Photo by: Kristy

Achievement is…

Dictionary definition: A thing done successfully, typically by effort, courage or skill.

It seems today that everyone is fueled by the golden carrot of achievement. This carrot is dangled in front of us day and night and it is something that gets ingrained in us from birth through social conditioning. We want to succeed, we want to be the good child, the one who does well. So we try harder, put more effort into it and develop our skills. We achieve, whether it is what we want or not. We achieve at school and at work. Then we show off our achievements to everyone through the house we buy, the family we build, and the wardrobe we wear. For men everything revolved around their car, for women it can be the size of the ring on their finger or their beautiful home.

We live in an achievement driven environment and if we don’t have anything to show our achievements, then we feel inferior. Do you ever feel weak explaining your career choices to strangers or new acquaintances?

“Oh, I’m a nurse,” you say. Or a hair dresser, a shop keeper, a designer. It doesn’t or shouldn’t matter what your job title is, but somehow it can’t help but bother us if it doesn’t sound prestigious enough. That’s the achievement minded way of life that is making us feel inferior day after day.

Fulfillment is…

Now, fulfillment has two definitions and both of them sound wrong to my ears.

Dictionary definition #1: Satisfaction or happiness as a result of fully developing one’s abilities or character.

This definition implies that you need to do a lot of work to develop your abilities or character, in order to experience fulfillment. The feeling of fulfillment itself is this satisfaction and happiness. But both of these emotions are short term, because satisfaction can be wiped off your face like a cloud covers the sun, and happiness is just a reaction. Yes, it’s unfortunate but happiness tends to be a reaction to some outside circumstance like getting the results you wanted.

Dictionary definition #2: The achievement of something desired, promised, or predicted.

The second definition of fulfillment depends on the achievement of a given thing. This is another way of describing the golden carrot that is dangled in front of us. Once we catch the carrot, only then can we be fulfilled. Even worse, according to this definition we need to achieve something in order to reach the state of fulfillment. So we keep the wheels turning, reaching for more and more achievements in order to get to a place of fulfillment. Because of course, once you reach the end of an achievement there is always something new and exciting that needs to be achieved. So by following this logic, there never would be a time or a place for fulfillment, since we are constantly reaching for our next accomplishments.

Image via Wikipedia

What You’re Really After is…

The real definition of fulfillment should be something more like this: A feeling of joy and a knowing that everything is right with you and the world.

Real fulfillment is when you wake up knowing that you are enough, you have everything you will ever need (or it will fall into place soon enough). You are filled with joy, with a deep lasting satisfaction that doesn’t disappear with the changing of circumstances. It is something that stays with you always and that cannot be shaken. Real fulfillment is a belief that you are whole, and yet a part of a greater oneness. It is a sense of being at one with the life force energy, sometimes called God, Goddess, or just love.

I’m not saying that we need to stop achieving anything and become lazy slobs. Of course we still need to strive to be greater and reach our goals. But we need to understand that this driving force does not need to be the only feeling in our hearts. We can be comfortable and joyful without the pat on the back we get from achievement.

How to Get Fulfillment

So how exactly do you wake up every morning feeling this true joy and love of fulfillment? It might be too simple, but the answer is that you go to bed feeling that way.

1. Before you close your eyes at night, feel at one with this great universal power of love.
2. Feel the smile stretch across your face.
3. Be grateful for everything that you are and that you have.
4. Count your blessings and know that you are enough.

You have enough and achievements are just like bonus shooting stars flying through the sky. You already have the whole sky and all of the stars to be satisfied with. When you wake up, you will feel lighter, more loving and truly fulfilled. Give this exercise a try for at least 30 days and get ready to be surprised by the benefits you experience in your day to day life.

Post from: Billionaire Woman.com, empowering women worldwide.

The Difference Between Fulfillment and Achievement

“It Takes Teamwork to Make The Dream Work.” -Christopher Howard

I don’t usually like sports analogies, mostly because they tend to be overused, but today this analogy will help you see your friends differently. Think of a basketball game, a hockey game, or a soccer game. How often do you see one person alone score the winning goal? It usually takes a whole team to make a goal. Whether or not you witness the domino effect that each member plays in the game, they were there for each other and they contributed to that goal. This same phenomenon applies to your life too.

Photo by JD Lasica

Unsupportive Friends and Family

Everyone has support groups, whether they know it or not. Your support group is that core set of people in your life who influence you and help you out. Your support group can be made up of family members, friends, acquaintances and coworkers. Sometimes your support group is not as supportive as you might like.

I have often noticed this happening when it comes to dieting and weight loss. Oftentimes when a woman decides to go on a diet, her friends or family members will be less than supportive. They might joke and tell her that she’ll be back to eating chips and chocolate cake in no time. Or that she will never last more than 15 minutes at the gym.

Sometimes the lack of support can be shown in less obvious ways. A friend might ask the dieter if she wants to go pig out on pizza with her. She might buy her a large tub of ice cream. Or she might decide to drop by her home when she knows that it is a designated exercise hour. Similarly, husbands and children might decide to bake desserts or popcorn. Or might take her to her favorite fast food joint, even knowing that she is not eating that type of food anymore.

All of these things can undermine a woman’s dieting and weight loss efforts. Moreover, this type of reaction by so-called friends and family members can happen at any point when you decide to make changes in your life or to seek success.

Why Don’t They Support Me?

The first step to getting a supportive group of people in your inner circle is to understand why they aren’t supporting you. Ask yourself what they have to gain by your lack of success? Sometimes the answers can be startling. In the example of weight loss, some friends might not want you to become thin or to diet because that threatens their own self image. It could also mean that you would be less likely to go eat unhealthy foods with them like you did in the past. Your family members might think that you are trying to force your new lifestyle and habits onto them.

Other examples of reasons why these people might not want you to succeed in life, love and finance are:

• If you get too successful you won’t want to spend time with them anymore. (Or you won’t think they are cool, worthy, etc.)
• If you don’t have the same problems as you currently do, then you won’t be able to complain with them about the same issues. (A lot of negative relationships are formed through complaining and whining. Steer clear.)
• Your changes might show them how much work they need to do on themselves.

The Mastermind Group

The solution to unsupportive people is to create a Mastermind Group. Oftentimes we surround ourselves with people we have known our whole lives or who happened to cross our path by shared circumstances. But what would happen if you decided to actively seek out a group of people who are great for you? A group of people who would encourage you, support you, and cheer you on. These people exist and it is a just a matter of finding them.

Photo by Trish Brunner

You might be able to include some of your current friends and family members into your new mastermind group. However be sure to pick only those that truly do believe in you and your potential to succeed. So where do you find these new mastermind folks?

• Join groups that reflect your interests on Ning and then make friends.
• Visit Meetup to see if there is already a group started for your area and try to join the next meetup to find others of like mind. If not, you could create one.
• Look for local organizations that promote events and once there, mingle and see if anyone fits your ideal mastermind member.
• Go to Toastmasters and give a speech about your interests or business. If anyone expresses interest in keeping in touch, that’s great.

So what are you waiting for? Get out there and mingle. Once you have found a few people who are supportive of you, be sure to return the favor. The more we help each other, the better we make the world.

Post from: Billionaire Woman.com, empowering women worldwide.

Create a Mastermind Group to Skyrocket Your Success

Age: 88, born December 1st, 1919

Citizen of: The United States of America, born in Dayton, Ohio

Marital Status: Divorced and Remarried, with two daughters and one son

Source of Wealth: Inherited from her stake in Cox Enterprises

What makes her special: She is the second richest woman in the United States. In 2007, Forbes estimated her net wealth to be $14.6 billion.

Rank on BillionaireWoman.com: #3rd of many billionaire women to be studied.

Her past: Anne Cox Chambers graduated from Finch College in New York City after attending Miss Porter’s School. She showed her passion for democratic leadership by knocking on doors to get democratic support from the people in Ohio in her youth. She was chosen as the US Ambassador to Belgium by former President Jimmy Carter. She held the title of US Ambassador to Belgium from 1977 to 1981. Since then she has held many titles and furthered her business and philanthropic aspirations. She sat on the board of directors for Coca-Cola from 1981-1991. She was the first woman to sit on the board of directors at a bank in Atlanta, the Fulton National Bank, and was also the first woman on the board of the Atlanta Chamber of Commerce. Anne Cox Chambers donated generously to the arts and to international affairs, notably to museums and supporting presidential campaigns of John Kerry and Barack Obama. She received many honorary degrees from academic institutions to recognize the contributions she has made to the various institutions she gifted.

What the future holds: She still holds the title of Director for Cox Enterprises. Her sister Barbara’s son James Cox Kennedy currently runs the family business as its CEO. She currently lives in Atlanta, Georgia. She will continue her current operations and continue to give generously to the various philanthropic endeavors that she believes in. She still holds many positions as a board of directors member for different organizations. She is currently a supporter of Barack Obama for president and will continue to support the democratic party in America.

What we can learn from her: Anne Cox Chambers has had a rich and fulfilling life. She gave of her time and her abilities in her various positions as ambassador, member of the board and while running her media empire Cox Enterprises. She also donated much of her wealth to furthering the arts and international affairs. It is obvious that Ms. Cox Chambers is a passionate woman who stopped at nothing to better the world. We can learn to be philanthropic givers, like she is, and to pursuing different opportunities in volunteer work and memberships. It is also interesting to note that Anne Cox Chambers was interested in politics throughout her life and I believe that we could all benefit from learning more and taking charge of the political changes happening in our nation today.

Thank you Anne Cox Chambers for your inspiration to women everywhere.

Post from: Billionaire Woman.com, empowering women worldwide.

Anne Cox Chambers

Photo by Christiane Michaud

How many times have you given in to a request to babysit someone’s kids when you were already busy. I’ve done that. How many times have you agreed to proof read someone’s resume (essay, dissertation, etc). Ditto. How many times have you let yourself invite someone who was pressuring you over for dinner? Ditto, ditto. How about pushy sales people who make you feel like you are getting a bargain and then add some hidden costs, while you feel obligated to finalize your purchase despite this fact. Ditto, ditto, ditto. What about tele-marketers calling during dinner? I think you get the picture.

Well this is where all of these push-over tendencies stop. Let us explore a bit more of this “yes-sir” type of mentality before I explain how I plan to stop saying yes to every request thrown at me.

Women Are The Selfless Caregivers

Starting at a young age we as women are taught that being nice is the right thing to do. I still believe that being nice is a good thing to aspire to and treating others with kindness is still important. What I don’t agree with is the notion that our first priority should be to please others. I know that there are a lot of culturally ingrained ideas when it comes to how women should act with others. In some cultures women are meant to serve their parents until they marry, and then to serve their husbands, and later to serve their children. With all of this selflessness, no wonder women are so used to agreeing to everyone’s requests. The requests that women agree to every day may seem trivial, but after years of saying yes and denying yourself some of your more basic freedoms, you really aren’t living for yourself anymore.

I have watched my mother go through years of denying herself the pleasures and goals that she wanted to reach. She would always put others before her, her parents, her husband, her friends and even me. Today she speaks of those days bitterly and I understand why. She was never living for herself, instead she was merely a nurturer in someone else’s life. I believe that there needs to be a way for women to draw a line and learn to say no for themselves. Contrary to what everyone believes, I think that an empowered and loving person is one who is able to say no when they need to. As such good spiritual leaders and wealthy people tend to be ones who are able to stand up for themselves and say no.

Saying No Empowers Others To Solve Their Own Problems

Sometimes denying someone your services or advice can help others solve their own problems. For example, instead of agreeing to make your teenaged children lunch every day of the week, why not teach them some independence and let them learn for themselves. Instead of agreeing to review someone’s homework or thesis, let them re-read it once more. Often times people don’t work as hard knowing that someone else is going to look over their work and fix things. Saying no gets them to produce high quality work from the get-go and is one way to empower them. The same goes for advice, if someone asks you to comment on their relationship troubles, you could just say you would rather not and ask them to walk you through a possible solution of their own. This lets them work through their problems on their own, while venting a bit, without getting you involved or responsible.

If You Don’t Stand Up For Yourself, Who Will?

We all hear about “the inner child” from various sources. You know, that little voice inside of you who wants to have fun all the time and who comes up with lots of crazy and sometimes successful ideas. But what about the inner parent? We rarely hear about the inner parent, but it is there. Usually it takes on the voice of a parent by telling you that you can’t do something, that you’re not good enough or that you should be careful. We tend to ignore this voice when we are passionate about our desires, and listen to it too much when we are fearful of failure. But what is the main purpose of the inner parent? It is to protect and help the inner child grow.

The inner parent is the one who should lay down the law and say no for you. When you get a request for something that you really don’t want to do, trust your inner parent to take care of you. Let your inner parent say no, and remember that your inner child is being protected by your inner parent at all times. The inner child can then come out and play without fear of being squashed by other people and their demands. This creates a more balanced and healthful way to live. So speak to your inner parent, love it, take care of it for it needs to be strong in order to protect your inner child and nurture it.

The Terrible Twos

The way to start utilizing your inner parent to its full potential is to revert back to your terrible two’s… at least for awhile, until your “no” muscles get strong enough. Here’s how you do it.

• Set aside 2 days where you will unapologetically say no to every request you receive, without exception.
• When someone asks you for a favor, for food/money/time, for your attention or for your advice, simply say no.
• It will feel weird at first, but that’s why you need to practice so much to get good at it again.
• To soften the blow, when you are turning people down you can add something along the lines of: “I wish I could, but I’m really not able to right now.” Don’t give an excuse, because people will try to talk you out of your excuse and appease you in order to get you to comply to their demands.
• Don’t make any exceptions. You can return to your usual yes-sir attitude after these two days, so stay strong and be firm.
• Others will recognize how much they ask you for things and they will be more conscious about asking for things in the future.

Good luck and may your inner parent and child work together to make you a strong willed woman!

Post from: Billionaire Woman.com, empowering women worldwide.

Learning to Say No Again

Image by swperman via Flickr

Starting from a young age, we are taught that we need to work hard, get a job and earn our money. This mentality is great to motivate youth to get off the couch and develop a little bit of ambition. The downside of teaching everyone that they need to work hard to earn their income is that it develops a scarcity mentality. It also causes us to think that the only way for us to create income in our lives is to work harder or to generate it by adding a second or third job into our already busy lives. This type of “work is the only way to get money” thinking can also lead people away from their true purpose in life, their true passions

One clear example of this type of narrow mindedness came about in my own life. I was always taught that in order to be successful I needed a lot of money, and therefore that meant that I needed to get a very high paying job and work grueling hours. And I did. I got several high paying jobs and worked upwards of 60 hours per week, despite still being enrolled in school in a co-op program. It was all great for awhile because I believed that I had reached my “success goal” and that I was finally successful because my income was coming from a high paying job. But then things started to unravel, as they are so likely to do in such situations. My health got worse and I started to loose my hair, my acne flared up and I was always tired. My relationships suffered immensely because I had to move away from my boyfriend, my friends and family.

That’s when I started researching the law of attraction and other forms of intentional creation. It didn’t take long for me to realize that we are powerful beings and that we can create income in different ways in our lives. This happened to me a few short months into my employment with “a big successful company.” I had been practicing visualization and feeling at one with lots of money. I went to sleep one night while listening to a relaxation MP3 that left me feeling so free, joyful and loved. The next morning I received a paper from my company that asked me to fill out some forms because I was being offered a scholarship. As it turned out I was given $7500 of scholarship money toward continuing my university education.

Little Known Truth

In life the equation might seem very complicated, but if you factor out some common denominators and eliminate some redundant terms you get left with a fairly simple way to calculate your worth. It looks a little something like this:

What You Give Out = (What You Get Back) x (Multiplication Factor)

A lot of people think that the equation is way more complex and so they undertake something more along the lines of:

(Exchange Time through Work = Money) => (Use Money to Buy Things = Shortlived Joy)
Divided by (Use Money to Regain Health, Relationships, Dreams = Lack of Energy)

Your Job is Not Your Only Source Of Income

Every day we are reminded that we need to pay our bills. Sometimes we think the only way we will ever be able to pay all our bills or afford a special vacation or toy (house, car, boat, etc) is through getting a raise at work. I have seen it countless times. People put off their dreams because they think that they need to wait to get a promotion at work to afford it. I’m not saying that you should go out and spend tons of money putting things on your credit cards, because that would be dangerous for your credit rating. What I am saying is that sometimes if you stop focusing on work as the only source, you will see that you have so much more to offer the world than just your time at the office or at your job.

Here is a more tangible example of giving and how you can expect to receive. Most people understand that if you want to receive more smiles and compliments, you should give out more smiles and compliments. This works only if you give compliments out and smile genuinely and not simply in order to receive them yourself, otherwise people will pick up on your game. In the long run people will begin to compliment you and treat you the same way as you treat them. Why would it be different with money? If you give out money with no expectations of receiving it back, but with the understanding that the more you spend it with love, the more it will return to you from loving hands. For example instead of begrudging the local hair dresser a tip, why not give freely within your means? When you tip at restaurants, do so with the understanding that this is how you would like to be treated. A shift will take place in your own life and you will find yourself receiving similar tips and income.

Photo by Per Olga Wiberg

Allow It To Come In From The Opposite Direction

If you are hoping to get a specific sum of money to pay for a special item in your life, then do not be attached to where it will come from. Sometimes you will receive the money as a gift from your family or an old friend who owed you years ago will suddenly pay you back. Other times you will win money through a raffle prize or you might find a $50 bill outside in the park. Life is truly magical and simply being open to allowing the income to flow into your life from any direction speeds up the arrival of this money.

Conclusion

As it turns out, this type of shift takes some getting used to because we are all so conditioned to thinking that our jobs are the source of our income. In the case of my scholarship money, it took a few months for me to receive it. During that time I was so worried that it wouldn’t materialize, that the reference letter I had asked of my teacher would not be sufficient and that maybe they would just up and change their minds about my value. In hindsight I can now say that by focusing on what I could give others and what value I could provide, I was worthy of that scholarship. It was only by allowing myself to realize that income is not only dollar bills in your hand, but discounts off items, bartered services, and unexpected gifts or prizes.

Post from: Billionaire Woman.com, empowering women worldwide.

Accepting The Source Of Your Income

Photo by David Claval

Picture this: you are a billionaire woman, waking up early in the morning. You get up feeling refreshed, ready to face the day and grateful for all of the amazing things in your life and your strong connection to your divine power. You walk over to the huge window in your bedroom and push the lush curtains aside. The sun peeks through the window and you peer out at the vastness of the abundant land that you inhabit. Your eyes rest on the beautiful plants, flowers, shrubs and trees that are growing more beautiful and fruitful every day. Don’t you feel a sense of inner peace knowing that no matter what, you will always have your garden and you can enjoy the most beautiful flower bouquets and the freshest salads?

Gardening For the Environment

That is the power of having your own garden. Starting a vegetable and fruit garden is good for the soul, the body and the mind. When you are gardening, you are focused on the outer world and you forget your worries. You also develop a bond with the small seeds and as they grow and mature, reaching ever further toward the sky, you can’t help but feel attached to them. You notice that you are always growing, just like them, and that the more you notice their growth and beauty, the more you notice your own. Taking care of your garden when it is warm allows you to get a healthy dose of sunshine induced vitamin D. If it gets cold at night and you need to cover up your garden you feel at one with the changing seasons and the variations in weather. Following the cycles of the season is another great way to feel at one with the amazing planet that we live with.

Growing your own vegetables and fruits is great for the environment, it is one of the greenest things you could consider doing. Some people are trying to follow the 100 mile diet, which consists entirely of produce grown within 100 miles of the person’s residence. These days others are considering living the 100 foot diet and eating mostly from the food that they can grow on their property. Billionaires understand the importance of thinking globally and acting locally and they often grow their own food because they want to experience the freshness of hand picking their own food.

Photo by Georgie Sharp

Gardening and Wealth

So how can you take a stand for the environment, improve your health by eating the most nutritious foods and create a relaxing time and space for yourself? Growing your own garden of course. If you think that you don’t have time for a full blown garden you can start with smaller potted seeds such as herb or tomato plants. You will be amazed at how quickly these little green organisms become an integral part of your life. More importantly, you might want to consider the associations between a garden and your income. When you plant a garden you create the perfect conditions for growth, such as a rich soil, plenty of sunshine, water and love. You place the seed in the soil and every day you look at the earth until one day soon you see the beginnings of your seed peeking through. Day by day the plant begins to grow and you continue to take care of it consistently, looking forward to the day that it will bear fruits or edible vegetables.

The same happens when you want to create income and wealth. You decide how you want to create this wealth and set up the perfect conditions for this creation. You decide which ventures will work for you, you talk to people and find out how to go about it. You set your intentions and the seed is sown and once you notice that there is some money coming in you know that your seed is sprouting. You know that the income is on its way, as surely as the fact that any seed planted in the right conditions will grow. By continuing to apply yourself consistently you begin to see the snowballing effects of your increasing income until one day you get the fruits of your labor directly. Now just like you need to take the seeds out of the fruits from your last harvest for the new year’s crops you create more opportunities for yourself from the ones that have presented themselves and flowered in the past.

I hope that thinking of what life is like as a billionaire woman with a vibrant and fragrant garden you might consider planting your own garden. I have seen first hand the transformative benefits of starting your own garden and I cannot recommend it enough. Especially now that the price of food is increasing, I believe that everyone can benefit from eating off of their land or from potted plants by the windowsill. So join me on the path to freedom and start yourself a compost bin. We are in this together, creating a beautiful planet to live on where everyone can grow and become better individuals and cultivate the wealth that they want.

Post from: Billionaire Woman.com, empowering women worldwide.

The Gardens of Billionaires

What do night sweat pajamas and a summer in Turkey have in common? For 49-year-old mompreneur Anita Mahaffey, the connection goes deep and in fact years later catapulted her into a business manufacturing and designing a line of menopause sleepwear called Cool-jams to help combat night sweats and hot flashes.

“As I boarded my flight in 1976 to spend the summer as an exchange student in Turkey, I would have laughed my way off the plane if someone told me that in 30 years I would be back in Turkey manufacturing hot-flash sleepwear. I had no idea that my past would come back to tap me on the shoulder in such a big way.”

Fast forward to the birth of Ms. Mahaffey’s second child in 1987. To spend more time with her growing family she decided to leave corporate marketing to pursue her own business. She recognized that a small business would allow her to spend more time with her children, while enabling her to pursue her dream of entrepreneurship.

“It was natural for me to think of establishing some kind of import/export business there,” Ms. Mahaffey explains. “I understood the culture and loved the people. While researching different business ideas, I discovered that Turkey had grown into one of the biggest textile producers in the world. It was an easy decision to choose textiles as my importing focus.”

Ms. Mahaffey returned to Turkey to renew relationships with her old exchange student friends. She discovered that some of her Turkish friends were now successful business owners who had the same vision of exporting textile products. By collaborating with a friend and his factory, she soon began developing sleepwear programs for many of the largest U.S. retailers and catalogs.

In 2005, while making a routine visit to her factory, she discovered a new micro-fiber fabric. Ms. Mahaffey, an avid hiker and runner, was accustomed to wearing micro-fiber apparel while exercising because it wicks away perspiration and dries quickly.

Ms. Mahaffey explains, “As soon as I felt this new fabric, I knew I had a winner. The “hand-feel” was incredible…very silky, soft and lightweight…nothing like the rough textured micro-fiber sports apparel I had at home. It seemed like a promising fabric for hot-flash sleepwear. I must admit, part of my motivation was to develop a pajama to provide relief for my own menopausal-related night sweats. I also knew that there were probably millions of other people with the same problem. If this fabric tested well, it would be the answer to my prayers.”

Mahaffey quickly became fixated on the idea of creating a line of pajamas that would help to remedy night sweats. The fabric was tested by an independent laboratory, confirming its wicking and quick-drying properties. The test results stated that the fabric dried 100% faster than cotton or poly/cotton blend fabrics. The micro-fiber rapidly absorbed moisture, pushing it through the fabric so the moisture evaporated quickly.

This was the start of Cool-jams.

“Customers can find other sleepwear lines for night sweats, but many of the products that we found were expensive,” explains Ms. Mahaffey. “We decided to create a collection of high quality products priced 25-40% lower than competitor’s products. We hope to make a difference in people’s lives by making night-sweat pajamas more affordable.”

There are many causes for night sweats, including menopause, chemotherapy, certain medications, obesity and thyroid dysfunction. Sometimes people’s internal thermostat just runs warm, a problem that can affect men and women alike. To provide a solution Cool-jams offers a line of women’s sleepwear in sizes ranging from small to 3X. Mahaffey also plans to add a Cool-jams men’s sleepwear line for spring 2008.

Cool-jams, Inc. was founded by Anita Mahaffey in September 2006. At this time, Cool-jams sleepwear can be found online at www.cool-jams.com. The website offers a variety of micro-fiber sleepwear as well as free tips to help combat night sweats.

Post from: Billionaire Woman.com, empowering women worldwide.

Sweet Dreams for an Entrepreneurial Woman with a Passion for Pajamas

Today I realized that I am now in the mentoring role. I have been an inspiration to young girls who practiced Tae Kwon Do after me and saw that attaining a black belt at such a young age is possible. I have blazed a trail for other girls from my high school to attend University classes in an Engineering or Mathematics related field. Recently I also realized that I am a role model for one our family friends’ daughter who is growing up and going through high school. It feels strange to be the one to impart my knowledge and experience, but at the same time it feels rewarding knowing that I can help others just by being myself and aspiring to grow as an individual and set new standards of excellence for myself.

The reason I started Billionaire Woman was so that we could each have powerful and successful women to look up to. Although I am still working on the Billionaire Case studies, I have found that in order for us to learn from someone, the person does not need to have amassed a large fortune. In fact it is often by looking at those less fortunate than us that we can truly see what is worth living for and how to keep a positive outlook on life.

I hope this list will inspire you to look back on all of the great mentors you have had and see if you could spread your wisdom or experiences to others who might need it.

My Mother
I think every young girl looks up to her mother and learns from her in one way or another. It is probably because of my constant imitation of my mother that today many of my reactions in life are similar to those of my mother. She taught me to be responsible, to be caring of others and to follow my heart. She always wanted me to experience things that she was unable to experience when she was a young girl. Because of her upbringing, I am now a flourishing successful woman. I also hold very different viewpoints about life and sometimes this causes some friction between us. However we are still close and every day we share in our common goals and wishes for the earth.

My best friends
The first few friends you make tend to influence you a lot. I discovered that I was easily swayed by their opinions and ideas. I even plastered my walls with Jonathan Taylor Thomas pictures because my best friend introduced me to the teen boy thing. I also enjoyed similar music to my friends and I cared deeply about their opinions. Today some of these things have changed as I’ve matured and evolved, but some of the important factors remain: when the going gets tough, my friends and I are there for each other.

My Tae Kwon Do Instructor
My Tae Kwon Do instructor reminded me of myself so much that I emulated her every move and it showed. Some of our Tae Kwon Do friends watched a video tape of my performance during a Tae Kwon Do national competition and it took them half of the performance to realize that it was me and not my instructor. Today my instructor and I are still in contact and although the nature of our relationship has changed, we still exchange ideas and she still inspires me to be the best that I can be, no matter what.

Buffy from Buffy the Vampire Slayer

Who said I couldn’t have idols who were fictional? Buffy the Vampire Slayer along with the character Willow both really inspired me. I was doing Tae Kwon Do and I was pursuing computer programming and web site design in my spare time. These girls helped me to realize that it was normal for women to take on a male-dominated field and excel. I watched these shows over and over for many years. I still watch them from time to time, but now their memory is all that I need to remind myself that anything is possible.

Acid Burn from the movie Hackers
The movie Hackers was the first to romanticize the computer programming field for me. I had always had a passion for computers and writing, but before this movie I would never really have considered to pursue it with such fervor. The fact that the male character and the female character are in a constant battle of the minds and sexes also fueled my desire to find more women like me. I think that the stubbornness of the Acid Burn character taught me that sometimes it takes a bit of hard hardheadedness to get what you want. I am still interested in the gender issue to this day.
Angelina Jolie
As you can tell from my previous choice of idols, I always had a sweet spot for Angelina Jolie. When she came to film a movie in my home town in Quebec, Canada I was blessed to get a chance to meet her. I really admire her tenacity, her edge, her compassion and her devotion to other human beings. She has proven herself to be a great stewardess of the planet and I really think she cares for children everywhere and the people of this earth.

More recently…

Sarma MeIngailis
When living in New York City I visited Sarma’s Pure Food and Wine restaurant as often as I could. Although I never formally met Sarma I saw her every now and then at the cafe. I was awed by her beauty and inspired by the message she passed along in her book. I keep in touch with her happenings by reading her weblog and I am proud to have her as an role model.

Tina Su
Recently I discovered the weblog of Tina Su. After realizing that she graduated from the same University as I, I contacted her and found out we had a lot more in common than I first imaged. I really look up to Tina because she has taken charge of her life and she is a great example of being present. I enjoy learning from her experiences over at her site Think Simple Now, and I look forward to possibly meeting her one day.

One word of caution that I want to impart on you is to remember that our mentors, idols and guides are just as human as we are. As one wise master cautioned her disciples to impose their needs for perfection on her: “You harm yourself when giving me all your power.” [Paraphrased from One Minute Wisdom, Anthony deMello in The Mentor’s Spirit, Marsha Sinetar] I want to remind you that mentors, teachers and those who inspire us might be gurus in our eyes, but they are still human with warts and all. They have had their own trying experiences and they have come out the other end, one way or another. They make choices every day in their lives and there might be aspects of their personalities that we do not like or understand. But that does not mean they cannot teach us to grow and flourish. In fact it is often by seeing how people we admire act under tough conditions that we can see how we would ourselves solve problems in our lives.

Post from: Billionaire Woman.com, empowering women worldwide.

Idealize Often, Use a Pedestal With Caution

Photo and caption by Ron Marshall

As Dave Navarro highlighted in his post about making the time for your family and your life, time is always ticking and there are moments that we can never truly recapture. Moments like your child’s first day at school, their theater performances, sports games and competitions, your spouse’s anniversary, your parents’ wedding anniversary and so on. From my observations, men tend to be more involved in their work and not have time to focus on some of these types of activities as much as women. However there are definitely times when a woman might decide that getting some work done and calling the babysitter to watch over her kids for the evening is a good choice. Indeed these situations are hard to judge on the spot, but if you come up with a plan for yourself with guidelines ahead of time, you won’t feel so guilty about your decisions.

Work Life Balance Exercise

Here is a quick activity that you can do that will relieve all of your work/life balance stress, if you put it in practice.

1. Write down what activities and events take precedence over your daily home life routine. For example if there is a business meeting with clients that comes up and you are asked to be present, decide whether or not this is more important than going home and spending time with your family. You might decide that these meetings are only important if you are going after a promotion more aggressively, or if you feel that the clients need more attention to make a deal. On the other hand you might decide that company events such as dinners and galas take precedence only if you do not have any engagements with your children or spouse. For example you would choose to go to a school play over a company dinner, or vise versa. There are no wrong choices here, as long as you make them ahead of time and stick to them. Of course after working with these decisions for awhile, you should review your decisions and see if you need to make any adjustments based on your new experiences.
2. Write down what home life activities and events take precedence over work. These might be things like taking your children to the dentist, doctor, or hospital. Or things like your children’s school activities, parent-teacher night, your spouse’s night to make dinner, etc. These will vary wildly based on who you are, what type of a family you have and what your priorities are.
3. If you choose to do so, you can let you boss know about this new framework that you have put in place for yourself. It will help you stick to your commitments and if you feel guilty about skipping out on a business breakfast to bring your kids to school, your boss and coworkers will understand and even encourage you to stick to your commitment.
4. Every few months, take the time to review the priorities that you’ve set in place and see how they are working for you. If they aren’t, then make the adjustments necessary. I recommend that you write everything down on paper or in a document on your computer. It is much easier to refer to something that is written down than to try to remember why you decided to place priority on working overtime instead of on cleaning the house, a few months down the line.

I am personally putting this system into practice in my daily life and already I am seeing some good results. I do not yet have any children of my own, but I am prioritizing time spent with my parents, my grandparents and my partner in order to feel good about both my work and my life. I really think that once you are clear about your expectations for yourself, you will feel great making those quick work/life balance decisions and sticking to them. Not to mention being able to relax knowing that you are not missing any of the important moments in your family member’s lives, because we all know that time flies and if you don’t make an effort to be there for your family, you might regret it when they are all grown up.

Post from: Billionaire Woman.com, empowering women worldwide.

Balancing A Personal Life with Your Work Life

Photo by Andrea Knapp
The typical middle class woman runs around trying to please and take care of everyone around her. Doing this for years or even a few days can deplete your inner reserve of love and motivation. It is only by recharging your inner core through activities that empower you and allow you to shine and show yourself love that you can truly be ready to help others. Trying to help your kids with their homework when your temper is short doesn’t work. Trying to make dinner only to find out you forgot some ingredients at the store might cause you to lash out at your family members because doing all of these chores makes you resent them. But we all know deep down that this resentment is not toward them, no matter how much or how little they help around the house. The problem starts from within: we don’t take good enough care of ourselves and it can manifest in other parts of our lives. This is why I propose that we start to give and get more massages every day or every week!

1. Give more massages: The best way to get more of what you want is to give it away. This is a simple use of the law of “treat others how you want to be treated and they will treat you the same.” In this case with giving and receiving a massage, you just need to tell your husband or partner that you would like to give them a nice massage. Don’t say that you want to give them a massage because you want them to give you one. Just let it be a gift to them. After all, we can all use a little bit more relaxing after a hard day’s work. So give them a message. A few days later, give them another. If they have not offered to give you a massage already by this time, you can ask for one now by suggesting to them lightly that you enjoy massages.

Photo by Kate Cohen

2. Organize a massage giving group: Call up all of your female friends and organize a fun massage giving session. It’s easy and it doesn’t cost anything! You can call as many friends as you want, though you might want to start small since giving and receiving a massage can be an intimate thing. If you don’t feel comfortable with full body massages (most people don’t at first!) then you can focus on foot massages, hand massages, head massages and shoulder/back massages. These are some of the areas that need the most relaxing anyways. Your friends can all sit in a circle and massage each other, so that no one feels left out. Put on some nice relaxing music and let it out!

3. Go to a massage training school: If you don’t have the money to pay for any professional massages try to find a school for masseuses. The idea is that you should be able to pay less than the full price of a massage to have masseuse students practice on you. You will need to conduct a search on the Internet to find somewhere in your local area that offers this type of service. But if you find somewhere nearby, a few of these reduced price massages are worth it. Plus it is a win-win situation for you and for the student! You will be helping future clients enjoy a great massage, while you have one yourself.

4. See if your employer offers massages as bonuses or perks: Ask your company if they have any relationships with local massage or spa locations. Big companies sometimes offer discounts or bonuses to their employees. A good company knows that a relaxed employee is a more productive employee. If you can frame your request in the form of more productivity for your employer, who knows what they might be willing to offer you and your team. For example instead of paying for a wilderness retreat to help employees bond, they might decide to send everyone to a relaxing spa. Never underestimate the good that your employer can do. Another example that can be found at certain companies like Google is the ability to drop by for a massage during lunch with the on-site masseuse. If you are looking for a new job, why not inquire about these types of perks ahead of time?

5. Pay for a professional massage: If neither of the previous recommendations worked, then you can definitely go to a spa or book a reservation with a professional masseuse. Although most people might think that going to a spa or getting a massage is out of their budget, you might be surprised. You could ask for a spa or retreat gift certificate for mothers day, for your birthday, for Christmas or really any time of the year. Ask your children to pitch in together and buy you a nice get away. Or why not hint to your partner that a nice relaxing massage experience would help you to be more present and joyous around the home.

Benefits of Massage

No matter how you manage to get someone else’s hands to massage you, you will reap the benefits. Here are some of the benefits of frequent massage:

1. Massage relieves back pains and other joint pains.
2. Massage improves immune system functioning through increased flow of lymph in the body.
3. Massage provides relief of migraines, lowered anxiety and stress.
4. Massage helps you to fall asleep.
5. Massage releases endorphins, the body’s natural mood enhancer and painkiller, which also improves brain activity.

Quick Massage How-To Guide

If all of this talk has convinced you that you should be giving and getting more massages, here is a quick start guide to giving a great massage.

1. Set the mood by dimming the lights, lighting a candle, and putting on some soft relaxing music. Ask your partner to prepare for bed, in case they fall asleep. This means brushing their teeth and doing any other nightly toiletries.
2. Ask your partner to get into a comfortable position, preferably on their stomach, with arms to their side. Be sure to wrap them up in warm blankets or towels, to ensure they do not get cold during the massage.
3. Rub some massage oil or massage cream in your hands quickly to warm it up.
4. Start off gently rubbing the oil into your partner’s skin, making different shapes with your hands. You can move up and down the spine. Try to focus some of your energy on the shoulders and move down the side of the arms. Giving a hand massage is always a plus, since there are a lot of nerve endings there. Then move your way back to the shoulder area.
5. Listen to what your partner says, some people prefer a harder rub, while others enjoy a softer touch. You might find that giving a massage is a very sensual experience that brings you and your partner closer. You might also find yourself sweating, after all it is a form of exercise and it brings people closer together, no matter what their previous relationships.
6. Finish up by wrapping your partner in blankets or towels, turn off any music and blow out any candles. You have just given someone the peace, tranquility and space required for them to truly relax.

If you want a more in depth look at a sensual massage this article might help.

Summary

There are 5 ways to get more massages:

• Give more massages
• Organize a massage group
• Find massage training schools
• Ask your employer for a massage
• Pay for a professional massage

So what are you waiting for? Enjoy giving massages and people will enjoy massaging you too!

Post from: Billionaire Woman.com, empowering women worldwide.

Give and get a massage to feel like a billionaire woman