Birmingham Mail - From Here to Maternity Blog

SAHM - One Month In

2009-10-29T12:18:06Z

The first few weeks were great; out of bed, dressed and ready. Have lovely walk to school then take The Kid to the park or for a wander round the shops.

I'm not quite sure how I went from that, to stumbling out of bed at the last minute, chucking the fully pyjamad Kid into his car seat then driving The Boy to school. I admit, the first couple of times this happened it was lovely to just go home, sit have a nice unhurried breakfast and coffee whilst watching V+ed episodes of Frasier interspersed with Peppa Pig.

I concede that there is a difference between the odd relaxing day and a rut. I fear I have found myself in the latter.

I was so good as well - I'd been travelling around lots of play groups and done loads of stuff with The Kid, like going round the Lickeys to collect Autumn leaves and berries to make a picture (or mess) with when we got home.

It just seems that every day I'm getting lazier and lazier. I fear it's only a matter of time before I've grown addicted to enough mid-morning programming to take me right up to Loose Women, then I won't leave the house till lunch time.

I'm trying not to guilt myself about it too much, I'm entitled to a bit of slobbing around but I don't want to turn into the kind of person where every day blends into the next, with nothing to choose between them.

Oh well - I think finding and sticking to a good routine is the way forward. I shall definitely start when school starts again on Monday. I've got four full days to get all this laziness out of my system then I shall be a powerhouse of productivity and get the most out of every day.

I'll leap straight out of bed and make sure everyone is up, fed, watered and ready to go by 8 o'clock. I can't believe that sounds like hard work! When I worked I had to do that every day and be out of the house for 7.30 - makes me wonder how I coped.

Carpet Burns, Funatics and the Tunnel of Hell

2009-09-27T10:48:01Z

For the last couple of days I've been sporting some rather large carpet burns on my elbows.

Now, if you can just take your mind out of the gutter for a second I'll explain that they were actually inflicted..

..during a stay and play session.

It happened when I went to Funtatics in Stechord with fellow Brummie Mums Chopper and Lucy Henman-Hill.

You know the kind of thing, mums getting together to drink coffee while the rug-rats go and do their own thing. It was like a giant play barn with a toddler area; soft play; ball pools etc set in a big scaffolding cage.

It might not be the first place that springs to mind when mentioning injuries of the carpet burn persuasion but it's true- and very painful.

One minute me and The Kid were taking turns down the big slide, then I had the genius idea of moving up to the giant helter-skelter tube another floor up.

It was a black and yellow tunnel of hell.

We shot down it at about 300 mph, getting faster and faster in what seemed like a never ending hole of pain. The Kid howled almost from the get go and there was nothing I could do to slow us down, apart from try and jar my bare elbows against the sides of the plastic tube.

I could feel my skin searing because of the friction and I swear I could smell BBQ by the time we reached the bottom. There were little patches where the layers of skin had come off, that just looked smooth until little pin-pricks of blood started to bleed through.

But, apart from that, it was great! The Kid wasn't too put off and quickly went back on the other slide. He also wasn't at all grateful to me for sacrificing my own skin for him on the slide.

The toddler area in Funatics is the best one I've been to. The ball pool had a wind machine that suspended the balls in the air much to the amusement of any child in the vicinity. There were also books and toys as well as the assault course for older children (and immature adults).

I can't find details of it on the net, but it's on Stechford Retail Park near Matalan. Postcode is B33 9AN.

SAHM - Two weeks in

2009-09-22T21:22:27Z

Well, I'm two weeks into being a none-working parent and I am still quite happy. I'm not tearing my hair out and still haven't gone loop the loop.

There was a slight moment of panic yesterday when The Kid cried for no apparent reason for about half an hour. I suddenly wondered if leaving working life was a massive mistake, but then I thought -

I'm at home on a lovely, early autumn day. I'm going to put Monsters Inc on and have a cup of tea. And then I was happy again.

I am being compelled towards thinking about work I can do to earn money. As un-materialistic as I am, bills still need to be paid and Christmas is only round the corner etc. I envisaged that I would have ample time to get lots of pieces of writing done, send stuff to magazines and papers but alas, nothing as yet. Fingers crossed for this week.

What I have done is go on nature walks around parks, find out where a local play group is, check out local swimming sessions and... visit THOMAS LAND AT DRAYTON MANOR! It was fabulous.. I loved it and was completely overwhelmed when I first walked in.

I thoroughly and totally recommend it to anyone who has a toddler. It was quite simply fabulous. The Kid loved all of the rides, with the exception of the troublesome trucks.

When I saw that he was tall enough to go on it I didn't stop to think about whether he should. Poor mite clung onto me, squeeling most of the way round and looked shaken afterwards, although he soon forgot all about it when it was time to get back on the helicopters.

Also, there's a great zoo there - The Kid loves looking at animals so he was really happy to wander round, doing monkey and lion impressions. Only thing is, he does love to run. It's starting to become just a bit of a problem. I wouldn't be able to let go of his hand and walk along with him, he'd be off. Wouldn't see him for dust. Oh well, that's another blog for another day.

As I settle down to write this I've just come back from having a curry with a couple of people I used to work with, and there was much talk of meetings and changes that are going on. It is all a million miles away - can't believe it all seemed so important. I shall call a meeting with The Kid tomorrow. It shall be on the topic of the quality of walks in parks and the type of biscuits that shall be consumed at snack time.

I did something amazing

2009-09-21T19:36:14Z

On Saturday the 19th of September, me and 1500 women did something amazing. We walked 10km around Birmingham City Centre at midnight in aid of Acorns children's charity.

At around 9.30pm I was mooching around the house, grumbling and thinking that the last thing I wanted to be doing was going on a 6 mile walk around town in the freezing cold. Why do I let myself be talked into these things? I suppose this is what comes from being friends with Dirt Linforth, a dedicated (to say the least) employee of the charity. "Go on, please support us. It'll be fun!" She'd enthused.

Dirt's mom arrived at mine circa 9.45, pinned my number to my back and we started to talk about how cold it was likely to be. Was I mad? This wasn't going to be fun at all, it was going to be cold and tiring. Our lift arrived at 10pm and we got to Millennium Point just before half past.

When I saw the hundreds of women, many of them in an array of fancy dress all my inhibitions and apprehensions started to subside - this was going to be an amazing experience.

We registered at the desk then Dirt found us and volunteered us to help sign people in. The next hour and a half flew by in a torrent of women and numbers and glo sticks and health and safety letters.

Just before midnight the jumble of women stood in front of the BRMB stage and began to warm up. It was all bustle and excitement - maybe this was going to be some fun after all?

We all began to make our way to the starting line and I noticed one of the notes pinned to the back of another walker:

'In memory of my beautiful daughter.'

And then, a little before midnight it finally dawned on me. I was part of something so much bigger, and more important than me.

There were women on the walk who have lost, or who are caring for very sick children. People who face the reality on a daily basis that their baby may never get better. To have the strength to do that is amazing. I suddenly felt very humbled, and honoured to be taking part in the first of these walks.

Spirits were high as we set off, not least because the initial count revealed that around £120,000 had been raised.

And so, a line of women walked around the City, cars honked their horns in support as they passed us, rowdy crowds from pubs wishing us well. It was brilliant. The whole time we felt safe because there were marshals dotted along the route, and every now and again a police van would drive past to see that we were alright, stopping traffic on roads to let our procession cross when needed.

My legs felt tired, but that paled into insignificance against what we were doing this for.

We were amongst some of the last over the finishing line at around 2am and were cheered across by those who had got there before us. It was momentous and I was so glad I was part of if.

Money raised for Acorns is absolutely vital to allow them to continue offering nursing care and support to children who have life limiting and life threatening conditions, and their families living in the West Midlands.

To find out how you can support Acorns visit their website or call their events team on 0844 9840405

SAHM - One Week In

2009-09-15T19:33:21Z

And so I have completed one full week as a stay at home bum. I can report that so far it has not been a life of dossing around, nor has it been a mind-numbingly boring experience. I have also not gone mad (as my mother predicted) from having no one to talk to except a tiny toddler.

I haven't made it to one single playgroup, been swimming, done any kind of finger painting or frequented a library but nevertheless the days have passed by in a blur of visiting, catch up coffees, long walks and a visit to the Nature Centre in Cannon Hill Park with Miss Dainty and Co. Really fantastic day out. The Kid could have watched the otters all day long.

While I'm on the subject of the family Dainty, their son Bosh Man who is a good few weeks younger than The Kid, can count to ten!! (well, nearly.) I was amazed. I attempted to get The Kid to have a go but didn't get any further than the usual "Three... three... THREEEEE!!" before doing a little jump.

I've been waiting to start getting bored or going stir crazy due to not having to turn my mind to work matters, but it hasn't happened yet. I just haven't had the time - The Kid and I have been doing so much, and even when I haven't been cleaning up after him, pulling ants out of his hair or chasing him round a park I've been feeling hugely grateful for not having to worry about targets or displays.

Give it another week and maybe I'll be craving more than a life of full time child rearing. But not yet. I have too many plans; too many playgroups to go to and ducks to feed.

One of the weeks I'd like to get a travel card and go to loads of places on the bus or train. The Kid would LOVE that.

I have been doing lots of research into what play groups are around (when I say research I mean I've asked my mate Zo.) Apparently a lot goes on at the Laker Centre in Shirley and at Kings Heath Community Centre and I've heard of a couple of groups in Wythall plus there's supposed to be a brilliant stay n' play in the Hay Mills area. I shall check them out and report back.

If you know of anything going on in the Birmingham area email me at fromheretomaternity@live.co.uk

Mom-dar

2009-09-14T20:20:23Z

Mothers have got a sixth-sense. You don't get it immediately after your baby is born, but acquire it over time. You know the thing I mean - you can be working happily away, maybe folding clothes or cooking dinner having left your tot playing innocently with their toys, then all of a sudden, you get a feeling.

You just know.

He's up to something.

Like Spiderman's spidy sense, your 'mom-dar' starts to bleep. You immediately put down whatever it is you're in the middle of and go in search of your child, usually to find him covered in pooh or cream or makeup and that the one minute's peace you've just been enjoying has resulted in exactly one hour's worth of cleaning up.

Today was one of those times. I was happily putting away some clean clothes when my mom-dar started to sound. The Kid hadn't made a murmur for at least two minutes. I peered round his bedroom door and sure enough, he'd gone.

I heard a rustle from The Boy's room.

Dreading to think of what he could have gotten hold of in there, I forced myself to look.

No Kid.

Strange, I thought, and was about to leave when I heard a little rattle coming from under the desk.

Then I noticed a few crumbs of soil on the carpet.

Then I noticed that The Boy's ant farm had disappeared from his shelf.

Oh. No.

With The Other Half's 'I told you sos' ringing in my ears I ran in, moved the chair and there, in all his glory sat one grubby Kid covered in a pile of moving soil.

And so, there is my lesson learnt. No matter how good your mom-dar is you can never take your eyes off a toddler. Ever.

Baby Birthday Party

2009-09-08T19:36:38Z

You'd imagine a one year old's birthday party would be a simple affair, wouldn't you? A few harmless toddlers, sausages on sticks, birthday cake and balloons; a lovely afternoon out for all.

Except for the fact that said toddlers looked like they'd had military training in Vietnam judging by the pincer movement they employed to extract a cat from behind the bushes. I swear on my life The Kid actually shouted "GO, GO, GO!" to J Man when the cat made a break for it and the two of them toddled full pelt across the lawn.

Then The Kid went on to nearly molest a garden ornament - he stumbled upon a semi-clad stone woman next to a shrub and screamed "Norks! Booobies!!" before making a grab for them. 'That'll teach me for breastfeeding past 18 months' I thought as I hauled him off and tried to ply him with a salmon sandwich, all the time hoping none of the other parents were thinking that he's a cave-man in the making.

It seemed the day brought out a Neanderthal streak in me too; an Iggle Piggle birthday cake was produced from the kitchen amidst many 'oohs' and 'ahs' of approval - yet all I wanted to do was watch his leg get cut off!

In all honesty it was a fantastic day. It was nice to be able to let The Kid and friends run riot around the garden while me and fellow Brummie Mums sat down for a natter. We were so engrossed in our chat we didn't notice that a stray toddler had tipped the tiny bouncy castle over while he was inside it.

It wasn't until someone said "Is it supposed to do that?" that we looked over and saw the base of the castle instead of the front - before anyone could do anything it had righted itself and: Ta da! The toddler had disappeared having being tipped over the side!

I don't think that we should be judged for the fact that our first thought was to launch the rest of the children onto it to see if the same thing happened to them. Not that we got chance to test out the idea as the little boy in question came wandering happily out from around the back.

Aside from (and even including) inflatable mishaps a good time was had by all. It was great to see toddlers who are new to the game of walking try to perfect their craft. It seems their head, body and limbs are still working independently of each other almost like a marionette puppet. I watched birthday boy Phoenix jogging along the patio. His mom called him and his head stopped and turned round while the rest of him kept going. His body hoiked round and he ended up in a heap on the floor, with the head still smiling on the top.

I'm never quite sure what (if anything) to buy for children, especially one year olds. I opted for bubbles in the end, but even I with my frugal nature stopped myself short of purchasing one lonely bottle. Instead I upgraded to a machine that blew bubbles for the child.

Actually, as I'm writing this I'm wondering if perhaps by supplying the child with a bubble blower I've reduced the enjoyment factor as now he can't actually blow them for himself.

Oh well. He's an only child so maybe his parents haven't found out (as we all do) what happens when you blow bubbles in the kitchen. Perhaps little Phoenix will find enjoyment in getting to see mom and dad go arse-over-tip when they fall foul of a bubble soaked, linoleum floor.

I'm going to do a blog about gifts for one year olds - if you've got any ideas, recommendations or comments please mail me at fromheretomaternity@live.co.uk

I'm leaving work to be a SAHM

2009-09-06T19:54:58Z

There is another reason why the start of this term is special to me in particular. Instead of returning to the job that I love, I have decided to bite the bullet and become a Stay at Home Mom. (SAHM)

Temporarily leaving the world of work is a massive decision for any parent. There are the financial implications, as well as leaving behind the mental stimulation that comes with having a real, enjoyable job. Not to mention saying goodbye to the social aspect of working - I'll desperately miss all of my work colleagues, even that sour faced Karen from the office.

I'll miss seeing my chatty tutor group everyday and am mortified that I'll never get to see Luke finally read... a book. They're a good bunch, even my associate tutor wasn't too bad really.

I was lucky to have a job where I felt I made a difference and got the chance to work with some fantastic young people who will grow into funny, intelligent and caring adults in the not too distant future.

Plus working school hours is an top perk in itself.

Hold on - why am I leaving again?! Hmm.. well, it's been something that has been on my mind for many months. I am ultimately the type of person who dedicates quite a lot of energy into what I do (when I'm not drinking coffee), and felt that I was devoting more time to work and writing than the boys.

In the end I just found it difficult to reconcile the need to have a job with the need to leave my baby with someone else, especially when illness came into the equation. I've written before about how hard it was when The Kid was ill. I felt very strongly that I needed to be in work but more strongly that a sick child should be with his mother, no matter how tolerant of coughs and colds the childminder happens to be.

I spoke to other Brummie Mums about this and opinion is split down the middle - some believe that women need things in their world that are not about their children while others would do anything to be at home with their little ones until they start school.

The thing is though, I've done this working parent melarckey for nearly ten years now, and some of those years were spent in full time work as a single parent. I did what I had to do but the fatigue it caused lingered for a long time, and all those years that The Boy spent in full time nursery will stay with me forever.

I don't want to feel anymore guilt. I just want to spend time with my babies.

Also, having a nine year old makes me all too aware of how quickly they grow up, something you can't comprehend until your baby is suddenly arguing with you about not wanting to wear Tesco trainers anymore.

This will only be for two short years at the most, and I have to say, I'm excited about it. I can't wait to go to more mother and baby groups, do all sorts of playing and craft things at home, go swimming, visit libraries and museums, see friends and family and read and write and so many, many things.

Perhaps I'm romanticising this whole stay-at-home-parenting thing and I'm sure that after exactly two hours I'll be crying out to hide in a proper job because I just can't cope with a crying toddler anymore, but for the moment I'm just happy to have this opportunity.

As a result of my leaving work to be a stay at home bum I'll be on the look-out for loads more things to do with little ones in the Kings Heath area. If you know of any groups, activities or goings on that you would like mentioned on this blog please email me at fromheretomaternity@live.co.uk

Back to School in Brum

2009-09-03T19:41:26Z

Uniform: Bought (after an hour wait in Clive Marks, will go at start of hols next year)
Labels: Sewn, Ironed and Biroed on
Lunchbox: Packed
PE Kit: Folded ready to go
Shoes: Polished
Hair: Cut
Pointless Stationery: All present and correct. Ready to be lost, swapped, nicked or never used.

This week an army of frazzled moms launch their little darlings through the school gates and squeal with delight. The return of a normal school routine brings sanity back to the stay at home mom or signals the end of the big childcare dilemma for the working woman.

I'm sure there are plenty of people who won't agree with this next thought, but as things get back to 'normal' I'm left wondering where all those weeks of lie-ins, long walks and lounging around went. It only seems like days since the excitement and bustle of the end of term, and now it's all starting again.

And what's so good about this routine of which every Brummie Mum I know craves? As I remember it most mornings are little more than me flying by the seat of my pants, wishing pointlessly that I'd made lunches and located the school shoes the night before, or at the very least left the car keys in a place where I might consider looking.

The breakfast is burnt to a crisp (God knows how - it was only cereal), the school bag's mysteriously disappeared and it's hit and miss as to whether anyone gets out of the house on time.

It's about this time of year that I make all sorts of promises to myself about how I'm going to be prepared, organised and efficient. The morning routine in Casa Del Yates shall be a well oiled machine that not even the most earth shattering eventuality can shake.

This plan of mine usually lasts for about a day before I start counting the hours till half-term.

Not this time.This time I'm adamant that all shall go right and every morning we'll all leave the house correctly dressed, prepared and on time.

If that's the case I'd best go and do the lunches now then. Or maybe I'll just get up a little bit earlier tomorrow and do them in the morning...

Children, children everywhere (they should have stayed at home)

2009-08-26T22:13:19Z

The thing about taking your kids out to kid friendly places in the summer hols is that these places are usually full of, well, kids.

Not that there's anything wrong with that - it's not like I particularly dislike other people's children - just not in such large numbers and not when they're being parented by people who are at the wrong end of the summer break.

These mums (and sometimes dads) are invariably counting the seconds till their little darlings are packed off back to school. Good parenting practise was thrown to the wind two days after the kids broke up and a blind eye is now being turned to all but the very worst behaviour.

Fraught mothers pretend they can't see their little one climbing up the slide, causing the children on the way down to fall either side like shelled peas. Little Johnny is left unhindered to wipe the contents of his nose on the swings because his mom simply can't face explaining for the hundredth time this holiday why he should use a tissue.

I encourage my own children to behave despite the fact that the kids in the park resemble something out of Lord of the Flies, but there's only so many times you watch your own child fall foul of the actions of others.

I grew so tired of waiting and waiting and waiting with The Kid for his turn on the spinning thing in the playground. It was occupied by some bratty, curly haired girl and had been for twenty minutes. I wasn't the only one waiting and the worst of it was that her mom knew she was being less than fair to her fellow rug-rats yet buried her head in a book.

Eventually I let The Kid go. He bowled over and climbed all over the bratty, curly haired girl until she ran away in horror. I let him play for a full, fair five minutes then prized him off so that someone else could have a turn.

So, it may not be a perfect solution, but when it comes to the case of parents not encouraging their offspring to be civilised, well, if you can't beat them (and you can't - it's illegal) then you may as well join them.

Amazing day out at the beach in the Heart of England

2009-08-23T13:40:26Z

When The Other Half's parents (The Outlaws) said they were taking us all out for a picnic yesterday lunchtime, I expected nothing more than a lovely day sitting in a park somewhere, watching The Boy and The Kid kick a ball around.

We were in for the surprise of our lives when, as we were following them down a country lane not so very far away from Solihull, they indicated left at a sign saying 'This way to the beach!'.

I hadn't heard of the 'Heart Park' before, not surprising as it only opened the last week in July. It will be a bustling and busy place but it is still in its infancy. At the moment there are aspects of it that are clearly still being developed... the fact it is very new is great because it's not full to capacity.

It was relatively quiet yesterday and will be for a while until word gets around about it, and the kinds of things that are there. There is a beautiful lake in rolling green countryside with purpose built beach. You can sit on the sand, paddle in the water or take advantage of the red and white deck chairs or little beach huts.

There was a bouncy castle kingdom (where The Boy spent literally hours) with a small inflatable quad track next to it, plus ball pools and a 'fun bus' full of soft play equipment, all included in the price.

At an extra cost there were other things like little merry-go-round rides for toddlers and waltzers for slightly older children. We also saw a huge quad bike pulling little bucket kart things around the perimeter of the park.

I think The Kid's fave bit of the day (apart from waddling about in the water) was the ride to and from the car park in a little train. It was a really, really fabulous day.

The Outlaws loved relaxing on a picnic mat soaking up the sun.

Go and check out the Heart of England Adventure Park website to see all the things that are there.

I think it's reasonably priced: £23 for a family of four is really good value for money if you go and spend the day there.

Plus I'm hoping to arrange a discount for blog readers so watch this space.

I thoroughly recommend it to families with children as a great day out for everyone.

Discount Photo Shoot When You Mention this Blog!!

2009-08-13T11:47:02Z

I'd always thought that professional baby photos are a waste of time and money. In my younger days I spent a fortune of 'proper' pics of The Boy as a baby and toddler because I thought that's just what mums did.

I thought it was part of parenthood to haul your offspring down to Boots, hand lots of cash over to a photographer and try and spend ages trying to get your child to pull nice faces.

Looking back now I'm left with dusty old baby photos of a sleeping baby Boy looking like any other baby in the world. I've also got toddler photos of him sitting under a big lamp wearing uncharacteristic clothes saying "Cheese" as many times as he could bear.

So when not-so-pregnant-Sarah brought out the baby photos she had done of Monica I began to stifle a yawn, and prepared to look at what I thought would be mundane snaps of a sleeping baby.

I was so wrong.

They were beautiful photos of Monica and her family. I don't know how to say this, but it was just so them. They were beautiful photos; pretty, unusual and really special.

I'd never seen photos like them before.

She passed on the number of the person who took them - Dave Causon. He's setting up a photography business called Photos Romantica; he tries to capture individual moments that really mean something to the family, while being a bit different.

I jumped at the chance to get a photo-shoot at a discount price of £40 - we all spent a couple of hours in the park on a lovely sunny day while he took over 400 photos, the best of them were put on a disk. Some of them were cropped and had effects added like put into black and white or sepia.

The photos of The Kid completely reflect his personality; he is happy, noisy, nosey and constantly, constantly on the move. Plus it's nice to get ones of us altogether.

A session with Photos Romantica will usually cost upwards of £50, complete with disks of the photos, but if you contact him and mention 'From Here to Maternity' you get a discounted session at £40 - bargain! Especially seeing as you pay more than £100 for a handful of prints taken under a lamp in a shop.

You can contact Dave on 07790 198 801, check out photosromantica.com, email info@photosromantica.com or search for photos romantica on Facebook.

Britain faces Fertility Timebomb

2009-08-09T00:06:12Z

"30 year old women might feel healthy, not smoke and have a good diet, but that doesn't mean their ovaries are working properly."

Cheers. Thanks for that. Just what you want to hear on Radio 4 as you're dropping off to sleep. As if listening to radio 4 at night time wasn't enough to make me feel old, now it's telling me that come 30 my child bearing days are all but over.

A nice little sound-bite for all of those circa-30-ladies who nearly dared to feel happy about who they are and their place in the world. Just as you're about to congratulate yourself for having a successful relationship, good job, nice home you're told that inside you're as shrivelled and baron as a mouldy old prune.

Well, that's just effing marvellous isn't it.

And anyway, I don't get it - one minute we're being told that teenage girls are getting knocked up left, right and centre thanks to poor sex education and the wonder of the alcopop; won't their thousands of illegitimate offspring be enough to propogate the species? Plus, according to the media, Britain has got so many people setting up home from overseas that there simply isn't enough room to accommodate everyone anyway.

Surely these people are only doing their bit to make sure Britain doesn't become a desolate island in years to come because a generation of 30 year old women left it 6 months too late to plan their families.

And on that note I'm going to try and get to sleep and assure myself that I'm not old, I am healthy and I haven't got innards that look like a pickled goat.

If only I could be bothered to get out of bed and turn the radio off.

Good night Birmingham.

Travelling with Children

2009-07-28T14:21:01Z

Have not blogged in a while as have been on holiday. These are just one or two things to note from our travels..

1) Flying

I always said I wasn't going to be the mother who bribed her child with food to get him to behave. However I did take one or two goodies onto the plane in case of absolute, dire emergency.

One packet of skips, two tubs of raisens and a bag of buttons later I realised I'm never going to make super mother of the year, and we hadn't even taken off.

Nine year olds aren't much better flight companions; I determined that The Boy's ears weren't popping at all, and all his moaning was merely a ploy to get more and more Fox's Glacier Mints.

I exaggerate - it wasn't all that bad, but then it was only a short flight, and the two of them were kept largely entertained by the taking off and touching down. The Other Half and I were able to placate The Kid by passing him between us when the seat belt light was off.

2) The Beach

You don't need me to tell you that sand and toddlers don't mix. The beach may have been the single greatest thing that The Kid ever dug his pudgy mits into, but all it took was a quick rub of the eye to reduce him to sobs for fifteen minutes afterwards.

He also wasn't overly impressed when, in an effort to wipe one or two grains of sand off his tongue with a sandy hand, he filled his trap up with most of the beach.

I have to say that the sandy dribble that he wiped around his mush did give him rather a fetching 5 o'clock shadow effect.

Note to everyone planning a beach picnic when they go on holiday: Keep everything covered up till the actual moment you eat it, otherwise it will get covered in sand! It only takes the smallest disturbance of sand to shower every single sandwich with the stuff.

The Boy ran off for an impromptu paddle in the sea, but neglected to remove his sandles, or even his pants for that matter before wading waist deep in the water.

He had to sit in the car, naked apart from a damp T.Shirt and my coat all the way home, which he found hilarious.

My tip of the day would have to be that if you're going to the beach, carry a couple of bottles of water in the car, purely to use for rinsing sandy feet and sandles. The Boy and The Kid's legs were covered in half dry sand that would have been really irritating to them on the way home, as well as leaving the car full of the stuff.

3) Money exchange - beware of cowboys

I know nothing of exchange rates, and very nearly took The Boy up on his request to swap some of his sterling for some of my Euros. I should have known it was yet another one of his attempts to extort money from me.

He offered me £40 in exchange for fifty of my Euros. The little toad assured me it was a really good rate. Glad I checked first as it was only worth just over forty one Euros, and I'd have been a tenner worse off.

If you can't trust your own son, who can you trust, eh?

End of Labour Week

2009-07-19T20:20:41Z

Having a baby is like trying to fire Winston Churchill out of a peashooter; seemingly impossible and bloody hard work. However, it is also one of the most amazing things you will ever do, not least because you get to meet and begin to care for your new baby.

After it's over, when you've been through it and you're not pregnant anymore, all eyes turn to the baby; how she's eating and sleeping and who she looks like. It's easy to forget that labour is a huge trauma to the female body.

Your body is 'recovering' from the pregnancy and birth, and heaving and pulling itself around to get back to its pre-preg state.

First time moms are curious about whether their bodies will ever be the same again. Yes. Yes they will, but you have to look after yourself. We think that pregnancy 'ruins' us because we've heard so many women blame their wobbly bits on having children.

Here is this: It's not pregnancy that makes women gain weight afterwards. It's food, exercise (or lack of) and age, pretty much the same as the rest of the population I'm afraid.

I know mums who have had anywhere between one and four children who are perfectly slender. They are not the exceptions to the rule. They are how any mom can be if she, just like anyone else, eats a balanced diet and gets exercise. Boring, but true.

Me having The Boy coincided with getting my driving license, an office job, (and therefore my own income to spend on food of my choosing) and entering my twenties. I suspect the fact I'm now twice the size of my 18 year old self has more to do with that than pregnancy.

The other taboo question that women (and sometimes men) are dying to ask is:

"How long will it take before 'down there' goes back to normal?"

Fact: Your birth canal absolutely will go back to how it was before.

How long just depends on the individual. If you have a difficult birth, then go on to get pregnant three months later (it does happen!) then don't expect to be perfect for a year or so after having your second child. If you're young, have a straight forward delivery, breastfeed and do your exercises it can be a matter of weeks.

That's another thing: Never underestimate the power of the pelvic floor! It can make the difference between you piddling everywhere when something slightly amuses you in your forties, and being able to have full control whilst watching Peter Kay when you hit seventy.

All together now! Clench! Hold for one, two, three, four, five aaaaannddd... relax..

After-pains

One thing that they never told me about when I was a first time pregger was after-pains. They are nasty! It's your uterus moving around, contracting and pulling to get back to its original shape. They really hurt and are so much worse second time round. (Either that or I'd just forgotten about them.)

They're a good sign because it means everything is working as it should, but they're still bloody horrible.

Aftercare

Take everything nice and easy. Going to the loo isn't the nicest thing you'll do during the first week afterwards. Don't sit there dreading it and bursting till you absolutely have to go to the bog because that can increase the risk of water infections. Yes, it stings a bit, but it does get better.

I found bathing in salt helped everything heal more quickly. The midwife just thought I was mad but I felt it helped.

I haven't talked about what it's like after you've had a c-section, mainly because I haven't had one myself. I've had lots of emails from women who have though, so I'll put together a 'c-section special' blog.

Thank you to everyone who has taken part in labour week (which was actually a labour fortnight!). I really appreciate you reading, contributing to or talking about 'from here to maternity'.

I was incredibly chuffed to find that Alpha Mummy, the parenting blog on The Times online, discussed one of my blogs! I'm a really big fan of that blog, so to actually get mentioned on there was a tremendous compliment.

Keep emailing me at fromheretomaternity@live.co.uk or follow me on Twitter. If you're on Facebook check out the From Here to Maternity fan page for updates and information about the blog.