Billy Sugarfix's Surreal O' Rama

When Family Jewels and Family Trees Meet

billysugarfix@gmail.com — Thu, 26 Apr 2007 19:32:47 PDT

Dirty Billy

billysugarfix@gmail.com — Tue, 24 Apr 2007 17:58:43 PDT

Vote For Your Favorite Song Poem!!!

billysugarfix@gmail.com — Thu, 12 Apr 2007 20:29:25 PDT

Vote for the Song Poem that is your favorite by leaving a comment indicating which one you like the most!

Here they are, Click on the Title to hear the song:

THE SEAT DANCE
See Lyrics Here

Thrift Store Drifter
See Lyrics Here

That Girl
See Lyrics Here

A Piney Path
See Lyrics Here

These are the Things We Say in Bars, These are the Things We Do
See Lyrics Here

Surreal O'Rama Song Poem Contest Winner Number 5 !!!!

billysugarfix@gmail.com — Tue, 10 Apr 2007 18:16:16 PDT

THE SEAT DANCE
(click on the title to hear the song)

By Michael Gregorovich

I gotta new dance and it’s really neat,
Ya don’t even hafta leave your seat
Don’t get up, just sit right there
and Wave your feet and hands in the air
Do the Seat Dance

It’s the Seat Dance,
You can find romance
Even if you’re lazy
And even if it makes you look crazy,
Do the Seat Dance

The new Seat Dance is the talk of the town,
You don’t even have to get up to get down,
Your feet don’t hafta touch the ground,
but do ya Have enough energy ta wiggle around?
Do the Seat Dance

Even if you’re lazy, you still can win,
If you have a swivel, you can even spin,
You can dance while ya watch t.v.,
Who says couch potatoes aren’t healthy?
Do the Seat Dance

Don’t leave your seat, just stomp your feet
n’ Shake yer derriere n’ wave your hands in the air,
Ya don’t hafta diet or train ta try it,
do theSeat Dance
without a care, that’s it,
Do the Seat Dance

Do ya have the knack of the New Seat Dance?
You won’t
Wear out yer shoes butchyou’ll wear out yer pants

If you’re not tuckered out from sittin’ about,
let’s
Do the Seat Dance,
let’s sit and shout,
Do the Seat Dance

That’s it! You got it!
That’s the Seat Dance, sugar!
S-E-A-T,D-A-N,C-E,
Do the Seat Dance

Nawt Yeht

billysugarfix@gmail.com — Mon, 09 Apr 2007 20:26:02 PDT

Hey Y'all,

Welp. We're running a little behind here at Sugarfix Manor. I know that the last Song Poem Bizarre Lyrics Contest winner is supposed to be up today, but as you can see it is not. I'll put it up tomorrow or Wednesday. In the mean time, enjoy this:

So, I have this friend, we’ll call him Candlemas, who bought some incense which consisted merely of sawdust from the wood of a certain type of Pear Tree which grows chiefly in Caucasus, Turkey.

Although very fragrant, this incense did not burn well. Candlemas found that you needed to use an aluminum cased angle torch and a sprinkle of gunpowder to get it to light at all.

I know what you’re thinking: and in a way, it was a very bad idea. Candlemas found this out when a nearby aerosol can containing deodorant exploded. The deodorant was comprised of chemicals aplenty and a fair amount of salt from Thailand. When its chemical component ignited, the non-chemical portion shot into the air where it collided with the smoke from the burning pear tree dust and began to congeal and swirl.

This coil of particles, according to Candlemas, became more intense in both speed and density and then suddenly stopped. As though some force had pulled the universe’s emergency break, the world around him ground to a halt, and when Candlemas had recovered from the shock, he found himself staring at an opaque opossum and whether or not you pronounce the O in opossum is entirely up to you.

This opossum proceeded to tell Candlemas that since he had been freed from the trees of Caucasus and the seas of Thailand he would therefore grant one wish to the being who had unearthed the spell which had released him.

And so, my friend Candlemas soon found himself in possession of a time machine filled with money. He promptly entrusted half of the money to me, told me to treat myself to as much fine South American cuisine as I desired, and took off for the 1970s to bet on an ostrich race.

And that, dear readers, is all that we have of the story for the moment. Hopefully we’ll hear from Candlemas soon, but in the mean time I’m way behind in regards to the winning song from our Song Poem Bizarre Lyrics Contest.

VKQ!
Billy

Surreal O'Rama Song Poem Contest Winner Number 4 !!!!

billysugarfix@gmail.com — Tue, 10 Apr 2007 18:14:59 PDT

Thrift Store Drifter
(click on title to hear song)

by Anthony John Downs

Spoken: DJ Dedtony with another one,,,,

I'm a thrift store drifter,
baby drift with me,
part time shop lifter,
come lift with me...

It was a Saturday in the afternoon,
I was at a second hand, playin sticky hand goon,
I got big pockets in this leisure suit,
so I can lift all this less than 50 cent loot,
I took an 8-track by Shaun Cassidy,
a couple of spoons and a wire for my CB,
Cuz, you gotta see:

I'm a thrift store drifter,
baby drift with me,
part time shop lifter,
come lift with me...

People see me in my Sunday best,
Beat it zipper jeans and a hippy vest,
Rockin' a really cool foolish derby,
with a shirt that reads "Hammer Couldn't hurt Me!"
Yeah, I know you're gettin' jealous,
Cuz your shoplift hand can't be as zealous,
Some got it all and some of us don't,
Some lift at the mall, while some of us won't,
They just don't have what I'm lookin' for,
Where else could I score a scorecard from Boggle?
Get off the bottle, I'm your new role model!
All of y'all wanna follow me cuz:

I'm a thrift store drifter,
baby drift with me,
part time shop lifter,
come lift with me...

I wish you would come to my residence,
I've got so much cool new evidence,
To prove I'm the thrift store theifin' president,
and I won't be hesitant to show you my new rug,
that used to be a floor mat from Walgreen drugs,
my chair with the hair dryer all in the back,
call me a liar and you'll find yourself off track,
I'll let you watch my b and W that blew a fuse,
with the bent ol' rabbit ears that lets you hear the news,
I got a can opener with no blade,
but who eats all that canned food anyways?
Y'all are just gettin' too darn spoiled nowadays,
let me end this song this way:

I'm a thrift store drifter,
baby drift with me,
part time shop lifter,
come lift with me...

Surreal O'Rama Song Poem Contest Winner Number 3 !!!!

billysugarfix@gmail.com — Sun, 01 Apr 2007 17:04:47 PDT

That Girl
(Click on the title to hear the song)

By David L. Borland

That Girl

I know that girl, she is fine as can be
to look in her eyes is exercise

She has a gloss to make STEVEN see
Even RAY will agree that

That girl is the girl for me
That girl is the girl for me

Whe SHE’s walking down the street
Her hips swish from chin to chin (AH WOO BA DOO)

Her body heat feels the air
Guys come out from everywhere
Their body heat being to risen

Their hearts beat from beat to beat
Because they know that girl is walking down the street (AH WOO BA DOO)

That girl is the girl for me

She drives a ROLLS that is custom built
Her finances make WALL STREET tremble

That girl is the girl for me
That girl is the girl for me

That gloss in her eyes makes our love come alive
She pleases me to the end of time

That girl is the girl for me
That girl is the girl for me

Origamiracles

billysugarfix@gmail.com — Wed, 28 Mar 2007 21:23:37 PDT

The Brooklyn 5 and 10 gives you the chance to see the pulp of trees form into Mexican Pecking Chickens or flying pigs. You can also grow gardens from eggs or plant magic matches to grow wildflowers or herbs.

My favorite from their prodigious parade of products is Strange Faces Origami (pictured above) which allows you to create a whole cadre of macabre characters. I must warn you that they might grow up and become monsters of the same magnitude as Batman's Folded Foe, the Paper Man. But, more likely they will just become Strippers .

I'll trust your judgement on this matter, because you, my dear readers, are coruscating clusters of class and culture.

The URL is: brooklyn5and10.com

Surreal O'Rama Song Poem Contest Winner Number 2 !!!!

billysugarfix@gmail.com — Mon, 26 Mar 2007 19:32:21 PDT

A Piney Path
(Click on the title to hear the song)

By Diana K. Woodhouse

I walk along a piney path
Then sit beside a tree
I spy a ray of bright sunlight
Filtered through canopy

I sense a glow upon my face
Feeling your warmth and loving grace
A chill goes down my spine
Enchanted by this peace of mine

Still more amazed by heart and soul
Emotion like a flame
It brings us joy and makes us whole
When we forsake it brings us shame

Oh how you shelter and protect
We take for granted and neglect
You give us fuel to grow
And knowledge that we’ll never know

Your precious gifts, a prodigy
Let us embrace your mystery

NEXT WINNING SONG WILL BE POSTED ON APRIL 2!!!!

Chinese Fashion Show

billysugarfix@gmail.com — Thu, 22 Mar 2007 21:43:49 PDT

If you thought the fire drills were cool, then you'll love seeing their latest apparel creations at Yahoo News

Onychomycosis

billysugarfix@gmail.com — Thu, 22 Mar 2007 21:29:34 PDT

I have twin scrapes, one on each elbow. They are perfectly identical and placed in exact symmetry. I have no idea how they got there but if it is due to alien abduction I will certainly be disappointed. I thought the aliens and I had a better relationship than that. I don’t understand why they have to keep sneaking into my bedroom at night instead of just knocking on the door like everyone else.

These two Gemenis of scabdom that were possibly bestowed on me by extraterrestrials can get a bit itchy, but I’m glad to report that my feet are doing much better. This is due to the fact that I apply generous amounts of vics vapor rub to them on a regular basis. Call me old fashioned, but it works.

For every yin there’s a yang, and whereas I’ve found wondrous uses for vics vapor rub, I cannot for the life of me conjure a valid function for menthol scented nasal dilators. They certainly don’t stop me from snoring like they’re supposed to. But hey, in a universe where vics vapor rub cures onychomycosis (ON-i-ko-my-KO-sis) there must be something I can do with them.

Please (Email Me (billysugarfixATgmailDOTcom)
if you have suggestions as to a useful purpose for menthol scented nasal dilators, and please, no perverts.

I would like to end this post by presenting a poem that explains thoroughly the nasty phenomenon of onychomycosis.

Onychomycosis
is something rather grotesque
it gets you where you’re lowest
it’s known as toe nail fungus

It turns your toe nails
into snail shells
as though a witch
had cast a spell

sometimes brown
and sometimes yellow
he can be a nasty fellow

onychomycosis
as though my toes were possessed
a voodoo needle’s target
petrified and off white

Onychomycosis
my toe nails are atrocious

Aries Allstars

billysugarfix@gmail.com — Wed, 21 Mar 2007 06:18:05 PDT

A big Surreal O'Rama Salute to all the children of spring! Move your mouse over the postcard and it will reveal the name of one of these rad rams!

..and of course, here's Harvey Sid Fisher with a little snippet from his fine astrology song collection...

Surreal O'Rama Song Poem Contest Winner Number 1 !!!!

billysugarfix@gmail.com — Sun, 25 Mar 2007 13:24:04 PDT

These are the Things We Say in Bars, These are the Things We Do
(Click the title to listen)

By Erin Boyd

Fish. Birds. Schools flying in figure eights to the
copulating rhythm of the universe.

How about we leave soon?

The New York Metropolitan, let's go in.
Succumb to the puerile methods used in what we call
modern expressionism.
Hefty bags of human hair forming birth-sack nests to rest
your sagging flesh in.

Refuel little jetfighter, your urd awaits, your star sack is
near empty.

These are the things we say in bars.
These are the things we do.

entropy...entropy...
Take you and your last Good Find.
Go to a nearby star and sleep.
It has happened before but never so bad.

Your cargo holds are filled with the last hope of a beginning.
Software is out there tracking your every move.
Good thing for you your ship is outfitted with the latest in
avoidance technology.
Take on the impossible and know it will never, ever happen.
X-85's move across the sky, but watch out for their direction.
From light years away... you have been chosen -
your help will now show us what you're made of.

How about we leave soon?

Though amused by the far reaches of space, it's still finders-keepers.
Good luck tracking your last hope:
just beyond light speed, long enough to be home.
Something is flashing...
Light penetrates.
Studdering image stuck to the floor flashing...
and there's no time to escape through the unseen door behind you.
So slide silently now with a moustache and dark glasses.
See how the old stuck to the old and you struck like something new.
Curiously flashing, curiously stuck.

These are the things we say in bars.
These are the things we do.

THE NEXT WINNING SONG WILL POSTED ON MARCH 27! STAY TUNED!

Space Talk from Dimension Eugene

billysugarfix@gmail.com — Mon, 19 Mar 2007 17:03:57 PDT

Two Headed Pig Born in China

billysugarfix@gmail.com — Thu, 15 Mar 2007 10:26:57 PDT

Two noses, three eyes! Yahoo News

The Dairy Fountain of Youth

billysugarfix@gmail.com — Thu, 15 Mar 2007 10:17:06 PDT

Happy Birthday to Hryhoriy Nestor, the Ukrane's proudest pisces! At age 116 Mr. Nestor is thought to be the oldest person in the world!!!! He credits his longevity to never having been married. What kind of diet does the world's oldest human recommend? Potatoes, milk, cheese and vodka!

Read all about it on the BBC

Bespeckled

billysugarfix@gmail.com — Tue, 13 Mar 2007 15:27:34 PDT

This lucky toddler finds herself inside a giant pink balloon at Yayoi Kusama's incredible Dots Obsession Exhibit

Photos from
Yahoo News and here's another!

Listen to Dots and Obsessions by Quallofill

Lavatory Levity

billysugarfix@gmail.com — Mon, 12 Mar 2007 16:22:50 PDT

Hey boys and girls. Today we have some tips from the
World Toilet Organization (WTO)
and the

Now, here's some crappy (and I mean that literally) music from Mitch Mitchell (Jimmy Hendrix Experience? Guided by Voices? your guess is as good as mine). Here's
Butt Song 3.

Let's keep the bowels moving now with Mark Cohen's Brown Water.

Happy Panic Day

billysugarfix@gmail.com — Thu, 08 Mar 2007 20:33:27 PST

Oh what perfect perilous parralelism. Today, March 9, is recognized officially as Panic Day , and as you ALL KNOW tomorrow is the deadline for submissions to the Surreal O'Rama Song Poem Bizarre Lyrics Contest!!!!

CLICK HERE TO SUBMIT YOUR LYRICS(billysugarfixATgmailDOTcom)

Simply EVERYONE is talking about it. Here's a swell article in The Independent Weekly's blog SCAN! We got the front page in last Wednesday's Daily Tarheel. And in short the entire internet is abuzz with chatter of our eccentric balladry. Just LOOK at all of this; Carrboro Commons!!! , Mann's World, Orange Chat , Atomic Books, and Carrboro.com!!!!

So, if you haven't submitted, do it soon! The balance of the hour glass is not on your side, but you are a gleaming cluster of wonder, and I have boundless bundles of faith in your abilities.

Diminutive Terpsichorean

billysugarfix@gmail.com — Wed, 07 Mar 2007 12:33:01 PST

The Astounding Universe of the Song Poem

billysugarfix@gmail.com — Mon, 05 Mar 2007 17:55:34 PST

two rows and two columns

Whether you were an oddball who took sketchy magazine advertisements seriously, a shady recording industry misfit, or a cynical freak who liked to test boundaries, then you may have found yourself within the mystical realm of the song poem, especially if you came of age in the 1970s. I'm not going to go into the entire history of this incredible fringe genre of American pop music. You can learn all of that here . I would like to suggest that you visit WFMU's Blog to hear some samples. I especially like this one .

Well, folks, here at the Surreal O'Rama we're trying to bring the 70s back by hosting our own song poem contest. You supply the lyrics, we'll take care of the rest.

Email your submission now!!!(billysugarfixATgmailDOTcom)

Follow This Link to find other wonderful pages about song poems.

The following is John Trubee's "Peace and Love (a blind man's penis)", possibly the most famous song poem in the galaxy!

Court Room (Surreal O')Drama

billysugarfix@gmail.com — Wed, 28 Feb 2007 13:34:30 PST

Big up to the jury at the Scooter Libby trial for bringing a pinch of dreaminess to the court room earlier this month. Here's what the New York Times had to say about it.

Before the jurors departed on Wednesday afternoon, they filed into the courtroom, all but one wearing bright red T-shirts with a white valentine heart over their clothes, to the uncertain laughter of many in the courtroom.

But as one juror, a retired North Carolina schoolteacher, rose to speak, Judge Walton became visibly anxious that the juror might say something inappropriate that could threaten the trial. Jurors are not supposed to speak and are supposed to make any concerns known through notes to the bench.

The juror said they were wearing the shirts to express their fondness for the judge and the court staff on Valentine's Day. He then added, to the judge's growing discomfort, that they were unanimous in this sentiment, but they would all be independent in judging the evidence in the Libby case.

The sole juror who apparently declined to wear the shirt was a woman who had been a curator at the Metropolitan Museum of Art.

Ghost Before Breakfast

billysugarfix@gmail.com — Tue, 27 Feb 2007 21:27:07 PST

Meet the Judges

billysugarfix@gmail.com — Mon, 26 Feb 2007 17:10:45 PST
Here they are, the intrepid men who will be reviewing your lyrics!

Seth Falkner
Urban Coffee Podcast

Seth, along with his friend Dave, host the extremely popular Urban Coffee Podcast. Their witty insights on politics, technology, and music provide the listener with a truly interesting hour+ program. The way that they relate to one another is truly entertaining, a modern take on the classic comedy team which includes the straight man (Dave) and his whacky counterpart (Seth). What makes it work so well, is that they fill these roles naturally. There is no acting involved and the comedic effect is never contrived.

Seth, who is a recording engineer when not hosting the cast, presents a special segment on each episode known as "Seth's Music Cafe" in which he highlights notable artists. Another semi-regular feature on the show is R&B poetry, which features Dave and Seth reciting lyrics from mainstream R&B acts in an academic style, providing their listeners with a good laugh, and a look at how vulnerable the naked lyric actually is. We can only hope that some of our entries will live up to these standards.

Jad Fair
Jadfair.org

Punk Rock, New Wave, Indie Rock, Alternative, what have you, Jad Fair either invented, helped define, or at the very least was a pioneer of all these things. He is most famous for his work with Half Japanese, the band that he formed with his brother in 1975. He has also released a plethora of solo albums, and has collaborated with artists such as Daniel Johnston, Yo La Tengo, Kramer and Teenage Fanclub. Jad is the perfect judge for a song poem contest, not only because he has extensive knowledge of the genre, but simply because the songs that he writes are so poetic. As the band wails in any number of directions, Jad will release streams of imagery about love, sea monsters, wishes, love, and love. If you ever find yourself feeling apathetic towards your pursuit of music listening, or feeling like you're tired of it all, put on a Half Japanese record, or cassette, or even an mp3, and float on it, for days.

Franklin Bruno
Franklin Bruno on Wikipedia

Franklin Bruno is a Philosophy professor, songwriter, music critic, and a pretty damned amazing guitarist as well. He's been releasing solo projects since the cassette only days and has worked in a number of bands including Nothing Painted Blue, The Extra Glenns (with John Darnelle of the Mountain Goats), and most recently The Human Hearts. He has also worked with such indie rock heavy hitters as Beck, Guided by Voices and The Gobetweens. Jenny Toomey (from the band Tsunami) along with Calexico released an entire album of Franklin Bruno covers.

One of the things that I like most about Franklin's lyrics is that they are not only intelligent, but make me feel smart for understanding them. They manage to fare the slippery slope of being lofty in content yet clear in meaning. His classic song "Levitate" (later released under the title Masonic Eye) is one of my favorites of all time.

In addition to all his talents as a musician, Franklin also writes music criticism for The Village Voice, Time Out New York, and Salon.com.

More Human Hearts Songs on Large Hearted Boy

David Gutowski

Large Hearted Boy
Large Hearted Boy is a fantastic piece of internet pop culture. David Gutowski mines the web and presents his readers with snippets from (and links to) all sorts of articles relating to music and literature. You can find out what Lemony Snickett is listening to, learn about John Waters' latest compilation album, get the scoop on the forthcoming Silver Jews movie and more. All of these things are found in the "Shorties" section of his blog, which is only one portion of what he presents to us daily. In addition, we also get the "Bittorrent Brunch" which gives us links to download live performances from some of indie rock's finest. And of course there are "Daily Downloads", legal mp3s that form a virtual feast for the ears. Hours and hours and hours can be spent on Large Hearted Boy, and it's hard to believe that David also maintains a 24 hour streaming Guided by Voices radiostation and a food blog ( Too Much Pork).

Pisces Parade

billysugarfix@gmail.com — Tue, 20 Feb 2007 17:46:58 PST
A Surreal O'Rama Salute in the form of a postcard to fabulous fish past and present.

Images Provided by Topical Postcards.com