures and videos showing the expressions on these peoples' faces as they realized what a gift they were being given!

Isn't that a great video? So happy!

This post is sponsored by Olympus

Thanks for spending time with me today. It's always a pleasure to have you as a guest! Love to you and yours, Angie

In Panic Mode

2011-12-17T18:43:00.000-06:00

So, on Wednesday, I lost my job. I was not really stressing it, because we lived on my income for awhile when Richard was between jobs and I knew we can live on one income again.

Today, Richard lost his job.

I don't know how to pull out of this one, to be honest. I am stressed now. I want to disappear more than ever, now. We have zero savings. Zero. Really, I just want to disappear. For good. I am too tired to deal with this.

I just needed to put this out there. I have no one to talk to.

Thanks for spending time with me today. It's always a pleasure to have you as a guest! Love to you and yours, Angie

A new challenge!

2011-12-11T13:36:00.004-06:00

**original post 12/11/11. Updating as I read**

In the course of my blog hopping last night, I found a wonderfully wicked blog called Pagan Culture. I enjoyed browsing through the posts and the author's wit and the fact that the first post I read referenced Granny Weatherwax. Immediate connection there. I am a Nanny Ogg fan, but Granny is definitely worth quoting!

She has an interesting challenge on her blog. A READING challenge. Perfect! I am up for this. So, I will post here as I read the books and see how many it tallies up to between January 13 and December 13. I will keep this post up on my sidebar and add to it as I read. I will try to post snippet reviews also, but am not promising that part.

Here is my list. I will update as I go.
Key:
Bold Titles mean I have read them between Jan. 13 and Dec. 13
Italics= reread- I have already read them, but think they are worth reading again

1. Garden Spells
Sarah Addison Allen (Love, love, love Sarah Addison Allen)
2. The Sugar Queen
Sarah Addison Allen
3. The Girl Who Chased the Moon
Sarah Addison Allen
4. The Peach Keeper
Sarah Addison Allen
5. Drawing Down the Moon
Margot Adler (This is always a good reread)
6. Grandmother of Time -reading a chapter each month
Z. Budhapest
7. Chick With a Charm
Vicki Lewis Thompson (All 3 of these Thompson books were silly.)
8. Blonde With a Wand
Vicki Lewis Thompson
9. Wild and Hexy
Vicki Lewis Thompspn
10. Celtic Women's Spirituality
Edain McCoy
11. Practical Magic
Alice Hoffman (It's always a shock to remember how different the movie is)
12. The Physick Book of Deliverance Dane
Katherine Howe
13. Dancing the Goddess Incarnate
Dorothy Morrison/Krisiten Madden (eh)
14. Crones Don't Whine
Jean Bolen
15. The Bell Witch: An American Haunting
Brent Monahan
16. The Goddess is in the Details, Wisdom for the Everyday Witch
Deborah Blake
17. Magic's in the Bag
Jude Bradley
18. Wyrd Sisters
Terry Pratchett (LOL, LMAO, just wonderful)
19. Witches Abroad
Terry Pratchett (And again, funny)
20. Bell, Book, and Candle
John Van Druten
21. The Way of the Hedgewitch
Arin Murphy-Hiscock
22. Blackbird House
Alice Hoffman

Thanks for spending time with me today. It's always a pleasure to have you as a guest! Love to you and yours, Angie

A Yule Blog Party

2011-12-10T23:39:00.002-06:00

~~I haven't done one of these in awhile, but this one looks fun, so going to participate:~~

Yule Magic Blog Party

~~I am looking forward to posting something positive and finding new interesting blogs to read.~~ I just couldn't come up with anything. Too depressed about the loss of job.

I stumbled across this while just clicking random links on various blogs. It is hosted by Sally of The Village Witch blog. I am looking forward to reading more posts from her also.

I was feeling kinda blue tonight, as I have been a lot lately, so just went on a blog hop all on my own. I searched out some blogs that I haven't read in awhile and remembered that I haven't been over to Whimsical Bohemian in some time and also haven't gotten any recent updates about OWOA in 2012. I was reassured to find that it is still in planning stages and has been delayed until February or so. I am glad, as I want to create something special. I think this event will have so much more potential for meeting some like-minded people than OWOH, although I certainly enjoyed OWOH also.

This blog made me so happy. I would be very happy to move into this home:

Richard and I have often discussed building a straw bale home or something similar. Neither one of us really needs a lot of fancy gadgets and technology. My only hard and fast limit is running hot water. I want it. I would be very content to have solar power and live a lot more simply. I certainly would prefer to live in a sweet little house with character with zero to few neighbors and not have a payment than live in Nashville's Little Mexico in a vastly overpriced apartment with a gazillion inconsiderate and nasty jerks.

I blogged about my goodies from my USA NaNo swap partner here a few weeks ago. I enjoyed the swap very much. My UK partner told me she was sending her package but there has been no sign of it, so I am thinking I am just out that package. I angeled a package for another swapper, so I sent out 3 packages and received one. I realize it is a risk you take, but it is just sad. I was looking forward to getting a package from the UK.

I have cried every day for 2 weeks now. I am tired. I have missed 4 days of work in 2 weeks.I made an appointment with a therapist for Monday.

Under the heading of TMI

2011-12-08T20:57:00.002-06:00

This post may make some people uncomfortable. I am not sure if anyone reads my blog anymore and really, it doesn't matter anyway. It is public, but I do this for me.

A few years ago, I had a bout with vaginal cancer. This is not cervical or ovarian cancer, it is the vaginal walls. I had a complete hysterectomy in my 20s because of a severe case of endometriosis. Afterward, for many reasons, (lack of health insurance being one) I didn't go back to a gynecologist for about 15-16 years. Stupid, right?

Of course, the very 1st pap smear in so long came back with abnormal cells. I expected it, so I did not worry about it too much. I had a colposcopy and several spots were biopsied. Here is a link for those that do not know the humiliating and painful things women undergo for their health. My diagnosis was a very early stage of vaginal cancer, which is rare. I am in the high risk group because I carry HPV. (For those that may be wigged out or woefully uninformed: The types of HPV that can cause genital warts are not the same as the types that can cause cancers. There is no way to know which people who get HPV will go on to develop cancer or other health problems.) Oddly enough, I still was okay and didn't really go through a lot of emotional trauma. I had radiation, then pap smears every month for 6 months, then every 6 months.

All of the pap smears after the radiation were okay, so I was given a clean bill of health after 2 years, then could go back to normal annual exams. Every year, my pap smear shows abnormal cells and every year, I have a colposcopy that comes back okay. So, I am never alarmed when I get the call telling me that the smear is abnormal. No sense in stressing over this, right?

So, last week, I was not upset when I got the call telling me that a colposcopy had been scheduled, other than a mild irritation that my day off would be taken up at the doctor's office, then I would be in pain the rest of the day. I went on Monday, had multiple biposies, then she stopped and told me there were too many spots and she was going to send the ones she had to the lab, give me estrogen cream (nasty side effects, by the way) and try again in 6 weeks. Her theory is that the HPV flared up because of my bout with the flu a couple of weeks ago and my blood work showed elevated white blood cell count. This is causing all the spots and teh cream will help clear them up. Okay, whatever.

Here's the thing. I am bothered now. I am on pins and needles waiting for the biopsy results. And even if they are okay, I have another one of these damn procedures looming over me. When I was initially diagnosed back in 2005, I read all I could find about this. The treatment for full blown vaginal cancer is horrifying. All cancer treatments are horrifying. You remove whatever part of the body the cancer is in. Think about this for a minute. A vaginectomey (with or without a skin graft) is one of the treatment options. Google it. Google images it. Then reach for the eyeball bleach.

AAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHH!!!!!!!

With that being said, I am bothered... but trying to not speculate. If there are cells present, I am going to hope for the best and a radiation treatment only.

I have said this many times, but I really would like to just disappear for awhile.

Thanks for spending time with me today.
Love to you and yours, Angie

This made my chest hurt

2011-12-03T19:30:00.002-06:00

Thanks for spending time with me today. It's always a pleasure to have you as a guest! Love to you and yours, Angie