Carving Quietly

Sometimes a Shower

2013-06-03T22:33:00.001-07:00

Prefontaine once explained
"There will always be clubs you cannot join..."
I can see them more and more
they are everywhere I go
A family
A team
those who are far better
those who don't restrict
some have lots more money
others have traveled far
the ones I find most frustrating
have gone and seen and done
but can't tell you, oh, its fun!
You'll learn when you are older
you'll see when you become
One day you'll be a part of us
if you can prove you have the guts
but until then
sit back, admire
apart from us, there is no higher!
And I look at, those fair folk
Accomplishment? I see none!
They have only been successful
at being wildly dumb
don't they know that learning
comes from many alike?
and that you'll never be more popular
than when your friends are diverse?
I don't want to be
part of your club!
or in your secret circles!
I only wish you'd see that I
have also thoughts of worth!
So keep your jackets
keep your shirts
I have my own club now
I think and ponder, even dream
under the lonely water's stream
the droplets dance upon my skin
the soap glides round my sides
even the shampoo sees more,
for it looks me in the eye

Not What it Seems

2013-05-28T15:01:00.000-07:00

It isn't about the papers
the numbers and letters and grades
or the late nights and early mornings
working for that A
Learning isn't in the classroom, it's in the people

It isn't about the places
the views and scenes
or food or smells or goods
the planes, trains, or sidewalks
Because travel is accomplished in the mind, through the stories

It isn't about the flowers
Birthday presents and walks to church
or pictures or things
or anything else
Love is about growing into the life you want, by choosing whats in your head

You can go to every class and ace every test
but did you study the good, earn the better, or learn the best?
You can stand in every country, throw rocks off ever shore
but if the places aren't backdrops for feelings, what did you go there for?
You can kiss and hug and cuddle, go out every night
but if you aren't a better person now, would you say you won the fight?

Life is about progression
not checking things off the list.
Don't rush through, but don't forget
There is always something next
and not everything has to be best
save the superlatives for the paper
and remember this
it's not always what it seems;
to be living your truest dreams

Morning Delight

2013-05-23T04:33:00.002-07:00

The sun has barely shown it's face
on your side of the world
but I call anyway

Your voice is tired
mine is too
it's been barely hours
since I talked to you

I've been working
away at school
you're celebrating

But right now
at four
we're the only ones up
and it's just us on the phone

knowing no one else is up
to hear this simple conversation
adds intimacy which
closets lack;
that is merely imitation

It is not that we've found a place
to hide and call our own;
we're the only ones to claim this time
the world, right now, is ours

So good morning dear
Have a good day
and don't forget about me
We've found power in this wake up call
at four o clock in the morning

The SeeSaw

2013-05-19T15:24:00.002-07:00

Bright red seesaw
in a beautiful park
we play and laugh for hours
up and down and
down and up
the adventure never stopped
from way up high
we could see
the sun and all 'twas underneath
and on the ground
the sky and stars
but my favorite thing
was looking up
seeing your face
smiling back down
as we would bounce
up and down
the seesaw went
it seemed unending fun
but soon your friends came over
they said you had it good
you smiled, agreed and winked at me
I thought I understood
you stayed up in the air and said
look at me, I've got the best!

Now I've been here
down on the ground
a great long while, you keep me down
And from your glorious perch above
you tell me all the things you see
I tell you what I see, you say
you see the same thing too
And isn't it lovely? You agree.
but the truth is that without me
you'd ne'er have such a view

Don't forget that it's a seesaw
and not a bright red ladder
you cannot live among the trees
without someone on the ground
and if they're weary of their place
Your ass might hit the ground

Blister on My Foot

2013-05-14T08:53:00.000-07:00

A blister on my foot
a spot that rubs and smarts
waddling oddly on half my shoe
to keep from crying out
no one else can see it
no one knows its there
they only see me limping 'round
trying not to make a sound
they think they know my problem
they question, whisper, accuse
if only they knew
my real problem
was not a blister or two
they claim I'm tired
lazy
crippled
spent too much time at the bar
but les cirques des yeux
aren't from drinking
they're from living
with people like you

Almond Stare

2013-05-13T23:50:00.001-07:00

An almond face
my everlasting wish
jaw and hair
and cheek and lip
and eyes, those eyes....
you stop and stare

from time to time
I catch a glimpse
of a view in my favor
but you're never there
just me and those eyes
we stare

when you're around I
I beg and hope
you'll see it
pull her out
ask her for drinks
and talk about

but you just sit and stare

She came out tonight,
long awaited
unanticipated
and you were there
the perfect storm
caught unaware

and you didn't even care

this almond face
lost all to you
will live within my soul;
it's clear when I am happy
for she comes and makes me whole

Je voudrais la vie

2013-05-08T00:16:00.001-07:00

Another book back on the shelf
a story yet unread
but study hard, I did and wrote
an essay from my head

I don't have time for all the things
I know I ought to do
Nor have I time for hopes and dreams
except those brought by you

My life may not be perfect
I may not be pristine
but I have love and that's enough
to keep life loving me

I've traveled far
and seen a lot
and I know in my heart
that living
really living
living is enough

I want to read
I want to write
but if I can't,
I'll take life

Could be Fatal

2013-04-25T23:27:00.002-07:00

Floating, softly through the air
They oft inspire serenity
beautiful colors, no heavy cares
Still, I don't like them inside of me
lightly tumbling
silk wings tickling
fluttering against the walls
my tummy rumbles and clenches against the darkness
my heart churns, beating rapidly
my soul swarms 'round,
hoping for the rescue
but sweet is still the sound
of your voice in my ear and your kiss on my lips
and everything you do
is perfection
adoration, settling in
but I can't take it any longer
I shall burst with happy light
the joy will shout from 'side my heart
my soul can't take more happiness
without you to help support me
so come, my love, stand near and stay
before these butterflies destroy me

Souls

2013-04-16T22:46:00.003-07:00

The world reflects the beauty of the eyes which behold it
The sun reflects the light of one who gazes long
art reflects the minds of the happy observer

So tell me,
what are you leaving behind?

Letters Unsent

2013-04-16T22:28:00.001-07:00

Saved in a box
for only my eyes
all I've ever wanted or needed
things to be said
I was unable to say
When it was just you and I
sometimes, it was just me
without a listening ear
I wrote endlessly
on scraps and pieces
saved them all
in envelopes
to be sent home
notes to you
letters too
how I felt;
what I needed to say;
what you needed to hear;
all wrapped up in letters
sealed
addressed
stamped
and stored
letters, to you
letters unsent

a lack of height

2013-04-11T02:13:00.006-07:00

I know you try
I know you care
I know you want to help me out
You wish you could be
everything for me
my all, my always, always there

You think you do
but you don't think much
and though you try e'ry day
I don't oft say
Good job, well done, I'm understood

I want you to,
I wish so bad
that we could just connect
but if not with you,
than no one else

for you surely know me best
will I ever be
eye to eye, easy to see?

Or will my view forever be
a trying shirt?
and yours, some hair,
fine, but hardly there.

I suppose I need to get used to it now
It will never get much better
Dear paper, you are my truest friend
and we must only become closer
for there is no one else on earth like me
and it's silence that I fear

a silent conversation

2013-04-11T00:26:00.002-07:00

With myself.

So much to say and no one to say it to
one of the dangers of thinking too much
you think someone must care
but who? and where?

left alone with my thoughts once again
this may change, someday, but when?
I do my best
think a little bit less
and choose only the best words to say
but I know without doubt,
I'll have to let them all out;
I still have so much to say

With whom do you share that which cannot be understood?
What, in the world, knows your secrets, even if you don't know their's back?
Or are you all alone with yours too?

Two starts, one sentence.

2013-04-08T22:31:00.000-07:00

“She stared at the turf, as if she would answer no more questions; begged him to go.” Why did he have to interrogate her like that in front of everyone else? She missed one shot. Sure she was captain, but couldn’t he just be glad they won? Still, Greg’s sharp voice wove its way through her sweaty hair, into her cold ears to stab at her soul. Always critical, of her at least, this was the Greg she knew. How stupid she was to think a few drinks one night in August would change any of that. This was not drinks in August. It was a soccer game. Soccer. That’s all she ever was to him. All it ever will be.

She looked straight ahead and gave a slight nod, then turned towards the locker rooms, fighting to keep the frustration out of her step as he continued his tirade. They had won, and she was captain, and this was soccer. Game face. Get it back on, Kaylee, get it back on.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
“She stared at the turf, as if she would answer no more questions; begged him to go.” She no longer wanted to be there, on the edge of the grand lawn, with this ridiculous man. Sir Ellingsworth had graciously offered his arm for an afternoon stroll through the gardens and Waltstone Castle received so few visitors, she happily accepted the invitation. Conversation was pleasant enough as they wandered the roses and hedges, getting to know each other, as intimately as etiquette would allow for a first walk together. But when they arrived on the terrace over looking the polo field, he had the nerve to kiss her, on the lips, without warning! What an audacious young man!

It had been several long moments since, and he had done nothing but pepper the air with accusations. Hadn’t she enjoyed it? Wasn’t he handsome enough? Wasn’t his family well enough off? Hadn’t he made his intentions perfectly clear?

‘This is what I get, for complaining for lack of excitement around here, an overly excitable gentleman What luck for such a splendid afternoon’ she thought to herself.

For English 284, Exercise 1

Running with Scissors e.2

2013-04-06T22:53:00.000-07:00

a postcard collage for my boyfriend (classified sticker added in editing for security)

featuring Patty the Penguin

2013-04-03T15:08:00.000-07:00

So many words
they just won't come out
trapped in my mind

forever

so many words
not enough time
I'll keep all these thoughts
they'll be always mine

Running with Scissors e.1

2013-03-30T22:50:00.000-07:00

a collage based on a calendar page, with various magazine images layered and thread loosely strung

a collage of legs and feet with a caption about handy feet

a quick sketch; The Butterfly Room

To you,

2013-03-16T11:40:00.002-07:00

thank you for being my anchor,my wings
for lifting me up
holding me steady
letting me go when you know
I'm ready
thank you for being
such a support

Lane, I couldn't have done it with out you

Black Soap

2013-03-11T01:05:00.000-07:00

Black soap,

it's in a tin

brand new

three times worn in

bought to pamper

used to purge

was a simple

saturday splurge

but no more now

it means something else

not for giving treats

my dark dark soap

rough and messy

scrapes daily defeats

rubbing hard

here and there

to buff away the

pain and wrong

my daily song

scrub it all this day

no soft nor white

soap will do the trick

for rub all day it will simply rub

it cannot scratch the muck

I have to use my blackest soap,

to clean off my bad luck

let's start anew

with skin all red

and nothing there to taint it

and maybe someday

I'll be clean

and can use white soap instead

So I Wait

2013-03-10T23:53:00.001-07:00

Never go to bed upset

never sleep angry

well I'm missing you

and worried now

that you might just hate me

you say you don't

you never could

and that you'll always stay

but I'm still scared

I don't know how

to get to better days

I've tried, I have,

but seem to fail

worse with each attempt

so I'm waiting now

I will to sleep

'till you come back

to me

Beginning of Something

2013-03-09T19:04:00.003-08:00

Found this in my purse:

A Broken Doll

Porcelain fine and fair
with scratches here and there
Still pure it ever glows

Eyes of shining light
who've long seen only night
But they still happiness hold

Locks of perfect curls
the softest in the world
Though matted, they are fine

This broken doll, a beauty from
an age that is long gone
But the doll remains, lovely still
beauty, held inside

The Friday Parcel

2013-03-08T14:10:00.004-08:00

Quick footsteps upon rough pavement
rubber soles colliding with aged stone
pants brush, she walks quickly
around him, past her
weaving from left to right
trying to stay out of sight
She hardly glances right as she steps into the street
The brown paper crinkles under her arm
she adjusts her long package
it slips and she snatches it up
eyes darting around her as she bends over
she keeps walking
with even more haste
she buzzes in
taking the stairs at double
briskly down the tattered carpet
her feet move with fear
her key juts into the lock
not daring a moments pause
inside one door, there's just one more
keys fumbling, making sharp clicks against the old doorknob
turn twist push slide close lean
the narrow parcel leaps from her hand like
hot coal
and she leans against the door
standing
staring
at the brown paper bag
her heart pounding
her palms sweating
the end of the package has been torn
and she can see
just the tip
of a rounded brown baguette

all this for a loaf of bread?

Word of the Week

2013-03-05T21:42:00.000-08:00

The word of the week is sacrifice
are you willing to lose it all
for the hope that something better will fall
into place?
Is is ok to give all this up?
the daily smiles and people
for a love that is written in years
years to come, ages it will last
but when you look back
into this dusty, dark past
will you regret the choices you made
to get to that day,
and if they had changed
would your life be the same?

Ignorant Trees

2013-02-28T00:22:00.000-08:00

How many times have I said

those words to a listener

far away, and heard a reply

after a sigh and a slight delay

how oft has the city

absorbed that as its own;

do these walls and these streets

suppose the homage is paid

to my urban home?

Do the bricks and the trees here realize

that whispered or sung

they're meant for only one

And he is far far away

Are there people here in my city

with loved ones around the world?

or will the ign'rant reign forever more

blindly atop a weak throne

Do you know how much it means to me

and why I utter it so much?

our love is vast, and intricate

like the deserts dust

And while I never want to share you

I'll make sure the whole world knows

with each uttered line and symbol

You make the whole world feel like home

I love you.

Love like Rockets

2013-02-24T00:59:00.002-08:00

When you can look at the night sky, and feel your feet leave the earth,
the rocket ship of life taking off towards new stars
When you can stare at a blank white wall and feel the same
your soul take flight, your life alight
Every touch and breath is magic
and each look worth more than gold

When everything seems within reach
and even the darkness shines with promise
Where the endless sky and endless time collide
there is a star named just for us
And you just can't smile enough
Because you've never known such love

Your heart has never been so full
your head n'er seen such dreams
Your face can break into a smile
at all the simplest of things
for life is full of magic
horizons glow, paths alight,
You bring so much into my life!

If I ever wondered,
I never will again;
Life is far more beautiful
when you're in love with your best friend

:)

Concrete Conversations

2013-02-23T21:14:00.002-08:00

Something about concrete, cold, hard concrete.
Such a comfort,
it calls to me when I am down
Come; sit, lie down
rest your battered soul
don't worry about your body
the rain will wash it clean
and you'll feel better
curl up right here
in the dark right now
stay till dawns light
I'll make it better somehow
the pain will fade
and numb you'll be
sleep will come
and maybe dreams
when you arise
stiff and sore
just remember what you came here for
to forget
and to ignore
now you've done that and even more
You've made it to the shining dawn
you've passed the test
you can move on
now stretch your legs
get on your feet
be on your way
and dwell no more
on cold hard ground,
that isn't where life is found
But when your eyes
graze hallowed skies
you'll know you really are alive
Go, my child
and fear ye not
life may be hard
but so am I
And from me to you,
we both go on