Biggest Smile in the world! :D

Three years later ....

2024-04-26T13:24:00.000-07:00

Hello everyone, it's been a long time since my last post, and as you can image a lot has happened in the past three years. The start of Covid was all bit crazy! the brace process with the Orthodontist was going amazing. We have had Weddings, Birth's and a loss. Lockdown was hard for every one.

Xander started in Reception, Which was pretty much online for the first part. I think we were glad when we had a bit more normality, Blake was amazing during the first lock down and raised £210 for cleft lip and palate association using Facebook.

Then in the second lockdown he raised another 400+ by doing a series of challenges! He did a running challenge, doughnut challege, circuit challenge with his school, a kickboxing challenge with his Instructor Vicki who was amazing!

He then did a football challenge with his coach Andy who suggested a penalty challenge for Blake, Andy took the position as goaly, Blake had to score as many goals as he could in two minutes! his coach didn't go easy on him for me the best thing was watching all his team mates encourage and support him.

The last was the best and based on i'm a celebrity, so It was a food challenge. We live streamed most of the events. Blake had a great time doing this for CLAPPA.

Eating Challenge.

Doughnut Challege.

Football Challenge. 11 goals in 2 minutes! 2021.

The kids were amazing during the lockdown I am such a proud mum.

As I said previously so much had happened and one of the best things was finding a best friend bam smack in the middle of everything going on, Leanne is her name and she has been a massive support. Well we looked after each other. I have to mention Sharon who has been with me throughout and has been amazing she hosted some of Blakes Challenges and is always ready for anything and any occations! I love them so much.

We also celebrated the Birth of Leanne's gorgeous girl Ariana. My Husband Chris was Best Man at his best friend Tristan and Sarah's Wedding! A beautiful day. When I said we had a loss, well that was out Beautiful Cat Theo. He sadly became very ill and we think had a stroke. Unfortunately we had to put him to sleep. We were all so devastated. We miss him so much.

Me, Leanne, Ariana and my beautiful Tià.

So from my last post I told you all how Blake was getting on with his braces..

I can honestly say they have been amazing and the Orthodontist did an amazing job and was absolutely incredible with Blake to the point where he was happy to go see her over the year Blake got to choose different colour bands at all his appointments he had Red and White, Blue and Green and multicoloured.

Salisbury Hospital, during lockdown. First meeting with the Orthodontist team.

Blake having his brace tightened and bands changed. Salisbury Hospital. 2021

It got to the point that his front tooth had straitened enough for the next step of Blakes journey, The Bone Graft.

We had another Orthodontist appointment at Salisbury Hospital we got to meet Blake's new Surgeon, and we were told Blake was ok to have his Brace removed as it was all looking good. This meant the Bone Graft would de the next step...

Salisbury Hospital, brace off 2021.

We got the call....about a month later telling us there was an opportunity to have his Bone Graft surgery with his new surgeon, but the operation would have to be in Oxford!! At John Radcliffe Hospital, there had been a cancellation and Blake was coming up next on the list. We had to make a decision pretty fast or we would lose the spot. We asked Blake and he was happy to go ahead. But as it got closer he got nervous and a little scared but we did all we could to reasure him.

On the day we had to arrive very early with a lot of waiting, but we were eventually given a room, Chris had to stay in a hotel as only one parent could stay. Blake made himself at home, he brought his pillow, and his games and his big Gorilla Bruce !

Blake was 11 at the time of his Bone graft so for me this was harder than all the other surgical procedures. He was completely aware of what was going on. The process was explained in detail. Bone marrow would be taken from his thigh bone and placed into the cleft in his gum, the Bone marrow would fuse and hopefully turn into bone, and the goal would be his front tooth being able to come through.

They told us Blake wouldnt be able to do sports for Six weeks! he had to be very carful. This was a bit of a blow as he loves his sport's. After the six weeks Blake really struggled with his fitness, Blake does Football, Swimming and Kickboxing as well as School sports. It took him quite a while to get his fitness back up.

Blake's recovery from the Surgery was incredible he had bit of a limp and struggled to get about at first, his face was quite swollen, and he had to be on a soft food for a few weeks, but the medication helped with the swelling and Pain. The staff were amazing and the hospital was great We couldnt be more grateful for everything they did. Blake recoved in time for Christmas.

John Radcliffe, Bone Graft 2021.

John Radcliffe, after Bone Graft surgery, 2021.

A few moths later in 2022 we recieved an appointment for a check up, Blake's surgeon was very please with the results. Then a few months down the line we had to go back and see the Orthodontist she was pleased with the progress of his teeth he has the usual xrays. There was a possibility Blake might have to have another small surgery as one of his teeth hadn't erupted.

We went to another check up in 2023 and had all the checks again, but this time he had pictures, which does make me chuckle as the mouth piece makes him look like wallace. (Wallace and Gromet) The Orthodontist told us his tooth had erupted! Fantastic news no surgery.Blake has to now wait for he braces to be put back on which will be sometime in 2024.

Blake is turning into such a lovely boy he has just received his Black belt for Kickboxing! I'm so proud of him. He works hard on school and has a great set of friends around him. I cant believe he will be 13 in June!

Thank you for reading!

What a year...

2021-01-06T04:25:00.001-08:00

Hello everyone

well what a year 2020 has been, so difficult for many people, we have has a few developments Blake has had a brace fitted during the first lockdown with the Orthodontist at Salisbury Hospital, It was a strange experience having to wear a mask and not being able to chat to people in the waiting area, when we were called in we has to sanatize our hand before entering the room. We were told there and then that they were hoping to fit the brace! so it was a bit of a shock for Blake! But he was so so brave. The orthodontist explained in detail to Blake about what she was going to do and asked him if he was ok for her to go ahead and if he has any questions. He said yes but asked if I was aloud to hold his hand! Bless him... still wants his mummy.

They also asked blake what colour rubber bands he wanted on his brace there were lots to choose from, Blake chose bright blue (fortnight blue he called it)

Blake was asked to were some big orange glasses he looked like a rock star. I held his hand while they started the fitting but we had to stop half way through as Blake got a little scared and uncomfortable so we took a breather to calm him down Icould see he had becomed a little stressed and overwhelmed, I could totally understand as it was thrust upon him at short notice and its quite an weird experience but he came around and carried on with a little bribary and persuasion. The Orthodontist was anazing so caring and calming and the assistant nurse was so good with Blake!

The reason for the brace is to prepare for Blake's bone graft which is due to happen hopefully next year. Blake has a couple of teeth growing in the wrong direction due to the cleft in his gum so they need to move the teeth forward in order for the surgeon to be able to get to the gum!

The Orthodontist explained Blake will need to eat soft foods for the week ahead and brushing teeth is so important but to be gentle around the brace, she let Blake see how he looked with a mirror, he seemed ok and even said he looked good! We were given some little boxes that contained wax which is to be used if he was to get sore or uncomfortable because of the brace rubbing on his lip, we were advised there would be some pain and so to give him calpol to ease it off. She told us we will be having regular check ups and the nxt on would be few weeks!

When we left we went to get a drink and something soft to eat.

To be honest I was a little shocked by it all as it all happened so fast...

We sent a picture to his dad! Who was as shocked as I was. Sent a thumbs up, I thought blake looked great and you couldn't really tell Blake seemed happy.

Since then we have had several check ups to tighten the brace and they changed the rubber bands the next set was green and blue and so far so good the tooth at the front has turned and come forward its so facinating to see. The Orthodontist took some pictures as well to show the progress so far to his Surgeon which we leaned was now a different one. To take the pictures they had to put a moth spacer in which was hilarious he looked like Wallace from the show wallace and Grommet.

The Orthodontist wants us to meet the new Surgeon and arranged for us to attend the next clinic which was december. She also told us that she thinks the new Surgeon may want her to extend the brace into two more teeth and we will find out when we meet her.

Blake hasn't had much discomfort thankfully I think we used the wax once so far he has not complained about it once ! His friends only noticed at school when he showed them and they have all been really supportive!

Unfortunately we didn't make the December meeting with the Cleft Team as a child in Blake's class tested positive for Covid! So we has to isolate for 14 days! Which was incredibly frustrating a few days before our meeting! Bit of a set back. We thankfully were able to arrange for the January but as things are going due to the National lockdown were not sure if it will be cancelled but fingers crossed it will go ahead. Blake also has has a grommet fall out so I will have to keep my eyes in his hearing again! Couldn't believe how tiny they are!

We had a great Christmas despite the rubbish year!! We're all hoping 2021 will get better we all need to stay safe. Hold onto those you love and try our very best to keep positive. It's going to be hard being mum and teacher again ahhh the thought of it is so stressful.

I will keep you all posted

Hugs and kisses

Stay safe.

Omg Blake is 9 this year!!!

2020-01-10T11:15:00.002-08:00

Hello everyone!!

It's been few years since my last post I can only apologise! Sometimes it is like being in a bob sleigh... moving way to fast down the track!

A lot has happened and if I lold you everything I will be writing all week long! So I will keep it as short as I can.

Blake has been having regular check ups with Salisbury hospital, since having Grommets fitted in both ears his hearing is so much better, and he is doing well in school his last parents evening went very well, I did come out of the room feeling proud as punch.

Last summer we went to cornwall for our family holiday! We stayed in launceston in a town house! We decided to ditch the tent that year. Our first morning there I noticed blood was all over Blake's left ear (this is his cleft side) I cleaned it up and didn't notice any cuts so came to the conclusion it must be something to do with his grommet.

We decided to pop to the local hospital in the town just to get it checked out, we didn't have to wait too long and the staff were amazing they decided to refer us over to the local medical centre. We saw a very nice doctor who explained the grommets were possibly on there way out he gave us some anti-biotics and sent us on our way which pleased the kids as we were going to loo bay for the rest of the day! It was a great holiday.

Blake's hearing dipped a little and his teachers also noticed so I made an appointment with hospital just to make sure it was all ok. While we were there I asked about Blake's bone graft as we hadn't heard anything since Blake had his grommets fitted, he's now 8 so it's nearing the usual time it can happen. The registrar said she would chase it up for us.

Halloween, bonfire night, Christmas and New years came and went and have been amazing ! I must say this year hasn't been half bad! My Mum and Dad have been living close by for nearly two years now! Kids love it lots of sleep overs, and quality time for them.

I had to phone the hospital in the end as I still had not recieved a letter and waiting is the worst thing ever, turned out they had our holiday house address on file still even though I asked for it to be removed, these things happen just glad I followed up.

We waited and recieved a surgical appointment with the cleft team which we attended today! 10.01.20. Blake was very nervous as he wasn't sure what was going to happen but he was amazing he listened carfully and asked questions and as always the team quickly put him as ease. (The Salisbury cleft team really are great)

Blake had to sit in a big green chair while his teeth were checked, they commented on his lovely clean teeth so that definitely made me smile I always tell him how important it is to have good teeth. They then asked Blake if they could do an Xrays to see what was going on with all his teeth inside something new for him to experience.

Blake insisted I go in with him, he did good and quickly realised it wasn't all that bad definitely a learning experience also as the team then explained what was what and what was where and what they wanted to do next!

So we have learned that the bone graft wont be till next year! He has to have an extra tooth removed which is hiding behind a front tooth! This will be happening on the 31.01.20 (Tia's birthday!) Then in April they want to fit him with a brace to straighten up that front tooth so they can then see the gap better! Blake was a trooper today really proud of him! He's definitely pleased the bone graft isn't happening yet! I am pleased we now know what will be happening this year!!

Guys! Can you believe Blake is 9 this year!!
Xander will be 4 this month and starting primary in September
Tià is 11 at the end of the month and my baby girl is going to BIG school..... I can't cope this isn't happening I actually feel a little freaked out by this.

Anyway I will keep you all posted and will have some splendid pictures with my next post thank you for reading it means a lot. I hope everyone is doing well much love to all your little and not so little ones !!

Hugs and kisses
Xxxx

Time waits for nobody

2016-11-12T04:40:00.001-08:00

Its been just over a year since my last post! this is due to being so busy with family life, as you all will remember from my last post we were having a new addition to our family. We indeed had a very healthy baby Boy! So Blake was right again!!
After being induced at 37 weeks he was born on the 22nd January and he weighed 7lb 14oz everything went very well with no problems, there was no cleft palate. We named him Xander he is now 9 months and it has gone incredibly fast! all you need to do is blink and time has gone it stands still for nobody.

As a family we have had a grueling year with many sorrows sadly. This time I am finding my post difficult to write as I don't want to go into to much detail in fear of becoming too emotional. This year we have lost beloved family members. Me and my husband both lost out grandmothers within weeks of each other so it has been very emotional as you can imagine. The children were very close to them both and they were very special to them in their own different ways. It was hard to say goodbye to them we will miss them deeply. My mum and dad have been having serious health issues too, so I have been doing my best to be there for them but they are both on the mend hopefully and thankfully.

We have recently had Mum visit which has been fantastic being able to spend time together after such a difficult time has been wonderful for the children. We are hoping she will come down here to live next year, it is so hard being so far away. When people die it makes you realise how short life can be and how you should really live it. Cherish the people you love, because you never know what is around the corner.
Live laugh and love is a great quote that comes to mind.

So anyway some good things have also happened this year one was that we have we moved house!!! !!!
We have more space and a big garden for the kids to Play in all in time for Blake's 5th birthday party!! which went really well this year we had a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle theme! lots of friends and family came and it was so nice watching Blake running around and enjoying himself even Xander wore a cute baby vest to match the theme!

The children have coped really well with all the change, when Xander was born they were both fantastic we had no problems really maybe a little bit of squabbling between each other. Tia was like mummy no2 bless her but Blake wasn't too fussed to be honest I think he was 'playing it cool' he wasn't very interested but the day Xander started rolling over he got a little excited!! Xander started crawling at 7 months and is now cruising along furniture and using his push a long walker at 9 months. Blake likes playing with him now he can do more, I think their going to be close I am sure Blake will be very protective of his little brother as he gets older.

Blake is now in year 1 and he is doing really well, we recently had a parents evening and his new teacher loves his character and he is doing really well in maths his writing has come along since last year too. I think my only concern with Blake is that he has and uses different voices when he talks which kind of drives me nuts! but I think that is just part of his personality. Blake's speech seem to be fine he does struggle every now and then with his hearing, the hospital are great though and always see him if there's a change, but so far so good. We are waiting for his five year check appointment to come through, which will hopefully be soon.
Blake's teeth have come through nicely so far apart from the gum cleft where there appears to be one tooth that has grown behind. He hasn't had any wobbly teeth yet but all children are different Tia has lost a few baby teeth at this stage so its a question I can put forward at the meeting.

Although we have has some tough times this year there's been some good times to my cousin Charlene got married in the summer which we attended and it was a fabulous day! we wish her and her family the very best for their future! and my cousin Leela is getting married next week so we are all looking forward to that.

We are looking forward to Christmas this year in our new home and hopefully my mum and dad will be celebrating this year with us. We promise this time Chris wont be sick in a box in front of them on Christmas day and I wont fall asleep on the toilet! *cringe* sorry this tends to happen when you haven't had a drink in a very very long time.

One thing this year has taught me is that you have to try stay positive because being negative gets you nowhere.

I wont leave my next post so long ! thank you for reading
love Mummypig.

Blink of an eye.

The future holds....

2015-10-03T04:49:00.000-07:00

Hi there!

Well gosh where to start, so many things have happened that I don't think I can squeeze it all in without rambling! Probably should start with some good news we will soon have a new addition to our family! and no its not a dog or a cat and yes it is a BABY!!!!
Which was a surprise but a exciting one! and with it comes a funny story, believe it or not it was Blake who told me I was pregnant. We were having cuddles on the couch one day back in April and he was rubbing my tummy and he said ''Mummy you have a baby in your tummy'' I laughed and said no Blake but he insisted I was and we all had a giggle and Tia joined in teasing me too.
I shrugged it off and told Chris later on in the evening... to which he replied ''maybe hes like his mother!'' I thought about what he had said and did think I had been incredibly tired lately so I took a test about week or so later and could not believe it when it came back positive!!! Blake had been right....

Again it has been a struggle I am now 22 weeks and have been in and out of hospital having blood tests every week due to my Obstetric Colostasis. I had started itching early again so told the midwife at my 12 week scan. It was inevitable I would get it again and it was confirmed at 21 weeks so I have been put on medication to help protect the baby from stillbirth. The run up to my 20 week can was very stressful I was so nervous about it, but I didn't have that feeling I had when I was pregnant with Blake, but even so my hands were shaking when I went into the scan room.
I was feeling quite emotional so I was glad the children were at school for this one but they did both attend our 12 week scan which they found fascinating...
The sonographer could see I was stressed and asked why, so we explained about Blake and my last pregnancy she was very understanding and told us not to worry and she would check as best she could for a Cleft.

She did a detailed check of the baby, and zoomed into check the baby's lip, she told us she could not detect a cleft and that from her point of view the lip was OK, we could see on the large screen as she was showing us, I did become a little teary knowing this child wont have to go through what Blake has fills me with relief having to watch your child go through so much is heart wrenching. the Sonographer said she could not comment on the palate as they are unable tell from a normal scan. So we will just have to wait and see at the time of birth, but if it happens we can get through it with out a doubt.

I have to go back for scans and bloods now at 24, 28, 32 and 36 weeks to check the baby is OK. It is highly likely I will be induced early, so we are probably looking at another January Baby. I will be back at Salisbury hospital on the 23rd October for my 24 week scan. This pregnancy has been very different from my last two, I have not had any sickness which has been fantastic to be honest, but it's not perfect I have been so ill and seem to be catching every virus going so no pregnancy glow unfortunately! stress doesn't help and there's a lot going around within our families, My mums not very well so we will be going to see her this October half term. Tia and Blake are really looking forward to that! hopefully we will get to see family and friends!

Anyway enough about me lets here a bit about our gorgeous Blake who has changed so much and come n in leaps and bounds over the past few months! hes like a proper little dude now! absolutely loves anything to do with superheroes, ninja turtles and lego! he had a fantastic 4th birthday with a Batman theme! he loved the cake I made him too, and of course he was dressed as the dark knight himself. Everyone had a fantastic time, he made a strong group of friends at pre school and they all attended the party so he was very happy.

So as you know when you turn 4 before September that only means one thing right! yes BIG SCHOOL!!!
Blake was accepted to the same school as Tia I must say he is doing fabulous I had no major problems taking him in on his first half day we went into class found his peg to hang his coat and put his juice cup away in the tray! he was a little nervous so I stayed for about ten minutes till he choose an activity then I sneaked out the door.
They started off with half days to settle in for a couple of weeks, then they stay till lunch then its full days, Blake seemed to cope really well. Some parents feel sad when there children start big school but all I can honestly say is I felt so so proud of him, all the issues I was told he might have due to his condition and he has proved everyone wrong! he's great at making friends, his speech is good considering the whole of his mouth was affected by his cleft and he is super confident and has a brilliant imagination. He has still got lots to learn and does seem a little behind with writing, but I have every confidence in him.
Don't get me wrong hes not perfect, he can be a cheeky monkey at times but my god does he make me laugh! and when he says ''MUMMY YOUR THE BEST COOKER EVER'' after dinner time well what can I say apart from.... ''go get your pudding then'' I love my children and cant wait for the new addition the question on everyone's lips is will it be GIRL or a BOY?? according to Blake its a Boy !! I wonder if he will he be right again.

We unfortunately have had some sadness over the summer holidays which has had a massive impact on our family sadly our beautiful Candy had to be put to sleep as she became very unwell and there was nothing the vet could do to help her, she was found to have tumors in her spleen which had viciously spread very quickly to her liver. We had to tell the kids that Candy was very poorly and might not get better. When we got that phone call from the vet it broke our heats,Candy has been with us since Tia was a baby.
Chris and I made the decision to go and put her to sleep when we arrived we were taken to see her, she was lying in a create and looked so poorly.
Soon as she saw me she struggled to get up but seemed determined to came straight to me, I could see she was in so much pain, but she wanted me to make fuss of her, We had cuddles for about ten minutes, and I couldn't help but sob it was so hard knowing what we had to do, then she got up and got back in the create. The vet asked if we wanted to be there while the put her to sleep for me it was an easy answer as they was no way I would leave her and she passed away in my arms. We all miss her terribly and telling the children was just awful. We have had her cremated and that way the children know shes in a way still with us.
Blake went with his Daddy to collect her ashes two weeks later, when he got back he was so sad and said ''Mummy Candy isn't a doggy anymore'' and that really broke my heart all I could do was comfort him with a hug and tell him that I knew but at least she was now back home with us now.

Gosh feeling quite emotional now but to end this post on a positive note we have has some good news also!
I passed my driving test in the summer holidays and I just know my Auntie Dawn was with me in the back seat that day! We currently have Auntie Clare visiting which has been a god send to me with me being so ill.
Chris has also had a work promotion too! so lots of things have been happening. This year has flown by and it will be Christmas in the blink of an eye! one of the things I am really looking forward to is the School Christmas play I wonder how Blake will do !!
Don't worry I will keep you posted!

Thank you for reading!

lots of love
Mummypig.

R.I.P Candy 'Addy' We loved you so much forever in our hearts!

Tis' the season....

2015-01-08T07:15:00.002-08:00

Hello Everyone

Firstly I would like to wish everyone a Happy New year, and hope you all had a fabulous Christmas. It has been a few months since my last post and its been pretty busy with the obvious build up to Christmas. I got my two to write a little letter to Santa and told them both they could ask for three items that they really want!
Tia wanted a new Tiny tears, Sky high Tink and Snow globe maker. Blake told me he really really wanted a giant Spiderman! Buzz Lightyear and a new toy moter bike. Seemed easy enough to me, doable items! thank god, I am pretty organized when it comes to Christmas, I like to get a bargain so I will source for the best price! This year we were again unable to visit family and friends in Yorkshire so it was just us again but we will probably be visiting in February in the school holidays something to look forward too.

Something very unexpected happened before Christmas which was quite a surprise for me and my family! My Half sister got in touch! Whom I have not seen in 16 years although our first meeting was for only 20 mins and was the first time we met. We discovered we have been living 43 minutes away from each other! It has been a lot to take in and has been very emotional, but we have lots to catch up on and we are very similar and been through similar experiences, a pleasant surprise to learn I was a Auntie! to four gorgeous girls and two boys four of them are teenagers now, so I feel a little sad I have missed out on them growing up, but we cant control the past its the future that matters and its great for the children to have gained family. It has been great getting to know each other and was lovely to have them all over for Christmas day evening!
Tia and Blake got to meet their new cousins!

At the beginning of November I met up with a lovely Lady whom is also a mother of a Cleft child We live close but in separate villages her Daughter is at grammar school and doing very well! it makes me feel good to talk and meet with others that are able to understand what we have to go through.
We had a great conversation and the second time we met I got to met her beautiful Daughter and she got to meet Blake I feel I have made a good friend! so thank you Pippa for joining me for coffee :) its important to have support and someone to talk to. There has been lots of debating on the Cleft lip & Palate group, which I think is good people should be aloud an opinion but people need to remember not everyone feels the same way everyone is different but we are all going through the same and we need each other :)

Blake's been doing good at Pre-School and made lots and lots of friends he even has made a best friend called Finley I think its mainly they have the same interest and love for Marvel and Disney Cars they are both very cute! I love that his Pre-School do long observations and write everything down Blake's had a few reviews and I know he his progressing normally just like any other child and developing well and getting on with other children hes super confident and interacts well with his peers. He brought home a lovely Christmas card that they all made a foot print and to hand prints to create a reindeer image it looks fab and they were turned into real cards! I was impressed. I also filled in the online form for Primary school application!!! I cant believe my Blake starts school soon!!! He is ready for it but don't know if I am..... where did my baby go?

We have managed to dodge most of the horrible bugs and viruses going round this winter, but me and Chris got a nasty virus that laid us both out for a whole day... I got it first then Chris few weeks later, Blake was lucky I don't think he caught it it is sometimes hard to tell with Blake he seems to just get on with it... but I think he would have told us if he had it Few weeks went by and not so much as a sniffle in the house! I though yes nobody is ill for Christmas.... boy was I wrong.

Tuesday before Christmas Eve we had to go into Salisbury to pick up gifts for our Friends children, that morning Tia came and told me she had a headache, I asked if she felt ill and she said no it was just a headache, so I got the kids breakfast and drinks, Tia seemed fine after that I assumed she must have been hungry and maybe dehydrated.
When we arrived at Salisbury and went straight to Smyths Toy store, Tia helped me pick the presents but by the time we got back to the car she said her head hurt again poor Tia I told Chris I would get her some Calpol from town as we needed few more bits, so we got everything we needed and headed home Tia said she felt better and she helped me wrap up the gifts!

We decided to go take the gifts to our friends then get back and have Dinner, on our second visit Tia didn't seem well I took her temp and it was normal but she was shivering and then sick :(
We thought it best to go home, five minutes from leaving my friends I heard a noise and turned round and saw Tia having a fit in the back of the car, I screamed at Chris to stop the car, ran to her, I wasn't sure and though maybe she had been sick and was chocking, I checked her air way there was no sick her air way was clear she was having some sort of fit,I tried to hold her head steady so she didn't hurt herself.

I was terrified and just kept talking to Tia, telling her I was there and if she could hear me. Chris rang 999 and Tia must have been fitting for 20 mins when she stopped its like she wasn't even there there are no words that can express how I was feeling.We just kept shouting her name to keep her awake. Poor Blake saw it all and he was very scared for his sister, and actually asked if she was dead! which freaked me out, as it shocked me, thankfully a lady stopped to help and she kept Blake talking and kept his focus on her and not what was going on in the back of the car.

When the ambulance arrived they took her and put her in the back, took her temperature and it was over 40 nearly 41c so it had rapidly spiked in the five minutes from leaving our friends, they suspected a febrile convulsion and assured me she was going to be OK, but were going to take her in as the said she could have a viral infection. Chris took Blake to our friends house, we thought it would be better as we didn't get our dinner and new he would be hungry. It took Tia a couple of hours to finally come round, it must have really taken it out of her. The first thing she said was ''Mummy has Santa been?'' bless her she didn't remember any of it, what a blessing! they took us to Sarum ward in Salisbury hospital..... Strange thing was we were meant to be there with Blake on that day for the his second lip surgery that was cancelled.

We got the all clear as Tia was doing well the next day the Doctor told us it could happen again if she gets a high temp or it might not ever happen, so we will have to keep eyes on her if she becomes ill again and she even got a visit from Father Christmas and his elves!! we all got a gift as well Blake could not believe it! he talked about it all day long Tia was discharged, so we went home to celebrate Christmas Eve, We got Santa's pie and drink ready and Rudolph's carrot! Tia and Blake scattered Reindeer food on the garden path and had hot chocolate before bed. We were all worn out so getting them off to bed was no trouble. I didn't sleep well at all for few days as I kept having flash backs I really hope it doesn't happen again.

Christmas Day was Brilliant and the kids really enjoyed it we had lots of family time and cuddles they both loved there gifts from us and they got what they wanted from Santa ;) We got Blake a bumble bee transformer car don't think its left his side he loves it ! Tia got a tablet and think her fingers were stuck to it. My sister came round that evening which was great she gave me a cuddle needed after everything. kids enjoyed seeing their cousins again and Blake was impressed with his new batman costume! Tia got Anna's coronation dress she looks beautiful in it and looked like a Princess.

So this next year is hopefully going to be great, new family members, new friends, new adventures for the kids! fingers crossed. I would just like to say Thank you to the Lady that stopped and helped us we never got her name! and Thank you to Vicki and David and the girls for seeing in he New Year with us!

hello 2015!

It's all gravy!

2014-09-11T07:12:00.001-07:00

Hello Everyone!

Yesterday we had some fantastic new! We had an appointment with the cleft team to discuss Blake's next surgery. We decided on this at the previous appointment as I wanted to be absolutely sure the surgery was needed. So we set off to Salisbury hospital to meet Mr Cadier, got there a little late, but it was quite busy in the waiting room, Blake is more aware now when he is going to the hospital and kept saying he didn't want to see the doctors, but he was alright after I explained it was just a quick visit and that they were not going to be looking at his ears this time.

We didn't have to wait to long before Nicola (our cleft nurse) came to call us through, it's odd as I always feel a little nervous at that point but its something I cant really explain. Blake was nice and calm so he didn't seem worried at all. He sat on my knee in the room while Mr Cadier had a look at his lip, Straight away he told us he didn't think the surgery was necessary! that his lip looked great, he asked whether people commented or noticed, but in all honesty I don't get many comments anymore people don't usually see the scar although it more prominent in the winter time, not many people notice unless we point it out. Mr Cadier said his lip had definitely settled down since we last discussed the surgery option last year which was my initial thought and what a relief. Looks like its all gravy!

So it looks like Blake will be having Christmas dinner after all! :)

I am so glad we had this meeting, it would have been awful to wait till Christmas then find out it wasn't needed so lots of stress and worry avoided We have a fantastic Cleft team and appreciate them arranging this meeting for us. Mr Cadier said he will see Blake next when he is 5 year old and then see how his face has changed as to whether he needs the surgery later, which is a possibility.

I am so pleased he doesn't have to go through this surgery so close to Christmas... It wouldn't have been much fun for him and we all want our children to be happy as it is the season to be jolly!!
All I can do know is watch him grow and keep my eye on his ears for any ear infections and watch and listen to his speech for any changes, Blake has a great key worker at his pre-school watching over him so I will have help regarding this which is great. So far he is really enjoying his time away from Mummy he's making new friends and learning new things. I find myself feeling a little lost! I have been told he is very confident and I cant tell you how proud this makes me feel.

I look forward to writing my next post :) goodbye for now !

Keep on swimming!!

2014-08-20T09:40:00.001-07:00

Hello everyone! its been a while since my last post! I do apologize It has been an incredibly busy few months. We had a visit to Yorkshire in February and ended up bringing my brother down for a while, which the kids loved! they really put Uncle John through the mill he became a human climbing frame, l but he didn't seem to mind. My brother is a fantastic cook and while he was down really helped me out, it was good having someone to talk and felt like we had some quality time as brother and sister its hard being so far away from family and friends I cant tell you what a joy it was to see my children bond with there Uncle. I was pretty sad when he decided to go back to Yorkshire few months later, but I am sure he will come visit again the kids really miss him, the other day Tia made me laugh ''Mummy I really miss Uncle John, but not his spicy curry.''

February was full of highs and lows one of my good friends passed away suddenly which came as a huge shock to everyone and she will be sadly missed she was a great support while I was pregnant with Blake.
Her family put on a beautiful service and I met some of her relatives and even bumped into 'Aunt Sally' who was my Auntie Dawns sister in law :( she said ''Jemma we must stop meeting like this'' I couldn't agree more.
So I would just like to say R.I.P Sandra I will think of you often xxxx

I must say Blake's words and sentences have been coming along beautifully hes doing so well, Tia has been a great help with this as shes really enjoying school. He likes to listen to her read her school books at bedtime.
His favorite book at the moment is The Gruffilo I think he likes the different accents that I do for the characters I am rather impressed with my SSSssssnake, SSSssssoooo SSSsssscary.
Blake's personality has dramatically changed since my last post he is a proper boy I blame Uncle John .... letting him watch Power Rangers HAHA.. Hes totally besotted with super hero's now Spiderman, Batman anything Marvel, but he also loves Scooby Doo, Bob the builder and Fire man Sam!

So as it was coming up to Blake's 3rd Birthday!! I know I cant believe where the times gone either, I needed a idea for his party I wasn't sure I could top the Mr Potato head theme. We decided to hire a bigger space this year as its just so hard having it at home, We got a fab place called Just dance studio where Tia goes to ballet, its such a brilliant space and there a gorgeous garden area which is an incredible space, so we decided on a Teddy bears picnic, We also thought a bouncy castle would really entertain the children which Uncle John paid for as his gift to Blake. I have to say it was a fantastic day. Blake had a great turnout its always a great time to see friends, we catered ourselves and I made the birthday cake with a teddy bear theme.

I cant tell you how stressed I was that day, I think I may have been over compensating... as I know that Blake is due his second lip op and this time he will be aware of whats going on. That a side all in all it was my favorite party yet. The kids slept very well that night :) We had Blake's party on the Saturday his birthday was on the 17th June he was pretty happy with his presents, especially the Scooby doo & batman DVD, We got him a new scooter as well his face was a picture.

Last year Chris took the kids to buy a tent on one of the days I went to visit my Auntie Dawn, they were not able to visit her in hospital as she was on a secure ward. I told her what they were up to she thought it was a great idea, we talked about when we went to Weymouth when we were little, which was one of the best holidays I had as a child. We didn't go camping that summer. :( with her and my Uncle passing we wouldn't have enjoyed it.

I was thinking about her one evening and remembered we had bought the tent So me and Chris thought lets give camping a go only for one night just to see if the kids liked it, and if so we could go somewhere in the summer holidays! thankfully it went down really well and we booked 4 nights in Cornwall in Looe Bay, Mum used to tell me when I was little that she went there on holiday there as a child, and we thought what a great place to go in memory of Auntie Dawn, as our holiday was on the anniversary of her passing.

Unfortunately the weather wasn't looking great for the holiday as we were getting the aftermath from Hurricane Bertha! but we decided to still go rain or shine... and Bertha. It took about hour and a half to get the tent up the wind was crazy! Mum was right it was a beautiful place, we were even staying at the campsite they went to as children. It was quite busy lots of people around we took Blake swimming for the first time and I was impressed he loved it! We have a pool up the road so I think ill have to take him up there to see if we ave a fish in the family!

We went into Looe and looked around the shops, had the most amazing fish and chips, and walked to the beach, the weather was rather disappointing on the Monday and Tuesday but we made the best of it, Tia and Blake made some friends on the last day, Angel and Harvey they were lovely and the weather took a turn for the better, I think Auntie Dawn was looking down on us, We decided to go to another beach area called Tallard Bay and it turned out Angel and Harvey were going too. When we found a spot to sit I pondered on what I could do to honor my Auntie Dawn as it was a year ago that day since we lost her. we decided to write her name in the sand and took a picture. It was a camping holiday to remember bring on next year!!

We have been home a week or so now, and the summer holidays are nearly over! This September Blake starts Pre-School, So this week I arranged his settling in days for this week. He has had his first session he was quite excited in the morning but when Me and Tia were going to leave he was a little unsure, so we had to sneak out when he wasn't looking. Me and Tia had some girly time and I treated her to chocolate milkshake at one of the local cafe's I didn't want to go to far away silly really... its hard to let go isn't it? I am actually glad I had Tia with me, I think it will be odd when he goes in September full time what will I do??? he isn't a baby anymore he's a little dude with a cool hair cut :)

Today we went to Salisbury Hospital Blake's 3 year check, it went pretty well, but he really wasn't happy about having anyone looking in his ears he thought it was going to hurt bless him ! We were a little late so someone went in before us so Blake and Tia got to sample the new play area while we waited. Now that Blake is three we had to go somewhere different for his hearing test, so that also meant a new nurse, Blake was a little anxious at first and didn't want to co-operate at first, till she got the new game out! he sat on Chris's knee, for the test he had put something in a tub every time he heard the noise he did well, and I think he won the nurse over with his cheeky grin :) he even let her test his ears at the end with a special machine.

Next we went on to Speech therapy unit, We saw Mr Geyer who is Blake's ENT Consultant We discussed the hearing test and his future options and we both agreed that at this time we feel hes doing well even though he still has fluid in his left ear its worth waiting to see what happens with the glue ear, currently his speech isn't so much being affected by this, Me and Chris as his parents think Blake's coming along very well with his speech, words and sentences this is something we are constantly on top of and we tend to notice when things change, cant tell you all how proud I am of Blake and it just goes to show you your child having a cleft is not the end of the world! there is light at the end of the tunnel.

We have been on Mr Cadier's waiting list for a year now and still haven't received an appointment so Mr Geyer went to have this addressed this with the Cleft team, while we saw the speech therapist Blake was great and again she was happy with Blake and said she did not feel he needed to see anyone regarding speech outside of the hospital, but obviously if we has any worries to contact her and the team for advice or a meeting. We then saw out Cleft nurse Nicola who has been with us from the get go, shes brilliant its always so nice to see her she is part of our secure cleft bubble she is fantastic with Blake. She has told us that there are two possible op dates available one in November and another in December! the thing is one is with a new surgeon Marc Swan (awesome name by the way) or Mr Cadier and our first choice is Mr Cadier for obvious reasons only thing is the dates 23rd December ......

AND breath....... not to worry I'm pretty organized :) but does that mean Blake cant eat Christmas dinner? I will have to ask in the next meeting on the 10th September it's always GO GO GO GO.... in our house.

P.S Chris and I had our 1st wedding anniversary in May :)
and I celebrated my 30th Birthday with friend and family!!

So guys hope you look forward to my next post !! as Dora says from Nemo...

''keep on swimming keep on swimming''

Happy New Year!!!

2014-01-08T06:16:00.004-08:00

Hello everyone! Firstly I would like to say....

'HAPPY NEW YEAR!'

I hope you all had a wonderful Christmas and are ready for the new year! We had a lovely quiet Christmas just the four of us this year, the kids were spoilt by Santa and I was spoilt by my wonderful husband who made Christmas Dinner!! My parents couldn't make it this year So it was quiet with out my Dad (Grandpapeee) snoring/growling in his sleep on the couch after Christmas dinner... ! No hangovers for me or Chris either, we learnt our lesson from last year thank the lord! It was a wonderful day and the kids loved it, which is what christmas is all about, Blake seemed to enjoy unwrapping his presents! I will actually miss hearing him say 'Christmas tree' as it was so adorable.

Not long after writing my last post Blake got his Audio test appointment through, Tia is in full time school now so she didn't get to come which made her sad, but we explained it was just another Audio test and Blake would be OK! We didn't have to wait long when we got to Salisbury hospital which is always a bonus. I went into the sound proof room with Blake and it was the same routine as before, he has to interact with the toys on the table and when he was playing the noises start.

It is hard to describe the noise I guess I would say it was like the sounds they would use for an old space movie ray gun lol!! low at first and then it gets high and well I must say I was impressed! Blake actually turned towards the noise when it was really low and he was rewarded by a box lighting up and a mechanical soft toy starting to move and Blake shouts ''Look mummy it's a moo'cow'' He actually did well through out the test! Much better than last time.

Before the test I had noticed he has started to pronounce his 'T's' again, Blake started to tell me a lot that his ears have been hurting and I started to wonder if an ear infection had been the reason why he sometimes wasn't pronouncing his words as he usually did. So we had a visit to the GP, She confirmed that they were congested, but they usually are so I was told to give him calpol as and when he needed it.

All is well now and he has begun using the letter 'D' again, In fact he is saying a lot of words clearly, and he loves counting!! he does babble away a lot I call this his minion speak (despicable me) as we not sure what he is saying then he will do this rather funny laugh just like the minions do its so funny!! (you should hear him singing!) he has a wonderful personality and he is very sweet but at the moment he is going through those terrible dreaded twos!!! so he's no Angel at the moment, but I wouldn't change him for the world love him to the moon and back :)

Well Just before Christmas we received a letter from the Hospital it was about the recent Audio test Blake had as we were concerned his glue ear was getting worse. The letter has stated that Blake does still have Glue ear, but they don't feel he needs to have Grommets fitted at this time, which I believe is a good thing so now we just have to wait for a letter regarding Blake's second lip surgery, which will probably be after hes turned three.

It seems as though there has been a lot of upset in the CLAPA Community over the past few months before Christmas regarding terminology and debates, and I am very glad it is all well now. It seems a shame this happened, But I think we all need to accept that everyone has there own views and opinions about certain things. We can only educate those who do not understand how we feel individually on what terms we want to use in regrades to our children. We can only love and support each other in the CLAPA community, people should not fall out its a support network and its a very good one.

We all have the same thing in common and that is our Children and we want to protect them, but we cant angry about using terms there will always be there and there are ever changing like everything the world turns. When it boils down to it, the support from you all has been amazing and through it I think I have made some great friends. Love you guys!!!

2013 went so fast and it had lots of highs and major lows, We are all still grieving for the loss of two family members, and this will take a long time, something we may never get over. Christmas was very hard.

It is now 2014 I would like to take this opportunity to say Congratulations to my cousin Tom and his wife Kerry because this year they are expecting there third child! :)

Very happy for them.

CONGRATULATIONS! :)

Mr & Mrs Fenton !!!

2013-09-02T07:11:00.001-07:00

Hi there everyone! So we are now all hold the same name!! We are the Fenton's, Our Wedding Day was amazing! something we will always remember and treasure thank you to everyone that attended our special day and a massive thank you to my bridesmaids you all looked beautiful. We had a wonderful Honeymoon in Tunisia for a week my parents had Tia and Blake after we jetted off the day after the wedding, Mum and Dad took them to Yorkshire, and my brother John stayed at our house to look after the animals. It was a lovely break and the weather was amazing, we ate till we were stuffed, sunbathed by the pool ( and got very burnt) walked along the beach and even went on a camel.... which for me wasn't the best experience as I was thrown onto the camel's hump and on that hump I stayed.. I had quite a sore bottom for a few days lol.

I actually started to find being away from the children quite hard and was missing them terribly.
When we got home we had a day before setting up to Yorkshire to get Tia and Blake, so we spent the day sleeping. When we got to Yorkshire we found out that the kids had been ill most of the week, they had both had the sickness bug going around so we were disappointed they had not had the holiday they were looking forward too, my mum said 'don't worry we had them at there worst and we coped, we didn't want you to worry while you were on honeymoon' We could only stay for a couple of days because we had to get back, Blake had a check up with the Cleft team and Mr Cadier at the end of May. We tried to make the most of the time up there, when we got back home and sat down the realization sank in that we got married!!!

Mr & Mrs Fenton 18th May 2013

There was more planning to be done after the wedding! and that was for Blake's 2nd Birthday!! We decided to have a party at home as funds were limited after the wedding of the year! :) We decided on a Mr Potato Head theme as Blake loves Toy Story at the moment and he loves his Mr potato head, the party rule was 'Everyone must be donning a Mustache!!'
Chris sister (Auntie Clare) came down from Yorkshire just for the special occasion! I think she rather suits a mustache, she looks brilliant and she was a great help on the day she so good with the kids, I couldn't ask for a better sister in law! Thank you Clare :)
I must say it was a fantastic day and everyone joined in and there was lots of laughs and there were quite a few guests which made it so much fun. Thank you to everyone that came! Cant believe my little man is 2 years old already.

Although we are now a complete family unit and in the early stages of being married, things have started off on a very sad note, just before the Wedding we found out that my Auntie Dawn had Leukemia again, she fought and beat this when she was just 26 and whilst caring for my Uncle Bob who was battling cancer also this came as a massive blow to our family. If you have read my blog before you may remember it was my Auntie Dawn who I rang for Advice after I had my 20 week scan, she was one of the first people I told about Blake's Cleft lip & Palate. I felt totally gutted and angry that this could happen to two of the most amazing people I know.

Blake's Hospital appointment came and we set off to Salisbury to meet with the cleft team. It went really well, but I expressed my concerns about Blake's hearing as he had stopped pronouncing his T's and D's he has started saying 'ere' instead of 'Tia' and 'goggy' instead of 'doggy' I was worried his hearing had got worse and wasn't improving. We had his ears checked and fluid could still be seen which meant he still had glue ear I asked if we could arrange a follow up hearing test as I thought his hearing maybe the reason to his change in speech and everyone agreed, Mr Cadier suggested that if Blake needs grommets fitted he would probably put his second lip surgery forward and do it at the same time, (they want to level the back of the top lip) that way he only goes under anesthetic the once.

The speech therapist suggested we go in the next room and have a chat with Blake to see where he was at. She picked up on the same things we had. So an appointment was made to see one of her team to assess Blake and how he was doing. We treated the kids to lunch in Salisbury all in all it was a good day. A week later we got an appointment to see the speech therapist, we were not expecting it so quick, Blake did really well in the appointment she gave him lots of items to play with and he showed understanding of what they were and what they were used for......' I think she was pleased with his progress and maybe a little impressed with him.' he liked her tractor best !!! He can defiantly say tractor lol She told us she will hopefully refer us to a speech therapist in our area for further help with his speech development. We are still waiting for the hearing test its been a few months now so we will have to chase it up.

The week after me and Chris arranged to go see my Auntie Dawn she was under going chemotherapy at Basingstoke hospital. My Cousin Leeann had the kids for me, Leeann is my Auntie Dawn's Daughter who I really look up to and admire she is also amazing! Tia couldn't wait to see little Holly! but Tia wanted to visit Auntie Dawn too but we had to explain that she was not aloud in as she was in a special room. We set off to see her she was located on the Wessex Ward, it was great to see her we told her about Blake's appointments, She was always interested to hear about Blake's progress, She thanked me for the photo and Wedding cake, we had given them to my mum to give her as she couldn't make the Wedding, My Wedding photographer (Lorraine Hunter) took a special picture and had it printed while were were having photos on Gold Hill in Shaftesbury, The shop was closed and the owner opened to have it printed just for her. (nobody new that till now!)

My Auntie Dawn was very down she hadn't seen my Uncle Bob for weeks and was really missing him, the nurse came in as we were there and said that she could go see him that day, me and Chris offered to take her there and then so she would have more time with him and they agreed, we took her home. My Uncle Bob looked very different it was a shock to be honest, it was the first time I had seen him since he had been diagnosed the year before, but I went over and gave him a big kiss on the check, We chatted for a while then we got ready to go we wanted them to have time alone, Uncle Bob thanked us for bringing her to see him....I said 'uncle bob it was an honor' and it really was I have never know such love they have been married for 36 years and never been apart. I left with a lump in my throat and tears in my eyes. That was the last time I saw my Uncle Bob.

He passed away on the 17th July 2013. My Auntie Dawn and her family gave him a wonderful send off. It was quite hard to see so many people in so much pain. Auntie Dawn had been under going a second round of chemotherapy. It had not worked, this was bad news the whole family was devastated. Auntie Dawn was a fighter She was so strong a real inspiration she also new her own mind and what she wanted.

Two weeks after my Uncle's funeral The Heart of our entire family Dawn Frost passed away in her home after contracting pneumonia. Devastated is not big enough an emotion to describe the loss of such a beautiful person. My cousins and there children gave her a wonderful send off she would be so proud. I know I am,
I love them all so so much.
Family is so important so is life. I hope our marriage and life is as full just like their's was. It was real love, it was not perfect, but there was Happiness , Sadness, Laughter, Hope, Joy, Fun, and most importantly full of Love.
So I must thank my Husband for all his support these last few months, for the tears, anger, regret, and stress I have caused. You are amazing and I love you.

I dedicate this post to Dawn Frost & Robin Frost.

Dawn Frost

Together Forever.

I will treasure every memory of our time together, and you will live on in the hearts of family and friends.

We know you will be watching over us all.

We know that your both together again, no more pain,

but we cant lie, you both should still be hear with us,

Cancer.... we hate you.

If you would like to make a donation to macmillan or Cancer Research please click on the link below
http://www.macmillan.org.uk/Home.aspx

http://www.cancerresearchuk.org/home/

Thanks x

Baby Blake no more.... :(

2013-04-05T06:05:00.001-07:00

Hello Everyone! well what can I say its been a few months since my last post, and I must say what a busy few months its been! There hasn't been any appointments or meeting just lots of family time. Blake has changed so much... my Baby Blake is no more :(

Blake has come leaps and bounds in a blink of an eye! he is saying lots of words and pronouncing them well, I believe his favorite word at the moment is 'doggy' every time where out and about and he see's one he points and shouts 'DOGGY' its very funny he loves walking by himself and I must say 'at the moment he is very well behaved' I though he would be a bit of a lad and run off and I would have to use the harness but he doesn't and my heart melts when he stands next to me and holds up his hand for me to take it. :)

Tia and Blake play really well together... but they do have the occasional 'argument' and it usually involves Tia's pram.... lol
Blake gets along with other children too and interacts really well with them its lovely to watch sometimes when I tell him off he makes this little noise! sort of like a 'hummf' he doesn't like being told NO....!
It's very hard not to laugh...but hes coming up to the 'terrible two's' and he has been introduced to the naughty corner!! haha... he is not keen so he will usually run for a cuddle to try get out of it.. very clever! but besides that hes doing brilliantly and I couldn't be more proud.

There has been lots of planning in the Fenton household as I will soon be a Fenton!!! We have been planning our wedding for a year now and its less than 6 weeks away! Tia is very excited to wear her 'princess dress' Blake will also be donning a Suit! same as Daddy.... So excited Me and Chris have been through so much in the 7 years we have been together. I couldn't ask for a better partner, father and soon to be Husband.

We have just spent a week in Yorkshire visiting friends and family although we were snowed in for nearly half of it! I spent time with my mum and my bridesmaids at a Spa Day which was amazing! and very much needed and we went out for a meal for my Hen... Chris and his friends watched football and went for some evening drinks. I had my dress fitting and we sorted the wedding cake! all in all it was a great week.

We are going to do a bit of fundraising for CLAPA at the wedding! we will have some display pictures of Blake before and after his surgery, and a nice big bucket for or guests to donate some pennies (pounds would be better ;) but hopefully we will raise some cash and more importantly Awareness...

wedding pics to come... ! have to show Blake to you all donning his suit! would be rude not too :)

Cookie Monster!!!!

2013-01-04T03:10:00.000-08:00

Well Hello everyone and a very Happy New Year to all my followers! the start of another year and we are hoping for a good one! as the end of last year wasn't the best as I wasn't very well! and the kids have been full of colds and viruses too, but saying that we have settled into our new home and we are very comfortable here and the kids love it.

We had a great Christmas and the kids were spoilt rotten, Santa got Blake a special friend called scout! he thought that it would be a fabulous toy and would help him with his speech and interaction! and it went down very well they are good buddies already (fantastic toy which can be connected to the internet and I was able to download his favorite food, colour, songs, sounds and objects as well as his name!) Christmas was great because there grandparents were down as well, my Mum and Dad, which made it that bit more special as we don't get to see them very much with us living so far away, to me that was the best present and a great end to a tough year.

Blake had a good note to his end of 2012 as his 18 month check up went brilliant with the cleft team, at Salisbury Hospital, he was a big show off! and made us all laugh. Blake is now saying lots of different words and pronouncing them very well even his Sh's and Th's like shoes and there' or Theo which is defiantly his most favorite word! they asked lots of questions about Blake's habits and behavior and were pleased with our answers, especially that he's been drinking from a beaker since 9 months! they played with toys with him and he interacted well.

The speech therapist listened for words and babbling noises, he said several words in the session which was brilliant. Blake still sometimes lets his tongue pop out to the left, but they were not concerned as it doesn't affect his speech and it doesn't cause a rash or irritation I think its a concentration thing.... just something he finds comforting and will grow out of with time. We make sure we brush his teeth and that he is registered with a local dentist to make sure his teeth are OK this is very important.

Blake has a huge appetite and eats pretty much everything you give him, pasta being his favorite! which is brilliant as you can try different things he is very fond of cookies hence the post title!! I swear every time we visit someone hes straight in the kitchen waiting to be offered a biscuit ! its so funny. Gets one then toddles off..... then suddenly reappears expecting another little fatty! we do know that Blake hates the word NO!say no and then the bottom lip pops out.... but we must stay firm and think of his teeth and his pot belly and that is why we call him 'The Cookie Monster!' Personally I blame my friend Nykki who started him off on custard creams lol!

He interacts with other children brilliantly and loves playing with Tia, he's a boy though and does like a good play fight haha! I often catch them rolling around on the floor tickling and giggling, he now knows what and where his hair, nose, eyes, ears, toes, and mouth are and will point to them and hes very fond of telling us where the lights are! he understands pretty much everything we say and will bring his shoes to us when we ask and puts on his coat! he is a delight to be honest and im super duper proud!

The cleft team were very pleased with Blakes progress! and will be seeing him again when he is about 3, but were very supportive and said we can get in touch at any point if we have any concerns. We are waiting for a follow up appointment for Blakes hearing to see if there is any chance with his Glue Ear, so we will hopefully hear something soon. I don't have any concerns for Blake at this moment in time and as a mother I feel hes exceptional and bright as a button, he's always on the ball and you can see the clogs turning in his head... mainly when you can see he's up to something but that's oik us mums have eyes in the backs of our heads don't we!!

Thank you for reading :) much love to you all and happy 2013!

Blake and his pal Scout!

Time's a healer!

2012-10-24T07:17:00.005-07:00

Hello everyone firstly I would like to thank all the viewers and followers to this blog, I have heard it is helping many people and families that are going through the same. Blake has changed so much over the past few months, He is nearly 15 months he has become a chunky monkey and loves his food!!! so I am sure you can all guess his hard palate is healing well, although I noticed there was still food running from his nose but I soon realised that this has happened with others as I research into it and asked many of my cleft mummy friends! It actually happens more when he has a cold! which he has had on and off he can get very snotty! I seem to go through wipes like theres no tomorrow of late.

Blake's teeth seem to be coming through with no trouble! and they are reasonably in line to his gum, It is interesting to see, his back teeth came through without me noticing! My little star is doing so well I am a very proud mummy, he loves his sister so much and follows her everywhere! but he does have that brotherly boyish behaviour where he will literally tackle her to the ground! Very funny to watch by the way... I think Tia's favorite sentence at the moment is ''Mummy Blakey's getting me again!''

So Blake's into most things now, well when I say that I don't mean toy's I mean he's into everything like cupboards, sweeping brushes, house phones, wires, 'the fish tank draw' the list is endless and yes I do go on about my perfect little man but some days I can be pulling my hair out lol. Its a given boys will be boys as the saying goes. Saying this though I do enjoy watching him toddle around looking and learning its like you can actually see the cogs turning around in his head, he is very very clever, just like his sister.. hmm.. should I be worried?

Anyway last month we have been busy moving house! planning a wedding and moving house is uber stressful! so I have put wedding plans on hold till the move is sorted. In the same month we has Blake's Hard Palate repair check up at Salisbury Hospital, which I was a little nervous about as I was worried there maybe a hole because of the food running out from his nose, Mr Cadier however said it looked great and he was pleased with the healing process he said there could be a hole but it must be very very tiny, but they would repair that when he has his Bone graft when hes 8-9 years old.

Mr Cadier also said that he would like to see Blake when he's about three years old regarding the bump under his lip, as one side was plumper when he had his Cleft the tissue was fatter. So when the repair was done one side under the lip is slightly fatter, and he wants to address this and possibly give Blake another surgery to correct this, by removing a small amount of tissue. We are also waiting to here when Blakes next hearing appointment will be to see whether his glue ear has gotten better or worse.

We have not settled into the new house very well although the children have, unfortunately we will be moving again next monday due to some unforeseen complications! but the next 'new house' is just down the road thank god children are so resilient! Tia has settled into her new Pre-School and Blake loves taking her, although I think he would like to stay with her!! lol So at least we won't have to change schools! We can't wait till the end of next month as Chris's sister Clare and my Friend Rachel are coming to visit!! ok maybe its me thats super excited.... might sneak out for a few drinks and let Chris have the munchkins!! why not ay?

Blake will be seeing the Cleft Team when he's 18 months, So I will keep you all posted and again thank you for reading :)

Also I would like to add a massive Thank You to all the customers that go into Gillingham co-op in Dorset and put their change in the charity boxes
I am pleased to say that so far
£426.00
has been raised.

My Brave boy

2012-07-30T05:54:00.002-07:00

Hello everyone! It has been a very busy couple of months, we waited and waited for the dreaded letter for Blake's Hard Palate repair to hit the door mat, as we soon realized his surgery wasn't going to be the beginning of July! In the end we rang the hospital again, and were told we would hear something soon and we did. The morning I got the letter I didn't want to open it straight away, I just new it wasn't going to be a date!! So I opened it later in the afternoon and sure enough it wasn't a date but a meet and great with the our surgeon Mr Cadier for the following week. We went to the appointment, it was nice to see everyone and Blake showed off his 'standing skills' they were impressed lol

Mr Cadier checked Blakes hard palate and he was happy, he said it looked as though he would have a straight forward operation, and he explained to us what he was planning on doing. He asked if we were happy for the surgery to go a head and we signed the consent form. The ear specialist took the opportunity to check Blake's ears and asked us a few questions about his hearing, after his check he informed us that it looked like he may have Glue ear, which means fluid has built up behind his ear drum, and this can affect hearing, sometimes it can clear up on its own but if not he may need to have a hearing aid or grommets fitted, we already new that this was a possibility as its common with cleft children. We were told Blake would need another hearing test to see how his hearing was.

Not long after seeing the Cleft team the 'real' dreaded letter hit the mat!! Blake's next surgery was scheduled for the 24th July 2012! A couple of days later we got a call from our cleft nurse Nicola, she told me that we were going to receive a letter saying the surgery had been cancelled! my heart sank, then she said to ignore the letter! then it bounced back up! she said we will also receive another letter saying it has been reinstated! my head was whirrling! then she aked whether Blake had had his hearing appointment yet? he hadn't so we were told to ring ENT clinic and ask our specialist whether he needed it before Blake had his surgery. We rang the hospital and arranged an appointment which we received in the post.

I arranged a lift to get to Salisbury hospital for Blakes hearing audio test, so that Chris wouldn't loose another day's wage. So on the day Me and my good friend Mel put Blake in the car and traveled the 40 mins to the hospital listening to Jon Bon Jovi! I wasn't worried too much about the test as I know Blake can hear me !! and he was enjoying the music bless him, he really likes music I love watching him dance! he has changed so much in the past few months, really has turned into a chubby little boy ! and has hair is just like his big sister Tia's, he even has a curl at the back its so cute! He's very nearly on the verge of walking! hes done a few steps on his own unaided and hes tried to use his spoon while eating! clever little man :)

Anyway when we got to the hospital it looked like we were in for a long wait as it was very very busy... but soon as we sat down Blake was called and we were taken to a little sound proof audio room, the nurses explained what they were going to do, there was a little table in the middle with a few toys on one of the nurses would be playing with Blake while the other was playing sounds to see if Blake reacted to them if he did he was rewarded with some funny mechanical farm animals that were in glass boxes they would light up and move all very exciting!! He did quite well but the last sounds he didn't really react too, but we were not sure if it was because he was more interested in the toys or maybe he was bored lol The results would be sent to the specialist and he would decide if grommets would be needed. It was all very quick and we all headed back home I was a little concerned, but I didn't let it play too much on my mind as the surgery date was looming.

Chris's Sister Beka has come to visit! what a lovely surprise and brilliant timing! as Blake was having his surgery the following Tuesday... support is a necessity at these times, as I generally falls apart with anxiety! I know that he will be OK and that he is in fabulous hands but you just cant help it can you. On the Sunday before blakes surgery it happened to be Wessex CLAPA Fun-day!! at Salisbury Hospital I booked it off work specially as it was wonderful the year before and Tia really enjoyed it! there was a BBQ, Charlie the clown (whom I thought was excellent) and he even made Chris and Beka laugh! bouncy castles (which Blake really loved!!) and other fun things going on Tia had a pink tiger painted on her face she looked amazing! saw a few other cleft mum's saw my friend Gemma and her gorgeous little man Leon she chatted with me about Blakes surgery and made me feel so much better! less anxious it was worth going just for that wonderful support. It turned out to be an excellent day! we even dropped in on Mel and my uncle Arron on the way home.

Monday night I had to get Blake's bag together I got a few of his favorite toys as I wanted him to feel at home, he's really into cars at the moment! so I put few of them in along with his special monkey and mousy got my things ready as well as I would be staying with him we were told he would be in for one night but two days. So I packed myself a book to read. Me and Chris went to give blood that evening and while I was there the hospital phoned and told us to be at the ward for 7am and that Blake was aloud some weatabix and milk in the morning and water up until 11am. After that call it hit me, I guess I had been trying not to think bout it, I must have welled up a little as one of the nurses asked if I was OK, I just explained, my son was going for surgery in the morning, that I was OK to give blood. While waiting thoughts of Blakes first surgery came flooding back and so did all the emotions. I told Chris the hospital had rang and told him we had to be there for 7am. That was a hard night and I didn't sleep very well.

Beka would be watching Tia while me and Chris went to hospital, that morning we got ready made sure we had everything while Blake had his breakfast the night before I explained to Tia what was going to be happening, but that morning she wasn't happy! she wanted to come with us, I said she had to stay with beka and explained again what was happening I asked her if she was worried about Blake and she said 'yes' bless her, we told her she would see him on Wednesday when she came to collect him from hospital! and gave her a hug, she gave Blake a kiss! and we set off for hospital. Although we new the date we didn't know the time of the surgery, but figured it was around afternoon time.

when we arrived we were shown to our room after being booked in this time we had room one on Sarum ward, I didn't need showing around as I new it well, the nurse looking after Blake came in and did a few checks and explained a few things to us and said the Registrar would come soon to chat with us, so we got blakes things settled in then went to the play room, which Blake loved!! not so long after the Registrar came and chatted for a bit and told us blakes surgery was third on the list and would be taking place after lunch. I asked if Blake would be getting grommets fitted as we hadn't heard anything and he said he would find out. There was a lot of waiting and we were both tired, then the nurse came with a little gown for Blake to wear it had boats on it and light houses! it was very cute. So we changed blakes nappy and put the gown on him he had been very good all day and didn't cry or grumble considering he had only had his breakfast he was in high spirits! and unaware of what was a head.

A different Registrar came in to see us this time we new her she assisted with blakes first surgery! she remembered Blake and said how lovely he was it was time to go to theater.. my stomach churned, while we were waiting the other Registrar came and told us at this time Blake wouldn't be needing grommets so that was great news. I asked Chris do you want to put him under this time? he declined my offer... im not surprised he didn't want to do it.... its the hardest thing to do in the world, and this time Blake wasn't a baby he was very aware and I dreaded it. We walked to theater and I sat on a stool and held Blake in my arms he was looking around and wondering what was going on, the mask was placed over his face and all I could say was 'its OK baby' mummy's here' I love you baby' he focused on me then went limp after a minute. I lifted him onto the table then kissed him goodbye. I came out and I felt like my heart had just been ripped up through my throat. I welled up couldn't hold back my tears.Chris comforted me the registrar said don't worry he is in good hands! as we walked out of the waiting area, but in the stairwell I sobbed in Chris's arms.

Waiting is the worst thing ever I hate waiting. We went for a coffee in the Restaurant then e rang and checked on Tia I rang and gave my mum an update it was a very hot day so we took a stroll around the hospital before getting another coffee and going back to wait in the ward it must have been about 3 hours when the call came that he was awake! we practically ran to the recovery to see him... We heard him before we saw him he wasn't very happy at all... bless him he was very hot and angry and had blood oozing from his nose! I gave him water and couldn't believe it when he guzzled it down then he through it back at me! We could not calm him down it was a good 20 mins before he finally gave in, and settled into Chris arms. I though its the heat and I bet he's starving ! we blamed the 'greens' too lol (nurses in green) we were ready to go back to the ward, Chris and Blake were wheeled back on a bed and I walked behind full of thoughts and emotions.

We cleaned Blake up but the Blood still trickled out every now and again I had brought some puree food with us as Blake would only be aloud soft food I got a jar out and his face lit up! I took him and Chris fed him he ate the lot I was surprised it didn't hurt but then the nurses said he wouldn't feel pain again he wasn't able to feel anything from the anesthetic he had been given. Blake was happy to be back with the blues! (nurses in blue) he settled down after that and fell asleep. I told Chris he should go home! and gets some rest, It was getting late and I was shattered physically and mentally. the nurses were brilliant through the night keeping up with his medication,

Blake slept through I didn't sleep well though. The next morning Blake was peeping at me through the cot and he started laughing !!! bless him hes amazing he's such a bloody trouper!!! the medication kept him happy, as long as he wasn't in pain that's all that mattered,Chris arrived with Tia in tow eager to see her baby brother!! later that morning our Cleft nurse Nicola came to see us! and told us Blake could go home later that day as all was well. The nurses did there final checks and came and took out his meds tube and put a cute plaster on his foot! which Tia was quite impressed by! Nicola brought Mr Cadier to see us and said it all went well and he was pleased with the surgery.. I thanked him, he is amazing.

Nicola said she would be coming to visit us at home soon and that we would be back in clinic for Blake's check up in three months time. Finally we were discharged and we thanked everyone and headed to the car ready for home. Relief that another chapter has ended we just hope that he heals well and the hole doesn't reopen. We are not sure whether there will be anymore surgeries but we know that its a possibility his next major one with be his bone graft from thigh to gum. Dreading that the most Blessed be everyone! and thank you for following Blakes journey..... its not over yet

The waiting Game

2012-06-02T03:50:00.003-07:00

It has been a while since our last post, but I am pleased to say Blake has come along wonderfully, he will be one in two weeks! time has certainly flown by thinking about it this time last year I was packing my maternity bag! and thinking about all the things that we would be about to face as a family. I am so proud of my son I have come to the conclusion that there is actually no point worrying and the best thing to do is go with the flow.

Blake is cursing along the furniture now and walks along with his walker and he loves it he beams with delight at what he has achieved for himself, it wont be long now and its so exciting....
We are waiting to here from the Hospital so every time the post comes I hope there's a letter with a date! cant help the frustration when there no letter. I must say I was hoping that it would have been done before his birthday but that's just the way it goes it's a waiting game! We rang the hospital for advice and they think they will be doing his hard palate either the beginning or end of July so we shall see.

We are going to have a small Tea Party for Blakes birthday something to look forward too! you never know he might take his first steps on this day! another waiting game! :) Blake has been pretty happy over the past few months apart from teething and a few ear infections, which is to be expected, he is eating really well actually he pretty much eats anything ! Blake will scream the house down if you have something you have to share everything with him the little monkey is rather partial to custard creams!

Well it has been a very busy few months, its been all go and lets not forget Cleft Lip and Palate Awareness Week!! We did really well at work big Thank You to The Co-operative, Gillingham, Dorset for helping support this wonderful charity and my son. I had a special poster Made of Blake and it showed the different stages that he went through, I thought it would be a good way to help people see what our beautiful children have to go through even though it was only a snippet.

Some people reacted to it, and didn't know what it was, and I just explained what was in the picture and then they saw his latest picture and were amazed by how happy and smiley he was some people didn't even realize it was the same child. There were a few negative reactions but that's to be expected. We went shopping last week and a group of school girls got excited as the recognized Blake from the poster and one girl asked if he was OK! and that he was so cute, at that point Blake held out his special blanket to her it made everyone laugh! its like he was famous lol they were very sweet!

the CLAPA tubs were full to the brim and I counted the money and found that in that one week we had raised £127.02 and I am happy to say that my store is having CLAPA as there charity of the year so we will raise plenty more!

My two monkey's are demanding my attention so I shall better go play then it will hopefully be nap time!

Speech Therapy

2012-03-03T07:27:00.001-08:00

Its been a pretty full on month the whole family have been full of cold, then struck down by the sickness bug but thankfully everyone is on the mend! Well I have gone back to work it has been a big step but my choice as we need the money and now we know that Blake maybe having his second surgery sometime in April ill be aloud the time off, its hard leaving the kids but its only one day and two evenings a week and I know that there safe with Chris. We also had a wonderful Valentines day this year as Chris asked me to marry him!!! and of course I said YES! Tia is so excited as she knows she will get to wear a pretty dress for the wedding next year! we have booked it for the 18th May 2013 and I have already started planning!! :)

Then to make my mood even better Blakes story was out in That's Life Magazine on the 16th Feb and it was lovely to finally see in print. I bought a few copies for myself and sent one off to CLAPA and took some photocopies and sent them off to a few people that could not get hold of the magazine. I think im going to frame it! I hope it has helped other families that have read it, I was a little disappointed that the link to my blog wasn't printed but never mind!

We as a family have made some wonderful friends in our neighbors there called Toby & Nykki and they have two children called Gracie & Freddie they have been a great help with Blake and Tia, as our lovely cat Theo became very ill and we nearly had to have him put down, but luckily he has pulled through! so thank you guys! and thank you to Sandra who gave some fantastic advice. Its so good to know that there are good friends and support all around you I know Blakes going to be OK as he grows up. He really is crawling now in fact he's already pulling himself up on things! I cant believe it hes very dinky so its funny seeing him doing these things! he has two bottom teeth through, his lip is looking great and the redness is pretty much gone now but I still have to massage his lip. Blake is really babbling now and his favorite word is 'awaah' its so cute he comes out with lots of different sounds he really makes me laugh.

Blake had his first Speech therapy session this week to be honest we wasn't to sure what to expect or why it was so early but it was really good and I really enjoyed it, We got to Salisbury hospital at 3pm we were called into the room and were told that the sessions usually have a few families but that the other two had cancelled which was a shame as it would have been nice to meet them and share the experience! but never mind, the first thing we saw was the mountains of exciting toys on the floor!!! Blake was quite happy too sit down and play the therapist told us all about Glue ear and why and how it happens a we were given some information as she said its likely Blake could get it at some point, then she mainly concentrated on Blake and asked about his progress, she made lots of funny noises which was pretty funny did my best not to laugh, but she told us we would need to do this to aid Blakes development and it was best to be at least two feet in front of him and get him to watch our lips moving, the main thing she was watching for was that he was closing his lips together and making noises which she said he was and that he had made several different sound which was great! she said if he makes gurgling rough sounds then we had to ignore them and repeat other sounds he makes to encourage him! I thought the session went really well... and his next one wont be till he's 18 month old. hopefully there will be some other families there :)

My baby is growing up fast!

2012-02-02T07:11:00.000-08:00

Things have been very exciting in the Fenton household, Blake has come leaps and bounds in the last few weeks! he has mastered the art of crawling down to a T! and well he isn't like what Tia was if he see's something he wants he goes and gets it lol and when you tell him 'NO' you get the cheekiest grin in the world never mind the biggest! today he has also finally cut his first tooth after months of teething!!! Tia was very excited but Blake wasn't very happy bless him, he is so adorable but I would say this im his mummy.

Our Cleft nurse Nicola came to see me recently and was pleased with how Blake was getting on and she showed me how to massage his scar as she said it was a little raised he let her do it but then again he was more interested in squeezing her boobs typical male! It was rather amusing though! Nicola suggested Bio oil but as its expensive she did recommend other products but I am a big fan so decided to use bio oil. We have to massage his lip twice a day for a couple of minutes ... but it seems he would rather Nicola do it as he wont let me :( but I keep trying

I cant believe how much Blake has changed since he was born when I look back at the pictures its like looking at a different baby, the next stage will be his hard palate repair, and although im anxious I have every confidence putting the care of my boy in Mr Cadier's arms he is amazing. you all may have noticed I have put some links onto my blog, for charities that help raise awareness for Cleft lip and Palate! these two other charities help children in countries that don't get the wonderful care that we get, so if you find it in your hearts to donate im sure there will be a small child will gain so much from your genourosity !

I got a phone call from That's Life magazine they read out the article again for me to check everything was OK, I am so pleased they are printing Blakes story, raising awareness in any way makes me happy. they told me the article will be out on the 16th Feb I feel a little nervous about it! I have also recently set up a group on Facebook, to help children make friends whom are in similar situations it is called cleft lip and palate community be my cleft buddy! it is basically a pen pal system were mums and children can write letters for there babies or children so they will grow up and hopefully end up with a long term buddy.. as we all know its unlikely for there to be another child in there school that has a cleft lip or palate, its gone down well and we have over 50 members!

Yesterday we had our post op review at Salisbury Hospital, It was lovely to see the team again Mr Cadier was very happy with Blake and we signed the consent form for the next op which could be in April this month has been very busy, I start back at work on the 15th Feb so im hoping to get the letter soon so I can book time off at work if need be, this is one on the worst bits the waiting. I have three Cleft buddy letters to write.... so I will update you all soon Thank You for all your support :) God Bless

Blessed

2012-01-06T09:44:00.000-08:00

So it's been a couple of months since Blake had his first surgery and I am very pleased to say he is doing brilliantly! he is feeding and eating really well, we are still using the special mam bottles for Blakes milk feeds. My little man has found his thumb! which is really sweet, Tia had a dummy when she was a baby so she calls it Blake's dummy thumb bless her, he even puts his thumb in his mouth while im feeding him his solids which at first was quite frustrating and very messy! especially when there's food coming out of his nose but its even messier when he sneezes, it makes me laugh, he hates having his nose wiped though I guess it will be uncomfortable, but I am sure it will get better with time. Once his hard palate is repaired that wont happen anymore. I was a little concerned at first that he was using his thumb to push the food in the hole in his hard palate, but I guess its a comfort thing he has taken too.

Blake had lots of visitors after his surgery and he received lots of get well soon cards from family and friends, The support we have received was amazing and everybody was amazed by the wonderful job the cleft team had done. It took about a two weeks for the purple glue strip to drop off and the more that fell off the more exciting it became to see how he looked, it was amazing the difference was shocking but he was so happy and he was still Blake always smiling, even though it was sore. He is going to have a cute scare I call it his Harry Potter scare as it has a slight zig zag just like the one on Harry's forehead!

We went on a trip to visit family in Yorkshire as we knew everyone wanted to see how Blake was doing My mum was so excited and chuffed to bits with the repair! we had a lovely time and Blake and Tia were spoilt rotten as usual. We as a family were looking forward to Christmas this year its like a lot of stress and worry had been lifted after the surgery... and we knew we would be spending it in Yorkshire with both our families. Even though we know there will be more repairs to come we were just glad we got through the first stage.

We have been watching Blake grow and change, his personality is really shining through he has such an infectious laugh and I think he will start crawling soon hes not quite figured out how to move but he goes on all fours and starts rocking away!and the way he interacts with Tia is amazing he loves her so so much I love watching them play together. He's a mummy's boy and a daddy's boy..... so so loving I swear my boy never stops smiling and now his lip is really healing he's more able to smile... I was worried his smiles wouldn't be as big as before but I tell you they are just as beautiful he really does have the biggest smile in the world..... to me. I am so blessed to have two beautiful children.

My blogs seems to have become very popular and it has been read by people all over the world, I am so pleased as I decided to write this as I wanted to help other families, mothers that are going through the motions as we have, if it helps just one person its been worthwhile. A popular magazine in the British market called That's Life has read my blog via Facebook and contacted me as they wanted to publish Blakes story in there health page I was delighted it would mean raising more awareness for cleft lip and palate, I said yes straight away to me it was a wonderful opportunity! I was interviewed over the phone, which I found very emotional recalling everything that had happened during and after my pregnancy and realized I had pushed a lot of feelings and emotions aside, like I had left them in a shoe box. that same evening the article was read back to me over the phone.......... it left a lump in my throat, and it touched my heart. I was told I would be receiving £250 for my story I will be donating some to CLAPA and buying something for my special boy and Tia my children are so inspiring, they deserve a massive treat. If your in England 'That's Life Magazine' issue 8 out end of February 2012 So exciting! hope you all can read it.

We had a great Christmas and we are hoping fore a wonderful new year but in the back of my mind I have already been thinking about the next surgery, but in a more positive light, stronger, happier and incredibly proud.

Job Done :)

2011-11-17T13:38:00.000-08:00

The day finally arrived to take Blake to hospital, nerve's were kicking in even though it was just Admission day, just the thought of driving there was making me feel sick. I spent Sunday packing Blake's Bag, then repacking it, hoping not to forgot anything then when we got to hospital I remembered we had forgotten Blakes mouse, I could have kicked myself!!! the one thing I wanted to remember 'Blake's comforter.' We got a lovely gift for Blake from my cousin Leeann it brought a tear my eye, so sweet, it was a cute monkey with a t-shirt that had his full name on with the slogan '1 special brave boy' I decided to hang it from his cot!

We were shown to our own room on the Sarum ward at Salisbury Hospital, it was a beautiful ward, room number 7 there were a few other families on the ward and it really pulls on your heart strings to see poorly children! I just kept thinking to myself 'he's in good hands he's in good hands' We were given a tour of the ward to refresh our memories of where things were again, we then settled into our room, over the next few hours we had many people pop in and introduce themselves, from nurses to the doctors that would be working on Blake in theatre, we also found out that is surgery was going to be at 10.30am Tuesday morning and not 3pm Tuesday afternoon! so that was a snippet of good news in away.

Chris stayed with us as long as he could, and we both had lots of cuddles with Blake and we took some lovely pictures throughout the day and of course all the nurses fell in love with our little chap! but it soon turned to the evening and he had to get home get some sleep and be back for the morning, well that was the plan, I got a text message from him telling me he couldn't get any cash as the cash machine as it was broken the poor love had to walk to the petrol station to get some money so he could get out of the car park! he had to walk a fair way he was shattered when he got home. I didn't sleep much at all I could hear a child screaming and crying next door... poor little love, too many things whizzing around in my thoughts didn't help either!

It was now the Surgery day! I woke up to Blake happily playing in his cot he seemed really happy, unaware of what the day was bringing, I was so worried and very emotional but holding it together as well as I could. All I wanted was to give Blake as many cuddles as I could. Blake wasn't aloud any milk after 4am so I gave him his last feed at 3.30am his last feed with his cleft. I was also able to give him water up until 8am but he was not impressed with that! It was hard not being aloud to give him anything but he seemed to settle when Chris arrived! and maybe that had something to do with daddy bringing Mr Mousy with him lol as 10am approached we both became little nervous and I kept saying to Chris hes going to be OK isn't he? 10.30am arrived and we were still waiting... we received lots of messages on Facebook and texts from family and friends it was wonderful to have such brilliant support!

Every knock at the door made use look up wide eyed! till finally we got the knock we were waiting for...
'Mr Cadier and his team are ready for you now!' it was his registrar, she asked us a few questions then took us to theatre, She asked who would be going with Blake we looked at each other and I said that I wanted to go, I wished it could have been us both but my motherly instinct just took over.... I held my beautiful boy in my arms safe and close as the mask was placed over his mouth, he looked at me.. then drifted out of consciousnesses, i'm not going to lie or play this down as I placed him on the table myself I felt like my heart was being squeezed from inside out! I felt guilt, not being able to stay and hold his tiny hand it was horrendous... he was in good hands was all I could think to stop my knees from buckling like Bambi. I suppressed all my emotions and held it together till we got back to the ward room, I felt physically sick. We hugged for a while and I let a few tears go. We were in for a long wait the registrar said it would be around 4 hours, as they were repairing the soft palate as well as his lip. They said that they would call the ward when he was awake.

We decided to have a wonder down to the hospital restaurant, we didn't know what to do with our time, we had food and a coffee, we played a game to take our minds off things I saw Vinnie Jones enter the cafe! and that became our game, of course it wasn't the real Vinnie! we then kept our eyes open for famous looky likey's it made us both laugh... nobody topped Vinnie Jones though! We went back to the ward to wait... it felt like days. Finally just after 4pm there was a knock at the door, we were told we could go collect our little boy.....oh my gosh I was so nervous... Me and Chris held hands tightly as we walked to recovery.

It was SHOCK to see him I was lost for word he looked very swollen and bloody, They said I could hold him and that the op went well but it went in one ear and out of the other I just wanted him in my arms, he was very drugged up. I studied his face his eye lashes were all wet so I knew he had been crying! my poor little man. He was covered in blood and bruises which was quite scary. There were whimpers every now and again, he was well that's all that mattered, I was so proud of my boy. We had to wait for about 20 minutes before we could take him back on the ward. It was overwhelming and I welled up and had some tears , I looked over at Chris and he had welled up as well.... Our little man looked absouloutly gorgeous they had done a fantastic job you could see that even under the blood. I don't know how to express my gratitude! Thank you Mr Cadier and his wonderful team.

So many emotions were in the air it had been a long day, the registrar explained that the glue holding the stitches was not the normal type the use it was usually a light blue but Blakes was bright purple! everybody thought it was a bruise, his face was very swollen and sore but he looked amazing and he was tired so he went to sleep for a while we had loads of support from friend and family it did become a bit much though and I had to switch my phone off. Blake was on a fluid drip, and the nurses g,ave him drugs every two hours as well as morphine in the night.... Blake was doing so well he's my brave little solider. It was a very long night and I didnt sleep much for worry. I just waited for the morning to come.

I woke around 7.30am got dressed and went to the kitchen when I got back to the room Blake was awake !! and guess what I got little smile!!! bless him it was amazing I felt truly blessed to have such a wonderful son.
Later in the day Chris's sister came to visit with Tia! it was lovely to see her i'd missed her so much and she clearly missed me I got a great big huggle! Tia wanted to see Blake, Clare gave him a cuddle first then she knelt down and the look on Blakes face when he saw Tia made my heart burst he beamed at her 'well as much as he could' he was so pleased to see her it brought tears to my eyes again, Tia stroked and patted his head gently then said 'awwww..... Blakey got his lip now mummypig!'

It had been a very long day but Blake was doing very well Mr Cadier came and was pleased with him I told him he had done a wonderful job, that man deserves a throne in heaven. Thank you so much.
A friend came to visit and brought some flowers she thought Blake looked amazing! It had been three days but it felt like three weeks! I was ready to go home with my son, We were hoping we would be aloud to take him home the next day, but it all depended on Blake taking his milk which he was finding difficult. He was eating solids though as I had started to ween him a couple of weeks before surgery, so I just kept trying with the bottle, but give up when he got upset I didn't want to force it and cause him stress he been through enough in my book I just prayed he would pick up in the morning. which thankfully he did! he had ready break first then he managed to take 40 ml of milk from his bottle, I was so pleased. the cleft nurse came (Nicola Hudson whom is also wonderful) came to see us again she said we were aloud to go home!!! I rang Chris with the good news!

we are at home now. I would like to say a MASSIVE ' Thank You to the nurses from the Sarum Ward at Salisbury Hospital they were absouloutly fantastic with Blake.'

To Mr Cadier 'Thank you for making my boy Even more Gorgeous its a fabulous repair.'

To Friends and Family ' you all kept me strong thank you for the over whelming love and support you all gave xxx'

This journey is not over yet..........

Two days till surgery....

2011-11-13T07:20:00.000-08:00

WOW I cant begin to put into words how I am feeling right now! scared, anxious, nervous, stressed, sad, happy, even fear. So I am doing my best to keep myself busy, I have been making baby food all morning, dinners and puddings. We started weening Blake on to solids this week as one of our cleft nurses Maureen (who I think is wonderful) gave us the advice that it would be better for Blake after surgery. so I made two pudding Apple, Pear and Banana, and Apple, Forrest Berries and banana... yummy!! and I made Carrot, Swede, Parsnip with Apple, then I made Sweet potato and Carrot, potted the lot up the put them in the fridge. With some in the freezer so Chris can bring some to the hospital when Blake runs out. Blake's been enjoying his food he loves porridge in the morning!

Blakes Hospital bag is almost packed, just need to add few bits, made sure that I packed vests that button up that way we wont catch his lip when we have to change his clothes. while i was folding his cloths I was thinking to myself that I wonder if Blake will be wondering whats going on, I hope I will be enough to comfort him, I better not forget his mouse he loves his mousy. Me and Chris were talking the other night about after surgery whether Blake will still stick his tongue out ! it made us laugh.... he's just so darn cute. I will probably cry a lot as just writing this is making me feel emotional.

Chris's Sister Clare is coming to help us for a few days... She will be arriving early hours. She's going to be entertaining Tia 'good luck with that' Tia has become a little monkey of late but its very hard to be mad at her as she also is too darn cute :)
So a massive thank you to Clare! we love you very much and we appreciate all the help you can give!

There's so much I want to say but feel a little numb....and excited at the same time. We have taken lots of pictures of Blake and if I was to give any advise to someone, that is what it would be! snap snapp snappady! these memories are very precious and in the future Blake will have some idea of his lip looked like before the surgery ! even if its just to do a show and tell at school... (if he wanted to of course)

My boy is going to have a different smile! but he's going to be the same boy. I love him so much.

So if you are reading this please take a minute on Tuesday 15th November after 3.00pm wish my baby boy your best-est wishes to keep him safe. His Angel's will be watching over him, and he will be in excellent hands under Mr Cadier at Salisbury Hospital.

Thank You..... Next time I blog Blake will still have The Biggest Smile in the World!

Counting down the day's...

2011-11-03T06:46:00.000-07:00

So since receiving 'the letter' we have just been getting on with life as best we can, trying not to worry and get on with things! 'but hay who are we kidding its natural to worry even if people say everything is going to be fine... even the people that have been through it... each experience is different'. all I can do is ask my Angel's to watch over my precious bundle till the surgery is done! and I believe they will, but as a mother you still worry about all silly little things.

Blake's weight has started to drop a little I think he could have a little lactose intolerance as it runs in both sides of the family, so I took him to the Doctors who referred me to see the a Doctor at the hospital, it all turned out OK he just thinks Blake is settling and his advise was to start weaning him on baby rice.... which we tried and he didn't seem to impressed bless him. Blake's four months now and he's taking interest in everything.. he loves all his toys and even turns himself over he's got a proper little boy personality! he definitely likes cars.. he has the most beautiful smile and an even more beautiful laugh he loves silly noises!

Blake's is a very cuddly little man and believe me me when I say he's a boob man.. he loves the ladies! haha... he really makes me laugh. He's started rocking himself when he sits on your knee it is so funny! everyday is getting closer to the surgery and we went to see Mr Cadier for another meeting this time though we got to look around the ward. Mr Cadier was pleased when he looked into Blake's mouth he said it was a narrow cleft so that meant an easier job for him. The ward was really homely and its got a lovely theme it has all just been done up, the staff were really friendly too, it made me feel bit more at ease knowing where everything is before Blake's admission on the 14th November.

At the moment Me, Tia and Blake are in Yorkshire spending time with friends and family it will be the last chance to see him with his Cleft the next time he will look just like everyone else, and I just wanted everyone to see him as to me I will miss him looking as he is, its very emotional as I know it will be better for him in the future but I love him the way he is! and he's going to look so different after surgery it will be like getting to know him again. The main thing that worries me is knowing he will be going under! and that I cant be in there holding his tiny hand. I am terrified and calm at the same time if that makes any sense? I have taken lots and lots of pictures of him so when he's older he can see the before and after. I think memories are precious and I never want to forget this very precious journey.

10 Days till Blake's Surgery.....

A Mothers love...

2011-10-15T09:46:00.000-07:00

So now I was taken to my own private room, and Chris held Blake and gave his little man a cuddle! we were so blessed our family unit complete. I was so pleased the labor was over it was all very quick after my waters broke I think I was in shock Chris said I had a funny turn in the delivery room, Chris told me to get into bed and have a nap and that he would stay and sort Blake out for me I was so lucky to have a wonderful partner and new baby boy. I napped for about 30 minutes then Chris had to go home hes was exhausted too.

So as I sat alone holding my new born baby, I thought about all he had to face in the coming years, it was emotional, during my pregnancy I thought it be best to imagine the worst outcome that way I would be prepared for what Blake may look like, but what ever the outcome I wasn't bothered as I knew i'd love him whatever. What I thought about while holding him was the thought of his tiny body undergoing surgery. Its a scary thought, I just viewed it as another obstacle we will face as a family.

I spent four days in Salisbury hospital in my own room the Midwives were brilliant, I wasn't aloud home till feeding was established, I took to the new bottles well and so did Blake. I wanted to give Blake my own breast milk so I expressed, it was very hard work and it made me very tired seemed like all I did was feed and express milk, the midwives were impressed with my determination apparently I was the talk of the ward, Me and my beautiful Cleft baby! the midwives loved Blake and when they could see I was in need of sleep they took him and watched him for me. I was so thankful as I wasn't sleeping much.

Chris brought Tia to see her baby brother she was happy he was finally here and wanted a cuddle! it was so lovely and she already wanted to help change his bottom! Mum and Dad came to visit in the afternoon, it was overwhelming as I could see my mum was nervous as she held Blake I could tell she was upset, but she was hiding it well but I could feel it, not because of how he looked, she was upset that he was going to have a lot to contend with in his life I know she wished it hadn't happened to him. It is scary knowing your baby will have to have several surgeries throughout his childhood. The next day she visited she was different she said 'come on give me my Grandson!' She later told me she had been to see my Auntie Dawn and talked with her! whatever she said made my mum happier and that made me happy. Everyday I fell more in love with my baby boy and it was time to go home, I had a few visits beforehand from the Cleft nurses who gave me advice and some more special bottles they were happy with our progress they gave me an electric breast pump which was brilliant as I was keen to use my milk as long as I could.

All the midwives came to say goodbye.... I was really cared for during my stay so I asked Chris to get a card and a present for them to say thank you ! I new that Mum and Dad were going home this very evening I was a little upset but I knew they had to go home, My Mum has terrible back pain and was not feeling too well and Dad was full of cold and worried about passing it on, but I new I was going to be visiting Yorkshire soon, when we got home Mum was cooking us Dinner it smelled divine I was starving, we all enjoyed our last meal together them they got ready to leave, we said our goodbyes and waved them off. We were alone now with our two children, Tia was in bed and Blake was snoozing in his Moses's basket. Me and Chris had our first proper hug......... it was lovely as the bump gone. :)

The next few weeks went in a blur visits from the midwives and Cleft nurses and then health visitors it was all go! Blake failed his hearing test in his left ear, he had to have a another test done using a more sophisticated piece of equipment, and we were pleased that he passed with flying colours! as we were worried he may be deaf as his cleft is to the left it was quite possible! Another weight lifted... People were starting to ask questions on Facebook wondering why there were no pictures, so we decided to post some and let everybody know! the comment and support were wonderful from everyone I was so proud of my little bruiser. Eve came to visit and brought Blake a present She said he was beautiful, she told us that everyone had been thinking about us and they had been praying, I really believed it helped as I actually had a good labor. I told Eve that Tia wasn't settling at night so she took her upstairs and Blessed the room, for the first time in a week she actually went to bed and slept peacefully it was amazing!! Eve is Amazing! I wish I could put her in my pocket and carry her everywhere!

We received a letter from the Hospital, a meeting was set up for us to meet the rest of the Cleft team and the surgeon Mr Cadier this was on 27th July it went really well Mr Cadier seemed happy with Blakes progress and he also told us a bit about the operation, he told us he would fix the lip and soft palate at the same time and that the op would take about three hours. he said we would get a surgery date within eight to ten weeks time! After six weeks I made the decision to start giving Blake formula milk as I just wasn't producing enough of my own milk, and all I seemed to be doing was feeding then expressing. It was very hard work and I was becoming very tired I spoke to my health visitor about my decision, and she said I did well to go that long so I am proud I did what I could So now I can give the pump back to the Clapa team!

Waiting for that letter... played on our minds as it seemed to be taking ages, everyday we would wait for the post, it would drop through the door then .. nothing! I started to worry and well I moaned a lot to Chris in the end I think he was wondering why we hadn't herd anything. So he decided to ring our Cleft nurse and see what was happening and he did this the day the letter came through the door! strange! The surgery usually takes place from three and half months, our surgery date is 15th November at 3.00pm! We also have to go in on the 19th October for another meet and greet with Mr Cadier to look around the ward and have another check up. Blake will be two days off being five months old when he has his surgery. We are excited that we have a date... but were also sad as we love our Blake just the way he is! he has the most beautiful biggest smile in the world.

Getting poorly...

2011-10-14T06:44:00.000-07:00

OK so as the pregnancy progressed my OC really started to kick in, to the point where I was having to visit the day unit twice a week for baby monitoring and bloods! I swear the Midwives all new me by first name after a couple of weeks, they all really looked after me. I felt ill, really ill and the hospital trips were getting to me. In some ways I felt like a pin cushion with all the blood tests I was having to have, I was finding it very hard to sleep as well so I was tired all the time Chris was worried about me and the baby, and I think even Tia was wondering what on earth was going on!

Non the less it had to be done as my Bile Acid levels were hitting 31 then dropping and going back up which is not great and my ATL's were up and down, this wasn't good for my liver. As soon as I was diagnosed from the beginning I was put on medication called urso, I had to up the dosage a few times, I also had Piriton on tap to help with the itching My uncle Arran starting helping out even chauffeuring me to and from hospital he was brilliant!  I was really starting to get frustrated and worried about my baby, with my Bile Acid levels being up and down. I was so scared I might lose him All I wanted to know was whether I was going to be Induced! just waiting for that tiny piece of information was agonizing.

My pregnancy was being high jacked! it wasn't the enjoyable experience I would have liked in fact it made me feel very depressed and angry I often wondered why me? but I had to pull myself together as it wasn't just the OC and cleft to worry about I had my beautiful little girl to look after. I had to hide my fear and sadness from her, Tia and Chris were my rocks, they kept me going. Thankfully Chris's sister Beka came to stay with us for a while, She also became a rock for us all. She was a godsend, she really cheered me up it was great having her company during the day and she was brilliant with Tia, Chris enjoyed having her around as well, We were sad to see her go home!  I really appreciated her being there for us, and I did cry a bit when she left.

Throughout my pregnancy my Mother was brilliant, she lives in Yorkshire so it was so hard being so far away not just for me but for her... I'm her little girl and she couldn't comfort me! but I went up to visit as much as I could. My Mum and Dad were coming down to Dorset to help the week before the birth and we finally were told I was going to be induced! it was like a massive weight was lifted. They decided That I was to go to 39 weeks, just like my first pregnancy. Labor - Day 17th June 2011 ! I was straight on the phone to my Mum! then I let my Dad know as he was coming from France to collect my Mum. I couldn't wait to see them.I was practically bouncing off the walls with excitement!

During the last month I wanted to help with the OC research so Jenny Chambers sent me a kit to give to the midwives at my labor, it would involve them taking a piece of my placenta and sending it to London. I asked the midwives at the hospital whether they would mind doing this and they didn't seem too keen, which disappointing me dearly, but I decided to talk it along anyway.

Mum and Dad arrived a week before my Induction so we made the most of it Tia loved having her Nanna and Grandpapie around and of course she was spoiled rotten! as the Induction loomed I was getting really tired and my hips were starting to really hurt I started to think about my baby and how he would look and if we would bond straight away! and I was worried about what people would think so I requested a room of my own, I wanted to be able to bond with my little man in peace and not have preying eyes and questions!
I thought about all that we had been told and thought this is going to be a long journey! but I'm totally ready for it! All I wanted was for my baby to be in my arms and my body back! lol the pain was getting worse.

The evening before my Induction I could hardly walk up the stairs I actually thought I'm going to go into natural labor!! Chris helped me to bed, I know my Mum was worried, but I must say I had the best nights sleep i'd had in months! We got up early filled the car with all the essentials, Labor bag, water, yum yums, magazines, you name it we had it! woke Mum and told her i'd rang the ward and that I was going in, she said "OK love i'll see you soon" and gave me a kiss. The plan was she would meet us at the hospital later as sometimes Induction can take days, but I knew he was destined to be born on this day!

We got to the hospital and I gave my notes to the Midwife making sure they new I was having a Cleft baby, The Midwifes on duty were wonderful and very caring they really made me feel at ease. Chris was brilliant, he was really supportive texting keeping people up to date, Finally I was going to be Induced at 10.30am, at this point I remembered i had forgot the research kit and scolded myself for forgetting it, now I was disappointed in myself. as I really wanted to help other woman going through this bizarre condition.

Now I was getting nervous but I new positive thinking was the key to a calm labor and with the help of my trusted tense machine of course! my best friend .... which I nearly didn't have because they had discontinued the pads that go with my model but I managed to locate the very very last packed in a store in Bradford!!! Chris's Sister collected them and sent me them down in the post what a life saver!! All I wanted was my tense machine and Gas and Air for pain relief. No other drugs if I could help it, I have a high pain thresh hold.

I new I would only need the one Pessary Gel to start my contractions it was the same with my first Labor soon at it started I told the midwife whom was surprised! she hooked me up to the monitor to keep an eye on the baby and the contractions, this had to be done because of my OC condition. Chris also hooked me up to my best friend the contractions were mild at first but they started to get stronger... Chris messaged my Mum... She messaged back that I was going to be fine.. I had a feeling she wasn't coming. I was scared by the thought of not having her there, Chris could see the worry etched on my face, he said "Jemma its going to be fine you have me!" he was my rock. I knew there had to be a good reason she couldn't be there.

I was moved to my own room at about 4.15pm the pain was becoming intense I was thankful that meant I could get my hands on the yummy Gas and Air!!! things started to move quickly and the contractions were getting real painful, had my first suck on the Gas and Air and boy did it help and boy did it make me laugh Chris said "oh god not again"  remembering my first labor I happily sang Eye of the Tiger from the rocky movie!

I was High as a kite after a few minutes and started laughing my head off then I snorted ! oops so I then started singing Peppa Pig! Bless him he was little embarrassed but the trainee midwife giggled, then the contractions were so bad I couldn't laugh anymore it was time to focus on the task at hand bringing my baby into the world. The midwife that had been with me throughout told us her shift was over soon and that there was going to be a shift change.. I was a little upset as she had been amazing. My new Midwife was informed and we got to know each other quickly.. they discussed breaking my waters. this was not going to happen I felt like my like my pelvis had been head butted and I told Chris, It was a weird feeling then 5 minutes later my waters broke on there own!

It was very very fast from then out, I had to push with every contraction finally his head emerged then on that next push my contraction died! his head was stuck till the next one came, and it came after what seemed like an eternity! and I pushed and pushed! then at 8.57pm my Baby Boy was laying in my arms....
My first thoughts was my god the cleft it isn't bad at all... he's so gorgeous! and wow he looks just like Tia did! We were so proud of our gorgeous boy.. he was a whopping 8lb 10oz big for me as I'm only 5'2! he looked like a boxer, our little bruiser. The love engulfed me as I held my Boy! I was elated and drunk on my love for my Blake my Cleft baby, I bonded instantly like a Lioness to her Cub... protective and fierce, loving and strong. Happy and very tired.

Learning more

2011-10-13T15:14:00.000-07:00

After the scans my moods changed a lot sometimes I was up then I would be down... I had a chat with a very good friend of mine she told me to read a book called Angel's in my hair by Lorna Byrne this may sound dramatic but that book changed my life, it was like an Angel touched my very soul. Me and Chris decided we would like to get Blake and Tia Christened, so I got in touch with our local reverend via email, and was really chuffed to get a reply, she came to visit and we had a long chat about how life had been for us both over the five years, and that we wanted a fresh start, our rev is called Eve and I must say she's such a beautiful person inside and out and I felt that from our first meeting. Tia took to her like a duck on water and that is a compliment as she never very forward when meeting strangers! Eve said she would put Blake on the prayer list and said a prayer for him with us it made me feel very emotional she really lifted my spirits. She also told us about Messy Church, were people from the village get together and do loads of fun things like painting and crafts as well as dinner! it sounded right up my street with me being an Artist. Tia loves stuff like that and it was based at her pre-school one Sunday every month. We thought it would be a great way to meet people too.

Just over a year ago I was meant to go to France to see my Dad, and my Mum was going to be there as well but her plans changed due to an appointment she had to make, something in the pit of my stomach did not want me to go to France I was totally drawn to go to my Mums in Yorkshire, it was like I had to go... something told me I must go.. I did, I went up on the plane with Tia she was 16 months at the time. It was a good week then the day before I was due to go home I got a call from my Mum, I was visiting a friend at the time!

Mum was not making much sense saying my Friend was there with her and that she needed to speak, my Friend came on the line and told me the worst news, her beautiful daughter 'Tia's best friend' had passed away..... I went straight to her I had to hold her in my arms. I stayed with her throughout it was very emotional to much to even bare writing the pain... I felt her pain as a mother, a friend.... I new there was a reason I had to be there in Yorkshire. I had to be by my friends side. Before I left I said to my friend
"A baby's soul picks there mother before there born, she picked you! even for the short time she was here she wanted to be your daughter." now she is an Angel. We all miss her so much.

The book I read by Lorna Bryne had virtually that same sentence 'the baby's soul picks you' and the thing is I don't know where it came from when I said it too my friend. when I read it I remembered telling her. My heart swelled and I rubbed my bump and said to myself, You picked me because I am strong and you know I will be a mother that will be like a lioness to her cubs. then he kicked me. lol
That book flicked a switch in my head....... believe it or not I believe in angel's.

We had our first visit from our Cleft nurse she brought photo's of before and after surgery I didn't realize there were so many different Clefts. I showed Tia pictures I thought it would be best that way she would also be prepared, she just said 'mummy it's a baby' she wasn't even fazed, bless her heart. The cleft nurse told us what we may expect and even the problems that could accrue that come with having a Cleft... several surgeries, deafness, speech therapy, dental care, ear infections, feeding, we would have to use special bottles, and that I probably would not be able to breast feed, this upset me a little I really wanted to do this as I did it for six months with Tia, In my eye's it gives the best start in life. It was over whelming but knowing my baby boy was going to be in brilliant hands at Salisbury hospital made me feel OK.

I must say the support I had from close friends and family was brilliant, Me and Chris decided not to tell too many people we wanted to keep it private from social network sites. I rang my Nanna Capel and told her the news she was very concerned my Uncle Dom came on the phone, he said " Jemma it doesn't matter what he looks like, you are a brilliant mother and we will all love him, its easily fixed, these things happen sometimes " I said thank you so much I put the phone down and cried it was what I needed to hear it touched my heart.

Like I said you go through so many emotions in stages its a bit like grief in a way. We learnt as much as we could throughout my pregnancy. I joined CLAPA online and I found an amazing site on Facebook that was brilliant and really helped and I found myself helping an supporting other mum's to be, I even found an article in Mother and Baby magazine about a mothers journey with her little boy! it really helped me so I photocopied it and posted it to several mothers going through the same things as me, I became part of the Facebook Cleft Lip & Palate Group we are a family. :)

Finding out

2011-10-13T11:06:00.000-07:00

Wow where do I Start? well how about my 'Name' it comes from my little girls most favorite thing in the world! 'Peppa Pig' Tia started calling me Mummypig about three months ago, then followed Daddypig for her Dad my amazing fella Chris! oh and let's not forget our family pet dog 'Candypig' who happens to be a big, 'well actually huge' Rottweiler...... a well huge pathetic Rottweiler lol

So there's Me, Chris, Tia and my biggest inspiration for writing my Blog, My beautiful baby boy !
Blake Tyler James... born 17.06.2011

After Tia we decided to have another baby it was a big decision as my first pregnancy was tough as I suffered with OC a rare liver condition brought on by pregnancy hormones.... this condition plays havoc with your Bile Acids, and liver function pregnancy hormones make your body produce excess Bile that can then leak into the blood stream, if the bile was to pass through to the placenta it could harm the baby, If untreated it could result in stillbirth. the main symptom is itching in your hands and feet.
We went ahead and within a few months I fell pregnant, so I prepared myself for the dreaded itch! 'this is one of the symptoms for OC that can be so bad it makes you want to find a tree just like Balou from jungle book as the itch got me everywhere while being pregnant with Tia, nightmare is not the word! lol

As I thought the condition did surface at about 12weeks in bouts. We had our 12 week scan and all was great... that's when the excitement kicks in and you realize....
'Yep I'm going to have to go through labor again!!' Time went by and as it was drawing nearer to my 20 week scan I had a feeling something might be wrong I even confided in a work colleague she reassured me everything would be fine... it still niggled at the back of my mind. I was so sure something was going to be revealed to me.

The day arrived and we all got in the car and traveled the 45 minute drive to the hospital, that feeling was still there! so I was very nervous. We booked in at reception and we waited.. and waited... then waited so more there were only one other couple left waiting to go in people were going in that had arrived after us!... then my name was finally called! I nearly jumped out of my skin!
went in got comfy on the bed , then I was attacked by the warm sticky gel! I was hoping to be in and out but our 'Spud' as we nicknamed him was not playing ball! so we had to go and have a cup of tea then go back!!!

Twenty minutes later we went back, all was set up again it was the baby's face that needed checking, and he finally moved his hand.. that's when I saw the shadow ..then I saw the sonographers face fall in to a concerned expression! but I knew what she was going to say, and she did

" I am so sorry to have to tell you this but I suspect your baby has a Cleft Lip and that could also mean the hard palate may be affected also" my reply was "Its OK Then what happens now?" I think she was expecting me to cry... but my instincts had prepared me for this news. She asked would we like to see the consultant so he could explain things to us in more detail? but to be honest I just wanted to go home! She told me to make an appointment to see my consultant on the Wednesday... we did then when home. The next day I was bombarded with calls from different midwives and it was quite a shock! so many people were saying how sorry they were...why were people apologizing? it could be worse! I then got a call from the specialists they wanted to see me on the Wednesday and they cancelled my appointment with the consultant for me. I became very emotional and rang my Auntie Dawn for advise, it helped so much she calmed me down and told me not to worry.

So many emotions consume you, sadness, anger, guilt, but you get over them all in different stages! at first I wondered if it was my fault, but deep down I knew it wasn't anybodies fault. throughout the pregnancy my Chris was brilliant especially when the OC really kicked in at 26 weeks! the condition was wrose second time around. It was so frustrating, there were lots of scary trips to the hospital for different reasons we had two specialist scans at the Princess Ann in Southampton (where they film one born every minute) to find out more about the Cleft. At one point it looked like he had a deformed eye, and I was like 'OMG he's got something wrong with his eye!' the specialis laughed and said 'No Jemma don't worry he's just pressed up against your womb!!' So well I left feeling a little silly after that! how embarrassing!.

We were told our baby had a Unilateral Cleft Lip to the left & the Hard and Soft Palate was possibly affected also, the Cleft had affected his gum as well it was at this scan that we decided to find out the sex as we wanted to focus on something new, we were delighted to be told it was a blue!