Paint my barstools.

I thought about it though and I feel like that counts.

But a huge thunderstorm rolled through town on Monday night and so I spent most of the evening with Caroline’s feet somewhere in the vicinity of my ribcage. Then P decided to let us sleep in a little late to compensate for all the sleep none of us got while the thunder rolled and the lightning struck and random Garth Brooks’ lyrics ran through my mind.

By the time I got Caroline to school it was almost nine. And then I had to stop at Starbucks because CAFFEINE. After I got my coffee I came back to the house where my master plan was to still paint the barstools but I got distracted looking at painted barstools on Pinterest which, sadly, does not translate to them magically appearing in my kitchen.

And then I remembered I had to pay a few bills and answer a few emails. Then P came home early because it was pouring down rain and he can’t really work in that kind of weather. He was looking for something in the refrigerator to eat and lamented, “We don’t even have any cheese”.

He was right. We were completely out of cheese. And down to one roll of toilet paper. And I’d packed Craisins in Caroline’s lunch that morning in the hopes they would count as a fruit.

So I realized I was going to have to go to the grocery store. In the rain.

But since I was going to have to get out anyway, I decided I’d go to Home Depot first because P needed some type of wooden dowel to finish the feet for the island. I could explain the whole thing to you but it’s long and boring.

Much like this post so far.

After I found my car keys, I told P I was heading to Home Depot and he said, “Great. Will you get some giant lawn and leaf bags while you’re there?”

Which is the same thing he did when I went to Home Depot on Sunday except then it was, “Hey! Will you get me some storage containers for my tools while you’re there?”

Don’t get me wrong. It’s not that I don’t want to help him out and get these things he needs. It’s just that I don’t spend much time at Home Depot. It’s a large warehouse full of tools and such. It overwhelms me.

It would be like if he had to go to Nordstrom for something and I said, “Hey! While you’re there will you pick me up those white skinny jeans?”

There are too many choices. Too many aisles. Too many kinds of storage containers in various shapes. I don’t own tools, therefore I am uncertain about the best container for them. And as for lawn and leaf bags, I thought they just grew in the garage.

But I went to Home Depot and found the dowel thing I was looking for and the lawn and leaf bags.

(On a related note, I feel like I need to confess I did not find the right storage containers for tools. And tried to convince P it was because they didn’t have any in stock. Because why would a home improvement warehouse sell things related to tools?)

Then I went to HEB and it was one of those marathon trips where my cart was piled so high at the end that I would have been embarrassed for the checker to know I was only buying groceries for a family of three instead of The Brady Bunch.

And by the time I got home it was 1:30 and it seemed pointless to start painting the barstools. So I grabbed the chuck roast I bought at the store and decided I’d try Pioneer Woman’s Drip Beef recipe for dinner because, sure, I could continue to cook hot dogs and frozen pizza every night and be THE BEST COOK IN THE WORLD but sometimes you have to take risks, change things up.

It turns out that the drip beef was delicious. To be honest, I think it needs a better name but no one asked me. It’s also a little bit spicy so keep that in mind when you make it. P took some extra Tums before bed tonight.

And so that’s why the barstools didn’t get painted but we had a delicious dinner and we have toilet paper and cheese. What’s that smell?

SUCCESS.

If you don’t count the unpainted barstools.

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Here’s what I’ve done so far:

Not much.

Actually that’s not totally true. Right after Holly left I was motivated. With a capital M. And not even fake motivated like I sometimes pretend to be to make everyone around me feel good, but really and truly excited and ready to get some things done. I painted those lanterns red, ordered some word art for above the mantle, and bought some fabric for the couch and throw pillows.

I’m still waiting on the word art to show up. Meanwhile, the fabric is lying on the floor in the playroom, rolled up and covered in plastic, just waiting to be dropped off at the upholsterers. But I’m not sure when that’s going to happen because did I mention that our dog, Scout, had to spend five days at the hospital so we can enjoy him for eight more months?

And did I also mention that P’s twelve-year-old truck finally wore out and we had to buy a new one?

Being a grown up is super awesome.

We also got a few bids on fixing all the cracks in our walls (Thank you, Texas drought!) but decided the first bid seemed too high and then our second guy, Lupe, never called us back with his estimate and I’m not really excited about hiring someone who isn’t even motivated enough to call us back.

And so basically my home improvement project is the complete opposite of all those shows on HGTV where they have almost immediate results.

At least it was until yesterday.

When Holly came to visit, she made a ton of suggestions. And I loved all of them. She just has the best taste and can envision things that would take me years to figure out.

Who am I kidding? I’d never figure them out. I’d put ivy on top of my china cabinet and call it a day.

One of the things she suggested was to paint the base of the island in my kitchen a charcoal gray color. And I thought that was a great idea. I’ve wanted it to be painted since practically the day we got it and I realized that what I thought was going to be a gorgeous, dark wood stain looked more like cheap laminate. My problem was with the realities that actually come with painting a large piece of furniture.

That is to say, IT IS HARD.

The last piece of furniture I painted was the cabinet in Caroline’s bathroom and that was back in 2002 before she even existed. And I had to use oil based paint. And primer. And I still think I have black paint on my hands from that experience and lost countless brain cells. I’d paint a few drawers and then go to the kitchen and eat a pan of brownies.

It was terrible.

And so I haven’t been motivated to paint anything else. I’ve been motivated to hire someone to paint, but that requires money and taking the time to find someone who knows what they’re doing.

So when Holly suggested that the island needed to be painted, I agreed as I mentally put it WAY DOWN on my list of priorities because in what deluded world am I going to exert that much time and effort?

Here’s the island since I like to provide visual aids:

This is the prettiest side because the doors are a good wood finish.

But this is one of the sides that always bugged me. The plain flat surface looked cheap.

And here’s a picture of it featuring P’s elbow floating mysteriously in mid-air.

Then Holly posted about my house project on her blog and mentioned the island. And a nice lady named Jennifer sent me an email and told me she owns a store in San Antonio called Woodley Cottage Finds and Design that carries a brand of paint specifically for furniture named Annie Sloan CHALK PAINT. She said she would love to supply me with the paints, brushes and wax I needed to paint the island. And, not only that, would come to my house and help me do it.

SHUT UP.

But I’d never heard of Annie Sloan CHALK PAINT and was a little concerned this might all be an elaborate ruse by a ring of thieves to gain access to my home. I forwarded the email to Holly and said, “What do you think about this?”

And I received an email back from her that said, “YESSSSSSS!!!!!! DO IT!!!!! IT’S AWESOME PAINT!!!!!”

It took me a while but I eventually figured out that meant she thought it was a good idea. Then I looked a the Annie Sloan website and saw all the gorgeous colors.

I emailed Jennifer back and told her that sounded great and figured I didn’t really care if she stole my T.V. as long as she painted my island before she left. We agreed that Monday was a good day for both of us and she said she’d be at my house by 9:00 a.m.

Which meant that I spent Sunday afternoon cleaning the island so it would be free of grease and dust. It was a very humbling experience that made me reevaluate my cleaning skills. But, finally, it appeared to be ready for paint.

Jennifer showed up and we got to work almost immediately. I was prepared to lay out all manner of tarps and newspaper to help with the mess, but once she showed me the paint I realized that wouldn’t be much of an issue. Annie Sloan CHALK PAINT is water-based so you can totally drip it on your wood floors and wipe it up with a paper towel.

You can even do this a hundred times. I know because that’s how many times I did it.

But it was so easy. There was no need for primer and oil-based paint and all that other stuff I read about that stresses me out and makes me decide that everything is a color I can live with because painting would kill me. It’s all just one paint that goes on easily and dries quickly. There is no prep work required.

I repeat, there is NO PREP WORK REQUIRED.

Are those angels singing?

We’d already finished with the first coat when P came home to make sure I hadn’t been taken captive by a mass murderer posing as a kind boutique owner specializing in faux finishes and various painting techniques.

Here it is after one coat.

And here it is after two coats, but before the wax.

And here is the general wreck that was my kitchen.

Anyway, we finished the whole thing (two coats!) in just a couple of hours and then there’s a wax that seals it all in and makes it like the Superman of furniture. I would have made Mr. Miyagi proud yesterday. You have never seen someone WAX ON, WAX OFF like I did. My left arm is totally in shape for summer now.

Best of all, the island looks great. It’s not totally finished because I still need to wax one little section, but ran out of time and had to pick Caroline up from school and whip up a delicious hot dog dinner. BEST COOK IN THE UNIVERSE.

Here’s the finished island after I put the hardware back on.

And my favorite view.

I wanted to show you the whole kitchen and how great it looks, but I still have a few shelves I need to finish waxing and put back in and I bought some feet for the island that P is going to help me install. Plus, the contents of all my drawers are scattered from hell to breakfast.

But tomorrow I’m finishing the island and painting my barstools and putting the kitchen back together. By myself. Which ought to be an indicator of how easy Annie Sloan CHALK PAINT is to use.

If you’re in San Antonio, you should totally check out Woodley Cottage. Jennifer offers workshops that teach you how to paint, distress, crackle and wax furniture. I honestly learned so much yesterday that I may paint anything that stands still long enough. It will be like that time in fifth grade I got my own label maker, but with paint.

And if you want to find a store that sells Annie Sloan Chalk paint near you, check out all their stockist locations.

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I can’t remember if I’ve mentioned this before but Caroline has the same teacher for third grade that she had for first grade. And in first grade this teacher helped the class host the sweetest Mother’s Day Tea party for their mothers and grandmothers. Secretly, I’d been hoping that she would do it again this year and so I was thrilled when Caroline came home a few weeks ago with a little decorated invitation to the Mother’s Day Tea.

Although I would have totally understood if Miss C. didn’t want to do it again this year because it is a lot of work and I can’t even imagine how many hours she puts into the whole thing because there is a huge cake and glittery cards and actual tea and a photo slideshow that always makes me cry. Not to mention the whole herding of third graders who have the attention span of rabid guinea pigs.

When I picked Caroline up from school on Wednesday, she tried to con me into buying her a new dress for the party. She told me that she was “pretty sure” Miss C. wanted them all to wear white dresses but she underestimated my ability to text and get confirmation. It turned out that Miss C. said they should wear a fun dress, but not a white dress.

Of course Caroline still wanted a new dress but I turned her down because she has somewhere in the neighborhood of WAY TOO MANY dresses that have only been worn once. And I felt validated by my decision to not buy the new dress when she told me on Thursday night that she wanted to wear this brown maxi dress we bought on sale at Target last year. The problem is she’s grown about sixty-four inches and the maxi dress is no longer a maxi dress but more like an awkward length dress. It also looks like something from Little House on the Prairie.

Thankfully she decided on something else and we were both happy with her second choice.

The tea was Friday afternoon and it was just as sweet as I remembered. There was a slideshow and cake and everything was decorated. Caroline had made cards and written a little thing about me that not only said I was athletic but also the best cook in the universe. Which totally validates all the chalupas and sloppy joes and frozen pizzas we’ve eaten over the last few weeks because BEST COOK IN THE UNIVERSE.

Here’s my secret. Preheat oven to 400 degrees. Take pizza out of box. Place on rack.

You’re welcome.

She also said that one of my greatest wishes is to see Scotland. I have never expressed a desire to visit Scotland, but I’ve also never been called athletic so I’m just going to go with it.

On Saturday morning we had the last soccer game of the season. Caroline scored two goals and played her little heart out so it ended on a good note. And then we went to the end of the season pool party even though it was only 82 degrees out with a north wind. I realize some of you call this summer but here we call it TOO COLD TO SWIM. Actually, I call it too cold to swim. Caroline and her friends thought it was perfect and they assured us all repeatedly through blue lips that the water was FINE.

Then Sunday morning we went to church and then to lunch with Mimi and Bops for Mother’s Day. Caroline had warned me not to go in her room and when we got home from lunch, I discovered why.

She’d set up a little spa just like she did last year. Her spa is very special because it’s hard to find a place that offers a soaking solution of purple glitter, cucumber antibacterial soap and Tressemme hair mousse.

I soaked my hands in the glitter while my feet soaked in another tub of water that I’m pretty sure was a combination of Curel lotion and more hair mousse. Then she gave me a manicure that can best be described as not subtle. She also believes that if a little polish is good then more is better. Even eight hours later I’m still not sure my nails are dry.

She also offered to give me a pedicure and I agreed but asked if we could not paint my toenails since I just got a fresh pedicure on Friday. I was torn because I didn’t want to hurt her feelings, but I also hated to ruin a brand new pedi. And so she looked my toes over and said, “Is this even a color on your toes right now?”

“Yes. I just wanted a light, natural color.”

“Oh”, she said as she dropped my foot with disdain, “Some people will never learn.”

I think I should have been offended, but instead I just agreed that my pedicure was totally boring compared to my fresh, new manicure. Of course, Cher would be boring compared to my fresh, new manicure.

And life would be boring without Caroline.

Hope you all had a wonderful Mother’s Day.

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A few days ago, Caroline and I drove to Beaumont to visit my Nanny. She has more energy and enthusiasm than people half her age. All of her friends are at least fifteen to twenty years younger than she is because as she will tell you “I don’t like to spend time with old people”. In fact, the week before we arrived she had hosted a Bunco party at her house, you know for all her young friends in their seventies.

Nanny always knows how to make you feel like you’re the most important person in the world when you’re with her. She listens to everything you say and even when I was little, never made me feel like my thoughts didn’t matter.

As she used to tell me before bed at night, “Parting is such sweet sorrow, but we will meet again on the morrow.”

I love you, Nanny. So glad you’re home.

Give Big Bob a kiss and a hug for me.

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And the vet examined the leg and took some x-rays and called to say we could pick him up and that the diagnosis was arthritis. Well of course he has arthritis. He’s thirteen years old. That’s ninety-one in people years. Honestly, when you factor in that he had heart surgery as a puppy, he’s a medical marvel.

But on Wednesday he was worse. All of a sudden he could barely walk at all. He had no energy and his leg was swollen and hot to the touch. So I took him back to the vet on Thursday morning and they called us to let us know he was running a high fever, needed a full blood work up to check for infection and high doses of antibiotics.

It’s times like this when hindsight tells you pet insurance would have been a great idea.

And also figuring out a way to win the lottery.

Scout spent Thursday night at the vet and wasn’t any better on Friday. The vet called with regular updates and P finally asked the question on both of our minds, “Is Scout going to pull through?”. We were assured that they wouldn’t be doing all this if they didn’t think he could recover and then the doctor made a comment that we’ve been mulling over for the last few days. He said, “He could get through this and probably have a good eight months left.”

Here are my thoughts on this in numerical format:

1. Eight months seems like an arbitrary number. How does he determine it will be eight months?

2. If you’re a person, eight months is significant. If you’re a dog, I’m not sure that eight months really means that much. It’s not like Scout has to get his will and other financial affairs in order. Because, I assure you, Scout is flat broke.

Anyway, Scout spent the entire weekend at the vet. And he’s still there. Caroline and I went to visit him yesterday and they think he’ll be able to come home tomorrow. And I guess we’ll live it up for the next eight months. Maybe we’ll take him to Disney World or the dog equivalent which is to go to the ranch and roll in fresh cow poo.

But in all seriousness, I’m glad he’s going to be okay for now. I wasn’t ready to say goodbye.

In other weekend news, we had a big Cinco de Mayo celebration here. Or as we called it, a Crawfish de Mayo celebration.

Caroline and I even made a sign.

And then she made another sign all by herself on her chalkboard.

We hung both of them up.

A few weeks ago P decided to order a bunch of crawfish from Louisiana and have a big crawfish boil. And then we realized we’d set the date for Cinco de Mayo. And, lo, a tradition and a party theme were born.

A theme where guacamole and crawfish walk hand in hand or claw in claw in peace and harmony. But not together because gag.

Best of all, the entertainment for the kids is built right in. It flies in the face of every time I’ve told Caroline she shouldn’t play with her food.

Of course maybe that apple doesn’t fall far from the tree.

That’s actually not a live crawfish I’m holding. That’s a dead one that Gulley’s husband found in our guest bathroom later that night.

Please don’t pay attention to my bathroom trashcan. The bigger issue is how a dead crawfish ended up in my house.

And begs the question, are there more I haven’t discovered?

I guess I’ll know in a few days.

__________________________________________

I loved this post by Kelli called Hope is Slow from the Tanzania Compassion Bloggers’ trip.

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And that was the end of my writing about the weekend initiative.

But I’ll tell you about it tomorrow.

In the meantime, I did write a post about my favorite baseball movies over at The Pioneer Woman’s blog. You can read it if you want.

More importantly, there are some Compassion bloggers visiting Tanzania right now and I’ve already cried twice while reading their posts. I especially loved Thanks of the Few from Shaun Groves and Well I Didn’t Expect to Meet HER in Tanzania from the Nester.

Have a lovely Monday.

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I am so excited.

I mean really I’m kind of tired because it’s late and whatever, but on the inside I am doing cartwheels. You know why?

Because I’d end up in the Emergency Room if I did them for real.

And also because my pretend friends, Amie and Jolie Sikes, otherwise known as the Junk Gypsies, have their own show on HGTV and it premieres tomorrow, Saturday, May 5th at 6:00 p.m. central time.

(That’s 7:00 p.m. for those of you on the east coast.)

(Those of you on the west coast will have to do your own time math. I’m always so confused.)

Anyway, I say they’re my pretend friends because I’ve never met them in real life, but I wish we had so that totally counts. Plus, we’ve emailed back and forth which means we’re practically related.

Amie and Jolie are rebel designers with a spirit of adventure and a knack for finding treasure in what other people see as trash. Their style is whimsical and fun and totally out of the ordinary.

And, y’all, they did all the decor for Blake Shelton and Miranda Lambert’s wedding.

In honor of the premiere of their show, Jolie and Amie want one of you to have the chance to win $75 in Junk Bucks.

Then you could use that $75 to buy something great like this if Mama ain’t happy t-shirt.

Or I love this made in Texas tee.

And turquoise lovers (like myself) will adore this el camino cuff.

These silver spangle chandeliers are incredible.

As for me, I’d be tempted to get this Texas necklace.

Here’s what you need to do to enter:

3. I’ll keep comments open until Monday, May 7th at noon and choose one lucky winner that I’ll notify by email.

That’s it.

Now for some great finds this week.

1. chevron stripe tank

I went shopping with my friend Stephanie yesterday and I bought this top. It comes in a bunch of cute colors and is perfect for summer. Long enough to wear with skinny jeans, short enough to wear with shorts.

2. wild patchwork oversize scarf

Steph pointed out this scarf to me and we agreed it would be so cute all summer long with different color tank tops. But then we also agreed that it gets way to hot here to have something around your neck all summer without wanting to kill a person.

3. woven wide brim hat

Every summer I buy a large hat because I like to channel someone’s Great Aunt Maude when I go to the pool. I’m also overcompensating for the sun sins of my youth.

So I bought this hat yesterday. The price was right, it will keep the sun off every inch of my face and it has one of those great adjustable brims so it won’t get too floppy.

4. endpoint skirt

I think this is really cute. Maybe with a bright yellow top? Or a green? Or a hot pink?

5. sanctuary peace shorts

Have we talked about these shorts? If you’re going to wear shorts this summer then I can’t recommend anything better than these Sanctuary shorts. In the words of the saleslady at a local store, they have the ability to make everyone’s rear end look good.

And they can roll up or down depending on your length preference.

(Just to clarify, you have to roll them up or down. They don’t do it on their own. Because that would be weird. And probably uncomfortable.)

6. scalloped lace date top

Oh, this is just lovely.

7. timex originals easy reader

I don’t wear a watch. Yet sometimes I am tempted to buy one because I like the way they look. And then I wonder if I’d ever really wear it.

Right now I’m tempted to buy this one because, OH THE PINK.

8. floating monogram necklace

I am dying for this necklace. Wouldn’t it be the perfect Mother’s Day gift?

(Let’s see if that works.)

I also love the fun acrylic monogram pendant that comes in a bunch of fun colors.

9. voile trapeze slip

I can’t remember if I’ve told you this, but way back in January there was a conference for college kids called Passion. And Christy Nockels was one of the worship leaders. And she had on the cutest long tunic with skinny jeans and a sweater layered over it.

(Not that I was solely focusing on her outfit. I was also worshiping Jesus. I may have even thanked him for giving some clothing designer the creativity to create that tunic.)

And then my friend Paige (who is technically another pretend friend because we’ve never met) emailed me and asked if I could figure out where the tunic originated. It came to me as if in a dream, Free People.

I was right. And here it is.

It would look great on its own or with something layered over it in cooler weather. Perfect with leggings or jeans.

10. leather and gold bracelet

This bracelet is really cute. Love the orange for summer but it also comes in some other great colors.

And that’s it for today.

Don’t forget to leave a comment if you want a chance to win the $75 gift certificate from the Junk Gypsies.

Y’all have a good Friday.

But first, several people emailed me yesterday and asked about Holly and her decorating services. So I just wanted to let y’all know that she does online consultations. In fact, that’s how we originally started brainstorming about my house. I emailed her four or sixty-two pictures of all my rooms at different angles so she could begin to formulate a plan.

You can also read her version of our day together on her blog if you’re interested.

Or you can go watch Joshua Ledet’s performance last night on American Idol because MY WORD at the talent.

Or you can stay right here and read about how I’ve spent the last few days.

Covered in dust.

What? Covered in dust? Have I undertaken some elaborate home renovation project?

Not really. I’ve just been cleaning out all the stuff that has been under various beds in my house for approximately an embarrassing number of years.

Because after Holly left and I began to think about painting and fresh new stuff, I was seized with the need to get rid of a bunch of old junk. This was actually on my to-do list in August as a goal I’d like to accomplish once Caroline was back in school.

So it makes total sense that we’re down to three weeks left in the school year and I’m finally getting it done.

Procrastination, you complete me.

Anyway, I came home from church on Sunday and was struck with the urge to begin the clean out process. And so I sat and ate some Black Bean and Roasted Garlic Tostitos, hoping this urge would pass. But then I got on the phone with Gulley and we finally committed to schedule the joint garage sale we’ve been threatening to do for the last few months.

(By joint garage sale I mean that we are doing it together. There will be no illegal drugs sold out of Gulley’s garage.)

We set the date for Saturday, May 19th and that was all the motivation I needed to start cleaning. I began with the china cabinet in the dining room. I’m happy to report that it still holds craft supplies, my wedding photo album, our mortgage paperwork and my wedding stationary, but it all looks a lot neater. Plus I managed to throw out an entire trash bag worth of stuff.

I still had some energy after that was completed, so I moved into our bedroom and decided to clean out our nightstands. P’s was easy because all he keeps in it is the latest hard back Cabela’s catalog and a giant blue flashlight.

Mine? A totally different story.

I don’t know how long it had been since I’d cleaned it out from top to bottom, but I will confess that there was a People magazine dated the week Caroline was born. August 2003. Angelina Jolie is on the cover holding baby Maddox and the headline reads “My Baby Saved My Life!”

I guess that explains why she went on to have forty-six more children.

Ironically, there was also a photo of Brad Pitt and Jennifer Aniston together on the inside which reminded me how much more innocent we all were back in 2003 when we thought the gift of matching, perfectly highlighted hair was enough to keep a marriage together.

Here’s a picture to show you the rest since words fail me.

The place where ponytail holders go to die.

In an odd way, I feel that this random assortment of ponytail holders, bullets, foam rollers, a neon green banana clip, an arrowhead, a Bible, Halls cough drops and Caroline’s little night cap pretty much sums up my life.

Oh, and those bright green little cases? Those hold the wax that I put on my braces every night back in 2006 when I still had braces.

(Have I ever told y’all that my mother-in-law is so organized that she’s been known to bring over a labeled file folder that holds ONE piece of paper? Yet it’s labeled. And in a folder. She could give The Container Store lessons in home organization.)

(This drawer would make her cry.)

I also found a receipt from a lunch I bought in 2006 for a big group of doctors when I was still a pharmaceutical rep. Why was it still in my nightstand in the Year of Our Lord 2012? I don’t know but P is concerned that I was never reimbursed for the lunch expense since I clearly never mailed in the receipt.

And I found a gift certificate to Alamo Cafe that Honey and Big brought me in the hospital the day after Caroline was born. It was hidden under the chart that I made to keep track of Caroline’s eating and pooping. Apparently she had a significant poop on August 8th at 4 p.m. and I decided I didn’t need to keep the chart anymore.

But don’t think I’m not going to go into Alamo Cafe and see if they’ll still honor it. They totally should. I’ve been busy. I had a baby EIGHT AND A HALF years ago.

The last few days I’ve found pictures that have made me smile, dust bunnies that would frighten a grown man, and a sparkly blue flip-flop that’s been missing for two years.

I have thrown out at least six large trash bags full of stuff and have started forming a pile of things to sell in the garage sale in the corner of our bedroom. It looks like the set of Sanford and San. I swear I walked in there yesterday and heard the sounds of a bass harmonica begin to play.

I worked on Caroline’s room last because I knew it would kill my spirit. And it almost won. When the head of a stuffed bunny came off thereby spilling guts all over the place, I nearly walked away. But I persevered.

Every room in my house is totally cleaned out. Purged. Set free.

Except for the kitchen.

But I’ll think about that tomorrow.

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Which is what I explained to Holly before she even walked in the door because you know what’s stressful? Having a decorator come to your house to view all your decor. So I felt the need to over-explain that we’d renovated our house nine years ago and then brought Caroline home from the hospital two weeks after we’d moved back in and I’ve essentially been in survival mode ever since that time.

And the thing is, I used to love decorating. I’d spend hours browsing through furniture stores and even kept a little binder full of house ideas that I’d pulled from pages of Southern Living and Better Homes and Garden.

(Can we discuss how obsolete binders are now that there’s Pinterest? If I want to feel really bad about the current state of my decor or my craft abilities or the fact that I don’t make Caroline’s lunch into cute shapes, I need look no further than my Pinterest boards.)

But then I had a child and went without sleep for three years. Then I quit my job and it seemed more important to eat than to have a pretty living room. And then one day I looked up and realized I still had fake ivy on top of the china cabinet in my dining room and it was time for an intervention.

Thank God for Holly. She and I had talked about a few ideas over the last year or so, but I just couldn’t get it going. I talked a big game but then it was summer and then I had a hangnail and then I had to write a book and so that ivy just sat on top of my china cabinet.

Mocking me.

(True confession. The china cabinet doesn’t hold china. It holds six placemats, our wedding album, an envelope full of warranties and instructions for all our appliances, various craft supplies, and the game CatchPhrase.)

(This should be a clue as to my organization skills because, clearly, all those things go together.)

I promise Holly had only been in my house ten minutes before we had fabric picked out for the couch, throw pillows, living room chairs and dining room chairs. It was like Nate Berkus had walked in. But cuter and more fun.

She would walk around with her measuring tape and announce, “You’ll need two pillows here. Make them 12 x 30″. I didn’t even know you could get pillows that are 12 x 30.

So I just typed things furiously into the notes on my phone and bookmarked stuff on my computer while she basically redecorated my entire house in her head. I’ve never been so happy. Because at some point I became a person who just wants someone to tell me how to get things to look the way I want them and not have to think about it. I have enough stress worrying about Bethenny Frankel and Jason and hoping they can make it work.

And it’s not like I can do it all now because to redecorate the whole house would be right over my normal $15 price point. But it gives me a long-term goal. The sad news is it’s a lot cheaper to just look at pretty rooms on Pinterest.

Anyway, after Holly and I spent the early afternoon devising a plan (I think we all know that I wasn’t devising anything. I was just nodding my head.) we headed to Pier One, Target and World Market to look for a few things. And I was amazed because Holly would walk in each store, scan around and immediately find the two or three things we were looking for.

If I had been alone I would have walked in, spent two hours agonizing over everything, and left with nothing but regret.

We were basically looking for white pottery pieces for the top of my cabinets, some decorative plates, glass canisters and lanterns. Oh, and maybe a lamp. Or anything else that looked interesting.

The plan is to hang a fun assortment of plates on the wall in my dining room. Here’s a little bit of what we laid out so far. I need to pick out a few more which probably means Holly is going to have to come back because DECISIONS – not my strong suit.

Holly also suggested that some lanterns might look cute on the mantle. And to spray paint them red. Total madness. But I loved the idea. We found great tall lanterns at Pier One. Then I found spray paint at Home Depot in Colonial Red.

And then P spray painted them for me because he watched me try to do it and informed me I am a complete failure in the spray-painting department. Or maybe I’m a genius because guess who didn’t end up with Colonial Red spray paint all over my hands?

They turned out really cute.

Please disregard that frame and the wall color because all that is about to change since I’m also about to paint the living room and dining room and hallway and guest room just as soon as we hire someone to float and tape all the cracks in this house. Because you know what a drought does to an old house? Ugly, unspeakable things.

So the walls will eventually be a soft gray and there will be built-ins in the living room to hold the T.V. even though it looks super classy propped up on our church pew right now. Jesus and television, my two loves together.

Maybe I’ll put some fake ivy on top of the T.V. in the meantime.

Anyway, it will be a work in progress over the next few months but I’ll keep you updated on everything as we go and maybe I’ll even get fancy and have before and after photos.

In the meantime, I’m motivated to get rid of all the junk in this house and am cleaning out every room from top to bottom.

But I’ll save that post for tomorrow because, seriously, this is already over 1,000 words and you’ve probably already quit reading by now anyway.

Stay tuned for tomorrow when I will feature the contents of my nightstand. It will be riveting.

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I’m not sure what she thought I was trying to say but this makes my life sound a lot fancier than it is in reality.

Copyright secured by Digiprove © 2012