Big Joe's Studio

"Miss My Family'

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Fri, 16 Feb 2007 17:38:00 -0900

"I MISS MY FAMILY"
Writer: Joe Marshall

I WAS BORN IN CALIFORNIA
RAISED IN MISSISSIPPI
SOMEHOW YOU'VE STUMBLED
UPON THE STORY OF ME
AND MY FAMILY

MY DADDY WAS A MARINE
MY MOM A SOUTHERN BELLE
IN 1970 THAT MARRIAGE
WENT TO HELL
LORD OH LORD
SO DID MY FAMILY

GOT THREE OLDER BROTHERS
YEA, THAT MAKES FOUR
IT'S BEEN YEARS
SINCE WE ALL LAUGHED
BEHIND ONE DOOR
OH LORD I MISS MY FAMILY
YEA I MISS MY FAMILY

I MISS MY FAMILY
MISS THE WAY
IT USED TO BE
THERE'S MY MOMMA
WITH ALL HER BOYS
LIVING ON GOODMAN STREET
LORD OH LORD I MISS MY FAMILY

BROTHER JOHN PASSED AWAY
CHRISTMAS A YEAR AGO
SINCE THAT MOMENT LORD
I HAVEN'T LET GO
HE WAS MY FRIEND, MY KIN,
HE WAS MY FAMILY

BROTHER RICHARDS IN FLORIDA
GOT THREE BOYS OF HIS OWN
A WIFE THAT DOESN'T LOVE HIM
I PRAY HE'S NOT ALONE
HE'S MY FAMILY

BROTHER GARY'S THE OLDEST, HE LEFT HIS WIFE
NOW HE WIPES HIS TEARS AWAY,
CAUSE OF HIS EMPTY LIFE
LORD OH LORD
WITHOUT HIS FAMILY

WHAT HAPPENED TO THE DAYS
THE PAGES OF MY LIFE
AS MY YEARS FLY BY
THEY FADE INTO THE NIGHT
LORD OH LORD
I MISS MY FAMILY

I MISS MY FAMILY
I MISS THE WAY IT USED TO BE
THERE'S MY MOMMA WITH ALL HER BOYS
LIVING ON GOODMAN STREET
LORD I MISS MY FAMILY
I MISS MY FAMILY

I wrote this tonight. As you can see it's a work in progress, pretty much like my life. My family's been on my mind this week. My son graduated boot camp, my wife's been out of town all week, my Mom is depressed and lonely and my brother Dicky is having serious relationship issues. As crazy and dysfunctional my family seems, I find myself grasping for whatever years I have to share with them in this life. We're all so spread apart right now and sometimes that's tough.
Tonight as I sit here in Northern California, I miss my family.

J

COOL CHANGE

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Thu, 20 Apr 2006 23:47:00 -0800

COOL CHANGE

If there's one thing in my life that's missing

It's the time that I spend alone

Sailing on the cool and bright clear water

It's kind of a special feeling

When you're out on the sea alone

Staring at the full moon, like a lover

Time for a cool change

I know that it's time for a cool change

Now that my life is so prearranged

I know that it's time for a cool change

The Little River Band

1979

What a great song that was. I loved the Little River Band and I don't care who knows it! Alrighty, I'm coming clean......... I love soft 70's rock!

Okay there , I said it, it's out of the closet!

You can all scream, cry, say you can't believe I turned out this away, call the men in the little white coats or whatever! The Carpenters rock man! That's right, I said The Carpenters ROCK!

70's soft rock was the music that pulled me in, tied me up and molded itself around my little soul. I remember listening to Hall & Oates " She's Gone", Simon & Garfunkle "Sounds Of Silence" and the likes of Dan Folgerberg, "Longer" & Auld Lang Syne". This was the music that touched me whan I was 10. Sure I had Merle Haggard, Charly Pride and Conway Twitty records that I'd play on my little blue turntable, but give me a Barry Manilow song like "Mandy" and I was in my special place.

You'll never think the same of me will you?

You'll be alright, trust me on this.... Just listen to " Bridge over Troubled Water" by Simon & Garfunkle and I promise, you won't care what color your underwear is?

Yes, yes, yes I still love my country & classic rock, but the sounds of the 70's will always be my Cool Change.

PULL THIS THING OVER

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Mon, 20 Mar 2006 22:25:00 -0900

I WANNA PULL THIS THING OVER
By
Joe M. Harrelson

Seems I've been driving most my life
Going from one place to another
but right now
I wanna pull this thing over

I've been on the road since I was seventeen
Chasing too many women and not enough dreams
but right now
I wanna pull this thing over

I want to pull her in and lock her down
I want to stop for awhile and look around
tonight
I wanna pull this thing over

Somewhere down this road I bumped into you
I finally hit my brakes and now I'm through
so right now
I'm gonna pull this thing over

I'm gonna pull her in and lock her down
I'm gonna stop for awhile and look around
tonight
I'm gonna pull this thing over

If I told all the stories of my lovelife in this blog, none of you would believe it and understandably so. It's a sorted array of women from every walk of life, that I managed to connect with somewhere through my travels. Why I went through so many is hard to say, but Lordy mercy I'm lucky to be alive.

I'm lucky to have made it through the one from Jasper Alabama. She was 36 and I was 21, she was not only my girlfriend, she was also the vice president of the radio station I was working for at that time in Knoxville Tennessee. I had no clue what my young body was in for with this one, but for some reason I couldn't say no. It ended up being the most life changing, traumatic two years of my life.

Cat was certifiable and suffered from multiple personalities. Of course I did not know this until about 6 months into our crazy relationship. Driving down the highway, she would start speaking in tongue, which I thought was just part of her religious upbringing, Bam, lalalalalalala, I had no idea what to think. I just tried to keep the car on the road. I tried not too freak out too much. I had noticed alot of wild behavior, but I thought that was just her life and I was along for the ride. I knew she took alot of pills and I was so young, I never asked too many questions. I mean come on, here's this hot older woman, calling me her boyfriend, she was in radio and my boss, what could go wrong?

Where do I begin?

She took me home to meet her Mom and Dad back in Alabama. There, I learned more about this woman than I ever could have imagined.

About 50 miles before her parents place, she tells me she's been keeping something from me and now she had to tell me. She had a son, he was 14 years old and he was different, and I would meet him soon, because he lives with her parents.

Mike was different, physically. He had glaucoma in both eyes, a birthmark that covered 90% of his face that went all the way through to his brain, and one arm and leg were much shorter than the other. Mike was the sweetest kid you'd ever want to meet. Needless to say, I was in shock, I had never been around anyone quite like this before. Mike was in high school, a very intelligent young man. He cherished his Mother, he was so happy to see us when we drove up to the house. For six months I never heard Cat mention his name one time and then wham! Here it comes........

Mike was the child of Cat and her brother and because of the family's religious beliefs, she had the baby. The story was, that Cat's brother raped her on the kitchen floor when they were teenagers and that's how she became pregnant. Her brother by the way, I also learned on this trip, was in prison. Close to the end of this relationship, Cat was recieving letters from her brother, him telling her in graphic detail the sex acts he wanted to indulge in with her. I was on a slow train to nutsville by this time and working my way toward the brake.

Then there were here parents, Opal and Bill. The father once formed a gospel band with his family and they were pretty successful. Cat was the main attraction when she was a teen, she had the greatest natural singing voice, soulful and pure and actually had a number 1 gospel record. However, these days Bill would spend hours in his shed recording flatulence and creating songs of his "work"! Yes, exactly what I said. I kid you not, I could never make this stuff up.

The story continues.....

We were living in Nashville and I was working for a radio station part time and a hair salon full time. Cat was trying to break into the country music scene and wasn't working at all, but she had pretty good connections with Warner Brothers, but her uncontrollable behavior let that dream slip away. Missing auditions, not returning calls, she really burned alot of bridges and I felt so sorry for her. I knew she had been acting a little more out of control than usual and then things really started to happen.

She would eat only toast and wheat germ, she did this for weeks at a time. She'd go out and stay gone for days. Some nights when she finally showed up, she wasn't alone, she'd bring home men and women, sometimes both. Her "appetite" was extreme at times. Remember, I'm 21 years old and thinking that we're together, soul mates is what she called us, but this can't be right, but I hang on a little longer.

I found her under the bed one morning, she heard the song "Flesh or Fantasy" by Billy Idol sometime during the night, somehow that triggered her to believe the devil came into the bedroom and raped her, and she was so frightened, she crawled under the bed. She had been there all night. This was starting to happen 2 or 3 times a week, bad dreams, walking the floor, speaking in tongues. Lithium, Nardil and a few things not prescribed, do not mix well with Jack Daniels and brandy and she was not about to give up her booze. This was the beginning of the end as they say.

The relationship ended about the same time her brother was released from prison. He had been out 2 months and was at home one afternoon free basing cocaine. The torch he was using exploded, he caught himself on fire. He jumped through a window and ran and fell into a ditch and put himself out. Witnesses said they saw him get into his truck and drive to a Shell station near the interstate about a mile away. When he exited the truck, skin was falling off of his arms and face. He burned over 90% of his body. The last time I saw Cat was at the hospital the day her brother died.

10 years after Cat & I said goodbye, I was working in Birmingham, managing a traffic service for radio and television. I received a call at the studio one day and it was Cat. She heard me on the radio on her way home from work, she said she knew it was me and had to call. She wanted to let me know she was now okay.

She managed to get her medication right finally, she quit drinking and she went back to school and is now a RN in Birmingham. She told me she was happy and that she had a baby girl and Mike comes to visit often.

That was the last time I talked to Cat. I'm happy she made it through the storm.

As for me, that was just one relationship. I don't think I will share too many other stories about the women I've met through the years. I shared this one because I wanted you to see how extremely out of control another life can be, and how that life can overcome the worst part of living.

This experience taught me a powerful lesson. It taught me that sometimes you just have to stop and pull this thing over.

GOING THROUGH THE MOTIONS

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Fri, 10 Mar 2006 22:26:00 -0900

GOING THROUGH THE MOTIONS OF LIVING

Words & Music

Joe M Harrelson & Emily H Morris

Going Through The Motions Of Living

Wishing All My Emotions

Were Gone

And The Pain of Losing You Leaves Me

Alone Alone Alone

But I Guess That's Too Much To Ask

For Only God Knows What Will Pass

Going Through The Motions Of Living

Wishing All My Emotions

Were Gone Gone Gone

Feeling Like There's No Tomorrow

God Took You And Left Me Sorrow

Going Through The Motions Of Living

Wishing All My Emotions

Were Gone Gone Gone

=========================================================

My Mother is the reason this song was written. It's been more than 2 months since my brother's death and I've found that my way of "dealing" with this incredible loss, has been my guitar.

Every day I go into my brother's room, sit on that couch and start playing. Sometimes I'm in there a couple of hours and don't even realize it. I sing and play til my fingers ache and my voice is scratchy, but it takes me away from being without my brother, just for a little while. I've written a few songs in the last couple of months, I suppose it's from the grief I'm going through, all that emotion has to come out and sometimes I share them with my Mom and my wife. I'm shy as hell when it comes to my music, it's more for me than anyone else.

A couple of weeks ago, I come home for lunch and my Mother, bless her heart, said she had something to show me. She gave me an envelope with these words written on the back, "Going Through The Motions Of Living, Wishing All My Emotions Were Gone".

It broke my heart and gave me joy all at the same time. My sweet Momma was hurting more than any of us, and still she wanted to share in something that I love so much, music. She said I could work on it and write a song if I wanted too. How could I say no to Mom?

I'm happy to say after two weeks of going in that room and sitting on that couch and staring at that envelope, I have something I think my Mother might be proud of. I haven't played it for her yet, maybe in the morning. I know it's a sad song, but having my Mom, hand me that envelope that day, will give me great joy in my heart everytime I play it. Thank you for making music with me Mom, I love you.

Joey

ARIZONA RAIN

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Sun, 19 Feb 2006 19:10:00 -0900

ARIZONA RAIN

Your loves as sweet as Arizona Rain
Blowing dust of fear, blinded by the pain
I didn't know
The sweetness of a soul
Til I looked in your eyes
and I lost all control

Loves as Sweet as Arizona rain
I rememeber the first time
time and time again
I will remember
The Arizona rain

Desert skies are beautiful
over barren mountain range
But the sun can burn you
So you're numb to any change

My heart was empty
As an endless sea of sand
til your love came to tempt me
And you held out your hand

Loves as sweet as Arizona rain
I remember the first time
Time and time again
I will remember
The Arizona rain

Words and Music
by
Joe Harrelson/Randy Darbone

I love to doodle. I've been doodling as long as I can remember. If theirs a piece of paper in front of me for any length of time, something will be drawn on it soon enough. I draw pictures of dogs, people, cartoon characters, you know the ones you find in the little magazine where you take the "art test". I don't think I'd be invited to the art school, but I don't suck. I do it for my own entertainment.

There's this one picture I've drawn for as long as I can remember. The picture is of a desert highway heading into the sunset. It's a quick picture, one line across a page, a big curve for the sun, and a couple of lines for a two lane road and a mountain on either side of the road. I can draw it in about 20 seconds. After drawing this picture for 20 some odd years, something amazing happened to me. I saw my picture come to life looking out the windsheild of my car.

For many years of my life I was not in a good place. I had made many bad choices which caused me and others in my life grief and hardship. I was at a crossroads and had very few options. Death and jail were two of those options and neither really appealed to me. The other option was to jump in my old 82' Z28 and hit the highway and head west. So I chose what was behind door number 3.

I had a friend in Arizona at the time, his name is Randy, he was also in radio and we met about 10 years prior in Mississippi. He worked for a country station in Yuma Arizona and had told me their classic rock station was in need of some help. That was all I needed to hear. I had this one chance to get my life back and headed down a road I had never been, hoping, praying this is where I needed to be. I found the answer to that question, even before making it all the way to Yuma.

I drove for about 18 hours before pulling over somewhere in east Texas, I had to get some sleep. So I found a roadside park, used the restroom and jumped back in the car and fell asleep. I woke up a few hours later and hit the road again.

After driving for about 3 hours it started to rain pretty good, this went on for about an hour. The rain smelled sweet that afternoon, with my window rolled down just a little, I could feel the drops coming in the window, but I didn't care. I was just this side of El Paso as I came over a hill and in the distance I saw the most beautiful sunset. The more I looked at it, the more familiar this was to me, and at that moment the rain slowed to just a sprinkle and there it was. My picture!

The picture I've been doodling all my life is right here in front of me, the mountains in the background, the long winding 2 lane highway with this breathtaking sunset at the end, I could see the cactus in the distance, this was it! I never had a more calming moment in my life.

I stopped my car and got out. I sat on the hood of my car for about 20 minutes just looking, enjoying the moment, feeling like this is where I'm supposed to be. I had no idea what lay ahead for me, but at that moment it didn't matter, because I knew whatever it was, it was going to be right.

Arizona gave me a new beginning that I've never taken for granted. I live in Alaska today, but I will always remember that Arizona rain.

Night,

Joe

IN YOUR ROOM

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Sun, 5 Feb 2006 14:40:00 -0900

IN YOUR ROOM

Joe M. Harrelson

I walked in your room today

It smelled like flowers

It's where you and I would sit

And talk for hours

In your room

I went to church today

To say goodbye to you

I found myself laughing

and cryin' with you

In your room

Everything is still the same

Every picture will remain

In your room

I sit in your room these days

And still I talk to you

Even though Heavens called

I feel it's still you

In your Room

Everything I hold and touch

Oh my God I miss you so much

In your room

I walked in your room today

It smelled like flowers

==============================================================

I wrote this song a couple of weeks ago. I won a bid on a acoustic Fender guitar, that was autographed by country singer and musician Marty Stuart. The silent auction was for St Judes Childrens Hospital, so it did my soul good to give money for something I would get so much pleasure from, and at the same time helping these babies that are so sick.

The day I picked up the guitar, I went home that evening and went straight to my brother's room, I wanted John to see the guitar, because we both love to play. I sat on the couch with that guitar and wrote this song in about 20 minutes. I wrote the words on a envelope I found in his room. It just kinda flowed right out of me.

For the last 2 weeks I have gone in my brother's room and played that song for him, hoping, wishing, praying that he can hear me and know just what he means to me.

I miss my brother today. It's the first Super Bowl in my 40 years I've spent without him and it has not been easy.

Today I will go see him, sit down with that beautiful guitar and play this new little tune I wrote and watch the Super Bowl. I will scream at the tv, I will laugh at the stupid plays and I will remember my brother today, in his room.

Go Steelers,

Joe

TRAVELIN' MAN

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Sun, 15 Jan 2006 23:10:00 -0900

TRAVELIN' MAN

Up with the sun, gone with the wind,

She always said I was lazy.

Leavin' my home, leavin' my friends,

Runnin' when things get too crazy.

Out on the road, out 'neath the stars,

Feelin' the breeze, passin' the cars.

Women have come, women have gone,

Everyone tryin' to cage me.

Some were so sweet, I barely got free,

Others, they only enraged me.

Sometimes at night, I see their faces,

I feel the traces they left on my soul.

Those are the memories that made me a wealthy soul.

Travelin' man, love when I can,

Turn loose my hand 'cause I'm goin'.

Travelin' man, catch if you can,

But sooner or later I'm goin'.

Travelin' man ... Travelin' man, yes i am.

Bob Seger

I miss driving. I miss taking road trips, I miss being in the car alone and driving for hours on end.

For years and years it seemed I lived my life on the road. In my late teens and 20's I managed to work in Mississippi, Alabama, Tennesee, Georgia and Florida, I covered the southeastern United States chasing women and that radio dream.

I knew every two lane road, state highway and interstate in that part of the country.

No matter where I was living at the time, I always went home to Mississippi to see my Mom and brothers. Holidays, weekend trips, vacation time, it all was spent in the car going and coming and I loved every mile.

I've spent some of the best and worst times of my life in a car.

I remember living in a car once, on the beach in Jacksonville Florida. It was a 78 Mustang II and man would that car fly. I was so poor back then and had just landed a job on Y-107 and had no place to live. So I went to work each night and when it was time to go "home" after work, I drove my car to the beach and parked it.

I did this for about 3 months, I'd take baths in a BP gas station bathroom everyday. I would buy those 78 cent packages of meat, a loaf of bread and a 2 liter of coke, that was breakfast, lunch and dinner. It was all I could afford. I kept my groceries in a cooler in the back seat. Believe it or not, life was not that bad. I eventually found my way out of the car and into an apartment, but I wouldn't have changed one day.

I need to go for a ride, but living here in Anchorage Alaska in the winter time, there's not too many places for me to cruise without risking life and limb.

So here I sit on this computer listening to Bob Seger, missing the days when I was wild and free. Putting a thousand miles behind me in a weekend was nothing when I was a younger lad. These days it takes about three months to put a thousand miles on my car and the only reason I go to the BP gas station, is to fill up.

I miss driving.

Sleep well,

The Travelin' Man

IF HEAVEN

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Sun, 8 Jan 2006 13:14:00 -0900

IF HEAVEN

If heaven was an hour it'd be twilight

When the fireflies start dancin on the lawn

And suppers on the stove and mammas laughin

And everybodys workin' day is done

If heaven was a town, it would be my town

On a summer day in 1965

And everything I wanted was out there waiting

And everyone I loved was still alive

Don't cry a tear for me now baby

There comes a time we must all say goodbye

And if that's what heavens made of

You know I'm not afraid to die

"If Heaven"

Andy Griggs

I went to church today. First time in a long while.

When I was kid, I was in church all the time it seemed. I couldn't wait for summertime and vacation bible school, at The Thomastown Baptist Church.

Thomastown wasn't big enough to be called a town I thought. It was more a community. Small two lane roads, curving through the wooded Mississippi countryside. You would pass a house or little farm every mile or so and then there was the four way stop sign. That was Thomastown.

There was a little gas station, a store, a post office, no bigger than a coffee hut and a church. Old men would sit out in front of the store on benches and gossip all day, it was the "center of town".

My granny lived in the country about 10 miles from Thomastown. Sunday's we'd get up early, feed the chickens and get ready for church, I can still hear the Bob Whites and Whiperwheels singing in the early morning.

My biggest worry then was whose team I was going to be on for Red Rover at church. I was a chunky little kid and everybody wanted me on their team. One of the few perks of being a big kid.

I loved church back then. Somwhere in my life's path, I stopped going and I don't really know when that happened. I went today because I needed something, something to fill this emptiness I have in the center of my body.

It was good to see the smiling faces of the people. It was good to see the kids and my mamma laughing and singing and it was good to hear the Pastor's sermon.

It was also good for my spirit I must admit, but there was something that wasn't there, and I couldn't put my finger on it.

After church I was shaking hands and hugging folks, as I made my way toward the door, right then I realized what was missing.

No one yelled "Red Rover, Red Rover, send Joey right over!" Now that would be heaven.

Maybe next Sunday.

WHEN I GET WHERE I'M GOING

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Thu, 5 Jan 2006 19:08:00 -0900

WHEN I GET WHERE I"M GOING

"When I get where I'm going ....On the far side of the sky.....The first thing that I'm gonna do is spread my wings and fly

I'm gonna land beside a lion and run my fingers through his mane or I might find out what it's like to ride a drop of rain"

This song was released about a month ago. The artist is Brad Paisley, the album, "Time Well Wasted", I recommend you buy it today.

Working for a music driven radio station I have the opportunity to listen to songs over and over again. Sometimes that can be a good thing and sometimes that can be a bad thing. Take for instance " Achy Breaky Heart" by Billy Ray Cyrus, that was a bad thing. I wanted to commit violence against others everytime I had to play that song. Don't get me wrong, I believe it had it's place in country music and Billy Ray released much better music in the years after Achy Breaky.

Brad's new song "When I Get Where I'm Going" will be one of those songs that'll stay with me for along time. In a good and bad way. I love the song, I love Dolly singing harmony and background, but never did I expect it to mean so much to me when I was enjoying playing the song on my show these last few weeks.

We played the song at my brothers memorial 2 days ago. It hit me like a ton of bricks. My brother now will be able to ride that drop of rain, he'll be able to do all the things in our physical life we could never imagine doing. I love the fact that music touches me in this way, I love the fact that it can bring tears and laughter in my soul in less than 4:00 minutes. I shed tears missing my brother but I laugh knowing he can run his fingers through a lion's mane. Is that cool or what?

Brad Paisley releases a song less than a month ago, and it's already being used to honor those we loved and lost, now that's a powerful song. Thank you Brad.

Thinking of my brother tonight as I blog away about the music we shared and loved. Grieving sucks. But it's a process I suppose we all have to go through in our lives. I don't think I'm very good at it.

Hug your loved ones tonight.

Joe

GO REST HIGH ON THAT MOUNTAIN

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Sat, 31 Dec 2005 23:43:00 -0900

GO REST HIGH ON THAT MOUNTAIN

"I know your life on earth was troubled And only you could know the pain

You weren't afraid to face the devil You were no stranger to the rain

Go rest high on that mountain Son, your work on earth is done, Go to heaven a shoutin Love for the Father and the Son

Vince Gill wrote this song about his brother that passed away. It has always touched my heart, but never more than today.

Yesterday I came home for lunch and found my sweet brother John had passed away in his sleep. He was 42. It was the saddest day of my life.

John lived in pain for the last 20 plus years ever since a terrible motorcycle accident that cut off part of his foot. He also suffered from scoliosis that continued to curve his spine throughout his life. A staph infection about a year after the accident, caused his partial paralysis.

But none of this ever kept him from being the best part of our family. John was a good, decent man that only wanted to be loved and accepted and every member of our family cherished every moment we had with him. He was the center of our family, and he will forever be in my heart.

I'm happy for him because he's up there running now. He always wanted to run and pass the football and now I know that's exactly what he's doing.

I have never been more sad than I am right this minute. Losing John is the biggest loss in my life and I don't know what to do, think, feel. I want to scream, I wanna hit something, I wanna cry.

John thank you for being my brother, thank you for giving me 40 years with you and your unconditional love, thank you for coming to me in Tennessee and living with me. thank you for keeping all those crazy things we did a secret that only brothers could know about. Thank you for going to Wal Mart with me the day before Christmas at 6:30 in the morning, that was the best time, we laughed so much. Thank you John for sharing your love of music with me, thank you for loving me like nobody will ever love me again. John I sit here tonight crying every few minutes going through every emotion over and over again. I wasn't ready for you to go anywhere man, I wasn't ready.

John thank you for coming to Alaska to live with me for these last 5 months. You told me every other day how happy you were here and how peaceful life was since you moved here. That did my heart so good I hope you know that brother.

I am lonely without you. I am devastated that you were taken from me. I am angry that you had to suffer so. It was hard to see you in your torment and pain. But that's not how I will remember you

I will always remember you full of life and warmth and kindness. I will remember the laughter and the love. I will remember the precious time we shared. I will remember your vitality and your grace.

Your death left a gaping hole in my life. But hard as it is to be without you, I take comfort in the knowledge that you are at last in peace.

John I love you, I miss you terribly, but I know now you're no longer in pain, now your work on earth is done. I can't wait to see you again and I promise we'll pass that football for as long as you want. I love you Johnny, I love you.

SEAGULL

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Wed, 28 Dec 2005 22:51:00 -0900

SEAGULL

"Seagull you fly.... across the horizon... into the misty morning sun"

Those are eleven of the most soothing words I've ever heard. Today I need soothing.

1974 Bad Company was huge! Songs like Bad Company, Cant Get Enough, Movin On & Rock Steady were anthems to a million kids and I was one of those kids. I was only 9 at the time, but my love for music was already there.

"Seagull" takes me away to someplace quiet and Lord knows we all need quiet sometime.

I remember when I was 4 or 5 and the babysitter would want us kids to take a nap. We all fought like hell, "why oh why must we take a nap? " Today I would give you a hundred bucks if I could take a nap.

Today I wanna be a seagull.

I LIKE DREAMING

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Sun, 25 Dec 2005 00:52:00 -0900

I LIKE DREAMING

"I Like Dreaming, cause dreaming can make you mine, I like holding you close, touching your skin, even if it's in my mind".

That was Kenny Nolan's only hit in the mid 70's. It meant more to me than you would ever imagine. First let me jump out here and say I love soft rock music, easy listening, 70's love songs, I guess you could say I'm a softy.

I was 12 yrs old in 77', the youngest of 4 boys living in a sleepy little Mississippi town. We lived in Cannonade apartments, the kid across the breeze-way from our apartment's name was "Bo Bo", he was 10 and we were pals. He'd come to my apartment on Wednesday nights to watch "Charlies Angels", because we both were madly in love with Farrah Fawcett Majors.

For me it was more than a crush, I was going through puberty and Farrah was the first woman that did it for me, if you know what I mean. I owned every photograph of this woman, I knew every bump, curve, curl of hair and shape of that damn poster! It was the picture that turned me into a boy on a mission.

The mission? I wanted to live with Farrah Fawcett Majors. I daydreamed of running away to Hollywood and finding Farrah's apartment door. Of course she had an apartment door, doesn't everyone? I just knew if she answered the door she would feel sorry for me, take me in and eventually I would see her naked and my life would be complete.

I saved my allowance for months on end to buy every Farrah item I could find. Posters, pillows, pillow cases, sheets, drinking cups and mugs, Tiger Beat magazines were my Playboy.... I was a sick little kid. I dreamed all the time about this woman.

I found out that her birthday was in February and I wanted to send her something nice. So in one of the Tiger Beat mags I found her fanmail address and had my Mom help me put a package together for the love of my young life.

I saw that she played tennis in several episodes of Charlies Angels and in many pictures I had on my wall, she was wearing tennis wear and I thought a new tennis racket and balls would be perfect. So I find the cheapest racket and balls at the Dollar store and asked my Mom to drive me to Cleggs Stereo city on the downtown square, I had one more present for her to buy, the 45 record of Kenny Nolan's " I Like Dreaming". This was our love song and I knew in my soul if she heard the words of this song she would understand how I felt and she would love me back.

I mailed the package to the address in late November 1977 and waited for her to call and tell me to come to Hollywood so I could live with her. I'm 43 years old now and I still haven't heard from Farrah.

I wonder sometime if she ever received my letter and gifts. I wonder sometime how many other pubescent males had the same dreams I had about her. I wonder if my life would had been different, if say for instance, I was infatuated with Kate Jackson. I guess I'll never know.

You know who I dream about now? Sara Evans....she's a country singer with very nice curves. I don't have any pictures of her on my wall, I've never seen her play tennis and I don't think my wife would like it too much if I told her I wanted to runaway to Nashville to live with Sara.

" I like dreaming...cause dreaming can make you mine....."

Peace,

CHRISTMAS IN DIXIE

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Fri, 23 Dec 2005 19:36:00 -0900

CHRISTMAS IN DIXIE

"Christmas in Dixie" by the group Alabama is my favorite Christmas song. I was 20 years old when it hit the airwaves. Hearing Randy Owen sing about life in the south during Christmas time made me feel proud. That song gave me chill bumps and still does. Even though I live on another planet called Alaska, I'm still a "good ole boy" from Kosciusko, Mississippi.

I was married to my high school sweetheart Bonnie Regina when that song was a hit. She was 4'11 and weighed 89lbs. I say that because I'm nearly 6'2 and at the time 250lbs. We were Mutt and Jeff. She was a pretty little girl, blonde hair and big green eyes. I was 15, she was 17 and we eloped with the help of my Dad.

The night she graduated from high school, she walked across the stage and picked up her diploma then walked out the back door and into the bed of my chevy luv pickup. I covered her with a quilt and drove away in the night heading for Jasper, Alabama. That was the closest place where you could be 15 years old and get married with a parents consent. My Dad, God rest his soul...was there to sign those papers for his baby son.

I know what you're thinking.... this has got to be the biggest hillbilly family on the planet and you may be half right, but another reason we did it that way is because her father had been sexually abusing her for the past 5 years and getting married was the only way we saw to break the ties that bind.

Her father hated me with a passion. In the 3 years Bonnie and I had snuck around to see one another, not once did he ever allow or approve of us being together. She had to be home by 10:00pm Friday and Saturday nights and was never allowed to talk on the phone or go anywhere during the week without her dad.

He was doing very bad things to her, it all started after her mother ran off with another man and left the kids with their father. He "replaced" his wife with his 12 year old daughter and I had to help her get away from the sadness.

We were happy I thought after 5 years of being together. I was working at night at a local radio station and going to barber college in the day time, just trying to build a life. I would come home after work at the radio station at 10:30pm and my friend Mike would be at the house, hanging out like we always had for the last 5 years or so. We'd sit around, smoke a little weed, watch a movie, whatever. We were great friends.

One day I'm at barber college and the phone rings, it's my brother John telling me I better come home fast! He said he drove by the house and saw Bonnie and Mike loading up our furniture in his truck and wasn't sure if I was moving or what. So I jump in my car and head the 25 miles down Highway 35 to Kosciusko.

Just as I pull up to the house I pass Mike's truck and see Bonnie scoot down in the seat so I wouldn't be able to see her. I'm confused. I pull in the driveway and walk in the house and it's empty.

Mike and Bonnie had been seeing one another while I was at work for 6 months and I never suspected a thing. She was gone.

From Christmas in Dixie to a young man's broken heart. I started to tell you what Christmas time meant to me as a southern boy when Alabama came out with that song and I ended up telling you how my first love ended. This just goes to prove that music can take you anywhere and sometimes to places you almost forgot. Thank you Alabama for taking me on a trip tonight, keeping my memories alive of my "Christmas in Dixie".

Merry Christmas

Joe

STAY FOREVER

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Fri, 2 Dec 2005 21:12:00 -0900

STAY FOREVER

" Maybe I pray too much, maybe I'm wasting God's Time"

I sometime hear those words in my head. Their from a song by Hal Ketchum, one of the most talented people on this earth by the way. His songs are intelligent, spiritual, moving, and meaningful, he doesn't waste a word.

That line above is from the song "Stay Forever", a great love song. For some reason that line takes me far away from the story of the song to the story of my life.

I pray a couple of times a day, in my head, when I have a quiet moment. Always at night of course, as I close my eyes, I run the words of the Lords Prayer, the Serenity Prayer, and then my thoughts and thanks of the day through my head. I sometime even fall asleep saying my prayers.

Praying too much has entered my mind on occasion, I sometime have a thought of "what am I doing?" Is this just something we have been programmed to do over thousands of years to give us some sort of hope and solace before we inevitably die. Is their something more for us out there we can not see? Who am I to know? Who do I talk to in my head when I pray? Is it the image of the bearded man we have all seen in churches that we know as Jesus? Is it everything big and small, life and space? I cannot answer any of those questions and I know I will not find out the answer until I pass away from this life. I'm in no hurry by the way.

Am I "wasting God's time"? Another fine question I can't answer, but I would hope that my prayers are heard. I ask for peace, love, all the good things in this life and I have even asked for a pay raise. That's when I wonder if anyone's out there and if you're nuts. Anytime you ask God for a raise in pay you might want to re evaluate your life a little. By the way I haven't received that raise yet. I wonder what God would like us to talk to him about, if I find out I'll let you know.

Maybe I Pray too Much, Maybe I'm wasting God's Time. Great song, you should listen to it sometime, but once you hear that line, be careful....you might be adding to my blog pretty soon.

Spirits Talk, Kind Words Heal
People Pass Away, Easy Ain't That Easy
Destination Hard To Say

Good Night,

Joe

RUN JOEY RUN

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Wed, 26 Oct 2005 23:27:00 -0800

"RUN JOEY RUN" was the coolest song in the world to me when I was 7 years old. Because my name is Joey. I had no idea the song was about teenage love, pregnancy and a father shooting his daughter by accident, all I knew was it was a song with my name. I ran away from home at the age of three. Mom had spanked me for eating her flowers in the front yard, it was just something I liked to do and I was apparantly pissed about the spanking and the minute her back was turned, I was gone. Now we lived on a U. S. Marine base in North Carolina, very large and very busy but imagine, I'm three yrs old for Gods sake! I walked thru major intersections, crosswalks and managed somehow to find my way to the bowling alley 3 miles from my house. Dad would take Mom, my two older brothers and I there whenever he was trying to make up with Mom after screwing up with either booze, women or beating the hell out of her, all three of which happened alot.

So here I was in the bowling alley, Saturday afternoon walking around like I knew what I was doing. There was a bar counter where they sold food, so I headed right for it. Climbed up on a bar stool and just looked around for a couple of minutes. There weren't may people there and only a couple of the lanes were being used. The barteneder fellow had been looking at me kinda funny, walked up asked me my name. I told him Joey. He asked me several other questions that I really don't recall, but when he asked if I wanted an ice cream cone, I said Yes Sir!! Being polite was mandatory in my family, it's a southern thing I believe. Here comes my ice cream cone, my life couldnt have been better at the momment. I had not thought one time about going home or what I was going to do after my ice cream was gone, I was living in the moment! I'm not sure how long I had been there, but I know I was knee deep in that ice cream cone when these 2 marine MP's walked up. I knew they had uniforms on like my dad wore but the difference was the big guns they were wearing. One sat on either side of me at the counter, took off their hats and starting talking to me. Everybody wants to know my name, I kinda like all the attention. I'm a single 3 year old out on the town, eating ice cream and chatting with guys with guns.

Somehwhere close to the end of my ice cream one of the marines ask me if I would like to see their police truck with sirens, and that was all it took to get me off that stool and outside. Real sirens? This is huge! They help me up in the truck, I scoot in the middle and they tell me we're going for a ride, and I can play the siren while we ride down the road. It's 1968 and I'm a kid, 911 didn't exist and the world was a lot safer I'm sure and come on they had guns what could be unsafe about this. Well down the road we go, the three of us. I'm wearing one of the marines hats, eating whats left of the ice cream cone and things are looking very familiar, wait a minute... this is my road, these guys know where I live and their taking me HOME!!! Oh no, Moms at home this won't be good, and it wasn't. There's my mother standing on the sidewalk in front of the house as we pull up, the siren stops and moms reaching in the window after me, she pulls me out and hugs me. This ain't so bad, she's happy to see me right? Right. But then she put's me on the ground and starts whipping the shit out of me right there in front of my new friends and tells me to never ever leave this house without her again or she would tell my father. The marines with the guns just sat there in their cool truck and smiled as my Mom gave me what I had coming.

That spring I stopped eating flowers.

DOWN ON MAIN STREET

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Sat, 22 Oct 2005 20:42:00 -0800

"Down on Mainstreet" by Bob Seger was one of my favorite songs growing up and still is. It reminds me of how great life was in that little Mississippi town where I came from and Fridays after school was the best time to be a teenager where I lived. You run home and get ready for the weekend.

I'd would stand in front of a full length mirror and crank up Bob Seger, Foreigner 4 or a little Van Halen and play air guitar with my long ass hair whipping every which way. Whether it was walking the streets around the town square or hanging out in the M&F Bank parking lot, it was the best time of my life.

All my friends would be waiting for me there and the party was on. The parking lot was big, took up a whole block, everyone had their car doors open with the radios blasting, sometime the cops would harass us, when the music got too loud or a little scuffle in the parking lot broke out, but if you wanted to know where your kid was in Kosciusko (kos- e -es- ko) you could bet they were either "ridin' around" or at M&F parking lot.

I miss those Fridays after school. Sometime I'll catch myself daydreaming about being back there, but of course we know that's not possible. Fridays are still nice don't get me wrong, but not like it was back then. Or is it?

These days Friday's at work are frantic, busy,with a touch of hysteria all the way up to quittin' time. But the moment I'm outta there, I rush home for a different reason, not to play air guitar, but to be home with my family. They are my friends in the parking lot now, they are the ones waiting for me on Friday night. We can blast the TV now in our bedroom, or maybe turn on the 70's music channel on satellite and not worry about the cops coming. Rarely does a scuffle break out, if it does my wife usually wins. So no matter where I am in my 40 year old life, I can always get that Friday feeling by going home to my family....."Down on Mainstreet"

Night,

Joe

Well here I am blogging for the first time and looking for other broadcast bloggers out there and I know there's a few. I came here for Multiple reasons... One, to get connected to what others are thinking, doing, feeling and so on. Secondly, I'm here because I finally started a website Big Joe Media, a home based voiceover business and I'm looking for advice on how to get this thing off the ground. I have the equipment, I have the experience, I have the motivation, I have the website, now what do I do? Marketing yes.. I realize that, and maybe this blog is one step, but more "free" opportunity has to be out there accessible to me and my ambitions.

I've been doing this radio life along time and I shoulda,coulda, woulda set up a business years ago, but life gets in the way sometime of the things you really need to be doing, you know what I mean? I'm not sure what has motivated me, so...maybe I shouldn't question that at this time, just go with it as they say.

Ok a little about me..What's not on the profile.

I still love radio and I am extremely passionate about my work, even after 25 years. I've always described work as playtime, it truly is to me. I have memories of going to this playground when I was kid, I always had projects to work on, things to do. For instance, I'm going one day to be "king of the merry go round" or the next day I'll see how many chin ups I could do. (Not very many) I built things in my sandbox with blocks, sand and dirt, never once thinking, hey one day I'll use sound sfx, music, and digital audio equipment to keep the game going! Lo' and behold here I am, playing still after all these years.

I'm 40 years old, still feel pretty good most days, I have a family, a place I never thought I'd see 10 years ago. Being a well traveled radio jock was the best and worst times of my life, You know what I mean...a guy or gal that works in market after market, big and small, looking for that one spot where you feel that this is " The Place". The Place where life is comfortable and un chaotic. Egos, radio growing pains over the last 20 years, my own growing pains and one crazy life, keeps one on the move in this business. Radio gets into your blood like drugs and to be perfectly honest, it took awhile for me to find " The Place".

But after markets such as Nashville, Knoxville, Atlanta, Birmingham, Lafollette, Jacksonville,Yazoo City, Fargo, Meridian and Yuma, I am proud to say I make my home in the postcard of Anchorage, Alaska.

Yes, there are bears. Yes, we have moose in our front yards and yes there are snow capped mountains everywhere you look. This is a dangerous, exciting and beautiful place, that will make you believe in God if you didn't before

Life is good guys..I need a new car, I have bills like everyone, I'm not always in the best of moods, but I can't cry about life and certainly can't cry about the place I sit behind a microphone everyday. Morris Alaska is my godsend, I work for a great company. I have worked for the giants and the mom and pop stations in my quarter century in the biz and Morris is where I want to call home for sometime. They simply care. You see it in the hallways in your co workers faces everyday. People matter in this business big radio, and you might want to pay closer attention to that detail.

Well now you know a little more than you wanted too, but you know something... that's alright..It's my first blog and I'm sure there will be many more chances to run off at the mouth, after all I am in broadcasting and I do love to play in that sandbox. I'll share again soon

Peace and Be Wild

Joe