Arriving at Heathrow Terminal 5 around 4pm I had only an hour before meeting YP at Terminal 3.     I hit the bar at Terminal 3 (arrivals) and waiting for the kid.  One of my work pals (Bazza) just happened to be in Heathrow also – so I called him up for a quick beer.

After a couple of hours of drinking with Bazza and YP at the extortionate prices, we were well on the way to getting arseholed.  Realizing that if went and checked in to our Thailand flight (which was open) we could be drinking for free.  It is a recession after all, so best we be thrifty.   And besides, Bazza had enough stories of ladyboys, girlyboys and the ins and outs of the Nana Plaza.

As I have made one or two flights to Thailand in recent years, it wasn’t hard to qualify for a gold memeber card – so went straight to the VIP check in with YP.  We had looked ‘fresher’.   The plan was to upgrade YP to business class but as we’re in a recession, it was easier to downgrade me to economy.  No hardship.  I was given the Biz lounge passes so off we skipped merrily to Duty Free to buy various teddybears, perfumes and bottles of strong booze.  Being drunk, the guy in duty free managed to talk us into buying more bottles than we needed and even persuaded us to get some vodka flavored miniatures. (bad idea).

Into the lounge – YP hit the drinks cabinet like he was in Supermarket Sweep.  Couple of bloody Marys, Vodka cokes and a few tins of some beer were presented to me for consumption.   A few cucumber sandwiches nibbled on, tomato juice all over the floor and a couple of loud farts later we had to go to the gate.    Don’t rememner too much about the journey to the gate, only barging through the queing crowd at the gate shouting “out the way… coming through….gold card…. YP and DW on the way…” and various other comments that I am none too proud of.

We made our way to the cheap seats and were soon bored.  We were the 1st on the plane so thought it best we use up the time to drink the miniature vodka bottles we bought.  We chugged them.  As people walked past us we came up with the game of ‘spot the sex tourist’.  Shouting out ‘Pattaya’ at each old duffer that went past covered in faded tattoos we soon drew attention to ourselves.  It wasn’t long before a high-vis jacket wearing official looking person came to us and asked for identification in the form of my Airline Membership card.  He then asked how much alcohol we’d consumed.  I told him that we were only in the lounge for an hour, so.. a fucking lot.   He walked off.    YP and I quickly hid all the bottles in our bags and chucked them in the overhead locker.  We then tried to act all normal and sober.  This was due to the hot Thai chick that wanted to take her seat next to me Nothing to do with us being moments away from being hoofed off the flight.

Trying our best to chat up this Thai chick it was soon apparent that our skills were less than honed.  “excuse me sir”….  oh no, Hi-Vis man was back with some flight attendents.  “Sir, we have reason to believe you are consuming too much alcohol.  We can’t alllow you to drink your own alcohol on board”.   Great, that means we will just drink your booze then?

In my sober voice I said that we have no booze and no intention to drink anymore as we want to sleep.  The wrote up some form and told us that had we not have been a VIP we would have been refused to fly on the plane.  We just looked shocked and innocent and told them that we had no intention of drinking anymore.

After signing their little form and noting that the details on the form were YP’s details and not mine, I felt a little at ease.  Off they walked back down the plane. All the surrounding people were looking at us in disgust.  Can’t really blame them.  Wow.. we got away with that one YP.    Feeling like a little celebration, YP pulled out a can of beer from under his seat (in case of emergency?) and I cracked it open.  Have you ever opened a shaken can or beer?   It went not only all over me, but the hot chick next to me.  She wasn’t happy.  She pulled out her wipes and handed one to me.  Whilst we both dried ourselves off, YP drank the beer.

Not too sure what happened after that….     We hadn’t even taken off yet….  we dropping in and out of conciousness.  At one point we came too as they were serving food.  Ah… food.  Good idea.  We shoved it down our necks.  That wasn’t enough for YP and he decided to help himself to other peoples trays.  This wasn’t as funny to the othe passengers as it was to us!

Again… we passed out.   I was then woken up by the flight attendant.   So what you say?  Well, I wasn’t in my seat.  I was sitting on the crapper.  I don’t remember going to the toilet.  I don’t remember being sick or taking a dump either.  I do remember looking up as the flight attendant had to open the toilet door from the outside to see why I had been in there so long.  I told her to get lost as I was taking a crap and then had a bit of a cleaning session to get on with.   With that all done I made my way back to my seat.  YP was sleeping and the hot chick was no longer there.  Where did she go?    I don’t know how much time passed… around 8 hours I think.  I woke up to find that YP and I were ‘spooning’ over the 3 seats.  The girl had gone.  So had our self respect and dignity.  We were now coming into Bangkok and needed to buckle up.  I looked down at my clothes and saw that my shirt and trousers were all covered in dried vomit.  So was YP’s.  It was also up my back.  We’d looked better.

Looking at the other passengers faces I can only assume we had been snoring, farting and smelling for most of the journey.

We left the plane, broken, ashamed, stinking, embarrassed and told ourselves that we really shouldn’t behave like this at our age.

After collecting luggage we went to find a taxi to take us to Lolitas.

The gate number has been called, but YP wants more of the free booze.

We land tomorrow.  Will be at the bar at 7pm.  Come and join us for a little drinkie poo!

Please let us know if  anyone wants to watch

For those of you that have been to the previous parties, you’ll know what they’re all about.   For new comers -

Kicking off around 8pm on Saturday night.

Pints of Heineken & Tiger = 37bht (whilst stocks last – approx 200 pints)

Free food – Tikka Masala, flied lice, flench flies, etc.

Various discounted drinks

Shot give-aways

Go-go girls will be brought in to ‘mingle’

Killer Pool – 500 bht to the winners

PS3 UFC fight challenge.  – Best of 3, loser downs a nasty ‘Jonas’ made Shot. (vodka based)

Being a child that grew up in the 80′s – the music will be cheesy 80′s.   Upstairs in the party room will be the usual dance/hip hop stuff.

Anyone dressed in 80′s outfits will have to expect to be given many free drinks.

Various blog faces will be attending.   We welcome back ChelseaBlue and that little oik YP is making a special trip also.

All regulars/Friends of the Mango that come and say hello to DW can expect a drink on him!

Come along and join us.

My buddy is a longtime customer of Nataree, and so he explained the setup to me over a beer. There were about a dozen girls in the “fishbowl”, most of them looking a bit older – 30-ish, maybe a bit more. These girls, he told me, would give you a proper soapy massage for around 1800 baht.

Sitting around the “lobby” area were a variety of girls, most of them younger – some appeared to be only around 20 years old. These are the “sideline” girls. The papasan confirmed that they were 2,600 or 2,900 baht.

I spotted the girl I wanted pretty quickly – one of the youngest looking sideliners with braided hair and a sweet face. My pal was taking his time deciding, sipping his beer and mulling over his choices. We hadn’t been there long – perhaps five or eight minutes – when the girl I had my eye on was snatched up by a Japanese customer. He who hesitates…

No matter; there was no shortage of sweet young flesh. She’d been my favorite, but I could make a different choice. I decided to use the toilet while my pal thought things over.

When I returned, there was a new girl in the fishbowl. She was light skinned, big breasted, wearing a white satin dress, and she was pretty. I mentioned it to my friend. He had already noticed. After a moment’s discussion, we agreed that he would take the girl in white, and I would choose a sideliner. For no particular reason I pointed to a young, pretty girl sitting near us while my pal told the papasan he would take “number 4”. The papasan seemed to approve of my buddy’s choice, but seemed to want to discourage me, “She not know good massage… not speak English” he told me.

No problem; I can speak Thai, I told him.

We went to the cashier to pay in advance, then the four of us rode up the lift together, getting off on different floors. My girl (her name was Bee) led me to a room.

I noticed right away that, although the papasan said she didn’t speak English, Bee managed to introduce herself and ask me a couple of questions in English. Good for her. But she was difficult to understand; her pronunciation was very muddy and unclear. I figured she’d only just learned the phrases from other working girls, which would account for the poor pronunciation.

But soon enough she ran out of English and we started speaking in Thai. To my surprise, her Thai pronunciation was equally unclear. I began to suspect that she was at least partially deaf.

Eventually she told me that she’d been born with some sort of birth defect that prevented her from talking as a child – if I understood her story correctly (and between the limits of my Thai and her pronunciation I may not have) – she had to have surgery on her tongue when she was around 7 years old, and so her speech is unclear.

She also told me that her parents divorced when she was very young, and she was raised by her father, who is Chinese, not Thai. So, although she grew up in Northern Thailand (near Chiang Rai/Chiang Mai), she actually speaks, reads and writes Chinese as
her first language.

Anyway, it’s clear, I guess, that we talked a lot. But that wasn’t the main reason I was there.

Bee started filling the tub with water as soon as we got in the room. It took a long time. While the tub was filling, we got naked and she sat on my lap. She was lovely with her clothes off. She has very white skin (whiter than mine!), and is very slender, with narrow hips and small nicely shaped tits. The only flaw she had was a scar below her navel that hadn’t healed well. It wasn’t a c-section – I’d guess it was an appendectomy scar.

In any event, with her sitting naked on my lap, kissing me, rocking back and forth, and with me touching her skin and nibbling on her nipples, I was ready for action in no time. I rolled her on her back and started licking her, eventually finding my way to
the hairy v-spot between her legs. She was really into it, using her hands to pull her legs way back towards her shoulders, and from time-to-time stretching the lips of her pussy wide, clearly excited by the attention I was giving her with my tongue.

When she’d had enough, she turned me over and reciprocated with a long and talented blow job. I was just about to come in her mouth when she stopped and grabbed the condom, slid it on, then slid herself on top of it. I shot my load quickly.

We moved to the tub, which was full to overflowing by this time, and I was able to relax while Bee soaped me up and washed me down. When that was finished I got out and dried myself while she bathed herself. Back in the bed, Bee took out a notebook in which she writes down English phrases. She had me check some of them, write down a few more, and help her learn to pronounce some words more clearly. It was interesting to see her write the translations in Chinese instead of Thai. I spent most of our tutorial time caressing her 23-year-old body while she focused on getting down a new collection of phrases that she could use with customers.

After a while I realized that I was ready to slip it to her again. I pointed out my tumescence to her, and she laughed, put her book away, and started sucking me off again. Once again she got me close to climax just before stopping and wrapping me up. This time she got on all fours and I slipped into her from behind. A few minutes of slap-slap-slap was enough to satisfy me. She removed my second jism-filled used condom, and then it was back to the tub for a quick spray down.

I dried myself again and pulled on my shorts and tee-shirt while she busied herself cleaning between her legs. We shared some mouthwash that she offered me, then she pulled on her bra, panties and lacy dress.

Not being experienced at the massage places, I wasn’t sure how much tip would be appropriate. I opted for a 500 baht note, which I slipped in her hand. She looked neither pleased nor disappointed with the amount of the tip, so either she’s got a good poker face, or the tip was pretty standard.

My massage had been a lot of fun, though it was notably lacking any massage to speak of. It was strictly bathing and sex, though that may have been my fault for not just following the program. Still, it was 3,100 baht very fucking well spent. The girl was
fun, the experience pleasant, the cost reasonable.

Nataree goes on the recommended list.

Last month an ‘elderly couple’ were in the bar having a little food.  I went over and said hello and was surprised to hear that they read and follow the blog.  At that moment I looked down at my feet and felt the need to apologize for the goings on that erm… go on.

When the elderly Gent said that “YP was a little character”, I was in two minds whether to inform them the shit-faced, sleep deprived, LB sniffing oik was standing in the corner.   I did.  Afterall, this couple had been coming to Bangkok for more than 35 years,  so YP in his element should come as no shock to them.

I introduced YP to the couple and they had a little chat.  I then threw YP out after 5 mins as I didn’t want him to put them off their dinner.

Anyway – roll on a few weeks and en envelope arrives at the Big Mango Bar – A calendar and a note.  I showed YP.  He was touched, as we all were.

hang on.. isn't that YP's handwriting?

So thanks to the ‘elderly couple’ for sending that in. Please come and see us again.  YP and DW will take you on one of our little ‘Nana Tours’

Let this be a lesson to others.  Now that we have a calendar, probably the best thing to do would be to just paypal cash to us.

Lots happened at the bar in 2011.. many changes of people, staff and pool tables.  I am happy to say, things are looking up.

November saw one of our biggest social gatherings here, with people flying in from all over the world.  Not easily forgotten.

Now that Christmas and New Year is out of the way and most folk have returned to work, we can get back to the usual drinking, perving and partying.

Rick Masters, PMMP, Doc Bond and myself had a little trek around Nana last night.  Nothing too exciting.  Well, until we went to Straps and fell in love with another generic big boobied hottie.    Pretty Lady was lacking in its usual line-up but they still had enough girls to help you spend your pension.     The night was cut short due to us needing food and Doc Bond wanting to watch QPR get beaten on the big screen.

Fed, watered and recharged – pmmp and Assmaster (Rick Masters) headed off to Spicy to carry on the theme of ‘hitting some ass’. Not heard back from them in a while.

With things getting back to normal… I can start making plans for ‘DWIV’  With the new par-tay room upstairs, I have a feeling this one is gonna be good.

We have a few ‘faces’ gonna be here.  ChelseaBlue,  YP (NurseRon?) are going to be in town.. SJW..  just to name a few.

More details to follow on that one.  But rest assured, there will be lots of free food and booze. Well, you’re only 37 once aren’t you?

There is a soapie post in the next few days and YP has a little masterpiece to submit too (alledgedly)

- if you have anything to share with us…  please send it in.

Lets make 2012 one to remember. Unless the world ends like predicted!