Birth-First Parent Blog

Be Careful How You Read The News

Jenna Hatfield — Tue, 30 Jun 2009 12:00:00 +0000

A friend recently emailed me.

Did you hear about that news story where the birth mom in an open adoption kidnapped the daughter she placed?

No, in fact, I had not heard that story. Because that's not what happened. A mentally unstable woman working in the nursery at a church kidnapped someone else's child. She did not kidnap a child she relinquished for adoption because she has never placed a child for adoption.

Smith... more

Suing Over Contact

Jenna Hatfield — Mon, 29 Jun 2009 17:30:51 +0000

A story out of Philadelphia has various sides of the triad along with random members of society going at each others' throats regarding topics like search, reunion and an adoptee's rights versus a birth parent's right. In short, a rape victim who placed the child conceived as a result of that rape for adoption is suing over the fact that she was contacted.

Of course, she wasn't just contacted. Her child showed up on her doorstep. I think... more

Finding the Meaning for the Loss

Jenna Hatfield — Mon, 22 Jun 2009 12:00:00 +0000

If you have recently placed your child for adoption, you are likely dealing with the emotional fallout of that decision. While you felt sure of your decision at one point, you might be asking questions of yourself, of God, of the Universe and of those also involved in the decision making process. You may be angry, sad, depressed or generally confused. You may be struggling with finding a meaning to all of this, wondering where your silver lining is among the heavy clouds.

I will be the first to tell you that the silver lining is not always obvious and, sometimes even then, not for years and years.

We often don't understand why we are allowed to endure such things while we... more

Father's Day Brings Out the Secrets

Jenna Hatfield — Mon, 22 Jun 2009 01:12:55 +0000

Days like Father's Day (and Mother's Day) are days of reflection for a large number of the population. If we're not parents of some sort, we're at least a daughter or a son, somehow brought into this world and raised in some fashion or another. While some have had good experiences, others have not. That truth goes both for being raised and parenting. Hard stuff, either way!

I hopped onto Post Secret today knowing that the secrets shared would most likely be about fathers and parenthood in some way or another. I was right (as I usually am, of course). I... more

More Wicked Lyrics for Adoption Healing

Jenna Hatfield — Thu, 18 Jun 2009 14:00:00 +0000

So, yes, I'm on another Wicked kick. It comes and goes in my life, having attached itself to my adoption journey a few years ago. You see, Wicked debuted on Broadway in October of 2003. At that point, I was on bed rest with the Munchkin during my very complicated pregnancy. As such, I tend to associate it with that time frame.

The lyrics of another song, however, specifically make me think about the relationship between birth and adoptive mother as well as, in another section, birth mother and relinquished child. I'll share the part that makes me think... more

Defying Gravity as a Birth Mother

Jenna Hatfield — Wed, 17 Jun 2009 12:00:00 +0000

I'm in love with the musical Wicked. Well, to be fair, I'm in love with a lot of musicals. I always have been a musical theater dork. I tried to deny it for awhile but, truth be told, I now shamelessly embrace my inner dork. In fact, I celebrate her by letting myself to listen to musical soundtracks all day long while I work. But, back to Wicked: I'm infatuated. Inspired. Impressed. And, yes, In Love with the musical.

And since I can turn anything into a discussion on adoption, I have to share a certain selection of lyrics from the song "Defying Gravity"... more

New Groups of People

Jenna Hatfield — Tue, 16 Jun 2009 12:00:00 +0000

I've been asked to spearhead a new group in our church for mothers. While I know that this will be good not only for myself but for local mothers, I am wary of walking this path. Knowing how other groups have worked, I have no doubt that people with whom I am not particularly close will show up in my house. With Munchkin's picture displayed prominently on our living room wall of family pictures, the question will come up.

Who is that? Why is she on your wall with you?

While some have said that I don't have to answer the... more

Don't Let The Norm Define Your Relationship

Jenna Hatfield — Mon, 15 Jun 2009 12:00:00 +0000

An adoptive family and birth family call each other friends or, really, extended family. Someone says, "Well, that's not the norm." An adult adoptee finds his birth family who embrace him with open arms while also embracing his adoptive parents for the wonderful job they did in raising him. Someone says, "Well, that's not the norm." An adopted child isn't confused about her situation, understanding each person's role in her life. "Someone says, "Well, that's not the norm."

Who is Norm other than a guy on Cheers and why does he get to decide how we live our... more

Ceremonies for Birth and Adoptive Parents

Jenna Hatfield — Fri, 12 Jun 2009 12:00:00 +0000

As a new birth parent, you might be looking for a way to symbolically show your child's transition from one family to another family. In today's era of open adoptions, many families choose to have a ceremony to celebrate the transition.

Celebrate, of course, is a difficult word to use for the birth family. For birth families, the transition from one family to the other means that they have just endured a deep loss. The loss of a child, even in an allegedly voluntary situation like newborn relinquishment, is difficult at best. Finding a way to acknowledge... more

Leaving the Hospital

Jenna Hatfield — Tue, 09 Jun 2009 12:00:00 +0000

Eventually you will find that it is time to leave the hospital. No matter the decisions you made while in the hospital, there comes a time when your stay is up. With nurses preparing your discharge papers, you may be wondering how to go about this difficult situation. Thinking about it before it is actually upon you may make it go over easier for all involved.

First and foremost, you need to look at both your state laws and the rules of the hospital involved. In states... more