We never deny ourselves great food. Nope, us Bitches on a Budget believe wholeheartedly in yummy, satisfying, healthy, occasionally indulgent food. Our favorite food mantra comes from Julia Child: “Everything in moderation, including moderation.”

Food should make you happy… it should titillate… it should be fun, social, diverse…. it should keep you healthy… and it should be delicious. It is such an essential part of living it should be something you are literate about. That means not only knowing the provenance of your eggs and fish but also the nutritional composition of what you’re eating.

In our book, we offer practical tips to help you become a more savvy, self-determined purchaser and eater. The first step to being an empowered consumer is learning to read a food label. Yes, B’s—time to get literate.

Click here to learn the basics. Trust us, you don’t need to be a math major to get your head around this stuff—browse for a few minutes and you’ll get the gist.

Here’s a link to an interactive site about making your calories count. (Although little sets our teeth chattering more than the euphemistic question “is it good for you” referencing caloric values.) Certainly we don’t want to overeat, but a smart B’s goal is a nutritionally balanced diet. And here’s the straight story on so-called “good for you” foods. Remember, a smart consumer knows that eating fat-free or reduced-fat foods isn’t always the answer to weight loss! (Never again make the whole-box-of-Snackwells-in-one-sitting-cause-hey-they’re-fat-free mistake. No more. Better to indulge in one of your own homemade chocolate chip cookies made from rich, natural ingredients—recipe to come soon, we promise.)

Our message? Eat what you like. Just don’t be gullible. How we eat says so much about how we live… so let’s start eating like the self-aware, fun-loving, empowered women we are.

Does this ever happen to you? You undress and your partner’s overwhelmed, flushed, delighted. He smiles appraisingly. Then, as his eyes land on your lower region, his face falls and he says, “Nice, but I wish you sparkled a little more.”

Ladies, welcome to the world of Vajazzling. Vajazzling? Huh?

We are repulsed and mildly amused by this new trend to replace a normal pubic area with glitter. Evidently it was popularized by Jennifer Love Hewitt, who announced on national TV that she’s a modern Vajazzled gal. Now it’s not enough to have an unnaturally hairless pubic region. Yours has to twinkle with crystals—Swarvoski, obviously. Is this where a modern woman wants to spend her hard-earned money? We’re all for playfulness, for fantasy, for women decorating themselves as they see fit. But this just flat-out disturbs us. Our culture has moved so far from a natural state of things—we’ve ceased to appreciate women as they are. (For another example, see our Huff Post story on Victoria’s Secret’s new ad campaign.) Can’t we feel good about ourselves without these high-priced, utterly artificial gimmicks? A little playfulness—great. Spending $$$ to have a stranger glue shiny rocks to your freshly waxed pubic bone? Sorry, we’re not getting it. (If you’re still curious, you can watch a Vejazzling procedure here.)

If you must indulge, do it with your partner. Be crafty in all the right places! Dim the lights, light a candle, pull out the non-toxic glue, a shaker of silver glitter…You know what they say: “the couple that ‘Jazzles together…” Well, not sure how to finish that one.

Another gripe? They call this “vaginal adornment.” Uh, hello? Anatomy lesson, anyone? The vagina is an internal organ.

Let’s hope this trend dies out soon.

Video yourself (nothing X rated please) and post your videos here (click on the comments section right below the title of this post).  As they come in we’ll re-post them on our fan page . You’ll be able to watch everyones and then we’re going to figure out a way to have everyone vote on their favorite videos. (Still working on it) Here it is start practicing your script:

Hi. My name is _______. I’m a Bitch on a Budget.  Yesterday I went out and bought ________ and today I’m ashamed. Here’s what happened (share your sad tale of buyers remorse):_________________.

http://bubblesoftstore.com

Finish your video with: Bitches on a Budget–I need help.

Lights, camera, action.

Our high school biology teacher used to tell us that shampoo was a “Madison Avenue lie.” He’d stand before the class, proudly stroke his overgrown bowl haircut, and say, “Look! I wash my hair with ivory soap and it comes out fine!”

OK, he was a little crazy, and we won’t go so far as to recommend using bar soap on your tresses (ugh!), but dear Mr. Fitz did have something of a point. He instilled in us a cynical eye… a desire to be empowered consumers, not to be lured by silly marketing or brand names… and to think about how products marketed for one thing can be used in other ways.

Case in point?

We’ve learned that cheap, tear-free baby shampoo doubles as a killer eye-makeup remover. That in a pinch, a dab of toothpaste dries up a zit. That on a warm day, an easy deep conditioning treatment involves coating hair in olive oil, wrapping it in plastic wrap, and sitting in the sun.

We’ve been known to use moisturizer as a hair gel and we have friends who swear that diluted apple cider vinegar is an amazing facial toner.

Now it’s your turn. How do you re-purpose ordinary products to extraordinary effects? What ‘off-brand’ uses do you find for the stuff in your cabinets?

(While we’re all for creativity, please no active ingredient chemical/prescription thingy’s that may do more harm than good–you know, like birth control pills ground with mortar and pestle, mixed with shave cream, and used as an insect repellent.)

Click comments above to leave your reply. The most creative, economical, savvy answer wins a copy BITCHES ON A BUDGET! Last day to post March 7.

Each weekend, we feature one B who’s making a difference in her community. We wonder: how can we give back, especially when money is short? When we feel so overburdened ourselves, how can we find the energy/time/resources to help others? With these questions in mind, we bring you examples of women who find creative, meaningful ways to give. Click ‘comments’ above and tell us what you do! You might be featured here as an inspiration next Saturday.

Today’s Queen B of Giving Back is Petra Cochran of Houston, Texas. She’s part of a fantastic mother’s group. These B’s do more with their mommy group than complain about lack of sleep. Don’t get us wrong: every mother has the right to complain all she wants about lack of sleep! But this group does much more.

Here’s Petra’s message:

Our Mommy group does a service project a couple of times a month. We go and visit the senior assisted living/ respite care facility in our area and visit with the seniors. Our kids love it and the seniors do as well. It is a very rewarding outing every other week.

We are a group of 32 moms with kids, mostly three and under. We have one organizer and three assistant organizers. We try to do a couple of events/activities a week, and the Senior Visitation is our only repeat event every other week. We started going last summer and really enjoyed it. I contacted the Senior Living center and asked the activities director what she thought and she liked the idea. We have been going ever since. We try to limit it to 6 Moms with kids because we do not want to make the senior crazy with a whole group of screaming kiddos. Even though they would probably love it. Sometimes we bring books to read, colors, or a game. Mostly we just sit and visit. We also do a “walk through, “a very short visit to the respite care residents mostly Alzheimer residents.

Thanks for writing in, Petra. This is a simple, achievable, thrifty idea we’re sure brings lots of joy to everyone involved.

We got all riled up yesterday when we heard that Yoda (of Star Wars fame) was appearing before a House Committee. Is there nothing sacred in a Congressperson’s quest for a re-election sound bite? Will Big Bird be next? We’re proud to report that this time it didn’t take us long to recognize our error. We spent the day anxiously waiting Mr. Toyoda’s hearing before Congress.

All this got us prepared for a lot of spin… these days, any controversy sets the spin machine working overtime. In our era of 24-hour news cycles, it’s increasingly difficult to tell the difference between what’s spin and what’s real. “Real” is the word itself soon going to feel like some relic of quaint, long-ago age? Can something be both a manufactured sound bite and have substance?

In any case, Mr. Toyoda came to fall on his sword and apologize. We think an apology works if it is meant and sincere, if there is true empathy for the harm done to those hurt. (We must admit Tiger’s drive to atonement this week left us feeling a little cold.) An apology works if it is — here we go again — real.

Big companies, athletes, movie stars, product marketers, glossy magazines, designers, politicians, all twist their pitches and manipulate the truths to sell themselves. We’re all for free enterprise, getting a story out, making a product tempting — but what happens when there’s damage, deception, even injury involved? What of the more subtle “crazy making” little un-truths, like air-brushed photos of already too thin models, or fear-mongering stories of proposed “death panels”?

A personal anecdote may shed more light (or darkness?) on the issue:

Friends told us about an email message from their airline at 11PM the night before a 6AM flight: GREAT NEWS! screamed the subject line. They opened the email and saw the first line: “your flight has been cancelled.” Wait. What’s the great news about a flight being cancelled?

Scrolling down, they found some gibberish about how lucky they were not to be flying on a cancelled flight (that would have been truly a miracle) and to discover the “great news” that the airline had rebooked them three days later to their destination. How is it great news to learn hours before departure that your fully paid, not-refundable, week-long vacation is screwed up by three days?

We’ll save our rage about airplane travel for another day. Let’s just say with the perky jingles, the hidden costs, the announcements about how they’re there to help (anyone assisted you putting your bag in the overhead lately?), the squashed in, squeezed tight, packed-in-sweat sardine you become, it’s no wonder every passenger on every plane is mad. (Sorry — guess we didn’t do such a good job saving our rage for another day.)

The point is this; what we all want is REAL. What we want is civil. We are adults, and we need to hear the truth. We want people who make promises to be responsible for those promises. We want people to politely converse for the common good, not to cut corners to the last possible inch. We want to be treated humanely (not like a fish in a can).

The airline. The auto maker. The regulatory body protecting consumers. The advertisers who trade on a perceived image to sell their products. The politicians arguing along party lines instead of in pursuit of the public good. It’s maddening for all of us.

How about a “due to mechanical difficulties your flight has been cancelled we are so sorry. Please call us and we will work with you to accommodate you in every way possible.” (It was possible with a little creative thinking and aggressive telephoning for our friends to make the vacation.) Imagine if instead of trying to spin everything to some particular advantage people in Congress actually told the truth, and the people listening actually heard them, behaved like adults, and didn’t punish them by voting them out of office?

How about more fashion shows like the ones in Madrid (Bravo! Elena Miro), where women with a dangerous Body Mass Index under 18 are prohibited from appearing? Imagine magazines showing images of women with real shapes, like we called for in our Velveteen Revolution article?

Imagine if, when the problems with Toyota surfaced, someone in Europe sounded the alarm bell to Toyota worldwide — people are getting hurt!, if instead of chortling about the cost savings of a recall, someone acted with an abundance of caution and told consumers about the problem. How radical.

Well, given all this spin, given our culture in which everyone says one thing and means another, it’s no wonder we believed that there was a massive Toy Auto Recall and Yoda was appearing before Congress. So, in the words of great Yoda himself, we ask:

Speak the truth anybody can?

(We wrote this for the Huffington Post on 2/25/10)